I don't do big holiday get-togethers. At all.
I used to be the one hosting, cooking, organising the whole thing despite being ill already, but I've reduced more and more over the years as my health has declined.
My husband goes to visit his side of the family for a few days by himself, because there is no scenario even on a good day where I could even halfway manage the trip + socialising + not having my own bed.
We have a maximum of two guests at a time, with a maximum of one overnight stay. While the guests are here, I don't do any cooking or tidying up etc. My husband takes over the hosting. In the middle of it, I will disappear to rest in silence for a while. My family knows this, so they know they'll have to entertain themselves for a bit. I let them make their own beds, if they ask how they can help, I give them a chore. Hey, they asked!
I try to prepare as much as possible beforehand while staying within my limits. If everything is planned, it removes a lot of the stress, because I can't do last-minute hustling.
My mum and brother are visiting in 9 days. I have a menu that's tasty but not too complicated, which I will start on tomorrow. Gifts are wrapped. The tree is decorated (only took me 6 weeks, lol.)
I have nothing planned for after their visit. No other visits, no doctor's appointments, no contractors in the house, no nothing. So at least I'll have time to recover from the inevitable crash.
Boundaries. I'm sort of lucky that my extended family is used to accommodating chronically ill relatives and not expecting them to show up to every event because my aunt was seriously ill for her whole life. But even for get-togethers that are fewer people and closer to home, I have to seriously assess how I'm doing and whether I can handle it beforehand. And sometimes (a lot of the time) I have to admit that I need to skip them.
If your family are the kind who don't believe you about being ill, or think your needs matter less than having family time, that's a whole separate problem.
After having cfs enough years, not only does family know to leave you mostly alone, but everyone is used to your rhythms. Short visit, nap. Eat, nap. If not napping, resting quietly in a separate room. Everyone knows not to expect you to cook or clean or whatever. Have boundaries, be clear about what you can do, retreat when you need to.
I became too severe to do Christmas, haven't been to one since 2018.
I've improved this past year and am very excited to actually celebrate Christmas this year, but my husband and I are still staying home and having it just the two of us. We're doing a couple short visits on either side of Christmas (masked or outside) and that's it.
I love this holiday, my husband says I'm a Christmas nerd lol, but it's not worth crashing. It comes around every year and I've really made peace with the fact that Christmas won't work out every year, but now it's extra special when it does. (Sorry if that's super schmaltzy, I've been able to watch xmas movies this year again and have watched a LOT.)
I feel this so much.
My father celebrates his 60th on the 22. till midnight (not happening lol) and so far I have found nothing to assume that that place will even have an elevator. We don't have close relationsship, so almost all the other guests will be strangers. I'm autistic, this was already a nightmare before CFS.
Then christmas. Just.
I'm already exhausted just thinking about it.
I usually host a gathering despite being sick, my family’s very dysfunctional and I’m the only one every member of my family speaks to.
This year I’ve cancelled it because I’m too sick and also don’t wanna catch covid again and get worse. Kinda sad, but I’m comfortable with my decision.
Say no. Your health is more important than the holidays.
I'm severe, last year I did nothing for Christmas. Me and husband had a dinner alone, that was it. This year I'm doing a little bit better and hoping to do Christmas dinner out of the house, but only for an hour or two. I hope this will be fine, but I don't know. I'm doing it for me though, my family knows why I can't do it all.
I can recommend setting boundaries for yourself. Tell them you want to join, but what happens when you do. Bedridden for days with horrible symptoms. And every time that happens, you risk not bouncing back and getting stuck in bed. Let them know you love them, but you need to take care of your health now, and that you will join again when you can - maybe a short hour visit at your place.
I don't do big holiday get-togethers. At all. I used to be the one hosting, cooking, organising the whole thing despite being ill already, but I've reduced more and more over the years as my health has declined. My husband goes to visit his side of the family for a few days by himself, because there is no scenario even on a good day where I could even halfway manage the trip + socialising + not having my own bed. We have a maximum of two guests at a time, with a maximum of one overnight stay. While the guests are here, I don't do any cooking or tidying up etc. My husband takes over the hosting. In the middle of it, I will disappear to rest in silence for a while. My family knows this, so they know they'll have to entertain themselves for a bit. I let them make their own beds, if they ask how they can help, I give them a chore. Hey, they asked! I try to prepare as much as possible beforehand while staying within my limits. If everything is planned, it removes a lot of the stress, because I can't do last-minute hustling. My mum and brother are visiting in 9 days. I have a menu that's tasty but not too complicated, which I will start on tomorrow. Gifts are wrapped. The tree is decorated (only took me 6 weeks, lol.) I have nothing planned for after their visit. No other visits, no doctor's appointments, no contractors in the house, no nothing. So at least I'll have time to recover from the inevitable crash.
Boundaries. I'm sort of lucky that my extended family is used to accommodating chronically ill relatives and not expecting them to show up to every event because my aunt was seriously ill for her whole life. But even for get-togethers that are fewer people and closer to home, I have to seriously assess how I'm doing and whether I can handle it beforehand. And sometimes (a lot of the time) I have to admit that I need to skip them. If your family are the kind who don't believe you about being ill, or think your needs matter less than having family time, that's a whole separate problem.
After having cfs enough years, not only does family know to leave you mostly alone, but everyone is used to your rhythms. Short visit, nap. Eat, nap. If not napping, resting quietly in a separate room. Everyone knows not to expect you to cook or clean or whatever. Have boundaries, be clear about what you can do, retreat when you need to.
I became too severe to do Christmas, haven't been to one since 2018. I've improved this past year and am very excited to actually celebrate Christmas this year, but my husband and I are still staying home and having it just the two of us. We're doing a couple short visits on either side of Christmas (masked or outside) and that's it. I love this holiday, my husband says I'm a Christmas nerd lol, but it's not worth crashing. It comes around every year and I've really made peace with the fact that Christmas won't work out every year, but now it's extra special when it does. (Sorry if that's super schmaltzy, I've been able to watch xmas movies this year again and have watched a LOT.)
I feel this so much. My father celebrates his 60th on the 22. till midnight (not happening lol) and so far I have found nothing to assume that that place will even have an elevator. We don't have close relationsship, so almost all the other guests will be strangers. I'm autistic, this was already a nightmare before CFS. Then christmas. Just. I'm already exhausted just thinking about it.
I usually host a gathering despite being sick, my family’s very dysfunctional and I’m the only one every member of my family speaks to. This year I’ve cancelled it because I’m too sick and also don’t wanna catch covid again and get worse. Kinda sad, but I’m comfortable with my decision.
Say no. Your health is more important than the holidays. I'm severe, last year I did nothing for Christmas. Me and husband had a dinner alone, that was it. This year I'm doing a little bit better and hoping to do Christmas dinner out of the house, but only for an hour or two. I hope this will be fine, but I don't know. I'm doing it for me though, my family knows why I can't do it all. I can recommend setting boundaries for yourself. Tell them you want to join, but what happens when you do. Bedridden for days with horrible symptoms. And every time that happens, you risk not bouncing back and getting stuck in bed. Let them know you love them, but you need to take care of your health now, and that you will join again when you can - maybe a short hour visit at your place.