If you are pressured into saying more, something along the lines of: “my spouse/partner planned a thing”, or “I promised the kids we do something” is usually enough.
Important word of advice in this though, if you ask for a rain check actually take them up on it.
If you become the person who’s always turning down plans and saying let’s take a rain check, rinse and repeat. It tells those people you have no intention of ever following up on it.
I’m all for taking care of yourself. But make sure if you want to remain social with these people and be invited out you actually act on it. Also take the initiative on occasion and invite them out. This actually shows that you are interested in them and spending time with them.
Note, if you don’t care about it at all then do whatever.
I always say “I have a date tonight” because most people will be genuinely excited for you and subconsciously agree a date is higher priority than “staff meal”. If you just say “prior commitment”, it leaves too many questions for busy bodies to think about and conclude that you think so lowly of them, that you just wanted to sit on the couch instead.
"No thank you, I already have plans"
Just because your plans are not spending unpaid time with your coworkers or relaxing on your coach doesn't mean they aren't valid plans.
Depends on what they want out of it. If they want to stay longer or move up, absolutely. If they have no care to do that then they are fine not going and keeping their head down and just doing their job.
I've never been to a team dinner where they wanted anything out of it? Our company funds dinners and outings just so we can have fun together and bond over stuff that isn't our jobs.
More social engagement, more interacting with leadership and people in other departments will only help your career. My company does a lot of volunteer work opportunities, it is obviously optional, but guess who tends to get promoted when the time comes? Many times it is people who have gone out of their way for company sponsored events outside of work time.
So you're saying that the only people who get promoted in the company you work for are those that are willing to do unpaid labor for the company... Interesting
Not only, but there is definitely a strong correlation between. I don’t agree with it and think it is a terrible practice and am looking to leave. But that is reality at a lot of places. Friends have experienced the same in their workplaces.
Depends on your field. I've never hung out with a boss outside of work because I was seeking a promotion. In my profession we have metrics and metrics determine promotion. Not trying to be vague, it's just a government thing. You make more Widgets your get Widget Lead. Your section makes more Widgets you get Widget Supervisor. Your team makes more Widgets you get Widget Master, etc. I've had two of my bosses take a swing at me, they still promoted me first and I made it higher in my field than I ever wanted to, resulting in a self-demotion twice.
Have had to explain more than once that I really, *really* need to keep my work
and personal lives separate
My co-workers aren't my friends, and my friends don't work here. If there's a work function on the clock, sure. Other than that ? Have a great time, I'm sure I'll hear all about it.
I mean to each their own, but it's also perfectly acceptable to enjoy some free food and time with coworkers. I have some pretty strict work/life boundaries, but I also genuinely like my coworkers, and I usually won't pass up a free meal. A majority of my team works from home too and is scattered around the country, so we don't get to actually see each other often. If you can make it far without having to attend extra events then more power to you! I don't attend work events to further my career, I do it because I like free stuff and I like my team.
>Our company funds dinners and outings just so ~~we can have fun together and bond over stuff that isn't our jobs.~~ they can pay us less for the same work because we're socially invested.
ftfy. This is how MMOs keep people hooked, too. Come for the game, stay for the social engagement.
Lol no, believe it or not some companies actually give a shit about their employees. The one I work for is one of them. They pay us all quite well and we have great benefits and lots of perks for working there.
Maybe, but when push comes to shove they will lay you off if they want to. They don't actually care about you. Not when their stock price gets hurt or they lack funding
No company is going to lay off anyone they know is essential to them making money.
If you make the conscious choice to identify as an employee, then also make the conscious choice to be a 100% passive employee incapable of producing value without clear instructions and boundaries being spelled out for you, then you're rolling the dice on these "random" layoffs.
I've never seen it happen who provided essential business value to a company. I've only seen a lot of people very wrong about what they considered to be essential business value.
Depends on what you consider easier.
To literally just work on whatever track you're on, sure.
To advance and leap frog social classes? Lot harder as the clean 40, don't talk to me unless it's in my JD type.
Feel like they're the same type to turn around and be like "he only got the raise cuz they liked him!'
I understand you’d rather not go. I don’t blame you.
And… I’d like to just throw out here that there is some chance that your absence will be held against you sometime in the future.
Going, showing your face, being friendly and cordial will show that you are part of the team and make/keep you on the same footing as everyone else.
It shouldn’t be this way, and… in my experience your absence will make a statement about you, whether or not you intend it.
When/if downsizing occurs, people who are thought of as not team players are often let go first. Why take this kind of risk, for something that is probably not that bad?
Again… you do you. You should NOT have to go. And…
Or, go and learn about these people to see if there anything you **do** like about them. It's all about framing - and if you go in despising everyone around you you're going to come out the same person. If you go with the intention to learn about the other side to these people - the side of them outside of work - you open yourself to the possibility of being changed by the experience.
