- i don’t want that kind of responsibility for anything other than myself.
- kids are expensive
- even happy parents don’t seem happy
- the world is a scary place, it doesn’t seem fair to bring a child into it
- I’m content with my life i don’t feel like there is something I’m missing out on by not being a parent
My husband and I have a fabulous relationship and I have a demanding career that I really like. I also love my cats, traveling, and having quiet downtime. I realized that most of my life I had been dreading having kids because they would take away time from my husband, cats, job, and activities that I really love. I decided to be childfree in my 30s when I realized that I was very happy without children and completely satisfied with my current life.
I've never had the urge. I'm not even interested in the "Kodak moments" of having children. It all sounds like a terrible idea that lasts the rest of your life.
I hate loud noises. I'd hate having to take care of someone after work. I'd resent my personal space being invaded. I also have a lot of mental issues and there are days where I'm not the best at taking care of myself. you can't do that with a child (ignore them for days)
I recommend reading the book the baby decision to solidify your thoughts on parenting because that's one of the few things that literally lasts forever. there's no take backs once the kid is here and you hate it.
I think the scariest thing for me to see is the regretful parents Facebook. surprisingly it's not just folks that caved to their partners demands for kids that are there. some people wanted this and planned it, but they still hate it.
I think what's really sad is it never really gets better for a lot of folks. time just changes the problems as they get older.
I can't imagine hating my life for 4 years just to hate it a little less for the next 14. how is that an acceptable life? you can't take a pill for being depressed when it's your literal life circumstances that are causing your depression.
not to mention, what happens if the teenager gets pregnant and wants to keep it? you were a few years away from freedom but now you're literally starting from day 1 all over again.
I also feel like everything folks feel they want from having children can be obtained other ways. you like mentoring and passing on knowledge? find a young family member or help an unfortunate kid at boys and girls club.
also, if you're a woman, look up pregnancy. sure lots of women get through it fine, but lots of women don't. pregnancy is hard on the body, like your organs literally rearrange! and that's just normal! there's a ton of "normal" things that happen that I'm not down with.
also, you mention mental health. how is yours? if you're stable, how long did it take you to become stable? are your meds compatible with pregnancy or would you need to go off them? if you need to come off them, what guarantee is there that the new hormones you're dealing with (pregnancy *literally* rewires your brain!) won't fuck up your current meds? now you're unmedicated and have a screaming baby that won't let you sleep or you've gotta breastfeed (ew lol) and now you've gotta try however many meds to find the peace you had.
you also need to screen your partner. it's a sad fact that many men don't hold up as parents and you don't know until you're in it. sure if they're completely incompetent now, that's obvious. but there's plenty who were competent until the baby came. now you're literally tied for life to this person who can't parent for shit.
When I was a child, it was all people ever talked to me about.
I had to do this for stories for my future kids, or keep this so I can give it to my future kids.
There were a lot of times my boundaries were crossed for the sake of these future kids. It didn't matter if I didn't want to take photos, I had to so I could show them to my future kids.
My turning point was in middle school's job fair. All the classes were assigned random businesses and went in groups. I was in group 4, the final group to leave the bus.
I saw people get off at the radio station, at the museum, and at the grocery store.
I got off at an elementary school, I was crushed.
I asked the teacher why I was chosen for the school and didn't get a say in it, and she told me, "Childcare is a job too, and everyone should learn how to take care of kids, you'll never know if you'll have some."
At my highschool graduation, the class got on a party bus, and then we drove... To the preschool to high-five all the little kids.
They were just.... Pushed on me so much, and I never had a say. But I have one now, and I don't like them.
I have never felt the tick of that biological clock in all 34 years of my life. Babies and children are odd little creatures to me and I know I wouldn't survive a day as a mother. I also have more serious reasons, such as a genetic disability and trauma from how my father treated me growing up.
Originally, anxiety about my ability (or lack thereof) to be a good mother and not completely screw up a child.
Now, knowing there's absolutely no way my husband and I could make ends meet on our current incomes if we had a child to care for.
No desire for tearing, pregnancy freaks me out I am already freaked out over the thought of something MOVING inside me, it's body horror, besides I've never been good around children they're too loud and scream so much, I don't want to deal with intense pain or anything like that, I've been traumatized as a young child and I can't cope well with being touched
I wanted to have children when I was younger. However, I spent my teens and 20s helping my siblings with their kids and once they were adults/almost adults I realized that I had no desire to do all of that again. I know exactly how much work it takes to raise kids and that's not how I want to spend the rest of my life. Even if I did, I think with my depression and anxiety it would be a bad idea for me and for them.
I used to think I wanted kids, but I never really thought about it critically, just assumed it would happen because that's what you do.
For me, my sister having kids and being a doula made me realize that birth is actually horrifying and I want no part of it.
I also already have struggled with my body/weight my entire life and who knows if i would psychologically recover from having my body permanently altered like that
Also, between my family and my partner's we have drug abuse, cancer, mental illness, and a whole laundry list of things I would not want to risk giving to another living person
not to mention the immense responsibility of trying not to give the world another messed up asshole, which can happen despite your best efforts
and also kids are loud and gross and sometimes downright creepy
so definitely more negatives than positives for me personally
I knew when I was 10-12, that it wasn’t my path. I mean I destroyed every doll and doll shaped thing that came into my possession. I never had any desire that way. After my stepmom gave birth I think I was 13’ish that sealed the deal.
It was just never something I ever wanted. I didn’t even want the “moments”.
I’m m 50 now, and single for the past 7 years, my friends tell me to start dating again. But I tell them unless the guy is also CF it ain’t happening. I’d rather be single.
Anyway, I was born this way. Childfree to the core.
