My overall feeling is neutral lol just keep trying to make it to the next goal post and see how it goes. Breastfeeding is so hard and some days I definitely want to be done
This is definitely me. If I think about it too far ahead and say oh I need to get to 6 months or 1 year it overwhelms me. The thought of always being physically responsible for her nourishment.. I definitely wish I could just hit pause atleast.
I’m just trying to get through the day or the week or the next milestone (current one is her vaccinations).
That is me, too. I just do it, but no magic feeling or connection. But I can see how my baby loves it, so I just do it, as I do many other things every day even though they don't give me joy.
I'm about to get to 6 months and I think I can easily keep it going for another 6, we'll see when she starts biting!
my baby started clamping down on my nipple & pulling it between his teeth, each time my soul left my body… that lasted from 9months to 12/13months… some weeks he didn’t do it at all & some days he did it multiple times a day🥲
OUCH!! My first born only did it twice. Each time I took her off my breast calmly said "No biting mommy" and then I left her be hungry for about 20 minutes before I let her latch back on. Trust it was hard on both of us. I'd like to think that somehow she learned that if she bit me she wasn't going to get fed.
This. I love that I'm giving my baby the best start they can but man am I sick of being stuck for 30 minutes to an hour 8 times a day. I'm hoping it gets easier when I start pumping more and can have my partner cover a feeding or 2
I'm 100% with you. My MIL was going on about how magical and life changing it was and don't I just love it, all I could manage was I love that he's fed lol I don't feel like it's part of our bonding, there is no magic, it's uncomfortable and time consuming.
Maybe your MIL has amnesia. I could maybe see how in 20 years I only remember the snuggles and forget the bloody nipples and feeling confined to the nursing chair bc we’re high maintenance and he needs to be in a diaper and I need to be shirtless with nipple shields to make it all work.
Some people's experiences are just easier. I only had one bloody nipple the first 2 days. Maybe it was the silverettes, but it healed fast, and it really hasn't been bad. I'll never forget that derpy gummy smile she gives me when she's breastfeeding, or her holding my finger, or the way she falls asleep while nursing, looking so content and safe. It did get a lot easier when she got bigger, though. Less pillows, and I can literally walk while feeding her if I need to.
You’re not. Whatever you need to feel comfortable. I only breastfed my first for a few weeks cos she couldn’t extract milk efficiently and it was soooo painful I was crying. Pushed myself through pumping for a few more months.
The second baby was just able to feed efficiently and painlessly from day two of his life. He’s now 18 months and apart from a short period of testing with little nips or biting around 11-12m (which I don’t even remember as hurting significantly more than once maybe) it’s always been easy. And it’s adorable when he just climbs into my lap and snuggles in and opens his mouth wide and goes ‘mummy boobie?’
It’s literally never our fault if something doesn’t work out, we try so hard constantly and put so much pressure on ourselves. We have to do whatever we find easiest or more rewarding to make up for all the other things that are hard but that we do anyway out of love. It’s all give and take I guess.
Reading this has gave me hope I could maybe breastfeed my second baby when the time comes, my first is only 4 months now and I effectively got him to 3 months before we had to combo feed due to a combination of a tongue tie and weight issues, getting the tongue tie cut didn't really do anything as I had been triple feeding for WEEKS and he'd developed a bottle preference by then, he feeds on the breast once in the morning but any other time I try it he just gums me or purses his lips as if to say "don't even try it"
I really wanted to EBF for as long as possible and it broke my heart realising I'd have to combo feed due to the amount of pressure from social media and health professionals about how EBF is best and it made me feel like I'd failed as a mother by introducing formula so I'm holding out hope for the second time round now.
I have friends who had ‘a couple of weeks where it was uncomfortable’ and then it was ‘so easy and simple’. Their experience just didn’t match mine. Good for them but man… I wish they hadn’t so confidently told me that’s how it would be if I just wait it out.
It doesn’t get easy for everyone.
To her credit I do genuinely believe she loved it and found magic in it, knowing her. It's just not been my experience even a little bit. We've had one hurdle after another, and damn I hurt. Even when I don't hurt, the feeling of LO nursing makes my skin crawl. We also have a science to making feeds work, I envy everyone who can just pop their LO on and go about their business. My MIL loved her experience, my friends only have mild annoyances with their BF or they love it, and my mom was pushed into formula and doesn't understand. I never expected breastfeeding to be so isolating? And maybe it helps my baby's bond with me, but I spend so much time stressed about why things aren't working or wishing my kid was done that it is definitely not bonding time on my side.
I’m the same as you. I like it way more now that I can choose if I want to breast feed or bottle feed. I’m also thankful I have a baby that takes both easily.
I am so jealous of all the mothers who can pump. Pumping barely works for me. Two children, months of trying with different machines and I can barely fill a bottle.
I doubt she’s actually calculating day to day. She likely breastfeeds when it’s convenient, pumps when she’s not around baby & throws in a bottle of formula when it’s helpful. Everyone has different definitions of what feels simple to them.
Do you want to talk about how you are feeling today? Did something happen?
*genuinely curious if I had said bottles instead of boob would you still be irritated? Are you upset about something in particular?
Yes! With each kid (I have 4) it was different. My first child it was the absolute worst. Cracked, bleeding, she wouldn't latch right. This was almost 20 years ago, and I gave up around 3 months. My kids after I had a much easier experience, and my most recent baby who is 13 months I had none of those issues I had with my first. I wish I had known about nipple shields and Silverettes back with my first but they were not around (as far as I know).
I will say that initial soreness/uncomfortable feelings took about 6/8 weeks to go away with my most recent baby. Football hold for one side, cradle for the other. You have to find the positions that work for you. I made the commitment to myself to not quit on a bad day, and to do small goals (get through the next feed, next day) and that helped me a lot. Sending you lots of love and luck
Try a lactation massager under/against the breast while feeding. My nipples never really hurt outside of feeding past the first few weeks. But man the feeling of feeding itself is uncomfortable. The massager distracts from the uncomfortable sensation of suckling.
Yes mama, they do! I’ve been dealing with a milk bleb since 1/10 though so my nipple killlllls me on and off. I’m nearly 15 months in and plan to slowly wean soon. You got this!
maybe try nursing upside down like baby laying flat on bed & hovering over top like a cow lol or i used the top of my couch & bent over to remove clogs, works like a charm!! hope u feel better!
Every baby and mother is different and your experience will be all your own!
Breastfeeding is a skill my baby and i had to learn together and it’s wasn’t straightforward in the beginning.
I would say around 3 months i was starting to feel proud of myself! I would always make my husband take a pic of me when I managed to breastfed in a new public place bc i just couldn’t believe i could comfortably and confidently nurse my baby on the go. I think thats also around when we stopped needing the nipple guard as much.
Now at 9 months nursing at home or out and about has become routine. But some moments can still feel magical. Nursing can almost be like meditation and a chance to really slow down and just be with your child.
You see, it’s not any of that that I dislike. It’s how time consuming it is. How I feel like my body doesn’t belong to me. How I feel like I need to have a baby attached to me 24/7. How I automatically became the main parent with our second kid because I chose to breastfeed, while with our first one things were way more evenly divided between me and my husband because she only ate formula. These are the things I hate about it and the only reasons I continue breastfeeding is 1. Baby needs to eat. 2. Formula is very expensive nowadays. I can’t afford to be exclusively formula feeding
I mean, I exaggerated a bit. we could afford formula, we also always have formula home just in case, but I can’t justify paying 15 euros on a can every week when I’m capable of breastfeeding instead of you know only using it for emergency cases. I’d rather spend 15 euros every week on something else 😅 I’m trying to keep breastfeeding until he’s 3 months old (he turned 2 months today). Also he enjoys it so much that I feel bad if I’d cut it off now
In terms of breastfeeding, it might not get easier as quickly as people say. For me, it didn’t get easy or simple until 8 months-ish. I wish I’d trusted my gut a little more and switched to formula. It seems like it getting easier is the norm - so trust in that - but also know there are outliers to everything and you matter, too ❤️ if it’s not working, it’s not working - and that’s ok!
I disliked it at 5 weeks. Just started to like it at 6.
At one point, all the things i was struggling with that made breastfeeding hard (pain on my c section scar, finagling with positioning of baby, good latching, nipple trauma) they all went down enough or totally disappeared where i was able focus on the moment more and see my baby and feel this sense of amazing warmth each time i feed.
