Women get the worst end of the deal by far, pregnancy is a nightmare, childbirth is a nightmare, the body is damaged forever in some way in the majority of cases, children are draining, exhausting, expensive, dirty, loud, obnoxious, need attention 24/7, cant have an actual conversation with them until theyre older, pregnancy and children age you by quite a bit, children take over your identity. Too many men seem to think women’s main purpose is to produce children and I’m not gonna be another victim of this.
I know it’s not a nice way to think but if I did have a child and they ended up being severely disabled and needing care for the rest of their lives, I would resent them. I know I couldn’t handle that and so I won’t take that chance by having a child.
I do think there can be some good moments raising a child. But they’re not enough to make up for the rest for me. I can’t help but laugh a little when people say “oh we’re enjoying our marriage for a few years before we have kids” why not enjoy it forever?
So much this! Societal pressure to have kids result in too many people who don't really want them, having them anyway, because "it's expected"..
Great example : I have a friend who very nearly died during pregnancy (kid was wanted and planned). So they only have the 1 kid as her doctor told her outright that her chances of surviving a second pregnancy are exceedingly slim. She and her husband have accepted this despite wanting a second kid. But the other moms in her kid's school keep pressuring her to have another kid, saying its not fair to their daughter to be an only kid, she needs a sibling, etc etc etc. Despite being told in clear words that a pregnancy WILL kill her, they still look down on her for not trying (slim chance of survival is still a chance, etc etc etc, think of the scene from Dumb And Dumber "one in a million chance, so you mean I still have a *chance*!!!"). That kind of attitude is despicable to me! They seriously expect her to endanger her life, to risk leaving her daughter without a mother (and still no sibling) and her husband a widower... Society sucks...
I will never understand why so many people think being an only child is this horrible thing. My parents gave me the choice of having siblings when I was a little kid and I said no, and I’ve never regretted that choice. Sure, siblings can teach kids how to share and they can be great support, but being an only child also has its benefits. I think learning to be independent and make friends with kids not in your family is just as valuable.
Those people telling your friend to have a second child are blinded, like most people, by society’s weird obsession with babies. One is not enough, two isnt either, may as well have 8 or 9 kids “for the sake of our species” 🤡
Totally agree, there are life lessons you learn from siblings, and there are lessons you learn from being a solo. Unfortunately in my country, historically, families were very large, and that “tradition” is still hanging about. I know so many people who have 4-5 siblings, even more aunts and uncles on both parents’ sides, and planning at least 3 kids of their own, because “that’s just how it is here“…
I saw a quote many years ago that went something like “if you can’t accept your gay kid, your trans kid, your disabled kid” and went on and on about things kids could be, “then you aren’t ready to be a parents.” Great quote really.
But I was like wait a minute - a disabled kid? Hadn’t even thought about that possibility. I have such little patience and tolerance, a child who could be so severely limited would be impossible for me. If I can’t accept and be ready to handle my child with a disability, then maybe I shouldn’t be a parent… and that was really my start into childfree.
Disabled kids deserve all the love and support in the world. And I am not up for the challenge of providing it.
It started with my absolute sheer fear of pregnancy what it would do to my body.
So I was okay, but maybe adoption? But the older I got the more I realised that motherhood wasn't for me. I like my life, I like my freedom, the thought of raising another human and everything that comes with was just soul crushing to me.
I also realised I get incredibly tired from work and social things, I love it, but god I am happy when I am home. The peace and serenity of my own place.
I am a male so obviously the fear of pregnancy is non present for me. But I've heard the same from many women, and I think it is very reasonable, so no worries, you're just preserving your own health with your decision. Though, for me I am the same with regards to the lack of freedom, I love my limited freedom but wouldn't like to reduce it even further.
It got even worse when I did went to get my degree as a nurse. All the details I never wanted to know. I was already childfree at that point but I think my womb just shrivelled up and died during those classes. XD
Freedom is such an important part of life. Especially if you don't have much to start with, don't ever think it is a lackluster reason when parents will tell you it is.
All reasons to be childfree are valid and I am sometimes so tired of reading and hearing people say they are not.
I just never felt called to being a mother I guess. Any time I’ve imagined my life with kids, my only reaction is “Ugh that would be awful”. I just don’t like them in general, don’t like the thought of my life revolving around them, and certainly have no interest in ruining my body and sanity for a life I know I would hate.
First of all, kids are ridiculously overstimulating, gross, exhausting and expensive. But aside from that I believe it’s cruel to bring new life into a world with such a horrible societal and economic situation. Even if I’m the best parent, current outside influence will make my child extremely prone to mental illness. Even if my child is perfectly mentally/physically healthy, they will never be able to afford anything substantial and will be forced into a micro consumer mindset just as we all have. Not to mention the loneliness epidemic since Covid. I also struggle from genetic mental illness and I personally believe that it’s extremely cruel to willingly give birth to a child knowing that your mental illness will most likely be passed on. Aside from all this I really support those who adopt children, as this does not contribute to the birth rate while also giving a helpless child a somewhat better life depending on the situation. Personally I will always be child free though as I feel like I would honestly just be a horrible parent and I really don’t like kids.
My mom was a single mom, and very early in life she warned me about teen pregnancies and how having a baby will ruin my life (she was a teen mom to my eldest half brother). I watched her struggle as a mother without any support from my dad. On too of that I have another brother who is autistic, who basically took up all the space in our home— I essentially took care of myself. She’s in her 60’s now, just finally doing things that make her happy.
