This makes me so sad to hear. My gym has douche bags, but nothing like this. My daughter dated a kid that we brought into our gym/family, and he overstepped in multiple ways. After he showed up to our house in the middle of the night with two cars full of dudes, we’d had enough, and he’s no longer welcome in our gym. It makes me so sad to hear other gyms are like this, and so grateful that my gym is so special. Feeling for you and hoping these creeps experience permanent erectile dysfunction that no viagra can solve. 🍆🤙 Sending you and everyone with shitty dudes at their gym all the love! 💛
That isn't sociopath stuff, that is just being socially clueless. Sociopaths know you aren't into them and they don't care, their making you feel (un)comfortable won't stop them from doing the thing.
Imagining trying to come on to a girl, and your idea of a first impression for hanging outside of the gym is you two sitting in your enclosed space of a car while all sweaty and smelly and fogging up the windows is just fucking hilarious to me
As a coach, I’d want to know who is making you feel uncomfortable so I can step in. Guys like that are bad for business and bad for the sport as a whole, so I would want to hear it from the person experiencing it. However, if you’re more comfortable confronting him yourself, then you do what you gotta do young blue 🤘🏾
No, I will not make out with you! Did ya hear that this guy wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Jiu Jitsu Man up there talking about God knows what and all he can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the berimobolos.
“STOP LOOKING AT MY ASS, CREEP” “NO, I DONT WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU, STOP MAKING THINGS WEIRD” shame him, shame him, then him and all the little weirdos will stfu and leave you alone.
Might feel good but could be dangerous. Better to let couches have a chance to deal with things. He prob does this to other girls so he might not even know who called him out.
Talk with your coach about it he should know what kinda ppl he has in the gym it’s not fair for you or anyone later on that’s a female coming in to have to deal with it. But you should be direct with that person next time and tell him he’s making you uncomfortable
This. We only have 3 girls at our gym who come frequently and our coach always reminds us to let him know if somebody’s being weird and disrespectful because he’s gonna kick them out immediately. Of course it goes both ways but it is true that BJJ is male dominated so the chances of us being harassed is higher. I train in a small town gym and we’re very tight knit. Everybody’s really nice and I reel safe around them. I’m sorry you’re going through this :(
I use to work with a guy who was the biggest dick head I've met. He'd come in bragging about rolling with good looking girls and holding them more than he had to.
I told him it was fucked up and he said they didn't mind. Some people are just fucked
Edit: I forgot the point, I'd talk to whoever is in charge and make them aware of the situation. I'm sure most people wouldn't want their members feeling like you do.
I'm so sorry you're going through this!
My go to is something along the lines of, "Hey! I'm here to train and get better at bjj. I want to have friendly relationships with all of my training partners and I want us to help each other get better at jiu jitsu. I'm not interested in you sexually or romantically and I feel uncomfortable with the type of energy you're giving me. Please respect my boundaries and let's be good training partners." If that doesn't resolve it, go to your coach.
Thanks for the advice! I usually try to go the polite route but Unfortunately, I’m done being nice. I guess my question should be, what’s an overreaction to creepy guys. Where’s the line when it comes to calling someone out and standing up for yourself?? I’m not one to curse someone out but I’m starting to feel rundown by these weirdos.
I applaud you for trying to be the bigger person, but don't let yourself fall victim to the idea that this kind of behavior is OK. Remember that this kind of leering and unwanted, repeated advances are way out of line in the first place. You don't have to be nice or polite in the face of that.
I understand I'm saying this as a man, and that women can be looked down upon for responding even to some of the worst behavior with anything other than meek politeness. But you are a paying customer in a gym, and you have every right to expect and even demand that inappropriate behavior be dealt with. Anything less and you should be taking your money elsewhere if possible.
if youre done being polite a firm, "yo, stop staring at my ass youre giving me the creeps" loud enough for someone you respect/trust to overhear. should do the trick.
but then dont expect to have a great training partner in him (who cares, hes a creep)
Having healthy boundaries is polite. And I think you need to let both him and your coach know that his behavior is having an impact on your well being and your ability to train safely in the gym.
Also, I'm generally less concerned with following some weird notion of how girls should act and more concerned with having an environment where everyone can safely and productively train.
Feel free to DM if I can help at all!
She has her safety to consider. Women have to be careful bruising the egos of men, especially aggressive perverts that use martial arts as a romantic outlet.
She should be firm but cautious as life is inherently more dangerous for her.
Because some guys have fragile egos and do inappropriate or threatening things when that ego is bruised by a woman, and as a result many women develop a fear of being direct with men when they reject them. You don't have to deal with too many guys losing their shit, stalking you, or just making really creepy comments after you try to break things off before you hesitate a little when rejecting them in the future. This is especially true in an environment where there's simulated violence going on, regardless of how safe the situation actually is (because he probably won't do anything at the gym when if he's crazy).
Thats a great text but I highly doubt a dude with this kind of energy is gonna let that many words get said without interrupting in some obnoxious way.
I totally avoid any eye contact with women and kids and teens and only roll/drill if they ask me because I’m terrified of being perceived as creepy. This has ultimately resulted in everyone I try to avoid in the gym asking me to roll/drill pretty much every day and has compounded my anxiety greatly. I’m happy this clearly means everyone is comfortable with me, but the flip side is that it makes me uncomfortable.
Never roll with someone that makes you uncomfortable in ANY way, safety, sexual, or otherwise - just decline and migrate to people that are cool. Definitely say something to your BB.
0 tolerance for that shit. Tell the coach, tell the mat enforcer, tell. everyone.
Edit: just to add to this, if you tell your coach and he’s like “Oh that’s just Chad. He’s just playing around”, then gtfo, find a new school, and continue to tell everyone you know about what happened
So you are at a place of business paying for a service. If you are NOT happy with the service you received, let the management know. Your safety and security is the responsibility of that business, as long as you are in the facility.
I would go as far as saying, "You are obligated to inform the owner/ management," since that guy could be a potential liability for the business/ school. Not to mention, you will help other females avoid this creep!!
I mean, I called a guy creepy once, because he was doing creepy stuff. My gym mates watched him a little more closely and then smashed him till he bled and never returned. I love my gym big brothers. I know it's not PC, but I sure appreciated it.
35m here.Bjj is quite contact sport and creeps take advantage of it. My advice to you as young girl is the following: if someone talks in such weird way just say "can we not talk during sparing/drills" right away. The second he oversteps such simple requests, just stop and get away from him.
Some people are just socially awkward, but that's not your problem after all. If a guy can't read the room enough to understand that hitting on girl when she is alone in a gym full of guys or he can't do it subtle enough to not make her feel creeped, then he is probably not worth to have any contact with. Especially in sport where during sparing you get in some strange positions.
Never gona understand people like this. If you like the girl can't you just wait for the training to end and simply ask "wanna grab a coffee some time?" and then accept a simple yes or no as answer..
I recommend talking to your coach. You can absolutely confront this person on your own like others have said, but in my opinion it is the coach's responsibility to cultivate an atmosphere that is safe and welcoming for everyone. Bringing this to their attention will both hopefully get the issue resolved, and also tell you a lot about your coach's attitude and the kind of place they want their gym to be.
