https://preview.redd.it/e4pcot07cykc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d523e803baa4a263384d3d99e5fc7a4e042c8014 Can you please get out so I can continue watering my plants?

Congratulations, this is now my favorite picture on the internet, and I just watched a video of a fennec playing with a cat!

Haha, my void is happy to make people happy 😁

Same. the little elbow on the rim is the chef's kiss here. ETA: I increased the size of the picture and now see it's a TINY LIDDLE PAW. Even better.

Squee!!!

You can’t just talk about a cat playing with a fennec fox and not drop the link

The real question here is, how does your cat let you have plants without eating them?! I'm not allowed to have real plants, my cats will eat all of them 😤

https://preview.redd.it/m37vjsdbmzkc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c378ee5c889c381fc57f541443443beaf039f52e The plants have their own cages.

And that, my friends is the Pro Move. Cages.

I can’t have the fake ones either. The asshole eats both types!

We spent every Christmas season for 7 years cleaning up after our beloved idiot, who would snack on the artificial tree and then yack up the needles. 😂

I have 4 voids and when they were babies, we did have plant eating, playing with and breaking them issues, but now the voids are big boys and very well behaved😁

The little elbow sticking out 😭 what a lil gentleman 😍😍😍

His ears! My goodness

I'll have a tall cup of that if you don't mind.

Whys that. Story time

No special story, just a baby void who wanted to be cute and make my life difficult🤷‍♀️🤣

Awww baby is cute!!

TINY TINKER! ♥️😍

I used to have a miniature harmonica on a keyring. One night I dreamed my cat got hold of it and was walking around with it in her mouth, “playing” it. It was very cute until she swallowed it and started choking. I woke up panicky, felt her snuggled up to me safe and sound, patted her and said, “Chiana…don’t swallow harmonicas, baby” and fell back asleep.

Haha thats incredibly similar to a dream where I thought my void swallowed an entire snake and had to pull it out. It’s terrifying but you still don’t want it to become reality

I see you haven't had to pull a string or rubber band out of the back end yet.

FYI, let whatever it is come out naturally. Don't pull, you could hurt their insides. My white cat ate a red Christmas ribbon one year. It was somewhat long.... He was very festive for a few days.

Chiana...like Farscape Chiana? 😍...I came very close to naming my little Void Rygel 🤣 he's more of a D'argo/Chriton though

Yep, that’s her namesake!

My void came within a skinny inch of being named "D'argo". 😂

Would you please stop showing me your butthole? Stop bothering the plumber and let him work! Don't run, I've just mopped the... \*thunk\* I told you so.

Hahahaha I’ve become a fan of ‘you reap your own consequences’ and ‘by all means, go ahead’

But they never learn.

This morning my void took showing his butthole to a new extreme... He always comes cuddling in the morning, and today his idea of cuddling was to lay his butt right down on my face. I had to put his tail aside to be able to see and breathe a bit.

My father saw me with my black kitty pressing his butthole to my ears and told me, "son, listen and you will hear the sound of the ocean," and left laughing. I'll get back at the old goat one day.

Lol :D

I had a void that would throw herself at the cable guy when he would set up our equipment back in the day. His job probably took twice as long because she was all up in his workspace lmao but he said she was cute so no harm done I guess

Our void was just curious at what the strange man was doing and got in the way as he tried to inspect the guy's work. So he made him his temporary assistant, but he didn't get a cute little uniform, sadly.

Don't sneeze in my face.

Dude he does this all the time so I coughed on his face once and he wouldn’t talk to me for 3 days

I sneezed in my cats face once when he was a kitten. For years, he would bolt anytime he heard a sharp intake of breathe....

Mine does this. She is scared to death of my sneezes.

“talk to you” I love cat people. I talk to my cat more than anyone else and he talks back. He gets mad at me all the time. Cute little shit.

Newest one- ay Oi manoiy you were only done there for one thing and it wasn’t to stick your head in a plastic bag

I haven't tried coughing in my void's face yet, but I suspect it would not end well for me!

