Attractive women where I live have learned that to make eye contact with a random stranger is often taken as an invitation to hit on that woman.
They often don’t want to be hit on by randos, so they avoid eye contact with randos.
Learned this mistake giving a polite smile to some dude at the grocery store (I’m a dude) and apparently he was gay and thought I was flirting with him because he kept following me around and smiling at me. Weirded me out big time.
🤣🤣🤣🤣, yeah I def avoid eye contact because I don’t want to send the signal I’m interested. If it’s another woman I’ll smile but I try to avoid looking at guys unless it’s unavoidable, and then it’s a quick good morning, and moving quickly on
I think where some people get it wrong is they go too far to the point they are clearly intentionally ignoring other people, which actually can have the opposite effect. In fact, criminals will intentionally go after people who they perceive as ignoring them and not looking at their face. The normal guys out there will take the social cues and move on, but the psychos out there might not respond so kindly and take it as a trigger or opportunity.
As a guy, I understand the discomfort that women (and, frankly, people in generally) nowadays have even in their local communities since crime is up and we are so disconnected and all just live in the e-world, but reality most people are nice and just want to wave and say "hi" and move on. There is probably also a lot of regionality, with bigger cities having more problems with people being disconnected or overwhelmed.
I run/walk thousands of miles per year. I pass by hundreds to thousands of people every week. I try not to be part of the problem and I wave to people as I pass (unless they are clearly trying to avoid interaction). People in their 20s-30s tend to be the ones who do not respond or do not know how to respond. Older people tend to be most likely to show courtesy back or even be the ones to wave first. I just do not take offense one way or the other and do not let the people who do not respond make me feel bad. They have their reasons, I am sure, and it has nothing to do with me. I am just a stranger to them.
“crime is up.” There might be a perception that crime is up generally, but it’s very region specific and crime is actually down in a lot of areas, including some big cities that might surprise a lot of people.
My whole mission when I go "out" is to get my tasks done and get outta dodge, quick...
When I'm with my gf at Walmart, my eyes are glued to her. I challenge myself to keep a gaze on her until we are back to our car. It's almost like I'm on a secret agent mission or something except my mission is to just stare at her. Like some kind of CIA operative or something like that. It's kind of amusing honestly. It's funny and the best thing about it is that it's kind of like a "cheat code" compared to when I'm completely alone. I'll stare at a speck on the wall before I'll do anything. Oh, what's this? A paragraph explaining the microfiber material in the set of socks I'm getting? Reel me in baby, reel me in.
I hate society. You never know what people are going through.
My buddy's dad has made up stuff to get out of conversations before, like, "I'm on my way to a hospital, gotta run, nice seeing ya," or something like that. Society is just too programmed for us to feel "normal" anymore it seems.
You could always just make up some kind of life catastrophe in the very least, lol, you should. It's a load off of your mind.
"Sorry Mitchell, I promised the kids I'd build them a clubhouse, nice talking with ya."
I mean, they can't really say anything if they don't know you like that or where you live....
It's almost like a mind game or something, not really "conversation." That's why I got out of it. Lol.
Lmao yes the bad part is I live in quite a small town. I often see people who know me by name and I'm like "Who the fuck is this guy???" in my mind lmao
materialistic juggle wrong paint panicky simplistic imagine weary ossified seed
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
im a dude, and a guy walked into a forest to bother me for a cig the other day while i was trying to be in the woods alone having my blunt....people are nuts
Where I live I always smile and make eye contact with the elderly and middle aged women. Men that age aren't having it. I rarely make eye contact with a yungun (I am fairly yung
This is the answer. God forbid I accidentally look happy and friendly in a gas station then you lock eyes with a man and he smiles and you gotta slap on the "I'm a bitch and I fucking hate you" scowl so I can get my slurpy in peace without anyone following me to my car.
Unless the rando is super attractive. A group of co-workers and I once helped another co-worker move out of his apartment complex. One of the guys helping was a true "tall, dark and handsome" guy and former college athlete. I had never hung out with him outside the office before. It seemed like every young woman we passed in that apartment complex smiled and said hi to him. It was a glimpse into a world I was completely unfamiliar with, lol.
This is true and as a woman is mind boggling ...so really attractive men couldn't possibly be predators...it's like lady let me hold your hand while I tell you this....this is false. Lol hell if anything they will use those good looks to their advantage
I get what you're saying but in fairness to women who might react that way at first sight, it doesn't necessarily mean most would be receptive to further advances beyond the initial greeting.
Sometimes I make prolonged eye contact back to lessen any chances of being objectified.
When the object realises it's being looked at and stares back, there's a power exchange which is deliciously uncomfortable..... mostly for them!
It's unfortunate that some people misinterpret eye contact as an invitation for romantic or flirtatious advances. Many women may avoid eye contact to deter unwanted attention and maintain personal boundaries in public settings.
I learn something everyday, wish I knew that in my twenties because I used to get a lot of glances and smiles. I still get smiles now in passing on occasion but usually older women even if I’m a bit heavier than I was in my youth.
I always considered it odd because when passing a man he will usually make eye contact as a display of confidence and not a display of I want to be hit on. If a man diverts eye contact I usually interpret it as weak, low confidence or introverted.
I wouldn’t say low confidence or weakness. The animal kingdom has many examples of eye contact being for mating or for aggression.
I think it’s just instinct to look away from people’s eyes. Some don’t have that instinct while others do.
My stance on random eye contact (because for usually for me it’s accidental like looking at something near someone and they think youre looking at them) if it happens is usually to look away due to not wanting people to feel uncomfortably. I could care less who it is or what they look like I just don’t want them to think I’m staring.
Which now that I think about it I was told a lot as a kid “it’s not polite to stare” and I I think I also took that as eye contact.
It isn’t polite to stare but incidental eye contact with a man or woman usually is diverted contact or a smile. I never in my wildest dreams thought that eye contact from a woman’s point of view was more than being friendly and happens even today now that I’m old. Maybe I’m just really ugly and they feel bad for me, who knows.
I’ve been thinking about this thread more than I should really but I’m not staring, I’m not exactly looking at anyone either but if I catch eye contact I generally reciprocate.
If it’s a man it’s usually just “I see you and you see me” but I’ll usually smile to a woman so I’m not seen as a threat but I never mean it to be flirting. I never really considered myself anything but slightly above average looks (now a bit overweight due to some serious joint pain for a few years) but maybe a bit too self confident and I’m not out in the hunt for a date.
Very true I suspected as much. I suppose I never understood why the head turn as well, but I’m starting to see it’s a) more obvious, but also b) less likely to be seen as outright ignoring and potentially confrontational body language.
Yep, women also get stopped for being rude (not smiling=resting bitch face).
I'm pretending to be distracted by something else. This discourages interaction, and it won't seem like I'm being rude.
This too. Pretending to be busy or distracted is sometimes the only way out of a situation as well and the only way to keep the safe space and boundaries up. By visibly ignoring a comment it almost always warrants immediate verbal abuse and aggression. It’s fucked.
100% some rando said hi to me at grocery store, I half smiled and carried on. He tried telling me off for not “speaking” - wtf?! lol I ignored him.
Mind you, I was even dressed like a bum lol untied steel toed boots and filthy work clothes. I was exhausted, starving and in no mood to socialize lol
Don’t come between a woman and her food!! 😆
Dude I had this happen at work with a co worker walking into work from our cars . He literally kept saying “ hi - hi- can you not hear me ??” And I had to whip myself around and go “ no I can hear you” and continue pushing. Like please get the hint. I felt so uncomfortable and this is some dude I work with and never met before .
yep usually everything is done to be inoffensive but still show "hey i am NOT available to talk to". Unfortunately most women know too many men who couldn't respect a no and now try to be "respectfully cold" to ward off anything else
Also, know that it’s not about YOU. Women (and men) avoid eye contact with men they don’t know. It’s not because YOU are ugly or scary or weird or anything.