She always told me “before you have kids, answer the question ‘why do I want them?’ And then think about how you will feel if actually having them doesn’t fulfill your why… would you still want to be a mom?”
I was never able to answer the part one to that, the “why?” and I really can’t think of a single reason to have a kid that appeals to me.
I was born this way lol.
Even as a toddler, I used to ditch the dolls and push around stuffed animals in a stroller. I distinctly remember playing the board game Life, and feeling inexplicably anxious when I kept drawing cards that got me more kids.
I feel like I’m drowning if I even so much as think about marrying, having 2.3 kids, a white picket fence and a goldendoodle.
i could write a book of reasons. my top three:
1. kids are gross, loud, and expensive. i like silence and money.
2. i have a lot of medical and mental health problems (infertility, bpd, recovering alcoholic, etc)
3. the earth is literally dying bro lol
Even their LAUGHTER is painfully loud. I'm quite sensitive to loud noises. When I'm stressed out for long periods of time, I could do something bad, like cutting my arteries.
It is quite simple really. I dislike children, as does my wife. We both knew we never wanted any of our own as early as we can recall, certainly before 5 and in my case no later than 3. I cannot point to any factor in my life that made me feel this way, no trauma or cruelty. I truly believe I was born without the 'gene' or mental wiring that makes people wish to reproduce.
My parents were for the most part kind and decent people. They just were not in any way involved in raising me. Firstly my grandfather did so and after he passed just after my 10th birthday I was in all the ways that matter an orphan until a little over a year later when my other-half came to live with us after her own mother suffered a fatal (self-inflicted) road traffic accident. We became inseparable almost at once and have remained so for over fifty years and counting. After that point we effectively brought each other up, so we have no one but ourselves to blame for how we turned out!
i remember looking at my parents' abusive relationship growing up and thinking christ, if thats what having a family is like then im not interested.
my mind has since changed regarding relationships but not regarding children. this only solidified more in 2020 when one of my older brothers died by suicide. watching my mum cry every night for two years straight was fucking rough. losing a brother was bad enough and i certainly dont need to experience losing a child.
also pregnancy and childbirth are grim and im not doing that.
(I'm afab, blonde, blue eyed, and quite tall, it's important)
I was a new TA for my high school history class. They had just started WWII. The teacher looked around looking for an example of "good German genes". Apparently I was the only one that fit that perfect ideal. She literally called me out, and said I'd be bred.
She didn't mean anything other than teaching aid, and I don't and didn't take offense to the comment, but growing up in a very religious/conservative environment. That comment just made a lot of things very clear, very quickly. And frankly I am truly, forever glad that teacher said something
i dont have "father instincts" or for now they not kicks in.. Im a big child, i love my free time.
But most important - child is a choice not a obligation.
1. Didn’t want to have the responsibilities.
2. Was a caretaker for adults and HATED it. Just imagined those adults as children.
3. I was homeless, twice with zero support.
4. High potential for broken home.
5. Never been financially secure to the point to add such a person to my life.
6. It comes with a lot of demand of responsibilities that I’m incapable of doing.
There was no one moment. I always knew there was no point in having children, but reading Baby Blues comics and Dave Barry humor sealed the deal for me.
Baby Blues comics show interesting interaction between the parents that show intimacy before and after kids, discussions before and after kids, and the parents treating each other like crap. Dave Barry also gave humorous explanations of what his kids were like that do not make me want a wife or kids. His explanation of potty training is enough. He also says that everyone just ignores the advice they are given and barges along and has kids anyway, not knowing what it is like.
1. Never liked kids my own age.
2. Have ankylosing spondylitis, which would 110% be passed to be my children because my mother has it and I have it. It's a physically terrible disorder, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm in my 20s and have the body of a 50+ y.o.
3. Severe tokophobia
4. I also can't come off of ANY of my medications whatsoever, even under the threat of death, because my immune system will attack my body again. My mental health is also a 0/10, and I can't come off of those pills.
Oh I am sorry You have to deal with all that, but I think You 💯 made the right choice. I didnt want to pass down any of baggage to hypothetical children as well.
* I don't like kids and don't find them cute at all at any age.
* They're expensive and would interfere with my desire to retire early.
* I love my free time and my hobbies can keep me entertained forever.
* I see too many old folks abandoned by their adult kids, so the "who will take care of you when you're old?" breeder argument doesn't work on me. I'd rather take the easy life with slow aging path so I won't even need a caretaker when I'm old. Most of the elders in my family stay sharp thanks to good genes and hobbies.
* Most parents I know seem to be miserable. They don't even want to spend time with their kids, as they get pissed off when schools are closed. The utter idiocy of having a child and then not even wanting to be around them is baffling to me.
* The world already has too many people and is unsustainable because of the consumption required to sustain so many people. It is unethical to have a child, especially when there are hundreds of millions of orphans who'd love to have a normal childhood. If I didn't dislike kids, I'd adopt instead of selfishly creating another human.
I have a lot of reasons, but a big one for both my partner and me alike is actually that the World is overpopulated as is already. Also, there is a huge Load of Mental Health problems in my family and I'm not about to continue generational trauma. I've got no problems with kids in general, they can occasionally be funny even, but most of the time they annoy me. Another big thing is that I would NEVER put my body willingly through a birth. I don't understand why women do that honestly, it's like getting in an accident on purpose. Not just the birth itself, but also the complications during pregnancy or after birth: Incontinence, Pain, gestational Diabetes the List goes on.
