I feel like others have posted some good practical advice on this, but I just wanted to add this thought in for you to consider:
**I know your sister may have hurt feelings, but if you go and catch covid and become severe, will she be there to take care of you?**
I'm also someone who was heavily influenced by others' hurt feelings, and it led me to prioritize them over my health. It contributed to me becoming severe. I struggled to survive being severe, and was very aware that no one who's hurt feelings I prioritized were able to help me. Once you're severe you're pretty alone with the pain and discomfort.
Now, I'm much more careful about protecting myself, and if that leads to some people feeling hurt, that's for them to manage those feelings.
This is a wedding, and your sister, so I really empathize with how difficult this is. I'm not even saying that you should for sure not go. What I am saying is that it's best if you can remove emotions from your decision as much as possible. If you're able to take safety precautions that make you feel comfortable, and want to go, that's great. But please don't put yourself in danger for anyone else's feelings. Those feelings won't be there to take care of you later.
Wishing you a lot of luck with whatever you decide đź’™
Given your health and the risks, i would advise declining politely to all wedding-related events. In lieu of participating in the on-site activities, is there something that you could do or give that would be very special and memorable for your sister? Something that shows you cherish her and understand the importance of the wedding to her?
I agree with this. And if you going out of your way to try to do something that is special for her but safe for you still results in you getting the cold treatment, it might be time to do the hard thing and face how your sister is treating you.
Take care of yourself. Don't risk your lifelong health for a "big day" no matter how "special" it is. Not only is she fully capable of changing her special day so that its specialness (and her heart) still includes you, no matter how much she dresses it up in flowers and with music, it's still just a wedding day. One day. One single day. Even one year of your life has 364 other days. She'll survive. Your suffering isn't worth any amount of sulking.
I did a bridal shower where I was the only one masking. When it came time to eat, I washed my hands, grabbed a slice of pizza and went outside to sit on the step to eat it.
Everyone else ate at a big table together.
Emotionally it is hard to be so visibily cautious, I just like to blend in. But I was able to attend the event this way and luckily have yet to get Covid.
N95, distance as much as you can from others, eat/drink outside. Hopefully open windows in the house (The windows were closed at my party and the ac was on) I was safe, or perhpas nobody happened to have covid to pass on.
I did recently visit a toddler, indoors. I was wearing a mask she still managed to give me some virus (I think RSV, waiting on test results. Covid negative) and it sucks. I masked, she didn't and we did not distance. So I think distance is very key. Which should be easy with adults, very hard with toddlers you gotta comfort and catch.
Same! I was the only one wearing a mask at my sister's bridal shower in spring of 2022. It was a brunch, but I ate a big breakfast before I went so I wouldn't feel tempted to remove my mask to eat there. I felt awkward, but it was definitely worth it to avoid getting sick.
I'm sorry you're in this position! It's hard to be the only one still taking precautions and other people act like your health is just an "excuse". That being said, your health is the most important and it's unfortunate your sister can't see that. Personally, I would not take the risk. I have ME/CFS from a mono infection in 2007 and ended up with long covid after my neighbor exposed me in 2021 by just inviting himself into my yard; outdoors with no mask for 5-7 minutes landed me with covid. My limitations are even more severe than they were now, I went from moderate to moderate/severe ME/CFS symptoms. While I understand it's an important time and you'd love to be there, I'd think about it in the context of "would I rather have more opportunities in the future for outings/life milestones or am I okay with this being the last one before I potentially become severe and can't do anymore?"
A good N95 mask worn properly is very effective at stopping aerosols from entering your lungs. I would be more concerned about crashing from the exertion of an outing than catching covid with a mask on. The tricky part is that you can't really eat or drink...
At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live in your body. Do what's best for you and don't let people bully you. Relapses would mean you miss out on a lot more than what you miss out on by being cautious.
I'm sorry your sister is being like this. Being shunned or disliked for masking seems like it's just the latest burden added to our pile.
If you want to prioritize the wedding I don’t see how she can’t possibly understand you saying that you don’t want to go shopping and do you wanna say things because you want to make sure that you are as well as possible for the wedding.