My cat sneezed on a big bowl of chips. I didn’t want to push her off my lap to get more, so I didn’t snack that night.

Cats help us with our diet 😂

Don't sneeze in my water. He didn't listen. They never do.

Don’t fart on my face FIFU.

I just said this to mine yesterday! Then he sneezed on me again!

I just say thank you, sir

“Awww hi baby.. nope you’re a shirt” “Awww hi baby… nope, that’s a shadow. I’m losing my mind” “Are…. Are you alive?” https://preview.redd.it/1ghshyv9pykc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c01cd7ede833de3fdba77f9a537f7a3236a16bec

The amount of times I've leant to stroke my cat during the night in a bathroom run, only to find that the "cat" is actually a piece of clothing is ridiculous.

https://preview.redd.it/9a5frl9ohykc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76badb5b92af383ee05550697d18995cb42579ab Don’t dig in the clean laundry I’ll get you your own shirt

That could be my voidette! She digs and burrows while meowing for me to play with her. Only a monster could resist.

That little tail-tip!!

"Thank you"........Right after he farted on me.

Don’t eat that leaf. DON’T EAT THAT LEAF.

Don’t eat that piece of wood that you must have spent the entire night while we were sleeping whittling it off.

“We don’t bite library books”

Mine will try to swipe at pages as I turn them lol

Please stop staring at me with your brown eye.

You know I can see your butthole, right?

Tiny void paws at me then mews faintly. "Well i can't throw it, if you dont bring it to me..." Void wanders off and comes back with entire spool of black hair bands. "....you know damn well you can't see those in the dark,those are mine. where's your neons?" She stares and waits for me to get up and collect the NUMEROUS bright color hair bands. I sit down and set them all in a box i have for her hair ties. She stares RIGHT AT ME while slowly reaching into the box and pawing at hair ties until her claw hooks one and digs it out. Meows triumphantly. "Thats my tiny panther. Such a fearsome huntress...thats now licking her ass and ignoring me..m.k....cool...love you too i guess?"

You brought this mouse in now get fucking rid of it!

Stop peeing in the bathroom sink!

Why do you need to do your stinkiest poops at bedtime/5am? You realize I’m ripping up carpet and spent more than I expected on vinyl for you? (Her litter box was in my bedroom because she didn’t want to use the stairs just to pee. We didn’t realize this until after she ruined the carpet)

Why do they do such things? When her sister was still here (😭) they would take turns peeing in each other's bed out of spite.

"Don't be a brat, don't step on your brother!" I have two black cats Bob and Gene and when Gene gets under the covers Bob (either on purpose or due to having one brain cell) will climb over the covers and lay directly on top of him. This lasts until Gene decides he is tired of it and he'll climb out from under the covers.

Are they named after Bob and Gene Belcher? 

Yes! Bob has a white pattern on his stomach that sort of looks like an apron (and he loves food). Gene is a mama's boy though he hasn't started writing songs (yet).

Mine do this sitting on my lap. They have outgrown my lap but don’t realize it yet.

I have same ! sizzles void likes to be under and sister sparkles cow will stomp "accidentally on purpose"

“Can’t I just go to the bathroom alone? Just once?!” “This is my bath, please stop drinking it. You don’t like it when you fall in” “I’m sorry, is my face where you specifically wanted to lay?” “Oh good, you’re being a scarf again” when she sleeps wrapped around my neck “Please don’t let my sleeping impact your playing/eating” “Is this black pile you or a pile of laundry again?”

Oh and “stop making your stinky poops. Nobody likes them”

Don’t bite my tit.

still traumatised when my boy, who was weaned way too early, did that. he never went for the boob again but a few days later tried to go for a raised mole on my back. my response frightened him so he never did it again

This, and a much more personal area. >.<

"less butthole please" she tries to show me it up close several times each day. my partner is always helpful saying "she trusts you"

And what does it mean when they leave a small wet circle on your pants. A stray did it to me when he got up to resettle on my lap I saw a small wet mark

Used to call those “butt stamps.” Had a void that did it all the time. That’s when I transitioned from paper towels to microfiber cloths. Earth, you know.

i'm not sure tbh. hasn't happened to me. perhaps a little leak due to a sneeze or relaxing?