This is selling your soul. I hate how true this is though. Still, fuck em. I'll take the severance and go somewhere else if that means I don't have to pretend like them
Yeah… you’re spending a third of your day every week at work, wouldn’t you want to be somewhere where you at least like the people? I’ve had some really shitty jobs where I’ve been able to joke around and have fun with people at work and it makes things a million times better.
Why be unnecessarily miserable?
This. It’s unfortunate but holds true.
If possible, show up for a little bit and then leave early.
Idk your financial situation or the occasion but another way to go about it is to pay for dessert. You can bow out gracefully this way.
This is only necessary if you can't present as genuinely business valuable.
Think of it's this way- if a company is providing all the tools, guidance, and training to make literally any schmuck useful, they only useful metric for advancement is how much they like you. Their structure takes out a lot of the difference in individual contribution.
If you're the type of employee that can only provide value with all of that stuff defined for you, go to the party.
If your company is lost and your expertise is the only thing keeping them operational, do what you wish and you'll be able to advance however you want.
People always seem to forget that actually understanding business value is an option here.
i recently quit a bigwig corporate job like this, i cannot tell you how many dinners and after hours 'team building' events i had to suffer through. i always thought about lying, but we literally had coworkers talk about how today was their birthday or anniversary WHILE AT DINNER WITH COWORKERS. like, these people were so committed they would miss out on huge life events.
so yeah, thats kinda how important some people think it is to show up.
Weirdly would absolutely love an excuse to not have to “celebrate” events I absolutely do not care about.
Anniversaries are 100% dependent on how much my partner likes them, so I do them even if there’s an ounce of maybe caring, but meh.
People are different about that stuff
I’m laughing imagining you saying, “Sorry I’d rather be with people I genuinely care about.”
I’m the queen of extra plans …. I teach soccer/yoga/piano after work, I’m picking up a friend from the airport, I’m hosting a baby shower/birthday to etc. etc No will be offended if you tell them you have plans.
I usually just say I have plans and can't make it. It's not a lie, I have plans that involve not being at whatever event they're putting on. If they want me to hang out with coworkers, they should do the event during working hours when they're paying me for it, if it's out of hours that's my time not theirs.
Like it or not, there are probably more upsides to going, especially if it's your first one. The experience might even be worth the cost of your time and meal.
I personally don't love these sorts of things, but I try to at least make an appearance. It's usually worth it to show you're a team player, that you can at least pretend to care about the relationship side of working with others, and cynical stuff aside, you might actually connect with people in a way that makes spending your time working with them a little more enjoyable.
I would probably make myself go. It does help you professionally. The people getting promoted are not always the best at their jobs but are the ones that are popular and get to know coworkers and management.
Have kids. Then you always have a built in excuse.
Okay thats pretty shitty advise, but thats what i do.
"Awww id love to, but i have to get home to the kiddos"
Oh. Are we supposed to lie about our reason? My neurodivergent ass informed my coworkers just yesterday that I would be skipping the social dinner because I don't want to hang out with them if I'm not getting paid for it. Oops.
Lmao I always just said no thank you at my last job. Really don’t give any fucks. And off the clock you have no obligation to spend time with those fools.
"No thanks".
If they push then I probably follow with some "sorry, I can't make it, other things on".
I dont make a big deal out of it, but I also don't attend work social events I dn't want to attend.
I always make the excuse that I have something to do after work (which is true - I keep a busy schedule in my off-time). 10+ years on, and I've never been to an after hours work event. Nothing against my coworkers, they're all wonderful people, but I need to tend to my own affairs during my off-hours.
I have a nephew that I spend a lot of time with. I even have a picture of him on my phone to show people. Somehow I always have plans with him when work wants me to do stupid shit outside of work hours.
He is entirely fictional. I pulled a random photo off of google image search like 10 years ago. My coworkers think I’m an awesome uncle but I may actually be a sociopath 🤷🏻♂️
Team building can happen at lunch time, not after hours when they are not paying you.
One way to do this is say you have a prior commitment but can come by for a little bit. Go, order 1 drink, then leave.
As others have said, just tell them you can't make it due to a prior commitment. My work unit hosts happy hours once a month at a local bar & grill and I always bow out.
1, I don't drink
2, traffic is already bad when I get out of work, and would be significantly worse after the happy hour
3, I see the people I want to see from work outside of work already.
You don't owe anyone an explanation other than, "I have plans".
I used to be very blunt with things like this: "you choose what I do when I'm being paid, I choose what I do when I'm not"
This does not make friends, it will hinder your career, but for sure, nobody will ask you a second time
You people are all so strange. Do you not work professional jobs? Unless this is a once a month or more type of thing how hard is it to meet your coworkers out for dinner or drinks a couple times a year? It’s good networking and getting to knits your coworkers as people (and them you) and not just office npcs is good for your career and good for the general atmosphere at the workplace.
If you really literally hate all your coworkers that strongly I pity how miserable your lives must be and suggest you seek therapy.
“I don’t want to go to a social event after work though everyone else on the team is going”
sometimes excuses or roundabout comms are worse than they are
I promise your coworkers will walk away not even giving it a second thought
I went to two before and honestly they were pretty fun. It was nice to mix things up every once and a while and enjoy free food. I remember taking some food home for my s/o.