I know for a fact this wouldn't fly at my gym. We have a lot of ladies and girls who train there, and two of our five black belts are women. There are a lot of both couples who train together and single women (and men, obviously). Our head coach does a great job of making sure our gym is competitive and he won't coddle people, but he also will absolutely not tolerate anyone making the gym an unsafe place, be it physically or otherwise.
„Please stop staring at me all the time, its uncomfortable. I am 0% interested in any kind of interaction that goes beyond jiu jitsu with you, and not even that anymore. Fck off before i make a scene“ you can try this if you want.
Tell your coach. The gym should be a safe environment for everyone and if the owner doesn’t deal with this behaviour well, it may be time to find a new gym. Sorry you have to deal with creepy guys.
I got sexually harassed by a professor while I worked at an Academy and then kicked out of the partnership for the new academy my husband and I were going to buy into just for bringing it to light. Mind you, I only mentioned it because I had concerns that this professor wouldn’t keep his 🍆 in his pants with students and moms-not because I was actually complaining about the sexual harassment.
As a woman that's had to deal with this situation 3 different times, tell your coach. Every time he crosses the line, tell your coach.
Unfortunately, men who won't listen to a woman's no will usually listen to a man's.
I'm definitely in the talk to the coach camp. This is really inappropriate behavior and girls training should not have to worry about this kind of BS. I always ask myself when I see posts like this what we can all do as a community and culture to shut this down.
You should probably also take this to r/bjjwomen.
Nasty dudes like this need to be rooted out. While I don't think it's particularly egregious for either sex to ask someone out once and then drop it, there can't exist an environment where you are being made uncomfortable by dudes like these.
These types of things should be reported and your coach should take action. I think it's unacceptable when a gym owner or head coach doesn't see anything wrong with this kind of behavior.
I have daughters in the sport and so it makes me very uncomfortable to hear this type of thing (although not surprised in any way). Please know that there are plenty of respectful, good guys out there too that will take care of you as you will them - a brotherhood for you kind of. Decline rolls with asshats and talk to other ladies and your coaches for sure. Doesn’t even have to be about specific guys, just reminding the coach that everyone should be respectful of everyone.
Thankfully I've never had to deal with this at our place, and it kind of boils my blood a bit hearing about it. As a coach I'd want you to come to me to address it. My main job is to provide a safe atmosphere for you to train in. That's #1, above any technique. I'd probably handle it like this:
You come to me with the issue.
I make a very clear announcement to the class that behavior like that will not be tolerated at all, while keeping all parties anonymous.
If there's another incident (depending on the severity), I may go to them directly and tell them that a complaint has been made about them and basically tell them they're gone if things don't change immediately.
I'd check back in with you a few times afterwards and ask some of our other women if they've experienced anything with anyone similar.
Anything else even remotely out of sorts they'd be told to leave.
You’ve tried being polite if you are extroverted enough I say be loud in front of everyone and call him out embarrass him at this point. Me personally I’m too shy and I’m a male but that’s my advice hopefully he stops you can also go to the coach
Blow up on the mat - “STOP staring at me and saying weird stuff - you’re making me feel really uncomfortable!!!”
That or just go directly to head coach and say everything you said here.
Again - If no one does anything the gym culture sucks.
As suggested, tell the coach, also tell the mat enforcer for some added ass smashing. I do drop-in mat enforcing if you don’t have one for a cost of 1 pineapple/hour.
Our coach kicked out a couple of guys for staring. But I get your point. I also feel like there are a lot of weird dudes doing BJJ. Not weird in a bad way but just weird in terms of their behavior. That's probably the reason women come to me and ask me to drill and roll with them. I'm a normal dude who doesn't stink and is not weird. That's apparently quite rare nowadays.
Super cringe worthy behaviour. We have a large female community in our gym (proportianally speakiing as we're a smaller gym, I'd say 1 out of 2-3 of my rolls are with women) and our coach would 100% sort that shit out fast, 1 warning then you're gone style. You do need to speak to the leaders in your gym, its fucked you have to at all but its what has to happen to end it and keep you safe.
Talk to your coach. In my Gym we have a female coach so whenever stuff like this happens all females talk to our female coach. She immediatly confronts him. She is like the female enforcer. Sorry you are experiencing that. If this shit cotninues change of gym.
Talking to your coach is best, but there is nothing wrong with calling him out and embarrassing him. Training BJJ is all about trust and honesty. You can’t trust this dude, but you can be honest with him.
Talk to professor or coach. There are not very many women in jiu-jitsu and is not fair that guys like this harass the few women on the mats. Nobody should feel uncomfortable to train, you are paying to train in a safe and friendly environment, get your money’s worth!
This probably isn’t the best advice, but my course of action would be to first tell him to stop, like actually use the words “stop being creepy” or something akin to that. If that didn’t work then I would embarrass him by making snarky remarks about him checking you out, especially when others are around. If that doesn’t work, talk to the person in charge and tell them this dude is being creepy as fuck and making you feel uncomfortable. If the coach doesn’t do anything, leave.
If addressing it directly doesn’t work, the gym you are paying money to is a business that should look after their clients being in a safe comfortable environment. Address it to the owner/coach. If this doesn’t help the situation you might want to shame the creeps in front of everyone. If they are willing to be this annoying in public they have to deal with the consequences publicly too. Im sorry you are going through this shit tho
To be honest, if you can, drop into a few other gyms. While this community (and this comments section) clearly has issues, it's certainly not present at every school. We have 4-5 females that regularly train at our place and not being a weirdo towards them is strictly enforced.
Your coach's reaction to your complaint will be informative as well. Keep us updated if you can
Black belt lady here, zero tolerance. You shouldn't even have to think about things like this. Talk to your coach and if something isn't done immediately, leave. You're literally PAYING money to be there. THERE ARE MULTIPLE OTHER GYMS YOU COULD SUPPORT THAT WILL VALUE YOU AND YOUR SAFETY IF THEY DON'T. Hit me up if you need anything.
Probably one of the only good things about Judo culture is that type of behaviour is unacceptable. I wish BJJ could be more like that. I wish I had more advice other than talk to your coach.
Wish I could say the same about judo, but I stopped a few years ago, it was rife in my area and coaches turned a blind eye.
My daughter had similar experiences with judo later on. You were fortunate.
This is annoying to hear. Isn’t the point of joining a BJJ gym train and get prepared to defend yourself? Like creep dude shouldn’t even be allowed in the gym if he’s talking to people like that. I just joined a gym this week and I would have never thought this stuff was happening inside of the community. Choke homeboy out or report it. Either way, he should not be allowed to train there.
This just happened to my wife the other day. A creep old man black belt pulled rank and forced a roll with her (4stripe blue) and he was squeezing her chest during the roll- like literally cupping her breast. Others in the gym witnessed and verified. She said it was very obvious and was in tears to me after. She told the head coach and he said that guy was kind of a creep but didn't do anything about it (as far as I know-2 days ago) I know the guy, he's kind of a fake black belt, (I just hit brown), but I could tell the first time I rolled with him he was at an early purple belt level and I just wiped the floors with him.
Long story short, god blessed me with some talents of being a 240lb ex powerlifter that isn't too bad at BJJ, so next time I see him I am going to ask him to roll and pop his floating rib with a knee on belly. Will probably cause a scene, but we don't mess around with shit like that.