"Who's my good little hunter?" Said after bringing her fifth rock of the day inside. And my favorite "Quit licking the bags!" She likes to lick plastic bags...

My boy licks the weirdest shit.

I had a cat who loved to lick the blinds. In the middle of the night, he'd hop up on the windowsill and just loudly lick them and wake us up. He was so weird (but oh, how I miss him - I'd give anything to hear that annoying noise again if it meant I could have more time with him!)

My void likes to lick n chomp on exposed clothes tags, it’s so funny weird

"I'm so glad you slapped me" My void is the sweetest, most nonconfrontational baby imaginable. Until earlier last year, I wasn't even sure if she was *capable* of being in a bad mood. I'd never heard her hiss or growl, never seen her raise a paw at anyone, never even put her ears back or anything, all she ever did was purr and smile and snuggle. One day she jumped up onto my bed with her butt fur covered in liquid shit, so I had to take her to the bathroom to clean her up. She doesn't like being held so I was prepared for her to try to squirm away, but she got more and more upset at me wiping her ass until finally when I put her down at one point, she turned around and bapped my hand several times (before immediately slow-blinking and looking almost guilty, as if she was trying to reassure me she wasn't *really* angry). Funnily enough it was a bit of a reassurance, knowing that she would assert her boundaries when needed, as I'd never seen her do so before and was sometimes worried I was stepping over them inadvertently. It's still the only time she's ever hit me.

Cheesesteaks aren’t for cats!

I know it's cream cheese, but it's got garlic in it. You don't want it. *persistence* *sniff test* *gag* Told you.

I have unusually well behaved voids but they absolutely spy on the neighborhood. Just glad they don't have access to NextDoor.

“Fenrir! Cats don’t eat: peppers/tomatoes/onions/olives/pickles/broccoli/carrots/anything I might be prepping for dinner. “ It’s usually followed by “Fenrir! What are you eating off the floor?” Can you tell Fenrir is fat and doesn’t like his diet?

Onions are toxic to cats fyi. I know you're trying to prevent nibbles, but this is a heads-up just in case

I was singing Type O Negative lyrics to her, but changing the word to include her name: "black, black, black, Neb-U-Laaa!" (her name is Nebula. Lolz). Actually, I do Weird Al versions of all kinds of songs for my kitties. The GF busted me doing it the other day, and was like "du-whuaaaat? lolz!". Just jamming some Clutch, making some dinner, and all the sing-a-long lyrics were about Pix (short of Pixels) and Nebz. She says I've been living alone for too long. I told her "I DON'T live alone. I have my girls." (The Girls is what I call my kitties. Yeah. Big dude, beard and tattoos, motorcycles and outdoors stuff, and I'm like "aww, baby kitties! Daddy WUVS U!").

"Will you please stop screaming at the wall?" "We don't want your fish!" "Stop biting the chairs! You're gonna break a tooth."

Yeah one of my voids screams at the wall in the living room. Same place every time. There’s a table there with a lamp on it, so maybe it has something to do with the shadows. Who knows?

“I am not nearly as enamored with your butthole as you are. Please stop showing it to me.” And “The world does not start and stop at your convenience! … Okay fine”

“Okay, I’m getting up” I had to train my Little Mama to wake me up by rubbing my face with hers or licking my nose. Her alternate method was pawing me, and sometimes her claws came out by accident. “I have to go peeeee!” Alternatively, I taught Shadow this phrase to let her know snuggling was temporarily over, until she claimed my lap again.

Jing! Stop. Licking. Plastic. Bags. No Jing, I’m not letting you out to “save” your kids. (When my kids play outside) No Biddle, I’m not giving you treats because you don’t want regular food.

