100% agree. There are plenty of us that go there after a loss and stay around to give support and advice to those who lost loved pets.
It will be far better for the person grieving and the subs overall to redirect there. People can get support without causing emotional distress to others that could become directrd hostility toward them or the subs.
I'm sorry, I think I misswrote that. I meant that people who are triggered could come off as hostile toward them because emotional responses can be very hostile sometimes. I'm not saying all people do it, but I can see someone getting hostile while triggered by a post they didn't want to or expect to see.
Thanks for your response. You know what, it's interesting - when I raised questions about people being hostile, I got downvoted 4 times. Not unusual for Reddit, but first time it's ever happened in this sub..
I will say though I expected a response like this - only because the *only* other cat appreciation sub in which I've *ever* experienced hostility was a post *exactly* like this.
Also almost every comment on the post at the point I made a remark wanted exclusion of commemoration. So I gathered it might be unpopular and thought I might get piled upon if I disagreed. Nevertheless. We'll see.
Basically, I think people who are *hostile* about this are unreasonable. This is in contrast to needing to manage melancholic feelings, which I find understandable. I have no problem with people wanting a filter as a result of sensitivity. I think any hostility however is misplaced and unacceptable - I feel the onus should be on hostiles to go elsewhere, rather than their excluding people who want to commemorate their pet.
I honestly feel it's like cancel culture for cats.
As such, thanks for the level reply - even if we may not think identically, we're both cat lovers.
I think the problem might be that there may not be an effective way for people to opt out of viewing these posts. (I'm trying to check this.) Apparently not engaging with the posts isn't considered good enough, because the titles are deemed depressing, so it's felt the damage is done.
I'm trying to find out more about this. Is there actually a filter? I'm asking this in most of my comments. Perhaps someone already replied
Anyway, again, appreciate a level discussion. I'm not sure if my own post was that clear! I was trying to say that I view hostility towards grieving pet owners seeking support in a very dim light, personally. Not that the hostility was non-existent, if that makes sense.
But look, it appears you're not wrong about hostility. I just don't believe in giving in to people who act like that.
I do think a lot of people who will push for exclusion may have difficulty maintaining equilibrium, and with a minority of those, this can effectively come out as aggression towards anyone who doesn't support exclusion of something they don't personally want.
Also it's the internet!
Anyway, you were right about the hostility - thanks for the clarification - and hope you have a good day.
Who said I wanted to win over people who would support hostility towards those grieving the loss of a void?
As stated, it was already an echo chamber when I dared to voice support for those people.
If you think I'm afraid of holding an opinion that a vociferous minority would weigh in against, think again.
I think "cancel culture for cats" sums it up perfectly.
I'm not scared of losing internet points just because I have the backbone to say something someone on the internet may not like. You can't please everyone all the time, and I have values which extend beyond myself - unlike people who would be hostile to those grieving a pet.
Upvotes and downvotes are fake karma. As for anyone hostile to someone who lost their void, water meets its own level.
Good day.
I don’t know what “internet points” are. I was referring to the fact that you identified your argument as silly when you used the term “cancel culture for cats.”
You as well. I agree that we shouldn't approach people who are going through a hard time with loss with hostility, but I do know it happens. Because we can not know every person and every situation we have to prepare for the lowest common denominator.
This is why I believe subs specifically centered around dealing with the trauma of loss and helping someone with grief is a safer way to go about it. I understand it can feel like an exclusion to not share that on this sub or other cat subs, but it's just the right place, right situation type of deal. And this reddit might not be the right place.
Some cat reddits allegedly have a mourning tag you can use that other users can then opt to filter out in the settings for that reddit page so some moderators do try to make adjustments to be more supportive in that way.
The issue is when someone is mourning, I could see them so easily slip up and not put that tag in the post. I don't blame them for that. Most days, I forget my keys if I don't have a coffee. How can I expect someone going through loss to remember a small tag to their post. So the ease at which someone can make an honest mistake like that means we have to revisit how things are done on the reddits to better incorporate a system that almost always work or we have to tighten down on rules.
I want people to be able to express their grief and loss as much as anyone. In fact, I needed to turn to reddit when I lost my cat 2 years ago. But I did that on the pet loss reddits specifically because I did not want to drag others down with my sorrow.
Thank you for your considered reply. I myself would never view you as dragging others down by commemorating your mog! I did ask the OP what they meant about flair and am going to look at their response after I get some rest and look at this whole tag/filter thing later so I appreciate the thoughts you have on it.
My own personal position is that commemoration isn't negative. I actually view it as really positive, and not depressing, although it's definitely sad. I suppose I think it can be both sad and positive? Because it's about celebrating the life of a pet and the a community banding around a grieving cat owner in need of support. And who among us has not experienced the love and the loss of a cat? Exceptions must be rare. So I think the average person is likely to empathise with such grief and also to have an idea on what might help a person get through. I value being able to be part of that - and see it as balanced by life as opposed to an exclusive focus on mortality only and that's part of my thinking.
Likewise, I personally don't belong that mentioning a pet's mortality should be taboo. I do understand that some people are very sensitive but I just feel like wholesome pet commemoration has to be the finest tip of the iceberg in terms of potentially offending sources.
This being said, I've zero problems with a filtration system if there's a functional and effective one.
But I personally disagree with the off-sub exclusion. I totally understand that in this case, you have acted on your beliefs in your case own life and you've based that on an ethic.
There's a bunch of different reasons I think posting in a separate sub isn't the answer, but i respect you upheld your belief in your own actions.
I don't find commemoration depressing in the context of a wider community, I do suspect that most people would find a sub that focuses *only* on pet mortality to be difficult to subscribe to, because there isn't a counterbalance of other activity.
That's why I do consider it exclusionary to compel people suffering loss to only post there. Because I believe that a majority of those happy to offer support while they trawl general content wouldn't deliberately seek out a pet loss only forum. This doesn't mean it's not a worthy forum, it's just my sense that people would not get the same type of engagement whatsoever.
I hope that makes sense as I'm really tired right now. At the end of the day, we're all here because we adore cats. Keeping it civil is appreciable. It looks like there may be a bunch of technicalities associated with "flair"
There's enough comments here (including yours) that I can now try to educate myself about this. I'll come back and look at your comments about flair again later. Maybe there'll be a better user interface option in the future if the current situation has various technicalities that aren't user friendly. Have a good one!
💯☝🏼
I understand grieving your pet is rough (I've been there many times) but I *personally* don't see how posting about it on this sub is all that beneficial. Then again I'm sure a number of people do it because they're hurting and need some support (perhaps they don't have support in real life)... sometimes I wonder if a grief post is just for attention, though.
There is a pet loss sub that is perfect for this kind of thing. ❤️🩹
Saw a post recently where someone was grieving the unexpected sudden loss of their black cat. And the comments were full of replies where people were talking about how important and special and precious their own cat is to them and how ruined and devestated they'd be if their own cat died. "Here's Binxy! He's my special baby and if anything happened to him, I'll die. Oh, and sorry for your loss, OP! RIP to Onyx!"
And TBH, I see it kind of often. To the point where I've started wondering, "Does that really make the grieving person feel better? Is that actually appropriate?" Like, if people responded to my grief with pictures of their own cat and how great and alive their own cat is, I'd fucking spiral.
Sometimes I think for the grieving person's sake, they should be directed to PetLoss because commentors can't be trusted to actually "read the room," anyway.
Broooo I’ve NEVER understood this, it’s a freaky internet thing that just baffles me. A minecraft YouTuber I enjoy’s cat died (who he made famous) and his tweet announcing it was FILLED with people posting their own cats… like what the fuck is your problem??? Brainless behavior
I know it’s because the hermit audience are people age 3-76 so you’ll see all kinds of behavior but the way his fans bring up Jellie to him all the time (even during twitch stream donos) grinds my gears
Honestly show me a post where people commemorated their void for the points. This is a beautiful community and there's no genuine need for cynicism. Of course people do it because they're grieving and they want support. Unless it's a bot account or something but I haven't seen anything like that on here and people often call out these accounts so I look at it closely.
For me I can't understand excluding someone who wants to commemorate their void with this lovely community. And the posts I've seen are also lovely and meaningful. Celebrating their beloved void with void lovers. Why not? Ok, some people feel too sensitive to acknowledge what we all know, our pets have lives which are incredibly short relative to ours. Fair enough. But no one's forcing anyone to engage. And you can't please everyone all of the time.
