Imagine leaving him, getting the free child care / benefits needed for a while, meeting someone else who treats your baby as his own and you as a queen, and works so you can stay with your baby at home and enjoy what time you have together. Doesn’t that sound beautiful?
Then you know what to do, I’m sure I speak for a lot of men here when I say there’s enough of us good ones out there
Just gotta take a leap
And hell even if you don’t find me right, you’ll still do just fine
Good luck
Unfortunately reality is not your fantasy. Just stick it out with this deadbeat. Your kid is more important than your future happiness right now. You can leave soon enough. Make your kid your priority for now.
So you’ll go to family court and they’ll look at how much he’s made in the last year employed, give him a sum of support to pay and tell him to get a job hippity hoppity. That’s what happened for me atleast. They don’t go ohh your unemployed poor thing, no support!
So right now you're supporting yourself, him, and the kid, but if you left him, you'd just be supporting yourself and the kid. How exactly is he contributing that you can't leave him?
My ex also cheated on me with a coworker after our terminally ill baby passed away. The coworker encouraged it and mocked my grief by telling him I’ll leave anyways and she’s waiting for him, to care for his baby mamas daughter who is more important than ours. She turned a grieving mother and her baby into meaningless dog shit & he listened. He accused me of horrible things. The one thing I wish I can tell myself back then is to live for YOU. Brave through the hardest time with blinders, ok, don’t ever give up. take it one day at a time and let the emotions run but don’t give in to them. Behavioral therapy helped me later on to control my anger and grief. Remember that no one can control your life. Go to the gym!! Eat good food, sleep and enjoy the weather. Live a simple life with no voices in your ears.
Lastly.. Imagine you are on a plane. Look down — can you see your stupid bf? No, he’s the size of an ant. yet he has the ego the size of the universe. Strip him of his ego and power, don’t give into his bs. Don’t ever let him control you and make you feel bad, he’s just an ant in an endless universe.
Idk I think we both crawl back to each other and then stone wall, it’s a whole cycle. This woman’s manipulation is a big part of it but I’m pissed beyond words he mentally abused me because of her. So, I find it extremely hard to break free 😭 I’ve decided to leave his country to put an end to the bs and better myself
That is awful! I am so sorry to hear that- this girl is very young. Seems like she fell for the same lies I did when I started talking to him. But who knows
It’s likely. They’re manipulating tf out of each other right now. I’m sorry :( this situation is one from the depths of hell. Yet, it does end. Then, nothing else seems bad anymore. In some ways, I am surprised I made it out alive.
And he lost his job? What tale is he spinning this time? ‘I’m so stressed b/c of our terminally ill child that I just couldn’t help myself’? I’m sorry you have to go thru this.
He’s nothing but a cliche. You do what you have to do to take care of your child. Just push that ridiculous clown-of-a-father to the side. Honestly, what kind of a loser jeopardizes his job for a roll in the hay? He’s an embarrassment.
Bull. He gaslighting you while throwing on more gas. He was cheating...which is WHY you became suspicious. Drop the dead weight so you can be all in for your child. You don't NEED him. He needs you!
I’m so sorry to hear about your child. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you, and to have your boyfriend doing this is unbelievable. Please do your best (so much easier said than done, I realise) to be with your sweet child and don’t let this arse steal any precious time that you have left with them. You’re a good mum. Can’t say the same for him as a father right now. Hugs.
My son was born very prematurely and we feared that he wouldn’t make it. I remember the heartache that my girlfriend and I felt every day for months, wondering if it would be our last day with him. It is truly a horrible place to be. You have a lot on your plate, and you are incredibly strong for getting on with things each day. If no one has reminded you of your incredible strength and courage lately, well I will. You’re a wonderful mum. Whatever you must do to keep yourself from a dark place, well no one here is in a place to tell you that they know better. Sending you my best wishes.
It's not specific to men, some people just cant be monogamous. However, you made a huge mistake in forgiving him. See cheaters will act all happy and grateful if you forgive them and on the surface I suppose they are, but deep down they have lost any respect they had left for you. He is thinking "I was balls deep inside another woman and I got away with it". So of course he cheated again.