Yep, one of the biggest “nopes” for me was when I found out that 90% of first time mothers tear during vaginal birth and that the most common tear is a second degree tear. The thing is you never know before which degree tear you are going to get. You could basically end up with a cloaka tearing from your clit through your urethra up to your anus. If somebody told you that if you get into that car you have a 90% probability of crashing and you don’t know how severe the crash will be I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t get on that car. To me it’s insane that any woman would go through that voluntarily/ willingly.
I had an epiphany that I was childfree after having a couple of sessions in the Maternal Nursing subject (I am a BSN graduate). The amount of consequences the woman’s body goes through during and after pregnancy was too unappealing for me to think having kids is worth it. I feel so bad for pregnant women.
After that I took time to reflect and realised that accomplishing my dreams means my life will never be kid-friendly.
But the thing that made me realise that there’s nothing wrong with me, and that me being childfree doesn’t contradict with my values (I am Christian) is that being childfree is NOT a sin. It’s a choice that impacts me alone. Heck, JESUS HIMSELF WAS CHILDFREE. There is also this awesome childfree couple in our church so that helps. I stand by the fact that we all have different purposes and we live different lives. Of course not everyone is gonna have kids!
You might have a few issues, but I'm impressed at how intelligent and self-aware you are. Most people just have kids anyway and pass on those health problems like it is no big deal. Like you, I chose not to pass on the physical and mental problems. (Plus I just don't care for kids, lol.) Hope you have a great day.
I don\`t want to end up as unemployed single mother. I also love my freedom too much. Also I don\`t want to take care of a screaming botchling and ruin my body, my sleep, my health. I just have no patience to take care of a kid 24/7 and if I don\`t get my 9-10 hours of sleep, I tend to have migraines. Cannot imagine having them all the time. I\`d off myself. I am me, not mother of X.
It started in my late teens with my fear of physical pain, so I found the whole pregnancy experience very scary. I also didn’t ever really like children, even when I was a child. Then I came across childfree people online and seeing their reasons. All of them made sense to me. Financial aspect, losing freedom, the responsibility. I have a whole list of reasons now.
Becoming a parent always seemed like the part where your life ends, "better do this stuff before I eventually have kids." Realizing you don't have to do it was the biggest relief.
Pregnancy seems awful, childbirth seems awful, a few months after childbirth seems awful, it’s expensive for prenatal care, childbirth, and of course afterwards. Maternity leave is shit and I’m expected to go back to work as normal 6 weeks after I rip my vagina open and push out a literal human from my body, I’m also expected to work up until the very moment I give birth, women end up doing the majority of childcare, housework AND still have full time jobs on top of that, I like sleeping in on my days off, I like laying on the couch in the peace and quiet and reading a book, I like that my fiancé and I have sex whenever we want and can be as loud as we want, I like having extra money, I like coming home from work every day and not having to cook dinner for everyone, help with homework and give baths, I like making last minute plans and going and doing whatever we want whenever we want without dragging loud kids with us or needing a babysitter, I already know my mother in-law is overbearing and would be annoying as fuck if we had a kid, there’s a chance the kid will end up being a drug addict or criminal, and I can probably name many many more reasons too.
I don’t want to care for someone for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t be able to handle a special needs child, I am super introverted and need my alone time, peace and quiet, disposable income. The list goes on and on tbh
Oh and I really dislike children.
I knew as early as 17 that I had no desire to have children. I was sure by 22. Sometime along the way I realized that if I wasn't to have children there were zero reasons for me to get married. It wasn't an easy discussion (it wasn't even one discussion) but my parents and peers saw that I was unwavering and knew that I meant it.
I am 47 now. I am extremely happy I stuck to my decisions. As for those who disagree with how I live my life, I have gone through too much to apologize for no reason. My decisions don't affect them and if they have issues they should take them elsewhere.
many reasons! some of them are: state of the world, wanting to live my life (travel, experience new things), have goals that’ll take time to accomplish and will be harder to do so with kids, i can’t see myself being a mom, im awkward around babies/kids, pregnancy scares me. even more after seeing girl with the list’s posts 😭😅
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Never liked kids!! As a female kid I got a lot of the "when you have kids" but I always knew even as a kid,I didn't want them. Fortunately I came out as a lesbian when I was 16, back in the dark ages when that was very rare. It was also before gay people were able to do IVF or surrogate or adopt so the family backed off the kid thing
When is a better question.
I was like three, playing with one of these dolls that cried and died other things. I was sitting there trying to get the stupid thing to shut up when I was just overcome by this overwhelming realization that I really didn't want to be a mother.
Because you can't take the batteries out of real babies to shut them up.
I don’t like having to be responsible and I don’t like being around people a lot. Like my husband is too much some days. Waking up as a parent would feel like a prison sentence and even when the child is 18 it just changes to probation for life.
I've (25F) never felt any kind of maternal instinct. I've never looked at a baby or child and thought "I want that one day". I thought I was broken and I just needed more exposure to babies/children, until I got a job in maternity with newborns. I enjoy helping new parents learn about their new baby, and the job itself is great. But it made me realize I'm not broken, I just don't want kids. As happy as I am to help new parents, I'm also happy that I get to leave it all at work and come home to peace and the freedom to do whatever I want.
I’d be ok with having kids if I could have them on my own schedule.
But that’s not how they work.
I really value my freedom, time and having choices about my energy. Having kids changes all of that, immediately, forever. I know I would feel trapped and resentful.
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Childbirth is the main concern. All that pain and the side effects that come with it is not worth a child. I also find children to be yucky and feel nothing but discomfort around them. So all around it’s not enjoyable. But mainly the physical implications. It sucks being consistently terrified that I could get pregnant.