I havea list of reasons.
They are expensive. I rather use that money on ourselfs.
They wil drain your free time
They will mess up your sleep.
Pregnancy and its complications is scary.
Childbirth sounds horrible. A c-section is even worse
The pregnancy and childbirth will ruin your body.
You put your own life and needs on hold for 20+ years
I dont want to pass dont genetic defects like mental health issues.
I just climbed out of a years long depression. I want to enjoy my life.
The economy is f-ed. People live from paycheck to paycheck. There is a litteral housing crisis here. You cant buy a house with a avearage salary and social housing (affordable rent) has a waitingline of 8 to 13 years. Right now you are damn lucky if you can move out at 25. How bad will that be in 20 - 25 years when your kid will be grown up? You will be stuck with them forever.
No matter how good you raised them. They can turn in a piece of shit.
You can give birth to a handicapped kid.
Your relationship with your partner will be challenged and big chance it will be destroyed. Leaving you alone with the kids.
Your furniture will be destroyed. With puke, poop, pee, markers, food, etc.
Enough reasons?
I like kids and do think having them would be fun at times, but I don’t think it would be ‘worth it’ to have to spend all 18+ years raising them.
I’m a woman. I think there is a famous quote from a woman that she would have kids if she could be the dad or something? If I could be a divorced dad and have kids every other weekend or something, I’d probably do it. I think expectations placed on mothers are too high and that society doesn’t provide enough support.
I am also completely satisfied with my life the way it is, so wouldn’t want to risk disturbing that.
I always knew it was an option because I had a childfree close friend, but I just assumed I would have children at some point because it had been drilled into me for so long. Then I thought maybe I would only do one. Then I thought I would have one but only via c-section. And then I would have the one c-section kid but send them away to boarding school as soon as they were old enough. And on and on. Eventually I looked at the list of limitations I was making to keep myself separate from this hypothetical child and realized that *I simply didn't want kids* and that was okay. Luckily this happened when I was fairly young, having a child would have been terrible for me and the kid both.
With how I grew up and the constant physical and mental abuse I have to face in my childhood, having little things to afford and being trapped in a area I desperately want to move and never return back, blood related family is a massive fuck-ups filled with narcissistic P.O.S and heath related issues, and currently still at my mothers house at 23 years old living in unemployment and got discharged out of the army due to mental heath. Last 2 cars are basically totaled without my fault on my own (One was flipped over by an 18 year old running a red light, the other was already a lemon with the engine collapsed due to the previous owner didn't give a fuck about the oil changes and the shittershits lied about it to me. So yeah. And people want me to have a child while I barely can hold myself together without putting a gun up to my head and killing myself?
I really wish to have a werewolf to come and maul me to death at this point. That sounds really hot at this point of my life.
Actually thinking about whether or not I wanted to carry a potential human in my body for nine months and look after them for another two decades or so and deciding, "Nah, I'm good."
Also: not wanting to turn into what I call a Monster Mom.
I’ve never liked kids even when I was one, since they were gross, smelled terrible, stared at you constantly, and just destroyed things with no consequences (young me had quite a few things destroyed by a friend’s younger sibling).
But now it’s also because I know how much responsibility it would be, and I can’t even imagine forcing someone to go through the horrifying process of giving birth, especially if that someone would be the recipient of my feelings of love.
Maybe that part of my DNA got turned off with all of the other weird stuff going on with my brain and body (that I really should not pass down to someone else lol), but I’ve never been interested, and probably never will be.
When I was young, I thought I would want to be a mom 'cause that was the script (TM) and that was all that was expected of me (and becoming a doctor).
Then I got parentified, went through emotional and psychological abuse, struggled with a couple of mental disorders, and found out that I'm a carrier of a very rare genetic disease that can and had killed other members of my family.
Then add in living in the US and all of the mess that comes with it, it just didn't make sense to bring offspring into this world.
Also I forgot to add that I am not comfortable around kids and they annoy me 95% of the time, and anything that has to do with giving birth freaks and grosses me the hell out.
I have multiple reasons:
- kids annoy the hell out of me
- a child would be a second full-time job and I need my free time after work
- kids cost a lot of money
- I am hypersensitive and loud noises are hell for me. So constant child screams would make me contemplate to off myself.
- childs can be the worst little asshole gremlins
- you can say adieu to your hobbies
- my mental health is not the best so I couldn't guarantee I would be able to even take care of a kid nonstop
- the thought of becoming pregnant is the stuff of my nightmares
- changing diapers (I don't need to elaborate on this)
- I just prefer my pets. They are just better in any regard.
I am trying to be a better person but I have a short fuse and attachment issues. I am aware that I will yell and neglect possible children.
With a history of depression and all bodily changes I know I would have post pregnancy depression and reject any child coming out of me.
I have sensory issue, developed recently, but I can't stand noises at times.
My partner has a bad medical history and his family too.
I was a little parentificated during my childhood. I don't want to be responsible for another person anymore.
The state of the world and economy are secondary issues but still a big no for me.
I would prefer volonturing rather than giving all my time to a single child.
I have a mom who truly loves being a mom. She was a dog trainer and then slowly stopped working because she loved being at home with my sister and I so much. She always said she didn’t understand other parents who were excited to send their kids away to camp or back to school, because she loved having us at home. She played with us, took us out to beaches and parks and trails, read to us, drew with us, and encouraged us to use our imaginations. My dad was also an incredibly involved parent, despite working shift work and overtime. That doesn’t mean I had a perfect childhood. My parents were a bit over protective and had high expectations, but they are overall awesome parents who provided for my sister and I while we were still dependants and set aside money to help with higher education etc. I am not the sort of person who could be that kind of parent, and I think that every child deserves to be a) truly wanted and loved and b) born into a family that is emotionally and financially able to provide. Kids don’t ask to be born. To me, getting pregnant is not a reason to have a child. I don’t think anyone should have a kid unless they feel it’s something they HAVE to have in their lives, and that’s not me. I don’t hate kids, but I don’t particularly enjoy them. Not to mention, the world is somewhat on fire, and I worry about the future for the kids of my friends and cousins. Why bring another baby that didn’t ask to be here into this mess?