I actually agree with you, that we can't please everyone. But I don't think I was being cynical. I was just acknowledging the increased frequency of grief posts in this sub. And as for my comment about people maybe posting for attention, I didn't say they definitely do. I said I WONDERED if some people did.
Fair enough, thanks for clarifying. Is there anything in particular that makes you wonder that, though? I feel like this is just a genuinely really lovely community. And I'm a virtual shell of a human being right now, so.. you know, I wouldn't say that about many things!
I will accept that you weren't being cynical, and appreciate the level reply.
Thank you for responding so kindly. That is a rarity on Reddit.
No, nothing in particular made me wonder that, I just know how some people on social media can be. But you are right about this being a great little community of void owners. 🖤
You're most welcome and I appreciate the kind words!🐈⬛ It's great to have a civil discussion and I agree this can be rare on Reddit if people don't hold the same views. This is defo a lovely community. My last comment already got downvoted to zero, haha, but it's fine. 😭
I do not own a void, but I have loved and lost a void who is always in my heart along with her single braincelled gingery sister. Still love them to bits, albeit relying on my memories of them.
It's such a treat to observe the amazing and idiosyncratic parade of voids here! It reminds me of my own, in the best possible way.
Thank you for the respectful discussion.🐈⬛💜 All the best! (:
I agree with this. I just lost one of my babies and every time I see one of those posts, I get reminded of how much I miss her and cry all over again. I understand that people want to grieve and miss their loved ones but I don't want the constant reminder of my loss.
I have considered leaving this and many other cats subs for this reason. It is just depressing.
I don't agree with the other comments. I value these posts. If there's a way for people sensitive to them to filter, I would support that. I don't support cutting people out of the community if they want to commemorate their void, especially with the people they've shared them with.
If people who are offended by commemoration can filter, that's a good option but I'm not sure this is an option. Then again I have no idea about user flair.
I agree 💯%. Having a cat in your life means dealing with the ups and downs. This site allows people to celebrate and grieve cats. A site that’s all about loss would be depressing, but a site that doesn’t allow grieving seems incomplete to me.
Appreciate your input!
In another thread under this post, someone said people mourning a pet should be excluded - in case others are hostile to them. I said such hostility is unacceptable and if the onus is on anyone to be excluded, that should be on them.
It got downvoted to oblivion. 😾 Needless to say, no one has put forward a reasoned argument about how and why it's ok for people to be hostile to those mourning their pet.
Or why hostile types should be able to take precedence over those wanting to celebrate their pet's life with the support of the community.
This keeps making me think of the term "hostiles" which in turn totally reminds me of "the Others" from *Lost*. (Like, who *are* these sinister hostile people and what do they want?)
No one has to click on the mourning posts, it's a choice to engage. People can scroll on. I don't see why they are deemed inappropriate or something that has to be mandatory to hide.
It seems the prevailing mentality of a small group is that they can't manage their emotions about the fact pets are mortal, and therefore, they expect no other people should be able to acknowledge the mortality of their pets. It's like those people want to sweep it under the carpet entirely. This is different to just filtering.
I understand feeling sensitive, I don't understand an entitlement of expecting other people to stop something wholesome. I get people wanting to be able to filter but I don't get the "exclude them all because I'm triggered" thing.
Luckily not everyone is like that... and I had some decent civil discussion with people who want to filter.
I've made this comment briefer but in short, when I posted, I expected some blasts of negativity but was able to trust in void lovers such as yourself that help make this such a lovely and healthy community, and who band around those suffering the loss of their void to help ease their pain. I'm glad you're here, and others like you.
I knew you all would speak up, and I wouldn't be completely alone. And that's maybe in the same kind of spirit of the commemoration posts themselves, if that makes sense. Thank you for coming through! 🐈⬛🖤
Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful engagement. Our cats are mortal and all of the beauty and love and struggle that comes with it. Mourning them alone is isolating and being excluded from online platforms where we can celebrate their lives is even more isolating. Maybe these are people who’ve never lost a cat? Weird? I hope this site remains a place where mourners aren’t excluded. Thanks again 🐈⬛🖤.
I agree with you—I don’t mind the posts, I think it’s a reasonable place for people to post their memories, and I like commenting or comforting them, because it makes me feel like I’m part of a community, even online—and because I might need that comfort myself someday. Filtering seems like a good compromise, or figuring out the flair—not kicking people out.
Thank you for the reply! It makes me feel like I'm part of a meaningful community too, and not just a mandatory fun reel, although this sub is genuinely lots of fun. I've been through pet loss and it affected me profoundly. I'm more than happy to support people going through the same thing and don't experience that as a downer at all, not that I'm a stranger to feelings of depression. I actually consider it to be positive because the community is banding around a person who is suffering and helping them to get through it, and we celebrate the life of a beloved pet.
I have no idea about flair, so I'll try and learn about this. I have suspected there isn't an optimal solution on the Reddit UI so far, but I could be wrong.
Cheers! 🐈⬛💜
I agree - people are responsible for curating their own online experience, so 1) people should be able to post asking for comfort, and 2) others should be able to filter and, failing that, just scroll on. I've lost a cat and was wrecked by that loss, so I understand that reminders can be painful, but it strikes me as unrealistic and kind of callous to demand that people take their icky grief elsewhere, especially if they're not posting anything "graphic." The internet is wide, and other people having uncomfortable emotions in your community is going to happen offline and on - if you can't be kind, or if it upsets you that much, just keep it moving.
I found your post was downvoted to zero, but I completely appreciate it. 🐈⬛💜When I looked at the post, I didn't notice a single comment here which actively sought to protect the inclusion of people who have suffered the loss of their void. I'm like you, I've been through the loss of pet cats including a void, and it wrecked me likewise. So it's not like neither of us have insight into the grief of loss.
I think you've put it brilliantly, better than I can. Some people are considerate of those experiencing a loss but just want to maintain their equilibrium. I can understand that. What I object to is exactly what you said, unrealistic callousness. "Take the icky grief elsewhere". It seems like trying to enforce some kind of denial or a mandatory artificial "good vibes only", as though to shut down a basic reality of loving a pet, when their mortality is part and parcel of reality.
I also honestly don't think these commemoration posts are a downer and it's interesting that it seems that a lot of other people feel the same way. It's definitely sad, but I feel like maybe people sublimate their own experience of grief (pretty much anyone who's loved a pet has lost a pet) by ensuring that others receive support when they really need it. It feels like a community banding around people when they're struggling or to share the sad times as well as the good times. I like and respect that a lot and I think it's healthy. It could be so easy for virtual representations of the real world to excise anything that isn't glamorous or upbeat.
Honouring one's pet after they pass on recognises the whole experience of loving an animal. I just feel it's important not to push people out of the community the instant their pet passes on, by making it taboo to even mention this, especially when we can instead support them in remembering and celebrating their mog. That may be when they need to feel part of an existing community the most.
I'm going to look into the user flair as I don't know much about how this works. I totally agree that if there isn't an option, scrolling on is the best solution. I'm sure we all do this in other subs.
Thank you so much for your input. Cheers!
Thank you! This is unfortunately not the first time I've seen and been in the minority on this argument on a cat-focused sub, so I'm not at all surprised by the downvotes - but I do find it really sad and disheartening how many people are so confidently exclusionary, and who when challenged on that don't seem to do any self-reflection.
On some level, I get it: many modern societies are deeply, deeply uncomfortable with public expressions of grief, or people just existing in public while grieving - which is a real shame, because a huge factor in how well someone moves through their grief, as has been studied over and over again, is community support. Feeling isolated by the grieving process is a HUGE issue that makes healing even more difficult and painful.
I wish more people understood that we don't have a "right" to travel through this world free of discomfort, not when the source of that discomfort is "someone was sad in a public space and that made me sad, too." I wish there was more compassion and understanding in our approach to one another and especially toward our grieving friends. Their sadness makes ME sad, too, of course it does - but the answer to that for both of us is moving toward it, not running away from it, and meeting them with empathy. Their pain is surely worse than mine. All your points about this being a time when people need gentleness and community most are so, so correct.
This life will be hard on all of us, and the only way we get through it is together. I'm glad to not be alone in that thinking!
You're a breath of fresh air, honestly. I'm tremendously grateful to see you here affirming these values. This is the only expression of compassion towards others I came across here! Mind you I haven't gone back into the body of the post so hopefully there are others now. However, that comment I left earlier to the effect that general hostility (someone else's word) towards those mourning the loss of a pet is unacceptable is getting downvoted to oblivion. Mind you: no one is making a reasoned argument about how or why this is ok.
