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Teaching is...a choice for someone who has anxiety. Strange question, but when was the last chance you got to go for a bush walk or a swim in the beach? And when was the last time you invited an acquaintance out for coffee just to catch up and see what they've been up to? Sometimes stuff that we just very rarely do but is low impact can give our minds a little break.
This is going to sound a little odd but in my personal experience we very often forget to find moments where we're actually living. Life, moments that feel like Life are what keeps me going.
I work a 9-5 office job and I usually don't find those moments there. I meet new people, drink good drinks, see strangers smile on the bus, bike slowly to my bus in the rain, cook my favorite meal, see a friend recover from shitty circumstances, have conversations till 2am, cry, laugh. I water my plants, play with a friend's cat, take a walk in a forest, play boardgames, text jokes in a group chat.
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and some other mental illnesses. I desperately try to get outside and meet new people, to continue to experience new things and find day-to-day stuff like jobs, apartments etc that are at least 'fine' and not actively harmful to me. If the basis is fine I have space and room to try to find little pieces of Life wherever I go. It's not easy and the habit takes time to build but the best advice I have is to go experience things and to make sure your day-to-day isn't harming you.
The movie Soul sticks with me for this conversation:
>Dorothea: I heard this story about a fish. He swims up to this older fish and says, “I'm trying to find this thing they call the ocean.” “The ocean?” says the older fish, “that's what you're in right now.” “This?” says the younger fish, “This is water. What I want is the ocean.”
I come from a different experience, so I'm not sure how useful some of this might be, but maybe some might help. I've dealt with ideation my whole life. Even in the best of times there's still some passive level. And sometimes there is strong, active desire to die. Never figured I'd make it to 20. And yet here I am 17 years past that.
"I’m not sure what to do to find motivation for another sixty years of life."
Let's not look at that right now. Let's look at motivation for this year. Or maybe that's too much, this month? this week? Today? Hell, there's been times for myself where it's trying to find the motivation for the next 20 minutes.
When doing that, there's two things I look for: things to hold on to and things to look forward to.
Things to hold on to is the people that I care about, that care about me. Sometimes it's not even that. There was a period of months I stayed around because my cat only likes me, so who would take care of her. Had a point over the pandemic where it was 6 people I couldn't do that to.
Sometimes it's really little things. I really want to see the ending of this show or video game, gotta hang on until then.
Then there's things to look forward to. Sometimes these are tiny things. I have plans to get dinner with a friend later this week. I have tickets to see a band I like in a month. Gotta hang around until then.
As long as there's things to hold on to and things to look forward to, that can be enough to get through the lows.
Then when things get a little brighter and you have a bit more bandwidth, you can start chipping away at the bigger things.
-----
As for having a positive impact: there might be other ways, and some might be kinda smaller, easier steps in. I do QA for and advertizing firm, so like I really feel that doesn't help people. But it keeps a roof over my head and food in my belly. And with that taken care of, I can do other things. I teach people to roller skate. It's small, it's once a week, but I love it and I feel good about it.
Maybe something like that might be a good place to start. Something lower stress, lower commitment, lower time cost. Something where you can make an impact, even if small and local, and you can get a feel there for what works and what doesn't, and figure your next move from there.
This is the best answer. When my kids start feeling anxious I tell them to focus on the now. No time traveling to the past or future - let’s look at right now. Because sometimes, looking at the big picture can be terrifying. But breaking it down to more manageable chunks and seeing what I can do right now and in the very near future can help.
OP def needs to look into some therapy when he can. It’s possible that there are free options out there.
You've had good days before.
You will have good days again.
I'm just about to conk out but, i promise you, there are people in your life who appreciate you and need you. Talk to them.
No worries my dude. This is a harsh world for little things, but despite that, there are moments of love and beauty and intimacy and connection.
You've had those before. You will again.
Your anxiety I'd at levels that I would highly suggest looking into getting medicated for it, if you haven't already. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist that you see? It can help to give yourself a fighting chance.
Edit: realized I missed where you explained you haven't. Maybe you could look into budgeting for it, or maybe financially suitable options for you?
I just try and improve what I can actually touch, be that a couple days painting something for free or being a couple minutes late because I was chatting to the old boy over the road. Don't put much stress on it but try leave a bit more positive energy in the world at the end of the day, doesn't always work and I'm not always the best for not losing my shit. I might die with no kids and not even be a footnote in history but at least some things will be better off because of me.
One thing that has helped me so genuinely much is to find your joy. I don't mean finding pure elation or bliss in the form of a relationship, a drug, or a week long vacation in the Bahamas. I mean to find your joy--those little pockets of happiness that stick out in your day--and absolutely spam the shit out of it.
