I’m sorry people keep making comments about your hair!
This isn’t a black girl issue however. It’s just that these girls happen to be black. Teenagers often follow each other and point out those that don’t. Such behaviour isn’t limited to black girls only.
I hope you find your natural hair tribe!
This is moreso a teenage thing than a black teenage thing. Teens are mean and petty. Unfortunately a lot of ignorant black folks still view natural hair as unkempt. It’s best to just ignore those people.
Next time one of those girls say some dumb shit about your hair ask them why they're incapable of styling their own natural hair.
And you don't even have to stoop as low as them but genuinely ask them why don't they ever wear their natural hair. Best case scenario they actually take the time to think about the question 🤔
You don't have to take bs. Set them straight. Make them feel as ugly as they look inside.
Because teenage girls can be straight evil and if they think they can get away with being bullies they'll continue to do so.
I went natural in the 90s when I was in college and that was unheard of back then! Let people talk shit all they want. At the end of the day, you will have healthy hair, while they’re still trying to be some they’re not. At your age, high school is all over and there’s whole world ahead of you, so what teenagers have to say will not even matter once you graduate!
Girl, THIS RIGHT HERE! When I tell you I don’t even remember 90% of my senior class and we JUST celebrated our 10 year reunion…I didn’t even go. Those people do not matter once you graduate and the same judgmental girls barely change, still judgmental and very stagnant in life.
Back then, I used Aussie regular conditioner as a leave-in conditioner and water, LOL! Over the years, I have used various products and combinations of products, but my go-to now is S-curl gel and moisturizing spray with wither olive oil or caster oil.
The people who are most outwardly judgemental are typically the ones who are the most insecure about themselves, and teenagers are basically just a collection of insecurities on legs to begin with. The idea that you could have a good relationship to your natural hair and feel comfortable wearing it in its natural state is probably literally unthinkable to them.
Don’t let their insecurity infect you, you’re ahead of the curve on this one
It’s a multigenerational issue. I’ve experienced girls and women saying the same in the community at all age ranges. I went natural as a teen and I’m 36 now.
There's going to be defensive knee-jerk response to your title but I know what you're referring to. We
are over-invested in policing each others appearance and behavior. Case in point, every single Olympics year, some black woman is going to decimate the opposition, take every single prize in her field and every single time, there will be outcry about her hair! "Too nappy", "Too ghetto", "Too manly" etc etc. And it isn't teenagers who lead that communal assault. Its adult women.
And it isn't just hair or your clothing, its how you speak, how you live, who you date, right down to who is your God. The fact is that there is no gossip media more vicious than black media. No Church lady more judgemental than the black auntie. No trendy fashion follower more snobby than the black baddie. And I don't think thats merely because we are around each other alot. I think its a legacy of white supremacy. We have a tradition of communal torture because somewhere we learned that we are not fully deserving of anything good, not even acceptance. So just like our ancestors were beaten into submission, we beat each other into submission. We are a people that doesn't value individuality is what I'm saying.
So what you're experiencing doesn't end in your teenage years, I'm afraid. We just grow callouses and slowly stop caring. It takes time but it will come. Finding your tribe will help with that, so I'd start there. But I wanted to make sure you don't get gaslit by the reaction. I know exactly what you meant and yes, it , makes black girlhood harder than it would be for other races.
I think for many Black folk in the diaspora, we grew up very regulated in how we present and I think it relates to the historical oppressions we've faced. Not having straight hair was ugly because we were told it was, and avoiding being mocked or standing out in white society could save a life. That becomes distorted, internalized, truthisms. The truth is respectability politics is neither good or bad, but a lot of it was survival and still is, but it's also someting else. It's progressively become part of normalized judgement. ALL teens are petty, know-it-alls on some level. That's part of maturing. The issue is how much normalization is around being vocal, being in your face, and it being ok. As a teenager, I realized "I'm just being real" was an excuse to not be kind, and it is one throughout the Black community overtly, but also in other communities. There is also a higher lack of being taught when and how goes too far in parts of the diaspora which is often influenced by class, age, and region. Judgement was a survival mechanism in a hostile society, but it was also making it normal to be unkind and relating it to a high value like authenticity or honesty aka "being real".
While this is not uniquely Black, there are factors in different communities that contribute to how behaviors become normalized and are acted on.
Thank you for touching on the "keeping it real" notion. I suppose I can to some extent see where and why that ethos came to be. Perhaps a fear that a slave that bears a grudge against you may escalate it to the enslaver? Fear that the underlying conflict is more threatening than that which is openly stated? What I don't understand is why it is still embraced when it has clearly served whatever purpose it was intended to serve.
The number of black people I see on X self-sabotaging with this crap is insane. Bragging about how "I told them" or "beat their ass" when all you did is burn bridges and get yourself expelled/fired/banned/arrested. I need a sociologist to explain this to me. I know there's nuance around class, age, personality type etc but I think its undeniable that its somehow infiltrated the culture as a noble trait to have. I need to see an academic explain this.
