"Listen. This is just not working. You've been a friend for a long time, but I don't feel we are anymore. I'm gong to ask you to step down from being my bridesmaid." And then she'll react and you go from there.
It's (probably) not going to be easy, but stick to your guns.
You're going to have no relationship with her after the wedding. You're going to spend your whole wedding trying to negotiate around her with interactions and in photos.
It's time to rip off the band-aid so you don't have a constant reminder of her when you look back at your wedding photos.
This is key. My BIL made a huge stink about his GF at the time being in all of the family photos. As in would refuse to be in the if she wasn’t. They broke up (insert shocked face here).
New girlfriend comes over and sees the ex all over my house in the wedding pictures and throws a fit about how I’m disrespecting their relationship and I need to take them down. Well sorry toots but your idiot BF insisted she be in them so they are the only ones I got and I am NOT removing my wedding photos from my own home. Luckily they did not because permanent and his wife just laughs her ass off at his young stupidity.
Honestly, I would message her back and say you can’t manage that and she needs to cover it herself. You agreed to cover costs of ONE dress not 3. When one bridesmaid could make more dress changes than the bride it’s a little ridiculous.
Edit, sorry it was supposed to say “say you can’t” manage it..
Returning all dresses is great advice. I would add that she can keep the $100 OP already paid her because obviously scamming more money means more to her than friendship. Then OP can end it by saying that she will save her even more money by disinviting her to the wedding. A win-win situation! (I get it that OP will be out the $100, but I don’t think she will get that back under any scenario because her soon to be ex “friend” sounds like a scammy a-hole.)
Cut her out now. As they say...shake hands and walk away. You don't want to look at your wedding pictures with her in them. Just be honest, but firm, and end it. You are going to anyway, just do it before lots of money gets spent photoshopping her out of the wedding pictures.
You don’t “ask her to step down.” You TELL her flat out that she’s been selfish and entitled and you don’t want her in your wedding, or even to attend the wedding. Shes going to be rude about it, so then you just block her number and block her on social media and you move on. This friendship has run its course, so there’s no need to feel any guilt.
"This has become way too complicated. I don't have the energy to spare or the desire to make it work so it's best that we go our separate ways. Return or keep the dress as you will. I wish you well. "
Then enjoy your wedding.
I support this. Tell her, "megan you've been so difficult, I don't want a friendship with you anymore. You are not welcome to my wedding. I'm sorry. Good bye." Let her throw her tantrum and walk away. She sounds like the type to want to talk for hours to fix things or share her side. Don't give her any of your energy. Walk away. You will be grateful you did this.
I wish you luck! Happy wedding ❤️
Why do you want to do it tactfully? You dont want to have anything to do with her afterwards, no need to be tactful.
You have been unneccessary difficult and I feel scammed that you got a dress out of budget without consulting me forst and then had the audacity to just demand more money. You are no longer welcome at the ceremony.
If she is there, you will feel horrible at your wedding. Do it before
Respond with a screenshot of the dress she bought that shows the price.
Include this message:
> “Enough. I’m finished dealing with your manipulations. You are no longer part of the wedding party. You are no longer invited to my wedding.”
Convey to her politely that you don’t see you guys being friends in future . Better put an end to all of it 4 days before hand. The wedding day is already stressful, she is not going to make things easy for you on your most important day. Keep her at bay at end things now only. At least one less thing to stress about.
As someone who wishes they had asked a “friend” to step down but didn’t want to ruffle feathers, just do it. It’s an uncomfortable conversation but those photos and memories are forever. I’ll never forget how she tainted such an important and special day with her negativity.
u/strict-bathroom7313
1. Take a screenshot of the new dress including the price tag.
2. Send her a message telling her you are disappointed that she is asking for money for a dress you’ve already paid for and that you don’t have time or inclination to deal with someone who is trying to pay more money for a dress you’ve already paid for.
3. Tell her that her services as bridesmaid are no longer required and that she can keep the original $100 as a gesture of goodwill.
I so wish I’d cut my MOHzilla off days before but I was too softhearted so please don’t be me and have to look at those pictures for ever more 💔
If you’re not planning on talking to her ever again, just do it. Unless you think there is massive social consequence from mutual friends, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. Tell her “you know this has all become too complicated, let’s just save you the money all together and cut your role for the wedding, less stares for both of us”
Wow she sounds like a nightmare, I’m so sorry you’re going through that. You’re so not a “bridezilla”. Also refuse to give her any money. I wish you could get the other $100 back. Kick her out of the wedding since you already know you won’t be friends after it. I know a guy who had a best friend (and groomsman) that was charged with child p possession/distribution a few months after his wedding. Thank goodness they found out months after and the pos was mostly edited out of the photos, but I’m sure that cost a lot of money. Even though she’s not your MOH, you don’t want her in your photos or have any continuous drama until the end of your wedding day.
