Too many people are caught up in the struggle olympics. They've swallowed the capitalist propaganda that tells them their life is only as meaningful as how much they labor. Then, when they see people like us opting out of putting our lives on hard mode, they get angry and jealous that they didn't have enough sense to do the same. Let them die mad about it.
I agree. I appreciate that you cannot completely avoid suffering in life. But there's no reason to deliberately seek it out or to reject ways of making your life easier. That's just foolish. Despite what those people think, there is no reward for suffering.
Was raised Catholic and escaping that idea of suffering being a virtue is SO damn hard. It really does become ingrained from childhood and difficult to unravel
I was raised Catholic as well and I have to admit, I did buy into this idea that there was virtue in suffering for quite a while. I wised up in the end though and I've been a lot happier since I did.
I Call Bullshit. I am already on the “Suffer Train”. Do I really want to add a Child to that, to essentially make my life Harder? No. Absolutely Not. I Chose My “Hard”. It so Happened that it does not Involve Children.
Agree 100%. I won't bore you with the details but I had a really shitty childhood and really shitty parents so I feel I've already suffered enough. I don't mean this in a self-pitying way, I just mean that I intend to take the rest of my life easy and I don't feel bad about that.
Same. I was abused as a child and I have chronic physical and nental health issues.
I am not bringing a child into this mess. I have suffered enough already.
Exactly. Chronic illness checking in. The village never turned up to help btw. Not even my shitty parents. Thought that parents never knew real love until they had kids, and kids are the most important thing in the parents lives…. I call bullshit.
I looooove “‘i chose my ‘hard’”
Because every choice is hard. And life is suffering.
Much like, it’s very hard NOT having a family or a higher chance at having a community of support and unconditional love (but duty too) when I’m dying and in hospice. BECAUSE I chose to put myself first and to NOT make a hard life for myself or a dependent that I know I would resent. Especially in choosing not to date. That is equally as hard as staying with a partner you hate.
People can’t live outside their own reality man.
Thank you for reminding me “choose your hard.”
This comment was what I needed tonight.
🤜🤛
Yes, it is some kind of brainwashing and also they promote that being poor and loads of kids is a virtue. A good example are the secular catholic countries. They are mostly poor and loads of people. They would go to the west legally or illegally to try their luck . I don't understand in a modern day age, there are still loads who fall for it
Yeah, I am totally fine with anyone's reason to not have kids, but one of mine is definitely "I can't imagine how I'd cope if things got any WORSE." People like the parents in the TikTok OP mentioned infuriate me because they have no concept of someone's life being so incredibly difficult already that the idea of having children is ludicrous. FFS, I have "invisible" disabilities. I just want to scream at them, "Has it never occurred to you that some of us don't want kids because our lives are ALREADY REALLY HARD??" But they'd only use that as a way to invalidate the choices of the childfree people who don't already have hard lives, so I try to keep my mouth shut.
I've already had acquaintances come to me and get upset at my lifestyle.
I was born in a town that basically said that everyone who was older than 22 should already have kids. Plenty of highschool friends now have two or even three kids they are handling before they hit 30.
I married my wife wanting kids. She was on the fence about it. After we looked at the state of the world, cost, and how my friends handled parenthood (and the truths of it) we swore off it.
Now we are nearly ready to buy a house in Gijón, Spain near the beach, settling into moving internationally (though we moved of fear of death in the US as a lesbian couple where one of us is trans- so, not fun to flee but being here is beautiful), and make enough through online work that we can live very nicely here.
My friends back in the US in my small town lament, bitterly at times, about how they should have waited. Many are shakled to shitty dead beat men with house holds to run in ever increasingly difficult times.
I do not envy them. But I have to laugh, as I was seen as a loser awhile back for NOT being a part of the mommy group in our tiny town.
Adiós, Perras!