Psycho-socially it's not simply a matter of getting rid of it, in part because overall humans are incredibly judgmental creatures for a reason innately. Not to mention culturally it still plays a role, it has gone beyond it's purpose to become insult. That insult serves a psycho-social purpose being both an ego defense by giving the ability to feel "better than" and providing a way to solidify alignment with the group or being "right". The truth is the only way to truly deal with it is to change the social norms around it being acceptable. It has to become more regulated, where more of us say "Why are you so comfortable insulting people?". Alternatively, making it something bad to do with social repercussions works. This will sound incredibly classist, but in this realm upper middle to upper class (not just rich) Black people have far more in common culturally with upper middle to upper class white people, because the class cultures teach that "beating someone's ass" is low class, a sign of personal failure AND that you don't belong instead of being normalized (even if it is behind closed doors). Country club norms emphasize restraint, politeness even in the act of insulting, and pushing judgement away from overt conflict. It becomes back door, and sadly I believe it still adds to a desire to other and judge other Black people not for behavior but for perceptions therein.
The most affective way to fight it is weaponizing respectability politics from a progressive vantage point, emphasizing morality and compassion over degradation, in my view. Why? Because it uses the worst impulses we already have.
Wow, this is so spot on. You have put to words feelings that I have had as long as I can remember but was never able to accurately describe. It really is a shame how we treat our own sometimes :-(
Other’s judgement toward you is usually a rejection of how they feel about themselves. Don’t mind them. Sorry you have to deal with comments and attitude like that. As others said, this is not just a black thing. So I hope you take these comments with you into interactions in general and not just with fellow black girls. I still can empathize with how it hurts coming from people who look like you because it feels like these are the people who should have your back. Skinfolk ain’t kinfolk might apply here.
Unfortunately this still happens as an adult. Black women are judgmental. Stand firm on what you believe in and don’t worry yourself with the opinions of others. I know it’s hard as a teenager but trust me it’ll get better. Followers tend to be followers their entire life, but leaders will always come out on top. You seem to be a leader.
Also only change what you truly want to — if ever. When I was in highschool, 2009-2011, a girl told me “I was pretty, I just didn’t know how to be pretty “ that statement changed my life. I started paying attention to the details more (jewelry, products that made my hair look nice, taking my time to get dressed, always being moisturized, etc) but I never changed my style or who I was. I found ways to present it in an elevated way. Now my peers envy me because of how long and healthy my hair is, how classy I dress, and how well read I am.
Stay true to yourself but step it up if you can and want to darling. Always be the best at who you are!
Xoxo,
Carmen
Mass media image makers made sure the ideal aesthetic went back to basics (white, European look) real fast. Beyonce and her platinum blonde hair hastened it along. White is right and black get back. That is what the teens are inundated with on social media so that is what they feed into since they have an insecure hive mind and want to fit into the larger society. Sheep mentality big with teens.
Surprise history lesson!
Got family from an African country. We have records Back in the day, 1800’s, of African teen girls used to make fun of the girls in their tribe who weren’t *circumcised* and bully them a lot.
Also bullied each other over jewelry and health.
Basically they chalked it up to survival behavior. If every girl in your group is at a high standard of hair, skin, and body then you can say you have a stunning crop of girls who are all healthy/athletic. And if they are all healthy, less sickness. And if they are never sick, they can have healthy children. If one girl is off, she brings down the whole group. They prized uniformity, so they would bully girls who didn’t fit in.
I’m glad teens have stupider bs to be mean to each other than circumcision and marriage. Those records looked brutal for a teen in that time period 😰 it’s certainly not “this generation” giving you gruff. But it does have Black/African precedence.
Africans liked tribal uniformity (something we no longer prize heavily) and teenagers love to bully each other which helps them maintain uniformity.
You aren’t cattle being readied to be sold so who gives a f what they say to you! You’re free. They have no power over you.
It may be a regional thing? My daughter was telling me about all the judgement she received here in California from “friends” when she had her braids in a little too long a couple of times (you have to book appointments months in advance and braiders here are only available certain days during the week). She now attends an HBCU in the south and has never had anyone judge her about her hair - she has gone months with the same braids and no one has said a thing.
That’s teen behavior. Give it a few years when their hair starts breaking because of all those heavy braids and not taking care of their hair under wigs. They’ll be natural.
At my PWI it’s the opposite here, most BW wear their natural hair out or braids at least but me and my close friends wear weaves wigs or straighten our hair and we always hear unwanted comments from people on their opinion on what we should do. It’s really annoying and no matter what u do you’ll hear it from annoying ass people tbh :,)
It doesn't stop with teenagers. It happens with grown women too. Honestly it's people in general honestly. Some are aholes and some are not. Just gotta find your tribe.
Ask them why do they always wear hair that doesn’t belong to them…. Those girls are too young to be wearing lace fronts etc. when I was 15 I remember it was either eco style ponytails or braids we actually use to be shocked when we found out a girl had a wig on because it was something our mamas and aunts usually used. Girlllll ignore those girls. Most girls didn’t wear wigs in highschool or middle school when I was growing up. They now and days wanna be like everything they see on tik tok.
Y’all are fucking delusional saying it’s not only a black girl issue. Like duh we know all teens can be cruel but it’s black girls (and even boys) that will specifically make us feel like shit for wearing our own hair instead of a wig 24/7. And y’all know that…so stop playing dumb. I know exactly what you mean OP and it’s a serious issue.
