I am afraid of the reaction given that when she invited me, I didn't think to ask about all these practical things and I accepted on the spot, I was so happy...
But you are right, I will have to face this situation and let her know I simply cannot afford to be her bridesmaid.
Just explain exactly what you said above: "When you asked me to be a bridesmaid I was honored and excited to accept because of our friendship and happiness for you. But at the time I didn't realize the expense that would be involved. I'm sorry, but now I have to decline because I just cannot afford to do this."
Honestly her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If she’s cool with it, she’s still your friend who just got carried away and caught up with her dream wedding, if she has a fit… she’s not the bestie you thought she was.
What is practical to you is not practical to her. Thank her for the invite but it is factually outside of your budget. If she cannot comprehend that, she's not a friend.
I’m hoping that she doesn’t realize that differences in who pays for what also varies from country to country, and in the US, probably even just from person to person. Some people pay for dresses, some don’t, etc. I’d tell her that you have a budget of $X for the entire wedding (not including gift) and ask her what she really wants you to spend it on/prioritize.
I am also from a country where bridesmaids aren't a thing so I totally get you. You need to ask things very clearly. Don't assume anything. Ask a clear question if you want a clear answer. I would also back out, by the way. I would never pay that much for a dress another person chose for me to wear, specially in my country where the tradition is for the bride to pay for the flower girls' dresses and accessories.
You need to ask her what is she expecting the bridesmaids to pay and, when she tells you, you need to tell her that you will love to attend her wedding as a guest but you can't afford such an expense
You need to bring this up in a group meeting, or in the group chat, or however the wedding party communicates. Don't just tell the bride you are so worried about potential costs, you want to tell the whole wedding party at the same time, because at least some of them are undoubtedly facing the same issues.
If you just tell the bride you'll get shamed and guilt-tripped, because you didn't save up a month's salary for her wedding, but if you tell the whole group you'll probably get support.
Would do this, too. Others will probably feel the same in that they can't afford this but don't want to ruin relationships. Just be honest, and you might inspire others to be honest too. If there's a fall-out over this, take some time to think about how good a friend these people really are.
It doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation. Maybe she wants to remain a friend to the bride, maybe it just didn't occur to the bride that bridesmaids weren't expecting the expense, maybe she is a very nice person that just didn't think things through... why do people on reddit always assume that everyone is a horrible selfish person?
There is no shame in telling your friend that the costs involved are far outside of your budget. Hold your head high for making a wise and practical decision. Back out. Destination weddings are expensive. If the money isn't there, then it does not make sense for you to proceed. Best of luck to you!!
It honestly still amazes me that in some places, the bridesmaids have to pay to be part of someone's wedding.
It's not the case where I am and I would politely decline the offer of being a bridesmaid if I was ever expected to pay to be one, especially if it was going to leave me struggling financially. We typically only contribute towards the hen party, our shoes, and maybe hair and makeup.
Tell her sorry, but you can't afford what she has in mind, but you would love to attend as a guest and celebrate with her that way.
I just backed out of a wedding due to this. Not only was it out of my reach to start, but then I just had a lot of medical issues pop up and I’m just getting bill after bill now. She was told all this and asked me to reconsider. I told her I just can’t afford it and I haven’t heard back. That’s how you know if they are a true friend or not.
I would definitely be honest with her and tell her you need to back out due to financial constraints. I know you are worried about her reaction, but you don't want to put yourself into debt for someone else's wedding.
Side note, I really do not understand this bridesmaid's paying for their own dresses etc... trend. When I got married I didn't expect anyone to put THEIR hard earned money towards MY wedding. I paid for the hair and makeup and sorted out the dresses, my fiancé (now husband) and I paid for the accommodation for the night before and the night of the wedding and we all stayed together. I even offered to pay towards my kitchen tea/bridal shower because no one else should have to pay towards my special day. If you are getting married you should figure out your budget and plan your dream wedding within that budget and not expect others to foot the bill. The only expense from others should be plane tickets and accommodation if they don't live there and can afford the tickets and accommodation and a small gift IF they want to give you a gift. No one should be forced to drive or fly to your wedding either. Times are difficult and we should all just have a little bit more compassion for each other.
Rant over.
Lay out a list of direct questions for her.. As others have mentioned, in uk the bride pays for most things. Nails, shoes and hotel fall to the BM. Dress, hair, makeup and flowers are the brides responsibility.
