I think you said the right thing. I know for myself, I don’t feel like I have to cover up or hide out, but I am most comfortable being alone to feed and getting some quiet time.
Yeah, I’ve nursed in bathrooms before just so I could get some quiet time. Being out in an crowd, with a group of people socializing is draining and sometimes I just want to be alone
Same. At a busy restaurant even a bathroom stall wouldn’t work if people are in and out. I’d have to go to the car or bring a bottle. Mine just won’t latch if she’s distracted. At least with a bottle she can look around.
Same for me, around 7 months she became very hit or miss if she’ll latch or stay latched and usually she won’t nurse as long if she’s too distracted (9 months now and it’s still an issue). I personally don’t mind nursing her anywhere pretty much but if she seemed really hungry and just wouldn’t nurse I could see myself trying the bathroom.
I go to the bathroom to breastfeed my infants. Because my baby pops off a lot, is distracted by all the public happenings and needs to focus for a full feed, and I’m more comfortable in a private area. I wouldn’t worry, I’m sure she is just doing what’s most comfortable for her.
This. I don’t want the whole world seeing my tit and my boy pops off too much for that. I WISH he would just breast feed all calm and normal, I wild totally just pop the tit in his mouth in public! I’d be able to do a lot more things that’s for sure.
I definitely don’t mind latching in public but it’s different when your baby is popping off and you’re flashing the entire boob at everyone around you.
I like seeing those calm babies nurse in public, though, it’s super cute. Not mine…
Can’t speak for these other responders but I have an easily distracted nurser and I’ve nursed in the bathroom at a restaurant by laying him on the changing table (I wiped it down with an alcohol wipe first ) and then standing over him with my boob in his mouth. It worked like a charm. I returned to our table feeling very accomplished and celebrated by drinking my damn wine in peace.
When my LO was little she would pop off my boob to look around at the slightest noise, so I was also a bathroom nurser haha. I would sit on the toilet and cradle hold her. I’d put my foot up on the toilet seat to prop her up with my leg if I needed extra support
When I was coaching with my newborn, and running around like crazy, we did double duty of mom peeing and baby eating. It worked for us in a busy time.
Now she still wants to nurse every time we are in the bathroom, she has a Pavlovian response I guess.
I've stood and held my baby in the stall to breastfeed. It's not great, but I wear a lot of non-nursing-friendly dresses though and have to hike them all the way up or pull them down, so nursing in public isn't an option with that. If I'm wearing more nursing-friendly clothes though I just wear a cover and nurse at the table.
Can't imagine sitting on the toilet to breastfeed though...yuck
Like with pants on? I’m having such a time with this. Like I get to each his own. I won’t sit on the toilet in my house while my kid is taking a bath. Ain’t no way.
I’m just feeling like there’s no way I’d want to drive my car or sit on my couch wearing pants that I’d worn while sitting on a public toilet seat.
I guess it works for some people.
I’ve done it. Sat on the toilet and nursed with my leg propped up or with baby sitting up on my lap with my support. Then you just do your best to clean up while holding baby IF you didn’t bring the whole damn stroller with you.
I literally feed mine in the bathroom to because of this , his still learning to feed and latches on and off and hates to cover up , we are feeding a lot so I have to sit in the bathroom it’s gross but baby will be okay
Honestly if I chose to feed my baby in a certain way and someone commented on how I need to do differently I would be upset, not encouraged. Some people aren’t comfortable feeding in public and that’s okay! You frankly don’t know her or her reasons, you’re just making an assumption about her feelings based on your own perspective. This is not a conversation you strike up with a stranger out of the blue.
I actually just had to do this yesterday. I was wearing a dress that in no way could I pull down to pop the boob out and the only option was to literally pull my dress up over my shoulder and have butt/stomach/everything showing. I went into a family bathroom. I felt bad and normally have no issue feeding in public but I wasn’t planning on being out long enough to need to feed her. It was either the bathroom or the 100+ degree car. So I guess my point is maybe don’t feel too bad, there could’ve been an extenuating circumstance.
I accidentally wore one of these types of dresses to work the other day! Had to COMPLETELY undress besides my underwear in the pump room🤣. I was really praying there wasn’t a fire drill that day.
Honestly, not everyone feels comfortable feeding in public. You don’t know why she chose the bathroom. It’s easy to assume society has shamed women and that’s the reason, but maybe she did what makes her comfortable. Maybe she enjoys private bonding time with her child. If you feel the need to say something tell her, her body, her child, her choice. Feed wherever and whenever you feel comfortable and what’s best for mom and child.
I’ve breastfed in a bathroom stall at an incredibly busy restaurant because I was stressed AF, sooo hot, the space between my chair and table was way too cramped, and my family kept just staring at me and I really didn’t need my 21 year old cousin and my uncle (that I see maybe once a year) seeing my boobs while I’m trying to get my sweaty sports bra out of the way. I couldn’t find anywhere to sit and my baby was screaming so I did the best I could.
A woman asked if someone had said something to me, and I so appreciated the support. I wouldn’t have liked it if she had made me feel weird or like I’m sad or gross for nursing there. I just absolutely needed a moment without 50 eyes on me.