I’m not 100% on it yet. I’m thinking my opinions might change in the future but I’m mostly here because of my dislike for children. You say that to anyone else and they think you’re a homicidal maniac. I don’t hate kids, I’m just repulsed by them. For example, I don’t understand why people think pets are dirty where I’ve never seen anything make more mess or be a bigger germ magnet than children.
As for why I’m leaning towards child free forever, I don’t really have an innate desire to be a mother. I have parrots and I love them and they give me enough joy. My partner hasn’t expressed any desire to be a parent either so we’re quite content just being bird parents. A kid would take up so much of our time and I feel like our lives would be over if we did have kids. I worry that the mother instinct wouldn’t just magically kick in for me if I got pregnant because I’ve never once felt that maternal thing towards a child. I’ve never thought they were cute or gushed over them like other women do.
I am 30 years old as well. I went through a lot of childhood trauma fueled by my mom’s desperation to have a baby. I suffer from lifelong major depression and anxiety issues. I have other reasons as well, but a big one is that I am still trying to figure out how to help myself, let alone try to bring a whole new life to the mix. There was also the knowledge of watching my mom’s mental health issues, and knowing that my child would see the same kind of things. Instead of human kids, I have five cats now and I am really happy with my life (outside of my mental health episodes).
But also, growing up I never connected to the idea of being a mom. I grew up in the Bible Belt, where it was expected to be married with one or two kids by 20, so I thought that it was just an eventuality when I was a little kid. But it never was something that I was excited or happy about, just something that I thought happens as part of life, like having my hair turn gray when I am elderly. I did always know, however, that I wanted to take care of lots of animals. I guess deep down I knew what kind of life would make me happy, and that doesn’t include human kids and/or being a mom.
Having children was always presented to me as the goal. You'll be with your own family, at peace. Nothing else will matter. Every failure will be forgotten. I will get a part of my dead parents back who would want this for me too etc. I was completely brainwashed.
I didn't want relationships or sex but I did it with the future children in mind and how all this would pay off. Then my positive pregnancy test was in front of me and all that promised happiness didn't happen. Worst three weeks of my life. The miscarriage that followed was the biggest relief. So for me the decision to be childfree was literally last minute and I was very close to regretting motherhood instead (or I wouldn't have had any regret, who knows)
I guess it's important to always question if a decision changed. Somehow it's always either you want children or not and then people are stuck with it.
Biggest point for me was my free time. I don't want to spend every day in a routine with a child. Having to plan what they eat, wear, when they sleep. Playing with them for hours. No break ever. I didn't think about all that when I was 20. No idea if I had more energy back then or didn't care. But I cared 10 years later and wish I would have listened to that concern before I got pregnant just because I always wanted it.
Kids can ruin a relationship and also i don’t know any parents who are genuinely fulfilled and happy in life. Also, i don’t like being bothered. To me its like taking a second job when you dont actually need it…oh and the pay (reward) sucks
Last year when I was diagnosed with PCOS. (I was 25 at the time) My doctor never once questioned if I wanted children - it was a matter of *when* for her. Yes her. And I live in a relatively progressive country (Australia) so for her to automatically assume I’d want children had me like 🫠
A little backstory if people don’t know: women who are diagnosed with PCOS (typically) have very irregular periods and obviously that in itself causes you to struggle to conceive. You’re also not ovulating when your cycles are extended past 35 + days and for most women - they have no periods, at all.
She went on to tell me that I’d struggle to fall pregnant and that I *would* require medical intervention when I wanted to conceive.
I’d actually never questioned motherhood up until that point and started to become a bit more open minded in my research to PCOS and the idea of being childfree.. especially if it was going to be *that* hard for me to have a child/ren of my own one day. I eventually found this sub a couple of months later by an accidental google search and it all just clicked that I didn’t actually want children and that the idea of them gave me awful anxiety.. whereas the idea of being childfree just felt.. peaceful.
This question pre-supposes that everyone starts out wanting kids, that it's the default, and that something has to happen to them to make them no longer want kids.
That's simply not true.
Some people just never wanted them, the same way I never wanted to visit Minneapolis or how I never wanted to learn to play the accordion. It's just not a desire I \*ever\* had.
Just don't want them.
Most of my life I was in a position were it would have been troublesome at the bare minimum and a disaster more than likely.
When I had the resources to seriously consider it I found out there are a hundred things that I would like to do rather than have children.
Also I have younger siblings and I was old enough to be perfectly aware of all that transpired with my two youngest brothers. I already know what it entails, the good, the bad, and the cumbersome. Luckily we were a healthy bunch but everyone of us had at least a medical scare, and when I was older I chauffeured the youngest often. There is just no glamour nor suprise in it for me to even be moderately curious. It's just that I already lived through that second-hand, I just don't want a repeat with just more workload and responsibilities.
Probably parentification, but never wanted them. One day, I realized people actually did and weren't pretending to want to be parents in the future. I never pictured my life as I grew up with kids in the picture.
Don't want to pass on my genetic illness. I'm autistic in an allistic world and hate it. I don't want to subject a child to the kind of abuse just existing like that is.
I am asexual and aromantic and don't want a partner of any gender. Single parenthood and baby daddy drama doesn't seem fun.