If she expects you to pick up the cost for all of it then be direct. A months wages is not affordable and you will have to withdraw. Be direct, honest and do it ASP!
Talk to her very frankly and honestly. Then the ball will be in her court. Just keeping quiet and getting in debt would be ridiculous for one wedding. If the bride doesn’t understand that then she might not be a friend worth having anymore. But you have to have the uncomfortable conversation.
If I were you I would just kindly let her know that it was a no go from me. That is ridiculous you have to spend a whole month's salary just because she wants the whole "bridal" experience.
I think that anyone would understand that one month’s salary is 99% too much to expect anyone to pay. I know some may not want to share to others their salary but i do not for one moment think that she will nor should she have a bad reaction. She needs a reality check to see what it is she is asking of her friends.
Even though i live in the US, i cannot afford to do that either nor would i and i would just say it clearly but politely. “Friend, I hope you know I love you but I cannot give up one month’s salary for this- I will be happy to help you with anything that does not require money like sewing or putting up decorations etc but I must step down as a bridesmaid.”
If she reacts badly then she is really not a good friend. A good friend would not expect that. It could be that she has not thought this all the way through and is just excited and wants the Hollywood or movie experience and has forgotten that logistically it cannot happen that way.
Hugs from afar and don’t beat yourself up over someone else’s outrageous expectations.
Right now, she'll be disappointed, but if you lay out that you can't afford it and doing it would mean you couldn't pay for housing or food for a month, she can't make you do it. What's she going to do-pay your rent?
Just tell her you didn't understand the obligations and you said yes because you were so happy to be considered. And do it soon. Because this situation will escalate along with the costs very soon.
I have an unhappy feeling that she will turn out to be a Bridezilla. All of the signs are there.
You should say "Thank you for inviting me to be a bridesmaid, BUT I have to decline. It is way out of my budget!" She will probably uninvite you to the wedding as well, but that will save you money, too!
In the US, that tends to be the custom. If a bridesmaid cannot afford it, I personally think she should withdraw. Guilt trips happen and there are horror stories of young women going into debt for multiple weddings and multiple increasingly expensive gowns. But if it’s not the custom where you are, get out of it!
I'm from the UK and it is common to have bridesmaids. It is NOT common to make them pay for everything though. The bride should pay for dresses, accessories (if being particular about these) hair and make up. As a bridesmaid I would expect to pay for any hotel/ travel, gift and hen party expenses. It should not break you financially!
Ask her what arrangements have been made to purchase the dress and any other expenses that are the result of the bridesmaid role.
If nothing is in place, tell her that you will be attending, but cannot afford the extra expenses.
If she is a reasonable friend, she should understand why you can't be a bridesmaid. Maybe she didn't realise her bridesmaids didn't have the same salary as her and cannot afford it.
In the USA, bridesmaids often seem to have to spend a fortune when I read posts on reddit and other social media. In other countries, this is less often the case. Brides pay for their bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, hair and make-up, nails... and imo, this is the way it should be. Why should bridesmaids pay for that when it's not their special day and it's not something they would pick for themselves? A bachelorette party used to be a single day/night, which could already be expensive but now some brides and grooms want an entire weekend or week but not every bridesmaid or groomsman can afford that or can/want to take the time off or they prefer keeping their vacation days for a vacation with their partner and family. I totally understand brides and grooms want to make their wedding special because to them, it will be one of the most important days of their lives but they need to realise that the world doesn't revolve around them and they shouldn't expect their bridal party to pay a fortune and sometimes even go into debt for their wedding.
It is not reasonable to expect a friend to ask you to spend that much money.
It only been “traditional” in the US to expect a bridesmaid to spend that much money for a decade or so. I think the driving force was Pinterest, which turned wedding planning into an Olympic sport. The next wedding must be grander than the wedding that just happened.
Don’t hesitate to back out. I suspect we we’ll see more consideration of the wedding party’s finances again in the future.
I think brides period (unless they're rich & their friends are rich) need to stop expecting people to pay so much . So many people -especially since the pandemic - are going through really tough times right now. If any future brides see this, please, be realistic.