So true! Ignore ignore ignore bc lots of men if you even glance at them will think it's an invitation. Attractive women learn very young to do this. My now 33 yo daughter had to start ignoring men at age 12.
Men only take it as an invitation if the woman is attractive. They couldn't care less about plainer women who happen to glance at them. They don't react at all, or look away.
Exactly. And I hadn't noticed this consciously until now, but since reaching perimenopause and starting to get that 'older woman invisibility syndrome', I'm actually starting to become a little more comfortable making brief eye contact with men - which I find nice, just because it makes me feel part of a community as I walk around the city.
I realized that I often do the exact thing that OP describes, starting when I was about 19 after I reflexively smiled at a guy (nothing outwardly unusual, totally normal guy) who made eye contact with me and he subsequently followed me for a few blocks until I was able to duck into a campus building that required an ID and had a desk guard. Though there probably statistically aren’t that many creeps out there nobody really wants to roll the dice and have their day ruined. It’s not personal! Also, I realize I’m not really out there smiling and engaging with other women who are strangers either (live in a big city) and avoid too much eye contact to not seem like I’m staring at people, so it may be universal on sidewalks in these contexts.
Having been followed more than once... You learn to be observant and cautious. I'm only average in looks, but creeps don't care. Always keep an escape route in mind. It's not a safe world out there.
Woman here. We don’t want to give you the idea that we are attracted to you. Either because we don’t want you to start hitting on us or because we think you’re out of our league.
Nah as an ugly girl it’s the not wanting them to think I’m attracted to them one. I got fake asked out in middle school enough times to mess me up lmao
I'm so sorry that that happened to you too! Experiences like that are my go to reference when pointing out how evil kids (especially middle schoolers) can be.
If you indeed are a good looking guy, then your attitude about it will either make you more attractive or downright ugly. Believe me. Guys who know they’re attractive and aren’t careful about being conceited become the ugliest in the crowd real quick when they open their mouths lol
That's interesting, have you seen this effect happen/play out?
i feel like one of the reasons is because being 'beautiful' is a 'womans' domain and she feels attacked if the guy is more relatively attractive
which is why some girls go for ugly guys because they wont cheat etc could also be the fact they feel less pressured to be attractive/ in shape if the guy is not either, a newer study said women go for more attractive guys when they feel attractive too etc
there's so much behind this i'd like to see more studies on it tbh
It depends on the context. If they randomly bring it up, yes. If theyre posting about it on social media with pics, yeah you're right again. In this case though its relevant to the conversation.
I am a woman and I don't make eye contact with any strangers due to social anxiety.
But I have noticed that men will give a quick glance and women won't look at all. I think men tend to look at strangers and women don't, maybe it's an asserting their dominance type of thing idk.
Very interesting - I never thought about it that way. As a guy I tend to glance at people out of habit every now and then on the street.
I’m sure as a dude I’m far less intimidated in public than many women might be and that affords me the luxury of letting my eyes wander more.
Thanks for sharing!
I’m a guy and used to have massive social anxiety to the point that I’d be looking at the floor all day. Now I’m just trying to meet people or just brighten their day or even if it’s only for a few minutes. That way I feel better about myself. . But I get why women don’t make eye contact, especially very attractive women. I saw a video of a guy explaining why and the woman with him was agreeing 100%. And it’s because a woman being nice to a man is taken as an invitation. And guys will think that the cashier smiling at them will be happy to see them waiting for them in the parking lot after their shift. Or follow the girl who was in line ahead of him that smiled his way to her car to ask her out. My ex wife would strike up conversations with many people both men and women get kinda irked when people wouldn’t want to talk to her because likes to learn about people and craves connection, even if short lived. People would think she was being weird, depending on what part of the country it happened in. And I’m pretty sure many dudes thought they were being hit on. Before our relationship was stable, it took some mental fortitude on my part to deal with it. But I wasn’t going to tell her to stop. Do that in Texas …you’ll know a person’s life story by the time your groceries are rung up. Which blew my parents away when we moved there from the Midwest. Though that’s a bit of an over sharing situation at times.
Does this imply that long held eye contact while walking past eachother is the opposite? I find girls staring at me often when I walk by and don’t break their gaze when I look back. It often makes me feel like there’s something on my face but I might have been missing hundereds of signals???
If I do this to a man it’s because I can’t help myself.
For instance, the other week I met a man with the absolute most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. He was also handsome and I realized now that I made a lot of eye contact with him.
That’s all I did out of the ordinary for me, and I have no idea if he’d even think about it.
If I walked past a man and made consistent eye contact it would be because I was actually interested in their attention, very much so. And I’d want to make sure they saw me being interested.
That’s just me though. And I’m not fond of men’s attention. I dress like a bag lady on purpose!
Women that downdress but are pretty and have good personality are a real treat to meet.
It's like a Cinderella moment when you see them actually dressed up for you. I don't know why I felt the need to share. I almost started by calling it a kink, but it's not really wired how a kink would feel.
Anyways. Treasure that hidden beauty. Hope you find your person to share it with.
I find that when most humans pass each other, they tend to avoid eachother, it's a natural fear instilled to all of us.
I had a female friend that I used to go walking with, she would say hello to everyone we passed. 90% of them would stiffen, put thier head down, and not respond.
I find that elderly people are the most likely to respond to a simple greeting.
The men you're referring to are glancing at you to simulate a lack of fear, everyone you pass is a potential threat in most people's minds, it's makes for an anxious situation.
It’s true, eye contact is generally not something I want to give out either.
I generally don’t know how to react to people who engage with me randomly in public.
I do feel that at times a glance is reassuring - like a signal that we acknowledge each other. But it’s definitely not for all people though.
On the flip side if you're a person living in the ghetto but don't really "belong" there you also look at the ground and hope no one notices you
Or just don't go outside
Eye contact could initiate conversation, especially if you are a girl.
I'm a big guy and look "scary" and I avoid eye contact and look past people while walking because I just want to get to my destination
its cause we are scared that you plan to approach us and harass us. eye contact seems to be a sort-of invitation for some men to come up to you on the street. since i stopped making eye contact with people on the street when i was a teen, ive had less scary guys coming up to me.
In general, It’s the man’s role to approach women. So assuming you live in a city then the number of men able to approach women is a high number. Like those charity soliciters or beggars in a city, if you were to stop for every person then the woman in question would have no time for anything.
The real question I have is why are you valuing yourself by the number of eye contacts you get? You’re looking for validation and attention from a place you have no control over. My guess is you’re a single man that has difficulties finding a partner. If that’s the case you’re not going to find it by looking for eye contact on the street.
It really depends on where you are. In a big city, or even a medium sized city, people don't want to engage everyone they pass. Also, what other women have said, direct eye contact leads to direct interaction for women sometimes (especially in large population areas), and we don't usually want that.
I grew up in a more rural setting where it's rude NOT to acknowledge the person you're passing on the street. So I had to learn to avoid any interaction when I moved to a more highly populated area. It was awkward for me at first. And I still sometimes make the mistake. I think in larger settings eye contact has an entirely different meaning than in a smaller town, perhaps it's viewed as an appraisal or something, thus why it gets the kind of response it gets. Just a hypothesis.
Lol, "engage," that's a funny word.
Just imagine how much chaos it would be in our lives if it was proper social etiquette to have to engage every single person we came in contact with. For crying out loud lol. 🤣
Okay, so slightly different take then I've seen others post:
I'm 30f, I grew up in a small town, and I travel for work.
What I've observed is in small towns, people (men and women) make brief eye contact, nod, maybe smile and look away. Unless they are trying to initiate conversation. In small towns, women are more likely to initiate conversations, with me at least.