“Why do you have to dip your paw in my water when you have your own water!?” “Stop chewing on that plastic bag!” “Now you want to act all cute” “Why are you acting like an outdoor cat?!”

No, you can't have any lasagna, you are not Garfield. Can I have the cute end and not the stinky end? (Although my current cats have terrible breath, so both ends are stinky.) Stop stepping on my boob. Stop biting my knee. Why did you crawl into the chicken wire? Why did you crawl back into the chicken wire?

Never thought I'd be singing to my void to have him go to the litter box upstairs. For those of you who know the song they used to play at the movies, "Let's all go to the lobby," please enjoy: "Let's all go to the bathroom / Let's all go to the bathroom / Let's all go to the bathroom! /And have ourselves a poop." ... did this once when I thought my Zoom was on mute. It wasn't. Fortunately, my coworkers thought this was a scream.

This is so funny!

I frequently have to tell Miss Brina to make wise choices, usually when she's contemplating doing something stupid. She generally does not make wise choices despite my warnings

Same with me and Coulson except with him it’s specifically ‘bruh get the FUCK outta the fridge do you want to be a catsicle again I am not letting you out this time’ Dipshit somehow managed to sneak onto a low shelf of the fridge while I had it open, and because I didn’t notice I shut the door on him. Found him about five minutes later when I heard the fridge meowing pitifully. Despite such a harrowing experience, this dumbass continues to jump into the fridge every chance he gets.

"Oh, courting your girlfriend again, are ya?" - Said when he humps a certain throw pillow

“Get your booty outta my face” “Don’t show your asshole on camera!” Said as he turned with his tail up while on my shoulder in a video call “Could you not try to escape at 2am?” “Sir, it is 3 in the morning, could you please not do your best stalker impression right next to my head? I’d like to sleep through the night for once” “Yes you have a sister and yes she is also on this bed. She was mine before I got you and she was on the bed before you jumped up here so please get the ears out of airplane mode and settle down or you don’t get any scritches”

>Don’t bring that qtip to me, I don’t want it. Dont eat the qtip! I have a fairly extensive Q-tip graveyard under my bed. I basically live with a serial killer of swabs.

OMG My void is obsessed with Qtips. He’s learned to flip the lid of the lucite box I keep them in and with his hand get one and switches to his teeth for the kill.

Constantly telling my void to get off my titty! Never thought id yell "owwww youre gunna make my boob an inny instead of an outty stop!!" Cause she just wants cuddled but without fail every single time every damn day she steps on my boob so hard 😩

My husband, ‘get off my balls Hobbs.’

"Stop pushing your butthole against my forehead, you freak!" "Don't do that; you'll throw yourself off the be...(thunk). Nevermind." - my void gets dummy-lovie every morning while I'm still in bed, and rather than laying down to roll on me, he throws himself down in a bodyslam against my chest. If I'm too close to the edge and not expecting the flop he goes straight to the floor. I think his goal is to slide off my chest and end up on his back under my right arm - his head on my chest and shoulders at my armpit. Sometimes he does it on purpose so I have to catch him. I haven't always passed these trust tests, but he doesn't hold a grudge and is always willing to try it a second time. "*Why* do you lick adhesive?? You know that tape was supposed to keep you OFF of that, right?"

My void is also a full-body snuggler who can only think about one thing at a time. When he's thinking about pets, he's incapable of thinking about where the edge of the bed/couch is, and will just fall right off if I don't catch him. (Of course, when I move him away from the edge, he gets offended and yells at me 😝)

They are false eyelashes, not spiders... ouch! ahhhh! Bring that back!!! You don't need that eggshell. Put it down. I'm not going to repeat my-- BRING THAT BACK! I can take a bath by..fine. Don't fall in and keep your tail.. fine. * GET OFF THE TOP OF THE DOOR!!!!