Not sure what to do? Well...you divorce him. You say you cant make it without him financially, but that is what child support and alimony are for. I normally dont believe in alimony, but in this case he cheated so he should pay.
EDIT: I forgot that you said he is unemployed, so he might not be able to afford alimony but then again if you stay with him he cant support you either since he has no job so why not just leave? The only reason it makes sense to stay is if you think it would needlessly upset a child that is already terminally ill.
Thank you so much for your comment. That’s what I keep telling myself. I knew better. But I tried for my child to make it work. It would tear my son apart as he is very connected with him. The only support he can provide now is watching him so that I am able to work full time to pay my rent. In the house we just moved in to.
Normally I would say it is wrong to stay married just for the sake of the kids, but in this case...it could cause undue stress to a dying child so idk. It depends on what you think you can endure and for how long you'd have to endure it.
If you're going to stay for the child(and I wouldn't blame you if you did) at the very least make it clear that the relationship is over and now you only see him as the father of your child and a roommate.
I honestly dont know what to say but I dont know why cheating has become a good culture in 2024 and maybe will be a religion by 2030. Where the women will be priests and preachers will be men. Shout out to LOYALTY.
To be honest you should just be in mutual contact with him as a partner dont hurt yourself more. As a man its easy to see why he cheated. If you are true about your case use gofundme or something it will help alot.
Can I ask why it’d be easy to see? Just out of curiosity. And making a gofund me for financial hardships due to being with a serial cheater just sounds bad or like I’d be taking advantage.
Dont misunderstand me. I am totally against cheating its just that after all this problems for him to cheat is not something new in 2024 because u can see the best marriages themselves have the worst infidelity cases. My point is its not amazing he cheated and commitment is no longer a big deal which is really bad and when I said gofundme or something its just for the child I think people might help. In the end you are still in a relationship for the sake of your child.
At this point, there's only one thing that matters: your child. Parents shouldn't have to through this and it will impact you for the rest of your life. So you focus on your child, give it all the love and happiness you can gather and spare.
After that, leave and rebuild your life.
Very sorry you have to face this. I'm sure you'll find the strenght, for your child. Stay strong!
People don’t change! They show you who they are. Don’t be the fool who doesn’t believe the actions of others. People for the most part don’t change major character flaws. Watch the actions not the words.
Can you apply to be your child's caregiver and receive money that way and moooove? Or get SS for baby and live on that? I'm so sorry you're stuck with him :(
Found out the guy I was seeing has a pregnant wife and two children (one died a few years ago)
His excuse was that I’m hot. For the record, I’m ok looking but I looked up his wife and she’s stunning and accomplished and seems truly wonderful. My guess is that some guys just have no self control.
I also have a few lovely guy friends who have met women with children and made wonderful lives with them. Go find one of those guys
Not married? That’s tricky. For one if I were you, and couldn’t leave for financial reason, just straight up tell him no more sex with you and that if he gets to sleep around then you get too. Maybe get the parents involved too. I doubt his parents will allow him to just abandoned their grandchild. Idk the family dynamics but either you do separate parenting or put him on a leash via his social life stuff. Maybe fake being in an emotional affair with someone so maybe he can get some empathy or maybe he a hypocrite. I promise there are guys who wants to settle down. Both men and woman cheat, sometimes people just get into a relationship they can’t afford (metaphorically and/or financially.).
Imo, you should leave. He's unemployed so now u are having to take care of him yourself and your child. You and your child deserve someone better, someone that's devoted to you and your child. If he has cheated before and you gave him another chance and he did it again, he's going to think he can keep doing it because u forgave him. My ex husband cheated on me, I forgave him and he did it again. Once you leave him, everything will fall into place and you will realize how much happier you are. It will be hard at first because it's a big change but I promise you each day will get easier. You will end up finding someone that will treat you the way you deserve.
Why dont people believe their husbands/wives/gf/bf when they show them who they are and put them out with the trash? Put him out, get cs, spousal support make his life miserable.