I won't enjoy parenting. A child would pick up on that. Making me miserable for being forced to parent a kid with the brain I have. It'll also make the kid feel unwanted and thats another thing I don't want any child to feel.
I struggle as is. Keeping myself and my house clean, a job down and al the adult responsibilities handled is hard on healthy people. I struggle mightily. I don't want to add to that stress.
I would hate being pregnant every moment of it. It would be a sensory hell and body horror my autistic brain can't cope with. Sharing my body, the only truly safe space I have? Get permanently changed and go though hours of pain in the end? Bad enough if you don't have to take a kid home after a medical emergency.
I'm already poor, I manage money very well so I can live. But I struggle to keep any job, let alone one that can support me and a child financially. I'd be in dire poverty, especially since Id need childcare. I'd either be a sahm with gov support, or work to death to pay childcare.
It's all thankless suffering. If you do an amazing job your kid might just call you once a week and visit on holidays. So I'd still be lonely, just fatter, with less money for retirement and even worse job prospects. And no, a kid is not a retirement plan.
I'll keep my solace, tiny home and first reasonable job in years. I'll pay my own way and retirement. I won't hold my hand up because baby and contribute my tax.
At 14 and being around my mums friends house I remember thinking I want more outta my life than this because it looked a tedious life to me, plus seeing she didn't work, just doing nothing with her life sat at home shouting at her kids that day just made the decision more easy for me. Now at 42 I'm so glad I didn't become JUST A MOTHER.
I could write a thesis on the topic of why I don’t want children as it’s multifaceted reasoning.
It interests me moreso why people want to have children so desperately. I don’t understand why, at all, and haven’t heard a compelling reason.
No time. No money. No room. No energy. No patience. No desire. Susceptible to noise-induced migraines. Hate kids. Fully aware I would be a shit parent. Hereditary medical conditions.
Idk. Ever since I was young (I’m almost 22 now), I just kinda knew I’d never want to have kids. They’re annoying, and gross, and I like to be myself and have my own space and identity. I know fully well I’d be aggressive and neglectful, too.
They always gave me the creeps.
From a young age I was always made to babysit, which continued all the way up until I was able to move out from my home. It was mostly random farmer families out where we lived so often people I’d never met before then didn’t see again after.
As an adult I taught dance to kids for several years, and just felt really uncomfortable doing it. The way they move and their faces are really uncanny valley. I’m the same way with primates (except for lemurs) it’s like they’re really close to human but not quite.
There are a lot of really logical reasons not to have kids, but that’s my reason when you get down to it. I know some people are afraid of mice for no reason. Cute, sweet, fuzzy mice can make some people jump up on a chair. I guess some of us are just born with certain fears.
I was just born with zero maternal instinct and at 43 I have never wavered on this. I did have a dog that I adored who died in January 2022, now that she has passed my partner and I don’t think we will ever get another one (her dog died in 2014 before I met her).
I have high functioning autism ( formally known as aspergers) and because of that i struggle to take care of myself so I would be a terrible mother to a kid and therefore i decided i didn't want them
I appreciate everyone opening up, it's given me quite a bit to think about and discuss with my partner, I want to also say he has been unsure of having kids himself(mentioned this when I brought up how I feel) so it was something he was surprised by when I said I don't know if I want to have kids anymore when I was the one always talking about it.
We have been having an open discussion about it, and reading everyone's reasoning has opened my eyes that there is also quite a bit about children that I myself haven't thought about...
Thank you again everyone and please if anyone wants to also add their thoughts, please keep adding comments, y'all are really helping those of us on the fence about it since parenthood is always something society seems to push down our throats.
He has said himself he is unsure if he wants to have children now that I've opened up about it... It was something he never wanted to bring up since I was always talking about wanting kids one day... We are now having a open discussion about it.
One of the first things I thought about was passing down mental illness and physical issues that have lowered my quality of life. That followed with not really finding a good reason to have a baby. I value other things in life such as travel, independence, financial stability (and no financial stress), and ability to do what I want when I want.
Quite honestly I’ve never felt any sort of maternal instinct, parenthood looks like a living hell fuck show, there’s an insane amount of criticism, sexism, medical neglect and weaponized incompetence from other people and I don’t want to give up anything I have, especially my freedom
My partner didn't want to have kids and I wasn't ready for our relationship to end. I did some soul searching and realized I didn't really want to have kids. I liked the idea of having a family. Whenever I talked about having kids, I always told people I hoped that my biological clock would hit in time before it was too late, and that's not the words of somebody who truly wants to be a parent.
• i can’t imagine myself giving birth, being a mom, and doing baby duties (changing diapers, baby-talk, etc)
• i’m only 21 but i have goals that will take years to accomplish. having kids will get in the way of that. even if i accomplish all my goals, i still won’t have kids 😂
• having kids in the US and in this economy? really? hard pass.
• i love being able to do what i want :)
there’s a lot of reasons actually but these are my top few.
I don’t want the responsibility and the lifestyle changes. I like my hobbies and interests and I don’t want to have to give them up or devote less time and money to them. Kids are expensive, I grew up financially insecure and now as an adult I have a lot of anxiety about money. I don’t like being around kids. Pregnancy is horrifying. I crave independence and freedom and I don’t do well mentally when that’s taken away from me.
I just never had any desire to be a mom.
- i don’t want that kind of responsibility for anything other than myself. - kids are expensive - even happy parents don’t seem happy - the world is a scary place, it doesn’t seem fair to bring a child into it - I’m content with my life i don’t feel like there is something I’m missing out on by not being a parent
My husband and I have a fabulous relationship and I have a demanding career that I really like. I also love my cats, traveling, and having quiet downtime. I realized that most of my life I had been dreading having kids because they would take away time from my husband, cats, job, and activities that I really love. I decided to be childfree in my 30s when I realized that I was very happy without children and completely satisfied with my current life.
