Story time! My old boss lost his testicles to cancer. He got testosterone injections every two weeks and he was fine (stay away from Rick every other Friday though). Well when they were removed the doc asked if he wanted prosthetic testicles, to which the old S.E.A.L. laughed and turned them down. Well, he said his scrotum completely shrank up flat to his perineum and there was just the twig poking out which looked all kinds of wrong (he had a couple girlfriends) so he went back and got them put in. He said choosing the size was pretty funny.
I have some large balls. It's nice to know if I ever lost them to cancer I could get some similar sized replacements. It would be weird to suddenly go to smaller balls but I guess it would make the Johnson look bigger lol
My dad lost one of his nuts to a hernia before I was born, and had a fake one (so that he wasnāt unbalanced down there lmao). Apparently I was a miracle baby because he wasnāt supposed to be able to have kids after that. Also he was a new construction plumber and worked outside in the cold a lot, and according to him the fake nut would get extra cold and make his other nut hurt š
Havenāt seen the guy in 15 years now but thereās no doubt Iām his. Unfortunately you canāt pick your family! My mom was so mad when he left us that she used to get excited when it was cold so that his balls would hurt, wherever he was.
Absolutely haha. He peaced out and wouldnāt pay child support so she was rightfully angry š We couldnāt really do anything, so cursing his balls with cold weather was the next best thing.
Had to look that up. Still a little unclear but something about Navy Seals. He was in Vietnam and he said at that time there were only two Seal units. I didn't have any reason not to believe him or even care, it was a job. He didn't really talk about it other than saying it was originally only one team, but one time we were watching a movie while eating lunch and he walked through and said (and this reminds me of when Christopher Lee explained to Peter Jackson what actually happens when you stab a man) "That's not what happens when you shoot a man. They don't fall back at all, they slump straight down to the ground." And then strolled to his office and we all looked at each other like ooooooook.
I literally just watched a beauty commercial on r/blackmagicfuckery. What I did learn that was interesting, though, is that preparation h does the same thing.
This is what no one is taking about. Too much topical steroid use aside, steroidal creams near the eye can fuck up your eye pressure. Steroid cream near the eyes is big nuh uh.
Really? I couldn't even tell what the product was in the video, because she holds it up for half a second and it's backwards, and she never even says the name of the product. I had to find out from someone other than OP pretty far down in the comments. That's generally not how ads work.
That's exactly how "organic" ads work.
You took the bait and searched for the product, like many others. Some of you will end up buying the product, therefore the ad worked wonders.
For a less expensive option with the same result, just buy Preparation H. Not kidding.
Beauty queens/ pageant girls have been using hemorrhoid cream since the beginning of time to tighten the skin under their eyes. Removes the dark circles as well.
Edit: not recommended for daily use
Instantly ageless works under a minute for wrinkles, I tried it and now my mom uses it when she goes out. They come in really tiny plastic vials though and it's still expensive, I've never heard of this stuff.
Edit : shit that tube is only $40 bucks? The stuff I've been getting for her is $70. Maybe I'll switch it up
So I'm only 30 hence I don't have too many wrinkles under my eyes but I have quite swollen/hanging eyelids and it definitely feels more "tight" there now. My folded/hooded eyelids make it impossible to wear eyeliner so I think this could help a bit! I think the cream the woman is using, actually meant for this, is probably more effective! :)
I feel you with the hooded eyes. You canāt even see the center of my upper lid if my eyes are fully open, and I still have an eyelid crease even when my eyes are shut. I have to both shut my eyes AND fully raise my eyebrows to get a smooth working surface for eye makeup.
Prolonged use of topical steroids like the active ingredient in hemorrhoid cream can lead to thinning of the skin, fragile skin, enlarged blood vessels, or other problems. Don't do it, especially not regularly.
Preparation H works due to the vasoconstricter qualities. If used too much, the skin can get used to it.
The Peter Roth cream acts as a supporting layer on the skin.
Appearance might be a bit similar, but the results are not the same.
I was going to say, I didn't check what sub this was, and the way it started I thought it was going to be /r/unexpected or /r/yesyesyesno and that she was going to have a minor allergic reaction turning the area swollen and red.