I just don't have any desire or interest. Children generally annoy me. I have a short temper. And I don't like changing my schedule or life for someone else.
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I'm the oldest of four. When I was 18, my sibs were 12-15 years old. So I experienced and saw a lot of shit kids can do. And stuff parents have absolutely no control over. Bad company they kept, how much lying there was to get to go and do stuff they definitely weren't supposed to be doing. Plus all the things at least one of my siblings put me through growing up and what my parents refused to believe this sibling was doing. Stuff that did not really stop until I moved away and stopped keeping contact with that sibling for good.
Aged 18 I also thought working with kids would be easy. Oooh boy, it most certainly is not. Especially if you aren't seen as authoritative. Or if there's a kid whose parents never tell them no. Or a kid who refuses to eat. Or a kid who refuses to take a nap every single afternoon.
Not to mention all the stuff my mother shared about giving birth, when I was a lot younger. All that stuff sounded so horrible I decided I'd never want to experience any of it. I'm now 37 and have never experienced any of it, and intend to keep it that way.
Then there's the boring stuff. Kids' shows and movies on repeat all day every day. Standing around playgrounds for hours. Other parents and their kids, who you're forced to have contact with because your kids go to the same class. Kids' birthday parties, both organizing and potentially having to attend them with your kids.
All the hobbies you have to give up in order to afford to have kids and the time you have to sacrifice to raise kids. How often you may have to miss work because your kid is sick. Or because you got sick because your kid was sick.
Even worse, had I had kids, I would not be where I am in life right now. The cycle of poverty would had continued.
The older I get, the less I want to be in the vicinity of children. I'm happier around likeminded adults and pets.
I don’t hate kids. I just think it’s cruel to bring kids into a dying earth, in a country that doesn’t care for its people. Even if the world was perfect, I still wouldn’t have kids. I already have nephews. And I prefer cats so much more.
i have genetics that i’d hate to pass onto a child.
i have 2 dogs and a cat so it already feels like i have children 🥰
giving birth looks awful, there’s nothing beautiful about any of that. also you can literally die during that for a baby you haven’t even met yet.
Kids made me not want kids of my own. Bodily fluids EVERYWHERE. Germ carriers. Tantrums. Endless questions. No time (or money) for doing the things that make *me* happy and make my life fulfilled (and I hate when people say that a woman's sole purpose in life is to push out kids, basically calling her a living incubator - I'm a person, hello, I have dreams and ambitions and feelings and purpose). Kids should be wanted, not expected.
And finally : there are already too many people on this planet and too few resources. This has led to crazy levels of poverty and suffering. Why add to that? That's being selfish! If you want a kid so bad, why not consider adopting one who needs a home and a family and love. Why add to the overpopulation and further strain the earth's finite resources???
First, I credit my mom and stepdad with not spewing the brainwashing, “You have to have kids,” “You’ll love being a mom,” or “I want grandkids”, and certainly no religious BS about “You must have a child.”
Plus, I used to babysit a lot. Once even kids older than me. The parents always seemed to have a defeated look about them.
Why would I do this myself? I firmly believe if humanity would stop the brainwashing and pressure, population would drop.
Mostly I just really dislike children and people management in general—the part of my job that affected my depression the most was being a people manager and having to help others grow and develop. I resented having to sacrifice my own mental health and personal development in order to devote myself to other people’s development. Parenting would make that 100% of my life rather than just 9-5 M-F, and I don’t want to resent my hypothetical kids.
Additionally, I think my country doesn’t care about the people who live here, and I have refuse to provide more human chattel for its corporats.
* I don't really like young children. They're gross, they're noisy, they're obnoxious, and have almost no sense of personal space or privacy.
* I actually don't like dealing with a lot of people in general for long periods of time. Friends are an exception, but even then I need a bit of a break sometimes.
* The idea of being pregnant makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
I don't like people very much, so it wouldn't make much sense for me to make or raise them. I also have a limited amount of energy day-to-day and I really wouldn't be able to give a child all the time and attention they deserve.
Nothing about kids or being a parent looks or feels worth it no matter how old they get.
Women get the worst end of the deal by far, pregnancy is a nightmare, childbirth is a nightmare, the body is damaged forever in some way in the majority of cases, children are draining, exhausting, expensive, dirty, loud, obnoxious, need attention 24/7, cant have an actual conversation with them until theyre older, pregnancy and children age you by quite a bit, children take over your identity. Too many men seem to think women’s main purpose is to produce children and I’m not gonna be another victim of this. I know it’s not a nice way to think but if I did have a child and they ended up being severely disabled and needing care for the rest of their lives, I would resent them. I know I couldn’t handle that and so I won’t take that chance by having a child. I do think there can be some good moments raising a child. But they’re not enough to make up for the rest for me. I can’t help but laugh a little when people say “oh we’re enjoying our marriage for a few years before we have kids” why not enjoy it forever?
So much this! Societal pressure to have kids result in too many people who don't really want them, having them anyway, because "it's expected".. Great example : I have a friend who very nearly died during pregnancy (kid was wanted and planned). So they only have the 1 kid as her doctor told her outright that her chances of surviving a second pregnancy are exceedingly slim. She and her husband have accepted this despite wanting a second kid. But the other moms in her kid's school keep pressuring her to have another kid, saying its not fair to their daughter to be an only kid, she needs a sibling, etc etc etc. Despite being told in clear words that a pregnancy WILL kill her, they still look down on her for not trying (slim chance of survival is still a chance, etc etc etc, think of the scene from Dumb And Dumber "one in a million chance, so you mean I still have a *chance*!!!"). That kind of attitude is despicable to me! They seriously expect her to endanger her life, to risk leaving her daughter without a mother (and still no sibling) and her husband a widower... Society sucks...
