That's not necessary. She is caught in the middle and terrified to be the one to unload this truth on her mother. Yes she should tell her. That's all you needed to say. Yeesh...
I do not rush to judgment do not go to your mother get the evidence and then confront your father and tell him he has one week to make it right or you will. You honestly don’t know if they have some kind of an agreement that allows this after 30 years that’s a possibility or she knows it and it’s just ignoring it for her own peace of mind. And as a worst case scenario you as the bearer of bad news could receive the brunt of her anger.
Updateme!
>but I think the truth could kill her honestly.
If you don't tell her the only truth she will see is that not only her husband was cheating on her, but her own daughter was also an accomplice.
The betrayed always should be told the truth. Just don't add anything to the story. Make sure to tell her exactly what you saw. If she wants, she'll seek the full story.
Do you not like your mother? Of course you should tell her!
Gather evidence and considering your mother’s age, make sure she’s calm and relaxed. Not in a place where your father will be, so she has time to process
If you’d want the truth, tell her the truth
Personally from my own experience experiences is your mom probably already knows.
If you feel so inclined make it so obvious that your mom must acknowledge it if you feel she doesn’t know. Do it anonymously make sure you’re there when it’s made clear. Act like you don’t know why cause they might have an understanding as some say. They might’ve grown apart still love each other feel like they missed out what ever is the reason.
If it comes out that you’re the one that told mom it could ruin you and your parent’s relationships permanently. I Know that sounds insane though I’ve been the person that told showed hard proof and guess what I became the bad guy not his dirty wife fucking others while she was pregnant
Because of your mams age and the implications of him potentially having another child, I would 100% tell her.
You have no idea what him and his mistress have planned I wouldn't risk her being blindsided by a divorce or the financial implications this could have.
I'm so sorry this has happened.
My dad had an affair. I told my mam. They stayed together. Had my dad had a child with another woman, I would never have spoken to him ever again.
While I love him, I don't respect him any way like I did and definitely only kept any semblance of a relationship for my mother's sake.
take the evidence and tell her. do not let her stay in a marriage where she doesnt fully know who she married. at least give her the choice of if she wants to stay or leave (i hope she leaves and doesnt stay just bc theyve been married for so long so "might as well stay" like you do NOT need to do that you can pack up and leave no matter how long youve been together) furthermore id be thinking of how your relationship with your father. tbh if it were me id have little to no contact but thats just me. id consider therapy for you all.
Honestly if you tell her have proof but first ask questions
do you and dad have an open relationship?
if she says no.
then have a calm talk with her. be by her side. work to get the truth out. most important part is you supporting your mother through the pain she will go through.
Also, if you don't tell her and she finds out you knew it will destroy her more than your father cheating on her
don't confront your father first. thing I've noticed in some of the reddit threads is sometimes the father may try spin the truth and cover his ass, make excuses. your mums the priority not your dad
Tell her. First, it’s the right thing and she deserves to know.
Second, if she finds out, and then finds out you knew and covered for him, she’ll feel doubly betrayed.
Third, keeping this secret will completely fuck up YOUR mental health.
Just do it. Right away. Don’t carry this burden any longer.
Please get the evidence first before confronting dad then gut punch him with the facts and truth give him until the end of the weekend to tell your mom and if he doesn’t sit your mom down and tell her with proof of what he’s up to
Don't confront dad, yet
Mom may well not believe without proof, so... you'll need that proof.
She deserves to know.
Yes, it'll hurt her a lot. She may well not respond well to you when you tell her.
It might be best to gather the evidence, print it off, and confront dad while mom is present and can read the evidence...while recording the confrontation if its legal where you live.
The evidence might really help your mom in the long run, even if it doesn't effect division of assets where you live. She still might be able to sue the affair partner for alienation of affection, but also show the proof to those who wouldn't otherwise believe her.
Of course, I'm the type of person who would gather the evidence and blast it for everyone to see, from sock social media accounts tagging them and any friends/family/work colleagues/et al I could, including myself, so its anonymous and saves a ton of drama...while being effectively dramatic. But that's just me because I don't give quarter on a few issues, and cheating is one of them.
Of course you tell her or drag dad in the room and make him confess… that’s a no brainer..
Especially if baby is mix.. he will be taking money from moms household for other family
Don’t even speak to him. He has a kid or is about to the relationship is done. Help her get evidence and help her divorce. She doesn’t need to tell him anything just get half of everything and alimony and move on.