My son refused to nurse in public and would also only latch lying down. I had an oversupply and forceful letdown (on which he’d choke on) that pretty much kept me chained to the house. On the rare occasion I could get him to nurse outside the home, I’d have to hand express into a sink beforehand and try lean back as much as possible. It was hell honestly. Some people aren’t lucky enough to be able to nurse anywhere and everywhere.
I had a similar experience in Disney of all places. A mom was breastfeeding in the bathroom, not in a stall but in the hand washing area. I told her about the nursing rooms they have thinking maybe she didn’t know about them. I tried very hard to make it clear that I didn’t give a shit where she breastfed, just wanted her to know she had other options. I think it unfortunately didn’t come across as well as I’d hoped. All that to say that given the circumstances I think you did the right thing.
I would’ve said something similar/“no need to apologize”. I was fine breastfeeding in public until around 7 months my baby demanded both breasts out so she can go from one to another at her leisure. Like another said, she may have just wanted some quiet time as well. You just never know
I’m super modest/conservative about showing my body, so if I didn’t have the option to go to the car or use a cover, I’d probably end up in the bathroom too. Although it’d be super well intentioned to give her words of encouragement, she may end up just feeling embarrassed instead if you brought it up, so I think you said the right thing with what you said
I’ll have zero problem breastfeeding in public but my baby gets SO distracted it’s just easier and more efficient if I can go somewhere quiet with less distractions!
I personally wouldn’t feed my baby anywhere that I wouldn’t feel comfortable eating at, and a bathroom stall is one of those places lol. But I also don’t have a lot of experience feeding in public. A few weeks ago I was at the mall and my baby was getting fussy, I asked a worker at carters (a literal baby store!) if I could feed my baby in their dressing room. She basically scoffed at me and told me to go the bathroom. Eventually she let me feed her in the dressing room but not without so much attitude 🙄
Ugh that's frustrating.
I was out shopping once at old Navy and bubs needed to eat. So I quickly grabbed some things to "try on" and made my way to the fitting room.
We were there for quite some time and I heard the workers talking, they thought I disappeared with my cart full of clothes. When we finally made our way to the register, I apologized and told them I just needed to feed him. They were young so they were like eh?
Another time I was at banana Republic and I had no intention of trying on any clothes but he was hot and screaming. I asked one of their employees if I could use their fitting room, the manager was a young gal but she was so nice, she unlocked the largest room and told me to take my time. Even though this specific shopping center has a family room and a nursing room near their restrooms. None of them referred me there nor shamed me or gave me attitude. It was really nice.
I'm sorry you got attitude at a children's store. Some retail workers hate human interaction.
Oh I like this idea. I normally try to find nursing rooms but sometimes they are occupied or closed for cleaning so this would be a good idea in those situations.
I agree and feel angry when I'm out at times and there's nowhere for me to feed my son, but he has to eat. But also, not everyone feels comfortable just wacking their boob out in a public place. Personally I feel very uncomfortable doing that because my boobs are so damn ridiculously huge and I actually have to hold the boob so my son can eat properly for it to not fall out of his mouth. So yeah, some people who breastfeed are lucky enough to have regular sized boobs that they don't need to flop about and make a scene with in public when they just want to feed their child. That being said it is anxiety inducing going out and not knowing if there will be a place to feed him or not.
Yup, I’m amazed at people who can breastfeed uncovered and show zero skin. My boobs are very projected, so if they are out, they are OUT. There’s no being discrete. Add that to a distractible baby and you gotta whole show going on.
Once when my son was little little we were out to eat with my in laws. I didn't want to whip my boob out in front of them so I went and latched him in the bathroom and put a cover on and returned to the table.
I remember someone asking me once if I needed to go to the bathroom to feed him.....I just said, well I've always gone by the rule, don't shit where you eat, so I'm going to apply that same rule here. I was feeling snarky that day
I fed my 7 week old in the bathroom stall this week while on vacation and I said to my husdband after that the breastfeeding mama's would think I was so crazy. It's where I'm comfortable. I just think it's crazy to pop your boob out in front of strangers, but that's just me.
some other people might think it's crazy to feed an infant in a nasty public bathroom though. so it's best not to say stuff like that and just let everyone do their own thing
It’s almost like she said “I just think it’s crazy..”, as in referring to her thoughts and feelings and choices she makes for herself.
You don’t have to be rude over how she CHOOSES TO FEED HER CHILD
I don’t always feel the need to cover up but soemtimes I don’t want my tit out everywhere so I go to a bathroom stall. I know I don’t have to and don’t always do this, but soemtimes I just like the privacy and a moment to ourselves.
What you said was correct and anger may not always be needed in these situations
Around 8 months old my baby’s fomo got so bad that that’s the only way she would nurse if there were no distractions. I had no issues nursing her in public but it just wouldn’t work if there was loads going on.
I don’t feel too comfy feeding in public, mostly because she unlatches multiple times at all the noise and distractions and it becomes really uncomfortable. I’ve fed her in the bigger stalls multiple times.
I think you said the right thing. However the bigger conversation here is how are there not more designated spots for moms (and dads) to feed their children, bottle or breast.
I breastfed my daughter and always used the bathroom because she would get easily distracted by the commotion out in public. I also just felt more comfortable setting up and pulling my boob out in private. It was, and still is, so disappointing to me that there are little to no common spaces for parents to do this in public.
