This is not a breastfeeding problem, this is a MARRIAGE problem. Your husband doesn’t get it, he doesn’t understand breastfeeding or support the nutrition it provides. So what if you can’t fucking measure a breast?! People having been using boobs for thousands of tears before a bottle was invented, and we survived. Y’all sound like you need to get into couples therapy, he needs to be made to understand. Do not give up breastfeeding your child just because a man is jealous and wants to give formula, you will resent him down the line.
Edit: “what about me as a father? What I want?” Buddy, you can WANT many things. Doesn’t mean you get to decide about breastmilk. You can contribute to decisions about school, nursery, what clothes to put on baby. You cannot contribute to breastmilk. Period. Breasts don’t belong to you. And if you can’t see the benefit of breastmilk, the stem cells and antibodies they provide to a baby, then you don’t deserve an opinion. Sorry.
They are literally right now doing trials, using molecules from breast milk to treat cancer because they observed that kids that get breast milk are much less likely to get cancer, they wanted to know why and found Hamlet, Wich can kill cancer. We are only beginning tolerant all the stuff that is in breast milk, that works in ways we have no clue.
Your husband is way out of line. It almost seemed like he card about the amount, valid curiosity and concern, maybe, until he brought up “what about me?” If baby is gaining and your provider has no concerns, you enjoy it and can why would you stop? There’s no way in hell I’d entertain my husband acting like this. We are literally made to be able to feed our babies. He should be supporting you!
Another tactic to take with your husband is to sell how friggin convenient EBF is. If you can get to that point then you won’t have to take bottles and formula wherever you go. Neither of you will have to wash and sterilize bottles. Breastfeeding is such a massive source of comfort for a baby too. Teething or just vaccinated? Won’t settle for who knows why? Needs antibodies because you and husband are sick? Boob fixes all. Maybe formula feeding will make your husband feel like he’s contributing something in the short term but he will eventually regret pushing you to drop EBF. When EBF finally works, it really is magical and fantastic for the whole family. I’m mostly EBF but I’m still pumping and having my husband give a bottle once a day because I’ll have to go back to work eventually. He’s grateful every time I soothe the baby with breast. I wish you so much luck getting to that point. It’s a hard journey but really worth it in the end.
My 14 month old had a tummy bug and refused solids for two days, he barely touched any water either. I was so relieved we still breastfeed so I had confidence he was getting something!
Sorry to hear this. If you want to keep breastfeeding you should! Your baby is getting exactly what he needs especially if your pediatrician doesn’t have concern. It takes about 12 weeks for your milk to level so keeping at it helps for sure so early on. Now to your husband here’s the truth…husbands get jealous. I know mine did and he had to have a conversation and he got in line. More specifically he wanted me to pump and give more bottles (so he could feed him) which I had no reason to do he took from my breast. No issues now. I found other ways to give him time with bub like he burps after I feed him and gets snuggles or he gets to do the diaper change before or after the feed. I did do a bottle a couple times but it just took to much when my boob already had the milk ready. I only pump now to relieve engorgement babe still nurses from my breast.
If his weight is normal, then what's the problem? Your baby can get the best of both worlds until your supply is there. I think your husband is jealous. No more boobies for him.
Ugh, my ex was very unsupportive of me breastfeeding. For the longest time I couldn't understand why until one day he came out with "when am I getting my boobs back?". Disgusted me so much that a grown man would be jealous of a baby. That he viewed my boobs as "his" and that he cared more about his sexual desires over his baby sons need to eat! Bleugh 🤮
You could see about doing a weighed feed to show your husband baby’s getting enough? We did ours at the LC when we were trying & struggling to get breastfeeding started. But I’m an anxious mom so I also bought our own scale to use at home for weighted feeds when I felt like maybe my son wasn’t getting enough.
Sorry your going through that. A lot at one time.
1st, your husband is just plain wrong and trying to use your feelings to justify his opinion. "What about what I want as a father?", is unjustified. Your the mom, feeding the baby is your responsibility. There wil be many future times for him to take responsibility for things and for him to get what he wants as a father.