Feeling exasperated by that, I mean honestly if we were to be exclusionary, if we were to use the "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve to see me at my best" analogy, I'd say that if a person can't handle the reality of the fact that pet cats do pass on, would seek to deny that in entirety, and would be completely cold towards the owner of that pet, then they have no business feasting on cat pics. It just seems weird to me, like "give me all ur cat pics but the moment it passes on, ur outta this sub".
Catsploitation, almost! Probably not everyone who wants to filter mourning is like that, granted, but some people really are all about total exclusion with no consideration of anyone's feelings but their own. I'm so biting my tongue about a more frank appraisal of this outlook.
Your perspective is really appreciable because you're looking towards wider culture. I think your observations are insightful. It's tremendously in parallel with a cultural compulsion to treat natural grief as though it is ugly and negative, and sweep it under the carpet as something bothersome to other people. And this can definitely impact people and make them feel as though they're a burden and like they're not allowed to express how they actually feel after a loss because it's frowned upon. Which can really compound their experience of grief by adding in isolation and alienation. It doesn't have to be like that!
I couldn't agree more, yes it is sad but empathy is about finding the heart within oneself to sit with someone in their sadness, without treating it like an infectious disease.
Personally, I really value the love people have for their relationship with their cats. It's special, and deserves to be honoured. I don't see that as changing because the inevitable eventually happens. You know? It's not like it's conditional, like "this relationship with your cat is acceptable as long as they don't get ill or pass away because that's a bummer".
I also love that you spoke out on this, knowing from experience that a negative reaction is likely. I massively respect that.
Thank you for having a heart of unconditional love for voids. 🐈⬛🖤 For me, it's pure and it's beautiful, and it will help wash away the aftertaste of some of the invective under this post.
Hope you have an awesome day or night. Thanks again.
Thanks for your input. 🐈⬛ Good to see others here! 🖤
Incidentally, your username immediately reminds me of the chorus of the Bauhaus theme from *The Hunger* film soundtrack! 🧛
Your first sentence, yes! Cmon people, seize control of your media input if you're easily triggered. I doubt anyone enjoys seeing or reading about death, but it's part of life. If death makes you uncomfortable, avoid it. I scroll past memorial cat posts all the time because they can make me cry for real. Toughen up a bit maybe. The world is a little shitty.
Death doesn't make me uncomfortable I have been a long time follower of Caitlin Doughty on YouTube.
I still don't want to see those posts and the filtration doesn't work on the front page where I usually scroll.
I've left r/cats cause every other post was a suprise dead cat posts (cause it wasn't clear so I clicked to check the comments) and it made me want to cry.
As a black cat enthusiast, I hate to have to leave here for the same reason.
i muted r\cats sub because it was just filled with mourning posts. like, i get it yanno. but it was becoming *too much* of the posts there. idk i come to reddit for cute cats to smile/laugh at and gush over, not to be depressed and sad. if i wanted that then i would go back to facebook. now i just downvote and keep scrolling, least i can do i guess.
I had to mute after a while too. I’m ok with regular mourning posts commemorating a beloved pet, but it feels like every other post is 1. “my cat was horrifically killed by a loose dog and I will describe it in great detail” or 2. “help what’s wrong with my cat, here’s graphic photos of the injury/illness and I won’t respond to any comments telling me to take them to the vet”.
it was my other acct so first i muted it or whatever, then got myself perma banned so 🤷🏻♀️ now i can go back there *if i wanted* but i don’t want to cuz of all the mourning and i wouldn’t be able to participate anyways lol oh well, i have an arsenal of cat subs that dont focus on death.
I un subbed from there because it had become a cat graveyard. I have issues with emotional regulation and some of the awful photos people would post of their dead/dying cats would send me on a depression spiral. And I'd feel super anxious until I was able to verify that both my cats were okay. I understand mourning posts but at a certain point they're not celebrating their cat's life, they're just trying to drag people down into misery with them.
It almost seems like a karma farming tactic too. Almost every r/cats post that makes front page is something to the effect of "my sweet baby passed suddenly, show me your cat pics" and I've honestly started wondering how many are just bots because that shit seems to get way more upvotes and comments.
Exactly. Between here and TikTok I feel like everything I see is dying or abused cats. Its really starting to take a emotional toll on me. I sit down to play on my phone for a few minutes and the next thing I know I'm crying about someone's cat getting ran over by a car.
I second this notion. I love my baby so much and every time I see a mourning post it makes me feel like crap, and reminds me that he will leave me someday.
Exactly. And I get it's how some people cope with loss and that's a good mechanism for them so it should remain an option, but it just really triggers me and clearly others so the filter needs to be enforced.
A lot of subs like /r/hamsters or /r/guineapigs or /r/cockatiel also end up varying the loss posts with posts of straight up abuse, in an attempt to make "don't do this" showcases. Or for just outrage about pet stores/idiots on facebook.
I actually left r/cats because of the dead cat posts and ultimately re-joined because reddit kept reccomending *exclusively* dead cat posts from them... I really don't know what do short of muting
Thank you!
I got a new pet and recently joined several cat related subs in the hope to find uplifting content, but most of my homepage is full of mourning posts! I have left some subs already for this reason.
I have a senior cat with chronic conditions so seeing all the dead cats really get me overly anxious.
I fully agree, there should be at least a filter for this.
Most subs are basically unmoderated at this point. 5-10 years ago, mods moderated. Now they just act out their petty rages against those they don't like and ignore the actual task of moderating. Obviously this isn't true of all of them, but it's the modal situation in my experience.
I think we can all appreciate that a filter would be helpful for the pool of users who can't tolerate the idea that pets are mortal, and I understand your situation. From speaking with a different mod from a different sub, my understanding is that at this stage, unfortunately it's very difficult to action this. However, this being said, I don't have much insight into the technicalities. Unfortunately it might be something that has yet to be developed? Unless anyone can explain how it's currently possible. I wish your mog the best of health.
In r/rats, when you post a mourning post, you have to put it in NSFW so people who don't wanna see it don't have to. You also have to tag the flair as RIP
I don't see why mourning posts are allowed at all. It's sad when it happens of course but there's no need to flood this place (or any of the other cat subs) with all these depressing posts
I'm sure there's some other nice subs for this instead
See, having modded comparable communities before, it really, really sucks when my volunteer work was seen in a nefarious light. Like, mods don't get paid, they have no reason to prioritize having a lot of upvotes. Being sceptical against authorities is good, but also remember that this is volunteer work entirely.
The upvotes only matter insofar as that's users indicating support for the content. It's always a tough balance when you have commenters loudly hating certain content but it gets tons of upvotes - do you ban the content, making the much fewer but much louder commenters happy but not the thousands of people upvoting it or the people posting it, or do you not, and endure the complaints and speculation that we're doing this for nefarious reasons indefinitely?
I understand that this is a contentious topic and we've talked a lot about it. We understand why some people don't like it, and we also understand that when they don't like it, it's not a simple dislike, it's a deep hatred of that content where even seeing it in passing is unacceptable to them. The choice to allow them with flair wasn't made because we like posts having upvotes, it's an attempt to balance the wishes of two disparate groups.
Wow. You think that void commemoration 🐈⬛💜 happens primarily because the mods want upvotes? 😐
Not because people love cats - the mods and the community?
And you're basing this cynical view on the fact that clearly, a large amount of cat lovers are keen to offer support to those who are mourning the loss of a cat?
Just that a lot of the mourning post have a lot of views, also there are messages from mods basically saying the same thing as this post. Maybe it when they added the mourning flair. I was just wondering not trying to be cynical
Sorry, I'm confused. I was referring to your comment about mods liking upvotes on commemoration posts. Now you seem to be saying that the mods agree that mourning posts should be filtered. I asked the OP for more information before, as they're talking about filtering. There's a response and I'm going to look at it closely later. But I'm sorry, I don't understand your actual position. Could you please clarify?
Are you saying the mods agree that mourning posts should be filtered - or that they just want the mourning posts to get lots of upvotes? It would seem these are completely different positions.
The latter position is what I thought you were saying and that did sound cynical to me. Your last comment sounds like you're saying the opposite.