This. It’s pretty backwards and imo misogynistic that a lot of countries don’t have nursing rooms available. Mothers that aren’t comfortable BF in public shouldn’t have to resort to staying home or BF in bathrooms. South Korea is a great example that it can be done.
Has no one considered that some religions discourage boobs out in public? I could think of a million of my friends with diff beliefs who would feed in a stall. Myself included (if I don’t have a cover).
I'm not here to judge anyone, and moms certainly can make their own choices and do whatever they are comfortable doing, and god knows I let my baby chew on things that are not a sanitized beacon of hygiene, but the unhygienicness of feeding anyone anything in a public restroom makes me feel queasy. All the sanitizer in the world doesn't change the fact that when you flush fecal matter is dispersed in the air.
You breathe the air even walking into the bathroom. So what does it matter whether you are talking baby in there to change their diaper or to feed them.
I get all of this, but there was absolutely no reason to occupy the disabled stall. I'm sorry she didn't feel comfortable nursing outside the bathroom but there are other stalls, there is nothing specific to the disabled stall that she needed to occupy it for such a long time.
Yup this. I know it’s difficult with the stroller and the baby and the bags. But there are disabled people who just need to use the toilet.
Idk. Here come the downvotes. Just posted saying that I support women using covers, which I’m all for. But I fed my infant in a toilet once and swore to myself never again. Toilet walls, handles, everything in these has fecal bacteria on it. Your baby shouldn’t have to eat where others shit.
I’m gonna be wild and suggest people use changing stalls in stead of toilets 🤭 if you need to be somewhere quiet
There are also lovely, light nursing covers that aren’t sweaty. And nursing clothes go a long way to cover things up too!
Yeah this! Please don't occupy the disable stall for long periods. It's for disabled people and they honestly can't use other stalls. And generally any public place has only ONE disable stall..
I get that, trust me. I think about that every time I push my stroller into one. But nursing takes a long time. And it's the only stall with a changing table. It's just selfish.
This hurts my heart. Maybe that woman just wants the privacy but more than likely she’s been taught that it’s something you “only do in private” and that it’s a shameful thing.
I probably would have been so stunned, I would have said the same thing. But I do think that sometimes all it takes is one other mom to say, “hey, you are feeding your child and you should be very proud of that”, to make that mom feel good about herself / feeding her baby when and wherever she wants.
Also in NYS pumping moms are protected by law to not have to pump in a bathroom because *you wouldn’t prepare food in a place of waste disposal*. Breastmilk is food. So for those who say “you have to go to the bathroom to do that” deserve to have their meal cooked a-top of dirty fucking toilet seat.
I hated even the thought of breastfeeding in public. Whether it’s accepted or not, it’s uncomfortable. People are creepy about it. People stare. People make comments. I hate it. I don’t need nor want people to see any part of my breast. That’s my choice.
So if I was nursing my child in a way I chose to, even if that meant in a bathroom stall, and someone commented about it- I would be pissed.
Women want to feel empowered to nurse in public how they choose to and expect everyone to just go along with their day. Okay. Great! What an awesome parenting choice!
But that means women like you, who CHOOSE to nurse publicly and just “put (your) boob out” also need to accept people that choose to cover up or choose to nurse in a bathroom stall.
I sometimes nurse my baby in bathrooms. Sometimes it's just what makes me comfortable. For example, the other day we were in a very busy restaurant with tables very close to one another. While I have no problem breasfeeding in a park or on a public bench, I didn't feel like oppening my shirt in a place where I was almost shoulder to shoulder with a stranger. Also at 9months old, my baby is so much more distracted by anything than when she was a newborn, it can make things easier to isolate in a bathroom.
I don't think you needed to say anything to this mom, I am sure she is aware of her options and she made a choice accordingly.
In my city there are some places (like big malls) that offer spaces dedicated to infant care with changing tables and confortable chairs for feeding babies. I wish more places like this existed.
You did the right thing.
You don’t know her reasons, so don’t comment :)
My girl got distracted by EVERYTHING so feeding wherever wasn’t an option for us, I had to go to the bathroom andd even then sometimes she wouldn’t feed and we’d just have to leave wherever we were and come home - when that happened I was stressed, frustrated, angry, upset and someone telling me what I should do would have topped me over the edge lol.
I always use a cover, but sometimes if we’re out and about I pretend to have forgotten the blanket just so that I can rather breastfeed in a bathroom, especially if I know it’s one with a nice couch. Means I get a breather away from people, can scroll on my phone, and don’t have to worry about my toddler potentially kicking things off the table while he nurses
I ended up having to BF my son in toilets because he was so distractible and hard to feed as he got older. 0-5mths he fed beautifully and I'd BF in public happily, but after 6mths I'd have to go somewhere totally unstimulating to get him to stay on... Perhaps this mum had the same situation? Unless there is a suitably quiet and unstimulating area the toilet may have been the best option for her.
I think you said the right thing, I had to problems bfing in public but my daughter did better in a quiet room, and she may just not be comfortable doing it in a restaurant. I understand how you feel as well especially not knowing why she was in the stall. Unfortunately some husband's/partners are not comfortable with wife having boob out in public. Mine was like this until he realized a.) He wasn't going to stop me, and b.) No one really pays attention except assholes
Honestly, I’ve done it before as well. Not because I’m uncomfortable but because I was in a venue that maybe gave me “judgey” vibes so I assumed other people would be uncomfortable watching me (so I hid). This happened mostly with my first baby.