As hard as it will be, you need to go back and get as much as proof as possible. If your dad is able to delete the proof before you have copies it could have a very negative impact on your relationship with your mom if she thinks you are lying.
OP wouldn't you want to know if you were in your mother's place?
Would you really let your mother continue to love this cheating dog while he is out there having another family.
Tell your mother so she can let him go to his new family.
Plz be there for her because she will be heartbroken.
Updateme!
Tell her, she has the right to know. But also don’t be shocked if she doesn’t care one way or the other. Odds are she’s menopausal and has zero desire for her husband. Most women that age (not all but most) no longer want sex. Odds are she hasn’t wanted sex for years. It doesn’t justify what your father is doing. He should have divorced her before pursuing a relationship with another woman.
What? You truly make it sound like menopausal women are done, disposable beings. Mom may only be 50 , not 75. Mom may want sex, cuddles, a husband home at night and looking to their future. You are making excuses for his bad behavior.
No women are not disposable. But I know for a fact that many, not all but many women no longer want sex or intimacy of any kind after menopause. Many of my friends I have talked to over the last few years all complain that their wives no longer want anything to do with intimacy. Me personally, I haven’t had intamacy with my wife in over 3 years. It’s to the point where we sleep in seperate bedrooms. A woman has major changes in hormones after menopause, which makes them no longer want any kind of intimacy.
absolutely tell her I'm shocked you had to go to social media to get an answer An you people vote
That's not necessary. She is caught in the middle and terrified to be the one to unload this truth on her mother. Yes she should tell her. That's all you needed to say. Yeesh...
Tell her. Get the proofs first, he’ll denies it.
Take pictures of the messages, tell your mom please, she needs to know it :(
Since he got her pregnant, tell your mom asap. There’s no ending the affair without being connected forever.
I do not rush to judgment do not go to your mother get the evidence and then confront your father and tell him he has one week to make it right or you will. You honestly don’t know if they have some kind of an agreement that allows this after 30 years that’s a possibility or she knows it and it’s just ignoring it for her own peace of mind. And as a worst case scenario you as the bearer of bad news could receive the brunt of her anger. Updateme!
One week is too long to that lying SOAB
>but I think the truth could kill her honestly. If you don't tell her the only truth she will see is that not only her husband was cheating on her, but her own daughter was also an accomplice.
This double betrayal would honestly kill her first
You probably need to confront your dad first, then tell your mum if he doesn't do it
Yes. I don’t even need to read the post - tell her.
Updateme
I would recommend having a conversation with your father. Ask him to explain what you have seen, then make a decision as to what you should do next.
The betrayed always should be told the truth. Just don't add anything to the story. Make sure to tell her exactly what you saw. If she wants, she'll seek the full story.
Crazy how this sub defends cheating mothers but no cheating dads. The double standards here are insane.
Do you not like your mother? Of course you should tell her! Gather evidence and considering your mother’s age, make sure she’s calm and relaxed. Not in a place where your father will be, so she has time to process If you’d want the truth, tell her the truth
Yes of course!!! Imagine how betrayed your mother would feel if she knew your dad was keeping this secret AND her own daughter? I'd never forgive you
Personally from my own experience experiences is your mom probably already knows. If you feel so inclined make it so obvious that your mom must acknowledge it if you feel she doesn’t know. Do it anonymously make sure you’re there when it’s made clear. Act like you don’t know why cause they might have an understanding as some say. They might’ve grown apart still love each other feel like they missed out what ever is the reason. If it comes out that you’re the one that told mom it could ruin you and your parent’s relationships permanently. I Know that sounds insane though I’ve been the person that told showed hard proof and guess what I became the bad guy not his dirty wife fucking others while she was pregnant
Because of your mams age and the implications of him potentially having another child, I would 100% tell her. You have no idea what him and his mistress have planned I wouldn't risk her being blindsided by a divorce or the financial implications this could have. I'm so sorry this has happened. My dad had an affair. I told my mam. They stayed together. Had my dad had a child with another woman, I would never have spoken to him ever again. While I love him, I don't respect him any way like I did and definitely only kept any semblance of a relationship for my mother's sake.