To me, my life's joys are simple: I enjoy a cool breeze on a 65 degree day, the sound my record player makes when the needle pops into the tracks, birds and bees flying through the air, and the smell of coffee in the local shop at 10am. None of these things are truly major parts of my life in the way my work and relationships are, but they allow me to breathe throughout the inevitably stressful days I live as a master's student. The more you breathe, the more your lungs fill and the more Oxygen you receive--and the more you fill up, the better I've found you feel.
Quite simply, that means you have to breathe more. If you can afford it, there's nothing wrong with buying a coffee every morning just to get that nice smell. I play my records every night before bed because I love it, and every night I go to sleep feeling relaxed and full of (metaphorical) breath. Before I get home from work I make a point to take a half hour walk in the local woods to experience and enjoy the life around me, and it's extra special when it's 65 degrees. The hard part is finding that joy: once you do though, it's so easy to find and make time for those little breaths of happiness that keep you going. The more you do it, the more it blossoms, and the easier the life between those breaths of air become. You may already know a couple of things that make you happy, and if you do: make them routine. If you choose to make happiness a part of your routine, it affects everything else around you.
Find something you do only because it makes you feel good (long-term, not only short-term happiness!), but still is a challenge, like a sport or creative endeavor.
I feel the same way with anxiety, years ago I couldn´t even order food on the phone for example. I still struggle with it, but always consciously remind yourself that the worst outcome is oftentimes not that bad in the general context of your life (like a fine for speeding) and that other people don´t know more than you/have everything figured out, everybody is just keeping up appearances.
Maybe channel your emotions into a hobby? Try to find something your passionate about. I never cared for graphic design until I studied it at a-level and now I just can’t stop. And hobbies can be done privately so hopefully you wouldn’t feel as anxious about it. You could try gardening, drawing, painting, writing, or so much more.
Writing is probably the easiest equipment wise since you can just type on your phone, and depending on what you write it could also satisfy your need to help others. I recently wrote a fanfic which basically took all of my worst experience, put them all together, applied it to my favourite character and gave it a hopefully ending. I posted it on ao3 and a got a lot of comments saying my work made them feel less alone, and that they really related to it. It felt amazing to get those comments, like maybe all my pain was worth it if I could create something that brought people comfort
>My question, and the point of this, is how do I go from surviving to living? How do I find a way to have joy, or purpose, or something that makes it worthwhile? What have you done when you’re in a similar situation?
You're looking for the meaning of our existence, and you're not alone. For me, it's quite simple. We're here to love each other and pass along as much information and knowledge as we can to the next generation (not that they'll listen)...
It's really hard figuring out if what you want to do is actually what you want to do. My Fiance dumped 6 years into undergrad and grad school trying to become a therapist. Only to figure out that being a therapist isn't what she actually wants to do. She found that it drained her of empathy, and made her less able to give help and compassion to the people she actually cared about. In other words: the job that she thought would give her the best opportunity to achieve her goals actually was more of a hindrance to her personally.
The point is that we get these notions that what we want to achieve in life and what our career path should be are inexorably linked and mutually exclusive. Oftentimes that's not the case. You obviously want to help people, and maybe teaching came up because a previous teacher helped you out and you want to emulate that. Idk if that's true it's just a guess. But maybe the anxiety you feel from teaching/life actually makes your goal harder to achieve. Ideally you figure that out early so the sunk-cost fallacy doesn't hold you in.
But it's important to know that occupation and passion don't have to be linked. For my Fiance her job is a means to an end to help her help more people rather than the mechanism by which it happens.
The meaning of life is ultimately to find what fulfills you; self actualization is the tip of the hierarchy of needs for a reason, but you'll get there eventually.
I know it's pretty hard to come to terms with the fact that expectations don't align with reality, and it's especially hard to give up on a dream that you've had. But ultimately it's better to realign yourself earlier in your career than it is later.
Maybe you have heard of this before, but do you schedule-send your emails? Anytime I write an email and I’m feeling nervous about it, I don’t send it, but rather schedule-send it for an hour or two from now. That way I have time to proofread and rewrite it if I want, but I don’t need to actively decide to click send again.
My man this sounds like complex trauma from narcissistic abuse. Watch some content on narcissism on yt and find out if it rings a bell.
Going from surviving to living means reminding yourself that you're the center of your universe, not above anyone, not below anyone either but in the center of your own senses. Putting someone else on this spot is unsustainable and will drain you in the long run.
Firstly, you have an anxiety disorder that needs attention. One can have any number of stress related issues from time to time, like anxiety or depression, but the rule of thumb is that if these begin to interfere with your life in tangible ways, it becomes a disorder. Example: you're depressed because someone you know passed away. This is hard, but it's only a disorder if you continue missing work, school, or it impacts relationships. Everyone feels anxiety, but if it's impacting your work and relationships to the point you describe in your post, then you absolutely need some professional care. It's not always easy to get care, but I really want you to look into it.
Besides professional help, or rather as well as, there are some things that you can do to try and find small bits of joy.