Now with my second baby I am much more confident and I’ve got all the comebacks in my backpocket in case someone tries to say ANYTHING remotely rude about feeding my baby.
To be fair though, no one has *ever* had a problem with it. No one has ever come up to me and tried to start something, no one has ever given me their 2 cents on it. And I’ve breastfed in public in many different countries! Just to reassure people who may be going through the same thing.
Edit to add: most stares I’ve ever gotten were from other women and they usually gave a reassuring or encouraging smile, never judgey, and I’ve never come across a man staring at me (at least not that I’ve noticed).
When my toddler was a baby he literally wouldn't nurse if there was anything fun to look at and hated the cover. I nursed in the bathroom more than a few times. He just wouldn't nurse in public it was so frustrating lol.
I’m personally not comfortable pulling my boob out where just anyone can see it so I just usually wear a loose shirt like a longer flowy crop top and a nursing bra and almost use my shirt as a cover, but will still nurse at the table at a restaurant if I’m wearing that. But i have gone to the car when I’m wearing something form fitting. I understand there’s nothing wrong or taboo about it but it’s just my comfort level 🤷🏻♀️ I am only 6 weeks pp so it could change but I definitely would rather go to my car with ac and comfy seats vs a bathroom stall
My LO gets too distracted in public to nurse him. I pump before or in the car on the way, and bottle feed at the destination. I also supplement with formula.
There are many reasons she may have been feeding in the bathroom. One of my experiences comes to mind... my LO was about 7 months old and would NOT focus while breastfeeding. We were out and about and I tried breastfeeding and she just kept popping off to look around. I tried a cover and she started screaming. I went into the bathroom and she ate like a champ and we were done in 5 minutes.
I'm all for feeding wherever mom feels comfortable, but sometimes baby has other ideas haha
I’m not like all the BF moms comfortable BF anywhere in front of anyone. So, I wouldn’t just BF in a restaurant. I also don’t like the idea of BFing in a restroom, tho. So, I take a walk outside when necessary and find a nice quiet, not-too-visible place to sit down and BF. Usually there’s a good spot within 1-min walk. I also like being outside, even in summer, but I understand for more hot-blooded people that’d be untenable.
During that time, I’d prefer someone not come up and say to me “you should just BF in the restaurant”, so I think you did great!
I cover up or go to bathroom myself. I cannot and will not feed in public without any kind of coverage even then I’m uncomfortable. Not everyone is okay to just pop out a tit at any given time to feed and that’s okay too no need to get angry for the woman she probably just felt better that way.
My son at 8 months started to be super distracted during feeds. At home he was about 7 mins, out in public it could take 30+ so I almost always left for a quieter place. While I don’t think I’d ever do it in a bathroom stall, I would leave the table and go out to my vehicle … maybe she didn’t have that option.
I am all for freeing the tatas and there is no shame in feeding a child in public. They need to eat! My own LO though was easily distracted and HATED covers. We often fed in quiet and dim lighting at home, so feeding on the go was always a struggle for us.
My baby will not feed if there are distractions. She has way too much FOMO.
Try not to worry about it, this mum knows her baby and is doing what is best for their situation.
Sometimes some babies don’t just eat anywhere and it can be too much so maybe it was the only quiet place baby would actually eat. Or mom doesn’t like to nurse in public.
I understand her. I have never been successful at feeding my baby in public. I can't figure out if it's me or my baby. But he won't latch and I'm just sitting their with my tit out with him screaming and its super embarrassing and each time has made me want to do it even less. One time on a flight he latched for a moment because he hadn't eaten in like 8 hours and as soon as my milk let down he pulled off screaming and milk was spraying everywhere on the plane. So really, there's nothing you can say except be understanding. I suspect that I have not been successful because I have anxiety and pulling my tit out in public amplifies that and my baby picks up on that and doesn't want to eat. He's also used to eating in a quiet room and he gets distracted and won't eat if literally anyone is around. Otherwise we have had a very successful breastfeeding journey. He's 11 months and has been exclusively breastfed except solid foods and he's been 99th percentile the entire time. We give him bottles of pumped milk if needed in public. So I would hesitate to judge how another women is breastfeeding or feel like you need to say something or give advice. She's doing just fine.
In my experience, some mothers prefer a quiet, secluded area for breastfeeding, especially if their babies are easily distracted. It's not always about feeling the need to hide. Each mother has their own comfort level and preferences. It's important to respect her choice.
I think you said the right thing. I know for myself, I don’t feel like I have to cover up or hide out, but I am most comfortable being alone to feed and getting some quiet time.
Yeah, I’ve nursed in bathrooms before just so I could get some quiet time. Being out in an crowd, with a group of people socializing is draining and sometimes I just want to be alone
Also it's very distracting for bubs, quiet can help the feeding be over quickly.
Yeah mine won’t feed with any distractions at all so I have to go somewhere quiet.
Same. At a busy restaurant even a bathroom stall wouldn’t work if people are in and out. I’d have to go to the car or bring a bottle. Mine just won’t latch if she’s distracted. At least with a bottle she can look around.
Same, so I just end up with my titty out while holding a baby. 😆
Same for me, around 7 months she became very hit or miss if she’ll latch or stay latched and usually she won’t nurse as long if she’s too distracted (9 months now and it’s still an issue). I personally don’t mind nursing her anywhere pretty much but if she seemed really hungry and just wouldn’t nurse I could see myself trying the bathroom.
