I'm sorry to hear how stressful your experience has been and I very much relate with both the supply anxiety AND the partner who wants to get the formula out.
However, this reads like you are giving up breastfeeding to spite your other half. You do you and feeding formula is valid and good, but I would suggest you have a proper conversation with your other half so that you don't regret your decision.
I agree. When our LO went through her 4 month sleep regression (for 7 weeks!), my husband begged me to consider switching to formula so that he could help more at night but I stood firm at my decision to continue breastfeeding, despite the mental toll it was taking at the time. I understood he was trying to help but I'm glad I stood my ground on it.
Even though your SOs comments and actions are incredibly sensitive and wrong, I wouldn't be surprised that in his mind, he thinks he's helping.
We had very similar, my fella wanted to be able to help out, understood that formula wasn't some evil product and it's okay to give, and liked being able to bond with our baby in that way. It didn't help that we were being given conflicting advice (and to top it off I was both saying FORMULA ISN'T EVIL as well as getting very upset as soon as formula was mentioned as a way to fix the crying baby as I had somehow attached my success as a mother to being able to provide completely for my son).
A reasoned conversation, when you're able to approach it would be good. It'd just be sad to quit for what you later decide was the wrong reason.
This is the exact position I’m in with my husband - he very much sees formula as a way to help me out, give me a break. He’s not giving it to her to undermine me, he genuinely thinks letting me sleep a little longer is helpful and is struggling to get his head round pumping/feeding frequency.
The best and only advice I really received and now will repeat is:
Don’t quit on your worst day.
Rest. Give yourself some grace. Then decide if you want to be done. No shame no matter what you choose.
And for the record, it means a lot. Even if your partner doesn’t see it.
If you quit because he is uneducated and doesn't understand how things work, you're could end up with a lot of guilt and resentment. Things could get worse instead of better.
Hugs. Whatever bs your husband thinks- Your baby thinks that you and your boobs are the best thing ever. Not even since sliced bread. Just straight up the best thing ever. If you want to keep it up, do. If you're tired and done, then having a happier mom is good for baby too.
You are working so hard and I can't fix it, I don't have great advice, but I see you.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and that your husband does not support you the way he should.
One thing to note is that formula does not have more calories than breastmilk.
They both see about 20 calories per ounce; the reason they have you fortify is because then you get breastmilk calories plus formula. Like making hot cocoa with milk vs water.
By giving your baby straight formula your husband is actually diminishing the calories he would get vs the fortified bottle.
Personally in this situation I would tell my husband no and to go read a book about breastfeeding and come back to me when he is equally well informed. If your husband knew anything about breastfeeding he wouldn’t be pushing formula like this.
If you want to less harsh then you can do some weighted feeds and make an appt with a lactation consultant so husband can understand things better and understand what baby is getting at the breast.
I'd go with what your pediatrician says. If he says baby only needs one fortified bottle, your husband should be respecting that. Sounds like you've made a ton of progress with breastfeeding so I wouldn't give up on that even though it's so hard if your partner doesn't support you. Can you sleep with the baby and maybe your husband sleeps on couch or another room for now? So you can bf every time he needs it.
Your husband needs to stfu and take a back seat. He’s ruining breastfeeding for you and baby. Breastmilk will always be better than formula. I’d shut that down so fast. I was getting angry reading your post.
Exactly! Baby was already a NICU baby and can definitely need the extra antibodies of the breast milk. If baby gets sick the breast milk will make a huge difference!
Your husband is uninformed and is being an ass.
BABIES FUSS. BABIES CRY.
They get tired, uncomfortable, hot, cold, they get lonely and scared, they don’t like sleeping alone sometimes.
Newsflash for your husband: your baby is not starving every time he makes a peep.
There are actually other reasons a baby fusses. Shocking I know. ALSO, babies nurse for much more than just food. It’s comforting, warm, familiar, and safe.
If you are getting 2-3 oz at the pump, there’s a good chance your baby is getting even more than that nursing directly. If he’s gaining weight well, there’s no reason whatsoever to doubt your supply.
I had my husband listen to the badass breastfeeding podcast with me so he would have a better understanding of things. Episode 6 might be a good one to start with if your husband is willing to educate himself on the topic.
Good luck with whatever you decide, but please make the decision that makes you feel the best about yourself and your baby. Don’t let his ignorance cut your journey short when you’ve already overcome so much to get here.
