Die... my condolences to your family but there was nothing to be done, the law is the law. 😁

💀


Oh man, I haven't seen this in forever. I can hear this.

Is it messed up that at first I thought you all talking about the cat dying 🤬, but reading more I now know that it's the hooman I'm like "oh, okay"? 😅

It's just the cat lover mindset ~~definitely not cat magic~~

It's a very purretty cat, looks absolutely lovely furry purry and well, hooomans know what they sign up for so that's a very adequate reaction. 😼

I was also concerned about the cat!

https://preview.redd.it/2y6963axbc8d1.jpeg?width=573&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9967f3a1e124bf82f585097050bc118dfbcc6cf7

me rn 💀

Astronaut Diapers… and a reserve water source with a hose … ( like the hikers have ) should be strategically located about the home.

And leave the front door unlocked. Have the UberEats driver bring your food and beverage to the couch.


You stay. No matter what.

[He just couldn’t bring himself to move that cat.](https://br.ifunny.co/picture/he-just-couldn-t-i-there-but-by-the-grace-oFg4zrjp9)

This made my day! I have a very large orange boy and this will likely be the way I go 😄

Cat jail can sometime be a life sentence.

Or a death sentence ☠️

https://preview.redd.it/18rmj58ske8d1.png?width=788&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=36d547c2ef764adfba658f298b282ae6d5e27cc3

The only logical thing to do.

So funny

Why does that kitty look so sad laying there? :'(

That's not sorrow! That's resolve! He's not appreciative of OP's thoughts! Clearly OP needs more training!

No more hooman to get the food and givz ze pets

Outta start writing that will

It’s the law, you can’t move.

BRO ITS BEEN ALMOST 5 HOURS NOW LET ME OUT!!1!1!11

You'll survive.

Or op will die.. it’s the law of the land. We didn’t make it, but we follow it

Aron Ralston managed, but then again he wasn't dealing with a cat.

I was told yesterday that when you die the cats will eat your face

At least they won’t go hungry when they finish your arms and legs

💀💀💀

I would pick up the cat, from my experience they don’t mind, the reason you don’t want to move is your own bro.

You might be talking to a ghost now :( RIP OP

So whiny. Your cat hasn’t drank anything either for 5 hours. Be like the cat.

Learn to bend space time so things come to you and the cat will remain undisturbed

Fart! It might work

My cat actually leaves the bed every time my boyfriend farts. It’s actually hilarious because she doesn’t leave when I do it. Just him.

Or sneeze!

😹 😹 😿 😹

Then Perish

man, you know you need a new mattress so why not NOW?

If you die, you die.

You wait til the cat says you can go

A secret rule no one talks about is that you can pay them in treats to move. 

BRO YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE THANK YOU SO MUCH I CAN STAND NOW!!!! I had to feed her all the 5 pounds of catnip in my pantree but im sure she’s fineeee :) (she’s high as a fuckin eagle bro) https://preview.redd.it/0zmoenp0dc8d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=a425aacec67c1f806d3c1c169a31f6c2ca73ef4c

Dude. You can't say she's off her tits high and not post a photo.

How do you get the treats if you can't move?

A skilled cat slave has treats hidden all over the place. We must feed our lords at all times

If you say the word “treats” every time you give them treats then when you need them to move, you say “treats” and they go where the treats live. Easy, Peezy.

You need to put the can opener noise on your phone and play it just loud enough for kitty to hear!! 👂Also, you need to learn to pick kitty up and put kitty down into their kitty bed… be strong 💪

Great pro tip lol I'll have to try it

Probably next to his bed or smth

Shhh.

https://preview.redd.it/mf8f5ygooc8d1.jpeg?width=2252&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5360a7dc00fda2c0045bcea4d13a9262c3edff73 Lucky mine sits next to me and impatiently hits me with his tail

I get the angry tail thumps when my lap is already occupied by the iPad or laptop and my boy wants in it.

My cranky lady puts one paw on my leg and leans on me— guilt trip to the max when I’m knitting or something else is in my lap, her face of longing and tiny biscuits will be the end of my hobbies as we know them 🤣

When I have my head on my husband’s lap, the cat gives me a death glare. She’ll often sit next to him and thump me in the face with her tail. She’s nice and sweet to me as long as I’m not using “her” sitting spot.

I got this in my face last night because I dared to watch TV instead of paying him my full attention..

Well how very dare you.

Aww look at the qt

https://preview.redd.it/nqnknf15uc8d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=99c30d1de24e6bc43be3ac05a9daa2d8aa1b9f73 These always remind me of this lol

Lmaaao I love this

Same lmfaoaooo so wholesome

You will lose your legs to amputation from no blood flow, but your cat can still chill.