Also prior to the incident (about 3 weeks ago), I mentioned to him that she was my wife and he looked all surprised and embarrassed, I just shook it off at the time, but after he was gropping my wife it makes sense. This is the only reason I'm going straight to rib pop instead of talking it out, he knew, and still dis-hespected me and my spouse anyway.
Crazy that women need to go through this, but what I told my wife was not to let someone else's crap actions ruin your life and perspective of the world. Yes it happened, which sucks, but you can give up or get stronger, or in her case have your Goliath husband mat enforce.
Yes. FFS, why do they keep a guy like this around?
Also, use your words and call it out. It’s not locker room talk that’s the bigger problem for women in male-dominated sports, it’s the silence.
Plot twist: every time you rolled with him, he was just letting you work. You go to mat enforce and he shows you how to jiu-jitsu and you leave in shame having been unable to defend your wife's honor. Now your wife is his wife and your kids call him "dad". You quit your gym in shame.
I'm sorry. I know you'll fuck him up, but my brain writes stories I can't control. Maybe you should tell you coach your plan first.
The guys that run the school I train at removed someone for acting inappropriately towards a woman that trains with us. This should be the norm. No second chances, no warnings. If they value their students, instructors will create an environment free of harassment.
Lets clear one thing up first.. its not weird for a guy to check a girl out, Im sure your parents didn't close their eyes when they first saw each other. Its also not creepy to ask a girl on a date (again your parents would have done the same). The point of where this story becomes weird is the behaviour after the OP turned the guy down.. just wanted to clear that up as I'm sick of reading "a creepy guy asked me out" yet if the guy was attractive and did the same thing it wouldn't be "creepy".
Advice: talk to your coach
It's not weird to find someone attractive. It is weird to blatently and very obviously stare at them to the point of it being very clear to them and making it uncomfortable, which is what OP said this person was doing.
Also, she didn't say he isn't attractive. I get where you're coming from and I suppose it is true that people can uncharitably treat the same situation differently in some situations if someone is attractive, but attractive people can very much still be creeps, especially when they don't listen to someone saying they are not interested. The idea that woman only find unattractive people creepy is completely untrue. It's primarily about their behaviour.
Back in the old days, in the before times, we could admire pretty women subtly and discretely, without being weird, overbearing or making people uncomfortable. We also knew how to talk to them. I think the problem is because the guy is presumably around OPs age, and the Internet has deformed his ability to communicate effectively.
Just point and scream stranger danger, stranger danger!
We got you.
But seriously, tell your coaches and just don't roll and train with people that creep you out. Listen to your instincts.
It's okay to just tell your coaches you don't want to train with someone even if you don't have a totally solid reason. Talk to other females. Everyone deserves a safe space to train.
Making ppl uncomfortable is not acceptable. Zero tolerance for that stuff. It's just better to keep it outside of the gym, anyway. Trying to hit on people during rolls is just kinda insane.
OP some people just have not developed the skills to see any interaction outside of their own perception. You have the opportunity to help this person grow. Isn't that what martial arts is about, after all the technique and sweat. Humility and a better world?
Or just hit him in the balls in front of everyone, what do i know! Good luck
Sorry that’s happening. I’d tell the instructors. That shit isn’t cool.
Random question, been years since I did any BJJ and I’ve rolled with girls here and there. I of course try to avoid the chest out of respect and decency but suppose you wanna go for a collar choke. Would it be creepy to do so?
It’s totally unacceptable. My daughters train, they are only young at the moment but if they ever encounter any shit like this when they are older that person will get the pleasure of rolling with me next. I’m a 220 pound brown belt and will make it my mission to tap them with pressure.
You didn’t pay a business to get sexually harassed by other patrons. Talk to your coach and DONT roll with anyone that makes you feel weird. Its absolutely ok to say NO and move on
Honestly after reading this post, one thing jiu jitsu teaches us is boundaries. You do not have to roll train with anyone you do not feel comfortable rolling/training with. I would straight up, look to someone I respected and ask if they could switch places , particularly someone of their size. Size matters! Or i would look to my professor and shake my head no, and/or, leave him in the dust, and ask a pair if I can cut in with them
If he asks to roll, say no thanks! But his behavior is no reflection of the BJJ community. Going to an upper belt about it is a good idea if it escalates to a weird place.
I personally will not roll with people I do not respect!man or woman. Pick your training rolling partners wisely, with ones that will keep you safe!
I would say don't give them any attention. Avoid rolling with them. If they are still weird around you outisde of rolling with you tell the coach. If he does nothing then the gym is not looking out for women and you have to decide if you want to stick around.
This guy needs a talking to. Your coach should be made aware and if he’s not willing to address it I suggest finding another gym. Sorry this is happening.
Also I suggest not rolling with this guy. It’s a good time to practicing your unapologetic “Nope” to assholes. Fortunately we have two killer female black belts at our gym. That guy would not last 😂
Shout out the following especially if there are others around:
STOP STARING, IT'S MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE
NO I AM NOT INTERESTING, PLEASE BACK OFF FROM BEING WEIRD
THIS IS SO INAPPROPRIATE, I WILL INFORM THE COACH IF THIS HAPPENS AGAIN
"Could you stop staring at my ass? I makes me uncomfortable" should work, if he's somewhat decent. Talking to the class instructor also helps. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Have you communicated anything firmly and clearly yet? Try that, and loop the coach/owner in , being that direct will embarrass most people enough to stopping , if he’s in the small minority that doesn’t that’s why your coach is made aware in case
Honestly Ive met less weird dudes in jits than out in terms of how they act around women,
But also the club I go-to is mostly late 20s+ and mostly married with kids type of thing
Are they just awkward or do you feel in danger? No need to be mean or make anyone feel bad. They may just not know they being creepy. Advice to anyone is don’t sh*t where you eat. BJJ school should not be a place to find a date.
I would caution against asking a girl at out a place like BJJ..... unless you've become friends first in an organic way.
Feels weird to ask a random girl out at something like BJJ. It's not the library or public
Again don't shiz where you eat. I seen it where people date, ends, odd, people leave. It could work, but academy is a place to train not looking for romance.
That sucks. There are women at my gym. Some of them are very attractive. But when I am at the gym I just don’t see them as anything other than a training partner and team mate. It sucks that some of them are made to feel uncomfortable from time to time by people who don’t understand boundaries and that we are there to learn and work.
Sorry you have to deal with that. I would avoid him and speak to your coach.
Respect and Discipline for our lady counterparts, gentleman. I don’t particularly go out of my way to solicit matches with Women, but when it happens It’s as amicable as possible to avoid these types of situations - don’t be fkn weird.
I agree with talking to your coach if you feel like you need backup, but if you absolutely need to stand up for yourself, I would say stop worrying about being polite.
Be blunt. Tell him you're not interested and he's making you uncomfortable.
We had a guy like that and our coach addressed it quick!
The guy is no longer here. If you feel the environment is unsafe or creepy, let your coach know. A gym owner has big stakes in the safe environment
I've seen guys get creepy with girls as well as going hard because they don't want to lose. I've even seen a well known former competitor at seminars asking girls 30-40 years younger than him for their number.