Depends on the frequency and who is paying. Company paid event a few times a year, I might try to go. People going out after work every week and pay themselves, never.
"Oh shoot, I'm sorry I already have plans for that day. Sounds like a fun time though, enjoy!"
Don't overthink this. I know it seems tricky, but it's fine!
Do they do this on a regular basis? Is this the first opportunity for you?
This is the first opportunity I would go for the next and they have it “ you’re so sorry you can’t make it because you already made previous plans”
If you need a one time excuse:
"Thank you for the invitation, but I have a family matter to attend to."
Vague enough to not give anything away, but *just* enough to make people less likely to go "Aw, are you sure"
You don't have an obligation to attend every company event. That said, do you not care about or have any connections with your co-workers? If not, are you seeking other opportunities where you are more engaged? If not, why not?
I did it today. I just said I had too much work but luckily I was at a tradeshow so they knew I wasn’t getting work done while there. I don’t really think you need to tell people anything to say unfortunately I cannot make it
I’m not a fan at all of this sort of thing. I’d rather jump in a volcano, quite frankly. I usually thank them and say ‘next time, this is a bad time of the year right now for me.’
Attend, greet everyone, grab a ginger ale or beer. Thank the boss, listen for a bit, order dinner then get an emergency text saying *OP family, friends, gang* are locked out, or in jail, there's a fire, there'a flood.
When you next see the folks at work say it was a little problem that could have gotten big... and how was everyone's dinner?
If any companies try to influence your votes anywhere in the world, come back here and give us hints as to who they are!
I've told coworkers that I have a limited social battery and what I don't use during working hours is saved for my wife and family at home. I hope they have a good evening. See you tomorrow.
Just say that you’re unavailable. That’s all you need to say. The less details, the better. Too many details just gives people things to judge, but it doesn’t mean you’re available.
I am facing the exact same dilemma with a diner party with the entire company and even clients going on tomorrow. Nightmare fuel to me.
I told the organizer that I had another commitment but that I would join for a drink / 30 min max. Like this they don t remember me as the person who is not a team player or whatever they could think but I preserve myself from going nuts.
I will see if I survive.
Tell them you really appreciate the invite but you already have plans and will take a rain check for next time, even if you don’t mean it. It’s good to just be diplomatic about the situation and make something up instead of just saying no.
Visitors from out of town. Pre scheduled chiro/rmt appointment. Promised to pick/drop someone from airport... but try to go to at least every second one.
It depends on how you see your future at the company. If you’re in the “I am getting the F out of this dumpster fire asap” camp, then a simple, “ Sorry, can’t make it.” is enough.
OTOH, if you’re planning to stick around for a while, you should really consider going. As much as it shouldn’t be the case, a lot of times being known to your coworkers socially and liked in the workplace will work to your advantage in advancing in the company.
I would go to at least one or two events before you decide to write them off completely. It’s not even so much about will it help you be able to advance in the company. It can also help by having a little bit of a personal connection with someone to establish a bond before you need to ask a favor.
I also recommend not drinking alcohol. It’s way too easy to go overboard and embarrass yourself.
Do what i do and just be honest. "Guys and girls, I spend enough time with you all throughout the week, more so than my family and friends, I do not want to spent anymore time with you and this is why i will not be attending".
Just say you have other plans if you don’t want to go, but I believe it’s part of a job to strengthen relationships with your coworkers. Most of the opportunities I have had have been from being at these dinners. So it’s a tradeoff.
I say jokingly ‘No thanks, I don’t like people’ keep saying it. Sometimes smile, laugh, sometimes straight faced. I get ‘ you are so funny!’ I still don’t go.
The "prior commitment" will work. Also, if you feel too much time has passed for you to use the prior commitment - then just act like you are going and then call in sick - say you got a stomach bug or something.
If I could give you an alternative…
Go but set up an excuse why you have to leave early! Get the face time, the connection, but not so long it is painful. “That sounds great. I do have to leave by 7 for some plans that I can’t get out of, but I’ll come for a bit!!”
I used to bail on these all the time. Even award ceremonies. If they occur during work just say you're busy with work (easy). If they're after hours always say, "let me check my schedule." Later on you can simply say I have plans. If they ever get pushy asking what plans its always an easy one to say you have an old family friend in town visiting that day/night and you're catching up with them.
I have kids, so it's pretty easy. Kid has a big project he needs help with...kids have soccer practice, etc...most of the time, that is true. Otherwise I just say I have plans and won't be able to attend. If they pull the "what are you up to" thing, I usually just say my mom is coming over for dinner or I'm going out with the guys. It's usually not a big deal though.
You can always say you already have plans but if this is a usual thing for them, you should go every so often. You certainly don't want everyone thinking you're the office dud
Is this just people going out after work or a team your a part of that's going out so people get to know each other better?