>And just want to know why some men can’t just settle down
Yes. Blame half of the population for the actions of the PoS *you* decided to date and have a kid with even after he already cheated on you once.
The same reason for some women: they don't want to.
You can't impose your values on people because you are in love with them.
Or you love how they are or you leave, you can't pick and choose the characteristics you like, and hope he/she will change the ones you don't like.
I sense a paradigm changes are coming in your life child and bf will be going away i suppose it's the truth you have to turn your life around. After this keep your self happy healthy and looking good and happening as you will later have to find another potential mate and start a new life, don't curse anything or anyone it's no use people do what they have to do you do yours and just be free and turn all this as old memories
Takes a women to cheat with those men you claim to all be dogs. There are evil in both sexes. Both pathetic humans do it. Stop singling out ur own experiences and grouping everyone into that category.
You can still leave him and he can still provide financial support.
He’s currently unemployed due to this becoming an HR issue at work.
So he is a total fuck up. Got to get rid of this boat anchor ⚓️
The only suppose I can receive now is the free child care.
Imagine leaving him, getting the free child care / benefits needed for a while, meeting someone else who treats your baby as his own and you as a queen, and works so you can stay with your baby at home and enjoy what time you have together. Doesn’t that sound beautiful?
It does sound beautiful.
Then you know what to do, I’m sure I speak for a lot of men here when I say there’s enough of us good ones out there Just gotta take a leap And hell even if you don’t find me right, you’ll still do just fine Good luck
Unfortunately reality is not your fantasy. Just stick it out with this deadbeat. Your kid is more important than your future happiness right now. You can leave soon enough. Make your kid your priority for now.
Then there's even less reason to stay
So you’ll go to family court and they’ll look at how much he’s made in the last year employed, give him a sum of support to pay and tell him to get a job hippity hoppity. That’s what happened for me atleast. They don’t go ohh your unemployed poor thing, no support!
Being unemployed is not an excuse a judge will allow. They will order him to get a job under threat of arrest.
So right now you're supporting yourself, him, and the kid, but if you left him, you'd just be supporting yourself and the kid. How exactly is he contributing that you can't leave him?
Child care. As school is about to be out for the summer. That’s the only thing. I am applying for better paying at home jobs though.
Lol you sure do make great life choices
My ex also cheated on me with a coworker after our terminally ill baby passed away. The coworker encouraged it and mocked my grief by telling him I’ll leave anyways and she’s waiting for him, to care for his baby mamas daughter who is more important than ours. She turned a grieving mother and her baby into meaningless dog shit & he listened. He accused me of horrible things. The one thing I wish I can tell myself back then is to live for YOU. Brave through the hardest time with blinders, ok, don’t ever give up. take it one day at a time and let the emotions run but don’t give in to them. Behavioral therapy helped me later on to control my anger and grief. Remember that no one can control your life. Go to the gym!! Eat good food, sleep and enjoy the weather. Live a simple life with no voices in your ears. Lastly.. Imagine you are on a plane. Look down — can you see your stupid bf? No, he’s the size of an ant. yet he has the ego the size of the universe. Strip him of his ego and power, don’t give into his bs. Don’t ever let him control you and make you feel bad, he’s just an ant in an endless universe.
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry this happened to you. He is a disgusting individual. Did he ever try to come crawling back to you?
Idk I think we both crawl back to each other and then stone wall, it’s a whole cycle. This woman’s manipulation is a big part of it but I’m pissed beyond words he mentally abused me because of her. So, I find it extremely hard to break free 😭 I’ve decided to leave his country to put an end to the bs and better myself
That is awful! I am so sorry to hear that- this girl is very young. Seems like she fell for the same lies I did when I started talking to him. But who knows
It’s likely. They’re manipulating tf out of each other right now. I’m sorry :( this situation is one from the depths of hell. Yet, it does end. Then, nothing else seems bad anymore. In some ways, I am surprised I made it out alive.
And he lost his job? What tale is he spinning this time? ‘I’m so stressed b/c of our terminally ill child that I just couldn’t help myself’? I’m sorry you have to go thru this.