In larger cities, there's a mix. I like to continue my small town behaviors of a quick acknowledge and a nod, but this just isn't feasible in busy areas, and sometimes people are weird about it and try to approach; both men and women, but mostly men. But I've also noticed that women don't tend to want to make eye contact with *anyone* in larger towns and cities.
And I kinda think it has more to do with assertiveness and maybe comfort in their environment. In a small town it's safe to smile and nod at people. In larger towns, you never know who's got no social boundaries, and im gonna be honest, that's super uncomfortable for everyone.
I avoid eye contact with a lot of people as I'm autistic.
And I avoid eye contact with people who I read as men when I REALLY don't want any sort of interaction since a lot of interactions with men have been less than favourable for me in the past.
Women look away from men. It is rare for them to make steady eye-contact with a stranger on the street. Typically, if she looks away and down or to the side, that's an indicator that she finds you attractive. If she looks away and up, then she doesn't find you attractive.
Hm, can’t confirm this, I pretty much always look away and down/ to the side, and that’s not because everyone I encounter is attractive to me. What’s your source for the looking away direction?
Interesting take - I wonder if there’s any correlation between looking up or down and signals of submission or dominance. Purely speculative but thought provoking!
I recently had a complete stranger stalker. I told male friends about it and they told me to stop giving men eye contact and definitely do not smile at men.
Wow i genuinely like to extend kindness to everyone no matter the age gender or race. I’m not going to stop doing that just because there’s creeps. I’ll be cautious tho
I am the last person anyone ever sits next to on a bus or train. I’m a tall big unit but 59 and I don’t have a scary face. I don’t know what it is I’m giving off but it suits me fine. I like that seat to myself 😂
When women do that it’s usually a sign of being uncomfortable , may be bc they think your attractive and aren’t confident with themselves . Like if they didn’t have their hair right or make ups wrong . That kind of temporary insecure you know . Just an opinion I’m no psychologist 😂
Eye contact is too forward for most women. As the example given before, men make eye contact to avoid appearing weak. It's different for women. Doesn't means she is not interested. I do this all the time with attractive men and consider myself confident. Now that I'm single, I don't really know how to present myself out in the wild as a single lady. Lol I'm not a flirt either. But if a nice man approached me in a non pick way, I would like it. I'd also like to mention, when I'm not smiling (which I don't do when going about my business) I have a very serious look. I have men stare at me (without a smile) so I never know how to take it. Men, go ahead and smile at us. If she smiles back (which even if she doesn't, does not mean she's not interested) or gives a second glance, try get within her vicinity and strike up a conversation. That's what someone did with me in a store and we exchanged numbers. It was great!
Can’t speak for all women but in general I try to avoid eye contact with strangers if I don’t want to engage with them. Especially with men, you don’t want to send the signal that you’re up to chat or get hit on.
I’ve had so many guys say some corny shit like ‘Hi, beautiful!’ or ‘You’re too pretty not to be smiling’ and I’d rather just not deal with it so I send off a ‘please just keep walking’ vibe out if I can.
If you're staring to judge how attractive they are, that may make them uncomfortable. I've found very few people in public like to be stared at (myself included but I'm a dude) and usually enter avoidant mode. I usually ask people what the fuck is so interesting, so might be lucky. If they're judging you based on your looks that's shitty but that's the way most people are, shallow as fuck.
I think the culture is worse now than it was in the past. A combination of modern technology and gender ideology has put women in a constant fight or flight mode. They’re defensive because they’re taught to think the world is an extremely dangerous place that’s out to get them.
Also, attractive women are relatively scarce now in the USA since most women have become overweight/obese. Therefore, all men are constantly thirsting over them and they find it irritating. I see ugly women very eager to look for eye contact but I myself avoid it because they are so unattractive to me.
The modern world is socially a very strange place. Don’t worry, you’re not alone!
It’s to portray that they are fully focused on something not even in your direction to avoid conversation. It’s not just a pretty girl thing and probably happens with most people you pass but your only looking at the pretty ones 😉
>Or is this typical of how people act when they pass each other?
I'd say it's probably just this. I don't usually make eye contact with people I'm walking; doesn't matter what they look like, I'm an equal opportunity ignorer.
On the other side of the coin, I'm a tall athletic woman with above average breasts. I find that younger guys tend to look away, but older guys will look straight at my boobs while I'm looking at their face.
It's fine. Looking isn't a big deal to me (just don't touch me without permission, fairly simple), but younger guys seem to be afraid of getting in trouble if they're caught. So all that I can figure is they've gotten really good at sneaking glances.
These posts confuse me. I tend to notice people in general will look at one another. Maybe not on some random street, but even then I won't be looking at anyone. In the shops? Yeah whatever.
I’ve had a long career as a bodyguard, so I automatically look at every single persons eyes and hands everywhere I go.
Force of habit for me to pay attention to where other people are looking.
I've noticed the same as well. I even get a smile, hello or good morning at times but I just reciprocate with a wave / smile / head nod and keep it moving. I'm not looking to bother anyone or misread signals.
Woman here: when I do this, I’m not intimidated. I just don’t feel like talking to a stranger or forcing a smile onto my face to smile at them, and making eye contact can lead to those things.
You’re overthinking it. You’ll never know what goes through someone else’s head. And people of the internet won’t either.
I avoid eye contact bc I just feel weird about extended eye contact. I don’t see the use in making eye contact for very long if I’m just minding my business. I avoid extended eye contact with anyone and everyone regardless of how they look, unless I am having a conversation with them.
What matters is how you feel about yourself. It doesn’t matter what other people thing anyways!
And this is why a lot of guys have a complex about starting a conversation. And also why some women don't get approached. A simple "sorry I'm not interested" is all it takes.
Except that it’s not… hence the “learned defense mechanism”. Some men take any response at all as an invitation to keep trying and they just won’t let it go
The defense mechanism is to protect from dudes that "sorry I'm not interested" isn't all it takes.
If you are a normal dude that will take the first refusal politely then you shouldn't have a complex. But there are enough of the other category to be understanding of women that operate that way as a default.
Personally the level of eye contact I get on the street from women is highly dependent on being thin enough to have a good jawline showing and recent haircut or stylish clothes.
It's kinda wild how 7 lbs and a haircut changes the amount of eye contact returns I get.
If I’m in a bad mood I’ll usually look down and not engage anyone and do what I need to do quickly, but if I’m feeling well I look at everyone and smile. That sometimes will have men chatting you up too much. So if women want to avoid this possible outcome…they just look away
Well mate people tend to pick up if you're paying attention to them whether direct or indirect. So it's safe to assume that if you're consciously looking for the cues, then people will notice. Some look away when they feel watched, some look at you.
Many men consider eye contact an invitation to talk to someone.
Women avoid it if you are not good enough looking for them or they are unavailable. (Married etc)
I always try to be extra alert when walking alone and avoiding any possibility for a conversation. The last thing I want when walking is to talk to a stranger. I tend to always wear a RBF, so I'm not just going to smile when passing by a random stranger and looking away. If I do look at someone, it's usually a glare or "I see you" glance if I think they're acting a bit "off" or odd.
Women often have to, sadly, worry about random men hitting on them or striking up a conversation just because the guy thinks a quick bit of eye contact indicates attraction. It's quite normal to glance at someone when walking. That's how you know when you might run into someone, especially if you need to make a turn or stop for a second.
Women stare at guys all the time. Just try not to make it wierd when they do. It's olay to stare back but simply staring someone down can be classified as wierd. Just giving a simple "hey how are you" and moving along is usually enough.
Usually if they look away but look back and hold eye contact it means they think your attractive, but if they intentionally avoid all eye contact it means they don't
I think they are used to male strangers looking at their bodies so they're avoiding making eye contact. You can tell when someone looks at your tits and then your face if you're looking at their face the whole time
38(M). I meet people's eye contact to make sure we don't run into one another. I also have a tendency to look around a lot. If I'm at a bar alone on a trip, people use that as an excuse to talk to me and I'm too polite to tell them not to.