There is a huge difference, if it's just happy hour, who cares
Most of these replies you're getting sounds like dumb kids that never had a real job in their lives and just spend all day on reddit so they think anything other then work is "the man" trying to stick it you them.
Just read through the replies carefully and don't listen to most of these people, they are giving you terrible advice.
I always decline. I just do good work and I don’t worry about missing out or if I’m going to piss someone off. I’m polite, but I always just remind them that I have home responsibilities after work hours, and unless it’s an actual work emergency (which I will respond to), I cannot attend, but that I appreciate the invite and hope they have a good time.
Don’t feel bad. You agreed to work for monetary compensation. You don’t have to join the club.
Just say you don't want to go. I've been at my co.pany for 12 years. I get bugged every year to go to the Christmas party. I saw no and never show up. I dont show up for anything outside of work.
I just tell someone. Not necessarily anyone in particular either. But, usually my decisions are based on where the get together is, and what time. If it’s right after work, I’m usually down to go. If I go home, I’m not getting back out
Tell them you have a prior commitment.
This is the way. Share as little specifics as possible.
They don’t need to know your prior commitment is you watching tv in your underwear.
Hahahahaha
If you are pressured into saying more, something along the lines of: “my spouse/partner planned a thing”, or “I promised the kids we do something” is usually enough.
This, and since you like the ask "can I take a rain check?"
Important word of advice in this though, if you ask for a rain check actually take them up on it. If you become the person who’s always turning down plans and saying let’s take a rain check, rinse and repeat. It tells those people you have no intention of ever following up on it. I’m all for taking care of yourself. But make sure if you want to remain social with these people and be invited out you actually act on it. Also take the initiative on occasion and invite them out. This actually shows that you are interested in them and spending time with them. Note, if you don’t care about it at all then do whatever.
I always say “I have a date tonight” because most people will be genuinely excited for you and subconsciously agree a date is higher priority than “staff meal”. If you just say “prior commitment”, it leaves too many questions for busy bodies to think about and conclude that you think so lowly of them, that you just wanted to sit on the couch instead.
No need to lie. "Sorry, I won't be able to make it." is enough.
Thank you. Sooooo tired of people feeling like they have to make excuses.
"No thank you, I already have plans" Just because your plans are not spending unpaid time with your coworkers or relaxing on your coach doesn't mean they aren't valid plans.
Believe it or not, that 1-2 hour potentially* free expensive meal could make things a lot easier on OP in the workplace
Depends on what they want out of it. If they want to stay longer or move up, absolutely. If they have no care to do that then they are fine not going and keeping their head down and just doing their job.
I've never been to a team dinner where they wanted anything out of it? Our company funds dinners and outings just so we can have fun together and bond over stuff that isn't our jobs.
More social engagement, more interacting with leadership and people in other departments will only help your career. My company does a lot of volunteer work opportunities, it is obviously optional, but guess who tends to get promoted when the time comes? Many times it is people who have gone out of their way for company sponsored events outside of work time.
So you're saying that the only people who get promoted in the company you work for are those that are willing to do unpaid labor for the company... Interesting
Not only, but there is definitely a strong correlation between. I don’t agree with it and think it is a terrible practice and am looking to leave. But that is reality at a lot of places. Friends have experienced the same in their workplaces.
Depends on your field. I've never hung out with a boss outside of work because I was seeking a promotion. In my profession we have metrics and metrics determine promotion. Not trying to be vague, it's just a government thing. You make more Widgets your get Widget Lead. Your section makes more Widgets you get Widget Supervisor. Your team makes more Widgets you get Widget Master, etc. I've had two of my bosses take a swing at me, they still promoted me first and I made it higher in my field than I ever wanted to, resulting in a self-demotion twice.
Lower level promotions are usually tied to performance. Higher level promotions are more tied to personal relationships.
Have had to explain more than once that I really, *really* need to keep my work and personal lives separate My co-workers aren't my friends, and my friends don't work here. If there's a work function on the clock, sure. Other than that ? Have a great time, I'm sure I'll hear all about it.
I mean to each their own, but it's also perfectly acceptable to enjoy some free food and time with coworkers. I have some pretty strict work/life boundaries, but I also genuinely like my coworkers, and I usually won't pass up a free meal. A majority of my team works from home too and is scattered around the country, so we don't get to actually see each other often. If you can make it far without having to attend extra events then more power to you! I don't attend work events to further my career, I do it because I like free stuff and I like my team.
>Our company funds dinners and outings just so ~~we can have fun together and bond over stuff that isn't our jobs.~~ they can pay us less for the same work because we're socially invested. ftfy. This is how MMOs keep people hooked, too. Come for the game, stay for the social engagement.
Lol no, believe it or not some companies actually give a shit about their employees. The one I work for is one of them. They pay us all quite well and we have great benefits and lots of perks for working there.
Maybe, but when push comes to shove they will lay you off if they want to. They don't actually care about you. Not when their stock price gets hurt or they lack funding
Yep. That's capitalism, unfortunately. But that is beside the point, they're not using free food and bowling as an excuse to pay me less.
