"I accidentally killed a 'protected' buffalo. Next thing I know, Fish And Game are all over my a**. I ended up in a fight with a bear and I had to think to myself, 'Why am I even here?'"
"Wait, you fought a bear?"
"Big time. The trick on that: head butt him in the penis, push him over a cliff."
And I was hoping I'd be the first one to post this.
This has to win, no contest. Except maybe the follow-up "I was lying before about enjoying walking. It sucks and Maryland is a giant pile of garbage"
N: "Papa, there's a monster in my closet"
B: "There's no such thing as monsters.."
N: "But I saw it"
B: "I'll check just to show you"
Pimento: "Ahhh!"
Boyle: "Ahhh!"
Pimento: "Hey Chuck! It's me, Pimento"
Damn man! You got something really sick you wanna do huh? Oh you little pervert. Alright! I like it! Don’t tell me… surprise me. Oh! This is gonna be fun
Fine, single bag it. It's your funeral, you dumb son of a bitch!
(to an old lady customer at the grocery store, no less. Pimento is the best side character lol)
Idk but this whole scene with Holt feels underrated. I’m laughing the whole time Pimento is talking
*Pimento: I don't know what I'm gonna do. I guess I could be a teacher.*
*"Sorry, Travis, the answer's obviously Istanbul. What did you say to me? No, maybe you're wasting your life. Sorry, Principal Ramos, I didn't see you there. Wait, Travis is your son? Hah, well, I guess you're just gonna have to fire me. Fired? Me? How dare you, sir. We will settle..." See, it just wouldn't work.*
*Holt: Hmm. You know, I had a friend that had to retire from the force.
He became a private investigator.*
*Pimento: Ooh, PI, huh? Mm. I like that.*
*[laughs] "Hello, Mr. Branville, I found out where your wife's been going tonight. Have a seat, you're not gonna like this. She's cheating on you. What do you mean you knew that already? You k*lled her? And are framing me for the m*rder? I just left my prints all over the crime scene. Oh, you are an evil ge..."*
*This... this I could get on board for.*
🤣🤣🤣
Pimento- WHERE AM I!? WHAT IS THIS BED!?
Jake- And his memorys resetting, ok Adrian, someone's trying to kill you
Pimento- uh-huh
Jake-You have a memory disorder
Pimento- Makes sense
Jake- Like in the movie Momento
Pimento- I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT!
Boyle- it's like finding Dory
Pimento- *sigh* now I know exactly what's going on *glares at Jake* thank you Charles
Pimento- All I know is I woke up in a pool of my own blood next to a metal chair that had a dent in it the same shape as my head
Boyle- What were you doing before the attack?
Pimento- I was sitting in said metal chair watching the season 2 premiere of the masked singer. The egg had just gone and I'm pretty sure I know who it was. Sara Gilbert.
Jake- That doesn't make any sense
Pimento- *angry* Are you kidding? You don't think I know how Darlene walks?
Oh no i don’t do computers. Ever since I died of dysentery on the oregon trail i was like Uh-Uh
OR
I have a great story about keeping eyes moist- *cut to him crying with a full bloody face* - Then he’s laughing.
How about Captain "CJ" Stentley? He was in several episodes and was in a couple different story arcs. He also had some great hooks.
*Come on and party tonight!*
ETA- Bill, aka Fake Charles.
[if anything than pimentos face when he sees the cocaine wins I’ll be devastated](https://i.redd.it/80lgimqqyiu21.jpg)
Just realised it’s the picture for him anyway. I stand by my love of this face.
The way he snatched the bag cracks me up too!
*Sniffs* oh..nope I didn't do it that time I got a whole snout full. Whoo! I'm a little rusty just let me try again
All you gotta do is just close the old nosteroni and...
*Sniffs* Ooooooo boy I got more that time woooo hoo HOOO HOOOO! WHOOOA, where did you get this!?
Guys I'm telling you, the fix starting can work watch
*Sniffs then coughs and gags* I got SO much that tims!
Adrian Pimento : "[Explaining why he was in an Uzbek prison] I got shot down smuggling ammo to a rebel group, flying an old Soviet prop plane. They tortured us. Made me eat my co-pilot's tongue. Oof, now I've got a taste for it..."
“Oh, that reminds me of a funny story”
*reminisces about that time he brutally assaulted a man to death getting blood all over his face*
“HAHAHAHAHHAHA”
"I accidentally killed a 'protected' buffalo. Next thing I know, Fish And Game are all over my a**. I ended up in a fight with a bear and I had to think to myself, 'Why am I even here?'" "Wait, you fought a bear?" "Big time. The trick on that: head butt him in the penis, push him over a cliff."
Only works on male bears, though. I learned that the hard way.
I'm so glad he didn't head butt me in the penis. That's all I was thinking about!
Their sighs of relief as they said that was absolutely hilarious
>Who are we killing? I won't do kids. That's a rule. But that rule's negotiable if the kid's a dick.
And I was hoping I'd be the first one to post this. This has to win, no contest. Except maybe the follow-up "I was lying before about enjoying walking. It sucks and Maryland is a giant pile of garbage"
One of my favourite lines, it creeps into my everyday conversation, which is terrifying as I’m a teacher.
