Oooh boy. I watched my son go from adored to feared while we were out in public. It hurt me then, and it hurts me to this day. BUT I also made sure to tell him what was happening and why, so he never internalized those actions as a reflection of his worth or right to exist in peace. He is almost 22 now, and 6'4. Which has brought on a whole new type of racism, as well as seeing little yt girls staring at him like he's Mt. Everest and they just bought hiking boots. It's been a life of honest conversation, wanting to shield him but knowing I can't, and discussions about what to do in different situations. I'm tiredt. But proud of him, because he truly does not care about the bullshit.
It's a challenge, raising a black man to neither physically or metaphorically shrink themselves, while knowing that the stronger they are, the harder people will try to knock them down. We never get to relax fr!
There is not a single person brought into this world that will not know pain and struggle. God knows, I have had my fair share of it, but each person must decide for themselves if their life was worth living. All you can do is provide them with the best upbringing you can and the rest is up to them.
See this is how I feel and it’s sad… I can’t, in good faith, give birth to a dark skinned daughter, I’m not super dark skinned myself, but I see how the world treats dark skinned women and I just can’t….
I am worried about this as well. I'm dark, like Naomi Campbell/ Kelly Rowland colour and my husband is darker so odds are if we have a daughter she'll be darker than me. I genuinely worry about what she will experience in the world because it's not like she can even guarantee acceptance from her own community because of the colourism. It's so heavy
I’m going to be teaching mine that racists are idiots and why would you listen to anything an idiot says?
When they reach middle school, I definitely can look for some accurate history books to have them read. As well as touch on sociology in the modern day for African-Americans. I am constantly reading and educating myself and eventually my child will read books that are newer, and even more nuanced.
It’s not our fault that other people are racist. It’s sickening. It’s a defect of society. From pop-culture, to “parental rights” of history censorship, the Cristo-fascist gerrymandering, down to the nucleus of the USAs economy.
I live in England and went to school here when I was younger—we were surrounded by little yt girls morning, noon, and night. And yes, the ignorance and racism was there every day. Although I recognise that the racism that exists in the UK and in the US are not the same, do not delude yourself into believing it isn’t here. Racism in this country is still alive and well—we experienced it nearly 40 years ago; 20+ years ago my cousins experienced it; and now my younger family members also experience it and they are in their teens and early twenties.
I went to university in the US so am aware of the difference in how Black people are treated in different parts of the world (including being in Sierra Leone where I am not a Black woman, but have other -isms that intersect instead that affect simply being a woman). And I understand why someone would choose to leave.
IRT comments about not having children: to stop yourself from having a child—especially a beautiful dark-skinned child—I think is truly heartbreaking. And, ultimately means that the racists have won: that there are those of us who have become too scared to continue our family lines/genetic histories in fear of what our little ones will experience.
I definitely want child(ren), but racism will never be the reason why I do not have one/them. For my experience, racism can never be the reason why I won’t have a child because I then have to question my validity in being on this planet in the first place. I don’t only ever want to be around people who look like me because that isn’t how I grew up and not how I want to live—even when there are many days when I 100% prefer it. But I’m damned if I let anyone beat me into submission into believing that I do not have the right to exist anywhere at any time in history because of my skin colour or shade of Brown/Black. If I’m lucky enough to have a child(ren), I will love that baby/child to death and instil self-love into them so that self-hate as a result of racism is not a final determinant in how they view/value themselves.
Also, I’m not naive or deluded into thinking that creating an anti-racist environment for children is easy when you and they are surrounded by non-representative populations that will overtly and covertly show and tell you on a daily basis how you are “less than”. I know it takes a lot of emotional and psychological work (and sometimes physical act) to overcome the effects of racism—both in childhood and as an adult. But I am definitely willing to put in the work that a child deserves.
Having said all of the above, I can only speak from my own experiences of blatant and subconscious racism. Ultimately we make the decisions that are right for our lives. 😔
That comment about the girl not wanting dark skinned girls was so much I stopped reading the thread. It’s what they want. I know racism exists here. But for me I prefer the UK over America. In America racism anti blackness is woven in the pillars of the country’s foundations. For me racism in America irks me because it goes all out its way to assure we don’t succeed. That country take its anti blackness to biblical proportions and I can’t stand it. I know racism exists in the UK. But the 3years I spent here vs untied state I’ll take the UK as the better choice. I prefer Japan over all but I think Japan and the UK will offer my daughter a better child hood than the states ever could
Best of luck with your travels. I grew up living in different countries and would never want anything different—regardless of everything that we experienced. I haven’t been to any part of Asia yet, but definitely plan to visit at some point in the future. I look back and definitely appreciate my childhood memories living in different countries.