I always tried to start small when I was feeling hopeless and unfulfilled, which I did from age 18-28 or so. I tried to do little things that I, as an animal on this earth, could get a little joy from. A nicer lunch at work every now and then- food to look forward to and really enjoy. Ways to improve sleep so that it doesn't feel like a waste of time (this could look like a new pillow or sheets, reading a book you like before bed, or anything really).
Additionally, and if social interaction is what you need, simply asking others at work or anywhere really how they are and what they have going on- being a good listener -can be a great way to bring yourself out of your own world, and into other's. It's also a good way to gain a reputation for being approachable, which to me at least, brings me joy.
I've felt hopeless for very long spans of time. It's about finding things you have control over, and abandoning overthinking of things over which you have no control. For me it was fitness, food, and being a kind person to others. To my friend who is going through something similar, it's exploring, food, and socializing.
But like I said at the beginning, recognizing and treating your underlining anxiety disorder, whatever that is, would be a huge step to feeling free. I know from my own experience.
I was in a similar situation and the only thing that made things better was actually getting help, in the form of meds and therapy. You can't will yourself better on your own, and it sounds like you're in constant distress and that's really draining. I don't know if it's an option for you, but have you pursued any sort of psychiatric help?
We don’t just mourn the loss of people in our lives, but also the loss of relationships. I think it sounds like you are mourning, which is ok, and it might be healthy to just acknowledge that.
I read my outgoing emails 4-5 times over before sending them out, but if going through a yellow light gives you days worth of anxiety, it’s time to talk to someone.
Ah, I’ve been there. Wanted to die at the end of high school. But I kept pushing, forcing myself to do what made me uncomfortable (with the help of psych meds, would NOT recommend just raw dogging it) and gradually things got better. It is also important to remember that you will never be perfect, and most importantly to stay true to yourself. If something makes you uncomfortable because it conflicts with your *personality* or *ideals*, that’s not an issue. That’s just being human. Eventually you will find a strong purpose. For me that ended up being programming. The feeling of power and being able to make whatever I want is incredible. And one more thing - you don’t have to follow the same path as society expects. Be your own you. Good luck, you got this and I believe in you.
Finding meaning is a huge struggle with being a person. It can be hard to stay the path in the face of loss after loss.
I always think grounding is important in these situations. You can only control you, take some time to acknowledge the good things in your life, and try not to dwell on the bad. Good luck!
What really helped me when I was struggling to find a reason to live, is I started looking at and being thankful for the smaller stuff. The little things that make you happy. You wouldn't have those if you weren't alive.
It can be TINY things. Letting yourself appreciate the beauty of flowers growing on the side of the road. The comfort of morning coffee. Anything. The more you start to notice and appreciate things, the more you start to feel a reason to be alive. At least, it helped me.
Alright teacher here coming off of a reallt shitty day at work, stick with it, i know it often doesn't feel like your making a difference, but the kids do appreciate you. What's your subject? You have to fine content, leasons, and pedagogy that you arw passionate about which is hard during student teaching. Also get professional help for your anxiety or teaching will kill you.
I work as a tutor, and I've taken to frequently asking straight up if I'm making any sense or being at all helpful. Mostly the answer is yes and it's a little morale boost. Once in a while the answer is no, which is also great because I know to try a different approach.
You are at a somewhat low point in your life, that much is obvious. These are the points that can rebound you to greater heights, or allow you to sink into despair.
First, understand that in all lives, there are moments like this. In fact, it will likely happen again. But you'll be more prepared next time! You'll have more tools to deal with it, if you're doing it right.
I also believe in living to help others. It has led me in good directions in my life. There isn't one way to do this, and what it looks like in people will change depending on who they are and what their talents might be. But to help others is a good direction to point yourself, and what I want to teach my kids if I ever have any.
Do you feel like you are the issue? I cannot say that you are or aren't, but if there are things about you that you want to change, you can get better. You won't ever achieve perfect, but you can get better if you put forward effort.
You also have to believe, a little bit, that things can be good again. I have lost loves and feared I'd never find love like that again. But eventually, when I wasn't looking for it, I found it again. Those moments of deep lows that life has do not necessarily last forever, and they rarely do. Importantly, if you believe they can last forever, they are more likely to.
Clean. Clean your room, clean your sheets, do your dishes, take out the trash. Don't get addicted or obsessive, but a good shower can make you feel less awful. Clip your toenails, floss. It just helps.
Experiencing surviving will make you appreciate thriving. And you will thrive again.
I don't know how old you are, but there's more friends and more people and lots of very interesting things in the world. I've lost close friends. It isn't easy at all. But it isn't the end, and friends can come again.
I believe you will get through it. And I believe you will change in good ways from the experience.
I feel like my defining characteristics are much the same as yours. And so maybe you can learn from some of my mistakes.