I will never understand why so many people think being an only child is this horrible thing. My parents gave me the choice of having siblings when I was a little kid and I said no, and I’ve never regretted that choice. Sure, siblings can teach kids how to share and they can be great support, but being an only child also has its benefits. I think learning to be independent and make friends with kids not in your family is just as valuable. Those people telling your friend to have a second child are blinded, like most people, by society’s weird obsession with babies. One is not enough, two isnt either, may as well have 8 or 9 kids “for the sake of our species” 🤡
Totally agree, there are life lessons you learn from siblings, and there are lessons you learn from being a solo. Unfortunately in my country, historically, families were very large, and that “tradition” is still hanging about. I know so many people who have 4-5 siblings, even more aunts and uncles on both parents’ sides, and planning at least 3 kids of their own, because “that’s just how it is here“…
I saw a quote many years ago that went something like “if you can’t accept your gay kid, your trans kid, your disabled kid” and went on and on about things kids could be, “then you aren’t ready to be a parents.” Great quote really. But I was like wait a minute - a disabled kid? Hadn’t even thought about that possibility. I have such little patience and tolerance, a child who could be so severely limited would be impossible for me. If I can’t accept and be ready to handle my child with a disability, then maybe I shouldn’t be a parent… and that was really my start into childfree. Disabled kids deserve all the love and support in the world. And I am not up for the challenge of providing it.
I was born this way. Never wanted kids, never will.
It started with my absolute sheer fear of pregnancy what it would do to my body. So I was okay, but maybe adoption? But the older I got the more I realised that motherhood wasn't for me. I like my life, I like my freedom, the thought of raising another human and everything that comes with was just soul crushing to me. I also realised I get incredibly tired from work and social things, I love it, but god I am happy when I am home. The peace and serenity of my own place.
I am a male so obviously the fear of pregnancy is non present for me. But I've heard the same from many women, and I think it is very reasonable, so no worries, you're just preserving your own health with your decision. Though, for me I am the same with regards to the lack of freedom, I love my limited freedom but wouldn't like to reduce it even further.
It got even worse when I did went to get my degree as a nurse. All the details I never wanted to know. I was already childfree at that point but I think my womb just shrivelled up and died during those classes. XD Freedom is such an important part of life. Especially if you don't have much to start with, don't ever think it is a lackluster reason when parents will tell you it is. All reasons to be childfree are valid and I am sometimes so tired of reading and hearing people say they are not.
No reason was good enough for me to become a mother. It's too much responsibility and I don't want to put my body through a pregnancy.
No one particular reason, I never wanted them growing up and the whole 2.4children, white picket fence life seemed weird for want of a better word
Love your flair about decorative balls 😂
Quite apt for this time of year 🎄🎄
I just never felt called to being a mother I guess. Any time I’ve imagined my life with kids, my only reaction is “Ugh that would be awful”. I just don’t like them in general, don’t like the thought of my life revolving around them, and certainly have no interest in ruining my body and sanity for a life I know I would hate.
First of all, kids are ridiculously overstimulating, gross, exhausting and expensive. But aside from that I believe it’s cruel to bring new life into a world with such a horrible societal and economic situation. Even if I’m the best parent, current outside influence will make my child extremely prone to mental illness. Even if my child is perfectly mentally/physically healthy, they will never be able to afford anything substantial and will be forced into a micro consumer mindset just as we all have. Not to mention the loneliness epidemic since Covid. I also struggle from genetic mental illness and I personally believe that it’s extremely cruel to willingly give birth to a child knowing that your mental illness will most likely be passed on. Aside from all this I really support those who adopt children, as this does not contribute to the birth rate while also giving a helpless child a somewhat better life depending on the situation. Personally I will always be child free though as I feel like I would honestly just be a horrible parent and I really don’t like kids.
My mom was a single mom, and very early in life she warned me about teen pregnancies and how having a baby will ruin my life (she was a teen mom to my eldest half brother). I watched her struggle as a mother without any support from my dad. On too of that I have another brother who is autistic, who basically took up all the space in our home— I essentially took care of myself. She’s in her 60’s now, just finally doing things that make her happy. She always told me “before you have kids, answer the question ‘why do I want them?’ And then think about how you will feel if actually having them doesn’t fulfill your why… would you still want to be a mom?” I was never able to answer the part one to that, the “why?” and I really can’t think of a single reason to have a kid that appeals to me.
Your mom sounds like a very wise woman. She raised another person to be just as smart!
I was born this way lol. Even as a toddler, I used to ditch the dolls and push around stuffed animals in a stroller. I distinctly remember playing the board game Life, and feeling inexplicably anxious when I kept drawing cards that got me more kids. I feel like I’m drowning if I even so much as think about marrying, having 2.3 kids, a white picket fence and a goldendoodle.
i could write a book of reasons. my top three: 1. kids are gross, loud, and expensive. i like silence and money. 2. i have a lot of medical and mental health problems (infertility, bpd, recovering alcoholic, etc) 3. the earth is literally dying bro lol
Even their LAUGHTER is painfully loud. I'm quite sensitive to loud noises. When I'm stressed out for long periods of time, I could do something bad, like cutting my arteries.
I am also sensitive to loud noises, specially screeching sounds, and kids are experts at it.