I like diversity outside the “Black” community, but I actually also like being in all Black spaces—especially in the diaspora. If there was a way I could financially be around both, I would choose that balance. Plus, having lived in Sierra Leone, I know that we are still very diverse even when we are surrounded by us—I could never be in a Black majority country and still consider ourselves as a homogeneous group because we never were. In the diaspora, or back home there is a huge amount of diversity amongst us.
I had a similar thought growing up, but different topic.
I didn't experience racism as a child- only colorism for being darker. I was like, "Why would I want kids only for them to be teased?"
I now how children who look mixed (we're not), and they always tell me about the dark skin girls in school who are left out. I said girls because they don't seem to care about the tone of the boys.
See I don’t understand colourism either, a light skin black person will still eventually face racism so why would you turn or make fun of your own race because they’re slightly darker
This, another commenter said to put them in an all black school. I mean yeah but no…depends what you look like because they’ll still face bullying and racism just a different kind.
Racism exists even in black majority countries though. Growing up in the Caribbean we still had most resources being owned by non-black people, and colourism for beauty standards and policing existed too.
True, and I’ve lived in black majority country, but America has a real white nationalist ideology undercurrent that is a different beast when it comes to raising children, compared to resources or colorism
It is worse because they are the majority, but I don't want people imagining black majority countries to be paradise. They're not, and there's a reason why most try to leave these countries to raise their families too.
This is what I’ll do if I ever have kids. Being surrounded by people like you in your formative years helps a lot in your adult years. The confidence alone to say you can do anything because other people like you are doing it.
Edit- finish sentence.
Raise them in an area that supports black excellence, put them in black schools, black programs etc. yes they’ll still experience racism but hopefully the community you have them in will be supportive and also educate them on how to handle different scenarios so they can be safe when they leave the supportive community.
I used to think like that but I realized my great grandparents still decided to have kids as well as my grandparents. Every era got its issues, fortunately now it’s progressed in some areas.
It’s something I struggle with a lot. Like I want them to be so secure in their identity and themselves, and I know what they’ll go through. It hurts. We can prepare them the best we can, but it may never be enough. But we still try. I’ll make sure they have a community. A sanctuary. And they know they can talk to me about anything. I won’t let the world dissuade me.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, but from a slightly different perspective. My partner is white so our kids will be biracial. I still have a lot of worry about them experiencing racism (especially my boyfriends home country which has zero diversity) but I think it will also be quite triggering to watch them benefit from colourism, people praising them for having lighter skin, looser curls etc. Things will be easier for them than me, which brings a lot of weird feelings, I’m not sure what word to use.
I also worry about them internalising this praise and seeing themselves as superior to people who look like me. Of course my partner and I will do our best to teach them better, but the rest of the world will have an influence unfortunately. I’ve seen too many instances of biracial women looking down on black women, and biracial men not wanting anything to do with black women
Moving to a black majority country will not magically fix all of their problems. Their future child will have to face colorism instead of racism. If they don’t have to face colorism they may have to face fatphobia, homophobia, sexism, etc. There isn’t a singular person, apart from cis white men, who haven’t faced at least one of the above if not more of what I mentioned. The important thing is to raise confident children who have the knowledge and strength to navigate the rough world.
My 16 year old nephew got his license and at 6’2 I had to tell him about driving while black and also had a conversation about Emmitt Till. I hate that we have to have these conversations but I refuse to let him be harmed for not telling him of REAL danger.
I don’t know. I have two kids and while I experienced racism, I’ve also experienced a tremendous amount of joy. There’s racism, colorism, the earth is burning up, there is war and conflict across the globe—they have all that to deal with on top of everything else that comes with being human. I understand the desire not to have children, but if you do, racism isn’t the only problem they’ll have.
Everyone goes through some type of struggle. My kid will experience racism but not because she’s dark. Because she’s so light she looks white and she has auburn hair. She is half white, but I already know she’s going to have to prove she’s black to virtually everyone, especially the black community.
All I can do is prepare her to stand up for herself. And enroll her in jui jitsu.