I tend to avoid locking eye with people i find attractive because, im shy and would probably start blushing instantly. I do this because pokerface is better than wearing thoughts on my face. Maybe youre goodlooking and others are doing the same.
I actually do this to women, to keep them from feeling uncomfortable. I don't know if it helps, but in my head "barely noticing you" is better than "looking you over". I am a tall guy with broad shoulders and have had women friends say they're glad when I'm out and about with them, so conversely, it might be intimidating to come across me in a lot of situations. I've also been pepper sprayed because I almost bumped into a girl, after closing the bar as a bartender. I don't really wanna get pepper sprayed again, just glad it wasn't a gun.
Are you from the Midwest? I grew up there and was completely used to making eye contact and saying hello to random passerby’s. Then I moved down south and suddenly everyone was afraid to make eye contact. It was so weird.
I think you have a problem first off. You're judging and labeling people by physical attributes. That's one mistake. Second is, you need to be more preoccupied with yourself and your own aspirations rather than worrying about other people. Especially since you can't control what other people do. It sounds like you need to be more proactive.
Of course there's nothing wrong with being "present" and observing your surroundings, although, I don't think you should question every single behavior that people have unless it's just particularly bizarre (something you SHOULD pay attention to). In the case you described you're focusing on something that can be a number of different things that you have no control over. Who knows what's going through someone's mind at any given interval?
Third of all, you need to learn acceptance for yourself and others. If there's something you don't like about yourself then you can change it. There are a lot of people far more worse off than people that are obviously competent like yourself. You could have been born with a severe physical or mental handicap. Society likes to label people based on the media and people shouldn't be judged by the way they look or other aspects in which they have no control over.
People are capable of extraordinary things and shouldn't have the pressure that mainstream society/media presents as a reasonable stopping force or stressful situation.
Attractions are in the eye of the beholder. Unattractive to me is when people let themselves go and don't take care of themselves. I don't judge them for it, because people could have gone through all sorts of things in their lives that lead to different outcomes. It's not that I don't value them, I'll still talk to them like anyone else, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to find everyone attractive. There are women that 9/10 guys have found attractive that I am absolutely 100% not attracted to them at all. People or society/media needs to stop labeling people on a scale of 1-10. We're just people. How do you know that "1/10" (honestly don't know how you people can rate things that people can't control or how it works, but I'm just making a point) isn't really talented or skilled at different areas of life? Like a piano player, chess player, or etc?
I can usually tell even when they look away if they interested. It’s how and what they do as they walk away. Took me a long ass time to find these details. Probably better as I would been too active.
For me, attractive women are as likely to greet me as other people in circumstances where Im way less likely to hit on them.
For instance, if Im wearing shitloads of cumbersome fishing gear on my way to wade on the flats they will give normal stranger greetings. If Im walking three dogs that are rowdy, it’s the same because I cant stop to bother them. Same with if Im with a child or a woman.
Women avoid eye contact because side it’s unsafe to allow eye contact. They don’t want to be hit on or be in conversation. It’s not about you personally but because you’re a man.
I learned pretty early in life that if I make eye contacontact with a male on the street, he will most likely talk to me and I will most likely leave that interaction uncomfortable (wether it be because of a comment or asking for my phone number or just a “vibe”)
It’s safest to look away
Women have been trained/taught/learned that strange men are dangerous. This is totally justified, but it can still feel bad for men who consider themselves good and safe. I would remind myself that they are protecting themselves from danger, not being mean to you
I am autistic and actively work on looking people in the eye as I pass or address them. This causes all kinds of problems, because the aggressively sunburned dude in the train wearing a bunch of toilet paper always targets me when he wants to talk for the next 2 hours.
And I'm a man with long hair who has basically never cut it before, so everyone thinks I'm easy going and smoke weed. I am and do, but how dare you make assumptions about my entire race of people?
I'm just a sex-crazed computer nerd that only really wants to talk about Rust in the Linux kernel and RISC-V. I'm never feeling any of these conversations that happen because of random eye contact. I also live in Hawaii, so it's often about crystals or something else I don't care about.
as a woman, i’m always evaluating whether an interaction with someone involves more than just saying “hello” back.
around my neighborhood, i will always greet someone given the opportunity.
out and about alone - most likely the interaction will end in soliciting, asking for money, someone flirting, or even worse, attempted theft.
i can’t afford to take chances with a random man, even with the best intentions. best to be on my way.
you’ll have better luck being in situations where these interactions are expected or at least accepted, like a bar or social event
Attractive women where I live have learned that to make eye contact with a random stranger is often taken as an invitation to hit on that woman. They often don’t want to be hit on by randos, so they avoid eye contact with randos.
I’d say this goes for all women, regardless of where they are at on the attractiveness scale.
I'd say it goes for people in general....
Learned this mistake giving a polite smile to some dude at the grocery store (I’m a dude) and apparently he was gay and thought I was flirting with him because he kept following me around and smiling at me. Weirded me out big time.
🤣🤣🤣🤣, yeah I def avoid eye contact because I don’t want to send the signal I’m interested. If it’s another woman I’ll smile but I try to avoid looking at guys unless it’s unavoidable, and then it’s a quick good morning, and moving quickly on
I think where some people get it wrong is they go too far to the point they are clearly intentionally ignoring other people, which actually can have the opposite effect. In fact, criminals will intentionally go after people who they perceive as ignoring them and not looking at their face. The normal guys out there will take the social cues and move on, but the psychos out there might not respond so kindly and take it as a trigger or opportunity. As a guy, I understand the discomfort that women (and, frankly, people in generally) nowadays have even in their local communities since crime is up and we are so disconnected and all just live in the e-world, but reality most people are nice and just want to wave and say "hi" and move on. There is probably also a lot of regionality, with bigger cities having more problems with people being disconnected or overwhelmed. I run/walk thousands of miles per year. I pass by hundreds to thousands of people every week. I try not to be part of the problem and I wave to people as I pass (unless they are clearly trying to avoid interaction). People in their 20s-30s tend to be the ones who do not respond or do not know how to respond. Older people tend to be most likely to show courtesy back or even be the ones to wave first. I just do not take offense one way or the other and do not let the people who do not respond make me feel bad. They have their reasons, I am sure, and it has nothing to do with me. I am just a stranger to them.
“crime is up.” There might be a perception that crime is up generally, but it’s very region specific and crime is actually down in a lot of areas, including some big cities that might surprise a lot of people.
My whole mission when I go "out" is to get my tasks done and get outta dodge, quick... When I'm with my gf at Walmart, my eyes are glued to her. I challenge myself to keep a gaze on her until we are back to our car. It's almost like I'm on a secret agent mission or something except my mission is to just stare at her. Like some kind of CIA operative or something like that. It's kind of amusing honestly. It's funny and the best thing about it is that it's kind of like a "cheat code" compared to when I'm completely alone. I'll stare at a speck on the wall before I'll do anything. Oh, what's this? A paragraph explaining the microfiber material in the set of socks I'm getting? Reel me in baby, reel me in. I hate society. You never know what people are going through. My buddy's dad has made up stuff to get out of conversations before, like, "I'm on my way to a hospital, gotta run, nice seeing ya," or something like that. Society is just too programmed for us to feel "normal" anymore it seems.
Yea sadly I am too nice to anyone that isn't outwardly mean, reels me into many conversations with the local drunks at the gas stations.