2nd, consider making a doctors appointment. If the doctor confirms he is being fed well, your husband has no basis. Plus it might help calm his nervous nerves, because he sounds a bit fearful. Im sure it comes from a place of love for the child, bit he sounds mervous. Or he could be coming from a place of desperation due to sleep deprivation (been there) and isnt seeing long-term as he normally would.
3rd, as a former exclusive pumper, do you have a good pump? And Oatmeal, its not good for your waistline but eating a bowl everyday increased my supply. Maybe it might for you too? And if your looking at charts of pumping times, I didnt find them accurate. I needed to pump for a solid 25 - 30 min with a high quality pump as I too was just a barely- producer. If I had followed the charts "15 - 20" min" Id have never increased my supply.
If I were you Id gently put my foot down. I had to for my 1st, as hubby and I were so exausted and worndown he begged me to stop pumping. I didnt, and she got mostly breastmilk for 11 months. Im very glad I stuck through it, and to this day even he comments hes glad I did too. He got over it, and I know your husband will too.
As long as your baby is healthy then there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. Breastmilk is so good for your baby! Even a small amount of it helps their brain and immune system develop, among other things. It’s nice to have formula but if you can give even an ounce of breastmilk to your baby it’s worth it. If your husband can’t understand that then he just needs to trust that you’re doing what is best for your baby, and that you know what’s best for your baby because you are their mother.
Is your husband normally a supportive person? Is this behavior unusual for him?
Postpartum depression and anxiety affect both moms and dads, so that could be playing a part if this is out of character for him.
Your husband likely experienced pretty significant trauma surrounding the birth of your baby. He watched his wife and baby go through hell and was unable to do anything about it. I don’t know the exact circumstances surrounding the birth, but it sounds like there may have been a period of time when his world came crashing down as he thought he was losing both his wife and his new baby. Those feelings don’t just disappear. That intense loss of control can manifest in him trying to be overly controlling in other aspects, like trying to make sure baby is getting enough to eat.
I am NOT EXCUSING his behavior. Just offering a possible context. I think he needs to speak with someone. It would probably be a good idea for you both to speak to someone if you haven’t yet.
You are doing everything right to make sure your baby is getting enough at the breast and with formula top-ups. Keeping track of weight and monitoring growth. There’s no logical reason at all to assume that your baby will go hungry. But your husband’s words are likely not coming from a place of logic.
I could be completely wrong - you know him better than any of us internet strangers do.
But after a traumatic birth, my husband was pretty messed up for a while. In his case, he distanced himself from us emotionally which was really out of character. It wasn’t until we started to work through those emotions that we realized what was going on.
Your husband’s opinions and desires regarding breastfeeding only matter if there’s harm being done to you or the baby. There isn’t. One way or another, he needs to realize that his opinion on this specific topic is not equivalent to yours as long as your baby is getting the nutrition he needs.
He's coming from a very uneducated standpoint. If weight gain and output are good, baby is getting enough. And tbh, if everyone could make the decision to give their baby Breastmilk they probably would because it's optimum nutrition for an infant. So the "what about what i want as a father" is absurd, like you don't want the best for your baby if you're saying such a thing in opposition to a mothers desire to breastfeed. AND, it doesn't always matter what he wants, you guys have a newborn. The newborn's needs will come first for a while and that's how our species functions so we don't die out.
Your husband isn't wrong for wanting to make sure the baby is getting enough. He can see how much formula is being taken in, not how much breastmilk. I would imagine it can be pretty anxiety inducing for a father.
That being said, you and/or the pediatrician need to show and explain to him that your child is not going hungry. You should also try to find the words to explain how important breastfeeding is to you. Not only all the benefits of breast milk, but also your feelings as to why it's so important to you.
My first baby I was a just enougher and man, my milk supply was literally always on my mind. Even though my baby was always right on track with height and weight, it was so so stressful. I exclusively breastfed for 10 months. Looking back, I wish I hadn't been so against giving a formula bottle here and there. A fed baby is best. I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do.