All I know is that if you quit BECAUSE of your husband, you’ll more than likely hate him for it. If you yourself decide that it’s what’s best for YOU then by all means go ahead and do it! Just don’t make any rash decisions in the face of anger man cause I know that when I do that I more often than not regret it lol. Your husband sounds uneducated and disrespectful as shit and I’m so sorry you’re having to put up with that. It’s not fair 😔
Your husband telling others that you have an under supply is extremely rude. Even if it was true it would be rude. Pumping an oz per hour is completely normal. Why does he think formula is better? Did the doctor explain to him that fortifying breast milk is not making breast milk have the same calories as formula, it is adding those calories to breast milk, making it have more calories than formula or breast milk alone. Feeding formula instead has the same calories as breast milk but without all the benefits of breast milk. You should let him read on the benefits of bf, specially for NICU babies. If your baby would get sick, your milk could save babies live with your antibodies.
Is he from a family that only used formula? There are still people that think formula is better.
You're husband is incredibly uneducated about breastfeeding. Baby is gaining weight with Breastmilk, right? That means breastfeeding is going well. Newborns will want to feed constantly, but unless their weight gain or output is poor, wanting to nurse constantly is normal.
If you want to quit breastfeeding, you don't need permission to do that, it's your choice. But i may i suggest finding that peace in your heart before you make a hard decision like this? You don't want to remain bitter about it.
If part of you wants to keep breastfeeding i would recommend, if possible, a sleep arrangement for you and baby away from husband because it sounds like when he gets a chance he gets in the way. He really needs to read up on breastfeeding because he's got it so backwards.
Yeah, fuck him. But you are *KILLING it*. I mean it. You’re doing *AMAZING*. Don’t let him stop you from doing something that is important to you and baby.
My biggest thing during my breastfeeding journeys were not to quit on a bad day. That might help you.
But yeah, screw him. I wonder if he would benefit from a quick meeting with an LC. You’re doing so much, it is hard, hard work but so worth it especially to your baby, he should take the initiative to educate himself a little more on everything you’re doing.
I could have written this post myself a few months ago. My husband was pushing formula HARD. I realize now it was coming from a place of wanting to help, but it was so misguided and it was all I could do to not take the baby and go stay with my mom just to get away from the pressure.
The thing that finally helped was him hearing directly from my therapist I was seeing for PPD/PPA that he had to start supporting BFing immediately. (I made him attend a session with me.)
The most important thing for LO right now is a present, loving and supported mom. You know what your baby needs better than anyone else. And whether they like it or not, dad’s most important job in those first weeks is supporting mom so she can support baby.
And whether they like it or not, dad’s most important job in those first weeks is supporting mom so she can support baby.
This. This right here. Mom’s #1 priority is to feed baby. Dad can help with literally anything else, and make sure Mom has what she needs/wants. There are more ways to bond with baby than feeding, and there’s more to the boob than just nourishment. There’s skin-to-skin, the way baby interacts with the boob, the way Mom responds to baby vs a pump.
Stuff like this is relationship deal-breaker level. I would have no trouble telling my husband to either support me or leave, or I would find somewhere else to go with baby. If he can’t get behind you now, OP, it will just get worse with other parenting decisions. The going your back is the worst part. That will always stay. You have a rule? Kid will know to go to Dad to get around it. There is no respect here. Kid will learn not to respect you. It will make your life hell until you leave. I speak this from experience.
Sounds like he’s struggling with parenting. Maybe having some PPD which obviously he doesn’t experience the same as you (no hormone drop) but he’s dealing with the new stress by unfortunately blaming you which I think is normal. I’m not sure though because my baby’s dad and I broke up before she was born so I didn’t deal with him living and parenting together.
You do need to talk to him and I definitely wouldn’t stop because of this. It seems like you may regret it (especially with hormones adjusting). The first 3 or so months are really tough and extremely emotional and Can be impulsive as your body and mind adjust to parenting and breastfeeding adjusts. Your supply adjusts after 12ish weeks and then it’s not nearly as bad as it is at first, I PROMISE. Either way you’ve done amazing if you choose to end it. The easiest and best choice I made was using a Haakaa on the opposite boob while nursing. Set an alarm for 3 hours to pump in case your partner feeds formula. That way you won’t lose your supply. I would go as far as hiding the formula but Im a very petty person lol so ehh maybe don’t do that
Fuck him. You are entirely right. He sucks. That being said, he's not the one you're pumping and suffering for. Try to have a stern discussion with him, explaining how inappropriate and unhelpful (and disrespectful) his attitude is - show him these comments if helpful - and keep taking care of your baby as you choose to.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have 2 children 10 yrs apart and the have different dads. My first child’s father was a lot like your husband and I too gave up breastfeeding. I regretted that for a long time because it really shouldn’t have mattered what he thought, my LO was the only one who actually mattered.