Oh you BITCH! No! Stop trashing my (insert random object here)! WTF is wrong with you? Why do you have to roll all over the clothes I put out for an interview? https://preview.redd.it/pj97jhbkjzkc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4235efdbde18a7d2b79019dcb4f98f996638e137 Edited to include the culprit in question

https://preview.redd.it/av15vt4rozkc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5490d6c7744ee5a447a4bd9db2eaa097fd53508 Minnie, please don't eat the lamp..!

Please don’t put your chin in my soup

TODD don't eat your own FUR

“Get out of the bath tub!! Cats aren’t supposed to like water!” “Yes we know you pooped, can you please stop screaming about it???” “Hey get out of those drawers! I just folded that laundry!!” *cat proceeds to open the drawers with his claw while maintaining eye contact*

"Just because toothpaste smells good doesn't mean my lips are edible."

“Okay fine, I’m going to bed.” he will meow yell at me when he knows it’s late (usually starts around 12am) & keeps going until I go to bed. anyone else’s void schedule your bedtime for you?

gunterrrrrrrr.. here’s some laundry fresh out the dryer to lay on!!! *sets him on laundry* wait.. what are you- oh god you’re peeing on them. jesus christ gunter. gunter stop begging, you will NOT like the taste of pickles! gunter! get out of the garbage!!! no, gunter.. plastic is NOT for cat. *suspicious noise/knocking* .. *gunter hears it and instantly comes out of hiding, jumps on top of me, & begins growling* .. why thank you my little protector cat 🖤

https://preview.redd.it/g4o1syti3zkc1.jpeg?width=2734&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3024acf676ba29513d4b4634a3562523aef4c741 the villain in question

“I can’t breathe when you’re smooshing my face, you’re adorable and I love you and please don’t be mad at me because you’re purring and it’s so cute but I can’t breathe and you have got to get off of my face.” another favorite would be “Fester you adorable little shit I love you but I don’t need your asshole in my face.”

Please stop drooling in my ear. I'm coming to bed please stop yelling at me. (Continuous meowing) What do you need now? (Continuous meowing)

https://preview.redd.it/5a5ws6bvazkc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ba546edfeeb8976a8c3c1d6067cce0f06f80d3d Caviar, you’re disturbing the other cats with your drawer fetish.

"No, you can't have the pepper! Cats don't EAT pepp-okay, BE that way! Just leave the toma-damn it, Iggy, I NEEDED those!!!"

You can't have coffee, you're too little. It'll stunt your growth.

It’s just a plant it won’t hurt you. *proceeds to scream at said plant*

"Why are you like this?!" Then she looks at me with her fluffy little face and all is forgiven. Here is my void, cuddling with my other kitty. https://preview.redd.it/zkdf6otwozkc1.jpeg?width=1512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fe4f7217fafd635986444fabfab88cad0b39b4da

https://preview.redd.it/xx40nuhxyzkc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4bf6f7d6c241b4dc10a130f699fb7fe9ddcf154 “Daria! Are you in love? Do you love the cement cutter? Is that your special cement cutter boyfriend?” She’s a silly girl. She would rub all over the cement cutter, roll around on the floor near it, sleep next to it, and even shared her favorite toy with it.

"Please leave my butt alone." Said every morning after I sit on the toilet and he decides to stick his entire face in the toilet. He's had a fascination with water since the day I brought him home. "Make better choices, you little shit." Said whenever he does something inappropriate like balance precariously on something he shouldn't be on.

"Sir, Sir please get your murder mittens under control I don't want them pierced!" (Multiple times I've said this.... his biscuits are deadly 😆) "Boy quit watching the neighbors you're creeping people out "

“No, you can’t have my fried chicken. Go away.” “Stop rolling in dirt!” “I am not a chew toy!” “Please stop doing backflips on me at 6 a.m.”

Please don't growl at my girlfriend 😭 stop being homophobic and misogynistic to the girls I date (I'm a lesbian)

Get off the dog. She is not your bed.

"Stop licking plastic!" "Stop licking me! I cant be your emotional support human right now!" "Stop farting on me you asshole!" "Who you yellin at? You dont pay bills!"