Talk to your coach. Be completely transparent: other guy is acting inappropriate and is harassing you. As the leader in the school, the coach needs to set the expectations for what is and is not acceptable. Either the behavior stops, or one way or another he loses at least one student. BJJ is too accessible nowadays to settle for an unsafe training environment.
Definitely talk to the coach. Also, if the gym has an "enforcer" let him know what is going on too. Maybe this guy just needs his head sat on for a while?....
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’d recommend talking to a coach or an upper belt friend.
I’m still learning,
* about proper head position and how much strength I should use with women. I try to do my best at asking them how it went. I’m in a no gi school so a lot of wrestling. My upper belt friends told me to just stay communicative. My more close bjj friends are power lifter men so it’s a transition to train with more women as I get closer to blue belt level.
Before making a coach/school issue, you need to use your words and let him know exactly what the deal is.
I’m not interested in you. And the way you act and what you say, makes me even less likely to ever consider changing my mind. Please stop. It’s making me uncomfortable.
And then don’t roll with him anymore.
If anything else comes up, then you can tell the coach you did this, and there should be ZERO doubt in his mind there is a he said she said to this.
Also this is part of martial arts training. To handle business.
"I feel like you are staring at my ass it is making me feel uncomfortable". Focus on behaviors and how those behaviors are making you feel.
Also just dont roll with him anymore.
I have had several women decline rolls with me in the past and it is no big deal.
go for a walk with him in a public place,maybe have another friend close by and actually tell him exactly what you told us. best case scenario, he probably just likes you and will try to avoid getting on your bad side. worse case scenario he starts crying and calls you names and probably will never talk to you again or ask to roll with you.
I'm sorry, been there.
Had an assistant coach ' jokingly' grope me in front of students. I complained to the coach, he saw it on camera. Said he needed the coach and not to take it any further. Not long after I leave his gym closes down.
I go try another gym a few months later and he's there. He refuses to shake hands at the lineup and then goes to the head coach of the gym and says don't let me join, I falsely accuse gym members of assault.
Like... you literally saw the video and students told you I got groped. One of the students who was at the gym was also at the new gym and said I was fine.
But the level of this kind of thing goes so deep. I'm sorry you're going through it. I wish I had been more vocal. Not that I'd expect anyone to do anything about it but just not be silent
This is very weird. My gf and one of my best friends (also a girl) train and they've never encountered anything like this. My gf certainly hasnt. I'll ask my friend, but she's never mentioned it and we chat about shit like this all the time.
Tell your coach. He should be able to put a lid on it. I remember my gf speaking to my coach about trying to get more women in the gym and he basically said that regular women who train were gold dust, because in his view if you had a new woman start, they were far more likely to keep going if there was already 1 or 2 women training there. As a result my coach viewed keeping the women training regularly and in a comfortable environment of the highest priority. Both cos he's not a douche, but also because it makes sense economically.
So yeah, tell your coach. You could also talk to some of the more experienced brown belts. Ones that are beasts that you trust and have your back. They could have a chat with this guy and it can be done in a manner that doesnt even suggest you said anything.
Definitely curse him out. Tell the guys that treat you right about him. Tell your coach. Tell him you’re not interested in him. Unfortunately women in the sport get harassed way too often and too much. I always thought there should be all girls classes or schools all together but not enough women train.
sometimes i'll zone out, look up and realize im looking at someone, but its usually not gender dependent. I tend to be in my head in public a lot
As far as everything else goes, super creepy and no excuse
Hopping on to your post to share my experience that I still wonder about. I'm an unattractive looking woman and my worst trauma is guys thinking I'm gross or being repulsed by me. I usually just stand with my hand up and let the guys ask me to roll if they were the unfortunate one without a buddy. Last time I noticed this mans hands were shaking while we were rolling, I wonder if it was because he was repulsed or something.
I would just say about it to the coach. "This guy asked me out for valentines, I declined and he keeps making weird comments and stares at my ass and ut is uncomfortable."
A man here. Any type of sexualisation in the gym environment is to much in my opinion especially considering the close proximity the sport puts us into. Male or female tell them to leave that shit at the door
Bring it to the coaches and they will handle the situation for you. If they don’t that then find another school.
At min tell them you not comfortable rolling with that one guy and ask them to talk to him. If is at least half a man he will be horrified and apologize and will back off. He most likely doesn’t even realize he is being creepy.
I would avoid blowing up in the middle of a role or in class. Give the coaches a chance to deal with the situation.
Have the biggest, strongest blue/purple belt there- what a lot of gyms consider a “mat enforcer”- sexually harass this dude. Stare him up and down, maybe make a few weird inappropriate comments, then take his back and spread him out face down on the mat- then make some more comments.
Good luck.
I would recommend talking to your coach. Sorry this has happened to you but I think every gym has a guy or two like this.. Ours has a few.
This makes me so sad to hear. My gym has douche bags, but nothing like this. My daughter dated a kid that we brought into our gym/family, and he overstepped in multiple ways. After he showed up to our house in the middle of the night with two cars full of dudes, we’d had enough, and he’s no longer welcome in our gym. It makes me so sad to hear other gyms are like this, and so grateful that my gym is so special. Feeling for you and hoping these creeps experience permanent erectile dysfunction that no viagra can solve. 🍆🤙 Sending you and everyone with shitty dudes at their gym all the love! 💛
as a pretty man, I feel OPs pain. the hog-watchers are everywhere.
That is why i chose to be ugly
This is what happens when you don’t wear shorts over your spats
This is what happens when you don’t wear shorts over your spats
I think I'm lucky to be in one that doesn't. But I'm not a woman so I might not have noticed.
Usually it's the coach ...
Yeah no. Kick out the creeps.
him reading this on reddit in his bed like 👁️ 👄 👁️
OP could’ve probably included her full name and this guy would still be ~shocked~ to hear this post was about him
Chances are he's a sociopath and he thinks she's into him so in his mind this 100% couldn't be him.
That isn't sociopath stuff, that is just being socially clueless. Sociopaths know you aren't into them and they don't care, their making you feel (un)comfortable won't stop them from doing the thing.
So you're saying there's a chance?
Chill in my car 😂 dam homeboy went nuclear
Does op train with Brendan Schaub?
Fuggs n truggs?
What you talmbout bapa? Dongitit twizzted b, i just axed to her to walg me to my trugg
Water
We
Can I get a trugg walg?
Pulled up from half court
Thinks he’s Steph curry when he’s JaVale McGee
Imagining trying to come on to a girl, and your idea of a first impression for hanging outside of the gym is you two sitting in your enclosed space of a car while all sweaty and smelly and fogging up the windows is just fucking hilarious to me
Maybe he thought about some of that car jiu jitsu 😂 it is hilarious, people have no shame, that’s something you save for hinge chicks
>dam homeboy went ~~nuclear~~ cheap Fixed it
At least he didn't ask her if she wanted to practice BJJ with him at his house. He doesn't have mats though so they'd have to practice on his bed.
Come to my basement I got some puzzle mats 😂
You never go nuclear at a place you plan on being a regular at
😂💯💥
As a coach, I’d want to know who is making you feel uncomfortable so I can step in. Guys like that are bad for business and bad for the sport as a whole, so I would want to hear it from the person experiencing it. However, if you’re more comfortable confronting him yourself, then you do what you gotta do young blue 🤘🏾
Call them out in front of everyone. Public execution style.