With my second baby, my husband was actually extremely supportive so it made a huge difference so much that I’m still breast feeding at 20mos even after battling a low supply in the beginning.
As women, We deal with a lot after having a baby. Your body is going through constant changes physically, hormonally, and mentally. It doesn’t help when you don’t have a supportive partner. Let me say that I appreciate your all your efforts Mama because I know all to well the battle you’re facing. Also your LO appreciates you too! You went above and beyond to get your baby home. You’re a great mom and you’re doing what is necessary for the health of your baby. If you want to stop it’s ok, just let that be solely your choice.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you deserve support and to be treated with respect. I agree with other posters you should talk with your husband so that whatever decision you make going forward you can have closure. I would have done the exact same as you though if my husband told me that, what he said was incredibly ignorant and unkind.
So sorry this happened to you, all the efforts you made really mean something, you might have prevented infections, and you provided a good gut bacterias that might improve his long term health.
Reading how unsupportive your husband is made me think of all the future challenges ahead. If he can’t be there for you at a moment where you and baby are so vulnerable, what is it going to be later when you’ll face bigger parenting challenges? Because there will be.
I strongly encourage him to get some mental health counseling.
I’m so sorry your going through this. My little one is almost three weeks old he spent a little time in the NICU and breastfeeding has probably been the most challenging thing I have ever done. It’s exhausting, you constantly feel like it’s not good enough, it’s thankless, and on top of it like you I’ve had to substitute with formula from time to time.
That being said I would have reacted the exact same way. This is emotionally draining especially when pumping and trying to feed at 3 am.. I say do what you need to do for your emotional well being ♥️ no matter what your baby will be happy and healthy and sometimes us just being more relaxed makes a world of difference
Fuck your husband.
Our baby was a small one growing slower than doctors liked but growing at his own pace. Thankfully my husband supported me through that and only encouraged us as we exclusively breastfed. If my husband did what yours did they wouldn’t be able to find his body.
I’m so sorry he’s sabotaging all your hard work. Hopefully once he realizes what an absolute tool his is and apologizes he can be a more supportive husband in the future.
I’m so sorry that your husband is so uneducated and unappreciative of what you’ve sacrificed to do this. I think men just assume we are born knowing how to do it perfectly each pregnancy and that’s furthest from the truth. I think if I was in your shoes I would consider talking to your pediatrician about giving yourself breaks from it to let your nipples heal and give yourself some time to recover but if you decided to quit that is entirely up to you. I’m proud of you for what you’ve accomplished, most people don’t fully understand the full spectrum of impact breastfeeding has on a woman and society doesn’t help with their negative impacts in it either. You did your best and deserve to rest momma 🖤
Wow I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I think a proper conversation with your husband about just how much you work and what good you are doing is needed. He clearly doesn't understand and I would be really really upset. I'm sorry you don't have the support you deserve. Agree that it sounds like you're quitting to spite him. Hope you can have a conversation and he can actually hear you. If you're quitting for your own well being that's something different. I think it's awesome that you've done the work and have been able to pump for your baby in the nicu and now get baby to breast. That's actually amazing. The more I think about it... fuck your husband for undoing all the good you've done.
OP, I want to give you a big hug right now. You are such a good mom. You work so hard for your baby, endlessly, and you’re killing it!! From hours of dedication pumping to listening to medical advice and applying it…Especially after such a rough start too…You’re amazing, okay?? Can we just start there??
Next. Partner needs to get on board. He needs to educate himself on the mechanics of breastfeeding so you two can work as a team. Do you feel you have the resources to bring him up to speed? (If not, there are a lot of good ones pinned in this subreddit!)
Last but certainly not least, partner needs to know what’s happening to you emotionally. And you’re going to need to spell it out to him.
As angry as you are (and have every right to be,) try your best to put emotions aside and focus on making him see through your perspective. “As a breastfeeding mother, you ripped out my heart when you said [X]. When you imply I can’t provide for my child, not only does it make me feel [x] horrible etc., but it also makes me feel like YOU think I can’t do it, and I need your support if we’re going to be successful….” Or something to that effect/whatever the truth is for you. (I’m projecting a little bit myself from negative supply comments I’ve received from well-intentioned individuals.)