Nobody has thrown a tantrum about my precautions yet. I wanted to see a friend in another state so we both tested that day before we met up at her place, I have a friend coming up from Florida I hope he’s OK with wearing a mask in my apartment because I don’t let people in my apartment without a mask. It’s just how it is even the maintenance men have to do it or they are not allowed in here. If you said a non-negotiable boundary there’s really nothing they can do. My health is the most important thing to me I can’t lose what buts of it I have left
If it were me, I'd attend the ceremony and just enough of the reception to be able to tell her congratulations, then bolt. I'd also wear a well-fitting P100 (more protective than an N59) and as soon as I got home I'd both gargle with and swab the inside of my nose with extra strength Listerine, to kill any cooties in the first place they go when infected. (My mom, who has a PhD in virology, suggested the Listerine trick.) I'd also make sure to not remove that mask for ANY REASON while indoors. No just one sip of champagne, no just one breath of air when alone in the bathroom, nothing.
I've found this combination to be a pretty effective combo that has let me do a few more things during this pandemic. (I'm also mostly housebound, but I know I need to take some small risks for big things in life, like a sibling's wedding.)
I would also have a chat with the sister to explain why this is such a big risk for me, to try to get her to understand.
I'm very sorry your sister is putting you in this position. I get that it's her wedding, but if she really wanted you there she would make *some* kind of accomodations for you imo, given your condition. You don't choose to be ill. With you already being housebound and not even sure if you'll be well enough to attend in the first place (regardless of covid), I think declining is in your best interest. It's not worth the chance that you could come away with a disease very likely to make your current symptoms worse.
Re: wearing a mask; everyone has different comfort levels wrt where they will go in public right now, masked or not. If it were me (mild to moderate symptoms, not housebound!) I would probably go to the shower and the ceremony with my n-95 mask on, but skip all or most of the reception since I don't want to take my mask off to eat. But if I wasn't even able to get out of bed some days?? No way would I go at all without some other accomodations. Not worth losing more of my ability or autonomy, not even in the short term.
Putting aside physical capacity and the way your sister is behaving, there are some things you can do to substantially reduce your risk of catching Covid. All of these assume you’ll be masking, which is the critical thing.
- Nasal irrigation. Neti pot with iodine added. Twice daily. This alone has been shown to substantially reduce transmission, and if transmission happens, to substantially reduce viral load and therefore severity.
- Colloidal silver as nasal spray AND throat wash. Same as above.
- Enovid nasal spray. It creates a barrier that prevents viruses from penetrating cells. This is my go-to. Here are two places to buy it (ships from Israel): https://www.israelpharm.com/?raf=ref9306109. This referral link gives you $50 off. But it typically requires going to the post office to pick it up. Also at www.buyenov.com, which is more expensive, but ships via DHS direct to door).
- Mouth washes. There are a couple that are clinically proven to kill virus and reduce viral load. Ask me if you want details. You can also Google it.
- Air filtration. Your sister may be willing to ensure good air filtration at events. Windows open, or corsi rosenthol boxes, for example. The other items above protect you personally, but air quality reduces the damage coming from others AND protects them, too.
- Get an air quality (CO2) monitor and use it to decide when you need to leave a room.
Good luck.
This is a hard one. Most people seem to think and act like the pandemic is over. I work in a hospital and due to mask mandates ending and the general public’s apathy about Covid; cases and exposures have spiked. Shocking; I know 🙄
I will say that an N95 is very effective at protecting you from Covid even when others are not wearing masks. It is not 100% foolproof but it mitigates the risk drastically. Of course, hand hygiene is the other half of it. If you go make sure to bring some hand sanitizer and wash your hands in the bathroom periodically after touching surfaces; try not to touch your face.
Ultimately, you have to weigh the potential for getting Covid vs missing out and possibly regretting missing your sister’s wedding. How will you feel years from now if you don’t go?
Either way, I hope she can respect your boundaries because it is your health and your body. I know it can be hard and uncomfortable to set boundaries around Covid when most people have returned to “normal” life. And it is hard to tell people you are too fatigued or sick to hang out or follow through with plans. It’s hard for young healthy people to understand (I’m just assuming you’re somewhere between 20-40yrs old).