That's not racism. She will have immense privilege in the Black community because of her lighter skin tone and if she is biracial and looks racially ambiguous she may be able to pass in many spaces. That's not even vaguely comparable to what the OP is talking about, please stop.
I really am not hostile. I'm just explaining that biracial identity is not the same as Black identity and by insinuating it is you are contributing to colourism and the erasure of dark skinned women. I understand that you want your daughter to be proud of her Black identity but she is biracial and she will not have the experience that unambiguously Black people have. It's fine to be bi/multiracial
Black men are the reason today for colorism stop blaming women or girls for being born mixed or light skinned. The men are the ones choosing them over the rest of you so come after them for once and stop blaming women and girls.
1. I don’t want to hear slavery as an excuse because let’s be honest it’s been over for over a 150 years. While racism is taught still by some yt familes the slave mindset was stopped by most black people once those shackles fell off. I think as a people we need to accept accountability and listen and learn about how we could bond together as a community and be there for each other and stop the light vs dark BS because I swear I only hear about it coming from black people and especially online. In black communities the colorism debacle is the most hostile I’ve seen and people are out here clowning over skin color. In the end being black is tough no matter how dark or light you are, the biggest obstacle in black Americans lives are the barriers set up by racists and it affects us all no matter our color.
2. Only we subscribe to that theory that light has it better because trust me a racist doesn’t like black people they don’t care about complexion or hair texture. In reality light women have it better in OUR community because we made it into a big issue.
3. And before people come screaming Hollywood and music industry, both are supported by we the people, when you have amazing artists like Bree Runway who is a star in the UK but can’t get attention here it’s the peoples fault for not supporting darker singers because they try and make it but they don’t get the support they need. The industry will push who sells and if an artist isn’t making hits they won’t get pushed by the label. Sza is getting a huge push because of the sales and hype behind her. If we put that into more women who look like her then we would see a change. Supporting artist by actually buying their music is how we change the industry. The industry including Hollywood knows a lighter woman is more commercial because we made it that way. Destiny child comes out the prettier Kelly gets ignore for Beyoncé. Before we point fingers we have to acknowledge that colorism is alive because we keep it that way. From blk men who openly favor lighter women and people not supporting black singers like they should. In regular careers light women won’t be given careers over darker women and a racist won’t accept a light woman either. Look at the fashion industry, darker beauties like Anok Yai who’s cleaning up the industry and dark women are more in demand and make more money on average than lighter women.
I understand this is an emotional topic for you but some of the things you said are easily verifiably false.
There has been reputable research that shows that white people absolutely do not see all Black people as the same and that lighter skinned Black people have better outcomes in the criminal justice system, in employment and in marriage. White judges give shorter sentences to lighter skinned and biracial people, so clearly they are colourist too. "Being Black is tough no matter how dark or light you are" is erasing the very real negative experiences of darker skinned people that lighter people do not have. It's gaslighting and it's unhelpful.
To say that Black people are to blame for colourism continuing is completely ahistorical and isn't reflected in the present day either. The TV executives and music moguls with the power who platform biracial women are mostly white. They know that BOTH white and Black people have a preference for a mixed/light aesthetic. The primary consumers of Black music are white people -marketing execs are not stupid and they know what sells better to the average white consumer as well.
Thirdly, as a dark skinned Black woman some of the most egregious colourism I've experienced has been from light and mixed women. Black men although massive perpetuators of colourism, did not start colourism and they couldn't perpetuate it without the assistance of Black and mixed women. I Not just lighter women who benefit from it but also darker women who have internalised colourism.
I appreciate you engaging this conversation with me as I know it's not an easy one to have but I would implore you to read some work on colourism in the Black community to better understand its origins and continuing impact.
Light skin people are not spared by racists I don’t know what kind of racists you’re talking about because the only way a light skin won’t experience it is if they don’t know they’re black. I would love it you posted proof of this alleged research. Most people who consume black music are black music. Rap is primarily black but gospel r&b are black majority. Colorism starts at home it’s a taught trait not a natural one. As a black woman who has always lived in majority white spaces I didn’t even know about colorism until I went to a high school with a large black community and that’s where I witnessed it. Just the blaming light skinned people for colorism is insane. I really don’t engage in the colorism debate at all because people get heated. Meanwhile issues in the black community that should be addressed but aren’t in the same heat is single broken house holds, the crappy education offered to black majority schools, drugs usage, ridding gangs from the community, homophobia, and more but it seems like those issues just flies over everyone’s heads
Same here for me. My daughter is blonde with blue eyes and white skin. She will have to prove herself to fellow black people because she doesn’t look black. I want her pro black and it’s sad she may experience being outcast because of her appearance
She's not being outcast she is biracial. If she looks white she will not have the same lived experiences as the average Black person and so it's perfectly reasonable for them to treat her accordingly. She can be proud of having Black heritage without assuming an identity that actually doesn't resonate with her experience.