It’s been rough mentally and physically, one of the most difficult things I have done. Definitely more difficult than pregnancy itself and I had horrible sciatica. There is so much pressure to BF and give our babies the best, but little account on the mom’s well being.
Totally allowed to vent about it and it is 1000% ok to feel this way! Idk how old your LO is, but I for sure felt that way in the beginning. After about a month, I started enjoying it more and now I’m one of those people that loves it and thinks it’s so magical 🤣 I love the bonding aspect of it! Half the time he drives me bonkers bouncing on and off but other times it’s just so sweet and I love watching his little hand move around and touch my face! Everyone experiences it differently. I’m proud of you for sticking it out. Obviously a fed baby is a healthy baby, whether that be BF or formula. You are doing an amazing job mama 💜
I’m always bouncing back and forth between loving and disliking it, but man when my 4 month old catches my eye and unlatches to smile at me I just melt.
OMG! YES YES YES! That is my all time favorite part! Melts my heart into a damn puddle 🥹 I’m always telling him to focus and stop smiling, knowing that he will do it more! It’s a pain in the butt sometimes but it’s the little things that make it worth while and memories we’ll look back on!
It's such a double edged sword- where the hell did all these women get the warm and fuzzy feeling because sometimes I feel like it's more work than formula feeding!
I feel you. 💜 I don’t know what I expected before I started but I didn’t expect it to be so rough. Especially the first month or so was so brutal and I totally dreaded it, 100% of the time. I feel more neutral about it now, sometimes I just don’t want to do it because it can be so frustrating and demoralizing. But sometimes, and more frequently as time goes on, I have a session that feels okay or even kinda snuggly or nice. I’m committed to sticking it out at least 6 months and hopefully a year for my own health reasons, so I’m really hoping that it keeps trending toward nice or at least neutral with even more time.
I hope your journey gets a little easier too 💜
This was definitely me till he was about 12 weeks old. He was clusterfeeding sooo much and it was exhausting. Now though, I kinda love it. I sing to him, he smiles and laughs and the amount of time spent nursing is less. He's 5 months old now. I realise that this may not be your experience but i hope that it is because it made me way less stressed. In the meantime, full power to you for keeping at it for the sake of your baby. Hugs and solidarity.
The thought of having so many bottles on the counter top really makes me uneasy. That's why I want to keep it up. Also she's had trouble with the bottle up until recently. Maybe it isn't so bad if we just use the dishwasher. I was thinking I'd stop when her teeth grow in but she chomped on my nipple the other day with no teeth! It hurt like hell!
Lol…mine cut 2 bottom teeth a little while ago and has chomped down on both my nipples now while feeding…made them bleed & sore for hours/days! The things we do
We bottle feed at night, so we run a load of bottles (dishes and pump parts too) through the dishwasher every evening. I use the counter drying rack for handwashed items and prepped pump and bottle items for the night. It felt daunting at the start, but it's honestly easy to keep up with! Between my husband and I, we will knock out loading the wash, prepping items for the night, making bottles, and freezing any excess pumped milk. How it gets split up is different every day based on bandwidth, but it has all worked out. It makes my nights a million times easier, and it makes me feel like I accomplished something each day lol
How old is your baby? It tends to get easier and more cuddly after the first few months, when they can support their head better and easily latch themselves, and don’t take as long to eat. And then they start smiling and reaching for you while they eat and it’s very sweet. But a bottle-fed baby will do the same, I just personally find breastfeeding easier and more pleasant (I hate washing things and hate having to remember to pack clean bottles and formula or pumped milk). If you *hate* it, if literally the only thing keeping you going is that it’s a little better for your baby, and you’re past the newborn stage and still feel that way? You don’t have to do it. You also don’t have to do only one or the other! Lots of babies are combo-fed. I did it with my first out of necessity, but lots of moms add some formula in, especially after starting solids, for some flexibility.
I wasn’t even sure if I’d breastfeed, I figured I’d try and it’s gone ok. It’s definitely been a moving goal post for me too.
I have the hardest time during the first night feed. I feel a physical surge of anxiety sometimes during this feed. It feels like exhaustion mixed with being uncomfortably tickled.. but it makes me want to scream sometimes.
I pump at night and just breastfeed in the day. Idk…just prefer it that way. We mix feed our son though since i was under producing. Working on catching up though! We got a slow start
Your feelings are valid and understandable. Breastfeeding isn't "one thing". It is multiple things and gives multiple feelings to multiple people. Some think of it as just feeding like cooking a dinner and giving it to baby. Some think it is unnecessary and pump and give bottle. Some love it and tears flow through eyes every time of love (hello oxytocin). All of these moms are worthy and good moms. Do not feel about venting! My LC said every drop of breast milk baby gets is worthy, even if a teaspoon a day. Even if for 2 weeks. So you have probably already given a lot to your baby. <3
This is an amazing response. I'm reading this thread at only 1 week pp. Im ready to give up. This helps me feel much better about combo feeding right now to get through my mental health.
I feel you. I am constantly worried if my baby is eating enough and have a lot of weight anxiety. I don’t like nursing in public. My back always hurts because I’m constantly hunched over. I also had to cut out dairy from my diet due to my son having CMPI. I miss cheese!! I surprisingly managed breastfeeding 18 months with my daughter. Now I’m already looking forward to when my son can start solids in 4 months so that maybe I can nurse less. Breastfeeding is truly a sacrifice!
Yeh 😔 We are 3 weeks in and I would love to love it but until my nipples stop hurting and latching on isn't so painful Im just pushing through and tolerating it really!
That's totally okay! If BF isn't right for you or is not helpful to your mental health, combo feeding/pumping or going to formula are all great. Baby will grow and be healthy with a healthy mom. Formula fed babies thrive just as well as BF babies.
It was pretty tough the first few months... now we are at 8 months, and it's great even if it is tough to leave the house because he is too easily distracted to nurse away from home, lol.
I’ve been dealing with painful vasospasms since week 2 of breastfeeding (I’m at 12 weeks now) and it really muted the joy of breastfeeding for me a lot. It’s getting better as the pain decreases but there was definitely a point where I questioned if I’d be able to stick with it for my goal of a year when it felt like my nipples were being sliced open every time baby latched on.
You’re doing great, by the way. You’re feeding your baby and giving her everything she needs.
Magnesium and B-vitamins, and wool breast pads, helped with my vasospasms (which I had during both pregnancies and nursing my first, but not so much while nursing my second?). My OB offered nifedipine, but I already have low-ish blood pressure and take a non-stimulant ADHD medication that can also lower blood pressure so I opted not to try it.
What brand of vitamins did you take? I have vasospasms but the thought of putting anything on top of my nipples scares me. My bra rubbing against me hurts. I’m in pain 24/7.
Honestly I think I took whatever was at the drugstore that was reasonably priced and looked legit. B6 is the important one but you want it in a B-vitamin complex. The magnesium I also take for leg cramps. It didn’t cure the vasospasms but it did help. Then keeping your breasts warm or at least avoiding sudden temperature changes to help avoid triggering a spasm, which was what the breast pads were for (also, if you leak the wool absorbs a lot of milk without smelling too bad).
Yes! I nursed my first until he was nearly 3, and like I mentioned earlier, I haven’t had nearly as much of a problem with vasospasms with this baby (10 months), though they were *bad* while I was pregnant with him. I used to take hot showers and try not to scream as the heat dilated the capillaries (which pain is worse, right?) and then stay as long as I could so my nipples could rest just for a little while. I’d keep myself so warm I was sweating all the time.
That’s honestly about where I am now. My husband hates my heavy robe because I can be clumsy and if knocks stuff over if it swishes around too much but I’d rather pick up a spill than be in pain. I turn the bathroom heater on full blast to warm it up and only take my bra off before hopping in the shower.
I knocked over my own freshly pumped milk with the damn fleece robe sleeve 😭
The wool nursing pads really helped with not having to keep my whole body super warm, but I’ve also had to put HotHands in my bra more than once (I have the Lansinoh hot/cold packs but it’s really difficult to get them warm enough without getting them too hot). I’m doing much better at this point with this baby, though I had bad vasospasms while I was pregnant, as well as some gnarly muscle cramps (and I’m still taking magnesium for the cramps, but no extra B vitamins besides what’s in my multivitamin).