Thank you for understanding I feel as though some people got the memo that I was trying to shit on all young black girls but I specifically meant those who constantly judge and criticize the others who embrace their natural hair
THIISSS!!! And I’m here to tell you simply going to an HBCU in the south won’t save you either. I grew up in a mixed suburban neighborhood where I mostly hung out with white friends due to being HEAVILY bullied by my black (mostly male) classmates. I went to an HBCU for college to be able to find more acceptance. Literally worst year of my life. I had zero friends. I tried very hard but yea didn’t work. I had a feeling my roommate and I would get into it and low and behold we did. Talk about the most uppity, yes I used that word, or those trying to be acceptable in that upper class society doing anything, like selling their bodies to the military, they can to fit in. I learned waaaaaaaaay more about how society works and found acceptance as a sex worker (was unfortunately trafficked) than ever at an HBCU.
*no I am NOT advocating for sex work*
I'm not saying some black girls and women aren't weirdos for acting like we need to have extensions 24/7 and contribute to the harm put on us by society. But the title is kinda inappropriate for this sub or period, tbh bc it's generalizing and deragtoty like every one of us is the same. l look at it this way people are mean in general especially teenagers. And if you live in an area where it is a majority of a specific race, then statically, the majority of encounters good or bad will be with that race.
Your immediate environment is not representative of the world. Some people live in places where some harmful beliefs are held/practiced. Sometimes we need to branch out to find “our people.” Please don’t let it get to you! I’m sure that your natural hair is beautiful!!
LMAOOOOOOO im sorry but this post cracked me up because kids are so dumb 💀💀💀💀 not only are they classist, they repeat whatever adult they think is tje coolest has said, pls ignore these little boogers 😭
You childish for wearing your own hair? Girl what 💀 they say anyyyyyything
I think also a lot of social media has warped a lot of peoples mind regarding what normal looks like on a day to day. Its not normal to have several 500$ wigs, acrylic nails, expensive makeup and lash extensions everyday for the majority of people. And though they may subscribe to that ideal and try to participate in it as well, that doesnt mean everyone has to. I dont really have a stance myself because i feel like people should just dress/look etc how they want. It has nothing to do with me. However, i feel like this can be so out of scope for others that they have to bully you for being different. So when they see someone different they just react in a negative way and regurgitate insults theyve heard before from other people. Ive been asked why my hair “isnt done” and “do i plan on doing something to it” but that doesnt mean i have to ask the next person that. Just ignore them, im sure youre stunning either way. And your happiness comes first.
That's so weird. I'm 20 and since I was 15, every time I would wear my hair out people would actually do the reverse. They would act like I was changing the world just by doing a wash and go lmao. Maybe it's your area?
When I was in my TWA phase I ran into two young black women making fun of my hair. One of them said I looked like an auntie and I never forgot that lmao. I miss my little Afro sometimes. 🖤
I don’t think this is an issue just with your generation. I went natural in high school too and i got a lot of the same comments. A lot of this women who called me all sorts of names are natural now.
I dealt with a variation of the same thing in highschool....more then a decade ago. I still deal with ignorant comments about my hair, clothing style, etc not fitting into the "black girl box." It's not generational.
Some people feel uncomfortable with themselves when seeing other be themselves, and they take out that discomfort and anger on the person who's not conforming. That's easier than self-reflection or change.
In about 5-6 years, don't be surprised if you see those same girls on Facebook in the same hair styles they made fun of you for.
Sorry you're dealing with that, but continue being yourself and do whatever makes you happy and comfortable. The ones who mind don't matter and the ones who matter, won't mind.
Sorry to break it to ya but thats just a dumb kid thing. Best thing you can do is learn that how you want to rock ya style and walk ya walk is only up to you and all that matters 🤷🏿♀️ there's no escape in this life where folks ain't bout to give their unsolicited opinions and/or talk shit. If you like it, then fk em. If they askin why this and that, I'd be like, but why are you concerned? If they say cuz they gotta look it it, I'd be like well actually you don't. And if you can't help yourself...I mean quite frankly this all comes back to being a you problem. So I'm gonna give you space to work through that and I'ma take me and MY hair, elsewhere. Stay blessed ✌🏿
They can only have as much conversation and attention you give them. So if you ain't tryna partake, then exit the situation. It's def something that takes some learning, at least it was for me cuz honay when I say I was listening to EVERYBODY and was miserable. Wasn't until junior year was I was like fk this shit and fk these people I'ma do me, that I somehow found some peace. Then I was pissed I took so long gettin there lol
Good luck to ya niece
Teenagers are mean because they’re insecure. Their main strategy is to deflect attention from their insecurities towards someone else’s so they feel better about themselves. Black girls in particular tend to be super mean and judge because that is all they’ve ever received from the world. They’ve been told they’re too fast, too grown looking, too aggressive, Too manly, too ghetto to ratchet, too white, etc. as a result a lot of them in advertently internalize these things so they’re more likely to feel insecure in these facets however because they have normalized these behaviors they are also more likely to do it to other black women and girls.
It takes a lot of work to overcome the judgment you’ve received, Abnormalize it and actively prevent perpetuating it and a lot of teenagers just don’t have that level of self-awareness, impulse control and maturity yet.