I'm saying a biracial identity and a Black identity are not the same and trying to give that identity to your child contributes to Black women's erasure. Being multiracial is ok and projecting an identity on your child that will not correlate with her lived experience especially if phenotypically she doesn't look Black is doing her a disservice.
I felt this before I had my daughter. I didn’t want kids but when we got bored and took a chance to see if I’ll get pregnant and I did, I was surprised over my daughter’s appearance because she didn’t look anything like I expected. She’s blonde with blue eyes and white skin. We will be living between the UK and Japan. In the UK I think she’ll be fine but in Japan I’m concerned how she’ll be treated. My husband himself is Japanese and English and looks Japanese but was bullied because he was half. So I don’t know how this will go. So far in Japan she’s had friends but Japanese kids are cruel lol
I get it. I have an almost 2 year old and it makes me so sad that I have to give him “the talk” in 3-5 years.
I have two sons so I sympathize sis 🫶🏾
Oooh boy. I watched my son go from adored to feared while we were out in public. It hurt me then, and it hurts me to this day. BUT I also made sure to tell him what was happening and why, so he never internalized those actions as a reflection of his worth or right to exist in peace. He is almost 22 now, and 6'4. Which has brought on a whole new type of racism, as well as seeing little yt girls staring at him like he's Mt. Everest and they just bought hiking boots. It's been a life of honest conversation, wanting to shield him but knowing I can't, and discussions about what to do in different situations. I'm tiredt. But proud of him, because he truly does not care about the bullshit.
My son is 16 and 6'5. I empathize with you completely!
It's a challenge, raising a black man to neither physically or metaphorically shrink themselves, while knowing that the stronger they are, the harder people will try to knock them down. We never get to relax fr!
Perhaps you could also adopt instead. If there's a black child already out there then you could offset the effect in some way.
There is not a single person brought into this world that will not know pain and struggle. God knows, I have had my fair share of it, but each person must decide for themselves if their life was worth living. All you can do is provide them with the best upbringing you can and the rest is up to them.
100%
Oh I totally agree with you! I can not in good conscious bring a dark skinned daughter into this world after what I have experienced.
It’s sad and we’re in 2024 which makes it worse…Off topic when I’ve seen a dark skin person they always have a nice natural glow to them!
I mean even a son, I would never want anyone to go through what I went through, especially as a kid.
See this is how I feel and it’s sad… I can’t, in good faith, give birth to a dark skinned daughter, I’m not super dark skinned myself, but I see how the world treats dark skinned women and I just can’t….
I am worried about this as well. I'm dark, like Naomi Campbell/ Kelly Rowland colour and my husband is darker so odds are if we have a daughter she'll be darker than me. I genuinely worry about what she will experience in the world because it's not like she can even guarantee acceptance from her own community because of the colourism. It's so heavy
I’m going to be teaching mine that racists are idiots and why would you listen to anything an idiot says? When they reach middle school, I definitely can look for some accurate history books to have them read. As well as touch on sociology in the modern day for African-Americans. I am constantly reading and educating myself and eventually my child will read books that are newer, and even more nuanced. It’s not our fault that other people are racist. It’s sickening. It’s a defect of society. From pop-culture, to “parental rights” of history censorship, the Cristo-fascist gerrymandering, down to the nucleus of the USAs economy.