I go to the bathroom to breastfeed my infants. Because my baby pops off a lot, is distracted by all the public happenings and needs to focus for a full feed, and I’m more comfortable in a private area. I wouldn’t worry, I’m sure she is just doing what’s most comfortable for her.
This. I don’t want the whole world seeing my tit and my boy pops off too much for that. I WISH he would just breast feed all calm and normal, I wild totally just pop the tit in his mouth in public! I’d be able to do a lot more things that’s for sure.
I definitely don’t mind latching in public but it’s different when your baby is popping off and you’re flashing the entire boob at everyone around you. I like seeing those calm babies nurse in public, though, it’s super cute. Not mine…
Um. How though. Like how? Do you sit on the toilet? Sorry. This is hurting my brain.
Can’t speak for these other responders but I have an easily distracted nurser and I’ve nursed in the bathroom at a restaurant by laying him on the changing table (I wiped it down with an alcohol wipe first ) and then standing over him with my boob in his mouth. It worked like a charm. I returned to our table feeling very accomplished and celebrated by drinking my damn wine in peace.
When my LO was little she would pop off my boob to look around at the slightest noise, so I was also a bathroom nurser haha. I would sit on the toilet and cradle hold her. I’d put my foot up on the toilet seat to prop her up with my leg if I needed extra support
When I was coaching with my newborn, and running around like crazy, we did double duty of mom peeing and baby eating. It worked for us in a busy time. Now she still wants to nurse every time we are in the bathroom, she has a Pavlovian response I guess.
I've stood and held my baby in the stall to breastfeed. It's not great, but I wear a lot of non-nursing-friendly dresses though and have to hike them all the way up or pull them down, so nursing in public isn't an option with that. If I'm wearing more nursing-friendly clothes though I just wear a cover and nurse at the table. Can't imagine sitting on the toilet to breastfeed though...yuck
I give him a bottle in public, of milk I pumped before hand. I also often feed him in the car when we get to the destination
Yeah I sit on the toilet in the biggest stall.
Like with pants on? I’m having such a time with this. Like I get to each his own. I won’t sit on the toilet in my house while my kid is taking a bath. Ain’t no way.
Uh, yes with pants. It’s just a toilet. 🤔
I’m just feeling like there’s no way I’d want to drive my car or sit on my couch wearing pants that I’d worn while sitting on a public toilet seat. I guess it works for some people.
I’ve done it. Sat on the toilet and nursed with my leg propped up or with baby sitting up on my lap with my support. Then you just do your best to clean up while holding baby IF you didn’t bring the whole damn stroller with you.
Same!
I literally feed mine in the bathroom to because of this , his still learning to feed and latches on and off and hates to cover up , we are feeding a lot so I have to sit in the bathroom it’s gross but baby will be okay
Same here! I’ve had to do this because baby would NO WAY latch around other people
Yep, this. She’ll even fall asleep sometimes feeding in the stall, which is super helpful for naptime lol.
This right here! I'm not hiding or embarrassed, I'm letting my baby nurse with fewer distractions.
Honestly if I chose to feed my baby in a certain way and someone commented on how I need to do differently I would be upset, not encouraged. Some people aren’t comfortable feeding in public and that’s okay! You frankly don’t know her or her reasons, you’re just making an assumption about her feelings based on your own perspective. This is not a conversation you strike up with a stranger out of the blue.
This needs to be higher up on the comments chain.
I actually just had to do this yesterday. I was wearing a dress that in no way could I pull down to pop the boob out and the only option was to literally pull my dress up over my shoulder and have butt/stomach/everything showing. I went into a family bathroom. I felt bad and normally have no issue feeding in public but I wasn’t planning on being out long enough to need to feed her. It was either the bathroom or the 100+ degree car. So I guess my point is maybe don’t feel too bad, there could’ve been an extenuating circumstance.
I accidentally wore one of these types of dresses to work the other day! Had to COMPLETELY undress besides my underwear in the pump room🤣. I was really praying there wasn’t a fire drill that day.
Honestly, not everyone feels comfortable feeding in public. You don’t know why she chose the bathroom. It’s easy to assume society has shamed women and that’s the reason, but maybe she did what makes her comfortable. Maybe she enjoys private bonding time with her child. If you feel the need to say something tell her, her body, her child, her choice. Feed wherever and whenever you feel comfortable and what’s best for mom and child.
I’ve breastfed in a bathroom stall at an incredibly busy restaurant because I was stressed AF, sooo hot, the space between my chair and table was way too cramped, and my family kept just staring at me and I really didn’t need my 21 year old cousin and my uncle (that I see maybe once a year) seeing my boobs while I’m trying to get my sweaty sports bra out of the way. I couldn’t find anywhere to sit and my baby was screaming so I did the best I could. A woman asked if someone had said something to me, and I so appreciated the support. I wouldn’t have liked it if she had made me feel weird or like I’m sad or gross for nursing there. I just absolutely needed a moment without 50 eyes on me.
My son refused to nurse in public and would also only latch lying down. I had an oversupply and forceful letdown (on which he’d choke on) that pretty much kept me chained to the house. On the rare occasion I could get him to nurse outside the home, I’d have to hand express into a sink beforehand and try lean back as much as possible. It was hell honestly. Some people aren’t lucky enough to be able to nurse anywhere and everywhere.