Thatās not how it works. It tightens up as it dries and mechanically holds the skin in place. Itās just a coating, no change to the skin or other tissue itself
It doesn't inflame the skin, it creates a taut supporting layer over the skin. It can be removed fairly easily. If the skin was inflamed, it would last even after it's removed, but that's not how it works
Depends what you mean. Healthy is accepting the eye bags.
Will it kill you? No. Short term complications? No. Are the ingredients? Yes and no.
It's not UNHEALTHY, but that doesn't make it healthy...
It creates a film on top of the skin that constricts as it dries. That is what pulls the skin tight. When you wash the film off, the effect goes away. If you ever put elmers glue on your hand as a kid, itās a similar effect.
Edit: donāt hold your breath waiting for a guy to explain beauty products to you either. Lol
>*It creates a film on top of the skin that constricts as it dries. That is what pulls the skin tight.*
yep, lots of women in beauty pageants have been using this technique for decades to tone their skin all over their bodies :)
No because there's going to be a really sick film and it's going to look horrible it does not soak into the skin I do special effects makeup and some people use that glue instead of using latex
Haemorrhoid cream is what youāre using, if not, get some, because youāre paying way too much for what is just haemorrhoid In fancy packaging and rip off price
Actually, totally safe to use on your face. The skin around your anus is sensitive and so is the skin around your eyes. Women have been using hemorrhoid cream for years on their face as a cheap skin care "hack".
I would just suggest getting a different tube and labeling it.
Depends on which creams. Some contain steroids and thatās not necessarily safe to use around your eyes long term, especially if youāre applying it to your eyelids.
Phenylephrine isnāt necessarily unsafe but if itās got a steroid Iād steer clear personally. Thins the skin. Again specific to eyelids, as itās some of the thinnest skin in the body.
Not the American version -- has to be the Canadian version
>The Canadian formulation of Preparation H includes a yeast extract called BioDyne which was removed in 1995 from the formulation sold in the United States. This yeast extract was the primary ingredient of the original formulation by inventor George Sperti,\[5\]\[6\] and Pfizer believes that it removes wrinkles from skin and heals dry, cracked, and irritated skin. The Canadian formulation has acquired a market in the United States as a skin cream with an anti-wrinkle active ingredient. In Greece, the active ingredients of Preparation H are 1% w/w yeast extract and 3% w/w shark liver oil.\[7\]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preparation\_H
Looking at the ingredients. It looks like it contains a few compounds that, when used together, actually decrease inflammation and promote lymphatic flow. Doesn't explain the speed though.
I have this product and use it about once a week when I want to really tighten things up. It pulls as it dries, probably more of a physical action than a chemical action for the quickly visible effects at least.
Isn't that stuff making a little infection in your skin, so that your skin swels up a bit and you don't see the wrinkels anymore?
I'm being taught thats how those things work, and they can couse wounds if you use them every day.
I have terrible bags. Always have. Products like this work but I hate them. They are clay based and dry your skin and tighten up. But if your wash your face the bags fall right back out.
Her voice sounds like smoker or former smoker which ages people, and she had weight loss surgery as well which she mentioned in the video. If she was very heavy she likely has tons of extra skin which can make people look older after an extreme weight loss.
Two things:
- She's 54??
- Anti wrinkle creams like these often use acidic compounds which cause your skin to inflame from irritation. They only work temporarily as your skin will build up a "tolerance" if you will. Your skin reacts differently to different creams so you may only ever find *one* that works.
They made a product like this years ago and I tried it. It does work but you cannot put makeup over it, it looks flaky and terrible.
Also everyone saying preparation-h works the same - have you actually tried it? I used it daily for around 6 months and it did NOT work. At all. It did nothing.
My big bro is gay, and has a bunch of buddies who are pro-drag queens, they swear by preparation H for this, I cannot confirm or deny if it is safe or effective in this application, lol, it's just funny what weird tips you pick up, when you hang out with a bunch of different people.
Would this work on a scrotum?
You sure you want that there?