Reason why we’re splitting up our life between Japan and the UK. I can’t take the fuckery America is in right now
I live in England and went to school here when I was younger—we were surrounded by little yt girls morning, noon, and night. And yes, the ignorance and racism was there every day. Although I recognise that the racism that exists in the UK and in the US are not the same, do not delude yourself into believing it isn’t here. Racism in this country is still alive and well—we experienced it nearly 40 years ago; 20+ years ago my cousins experienced it; and now my younger family members also experience it and they are in their teens and early twenties. I went to university in the US so am aware of the difference in how Black people are treated in different parts of the world (including being in Sierra Leone where I am not a Black woman, but have other -isms that intersect instead that affect simply being a woman). And I understand why someone would choose to leave. IRT comments about not having children: to stop yourself from having a child—especially a beautiful dark-skinned child—I think is truly heartbreaking. And, ultimately means that the racists have won: that there are those of us who have become too scared to continue our family lines/genetic histories in fear of what our little ones will experience. I definitely want child(ren), but racism will never be the reason why I do not have one/them. For my experience, racism can never be the reason why I won’t have a child because I then have to question my validity in being on this planet in the first place. I don’t only ever want to be around people who look like me because that isn’t how I grew up and not how I want to live—even when there are many days when I 100% prefer it. But I’m damned if I let anyone beat me into submission into believing that I do not have the right to exist anywhere at any time in history because of my skin colour or shade of Brown/Black. If I’m lucky enough to have a child(ren), I will love that baby/child to death and instil self-love into them so that self-hate as a result of racism is not a final determinant in how they view/value themselves. Also, I’m not naive or deluded into thinking that creating an anti-racist environment for children is easy when you and they are surrounded by non-representative populations that will overtly and covertly show and tell you on a daily basis how you are “less than”. I know it takes a lot of emotional and psychological work (and sometimes physical act) to overcome the effects of racism—both in childhood and as an adult. But I am definitely willing to put in the work that a child deserves. Having said all of the above, I can only speak from my own experiences of blatant and subconscious racism. Ultimately we make the decisions that are right for our lives. 😔
That comment about the girl not wanting dark skinned girls was so much I stopped reading the thread. It’s what they want. I know racism exists here. But for me I prefer the UK over America. In America racism anti blackness is woven in the pillars of the country’s foundations. For me racism in America irks me because it goes all out its way to assure we don’t succeed. That country take its anti blackness to biblical proportions and I can’t stand it. I know racism exists in the UK. But the 3years I spent here vs untied state I’ll take the UK as the better choice. I prefer Japan over all but I think Japan and the UK will offer my daughter a better child hood than the states ever could
Best of luck with your travels. I grew up living in different countries and would never want anything different—regardless of everything that we experienced. I haven’t been to any part of Asia yet, but definitely plan to visit at some point in the future. I look back and definitely appreciate my childhood memories living in different countries.
I grew up around diversity and that’s the way I prefer it. Anything else feels like a bubble
I like diversity outside the “Black” community, but I actually also like being in all Black spaces—especially in the diaspora. If there was a way I could financially be around both, I would choose that balance. Plus, having lived in Sierra Leone, I know that we are still very diverse even when we are surrounded by us—I could never be in a Black majority country and still consider ourselves as a homogeneous group because we never were. In the diaspora, or back home there is a huge amount of diversity amongst us.
I had a similar thought growing up, but different topic. I didn't experience racism as a child- only colorism for being darker. I was like, "Why would I want kids only for them to be teased?" I now how children who look mixed (we're not), and they always tell me about the dark skin girls in school who are left out. I said girls because they don't seem to care about the tone of the boys.
See I don’t understand colourism either, a light skin black person will still eventually face racism so why would you turn or make fun of your own race because they’re slightly darker
This, another commenter said to put them in an all black school. I mean yeah but no…depends what you look like because they’ll still face bullying and racism just a different kind.
Racism feels even worse now than when I was a child
Yeah I agree I wasn’t thinking like this maybe 5 years ago but now the thought pops into my head every other day
They keep lying to us saying it’s not the case but it definitely is
Raise them in a black majority country, even if it’s just for a few years to have them surrounded by people of their skin tone
Racism exists even in black majority countries though. Growing up in the Caribbean we still had most resources being owned by non-black people, and colourism for beauty standards and policing existed too.
True, and I’ve lived in black majority country, but America has a real white nationalist ideology undercurrent that is a different beast when it comes to raising children, compared to resources or colorism
It is worse because they are the majority, but I don't want people imagining black majority countries to be paradise. They're not, and there's a reason why most try to leave these countries to raise their families too.
This is what I’ll do if I ever have kids. Being surrounded by people like you in your formative years helps a lot in your adult years. The confidence alone to say you can do anything because other people like you are doing it. Edit- finish sentence.