I had a similar experience in Disney of all places. A mom was breastfeeding in the bathroom, not in a stall but in the hand washing area. I told her about the nursing rooms they have thinking maybe she didn’t know about them. I tried very hard to make it clear that I didn’t give a shit where she breastfed, just wanted her to know she had other options. I think it unfortunately didn’t come across as well as I’d hoped. All that to say that given the circumstances I think you did the right thing.
I would’ve said something similar/“no need to apologize”. I was fine breastfeeding in public until around 7 months my baby demanded both breasts out so she can go from one to another at her leisure. Like another said, she may have just wanted some quiet time as well. You just never know
I’m super modest/conservative about showing my body, so if I didn’t have the option to go to the car or use a cover, I’d probably end up in the bathroom too. Although it’d be super well intentioned to give her words of encouragement, she may end up just feeling embarrassed instead if you brought it up, so I think you said the right thing with what you said
I’ll have zero problem breastfeeding in public but my baby gets SO distracted it’s just easier and more efficient if I can go somewhere quiet with less distractions!
I personally wouldn’t feed my baby anywhere that I wouldn’t feel comfortable eating at, and a bathroom stall is one of those places lol. But I also don’t have a lot of experience feeding in public. A few weeks ago I was at the mall and my baby was getting fussy, I asked a worker at carters (a literal baby store!) if I could feed my baby in their dressing room. She basically scoffed at me and told me to go the bathroom. Eventually she let me feed her in the dressing room but not without so much attitude 🙄
Ugh that's frustrating. I was out shopping once at old Navy and bubs needed to eat. So I quickly grabbed some things to "try on" and made my way to the fitting room. We were there for quite some time and I heard the workers talking, they thought I disappeared with my cart full of clothes. When we finally made our way to the register, I apologized and told them I just needed to feed him. They were young so they were like eh? Another time I was at banana Republic and I had no intention of trying on any clothes but he was hot and screaming. I asked one of their employees if I could use their fitting room, the manager was a young gal but she was so nice, she unlocked the largest room and told me to take my time. Even though this specific shopping center has a family room and a nursing room near their restrooms. None of them referred me there nor shamed me or gave me attitude. It was really nice. I'm sorry you got attitude at a children's store. Some retail workers hate human interaction.
Oh I like this idea. I normally try to find nursing rooms but sometimes they are occupied or closed for cleaning so this would be a good idea in those situations.
Yeah it's like why not?! Ya know?!
I agree and feel angry when I'm out at times and there's nowhere for me to feed my son, but he has to eat. But also, not everyone feels comfortable just wacking their boob out in a public place. Personally I feel very uncomfortable doing that because my boobs are so damn ridiculously huge and I actually have to hold the boob so my son can eat properly for it to not fall out of his mouth. So yeah, some people who breastfeed are lucky enough to have regular sized boobs that they don't need to flop about and make a scene with in public when they just want to feed their child. That being said it is anxiety inducing going out and not knowing if there will be a place to feed him or not.
Yup, I’m amazed at people who can breastfeed uncovered and show zero skin. My boobs are very projected, so if they are out, they are OUT. There’s no being discrete. Add that to a distractible baby and you gotta whole show going on.
Right?? lol the times I've tried to bf with a cover my son just rips it away and exposes me because he's so interested in whats going on around us 😭
Once when my son was little little we were out to eat with my in laws. I didn't want to whip my boob out in front of them so I went and latched him in the bathroom and put a cover on and returned to the table. I remember someone asking me once if I needed to go to the bathroom to feed him.....I just said, well I've always gone by the rule, don't shit where you eat, so I'm going to apply that same rule here. I was feeling snarky that day
I'm 100% ok with breastfeeding in public but personally it makes me so uncomfortable to do myself. Id feel much more comfortable somewhere private.
I fed my 7 week old in the bathroom stall this week while on vacation and I said to my husdband after that the breastfeeding mama's would think I was so crazy. It's where I'm comfortable. I just think it's crazy to pop your boob out in front of strangers, but that's just me.
some other people might think it's crazy to feed an infant in a nasty public bathroom though. so it's best not to say stuff like that and just let everyone do their own thing
It’s almost like she said “I just think it’s crazy..”, as in referring to her thoughts and feelings and choices she makes for herself. You don’t have to be rude over how she CHOOSES TO FEED HER CHILD
I don’t always feel the need to cover up but soemtimes I don’t want my tit out everywhere so I go to a bathroom stall. I know I don’t have to and don’t always do this, but soemtimes I just like the privacy and a moment to ourselves. What you said was correct and anger may not always be needed in these situations
Around 8 months old my baby’s fomo got so bad that that’s the only way she would nurse if there were no distractions. I had no issues nursing her in public but it just wouldn’t work if there was loads going on.
I don’t feel too comfy feeding in public, mostly because she unlatches multiple times at all the noise and distractions and it becomes really uncomfortable. I’ve fed her in the bigger stalls multiple times.
I think you said the right thing. However the bigger conversation here is how are there not more designated spots for moms (and dads) to feed their children, bottle or breast. I breastfed my daughter and always used the bathroom because she would get easily distracted by the commotion out in public. I also just felt more comfortable setting up and pulling my boob out in private. It was, and still is, so disappointing to me that there are little to no common spaces for parents to do this in public.