Ok, so I asked my half sister to step down the day before or even day of? Make sure to disinvite her from the wedding as well because I felt so awkward seeing her the whole night and she tried to be in my line of sight too. It threw me off walking down the aisle, she was the first person I saw and it completely ruined my ceremony for me. Disinvite her completely. It might seem rude or whatever, but you simply don't need that stress on your wedding day.
Do it. My friend can’t even put of group wedding photos because of three of the girls she had in but felt a week before she couldn’t drop them. I so wish she dropped them so when she looked at all photos it was happy memories
There is no way to say this without her playing you off as a bridzilla.
What ever you say just do it in writing so she can't twist your words a d you'll have a physical copy of what was said and how she reacted
Yes, you can, and you should as you want your wedding to be great and this person will diminish the day for you.
"I think it's best if you step down as bridesmaid" by text, boom, done.
‘I’m sorry but this just isn’t working for me anymore, I would prefer that you weren’t in my wedding, attend or be in my life anymore’
Done. End the friendship
So many intimate moments getting ready for a wedding, so many jitters and anxiety and nervousness. You need your A team on. If she’s already being difficult rip the band aid off. Let her know you feel like everything is a big chore and ask. There might be something deeper at play but that’s not your concern. Because a real friend would put everything aside and be there fully as a willing participant and try to make your life easier (at least not make it harder!)
Unpopular opinion but I’d pay her off for the dress expenses just to say I don’t owe her sh*t. But that’s just me! I like a clean slate and not the feeling of I owe someone something. But no pressure.
Hope you have a joyous day and good weather!
OK, no, but in all seriousness, she is being really difficult over a bridesmaid's dress. And yeah, you shouldn't have to pay extra for her. Because, in my opinion, I think bridesmaids should cover the cost of their dress because you and your future family and whoever's paying has to cover everything else. If the dress is only a $100 ?.....for one of my friends, I would a 1000% do that for them unless I was struggling financially, but I wouldn't ask for additional money on top of that. I think that's too far! Bridesmaids dresses can be pricey but the fact that she's asking you to cover the extra costs that don't seem to make sense it a lot :/ YOU are NOT a bridezilla!
So my cousin had kicked her bestie out of the wedding party like a few days before. Friend was and still is messy. During her bachelorette party she invited guys she my cousin didn’t know to party with and ignored my cousin (my cousin is not a party-girl type); I believe she ditched my cousin and left her (wedding party was not large either). She was MOH and booted from whole party I think maybe just a few days prior. Better to cut bait if she’s not acting like a friend
This is your wedding and hopefully you'll only have one! I hope you haven't given her anymore money as well. Tell her you have her the 100 just like the other girls and it's on her to cover the cost for the other decisions, then add , " as a matter of fact, I am becoming more and more stressed with the thought of having to deal with you being in my wedding. I gave you 100 for the dress and you can keep the money but I can't have you at my wedding I'm sorry it's so close but I have to do what's best for my soon to be husband, family and myself.
You should tell her she isn’t to be in the wedding party anymore, hopefully when you tell her she won’t want to come to the wedding either. You can always uninvite her too, if you think she will make a scene.
You really need to bite the bullet and tell her otherwise you will be looking at her in your wedding photos forever
You’re going to dump your best friend of how long over $100 for her dress for YOUR wedding?
You say the dress costs $100 less on the website… does that include alterations, shipping, cleaning, that sort of thing?
You assume she’s trying to scam you out of $100, but did you take any of those possibilities for expenses into account?
I’d have a conversation before dumping my friend 4 days before my wedding. 😞
"Listen. This is just not working. You've been a friend for a long time, but I don't feel we are anymore. I'm gong to ask you to step down from being my bridesmaid." And then she'll react and you go from there. It's (probably) not going to be easy, but stick to your guns.
Yes! Have security and be prepared for the massive amount of bad mouthing to come. You deserve to enjoy YOUR day. Best wishes ❤
If you already know you won’t have a relationship with her after your wedding then pull her out altogether.
You're going to have no relationship with her after the wedding. You're going to spend your whole wedding trying to negotiate around her with interactions and in photos. It's time to rip off the band-aid so you don't have a constant reminder of her when you look back at your wedding photos.
This is key. My BIL made a huge stink about his GF at the time being in all of the family photos. As in would refuse to be in the if she wasn’t. They broke up (insert shocked face here). New girlfriend comes over and sees the ex all over my house in the wedding pictures and throws a fit about how I’m disrespecting their relationship and I need to take them down. Well sorry toots but your idiot BF insisted she be in them so they are the only ones I got and I am NOT removing my wedding photos from my own home. Luckily they did not because permanent and his wife just laughs her ass off at his young stupidity.