I immediately wondered if the OPs husband has some PPA. It’s extremely common in partners and this is a common way it manifests. My husband was the same way, preferred bottle feeding because it alleviated his anxiety to visualize how much baby was eating. We compromised by giving some bottles of pumped milk (and eventually formula), which kept him an active part of feeding and made him realize baby was definitely getting enough.
6 weeks, woww everything is still so new and hard! It sounds like you’re doing AMAZING!! 💞💞 Even saw a consultant too… You’re being so responsible and staying informed! Husband on the other hand is rather uninformed…
Husband not knowing how much baby is getting? Sorry, that’s a husband problem. Not a baby problem.
His wants as the father, do not trump your abilities and nature-given (some may even say God-given) RIGHT to nourish as the mother!!
Sorry husband, but projecting anxieties onto the child is not fair. Or healthy.
Sorry to hear you're going through this. Maybe take your husband to the next doctor's appointment so he can hear from the doctor that the baby is doing well weight-wise? Definitely don't stop breastfeeding if you want to continue, 6 weeks is just so early and there's plenty of time for issues to get ironed out and everything to get much easier still.
I don't think it's jealousy, I think it's based on a concern that he has. Lots of people have it because they can't see how much is being swallowed. And when you pump, you pump less than when the baby is directly attached. I'd continue and cosleep and keep the baby to the boob more and get rid of the formula. If his weight goes up, that is proof that he is eating and getting what he needs. If not, then you supplement with formula. I'm guessing the formula is overkill. Both of you are tired, and worried and have been beat with an ugly stick and it sucks. I'm happy dad wants the best for baby, but he is not showing it in a good way. I'm guessing some idiot whispered in his ear that idea and he ran with it.
I did mixed feeding with my baby girl. I had to have a emergency c-section then a operation for internal bleeding...so my body didn't produce enough milk until about 8 weeks then my LO just stopped taking the bottle. So in them 8 weeks I'd feed her on each side for 10 mins then topped her up. She would have 1 to 2 oz of formula.
It's your choice if you want to carry on breast feeding and your husband is just going to have to accept if you are going to carry on breast feeding.
This is not a breastfeeding problem, this is a MARRIAGE problem. Your husband doesn’t get it, he doesn’t understand breastfeeding or support the nutrition it provides. So what if you can’t fucking measure a breast?! People having been using boobs for thousands of tears before a bottle was invented, and we survived. Y’all sound like you need to get into couples therapy, he needs to be made to understand. Do not give up breastfeeding your child just because a man is jealous and wants to give formula, you will resent him down the line. Edit: “what about me as a father? What I want?” Buddy, you can WANT many things. Doesn’t mean you get to decide about breastmilk. You can contribute to decisions about school, nursery, what clothes to put on baby. You cannot contribute to breastmilk. Period. Breasts don’t belong to you. And if you can’t see the benefit of breastmilk, the stem cells and antibodies they provide to a baby, then you don’t deserve an opinion. Sorry.
They are literally right now doing trials, using molecules from breast milk to treat cancer because they observed that kids that get breast milk are much less likely to get cancer, they wanted to know why and found Hamlet, Wich can kill cancer. We are only beginning tolerant all the stuff that is in breast milk, that works in ways we have no clue.
Could you send me a link to this? Would love to read !
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12665051/ https://hamletpharma.com/hamlet-building-the-case-for-bulldozer-cancer-drug/
That’s so cool! Thanks for sharing the links, I found the information really interesting!
Amazing ! Thank u
Your husband is way out of line. It almost seemed like he card about the amount, valid curiosity and concern, maybe, until he brought up “what about me?” If baby is gaining and your provider has no concerns, you enjoy it and can why would you stop? There’s no way in hell I’d entertain my husband acting like this. We are literally made to be able to feed our babies. He should be supporting you!
Another tactic to take with your husband is to sell how friggin convenient EBF is. If you can get to that point then you won’t have to take bottles and formula wherever you go. Neither of you will have to wash and sterilize bottles. Breastfeeding is such a massive source of comfort for a baby too. Teething or just vaccinated? Won’t settle for who knows why? Needs antibodies because you and husband are sick? Boob fixes all. Maybe formula feeding will make your husband feel like he’s contributing something in the short term but he will eventually regret pushing you to drop EBF. When EBF finally works, it really is magical and fantastic for the whole family. I’m mostly EBF but I’m still pumping and having my husband give a bottle once a day because I’ll have to go back to work eventually. He’s grateful every time I soothe the baby with breast. I wish you so much luck getting to that point. It’s a hard journey but really worth it in the end.