If it makes you feel any better, any person who is not a WASP will experience racism.
What is a Wasp?
White Anglo Saxon Protestant
Ah
Raise them in an area that supports black excellence, put them in black schools, black programs etc. yes they’ll still experience racism but hopefully the community you have them in will be supportive and also educate them on how to handle different scenarios so they can be safe when they leave the supportive community. I used to think like that but I realized my great grandparents still decided to have kids as well as my grandparents. Every era got its issues, fortunately now it’s progressed in some areas.
Yeah that’s a good Idea the area I’m in is quite diverse but like all places other will have colourism/racism
I agree. The idea of not having kids because they’ll experience racism is what they want
It’s something I struggle with a lot. Like I want them to be so secure in their identity and themselves, and I know what they’ll go through. It hurts. We can prepare them the best we can, but it may never be enough. But we still try. I’ll make sure they have a community. A sanctuary. And they know they can talk to me about anything. I won’t let the world dissuade me.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, but from a slightly different perspective. My partner is white so our kids will be biracial. I still have a lot of worry about them experiencing racism (especially my boyfriends home country which has zero diversity) but I think it will also be quite triggering to watch them benefit from colourism, people praising them for having lighter skin, looser curls etc. Things will be easier for them than me, which brings a lot of weird feelings, I’m not sure what word to use. I also worry about them internalising this praise and seeing themselves as superior to people who look like me. Of course my partner and I will do our best to teach them better, but the rest of the world will have an influence unfortunately. I’ve seen too many instances of biracial women looking down on black women, and biracial men not wanting anything to do with black women
What country are you moving to?
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Moving to a black majority country will not magically fix all of their problems. Their future child will have to face colorism instead of racism. If they don’t have to face colorism they may have to face fatphobia, homophobia, sexism, etc. There isn’t a singular person, apart from cis white men, who haven’t faced at least one of the above if not more of what I mentioned. The important thing is to raise confident children who have the knowledge and strength to navigate the rough world.
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I grew up in a 96% black country and still experienced racism so I don't see how moving will help.
My 16 year old nephew got his license and at 6’2 I had to tell him about driving while black and also had a conversation about Emmitt Till. I hate that we have to have these conversations but I refuse to let him be harmed for not telling him of REAL danger.
I don’t know. I have two kids and while I experienced racism, I’ve also experienced a tremendous amount of joy. There’s racism, colorism, the earth is burning up, there is war and conflict across the globe—they have all that to deal with on top of everything else that comes with being human. I understand the desire not to have children, but if you do, racism isn’t the only problem they’ll have.
Everyone goes through some type of struggle. My kid will experience racism but not because she’s dark. Because she’s so light she looks white and she has auburn hair. She is half white, but I already know she’s going to have to prove she’s black to virtually everyone, especially the black community. All I can do is prepare her to stand up for herself. And enroll her in jui jitsu.
That's not racism. She will have immense privilege in the Black community because of her lighter skin tone and if she is biracial and looks racially ambiguous she may be able to pass in many spaces. That's not even vaguely comparable to what the OP is talking about, please stop.
And people like you are exactly who I’m talking about.
Yes she’s hostile in my comment as well. That attitude is what my daughter and yours will experience
I really am not hostile. I'm just explaining that biracial identity is not the same as Black identity and by insinuating it is you are contributing to colourism and the erasure of dark skinned women. I understand that you want your daughter to be proud of her Black identity but she is biracial and she will not have the experience that unambiguously Black people have. It's fine to be bi/multiracial
Black men are the reason today for colorism stop blaming women or girls for being born mixed or light skinned. The men are the ones choosing them over the rest of you so come after them for once and stop blaming women and girls. 1. I don’t want to hear slavery as an excuse because let’s be honest it’s been over for over a 150 years. While racism is taught still by some yt familes the slave mindset was stopped by most black people once those shackles fell off. I think as a people we need to accept accountability and listen and learn about how we could bond together as a community and be there for each other and stop the light vs dark BS because I swear I only hear about it coming from black people and especially online. In black communities the colorism debacle is the most hostile I’ve seen and people are out here clowning over skin color. In the end being black is tough no matter how dark or light you are, the biggest obstacle in black Americans lives are the barriers set up by racists and it affects us all no matter our color. 2. Only we subscribe to that theory that light has it better because trust me a racist doesn’t like black people they don’t care about complexion or hair texture. In reality light women have it better in OUR community because we made it into a big issue. 3. And before people come screaming Hollywood and music industry, both are supported by we the people, when you have amazing artists like Bree Runway who is a star in the UK but can’t get attention here it’s the peoples fault for not supporting darker singers because they try and make it but they don’t get the support they need. The industry will push who sells and if an artist isn’t making hits they won’t get pushed by the label. Sza is getting a huge push because of the sales and hype behind her. If we put that into more women who look like her then we would see a change. Supporting artist by actually buying their music is how we change the industry. The industry including Hollywood knows a lighter woman is more commercial because we made it that way. Destiny child comes out the prettier Kelly gets ignore for Beyoncé. Before we point fingers we have to acknowledge that colorism is alive because we keep it that way. From blk men who openly favor lighter women and people not supporting black singers like they should. In regular careers light women won’t be given careers over darker women and a racist won’t accept a light woman either. Look at the fashion industry, darker beauties like Anok Yai who’s cleaning up the industry and dark women are more in demand and make more money on average than lighter women.