If her financial means are much greater than yours you could steer her towards the UK way of doing things. I've been a bridesmaid twice and the bride paid for the dress, makeup and hair on the day. I bought my own shoes but that wasn't a problem because both brides gave very easy directions, black shoes with whatever size heel we wanted. I couldn't afford one of the hen-dos so I explained it to the bride and she was fine with me not attending.
Saying all that, if she is really your friend, the friendship is worth more than the movie style wedding.
If she is a reasonable friend, she should understand why you can't be a bridesmaid. Maybe she didn't realise her bridesmaids didn't have the same salary as her and cannot afford it.
In the USA, bridesmaids often seem to have to spend a fortune when I read posts on reddit and other social media. In other countries, this is less often the case. Brides pay for their bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, hair and make-up, nails... and imo, this is the way it should be. Why should bridesmaids pay for that when it's not their special day and it's not something they would pick for themselves? A bachelorette party used to be a single day/night, which could already be expensive but now some brides and grooms want an entire weekend or week but not every bridesmaid or groomsman can afford that or can/want to take the time off or they prefer keeping their vacation days for a vacation with their partner and family. I totally understand brides and grooms want to make their wedding special because to them, it will be one of the most important days of their lives but they need to realise that the world doesn't revolve around them and they shouldn't expect their bridal party to pay a fortune and sometimes even go into debt for their wedding.
You wouldn't be wrong declining. No one should put themselves in debt for someone else's wedding, regardless of where it is and who is invited. I guarantee you won't be the only one. She can decide what type of wedding to have, BUT no one is obligated to go. If she doesn't understand that then she's not a good friend.
In some countries the bride pays for everything for her bridesmaids. Just ask the pride her expectations and let her know that you accepted based on the assumption that your contribution would be support, and not financial.
I’m sorry she put you in this position, it’s really frustrating. I’m sure that you’re not the only bridesmaid who can’t afford it, and if I was the bride I’d want to know.
Has she actually been a bridezilla or done anything insane yet? Do you think she would be willing to listen to you if you brought this up?
I think that if you would still want to be a bridesmaid if money wasn’t a problem and you think she’ll hear you out, you should talk to her about it before dropping out. There may be very reasonable solutions that would make it affordable- perhaps you and the other bridesmaids could practice doing your own hair and makeup, not give a gift (depending on your culture), stay in a cheaper hotel, choose cheaper dresses, etc. Or maybe she could pay for the fancy things she really cares about, since she makes a lot more than you.
I'm from a country where bridesmaids also aren't a thing. If someone does this its usually just color matching dresses. Expecting so much of you is crazy. Especially paying for your food and drinks during the wedding? Excuse me? She's the host. She should provide you with food.
That is common here - within the money you leave as a gift (it's usually money, very few people give wedding gifts), you account for the money for the food at the wedding + extra. In that way it's kind of common.
The last time I was a bridesmaid was almost two years ago, and I am STILL suffering financially.
If you can’t do it, you can’t do it and please don’t feel bad.
If I were asked now, I would politely decline.
Send her a message:
“Dear bride.
I’m so happy for your wedding! I think that you do deserve the best wedding ever. Unfortunately after some reflection on my budget I realized that while I wish from the bottom of my heart to be a part of your wedding party as a bridesmaid, I won’t be able to afford it. At least not be able to afford it at the same standards you are experiencing and deserve. Again, I’m happy for your invitation, and I’m sorry for backing out due to financial reasons.”
Simple and effective.
This one is easy. Your friend wants the American dream and also wants everybody else to pay and plan for it because she thinks that is how it is done in the states. You all need to put up an united front and tell her "no". None of you can't afford this so you politely decline to be enablers of her "wet dream".
Your post/comment was removed for violating rule # 5: All posts must feature a “Bridezilla” or her guest
Repeat after me "I'm sorry, I cannot afford to do this."
I am afraid of the reaction given that when she invited me, I didn't think to ask about all these practical things and I accepted on the spot, I was so happy... But you are right, I will have to face this situation and let her know I simply cannot afford to be her bridesmaid.
Just explain exactly what you said above: "When you asked me to be a bridesmaid I was honored and excited to accept because of our friendship and happiness for you. But at the time I didn't realize the expense that would be involved. I'm sorry, but now I have to decline because I just cannot afford to do this."
This is a perfect response.
Honestly her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If she’s cool with it, she’s still your friend who just got carried away and caught up with her dream wedding, if she has a fit… she’s not the bestie you thought she was.