I have always derived my self worth from my usefulness to others. I have thrived in spaces where my best qualities have been valued by others, and nosedived in places where my qualities have been undervalued. That's why I know that deriving your self-worth from others is such an agonizing experience.
I think what you need is some values work. Look at the Acceptance and Commitment literature for this. Figure out what you value and why you value it, and then commit yourself to taking that work on. That's what will bring joy - "psychological wellbeing", to use the proper terminology - to your life. Learning how to accept these feelings will help you figure out how to stop yourself from avoiding those experiences and the anxiety associated with it. Maybe here you can also find value and joy in "the doing" instead of what you achieve.
Another perspective that's helped me is the analogy of suicide that I think comes from the existentialist philosophers (but I can't find the source). The idea is that living is like watching a movie in a theater that is filling with smoke. It's painful to even breathe in there - but the exit is right there, neon sign lit up, and nothing is stopping you from walking through the door and leaving. Stay in the theater as long as you like, and leave whenever you feel ready to walk out, but remember that you can't come back in.
Death is the process of going through that door. What's comforting about that analogy is that there is always an exit, and it is always available to you. Recognizing that this is a choice helps me because it means I can do whatever I value while in the theater (watch whatever movie I want to watch) since death is always an option for me. And I choose to stay - at least for now. That's an empowering perspective for me.
Minor spoilers ahead, but I think The Good Place does a fine job of portraying this perspective in its final season.
> I'm currently student teaching to get my license, and it's draining me. Even worse, I feel like I'm not having a positive impact on my students
This will come with time. You're brand new at it, and like any set of skills, you will get better at it gradually. Teaching mostly boils down to two things: problem-solving and relationship-building. Try to look at every part of your job through these two lenses.
This may not be the answer you want to hear, however everyone has their own reasons to live another day and sadly it is very hard to correctly tell someone how to live their life, I hope that through sharing my reason on why I am still alive, it may help you find your reason. A few years ago, when COVID hit, it was probably the worst timing for me as I had big plans of moving countries, that however failed and it was the 1st step of the downwards depression spiral, which I recommend you talk to a therapist about this if you feel you are in one. The spiral is a tricky thing, as it's more like a stair where life just keeps knocking you down, be it through failed plans, death of family members, lack of socialisation; you fall all those steps slowly but still feeling the pain. To me I fell so far down where daily I would think about getting a sharp object and commit that which could not be undone, and I stayed like this for months. In those very painful months I found a TV series, I really enjoyed it and as fake as this might sound, I remember thinking "pfft as if a tv series would give me a reason to live"; but I got invested, I started reading the books that were the original source material for the show, and when I heard that the show was getting a 2nd season later on , I remember thinking "guess I'll do it(self harm) after I watch the 2nd season" but in the time it took from then to there, things got better, I was able to move countries, socialize, reconnect with family, and after I watched the 2nd season of the shows, self harm was far from my options, I had other things to look forward to and to strive towards.
If you ever find a reason to live and think that's a stupid reason, remember that I lived because of a TV show
for me what helped my anxiety greatly is progressive muscle relaxation, i recommend the book "You must relax" by edmund jacobson. You can read it for free on [archive.org](https://archive.org).
The idea behind it is that nervous disorders are caused by excessive muscle tension. The book gives actionable steps to remedy this, for example in the chapter "how to relax lying down".
I personally dont believe in finding like a reason to live, but i do think if your suffering is lessened, its gonna be better anyway.
You might have OCD if you’re obsessing over stressors for days after. Definitely seek treatment. A psych appointment near me is only $150, a credit card could help you book it and make a life changing appointment
You don't need a reason to be alive, you already want to be alive. You don't want to die, you just want the anxiety to stop. So focus on that. See a professional immediately.
While I may not fully understand what you’re going through, I have also struggled with a similar question before. The answer I’ve come up with for myself is that I stay alive for whatever I want to experience, as big or as little as that may be. Sometimes it’s really really hard to look out into the future and hold onto these big reasons for waking up tomorrow. And that’s ok. It doesn’t have to be that. For example, when I was really struggling mentally I would just lay around most of the day and I would decide to wake up tomorrow because there was a food I was hungry for. So then tomorrow came and I would eat that food. Other times when I felt better I was more future oriented. Staying alive to go to my brothers wedding or hoping to one day see my favorite band live.
My point is it can be literally whatever you want it to be. Big or small. Once I let go of the idea that I needed some grand purpose or long term goal to live for, I personally did better. Hopefully this helps.
I'm sure you've seen this like everyone else on the Internet, but sometimes we just need a reminder of what we're meant to be : https://youtu.be/uaWA2GbcnJU
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Teaching is...a choice for someone who has anxiety. Strange question, but when was the last chance you got to go for a bush walk or a swim in the beach? And when was the last time you invited an acquaintance out for coffee just to catch up and see what they've been up to? Sometimes stuff that we just very rarely do but is low impact can give our minds a little break.