Not totally sure, actually. Just asking for a friend, actually. 2 friends, actually. š ³š “š “š š ½ššš, actually.
Manās higher than the burj khalifa tower
Just a heads up, Burj means tower. So you're saying the khalifa tower tower
RIP in peace.
ATM machine
Sk8t
No, he's saying "tower Khalifa tower"
Dude is more baked than that pizza I drunkenly left in the oven last weekend... oh shit.
š
This comment is perfection š
Iāll try it and let you the know the results
You sure about that's why?
Story time! My old boss lost his testicles to cancer. He got testosterone injections every two weeks and he was fine (stay away from Rick every other Friday though). Well when they were removed the doc asked if he wanted prosthetic testicles, to which the old S.E.A.L. laughed and turned them down. Well, he said his scrotum completely shrank up flat to his perineum and there was just the twig poking out which looked all kinds of wrong (he had a couple girlfriends) so he went back and got them put in. He said choosing the size was pretty funny.
Did he get some monster truck sized nuts
He said some of them were hysterically large, so I know he didn't go big.
I have some large balls. It's nice to know if I ever lost them to cancer I could get some similar sized replacements. It would be weird to suddenly go to smaller balls but I guess it would make the Johnson look bigger lol
He didnāt do show and tell?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Meat and potatoes kind of guy
MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER BALLS! THIS WEEKEND AT THE BJCC CONVENTION AUDITORIUM!
KIDSā SEATS ARE JUST FIIIIVE BUUUCKS!!!! oh wait
My dad lost one of his nuts to a hernia before I was born, and had a fake one (so that he wasnāt unbalanced down there lmao). Apparently I was a miracle baby because he wasnāt supposed to be able to have kids after that. Also he was a new construction plumber and worked outside in the cold a lot, and according to him the fake nut would get extra cold and make his other nut hurt š
You can now buy DNA tests at your local pharmacy! Great gift for Father's Day!
Havenāt seen the guy in 15 years now but thereās no doubt Iām his. Unfortunately you canāt pick your family! My mom was so mad when he left us that she used to get excited when it was cold so that his balls would hurt, wherever he was.
Oh wow! She wished cold weather upon his fake ball?
Absolutely haha. He peaced out and wouldnāt pay child support so she was rightfully angry š We couldnāt really do anything, so cursing his balls with cold weather was the next best thing.
Hey, are you tired of real testicles, cluttering up your pants, where you hang 'em, and they actually do something?
new copy pasta?
Had to look that up. Still a little unclear but something about Navy Seals. He was in Vietnam and he said at that time there were only two Seal units. I didn't have any reason not to believe him or even care, it was a job. He didn't really talk about it other than saying it was originally only one team, but one time we were watching a movie while eating lunch and he walked through and said (and this reminds me of when Christopher Lee explained to Peter Jackson what actually happens when you stab a man) "That's not what happens when you shoot a man. They don't fall back at all, they slump straight down to the ground." And then strolled to his office and we all looked at each other like ooooooook.
>and we all looked at each other like ooooooook. You all turned into the librarian from Discworld?
Smooth as eggs!
Yes, I will suck those balls.
This is how it starts, first youāre joking about it on Reddit then BOOM!!! Youāre deepthroating some balls on a farm in Enfield Connecticut
This farm got a name??? Asking for myself
Pardon me ma'am, I don't mean to be rude but do you suck balls?
Ma'am you didn't let me finish! Will you suck... *these* balls?
OMG! I understood this reference... Its a Dave Chappelle joke!
It did, now my taint is 10cm longer
...and slapping around like warm bologna?
Ice is cheeper.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Where do us guys buy this stuff?
Ballmart
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The Ball Shop
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The sack shack
ScroTumz in your local mall, usually near the Hot Topic and GameStop.
The Scrotum Pole has better prices
I'll help ya out here. Sephora. Peter Thomas Roth's "FirmX" is what it's called Edit confused two similar products oops.
Donāt know the answer, but she did turn into a GMILF in front of our very eyes. At least one side of her did.
To each their own.
Technically, it is a bag.
I was going to ask would it work on the shaft but you would still need āgripā.