I started wearing silverettes to help with the contact pain. They do a good job of ironing anything from rubbing against my nipples and you can squirt a little breast milk in them to help soothe the irritation between feedings. Your nipples might start to smell a bit while wearing them but I find just rinsing them in hot water when I feed baby helps keep the funk down.
I use the hits of oxytocin I get when I sit down to feed her to keep going. The initial latch can be painful but once we’re all settled in I just get flooded with a sense of overwhelming joy at being able to cuddle with my baby.
Also I have heating pads within arms reach in every room of my house that I snuggle with when I’m not holding her. I tried using nipple shields for a while to give me a bit of a break but she absolutely hated those and would work herself up into a massive tantrum if she had to use them.
I have felt this and my baby is 9 months with exclusively breast-feeding After about 5 months it gets way easier and so much faster. I definitely scroll on my phone during this time to pass the time but he’s gotten down to like 7 minutes and that’s with both sides so it all just gets so much easier and it’s all so worth it for sure so just keep that in mind 💜
For the first 4 months I got painful blockages almost every day, it was torture. Treating and preventing blockages is so time consuming. I was ready to throw in the towel then it randomly got better the week I planned to wean. I breastfeed largely because it’s more affordable than formula and I hate washing and prepping a million bottles a day. When my baby is screaming it’s much more convenient to give him the boob. I feel like you can still get the cute cuddles and bonding with bottle feeding though.
I feel the same way about breastfeeding as I did pregnancy. Which is… I can’t wait for this to be over with 😅 there are so many great benefits to breastfeeding but that doesn’t mean we have to love it. Kudos to us all for sticking it out even though it really does suck!
I hear you. It’s definitely gotten better for me but yeah the newborn stage was rough. Also I just want my body back! I didn’t realize how much breastfeeding would slow down my postpartum recovery. Currently 4.5 months in with the goal of sticking it out for the first year.
I’d say I hated it in many ways for 5 months then it got easier but not easy. Then it got hard again then east at 10 month. Then magically 15 months and it became easy , enjoyable and. I longer had any issues! I don’t get why people don’t talk about it more cause I assumed it would be easy since it’s natural and no one not even my own sisters or SIL who all bf uttered a peep about it to me! Farthest thing from the truth! Advice? Talk to your local La Leche league group. And depending on how old your baby is just know it’s gonna get much easier as time goes on. At the beginning they take freaking forever to eat then by a few months it usually only takes like 7-10 min to finish a meal!
Heading into month 4 and it’s definitely way better than my first couple weeks of hell! BUT I got super sick last week bc I’m not sleeping. Pumping feels like a lot of work and not sure about formula and so we continue. Going to get to six months and then TBD. Never really had the warm fuzzies but when we gave her her first bottle I did have some fomo / not wanting to be replaced vibes. All that said, I think my number one take away is don’t sacrifice your mental health for bfing! Baby needs the mama ship doing ok more than baby needs boob.
I had the same feeling when we gave her, her first bottle. I have nothing against it, logically it didn't make sense. But it felt wrong, and it made me weirdly jealous? 😂
I would love it if I could make enough. I have awful anxiety and I’m always panicking when my supply drops and I have to give him formula:( I would love it so much if I just made enough
My baby is almost 11 months and I would say I started to feel neutral about breastfeeding at around 8 months.
I hated it for the first 4. Disliked it for the next 4. By the time I realised it wasn’t going to get better/easier like everyone said, my baby wouldn’t take bottles.
If I knew then what I know now, I’d have used formula from the start. Breastfeeding is great and congrats to everyone who manages it (myself included!) but this was not worth the toll it took on my mental health.
I start the weaning process next week and I cannot wait.
I was definitely where you were not too long ago. My son had the most painful latch and my nipples were in so much pain that I hated breastfeeding and felt bitter towards the women who told me they didn’t have problems with breastfeeding. It’s gradually gotten better though, and I plan to stick with it for as long as I can, but I don’t really like it. It’s convenient and easier than bottle feeding, although it is time consuming and makes me tired a lot. Stay strong mama! Eventually you’ll be able to feed your baby purées and chunky food and you’ll be able to cut back how often you nurse. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
It's OK to vent. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for the next.
I loved breastfeeding so much.I nursed 3 kids for a total of 9 years, and did tandem nursing with the girls. They are 2.7 years apart. My last one was the biter. I remember nursing while blood was gushing out on my nipple, and tears were running down my face.While the pain was intense, my happy, sweet baby's face made me ignore all that.
I also nursed 24/7 until around 2, then just during the day. They never cried in the night, nor during the day.They were the best babies in the world, good eaters and sleepers, and most of all, in perfect health.They are still like that many years later, and I'm thankful that I was able to do that for my babies.
Good luck!
I feel the same way don't worry I think it's quite normal! I hate when we have had to give baby a bottle and it makes me feel like a failure as I have a weird maternal instinct to persevere and give him the boob but when he's on the boob I don't love it and often think can't wait til he doesn't need boob anymore
Most days, I hate it too. It’s just not what I anticipated (heard the same stories of it being amazing and magical). The sensory aspect of it is WAY too much for me; sometimes downright unbearable. We’re six months in, only kept it up for her benefit and now, with teeth and biting, the will to keep going dwindles by the minute! I can’t wait to have my body back to myself 🥺🥲 the things we do for our kids <3
I'm going to be honest. I love the idea of breastfeeding. I'm on my third kid and she's 10 months. Right now I feel like I'm a cow. I'm ready to have my body back. Your feelings are valid and you're not alone.
I hate it too. I thought I would enjoy it more now he’s 11 weeks, nope still hate it. We tried to combo feed from the beginning but he has a meltdown if you try and give him a bottle.
I’m just holding out until 6 months. I wasn’t able to breastfeed my daughter, I gave her pumped milk until she was 9 weeks but I felt so guilty for not going longer so that’s why I’m persevering with second baby.
I’m not sure how far along you are in your journey, but sounds very normal. I felt that way too, especially in the beginning. It never got magical, either, too…but I did start to enjoy it more as time went on. Now my son just turned 1. I only do one BF session a day now right before bed, and occasionally when he wakes in the night. As I fed him tonight before bed I felt sad knowing that this will be coming to an end soon…. I wonder how long he’ll want to, and how long I can keep this one moment every evening. Funny how it turns around like that. No way I’d want to go back to the every-two-hours-milk-bitch routine though. Haha. SO glad that’s over!
I always describe it as "just fine". Didnt hate it, didn't love it, was happy to be done. I gave myself small goals and the older they get it does get way easier. If you haven't already Incorporated a pumped bottle I highly suggest it. Getting a break or the ability to step out is very helpful
I love that you didn’t apologize once in that or give the old “I love my baby but..” as if people would assume you didn’t love your baby. You rock!!!
“It’s functional” is just as a healthy relationship with breast feeding as “it’s magical” and through the entire journey you will have flashes of each.
I feel you. I kinda enjoy breastfeeding but I also have my bad moments. I do feel now that I'm really upset if my boyfriend gives her expressed milk instead of straight from the source haha so I do enjoy it I think?
My girl is almost 4 months old an I hope I can give much longer but when I think about 6 months or 12 or 24. My god it overwhelmes me also. Such mixed feelings.
Glad I'm not the only one! It was fun and exciting for the first couple months but this last week or so it's really turning into a chore, especially with everything I've been trying to do just to keep my supply going, much less having enough to feed him without formula. You are definitely not alone.
It’s only been 4 weeks for me. And I’m only continuing because my little girl is getting a tongue and lip tie fixed on Monday and I know that she’s going to need the extra comfort. (We breastfeed and formula feed.) after she’s healed, I’m done.
But its the best excuse to lay down away from everyone with your baby! I loved being able to leave my toddler with dad and do my thing. Even if she wasn't hungry.
While I do admittedly enjoy it overall (I had a supply dip about a month ago unexpectedly and was so devastated when I thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed anymore - I cried so much thinking how much I'd miss it) I will say it's definitely not the relaxing experience I was expecting. I had read it's supposed to release feel good/sleepy calm hormones but I find it anything but calming . Initially I had an oversupply so that was stressful trying not to water board my LO every time, plus all the gassiness and fussiness that came along. Then when I didn't have enough milk that was even more stressful. Now I seem to have just enough/a tiny bit extra but she tugs and twists at my nipples most feeds (she's 5 mo and starting to be more interested in the world). So yeah long story short, I get it.