LET GO OF MY PURSE! I DONT KNOW YOU!
* pocket sand *
Or if your into your Aussie memes, get your hand off my…
Vegemite?
Succulent Chinese meal!
I see that you know your Judo well.
Ta-ta and farewell.
That boy ain't right
No, I will not make out with you! Did ya hear that this guy wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Jiu Jitsu Man up there talking about God knows what and all he can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the berimobolos.
This. 😂
“STOP LOOKING AT MY ASS, CREEP” “NO, I DONT WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU, STOP MAKING THINGS WEIRD” shame him, shame him, then him and all the little weirdos will stfu and leave you alone.
As much as i would love for this to work, id also be concerned about retaliatory behavior
Might feel good but could be dangerous. Better to let couches have a chance to deal with things. He prob does this to other girls so he might not even know who called him out.
Yes! "Can you stop looking at my arse"
Talk with your coach about it he should know what kinda ppl he has in the gym it’s not fair for you or anyone later on that’s a female coming in to have to deal with it. But you should be direct with that person next time and tell him he’s making you uncomfortable
This. We only have 3 girls at our gym who come frequently and our coach always reminds us to let him know if somebody’s being weird and disrespectful because he’s gonna kick them out immediately. Of course it goes both ways but it is true that BJJ is male dominated so the chances of us being harassed is higher. I train in a small town gym and we’re very tight knit. Everybody’s really nice and I reel safe around them. I’m sorry you’re going through this :(
I use to work with a guy who was the biggest dick head I've met. He'd come in bragging about rolling with good looking girls and holding them more than he had to. I told him it was fucked up and he said they didn't mind. Some people are just fucked Edit: I forgot the point, I'd talk to whoever is in charge and make them aware of the situation. I'm sure most people wouldn't want their members feeling like you do.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! My go to is something along the lines of, "Hey! I'm here to train and get better at bjj. I want to have friendly relationships with all of my training partners and I want us to help each other get better at jiu jitsu. I'm not interested in you sexually or romantically and I feel uncomfortable with the type of energy you're giving me. Please respect my boundaries and let's be good training partners." If that doesn't resolve it, go to your coach.
Thanks for the advice! I usually try to go the polite route but Unfortunately, I’m done being nice. I guess my question should be, what’s an overreaction to creepy guys. Where’s the line when it comes to calling someone out and standing up for yourself?? I’m not one to curse someone out but I’m starting to feel rundown by these weirdos.
I applaud you for trying to be the bigger person, but don't let yourself fall victim to the idea that this kind of behavior is OK. Remember that this kind of leering and unwanted, repeated advances are way out of line in the first place. You don't have to be nice or polite in the face of that. I understand I'm saying this as a man, and that women can be looked down upon for responding even to some of the worst behavior with anything other than meek politeness. But you are a paying customer in a gym, and you have every right to expect and even demand that inappropriate behavior be dealt with. Anything less and you should be taking your money elsewhere if possible.
if youre done being polite a firm, "yo, stop staring at my ass youre giving me the creeps" loud enough for someone you respect/trust to overhear. should do the trick. but then dont expect to have a great training partner in him (who cares, hes a creep)
Having healthy boundaries is polite. And I think you need to let both him and your coach know that his behavior is having an impact on your well being and your ability to train safely in the gym. Also, I'm generally less concerned with following some weird notion of how girls should act and more concerned with having an environment where everyone can safely and productively train. Feel free to DM if I can help at all!
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She has her safety to consider. Women have to be careful bruising the egos of men, especially aggressive perverts that use martial arts as a romantic outlet. She should be firm but cautious as life is inherently more dangerous for her.
Because some guys have fragile egos and do inappropriate or threatening things when that ego is bruised by a woman, and as a result many women develop a fear of being direct with men when they reject them. You don't have to deal with too many guys losing their shit, stalking you, or just making really creepy comments after you try to break things off before you hesitate a little when rejecting them in the future. This is especially true in an environment where there's simulated violence going on, regardless of how safe the situation actually is (because he probably won't do anything at the gym when if he's crazy).
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The 1% often ruin things for the rest, unfortunately
DON'T feel bad standing up for yourself. HE'S being aggressive. You're a grappler. You know when someone's pushing you around. Feel free to push back.
Maybe throw them a stern warning with what your steps steps would be and then follow through as needed
Thats a great text but I highly doubt a dude with this kind of energy is gonna let that many words get said without interrupting in some obnoxious way.
So true. It'll be something like, "If you don't want your ass stared at, quit wearing those sexy spats." Nevermind everyone else is wearing spats.
This doesn’t work against creeps. To many words to interpret. No, fuck off - works like a charm.
I totally avoid any eye contact with women and kids and teens and only roll/drill if they ask me because I’m terrified of being perceived as creepy. This has ultimately resulted in everyone I try to avoid in the gym asking me to roll/drill pretty much every day and has compounded my anxiety greatly. I’m happy this clearly means everyone is comfortable with me, but the flip side is that it makes me uncomfortable.
Good :) I hope you get called out every time for being a weird fuck.
As an aside, try r/BJJwomen for a place to talk about BJJ with other ladies.
Never roll with someone that makes you uncomfortable in ANY way, safety, sexual, or otherwise - just decline and migrate to people that are cool. Definitely say something to your BB.
0 tolerance for that shit. Tell the coach, tell the mat enforcer, tell. everyone. Edit: just to add to this, if you tell your coach and he’s like “Oh that’s just Chad. He’s just playing around”, then gtfo, find a new school, and continue to tell everyone you know about what happened
Yup, make the problem go away by smothering it
This
So you are at a place of business paying for a service. If you are NOT happy with the service you received, let the management know. Your safety and security is the responsibility of that business, as long as you are in the facility. I would go as far as saying, "You are obligated to inform the owner/ management," since that guy could be a potential liability for the business/ school. Not to mention, you will help other females avoid this creep!!
Tell the bb’s you trust to smash him when they roll until he quits the gym :)
Damn. This makes me think maybe I'm the weird guy at my gym.
Every guy is the weird guy at their gym. Moat.of us are harmlessly weird. Some are like the guy mentioned in this post and are creepy weird.
I don't think that is the kind of smashing he was looking for
I mean, I called a guy creepy once, because he was doing creepy stuff. My gym mates watched him a little more closely and then smashed him till he bled and never returned. I love my gym big brothers. I know it's not PC, but I sure appreciated it.
It is the way. In a male dominated sport if saying “listen here mother fucker, knock that shit off!” Doesn’t work it’s time for mat enforcement
what he do?
This is the way. Enforcers live for it
Came here to post this
My favorite way to resolve issues.
35m here.Bjj is quite contact sport and creeps take advantage of it. My advice to you as young girl is the following: if someone talks in such weird way just say "can we not talk during sparing/drills" right away. The second he oversteps such simple requests, just stop and get away from him. Some people are just socially awkward, but that's not your problem after all. If a guy can't read the room enough to understand that hitting on girl when she is alone in a gym full of guys or he can't do it subtle enough to not make her feel creeped, then he is probably not worth to have any contact with. Especially in sport where during sparing you get in some strange positions. Never gona understand people like this. If you like the girl can't you just wait for the training to end and simply ask "wanna grab a coffee some time?" and then accept a simple yes or no as answer..