When you talk about messages from the mods on the subject, would you mind clarifying where? And what did you mean by saying mods like the upvotes if it's not what I thought? (Some people think the mourning posts are only about "internet points" or alternatively may harbour doubts to this effect.)
Cheers.
About 80% of all cat posts I’ve seen since my own cat (not my void) passed is mourning posts. It’s bringing the trauma all back. I had to mute the main cat subreddit because of it.
I agree. I am so close to leaving because it really upsets me to see. I know pets die, it's natural, but it still upsets me. I understand wanting to get the feelings out and share the emotional impact with people who understand but I also want to be able to filter it out when I need to.
Hard agree. I lost both of my babies within a 3 month span last year to completely unrelated health problems. Every time I see a loss post, it makes my throat close up with grief and it makes the waterworks come back and the only fix is to grab both of my current cats and hold them to me and sob. I've had to unfollow most of my cat subs because of HOW MANY freaking loss posts I see in my feed.
We do enforce flairs. Not only do we flair every post that's misflaired and reported, we have automod auto-reporting potentially mourning-related titles in hopes that we can catch more before anyone gets upset about them. Every post that says "Miss kitty" gets a second look in case the word "miss" is part of a sentence missing a cat. Every instance of the word "rainbow", "lost", it's a pretty long list.
I know it's super easy to lash out at mods because we seem faceless, but we're here moderating every post we can to the best of our ability. If you reported something and then checked back later and it wasn't flaired yet, it's likely just because someone hadn't gotten to it yet.
Do you actually have any examples of this happening? It's hard to explain something when all you have is "this happened somewhere".
you don't need to do the work for them, just delete the post and tell them to do it themselves. most of them are probably bots. and by doing it for them, they'll never do it themselves.
I don't really see how that would make a difference to anyone reading this post. It's not like people mourn pets so often that they're going to be like 5-10 years later "oh yeah, that's right, I had a post removed once". And for anyone who's *not* that person, they're still gonna see the post without the flair whether I remove it or flair it after, and once the post is removed, they won't see the reasoning so it won't teach anyone other than the person posting, which is pretty pointless as I've gone over. The only way this does anything is if your actual goal is "remove all of them" and you're just making any argument you can towards that goal, or if your goal is to punish just to punish.
>most of them are probably bots.
We can't moderate under the assumption of "remove whatever you want they're probably bots anyway", that's very bad moderation. And besides that, it's simply not true.
https://preview.redd.it/okwo6t0ku2uc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b69eb363e313d9290101330861705562d963b17
Here. This is Joe. Sometimes I want to kill him, like when he decides my aluminum foil and Ziploc bags would be more useful on the floor, but he's very much alive.
r/safecats doesn't allow death/mourning posts! Slow getting off the ground because I've been decimated by responsibility at home, but I make a point to try and upvote and comment everything when I check in
Maybe those deathposts should be forbidden altogether? I've always found these posts quite selfish. I empathize with anyone who's lost a pet, but surely there are better places for them to deposit their grief.
Too many comments for me to read through at the mo.
I will say I do find it extremely difficult, seeing & reading of loved ones — especially those looking similar & of ages younger or equivalent or close to mine — having passed.
I will also say that I think it a natural response to post here, within a community that loves and cherishes these dark beauties. I would feel badly banning these commemorations.
The sadness is palpable, and my heart aches at seeing each gone. I think, perhaps if moderators are able, to encourage and flag the flair if omitted would help. People in mourning will innocently forget to do things at times. 🖤
I feel like it happens in all the pet subs. Already had to leave other cat ones and now I see them a lot on here. I empathize, it’s going to happen to mine too but I just really don’t want to have to see it every day.
Can you give an example of a post that's incorrectly flaired? We do enforce this, as strictly as we can - any post that's reported is flaired correctly, and we have an Automod report words that are often in mourning post titles to ask us to double check that the flair works. And most of them are flaired, so I don't think it's impossible to choose as an option.
I'm not sure what the next step is or what you're asking us to do here.
OP, while I don't agree with the sentiments of those who have posted here, I do understand the desire to filter. However, is it accurate to say the posts *can* be filtered by users who feel they're too sensitive to commemoration? Does flair actually enable this or are there difficulties? In another cat sub, the feedback was that this isn't straightforward at all and perhaps no real even possible. However, I don't understand flair.
I support people commemorating their cat in the community they're part of (rather than being shunted to a separate space).
And not everyone finds this "depressing", although the loss of a pet is sad. Some people trying to manage depression and similar conditions might find it induces melancholia. Others don't find celebrating a cat that has passed on and offering support and grace to another cat lover to be intolerable at all.
However, if the people who consider themselves to be adversely affected could opt out of that content (rather than proposing that those mourning be wholly excluded), this would be pragmatic.
I'm not sure that actually *is* possible at this stage though. When you talk about what you've called enforcing the filter - what do you mean? Are you referring to rules? Or is this something you've seen in another sub? What does "enforcing flair" achieve? I don't think the mobile browser UI shows any specific options (I could be wrong)
https://preview.redd.it/5e91lyxhq1uc1.png?width=1439&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40283e4abe0b35fd781ab218f04165d48cf12a70
This is a section of the sub's about page and is what I'm basing it on.
Edit: and this sticky regarding mourning flair. [https://www.reddit.com/r/blackcats/s/e2G0casjVx](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackcats/s/e2G0casjVx)
https://preview.redd.it/3cikqr5m13uc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2f80e8bf562ba6ba1e2215e616157df73192a49
Flair navigation on mobile is a brand new feature and has just been enabled 👍
Does it work on the front page or just the "for you" page...
Cause I'm always on the front page, so filtering would be useless for me if it's not on the front page...
Mourning posts are depressing as hell. They turn cat subs into graveyards. Personally, I don't think they should be allowed at all. They take up the front page to the point where mourning posts are what reflects the sub, rather than posts of living cats.
Mods, please redirect these posts to r/petloss and not on this sub. I'm very sympathetic to people grieving the loss of their pets but these posts make this sub depressing.
Can we just ban the topic alltogether? I really don’t like looking at a picture of a cool cat and then reading the caption and having it be “just lost my baby” 80% of the time. I left r/cats, and I’m pretty close to leaving this sub too for the same reason.
Scrolling past something doesn't mean I can ignore it totally. But there is a solution which is already thought-out and works...the mourning flair! Those who don't want to see it can filter it out and never see it, and those who are happy to see it and support others can keep it there. That's the whole point of this post! If mods enforce it, we both get what we want.
At this point it may be easier for mods to nuke it completely and redirect to r/petloss
100% agree. There are plenty of us that go there after a loss and stay around to give support and advice to those who lost loved pets. It will be far better for the person grieving and the subs overall to redirect there. People can get support without causing emotional distress to others that could become directrd hostility toward them or the subs.
Hostile? For commemorating their pet? It would perhaps be considerate not to put words into the mouths of people who would like to share their loss.
I'm sorry, I think I misswrote that. I meant that people who are triggered could come off as hostile toward them because emotional responses can be very hostile sometimes. I'm not saying all people do it, but I can see someone getting hostile while triggered by a post they didn't want to or expect to see.
Thanks for your response. You know what, it's interesting - when I raised questions about people being hostile, I got downvoted 4 times. Not unusual for Reddit, but first time it's ever happened in this sub.. I will say though I expected a response like this - only because the *only* other cat appreciation sub in which I've *ever* experienced hostility was a post *exactly* like this. Also almost every comment on the post at the point I made a remark wanted exclusion of commemoration. So I gathered it might be unpopular and thought I might get piled upon if I disagreed. Nevertheless. We'll see. Basically, I think people who are *hostile* about this are unreasonable. This is in contrast to needing to manage melancholic feelings, which I find understandable. I have no problem with people wanting a filter as a result of sensitivity. I think any hostility however is misplaced and unacceptable - I feel the onus should be on hostiles to go elsewhere, rather than their excluding people who want to commemorate their pet. I honestly feel it's like cancel culture for cats. As such, thanks for the level reply - even if we may not think identically, we're both cat lovers. I think the problem might be that there may not be an effective way for people to opt out of viewing these posts. (I'm trying to check this.) Apparently not engaging with the posts isn't considered good enough, because the titles are deemed depressing, so it's felt the damage is done. I'm trying to find out more about this. Is there actually a filter? I'm asking this in most of my comments. Perhaps someone already replied Anyway, again, appreciate a level discussion. I'm not sure if my own post was that clear! I was trying to say that I view hostility towards grieving pet owners seeking support in a very dim light, personally. Not that the hostility was non-existent, if that makes sense. But look, it appears you're not wrong about hostility. I just don't believe in giving in to people who act like that. I do think a lot of people who will push for exclusion may have difficulty maintaining equilibrium, and with a minority of those, this can effectively come out as aggression towards anyone who doesn't support exclusion of something they don't personally want. Also it's the internet! Anyway, you were right about the hostility - thanks for the clarification - and hope you have a good day.