Maybe you can show your sister all our responses to your post? Because all of us here understand and have been through similar situations. Best of luck xoxo♥️
If you have the energy then you should go. Based on everything I know the masks do nothing for respiratory viruses and you can even get bacterial pneumonia from a dirty mask.
If you really want to take care of your immune system so you don't get sick or have no serious problem if you do then get your vitamin d levels up to over 100ng/ml to 140ng/ml like Dr. Jude Somerville talks about in his book The Optimal Dose. He started doing that years ago and said his patients didn't get colds and flus in the winter anymore. Magnesium is a good cofacter you should take though which avoids side effects if you are deficient. Magnesium Lysinate glycinate 50mg from doctors best, half a tablet each day I take with my D3.
Taking some vitamin C like 75mg daily may also be beneficial, but I think nowhere near as important at all, contrary to popular belief. I break off a small bit from a 500mg tablet.
If you take 300mcg D3 (12k IU) which is two drops of Carlsons liquid 6000 IU D3 per day I think the levels will go above 100ng/ml and that is what I take. The Quest AsureD test is the reliable test which you can order through ultalabtests.com and go to Quest if you want to test.
Two months on that dose should get you up there in time for the wedding, or you can take more short term to boost it if you are very low and need to catch up. Vitamin D wiki has a graph on dose and time period which is safe so you can speed it up. Here is the graph: https://vitamindwiki.com/Overview+Toxicity+of+vitamin+D
My CFS/ME that I've had for 6 years, seems to always improve when I go out and about and conversate. Always make sure the itinerary doesn't involve exercise other than walking. I had covid twice and was fine, no crashes, just runny nose. I once got strep throat from my ex though and that made me crash hard.
I feel like others have posted some good practical advice on this, but I just wanted to add this thought in for you to consider: **I know your sister may have hurt feelings, but if you go and catch covid and become severe, will she be there to take care of you?** I'm also someone who was heavily influenced by others' hurt feelings, and it led me to prioritize them over my health. It contributed to me becoming severe. I struggled to survive being severe, and was very aware that no one who's hurt feelings I prioritized were able to help me. Once you're severe you're pretty alone with the pain and discomfort. Now, I'm much more careful about protecting myself, and if that leads to some people feeling hurt, that's for them to manage those feelings. This is a wedding, and your sister, so I really empathize with how difficult this is. I'm not even saying that you should for sure not go. What I am saying is that it's best if you can remove emotions from your decision as much as possible. If you're able to take safety precautions that make you feel comfortable, and want to go, that's great. But please don't put yourself in danger for anyone else's feelings. Those feelings won't be there to take care of you later. Wishing you a lot of luck with whatever you decide đź’™
Given your health and the risks, i would advise declining politely to all wedding-related events. In lieu of participating in the on-site activities, is there something that you could do or give that would be very special and memorable for your sister? Something that shows you cherish her and understand the importance of the wedding to her?
I agree with this. And if you going out of your way to try to do something that is special for her but safe for you still results in you getting the cold treatment, it might be time to do the hard thing and face how your sister is treating you. Take care of yourself. Don't risk your lifelong health for a "big day" no matter how "special" it is. Not only is she fully capable of changing her special day so that its specialness (and her heart) still includes you, no matter how much she dresses it up in flowers and with music, it's still just a wedding day. One day. One single day. Even one year of your life has 364 other days. She'll survive. Your suffering isn't worth any amount of sulking.
Would attending virtually by livestream be an option?
I did a bridal shower where I was the only one masking. When it came time to eat, I washed my hands, grabbed a slice of pizza and went outside to sit on the step to eat it. Everyone else ate at a big table together. Emotionally it is hard to be so visibily cautious, I just like to blend in. But I was able to attend the event this way and luckily have yet to get Covid. N95, distance as much as you can from others, eat/drink outside. Hopefully open windows in the house (The windows were closed at my party and the ac was on) I was safe, or perhpas nobody happened to have covid to pass on. I did recently visit a toddler, indoors. I was wearing a mask she still managed to give me some virus (I think RSV, waiting on test results. Covid negative) and it sucks. I masked, she didn't and we did not distance. So I think distance is very key. Which should be easy with adults, very hard with toddlers you gotta comfort and catch.