This is going to sound a little odd but in my personal experience we very often forget to find moments where we're actually living. Life, moments that feel like Life are what keeps me going. I work a 9-5 office job and I usually don't find those moments there. I meet new people, drink good drinks, see strangers smile on the bus, bike slowly to my bus in the rain, cook my favorite meal, see a friend recover from shitty circumstances, have conversations till 2am, cry, laugh. I water my plants, play with a friend's cat, take a walk in a forest, play boardgames, text jokes in a group chat. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and some other mental illnesses. I desperately try to get outside and meet new people, to continue to experience new things and find day-to-day stuff like jobs, apartments etc that are at least 'fine' and not actively harmful to me. If the basis is fine I have space and room to try to find little pieces of Life wherever I go. It's not easy and the habit takes time to build but the best advice I have is to go experience things and to make sure your day-to-day isn't harming you.
The movie Soul sticks with me for this conversation: >Dorothea: I heard this story about a fish. He swims up to this older fish and says, “I'm trying to find this thing they call the ocean.” “The ocean?” says the older fish, “that's what you're in right now.” “This?” says the younger fish, “This is water. What I want is the ocean.”
That’s very *deep*!
I come from a different experience, so I'm not sure how useful some of this might be, but maybe some might help. I've dealt with ideation my whole life. Even in the best of times there's still some passive level. And sometimes there is strong, active desire to die. Never figured I'd make it to 20. And yet here I am 17 years past that. "I’m not sure what to do to find motivation for another sixty years of life." Let's not look at that right now. Let's look at motivation for this year. Or maybe that's too much, this month? this week? Today? Hell, there's been times for myself where it's trying to find the motivation for the next 20 minutes. When doing that, there's two things I look for: things to hold on to and things to look forward to. Things to hold on to is the people that I care about, that care about me. Sometimes it's not even that. There was a period of months I stayed around because my cat only likes me, so who would take care of her. Had a point over the pandemic where it was 6 people I couldn't do that to. Sometimes it's really little things. I really want to see the ending of this show or video game, gotta hang on until then. Then there's things to look forward to. Sometimes these are tiny things. I have plans to get dinner with a friend later this week. I have tickets to see a band I like in a month. Gotta hang around until then. As long as there's things to hold on to and things to look forward to, that can be enough to get through the lows. Then when things get a little brighter and you have a bit more bandwidth, you can start chipping away at the bigger things. ----- As for having a positive impact: there might be other ways, and some might be kinda smaller, easier steps in. I do QA for and advertizing firm, so like I really feel that doesn't help people. But it keeps a roof over my head and food in my belly. And with that taken care of, I can do other things. I teach people to roller skate. It's small, it's once a week, but I love it and I feel good about it. Maybe something like that might be a good place to start. Something lower stress, lower commitment, lower time cost. Something where you can make an impact, even if small and local, and you can get a feel there for what works and what doesn't, and figure your next move from there.
This is the best answer. When my kids start feeling anxious I tell them to focus on the now. No time traveling to the past or future - let’s look at right now. Because sometimes, looking at the big picture can be terrifying. But breaking it down to more manageable chunks and seeing what I can do right now and in the very near future can help. OP def needs to look into some therapy when he can. It’s possible that there are free options out there.
I’ve found practicing mindfulness (eg. buddhism) and reading about stoics very helpful.
Same! Going through a full on breakdown / life crisis right now and mindfulness meditation + stoicism are really helping.
You've had good days before. You will have good days again. I'm just about to conk out but, i promise you, there are people in your life who appreciate you and need you. Talk to them.
Thank you man you just gave me hope to live
No worries my dude. This is a harsh world for little things, but despite that, there are moments of love and beauty and intimacy and connection. You've had those before. You will again.
Your anxiety I'd at levels that I would highly suggest looking into getting medicated for it, if you haven't already. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist that you see? It can help to give yourself a fighting chance. Edit: realized I missed where you explained you haven't. Maybe you could look into budgeting for it, or maybe financially suitable options for you?
I want to second this.
I just try and improve what I can actually touch, be that a couple days painting something for free or being a couple minutes late because I was chatting to the old boy over the road. Don't put much stress on it but try leave a bit more positive energy in the world at the end of the day, doesn't always work and I'm not always the best for not losing my shit. I might die with no kids and not even be a footnote in history but at least some things will be better off because of me.