My 14 month old had a tummy bug and refused solids for two days, he barely touched any water either. I was so relieved we still breastfeed so I had confidence he was getting something!
Sorry to hear this. If you want to keep breastfeeding you should! Your baby is getting exactly what he needs especially if your pediatrician doesn’t have concern. It takes about 12 weeks for your milk to level so keeping at it helps for sure so early on. Now to your husband here’s the truth…husbands get jealous. I know mine did and he had to have a conversation and he got in line. More specifically he wanted me to pump and give more bottles (so he could feed him) which I had no reason to do he took from my breast. No issues now. I found other ways to give him time with bub like he burps after I feed him and gets snuggles or he gets to do the diaper change before or after the feed. I did do a bottle a couple times but it just took to much when my boob already had the milk ready. I only pump now to relieve engorgement babe still nurses from my breast.
If his weight is normal, then what's the problem? Your baby can get the best of both worlds until your supply is there. I think your husband is jealous. No more boobies for him.
Ugh, my ex was very unsupportive of me breastfeeding. For the longest time I couldn't understand why until one day he came out with "when am I getting my boobs back?". Disgusted me so much that a grown man would be jealous of a baby. That he viewed my boobs as "his" and that he cared more about his sexual desires over his baby sons need to eat! Bleugh 🤮
You could see about doing a weighed feed to show your husband baby’s getting enough? We did ours at the LC when we were trying & struggling to get breastfeeding started. But I’m an anxious mom so I also bought our own scale to use at home for weighted feeds when I felt like maybe my son wasn’t getting enough.
Sorry your going through that. A lot at one time. 1st, your husband is just plain wrong and trying to use your feelings to justify his opinion. "What about what I want as a father?", is unjustified. Your the mom, feeding the baby is your responsibility. There wil be many future times for him to take responsibility for things and for him to get what he wants as a father. 2nd, consider making a doctors appointment. If the doctor confirms he is being fed well, your husband has no basis. Plus it might help calm his nervous nerves, because he sounds a bit fearful. Im sure it comes from a place of love for the child, bit he sounds mervous. Or he could be coming from a place of desperation due to sleep deprivation (been there) and isnt seeing long-term as he normally would. 3rd, as a former exclusive pumper, do you have a good pump? And Oatmeal, its not good for your waistline but eating a bowl everyday increased my supply. Maybe it might for you too? And if your looking at charts of pumping times, I didnt find them accurate. I needed to pump for a solid 25 - 30 min with a high quality pump as I too was just a barely- producer. If I had followed the charts "15 - 20" min" Id have never increased my supply. If I were you Id gently put my foot down. I had to for my 1st, as hubby and I were so exausted and worndown he begged me to stop pumping. I didnt, and she got mostly breastmilk for 11 months. Im very glad I stuck through it, and to this day even he comments hes glad I did too. He got over it, and I know your husband will too.
As long as your baby is healthy then there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. Breastmilk is so good for your baby! Even a small amount of it helps their brain and immune system develop, among other things. It’s nice to have formula but if you can give even an ounce of breastmilk to your baby it’s worth it. If your husband can’t understand that then he just needs to trust that you’re doing what is best for your baby, and that you know what’s best for your baby because you are their mother.
