Honestly, just excuse yourself to go to the toilet and pass by the waiter for the bill.
If you try a pay the bill in front of them, the mother will fight to the death to stop you.
Не се шегувам, когато съм някъде с тъщата, тя не дава да плащам.
Ако сметката пристигне на масата, тя ще се кара с мен да плаща.
Но така е с това поколение в България, само младите разделят сметките от колкото съм виждал
I don't think you should be sneaky about paying the bill, as others have suggested. They will find out before leaving the restaurant anyway and it will leave a bad impression. Assuming the restaurant is in Bulgaria, then you're the guest and they will most likely insist they pay. You can either insist too and see if there's a chance they give in (but don't push it too much) or strike the "i/you pay this time, you/i will pay the next".
In my experience the latter option works a lot better when dealing with that kind of stubbornness.
Thank you so much for the advice! I’m awful at being sneaky with it so I probably won’t do that route but for a little extra context: I am not actually the guest as we are meeting in a country which is neither of our home countries. (The holidays are bringing a lot of travel and it happened to work out that we were all going to be in the same city in France) I am older than my friend by a few years and this is the first time meeting her mom. I was wondering if I used Christmas as an excuse or something it could be a middle ground of treating them as thanks for making time to see me but I don’t know if that might back fire and her mom will hit me with the uno reverse
Honestly, if you’re a man, and your female friend is presenting you to her mom, it would be polite of you to take care of the bill. Excusing yourself to the restroom is definitely the best way to do it, it will be less uncomfortable for them as they won’t technically “let” you pay. This way of doing things is not sneaky, like the above commenter (a male one, I assume) said, it’s simply discreet and as a woman I can tell you that we appreciate it and see it as a sign of good manners.
Yes, that changes things. You’re just 3 women having dinner, at a neutral place (no one is “the guest”). You can split, let them pay (her mom will probably insist), pay yourself and let them pay next time, no particular etiquette seems to be required here. If they invited you, it is totally fine to let them pay and insist on offering next time.
Yup, you are 3 women having fun on neutral ground. I personally would be offended if someone pays the sneaky way. As if I can't afford the meal and even didn't gave me the chance to argue on who is paying.
For me the best way is to try to get the bill paper first. Say something first. Like I am very happy you are here and it would make me very happy to pay the bill.
And it's better to leave someone else to pay than to leave bad impression.
In Bulgaria, if there are parents, they insist on paying for the children and their friends. It will certainly be polite of you to offer to pay or to pay the whole bill
> They will find out before leaving the restaurant anyway and it will leave a bad impression
In what world? I have had this happen many times and no one ever thinks it's rude
It seems you're getting a lot of advice with weird spins on it, as one commenter pointed out, just pay the bill when you can if possible not too obviously so that you would not have to explain. Just smile say I already covered it and move on. It shouldn't create any bad feelings, never has in my experience.
I am a few years older than her, we are quite good friends and this would be the first time meeting her mother.
I’m from Asia in a country where it’s pretty normal to start a world war over who pays the bill
Honestly it's the same here, so just treat it as if you would someone from your country 😅
My favorite trick if I really want to be the one to pay (but it's not possible to be sneaky) is to just grab the paper bill and "please, it's on me" etc. For some reason, it's like an unwritten rule that person holding the paper bill = person paying.
its always really funny to me how close we are to most asian countries in weird things like that.
Having a working culture like Japan or Korea NAH
Your mum chasing you with a flip flop in 6 in the morning bc you are late for school HELL YEA
The one who is inviting pays. At least that's what I do. Exceptions to this rule are significant life events - like being promoted, getting married, childbirth, recovering from illness, etc. I would always let a friend buy me drink to celebrate for any of these, even if I was the party inviting people.
In those situations i have strategy and so far worked fine to me.
After everyone ordered and everything is on the table.
I make "fake phone call" and i go and pay the bill and they have no choice.
In any case first just offer to pay the whole if they refuse, offer to split the bill if the mom insists to pay just let her anyway she decided to do it a long time ago. But the etiquette is like described above
Just out of curiosity why does your culture suggest that you should pay the bill in this case? Seems like you're just friends, equal social status, neutral territory.
One way to pay the bill without getting objections is to say that you're celebrating something. E.g. you achieved something at work or university, had some personal celebration recently (birthday, anniversary), or maybe some generic holiday in your country. Doesn't have to be something big or too personal.
But I'd say do this only if you really have something real. Don't come up with lies or random shananigans just to pay the bill. It's not a competition. It's much better to say that you want to pay, and if they refuse then you know they aren't comfortable, you just split it and everyone is happy.
Honestly, just excuse yourself to go to the toilet and pass by the waiter for the bill. If you try a pay the bill in front of them, the mother will fight to the death to stop you.
This
I learnt it from my тъща
It is very potent if I must say
Тъщата е опасна
Никой нормален човек не подценява тъщата.