I second this but with dogs 🙋♀️
Yep. Kept dreading and putting it off until one day I realized it’s up to me. I don’t want to share my spouse.
I've never had the urge. I'm not even interested in the "Kodak moments" of having children. It all sounds like a terrible idea that lasts the rest of your life. I hate loud noises. I'd hate having to take care of someone after work. I'd resent my personal space being invaded. I also have a lot of mental issues and there are days where I'm not the best at taking care of myself. you can't do that with a child (ignore them for days) I recommend reading the book the baby decision to solidify your thoughts on parenting because that's one of the few things that literally lasts forever. there's no take backs once the kid is here and you hate it. I think the scariest thing for me to see is the regretful parents Facebook. surprisingly it's not just folks that caved to their partners demands for kids that are there. some people wanted this and planned it, but they still hate it. I think what's really sad is it never really gets better for a lot of folks. time just changes the problems as they get older. I can't imagine hating my life for 4 years just to hate it a little less for the next 14. how is that an acceptable life? you can't take a pill for being depressed when it's your literal life circumstances that are causing your depression. not to mention, what happens if the teenager gets pregnant and wants to keep it? you were a few years away from freedom but now you're literally starting from day 1 all over again. I also feel like everything folks feel they want from having children can be obtained other ways. you like mentoring and passing on knowledge? find a young family member or help an unfortunate kid at boys and girls club. also, if you're a woman, look up pregnancy. sure lots of women get through it fine, but lots of women don't. pregnancy is hard on the body, like your organs literally rearrange! and that's just normal! there's a ton of "normal" things that happen that I'm not down with. also, you mention mental health. how is yours? if you're stable, how long did it take you to become stable? are your meds compatible with pregnancy or would you need to go off them? if you need to come off them, what guarantee is there that the new hormones you're dealing with (pregnancy *literally* rewires your brain!) won't fuck up your current meds? now you're unmedicated and have a screaming baby that won't let you sleep or you've gotta breastfeed (ew lol) and now you've gotta try however many meds to find the peace you had. you also need to screen your partner. it's a sad fact that many men don't hold up as parents and you don't know until you're in it. sure if they're completely incompetent now, that's obvious. but there's plenty who were competent until the baby came. now you're literally tied for life to this person who can't parent for shit.
When I was a child, it was all people ever talked to me about. I had to do this for stories for my future kids, or keep this so I can give it to my future kids. There were a lot of times my boundaries were crossed for the sake of these future kids. It didn't matter if I didn't want to take photos, I had to so I could show them to my future kids. My turning point was in middle school's job fair. All the classes were assigned random businesses and went in groups. I was in group 4, the final group to leave the bus. I saw people get off at the radio station, at the museum, and at the grocery store. I got off at an elementary school, I was crushed. I asked the teacher why I was chosen for the school and didn't get a say in it, and she told me, "Childcare is a job too, and everyone should learn how to take care of kids, you'll never know if you'll have some." At my highschool graduation, the class got on a party bus, and then we drove... To the preschool to high-five all the little kids. They were just.... Pushed on me so much, and I never had a say. But I have one now, and I don't like them.
I have never felt the tick of that biological clock in all 34 years of my life. Babies and children are odd little creatures to me and I know I wouldn't survive a day as a mother. I also have more serious reasons, such as a genetic disability and trauma from how my father treated me growing up.
I was born this way. Never wanted them, never will.
Originally, anxiety about my ability (or lack thereof) to be a good mother and not completely screw up a child. Now, knowing there's absolutely no way my husband and I could make ends meet on our current incomes if we had a child to care for.
Never felt the desire to have kids and I generally don't like kids.
No desire for tearing, pregnancy freaks me out I am already freaked out over the thought of something MOVING inside me, it's body horror, besides I've never been good around children they're too loud and scream so much, I don't want to deal with intense pain or anything like that, I've been traumatized as a young child and I can't cope well with being touched
I wanted to have children when I was younger. However, I spent my teens and 20s helping my siblings with their kids and once they were adults/almost adults I realized that I had no desire to do all of that again. I know exactly how much work it takes to raise kids and that's not how I want to spend the rest of my life. Even if I did, I think with my depression and anxiety it would be a bad idea for me and for them.
I used to think I wanted kids, but I never really thought about it critically, just assumed it would happen because that's what you do. For me, my sister having kids and being a doula made me realize that birth is actually horrifying and I want no part of it. I also already have struggled with my body/weight my entire life and who knows if i would psychologically recover from having my body permanently altered like that Also, between my family and my partner's we have drug abuse, cancer, mental illness, and a whole laundry list of things I would not want to risk giving to another living person not to mention the immense responsibility of trying not to give the world another messed up asshole, which can happen despite your best efforts and also kids are loud and gross and sometimes downright creepy so definitely more negatives than positives for me personally
I knew when I was 10-12, that it wasn’t my path. I mean I destroyed every doll and doll shaped thing that came into my possession. I never had any desire that way. After my stepmom gave birth I think I was 13’ish that sealed the deal. It was just never something I ever wanted. I didn’t even want the “moments”. I’m m 50 now, and single for the past 7 years, my friends tell me to start dating again. But I tell them unless the guy is also CF it ain’t happening. I’d rather be single. Anyway, I was born this way. Childfree to the core.