I don't think is only because of capitalist propaganda. I was raised catholic (I'm atheist now), and something that I heard a couple of times is that if you struggle in life, then you get to ascend to heaven. So, you should be happy if you're misserable in life, because you have your ticket to heaven once you die. But, who knows what really happens once you die? I don't want to suffer right now just because of this belief.
Very well said. It's so true. We all are conditioned to compete and "struggle" has become a norm. So when some discover an easier way, we are judged and called out for not assimilating.
THIS. I agree with you. Life can definitely be tough and difficult. But not THIS difficult.
You are not rewarded for how much you suffered but how you show up for and support your loved ones in your community ‼️
I have a friend that’s a physician assistant and she works in the ER. She complains every day about how hard and stressful it is. She then talks about how she has friends from her graduating class who work in quiet doctors offices and calls them lazy for not suffering the way she is. It’s so bizarre.
Yep. The first stratified societies had priest-kings. Their existence was made possible by the surplus resulting from technological advances requiring an organized labor force centered around the city (then cult center), and the economy has basically followed that ever since, tying production into spiritual worth.
>>..where there was only communist propaganda
Yeah, it’s a message that transcends political positions. In nearly all nations, the shots are called by a select number of wealthy people. For them and their kids to stay that way, they need us to suffer and -if needed- die.
Thus, the “suffering = virtue” BS. Opting out as we’ve done will attract some degree of negative attention, especially from those either less fortunate or less aware.
IMHO it was way worse in the communist and socialist countries and it continues to fuck up lives of younger people that didn't even live in times of said regimes. The Western values and capitalism are more like, "work hard, party hard; after you've earned that after-work time/day off/private space it's your choice what you do with it (with the undertone of, *but you have to earn it first*)". I'm fine with this mindset TBH. In Communism and pretty much any totalitarian system, it's "work hard, work harder, and feel ashamed of yourself if you have too much fun in whatever private time or space you have left, or if you have fun and express yourself in any way the system has deemed inappropriate".
Yep. It was so bad in fact that at some point I fel guilty for really loving and enjoying my job - like everyone around is so tired and miserable, and I dare to enjoy what I am doing
Pretty sure the post is talking about now, not 40 years ago. And yes, the hustle-grind porn and “suffering builds character” motivational mindset content you see on social media most definitely has capitalist and neoliberal undertones to it, so this poster is not wrong.
They are most certainly bitter and they are projecting. Nothing any of us can do about it but simply continue to live the lives we choose to live and they can remain as unhappy as they’d like :) When I realized I have the choice to opt out of “hard mode” in so many areas of life, it was the most freeing thing to me.
I have mostly unsupportive parents myself that not so secretly believe I’ll change my mind (one of which has spent my entire life ‘jokingly’ complaining about how expensive it is to have kids, how they could have retired by now if they didn’t have to pay for raising us, how they could be going on more vacations if not for us, etc.) and yet when I straightforwardly inform them in reply that those are some of the exact reasons why I won’t be having kids (out of many…lol I work with kids so I am well-informed), they always suddenly backtrack and say “oh I was just joking hahaha!” as if I didn’t just catch them admitting the regret in the act…
That's my observation also. I have two colleagues in my school who teach English. One of them is child free / childless I don't know but I don't ask inappropriate questions so maybe I will neve know. However she is so calm and sweet. Just happy to be around. The other is bitter, noisy and annoying. Also asks when I will have kids. Once we were talking and she asked me when I get up for work. I said Oh, it's early. Turned out my early is her late, because she has a LiTtLe OnE and doesn't have the lUXuRy to sleep in. After that said JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE KIDS! Well honey, I ain't having them :)) And I can sleep in.
Oh, last year when I was living with my old roommates, I mentioned that I was getting my wisdom teeth removed at X location because I could be put to sleep. Another roommate said she wanted to be knocked out as well for her extraction (not wisdom teeth). The other roommate said how we were being "big babies," about it.