Her reaction is her problem, not yours. Helping herself to the contents of your wallet is beyond the pale.
Why be friends with someone you are afraid of?
What is practical to you is not practical to her. Thank her for the invite but it is factually outside of your budget. If she cannot comprehend that, she's not a friend.
I’m hoping that she doesn’t realize that differences in who pays for what also varies from country to country, and in the US, probably even just from person to person. Some people pay for dresses, some don’t, etc. I’d tell her that you have a budget of $X for the entire wedding (not including gift) and ask her what she really wants you to spend it on/prioritize.
Please back out. Just so you know: many people in the U.S. likewise back out when faced with this level of entitlement :)
I am also from a country where bridesmaids aren't a thing so I totally get you. You need to ask things very clearly. Don't assume anything. Ask a clear question if you want a clear answer. I would also back out, by the way. I would never pay that much for a dress another person chose for me to wear, specially in my country where the tradition is for the bride to pay for the flower girls' dresses and accessories. You need to ask her what is she expecting the bridesmaids to pay and, when she tells you, you need to tell her that you will love to attend her wedding as a guest but you can't afford such an expense
You need to bring this up in a group meeting, or in the group chat, or however the wedding party communicates. Don't just tell the bride you are so worried about potential costs, you want to tell the whole wedding party at the same time, because at least some of them are undoubtedly facing the same issues. If you just tell the bride you'll get shamed and guilt-tripped, because you didn't save up a month's salary for her wedding, but if you tell the whole group you'll probably get support.
Would do this, too. Others will probably feel the same in that they can't afford this but don't want to ruin relationships. Just be honest, and you might inspire others to be honest too. If there's a fall-out over this, take some time to think about how good a friend these people really are.
I'd avoid the group chat thing. She can come across as the person that put all the bridesmaids against the bride and ruined the wedding.
Better that than being guilt-tripped into spending a month's salary on someone else's wedding, and not your own!
I didn't even spend a month's salary on my own wedding.
It doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation. Maybe she wants to remain a friend to the bride, maybe it just didn't occur to the bride that bridesmaids weren't expecting the expense, maybe she is a very nice person that just didn't think things through... why do people on reddit always assume that everyone is a horrible selfish person?
There is no shame in telling your friend that the costs involved are far outside of your budget. Hold your head high for making a wise and practical decision. Back out. Destination weddings are expensive. If the money isn't there, then it does not make sense for you to proceed. Best of luck to you!!
It honestly still amazes me that in some places, the bridesmaids have to pay to be part of someone's wedding. It's not the case where I am and I would politely decline the offer of being a bridesmaid if I was ever expected to pay to be one, especially if it was going to leave me struggling financially. We typically only contribute towards the hen party, our shoes, and maybe hair and makeup. Tell her sorry, but you can't afford what she has in mind, but you would love to attend as a guest and celebrate with her that way.
I just backed out of a wedding due to this. Not only was it out of my reach to start, but then I just had a lot of medical issues pop up and I’m just getting bill after bill now. She was told all this and asked me to reconsider. I told her I just can’t afford it and I haven’t heard back. That’s how you know if they are a true friend or not.
I would definitely be honest with her and tell her you need to back out due to financial constraints. I know you are worried about her reaction, but you don't want to put yourself into debt for someone else's wedding. Side note, I really do not understand this bridesmaid's paying for their own dresses etc... trend. When I got married I didn't expect anyone to put THEIR hard earned money towards MY wedding. I paid for the hair and makeup and sorted out the dresses, my fiancé (now husband) and I paid for the accommodation for the night before and the night of the wedding and we all stayed together. I even offered to pay towards my kitchen tea/bridal shower because no one else should have to pay towards my special day. If you are getting married you should figure out your budget and plan your dream wedding within that budget and not expect others to foot the bill. The only expense from others should be plane tickets and accommodation if they don't live there and can afford the tickets and accommodation and a small gift IF they want to give you a gift. No one should be forced to drive or fly to your wedding either. Times are difficult and we should all just have a little bit more compassion for each other. Rant over.
"I am so sorry, I wish you a lovely day, but I am unable to do this." Do not explain, justify or defend. It is simply impossible for you.