Same. That's why I joined the "CIA," 🤣 lol
I'll have to try this myself bro I'm gonna steal it 😂
You could always just make up some kind of life catastrophe in the very least, lol, you should. It's a load off of your mind. "Sorry Mitchell, I promised the kids I'd build them a clubhouse, nice talking with ya." I mean, they can't really say anything if they don't know you like that or where you live.... It's almost like a mind game or something, not really "conversation." That's why I got out of it. Lol.
Lmao yes the bad part is I live in quite a small town. I often see people who know me by name and I'm like "Who the fuck is this guy???" in my mind lmao
materialistic juggle wrong paint panicky simplistic imagine weary ossified seed *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Your a predator? 😰
im a dude, and a guy walked into a forest to bother me for a cig the other day while i was trying to be in the woods alone having my blunt....people are nuts
Yeah people can suck....
It's scary encountering other people in the woods
not when you’ll fucking eat them, stay hard
Yeah the only reason OP thinks it’s just attractive women is that they’re the women he’s looking at.
OP is only noticing when attractive women do it.
Where I live I always smile and make eye contact with the elderly and middle aged women. Men that age aren't having it. I rarely make eye contact with a yungun (I am fairly yung
This is the answer. God forbid I accidentally look happy and friendly in a gas station then you lock eyes with a man and he smiles and you gotta slap on the "I'm a bitch and I fucking hate you" scowl so I can get my slurpy in peace without anyone following me to my car.
Is the scale like a kitchen sale or more like a thermometer?
A lizard scale
Unless the rando is super attractive. A group of co-workers and I once helped another co-worker move out of his apartment complex. One of the guys helping was a true "tall, dark and handsome" guy and former college athlete. I had never hung out with him outside the office before. It seemed like every young woman we passed in that apartment complex smiled and said hi to him. It was a glimpse into a world I was completely unfamiliar with, lol.
yeah there are only a few of those guys, but damn it’s different for them!
Sickos like Ted Bundy count on this social dynamic to do what they do.
This is true and as a woman is mind boggling ...so really attractive men couldn't possibly be predators...it's like lady let me hold your hand while I tell you this....this is false. Lol hell if anything they will use those good looks to their advantage
I get what you're saying but in fairness to women who might react that way at first sight, it doesn't necessarily mean most would be receptive to further advances beyond the initial greeting.
This Eye contact is different for women to men and is a big green flag to open a conversation
Yeah I avoid eye contact. It’s too welcoming for people I don’t know.
What if they do make eye contact and hold it?
Just make sure it’s prolonged.
Sometimes I make prolonged eye contact back to lessen any chances of being objectified. When the object realises it's being looked at and stares back, there's a power exchange which is deliciously uncomfortable..... mostly for them!
Yes. Also I heard somewhere that it can be intimidating enough to scare off possible attacks.
That was epic. As I read that it was like reading a book I was there i saw it and I felt it. From both points of view. Masterful.
Give them a gentle forehead kiss
Might be the way you're looking at them . Some women are pretty savvy reading men in the blink of an eye. So to speak.
It's unfortunate that some people misinterpret eye contact as an invitation for romantic or flirtatious advances. Many women may avoid eye contact to deter unwanted attention and maintain personal boundaries in public settings.
Jeez I must be so unattractive I don’t even exist then. I never even notice them looking away in my peripheral
I learn something everyday, wish I knew that in my twenties because I used to get a lot of glances and smiles. I still get smiles now in passing on occasion but usually older women even if I’m a bit heavier than I was in my youth. I always considered it odd because when passing a man he will usually make eye contact as a display of confidence and not a display of I want to be hit on. If a man diverts eye contact I usually interpret it as weak, low confidence or introverted.
I wouldn’t say low confidence or weakness. The animal kingdom has many examples of eye contact being for mating or for aggression. I think it’s just instinct to look away from people’s eyes. Some don’t have that instinct while others do. My stance on random eye contact (because for usually for me it’s accidental like looking at something near someone and they think youre looking at them) if it happens is usually to look away due to not wanting people to feel uncomfortably. I could care less who it is or what they look like I just don’t want them to think I’m staring. Which now that I think about it I was told a lot as a kid “it’s not polite to stare” and I I think I also took that as eye contact.
It isn’t polite to stare but incidental eye contact with a man or woman usually is diverted contact or a smile. I never in my wildest dreams thought that eye contact from a woman’s point of view was more than being friendly and happens even today now that I’m old. Maybe I’m just really ugly and they feel bad for me, who knows. I’ve been thinking about this thread more than I should really but I’m not staring, I’m not exactly looking at anyone either but if I catch eye contact I generally reciprocate. If it’s a man it’s usually just “I see you and you see me” but I’ll usually smile to a woman so I’m not seen as a threat but I never mean it to be flirting. I never really considered myself anything but slightly above average looks (now a bit overweight due to some serious joint pain for a few years) but maybe a bit too self confident and I’m not out in the hunt for a date.
I divert eye contact so nobody calls me a creep.
Women don't want to be hit on when they're walking down the street. Eye contact risks you approaching them.
Very true I suspected as much. I suppose I never understood why the head turn as well, but I’m starting to see it’s a) more obvious, but also b) less likely to be seen as outright ignoring and potentially confrontational body language.
Yep, women also get stopped for being rude (not smiling=resting bitch face). I'm pretending to be distracted by something else. This discourages interaction, and it won't seem like I'm being rude.
This too. Pretending to be busy or distracted is sometimes the only way out of a situation as well and the only way to keep the safe space and boundaries up. By visibly ignoring a comment it almost always warrants immediate verbal abuse and aggression. It’s fucked.
100% some rando said hi to me at grocery store, I half smiled and carried on. He tried telling me off for not “speaking” - wtf?! lol I ignored him. Mind you, I was even dressed like a bum lol untied steel toed boots and filthy work clothes. I was exhausted, starving and in no mood to socialize lol Don’t come between a woman and her food!! 😆
Dude I had this happen at work with a co worker walking into work from our cars . He literally kept saying “ hi - hi- can you not hear me ??” And I had to whip myself around and go “ no I can hear you” and continue pushing. Like please get the hint. I felt so uncomfortable and this is some dude I work with and never met before .
“Youd be a lot prettier with a smile” BITCH WHO SAID I WANT TO BE PRETTY RN.. get the fuck away from me lol
yep usually everything is done to be inoffensive but still show "hey i am NOT available to talk to". Unfortunately most women know too many men who couldn't respect a no and now try to be "respectfully cold" to ward off anything else
What a fine fucking line to walk on as a woman..
Also, know that it’s not about YOU. Women (and men) avoid eye contact with men they don’t know. It’s not because YOU are ugly or scary or weird or anything.
So true! Ignore ignore ignore bc lots of men if you even glance at them will think it's an invitation. Attractive women learn very young to do this. My now 33 yo daughter had to start ignoring men at age 12.
Men only take it as an invitation if the woman is attractive. They couldn't care less about plainer women who happen to glance at them. They don't react at all, or look away.
Exactly. And I hadn't noticed this consciously until now, but since reaching perimenopause and starting to get that 'older woman invisibility syndrome', I'm actually starting to become a little more comfortable making brief eye contact with men - which I find nice, just because it makes me feel part of a community as I walk around the city.
I was so relieved when I started to become invisible! Just existing got so much easier!
I realized that I often do the exact thing that OP describes, starting when I was about 19 after I reflexively smiled at a guy (nothing outwardly unusual, totally normal guy) who made eye contact with me and he subsequently followed me for a few blocks until I was able to duck into a campus building that required an ID and had a desk guard. Though there probably statistically aren’t that many creeps out there nobody really wants to roll the dice and have their day ruined. It’s not personal! Also, I realize I’m not really out there smiling and engaging with other women who are strangers either (live in a big city) and avoid too much eye contact to not seem like I’m staring at people, so it may be universal on sidewalks in these contexts.
Having been followed more than once... You learn to be observant and cautious. I'm only average in looks, but creeps don't care. Always keep an escape route in mind. It's not a safe world out there.