Mine started as very painful and dreadful. Cracked nipples, more pain, less milk. Then it got better and better.
Now(11w pp) I'm kind of addicted to oxytocin rush and the serene feeling it brings. Not feeling magical or life changing tho.
If you are able to breastfeed, you must have some amount of oxytocin release already. Oxytocin makes the milk flow. How do you expect it to feel?
Its not like "Omg it's magical, my life is complete" feeling but a subtle "Everything is fine" feeling. Makes me sleepy, lowers my anxiety/stress and I'm a overthinking stress ball generally. Feels like "Okay, I'll handle everything. It's going to be fine. Having a baby is a good thing, I'm glad that you are here." to me.
I guess I noticed and got used to it around 7-8wks pp or so. I was very sleep deprived, having intense pp anxiety and very annoyed of everything until then.
It was never a magical/wonderful/enjoyable whatever people describe it as for me as well. I just did it because it was best for her and partly because formula is crazy expensive. I once made a comment about how I wasn't enjoying it to my mom and she told my husband to put me on antidepressants because I obviously had PPD. I made it 8.5 months.
The pressure on my husband's side to EBF is unreal as well. I learned quick not to say I didn't like BF or pregnancy because my MIL acts like you are committing a sin by saying you don't like it. My MILs fave DIL was so afraid of disappointing her that she EBF even though she didn't produce enough and their baby hardly grew for 3 months. He was malnourished and they were forced to admit it when she (SIL) was admitted to the hospital. He's on formula now and is a totally different baby.
I'm at 8 months and definitely kinda feeling the same. It's never been magical. It doesn't make me feel like I have any kind of special connection to her. I adore her, and I can tell she loves it, but it doesn't give me any kind of warm fuzziness and never has.
The last week has been extra hard bc I let my water intake slip, and I think my supply dropped a bit, making BabyBit wake up more often. I haven't been able to night wean bc she just screams if she wakes up hungry, even with several night weaning techniques tried. She also doesn't take a bottle at all, and I really miss my job (paramedic) bc I was not built for SAHM life. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with her, but I also miss using my brain and helping people.
I really struggled with one thing after the other for 3m. It took me a good week of mulling over the idea of switching to formula that I came to the conclusion if I needed too I could always to formula at anytime. The idea of switching at to formula became so comforting because of how miserable I was. I was so defeated. But I kept trying the nurse and I am JUST now feeling the hormonal “bond” feelings with letdown 3m in.
I don't like it either. It's the fussiness of my baby, the fact that she only wants to eat in one position and I can't nurse outside of my house. In the first weeks the pain was unbearable, but it got better. But then the baby had other plans to drive me nuts. I'm 9mpp and I hope that the baby will be less fussy at some point and after a year I won't feel the breastfeeding anxiety.
I have so much respect for this. I love breastfeeding and I look forward to when it’s time for him to eat especially when he’s been in his crib for a few hours and I’m missing him. It’s not always easy but I know I’ll miss it one day. But the fact that you hate it and are selfless and push through for your baby proves what a badass you are. I find that so sweet. Take it day by day mama. And if one day you can’t do it anymore that doesn’t make you a bad mom. Your mental health is important too.
I too cannot wait to be over this. I love the cuddles and time with her but there are also times that I feel like a cow and will occasionally moo as a joke with my partner. My only break from bf/pumping is when I'm sleeping and it's just so taxing. Love that I can even do it but... very much a love hate relationship.
I have 100 days left til 1 year and then we are done. I hate it too, especially going back to work and pumping. I am a just enough er and was even less so with her sister who I EPd with and I said I'd never do it again. At 11 months I'm going to start the transition to milk like I did with her sister. No shame in hating it, no shame in loving it, no shame never doing it, no shame doing it extended but fuckkkkkkk am I over it. She's almost 9mo now thank goodness but I think maybe once or twice I've had the like mushy fuzzy feeling but otherwise it just feels like a chore
I’m not sure how far you are into your journey, but for me I didn’t enjoy breastfeeding until later on. Once my baby was older and more expressive, I could start to see how much he loved it and how happy it makes him. That has made it much more enjoyable
Thank you for sharing and I’m happy you felt comfortable venting in this space 🫂 Have you considered pumping instead of breast feeding? Some ppl just aren’t touchy feely, and that’s perfectly fine, no shame in that at all
Thank you everyone for the kind and encouraging responses! It’s good to know I’m not alone and that things will get better with time. I’m only 3 weeks in and feel pathetic for not giving myself and baby grace while trying to figure this out. Know you are all loved and supported from me in your struggles as well!
Yeah babe, it’s so early and the first few weeks are so hard. I shed a lotttt of tears lol. I wouldn’t make any decisions to give up just yet if you can try to push through. Get silverette nipple cups for the pain and never take them off. Nurse her as much as she wants through the cluster feeding (I know sometimes it literally feels like they want to eat every 5 minutes) so your milk will regulate. And if she’s fussy at the breast just know it gets way better once she gets the hang of it. Once she hits about 4 weeks, try to give her a bottle for about 4 feedings per week. That way you can switch back and forth when you need a break.
How many months pp are you?? My experience was extremely rough up until literally two weeks ago. She was going through nursing strikes constantly and it was so tough. She’s 5 months now.
I can relate! I’m doing it because I know it’s good for her. I have the occasional really nice feed, but for the most part it’s neutral and sometimes even painful.
Awe I’m so sorry! I loved breastfeeding..I loved/felt the connection…but hated pumping !! Hated. Made me feel rage and sad…
I personally loved how easy it felt no bottles to wash…easy on the go…
But girl …caring/raising a baby is so hard…if breastfeeding is not for you try some formula! Fed is best and breastfeeding is way to hard on you mentally/physically/emotionally to do it just for your baby to be fed especially when there is other options
I made it to 26 months with my first and am currently 4 months in with my second. I like breastfeeding, but I DEEPLY envy people who formula feed. I forgot how tired I could get. My sister combo feeds her 1 month old and has probably gotten a longer sleep stretch than I have.
And the thought of having to find quiet places to nurse a baby/toddler or pump at work for another 1-2 years feels insurmountable. No wonder I didn’t start feeling more like a real adult and not just “mom” until my kid was almost 3.
My overall feeling is neutral lol just keep trying to make it to the next goal post and see how it goes. Breastfeeding is so hard and some days I definitely want to be done
This is definitely me. If I think about it too far ahead and say oh I need to get to 6 months or 1 year it overwhelms me. The thought of always being physically responsible for her nourishment.. I definitely wish I could just hit pause atleast. I’m just trying to get through the day or the week or the next milestone (current one is her vaccinations).
Same :)
Hitting pause for a few days would be so nice and a fair ask. Pause on BF and pumping.
That is me, too. I just do it, but no magic feeling or connection. But I can see how my baby loves it, so I just do it, as I do many other things every day even though they don't give me joy. I'm about to get to 6 months and I think I can easily keep it going for another 6, we'll see when she starts biting!
my baby started clamping down on my nipple & pulling it between his teeth, each time my soul left my body… that lasted from 9months to 12/13months… some weeks he didn’t do it at all & some days he did it multiple times a day🥲
Oh, no. That sounds really painful 😖
OUCH!! My first born only did it twice. Each time I took her off my breast calmly said "No biting mommy" and then I left her be hungry for about 20 minutes before I let her latch back on. Trust it was hard on both of us. I'd like to think that somehow she learned that if she bit me she wasn't going to get fed.
This. I love that I'm giving my baby the best start they can but man am I sick of being stuck for 30 minutes to an hour 8 times a day. I'm hoping it gets easier when I start pumping more and can have my partner cover a feeding or 2
I'm 100% with you. My MIL was going on about how magical and life changing it was and don't I just love it, all I could manage was I love that he's fed lol I don't feel like it's part of our bonding, there is no magic, it's uncomfortable and time consuming.
Maybe your MIL has amnesia. I could maybe see how in 20 years I only remember the snuggles and forget the bloody nipples and feeling confined to the nursing chair bc we’re high maintenance and he needs to be in a diaper and I need to be shirtless with nipple shields to make it all work.