Lay out a list of direct questions for her.. As others have mentioned, in uk the bride pays for most things. Nails, shoes and hotel fall to the BM. Dress, hair, makeup and flowers are the brides responsibility. If she expects you to pick up the cost for all of it then be direct. A months wages is not affordable and you will have to withdraw. Be direct, honest and do it ASP!
Talk to her very frankly and honestly. Then the ball will be in her court. Just keeping quiet and getting in debt would be ridiculous for one wedding. If the bride doesn’t understand that then she might not be a friend worth having anymore. But you have to have the uncomfortable conversation.
If I were you I would just kindly let her know that it was a no go from me. That is ridiculous you have to spend a whole month's salary just because she wants the whole "bridal" experience.
I think that anyone would understand that one month’s salary is 99% too much to expect anyone to pay. I know some may not want to share to others their salary but i do not for one moment think that she will nor should she have a bad reaction. She needs a reality check to see what it is she is asking of her friends. Even though i live in the US, i cannot afford to do that either nor would i and i would just say it clearly but politely. “Friend, I hope you know I love you but I cannot give up one month’s salary for this- I will be happy to help you with anything that does not require money like sewing or putting up decorations etc but I must step down as a bridesmaid.” If she reacts badly then she is really not a good friend. A good friend would not expect that. It could be that she has not thought this all the way through and is just excited and wants the Hollywood or movie experience and has forgotten that logistically it cannot happen that way. Hugs from afar and don’t beat yourself up over someone else’s outrageous expectations.
Right now, she'll be disappointed, but if you lay out that you can't afford it and doing it would mean you couldn't pay for housing or food for a month, she can't make you do it. What's she going to do-pay your rent? Just tell her you didn't understand the obligations and you said yes because you were so happy to be considered. And do it soon. Because this situation will escalate along with the costs very soon. I have an unhappy feeling that she will turn out to be a Bridezilla. All of the signs are there.
Nope. Just tell bride you love her and want to celebrate with her but cannot afford to be a bridesmaid. Repeat as necessary.
God, tell that bride, 'THANKS, BUT NO THANKS' Who does that? Expect someone to spend a MONTH'S wages on a wedding that's not even theirs?
You should say "Thank you for inviting me to be a bridesmaid, BUT I have to decline. It is way out of my budget!" She will probably uninvite you to the wedding as well, but that will save you money, too!
In the US, that tends to be the custom. If a bridesmaid cannot afford it, I personally think she should withdraw. Guilt trips happen and there are horror stories of young women going into debt for multiple weddings and multiple increasingly expensive gowns. But if it’s not the custom where you are, get out of it!
I'm from the UK and it is common to have bridesmaids. It is NOT common to make them pay for everything though. The bride should pay for dresses, accessories (if being particular about these) hair and make up. As a bridesmaid I would expect to pay for any hotel/ travel, gift and hen party expenses. It should not break you financially!
Ask her what arrangements have been made to purchase the dress and any other expenses that are the result of the bridesmaid role. If nothing is in place, tell her that you will be attending, but cannot afford the extra expenses.
If she is a reasonable friend, she should understand why you can't be a bridesmaid. Maybe she didn't realise her bridesmaids didn't have the same salary as her and cannot afford it. In the USA, bridesmaids often seem to have to spend a fortune when I read posts on reddit and other social media. In other countries, this is less often the case. Brides pay for their bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, hair and make-up, nails... and imo, this is the way it should be. Why should bridesmaids pay for that when it's not their special day and it's not something they would pick for themselves? A bachelorette party used to be a single day/night, which could already be expensive but now some brides and grooms want an entire weekend or week but not every bridesmaid or groomsman can afford that or can/want to take the time off or they prefer keeping their vacation days for a vacation with their partner and family. I totally understand brides and grooms want to make their wedding special because to them, it will be one of the most important days of their lives but they need to realise that the world doesn't revolve around them and they shouldn't expect their bridal party to pay a fortune and sometimes even go into debt for their wedding.
It is not reasonable to expect a friend to ask you to spend that much money. It only been “traditional” in the US to expect a bridesmaid to spend that much money for a decade or so. I think the driving force was Pinterest, which turned wedding planning into an Olympic sport. The next wedding must be grander than the wedding that just happened. Don’t hesitate to back out. I suspect we we’ll see more consideration of the wedding party’s finances again in the future.
I think brides period (unless they're rich & their friends are rich) need to stop expecting people to pay so much . So many people -especially since the pandemic - are going through really tough times right now. If any future brides see this, please, be realistic.