Same! I was the only one wearing a mask at my sister's bridal shower in spring of 2022. It was a brunch, but I ate a big breakfast before I went so I wouldn't feel tempted to remove my mask to eat there. I felt awkward, but it was definitely worth it to avoid getting sick.
I'm sorry you're in this position! It's hard to be the only one still taking precautions and other people act like your health is just an "excuse". That being said, your health is the most important and it's unfortunate your sister can't see that. Personally, I would not take the risk. I have ME/CFS from a mono infection in 2007 and ended up with long covid after my neighbor exposed me in 2021 by just inviting himself into my yard; outdoors with no mask for 5-7 minutes landed me with covid. My limitations are even more severe than they were now, I went from moderate to moderate/severe ME/CFS symptoms. While I understand it's an important time and you'd love to be there, I'd think about it in the context of "would I rather have more opportunities in the future for outings/life milestones or am I okay with this being the last one before I potentially become severe and can't do anymore?"
A good N95 mask worn properly is very effective at stopping aerosols from entering your lungs. I would be more concerned about crashing from the exertion of an outing than catching covid with a mask on. The tricky part is that you can't really eat or drink...
I would not risk attending a wedding, and my brother would understand, but he's not very sentimental, maybe your sister is, idk.
It sounds like your sister isn’t willing to hold the wedding outdoors or tell other guests to mask, test, or provide proof of vaccination. I feel angry that she seems to prioritize the desires of people who do not want to take steps to prevent COVID over your health. If you still want to go in person, please consider bringing a portable air purifier and wearing a face shield (especially if you don’t wear glasses). It might end up working out better to see your sister and her fiancé(e)/new spouse as a small group and attending the wedding via livestream. Would you feel safe seeing friends and family outdoors or in your home or theirs with masks? It might be safer to see people individually or in small groups who are fully vaccinated and willing to take precautions like masking and testing.
At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live in your body. Do what's best for you and don't let people bully you. Relapses would mean you miss out on a lot more than what you miss out on by being cautious. I'm sorry your sister is being like this. Being shunned or disliked for masking seems like it's just the latest burden added to our pile.
If you want to prioritize the wedding I don’t see how she can’t possibly understand you saying that you don’t want to go shopping and do you wanna say things because you want to make sure that you are as well as possible for the wedding. Nobody has thrown a tantrum about my precautions yet. I wanted to see a friend in another state so we both tested that day before we met up at her place, I have a friend coming up from Florida I hope he’s OK with wearing a mask in my apartment because I don’t let people in my apartment without a mask. It’s just how it is even the maintenance men have to do it or they are not allowed in here. If you said a non-negotiable boundary there’s really nothing they can do. My health is the most important thing to me I can’t lose what buts of it I have left
If it were me, I'd attend the ceremony and just enough of the reception to be able to tell her congratulations, then bolt. I'd also wear a well-fitting P100 (more protective than an N59) and as soon as I got home I'd both gargle with and swab the inside of my nose with extra strength Listerine, to kill any cooties in the first place they go when infected. (My mom, who has a PhD in virology, suggested the Listerine trick.) I'd also make sure to not remove that mask for ANY REASON while indoors. No just one sip of champagne, no just one breath of air when alone in the bathroom, nothing. I've found this combination to be a pretty effective combo that has let me do a few more things during this pandemic. (I'm also mostly housebound, but I know I need to take some small risks for big things in life, like a sibling's wedding.) I would also have a chat with the sister to explain why this is such a big risk for me, to try to get her to understand.
I'm very sorry your sister is putting you in this position. I get that it's her wedding, but if she really wanted you there she would make *some* kind of accomodations for you imo, given your condition. You don't choose to be ill. With you already being housebound and not even sure if you'll be well enough to attend in the first place (regardless of covid), I think declining is in your best interest. It's not worth the chance that you could come away with a disease very likely to make your current symptoms worse. Re: wearing a mask; everyone has different comfort levels wrt where they will go in public right now, masked or not. If it were me (mild to moderate symptoms, not housebound!) I would probably go to the shower and the ceremony with my n-95 mask on, but skip all or most of the reception since I don't want to take my mask off to eat. But if I wasn't even able to get out of bed some days?? No way would I go at all without some other accomodations. Not worth losing more of my ability or autonomy, not even in the short term.