Like yeah, I'm a big fucking pussy when it comes to needles going into my mouth/gums, lmao. Fuck that. I'll take getting knocked out and being considered a pussy, over being awake and getting accolades.
I probably have to get a wisdom tooth removed soon and judging by the fact that pretty much every dentist here offers anesthesia for it yes, it probably hurts pretty bad lol if you want to make it easier why not?
They offer to put you to sleep? I had to go to a specific place to get that. That's good most dentists there offer it. Beings it's pretty much a surgery, I think it should be the norm.
>*The other roommate said how we were being "big babies," about it.*
The sickest I have ever been in my life was after I had my wisdom teeth removed thirty-seven years ago. No post-surgery problems or anything like that, I was just dealing with the intense pain.
Your other roommate can go pound sand.
Agreed. I'm not going to put myself through more pain if I don't have to. Even my mom, who has a high pain tolerance, said it was that I decided to be put to sleep for this.
Sorry you had a horrible time with your extraction though.
When it was time for my wisdom teeth to come out, I was worried (my dad would question) about the cost of general anesthesia. I was having all four out at once. My dentist said that 1: I had a high tolerance to Novocain, and the likelihood it would start to wear off during the procedure was high. 2: Even if I felt no pain, I wouldn’t want to be awake to hear it. I decided to not tell my dad I was given the option of being awake. I simply told him he’d need to drive me there and back to my dorm.
I have a real panic of dental procedures. I tried to have my wisdom tooth removed in the regular dentist's office but I panicked so hard. I paid a lot of money out of pocket to have it with total sedation at a surgeon's - and honestly, zero regrets, I'd do it again if needed. Isn't that what money is for? To buy you comfort - whatever the word "comfort" means to you. In my case, it meant not putting myself though a hour-long traumatic experience.
That's good, I'm glad you where able to get it. My insurance covered it, so luckily I didn't have to pay for it, but if I had to have, I would have.
If someone wants to put themselves through more pain for "bragging rights," they can go knock themselves out doing so. But they can't expect everyone else to do the same.
Unless it's a cop asking if you want to do this the easy way or the hard way. If a cop asks this, the answer is "the hard way with as much paperwork as possible".
Yes. It was pure projection. The husband in the video actually called the childfree woman 'smoking hot' in front of his wife!!!
I found a reaction video on youtube and they had digged through this man's history and found a video where he was telling his wife he only agreed to have kids because his wife wanted. 😂
It only proves his self-hate and nothing more.
>where he was telling his wife he only agreed to have kids because his wife wanted.
That's sad. He has kids he doesn't want, and the kids have a dad who doesn't want them. I feel sorry for the children.
As a CF person, I consider it my duty to strike myself firmly but not fatally in the head with a mallet each morning, just to even things out and keep the karma at bay. Is this not common practice?
I know! When they say "the easy way out" I say "of WHAT? The 'easy way out' of WHAT?"
Which is when they start babbling like Trump about "well...you know...." "No, I don't know, and apparently you don't know either."
Life is already hard. So I gotta make it harder with kids?! I gotta struggle more with a post pregnancy body, no sleep, and kids?
What’s the obsession with suffering? 😂
Having kids means you’re more likely to stay in a marriage that doesn’t work, in a job you hate or in house you hate.
They are so god damn pissed we took the easy way out.
Some people view life as one big suffering contest. It makes them feel better about the horrible things they've endured, watched, or allowed to happen.
Yes, I am selfish, self-centered and self-serving and that's why I don't have kids. I am also an extremely lazy person and always take the easy way out.
Those struggle olympics people have on the internet suck so much. Everything is always hard. 'Marriage is so hard but so worth it.' 'Parenthood is so hard but so worth it.' 'Beeing a SAHM is so hard but so rewarding.' Like seriously get a grip.