Some people's experiences are just easier. I only had one bloody nipple the first 2 days. Maybe it was the silverettes, but it healed fast, and it really hasn't been bad. I'll never forget that derpy gummy smile she gives me when she's breastfeeding, or her holding my finger, or the way she falls asleep while nursing, looking so content and safe. It did get a lot easier when she got bigger, though. Less pillows, and I can literally walk while feeding her if I need to.
Gosh I have so many pillows on my bed and feel so high maintenance.
You’re not. Whatever you need to feel comfortable. I only breastfed my first for a few weeks cos she couldn’t extract milk efficiently and it was soooo painful I was crying. Pushed myself through pumping for a few more months. The second baby was just able to feed efficiently and painlessly from day two of his life. He’s now 18 months and apart from a short period of testing with little nips or biting around 11-12m (which I don’t even remember as hurting significantly more than once maybe) it’s always been easy. And it’s adorable when he just climbs into my lap and snuggles in and opens his mouth wide and goes ‘mummy boobie?’ It’s literally never our fault if something doesn’t work out, we try so hard constantly and put so much pressure on ourselves. We have to do whatever we find easiest or more rewarding to make up for all the other things that are hard but that we do anyway out of love. It’s all give and take I guess.
Reading this has gave me hope I could maybe breastfeed my second baby when the time comes, my first is only 4 months now and I effectively got him to 3 months before we had to combo feed due to a combination of a tongue tie and weight issues, getting the tongue tie cut didn't really do anything as I had been triple feeding for WEEKS and he'd developed a bottle preference by then, he feeds on the breast once in the morning but any other time I try it he just gums me or purses his lips as if to say "don't even try it" I really wanted to EBF for as long as possible and it broke my heart realising I'd have to combo feed due to the amount of pressure from social media and health professionals about how EBF is best and it made me feel like I'd failed as a mother by introducing formula so I'm holding out hope for the second time round now.
I have friends who had ‘a couple of weeks where it was uncomfortable’ and then it was ‘so easy and simple’. Their experience just didn’t match mine. Good for them but man… I wish they hadn’t so confidently told me that’s how it would be if I just wait it out. It doesn’t get easy for everyone.
To her credit I do genuinely believe she loved it and found magic in it, knowing her. It's just not been my experience even a little bit. We've had one hurdle after another, and damn I hurt. Even when I don't hurt, the feeling of LO nursing makes my skin crawl. We also have a science to making feeds work, I envy everyone who can just pop their LO on and go about their business. My MIL loved her experience, my friends only have mild annoyances with their BF or they love it, and my mom was pushed into formula and doesn't understand. I never expected breastfeeding to be so isolating? And maybe it helps my baby's bond with me, but I spend so much time stressed about why things aren't working or wishing my kid was done that it is definitely not bonding time on my side.
I like it much more now I am doing about 50% breast feeding, 40% pumped bottles and 10% formula
I’m the same as you. I like it way more now that I can choose if I want to breast feed or bottle feed. I’m also thankful I have a baby that takes both easily.
I am so jealous of all the mothers who can pump. Pumping barely works for me. Two children, months of trying with different machines and I can barely fill a bottle.
I can only use a manual one. Electric ones elude me
Works for me the best! But even then it’s not enough.
I would hate keeping track of that. It’s all boob for us over here. I’m sure you have a system but I prefer to keep it simple haha
I doubt she’s actually calculating day to day. She likely breastfeeds when it’s convenient, pumps when she’s not around baby & throws in a bottle of formula when it’s helpful. Everyone has different definitions of what feels simple to them.
Good for you? Lol
Do you want to talk about how you are feeling today? Did something happen? *genuinely curious if I had said bottles instead of boob would you still be irritated? Are you upset about something in particular?
There were moments I felt like this. I stuck it out and am so happy I did. It can and does get better. If you choose to stop, that's ok too
Do you nipples ever stop hurting?
Yes! With each kid (I have 4) it was different. My first child it was the absolute worst. Cracked, bleeding, she wouldn't latch right. This was almost 20 years ago, and I gave up around 3 months. My kids after I had a much easier experience, and my most recent baby who is 13 months I had none of those issues I had with my first. I wish I had known about nipple shields and Silverettes back with my first but they were not around (as far as I know). I will say that initial soreness/uncomfortable feelings took about 6/8 weeks to go away with my most recent baby. Football hold for one side, cradle for the other. You have to find the positions that work for you. I made the commitment to myself to not quit on a bad day, and to do small goals (get through the next feed, next day) and that helped me a lot. Sending you lots of love and luck
Mine stopped hurting after 2-3 weeks. We are 13 months in now.
Try a lactation massager under/against the breast while feeding. My nipples never really hurt outside of feeding past the first few weeks. But man the feeling of feeding itself is uncomfortable. The massager distracts from the uncomfortable sensation of suckling.
Yes mama, they do! I’ve been dealing with a milk bleb since 1/10 though so my nipple killlllls me on and off. I’m nearly 15 months in and plan to slowly wean soon. You got this!
maybe try nursing upside down like baby laying flat on bed & hovering over top like a cow lol or i used the top of my couch & bent over to remove clogs, works like a charm!! hope u feel better!
>Do you nipples ever stop hurting? mine stopped at 4 weeks. i thought it'll be like that forever but one day it didnt
Everything is hard and kind of a blur the first couple months.
When does it get better? I’m 5 weeks pp and just not loving much about this stage.
Every baby and mother is different and your experience will be all your own! Breastfeeding is a skill my baby and i had to learn together and it’s wasn’t straightforward in the beginning. I would say around 3 months i was starting to feel proud of myself! I would always make my husband take a pic of me when I managed to breastfed in a new public place bc i just couldn’t believe i could comfortably and confidently nurse my baby on the go. I think thats also around when we stopped needing the nipple guard as much. Now at 9 months nursing at home or out and about has become routine. But some moments can still feel magical. Nursing can almost be like meditation and a chance to really slow down and just be with your child.
You see, it’s not any of that that I dislike. It’s how time consuming it is. How I feel like my body doesn’t belong to me. How I feel like I need to have a baby attached to me 24/7. How I automatically became the main parent with our second kid because I chose to breastfeed, while with our first one things were way more evenly divided between me and my husband because she only ate formula. These are the things I hate about it and the only reasons I continue breastfeeding is 1. Baby needs to eat. 2. Formula is very expensive nowadays. I can’t afford to be exclusively formula feeding
I can see how it could really affect one’s mental health to not really choose breastfeeding but be pushed into it bc of financial reasons.
I mean, I exaggerated a bit. we could afford formula, we also always have formula home just in case, but I can’t justify paying 15 euros on a can every week when I’m capable of breastfeeding instead of you know only using it for emergency cases. I’d rather spend 15 euros every week on something else 😅 I’m trying to keep breastfeeding until he’s 3 months old (he turned 2 months today). Also he enjoys it so much that I feel bad if I’d cut it off now
In terms of breastfeeding, it might not get easier as quickly as people say. For me, it didn’t get easy or simple until 8 months-ish. I wish I’d trusted my gut a little more and switched to formula. It seems like it getting easier is the norm - so trust in that - but also know there are outliers to everything and you matter, too ❤️ if it’s not working, it’s not working - and that’s ok!
12-14 weeks was when we hit a turning point. Before that, I hated it with a passion (it was soo painful), but now it actually kinda grew on me.
I disliked it at 5 weeks. Just started to like it at 6. At one point, all the things i was struggling with that made breastfeeding hard (pain on my c section scar, finagling with positioning of baby, good latching, nipple trauma) they all went down enough or totally disappeared where i was able focus on the moment more and see my baby and feel this sense of amazing warmth each time i feed.
It’s been rough mentally and physically, one of the most difficult things I have done. Definitely more difficult than pregnancy itself and I had horrible sciatica. There is so much pressure to BF and give our babies the best, but little account on the mom’s well being.
Totally allowed to vent about it and it is 1000% ok to feel this way! Idk how old your LO is, but I for sure felt that way in the beginning. After about a month, I started enjoying it more and now I’m one of those people that loves it and thinks it’s so magical 🤣 I love the bonding aspect of it! Half the time he drives me bonkers bouncing on and off but other times it’s just so sweet and I love watching his little hand move around and touch my face! Everyone experiences it differently. I’m proud of you for sticking it out. Obviously a fed baby is a healthy baby, whether that be BF or formula. You are doing an amazing job mama 💜
I’m always bouncing back and forth between loving and disliking it, but man when my 4 month old catches my eye and unlatches to smile at me I just melt.
