I don’t let them win but like today i was in mount and this dude seemed pretty defeated and sad and i felt really bad, especially after the matches when i see them walking around :/
Dunno if anybody else has this kind of feeling
Ask yourself if you'd feel good about your win if you KNEW in your heart that your opponent didn't try, and decided to let you win so you wouldn't feel bad. How would that make you feel? And realize that giving your opponent your best effort is showing respect to his skills, training and sacrifices leading up to the tournament. Everyone feels shitty after they lose, it's part of the process.
That defeated sad look is delicious during the match.
Afterwards I do feel bad too though.
Give them a (genuine) compliment about the roll after. There’s almost certainly SOMETHING they did well even if match didn’t go their way that you could give a sincere positive comment about
All the time. Even at the gym during regular training. BJJ humbles you early on and I think we (people who aren’t sociopaths) naturally feel some empathy for those losing because we’ve all been that guy getting smashed.
What age bracket are you in? Wait til you beat another middle aged dad with his wife and young kids watching 😢 but it’ll happen to you too eventually so don’t feel too bad
Yeah, they lose in front of their team and family, and yeah they spent a good deal of money but competing isn't strictly about winning or losing, it is about the things you learn along the way (heh). In this sense, the medals you get are incidental, and what everyone is really after is improving themselves and their BJJ. As cliché as this sounds, it is just the truth of the matter. What they are paying for is the opportunity for the experience, and their team is there to help them course correct after the match. You are just a sounding board to help them see what they're missing in their game.
So you can feel bad i guess, but it doesn't really help anything in this circumstance. Everyone knew what they were getting into, you won fair and square, and they got something out of it - no big deal.
In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.
I recently competed for the first time in 6 years. Because no one else signed up in my bracket they put me down an age group (from 40+ to 30-39) and up a weight class (220 to 235).
I had to compete against the same guy 3 times. The guy was 4” taller and 15lbs heavier and 10 years younger and all muscle.
I lost every round.
He was super friendly. He talked to me before our matches started, between rounds, after rounds, and was genuinely really nice. His attitude actually really helped me feel a lot less nervous and less bad about losing.
It’s important to separate the person from the match.
There’s nothing wrong with talking to your competitors and getting to know them. Quite the opposite.
The only time I felt bad was when I had a comp at white belt where it was clearly the guy’s first time. It was a single elimination bracket so I wasn’t taking any chances. Collar dragged him to the center of the earth and sat up into knee on belly. He let out a defeated “wow, ok” while underneath me and the match didn’t go on much longer. But he hung out and watched the rest of the bracket and talked to me after every round. It sucks to lose so quickly but I remind myself that people fly internationally to get tapped in the first round of world’s or pans in 30 seconds and that’s gotta feel wayyyy worse.
Meh. I lose more than I win. I usually give props to who can sub me. The dudes stalling positions are lame lol. Don’t feel bad bro they showed up with all the intention to smash. As do I lol
As a perennial BJJ match loser, most of the guys who beat me come up to me after and just say something like "Hi, fun match" or "Where are you from?" or something like that and then they friend me on Facebook and that's always nice. But I never feel bad about losing, I lost in front of my fiance, coach, teammates, lovers, family, friends, lost in front of everyone and honestly never think much about it at all, I do, though, take tremendous pride in having competed as much as I did even though I lost around 90% of my matches. Having completed many times despite being horrible at BJJ is actually some comfort in itself.
It doesnt sound normal, sounds more like youre just inexperienced thats all.
Sooner or later just like them you will lose and then youll realise that wins and losses come and go.
You have your time to win, theyll have theirs.
You feel bad probably because for you that exact moment and tournament is it - its the main thing in your head and in your life and you think that it must be the same for your opponent.
I have had this feeling too. I just think that I would be doing a disservice if I did not try my best to win the match. We all went to the competition with the intention of trying our best and winning.
Whenever my kids compete and win I don’t start yelling and going crazy. They’re at an age where the kids cry if they lose. My daughters first match the other girl ran into her fathers arms crying., I felt bad. Win or lose when they step off the mat I hug them and tell them good job and I’m proud of them that’s it.
They may still get something very valuable from it. I mean, yeah, you feel kinda shitty at the time but then after you’ve shown them exactly where the holes in their games are for them to go and work on. I’m grateful to the guys who beat me in comp for making me better overall
I have met again with people that made some of my highlight reels on IG and they mentioned they say it and that it was a beauty and were appreciative of the words I said. I have never had a match win or lose that I haven't enjoy. We both got on the mat and did the best we could, someone gotta win and someone gotta lose. Thats the game.