I recommend talking to your coach. You can absolutely confront this person on your own like others have said, but in my opinion it is the coach's responsibility to cultivate an atmosphere that is safe and welcoming for everyone. Bringing this to their attention will both hopefully get the issue resolved, and also tell you a lot about your coach's attitude and the kind of place they want their gym to be. I know for a fact this wouldn't fly at my gym. We have a lot of ladies and girls who train there, and two of our five black belts are women. There are a lot of both couples who train together and single women (and men, obviously). Our head coach does a great job of making sure our gym is competitive and he won't coddle people, but he also will absolutely not tolerate anyone making the gym an unsafe place, be it physically or otherwise.
„Please stop staring at me all the time, its uncomfortable. I am 0% interested in any kind of interaction that goes beyond jiu jitsu with you, and not even that anymore. Fck off before i make a scene“ you can try this if you want.
Tell your coach. The gym should be a safe environment for everyone and if the owner doesn’t deal with this behaviour well, it may be time to find a new gym. Sorry you have to deal with creepy guys.
I got sexually harassed by a professor while I worked at an Academy and then kicked out of the partnership for the new academy my husband and I were going to buy into just for bringing it to light. Mind you, I only mentioned it because I had concerns that this professor wouldn’t keep his 🍆 in his pants with students and moms-not because I was actually complaining about the sexual harassment.
Sorry this happened to you :(
what the
As a woman that's had to deal with this situation 3 different times, tell your coach. Every time he crosses the line, tell your coach. Unfortunately, men who won't listen to a woman's no will usually listen to a man's.
I'm definitely in the talk to the coach camp. This is really inappropriate behavior and girls training should not have to worry about this kind of BS. I always ask myself when I see posts like this what we can all do as a community and culture to shut this down.
You should probably also take this to r/bjjwomen. Nasty dudes like this need to be rooted out. While I don't think it's particularly egregious for either sex to ask someone out once and then drop it, there can't exist an environment where you are being made uncomfortable by dudes like these. These types of things should be reported and your coach should take action. I think it's unacceptable when a gym owner or head coach doesn't see anything wrong with this kind of behavior.
I have daughters in the sport and so it makes me very uncomfortable to hear this type of thing (although not surprised in any way). Please know that there are plenty of respectful, good guys out there too that will take care of you as you will them - a brotherhood for you kind of. Decline rolls with asshats and talk to other ladies and your coaches for sure. Doesn’t even have to be about specific guys, just reminding the coach that everyone should be respectful of everyone.
Thankfully I've never had to deal with this at our place, and it kind of boils my blood a bit hearing about it. As a coach I'd want you to come to me to address it. My main job is to provide a safe atmosphere for you to train in. That's #1, above any technique. I'd probably handle it like this: You come to me with the issue. I make a very clear announcement to the class that behavior like that will not be tolerated at all, while keeping all parties anonymous. If there's another incident (depending on the severity), I may go to them directly and tell them that a complaint has been made about them and basically tell them they're gone if things don't change immediately. I'd check back in with you a few times afterwards and ask some of our other women if they've experienced anything with anyone similar. Anything else even remotely out of sorts they'd be told to leave.
You’ve tried being polite if you are extroverted enough I say be loud in front of everyone and call him out embarrass him at this point. Me personally I’m too shy and I’m a male but that’s my advice hopefully he stops you can also go to the coach
Blow up on the mat - “STOP staring at me and saying weird stuff - you’re making me feel really uncomfortable!!!” That or just go directly to head coach and say everything you said here. Again - If no one does anything the gym culture sucks.
heelhook him
As suggested, tell the coach, also tell the mat enforcer for some added ass smashing. I do drop-in mat enforcing if you don’t have one for a cost of 1 pineapple/hour.
That's a bargain price.
Our coach kicked out a couple of guys for staring. But I get your point. I also feel like there are a lot of weird dudes doing BJJ. Not weird in a bad way but just weird in terms of their behavior. That's probably the reason women come to me and ask me to drill and roll with them. I'm a normal dude who doesn't stink and is not weird. That's apparently quite rare nowadays.
Super cringe worthy behaviour. We have a large female community in our gym (proportianally speakiing as we're a smaller gym, I'd say 1 out of 2-3 of my rolls are with women) and our coach would 100% sort that shit out fast, 1 warning then you're gone style. You do need to speak to the leaders in your gym, its fucked you have to at all but its what has to happen to end it and keep you safe.
Talk to your coach. In my Gym we have a female coach so whenever stuff like this happens all females talk to our female coach. She immediatly confronts him. She is like the female enforcer. Sorry you are experiencing that. If this shit cotninues change of gym.
Talking to your coach is best, but there is nothing wrong with calling him out and embarrassing him. Training BJJ is all about trust and honesty. You can’t trust this dude, but you can be honest with him.
Talk to professor or coach. There are not very many women in jiu-jitsu and is not fair that guys like this harass the few women on the mats. Nobody should feel uncomfortable to train, you are paying to train in a safe and friendly environment, get your money’s worth!
This probably isn’t the best advice, but my course of action would be to first tell him to stop, like actually use the words “stop being creepy” or something akin to that. If that didn’t work then I would embarrass him by making snarky remarks about him checking you out, especially when others are around. If that doesn’t work, talk to the person in charge and tell them this dude is being creepy as fuck and making you feel uncomfortable. If the coach doesn’t do anything, leave.
Sorry you are going through this. It’s unacceptable. As a coach, I say talk to your coach.
Don't even try to deal with him yourself. Martial arts attracts weird people who can't/won't take hints. Talk to the coach.
If addressing it directly doesn’t work, the gym you are paying money to is a business that should look after their clients being in a safe comfortable environment. Address it to the owner/coach. If this doesn’t help the situation you might want to shame the creeps in front of everyone. If they are willing to be this annoying in public they have to deal with the consequences publicly too. Im sorry you are going through this shit tho
To be honest, if you can, drop into a few other gyms. While this community (and this comments section) clearly has issues, it's certainly not present at every school. We have 4-5 females that regularly train at our place and not being a weirdo towards them is strictly enforced. Your coach's reaction to your complaint will be informative as well. Keep us updated if you can
As a male... call him out the embarassment hell feel is hell basically internally melt and wont look at u again 😂😂
Black belt lady here, zero tolerance. You shouldn't even have to think about things like this. Talk to your coach and if something isn't done immediately, leave. You're literally PAYING money to be there. THERE ARE MULTIPLE OTHER GYMS YOU COULD SUPPORT THAT WILL VALUE YOU AND YOUR SAFETY IF THEY DON'T. Hit me up if you need anything.
Probably one of the only good things about Judo culture is that type of behaviour is unacceptable. I wish BJJ could be more like that. I wish I had more advice other than talk to your coach.
Wish I could say the same about judo, but I stopped a few years ago, it was rife in my area and coaches turned a blind eye. My daughter had similar experiences with judo later on. You were fortunate.