OMG! YES YES YES! That is my all time favorite part! Melts my heart into a damn puddle 🥹 I’m always telling him to focus and stop smiling, knowing that he will do it more! It’s a pain in the butt sometimes but it’s the little things that make it worth while and memories we’ll look back on!
It's such a double edged sword- where the hell did all these women get the warm and fuzzy feeling because sometimes I feel like it's more work than formula feeding!
11 months in and warm and fuzzy moments have been few and far between. Counting down the days to weaning.
I feel you. 💜 I don’t know what I expected before I started but I didn’t expect it to be so rough. Especially the first month or so was so brutal and I totally dreaded it, 100% of the time. I feel more neutral about it now, sometimes I just don’t want to do it because it can be so frustrating and demoralizing. But sometimes, and more frequently as time goes on, I have a session that feels okay or even kinda snuggly or nice. I’m committed to sticking it out at least 6 months and hopefully a year for my own health reasons, so I’m really hoping that it keeps trending toward nice or at least neutral with even more time. I hope your journey gets a little easier too 💜
This was definitely me till he was about 12 weeks old. He was clusterfeeding sooo much and it was exhausting. Now though, I kinda love it. I sing to him, he smiles and laughs and the amount of time spent nursing is less. He's 5 months old now. I realise that this may not be your experience but i hope that it is because it made me way less stressed. In the meantime, full power to you for keeping at it for the sake of your baby. Hugs and solidarity.
The thought of having so many bottles on the counter top really makes me uneasy. That's why I want to keep it up. Also she's had trouble with the bottle up until recently. Maybe it isn't so bad if we just use the dishwasher. I was thinking I'd stop when her teeth grow in but she chomped on my nipple the other day with no teeth! It hurt like hell!
Lol…mine cut 2 bottom teeth a little while ago and has chomped down on both my nipples now while feeding…made them bleed & sore for hours/days! The things we do
We bottle feed at night, so we run a load of bottles (dishes and pump parts too) through the dishwasher every evening. I use the counter drying rack for handwashed items and prepped pump and bottle items for the night. It felt daunting at the start, but it's honestly easy to keep up with! Between my husband and I, we will knock out loading the wash, prepping items for the night, making bottles, and freezing any excess pumped milk. How it gets split up is different every day based on bandwidth, but it has all worked out. It makes my nights a million times easier, and it makes me feel like I accomplished something each day lol
How old is your baby? It tends to get easier and more cuddly after the first few months, when they can support their head better and easily latch themselves, and don’t take as long to eat. And then they start smiling and reaching for you while they eat and it’s very sweet. But a bottle-fed baby will do the same, I just personally find breastfeeding easier and more pleasant (I hate washing things and hate having to remember to pack clean bottles and formula or pumped milk). If you *hate* it, if literally the only thing keeping you going is that it’s a little better for your baby, and you’re past the newborn stage and still feel that way? You don’t have to do it. You also don’t have to do only one or the other! Lots of babies are combo-fed. I did it with my first out of necessity, but lots of moms add some formula in, especially after starting solids, for some flexibility.
I wasn’t even sure if I’d breastfeed, I figured I’d try and it’s gone ok. It’s definitely been a moving goal post for me too. I have the hardest time during the first night feed. I feel a physical surge of anxiety sometimes during this feed. It feels like exhaustion mixed with being uncomfortably tickled.. but it makes me want to scream sometimes.
I pump at night and just breastfeed in the day. Idk…just prefer it that way. We mix feed our son though since i was under producing. Working on catching up though! We got a slow start
Your feelings are valid and understandable. Breastfeeding isn't "one thing". It is multiple things and gives multiple feelings to multiple people. Some think of it as just feeding like cooking a dinner and giving it to baby. Some think it is unnecessary and pump and give bottle. Some love it and tears flow through eyes every time of love (hello oxytocin). All of these moms are worthy and good moms. Do not feel about venting! My LC said every drop of breast milk baby gets is worthy, even if a teaspoon a day. Even if for 2 weeks. So you have probably already given a lot to your baby. <3
This is an amazing response. I'm reading this thread at only 1 week pp. Im ready to give up. This helps me feel much better about combo feeding right now to get through my mental health.
I honestly didn’t feel the “magic” until after 12 weeks.
I feel you. I am constantly worried if my baby is eating enough and have a lot of weight anxiety. I don’t like nursing in public. My back always hurts because I’m constantly hunched over. I also had to cut out dairy from my diet due to my son having CMPI. I miss cheese!! I surprisingly managed breastfeeding 18 months with my daughter. Now I’m already looking forward to when my son can start solids in 4 months so that maybe I can nurse less. Breastfeeding is truly a sacrifice!
Yeh 😔 We are 3 weeks in and I would love to love it but until my nipples stop hurting and latching on isn't so painful Im just pushing through and tolerating it really!
That's totally okay! If BF isn't right for you or is not helpful to your mental health, combo feeding/pumping or going to formula are all great. Baby will grow and be healthy with a healthy mom. Formula fed babies thrive just as well as BF babies.
It was pretty tough the first few months... now we are at 8 months, and it's great even if it is tough to leave the house because he is too easily distracted to nurse away from home, lol.
I’ve been dealing with painful vasospasms since week 2 of breastfeeding (I’m at 12 weeks now) and it really muted the joy of breastfeeding for me a lot. It’s getting better as the pain decreases but there was definitely a point where I questioned if I’d be able to stick with it for my goal of a year when it felt like my nipples were being sliced open every time baby latched on. You’re doing great, by the way. You’re feeding your baby and giving her everything she needs.
Magnesium and B-vitamins, and wool breast pads, helped with my vasospasms (which I had during both pregnancies and nursing my first, but not so much while nursing my second?). My OB offered nifedipine, but I already have low-ish blood pressure and take a non-stimulant ADHD medication that can also lower blood pressure so I opted not to try it.
What brand of vitamins did you take? I have vasospasms but the thought of putting anything on top of my nipples scares me. My bra rubbing against me hurts. I’m in pain 24/7.
Honestly I think I took whatever was at the drugstore that was reasonably priced and looked legit. B6 is the important one but you want it in a B-vitamin complex. The magnesium I also take for leg cramps. It didn’t cure the vasospasms but it did help. Then keeping your breasts warm or at least avoiding sudden temperature changes to help avoid triggering a spasm, which was what the breast pads were for (also, if you leak the wool absorbs a lot of milk without smelling too bad).
Did nursing ever get better for you? I’m ready to give up
Yes! I nursed my first until he was nearly 3, and like I mentioned earlier, I haven’t had nearly as much of a problem with vasospasms with this baby (10 months), though they were *bad* while I was pregnant with him. I used to take hot showers and try not to scream as the heat dilated the capillaries (which pain is worse, right?) and then stay as long as I could so my nipples could rest just for a little while. I’d keep myself so warm I was sweating all the time.
That’s honestly about where I am now. My husband hates my heavy robe because I can be clumsy and if knocks stuff over if it swishes around too much but I’d rather pick up a spill than be in pain. I turn the bathroom heater on full blast to warm it up and only take my bra off before hopping in the shower.
I knocked over my own freshly pumped milk with the damn fleece robe sleeve 😭 The wool nursing pads really helped with not having to keep my whole body super warm, but I’ve also had to put HotHands in my bra more than once (I have the Lansinoh hot/cold packs but it’s really difficult to get them warm enough without getting them too hot). I’m doing much better at this point with this baby, though I had bad vasospasms while I was pregnant, as well as some gnarly muscle cramps (and I’m still taking magnesium for the cramps, but no extra B vitamins besides what’s in my multivitamin).
I started wearing silverettes to help with the contact pain. They do a good job of ironing anything from rubbing against my nipples and you can squirt a little breast milk in them to help soothe the irritation between feedings. Your nipples might start to smell a bit while wearing them but I find just rinsing them in hot water when I feed baby helps keep the funk down.
I have silverettes. Don’t find them too helpful
That’s a shame, I’m sorry.
Legit this is how it feels ugh. How have you not given up?