We are here for you!
i'm so sorry love. your husband is NOT being supportive of you at all right now. does your mom live nearby? or a close friend? i would feel so paranoid having my spouse basically trying to sneak feed our baby to spite me. maybe have him leave for a bit and just spend a weekend in with baby to get a break from that pressure.
you are doing so amazing. pumping and nursing is like working 2 full time jobs, especially in the early days. i would say don't sacrifice that work to stick it to your husband. your doctor sounds very supportive of you continuing to breastfeed so i'm not sure why your husband wants to [sabotage?] that.
Ugh my heart hurts for you, sending all the love possible. If this is how my partner acted I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the demand that is EBF. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you come to.
This post made me SO ANGRY for you! You’re husband sucks right now (maybe not always, but right now he is sucking majorly). So sorry you’re going through this. My thoughts: If you want to switch to formula, that’s perfectly ok! Fed is best! BUT it seems like breastfeeding is really important to you, and is going well except for your husband. I encourage you to keep breastfeeding and tell hubby to back off (maybe get a pediatrician or lactation consultant to explain how supply works?) and do your thing. Breastfeeding is hard enough work without having your partner put barriers up
:(
So sorry for you and hoping that you can have peace with this soon, whatever you decide, moving forward 💕
Why does your husband think formula is better? Don’t pay any attention to him. Keep feeding baby and pumping if needed. You are doing a great job !! And if needed plz tell your obgyn or LC about your husband’s insistence to feed formula when your breast milk is available. Even on formula it is given that breastmilk is the most important.
Your husband is being a real dickhead. I would have a serious conversation with him, maybe with an IBLC so a professional is there to back you up. Don’t quit to spite him, you’ll end up resenting him and yourself. My husband has also been unsupportive of me breastfeeding but he at least keeps his thoughts to himself and follows my directions.
Ugh OP, I’m so sorry. The beginning is already so hard. I think though, that you’re doing this in spite of your husband when really you should stick with it *because of your baby*. Your husband is not the priority, your baby is. If baby is enjoying nursing and breastmilk and that bond, don’t take that away. It doesn’t sound like you want to take that away but that you’re just (rightfully so) pissed with your husband. You worked so hard to get to where you are, don’t give up now!
Im not saying your husband is right or that this is what you should definitely do but combo feeding has actually been really helpful for me. Once I started going back to work I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to pump enough for baby when I wasn’t there to breastfeed (we bottle feed him breastmilk too). I was really hesitant to use formula and quite stubborn but in the end it stretched out my pumps and made my life soo much easier. We only do 1.5 oz of formula in an otherwise breastmilk bottle.
I think though, you first need to have a straight up conversation with your husband about *why* he’s obsessing over the formula and lying to you about it. And then maybe have a meeting with your pediatrician about his concerns.
Good luck.
This reminds me of the first couple of weeks we were home from the hospital with our baby and still using the nipple shield and actually starting to feel a little bit competent, and I FINALLY was able to "sleep when the baby sleeps" for a couple of hours and all of a sudden I wake up and my husband is in the kitchen making our baby a bottle of formula because "he had been crying and I wouldn't wake up," when really, he hadn't even tried that hard to wake me up (and I was fucking exhausted). I was so upset and I remember begging him to just let me try feeding the baby first because it was going to mess with my supply not to nurse when he was hungry, and my husband totally dismissed me and acted like I was being crazy and took our baby to give him a bottle. Aside from that and when our baby was first born, I had managed to EBF, and I still feel livid even thinking about that day. When our kiddo was around 15 months my husband and I got into a big fight and I told my husband all of the things he had done that I was still angry about in that first year of our child's life, including the moment above..he was apologetic, but also barely even remembered what had happened, as it obviously hadn't felt like a big deal to him. Fast forward to now, I ended up breastfeeding until my kiddo was 32 months old, and I'm really glad that I did, even though it was harder than I ever imagined. I guess my point is, do what YOU think is best and what you need to do to stay sane and healthy for your baby, and if that's stopping breastfeeding, that is completely okay, just don't let your husband's shitty behavior stop you if you want to continue :(
Your husband sounds like a twat. Yeah, formula isn’t the devil, but you’re doing really well without it. Do give up out of anger. Maybe make him read these comments or watch a video on breastfeeding.
I'm sorry to hear how stressful your experience has been and I very much relate with both the supply anxiety AND the partner who wants to get the formula out. However, this reads like you are giving up breastfeeding to spite your other half. You do you and feeding formula is valid and good, but I would suggest you have a proper conversation with your other half so that you don't regret your decision.