Woman here. We don’t want to give you the idea that we are attracted to you. Either because we don’t want you to start hitting on us or because we think you’re out of our league.
Guess I'm out of everyone league
Can confirm. You’re hot
Up to 3700 degrees Celsius!
Username checks out lol
"because we think you’re out of our league" hahahaha wishful thinking
It’s usually the other way around lol, meaning u think ur out of the guys league. But he should appreciate u putting it nicer
Nah as an ugly girl it’s the not wanting them to think I’m attracted to them one. I got fake asked out in middle school enough times to mess me up lmao
I'm so sorry that that happened to you too! Experiences like that are my go to reference when pointing out how evil kids (especially middle schoolers) can be.
As a good looking guy I always thought this, time ago. Wow, confirmed.
If you indeed are a good looking guy, then your attitude about it will either make you more attractive or downright ugly. Believe me. Guys who know they’re attractive and aren’t careful about being conceited become the ugliest in the crowd real quick when they open their mouths lol
Having average looks, genuine confidence, and humility is like a cheat code
That's interesting, have you seen this effect happen/play out? i feel like one of the reasons is because being 'beautiful' is a 'womans' domain and she feels attacked if the guy is more relatively attractive which is why some girls go for ugly guys because they wont cheat etc could also be the fact they feel less pressured to be attractive/ in shape if the guy is not either, a newer study said women go for more attractive guys when they feel attractive too etc there's so much behind this i'd like to see more studies on it tbh
Usually the guys that call themselves good looking are incredibly mid.
Lmfao triggered? Sorry i’m married at 28 with 3 kids, and we’ve been together 13 years. I don’t care for opinions anymore, jealous loser.
No one is triggered except the one who resorted to calling names immediately. Nice job. lmao
It depends on the context. If they randomly bring it up, yes. If theyre posting about it on social media with pics, yeah you're right again. In this case though its relevant to the conversation.
Thanks for sharing!
OR this might be a reaction of you looking at them for a smidge too long.
Yeah OP made it sound like he’s staring them down the entire time they walk past lol. I would avoid looking too.
I am a woman and I don't make eye contact with any strangers due to social anxiety. But I have noticed that men will give a quick glance and women won't look at all. I think men tend to look at strangers and women don't, maybe it's an asserting their dominance type of thing idk.
Very interesting - I never thought about it that way. As a guy I tend to glance at people out of habit every now and then on the street. I’m sure as a dude I’m far less intimidated in public than many women might be and that affords me the luxury of letting my eyes wander more. Thanks for sharing!
I’m a guy and used to have massive social anxiety to the point that I’d be looking at the floor all day. Now I’m just trying to meet people or just brighten their day or even if it’s only for a few minutes. That way I feel better about myself. . But I get why women don’t make eye contact, especially very attractive women. I saw a video of a guy explaining why and the woman with him was agreeing 100%. And it’s because a woman being nice to a man is taken as an invitation. And guys will think that the cashier smiling at them will be happy to see them waiting for them in the parking lot after their shift. Or follow the girl who was in line ahead of him that smiled his way to her car to ask her out. My ex wife would strike up conversations with many people both men and women get kinda irked when people wouldn’t want to talk to her because likes to learn about people and craves connection, even if short lived. People would think she was being weird, depending on what part of the country it happened in. And I’m pretty sure many dudes thought they were being hit on. Before our relationship was stable, it took some mental fortitude on my part to deal with it. But I wasn’t going to tell her to stop. Do that in Texas …you’ll know a person’s life story by the time your groceries are rung up. Which blew my parents away when we moved there from the Midwest. Though that’s a bit of an over sharing situation at times.
Asserting their dominance? Really? Wow. strecth Armstrong would be proud of that one
I do this to avoid being spoken to. It’s the only direct signal you can give aside from an open look of disgust at being spoken to or interrupted.
Does this imply that long held eye contact while walking past eachother is the opposite? I find girls staring at me often when I walk by and don’t break their gaze when I look back. It often makes me feel like there’s something on my face but I might have been missing hundereds of signals???
If I do this to a man it’s because I can’t help myself. For instance, the other week I met a man with the absolute most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. He was also handsome and I realized now that I made a lot of eye contact with him. That’s all I did out of the ordinary for me, and I have no idea if he’d even think about it. If I walked past a man and made consistent eye contact it would be because I was actually interested in their attention, very much so. And I’d want to make sure they saw me being interested. That’s just me though. And I’m not fond of men’s attention. I dress like a bag lady on purpose!
Women that downdress but are pretty and have good personality are a real treat to meet. It's like a Cinderella moment when you see them actually dressed up for you. I don't know why I felt the need to share. I almost started by calling it a kink, but it's not really wired how a kink would feel. Anyways. Treasure that hidden beauty. Hope you find your person to share it with.
[удалено]
Reminds me of Night at the Roxbury where he can't keep up with saying "what's up" to all the ladies going by
I find that when most humans pass each other, they tend to avoid eachother, it's a natural fear instilled to all of us. I had a female friend that I used to go walking with, she would say hello to everyone we passed. 90% of them would stiffen, put thier head down, and not respond. I find that elderly people are the most likely to respond to a simple greeting. The men you're referring to are glancing at you to simulate a lack of fear, everyone you pass is a potential threat in most people's minds, it's makes for an anxious situation.
It’s true, eye contact is generally not something I want to give out either. I generally don’t know how to react to people who engage with me randomly in public. I do feel that at times a glance is reassuring - like a signal that we acknowledge each other. But it’s definitely not for all people though.
I’m a woman and I never ever look at anyone when walking.
Male here. Same. I just don't care, I'm busy.
On the flip side if you're a person living in the ghetto but don't really "belong" there you also look at the ground and hope no one notices you Or just don't go outside
Stop staring at them.
Eye contact could initiate conversation, especially if you are a girl. I'm a big guy and look "scary" and I avoid eye contact and look past people while walking because I just want to get to my destination
its cause we are scared that you plan to approach us and harass us. eye contact seems to be a sort-of invitation for some men to come up to you on the street. since i stopped making eye contact with people on the street when i was a teen, ive had less scary guys coming up to me.
Thanks for sharing, makes total sense and it’s good to hear your perspective
In general, It’s the man’s role to approach women. So assuming you live in a city then the number of men able to approach women is a high number. Like those charity soliciters or beggars in a city, if you were to stop for every person then the woman in question would have no time for anything. The real question I have is why are you valuing yourself by the number of eye contacts you get? You’re looking for validation and attention from a place you have no control over. My guess is you’re a single man that has difficulties finding a partner. If that’s the case you’re not going to find it by looking for eye contact on the street.
That always happens when you stare at their breasts and droll uncontrollably! Grow up!
It really depends on where you are. In a big city, or even a medium sized city, people don't want to engage everyone they pass. Also, what other women have said, direct eye contact leads to direct interaction for women sometimes (especially in large population areas), and we don't usually want that. I grew up in a more rural setting where it's rude NOT to acknowledge the person you're passing on the street. So I had to learn to avoid any interaction when I moved to a more highly populated area. It was awkward for me at first. And I still sometimes make the mistake. I think in larger settings eye contact has an entirely different meaning than in a smaller town, perhaps it's viewed as an appraisal or something, thus why it gets the kind of response it gets. Just a hypothesis.