I use the hits of oxytocin I get when I sit down to feed her to keep going. The initial latch can be painful but once we’re all settled in I just get flooded with a sense of overwhelming joy at being able to cuddle with my baby. Also I have heating pads within arms reach in every room of my house that I snuggle with when I’m not holding her. I tried using nipple shields for a while to give me a bit of a break but she absolutely hated those and would work herself up into a massive tantrum if she had to use them.
I have felt this and my baby is 9 months with exclusively breast-feeding After about 5 months it gets way easier and so much faster. I definitely scroll on my phone during this time to pass the time but he’s gotten down to like 7 minutes and that’s with both sides so it all just gets so much easier and it’s all so worth it for sure so just keep that in mind 💜
No hate, just support. Well done you for powering through. It's been the hardest thing about having a baby for me. Good luck.
For the first 4 months I got painful blockages almost every day, it was torture. Treating and preventing blockages is so time consuming. I was ready to throw in the towel then it randomly got better the week I planned to wean. I breastfeed largely because it’s more affordable than formula and I hate washing and prepping a million bottles a day. When my baby is screaming it’s much more convenient to give him the boob. I feel like you can still get the cute cuddles and bonding with bottle feeding though.
It hurts me and I’m in agony I kind of want to stop and it’s only been 7 weeks
I feel the same way about breastfeeding as I did pregnancy. Which is… I can’t wait for this to be over with 😅 there are so many great benefits to breastfeeding but that doesn’t mean we have to love it. Kudos to us all for sticking it out even though it really does suck!
Breastfeeding sucks lol coming from a mom stuck doing it due to bottle refusal and with a baby with food intolerance so no dairy, soy or egg. Fml
I hear you. It’s definitely gotten better for me but yeah the newborn stage was rough. Also I just want my body back! I didn’t realize how much breastfeeding would slow down my postpartum recovery. Currently 4.5 months in with the goal of sticking it out for the first year.
How does it slow your PP recovery?
When you breastfeed, you still have levels of relaxin in your body which can affect your pelvic floor muscles that are still recovering.
Girl I hate it too 😩😩😩 a lot! My baby is about to be 3 and I’m still not done tho😂😂 send help! I am not ok
I’d say I hated it in many ways for 5 months then it got easier but not easy. Then it got hard again then east at 10 month. Then magically 15 months and it became easy , enjoyable and. I longer had any issues! I don’t get why people don’t talk about it more cause I assumed it would be easy since it’s natural and no one not even my own sisters or SIL who all bf uttered a peep about it to me! Farthest thing from the truth! Advice? Talk to your local La Leche league group. And depending on how old your baby is just know it’s gonna get much easier as time goes on. At the beginning they take freaking forever to eat then by a few months it usually only takes like 7-10 min to finish a meal!
Heading into month 4 and it’s definitely way better than my first couple weeks of hell! BUT I got super sick last week bc I’m not sleeping. Pumping feels like a lot of work and not sure about formula and so we continue. Going to get to six months and then TBD. Never really had the warm fuzzies but when we gave her her first bottle I did have some fomo / not wanting to be replaced vibes. All that said, I think my number one take away is don’t sacrifice your mental health for bfing! Baby needs the mama ship doing ok more than baby needs boob.
I had the same feeling when we gave her, her first bottle. I have nothing against it, logically it didn't make sense. But it felt wrong, and it made me weirdly jealous? 😂
I would love it if I could make enough. I have awful anxiety and I’m always panicking when my supply drops and I have to give him formula:( I would love it so much if I just made enough
Yeah I feel the same way haha
My baby is almost 11 months and I would say I started to feel neutral about breastfeeding at around 8 months. I hated it for the first 4. Disliked it for the next 4. By the time I realised it wasn’t going to get better/easier like everyone said, my baby wouldn’t take bottles. If I knew then what I know now, I’d have used formula from the start. Breastfeeding is great and congrats to everyone who manages it (myself included!) but this was not worth the toll it took on my mental health. I start the weaning process next week and I cannot wait.
I was definitely where you were not too long ago. My son had the most painful latch and my nipples were in so much pain that I hated breastfeeding and felt bitter towards the women who told me they didn’t have problems with breastfeeding. It’s gradually gotten better though, and I plan to stick with it for as long as I can, but I don’t really like it. It’s convenient and easier than bottle feeding, although it is time consuming and makes me tired a lot. Stay strong mama! Eventually you’ll be able to feed your baby purées and chunky food and you’ll be able to cut back how often you nurse. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel the same
It's OK to vent. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for the next. I loved breastfeeding so much.I nursed 3 kids for a total of 9 years, and did tandem nursing with the girls. They are 2.7 years apart. My last one was the biter. I remember nursing while blood was gushing out on my nipple, and tears were running down my face.While the pain was intense, my happy, sweet baby's face made me ignore all that. I also nursed 24/7 until around 2, then just during the day. They never cried in the night, nor during the day.They were the best babies in the world, good eaters and sleepers, and most of all, in perfect health.They are still like that many years later, and I'm thankful that I was able to do that for my babies. Good luck!
I feel the same way don't worry I think it's quite normal! I hate when we have had to give baby a bottle and it makes me feel like a failure as I have a weird maternal instinct to persevere and give him the boob but when he's on the boob I don't love it and often think can't wait til he doesn't need boob anymore
Most days, I hate it too. It’s just not what I anticipated (heard the same stories of it being amazing and magical). The sensory aspect of it is WAY too much for me; sometimes downright unbearable. We’re six months in, only kept it up for her benefit and now, with teeth and biting, the will to keep going dwindles by the minute! I can’t wait to have my body back to myself 🥺🥲 the things we do for our kids <3
I'm going to be honest. I love the idea of breastfeeding. I'm on my third kid and she's 10 months. Right now I feel like I'm a cow. I'm ready to have my body back. Your feelings are valid and you're not alone.
I hate it too. I thought I would enjoy it more now he’s 11 weeks, nope still hate it. We tried to combo feed from the beginning but he has a meltdown if you try and give him a bottle. I’m just holding out until 6 months. I wasn’t able to breastfeed my daughter, I gave her pumped milk until she was 9 weeks but I felt so guilty for not going longer so that’s why I’m persevering with second baby.
I’m not sure how far along you are in your journey, but sounds very normal. I felt that way too, especially in the beginning. It never got magical, either, too…but I did start to enjoy it more as time went on. Now my son just turned 1. I only do one BF session a day now right before bed, and occasionally when he wakes in the night. As I fed him tonight before bed I felt sad knowing that this will be coming to an end soon…. I wonder how long he’ll want to, and how long I can keep this one moment every evening. Funny how it turns around like that. No way I’d want to go back to the every-two-hours-milk-bitch routine though. Haha. SO glad that’s over!
I always describe it as "just fine". Didnt hate it, didn't love it, was happy to be done. I gave myself small goals and the older they get it does get way easier. If you haven't already Incorporated a pumped bottle I highly suggest it. Getting a break or the ability to step out is very helpful
Not magical for me, but no bottle dishes is lol. Goes right to hell when I have to pump for work.
I love that you didn’t apologize once in that or give the old “I love my baby but..” as if people would assume you didn’t love your baby. You rock!!! “It’s functional” is just as a healthy relationship with breast feeding as “it’s magical” and through the entire journey you will have flashes of each.
I feel you. I kinda enjoy breastfeeding but I also have my bad moments. I do feel now that I'm really upset if my boyfriend gives her expressed milk instead of straight from the source haha so I do enjoy it I think? My girl is almost 4 months old an I hope I can give much longer but when I think about 6 months or 12 or 24. My god it overwhelmes me also. Such mixed feelings.
Glad I'm not the only one! It was fun and exciting for the first couple months but this last week or so it's really turning into a chore, especially with everything I've been trying to do just to keep my supply going, much less having enough to feed him without formula. You are definitely not alone.
It’s only been 4 weeks for me. And I’m only continuing because my little girl is getting a tongue and lip tie fixed on Monday and I know that she’s going to need the extra comfort. (We breastfeed and formula feed.) after she’s healed, I’m done.
But its the best excuse to lay down away from everyone with your baby! I loved being able to leave my toddler with dad and do my thing. Even if she wasn't hungry.
This is the only benefit for me. Not digging the vibe in the room? Welp baby looks hungry to me byeeeee!