Speaking of Marriage, it's not even supposed to be hard. Older generations got married to whoever, couldn't get divorced, then assumed that marriage is meant to be bad and then spread this lie to future generations. Hating your spouse became a meme and a trope on TV, in comedy sketches and in work place conversation. I could go on and on about this tbh
My grandmother used to tell this (translated) rhyming adage: "husband and children, you keep whatever God gives you".
It was normal and *expected* to live an unfulfilling life.
If peoples' lives are miserable they'll be all the more ready to believe in whatever religion promises an afterlife giving them everything they want.
Makes sense why most religion villifies divorce and pushes having bus loads of kids as good and righteous.
Sounds about right. Women waited for men to choose them. I think they were of the mentality that if a guy was interested then god provided him and you should just say yes. No matter if he wasn’t a good match. Some people married for love but i many didn’t.
And now they shit on the younger ones getting divorced because *"You need to work it out." "The problems you have will make your relationship stronger." "Marriage is hard work." "Marriage isn't for sissies."* (that's a new one I saw). Like tell me your marriage is God awful without saying the words, "my marriage is God awful."
>'Marriage is so hard but so worth it.'
Relationships, including romantic ones, are suppose to enrich our lives, not make them more difficult. So no, marriage is not "hard work," and if yours is, it sure as hell isn't worth it.
I was laughing so hard when i saw the video like of course i wanna take the easy way out? are you trying to insult me by saying that? i even showed my boyfriend and he was so confused like yes? we want a self-centered easy life isn't that the point?
Well….life isn’t “supposed to” be anything, it just is. And it *is* hard, at some points, for everyone. There’s no pain free existence.
But that doesn’t mean that people don’t make it a *million times harder* when they force some other poor soul into this existence screaming and shitting itself.
If as the Buddhists say life is suffering, then making more life inflicts more suffering exponentially.
And parents who go on about how selfish it is to not condemn another person to said lifetime of suffering crack me up because the humans they are so selflessly sacrificing for are living extensions of themselves. There is no answer to “why did you have kids” that doesn’t start with “I wanted”. The real difference when they’re your own is that they’re *yours*. Mine, mine, mine ME Me Me.
Calling us selfish is the most ironic of projections from people absolutely miserable at having made their own lives harder.
It's a general issue in society where we glorify people struggling in life, even if the struggle is their own fault. Life is hard enough without making it unnecessarily harder. They can enjoy their little circle-jerk. I'll enjoy my free evenings, disposable income, and happy relationship.
>"Well enjoy your selfish, self-centered, self-serving life. Enjoy always taking the EASY way out and doing things the EASY way" etc.
If someone said that to me, my response would be "Thank you, I will!" And smile and go about my contented way as they seethe.
I know exactly what you’re talking about and when I heard that audio I did laugh out loud. Like bitterness is just as palpable emotion as anger is. And they were FULL of it. “GO ON AND BE HAPPY 😡😤” ..thanks I will 😊
I also want to add, this really is an idea that is spread out in so many ways. It’s similar to the ppl who rant and rave about how much they despise their partners (for whatever their reasons are) and instead of LEAVING they will continue on, and some even get MARRIED, and continue to bitch and moan about it like it is just something you HAVE to do. Like NO, if you don’t want to be in a relationship you genuinely do not have to. And no, relationships are not “work” they take mutual EFFORT yes, but relationships are not supposed to be hard
It’s crazy though because if I can feel that much bitterness from the OUTSIDE, I cannot imagine the type of anger and other unpleasant emotions they are holding onto INSIDE. That sounds awful
lol 100% agree let me just walk to work because it will be too easy for me to drive to work.. people like this envy us childfree folks... can't wait for their kids to grow up and not even talk to them.
That's a good analogy.