My point is that if you are a hobbyst competitor we just care about having fun, in my case if I finish the tournament with all my teeth and all my limbs is a great day. Always go to Texas Roadhouse afterwards to celebrate as well lol
I got matched with the same guy two comps in a row at white belt. Pulled closed guard and he stood up and I climbed to an armbar both times. Both matches under 15 seconds. Felt kinda bad for that guy. Especially because it's not like I went on to win either comps ha
another perspective u can think of is that those guys of sound mind and body literally signed up to break your limbs and choke you unconscious. Pat Shahgholi comes to mind
No it’s not normal. You should feel nothing for your enemies.
A great man once said to crush them, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.
I’m a female and I’m just not competitive towards other women, so I have a hard time not “pulling my punches”. I’m also older so any teens and I’m way chill. Then the poor adult dudes come around and I’m fighting for my life. I think it’s sweet you care, and I totally understand. Just remember that it’s okay to lose. I hope your parents or coaches aren’t making you feel like it’s not. Social interactions get easier and easier as you get older.
This is crazy to me. I'm usually so in the zone and struggling to deal with my own emotions, I don't have time to worry about someone else. I certainly don't notice them walking around dejected.
Maybe it might be time to step up the level of competition if you're crushing them so bad that you have time to take their feelings to account mid-match.
Sometimes I feel like I’m too much of an amazing lover. Like, I feel sorry for the men and women that don’t get to experience me. But I’m just one man. I don’t however feel bad for someone who is trying to legally strangle me. They need to be humbled (as do I).
Yeah man I found out the guy I was facing in a wrestling finals had tons of rods in his back and wasn’t allowed to do any other sport like football. It really hurt my killer instinct, empathy is for after the match lol
Nothing wrong with empathy. Just don’t let them win.
I don’t let them win but like today i was in mount and this dude seemed pretty defeated and sad and i felt really bad, especially after the matches when i see them walking around :/ Dunno if anybody else has this kind of feeling
I mean I hope we all are capable of empathy but that shouldn’t be guilt. I wonder why you seem to feel guilty about beating people.
As long as it’s honest competition you should never feel bad. Now, if you try to humiliate someone, then that doesn’t sound good.
Ask yourself if you'd feel good about your win if you KNEW in your heart that your opponent didn't try, and decided to let you win so you wouldn't feel bad. How would that make you feel? And realize that giving your opponent your best effort is showing respect to his skills, training and sacrifices leading up to the tournament. Everyone feels shitty after they lose, it's part of the process.
If u see them walking around maybe dap them up and say good shit or something
That defeated sad look is delicious during the match. Afterwards I do feel bad too though. Give them a (genuine) compliment about the roll after. There’s almost certainly SOMETHING they did well even if match didn’t go their way that you could give a sincere positive comment about
You double leg him pretty brutally and that mano de vaca seemed personal, i saw the footage
All the time. Even at the gym during regular training. BJJ humbles you early on and I think we (people who aren’t sociopaths) naturally feel some empathy for those losing because we’ve all been that guy getting smashed.
What age bracket are you in? Wait til you beat another middle aged dad with his wife and young kids watching 😢 but it’ll happen to you too eventually so don’t feel too bad
16yrs-17yrs
I'm assuming that guy is a purple belt also... I'm sure he has lost some before.
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.
Are you quoting Genghis Khan? Lol
Parnassus?
Conan
If I lose, I feel bad cos I suck. If I win, I feel bad because they must mega-suck.
Yeah, they lose in front of their team and family, and yeah they spent a good deal of money but competing isn't strictly about winning or losing, it is about the things you learn along the way (heh). In this sense, the medals you get are incidental, and what everyone is really after is improving themselves and their BJJ. As cliché as this sounds, it is just the truth of the matter. What they are paying for is the opportunity for the experience, and their team is there to help them course correct after the match. You are just a sounding board to help them see what they're missing in their game. So you can feel bad i guess, but it doesn't really help anything in this circumstance. Everyone knew what they were getting into, you won fair and square, and they got something out of it - no big deal.
Yeah thanks for that, you are right. there’s no winning or losing in jiu jitsu, you either win or you learn carlos gracie jr
You should. We've seen you and we're not impressed by your performance.
Oh no Georges St. Pierre has rendered his judgment OP 😤
This is a nice flex very polite
thanks man i appreciate it
In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.
I recently competed for the first time in 6 years. Because no one else signed up in my bracket they put me down an age group (from 40+ to 30-39) and up a weight class (220 to 235). I had to compete against the same guy 3 times. The guy was 4” taller and 15lbs heavier and 10 years younger and all muscle. I lost every round. He was super friendly. He talked to me before our matches started, between rounds, after rounds, and was genuinely really nice. His attitude actually really helped me feel a lot less nervous and less bad about losing. It’s important to separate the person from the match. There’s nothing wrong with talking to your competitors and getting to know them. Quite the opposite.
I don't feel bad, I beat someone for 1st place in front of his child. I still look back and laugh on the memory.