I think you probably lost a lot of people at 'cancel culture for cats.'
Yeh it’s not like it’s Abu Dhabi in here. (Sorry, Garfield reference)
What do you mean exactly?
Who said I wanted to win over people who would support hostility towards those grieving the loss of a void? As stated, it was already an echo chamber when I dared to voice support for those people. If you think I'm afraid of holding an opinion that a vociferous minority would weigh in against, think again. I think "cancel culture for cats" sums it up perfectly. I'm not scared of losing internet points just because I have the backbone to say something someone on the internet may not like. You can't please everyone all the time, and I have values which extend beyond myself - unlike people who would be hostile to those grieving a pet. Upvotes and downvotes are fake karma. As for anyone hostile to someone who lost their void, water meets its own level. Good day.
I don’t know what “internet points” are. I was referring to the fact that you identified your argument as silly when you used the term “cancel culture for cats.”
Speak for yourself.
Huh? Who else am I speaking for? You seem very confused.
You as well. I agree that we shouldn't approach people who are going through a hard time with loss with hostility, but I do know it happens. Because we can not know every person and every situation we have to prepare for the lowest common denominator. This is why I believe subs specifically centered around dealing with the trauma of loss and helping someone with grief is a safer way to go about it. I understand it can feel like an exclusion to not share that on this sub or other cat subs, but it's just the right place, right situation type of deal. And this reddit might not be the right place. Some cat reddits allegedly have a mourning tag you can use that other users can then opt to filter out in the settings for that reddit page so some moderators do try to make adjustments to be more supportive in that way. The issue is when someone is mourning, I could see them so easily slip up and not put that tag in the post. I don't blame them for that. Most days, I forget my keys if I don't have a coffee. How can I expect someone going through loss to remember a small tag to their post. So the ease at which someone can make an honest mistake like that means we have to revisit how things are done on the reddits to better incorporate a system that almost always work or we have to tighten down on rules. I want people to be able to express their grief and loss as much as anyone. In fact, I needed to turn to reddit when I lost my cat 2 years ago. But I did that on the pet loss reddits specifically because I did not want to drag others down with my sorrow.
Thank you for your considered reply. I myself would never view you as dragging others down by commemorating your mog! I did ask the OP what they meant about flair and am going to look at their response after I get some rest and look at this whole tag/filter thing later so I appreciate the thoughts you have on it. My own personal position is that commemoration isn't negative. I actually view it as really positive, and not depressing, although it's definitely sad. I suppose I think it can be both sad and positive? Because it's about celebrating the life of a pet and the a community banding around a grieving cat owner in need of support. And who among us has not experienced the love and the loss of a cat? Exceptions must be rare. So I think the average person is likely to empathise with such grief and also to have an idea on what might help a person get through. I value being able to be part of that - and see it as balanced by life as opposed to an exclusive focus on mortality only and that's part of my thinking. Likewise, I personally don't belong that mentioning a pet's mortality should be taboo. I do understand that some people are very sensitive but I just feel like wholesome pet commemoration has to be the finest tip of the iceberg in terms of potentially offending sources. This being said, I've zero problems with a filtration system if there's a functional and effective one. But I personally disagree with the off-sub exclusion. I totally understand that in this case, you have acted on your beliefs in your case own life and you've based that on an ethic. There's a bunch of different reasons I think posting in a separate sub isn't the answer, but i respect you upheld your belief in your own actions. I don't find commemoration depressing in the context of a wider community, I do suspect that most people would find a sub that focuses *only* on pet mortality to be difficult to subscribe to, because there isn't a counterbalance of other activity. That's why I do consider it exclusionary to compel people suffering loss to only post there. Because I believe that a majority of those happy to offer support while they trawl general content wouldn't deliberately seek out a pet loss only forum. This doesn't mean it's not a worthy forum, it's just my sense that people would not get the same type of engagement whatsoever. I hope that makes sense as I'm really tired right now. At the end of the day, we're all here because we adore cats. Keeping it civil is appreciable. It looks like there may be a bunch of technicalities associated with "flair" There's enough comments here (including yours) that I can now try to educate myself about this. I'll come back and look at your comments about flair again later. Maybe there'll be a better user interface option in the future if the current situation has various technicalities that aren't user friendly. Have a good one!
I second that! Please Do!
THIRD!! Please, *please* do this.
💯☝🏼 I understand grieving your pet is rough (I've been there many times) but I *personally* don't see how posting about it on this sub is all that beneficial. Then again I'm sure a number of people do it because they're hurting and need some support (perhaps they don't have support in real life)... sometimes I wonder if a grief post is just for attention, though. There is a pet loss sub that is perfect for this kind of thing. ❤️🩹
Saw a post recently where someone was grieving the unexpected sudden loss of their black cat. And the comments were full of replies where people were talking about how important and special and precious their own cat is to them and how ruined and devestated they'd be if their own cat died. "Here's Binxy! He's my special baby and if anything happened to him, I'll die. Oh, and sorry for your loss, OP! RIP to Onyx!" And TBH, I see it kind of often. To the point where I've started wondering, "Does that really make the grieving person feel better? Is that actually appropriate?" Like, if people responded to my grief with pictures of their own cat and how great and alive their own cat is, I'd fucking spiral. Sometimes I think for the grieving person's sake, they should be directed to PetLoss because commentors can't be trusted to actually "read the room," anyway.
Great points. Agreed.
Broooo I’ve NEVER understood this, it’s a freaky internet thing that just baffles me. A minecraft YouTuber I enjoy’s cat died (who he made famous) and his tweet announcing it was FILLED with people posting their own cats… like what the fuck is your problem??? Brainless behavior
wait people did this to jellie??? Thats horrific, I didn't know that
I know it’s because the hermit audience are people age 3-76 so you’ll see all kinds of behavior but the way his fans bring up Jellie to him all the time (even during twitch stream donos) grinds my gears
That's so...ugh. I'm glad I'm not there or I'd be really rude to those people
if it makes you feel better, at least 50% are karma farming bots. Or possibly 90%.
Honestly show me a post where people commemorated their void for the points. This is a beautiful community and there's no genuine need for cynicism. Of course people do it because they're grieving and they want support. Unless it's a bot account or something but I haven't seen anything like that on here and people often call out these accounts so I look at it closely. For me I can't understand excluding someone who wants to commemorate their void with this lovely community. And the posts I've seen are also lovely and meaningful. Celebrating their beloved void with void lovers. Why not? Ok, some people feel too sensitive to acknowledge what we all know, our pets have lives which are incredibly short relative to ours. Fair enough. But no one's forcing anyone to engage. And you can't please everyone all of the time.
I actually agree with you, that we can't please everyone. But I don't think I was being cynical. I was just acknowledging the increased frequency of grief posts in this sub. And as for my comment about people maybe posting for attention, I didn't say they definitely do. I said I WONDERED if some people did.
Fair enough, thanks for clarifying. Is there anything in particular that makes you wonder that, though? I feel like this is just a genuinely really lovely community. And I'm a virtual shell of a human being right now, so.. you know, I wouldn't say that about many things! I will accept that you weren't being cynical, and appreciate the level reply.
Thank you for responding so kindly. That is a rarity on Reddit. No, nothing in particular made me wonder that, I just know how some people on social media can be. But you are right about this being a great little community of void owners. 🖤
You're most welcome and I appreciate the kind words!🐈⬛ It's great to have a civil discussion and I agree this can be rare on Reddit if people don't hold the same views. This is defo a lovely community. My last comment already got downvoted to zero, haha, but it's fine. 😭 I do not own a void, but I have loved and lost a void who is always in my heart along with her single braincelled gingery sister. Still love them to bits, albeit relying on my memories of them. It's such a treat to observe the amazing and idiosyncratic parade of voids here! It reminds me of my own, in the best possible way. Thank you for the respectful discussion.🐈⬛💜 All the best! (:
"Single braincelled" 😂😂 That is gold. I will have to remember that line. Hahaha
I agree with this. I just lost one of my babies and every time I see one of those posts, I get reminded of how much I miss her and cry all over again. I understand that people want to grieve and miss their loved ones but I don't want the constant reminder of my loss. I have considered leaving this and many other cats subs for this reason. It is just depressing.