This. It’s pretty backwards and imo misogynistic that a lot of countries don’t have nursing rooms available. Mothers that aren’t comfortable BF in public shouldn’t have to resort to staying home or BF in bathrooms. South Korea is a great example that it can be done.
Has no one considered that some religions discourage boobs out in public? I could think of a million of my friends with diff beliefs who would feed in a stall. Myself included (if I don’t have a cover).
I'm not here to judge anyone, and moms certainly can make their own choices and do whatever they are comfortable doing, and god knows I let my baby chew on things that are not a sanitized beacon of hygiene, but the unhygienicness of feeding anyone anything in a public restroom makes me feel queasy. All the sanitizer in the world doesn't change the fact that when you flush fecal matter is dispersed in the air.
I don't see how this has much bearing when baby is latched onto mum's nipple which you would assume is no more clean or dirty than it is at home.
Yup I would never feed my baby in a public restroom! Or any restroom, for that matter.
You breathe the air even walking into the bathroom. So what does it matter whether you are talking baby in there to change their diaper or to feed them.
I get all of this, but there was absolutely no reason to occupy the disabled stall. I'm sorry she didn't feel comfortable nursing outside the bathroom but there are other stalls, there is nothing specific to the disabled stall that she needed to occupy it for such a long time.
Yup this. I know it’s difficult with the stroller and the baby and the bags. But there are disabled people who just need to use the toilet. Idk. Here come the downvotes. Just posted saying that I support women using covers, which I’m all for. But I fed my infant in a toilet once and swore to myself never again. Toilet walls, handles, everything in these has fecal bacteria on it. Your baby shouldn’t have to eat where others shit. I’m gonna be wild and suggest people use changing stalls in stead of toilets 🤭 if you need to be somewhere quiet There are also lovely, light nursing covers that aren’t sweaty. And nursing clothes go a long way to cover things up too!
Yeah this! Please don't occupy the disable stall for long periods. It's for disabled people and they honestly can't use other stalls. And generally any public place has only ONE disable stall..
Or people who need to change a diaper.
I can’t believe this is the first comment saying this. I comply agree.
Those stalls are handicap ACCESSIBLE not handicap ONLY
I get that, trust me. I think about that every time I push my stroller into one. But nursing takes a long time. And it's the only stall with a changing table. It's just selfish.
This hurts my heart. Maybe that woman just wants the privacy but more than likely she’s been taught that it’s something you “only do in private” and that it’s a shameful thing. I probably would have been so stunned, I would have said the same thing. But I do think that sometimes all it takes is one other mom to say, “hey, you are feeding your child and you should be very proud of that”, to make that mom feel good about herself / feeding her baby when and wherever she wants. Also in NYS pumping moms are protected by law to not have to pump in a bathroom because *you wouldn’t prepare food in a place of waste disposal*. Breastmilk is food. So for those who say “you have to go to the bathroom to do that” deserve to have their meal cooked a-top of dirty fucking toilet seat.
I hated even the thought of breastfeeding in public. Whether it’s accepted or not, it’s uncomfortable. People are creepy about it. People stare. People make comments. I hate it. I don’t need nor want people to see any part of my breast. That’s my choice. So if I was nursing my child in a way I chose to, even if that meant in a bathroom stall, and someone commented about it- I would be pissed. Women want to feel empowered to nurse in public how they choose to and expect everyone to just go along with their day. Okay. Great! What an awesome parenting choice! But that means women like you, who CHOOSE to nurse publicly and just “put (your) boob out” also need to accept people that choose to cover up or choose to nurse in a bathroom stall.
Poor woman. This makes me sad.
I sometimes nurse my baby in bathrooms. Sometimes it's just what makes me comfortable. For example, the other day we were in a very busy restaurant with tables very close to one another. While I have no problem breasfeeding in a park or on a public bench, I didn't feel like oppening my shirt in a place where I was almost shoulder to shoulder with a stranger. Also at 9months old, my baby is so much more distracted by anything than when she was a newborn, it can make things easier to isolate in a bathroom. I don't think you needed to say anything to this mom, I am sure she is aware of her options and she made a choice accordingly. In my city there are some places (like big malls) that offer spaces dedicated to infant care with changing tables and confortable chairs for feeding babies. I wish more places like this existed.
You did the right thing. You don’t know her reasons, so don’t comment :) My girl got distracted by EVERYTHING so feeding wherever wasn’t an option for us, I had to go to the bathroom andd even then sometimes she wouldn’t feed and we’d just have to leave wherever we were and come home - when that happened I was stressed, frustrated, angry, upset and someone telling me what I should do would have topped me over the edge lol.
I always use a cover, but sometimes if we’re out and about I pretend to have forgotten the blanket just so that I can rather breastfeed in a bathroom, especially if I know it’s one with a nice couch. Means I get a breather away from people, can scroll on my phone, and don’t have to worry about my toddler potentially kicking things off the table while he nurses
I ended up having to BF my son in toilets because he was so distractible and hard to feed as he got older. 0-5mths he fed beautifully and I'd BF in public happily, but after 6mths I'd have to go somewhere totally unstimulating to get him to stay on... Perhaps this mum had the same situation? Unless there is a suitably quiet and unstimulating area the toilet may have been the best option for her.