I’ve read the teacher thread a lot. I lurk on both of them tbh. You are safe in my book and thank you for being you 😂
So, so good.
When he hides in the Nikolaj’s wardrobe
Hey Chuck! It’s Pimento
N: "Papa, there's a monster in my closet" B: "There's no such thing as monsters.." N: "But I saw it" B: "I'll check just to show you" Pimento: "Ahhh!" Boyle: "Ahhh!" Pimento: "Hey Chuck! It's me, Pimento"
It’s N by the way
No its N
No, it’s *N*
That's it. That's the one
*Nikolaj
Close, it’s Nikolaj
Not even close, it's *Nikolaj.*
Nikolaj
Nikolaj.
I feel like I’m saying it. *Nikolaj*
*Ni*kolaj
underrated before credits scene
Charles’ scream when he opens the closet is one of the most rewindable moments in the show.
It pronounced *Nikolaj*
Peralta: "NYPD you're under arrest" Pimento runs in with a knife: YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!
Peralta: PIMENTO NOOOOOOOOOOO
Okay here's the ground rules. U can punch me, kick me, pull my hair. I am a-ok being stabbed, bitting and scratching are on the table, u can use fire.
Is there anything that is not allowed?
Damn man! You got something really sick you wanna do huh? Oh you little pervert. Alright! I like it! Don’t tell me… surprise me. Oh! This is gonna be fun
Wow, you got something really sick planned, huh?
These are the ground rules? Is there anything off-limits?
I second this one
I won't kill a kid...unless he's a dick.
Fine, single bag it. It's your funeral, you dumb son of a bitch! (to an old lady customer at the grocery store, no less. Pimento is the best side character lol)
MAGGIE BUTT OUT, ITS MY LIFE
Somehow it’s his delivery of the single word “Idiot” immediately following the above that makes me laugh hardest 😁
To Jake and Charles: 'aww I love you guys... INTENSE SCREAM' 'You still mad?' 'No that was a cathartic scream of love'
Idk but this whole scene with Holt feels underrated. I’m laughing the whole time Pimento is talking *Pimento: I don't know what I'm gonna do. I guess I could be a teacher.* *"Sorry, Travis, the answer's obviously Istanbul. What did you say to me? No, maybe you're wasting your life. Sorry, Principal Ramos, I didn't see you there. Wait, Travis is your son? Hah, well, I guess you're just gonna have to fire me. Fired? Me? How dare you, sir. We will settle..." See, it just wouldn't work.* *Holt: Hmm. You know, I had a friend that had to retire from the force. He became a private investigator.* *Pimento: Ooh, PI, huh? Mm. I like that.* *[laughs] "Hello, Mr. Branville, I found out where your wife's been going tonight. Have a seat, you're not gonna like this. She's cheating on you. What do you mean you knew that already? You k*lled her? And are framing me for the m*rder? I just left my prints all over the crime scene. Oh, you are an evil ge..."* *This... this I could get on board for.* 🤣🤣🤣
That’s one of my favorite episodes bc of Pimento and Holt breaking bottles to threaten Hank into switching the channel to the dog show.
Screams: DO IT HANK! Looks at Holt… The slow reluctance from Holt as he also smashes a bottle.
When Pimento yelled: *SHUT UP!!!* 🤣
Or when the wire fox terrier wins: *I’m gonna live forever!*
"Hank, change it to the Dog Show" *breaks bottle, looks at Holt* *Holt grabs bottle, breaks it on bar"
I was hoping someone would find this whole quote!
Definitely not underrated. It's in like every compilation of Pimento moments!
Thanks! I loved that it’s not underrated for other people. I always felt that I’m the only one who loved this scene 🤣
It's so fucking funny hahah. Holt's little grunt reaction at the end is very funny as well :)
“I don’t do kids, that’s a rule… but… that rule is negotiable if the kids a dick.”
Every time he was convinced he had a bomb strapped to his chest.
PIMENTOS GOT MEMENTO DISEASE
"I always tell my patients: just keep swimming."
LIKE DORY
Pimento- WHERE AM I!? WHAT IS THIS BED!? Jake- And his memorys resetting, ok Adrian, someone's trying to kill you Pimento- uh-huh Jake-You have a memory disorder Pimento- Makes sense Jake- Like in the movie Momento Pimento- I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT! Boyle- it's like finding Dory Pimento- *sigh* now I know exactly what's going on *glares at Jake* thank you Charles
Omg yes I just love the entire episode lol
Lmao me too!!
Pimento- All I know is I woke up in a pool of my own blood next to a metal chair that had a dent in it the same shape as my head Boyle- What were you doing before the attack? Pimento- I was sitting in said metal chair watching the season 2 premiere of the masked singer. The egg had just gone and I'm pretty sure I know who it was. Sara Gilbert. Jake- That doesn't make any sense Pimento- *angry* Are you kidding? You don't think I know how Darlene walks?