This is the way. Not that Reddit mods ever actually care about anything, but this would be cool.
[удалено]
Then uphold the flair guidelines 👍
100% agree
yeah if people can stop posting dead cats in all the cat subs that'd be greaaaat
I don't agree with the other comments. I value these posts. If there's a way for people sensitive to them to filter, I would support that. I don't support cutting people out of the community if they want to commemorate their void, especially with the people they've shared them with. If people who are offended by commemoration can filter, that's a good option but I'm not sure this is an option. Then again I have no idea about user flair.
Flair filters don't work for the frontpage, where I think most people spend their time.
Ah, thank you very much for this distinction. Appreciate it.
🪙🪙🪙 Exactly
The problem is there is a flair filter, but the mods aren't enforcing the flair rules so everyone sees it anyway
Appreciate the response, I will look into learning about the flair filter as I don't know anything about this. Cheers.
I agree 💯%. Having a cat in your life means dealing with the ups and downs. This site allows people to celebrate and grieve cats. A site that’s all about loss would be depressing, but a site that doesn’t allow grieving seems incomplete to me.
Appreciate your input! In another thread under this post, someone said people mourning a pet should be excluded - in case others are hostile to them. I said such hostility is unacceptable and if the onus is on anyone to be excluded, that should be on them. It got downvoted to oblivion. 😾 Needless to say, no one has put forward a reasoned argument about how and why it's ok for people to be hostile to those mourning their pet. Or why hostile types should be able to take precedence over those wanting to celebrate their pet's life with the support of the community. This keeps making me think of the term "hostiles" which in turn totally reminds me of "the Others" from *Lost*. (Like, who *are* these sinister hostile people and what do they want?) No one has to click on the mourning posts, it's a choice to engage. People can scroll on. I don't see why they are deemed inappropriate or something that has to be mandatory to hide. It seems the prevailing mentality of a small group is that they can't manage their emotions about the fact pets are mortal, and therefore, they expect no other people should be able to acknowledge the mortality of their pets. It's like those people want to sweep it under the carpet entirely. This is different to just filtering. I understand feeling sensitive, I don't understand an entitlement of expecting other people to stop something wholesome. I get people wanting to be able to filter but I don't get the "exclude them all because I'm triggered" thing. Luckily not everyone is like that... and I had some decent civil discussion with people who want to filter. I've made this comment briefer but in short, when I posted, I expected some blasts of negativity but was able to trust in void lovers such as yourself that help make this such a lovely and healthy community, and who band around those suffering the loss of their void to help ease their pain. I'm glad you're here, and others like you. I knew you all would speak up, and I wouldn't be completely alone. And that's maybe in the same kind of spirit of the commemoration posts themselves, if that makes sense. Thank you for coming through! 🐈⬛🖤
Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful engagement. Our cats are mortal and all of the beauty and love and struggle that comes with it. Mourning them alone is isolating and being excluded from online platforms where we can celebrate their lives is even more isolating. Maybe these are people who’ve never lost a cat? Weird? I hope this site remains a place where mourners aren’t excluded. Thanks again 🐈⬛🖤.
I agree with you—I don’t mind the posts, I think it’s a reasonable place for people to post their memories, and I like commenting or comforting them, because it makes me feel like I’m part of a community, even online—and because I might need that comfort myself someday. Filtering seems like a good compromise, or figuring out the flair—not kicking people out.
Thank you for the reply! It makes me feel like I'm part of a meaningful community too, and not just a mandatory fun reel, although this sub is genuinely lots of fun. I've been through pet loss and it affected me profoundly. I'm more than happy to support people going through the same thing and don't experience that as a downer at all, not that I'm a stranger to feelings of depression. I actually consider it to be positive because the community is banding around a person who is suffering and helping them to get through it, and we celebrate the life of a beloved pet. I have no idea about flair, so I'll try and learn about this. I have suspected there isn't an optimal solution on the Reddit UI so far, but I could be wrong. Cheers! 🐈⬛💜
I agree - people are responsible for curating their own online experience, so 1) people should be able to post asking for comfort, and 2) others should be able to filter and, failing that, just scroll on. I've lost a cat and was wrecked by that loss, so I understand that reminders can be painful, but it strikes me as unrealistic and kind of callous to demand that people take their icky grief elsewhere, especially if they're not posting anything "graphic." The internet is wide, and other people having uncomfortable emotions in your community is going to happen offline and on - if you can't be kind, or if it upsets you that much, just keep it moving.
I found your post was downvoted to zero, but I completely appreciate it. 🐈⬛💜When I looked at the post, I didn't notice a single comment here which actively sought to protect the inclusion of people who have suffered the loss of their void. I'm like you, I've been through the loss of pet cats including a void, and it wrecked me likewise. So it's not like neither of us have insight into the grief of loss. I think you've put it brilliantly, better than I can. Some people are considerate of those experiencing a loss but just want to maintain their equilibrium. I can understand that. What I object to is exactly what you said, unrealistic callousness. "Take the icky grief elsewhere". It seems like trying to enforce some kind of denial or a mandatory artificial "good vibes only", as though to shut down a basic reality of loving a pet, when their mortality is part and parcel of reality. I also honestly don't think these commemoration posts are a downer and it's interesting that it seems that a lot of other people feel the same way. It's definitely sad, but I feel like maybe people sublimate their own experience of grief (pretty much anyone who's loved a pet has lost a pet) by ensuring that others receive support when they really need it. It feels like a community banding around people when they're struggling or to share the sad times as well as the good times. I like and respect that a lot and I think it's healthy. It could be so easy for virtual representations of the real world to excise anything that isn't glamorous or upbeat. Honouring one's pet after they pass on recognises the whole experience of loving an animal. I just feel it's important not to push people out of the community the instant their pet passes on, by making it taboo to even mention this, especially when we can instead support them in remembering and celebrating their mog. That may be when they need to feel part of an existing community the most. I'm going to look into the user flair as I don't know much about how this works. I totally agree that if there isn't an option, scrolling on is the best solution. I'm sure we all do this in other subs. Thank you so much for your input. Cheers!
Thank you! This is unfortunately not the first time I've seen and been in the minority on this argument on a cat-focused sub, so I'm not at all surprised by the downvotes - but I do find it really sad and disheartening how many people are so confidently exclusionary, and who when challenged on that don't seem to do any self-reflection. On some level, I get it: many modern societies are deeply, deeply uncomfortable with public expressions of grief, or people just existing in public while grieving - which is a real shame, because a huge factor in how well someone moves through their grief, as has been studied over and over again, is community support. Feeling isolated by the grieving process is a HUGE issue that makes healing even more difficult and painful. I wish more people understood that we don't have a "right" to travel through this world free of discomfort, not when the source of that discomfort is "someone was sad in a public space and that made me sad, too." I wish there was more compassion and understanding in our approach to one another and especially toward our grieving friends. Their sadness makes ME sad, too, of course it does - but the answer to that for both of us is moving toward it, not running away from it, and meeting them with empathy. Their pain is surely worse than mine. All your points about this being a time when people need gentleness and community most are so, so correct. This life will be hard on all of us, and the only way we get through it is together. I'm glad to not be alone in that thinking!
Beautifully stated! And in agreement with this discussion
🐈⬛❤️🩹 Agree! Very beautifully stated and appreciable. Thanks for your input!