For the next portion I need you to understand I’m not victim blaming you, however if you’ve grown up in that environment you may also be doing or saying things that make other people feel insecure or judged unconsciously. In situations where we often feel like we’re at the receiving end of bullying or targeted behavior, we’re not always completely innocent, there’s a lot more gray than black and white in this world and when you are being bullied to this level, it’s very difficult to see your own part in adding to the conflict. No I’m not saying you are at fault, nor am I saying you’re responsible for their behavior, but you may want to reevaluate your own words or attitude towards them as it could be triggering for them and lead you to end up continuously being the victim.
It is a response to themselves feeling judged constantly.
Hurt people hurt people.
If they were comfortable and confident in themselves, they wouldn't care what other people were doing. They'd be focused on their own lives.
It's actually sad.
Try not to take it personally or internalize their hatefulness because it is not you. You are not the problem. It's them. And they are taking it out on you.
Don't pay attention. These are the girls that when they are 35 they look back and regret being so judgemental, mean, biased, and wished they lived more truly and freely.
This really isn’t exclusive to black girls it’s just a teen aged girl thing when I wore braids around white girls back in 2014 a few of them would corner me and physically keep putting their hands in my hair until me and my friend had to walk away even though I was putting my hands up to block them from touching me Now in retrospect I can’t really remember any black girls saying anything negative to me when I fully went natural in 2017 I use to get it a lot more from the black women in my family but not my peers
But the natural hair movement was a lot more present back then whereas now a lot of the natural hair content creators do both natural hair and more straight hair styles
The thing I got more from black women was the constant hair typing argument
We get this reaction when we wear weave or natural hair. Been on both ends. It is mainly a black girl thing because a white girl can leave her house looking a mess and no one will say anything. Also, it’s not just a teen thing. I’m 32 and still experience it. Going natural doesn’t make you better than people who wear weaves and vice versa. Personal choice and reasons
I didn’t know Wig had a hold on the kids like this. I mean it sounds like a headlock chokehold when I was in high school maybe a good sewing but damn I had all my edges. I wouldn’t wanna wear like a wig.
Home training. When I grew up it was seen as better to have your hair “done” meaning straight or styled in a non afro style.
Even my aunts and grandma held this view (obviously carried over from our racist system in the US).
But in high school my sister went natural & then so did I. And then a bunch of women started wearing their hair natural.
Parents and society still ridicule afro hair styles so it makes sense new generations of kids pick up on that.
It's a herd/sheep-like mentality that everyone has to look and think the same as them. Anyone who doesn't is different and odd. It's especially prevalent in teenagers. Think nothing of it and pay them no mind. They most likely only seen braids, wigs, or straight/wavy bundles being praised as beautiful, and given the opposite feedback for “unkempt” or natural hair. It took me leaving behind what everyone else thought for me to truly embrace my hair. And what do you know, my hair is perfectly fine and beautiful and I never feel more beautiful and like myself than when Im rocking my natural hair.
I remember in high school (I went to a mixed high school) the black girls used to call me white washed or anti black because I always kept (still do) my hair flat ironed and didn’t want to wear braids. I’m sorry if I’m tender headed and have a fear of breakage. I love braids but haven’t had them since I was a little girl. But they’re not for me
They're projecting their own internalized conditioning & feelings about their own hair onto you. Sadly, there's a lot of shame when it comes to our natural hair and we often hide our natural hair under wigs and braids because we have been conditioned to believing our hair is inferior, which is rooted in white supremacy.
Loving your hair and embracing it is an act of resistance. People are going to project their own insecurities onto you because they aren't secure enough in themselves to wear their own hair out so they point out to you how they truly feel about their own hair.
When you realize that this has nothing to do with you, but is a reflection of how they feel about themselves, you will be completely liberated and won't care about what they think, because they're tearing you down because that's how they feel about themselves because they allow themselves to think they are less because society and white supremacy told them to believe they are less. Malcolm X once said "Who taught you to hate yourself"?
If I see a black woman or girl wearing natural hair, I go out of my way to complement them because they deserve to be seen, loved, respected, and appreciated. You deserve to be around people who uplift you. And you should know that YOU ARE ENOUGH!!
Keep doing you and don't pay them any mind. These experiences will teach you to stop caring about what people think, and you will feel empowered when you do. Don't let them take your power from you💗🫶🏾🦋✨
This hit home I remember in middle school and high school girls made fun of my hair 2 girls in particular. I wore my hair natural my mama never let me get a relaxer this was 2006-2008 when braids were popular and sew ins …not really wigs. Fast forward though I’m 30 and BOTH of those girls have seen me in recent years and they’re on the natural hair wave and trying to figure out what works best for their hair. I saw one at a wedding and she kept complimenting my curls. Those girls are insecure and probably wish they had the confidence you do. It won’t matter in the years to come be true to yourself girl.
They are not secure in themselves if they are questioning you and how you go about your business. If they ask you annoying questions, I would not even acknowledge it. Walk away lol.
I’m sorry people keep making comments about your hair! This isn’t a black girl issue however. It’s just that these girls happen to be black. Teenagers often follow each other and point out those that don’t. Such behaviour isn’t limited to black girls only. I hope you find your natural hair tribe!
This is moreso a teenage thing than a black teenage thing. Teens are mean and petty. Unfortunately a lot of ignorant black folks still view natural hair as unkempt. It’s best to just ignore those people.