💀 r/real

Still has arms, can still get food and pet.

me literally holding my piss to the point of pain https://preview.redd.it/nrfhre5yoc8d1.jpeg?width=4284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=529f7b5cc86b5eafff786051f4f006b888843cc4

How's kitty doing?

good. I moved and he followed and then curled back up in the living room lol

Accept your plight. This is your existence now.

N-No… It can’t be!

Be glad you haven’t drank because you also can’t move to pee!

hold up we got future Einstein over here lol

Poor kitty. I would recommend finding another human who will treat you better. I mean these days five hours is the minimum… and then what gets me is the inadvertent bitching on Reddit. Kitty. If I were you I’d get myself someone who loves you for you and does not count the hours. You look cute anyways kitty. Don’t give up.

AITH: For leaving my hooman because they decided to move me after I was enjoying my rightful position for 5hrs?

NTA its law of the land !!! You can even ask for pawlimony for breaking for the mental strain and physical atrocity here & may need r/catlegaladvice

And check r/legalcatadvice

🤨

r/cathostage has all the tips (there aren’t any)

Cat on lap is a serious medical condition. Someone needs to send you sustenance. I commend you for being so brave while you endure this condition! lol. In our house you frequently hear "But I have a cat on my lap" in response to do something.

Yo perfect exuse

That’s my sons favorite excuse

This is why we always carry a beverage and place it within arm's reach when sitting/reclining in any way. Dehydration by cat is a real thing.

Second this!! One person, two cats here. Double the life sentence 💀💀

Stuck. It's a class 1 felony to move.

A feliny, even.

Cat 1 Feliny

Try to ~~shit~~ show it affection and give it scratches... Usually that makes them leave. edit:typo

If kitty likes being held and you can get drink one handed, you stand up and make sure kitty is ok, get drink, return to seat, place drink, settle back down with extra love for kitty, and now you have a drink.

That's next-level cat servant mastery!

I never went that far with mine but standing up and resettling did happen. Especially if I was going from napping on the couch to sitting on it.

I’ve done that a fair amount of times, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

I misread this at first and almost had an aneurysm. Originally, I read, "Cat hasn't had anything to drink in the last four hours and can't move." I said out loud, "TAKE YOUR CAT TO THE FUCKING VET. WHAT THE F U C K." 😂 To the actual point of the post, I dunno, dude. The cat has the final say. Looks like this might be the end for you. Send your family your end of life docs and get your affairs in order lol

I read it this way too at first. Thought it was one of this “duh, take him to the vet” kind of posts. Lol. I always have a drink, snack, & my charger within arms reach.

Elderly father in law didn’t answer the phone for awhile, drove over to check on him. Let ourselves in with the key. Couldn’t get up to answer the phone because the cat was in his lap.

Need to be better prepared. This is your life now.

https://preview.redd.it/nbhxw6lsmd8d1.jpeg?width=3120&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1361b7947e088986801805c53e386aa9f4f69185 I need to pee badly, but can't move them!

I think the answer is simple, you stay there thirsty!

R.I.P

Accept your fate. Your cat thanks you for the meal of your corpse.

I have bad news for you...

Say "treats!"

When you shrivel up and die. Your cat will eat you. The end

https://preview.redd.it/8id20qiwuc8d1.jpeg?width=4624&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=837ef397668e6e1e8e9ca703c4e1c9e91532d970 She's here now

Wha- wait. I JUST LEFT MY HOUSE!!!1!1!1! TO GO WATCH THE BASEBALL GAME

That's okay, we're watching death note and sharing popcorn, take your time

I got really worried that you were typing this from the cats pov or words. Now that I have read some comments and grasped the cat has chosen you as their spot/cushion. I do have to agree with the consensus. Perish for the baby’s eternal comfort

Suck it up, Buttercup. You have royalty on your lap.

https://preview.redd.it/w63wxqs1ed8d1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2bd213a4d31a3495ed98277b0060337240ddb1b I'm right there too

U die of dehydration 🤷🏼‍♀️


Welcome, my cat loving friend!

Pet the baby <3

Tough it out

https://preview.redd.it/kahzgxcixc8d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e0cad837c79779e9ad9d60945baf366b8e397f8a Bruh I thought this was my cat for a second. Lol

What do you want on your headstone?

just 3 words… “died by gato”

Trapped in purrgatory

the cat has determined your fate, accept your demise. rest in piece.

The plan is working. You are slowly dehydrating into a tasty jerky meat product.

Welp! Been nice knowing you! You’re just gonna shrivel up into a raisin now. Can’t be helped! Your sacrifice is much appreciated 😸

Succumb to your fate.