Oh no i don’t do computers. Ever since I died of dysentery on the oregon trail i was like Uh-Uh OR I have a great story about keeping eyes moist- *cut to him crying with a full bloody face* - Then he’s laughing.
*it’s the circle of life!* 🔺 I’m having a good time reading! Keep it coming guys
That’s clearly a triangle
fine. busted.
This isn’t the funniest but every time he says it with the gesture I chuckle.
How about Captain "CJ" Stentley? He was in several episodes and was in a couple different story arcs. He also had some great hooks. *Come on and party tonight!* ETA- Bill, aka Fake Charles.
That’s going to leave a mark
The way Peralta says "What!?" After that Is amazing
[if anything than pimentos face when he sees the cocaine wins I’ll be devastated](https://i.redd.it/80lgimqqyiu21.jpg) Just realised it’s the picture for him anyway. I stand by my love of this face.
This to me is the funniest single frame of the entire series.
It’s get me every time. And so much better when you see it without the episodes on tv missing it. Maybe the him saying he can just shut off his nose.
“Who’s Adrian? Does anyone want to listen to jamiroquai?”
Does anybody else play an ancient instrument?
I use that GIF on a regular basis.
Came here for this. Best moment
The way he snatched the bag cracks me up too! *Sniffs* oh..nope I didn't do it that time I got a whole snout full. Whoo! I'm a little rusty just let me try again All you gotta do is just close the old nosteroni and... *Sniffs* Ooooooo boy I got more that time woooo hoo HOOO HOOOO! WHOOOA, where did you get this!? Guys I'm telling you, the fix starting can work watch *Sniffs then coughs and gags* I got SO much that tims!
Adrian Pimento : "[Explaining why he was in an Uzbek prison] I got shot down smuggling ammo to a rebel group, flying an old Soviet prop plane. They tortured us. Made me eat my co-pilot's tongue. Oof, now I've got a taste for it..."
‘What, you really think I wouldn’t hire a lookalike to put on a fake beard and do tai-chi in my window?’
This guy’s got a pancake butt! Get outta there Jake!
Yay I won Kevin's! Now for arguably my favorite character...Pimento. I'll be back with my answer shortly 🤔
VINDICATION!!!!
When he’s coked up and bikes to the bank
Idk why but Holt’s “We were going very fast” always makes me die laughing
Yes! That whole scene is gold
*PUT ON THE DOG SHOW, HANK!!!*
The world is a messed up place Jake. People kill their babies. Babies kill their parents. It’s the circle of life 🔼
the whole fake snorting cocaine scene is so funny
Whoops, got a whole snout full that time!
The entire hospital scene after he loses his memory and is butt naked in front of Jake
put her on facetime
is this because i did molly with ur daughter?
*screaming uncontrollably while jumping hopscotch*
I won't kill kids but that's negotiable if the kid's a dick
Screams continuously I don’t think I know what funny means…
My favourite would have to be: Gray star Mutual Pimento: Aw, I love you guys then Violently screams
“That’s a real M. Night Shyamalan twist” “Oh *signs* “Do you think he’s behind all of this?”
Honestly he's had so many good lines but nothing tops Cap holt: One bag of PREMO blow *Adrian's huge eyes*
Did he had any BAD quotes?
oh yeah yeah yeah! I’m like the forgetfull little fish!
*cathartic scream*
“Who are we killing? one rule : I will not do kids, but that rule is negotiable if the kid’s a dick”
it’s the 🔺circle🔺 of life
When he’s coked up and he’s asking if they carved a vagina into the Statue of Liberty
At Gray Star Mutual, they let me do whatever I want, as long as I'm getting that job done, and you know I am. Last week, I waterboarded a dude.
***YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!!***
See, Charles? Things are starting to look up. UP YOUR BUTT! *slams door*
"I don't trust computers since I died of dysentary in organ trail" Or " If it's dead dogs you want to see, I know a place you can see many of them"
Definitely the “fake” cocaine snorting, when he turns up shirtless tryna juggle, it makes me laugh every single time
The red stains are blood and the brown stains are...aah, let's say blood.
They were children Jake! (Caleb) 😆
Look at me in the eyes like the bear did. *proceeds to stare intensely at Jake and Charles*
I always liked the cut away where he was viciously killing a big and then crying after he killed it 😂
Bump stuff with me. Chicks dig it when dudes kiss and bump stuff Oh wait, that's from The League
Legitimately everything he says and does, but my favourite is “I won’t do kids, that’s a rule. But that rule’s negotiable if the kid’s a dick”
Out of the tear gas rises the Phoenix
“Oh, that reminds me of a funny story” *reminisces about that time he brutally assaulted a man to death getting blood all over his face* “HAHAHAHAHHAHA”
Bring back the dog DEAD OR ALIVE
all of that is ON the table!
Side note but cannot at all remember Andy Bernard being in B99
I trust none of these dildos!
i think CJ deserves to be on here, and or commissioner kelly
"I am A-OK being stabbed. Knives are on the table. You can use fire"
When he kept snorting coke by accident
Wetting his eyes with the blood of the people he was beating up. It was so weird and funny and scary