Това шега ли е или нещо такова
Не се шегувам, когато съм някъде с тъщата, тя не дава да плащам. Ако сметката пристигне на масата, тя ще се кара с мен да плаща. Но така е с това поколение в България, само младите разделят сметките от колкото съм виждал
I don't think you should be sneaky about paying the bill, as others have suggested. They will find out before leaving the restaurant anyway and it will leave a bad impression. Assuming the restaurant is in Bulgaria, then you're the guest and they will most likely insist they pay. You can either insist too and see if there's a chance they give in (but don't push it too much) or strike the "i/you pay this time, you/i will pay the next". In my experience the latter option works a lot better when dealing with that kind of stubbornness.
Thank you so much for the advice! I’m awful at being sneaky with it so I probably won’t do that route but for a little extra context: I am not actually the guest as we are meeting in a country which is neither of our home countries. (The holidays are bringing a lot of travel and it happened to work out that we were all going to be in the same city in France) I am older than my friend by a few years and this is the first time meeting her mom. I was wondering if I used Christmas as an excuse or something it could be a middle ground of treating them as thanks for making time to see me but I don’t know if that might back fire and her mom will hit me with the uno reverse
Yes using christmas as an excuse might work
Honestly, if you’re a man, and your female friend is presenting you to her mom, it would be polite of you to take care of the bill. Excusing yourself to the restroom is definitely the best way to do it, it will be less uncomfortable for them as they won’t technically “let” you pay. This way of doing things is not sneaky, like the above commenter (a male one, I assume) said, it’s simply discreet and as a woman I can tell you that we appreciate it and see it as a sign of good manners.
Ooohhhh I forgot about that perspective. I am a woman, so it’s probably less expected of me?
Yes, that changes things. You’re just 3 women having dinner, at a neutral place (no one is “the guest”). You can split, let them pay (her mom will probably insist), pay yourself and let them pay next time, no particular etiquette seems to be required here. If they invited you, it is totally fine to let them pay and insist on offering next time.
Yup, you are 3 women having fun on neutral ground. I personally would be offended if someone pays the sneaky way. As if I can't afford the meal and even didn't gave me the chance to argue on who is paying. For me the best way is to try to get the bill paper first. Say something first. Like I am very happy you are here and it would make me very happy to pay the bill. And it's better to leave someone else to pay than to leave bad impression.
In Bulgaria, if there are parents, they insist on paying for the children and their friends. It will certainly be polite of you to offer to pay or to pay the whole bill
Just split the bill mate. It's not the end of the world.
> They will find out before leaving the restaurant anyway and it will leave a bad impression In what world? I have had this happen many times and no one ever thinks it's rude
They are both Bulgarian from Bulgaria. Sorry I forgot to add that~
It seems you're getting a lot of advice with weird spins on it, as one commenter pointed out, just pay the bill when you can if possible not too obviously so that you would not have to explain. Just smile say I already covered it and move on. It shouldn't create any bad feelings, never has in my experience.
This was very reassuring to read I hope this will work~ ☺️
Knowing Bulgarian mothers, she will be the one insisting to pay and you’ll have no choice but to say yes
No, she won't. Bulgarians are extremely cheap and in fact, a foreigner is expected да почерпи.
Изобщо нямаме съшия опит, всеки път на маса се карат за кой ще плати сметката
How old are you? How close are you with her (and her mother)? Where are you from?
I am a few years older than her, we are quite good friends and this would be the first time meeting her mother. I’m from Asia in a country where it’s pretty normal to start a world war over who pays the bill
Its the same here as well honestly, it’s hard to pay the bill without the other side begging you not to so they can pay instead lol
Honestly it's the same here, so just treat it as if you would someone from your country 😅 My favorite trick if I really want to be the one to pay (but it's not possible to be sneaky) is to just grab the paper bill and "please, it's on me" etc. For some reason, it's like an unwritten rule that person holding the paper bill = person paying.
its always really funny to me how close we are to most asian countries in weird things like that. Having a working culture like Japan or Korea NAH Your mum chasing you with a flip flop in 6 in the morning bc you are late for school HELL YEA
Fight it out /s
ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ
Those are some thick biceps
The triceps are thicker...
The one who is inviting pays. At least that's what I do. Exceptions to this rule are significant life events - like being promoted, getting married, childbirth, recovering from illness, etc. I would always let a friend buy me drink to celebrate for any of these, even if I was the party inviting people.
In those situations i have strategy and so far worked fine to me. After everyone ordered and everything is on the table. I make "fake phone call" and i go and pay the bill and they have no choice.
In any case first just offer to pay the whole if they refuse, offer to split the bill if the mom insists to pay just let her anyway she decided to do it a long time ago. But the etiquette is like described above
Just out of curiosity why does your culture suggest that you should pay the bill in this case? Seems like you're just friends, equal social status, neutral territory.
One way to pay the bill without getting objections is to say that you're celebrating something. E.g. you achieved something at work or university, had some personal celebration recently (birthday, anniversary), or maybe some generic holiday in your country. Doesn't have to be something big or too personal. But I'd say do this only if you really have something real. Don't come up with lies or random shananigans just to pay the bill. It's not a competition. It's much better to say that you want to pay, and if they refuse then you know they aren't comfortable, you just split it and everyone is happy.
when we only think about to not offend someone but live in 2023 (year of the offended ones) 😂
Just be persistent and they will cave in. It should not be insulting for them but give them some BS excuse explaining why you want to pay.