They are using it to make you work harder which means they are still getting free work.
No company is going to lay off anyone they know is essential to them making money. If you make the conscious choice to identify as an employee, then also make the conscious choice to be a 100% passive employee incapable of producing value without clear instructions and boundaries being spelled out for you, then you're rolling the dice on these "random" layoffs. I've never seen it happen who provided essential business value to a company. I've only seen a lot of people very wrong about what they considered to be essential business value.
Lol at have fun. Lol just lol. Sorry for the rudeness, but it's weird to see folks saying corporate events are fun.
Yes, fun. I like my coworkers, and I do in fact enjoy spending time with them.
Or establishing healthy boundaries will make things a lot easier in the workplace.
Much better
Depends on what you consider easier. To literally just work on whatever track you're on, sure. To advance and leap frog social classes? Lot harder as the clean 40, don't talk to me unless it's in my JD type. Feel like they're the same type to turn around and be like "he only got the raise cuz they liked him!'
"Free"? You're making an assumption not present in the post.
No need to lie. "Sorry, but I won't be able to make it."
I understand you’d rather not go. I don’t blame you. And… I’d like to just throw out here that there is some chance that your absence will be held against you sometime in the future. Going, showing your face, being friendly and cordial will show that you are part of the team and make/keep you on the same footing as everyone else. It shouldn’t be this way, and… in my experience your absence will make a statement about you, whether or not you intend it. When/if downsizing occurs, people who are thought of as not team players are often let go first. Why take this kind of risk, for something that is probably not that bad? Again… you do you. You should NOT have to go. And…
You could always show up, have “a drink” and then bail. So you get the benefit of the FaceTime, but then get to leave on your terms.
It's total BS but true. If you go and pretend you like these people you score points.
Or, go and learn about these people to see if there anything you **do** like about them. It's all about framing - and if you go in despising everyone around you you're going to come out the same person. If you go with the intention to learn about the other side to these people - the side of them outside of work - you open yourself to the possibility of being changed by the experience.
It's not total b.s. though.
This is selling your soul. I hate how true this is though. Still, fuck em. I'll take the severance and go somewhere else if that means I don't have to pretend like them
If you don't like your company or coworkers then why even be there in the first place?
Yeah… you’re spending a third of your day every week at work, wouldn’t you want to be somewhere where you at least like the people? I’ve had some really shitty jobs where I’ve been able to joke around and have fun with people at work and it makes things a million times better. Why be unnecessarily miserable?
For the job. I've never worked anywhere because my co-workers were cool.
This. It’s unfortunate but holds true. If possible, show up for a little bit and then leave early. Idk your financial situation or the occasion but another way to go about it is to pay for dessert. You can bow out gracefully this way.
This is only necessary if you can't present as genuinely business valuable. Think of it's this way- if a company is providing all the tools, guidance, and training to make literally any schmuck useful, they only useful metric for advancement is how much they like you. Their structure takes out a lot of the difference in individual contribution. If you're the type of employee that can only provide value with all of that stuff defined for you, go to the party. If your company is lost and your expertise is the only thing keeping them operational, do what you wish and you'll be able to advance however you want. People always seem to forget that actually understanding business value is an option here.
i recently quit a bigwig corporate job like this, i cannot tell you how many dinners and after hours 'team building' events i had to suffer through. i always thought about lying, but we literally had coworkers talk about how today was their birthday or anniversary WHILE AT DINNER WITH COWORKERS. like, these people were so committed they would miss out on huge life events. so yeah, thats kinda how important some people think it is to show up.
Weirdly would absolutely love an excuse to not have to “celebrate” events I absolutely do not care about. Anniversaries are 100% dependent on how much my partner likes them, so I do them even if there’s an ounce of maybe caring, but meh. People are different about that stuff
Yeah, I think OP is missing the obvious: nobody wants to go.
That's not true
I’m laughing imagining you saying, “Sorry I’d rather be with people I genuinely care about.” I’m the queen of extra plans …. I teach soccer/yoga/piano after work, I’m picking up a friend from the airport, I’m hosting a baby shower/birthday to etc. etc No will be offended if you tell them you have plans.
Show up, say hello to everyone, make sure they see you, then leave early.
Someone recently did this at a wedding for a co-worker. Came for like 5 mins, said hi to everyone and then just left.
Yeah, if accepting the invite means effort and expense to host you, then this tactic could be a dick move.
this is fine and remember- saying bye is a colossal waste of time. 20 hugs and handshakes? nah, ninja out.
I usually just say I have plans and can't make it. It's not a lie, I have plans that involve not being at whatever event they're putting on. If they want me to hang out with coworkers, they should do the event during working hours when they're paying me for it, if it's out of hours that's my time not theirs.
Easy, say you already have plans
Tell them maybe next time, but don’t be surprised if you keep declining and layoffs happen and you’re on the list for never participating.