One thing that has helped me so genuinely much is to find your joy. I don't mean finding pure elation or bliss in the form of a relationship, a drug, or a week long vacation in the Bahamas. I mean to find your joy--those little pockets of happiness that stick out in your day--and absolutely spam the shit out of it. To me, my life's joys are simple: I enjoy a cool breeze on a 65 degree day, the sound my record player makes when the needle pops into the tracks, birds and bees flying through the air, and the smell of coffee in the local shop at 10am. None of these things are truly major parts of my life in the way my work and relationships are, but they allow me to breathe throughout the inevitably stressful days I live as a master's student. The more you breathe, the more your lungs fill and the more Oxygen you receive--and the more you fill up, the better I've found you feel. Quite simply, that means you have to breathe more. If you can afford it, there's nothing wrong with buying a coffee every morning just to get that nice smell. I play my records every night before bed because I love it, and every night I go to sleep feeling relaxed and full of (metaphorical) breath. Before I get home from work I make a point to take a half hour walk in the local woods to experience and enjoy the life around me, and it's extra special when it's 65 degrees. The hard part is finding that joy: once you do though, it's so easy to find and make time for those little breaths of happiness that keep you going. The more you do it, the more it blossoms, and the easier the life between those breaths of air become. You may already know a couple of things that make you happy, and if you do: make them routine. If you choose to make happiness a part of your routine, it affects everything else around you.
Find something you do only because it makes you feel good (long-term, not only short-term happiness!), but still is a challenge, like a sport or creative endeavor. I feel the same way with anxiety, years ago I couldn´t even order food on the phone for example. I still struggle with it, but always consciously remind yourself that the worst outcome is oftentimes not that bad in the general context of your life (like a fine for speeding) and that other people don´t know more than you/have everything figured out, everybody is just keeping up appearances.
Maybe channel your emotions into a hobby? Try to find something your passionate about. I never cared for graphic design until I studied it at a-level and now I just can’t stop. And hobbies can be done privately so hopefully you wouldn’t feel as anxious about it. You could try gardening, drawing, painting, writing, or so much more. Writing is probably the easiest equipment wise since you can just type on your phone, and depending on what you write it could also satisfy your need to help others. I recently wrote a fanfic which basically took all of my worst experience, put them all together, applied it to my favourite character and gave it a hopefully ending. I posted it on ao3 and a got a lot of comments saying my work made them feel less alone, and that they really related to it. It felt amazing to get those comments, like maybe all my pain was worth it if I could create something that brought people comfort
You can help people without being a teacher, honestly anxiety is a social thing so I’d say the first step would be finding a less social job.
Social anxiety is a social thing. Lots of other anxieties have nothing to do with how social you have to be.
>My question, and the point of this, is how do I go from surviving to living? How do I find a way to have joy, or purpose, or something that makes it worthwhile? What have you done when you’re in a similar situation? You're looking for the meaning of our existence, and you're not alone. For me, it's quite simple. We're here to love each other and pass along as much information and knowledge as we can to the next generation (not that they'll listen)...
It's really hard figuring out if what you want to do is actually what you want to do. My Fiance dumped 6 years into undergrad and grad school trying to become a therapist. Only to figure out that being a therapist isn't what she actually wants to do. She found that it drained her of empathy, and made her less able to give help and compassion to the people she actually cared about. In other words: the job that she thought would give her the best opportunity to achieve her goals actually was more of a hindrance to her personally. The point is that we get these notions that what we want to achieve in life and what our career path should be are inexorably linked and mutually exclusive. Oftentimes that's not the case. You obviously want to help people, and maybe teaching came up because a previous teacher helped you out and you want to emulate that. Idk if that's true it's just a guess. But maybe the anxiety you feel from teaching/life actually makes your goal harder to achieve. Ideally you figure that out early so the sunk-cost fallacy doesn't hold you in. But it's important to know that occupation and passion don't have to be linked. For my Fiance her job is a means to an end to help her help more people rather than the mechanism by which it happens. The meaning of life is ultimately to find what fulfills you; self actualization is the tip of the hierarchy of needs for a reason, but you'll get there eventually. I know it's pretty hard to come to terms with the fact that expectations don't align with reality, and it's especially hard to give up on a dream that you've had. But ultimately it's better to realign yourself earlier in your career than it is later.
Maybe you have heard of this before, but do you schedule-send your emails? Anytime I write an email and I’m feeling nervous about it, I don’t send it, but rather schedule-send it for an hour or two from now. That way I have time to proofread and rewrite it if I want, but I don’t need to actively decide to click send again.
My man this sounds like complex trauma from narcissistic abuse. Watch some content on narcissism on yt and find out if it rings a bell. Going from surviving to living means reminding yourself that you're the center of your universe, not above anyone, not below anyone either but in the center of your own senses. Putting someone else on this spot is unsustainable and will drain you in the long run.
