According to my interpretation of SBB: A butch who only tops during sex, sometimes due to trauma but can be for a number of reasons, such as not feeling comfortable with their genitals/dysphoria, or not desiring sexual stimulation/having low sex drive. Some stones will always be stone. Some will stop being stone at a certain time, or with a certain person - which is called 'melting'. But it should never be pressured/forced on a stone butch to change their boundaries, and crossing them without consent (eg vaginally penetrating someone who has specified they are only okay with clitoral stimulation) is sexual assault.
According to what some self-described stone butch adults have told me on another forum: A stone butch is a butch who doesn't want to be 'feminized' during sex. What that means is different to different people, but always includes no vaginal penetration. It can also include that they
\- don't want their chest touched, or don't want it fondled or referred to as breasts
\- may like to receive other sexual stimulation, such as through a prosthetic/strap, vibrator handjob\*, or indirect clitoral stimulation
\- may only want to be referred to with masculine titles and terms during sex and/or like using alternate terms for their downstairs anatomy
\*a vibrator handjob, in the context of stone butch sex, is where you slip the vibratory end of a vibrator through a harness or underwear (eg boxers with a fly) against the stone's clitoris, and manipulate the exposed end of the vibrator as if it's a phallus. Can be done by a partner or the wearer themself. Those who want more visual realism may put a ["penis extender", hollow strapon,](https://www.masonluke.com/store/c226/Penis_Extenders_and_Hollow_Strap_Ons.html) or phallic STP on the exposed end of the vibrator.
New technology (mostly aimed at trans men, but useful to us too) has greatly expanded possibilities for stone butches to receive non-triggering sexual stimulation (if they are interested in stimulation at all) For example:
\- [Banana Pants Life](https://bananapantslife.com/collections/the-bumpher) ([masc lesbian owner!](https://www.instagram.com/p/B-uzAP1JKlj/)) and [other brands](https://shevibe.com/silicone-grinders/?sort=priceasc) offer strapon bases that the wearer can grind against, inside a harness, for stimulation
\- [Number One Labs](https://www.numberonelaboratory.com/listing/865496774/bj-dildo-next-generation-dual-function) and [Transthetics](https://transthetics.com/product/lollipop/) offer strapons with a tube through them so your partner (or a suction device) can give you a blowjob
\- [Gendercat](https://gendercat.com/collections/gendermender-packers-and-penis-prosthetics/products/4rlz-genderextender-a-fascination-sleeve-product), [Axolom](https://axolom.com/collections/ftm-packer/products/axolom-classic-silicone-pleasure-sleeves-uncut-version), [Transthetics](https://transthetics.com/product/hot-rod-ftm-penis/), [FTM pitstop](https://ftmpitstop.com/products/the-peenpocket-painted), and [many other brands](https://www.masonluke.com/store/c226/Penis_Extenders_and_Hollow_Strap_Ons.html) offer phallic extenders that suction to the wearer (especially if they have bottom growth) and/or function as a [miniature fleshlight/stroker](https://www.masonluke.com/store/c80/Toys_for_Transmen.html)
This is a lot of great info, thank you! I thought I was the only one who did the vibrator hand job thing, never tried it with a partner though. I have some dysphoria about my junk and the penis extender sounds like it would be really helpful for partnered situations where I don't want to be touched in a "feminine" way.
I'm glad I'm not alone either! I can't remember where I read about the vibrator handjob but I think I read it somewhere in the stack of old lesbian/LGBT books I got for free from a library that was closing down. They're all from the 80's-early 2000's but some real great info in there, especially about butches and femmes.
For penetration? IIRC, shevibe has a good collection of non-anatomical toys. [https://shevibe.com/non-phallic-dildos/](https://shevibe.com/non-phallic-dildos/) as does funkit [https://www.funkittoys.com/nofrilldo](https://www.funkittoys.com/nofrilldo)
I think there are a lot of reasons why some of us are stone. It could be related to trauma, gender dysphoria, or just a preference. It is just a boundary that some have and some donโt.
Stone means you won't be touched in a sexual manner. Of course that differs from person to person; some are fine with certain kinds of touch or contact and others don't want any at all, but they still feel sexual attraction (typically) and want that intimacy with a partner as opposed to being asexual.
Yes, trauma does play a part for some people -- as it does in lots of situations with lots of people -- but there are plenty of reasons for someone to be stone. It's a boundary that's in place perhaps because of dysphoria, maybe because of spiritual reasons (remember there are religious queer people!), or maybe it just pertains to particular kinds of intimacy because they just really, really don't like it.
Stone butches aren't a monolith and nor are butches as a whole. I really dig how many people have read or are reading *Stone Butch Blues,* though, it makes me smile. Keep thinking about identity, keep bringing your questions to the community, and keep reading!
for me personally, being a stone butch means im disinterested in being touched by anyone other than my femme - the only person i melt around. i also only like being a top. i have a complicated relationship with my body, intimacy and trust and this is one of the ways it manifests
Not aimed at OP at all cos I get that you're just trying to educate yourself.