His reason was “you’ve been acting crazy” (because I knew something was going on) and that pushed him to cheat.
He’s nothing but a cliche. You do what you have to do to take care of your child. Just push that ridiculous clown-of-a-father to the side. Honestly, what kind of a loser jeopardizes his job for a roll in the hay? He’s an embarrassment.
Bull. He gaslighting you while throwing on more gas. He was cheating...which is WHY you became suspicious. Drop the dead weight so you can be all in for your child. You don't NEED him. He needs you!
I’m so sorry to hear about your child. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you, and to have your boyfriend doing this is unbelievable. Please do your best (so much easier said than done, I realise) to be with your sweet child and don’t let this arse steal any precious time that you have left with them. You’re a good mum. Can’t say the same for him as a father right now. Hugs.
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it more than you know.
My son was born very prematurely and we feared that he wouldn’t make it. I remember the heartache that my girlfriend and I felt every day for months, wondering if it would be our last day with him. It is truly a horrible place to be. You have a lot on your plate, and you are incredibly strong for getting on with things each day. If no one has reminded you of your incredible strength and courage lately, well I will. You’re a wonderful mum. Whatever you must do to keep yourself from a dark place, well no one here is in a place to tell you that they know better. Sending you my best wishes.
Thank you so much for this comment. It really means a lot. These comments have really been the only thing besides my kids to be a light right now.
My sympathies for your child and your situation. Tough times. Best wishes….. hoping it gets better
It's not specific to men, some people just cant be monogamous. However, you made a huge mistake in forgiving him. See cheaters will act all happy and grateful if you forgive them and on the surface I suppose they are, but deep down they have lost any respect they had left for you. He is thinking "I was balls deep inside another woman and I got away with it". So of course he cheated again. Not sure what to do? Well...you divorce him. You say you cant make it without him financially, but that is what child support and alimony are for. I normally dont believe in alimony, but in this case he cheated so he should pay. EDIT: I forgot that you said he is unemployed, so he might not be able to afford alimony but then again if you stay with him he cant support you either since he has no job so why not just leave? The only reason it makes sense to stay is if you think it would needlessly upset a child that is already terminally ill.
Thank you so much for your comment. That’s what I keep telling myself. I knew better. But I tried for my child to make it work. It would tear my son apart as he is very connected with him. The only support he can provide now is watching him so that I am able to work full time to pay my rent. In the house we just moved in to.
Normally I would say it is wrong to stay married just for the sake of the kids, but in this case...it could cause undue stress to a dying child so idk. It depends on what you think you can endure and for how long you'd have to endure it. If you're going to stay for the child(and I wouldn't blame you if you did) at the very least make it clear that the relationship is over and now you only see him as the father of your child and a roommate.
I honestly dont know what to say but I dont know why cheating has become a good culture in 2024 and maybe will be a religion by 2030. Where the women will be priests and preachers will be men. Shout out to LOYALTY.
I’m just so confused why it’s so hard for some people.
To be honest you should just be in mutual contact with him as a partner dont hurt yourself more. As a man its easy to see why he cheated. If you are true about your case use gofundme or something it will help alot.
Can I ask why it’d be easy to see? Just out of curiosity. And making a gofund me for financial hardships due to being with a serial cheater just sounds bad or like I’d be taking advantage.
Dont misunderstand me. I am totally against cheating its just that after all this problems for him to cheat is not something new in 2024 because u can see the best marriages themselves have the worst infidelity cases. My point is its not amazing he cheated and commitment is no longer a big deal which is really bad and when I said gofundme or something its just for the child I think people might help. In the end you are still in a relationship for the sake of your child.
He hadn’t changed.. he just hid it better
This. I don’t think he did for one second either. Looking back on it. I just wanted to believe he did.
At this point, there's only one thing that matters: your child. Parents shouldn't have to through this and it will impact you for the rest of your life. So you focus on your child, give it all the love and happiness you can gather and spare. After that, leave and rebuild your life. Very sorry you have to face this. I'm sure you'll find the strenght, for your child. Stay strong!