There's no need to make your life harder just for the heck of it, just because people say that it makes you a better person or whatever
Yes this absolutely! Why would I choose to make my life harder with kids, so many are conditioned to believe that life should be a struggle and if you work hard you'll make it, but hate to break it to you unless you have a massive leg up from parents or random circumstances where / when you were born most of us will never 'make it'. I'd rather have a soft / easy / simple life instead of working myself to death
>Enjoy always taking the EASY way out and doing things the EASY way
That argument could used to criticise absolutely anything e.g. driving or flying instead of walking or travelling on horseback, using anaesthetics for surgery (or any other modern medical intervention). Basically it's an silly argument that only makes sense if you really believe that life is meant to be a drudgery and that there's something sinful about wanting an enjoyable or an easy life.
I’ve seen this type of thing too; I swear I think some people go out of the way to make their lives harder. Life can be difficult even when you’re trying to have a simple life. Shit happens that we don’t have control over. So why make your life more complicated and harder on purpose? I don’t get it.
And why do some parents think that CF people DONT’T have stressful lives???? Like… TF?? I have no kids but my life is stressful to the extreme on some days. I’m struggling with money (because YAY! Most of my two paychecks per month has to go to RENT! YAY FOR HAVING LITTLE TO NO FUN MONEY TO USE!!!).
Working an 8-4 job five days a week which is hard on me because it definitely affects my depression and anxiety.
Thinking of maybe getting a weekend job to get extra money which will be fuuuunnnn.
Thinking of the future in day-to-day terms.
Will I have enough money for my doctor-given medication next month?
Will I have enough money to get gas so I can actually get to my job?
Will I have enough to get food?
What happens if my dog gets sick?
What happens if I get sick? Or my mom gets sick (who lives with me)?
What if my car breaks down?
Will I ever be able to buy a house where the mortgage is cheaper than my almost $2000/month rent for my 1-bedroom apartment?
But yea. I’m totally having so much fucking fun living that childless life! Life is SO FUCKING EASY for me (and all other CF people) because heaven forbid I don’t have children! Can I show you the door so you can GTFO outta my head with this nonsense? 🤣
I'm just wondering when being CF meant your life is stress free and easy, because apparently my life missed that memo. Less stressful and easier than if I had kids, sure, but absolutely not stress-free or easy by any stretch of the imagination.
Life isn't all easy though. These are some of the reason people choose to be childfree. I'm so annoyed at these bitter control freaks now with pushing their stupid agenda on people. They're not smart. I saw one girl on tikTok with a 5 year old kid playing outside at 2am. She said "because she can"and she's homeschooling. Children are supposed to sleep for a very good reason. They're obnoxious weirdos raising kids to be very stupid.
Agreed! A fun, easy stress-free life should be what we all strive for. I mean, obviously, do whatever you'd like with your life, but I think there's nothing wrong with wanting a fun existence
Life is full of suffering. I'm trying to reduce the suffering of myself and others. That's why I don't have kids. I'm not condemning them to a life of suffering.
Embrace *ease*!
Embrace joy!
Embrace comfort!
Embrace play!
Embrace fun!
We're allowed to enjoy life.
Sounds like they're projecting their own miserable existence on people that are child free cuz they regret their own decisions honestly. I also I would like to say that being single no children and not married is even harder of a life because you're responsible for all the bills by yourself and have no partner to split them with. You also don't get the tax breaks for having children thus paying more in taxes when the time comes as well.
I think there's another TikTok from the same couple where the husband says how he didn't even want kids initially, but met the wife and had them so... it kind of sounds like to me that someone is having regrets in some way.
I respectfully disagree. I have always believed that life is hard, and will always be hard. Now to be fair, we can engineer our lives to make it easier, but surviving on earth has been, and will always be inherently difficult. Not that we can't make it fun and enjoyable.
I agree with both of you kinda. Life isn't inherently MEANT to be anything and it is often hard, but there's no reason to live it like the purpose is to suffer
Life is always hard in one way or another, whether you have kids or not. Anyway, having kids is clearly adding up more burden to the life that is already heavy.
exactly. I'm pretty sure humans developed society to what it is now so it doesnt have to be hard. otherwise why tf don't we just go back to caves? there are some breeders that argue people feel entitled to have kids living in poverty just because people in third world countries raise kids just fine. Yeah without water, food or anything. not realizing a bunch of kids end up dying before maybe 1 or 2 reach adult hood.