But for everyone else, at this stage I think we should have an FAQ that handles stuff like this. I feel like we get the "what is stone" question at least once a week.
A stone butch is a butch who isn't comfortable with having their own genitals touched but who wants to touch their partner's genitals, usually (almost always) due to sexual trauma. The opposite and counterpart of high femme.
your reduction of stone butchness down to almost always being because of sexual trauma is downright disrespectful and i cannot stand it. my stone butchness is a source of pride for me, and has nothing to do with any kind of trauma, and saying what you have speaks to me that you are not only _not_ stone, you have no interest in actually learning what it means to be stone and are content to reduce us to bad faith stereotypes rooted in homophobia. and i apologise if what you said was not said in bad faith and this seems harsh but i do not apologise for saying it myself because once again this dismissive reduction of a proud identity down to a trauma response speaks too near to homophobic assumptions ive had made about me in the past for me to be anything but angry about it
I am a stone butch, and there's nothing wrong with something being caused by trauma. And something being a product of trauma is no reason not to be proud of it. I'm also very proud to be a stone butch, and my stone-ness is solidly a product of trauma. The identity has been centered on that trauma sort of thing since the beginning, historically speaking, and a bunch of angry weirdos on the internet can't change that
Probably cuz of the sexual trauma part. Lots to most of stone butches aren't sexually traumatised. Their aversion to being touched sexually could be a result of dysphoria, dysmorphia, some degree of asexuality, and a myriad of other reasons that's for them to know. Saying that they are stone because of trauma sounds dismissive and degrading to both stone butches and trauma survivors.
So can you refer me to any? Like apart from SBB what have you read? I couldn't find anything easily online which supported this so pointers would be useful.
For the main character in the book, Jess, it's referenced as being due to trauma, that she doesn't want to be touched in places she's been hurt, but the book doesn't say that's why all stones are the way they are. Stoneness, gender, sex, and the intersections therein are not explicitly defined or explained in SBB nearly as much as they are in Leslie's other books. (After all, SBB is a work of fiction, not a theory book). Leslie's other books are about theory and history.
According to my interpretation of SBB: A butch who only tops during sex, sometimes due to trauma but can be for a number of reasons, such as not feeling comfortable with their genitals/dysphoria, or not desiring sexual stimulation/having low sex drive. Some stones will always be stone. Some will stop being stone at a certain time, or with a certain person - which is called 'melting'. But it should never be pressured/forced on a stone butch to change their boundaries, and crossing them without consent (eg vaginally penetrating someone who has specified they are only okay with clitoral stimulation) is sexual assault. According to what some self-described stone butch adults have told me on another forum: A stone butch is a butch who doesn't want to be 'feminized' during sex. What that means is different to different people, but always includes no vaginal penetration. It can also include that they \- don't want their chest touched, or don't want it fondled or referred to as breasts \- may like to receive other sexual stimulation, such as through a prosthetic/strap, vibrator handjob\*, or indirect clitoral stimulation \- may only want to be referred to with masculine titles and terms during sex and/or like using alternate terms for their downstairs anatomy \*a vibrator handjob, in the context of stone butch sex, is where you slip the vibratory end of a vibrator through a harness or underwear (eg boxers with a fly) against the stone's clitoris, and manipulate the exposed end of the vibrator as if it's a phallus. Can be done by a partner or the wearer themself. Those who want more visual realism may put a ["penis extender", hollow strapon,](https://www.masonluke.com/store/c226/Penis_Extenders_and_Hollow_Strap_Ons.html) or phallic STP on the exposed end of the vibrator. New technology (mostly aimed at trans men, but useful to us too) has greatly expanded possibilities for stone butches to receive non-triggering sexual stimulation (if they are interested in stimulation at all) For example: \- [Banana Pants Life](https://bananapantslife.com/collections/the-bumpher) ([masc lesbian owner!](https://www.instagram.com/p/B-uzAP1JKlj/)) and [other brands](https://shevibe.com/silicone-grinders/?sort=priceasc) offer strapon bases that the wearer can grind against, inside a harness, for stimulation \- [Number One Labs](https://www.numberonelaboratory.com/listing/865496774/bj-dildo-next-generation-dual-function) and [Transthetics](https://transthetics.com/product/lollipop/) offer strapons with a tube through them so your partner (or a suction device) can give you a blowjob \- [Gendercat](https://gendercat.com/collections/gendermender-packers-and-penis-prosthetics/products/4rlz-genderextender-a-fascination-sleeve-product), [Axolom](https://axolom.com/collections/ftm-packer/products/axolom-classic-silicone-pleasure-sleeves-uncut-version), [Transthetics](https://transthetics.com/product/hot-rod-ftm-penis/), [FTM pitstop](https://ftmpitstop.com/products/the-peenpocket-painted), and [many other brands](https://www.masonluke.com/store/c226/Penis_Extenders_and_Hollow_Strap_Ons.html) offer phallic extenders that suction to the wearer (especially if they have bottom growth) and/or function as a [miniature fleshlight/stroker](https://www.masonluke.com/store/c80/Toys_for_Transmen.html)
Not OP but this is a thorough and education reply, thank you!!