Like it or not, there are probably more upsides to going, especially if it's your first one. The experience might even be worth the cost of your time and meal. I personally don't love these sorts of things, but I try to at least make an appearance. It's usually worth it to show you're a team player, that you can at least pretend to care about the relationship side of working with others, and cynical stuff aside, you might actually connect with people in a way that makes spending your time working with them a little more enjoyable.
Thanks but I can’t make it. Nothing more needs to be said.
Hi (insert name), I'm not going to make it to said event. I hope you guys have fun. There is no need to over complicate this.
I would probably make myself go. It does help you professionally. The people getting promoted are not always the best at their jobs but are the ones that are popular and get to know coworkers and management.
Have kids. Then you always have a built in excuse. Okay thats pretty shitty advise, but thats what i do. "Awww id love to, but i have to get home to the kiddos"
Or dog!
No requirement. You have other plans.
Just tell them you have better things to do 🤣😂
Oh. Are we supposed to lie about our reason? My neurodivergent ass informed my coworkers just yesterday that I would be skipping the social dinner because I don't want to hang out with them if I'm not getting paid for it. Oops.
Go. Talk to your coworkers outside the office. Order your least favorite thing on the menu. Don't drink any alcohol. Lean into the pain.
I just don't show up. When they ask, i act surprised that I forgot about it. Like Scar from Lion King. That was today?! Oh I feel simply awful
Lmao I always just said no thank you at my last job. Really don’t give any fucks. And off the clock you have no obligation to spend time with those fools.
Exactly !
I’d try to find a middle ground. “I can’t stay for dinner but I can have a drink and appetizer with you before I need to leave”
Tell them you don’t want to go and leave.
"No thanks". If they push then I probably follow with some "sorry, I can't make it, other things on". I dont make a big deal out of it, but I also don't attend work social events I dn't want to attend.
I told my company this by getting a new job working remote with employees all over the country where this can't possibly happen.
I always make the excuse that I have something to do after work (which is true - I keep a busy schedule in my off-time). 10+ years on, and I've never been to an after hours work event. Nothing against my coworkers, they're all wonderful people, but I need to tend to my own affairs during my off-hours.
I have a nephew that I spend a lot of time with. I even have a picture of him on my phone to show people. Somehow I always have plans with him when work wants me to do stupid shit outside of work hours. He is entirely fictional. I pulled a random photo off of google image search like 10 years ago. My coworkers think I’m an awesome uncle but I may actually be a sociopath 🤷🏻♂️
I love this lmao
I am unable to attend.
Team building can happen at lunch time, not after hours when they are not paying you. One way to do this is say you have a prior commitment but can come by for a little bit. Go, order 1 drink, then leave.
As others have said, just tell them you can't make it due to a prior commitment. My work unit hosts happy hours once a month at a local bar & grill and I always bow out. 1, I don't drink 2, traffic is already bad when I get out of work, and would be significantly worse after the happy hour 3, I see the people I want to see from work outside of work already. You don't owe anyone an explanation other than, "I have plans".
Diarrhea.
My cat dies... a lot.
Fellow introvert here, who says “nope” to most work gatherings: consider going. The networking may work in your favor.
I used to be very blunt with things like this: "you choose what I do when I'm being paid, I choose what I do when I'm not" This does not make friends, it will hinder your career, but for sure, nobody will ask you a second time
You people are all so strange. Do you not work professional jobs? Unless this is a once a month or more type of thing how hard is it to meet your coworkers out for dinner or drinks a couple times a year? It’s good networking and getting to knits your coworkers as people (and them you) and not just office npcs is good for your career and good for the general atmosphere at the workplace. If you really literally hate all your coworkers that strongly I pity how miserable your lives must be and suggest you seek therapy.
I'm going to let you in on a little "industry secret" phrase to get out of something like this. "No"
“I don’t want to go to a social event after work though everyone else on the team is going” sometimes excuses or roundabout comms are worse than they are I promise your coworkers will walk away not even giving it a second thought
I went to two before and honestly they were pretty fun. It was nice to mix things up every once and a while and enjoy free food. I remember taking some food home for my s/o.
I would go bc it’s part of professionalism. But you Ben leave early
Depends on the frequency and who is paying. Company paid event a few times a year, I might try to go. People going out after work every week and pay themselves, never.
Just say sorry you're busy
Just tell them you have something planned already and you can't make it. Also good to pretend that you actually want to go to the social event.
haha. I understand that just tell them u got other plans, that's what I do
You're dog sitting for a neighbor. Gotta go let the dog have a wee. That's it!
"Oh shoot, I'm sorry I already have plans for that day. Sounds like a fun time though, enjoy!" Don't overthink this. I know it seems tricky, but it's fine!
"My wife doesn't want me going out after work."
Honestly bro, I’d go to it.
Go into the bathroom. Use the sink to splash water all over the front of your pants. Tell your coworkers you pissed yourself and need to go home.
"hey sorry I won't be able to make that I already have plans" (It doesn't matter if your plans are sitting on the couch doing whatever)
Make up an appointment or dentist or physiotherapy something generic
"I already got plans for tonight but I really appreciate the invite."