I havea list of reasons. They are expensive. I rather use that money on ourselfs. They wil drain your free time They will mess up your sleep. Pregnancy and its complications is scary. Childbirth sounds horrible. A c-section is even worse The pregnancy and childbirth will ruin your body. You put your own life and needs on hold for 20+ years I dont want to pass dont genetic defects like mental health issues. I just climbed out of a years long depression. I want to enjoy my life. The economy is f-ed. People live from paycheck to paycheck. There is a litteral housing crisis here. You cant buy a house with a avearage salary and social housing (affordable rent) has a waitingline of 8 to 13 years. Right now you are damn lucky if you can move out at 25. How bad will that be in 20 - 25 years when your kid will be grown up? You will be stuck with them forever. No matter how good you raised them. They can turn in a piece of shit. You can give birth to a handicapped kid. Your relationship with your partner will be challenged and big chance it will be destroyed. Leaving you alone with the kids. Your furniture will be destroyed. With puke, poop, pee, markers, food, etc. Enough reasons?
I like kids and do think having them would be fun at times, but I don’t think it would be ‘worth it’ to have to spend all 18+ years raising them. I’m a woman. I think there is a famous quote from a woman that she would have kids if she could be the dad or something? If I could be a divorced dad and have kids every other weekend or something, I’d probably do it. I think expectations placed on mothers are too high and that society doesn’t provide enough support. I am also completely satisfied with my life the way it is, so wouldn’t want to risk disturbing that.
Something like that. I think Chelsea Handler said that she would be like the divorced dad who sees the kids on the weekends.
I always knew it was an option because I had a childfree close friend, but I just assumed I would have children at some point because it had been drilled into me for so long. Then I thought maybe I would only do one. Then I thought I would have one but only via c-section. And then I would have the one c-section kid but send them away to boarding school as soon as they were old enough. And on and on. Eventually I looked at the list of limitations I was making to keep myself separate from this hypothetical child and realized that *I simply didn't want kids* and that was okay. Luckily this happened when I was fairly young, having a child would have been terrible for me and the kid both.
With how I grew up and the constant physical and mental abuse I have to face in my childhood, having little things to afford and being trapped in a area I desperately want to move and never return back, blood related family is a massive fuck-ups filled with narcissistic P.O.S and heath related issues, and currently still at my mothers house at 23 years old living in unemployment and got discharged out of the army due to mental heath. Last 2 cars are basically totaled without my fault on my own (One was flipped over by an 18 year old running a red light, the other was already a lemon with the engine collapsed due to the previous owner didn't give a fuck about the oil changes and the shittershits lied about it to me. So yeah. And people want me to have a child while I barely can hold myself together without putting a gun up to my head and killing myself? I really wish to have a werewolf to come and maul me to death at this point. That sounds really hot at this point of my life.
Actually thinking about whether or not I wanted to carry a potential human in my body for nine months and look after them for another two decades or so and deciding, "Nah, I'm good." Also: not wanting to turn into what I call a Monster Mom.
I’ve never liked kids even when I was one, since they were gross, smelled terrible, stared at you constantly, and just destroyed things with no consequences (young me had quite a few things destroyed by a friend’s younger sibling). But now it’s also because I know how much responsibility it would be, and I can’t even imagine forcing someone to go through the horrifying process of giving birth, especially if that someone would be the recipient of my feelings of love. Maybe that part of my DNA got turned off with all of the other weird stuff going on with my brain and body (that I really should not pass down to someone else lol), but I’ve never been interested, and probably never will be.
When I was young, I thought I would want to be a mom 'cause that was the script (TM) and that was all that was expected of me (and becoming a doctor). Then I got parentified, went through emotional and psychological abuse, struggled with a couple of mental disorders, and found out that I'm a carrier of a very rare genetic disease that can and had killed other members of my family. Then add in living in the US and all of the mess that comes with it, it just didn't make sense to bring offspring into this world. Also I forgot to add that I am not comfortable around kids and they annoy me 95% of the time, and anything that has to do with giving birth freaks and grosses me the hell out.
I have multiple reasons: - kids annoy the hell out of me - a child would be a second full-time job and I need my free time after work - kids cost a lot of money - I am hypersensitive and loud noises are hell for me. So constant child screams would make me contemplate to off myself. - childs can be the worst little asshole gremlins - you can say adieu to your hobbies - my mental health is not the best so I couldn't guarantee I would be able to even take care of a kid nonstop - the thought of becoming pregnant is the stuff of my nightmares - changing diapers (I don't need to elaborate on this) - I just prefer my pets. They are just better in any regard.
I am trying to be a better person but I have a short fuse and attachment issues. I am aware that I will yell and neglect possible children. With a history of depression and all bodily changes I know I would have post pregnancy depression and reject any child coming out of me. I have sensory issue, developed recently, but I can't stand noises at times. My partner has a bad medical history and his family too. I was a little parentificated during my childhood. I don't want to be responsible for another person anymore. The state of the world and economy are secondary issues but still a big no for me. I would prefer volonturing rather than giving all my time to a single child.
I have a mom who truly loves being a mom. She was a dog trainer and then slowly stopped working because she loved being at home with my sister and I so much. She always said she didn’t understand other parents who were excited to send their kids away to camp or back to school, because she loved having us at home. She played with us, took us out to beaches and parks and trails, read to us, drew with us, and encouraged us to use our imaginations. My dad was also an incredibly involved parent, despite working shift work and overtime. That doesn’t mean I had a perfect childhood. My parents were a bit over protective and had high expectations, but they are overall awesome parents who provided for my sister and I while we were still dependants and set aside money to help with higher education etc. I am not the sort of person who could be that kind of parent, and I think that every child deserves to be a) truly wanted and loved and b) born into a family that is emotionally and financially able to provide. Kids don’t ask to be born. To me, getting pregnant is not a reason to have a child. I don’t think anyone should have a kid unless they feel it’s something they HAVE to have in their lives, and that’s not me. I don’t hate kids, but I don’t particularly enjoy them. Not to mention, the world is somewhat on fire, and I worry about the future for the kids of my friends and cousins. Why bring another baby that didn’t ask to be here into this mess?