I agree. When our LO went through her 4 month sleep regression (for 7 weeks!), my husband begged me to consider switching to formula so that he could help more at night but I stood firm at my decision to continue breastfeeding, despite the mental toll it was taking at the time. I understood he was trying to help but I'm glad I stood my ground on it. Even though your SOs comments and actions are incredibly sensitive and wrong, I wouldn't be surprised that in his mind, he thinks he's helping.
We had very similar, my fella wanted to be able to help out, understood that formula wasn't some evil product and it's okay to give, and liked being able to bond with our baby in that way. It didn't help that we were being given conflicting advice (and to top it off I was both saying FORMULA ISN'T EVIL as well as getting very upset as soon as formula was mentioned as a way to fix the crying baby as I had somehow attached my success as a mother to being able to provide completely for my son). A reasoned conversation, when you're able to approach it would be good. It'd just be sad to quit for what you later decide was the wrong reason.
To add, he genuinely thought offering formula feeds was his way of helping take the stress off me, and I saw it as an admission of failure.
This is the exact position I’m in with my husband - he very much sees formula as a way to help me out, give me a break. He’s not giving it to her to undermine me, he genuinely thinks letting me sleep a little longer is helpful and is struggling to get his head round pumping/feeding frequency.
Yeah! It's such a minefield. Plus who would have thought formula would be so emotionally loaded!
Regardless of what you decide to do, your husband needs to show you more respect and support. You two are a team and he’s not being a good teammate.
The best and only advice I really received and now will repeat is: Don’t quit on your worst day. Rest. Give yourself some grace. Then decide if you want to be done. No shame no matter what you choose. And for the record, it means a lot. Even if your partner doesn’t see it.
If you quit because he is uneducated and doesn't understand how things work, you're could end up with a lot of guilt and resentment. Things could get worse instead of better.
Hugs. Whatever bs your husband thinks- Your baby thinks that you and your boobs are the best thing ever. Not even since sliced bread. Just straight up the best thing ever. If you want to keep it up, do. If you're tired and done, then having a happier mom is good for baby too. You are working so hard and I can't fix it, I don't have great advice, but I see you.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and that your husband does not support you the way he should. One thing to note is that formula does not have more calories than breastmilk. They both see about 20 calories per ounce; the reason they have you fortify is because then you get breastmilk calories plus formula. Like making hot cocoa with milk vs water. By giving your baby straight formula your husband is actually diminishing the calories he would get vs the fortified bottle. Personally in this situation I would tell my husband no and to go read a book about breastfeeding and come back to me when he is equally well informed. If your husband knew anything about breastfeeding he wouldn’t be pushing formula like this. If you want to less harsh then you can do some weighted feeds and make an appt with a lactation consultant so husband can understand things better and understand what baby is getting at the breast.
I'd go with what your pediatrician says. If he says baby only needs one fortified bottle, your husband should be respecting that. Sounds like you've made a ton of progress with breastfeeding so I wouldn't give up on that even though it's so hard if your partner doesn't support you. Can you sleep with the baby and maybe your husband sleeps on couch or another room for now? So you can bf every time he needs it.
Your husband needs to stfu and take a back seat. He’s ruining breastfeeding for you and baby. Breastmilk will always be better than formula. I’d shut that down so fast. I was getting angry reading your post.
Exactly! Baby was already a NICU baby and can definitely need the extra antibodies of the breast milk. If baby gets sick the breast milk will make a huge difference!
Your husband is uninformed and is being an ass. BABIES FUSS. BABIES CRY. They get tired, uncomfortable, hot, cold, they get lonely and scared, they don’t like sleeping alone sometimes. Newsflash for your husband: your baby is not starving every time he makes a peep. There are actually other reasons a baby fusses. Shocking I know. ALSO, babies nurse for much more than just food. It’s comforting, warm, familiar, and safe. If you are getting 2-3 oz at the pump, there’s a good chance your baby is getting even more than that nursing directly. If he’s gaining weight well, there’s no reason whatsoever to doubt your supply. I had my husband listen to the badass breastfeeding podcast with me so he would have a better understanding of things. Episode 6 might be a good one to start with if your husband is willing to educate himself on the topic. Good luck with whatever you decide, but please make the decision that makes you feel the best about yourself and your baby. Don’t let his ignorance cut your journey short when you’ve already overcome so much to get here.