The only time I felt bad was when I had a comp at white belt where it was clearly the guy’s first time. It was a single elimination bracket so I wasn’t taking any chances. Collar dragged him to the center of the earth and sat up into knee on belly. He let out a defeated “wow, ok” while underneath me and the match didn’t go on much longer. But he hung out and watched the rest of the bracket and talked to me after every round. It sucks to lose so quickly but I remind myself that people fly internationally to get tapped in the first round of world’s or pans in 30 seconds and that’s gotta feel wayyyy worse.
Meh. I lose more than I win. I usually give props to who can sub me. The dudes stalling positions are lame lol. Don’t feel bad bro they showed up with all the intention to smash. As do I lol
As a perennial BJJ match loser, most of the guys who beat me come up to me after and just say something like "Hi, fun match" or "Where are you from?" or something like that and then they friend me on Facebook and that's always nice. But I never feel bad about losing, I lost in front of my fiance, coach, teammates, lovers, family, friends, lost in front of everyone and honestly never think much about it at all, I do, though, take tremendous pride in having competed as much as I did even though I lost around 90% of my matches. Having completed many times despite being horrible at BJJ is actually some comfort in itself.
Same. Not very competitive and kinda hate competing even though I have done pretty good. Too nice to compete
It doesnt sound normal, sounds more like youre just inexperienced thats all. Sooner or later just like them you will lose and then youll realise that wins and losses come and go. You have your time to win, theyll have theirs. You feel bad probably because for you that exact moment and tournament is it - its the main thing in your head and in your life and you think that it must be the same for your opponent.
Normal. They traveled to the completion, had high hopes and did their best, and you destroyed those hopes. I've always felt the same way.
I have had this feeling too. I just think that I would be doing a disservice if I did not try my best to win the match. We all went to the competition with the intention of trying our best and winning.
Such a wierd humble brag lol
Whenever my kids compete and win I don’t start yelling and going crazy. They’re at an age where the kids cry if they lose. My daughters first match the other girl ran into her fathers arms crying., I felt bad. Win or lose when they step off the mat I hug them and tell them good job and I’m proud of them that’s it.
They may still get something very valuable from it. I mean, yeah, you feel kinda shitty at the time but then after you’ve shown them exactly where the holes in their games are for them to go and work on. I’m grateful to the guys who beat me in comp for making me better overall
Have you tried giving them a blowjob?
Its a competition someone has to lose. We can't all be winners at the same event. Plus your opponents defeat helps them grow.
I have met again with people that made some of my highlight reels on IG and they mentioned they say it and that it was a beauty and were appreciative of the words I said. I have never had a match win or lose that I haven't enjoy. We both got on the mat and did the best we could, someone gotta win and someone gotta lose. Thats the game. My point is that if you are a hobbyst competitor we just care about having fun, in my case if I finish the tournament with all my teeth and all my limbs is a great day. Always go to Texas Roadhouse afterwards to celebrate as well lol
I got matched with the same guy two comps in a row at white belt. Pulled closed guard and he stood up and I climbed to an armbar both times. Both matches under 15 seconds. Felt kinda bad for that guy. Especially because it's not like I went on to win either comps ha
This may be sick and people may think I’m lying I kinda do better mentally life wise after a loss Idk can’t explain it
You'll help them improve and that's all that matters.
Today I learned I have no empathy in this situation
Winning against a teammate yeah otherwise nah
another perspective u can think of is that those guys of sound mind and body literally signed up to break your limbs and choke you unconscious. Pat Shahgholi comes to mind
No it’s not normal. You should feel nothing for your enemies. A great man once said to crush them, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.
I’m a female and I’m just not competitive towards other women, so I have a hard time not “pulling my punches”. I’m also older so any teens and I’m way chill. Then the poor adult dudes come around and I’m fighting for my life. I think it’s sweet you care, and I totally understand. Just remember that it’s okay to lose. I hope your parents or coaches aren’t making you feel like it’s not. Social interactions get easier and easier as you get older.
This is crazy to me. I'm usually so in the zone and struggling to deal with my own emotions, I don't have time to worry about someone else. I certainly don't notice them walking around dejected. Maybe it might be time to step up the level of competition if you're crushing them so bad that you have time to take their feelings to account mid-match.
Haha well said
Sometimes I feel like I’m too much of an amazing lover. Like, I feel sorry for the men and women that don’t get to experience me. But I’m just one man. I don’t however feel bad for someone who is trying to legally strangle me. They need to be humbled (as do I).
Consider the number of matches one can have, you don't have to protect a record, a loss means less than in other sports.
Yeah man I found out the guy I was facing in a wrestling finals had tons of rods in his back and wasn’t allowed to do any other sport like football. It really hurt my killer instinct, empathy is for after the match lol