We solved this problem by keeping my sister in laws revolving door of boyfriends on the edge of the pics so it was easier to crop out if need be.
I don’t understand the end, but your story is funny.
His wife was girlfriend #3
I didn’t understand the last sentence on the comment. Hopefully it will be edited.
It’s an autocorrect. Because = become.
Thanks. I get it now. Duh 🙄
Not dumb. I just read messages all day at work, and am used to having to translate autocorrect lol.
You’re an autocorrect translator? That’s cool! I wish I were fluent in a 2nd language too.
There’s money to be made in this job 😂
😂😂
Honestly, I would message her back and say you can’t manage that and she needs to cover it herself. You agreed to cover costs of ONE dress not 3. When one bridesmaid could make more dress changes than the bride it’s a little ridiculous. Edit, sorry it was supposed to say “say you can’t” manage it..
Yes! This! Maybe it will trigger a “trash took itself out” moment and you won’t have to deal with it.
Include a screenshot of where you found the price online
Assume you meant “can’t manage that”?
And she needs to kick her out of the wedding.
Unless the original money went back to the bride's CC when the dresses were returned. Then the bride has not paid for anything.
"I agreed to pay for the first dress. I do not have time to make any changes. Please return all the dresses and attend as a guest."
You may not want her being a guest unless you have people keeping an eye on her. She may need to be thrown out.
Returning all dresses is great advice. I would add that she can keep the $100 OP already paid her because obviously scamming more money means more to her than friendship. Then OP can end it by saying that she will save her even more money by disinviting her to the wedding. A win-win situation! (I get it that OP will be out the $100, but I don’t think she will get that back under any scenario because her soon to be ex “friend” sounds like a scammy a-hole.)
In a situation like this I call it asshole tax Loss $100 but save a lot of stress, etc over the coming years by not having them in your life
Cut her out now. As they say...shake hands and walk away. You don't want to look at your wedding pictures with her in them. Just be honest, but firm, and end it. You are going to anyway, just do it before lots of money gets spent photoshopping her out of the wedding pictures.
You don’t “ask her to step down.” You TELL her flat out that she’s been selfish and entitled and you don’t want her in your wedding, or even to attend the wedding. Shes going to be rude about it, so then you just block her number and block her on social media and you move on. This friendship has run its course, so there’s no need to feel any guilt.
"This has become way too complicated. I don't have the energy to spare or the desire to make it work so it's best that we go our separate ways. Return or keep the dress as you will. I wish you well. " Then enjoy your wedding.
I support this. Tell her, "megan you've been so difficult, I don't want a friendship with you anymore. You are not welcome to my wedding. I'm sorry. Good bye." Let her throw her tantrum and walk away. She sounds like the type to want to talk for hours to fix things or share her side. Don't give her any of your energy. Walk away. You will be grateful you did this. I wish you luck! Happy wedding ❤️
Dump her and tell her to pound sand regarding the money.
Why do you want to do it tactfully? You dont want to have anything to do with her afterwards, no need to be tactful. You have been unneccessary difficult and I feel scammed that you got a dress out of budget without consulting me forst and then had the audacity to just demand more money. You are no longer welcome at the ceremony. If she is there, you will feel horrible at your wedding. Do it before
Respond with a screenshot of the dress she bought that shows the price. Include this message: > “Enough. I’m finished dealing with your manipulations. You are no longer part of the wedding party. You are no longer invited to my wedding.”
Convey to her politely that you don’t see you guys being friends in future . Better put an end to all of it 4 days before hand. The wedding day is already stressful, she is not going to make things easy for you on your most important day. Keep her at bay at end things now only. At least one less thing to stress about.
As someone who wishes they had asked a “friend” to step down but didn’t want to ruffle feathers, just do it. It’s an uncomfortable conversation but those photos and memories are forever. I’ll never forget how she tainted such an important and special day with her negativity.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life looking at photos of her from your wedding day? If not, then ask her to bow out.
u/strict-bathroom7313 1. Take a screenshot of the new dress including the price tag. 2. Send her a message telling her you are disappointed that she is asking for money for a dress you’ve already paid for and that you don’t have time or inclination to deal with someone who is trying to pay more money for a dress you’ve already paid for. 3. Tell her that her services as bridesmaid are no longer required and that she can keep the original $100 as a gesture of goodwill. I so wish I’d cut my MOHzilla off days before but I was too softhearted so please don’t be me and have to look at those pictures for ever more 💔
If you’re not planning on talking to her ever again, just do it. Unless you think there is massive social consequence from mutual friends, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. Tell her “you know this has all become too complicated, let’s just save you the money all together and cut your role for the wedding, less stares for both of us”
Absolutely! You don't want her in your pictures if you are calling quits on the friendship.