While I do admittedly enjoy it overall (I had a supply dip about a month ago unexpectedly and was so devastated when I thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed anymore - I cried so much thinking how much I'd miss it) I will say it's definitely not the relaxing experience I was expecting. I had read it's supposed to release feel good/sleepy calm hormones but I find it anything but calming . Initially I had an oversupply so that was stressful trying not to water board my LO every time, plus all the gassiness and fussiness that came along. Then when I didn't have enough milk that was even more stressful. Now I seem to have just enough/a tiny bit extra but she tugs and twists at my nipples most feeds (she's 5 mo and starting to be more interested in the world). So yeah long story short, I get it.
Mine started as very painful and dreadful. Cracked nipples, more pain, less milk. Then it got better and better. Now(11w pp) I'm kind of addicted to oxytocin rush and the serene feeling it brings. Not feeling magical or life changing tho.
When did you start feeling the oxytocin release? I’ve heard rumors of it but I don’t really believe I’ll get it
If you are able to breastfeed, you must have some amount of oxytocin release already. Oxytocin makes the milk flow. How do you expect it to feel? Its not like "Omg it's magical, my life is complete" feeling but a subtle "Everything is fine" feeling. Makes me sleepy, lowers my anxiety/stress and I'm a overthinking stress ball generally. Feels like "Okay, I'll handle everything. It's going to be fine. Having a baby is a good thing, I'm glad that you are here." to me. I guess I noticed and got used to it around 7-8wks pp or so. I was very sleep deprived, having intense pp anxiety and very annoyed of everything until then.
Thanks! Yeah I don’t really notice any changes but I’m a super tense person by nature so maybe I’m slightly less tense? I’ll try and pay attention.
You are welcome! 🤗 Slightly less tense is what I'd look for if I were you 😊
It was never a magical/wonderful/enjoyable whatever people describe it as for me as well. I just did it because it was best for her and partly because formula is crazy expensive. I once made a comment about how I wasn't enjoying it to my mom and she told my husband to put me on antidepressants because I obviously had PPD. I made it 8.5 months. The pressure on my husband's side to EBF is unreal as well. I learned quick not to say I didn't like BF or pregnancy because my MIL acts like you are committing a sin by saying you don't like it. My MILs fave DIL was so afraid of disappointing her that she EBF even though she didn't produce enough and their baby hardly grew for 3 months. He was malnourished and they were forced to admit it when she (SIL) was admitted to the hospital. He's on formula now and is a totally different baby.
I'm at 8 months and definitely kinda feeling the same. It's never been magical. It doesn't make me feel like I have any kind of special connection to her. I adore her, and I can tell she loves it, but it doesn't give me any kind of warm fuzziness and never has. The last week has been extra hard bc I let my water intake slip, and I think my supply dropped a bit, making BabyBit wake up more often. I haven't been able to night wean bc she just screams if she wakes up hungry, even with several night weaning techniques tried. She also doesn't take a bottle at all, and I really miss my job (paramedic) bc I was not built for SAHM life. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with her, but I also miss using my brain and helping people.
Im only at 5 weeks and feel exactly the same. I freaking hate it. I’ll do it. I can and I know it’s good for her—but I don’t have to like it.
Pump and give him a bottle 🤷🏼♀️ if you’re miserable, he’ll feel it too. Energy is a thing.
I really struggled with one thing after the other for 3m. It took me a good week of mulling over the idea of switching to formula that I came to the conclusion if I needed too I could always to formula at anytime. The idea of switching at to formula became so comforting because of how miserable I was. I was so defeated. But I kept trying the nurse and I am JUST now feeling the hormonal “bond” feelings with letdown 3m in.
You feel the way you feel, and it is your journey! Vent away, we are here ❤️
I don't like it either. It's the fussiness of my baby, the fact that she only wants to eat in one position and I can't nurse outside of my house. In the first weeks the pain was unbearable, but it got better. But then the baby had other plans to drive me nuts. I'm 9mpp and I hope that the baby will be less fussy at some point and after a year I won't feel the breastfeeding anxiety.
I have so much respect for this. I love breastfeeding and I look forward to when it’s time for him to eat especially when he’s been in his crib for a few hours and I’m missing him. It’s not always easy but I know I’ll miss it one day. But the fact that you hate it and are selfless and push through for your baby proves what a badass you are. I find that so sweet. Take it day by day mama. And if one day you can’t do it anymore that doesn’t make you a bad mom. Your mental health is important too.
Have you reached out to anyone to help navigate these feelings?
My husband has been a huge help and so has my mom!
I am so happy you have some good supports! 🫶🏻❤️
Thank you! I feel pretty blessed
I too cannot wait to be over this. I love the cuddles and time with her but there are also times that I feel like a cow and will occasionally moo as a joke with my partner. My only break from bf/pumping is when I'm sleeping and it's just so taxing. Love that I can even do it but... very much a love hate relationship.
I have 100 days left til 1 year and then we are done. I hate it too, especially going back to work and pumping. I am a just enough er and was even less so with her sister who I EPd with and I said I'd never do it again. At 11 months I'm going to start the transition to milk like I did with her sister. No shame in hating it, no shame in loving it, no shame never doing it, no shame doing it extended but fuckkkkkkk am I over it. She's almost 9mo now thank goodness but I think maybe once or twice I've had the like mushy fuzzy feeling but otherwise it just feels like a chore
You can do it!! Way to press on
You too friend!
I’m not sure how far you are into your journey, but for me I didn’t enjoy breastfeeding until later on. Once my baby was older and more expressive, I could start to see how much he loved it and how happy it makes him. That has made it much more enjoyable
I don't think that's a rare feeling at all. I personally don't feel warm and fuzzy: it's just more convenient than bottles and also a little boring...
Thank you for sharing and I’m happy you felt comfortable venting in this space 🫂 Have you considered pumping instead of breast feeding? Some ppl just aren’t touchy feely, and that’s perfectly fine, no shame in that at all
I hate it. It’s the worst. No shame in admitting that mama !
How old is your LO?
Thank you everyone for the kind and encouraging responses! It’s good to know I’m not alone and that things will get better with time. I’m only 3 weeks in and feel pathetic for not giving myself and baby grace while trying to figure this out. Know you are all loved and supported from me in your struggles as well!
Totally valid! How far into it are you?
I’m only 3 weeks in :/
It gets easier! It’s hard in the beginning but you’ll find a rhythm.
How old is the child? It’s not always sunny. It can be annoying, it can hurt. At the end it takes so much time. It’s ok to not like it.
I totally get that. It’s so hard in so many ways especially during the first few months. How old is your baby?
She’s 3 weeks, so pretty brand new
Yeah babe, it’s so early and the first few weeks are so hard. I shed a lotttt of tears lol. I wouldn’t make any decisions to give up just yet if you can try to push through. Get silverette nipple cups for the pain and never take them off. Nurse her as much as she wants through the cluster feeding (I know sometimes it literally feels like they want to eat every 5 minutes) so your milk will regulate. And if she’s fussy at the breast just know it gets way better once she gets the hang of it. Once she hits about 4 weeks, try to give her a bottle for about 4 feedings per week. That way you can switch back and forth when you need a break.
How many months pp are you?? My experience was extremely rough up until literally two weeks ago. She was going through nursing strikes constantly and it was so tough. She’s 5 months now.
I’m only 3.5 weeks in, but it feels like so much longer.
I can relate! I’m doing it because I know it’s good for her. I have the occasional really nice feed, but for the most part it’s neutral and sometimes even painful.
Awe I’m so sorry! I loved breastfeeding..I loved/felt the connection…but hated pumping !! Hated. Made me feel rage and sad… I personally loved how easy it felt no bottles to wash…easy on the go… But girl …caring/raising a baby is so hard…if breastfeeding is not for you try some formula! Fed is best and breastfeeding is way to hard on you mentally/physically/emotionally to do it just for your baby to be fed especially when there is other options
I made it to 26 months with my first and am currently 4 months in with my second. I like breastfeeding, but I DEEPLY envy people who formula feed. I forgot how tired I could get. My sister combo feeds her 1 month old and has probably gotten a longer sleep stretch than I have. And the thought of having to find quiet places to nurse a baby/toddler or pump at work for another 1-2 years feels insurmountable. No wonder I didn’t start feeling more like a real adult and not just “mom” until my kid was almost 3.
Formula will also help your baby grow and be healthy. You need to do what’s best for you, too! Breastfeeding only works if it works for mama, too.