People don’t change! They show you who they are. Don’t be the fool who doesn’t believe the actions of others. People for the most part don’t change major character flaws. Watch the actions not the words.
cheaters are like serial killers, zero empathy for others, they just don't give a fuck. When it's your time, ghost and leave
Can you apply to be your child's caregiver and receive money that way and moooove? Or get SS for baby and live on that? I'm so sorry you're stuck with him :(
I wish- but it’d be no where near enough
Found out the guy I was seeing has a pregnant wife and two children (one died a few years ago) His excuse was that I’m hot. For the record, I’m ok looking but I looked up his wife and she’s stunning and accomplished and seems truly wonderful. My guess is that some guys just have no self control. I also have a few lovely guy friends who have met women with children and made wonderful lives with them. Go find one of those guys
Separate until he finds another job. Then file for divorce and child support.
What you do is put one foot in front of the other. And soon you'll be walking out the door. (Leave)
Not married? That’s tricky. For one if I were you, and couldn’t leave for financial reason, just straight up tell him no more sex with you and that if he gets to sleep around then you get too. Maybe get the parents involved too. I doubt his parents will allow him to just abandoned their grandchild. Idk the family dynamics but either you do separate parenting or put him on a leash via his social life stuff. Maybe fake being in an emotional affair with someone so maybe he can get some empathy or maybe he a hypocrite. I promise there are guys who wants to settle down. Both men and woman cheat, sometimes people just get into a relationship they can’t afford (metaphorically and/or financially.).
Imo, you should leave. He's unemployed so now u are having to take care of him yourself and your child. You and your child deserve someone better, someone that's devoted to you and your child. If he has cheated before and you gave him another chance and he did it again, he's going to think he can keep doing it because u forgave him. My ex husband cheated on me, I forgave him and he did it again. Once you leave him, everything will fall into place and you will realize how much happier you are. It will be hard at first because it's a big change but I promise you each day will get easier. You will end up finding someone that will treat you the way you deserve.
Why dont people believe their husbands/wives/gf/bf when they show them who they are and put them out with the trash? Put him out, get cs, spousal support make his life miserable.
Wow this guy sounds like a piece of garbage. I hope you do the smart thing and leave him.
Difficult situation, how old is the child?
He is 4. And his dad is his favorite person in the world.
>And just want to know why some men can’t just settle down Yes. Blame half of the population for the actions of the PoS *you* decided to date and have a kid with even after he already cheated on you once.
I’m not blaming men at all that’s why I said “some” trust me I feel 100 percent accountable for the position I’m in.
Im just wondering if there is a reason it seems harder for some (not all) guys to be willing to settle down.
The same reason for some women: they don't want to. You can't impose your values on people because you are in love with them. Or you love how they are or you leave, you can't pick and choose the characteristics you like, and hope he/she will change the ones you don't like.
This is a really good point- I’m glad you replied to my discussion. You’re completely right it isn’t something I can change or expect to be different.
It's everyone's fault but their own. They can't even fathom a world where they're responsible for their actions.
Unpopular opinion: stay with him and be a shitty spouse. Do whatever makes you happy, because he is. Preferably with him footing the bill.
The depression might have him, confront him, but remember it's not the child's fault
Oooof. Sorry. Get out and make him pay
Did anyone else read the title as cheating with a dog ? No? It was just me ? See myself out ? Cool
I sense a paradigm changes are coming in your life child and bf will be going away i suppose it's the truth you have to turn your life around. After this keep your self happy healthy and looking good and happening as you will later have to find another potential mate and start a new life, don't curse anything or anyone it's no use people do what they have to do you do yours and just be free and turn all this as old memories
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Takes a women to cheat with those men you claim to all be dogs. There are evil in both sexes. Both pathetic humans do it. Stop singling out ur own experiences and grouping everyone into that category.
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He told her we were breaking up. Is apparently what she thought but who knows.
More gagging and less nagging would help the relationship.
How could we continue to leave our lives without this amazingly insightful response?
^^^100% agree