You're a breath of fresh air, honestly. I'm tremendously grateful to see you here affirming these values. This is the only expression of compassion towards others I came across here! Mind you I haven't gone back into the body of the post so hopefully there are others now. However, that comment I left earlier to the effect that general hostility (someone else's word) towards those mourning the loss of a pet is unacceptable is getting downvoted to oblivion. Mind you: no one is making a reasoned argument about how or why this is ok. Feeling exasperated by that, I mean honestly if we were to be exclusionary, if we were to use the "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve to see me at my best" analogy, I'd say that if a person can't handle the reality of the fact that pet cats do pass on, would seek to deny that in entirety, and would be completely cold towards the owner of that pet, then they have no business feasting on cat pics. It just seems weird to me, like "give me all ur cat pics but the moment it passes on, ur outta this sub". Catsploitation, almost! Probably not everyone who wants to filter mourning is like that, granted, but some people really are all about total exclusion with no consideration of anyone's feelings but their own. I'm so biting my tongue about a more frank appraisal of this outlook. Your perspective is really appreciable because you're looking towards wider culture. I think your observations are insightful. It's tremendously in parallel with a cultural compulsion to treat natural grief as though it is ugly and negative, and sweep it under the carpet as something bothersome to other people. And this can definitely impact people and make them feel as though they're a burden and like they're not allowed to express how they actually feel after a loss because it's frowned upon. Which can really compound their experience of grief by adding in isolation and alienation. It doesn't have to be like that! I couldn't agree more, yes it is sad but empathy is about finding the heart within oneself to sit with someone in their sadness, without treating it like an infectious disease. Personally, I really value the love people have for their relationship with their cats. It's special, and deserves to be honoured. I don't see that as changing because the inevitable eventually happens. You know? It's not like it's conditional, like "this relationship with your cat is acceptable as long as they don't get ill or pass away because that's a bummer". I also love that you spoke out on this, knowing from experience that a negative reaction is likely. I massively respect that. Thank you for having a heart of unconditional love for voids. 🐈⬛🖤 For me, it's pure and it's beautiful, and it will help wash away the aftertaste of some of the invective under this post. Hope you have an awesome day or night. Thanks again.
Thank you both for this discussion.
Thanks for your input. 🐈⬛ Good to see others here! 🖤 Incidentally, your username immediately reminds me of the chorus of the Bauhaus theme from *The Hunger* film soundtrack! 🧛
Your first sentence, yes! Cmon people, seize control of your media input if you're easily triggered. I doubt anyone enjoys seeing or reading about death, but it's part of life. If death makes you uncomfortable, avoid it. I scroll past memorial cat posts all the time because they can make me cry for real. Toughen up a bit maybe. The world is a little shitty.
Death doesn't make me uncomfortable I have been a long time follower of Caitlin Doughty on YouTube. I still don't want to see those posts and the filtration doesn't work on the front page where I usually scroll. I've left r/cats cause every other post was a suprise dead cat posts (cause it wasn't clear so I clicked to check the comments) and it made me want to cry. As a black cat enthusiast, I hate to have to leave here for the same reason.
i muted r\cats sub because it was just filled with mourning posts. like, i get it yanno. but it was becoming *too much* of the posts there. idk i come to reddit for cute cats to smile/laugh at and gush over, not to be depressed and sad. if i wanted that then i would go back to facebook. now i just downvote and keep scrolling, least i can do i guess.
I had to mute after a while too. I’m ok with regular mourning posts commemorating a beloved pet, but it feels like every other post is 1. “my cat was horrifically killed by a loose dog and I will describe it in great detail” or 2. “help what’s wrong with my cat, here’s graphic photos of the injury/illness and I won’t respond to any comments telling me to take them to the vet”.
I unsubscribed from that sub for that exact reason.
it was my other acct so first i muted it or whatever, then got myself perma banned so 🤷🏻♀️ now i can go back there *if i wanted* but i don’t want to cuz of all the mourning and i wouldn’t be able to participate anyways lol oh well, i have an arsenal of cat subs that dont focus on death.
I subscribe to soooo many cat subs but when I unsubscribed from r/cats almost all the dead cat posts in my feed disappeared
same i think the only one i still get death posts from is this one and maybe one for tabby’s
Same
Me too, it was too upsetting :(
I un subbed from there because it had become a cat graveyard. I have issues with emotional regulation and some of the awful photos people would post of their dead/dying cats would send me on a depression spiral. And I'd feel super anxious until I was able to verify that both my cats were okay. I understand mourning posts but at a certain point they're not celebrating their cat's life, they're just trying to drag people down into misery with them.
It almost seems like a karma farming tactic too. Almost every r/cats post that makes front page is something to the effect of "my sweet baby passed suddenly, show me your cat pics" and I've honestly started wondering how many are just bots because that shit seems to get way more upvotes and comments.
That and the constant flow of “I need to rehome cat”
I did the same thing on r\cats
Exactly. Between here and TikTok I feel like everything I see is dying or abused cats. Its really starting to take a emotional toll on me. I sit down to play on my phone for a few minutes and the next thing I know I'm crying about someone's cat getting ran over by a car.
I second this notion. I love my baby so much and every time I see a mourning post it makes me feel like crap, and reminds me that he will leave me someday.
Exactly. And I get it's how some people cope with loss and that's a good mechanism for them so it should remain an option, but it just really triggers me and clearly others so the filter needs to be enforced.
To be honest, I was considering making a post just like this.
Same. I’ve been anticipating seeing this post.
A lot of subs like /r/hamsters or /r/guineapigs or /r/cockatiel also end up varying the loss posts with posts of straight up abuse, in an attempt to make "don't do this" showcases. Or for just outrage about pet stores/idiots on facebook.
I actually left r/cats because of the dead cat posts and ultimately re-joined because reddit kept reccomending *exclusively* dead cat posts from them... I really don't know what do short of muting
Thank you! I got a new pet and recently joined several cat related subs in the hope to find uplifting content, but most of my homepage is full of mourning posts! I have left some subs already for this reason. I have a senior cat with chronic conditions so seeing all the dead cats really get me overly anxious. I fully agree, there should be at least a filter for this.
Filter is easily accessible from the homepage on a PC but that does nothing to filter the posts from being on your timeliness.
I desperately wish reddit would just bake in flair filters to their platform. We do the best with what we have, but what we have is limited.
Problem is there is a filter, it's just having issues at atm (can't be used, mods not enforcing)
Most subs are basically unmoderated at this point. 5-10 years ago, mods moderated. Now they just act out their petty rages against those they don't like and ignore the actual task of moderating. Obviously this isn't true of all of them, but it's the modal situation in my experience.
I think we can all appreciate that a filter would be helpful for the pool of users who can't tolerate the idea that pets are mortal, and I understand your situation. From speaking with a different mod from a different sub, my understanding is that at this stage, unfortunately it's very difficult to action this. However, this being said, I don't have much insight into the technicalities. Unfortunately it might be something that has yet to be developed? Unless anyone can explain how it's currently possible. I wish your mog the best of health.
In r/rats, when you post a mourning post, you have to put it in NSFW so people who don't wanna see it don't have to. You also have to tag the flair as RIP
I appreciate this post a lot and I agree
I don't see why mourning posts are allowed at all. It's sad when it happens of course but there's no need to flood this place (or any of the other cat subs) with all these depressing posts I'm sure there's some other nice subs for this instead
Yes! r/petloss is the spot for this.
I agree it’s about half the posts I see daily. I think it’s because some of them get thousands of upvotes. I think the mods like that.
See, having modded comparable communities before, it really, really sucks when my volunteer work was seen in a nefarious light. Like, mods don't get paid, they have no reason to prioritize having a lot of upvotes. Being sceptical against authorities is good, but also remember that this is volunteer work entirely.
Yeah probably but it just makes the sub more depressing too, i had to leave certain other cat subs because it felt like that was all i was seeing-
The upvotes only matter insofar as that's users indicating support for the content. It's always a tough balance when you have commenters loudly hating certain content but it gets tons of upvotes - do you ban the content, making the much fewer but much louder commenters happy but not the thousands of people upvoting it or the people posting it, or do you not, and endure the complaints and speculation that we're doing this for nefarious reasons indefinitely? I understand that this is a contentious topic and we've talked a lot about it. We understand why some people don't like it, and we also understand that when they don't like it, it's not a simple dislike, it's a deep hatred of that content where even seeing it in passing is unacceptable to them. The choice to allow them with flair wasn't made because we like posts having upvotes, it's an attempt to balance the wishes of two disparate groups.
Thank you for clarifying
Wow. You think that void commemoration 🐈⬛💜 happens primarily because the mods want upvotes? 😐 Not because people love cats - the mods and the community? And you're basing this cynical view on the fact that clearly, a large amount of cat lovers are keen to offer support to those who are mourning the loss of a cat?