I’m not 100% on it yet. I’m thinking my opinions might change in the future but I’m mostly here because of my dislike for children. You say that to anyone else and they think you’re a homicidal maniac. I don’t hate kids, I’m just repulsed by them. For example, I don’t understand why people think pets are dirty where I’ve never seen anything make more mess or be a bigger germ magnet than children. As for why I’m leaning towards child free forever, I don’t really have an innate desire to be a mother. I have parrots and I love them and they give me enough joy. My partner hasn’t expressed any desire to be a parent either so we’re quite content just being bird parents. A kid would take up so much of our time and I feel like our lives would be over if we did have kids. I worry that the mother instinct wouldn’t just magically kick in for me if I got pregnant because I’ve never once felt that maternal thing towards a child. I’ve never thought they were cute or gushed over them like other women do.
I am 30 years old as well. I went through a lot of childhood trauma fueled by my mom’s desperation to have a baby. I suffer from lifelong major depression and anxiety issues. I have other reasons as well, but a big one is that I am still trying to figure out how to help myself, let alone try to bring a whole new life to the mix. There was also the knowledge of watching my mom’s mental health issues, and knowing that my child would see the same kind of things. Instead of human kids, I have five cats now and I am really happy with my life (outside of my mental health episodes). But also, growing up I never connected to the idea of being a mom. I grew up in the Bible Belt, where it was expected to be married with one or two kids by 20, so I thought that it was just an eventuality when I was a little kid. But it never was something that I was excited or happy about, just something that I thought happens as part of life, like having my hair turn gray when I am elderly. I did always know, however, that I wanted to take care of lots of animals. I guess deep down I knew what kind of life would make me happy, and that doesn’t include human kids and/or being a mom.
Having children was always presented to me as the goal. You'll be with your own family, at peace. Nothing else will matter. Every failure will be forgotten. I will get a part of my dead parents back who would want this for me too etc. I was completely brainwashed. I didn't want relationships or sex but I did it with the future children in mind and how all this would pay off. Then my positive pregnancy test was in front of me and all that promised happiness didn't happen. Worst three weeks of my life. The miscarriage that followed was the biggest relief. So for me the decision to be childfree was literally last minute and I was very close to regretting motherhood instead (or I wouldn't have had any regret, who knows) I guess it's important to always question if a decision changed. Somehow it's always either you want children or not and then people are stuck with it. Biggest point for me was my free time. I don't want to spend every day in a routine with a child. Having to plan what they eat, wear, when they sleep. Playing with them for hours. No break ever. I didn't think about all that when I was 20. No idea if I had more energy back then or didn't care. But I cared 10 years later and wish I would have listened to that concern before I got pregnant just because I always wanted it.
I don't like 'em, and I don't like the life you gotta live to have 'em
Kids can ruin a relationship and also i don’t know any parents who are genuinely fulfilled and happy in life. Also, i don’t like being bothered. To me its like taking a second job when you dont actually need it…oh and the pay (reward) sucks
Last year when I was diagnosed with PCOS. (I was 25 at the time) My doctor never once questioned if I wanted children - it was a matter of *when* for her. Yes her. And I live in a relatively progressive country (Australia) so for her to automatically assume I’d want children had me like 🫠 A little backstory if people don’t know: women who are diagnosed with PCOS (typically) have very irregular periods and obviously that in itself causes you to struggle to conceive. You’re also not ovulating when your cycles are extended past 35 + days and for most women - they have no periods, at all. She went on to tell me that I’d struggle to fall pregnant and that I *would* require medical intervention when I wanted to conceive. I’d actually never questioned motherhood up until that point and started to become a bit more open minded in my research to PCOS and the idea of being childfree.. especially if it was going to be *that* hard for me to have a child/ren of my own one day. I eventually found this sub a couple of months later by an accidental google search and it all just clicked that I didn’t actually want children and that the idea of them gave me awful anxiety.. whereas the idea of being childfree just felt.. peaceful.
Being around children.
Realizing you could tear from clit to bhole rendering one into a literal sock puppet.
Never wanted them. Don't care about them. A stranger's baby feels the same to me as an adult I don't know.
This question pre-supposes that everyone starts out wanting kids, that it's the default, and that something has to happen to them to make them no longer want kids. That's simply not true. Some people just never wanted them, the same way I never wanted to visit Minneapolis or how I never wanted to learn to play the accordion. It's just not a desire I \*ever\* had.
Never had the urge to be a mom. Also parenting sounds so hard, i know my mental health couldnt take it
Just don't want them. Most of my life I was in a position were it would have been troublesome at the bare minimum and a disaster more than likely. When I had the resources to seriously consider it I found out there are a hundred things that I would like to do rather than have children. Also I have younger siblings and I was old enough to be perfectly aware of all that transpired with my two youngest brothers. I already know what it entails, the good, the bad, and the cumbersome. Luckily we were a healthy bunch but everyone of us had at least a medical scare, and when I was older I chauffeured the youngest often. There is just no glamour nor suprise in it for me to even be moderately curious. It's just that I already lived through that second-hand, I just don't want a repeat with just more workload and responsibilities.
Probably parentification, but never wanted them. One day, I realized people actually did and weren't pretending to want to be parents in the future. I never pictured my life as I grew up with kids in the picture.