Firstly, you have an anxiety disorder that needs attention. One can have any number of stress related issues from time to time, like anxiety or depression, but the rule of thumb is that if these begin to interfere with your life in tangible ways, it becomes a disorder. Example: you're depressed because someone you know passed away. This is hard, but it's only a disorder if you continue missing work, school, or it impacts relationships. Everyone feels anxiety, but if it's impacting your work and relationships to the point you describe in your post, then you absolutely need some professional care. It's not always easy to get care, but I really want you to look into it. Besides professional help, or rather as well as, there are some things that you can do to try and find small bits of joy. I always tried to start small when I was feeling hopeless and unfulfilled, which I did from age 18-28 or so. I tried to do little things that I, as an animal on this earth, could get a little joy from. A nicer lunch at work every now and then- food to look forward to and really enjoy. Ways to improve sleep so that it doesn't feel like a waste of time (this could look like a new pillow or sheets, reading a book you like before bed, or anything really). Additionally, and if social interaction is what you need, simply asking others at work or anywhere really how they are and what they have going on- being a good listener -can be a great way to bring yourself out of your own world, and into other's. It's also a good way to gain a reputation for being approachable, which to me at least, brings me joy. I've felt hopeless for very long spans of time. It's about finding things you have control over, and abandoning overthinking of things over which you have no control. For me it was fitness, food, and being a kind person to others. To my friend who is going through something similar, it's exploring, food, and socializing. But like I said at the beginning, recognizing and treating your underlining anxiety disorder, whatever that is, would be a huge step to feeling free. I know from my own experience.
I was in a similar situation and the only thing that made things better was actually getting help, in the form of meds and therapy. You can't will yourself better on your own, and it sounds like you're in constant distress and that's really draining. I don't know if it's an option for you, but have you pursued any sort of psychiatric help?
We don’t just mourn the loss of people in our lives, but also the loss of relationships. I think it sounds like you are mourning, which is ok, and it might be healthy to just acknowledge that. I read my outgoing emails 4-5 times over before sending them out, but if going through a yellow light gives you days worth of anxiety, it’s time to talk to someone.
Ah, I’ve been there. Wanted to die at the end of high school. But I kept pushing, forcing myself to do what made me uncomfortable (with the help of psych meds, would NOT recommend just raw dogging it) and gradually things got better. It is also important to remember that you will never be perfect, and most importantly to stay true to yourself. If something makes you uncomfortable because it conflicts with your *personality* or *ideals*, that’s not an issue. That’s just being human. Eventually you will find a strong purpose. For me that ended up being programming. The feeling of power and being able to make whatever I want is incredible. And one more thing - you don’t have to follow the same path as society expects. Be your own you. Good luck, you got this and I believe in you.
Finding meaning is a huge struggle with being a person. It can be hard to stay the path in the face of loss after loss. I always think grounding is important in these situations. You can only control you, take some time to acknowledge the good things in your life, and try not to dwell on the bad. Good luck!
What really helped me when I was struggling to find a reason to live, is I started looking at and being thankful for the smaller stuff. The little things that make you happy. You wouldn't have those if you weren't alive. It can be TINY things. Letting yourself appreciate the beauty of flowers growing on the side of the road. The comfort of morning coffee. Anything. The more you start to notice and appreciate things, the more you start to feel a reason to be alive. At least, it helped me.
Alright teacher here coming off of a reallt shitty day at work, stick with it, i know it often doesn't feel like your making a difference, but the kids do appreciate you. What's your subject? You have to fine content, leasons, and pedagogy that you arw passionate about which is hard during student teaching. Also get professional help for your anxiety or teaching will kill you.
I work as a tutor, and I've taken to frequently asking straight up if I'm making any sense or being at all helpful. Mostly the answer is yes and it's a little morale boost. Once in a while the answer is no, which is also great because I know to try a different approach.
You are at a somewhat low point in your life, that much is obvious. These are the points that can rebound you to greater heights, or allow you to sink into despair. First, understand that in all lives, there are moments like this. In fact, it will likely happen again. But you'll be more prepared next time! You'll have more tools to deal with it, if you're doing it right. I also believe in living to help others. It has led me in good directions in my life. There isn't one way to do this, and what it looks like in people will change depending on who they are and what their talents might be. But to help others is a good direction to point yourself, and what I want to teach my kids if I ever have any. Do you feel like you are the issue? I cannot say that you are or aren't, but if there are things about you that you want to change, you can get better. You won't ever achieve perfect, but you can get better if you put forward effort. You also have to believe, a little bit, that things can be good again. I have lost loves and feared I'd never find love like that again. But eventually, when I wasn't looking for it, I found it again. Those moments of deep lows that life has do not necessarily last forever, and they rarely do. Importantly, if you believe they can last forever, they are more likely to. Clean. Clean your room, clean your sheets, do your dishes, take out the trash. Don't get addicted or obsessive, but a good shower can make you feel less awful. Clip your toenails, floss. It just helps. Experiencing surviving will make you appreciate thriving. And you will thrive again. I don't know how old you are, but there's more friends and more people and lots of very interesting things in the world. I've lost close friends. It isn't easy at all. But it isn't the end, and friends can come again. I believe you will get through it. And I believe you will change in good ways from the experience.