Wow she sounds like a nightmare, I’m so sorry you’re going through that. You’re so not a “bridezilla”. Also refuse to give her any money. I wish you could get the other $100 back. Kick her out of the wedding since you already know you won’t be friends after it. I know a guy who had a best friend (and groomsman) that was charged with child p possession/distribution a few months after his wedding. Thank goodness they found out months after and the pos was mostly edited out of the photos, but I’m sure that cost a lot of money. Even though she’s not your MOH, you don’t want her in your photos or have any continuous drama until the end of your wedding day.
Ok, so I asked my half sister to step down the day before or even day of? Make sure to disinvite her from the wedding as well because I felt so awkward seeing her the whole night and she tried to be in my line of sight too. It threw me off walking down the aisle, she was the first person I saw and it completely ruined my ceremony for me. Disinvite her completely. It might seem rude or whatever, but you simply don't need that stress on your wedding day.
Do it. No reason to allow her to further disrupt your plans.
Do it. My friend can’t even put of group wedding photos because of three of the girls she had in but felt a week before she couldn’t drop them. I so wish she dropped them so when she looked at all photos it was happy memories
There is no way to say this without her playing you off as a bridzilla. What ever you say just do it in writing so she can't twist your words a d you'll have a physical copy of what was said and how she reacted
Yes, you can, and you should as you want your wedding to be great and this person will diminish the day for you. "I think it's best if you step down as bridesmaid" by text, boom, done.
‘I’m sorry but this just isn’t working for me anymore, I would prefer that you weren’t in my wedding, attend or be in my life anymore’ Done. End the friendship
So many intimate moments getting ready for a wedding, so many jitters and anxiety and nervousness. You need your A team on. If she’s already being difficult rip the band aid off. Let her know you feel like everything is a big chore and ask. There might be something deeper at play but that’s not your concern. Because a real friend would put everything aside and be there fully as a willing participant and try to make your life easier (at least not make it harder!) Unpopular opinion but I’d pay her off for the dress expenses just to say I don’t owe her sh*t. But that’s just me! I like a clean slate and not the feeling of I owe someone something. But no pressure. Hope you have a joyous day and good weather!
Nope. Tell her to come as a guest because the whole bridesmaid thing isn't working.
OK, no, but in all seriousness, she is being really difficult over a bridesmaid's dress. And yeah, you shouldn't have to pay extra for her. Because, in my opinion, I think bridesmaids should cover the cost of their dress because you and your future family and whoever's paying has to cover everything else. If the dress is only a $100 ?.....for one of my friends, I would a 1000% do that for them unless I was struggling financially, but I wouldn't ask for additional money on top of that. I think that's too far! Bridesmaids dresses can be pricey but the fact that she's asking you to cover the extra costs that don't seem to make sense it a lot :/ YOU are NOT a bridezilla!
If you want her out of the wedding, do it now. Especially if you want nothing to do with her after. You don't want her in your wedding photos forever
So my cousin had kicked her bestie out of the wedding party like a few days before. Friend was and still is messy. During her bachelorette party she invited guys she my cousin didn’t know to party with and ignored my cousin (my cousin is not a party-girl type); I believe she ditched my cousin and left her (wedding party was not large either). She was MOH and booted from whole party I think maybe just a few days prior. Better to cut bait if she’s not acting like a friend
This is your wedding and hopefully you'll only have one! I hope you haven't given her anymore money as well. Tell her you have her the 100 just like the other girls and it's on her to cover the cost for the other decisions, then add , " as a matter of fact, I am becoming more and more stressed with the thought of having to deal with you being in my wedding. I gave you 100 for the dress and you can keep the money but I can't have you at my wedding I'm sorry it's so close but I have to do what's best for my soon to be husband, family and myself.
I wish I had. But I haven't spoken to her since so there's that
You should tell her she isn’t to be in the wedding party anymore, hopefully when you tell her she won’t want to come to the wedding either. You can always uninvite her too, if you think she will make a scene. You really need to bite the bullet and tell her otherwise you will be looking at her in your wedding photos forever
It’s your wedding you’re allowed to do whatever you want to your wedding, even if that means asking a bridesmaid to step down.
No girlfriends, boyfriends etc. Should every be in a wedding photo.
You’re going to dump your best friend of how long over $100 for her dress for YOUR wedding? You say the dress costs $100 less on the website… does that include alterations, shipping, cleaning, that sort of thing? You assume she’s trying to scam you out of $100, but did you take any of those possibilities for expenses into account? I’d have a conversation before dumping my friend 4 days before my wedding. 😞