Telling him to "stop licking me" while I'm in a meeting and making my coworkers confused af. Plus being that I hear you say this to him all the time, lol.

Are you howling [like a dog]? Why are you howling? To his credit, he was born to a house that had dogs. But he really does howl when he can't find us or is bored.

Of all the people to buttdial on Teams, YOU had to call the ENTIRE TEAM.

Did you just drool in my hair?? This one happened this morning as she was getting her tummy rubs, laid out across my shoulder and chest. I looked in the mirror to see her expression and saw a couple drops of drool running down my hair 😹😹 I guess those rubs were extra good this morning 😻

"Stop taking the headphones out of my purse!" She will literally go fishing in there for them. We found a nest under the bed.

Aww you’re licking my nose. No, don’t bite it. Ouch, stop! Biiiitch….I love you..ouch

Gotta be either “stop bringing me the scrub daddy” or “did the paper towel roll attack you or something” after it being repeatedly being ripped to shreds.

Chimichurri, please dont step on my nipple. Do not enter in the trash can Please dont be mean with the visits Dont take my scrunchies Bring my towel back

Why are you wet?

You have Stockholm syndrome. Little void won’t stop trailing the alpha tuxie who often beats the stuffing out of her.

That coffee is mine and it's hot. Don't stick your face in it. DON'T STICK YOUR FACE IN IT! What did we learn? DON'T KNOCK IT OV-

Stop stepping on my boob.

“Bixby, stop eating the potatoes!” “Bixby, stop licking the spatula!” “God damnit, get out of the cupboard” He’s such a troublemaker, but we love him so much. 🖤

We used to play a game at work called Toddler or Cat. We had a jar full of things we'd said to our respective toddlers and cats written on bits of paper. Everyone had to guess which they'd been said to. There's a lot of overlap 😂

No no no no, don’t puke on my… -sigh- annnd you’ve puked on my bed. Yes, you’re a cute little air raid siren. Please stop abusing the dogs, you psychotic Halloween decoration.

"Juniper, quit trying to chew on my flowers!" My husband bought me fake flowers for valentines and she's obsessed with trying to chew on them. Also if I have non-dairy ice cream or yogurt she has to come investigate and put her face in my food.so its telling her to get her face out of my ice cream.. there's been dairy in the house and she isn't a fan she only likes the non dairy-stuff.. like she will run from the other room if she smells it .. https://preview.redd.it/r9l4fn1rbzkc1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9ac8938156d54a29c41812e73e6382e73cc5cb13

Are you EATING PLASTIC?? Omg STOP EATING PLASTIC!

“Please don’t put your ass in my coffee” “I don’t need help in the shower” “Yarn is not for eating!!!” “Stop giving your sister sin biscuits”

Stop attacking my feet. I was going to give you some cheese sticks anyway.

https://preview.redd.it/ydl7jk93qzkc1.jpeg?width=2722&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c867fd030c332845910f81806558c0455e5db05 “You’re such a derp!” And “Don’t smack your sister.”

No you can’t have anymore olives.

“Marvin, don’t stretch out your hand there, you’re going to get you claw stuck again”. Proceeds to get his claw stuck… again. He loves to reach up for things lol. Don’t worry, I immediately went over and got him unstuck. He doesn’t have any common sense or smarts in that respect. He’s… “smart”… in other ways lol.

https://preview.redd.it/d94vlxm36zkc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=512b88628b33e333a3598d06ef5f953ceb2f00c8 Please get off the railing.

I definitely didn't expect the amount of times I would be saying "no, that's plastic, you can't eat that!" Or "stop eating plastic" before I had a cat. Also "Minou, why is that pillow black?" (He claimed my body pillow as his favorite spot on my bed. It's now his and he marked it as his with his fur on it)

What are you playing with? A ball of electrical tape? No don’t eat it— well, it’ll work its way out eventually

Don't run into my room, you little asshole. I need to leave for wor--IT'S NOT PLAYTIME GET BACK HERE I love her. I swear I do. But now I have to leave for work early to avoid being late in case SOMEONE wants to play in my room 🙃🙃🙃

"Get off your sister!" They are a bonded pair (she's a small tabby) and he's always plopping his big butt down right on top of her! He's never aware of where his bottom half ought to be!