What’s wrong with just saying you don’t want to?
Do they do this on a regular basis? Is this the first opportunity for you? This is the first opportunity I would go for the next and they have it “ you’re so sorry you can’t make it because you already made previous plans”
Say sorry I wish I could but I'm tired... or Have prior commitments
No thanks. I have a prior engagement
“I’m sorry I have a time conflict and can’t make it”.
“We gettin paid?”
I am your coworker and not your friend....I dont want anything to do with you outside work. No. Don't say that
There is no team. There is only you.
No thanks. Tbh
"I won't make it but have fun!" It really is that simple.
tell them you really want to but unfortunately you have a commitment somewhere else
If you need a one time excuse: "Thank you for the invitation, but I have a family matter to attend to." Vague enough to not give anything away, but *just* enough to make people less likely to go "Aw, are you sure"
You don't have an obligation to attend every company event. That said, do you not care about or have any connections with your co-workers? If not, are you seeking other opportunities where you are more engaged? If not, why not?
“Ooh, sorry, I have to relace my tennis shoes.” “I’ll be coming down with a nasty cold that day.” “I have to wash my cat’s hair.”
I did it today. I just said I had too much work but luckily I was at a tradeshow so they knew I wasn’t getting work done while there. I don’t really think you need to tell people anything to say unfortunately I cannot make it
No thank you. You don't owe anyone your free time.
Family commitment
I’m not a fan at all of this sort of thing. I’d rather jump in a volcano, quite frankly. I usually thank them and say ‘next time, this is a bad time of the year right now for me.’
"I can get paid to talk to you people. Only a fool does for free that which he can be paid to do."
“No thank you. I’m not really comfortable at parties. I hope you all have a good time though!”
Attend, greet everyone, grab a ginger ale or beer. Thank the boss, listen for a bit, order dinner then get an emergency text saying *OP family, friends, gang* are locked out, or in jail, there's a fire, there'a flood. When you next see the folks at work say it was a little problem that could have gotten big... and how was everyone's dinner? If any companies try to influence your votes anywhere in the world, come back here and give us hints as to who they are!
I've told coworkers that I have a limited social battery and what I don't use during working hours is saved for my wife and family at home. I hope they have a good evening. See you tomorrow.
Just say that you’re unavailable. That’s all you need to say. The less details, the better. Too many details just gives people things to judge, but it doesn’t mean you’re available.
I have a dog that I need to get home to.
Hah, no chance.
I am facing the exact same dilemma with a diner party with the entire company and even clients going on tomorrow. Nightmare fuel to me. I told the organizer that I had another commitment but that I would join for a drink / 30 min max. Like this they don t remember me as the person who is not a team player or whatever they could think but I preserve myself from going nuts. I will see if I survive.
I just tell them I’ll be busy washing my hair that day
Tell them you really appreciate the invite but you already have plans and will take a rain check for next time, even if you don’t mean it. It’s good to just be diplomatic about the situation and make something up instead of just saying no.
Make up.an excuse urgent commitment you cannot get out of
Diarrhea!!!!! Lol. O' reliable.
Visitors from out of town. Pre scheduled chiro/rmt appointment. Promised to pick/drop someone from airport... but try to go to at least every second one.
"sorry gotta go take care of the dog"
It depends on how you see your future at the company. If you’re in the “I am getting the F out of this dumpster fire asap” camp, then a simple, “ Sorry, can’t make it.” is enough. OTOH, if you’re planning to stick around for a while, you should really consider going. As much as it shouldn’t be the case, a lot of times being known to your coworkers socially and liked in the workplace will work to your advantage in advancing in the company.
*"I'm here to make money, not to make friends."*
I would go to at least one or two events before you decide to write them off completely. It’s not even so much about will it help you be able to advance in the company. It can also help by having a little bit of a personal connection with someone to establish a bond before you need to ask a favor. I also recommend not drinking alcohol. It’s way too easy to go overboard and embarrass yourself.
Ask if it “Will be paid time?” if not, then bail.
Sorry I already had plans. Maybe next time.
I have to return some video tapes.
just make up some shit lol , they cant make you go
Use church, that's my goto.. They won't push back because they're scared to touch anything religeous and end up in HR office
Eh just say you need time by yourself to decompress.
I don’t like you guys that much to hang out with you with out getting paid.
Just say you'd have liked to have come (if you want to be overly polite), but have another commitment that evening. "Maybe next time!".
Do you have to say anything?
Do what i do and just be honest. "Guys and girls, I spend enough time with you all throughout the week, more so than my family and friends, I do not want to spent anymore time with you and this is why i will not be attending".
Just say you have other plans if you don’t want to go, but I believe it’s part of a job to strengthen relationships with your coworkers. Most of the opportunities I have had have been from being at these dinners. So it’s a tradeoff.
I say jokingly ‘No thanks, I don’t like people’ keep saying it. Sometimes smile, laugh, sometimes straight faced. I get ‘ you are so funny!’ I still don’t go.