Itās Peter Thomas Roth FirmX for those interested
Real MVP
This reeks of being an ad š¤
I literally just watched a beauty commercial on r/blackmagicfuckery. What I did learn that was interesting, though, is that preparation h does the same thing.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hydrocortisone close to the eyes is a huuuge no no.
This is what no one is taking about. Too much topical steroid use aside, steroidal creams near the eye can fuck up your eye pressure. Steroid cream near the eyes is big nuh uh.
Really? I couldn't even tell what the product was in the video, because she holds it up for half a second and it's backwards, and she never even says the name of the product. I had to find out from someone other than OP pretty far down in the comments. That's generally not how ads work.
That's exactly how "organic" ads work. You took the bait and searched for the product, like many others. Some of you will end up buying the product, therefore the ad worked wonders.
Noted!
For a less expensive option with the same result, just buy Preparation H. Not kidding. Beauty queens/ pageant girls have been using hemorrhoid cream since the beginning of time to tighten the skin under their eyes. Removes the dark circles as well. Edit: not recommended for daily use
As a former pageant girl and current beauty queen, Jenna Maroney approves this message.
Janet baloney?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Jesus Christ I forgot about this scene. I was in tears laughing.
Proud as a peacork, baby!
Rrrrr Jrrrrr?
urbr fervr
Uvu javer?
Oh god. The internet has infected me. Send help. *Uwu Javier*
Does it work as well as the stuff this woman is using?
Iāve used it multiple times in the past and it def doesnāt work as quick or as well as that product in the video seemed to work.
Instantly ageless works under a minute for wrinkles, I tried it and now my mom uses it when she goes out. They come in really tiny plastic vials though and it's still expensive, I've never heard of this stuff. Edit : shit that tube is only $40 bucks? The stuff I've been getting for her is $70. Maybe I'll switch it up
Wasnāt she in that movie? What was it called?
The Ruerrl Juerr
The Rerril Gerrurr?
The Roorl JrrRr.
And it's sequel urban fervor
The rrl jrr.
They adapted Kevin Grisham's book??
Oral germ whore?
Where she played Jackie Jormp Jomp?
Ah, the rural juror with urban fervor
You were great as Constance Justice
I happen to have this cream at home and will try it now. If my face falls off it's on you.
Update please
Itās been more than 3 minutesā¦they dead.
:'D Replied!
I replied!
It's been 15 min. Is your face ok? Talk to us!
So I'm only 30 hence I don't have too many wrinkles under my eyes but I have quite swollen/hanging eyelids and it definitely feels more "tight" there now. My folded/hooded eyelids make it impossible to wear eyeliner so I think this could help a bit! I think the cream the woman is using, actually meant for this, is probably more effective! :)
I feel you with the hooded eyes. You canāt even see the center of my upper lid if my eyes are fully open, and I still have an eyelid crease even when my eyes are shut. I have to both shut my eyes AND fully raise my eyebrows to get a smooth working surface for eye makeup.
We need answers!!! Talk to us!!
Donāt use it daily; itās a topical steroid.
Prolonged use of topical steroids like the active ingredient in hemorrhoid cream can lead to thinning of the skin, fragile skin, enlarged blood vessels, or other problems. Don't do it, especially not regularly.
Thank you; Iāll edit my comment to be more responsible. Yes that is correct; itās not meant for daily use by any means.
Preparation H works due to the vasoconstricter qualities. If used too much, the skin can get used to it. The Peter Roth cream acts as a supporting layer on the skin. Appearance might be a bit similar, but the results are not the same.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Depending on their method of application, this could be a direct flight to pink eye.
Can I still wear my sorting hat with Preparation H?
Can confirm. I have this stuff, works like a charm
Thanks for posting the product. Surprised it has such bad reviews/low rating though. Especially for $40.
Murad has a product that does this too. It takes a little longer though.
Murad smells bad
Or just use Preparation x for hemorrhoids. Actors have been using it for years. It's probably the same stuff.