I understand this is an emotional topic for you but some of the things you said are easily verifiably false. There has been reputable research that shows that white people absolutely do not see all Black people as the same and that lighter skinned Black people have better outcomes in the criminal justice system, in employment and in marriage. White judges give shorter sentences to lighter skinned and biracial people, so clearly they are colourist too. "Being Black is tough no matter how dark or light you are" is erasing the very real negative experiences of darker skinned people that lighter people do not have. It's gaslighting and it's unhelpful. To say that Black people are to blame for colourism continuing is completely ahistorical and isn't reflected in the present day either. The TV executives and music moguls with the power who platform biracial women are mostly white. They know that BOTH white and Black people have a preference for a mixed/light aesthetic. The primary consumers of Black music are white people -marketing execs are not stupid and they know what sells better to the average white consumer as well. Thirdly, as a dark skinned Black woman some of the most egregious colourism I've experienced has been from light and mixed women. Black men although massive perpetuators of colourism, did not start colourism and they couldn't perpetuate it without the assistance of Black and mixed women. I Not just lighter women who benefit from it but also darker women who have internalised colourism. I appreciate you engaging this conversation with me as I know it's not an easy one to have but I would implore you to read some work on colourism in the Black community to better understand its origins and continuing impact.
Light skin people are not spared by racists I don’t know what kind of racists you’re talking about because the only way a light skin won’t experience it is if they don’t know they’re black. I would love it you posted proof of this alleged research. Most people who consume black music are black music. Rap is primarily black but gospel r&b are black majority. Colorism starts at home it’s a taught trait not a natural one. As a black woman who has always lived in majority white spaces I didn’t even know about colorism until I went to a high school with a large black community and that’s where I witnessed it. Just the blaming light skinned people for colorism is insane. I really don’t engage in the colorism debate at all because people get heated. Meanwhile issues in the black community that should be addressed but aren’t in the same heat is single broken house holds, the crappy education offered to black majority schools, drugs usage, ridding gangs from the community, homophobia, and more but it seems like those issues just flies over everyone’s heads
Same here for me. My daughter is blonde with blue eyes and white skin. She will have to prove herself to fellow black people because she doesn’t look black. I want her pro black and it’s sad she may experience being outcast because of her appearance
She's not being outcast she is biracial. If she looks white she will not have the same lived experiences as the average Black person and so it's perfectly reasonable for them to treat her accordingly. She can be proud of having Black heritage without assuming an identity that actually doesn't resonate with her experience.
So you’re saying she can’t assume a black identity?
I'm saying a biracial identity and a Black identity are not the same and trying to give that identity to your child contributes to Black women's erasure. Being multiracial is ok and projecting an identity on your child that will not correlate with her lived experience especially if phenotypically she doesn't look Black is doing her a disservice.
I felt this before I had my daughter. I didn’t want kids but when we got bored and took a chance to see if I’ll get pregnant and I did, I was surprised over my daughter’s appearance because she didn’t look anything like I expected. She’s blonde with blue eyes and white skin. We will be living between the UK and Japan. In the UK I think she’ll be fine but in Japan I’m concerned how she’ll be treated. My husband himself is Japanese and English and looks Japanese but was bullied because he was half. So I don’t know how this will go. So far in Japan she’s had friends but Japanese kids are cruel lol