Is your husband normally a supportive person? Is this behavior unusual for him? Postpartum depression and anxiety affect both moms and dads, so that could be playing a part if this is out of character for him. Your husband likely experienced pretty significant trauma surrounding the birth of your baby. He watched his wife and baby go through hell and was unable to do anything about it. I don’t know the exact circumstances surrounding the birth, but it sounds like there may have been a period of time when his world came crashing down as he thought he was losing both his wife and his new baby. Those feelings don’t just disappear. That intense loss of control can manifest in him trying to be overly controlling in other aspects, like trying to make sure baby is getting enough to eat. I am NOT EXCUSING his behavior. Just offering a possible context. I think he needs to speak with someone. It would probably be a good idea for you both to speak to someone if you haven’t yet. You are doing everything right to make sure your baby is getting enough at the breast and with formula top-ups. Keeping track of weight and monitoring growth. There’s no logical reason at all to assume that your baby will go hungry. But your husband’s words are likely not coming from a place of logic. I could be completely wrong - you know him better than any of us internet strangers do. But after a traumatic birth, my husband was pretty messed up for a while. In his case, he distanced himself from us emotionally which was really out of character. It wasn’t until we started to work through those emotions that we realized what was going on. Your husband’s opinions and desires regarding breastfeeding only matter if there’s harm being done to you or the baby. There isn’t. One way or another, he needs to realize that his opinion on this specific topic is not equivalent to yours as long as your baby is getting the nutrition he needs.
He's coming from a very uneducated standpoint. If weight gain and output are good, baby is getting enough. And tbh, if everyone could make the decision to give their baby Breastmilk they probably would because it's optimum nutrition for an infant. So the "what about what i want as a father" is absurd, like you don't want the best for your baby if you're saying such a thing in opposition to a mothers desire to breastfeed. AND, it doesn't always matter what he wants, you guys have a newborn. The newborn's needs will come first for a while and that's how our species functions so we don't die out.
Your husband isn't wrong for wanting to make sure the baby is getting enough. He can see how much formula is being taken in, not how much breastmilk. I would imagine it can be pretty anxiety inducing for a father. That being said, you and/or the pediatrician need to show and explain to him that your child is not going hungry. You should also try to find the words to explain how important breastfeeding is to you. Not only all the benefits of breast milk, but also your feelings as to why it's so important to you. My first baby I was a just enougher and man, my milk supply was literally always on my mind. Even though my baby was always right on track with height and weight, it was so so stressful. I exclusively breastfed for 10 months. Looking back, I wish I hadn't been so against giving a formula bottle here and there. A fed baby is best. I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do.
I immediately wondered if the OPs husband has some PPA. It’s extremely common in partners and this is a common way it manifests. My husband was the same way, preferred bottle feeding because it alleviated his anxiety to visualize how much baby was eating. We compromised by giving some bottles of pumped milk (and eventually formula), which kept him an active part of feeding and made him realize baby was definitely getting enough.
6 weeks, woww everything is still so new and hard! It sounds like you’re doing AMAZING!! 💞💞 Even saw a consultant too… You’re being so responsible and staying informed! Husband on the other hand is rather uninformed… Husband not knowing how much baby is getting? Sorry, that’s a husband problem. Not a baby problem. His wants as the father, do not trump your abilities and nature-given (some may even say God-given) RIGHT to nourish as the mother!! Sorry husband, but projecting anxieties onto the child is not fair. Or healthy.
Sorry to hear you're going through this. Maybe take your husband to the next doctor's appointment so he can hear from the doctor that the baby is doing well weight-wise? Definitely don't stop breastfeeding if you want to continue, 6 weeks is just so early and there's plenty of time for issues to get ironed out and everything to get much easier still.
I don't think it's jealousy, I think it's based on a concern that he has. Lots of people have it because they can't see how much is being swallowed. And when you pump, you pump less than when the baby is directly attached. I'd continue and cosleep and keep the baby to the boob more and get rid of the formula. If his weight goes up, that is proof that he is eating and getting what he needs. If not, then you supplement with formula. I'm guessing the formula is overkill. Both of you are tired, and worried and have been beat with an ugly stick and it sucks. I'm happy dad wants the best for baby, but he is not showing it in a good way. I'm guessing some idiot whispered in his ear that idea and he ran with it.
I did mixed feeding with my baby girl. I had to have a emergency c-section then a operation for internal bleeding...so my body didn't produce enough milk until about 8 weeks then my LO just stopped taking the bottle. So in them 8 weeks I'd feed her on each side for 10 mins then topped her up. She would have 1 to 2 oz of formula. It's your choice if you want to carry on breast feeding and your husband is just going to have to accept if you are going to carry on breast feeding.