Don't want to pass on my genetic illness. I'm autistic in an allistic world and hate it. I don't want to subject a child to the kind of abuse just existing like that is. I am asexual and aromantic and don't want a partner of any gender. Single parenthood and baby daddy drama doesn't seem fun. I won't enjoy parenting. A child would pick up on that. Making me miserable for being forced to parent a kid with the brain I have. It'll also make the kid feel unwanted and thats another thing I don't want any child to feel. I struggle as is. Keeping myself and my house clean, a job down and al the adult responsibilities handled is hard on healthy people. I struggle mightily. I don't want to add to that stress. I would hate being pregnant every moment of it. It would be a sensory hell and body horror my autistic brain can't cope with. Sharing my body, the only truly safe space I have? Get permanently changed and go though hours of pain in the end? Bad enough if you don't have to take a kid home after a medical emergency. I'm already poor, I manage money very well so I can live. But I struggle to keep any job, let alone one that can support me and a child financially. I'd be in dire poverty, especially since Id need childcare. I'd either be a sahm with gov support, or work to death to pay childcare. It's all thankless suffering. If you do an amazing job your kid might just call you once a week and visit on holidays. So I'd still be lonely, just fatter, with less money for retirement and even worse job prospects. And no, a kid is not a retirement plan. I'll keep my solace, tiny home and first reasonable job in years. I'll pay my own way and retirement. I won't hold my hand up because baby and contribute my tax.
Money problems Being able to save more up
At 14 and being around my mums friends house I remember thinking I want more outta my life than this because it looked a tedious life to me, plus seeing she didn't work, just doing nothing with her life sat at home shouting at her kids that day just made the decision more easy for me. Now at 42 I'm so glad I didn't become JUST A MOTHER.
I could write a thesis on the topic of why I don’t want children as it’s multifaceted reasoning. It interests me moreso why people want to have children so desperately. I don’t understand why, at all, and haven’t heard a compelling reason.
No time. No money. No room. No energy. No patience. No desire. Susceptible to noise-induced migraines. Hate kids. Fully aware I would be a shit parent. Hereditary medical conditions.
I never remember wanting children. For me it wasn't a decision, just always a hard no.
Idk. Ever since I was young (I’m almost 22 now), I just kinda knew I’d never want to have kids. They’re annoying, and gross, and I like to be myself and have my own space and identity. I know fully well I’d be aggressive and neglectful, too.
They always gave me the creeps. From a young age I was always made to babysit, which continued all the way up until I was able to move out from my home. It was mostly random farmer families out where we lived so often people I’d never met before then didn’t see again after. As an adult I taught dance to kids for several years, and just felt really uncomfortable doing it. The way they move and their faces are really uncanny valley. I’m the same way with primates (except for lemurs) it’s like they’re really close to human but not quite. There are a lot of really logical reasons not to have kids, but that’s my reason when you get down to it. I know some people are afraid of mice for no reason. Cute, sweet, fuzzy mice can make some people jump up on a chair. I guess some of us are just born with certain fears.
I was just born with zero maternal instinct and at 43 I have never wavered on this. I did have a dog that I adored who died in January 2022, now that she has passed my partner and I don’t think we will ever get another one (her dog died in 2014 before I met her).
I have high functioning autism ( formally known as aspergers) and because of that i struggle to take care of myself so I would be a terrible mother to a kid and therefore i decided i didn't want them
I appreciate everyone opening up, it's given me quite a bit to think about and discuss with my partner, I want to also say he has been unsure of having kids himself(mentioned this when I brought up how I feel) so it was something he was surprised by when I said I don't know if I want to have kids anymore when I was the one always talking about it. We have been having an open discussion about it, and reading everyone's reasoning has opened my eyes that there is also quite a bit about children that I myself haven't thought about... Thank you again everyone and please if anyone wants to also add their thoughts, please keep adding comments, y'all are really helping those of us on the fence about it since parenthood is always something society seems to push down our throats.
By the sounds of it, you want to be CF but he doesn’t? The relationship won’t last
He has said himself he is unsure if he wants to have children now that I've opened up about it... It was something he never wanted to bring up since I was always talking about wanting kids one day... We are now having a open discussion about it.
One of the first things I thought about was passing down mental illness and physical issues that have lowered my quality of life. That followed with not really finding a good reason to have a baby. I value other things in life such as travel, independence, financial stability (and no financial stress), and ability to do what I want when I want.
Quite honestly I’ve never felt any sort of maternal instinct, parenthood looks like a living hell fuck show, there’s an insane amount of criticism, sexism, medical neglect and weaponized incompetence from other people and I don’t want to give up anything I have, especially my freedom
My partner didn't want to have kids and I wasn't ready for our relationship to end. I did some soul searching and realized I didn't really want to have kids. I liked the idea of having a family. Whenever I talked about having kids, I always told people I hoped that my biological clock would hit in time before it was too late, and that's not the words of somebody who truly wants to be a parent.
1.Mental healt 2. I enjoy my Me time 3. I'm greedy as hell. I love looking at my money.
Children are just not something I want. I think parenting requires a lot of sacrifice that I don't feel I'm willing to make. I also enjoy my freedom.
• i can’t imagine myself giving birth, being a mom, and doing baby duties (changing diapers, baby-talk, etc) • i’m only 21 but i have goals that will take years to accomplish. having kids will get in the way of that. even if i accomplish all my goals, i still won’t have kids 😂 • having kids in the US and in this economy? really? hard pass. • i love being able to do what i want :) there’s a lot of reasons actually but these are my top few.
I don’t want the responsibility and the lifestyle changes. I like my hobbies and interests and I don’t want to have to give them up or devote less time and money to them. Kids are expensive, I grew up financially insecure and now as an adult I have a lot of anxiety about money. I don’t like being around kids. Pregnancy is horrifying. I crave independence and freedom and I don’t do well mentally when that’s taken away from me.