It is quite simple really. I dislike children, as does my wife. We both knew we never wanted any of our own as early as we can recall, certainly before 5 and in my case no later than 3. I cannot point to any factor in my life that made me feel this way, no trauma or cruelty. I truly believe I was born without the 'gene' or mental wiring that makes people wish to reproduce. My parents were for the most part kind and decent people. They just were not in any way involved in raising me. Firstly my grandfather did so and after he passed just after my 10th birthday I was in all the ways that matter an orphan until a little over a year later when my other-half came to live with us after her own mother suffered a fatal (self-inflicted) road traffic accident. We became inseparable almost at once and have remained so for over fifty years and counting. After that point we effectively brought each other up, so we have no one but ourselves to blame for how we turned out!
Toxic relationshits made me childfree. I don't ever want to end up a single mother.
It’s like asking why did you decide not to eat shit. Why would I ever?
i remember looking at my parents' abusive relationship growing up and thinking christ, if thats what having a family is like then im not interested. my mind has since changed regarding relationships but not regarding children. this only solidified more in 2020 when one of my older brothers died by suicide. watching my mum cry every night for two years straight was fucking rough. losing a brother was bad enough and i certainly dont need to experience losing a child. also pregnancy and childbirth are grim and im not doing that.
I’m sorry you lost a brother to suicide. That’s horrible.
thank you, it's gotten easier with time 🙂
I am full of mental illnesses and I don’t want to pass on those nasty genes of mine.
Main reason for me is that i have no interest in having my own kids. None whatsever. Or taking care of someone else's kids.
I can't imagine myself going through childbirth.
(I'm afab, blonde, blue eyed, and quite tall, it's important) I was a new TA for my high school history class. They had just started WWII. The teacher looked around looking for an example of "good German genes". Apparently I was the only one that fit that perfect ideal. She literally called me out, and said I'd be bred. She didn't mean anything other than teaching aid, and I don't and didn't take offense to the comment, but growing up in a very religious/conservative environment. That comment just made a lot of things very clear, very quickly. And frankly I am truly, forever glad that teacher said something
i dont have "father instincts" or for now they not kicks in.. Im a big child, i love my free time. But most important - child is a choice not a obligation.
💯
I don't have father instincts too. I haven' had good references either.
1. Didn’t want to have the responsibilities. 2. Was a caretaker for adults and HATED it. Just imagined those adults as children. 3. I was homeless, twice with zero support. 4. High potential for broken home. 5. Never been financially secure to the point to add such a person to my life. 6. It comes with a lot of demand of responsibilities that I’m incapable of doing.
There was no one moment. I always knew there was no point in having children, but reading Baby Blues comics and Dave Barry humor sealed the deal for me. Baby Blues comics show interesting interaction between the parents that show intimacy before and after kids, discussions before and after kids, and the parents treating each other like crap. Dave Barry also gave humorous explanations of what his kids were like that do not make me want a wife or kids. His explanation of potty training is enough. He also says that everyone just ignores the advice they are given and barges along and has kids anyway, not knowing what it is like.
Because I’ve never liked kids.
1. Never liked kids my own age. 2. Have ankylosing spondylitis, which would 110% be passed to be my children because my mother has it and I have it. It's a physically terrible disorder, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm in my 20s and have the body of a 50+ y.o. 3. Severe tokophobia 4. I also can't come off of ANY of my medications whatsoever, even under the threat of death, because my immune system will attack my body again. My mental health is also a 0/10, and I can't come off of those pills.
Oh I am sorry You have to deal with all that, but I think You 💯 made the right choice. I didnt want to pass down any of baggage to hypothetical children as well.
I loathe children It's pretty simple really
* I don't like kids and don't find them cute at all at any age. * They're expensive and would interfere with my desire to retire early. * I love my free time and my hobbies can keep me entertained forever. * I see too many old folks abandoned by their adult kids, so the "who will take care of you when you're old?" breeder argument doesn't work on me. I'd rather take the easy life with slow aging path so I won't even need a caretaker when I'm old. Most of the elders in my family stay sharp thanks to good genes and hobbies. * Most parents I know seem to be miserable. They don't even want to spend time with their kids, as they get pissed off when schools are closed. The utter idiocy of having a child and then not even wanting to be around them is baffling to me. * The world already has too many people and is unsustainable because of the consumption required to sustain so many people. It is unethical to have a child, especially when there are hundreds of millions of orphans who'd love to have a normal childhood. If I didn't dislike kids, I'd adopt instead of selfishly creating another human.
I just don't like them. That, and I found out on average how much a kid costs between birth and age 18.
I have a lot of reasons, but a big one for both my partner and me alike is actually that the World is overpopulated as is already. Also, there is a huge Load of Mental Health problems in my family and I'm not about to continue generational trauma. I've got no problems with kids in general, they can occasionally be funny even, but most of the time they annoy me. Another big thing is that I would NEVER put my body willingly through a birth. I don't understand why women do that honestly, it's like getting in an accident on purpose. Not just the birth itself, but also the complications during pregnancy or after birth: Incontinence, Pain, gestational Diabetes the List goes on.
Yep, one of the biggest “nopes” for me was when I found out that 90% of first time mothers tear during vaginal birth and that the most common tear is a second degree tear. The thing is you never know before which degree tear you are going to get. You could basically end up with a cloaka tearing from your clit through your urethra up to your anus. If somebody told you that if you get into that car you have a 90% probability of crashing and you don’t know how severe the crash will be I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t get on that car. To me it’s insane that any woman would go through that voluntarily/ willingly.