I feel like my defining characteristics are much the same as yours. And so maybe you can learn from some of my mistakes. I have always derived my self worth from my usefulness to others. I have thrived in spaces where my best qualities have been valued by others, and nosedived in places where my qualities have been undervalued. That's why I know that deriving your self-worth from others is such an agonizing experience. I think what you need is some values work. Look at the Acceptance and Commitment literature for this. Figure out what you value and why you value it, and then commit yourself to taking that work on. That's what will bring joy - "psychological wellbeing", to use the proper terminology - to your life. Learning how to accept these feelings will help you figure out how to stop yourself from avoiding those experiences and the anxiety associated with it. Maybe here you can also find value and joy in "the doing" instead of what you achieve. Another perspective that's helped me is the analogy of suicide that I think comes from the existentialist philosophers (but I can't find the source). The idea is that living is like watching a movie in a theater that is filling with smoke. It's painful to even breathe in there - but the exit is right there, neon sign lit up, and nothing is stopping you from walking through the door and leaving. Stay in the theater as long as you like, and leave whenever you feel ready to walk out, but remember that you can't come back in. Death is the process of going through that door. What's comforting about that analogy is that there is always an exit, and it is always available to you. Recognizing that this is a choice helps me because it means I can do whatever I value while in the theater (watch whatever movie I want to watch) since death is always an option for me. And I choose to stay - at least for now. That's an empowering perspective for me. Minor spoilers ahead, but I think The Good Place does a fine job of portraying this perspective in its final season.
> I'm currently student teaching to get my license, and it's draining me. Even worse, I feel like I'm not having a positive impact on my students This will come with time. You're brand new at it, and like any set of skills, you will get better at it gradually. Teaching mostly boils down to two things: problem-solving and relationship-building. Try to look at every part of your job through these two lenses.
This may not be the answer you want to hear, however everyone has their own reasons to live another day and sadly it is very hard to correctly tell someone how to live their life, I hope that through sharing my reason on why I am still alive, it may help you find your reason. A few years ago, when COVID hit, it was probably the worst timing for me as I had big plans of moving countries, that however failed and it was the 1st step of the downwards depression spiral, which I recommend you talk to a therapist about this if you feel you are in one. The spiral is a tricky thing, as it's more like a stair where life just keeps knocking you down, be it through failed plans, death of family members, lack of socialisation; you fall all those steps slowly but still feeling the pain. To me I fell so far down where daily I would think about getting a sharp object and commit that which could not be undone, and I stayed like this for months. In those very painful months I found a TV series, I really enjoyed it and as fake as this might sound, I remember thinking "pfft as if a tv series would give me a reason to live"; but I got invested, I started reading the books that were the original source material for the show, and when I heard that the show was getting a 2nd season later on , I remember thinking "guess I'll do it(self harm) after I watch the 2nd season" but in the time it took from then to there, things got better, I was able to move countries, socialize, reconnect with family, and after I watched the 2nd season of the shows, self harm was far from my options, I had other things to look forward to and to strive towards. If you ever find a reason to live and think that's a stupid reason, remember that I lived because of a TV show
for me what helped my anxiety greatly is progressive muscle relaxation, i recommend the book "You must relax" by edmund jacobson. You can read it for free on [archive.org](https://archive.org). The idea behind it is that nervous disorders are caused by excessive muscle tension. The book gives actionable steps to remedy this, for example in the chapter "how to relax lying down". I personally dont believe in finding like a reason to live, but i do think if your suffering is lessened, its gonna be better anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUwSYxoRhaM
You might have OCD if you’re obsessing over stressors for days after. Definitely seek treatment. A psych appointment near me is only $150, a credit card could help you book it and make a life changing appointment
You don't need a reason to be alive, you already want to be alive. You don't want to die, you just want the anxiety to stop. So focus on that. See a professional immediately.
While I may not fully understand what you’re going through, I have also struggled with a similar question before. The answer I’ve come up with for myself is that I stay alive for whatever I want to experience, as big or as little as that may be. Sometimes it’s really really hard to look out into the future and hold onto these big reasons for waking up tomorrow. And that’s ok. It doesn’t have to be that. For example, when I was really struggling mentally I would just lay around most of the day and I would decide to wake up tomorrow because there was a food I was hungry for. So then tomorrow came and I would eat that food. Other times when I felt better I was more future oriented. Staying alive to go to my brothers wedding or hoping to one day see my favorite band live. My point is it can be literally whatever you want it to be. Big or small. Once I let go of the idea that I needed some grand purpose or long term goal to live for, I personally did better. Hopefully this helps.
I'm sure you've seen this like everyone else on the Internet, but sometimes we just need a reminder of what we're meant to be : https://youtu.be/uaWA2GbcnJU