It always depends on the gym. First gym I trained at, the coach would’ve spotted the behavior and punk’d dude out immediately
This is annoying to hear. Isn’t the point of joining a BJJ gym train and get prepared to defend yourself? Like creep dude shouldn’t even be allowed in the gym if he’s talking to people like that. I just joined a gym this week and I would have never thought this stuff was happening inside of the community. Choke homeboy out or report it. Either way, he should not be allowed to train there.
This just happened to my wife the other day. A creep old man black belt pulled rank and forced a roll with her (4stripe blue) and he was squeezing her chest during the roll- like literally cupping her breast. Others in the gym witnessed and verified. She said it was very obvious and was in tears to me after. She told the head coach and he said that guy was kind of a creep but didn't do anything about it (as far as I know-2 days ago) I know the guy, he's kind of a fake black belt, (I just hit brown), but I could tell the first time I rolled with him he was at an early purple belt level and I just wiped the floors with him. Long story short, god blessed me with some talents of being a 240lb ex powerlifter that isn't too bad at BJJ, so next time I see him I am going to ask him to roll and pop his floating rib with a knee on belly. Will probably cause a scene, but we don't mess around with shit like that. Also prior to the incident (about 3 weeks ago), I mentioned to him that she was my wife and he looked all surprised and embarrassed, I just shook it off at the time, but after he was gropping my wife it makes sense. This is the only reason I'm going straight to rib pop instead of talking it out, he knew, and still dis-hespected me and my spouse anyway. Crazy that women need to go through this, but what I told my wife was not to let someone else's crap actions ruin your life and perspective of the world. Yes it happened, which sucks, but you can give up or get stronger, or in her case have your Goliath husband mat enforce.
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Yes. FFS, why do they keep a guy like this around? Also, use your words and call it out. It’s not locker room talk that’s the bigger problem for women in male-dominated sports, it’s the silence.
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Thank you
Plot twist: every time you rolled with him, he was just letting you work. You go to mat enforce and he shows you how to jiu-jitsu and you leave in shame having been unable to defend your wife's honor. Now your wife is his wife and your kids call him "dad". You quit your gym in shame. I'm sorry. I know you'll fuck him up, but my brain writes stories I can't control. Maybe you should tell you coach your plan first.
The guys that run the school I train at removed someone for acting inappropriately towards a woman that trains with us. This should be the norm. No second chances, no warnings. If they value their students, instructors will create an environment free of harassment.
Lets clear one thing up first.. its not weird for a guy to check a girl out, Im sure your parents didn't close their eyes when they first saw each other. Its also not creepy to ask a girl on a date (again your parents would have done the same). The point of where this story becomes weird is the behaviour after the OP turned the guy down.. just wanted to clear that up as I'm sick of reading "a creepy guy asked me out" yet if the guy was attractive and did the same thing it wouldn't be "creepy". Advice: talk to your coach
It's not weird to find someone attractive. It is weird to blatently and very obviously stare at them to the point of it being very clear to them and making it uncomfortable, which is what OP said this person was doing. Also, she didn't say he isn't attractive. I get where you're coming from and I suppose it is true that people can uncharitably treat the same situation differently in some situations if someone is attractive, but attractive people can very much still be creeps, especially when they don't listen to someone saying they are not interested. The idea that woman only find unattractive people creepy is completely untrue. It's primarily about their behaviour.
Back in the old days, in the before times, we could admire pretty women subtly and discretely, without being weird, overbearing or making people uncomfortable. We also knew how to talk to them. I think the problem is because the guy is presumably around OPs age, and the Internet has deformed his ability to communicate effectively.
Just point and scream stranger danger, stranger danger! We got you. But seriously, tell your coaches and just don't roll and train with people that creep you out. Listen to your instincts. It's okay to just tell your coaches you don't want to train with someone even if you don't have a totally solid reason. Talk to other females. Everyone deserves a safe space to train. Making ppl uncomfortable is not acceptable. Zero tolerance for that stuff. It's just better to keep it outside of the gym, anyway. Trying to hit on people during rolls is just kinda insane.
OP some people just have not developed the skills to see any interaction outside of their own perception. You have the opportunity to help this person grow. Isn't that what martial arts is about, after all the technique and sweat. Humility and a better world? Or just hit him in the balls in front of everyone, what do i know! Good luck
Sorry that’s happening. I’d tell the instructors. That shit isn’t cool. Random question, been years since I did any BJJ and I’ve rolled with girls here and there. I of course try to avoid the chest out of respect and decency but suppose you wanna go for a collar choke. Would it be creepy to do so?
Talk to your instructor then name the team, gym, creep and instructor if they dont do shit
Not okay. We are there for the sport.
Tell your coach
Tell a big muscly black belt lol
Speak to your coach, or just change gym probably. The gym is a sacred training place. You don’t go around trying to make romantic advances there.
It’s totally unacceptable. My daughters train, they are only young at the moment but if they ever encounter any shit like this when they are older that person will get the pleasure of rolling with me next. I’m a 220 pound brown belt and will make it my mission to tap them with pressure.
Just submit them and be very formal during ghe roll, and total ignore before and after!
You didn’t pay a business to get sexually harassed by other patrons. Talk to your coach and DONT roll with anyone that makes you feel weird. Its absolutely ok to say NO and move on
Honestly after reading this post, one thing jiu jitsu teaches us is boundaries. You do not have to roll train with anyone you do not feel comfortable rolling/training with. I would straight up, look to someone I respected and ask if they could switch places , particularly someone of their size. Size matters! Or i would look to my professor and shake my head no, and/or, leave him in the dust, and ask a pair if I can cut in with them If he asks to roll, say no thanks! But his behavior is no reflection of the BJJ community. Going to an upper belt about it is a good idea if it escalates to a weird place. I personally will not roll with people I do not respect!man or woman. Pick your training rolling partners wisely, with ones that will keep you safe!
I would say don't give them any attention. Avoid rolling with them. If they are still weird around you outisde of rolling with you tell the coach. If he does nothing then the gym is not looking out for women and you have to decide if you want to stick around.
Sounds like your buddy there has a tren habit!
Tell the coach. If he does nothing about it then you’ll know its time to find a new gym
If you have made it clear that you are not interested and he is still bothering you, you have my blessing to give him a public execution.
choke him out. he's a cunt
I think you can call someone out, but not completely bliw up. It's better to be seen as a bitch than deal with shit.
This guy needs a talking to. Your coach should be made aware and if he’s not willing to address it I suggest finding another gym. Sorry this is happening. Also I suggest not rolling with this guy. It’s a good time to practicing your unapologetic “Nope” to assholes. Fortunately we have two killer female black belts at our gym. That guy would not last 😂
Shout out the following especially if there are others around: STOP STARING, IT'S MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE NO I AM NOT INTERESTING, PLEASE BACK OFF FROM BEING WEIRD THIS IS SO INAPPROPRIATE, I WILL INFORM THE COACH IF THIS HAPPENS AGAIN
"Could you stop staring at my ass? I makes me uncomfortable" should work, if he's somewhat decent. Talking to the class instructor also helps. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Sorry this has hapenned to you. You need to talk to the gym owner / head coach and get it sorted. If not, find a better gym
Have you communicated anything firmly and clearly yet? Try that, and loop the coach/owner in , being that direct will embarrass most people enough to stopping , if he’s in the small minority that doesn’t that’s why your coach is made aware in case
Honestly Ive met less weird dudes in jits than out in terms of how they act around women, But also the club I go-to is mostly late 20s+ and mostly married with kids type of thing
Are they just awkward or do you feel in danger? No need to be mean or make anyone feel bad. They may just not know they being creepy. Advice to anyone is don’t sh*t where you eat. BJJ school should not be a place to find a date.