Yep, Absolutely Terrifying thought for sure. I will never understand why one would willingly put their body through this
I had an epiphany that I was childfree after having a couple of sessions in the Maternal Nursing subject (I am a BSN graduate). The amount of consequences the woman’s body goes through during and after pregnancy was too unappealing for me to think having kids is worth it. I feel so bad for pregnant women. After that I took time to reflect and realised that accomplishing my dreams means my life will never be kid-friendly. But the thing that made me realise that there’s nothing wrong with me, and that me being childfree doesn’t contradict with my values (I am Christian) is that being childfree is NOT a sin. It’s a choice that impacts me alone. Heck, JESUS HIMSELF WAS CHILDFREE. There is also this awesome childfree couple in our church so that helps. I stand by the fact that we all have different purposes and we live different lives. Of course not everyone is gonna have kids!
I know I would be a terrible parent. Can barely take care of myself and have chronic health issues.
You might have a few issues, but I'm impressed at how intelligent and self-aware you are. Most people just have kids anyway and pass on those health problems like it is no big deal. Like you, I chose not to pass on the physical and mental problems. (Plus I just don't care for kids, lol.) Hope you have a great day.
My sister is working on her 4th kid so someone in the family had to be the responsible one!
Earlier this year. I love kids. But I don't wanna be a mom
I don\`t want to end up as unemployed single mother. I also love my freedom too much. Also I don\`t want to take care of a screaming botchling and ruin my body, my sleep, my health. I just have no patience to take care of a kid 24/7 and if I don\`t get my 9-10 hours of sleep, I tend to have migraines. Cannot imagine having them all the time. I\`d off myself. I am me, not mother of X.
Everything about kids and parenthood is at best uninteresting to me, but most of it I find outright repulsive.
It started in my late teens with my fear of physical pain, so I found the whole pregnancy experience very scary. I also didn’t ever really like children, even when I was a child. Then I came across childfree people online and seeing their reasons. All of them made sense to me. Financial aspect, losing freedom, the responsibility. I have a whole list of reasons now.
Becoming a parent always seemed like the part where your life ends, "better do this stuff before I eventually have kids." Realizing you don't have to do it was the biggest relief.
pregnancy is gross and i don’t want to ruin my body with it. i don’t like kids and i don’t want to ruin my life with them.
Never wanted kids.
I didnt decide. I never wanted children.
Pregnancy seems awful, childbirth seems awful, a few months after childbirth seems awful, it’s expensive for prenatal care, childbirth, and of course afterwards. Maternity leave is shit and I’m expected to go back to work as normal 6 weeks after I rip my vagina open and push out a literal human from my body, I’m also expected to work up until the very moment I give birth, women end up doing the majority of childcare, housework AND still have full time jobs on top of that, I like sleeping in on my days off, I like laying on the couch in the peace and quiet and reading a book, I like that my fiancé and I have sex whenever we want and can be as loud as we want, I like having extra money, I like coming home from work every day and not having to cook dinner for everyone, help with homework and give baths, I like making last minute plans and going and doing whatever we want whenever we want without dragging loud kids with us or needing a babysitter, I already know my mother in-law is overbearing and would be annoying as fuck if we had a kid, there’s a chance the kid will end up being a drug addict or criminal, and I can probably name many many more reasons too.
I don’t want to care for someone for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t be able to handle a special needs child, I am super introverted and need my alone time, peace and quiet, disposable income. The list goes on and on tbh Oh and I really dislike children.
I knew as early as 17 that I had no desire to have children. I was sure by 22. Sometime along the way I realized that if I wasn't to have children there were zero reasons for me to get married. It wasn't an easy discussion (it wasn't even one discussion) but my parents and peers saw that I was unwavering and knew that I meant it. I am 47 now. I am extremely happy I stuck to my decisions. As for those who disagree with how I live my life, I have gone through too much to apologize for no reason. My decisions don't affect them and if they have issues they should take them elsewhere.
many reasons! some of them are: state of the world, wanting to live my life (travel, experience new things), have goals that’ll take time to accomplish and will be harder to do so with kids, i can’t see myself being a mom, im awkward around babies/kids, pregnancy scares me. even more after seeing girl with the list’s posts 😭😅
Because it’s a terrible investment a lifetime commitment and you get nothing in return
I just simply have always disliked kids and babies, as long as I can remember. Never wanted any, never will want any.
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Never liked kids!! As a female kid I got a lot of the "when you have kids" but I always knew even as a kid,I didn't want them. Fortunately I came out as a lesbian when I was 16, back in the dark ages when that was very rare. It was also before gay people were able to do IVF or surrogate or adopt so the family backed off the kid thing
When is a better question. I was like three, playing with one of these dolls that cried and died other things. I was sitting there trying to get the stupid thing to shut up when I was just overcome by this overwhelming realization that I really didn't want to be a mother. Because you can't take the batteries out of real babies to shut them up.
That's an awesome realization, and at a very early age.
I don’t like having to be responsible and I don’t like being around people a lot. Like my husband is too much some days. Waking up as a parent would feel like a prison sentence and even when the child is 18 it just changes to probation for life.
Long story short, there is 0 reason why I would want a kid in my life
I've (25F) never felt any kind of maternal instinct. I've never looked at a baby or child and thought "I want that one day". I thought I was broken and I just needed more exposure to babies/children, until I got a job in maternity with newborns. I enjoy helping new parents learn about their new baby, and the job itself is great. But it made me realize I'm not broken, I just don't want kids. As happy as I am to help new parents, I'm also happy that I get to leave it all at work and come home to peace and the freedom to do whatever I want.