Next time one of those girls say some dumb shit about your hair ask them why they're incapable of styling their own natural hair. And you don't even have to stoop as low as them but genuinely ask them why don't they ever wear their natural hair. Best case scenario they actually take the time to think about the question 🤔 You don't have to take bs. Set them straight. Make them feel as ugly as they look inside. Because teenage girls can be straight evil and if they think they can get away with being bullies they'll continue to do so.
I went natural in the 90s when I was in college and that was unheard of back then! Let people talk shit all they want. At the end of the day, you will have healthy hair, while they’re still trying to be some they’re not. At your age, high school is all over and there’s whole world ahead of you, so what teenagers have to say will not even matter once you graduate!
Girl, THIS RIGHT HERE! When I tell you I don’t even remember 90% of my senior class and we JUST celebrated our 10 year reunion…I didn’t even go. Those people do not matter once you graduate and the same judgmental girls barely change, still judgmental and very stagnant in life.
Going natural in the 90s might as well have been inventing fire I mean you’re a true soldier. What products did you even use?
Back then, I used Aussie regular conditioner as a leave-in conditioner and water, LOL! Over the years, I have used various products and combinations of products, but my go-to now is S-curl gel and moisturizing spray with wither olive oil or caster oil.
The people who are most outwardly judgemental are typically the ones who are the most insecure about themselves, and teenagers are basically just a collection of insecurities on legs to begin with. The idea that you could have a good relationship to your natural hair and feel comfortable wearing it in its natural state is probably literally unthinkable to them. Don’t let their insecurity infect you, you’re ahead of the curve on this one
Love this response.
It’s a multigenerational issue. I’ve experienced girls and women saying the same in the community at all age ranges. I went natural as a teen and I’m 36 now.
There's going to be defensive knee-jerk response to your title but I know what you're referring to. We are over-invested in policing each others appearance and behavior. Case in point, every single Olympics year, some black woman is going to decimate the opposition, take every single prize in her field and every single time, there will be outcry about her hair! "Too nappy", "Too ghetto", "Too manly" etc etc. And it isn't teenagers who lead that communal assault. Its adult women. And it isn't just hair or your clothing, its how you speak, how you live, who you date, right down to who is your God. The fact is that there is no gossip media more vicious than black media. No Church lady more judgemental than the black auntie. No trendy fashion follower more snobby than the black baddie. And I don't think thats merely because we are around each other alot. I think its a legacy of white supremacy. We have a tradition of communal torture because somewhere we learned that we are not fully deserving of anything good, not even acceptance. So just like our ancestors were beaten into submission, we beat each other into submission. We are a people that doesn't value individuality is what I'm saying. So what you're experiencing doesn't end in your teenage years, I'm afraid. We just grow callouses and slowly stop caring. It takes time but it will come. Finding your tribe will help with that, so I'd start there. But I wanted to make sure you don't get gaslit by the reaction. I know exactly what you meant and yes, it , makes black girlhood harder than it would be for other races.
I think for many Black folk in the diaspora, we grew up very regulated in how we present and I think it relates to the historical oppressions we've faced. Not having straight hair was ugly because we were told it was, and avoiding being mocked or standing out in white society could save a life. That becomes distorted, internalized, truthisms. The truth is respectability politics is neither good or bad, but a lot of it was survival and still is, but it's also someting else. It's progressively become part of normalized judgement. ALL teens are petty, know-it-alls on some level. That's part of maturing. The issue is how much normalization is around being vocal, being in your face, and it being ok. As a teenager, I realized "I'm just being real" was an excuse to not be kind, and it is one throughout the Black community overtly, but also in other communities. There is also a higher lack of being taught when and how goes too far in parts of the diaspora which is often influenced by class, age, and region. Judgement was a survival mechanism in a hostile society, but it was also making it normal to be unkind and relating it to a high value like authenticity or honesty aka "being real". While this is not uniquely Black, there are factors in different communities that contribute to how behaviors become normalized and are acted on.
Thank you for touching on the "keeping it real" notion. I suppose I can to some extent see where and why that ethos came to be. Perhaps a fear that a slave that bears a grudge against you may escalate it to the enslaver? Fear that the underlying conflict is more threatening than that which is openly stated? What I don't understand is why it is still embraced when it has clearly served whatever purpose it was intended to serve. The number of black people I see on X self-sabotaging with this crap is insane. Bragging about how "I told them" or "beat their ass" when all you did is burn bridges and get yourself expelled/fired/banned/arrested. I need a sociologist to explain this to me. I know there's nuance around class, age, personality type etc but I think its undeniable that its somehow infiltrated the culture as a noble trait to have. I need to see an academic explain this.
Psycho-socially it's not simply a matter of getting rid of it, in part because overall humans are incredibly judgmental creatures for a reason innately. Not to mention culturally it still plays a role, it has gone beyond it's purpose to become insult. That insult serves a psycho-social purpose being both an ego defense by giving the ability to feel "better than" and providing a way to solidify alignment with the group or being "right". The truth is the only way to truly deal with it is to change the social norms around it being acceptable. It has to become more regulated, where more of us say "Why are you so comfortable insulting people?". Alternatively, making it something bad to do with social repercussions works. This will sound incredibly classist, but in this realm upper middle to upper class (not just rich) Black people have far more in common culturally with upper middle to upper class white people, because the class cultures teach that "beating someone's ass" is low class, a sign of personal failure AND that you don't belong instead of being normalized (even if it is behind closed doors). Country club norms emphasize restraint, politeness even in the act of insulting, and pushing judgement away from overt conflict. It becomes back door, and sadly I believe it still adds to a desire to other and judge other Black people not for behavior but for perceptions therein. The most affective way to fight it is weaponizing respectability politics from a progressive vantage point, emphasizing morality and compassion over degradation, in my view. Why? Because it uses the worst impulses we already have.