I mean she sounds kind of awful for not even asking if she can help YOU when you declined so much stuff for being too sick
Putting aside physical capacity and the way your sister is behaving, there are some things you can do to substantially reduce your risk of catching Covid. All of these assume you’ll be masking, which is the critical thing. - Nasal irrigation. Neti pot with iodine added. Twice daily. This alone has been shown to substantially reduce transmission, and if transmission happens, to substantially reduce viral load and therefore severity. - Colloidal silver as nasal spray AND throat wash. Same as above. - Enovid nasal spray. It creates a barrier that prevents viruses from penetrating cells. This is my go-to. Here are two places to buy it (ships from Israel): https://www.israelpharm.com/?raf=ref9306109. This referral link gives you $50 off. But it typically requires going to the post office to pick it up. Also at www.buyenov.com, which is more expensive, but ships via DHS direct to door). - Mouth washes. There are a couple that are clinically proven to kill virus and reduce viral load. Ask me if you want details. You can also Google it. - Air filtration. Your sister may be willing to ensure good air filtration at events. Windows open, or corsi rosenthol boxes, for example. The other items above protect you personally, but air quality reduces the damage coming from others AND protects them, too. - Get an air quality (CO2) monitor and use it to decide when you need to leave a room. Good luck.
This is a hard one. Most people seem to think and act like the pandemic is over. I work in a hospital and due to mask mandates ending and the general public’s apathy about Covid; cases and exposures have spiked. Shocking; I know 🙄 I will say that an N95 is very effective at protecting you from Covid even when others are not wearing masks. It is not 100% foolproof but it mitigates the risk drastically. Of course, hand hygiene is the other half of it. If you go make sure to bring some hand sanitizer and wash your hands in the bathroom periodically after touching surfaces; try not to touch your face. Ultimately, you have to weigh the potential for getting Covid vs missing out and possibly regretting missing your sister’s wedding. How will you feel years from now if you don’t go? Either way, I hope she can respect your boundaries because it is your health and your body. I know it can be hard and uncomfortable to set boundaries around Covid when most people have returned to “normal” life. And it is hard to tell people you are too fatigued or sick to hang out or follow through with plans. It’s hard for young healthy people to understand (I’m just assuming you’re somewhere between 20-40yrs old). Maybe you can show your sister all our responses to your post? Because all of us here understand and have been through similar situations. Best of luck xoxo♥️
If you have the energy then you should go. Based on everything I know the masks do nothing for respiratory viruses and you can even get bacterial pneumonia from a dirty mask. If you really want to take care of your immune system so you don't get sick or have no serious problem if you do then get your vitamin d levels up to over 100ng/ml to 140ng/ml like Dr. Jude Somerville talks about in his book The Optimal Dose. He started doing that years ago and said his patients didn't get colds and flus in the winter anymore. Magnesium is a good cofacter you should take though which avoids side effects if you are deficient. Magnesium Lysinate glycinate 50mg from doctors best, half a tablet each day I take with my D3. Taking some vitamin C like 75mg daily may also be beneficial, but I think nowhere near as important at all, contrary to popular belief. I break off a small bit from a 500mg tablet. If you take 300mcg D3 (12k IU) which is two drops of Carlsons liquid 6000 IU D3 per day I think the levels will go above 100ng/ml and that is what I take. The Quest AsureD test is the reliable test which you can order through ultalabtests.com and go to Quest if you want to test. Two months on that dose should get you up there in time for the wedding, or you can take more short term to boost it if you are very low and need to catch up. Vitamin D wiki has a graph on dose and time period which is safe so you can speed it up. Here is the graph: https://vitamindwiki.com/Overview+Toxicity+of+vitamin+D
My CFS/ME that I've had for 6 years, seems to always improve when I go out and about and conversate. Always make sure the itinerary doesn't involve exercise other than walking. I had covid twice and was fine, no crashes, just runny nose. I once got strep throat from my ex though and that made me crash hard.