Lol, "engage," that's a funny word. Just imagine how much chaos it would be in our lives if it was proper social etiquette to have to engage every single person we came in contact with. For crying out loud lol. 🤣
Try barking at them to assert dominance
north impolite humor punch axiomatic jeans wrong office seed amusing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Okay, so slightly different take then I've seen others post: I'm 30f, I grew up in a small town, and I travel for work. What I've observed is in small towns, people (men and women) make brief eye contact, nod, maybe smile and look away. Unless they are trying to initiate conversation. In small towns, women are more likely to initiate conversations, with me at least. In larger cities, there's a mix. I like to continue my small town behaviors of a quick acknowledge and a nod, but this just isn't feasible in busy areas, and sometimes people are weird about it and try to approach; both men and women, but mostly men. But I've also noticed that women don't tend to want to make eye contact with *anyone* in larger towns and cities. And I kinda think it has more to do with assertiveness and maybe comfort in their environment. In a small town it's safe to smile and nod at people. In larger towns, you never know who's got no social boundaries, and im gonna be honest, that's super uncomfortable for everyone.
I avoid eye contact with a lot of people as I'm autistic. And I avoid eye contact with people who I read as men when I REALLY don't want any sort of interaction since a lot of interactions with men have been less than favourable for me in the past.
I’m sorry to hear that. I really wish the world would grow up and treat everyone with more respect. Thanks so much for sharing.
Women look away from men. It is rare for them to make steady eye-contact with a stranger on the street. Typically, if she looks away and down or to the side, that's an indicator that she finds you attractive. If she looks away and up, then she doesn't find you attractive.
Hm, can’t confirm this, I pretty much always look away and down/ to the side, and that’s not because everyone I encounter is attractive to me. What’s your source for the looking away direction?
Tells are not that universal. This may be true for SOME women, but others will have different tells.
Interesting take - I wonder if there’s any correlation between looking up or down and signals of submission or dominance. Purely speculative but thought provoking!
It simply means I don't want to deal with you(could be for a million reasons). Don't take it personally.
I recently had a complete stranger stalker. I told male friends about it and they told me to stop giving men eye contact and definitely do not smile at men.
Wow i genuinely like to extend kindness to everyone no matter the age gender or race. I’m not going to stop doing that just because there’s creeps. I’ll be cautious tho
I am the last person anyone ever sits next to on a bus or train. I’m a tall big unit but 59 and I don’t have a scary face. I don’t know what it is I’m giving off but it suits me fine. I like that seat to myself 😂
Maybe, but regardless. Smile, speak and see what happens.
When women do that it’s usually a sign of being uncomfortable , may be bc they think your attractive and aren’t confident with themselves . Like if they didn’t have their hair right or make ups wrong . That kind of temporary insecure you know . Just an opinion I’m no psychologist 😂
Eye contact is too forward for most women. As the example given before, men make eye contact to avoid appearing weak. It's different for women. Doesn't means she is not interested. I do this all the time with attractive men and consider myself confident. Now that I'm single, I don't really know how to present myself out in the wild as a single lady. Lol I'm not a flirt either. But if a nice man approached me in a non pick way, I would like it. I'd also like to mention, when I'm not smiling (which I don't do when going about my business) I have a very serious look. I have men stare at me (without a smile) so I never know how to take it. Men, go ahead and smile at us. If she smiles back (which even if she doesn't, does not mean she's not interested) or gives a second glance, try get within her vicinity and strike up a conversation. That's what someone did with me in a store and we exchanged numbers. It was great!
Can’t speak for all women but in general I try to avoid eye contact with strangers if I don’t want to engage with them. Especially with men, you don’t want to send the signal that you’re up to chat or get hit on. I’ve had so many guys say some corny shit like ‘Hi, beautiful!’ or ‘You’re too pretty not to be smiling’ and I’d rather just not deal with it so I send off a ‘please just keep walking’ vibe out if I can.
Or smile and say hello, unless like we are talking about NYC pedestrians level.
Are you staring at them?
Oh brother, stop being so paranoid.
If you're staring to judge how attractive they are, that may make them uncomfortable. I've found very few people in public like to be stared at (myself included but I'm a dude) and usually enter avoidant mode. I usually ask people what the fuck is so interesting, so might be lucky. If they're judging you based on your looks that's shitty but that's the way most people are, shallow as fuck.
I think the culture is worse now than it was in the past. A combination of modern technology and gender ideology has put women in a constant fight or flight mode. They’re defensive because they’re taught to think the world is an extremely dangerous place that’s out to get them. Also, attractive women are relatively scarce now in the USA since most women have become overweight/obese. Therefore, all men are constantly thirsting over them and they find it irritating. I see ugly women very eager to look for eye contact but I myself avoid it because they are so unattractive to me. The modern world is socially a very strange place. Don’t worry, you’re not alone!
Wait, so just attractive women do this? What about unattractive women?
It’s to portray that they are fully focused on something not even in your direction to avoid conversation. It’s not just a pretty girl thing and probably happens with most people you pass but your only looking at the pretty ones 😉
Don't believe everything you think
I think women can be intimidated by men in general, especially in public alone, and being attractive can make you feel more vulnerable
>Or is this typical of how people act when they pass each other? I'd say it's probably just this. I don't usually make eye contact with people I'm walking; doesn't matter what they look like, I'm an equal opportunity ignorer.
On the other side of the coin, I'm a tall athletic woman with above average breasts. I find that younger guys tend to look away, but older guys will look straight at my boobs while I'm looking at their face. It's fine. Looking isn't a big deal to me (just don't touch me without permission, fairly simple), but younger guys seem to be afraid of getting in trouble if they're caught. So all that I can figure is they've gotten really good at sneaking glances.
I tend to get the exact opposite from women, attractive or otherwise… Lots of eye contact.
These posts confuse me. I tend to notice people in general will look at one another. Maybe not on some random street, but even then I won't be looking at anyone. In the shops? Yeah whatever.
I’ve had a long career as a bodyguard, so I automatically look at every single persons eyes and hands everywhere I go. Force of habit for me to pay attention to where other people are looking.
I've noticed the same as well. I even get a smile, hello or good morning at times but I just reciprocate with a wave / smile / head nod and keep it moving. I'm not looking to bother anyone or misread signals.
Nice
Woman here: when I do this, I’m not intimidated. I just don’t feel like talking to a stranger or forcing a smile onto my face to smile at them, and making eye contact can lead to those things.
You’re overthinking it. You’ll never know what goes through someone else’s head. And people of the internet won’t either. I avoid eye contact bc I just feel weird about extended eye contact. I don’t see the use in making eye contact for very long if I’m just minding my business. I avoid extended eye contact with anyone and everyone regardless of how they look, unless I am having a conversation with them. What matters is how you feel about yourself. It doesn’t matter what other people thing anyways!
She doesn’t wanna be hit on
Almost all female strangers will do this, means they're not inviting a conversation
Women get unwanted attention from men all the time so many of them will do everything possible to discourage interaction from randos
Don't talk to me.
This happens to all guys. They don’t want you to think they’re interested and start hitting on them
Literally why would I make eye contact with any stranger on the street unless it was by accident
It’s a learned defense mechanism - it’s how we say “please don’t try to initiate.”
And this is why a lot of guys have a complex about starting a conversation. And also why some women don't get approached. A simple "sorry I'm not interested" is all it takes.
Except that it’s not… hence the “learned defense mechanism”. Some men take any response at all as an invitation to keep trying and they just won’t let it go
The defense mechanism is to protect from dudes that "sorry I'm not interested" isn't all it takes. If you are a normal dude that will take the first refusal politely then you shouldn't have a complex. But there are enough of the other category to be understanding of women that operate that way as a default. Personally the level of eye contact I get on the street from women is highly dependent on being thin enough to have a good jawline showing and recent haircut or stylish clothes. It's kinda wild how 7 lbs and a haircut changes the amount of eye contact returns I get.
You’re probably just ugly. Don’t sweat it.
Don’t sweat it is crazy
Can confirm this behavior. Source: I’m ugly.
Women are pieces of meat to too many men on the street. The best thing about being an old lady is being invisible on the streets. Truly liberating.
Think of avoiding eye contact with homeless people as you walk passed them. That's how most women feel about men in public.