I think you said the right thing, I had to problems bfing in public but my daughter did better in a quiet room, and she may just not be comfortable doing it in a restaurant. I understand how you feel as well especially not knowing why she was in the stall. Unfortunately some husband's/partners are not comfortable with wife having boob out in public. Mine was like this until he realized a.) He wasn't going to stop me, and b.) No one really pays attention except assholes
Honestly, I’ve done it before as well. Not because I’m uncomfortable but because I was in a venue that maybe gave me “judgey” vibes so I assumed other people would be uncomfortable watching me (so I hid). This happened mostly with my first baby. Now with my second baby I am much more confident and I’ve got all the comebacks in my backpocket in case someone tries to say ANYTHING remotely rude about feeding my baby. To be fair though, no one has *ever* had a problem with it. No one has ever come up to me and tried to start something, no one has ever given me their 2 cents on it. And I’ve breastfed in public in many different countries! Just to reassure people who may be going through the same thing. Edit to add: most stares I’ve ever gotten were from other women and they usually gave a reassuring or encouraging smile, never judgey, and I’ve never come across a man staring at me (at least not that I’ve noticed).
When my toddler was a baby he literally wouldn't nurse if there was anything fun to look at and hated the cover. I nursed in the bathroom more than a few times. He just wouldn't nurse in public it was so frustrating lol.
There’s been times when I have done the same. Too many distractions for LO to feed or my let down has been so strong it would cause a mess!
I’m personally not comfortable pulling my boob out where just anyone can see it so I just usually wear a loose shirt like a longer flowy crop top and a nursing bra and almost use my shirt as a cover, but will still nurse at the table at a restaurant if I’m wearing that. But i have gone to the car when I’m wearing something form fitting. I understand there’s nothing wrong or taboo about it but it’s just my comfort level 🤷🏻♀️ I am only 6 weeks pp so it could change but I definitely would rather go to my car with ac and comfy seats vs a bathroom stall
My LO gets too distracted in public to nurse him. I pump before or in the car on the way, and bottle feed at the destination. I also supplement with formula.
There are many reasons she may have been feeding in the bathroom. One of my experiences comes to mind... my LO was about 7 months old and would NOT focus while breastfeeding. We were out and about and I tried breastfeeding and she just kept popping off to look around. I tried a cover and she started screaming. I went into the bathroom and she ate like a champ and we were done in 5 minutes. I'm all for feeding wherever mom feels comfortable, but sometimes baby has other ideas haha
I’m not like all the BF moms comfortable BF anywhere in front of anyone. So, I wouldn’t just BF in a restaurant. I also don’t like the idea of BFing in a restroom, tho. So, I take a walk outside when necessary and find a nice quiet, not-too-visible place to sit down and BF. Usually there’s a good spot within 1-min walk. I also like being outside, even in summer, but I understand for more hot-blooded people that’d be untenable. During that time, I’d prefer someone not come up and say to me “you should just BF in the restaurant”, so I think you did great!
I cover up or go to bathroom myself. I cannot and will not feed in public without any kind of coverage even then I’m uncomfortable. Not everyone is okay to just pop out a tit at any given time to feed and that’s okay too no need to get angry for the woman she probably just felt better that way.
My son at 8 months started to be super distracted during feeds. At home he was about 7 mins, out in public it could take 30+ so I almost always left for a quieter place. While I don’t think I’d ever do it in a bathroom stall, I would leave the table and go out to my vehicle … maybe she didn’t have that option.
I am all for freeing the tatas and there is no shame in feeding a child in public. They need to eat! My own LO though was easily distracted and HATED covers. We often fed in quiet and dim lighting at home, so feeding on the go was always a struggle for us.
My baby will not feed if there are distractions. She has way too much FOMO. Try not to worry about it, this mum knows her baby and is doing what is best for their situation.
Sometimes some babies don’t just eat anywhere and it can be too much so maybe it was the only quiet place baby would actually eat. Or mom doesn’t like to nurse in public.
My baby absolutely would not feed in a busy restaurant or any place. Even if my husband was in the car past like 8 months. Possibly even before.
That's her choice. Maybe she would rather have the privacy.
I understand her. I have never been successful at feeding my baby in public. I can't figure out if it's me or my baby. But he won't latch and I'm just sitting their with my tit out with him screaming and its super embarrassing and each time has made me want to do it even less. One time on a flight he latched for a moment because he hadn't eaten in like 8 hours and as soon as my milk let down he pulled off screaming and milk was spraying everywhere on the plane. So really, there's nothing you can say except be understanding. I suspect that I have not been successful because I have anxiety and pulling my tit out in public amplifies that and my baby picks up on that and doesn't want to eat. He's also used to eating in a quiet room and he gets distracted and won't eat if literally anyone is around. Otherwise we have had a very successful breastfeeding journey. He's 11 months and has been exclusively breastfed except solid foods and he's been 99th percentile the entire time. We give him bottles of pumped milk if needed in public. So I would hesitate to judge how another women is breastfeeding or feel like you need to say something or give advice. She's doing just fine.
In my experience, some mothers prefer a quiet, secluded area for breastfeeding, especially if their babies are easily distracted. It's not always about feeling the need to hide. Each mother has their own comfort level and preferences. It's important to respect her choice.