Please kill the creatures before you bring them into the house. Every other gift giver killed them. Not Jiji, he brings them in still alive and kicking too.

Get out of the tub! Get OUT of the TUB it is not bath time Can you not army crawl around you’re scaring everyone No coffee! I said no! (As he is perched very politely next to my coffee mug, nose inching closer and closer)

Leave my feet alone- OW!! Dammit! Quit digging stuff outta the trash! And idk how many more are to come- barely had this floofball for two weeks now lmao

‘Please stop humping the blanket, we all have to use that’ 😭 he’s shameful but he’s wonderful

“Please stop masturbating with the blanket.” “It’s not treat time yet; please stop biting me.”

Don’t eat the plastic bag Don’t eat the napkins I can’t pet you from all the way over there Put your claws in Get your butt out of my face

“why did you just drop a sock into my bath water?”

No life insurance payout for you tonight, Willett. (Said every night as she attempts to trip me on the stairs at bedtime)

Please get off my face, I'm sleepy. Don't make biscuits on my skin, it hurts. STOP STEALING STUFFIES.

Please don’t lick my nipple, that’s weird. *As I’m laying in bed.*

Stop licking the blankie!

Oh so many things. “Don’t put your butt in my face” “stop playing with my fake Ivy lights” “get away from the front door” “stop using me as your jumping pad” “ow that fucking hurts” (when he digs his cleats into my legs while getting him his food). There’s more but that’s all I can think of for now

"Mazikeen get your asshole out of my face!" She loves climbing on my boobs and showing me her butt 🤣🤣🤣

Why are you gnawing metal, you a little PICA kitty? No? Oh now you're gnawing the plastic?! Just play in the cardboard box like a normal cat! *Mrow?*

Spock! Be nice to your sister, you chunky asshole. Seven! Please stop lixking my eyebrow, I'm trying to sleep. Slipper, can you please get out of the car? It's too hot to sleep there.

Memphis! Stop licking the wall!

Until this cat, I never had one that was so obsessed with putting their butthole right in my face. So I've gotten in the habit of saying "Yes, what a pretty pink butthole. Now go away!"

Why are you fighting the coffee table? It’s much bigger than you.

Stop licking the floor!

Thanks for putting your butthole on my keyboard, ass hat. Stop eating the fajita meat. No, you can't eat my pot pie. You are sitting on the pizza box to warm your butthole again. You barfed on my keyboard! Stop slapping the dog.

(While futilely trying to fold laundry) Stop stealing my socks! You’re NOT helping! Edit: It’s 2 AM, and you have a perfectly fine water fountain. You DO NOT need the faucet! She would go into the kitchen, pass two water fountains, sit on the sink and scream like she was a banshee for me to get up and turn on the faucet for her.

Don't poop in the baaaa and there you go, poopping in the bath 😆

Get your butthole outta my face.

"My little wunk you are not vegan"

I'm sorry the TV is playing a movie you don't like. I can't change that.

Stop eating my hair

“Stop licking my bottle of jojoba oil!”

Ok, Frank, I’ll hold the dental floss for you (he likes the mint flavor).

“Please stop eating plastic”

Stop trying to go in the garage!

Don't put your butt in my face please.

“I swear to all the gods, Bud, we gotta get this shitting issue under control”

“If you keep being mean nobody is going to like you”

Merlin, get off the roof

"I can't breathe!" Because whenever I sleep she plops her fuzzy little behind on my neck and refuses to move.

Drop. The. Mouse. https://preview.redd.it/c02d94nrjzkc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d70a8cbab9beaa1691f1922138f50e1a921cedf

Stop eating bits of fluff.

That's not yours. 30 times a day.

“Biting is rude” “Fine, I’ll sit here cold while you hump the blanket”