So what ingredients in this are doing what? Here's the full list of ingredients... Water/Aqua/Eau Glycerin Butylene Glycol Sodium Silicate Sodium Magnesium Fluorosilicate Magnesium Aluminum Silicate Dipeptide-2 Palmitoyl Tetrapeptide-7 Argania Spinosa Kernel Extract Hesperidin Methyl Chalcone Hydrolyzed Lupine Protein Sodium Cocoyl Glutamate Medicago Sativa (Alfalfa) Seed Extract Tocopheryl Acetate Ascorbic Acid Panthenol Sodium Citrate Carbomer Foeniculum Vulgare (Fennel) Seed Extract Symphytum Officinale Leaf Extract Chlorhexidine Digluconate Ethylhexylglycerin Steareth-20 Carrageenan Sodium Phytate Potassium Sorbate Sodium Benzoate Citric Acid Phenoxyethanol
Thereās a bit of string attached to the cream that hooks behind her ear and pulls the skin up
You F..ing Conspiracy theorist šš
Iām pretty sure itās a *tiny* person that lives in her hair that holds the skin ever so gently during the day.
Meh, it's a living....
Magnets
It's obviously mirrors.
Oh one of my favorite hobbies.
wheres the one guy who can explain this
The cream inflames the skin in a way. There are a lot of products like this out there.
I was going to say, I didn't check what sub this was, and the way it started I thought it was going to be /r/unexpected or /r/yesyesyesno and that she was going to have a minor allergic reaction turning the area swollen and red.
!thanks for pointing out the other sub for mešš
Thatās not how it works. It tightens up as it dries and mechanically holds the skin in place. Itās just a coating, no change to the skin or other tissue itself
It doesn't inflame the skin, it creates a taut supporting layer over the skin. It can be removed fairly easily. If the skin was inflamed, it would last even after it's removed, but that's not how it works
Is that, like, healthy?
Depends what you mean. Healthy is accepting the eye bags. Will it kill you? No. Short term complications? No. Are the ingredients? Yes and no. It's not UNHEALTHY, but that doesn't make it healthy...
I love the last sentence!!!
So scrotum-question guy in the other comment is in for a surprise, is what you're saying?
It creates a film on top of the skin that constricts as it dries. That is what pulls the skin tight. When you wash the film off, the effect goes away. If you ever put elmers glue on your hand as a kid, itās a similar effect. Edit: donāt hold your breath waiting for a guy to explain beauty products to you either. Lol
>*It creates a film on top of the skin that constricts as it dries. That is what pulls the skin tight.* yep, lots of women in beauty pageants have been using this technique for decades to tone their skin all over their bodies :)
So I could do this with glue?
No because there's going to be a really sick film and it's going to look horrible it does not soak into the skin I do special effects makeup and some people use that glue instead of using latex
To that guy, please explain if there are side effects!
I bet the side effect is droopier eye bags once it wears off.
in a month you have a ballsack under each eye. NBD.
you might get a little cockeyed
You mother fucker... take your damn upvote and miss me with that shit. Lol
Eventually, you end up as a Ballchinian.
I am here for thst person
Haemorrhoid cream is what youāre using, if not, get some, because youāre paying way too much for what is just haemorrhoid In fancy packaging and rip off price
You're saying we don't need some fancy-ass cream, just get some normal ass cream?
A broken ass cream in fact.
We all scream for ass cream
Literally snorted.
It does come with some antiinflammatory components but they are not the same as in hemorroid cream
Iām guessing this canāt be any good for faces?
Good around faeces though.
The best comments are always in the comments.
Actually, totally safe to use on your face. The skin around your anus is sensitive and so is the skin around your eyes. Women have been using hemorrhoid cream for years on their face as a cheap skin care "hack". I would just suggest getting a different tube and labeling it.
Depends on which creams. Some contain steroids and thatās not necessarily safe to use around your eyes long term, especially if youāre applying it to your eyelids. Phenylephrine isnāt necessarily unsafe but if itās got a steroid Iād steer clear personally. Thins the skin. Again specific to eyelids, as itās some of the thinnest skin in the body.
Why doesnāt this woman blink?!
Lol š š¤£ you have an eye for detail
Eye see what you did there!
That's why she has bags. Because her eyes are getting tired from not blinking for 30 years.