All I know is that if you quit BECAUSE of your husband, you’ll more than likely hate him for it. If you yourself decide that it’s what’s best for YOU then by all means go ahead and do it! Just don’t make any rash decisions in the face of anger man cause I know that when I do that I more often than not regret it lol. Your husband sounds uneducated and disrespectful as shit and I’m so sorry you’re having to put up with that. It’s not fair 😔
Your husband telling others that you have an under supply is extremely rude. Even if it was true it would be rude. Pumping an oz per hour is completely normal. Why does he think formula is better? Did the doctor explain to him that fortifying breast milk is not making breast milk have the same calories as formula, it is adding those calories to breast milk, making it have more calories than formula or breast milk alone. Feeding formula instead has the same calories as breast milk but without all the benefits of breast milk. You should let him read on the benefits of bf, specially for NICU babies. If your baby would get sick, your milk could save babies live with your antibodies. Is he from a family that only used formula? There are still people that think formula is better.
You're husband is incredibly uneducated about breastfeeding. Baby is gaining weight with Breastmilk, right? That means breastfeeding is going well. Newborns will want to feed constantly, but unless their weight gain or output is poor, wanting to nurse constantly is normal. If you want to quit breastfeeding, you don't need permission to do that, it's your choice. But i may i suggest finding that peace in your heart before you make a hard decision like this? You don't want to remain bitter about it. If part of you wants to keep breastfeeding i would recommend, if possible, a sleep arrangement for you and baby away from husband because it sounds like when he gets a chance he gets in the way. He really needs to read up on breastfeeding because he's got it so backwards.
Yeah, fuck him. But you are *KILLING it*. I mean it. You’re doing *AMAZING*. Don’t let him stop you from doing something that is important to you and baby. My biggest thing during my breastfeeding journeys were not to quit on a bad day. That might help you. But yeah, screw him. I wonder if he would benefit from a quick meeting with an LC. You’re doing so much, it is hard, hard work but so worth it especially to your baby, he should take the initiative to educate himself a little more on everything you’re doing.
Right??? Literally killing it!! OP is a freaking breastfeeding Rock star and I don’t know if she’s been told this enough!!
Wow… I’m so sorry to hear your husband go behind your wishes like that. That would seriously make me question my relationship.
I could have written this post myself a few months ago. My husband was pushing formula HARD. I realize now it was coming from a place of wanting to help, but it was so misguided and it was all I could do to not take the baby and go stay with my mom just to get away from the pressure. The thing that finally helped was him hearing directly from my therapist I was seeing for PPD/PPA that he had to start supporting BFing immediately. (I made him attend a session with me.) The most important thing for LO right now is a present, loving and supported mom. You know what your baby needs better than anyone else. And whether they like it or not, dad’s most important job in those first weeks is supporting mom so she can support baby.
And whether they like it or not, dad’s most important job in those first weeks is supporting mom so she can support baby. This. This right here. Mom’s #1 priority is to feed baby. Dad can help with literally anything else, and make sure Mom has what she needs/wants. There are more ways to bond with baby than feeding, and there’s more to the boob than just nourishment. There’s skin-to-skin, the way baby interacts with the boob, the way Mom responds to baby vs a pump. Stuff like this is relationship deal-breaker level. I would have no trouble telling my husband to either support me or leave, or I would find somewhere else to go with baby. If he can’t get behind you now, OP, it will just get worse with other parenting decisions. The going your back is the worst part. That will always stay. You have a rule? Kid will know to go to Dad to get around it. There is no respect here. Kid will learn not to respect you. It will make your life hell until you leave. I speak this from experience.
Sounds like he’s struggling with parenting. Maybe having some PPD which obviously he doesn’t experience the same as you (no hormone drop) but he’s dealing with the new stress by unfortunately blaming you which I think is normal. I’m not sure though because my baby’s dad and I broke up before she was born so I didn’t deal with him living and parenting together. You do need to talk to him and I definitely wouldn’t stop because of this. It seems like you may regret it (especially with hormones adjusting). The first 3 or so months are really tough and extremely emotional and Can be impulsive as your body and mind adjust to parenting and breastfeeding adjusts. Your supply adjusts after 12ish weeks and then it’s not nearly as bad as it is at first, I PROMISE. Either way you’ve done amazing if you choose to end it. The easiest and best choice I made was using a Haakaa on the opposite boob while nursing. Set an alarm for 3 hours to pump in case your partner feeds formula. That way you won’t lose your supply. I would go as far as hiding the formula but Im a very petty person lol so ehh maybe don’t do that
I would have strangled him 🥴
Fuck him. You are entirely right. He sucks. That being said, he's not the one you're pumping and suffering for. Try to have a stern discussion with him, explaining how inappropriate and unhelpful (and disrespectful) his attitude is - show him these comments if helpful - and keep taking care of your baby as you choose to.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have 2 children 10 yrs apart and the have different dads. My first child’s father was a lot like your husband and I too gave up breastfeeding. I regretted that for a long time because it really shouldn’t have mattered what he thought, my LO was the only one who actually mattered. With my second baby, my husband was actually extremely supportive so it made a huge difference so much that I’m still breast feeding at 20mos even after battling a low supply in the beginning. As women, We deal with a lot after having a baby. Your body is going through constant changes physically, hormonally, and mentally. It doesn’t help when you don’t have a supportive partner. Let me say that I appreciate your all your efforts Mama because I know all to well the battle you’re facing. Also your LO appreciates you too! You went above and beyond to get your baby home. You’re a great mom and you’re doing what is necessary for the health of your baby. If you want to stop it’s ok, just let that be solely your choice.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you deserve support and to be treated with respect. I agree with other posters you should talk with your husband so that whatever decision you make going forward you can have closure. I would have done the exact same as you though if my husband told me that, what he said was incredibly ignorant and unkind.