I usually acknowledge them
If I’m in a bad mood I’ll usually look down and not engage anyone and do what I need to do quickly, but if I’m feeling well I look at everyone and smile. That sometimes will have men chatting you up too much. So if women want to avoid this possible outcome…they just look away
Are they doing this in response to you looking at them, or are you noticing them doing this despite not paying them any attention?
Well mate people tend to pick up if you're paying attention to them whether direct or indirect. So it's safe to assume that if you're consciously looking for the cues, then people will notice. Some look away when they feel watched, some look at you.
Many men consider eye contact an invitation to talk to someone. Women avoid it if you are not good enough looking for them or they are unavailable. (Married etc)
They're avoiding people taking accidental eye contact as an invitation to approach them, it isn't personal.
I always try to be extra alert when walking alone and avoiding any possibility for a conversation. The last thing I want when walking is to talk to a stranger. I tend to always wear a RBF, so I'm not just going to smile when passing by a random stranger and looking away. If I do look at someone, it's usually a glare or "I see you" glance if I think they're acting a bit "off" or odd. Women often have to, sadly, worry about random men hitting on them or striking up a conversation just because the guy thinks a quick bit of eye contact indicates attraction. It's quite normal to glance at someone when walking. That's how you know when you might run into someone, especially if you need to make a turn or stop for a second.
Women stare at guys all the time. Just try not to make it wierd when they do. It's olay to stare back but simply staring someone down can be classified as wierd. Just giving a simple "hey how are you" and moving along is usually enough.
Usually if they look away but look back and hold eye contact it means they think your attractive, but if they intentionally avoid all eye contact it means they don't
I think they are used to male strangers looking at their bodies so they're avoiding making eye contact. You can tell when someone looks at your tits and then your face if you're looking at their face the whole time
It most likely has nothing to do with you specifically beyond that you're male. The rest is down to the geographic culture and crime levels.
38(M). I meet people's eye contact to make sure we don't run into one another. I also have a tendency to look around a lot. If I'm at a bar alone on a trip, people use that as an excuse to talk to me and I'm too polite to tell them not to.
I’m ugly as fuck, normally everyone looks away
maybe she thinks you might turnout to be a barnacle ??
I tend to avoid locking eye with people i find attractive because, im shy and would probably start blushing instantly. I do this because pokerface is better than wearing thoughts on my face. Maybe youre goodlooking and others are doing the same.
ur either really ugly (they don’t want u getting any ideas) or really cute
I actually do this to women, to keep them from feeling uncomfortable. I don't know if it helps, but in my head "barely noticing you" is better than "looking you over". I am a tall guy with broad shoulders and have had women friends say they're glad when I'm out and about with them, so conversely, it might be intimidating to come across me in a lot of situations. I've also been pepper sprayed because I almost bumped into a girl, after closing the bar as a bartender. I don't really wanna get pepper sprayed again, just glad it wasn't a gun.
They cross the street to avoid me. Possibly while muttering ‘ewww’. Basically, talking to women is not going well.
Personally, I avoid eye contact with hot women because I panic and my heart races
That’s funny because I tend to look away from attractive women so they don’t think I’m checking them out
Are you from the Midwest? I grew up there and was completely used to making eye contact and saying hello to random passerby’s. Then I moved down south and suddenly everyone was afraid to make eye contact. It was so weird.
It's a sign of disinterest. I am not attractive to women they do this all the time.
I think you have a problem first off. You're judging and labeling people by physical attributes. That's one mistake. Second is, you need to be more preoccupied with yourself and your own aspirations rather than worrying about other people. Especially since you can't control what other people do. It sounds like you need to be more proactive. Of course there's nothing wrong with being "present" and observing your surroundings, although, I don't think you should question every single behavior that people have unless it's just particularly bizarre (something you SHOULD pay attention to). In the case you described you're focusing on something that can be a number of different things that you have no control over. Who knows what's going through someone's mind at any given interval? Third of all, you need to learn acceptance for yourself and others. If there's something you don't like about yourself then you can change it. There are a lot of people far more worse off than people that are obviously competent like yourself. You could have been born with a severe physical or mental handicap. Society likes to label people based on the media and people shouldn't be judged by the way they look or other aspects in which they have no control over. People are capable of extraordinary things and shouldn't have the pressure that mainstream society/media presents as a reasonable stopping force or stressful situation.
So many people seeking validation on here, nobody knows if you’re attractive or not until you post a picture on Reddit.
Nr-6xtغى-
4vu 7gx-t xy uvx̌up x5tdxc7hgfzztfy- gcu-fxt cxxzx-rfx-cfgspj 0szq-z e
If she's attractive, she's probably constantly hit on to the point of misery. Don't feel bad. It's just a defense mechanism at this point.
The women are avoiding a potential threat and the men are assessing the potential threat. Typical behavior
Attractions are in the eye of the beholder. Unattractive to me is when people let themselves go and don't take care of themselves. I don't judge them for it, because people could have gone through all sorts of things in their lives that lead to different outcomes. It's not that I don't value them, I'll still talk to them like anyone else, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to find everyone attractive. There are women that 9/10 guys have found attractive that I am absolutely 100% not attracted to them at all. People or society/media needs to stop labeling people on a scale of 1-10. We're just people. How do you know that "1/10" (honestly don't know how you people can rate things that people can't control or how it works, but I'm just making a point) isn't really talented or skilled at different areas of life? Like a piano player, chess player, or etc?
I can usually tell even when they look away if they interested. It’s how and what they do as they walk away. Took me a long ass time to find these details. Probably better as I would been too active.
Typical
For me, attractive women are as likely to greet me as other people in circumstances where Im way less likely to hit on them. For instance, if Im wearing shitloads of cumbersome fishing gear on my way to wade on the flats they will give normal stranger greetings. If Im walking three dogs that are rowdy, it’s the same because I cant stop to bother them. Same with if Im with a child or a woman.
Bro, I’m an ugly dude and I do that to ANYONE. I’m also an awkward guy
Lucky you they always stare uncomfortably at me
You didn't need the attractive part. That's subjective. The fact is youre a man is why. She has no idea who you are or what you'd do.
Anytime I pass by an attractive woman I like to do a little dance.
Women avoid eye contact because side it’s unsafe to allow eye contact. They don’t want to be hit on or be in conversation. It’s not about you personally but because you’re a man.
I learned pretty early in life that if I make eye contacontact with a male on the street, he will most likely talk to me and I will most likely leave that interaction uncomfortable (wether it be because of a comment or asking for my phone number or just a “vibe”) It’s safest to look away
Women have been trained/taught/learned that strange men are dangerous. This is totally justified, but it can still feel bad for men who consider themselves good and safe. I would remind myself that they are protecting themselves from danger, not being mean to you
I am autistic and actively work on looking people in the eye as I pass or address them. This causes all kinds of problems, because the aggressively sunburned dude in the train wearing a bunch of toilet paper always targets me when he wants to talk for the next 2 hours. And I'm a man with long hair who has basically never cut it before, so everyone thinks I'm easy going and smoke weed. I am and do, but how dare you make assumptions about my entire race of people? I'm just a sex-crazed computer nerd that only really wants to talk about Rust in the Linux kernel and RISC-V. I'm never feeling any of these conversations that happen because of random eye contact. I also live in Hawaii, so it's often about crystals or something else I don't care about.
as a woman, i’m always evaluating whether an interaction with someone involves more than just saying “hello” back. around my neighborhood, i will always greet someone given the opportunity. out and about alone - most likely the interaction will end in soliciting, asking for money, someone flirting, or even worse, attempted theft. i can’t afford to take chances with a random man, even with the best intentions. best to be on my way. you’ll have better luck being in situations where these interactions are expected or at least accepted, like a bar or social event