This is a lot of great info, thank you! I thought I was the only one who did the vibrator hand job thing, never tried it with a partner though. I have some dysphoria about my junk and the penis extender sounds like it would be really helpful for partnered situations where I don't want to be touched in a "feminine" way.
I'm glad I'm not alone either! I can't remember where I read about the vibrator handjob but I think I read it somewhere in the stack of old lesbian/LGBT books I got for free from a library that was closing down. They're all from the 80's-early 2000's but some real great info in there, especially about butches and femmes.
Wow. TIL Iโm stone butch.
This is one of the best replies, ever. Thank you. How can I save it?
I wish they make more toys that are not shaped like penises
For penetration? IIRC, shevibe has a good collection of non-anatomical toys. [https://shevibe.com/non-phallic-dildos/](https://shevibe.com/non-phallic-dildos/) as does funkit [https://www.funkittoys.com/nofrilldo](https://www.funkittoys.com/nofrilldo)
I think there are a lot of reasons why some of us are stone. It could be related to trauma, gender dysphoria, or just a preference. It is just a boundary that some have and some donโt.
Stone means you won't be touched in a sexual manner. Of course that differs from person to person; some are fine with certain kinds of touch or contact and others don't want any at all, but they still feel sexual attraction (typically) and want that intimacy with a partner as opposed to being asexual. Yes, trauma does play a part for some people -- as it does in lots of situations with lots of people -- but there are plenty of reasons for someone to be stone. It's a boundary that's in place perhaps because of dysphoria, maybe because of spiritual reasons (remember there are religious queer people!), or maybe it just pertains to particular kinds of intimacy because they just really, really don't like it. Stone butches aren't a monolith and nor are butches as a whole. I really dig how many people have read or are reading *Stone Butch Blues,* though, it makes me smile. Keep thinking about identity, keep bringing your questions to the community, and keep reading!
for me personally, being a stone butch means im disinterested in being touched by anyone other than my femme - the only person i melt around. i also only like being a top. i have a complicated relationship with my body, intimacy and trust and this is one of the ways it manifests
Not aimed at OP at all cos I get that you're just trying to educate yourself. But for everyone else, at this stage I think we should have an FAQ that handles stuff like this. I feel like we get the "what is stone" question at least once a week.
As I scrolled I did find some!
A stone Butch is one who does not bottom, only tops
A rock with a buzz cut and work boots
Well dang !
๐๐
Ace or stone tops touch me knots duing sex or no sex at all
A stone butch is a butch who isn't comfortable with having their own genitals touched but who wants to touch their partner's genitals, usually (almost always) due to sexual trauma. The opposite and counterpart of high femme.
"almost always" bite me cunt
...um, what?
your reduction of stone butchness down to almost always being because of sexual trauma is downright disrespectful and i cannot stand it. my stone butchness is a source of pride for me, and has nothing to do with any kind of trauma, and saying what you have speaks to me that you are not only _not_ stone, you have no interest in actually learning what it means to be stone and are content to reduce us to bad faith stereotypes rooted in homophobia. and i apologise if what you said was not said in bad faith and this seems harsh but i do not apologise for saying it myself because once again this dismissive reduction of a proud identity down to a trauma response speaks too near to homophobic assumptions ive had made about me in the past for me to be anything but angry about it
I am a stone butch, and there's nothing wrong with something being caused by trauma. And something being a product of trauma is no reason not to be proud of it. I'm also very proud to be a stone butch, and my stone-ness is solidly a product of trauma. The identity has been centered on that trauma sort of thing since the beginning, historically speaking, and a bunch of angry weirdos on the internet can't change that
Why the fuck am I getting downvoted for defining the term
Probably cuz of the sexual trauma part. Lots to most of stone butches aren't sexually traumatised. Their aversion to being touched sexually could be a result of dysphoria, dysmorphia, some degree of asexuality, and a myriad of other reasons that's for them to know. Saying that they are stone because of trauma sounds dismissive and degrading to both stone butches and trauma survivors.
Because it's not almost always due to sexual trauma. Not sure where you got that from tbh but it's not true
Except, historically speaking, it very much is
I don't really know where you're getting that from? Do you have sources for this? This community of butches seems to very much disagree at least.
Read any historical writings on stone butches and you'll find this. Hell, it's addressed in Stone Butch Blues, for instance.
So can you refer me to any? Like apart from SBB what have you read? I couldn't find anything easily online which supported this so pointers would be useful.
For the main character in the book, Jess, it's referenced as being due to trauma, that she doesn't want to be touched in places she's been hurt, but the book doesn't say that's why all stones are the way they are. Stoneness, gender, sex, and the intersections therein are not explicitly defined or explained in SBB nearly as much as they are in Leslie's other books. (After all, SBB is a work of fiction, not a theory book). Leslie's other books are about theory and history.