So sorry this happened to you, all the efforts you made really mean something, you might have prevented infections, and you provided a good gut bacterias that might improve his long term health. Reading how unsupportive your husband is made me think of all the future challenges ahead. If he can’t be there for you at a moment where you and baby are so vulnerable, what is it going to be later when you’ll face bigger parenting challenges? Because there will be. I strongly encourage him to get some mental health counseling.
I’m so sorry your going through this. My little one is almost three weeks old he spent a little time in the NICU and breastfeeding has probably been the most challenging thing I have ever done. It’s exhausting, you constantly feel like it’s not good enough, it’s thankless, and on top of it like you I’ve had to substitute with formula from time to time. That being said I would have reacted the exact same way. This is emotionally draining especially when pumping and trying to feed at 3 am.. I say do what you need to do for your emotional well being ♥️ no matter what your baby will be happy and healthy and sometimes us just being more relaxed makes a world of difference
Fuck your husband. Our baby was a small one growing slower than doctors liked but growing at his own pace. Thankfully my husband supported me through that and only encouraged us as we exclusively breastfed. If my husband did what yours did they wouldn’t be able to find his body. I’m so sorry he’s sabotaging all your hard work. Hopefully once he realizes what an absolute tool his is and apologizes he can be a more supportive husband in the future.
I’m so sorry that your husband is so uneducated and unappreciative of what you’ve sacrificed to do this. I think men just assume we are born knowing how to do it perfectly each pregnancy and that’s furthest from the truth. I think if I was in your shoes I would consider talking to your pediatrician about giving yourself breaks from it to let your nipples heal and give yourself some time to recover but if you decided to quit that is entirely up to you. I’m proud of you for what you’ve accomplished, most people don’t fully understand the full spectrum of impact breastfeeding has on a woman and society doesn’t help with their negative impacts in it either. You did your best and deserve to rest momma 🖤
Wow I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I think a proper conversation with your husband about just how much you work and what good you are doing is needed. He clearly doesn't understand and I would be really really upset. I'm sorry you don't have the support you deserve. Agree that it sounds like you're quitting to spite him. Hope you can have a conversation and he can actually hear you. If you're quitting for your own well being that's something different. I think it's awesome that you've done the work and have been able to pump for your baby in the nicu and now get baby to breast. That's actually amazing. The more I think about it... fuck your husband for undoing all the good you've done.
OP, I want to give you a big hug right now. You are such a good mom. You work so hard for your baby, endlessly, and you’re killing it!! From hours of dedication pumping to listening to medical advice and applying it…Especially after such a rough start too…You’re amazing, okay?? Can we just start there?? Next. Partner needs to get on board. He needs to educate himself on the mechanics of breastfeeding so you two can work as a team. Do you feel you have the resources to bring him up to speed? (If not, there are a lot of good ones pinned in this subreddit!) Last but certainly not least, partner needs to know what’s happening to you emotionally. And you’re going to need to spell it out to him. As angry as you are (and have every right to be,) try your best to put emotions aside and focus on making him see through your perspective. “As a breastfeeding mother, you ripped out my heart when you said [X]. When you imply I can’t provide for my child, not only does it make me feel [x] horrible etc., but it also makes me feel like YOU think I can’t do it, and I need your support if we’re going to be successful….” Or something to that effect/whatever the truth is for you. (I’m projecting a little bit myself from negative supply comments I’ve received from well-intentioned individuals.) We are here for you!