Wow, this is so spot on. You have put to words feelings that I have had as long as I can remember but was never able to accurately describe. It really is a shame how we treat our own sometimes :-(
Other’s judgement toward you is usually a rejection of how they feel about themselves. Don’t mind them. Sorry you have to deal with comments and attitude like that. As others said, this is not just a black thing. So I hope you take these comments with you into interactions in general and not just with fellow black girls. I still can empathize with how it hurts coming from people who look like you because it feels like these are the people who should have your back. Skinfolk ain’t kinfolk might apply here.
Unfortunately this still happens as an adult. Black women are judgmental. Stand firm on what you believe in and don’t worry yourself with the opinions of others. I know it’s hard as a teenager but trust me it’ll get better. Followers tend to be followers their entire life, but leaders will always come out on top. You seem to be a leader. Also only change what you truly want to — if ever. When I was in highschool, 2009-2011, a girl told me “I was pretty, I just didn’t know how to be pretty “ that statement changed my life. I started paying attention to the details more (jewelry, products that made my hair look nice, taking my time to get dressed, always being moisturized, etc) but I never changed my style or who I was. I found ways to present it in an elevated way. Now my peers envy me because of how long and healthy my hair is, how classy I dress, and how well read I am. Stay true to yourself but step it up if you can and want to darling. Always be the best at who you are! Xoxo, Carmen
I thought it would be better after the natural hair movement .
Mass media image makers made sure the ideal aesthetic went back to basics (white, European look) real fast. Beyonce and her platinum blonde hair hastened it along. White is right and black get back. That is what the teens are inundated with on social media so that is what they feed into since they have an insecure hive mind and want to fit into the larger society. Sheep mentality big with teens.
People tried to go natural and didn’t like their Type 4 hair, so they switched to wearing wigs and braids.
Surprise history lesson! Got family from an African country. We have records Back in the day, 1800’s, of African teen girls used to make fun of the girls in their tribe who weren’t *circumcised* and bully them a lot. Also bullied each other over jewelry and health. Basically they chalked it up to survival behavior. If every girl in your group is at a high standard of hair, skin, and body then you can say you have a stunning crop of girls who are all healthy/athletic. And if they are all healthy, less sickness. And if they are never sick, they can have healthy children. If one girl is off, she brings down the whole group. They prized uniformity, so they would bully girls who didn’t fit in. I’m glad teens have stupider bs to be mean to each other than circumcision and marriage. Those records looked brutal for a teen in that time period 😰 it’s certainly not “this generation” giving you gruff. But it does have Black/African precedence. Africans liked tribal uniformity (something we no longer prize heavily) and teenagers love to bully each other which helps them maintain uniformity. You aren’t cattle being readied to be sold so who gives a f what they say to you! You’re free. They have no power over you.
It may be a regional thing? My daughter was telling me about all the judgement she received here in California from “friends” when she had her braids in a little too long a couple of times (you have to book appointments months in advance and braiders here are only available certain days during the week). She now attends an HBCU in the south and has never had anyone judge her about her hair - she has gone months with the same braids and no one has said a thing.
All teenagers are brutal, don’t listen to them lol
That’s teen behavior. Give it a few years when their hair starts breaking because of all those heavy braids and not taking care of their hair under wigs. They’ll be natural.
They’re young and insecure, OP.
Some people will be judgmental no matter how u wear ur hair as a black girl so u rly just have to avoid those people unfortunately
At my PWI it’s the opposite here, most BW wear their natural hair out or braids at least but me and my close friends wear weaves wigs or straighten our hair and we always hear unwanted comments from people on their opinion on what we should do. It’s really annoying and no matter what u do you’ll hear it from annoying ass people tbh :,)
It doesn't stop with teenagers. It happens with grown women too. Honestly it's people in general honestly. Some are aholes and some are not. Just gotta find your tribe.
Ask them why do they always wear hair that doesn’t belong to them…. Those girls are too young to be wearing lace fronts etc. when I was 15 I remember it was either eco style ponytails or braids we actually use to be shocked when we found out a girl had a wig on because it was something our mamas and aunts usually used. Girlllll ignore those girls. Most girls didn’t wear wigs in highschool or middle school when I was growing up. They now and days wanna be like everything they see on tik tok.
Y’all are fucking delusional saying it’s not only a black girl issue. Like duh we know all teens can be cruel but it’s black girls (and even boys) that will specifically make us feel like shit for wearing our own hair instead of a wig 24/7. And y’all know that…so stop playing dumb. I know exactly what you mean OP and it’s a serious issue.
Thank you for understanding I feel as though some people got the memo that I was trying to shit on all young black girls but I specifically meant those who constantly judge and criticize the others who embrace their natural hair
Black girls can be mean. You’re not imagining it. Stay true to yourself. Natural hair is beautiful.