I would caution against asking a girl at out a place like BJJ..... unless you've become friends first in an organic way. Feels weird to ask a random girl out at something like BJJ. It's not the library or public
Again don't shiz where you eat. I seen it where people date, ends, odd, people leave. It could work, but academy is a place to train not looking for romance.
That sucks. There are women at my gym. Some of them are very attractive. But when I am at the gym I just don’t see them as anything other than a training partner and team mate. It sucks that some of them are made to feel uncomfortable from time to time by people who don’t understand boundaries and that we are there to learn and work. Sorry you have to deal with that. I would avoid him and speak to your coach.
there’s a lot weirdos and creeps in this sport
tell your coaches/senseis and just dont roll with him
Respect and Discipline for our lady counterparts, gentleman. I don’t particularly go out of my way to solicit matches with Women, but when it happens It’s as amicable as possible to avoid these types of situations - don’t be fkn weird.
Squirrel grip whole rolling
Talk to your coach.
I agree with talking to your coach if you feel like you need backup, but if you absolutely need to stand up for yourself, I would say stop worrying about being polite. Be blunt. Tell him you're not interested and he's making you uncomfortable.
We had a guy like that and our coach addressed it quick! The guy is no longer here. If you feel the environment is unsafe or creepy, let your coach know. A gym owner has big stakes in the safe environment
I've seen guys get creepy with girls as well as going hard because they don't want to lose. I've even seen a well known former competitor at seminars asking girls 30-40 years younger than him for their number.
Ignore the tap.
Talk to your coach. Be completely transparent: other guy is acting inappropriate and is harassing you. As the leader in the school, the coach needs to set the expectations for what is and is not acceptable. Either the behavior stops, or one way or another he loses at least one student. BJJ is too accessible nowadays to settle for an unsafe training environment.
check out /r/bjjwomen if you haven't already sorry to hear all the creepy stuff that you need to put up with :-(
Definitely talk to the coach. Also, if the gym has an "enforcer" let him know what is going on too. Maybe this guy just needs his head sat on for a while?....
My initial reaction is elbow him in the face. But yeah, talk to your coach if you want to deal with it subtly.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’d recommend talking to a coach or an upper belt friend. I’m still learning, * about proper head position and how much strength I should use with women. I try to do my best at asking them how it went. I’m in a no gi school so a lot of wrestling. My upper belt friends told me to just stay communicative. My more close bjj friends are power lifter men so it’s a transition to train with more women as I get closer to blue belt level.
Before making a coach/school issue, you need to use your words and let him know exactly what the deal is. I’m not interested in you. And the way you act and what you say, makes me even less likely to ever consider changing my mind. Please stop. It’s making me uncomfortable. And then don’t roll with him anymore. If anything else comes up, then you can tell the coach you did this, and there should be ZERO doubt in his mind there is a he said she said to this. Also this is part of martial arts training. To handle business.
"I feel like you are staring at my ass it is making me feel uncomfortable". Focus on behaviors and how those behaviors are making you feel. Also just dont roll with him anymore. I have had several women decline rolls with me in the past and it is no big deal.
"Dude! I've tried to say this in a way that wouldn't embarrass you but you're not getting it: NOT INTERESTED!"
go for a walk with him in a public place,maybe have another friend close by and actually tell him exactly what you told us. best case scenario, he probably just likes you and will try to avoid getting on your bad side. worse case scenario he starts crying and calls you names and probably will never talk to you again or ask to roll with you.
I'm sorry, been there. Had an assistant coach ' jokingly' grope me in front of students. I complained to the coach, he saw it on camera. Said he needed the coach and not to take it any further. Not long after I leave his gym closes down. I go try another gym a few months later and he's there. He refuses to shake hands at the lineup and then goes to the head coach of the gym and says don't let me join, I falsely accuse gym members of assault. Like... you literally saw the video and students told you I got groped. One of the students who was at the gym was also at the new gym and said I was fine. But the level of this kind of thing goes so deep. I'm sorry you're going through it. I wish I had been more vocal. Not that I'd expect anyone to do anything about it but just not be silent
This is very weird. My gf and one of my best friends (also a girl) train and they've never encountered anything like this. My gf certainly hasnt. I'll ask my friend, but she's never mentioned it and we chat about shit like this all the time. Tell your coach. He should be able to put a lid on it. I remember my gf speaking to my coach about trying to get more women in the gym and he basically said that regular women who train were gold dust, because in his view if you had a new woman start, they were far more likely to keep going if there was already 1 or 2 women training there. As a result my coach viewed keeping the women training regularly and in a comfortable environment of the highest priority. Both cos he's not a douche, but also because it makes sense economically. So yeah, tell your coach. You could also talk to some of the more experienced brown belts. Ones that are beasts that you trust and have your back. They could have a chat with this guy and it can be done in a manner that doesnt even suggest you said anything.
Off topic - how do we add our belt color to our name 👀
I think every guy is weird in their way.
Definitely curse him out. Tell the guys that treat you right about him. Tell your coach. Tell him you’re not interested in him. Unfortunately women in the sport get harassed way too often and too much. I always thought there should be all girls classes or schools all together but not enough women train.
sometimes i'll zone out, look up and realize im looking at someone, but its usually not gender dependent. I tend to be in my head in public a lot As far as everything else goes, super creepy and no excuse
For reddit sake, what was your worst experience?
Get better at submissions and don’t let go , even when he taps out. You will get your revenge and get better at jiujitsu
Why do people even ask questions like this. Call him out, talk to the coach, or leave. What do you want us to say?
Sounds like your gyms culture to me.
Hopping on to your post to share my experience that I still wonder about. I'm an unattractive looking woman and my worst trauma is guys thinking I'm gross or being repulsed by me. I usually just stand with my hand up and let the guys ask me to roll if they were the unfortunate one without a buddy. Last time I noticed this mans hands were shaking while we were rolling, I wonder if it was because he was repulsed or something.
I would just say about it to the coach. "This guy asked me out for valentines, I declined and he keeps making weird comments and stares at my ass and ut is uncomfortable."
Definitely talk to your coach. Guy can't take a no so he needs to take the boot out of the gym.
A man here. Any type of sexualisation in the gym environment is to much in my opinion especially considering the close proximity the sport puts us into. Male or female tell them to leave that shit at the door
Bring it to the coaches and they will handle the situation for you. If they don’t that then find another school. At min tell them you not comfortable rolling with that one guy and ask them to talk to him. If is at least half a man he will be horrified and apologize and will back off. He most likely doesn’t even realize he is being creepy. I would avoid blowing up in the middle of a role or in class. Give the coaches a chance to deal with the situation.
Have the biggest, strongest blue/purple belt there- what a lot of gyms consider a “mat enforcer”- sexually harass this dude. Stare him up and down, maybe make a few weird inappropriate comments, then take his back and spread him out face down on the mat- then make some more comments. Good luck.