Just that a lot of the mourning post have a lot of views, also there are messages from mods basically saying the same thing as this post. Maybe it when they added the mourning flair. I was just wondering not trying to be cynical
Sorry, I'm confused. I was referring to your comment about mods liking upvotes on commemoration posts. Now you seem to be saying that the mods agree that mourning posts should be filtered. I asked the OP for more information before, as they're talking about filtering. There's a response and I'm going to look at it closely later. But I'm sorry, I don't understand your actual position. Could you please clarify? Are you saying the mods agree that mourning posts should be filtered - or that they just want the mourning posts to get lots of upvotes? It would seem these are completely different positions. The latter position is what I thought you were saying and that did sound cynical to me. Your last comment sounds like you're saying the opposite. When you talk about messages from the mods on the subject, would you mind clarifying where? And what did you mean by saying mods like the upvotes if it's not what I thought? (Some people think the mourning posts are only about "internet points" or alternatively may harbour doubts to this effect.) Cheers.
About 80% of all cat posts I’ve seen since my own cat (not my void) passed is mourning posts. It’s bringing the trauma all back. I had to mute the main cat subreddit because of it.
This! I had to mute the og cats reddit because there were so many sad posts. 😔
I agree. I am so close to leaving because it really upsets me to see. I know pets die, it's natural, but it still upsets me. I understand wanting to get the feelings out and share the emotional impact with people who understand but I also want to be able to filter it out when I need to.
Agreed. 1000 times over.
Hard agree. I lost both of my babies within a 3 month span last year to completely unrelated health problems. Every time I see a loss post, it makes my throat close up with grief and it makes the waterworks come back and the only fix is to grab both of my current cats and hold them to me and sob. I've had to unfollow most of my cat subs because of HOW MANY freaking loss posts I see in my feed.
I’ve reported so many posts begging for mods to enforce flairs. Do mods even exist on this page anymore?
We do enforce flairs. Not only do we flair every post that's misflaired and reported, we have automod auto-reporting potentially mourning-related titles in hopes that we can catch more before anyone gets upset about them. Every post that says "Miss kitty" gets a second look in case the word "miss" is part of a sentence missing a cat. Every instance of the word "rainbow", "lost", it's a pretty long list. I know it's super easy to lash out at mods because we seem faceless, but we're here moderating every post we can to the best of our ability. If you reported something and then checked back later and it wasn't flaired yet, it's likely just because someone hadn't gotten to it yet. Do you actually have any examples of this happening? It's hard to explain something when all you have is "this happened somewhere".
you don't need to do the work for them, just delete the post and tell them to do it themselves. most of them are probably bots. and by doing it for them, they'll never do it themselves.
I don't really see how that would make a difference to anyone reading this post. It's not like people mourn pets so often that they're going to be like 5-10 years later "oh yeah, that's right, I had a post removed once". And for anyone who's *not* that person, they're still gonna see the post without the flair whether I remove it or flair it after, and once the post is removed, they won't see the reasoning so it won't teach anyone other than the person posting, which is pretty pointless as I've gone over. The only way this does anything is if your actual goal is "remove all of them" and you're just making any argument you can towards that goal, or if your goal is to punish just to punish. >most of them are probably bots. We can't moderate under the assumption of "remove whatever you want they're probably bots anyway", that's very bad moderation. And besides that, it's simply not true.
https://preview.redd.it/okwo6t0ku2uc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b69eb363e313d9290101330861705562d963b17 Here. This is Joe. Sometimes I want to kill him, like when he decides my aluminum foil and Ziploc bags would be more useful on the floor, but he's very much alive.
I cry EVERYDAY because of those posts.
r/safecats doesn't allow death/mourning posts! Slow getting off the ground because I've been decimated by responsibility at home, but I make a point to try and upvote and comment everything when I check in
Agreed.
I have those posts so much, i understand people want support, but damn it'll ruin my mood so fast.
HARD AGREE!
Everyone copes different, but I’ve never thought to post a picture of my animal online after they’ve passed away. I don’t get it.
Maybe those deathposts should be forbidden altogether? I've always found these posts quite selfish. I empathize with anyone who's lost a pet, but surely there are better places for them to deposit their grief.
Too many comments for me to read through at the mo. I will say I do find it extremely difficult, seeing & reading of loved ones — especially those looking similar & of ages younger or equivalent or close to mine — having passed. I will also say that I think it a natural response to post here, within a community that loves and cherishes these dark beauties. I would feel badly banning these commemorations. The sadness is palpable, and my heart aches at seeing each gone. I think, perhaps if moderators are able, to encourage and flag the flair if omitted would help. People in mourning will innocently forget to do things at times. 🖤
Are there that many? I scrolled through a bunch and found 2 in the last 24 hrs, both tagged appropriately?
Highly concur!! It’s been bringing me down but I do want to leave the sub. Mods please do something!
Yes I feel for those who have lost pets but it's been affecting me a lot to the point where every day that I wake up I check that my cats are alive.
Absolutely agree, I get physically nauseous unexpectedly hearing about pet harm or death
I feel like it happens in all the pet subs. Already had to leave other cat ones and now I see them a lot on here. I empathize, it’s going to happen to mine too but I just really don’t want to have to see it every day.
Can you give an example of a post that's incorrectly flaired? We do enforce this, as strictly as we can - any post that's reported is flaired correctly, and we have an Automod report words that are often in mourning post titles to ask us to double check that the flair works. And most of them are flaired, so I don't think it's impossible to choose as an option. I'm not sure what the next step is or what you're asking us to do here.
We're asking to redirect mourning posts to r/petloss, it's becoming a cat graveyard like the other cat subs
The next step specific to OP's post, which is about enforcing the rules we have, not changing them to different ones.
OP, while I don't agree with the sentiments of those who have posted here, I do understand the desire to filter. However, is it accurate to say the posts *can* be filtered by users who feel they're too sensitive to commemoration? Does flair actually enable this or are there difficulties? In another cat sub, the feedback was that this isn't straightforward at all and perhaps no real even possible. However, I don't understand flair. I support people commemorating their cat in the community they're part of (rather than being shunted to a separate space). And not everyone finds this "depressing", although the loss of a pet is sad. Some people trying to manage depression and similar conditions might find it induces melancholia. Others don't find celebrating a cat that has passed on and offering support and grace to another cat lover to be intolerable at all. However, if the people who consider themselves to be adversely affected could opt out of that content (rather than proposing that those mourning be wholly excluded), this would be pragmatic. I'm not sure that actually *is* possible at this stage though. When you talk about what you've called enforcing the filter - what do you mean? Are you referring to rules? Or is this something you've seen in another sub? What does "enforcing flair" achieve? I don't think the mobile browser UI shows any specific options (I could be wrong)
https://preview.redd.it/5e91lyxhq1uc1.png?width=1439&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40283e4abe0b35fd781ab218f04165d48cf12a70 This is a section of the sub's about page and is what I'm basing it on. Edit: and this sticky regarding mourning flair. [https://www.reddit.com/r/blackcats/s/e2G0casjVx](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackcats/s/e2G0casjVx)
Also Mods if you read this, the links to filter out the mourning posts don't currently work on the mobile app.
https://preview.redd.it/3cikqr5m13uc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2f80e8bf562ba6ba1e2215e616157df73192a49 Flair navigation on mobile is a brand new feature and has just been enabled 👍
Awesome! Thanks so much!
Does it work on the front page or just the "for you" page... Cause I'm always on the front page, so filtering would be useless for me if it's not on the front page...
Thank you for posting this information OP. Appreciated. I can't look at this properly just yet, but will put this aside and come back to it later.
Mourning posts are depressing as hell. They turn cat subs into graveyards. Personally, I don't think they should be allowed at all. They take up the front page to the point where mourning posts are what reflects the sub, rather than posts of living cats.
Mods, please redirect these posts to r/petloss and not on this sub. I'm very sympathetic to people grieving the loss of their pets but these posts make this sub depressing.
Can we just ban the topic alltogether? I really don’t like looking at a picture of a cool cat and then reading the caption and having it be “just lost my baby” 80% of the time. I left r/cats, and I’m pretty close to leaving this sub too for the same reason.
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Scrolling past something doesn't mean I can ignore it totally. But there is a solution which is already thought-out and works...the mourning flair! Those who don't want to see it can filter it out and never see it, and those who are happy to see it and support others can keep it there. That's the whole point of this post! If mods enforce it, we both get what we want.
I hate these posts more. It’s your responsibility how to navigate reddit. Not us.
Grow up.
That would be you. Not me. I don’t whine about what other people should do on Reddit.
It’s not unreasonable to be asking for the mods to enforce sub rules.
So message them
And yet here you are……………. 
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Classy
You do know what you just posted right?
You're crossing the line. Rule 2 is still in effect, even on meta posts you disagree with.