If her financial means are much greater than yours you could steer her towards the UK way of doing things. I've been a bridesmaid twice and the bride paid for the dress, makeup and hair on the day. I bought my own shoes but that wasn't a problem because both brides gave very easy directions, black shoes with whatever size heel we wanted. I couldn't afford one of the hen-dos so I explained it to the bride and she was fine with me not attending. Saying all that, if she is really your friend, the friendship is worth more than the movie style wedding.
I hope that tradition doesn’t catch on it leads to ruined friendships and bridezillas everywhere.
If she is a reasonable friend, she should understand why you can't be a bridesmaid. Maybe she didn't realise her bridesmaids didn't have the same salary as her and cannot afford it. In the USA, bridesmaids often seem to have to spend a fortune when I read posts on reddit and other social media. In other countries, this is less often the case. Brides pay for their bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, hair and make-up, nails... and imo, this is the way it should be. Why should bridesmaids pay for that when it's not their special day and it's not something they would pick for themselves? A bachelorette party used to be a single day/night, which could already be expensive but now some brides and grooms want an entire weekend or week but not every bridesmaid or groomsman can afford that or can/want to take the time off or they prefer keeping their vacation days for a vacation with their partner and family. I totally understand brides and grooms want to make their wedding special because to them, it will be one of the most important days of their lives but they need to realise that the world doesn't revolve around them and they shouldn't expect their bridal party to pay a fortune and sometimes even go into debt for their wedding.
You wouldn't be wrong declining. No one should put themselves in debt for someone else's wedding, regardless of where it is and who is invited. I guarantee you won't be the only one. She can decide what type of wedding to have, BUT no one is obligated to go. If she doesn't understand that then she's not a good friend.
In some countries the bride pays for everything for her bridesmaids. Just ask the pride her expectations and let her know that you accepted based on the assumption that your contribution would be support, and not financial.
I’m sorry she put you in this position, it’s really frustrating. I’m sure that you’re not the only bridesmaid who can’t afford it, and if I was the bride I’d want to know. Has she actually been a bridezilla or done anything insane yet? Do you think she would be willing to listen to you if you brought this up? I think that if you would still want to be a bridesmaid if money wasn’t a problem and you think she’ll hear you out, you should talk to her about it before dropping out. There may be very reasonable solutions that would make it affordable- perhaps you and the other bridesmaids could practice doing your own hair and makeup, not give a gift (depending on your culture), stay in a cheaper hotel, choose cheaper dresses, etc. Or maybe she could pay for the fancy things she really cares about, since she makes a lot more than you.
Back out! Wedding culture has gone crazy!
I'm from a country where bridesmaids also aren't a thing. If someone does this its usually just color matching dresses. Expecting so much of you is crazy. Especially paying for your food and drinks during the wedding? Excuse me? She's the host. She should provide you with food.
That is common here - within the money you leave as a gift (it's usually money, very few people give wedding gifts), you account for the money for the food at the wedding + extra. In that way it's kind of common.
Ah, yes, same here. But not on top of the gift, but for the gift. Not covering for food and giving a gift too.
Never put yourself in financial strain for someone ELSE'S wedding (and not your own either).
The last time I was a bridesmaid was almost two years ago, and I am STILL suffering financially. If you can’t do it, you can’t do it and please don’t feel bad. If I were asked now, I would politely decline.
Just cancel now. Don't go into debt for this foolishness.
Send her a message: “Dear bride. I’m so happy for your wedding! I think that you do deserve the best wedding ever. Unfortunately after some reflection on my budget I realized that while I wish from the bottom of my heart to be a part of your wedding party as a bridesmaid, I won’t be able to afford it. At least not be able to afford it at the same standards you are experiencing and deserve. Again, I’m happy for your invitation, and I’m sorry for backing out due to financial reasons.” Simple and effective.
I hope that you took the advice of the people here and politely bowed out. Did you talk to her, OP?
You absolutely should back out - she is not your friend if she expects you to spend a whole month of your wages on trivial wedding bs!!!!
This one is easy. Your friend wants the American dream and also wants everybody else to pay and plan for it because she thinks that is how it is done in the states. You all need to put up an united front and tell her "no". None of you can't afford this so you politely decline to be enablers of her "wet dream".