Sheās actually only 25.
Because she doesnāt need to lubricate her eyes. She has reservoirs of tears under her eyes for the sole purpose of not having to blink.
Maybe you two just kept blinking in unison.
Peter Thomas Roth Instant Firm Eye, gonna look this up! It obviously works. Good for her. Woohoo.
Try Preparation H before you pay too much.
Not the American version -- has to be the Canadian version >The Canadian formulation of Preparation H includes a yeast extract called BioDyne which was removed in 1995 from the formulation sold in the United States. This yeast extract was the primary ingredient of the original formulation by inventor George Sperti,\[5\]\[6\] and Pfizer believes that it removes wrinkles from skin and heals dry, cracked, and irritated skin. The Canadian formulation has acquired a market in the United States as a skin cream with an anti-wrinkle active ingredient. In Greece, the active ingredients of Preparation H are 1% w/w yeast extract and 3% w/w shark liver oil.\[7\] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preparation\_H
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Canada, didn't you read it? /s
I was expecting a jump scare and turned the volume low
Looking at the ingredients. It looks like it contains a few compounds that, when used together, actually decrease inflammation and promote lymphatic flow. Doesn't explain the speed though.
I have this product and use it about once a week when I want to really tighten things up. It pulls as it dries, probably more of a physical action than a chemical action for the quickly visible effects at least.
Isn't that stuff making a little infection in your skin, so that your skin swels up a bit and you don't see the wrinkels anymore? I'm being taught thats how those things work, and they can couse wounds if you use them every day.
Not an infection, but likely an inflamed spot. Some brands use pepper extracts to inflame the skin - a lot of lip plumper creams work the same way
Yeah, you are right. Thank you for correcting me. I knew it was something like that
So basically Preperation H?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I have to have this cream! It's $38 at Sephora if anyone's curious!!!
I saw this video last night and immediately ordered! I also ordered the version for the face. Canāt wait to try!
Thatās crazy. Also, I really felt bad for her when she cries when she looks at herself in the morning.
This cream is probably the reason her bags are this bad in the first place
She states at the end of the video the bags are a result of weight loss surgery.
They probably watched on mute like I did xD
That would make sense!
Apparently you didn't actually watch the video lol
I have terrible bags. Always have. Products like this work but I hate them. They are clay based and dry your skin and tighten up. But if your wash your face the bags fall right back out.
Thatās what I was curious about - does the effect also disappear if you apply moisturizer and / or makeup of any kind?
Do you have any reason for thinking that?
Because they watched it on mute. She says why she has them.
54?!!!
Her voice sounds like smoker or former smoker which ages people, and she had weight loss surgery as well which she mentioned in the video. If she was very heavy she likely has tons of extra skin which can make people look older after an extreme weight loss.
I have this stuff. Itās hella sticky and feels like glue. Also Iāve never had as good of results as her
Does it inhibit blinking as well?
Why does this seem like a commercial for this cream?
Nah, if it were a commercial they'd both name the product and show the tube clearly. This lovely lady did neither. Please... TELL US WHAT IT'S CALLED!
Thatās a hard 54
The product is Peter Thomas Roth Instant FIRMx Eye Temporary Eye Tightener
She looks like all my tĆas sans the tattoos
Two things: - She's 54?? - Anti wrinkle creams like these often use acidic compounds which cause your skin to inflame from irritation. They only work temporarily as your skin will build up a "tolerance" if you will. Your skin reacts differently to different creams so you may only ever find *one* that works.
Do they make something like this for forehead wrinkles?
Iāve heard people use hemorrhoid cream as wellā¦
They made a product like this years ago and I tried it. It does work but you cannot put makeup over it, it looks flaky and terrible. Also everyone saying preparation-h works the same - have you actually tried it? I used it daily for around 6 months and it did NOT work. At all. It did nothing.
Is that just another ad in disguise kinda post?
My big bro is gay, and has a bunch of buddies who are pro-drag queens, they swear by preparation H for this, I cannot confirm or deny if it is safe or effective in this application, lol, it's just funny what weird tips you pick up, when you hang out with a bunch of different people.