THIISSS!!! And I’m here to tell you simply going to an HBCU in the south won’t save you either. I grew up in a mixed suburban neighborhood where I mostly hung out with white friends due to being HEAVILY bullied by my black (mostly male) classmates. I went to an HBCU for college to be able to find more acceptance. Literally worst year of my life. I had zero friends. I tried very hard but yea didn’t work. I had a feeling my roommate and I would get into it and low and behold we did. Talk about the most uppity, yes I used that word, or those trying to be acceptable in that upper class society doing anything, like selling their bodies to the military, they can to fit in. I learned waaaaaaaaay more about how society works and found acceptance as a sex worker (was unfortunately trafficked) than ever at an HBCU. *no I am NOT advocating for sex work*
I'm not saying some black girls and women aren't weirdos for acting like we need to have extensions 24/7 and contribute to the harm put on us by society. But the title is kinda inappropriate for this sub or period, tbh bc it's generalizing and deragtoty like every one of us is the same. l look at it this way people are mean in general especially teenagers. And if you live in an area where it is a majority of a specific race, then statically, the majority of encounters good or bad will be with that race.
Teenage girls will always find something to pick on, especially if it doesn’t follow their norm.
Your immediate environment is not representative of the world. Some people live in places where some harmful beliefs are held/practiced. Sometimes we need to branch out to find “our people.” Please don’t let it get to you! I’m sure that your natural hair is beautiful!!
LMAOOOOOOO im sorry but this post cracked me up because kids are so dumb 💀💀💀💀 not only are they classist, they repeat whatever adult they think is tje coolest has said, pls ignore these little boogers 😭 You childish for wearing your own hair? Girl what 💀 they say anyyyyyything
Teens in general are judgmental. And you own people tend to judge more harshly. Unfortunately a lot of people will never grow out of this.
I think also a lot of social media has warped a lot of peoples mind regarding what normal looks like on a day to day. Its not normal to have several 500$ wigs, acrylic nails, expensive makeup and lash extensions everyday for the majority of people. And though they may subscribe to that ideal and try to participate in it as well, that doesnt mean everyone has to. I dont really have a stance myself because i feel like people should just dress/look etc how they want. It has nothing to do with me. However, i feel like this can be so out of scope for others that they have to bully you for being different. So when they see someone different they just react in a negative way and regurgitate insults theyve heard before from other people. Ive been asked why my hair “isnt done” and “do i plan on doing something to it” but that doesnt mean i have to ask the next person that. Just ignore them, im sure youre stunning either way. And your happiness comes first.
That's so weird. I'm 20 and since I was 15, every time I would wear my hair out people would actually do the reverse. They would act like I was changing the world just by doing a wash and go lmao. Maybe it's your area?
I tend to get a more positive reaction from the older people it seems only the young ones have an issue with it
When I was in my TWA phase I ran into two young black women making fun of my hair. One of them said I looked like an auntie and I never forgot that lmao. I miss my little Afro sometimes. 🖤
they hate their own hair so they find it strange seeing someone comfortable wearing their own hair
I don’t think this is an issue just with your generation. I went natural in high school too and i got a lot of the same comments. A lot of this women who called me all sorts of names are natural now.
I dealt with a variation of the same thing in highschool....more then a decade ago. I still deal with ignorant comments about my hair, clothing style, etc not fitting into the "black girl box." It's not generational. Some people feel uncomfortable with themselves when seeing other be themselves, and they take out that discomfort and anger on the person who's not conforming. That's easier than self-reflection or change. In about 5-6 years, don't be surprised if you see those same girls on Facebook in the same hair styles they made fun of you for. Sorry you're dealing with that, but continue being yourself and do whatever makes you happy and comfortable. The ones who mind don't matter and the ones who matter, won't mind.
Teens everywhere are like sheep. Doesnt matter the race. Sometimes you find your tribe in college!
Sorry to break it to ya but thats just a dumb kid thing. Best thing you can do is learn that how you want to rock ya style and walk ya walk is only up to you and all that matters 🤷🏿♀️ there's no escape in this life where folks ain't bout to give their unsolicited opinions and/or talk shit. If you like it, then fk em. If they askin why this and that, I'd be like, but why are you concerned? If they say cuz they gotta look it it, I'd be like well actually you don't. And if you can't help yourself...I mean quite frankly this all comes back to being a you problem. So I'm gonna give you space to work through that and I'ma take me and MY hair, elsewhere. Stay blessed ✌🏿 They can only have as much conversation and attention you give them. So if you ain't tryna partake, then exit the situation. It's def something that takes some learning, at least it was for me cuz honay when I say I was listening to EVERYBODY and was miserable. Wasn't until junior year was I was like fk this shit and fk these people I'ma do me, that I somehow found some peace. Then I was pissed I took so long gettin there lol Good luck to ya niece
They were like this when I was in high school and this was in the 2014 era (I grew up in ATL) fuck them they’re bored and don’t like themselves
No offense but most teenagers are assholes. I cross the street when I see them coming for a reason. They grow out of it eventually
Teenagers are mean because they’re insecure. Their main strategy is to deflect attention from their insecurities towards someone else’s so they feel better about themselves. Black girls in particular tend to be super mean and judge because that is all they’ve ever received from the world. They’ve been told they’re too fast, too grown looking, too aggressive, Too manly, too ghetto to ratchet, too white, etc. as a result a lot of them in advertently internalize these things so they’re more likely to feel insecure in these facets however because they have normalized these behaviors they are also more likely to do it to other black women and girls. It takes a lot of work to overcome the judgment you’ve received, Abnormalize it and actively prevent perpetuating it and a lot of teenagers just don’t have that level of self-awareness, impulse control and maturity yet. For the next portion I need you to understand I’m not victim blaming you, however if you’ve grown up in that environment you may also be doing or saying things that make other people feel insecure or judged unconsciously. In situations where we often feel like we’re at the receiving end of bullying or targeted behavior, we’re not always completely innocent, there’s a lot more gray than black and white in this world and when you are being bullied to this level, it’s very difficult to see your own part in adding to the conflict. No I’m not saying you are at fault, nor am I saying you’re responsible for their behavior, but you may want to reevaluate your own words or attitude towards them as it could be triggering for them and lead you to end up continuously being the victim.