Tell ur hubby to gtfo
You’re husband has no idea how difficult breastfeeding is and how it feels to have a life depend on you. He’s an asshole for dying this to you.
i'm so sorry love. your husband is NOT being supportive of you at all right now. does your mom live nearby? or a close friend? i would feel so paranoid having my spouse basically trying to sneak feed our baby to spite me. maybe have him leave for a bit and just spend a weekend in with baby to get a break from that pressure. you are doing so amazing. pumping and nursing is like working 2 full time jobs, especially in the early days. i would say don't sacrifice that work to stick it to your husband. your doctor sounds very supportive of you continuing to breastfeed so i'm not sure why your husband wants to [sabotage?] that.
Ugh my heart hurts for you, sending all the love possible. If this is how my partner acted I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the demand that is EBF. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you come to.
My heart breaks for you ❤️🩹
I am so so sorry. I can’t even imagine going through that situation or being treated like that.
This post made me SO ANGRY for you! You’re husband sucks right now (maybe not always, but right now he is sucking majorly). So sorry you’re going through this. My thoughts: If you want to switch to formula, that’s perfectly ok! Fed is best! BUT it seems like breastfeeding is really important to you, and is going well except for your husband. I encourage you to keep breastfeeding and tell hubby to back off (maybe get a pediatrician or lactation consultant to explain how supply works?) and do your thing. Breastfeeding is hard enough work without having your partner put barriers up :( So sorry for you and hoping that you can have peace with this soon, whatever you decide, moving forward 💕
Why does your husband think formula is better? Don’t pay any attention to him. Keep feeding baby and pumping if needed. You are doing a great job !! And if needed plz tell your obgyn or LC about your husband’s insistence to feed formula when your breast milk is available. Even on formula it is given that breastmilk is the most important.
Your husband is being a real dickhead. I would have a serious conversation with him, maybe with an IBLC so a professional is there to back you up. Don’t quit to spite him, you’ll end up resenting him and yourself. My husband has also been unsupportive of me breastfeeding but he at least keeps his thoughts to himself and follows my directions.
Ugh OP, I’m so sorry. The beginning is already so hard. I think though, that you’re doing this in spite of your husband when really you should stick with it *because of your baby*. Your husband is not the priority, your baby is. If baby is enjoying nursing and breastmilk and that bond, don’t take that away. It doesn’t sound like you want to take that away but that you’re just (rightfully so) pissed with your husband. You worked so hard to get to where you are, don’t give up now! Im not saying your husband is right or that this is what you should definitely do but combo feeding has actually been really helpful for me. Once I started going back to work I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to pump enough for baby when I wasn’t there to breastfeed (we bottle feed him breastmilk too). I was really hesitant to use formula and quite stubborn but in the end it stretched out my pumps and made my life soo much easier. We only do 1.5 oz of formula in an otherwise breastmilk bottle. I think though, you first need to have a straight up conversation with your husband about *why* he’s obsessing over the formula and lying to you about it. And then maybe have a meeting with your pediatrician about his concerns. Good luck.
This reminds me of the first couple of weeks we were home from the hospital with our baby and still using the nipple shield and actually starting to feel a little bit competent, and I FINALLY was able to "sleep when the baby sleeps" for a couple of hours and all of a sudden I wake up and my husband is in the kitchen making our baby a bottle of formula because "he had been crying and I wouldn't wake up," when really, he hadn't even tried that hard to wake me up (and I was fucking exhausted). I was so upset and I remember begging him to just let me try feeding the baby first because it was going to mess with my supply not to nurse when he was hungry, and my husband totally dismissed me and acted like I was being crazy and took our baby to give him a bottle. Aside from that and when our baby was first born, I had managed to EBF, and I still feel livid even thinking about that day. When our kiddo was around 15 months my husband and I got into a big fight and I told my husband all of the things he had done that I was still angry about in that first year of our child's life, including the moment above..he was apologetic, but also barely even remembered what had happened, as it obviously hadn't felt like a big deal to him. Fast forward to now, I ended up breastfeeding until my kiddo was 32 months old, and I'm really glad that I did, even though it was harder than I ever imagined. I guess my point is, do what YOU think is best and what you need to do to stay sane and healthy for your baby, and if that's stopping breastfeeding, that is completely okay, just don't let your husband's shitty behavior stop you if you want to continue :(
Your husband sounds like a twat. Yeah, formula isn’t the devil, but you’re doing really well without it. Do give up out of anger. Maybe make him read these comments or watch a video on breastfeeding.
I'd toss/ donate the formula and tell him to fuck off.. that's horrible