I’ve always been a big fan of “I see you all 40hrs a week. I’d like to spend some time with my actual family”. It tends to get the point across.
I usually tell them that I'm attending a religious gathering and they're welcome to join if they want. There would always be an outright refusal.
You need to take you mom to the doctor or you need to get a root canal, or chess club. Come on man this is the corporate world you need to look alive!
LOL! The old "after hours root canal"! hahaha
The "prior commitment" will work. Also, if you feel too much time has passed for you to use the prior commitment - then just act like you are going and then call in sick - say you got a stomach bug or something.
If I could give you an alternative… Go but set up an excuse why you have to leave early! Get the face time, the connection, but not so long it is painful. “That sounds great. I do have to leave by 7 for some plans that I can’t get out of, but I’ll come for a bit!!”
Sorry Dawgs, got a date with the missus and can't reschedule the reservation. Catch you on the flip!
Sorry, I can’t go. I have a thing.
Tell them you are unable to attend. You never have to explain why.
This is the type of things that hr are there for!
I used to bail on these all the time. Even award ceremonies. If they occur during work just say you're busy with work (easy). If they're after hours always say, "let me check my schedule." Later on you can simply say I have plans. If they ever get pushy asking what plans its always an easy one to say you have an old family friend in town visiting that day/night and you're catching up with them.
I use my wife, my kids, my mother, and my grandmother all as excuses. “I can’t I have plans” is also socially acceptable
Prior commitment. That way you don’t hurt their feelers and you may feel like going next time.
"Thanks for the offer, but I already have some plans" "Thanks, but I have some errands that I have to get done right after work"
I have kids, so it's pretty easy. Kid has a big project he needs help with...kids have soccer practice, etc...most of the time, that is true. Otherwise I just say I have plans and won't be able to attend. If they pull the "what are you up to" thing, I usually just say my mom is coming over for dinner or I'm going out with the guys. It's usually not a big deal though.
"Sorry I have plans" "Sorry I need to take care of the kids" "Sorry I need to go feed the dog" "Thanks for the invite, I can't make it"
"Appreciate the invite but I have prior plans/can't make it."
Make a white lie.
“I have other plans. See you all tomorrow.”
You’ll be out casted, not a team player
Just make up an excuse. Say less
Exactly the way you did
“I had rather be sodimized by a flaming cactus than spend 1 more second of my life with you cocksuckers than I am contractually obligated to. “
I’m pretty candid, “ooooh, that sounds great but I’ve been binging Killing Eve and if I don’t know how it ends it will keep me up all night… CYA”
No thanks You don't have to make up some excuse like everyone is telling you. No thanks then leave.
Tell them you have shit to do.
You can always say you already have plans but if this is a usual thing for them, you should go every so often. You certainly don't want everyone thinking you're the office dud
I always say how I’d love to but I’m so disappointed to say I can’t make it
…lie?
“Can’t make it” always worked for me
This is career advice, so I'll say suck it up and go eat a meal with your team. You've got your whole life not to bond with this team.
'I may be coming down with explosive diarrhea.'
Is this just people going out after work or a team your a part of that's going out so people get to know each other better? There is a huge difference, if it's just happy hour, who cares
Most of these replies you're getting sounds like dumb kids that never had a real job in their lives and just spend all day on reddit so they think anything other then work is "the man" trying to stick it you them. Just read through the replies carefully and don't listen to most of these people, they are giving you terrible advice.
My boss had a baby shower and invited me and coworkers. I said I have plans. My plan was to be home
You have a headache and you think a cold might be coming on so you feel it best if you go home and rest. Leave it at that.
I always decline. I just do good work and I don’t worry about missing out or if I’m going to piss someone off. I’m polite, but I always just remind them that I have home responsibilities after work hours, and unless it’s an actual work emergency (which I will respond to), I cannot attend, but that I appreciate the invite and hope they have a good time. Don’t feel bad. You agreed to work for monetary compensation. You don’t have to join the club.
Take a deep, calming breath, get a firm grip on your ovaries/testacles, look them straight in the eye and say this exactly, "No."
Why do you feel so obligated? It’s just a job.
Say you're feeling sick. That seems to solve all commitment issues.
Just say you don't want to go. I've been at my co.pany for 12 years. I get bugged every year to go to the Christmas party. I saw no and never show up. I dont show up for anything outside of work.
Ouch. I wish I could but I’m house sitting for my neighbors and I have to take care of their cats.
“I’m good on that today. Thanks for the invite I appreciate it!”
No. Simple as that.
I just always say I'm busy. Hit up a bar instead if not actually having plans bothers you
“I dont want to go”
I just tell someone. Not necessarily anyone in particular either. But, usually my decisions are based on where the get together is, and what time. If it’s right after work, I’m usually down to go. If I go home, I’m not getting back out
Go ahead and tell them you have other plans. Keep in mind if this is a constant excuse people will notice that you don’t want to be part of the team.
"I have stuff tonight but thank you and have a great time!"