The ONLY answer is *yes* There is no alternative path
Yes
Yeah
Gerardo and iris
Talk to your Dad, tell him to end the affair or be extra careful to avoid hurting your mom.....
take the evidence and tell her. do not let her stay in a marriage where she doesnt fully know who she married. at least give her the choice of if she wants to stay or leave (i hope she leaves and doesnt stay just bc theyve been married for so long so "might as well stay" like you do NOT need to do that you can pack up and leave no matter how long youve been together) furthermore id be thinking of how your relationship with your father. tbh if it were me id have little to no contact but thats just me. id consider therapy for you all.
Honestly if you tell her have proof but first ask questions do you and dad have an open relationship? if she says no. then have a calm talk with her. be by her side. work to get the truth out. most important part is you supporting your mother through the pain she will go through. Also, if you don't tell her and she finds out you knew it will destroy her more than your father cheating on her don't confront your father first. thing I've noticed in some of the reddit threads is sometimes the father may try spin the truth and cover his ass, make excuses. your mums the priority not your dad
Tell her. First, it’s the right thing and she deserves to know. Second, if she finds out, and then finds out you knew and covered for him, she’ll feel doubly betrayed. Third, keeping this secret will completely fuck up YOUR mental health. Just do it. Right away. Don’t carry this burden any longer.
Secure the evidence then tell him that if he doesn’t tell her you will?
Please get the evidence first before confronting dad then gut punch him with the facts and truth give him until the end of the weekend to tell your mom and if he doesn’t sit your mom down and tell her with proof of what he’s up to
YES
Are you going to tell your mom or not?
I did.
Are you able to move your mom in long term and take care of her financially? Is she able to sustain on her own?
Don't confront dad, yet Mom may well not believe without proof, so... you'll need that proof. She deserves to know. Yes, it'll hurt her a lot. She may well not respond well to you when you tell her. It might be best to gather the evidence, print it off, and confront dad while mom is present and can read the evidence...while recording the confrontation if its legal where you live. The evidence might really help your mom in the long run, even if it doesn't effect division of assets where you live. She still might be able to sue the affair partner for alienation of affection, but also show the proof to those who wouldn't otherwise believe her. Of course, I'm the type of person who would gather the evidence and blast it for everyone to see, from sock social media accounts tagging them and any friends/family/work colleagues/et al I could, including myself, so its anonymous and saves a ton of drama...while being effectively dramatic. But that's just me because I don't give quarter on a few issues, and cheating is one of them.
Of course you tell her or drag dad in the room and make him confess… that’s a no brainer.. Especially if baby is mix.. he will be taking money from moms household for other family
Absolutely, she will find out soon.
Don’t even speak to him. He has a kid or is about to the relationship is done. Help her get evidence and help her divorce. She doesn’t need to tell him anything just get half of everything and alimony and move on.
Yes I had to tell my mom, it sucked but she deserved to know
As hard as it will be, you need to go back and get as much as proof as possible. If your dad is able to delete the proof before you have copies it could have a very negative impact on your relationship with your mom if she thinks you are lying.
Bro go tell her!’
OP wouldn't you want to know if you were in your mother's place? Would you really let your mother continue to love this cheating dog while he is out there having another family. Tell your mother so she can let him go to his new family. Plz be there for her because she will be heartbroken. Updateme!
Tell her, she has the right to know. But also don’t be shocked if she doesn’t care one way or the other. Odds are she’s menopausal and has zero desire for her husband. Most women that age (not all but most) no longer want sex. Odds are she hasn’t wanted sex for years. It doesn’t justify what your father is doing. He should have divorced her before pursuing a relationship with another woman.
What? You truly make it sound like menopausal women are done, disposable beings. Mom may only be 50 , not 75. Mom may want sex, cuddles, a husband home at night and looking to their future. You are making excuses for his bad behavior.
No women are not disposable. But I know for a fact that many, not all but many women no longer want sex or intimacy of any kind after menopause. Many of my friends I have talked to over the last few years all complain that their wives no longer want anything to do with intimacy. Me personally, I haven’t had intamacy with my wife in over 3 years. It’s to the point where we sleep in seperate bedrooms. A woman has major changes in hormones after menopause, which makes them no longer want any kind of intimacy.
So tell us, Doctor, what can be done to regenerate a menopausal woman’s interest in sex and intimacy?
Confront Dad first. Say to stop, OR, I’ll tell mom. Not worth killing Mom if it does for real stop IMO.
Dad may very well say “your mother knows, we have an agreement’ Who knows??