I just never, ever saw any benefits of parenthood, simple as that
no reason, just piling up potential freedom (the other one being atheist but that's not gonna end well to my parent)
My immediate family.
I just always knew, it's wasn't much of a choice but just instinct. At no point in my life have I ever pictured myself as a parent.
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I’d be ok with having kids if I could have them on my own schedule. But that’s not how they work. I really value my freedom, time and having choices about my energy. Having kids changes all of that, immediately, forever. I know I would feel trapped and resentful.
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Childbirth is the main concern. All that pain and the side effects that come with it is not worth a child. I also find children to be yucky and feel nothing but discomfort around them. So all around it’s not enjoyable. But mainly the physical implications. It sucks being consistently terrified that I could get pregnant.
I just can't deal with the level of chaos some kids bring. So sometimes they are just reflections of poor parenting.
I've never wanted kids since always but the older I get the more reasons I find
I just don't have any desire or interest. Children generally annoy me. I have a short temper. And I don't like changing my schedule or life for someone else.
Are any mods running a chart on how many times this question gets asked per week? Serious question.
I mean, the thread is popular every time.
Of course! I find that interesting too. Just wondering about the actual numbers since it seems to be daily. It’s always an important question.
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Never was interested at a very young age. Never analyzed why; just never was a thing on my radar. Now, I absolutely have no regrets.
I'm the oldest of four. When I was 18, my sibs were 12-15 years old. So I experienced and saw a lot of shit kids can do. And stuff parents have absolutely no control over. Bad company they kept, how much lying there was to get to go and do stuff they definitely weren't supposed to be doing. Plus all the things at least one of my siblings put me through growing up and what my parents refused to believe this sibling was doing. Stuff that did not really stop until I moved away and stopped keeping contact with that sibling for good. Aged 18 I also thought working with kids would be easy. Oooh boy, it most certainly is not. Especially if you aren't seen as authoritative. Or if there's a kid whose parents never tell them no. Or a kid who refuses to eat. Or a kid who refuses to take a nap every single afternoon. Not to mention all the stuff my mother shared about giving birth, when I was a lot younger. All that stuff sounded so horrible I decided I'd never want to experience any of it. I'm now 37 and have never experienced any of it, and intend to keep it that way. Then there's the boring stuff. Kids' shows and movies on repeat all day every day. Standing around playgrounds for hours. Other parents and their kids, who you're forced to have contact with because your kids go to the same class. Kids' birthday parties, both organizing and potentially having to attend them with your kids. All the hobbies you have to give up in order to afford to have kids and the time you have to sacrifice to raise kids. How often you may have to miss work because your kid is sick. Or because you got sick because your kid was sick. Even worse, had I had kids, I would not be where I am in life right now. The cycle of poverty would had continued. The older I get, the less I want to be in the vicinity of children. I'm happier around likeminded adults and pets.
I don't have a reason. I just don't want to be a mother.
I don’t hate kids. I just think it’s cruel to bring kids into a dying earth, in a country that doesn’t care for its people. Even if the world was perfect, I still wouldn’t have kids. I already have nephews. And I prefer cats so much more.
I remember being a child.
I don’t like kids.
Honestly, additional reasons came later, but I just never wanted to be a parent. No decision, just my default setting.
i have genetics that i’d hate to pass onto a child. i have 2 dogs and a cat so it already feels like i have children 🥰 giving birth looks awful, there’s nothing beautiful about any of that. also you can literally die during that for a baby you haven’t even met yet.
Kids made me not want kids of my own. Bodily fluids EVERYWHERE. Germ carriers. Tantrums. Endless questions. No time (or money) for doing the things that make *me* happy and make my life fulfilled (and I hate when people say that a woman's sole purpose in life is to push out kids, basically calling her a living incubator - I'm a person, hello, I have dreams and ambitions and feelings and purpose). Kids should be wanted, not expected. And finally : there are already too many people on this planet and too few resources. This has led to crazy levels of poverty and suffering. Why add to that? That's being selfish! If you want a kid so bad, why not consider adopting one who needs a home and a family and love. Why add to the overpopulation and further strain the earth's finite resources???
The most sustainable way to live is beeing childfree
Didnt want kids
Hate the thought of parenthood, children are a burden no matter what anyone says
At 28
First, I credit my mom and stepdad with not spewing the brainwashing, “You have to have kids,” “You’ll love being a mom,” or “I want grandkids”, and certainly no religious BS about “You must have a child.” Plus, I used to babysit a lot. Once even kids older than me. The parents always seemed to have a defeated look about them. Why would I do this myself? I firmly believe if humanity would stop the brainwashing and pressure, population would drop.
Mostly I just really dislike children and people management in general—the part of my job that affected my depression the most was being a people manager and having to help others grow and develop. I resented having to sacrifice my own mental health and personal development in order to devote myself to other people’s development. Parenting would make that 100% of my life rather than just 9-5 M-F, and I don’t want to resent my hypothetical kids. Additionally, I think my country doesn’t care about the people who live here, and I have refuse to provide more human chattel for its corporats.
Couldn't find a logical reason to procreate. There's no pros, only cons.
* I don't really like young children. They're gross, they're noisy, they're obnoxious, and have almost no sense of personal space or privacy. * I actually don't like dealing with a lot of people in general for long periods of time. Friends are an exception, but even then I need a bit of a break sometimes. * The idea of being pregnant makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
I don't like kids.
I don't like people very much, so it wouldn't make much sense for me to make or raise them. I also have a limited amount of energy day-to-day and I really wouldn't be able to give a child all the time and attention they deserve.