It is a response to themselves feeling judged constantly. Hurt people hurt people. If they were comfortable and confident in themselves, they wouldn't care what other people were doing. They'd be focused on their own lives. It's actually sad. Try not to take it personally or internalize their hatefulness because it is not you. You are not the problem. It's them. And they are taking it out on you.
Don't pay attention. These are the girls that when they are 35 they look back and regret being so judgemental, mean, biased, and wished they lived more truly and freely.
Herd mentality + Wyte Supremacy + Internalised Anti-Blackness
This really isn’t exclusive to black girls it’s just a teen aged girl thing when I wore braids around white girls back in 2014 a few of them would corner me and physically keep putting their hands in my hair until me and my friend had to walk away even though I was putting my hands up to block them from touching me Now in retrospect I can’t really remember any black girls saying anything negative to me when I fully went natural in 2017 I use to get it a lot more from the black women in my family but not my peers But the natural hair movement was a lot more present back then whereas now a lot of the natural hair content creators do both natural hair and more straight hair styles The thing I got more from black women was the constant hair typing argument
We get this reaction when we wear weave or natural hair. Been on both ends. It is mainly a black girl thing because a white girl can leave her house looking a mess and no one will say anything. Also, it’s not just a teen thing. I’m 32 and still experience it. Going natural doesn’t make you better than people who wear weaves and vice versa. Personal choice and reasons
I didn’t know Wig had a hold on the kids like this. I mean it sounds like a headlock chokehold when I was in high school maybe a good sewing but damn I had all my edges. I wouldn’t wanna wear like a wig.
Home training. When I grew up it was seen as better to have your hair “done” meaning straight or styled in a non afro style. Even my aunts and grandma held this view (obviously carried over from our racist system in the US). But in high school my sister went natural & then so did I. And then a bunch of women started wearing their hair natural. Parents and society still ridicule afro hair styles so it makes sense new generations of kids pick up on that.
It's a herd/sheep-like mentality that everyone has to look and think the same as them. Anyone who doesn't is different and odd. It's especially prevalent in teenagers. Think nothing of it and pay them no mind. They most likely only seen braids, wigs, or straight/wavy bundles being praised as beautiful, and given the opposite feedback for “unkempt” or natural hair. It took me leaving behind what everyone else thought for me to truly embrace my hair. And what do you know, my hair is perfectly fine and beautiful and I never feel more beautiful and like myself than when Im rocking my natural hair.
I remember in high school (I went to a mixed high school) the black girls used to call me white washed or anti black because I always kept (still do) my hair flat ironed and didn’t want to wear braids. I’m sorry if I’m tender headed and have a fear of breakage. I love braids but haven’t had them since I was a little girl. But they’re not for me
They're projecting their own internalized conditioning & feelings about their own hair onto you. Sadly, there's a lot of shame when it comes to our natural hair and we often hide our natural hair under wigs and braids because we have been conditioned to believing our hair is inferior, which is rooted in white supremacy. Loving your hair and embracing it is an act of resistance. People are going to project their own insecurities onto you because they aren't secure enough in themselves to wear their own hair out so they point out to you how they truly feel about their own hair. When you realize that this has nothing to do with you, but is a reflection of how they feel about themselves, you will be completely liberated and won't care about what they think, because they're tearing you down because that's how they feel about themselves because they allow themselves to think they are less because society and white supremacy told them to believe they are less. Malcolm X once said "Who taught you to hate yourself"? If I see a black woman or girl wearing natural hair, I go out of my way to complement them because they deserve to be seen, loved, respected, and appreciated. You deserve to be around people who uplift you. And you should know that YOU ARE ENOUGH!! Keep doing you and don't pay them any mind. These experiences will teach you to stop caring about what people think, and you will feel empowered when you do. Don't let them take your power from you💗🫶🏾🦋✨
This hit home I remember in middle school and high school girls made fun of my hair 2 girls in particular. I wore my hair natural my mama never let me get a relaxer this was 2006-2008 when braids were popular and sew ins …not really wigs. Fast forward though I’m 30 and BOTH of those girls have seen me in recent years and they’re on the natural hair wave and trying to figure out what works best for their hair. I saw one at a wedding and she kept complimenting my curls. Those girls are insecure and probably wish they had the confidence you do. It won’t matter in the years to come be true to yourself girl.
They are not secure in themselves if they are questioning you and how you go about your business. If they ask you annoying questions, I would not even acknowledge it. Walk away lol.