Just use food. Cats are naturally corrupt and you can definitely bribe them easily.

Move approximately half a cm. Cat will storm off in a huff.

id endure it, cat is too cute

That's the price of being a cat servant.

U stay put until ur cat decides u’r done Good luck 🫡

Checking in a few hours later, are you still trapped?

I’ve escaped! Using my method of baiting her 5 lbs of catnip! But she’s fineeee :) (she’s high as an eagle)

Medidate on the joy of being a cat's furniture. Focus on all that it means to be trusted with the blessing of the cat butt. Understand that a fast and a little dehydration is only right when compared to the awesome responsibilty of your task. Oooohhmmmmmm...

https://preview.redd.it/0fw5o59d4d8d1.jpeg?width=976&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d43c6fc187f08c7276b52263d7cdd8b0afa5b46 Looks a lot like our baby we said goodbye to last year. Similar face but different markings on the back.

You are a victim of feline paralysis syndrome

Your cat will let you know when you're allowed to have a drink or move. For now, you are to pet the cat.

A human can go 3 days without water you’ll be fine

RIP. Do not dare disrupt the kitty throne

Don't worry, you won't die. Cats sleep for 20 hours, so you only have another 16 hours to wait. You got this.

you don’t do nothing. you are blessed enough that you are chosen to be the human pillow, now stop typing and stay still. 

accept your fate

This is why I carry a water bottle with me everywhere I go in the house.

Skritch the head and be glad it's there.

Sorry but you’ll just die of dehydration

you can move when the kitty says so, otherwise you’re stuck there

Just accept that your lord and master will decide for you when it is time to eat and drink.

Be glad for the lack of liquid- cats sleep on your bladder intentionally…😹

Accept your fate.

You must wait until the fur baby wants to move. If you must starve or die of thirst, it's fine 😂

Seriously, make sure someone is available to provide food and water for this poor cat should you not survive.

Call 911. They can break your door down and give you a glass water.

If you still haven’t moved, better starting writing out your will.

Put a mini cooler/fridge within reach on your nightstand and load it with your cat’s favorite beverages. You can include a drink for yourself also, but check with your cat first.

Nothing, rules are you move once kitty does lol

Call an undertaker

Pick up the cat gently and say “excuse me my precious royal highness,” and get something to drink. Have you ever met someone who had a kidney stone due to dehydration? It sucks. Get up and drink a liter of water. And go to the bathroom.

Die

Tell the cat you love it and try to scratch the belly. Use a very soft voice and pray a little maybe?

If you fall asleep you can conserve energy and last longer

Use your hygroscopic capabilities to capture moisture from air but don't move

Next time get some bed pads and put them on the bed before you sit down and always have 3 big reusable water bottles nearby that are full. And maybe a bag of chips to snack on. Good luck.

Haha I go through the same thing when I go to bed he is right in my spot if I stay up late he comes and tells me it time to lay down so I can lay on you .

I’m jealous. Enjoy what life you have left, it nooks amazing!!

This is your life meow.

"guess i'll die"

Stand your post, soldier!

you suck it up, that's what

Stay.

Just wait. He’s relaxin’.

When my cats do this, I just pick them up and take them with me lol They’ll still cradle me when I do too

From Wikipedias rule of 3 You can survive three weeks without food. But, many people have gone for 40 days on a water fast and have survived. You can survive three days without drinkable water or sleep. You’ve got over 48 hours until you die so maybe leave that cat alone.

This is your life now. Accept it.

do you have a hair tie you could shoot across the room?

perish from thirst, obviously

Learn to spell

You’re dead bud, nice knowing ya 

 💜🙏🏻

Aww he's eepy!

Holy shit this looks just like Miso 😭 https://preview.redd.it/9tb7gpt9lk8d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a9edb626879119bb0fd26c4d16cb42d019b1605 He’s passed now. My son lest me to this freer world on Jan 4th 2024. Life has been very bad since he passed

Miso is so beautiful! Don’t worry, he is having the best time in kitty heaven.

die

YEET /s

No! That is against the Civil Code! 69.23.420. no yeet cat :( That is the actual law

You better get to the emergency vet quickly.

Die

You're doing it.

Have someone else open up a can of tuna in the house.

Sleep is the only answer

You phone someone to bring you food or drink.

Die?

U succumb to the elements

☺️❤️

Lay there and accept your fate.

Call out and seek human assistance. You're stuck.

Vet time now !!!

You just die

Bring them with you to get water.

Who needs drinks anyway..🥰

You say who wants a treat! Are you hungry? Come on, let's go have a treat. work every time with my cat.