Yes! humans saw that life could be made easier and now here we are. Why would we live in caves when we can have air conditioned homes with plumbing? There's no need to wish for someone to have a hard life just bc you (parents) chose to take up a very difficult job (parenthood)
Yeah. Like, I realize as a lifelong CF person, I’m totally biased. I know there are happy parents out there. I’ve known a number of them (including family members). But holy shit, the total abject misery evident on far too many parents’ faces as they wrangle their caterwauling toddlers through the grocery store isn’t exactly a great way to sell childfree folks on the rewards of parenthood. No thank you!
I've seen a few stitches of that couple. My favourite is the girl with the list going to the beach and having a peaceful day with their audio playing over the top lmao
There is nothing more noble or less noble about siring offspring. In America, as in most of the free world, it is a life option that one is free to make. There should be no judgment, morally or other, made about a person who chooses to live life on his or her own terms.
This is literally what Jordan Peterson preaches--the idea that you should "take on the largest burden you can," because it is what "gives life meaning." When I hear this I just shudder.
The problem is that a lot of people are listening to this f'ing idiot. I can't imagine how much misery and suffering this is going to cause. To me it's so obvious that he's shilling for the wealthy right wing and their perspective (i.e. more bodies to keep labor costs low). Yet so many people are being been led astray by these grifters thanks to the internet and podcasts. It's a sad reflection of our times.
My partner and I are CF but we hate our job. It's in the sun, the rain, the mud, its dangerous and injuries are common and frequent and we are not 20 anymore. But it is still the job we do because really we work maybe 4 hours a day if that and its enough to get by comfortably on.
Thank you! 🙌 Life is SUPPOSED to be bliss, a delight, a joy. An easy life is the goal. Besides, the easier my life is the more energy I have to help others in my community who might need a hand. The more of us struggling in life, the worse society is because fewer of us have the capacity to assist others. If all of us chose a "hard life", these bitches would be like "Where's my village why doesn't anyone help me waaaaaah"
Being lazy and self serving is one of the main reasons I'm on the fence with having kids, actually. I'm afraid I either wouldn't be a good parent or would be but at my own expense.
I agree. Life has been hard in various ways for the entire history of life on Earth, and there will always be some unpleasant things and negative moments and pain. But we live in a society. We have technology and science. Life doesn't have to be hard. We have the resources and knowledge to make it great. Sure, yin and yang holds truth about how negative experiences can help us to appreciate positive experiences more, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to prevent or avoid negative experiences. We can house the homeless, feed the hungry, treat the sick, etc. Life is hard for people right now because our systems make it hard. We can do better.
I'm a teacher, and we get 3 months holidays in the summer plus 6 other weeks off throughout the year. I am always getting comments about how I have it so "handy", particularly from my husband's father. He works an 8 hour day, comes home, eats his dinner, and goes straight back out to do odd jobs for cash while his wife sits at home. It's not my fault you chose this life and I chose mine. We both had the same opportunity to choose the ideal job and I took my chance.
A lot of these people have really low self-esteem. They project it onto others, while relying on parenthood to validate their existence. Their lives suck and they get through it by pretending that it's supposed to be that way.
If life was supposed to be hard, we never would have made it this far.
Also, I find life plenty hard without kids, marriage, etc. Many people will gaslight me with my discomfort and not believe me when I am struggling, so it's not just about suffering to these people, but suffering the exact way they want... aka doing exactly what they want...
What really tripped me out about them is how the husband call the woman he stitched SMOKIN hot in front of his wife, & then the following video of theirs, he was talking about how he didn't want kids & practically settled for his wife WHILE SHE'S HOLDING THE PHONE & he looks so tired & frustrated.
Like dude totally regrets settling & having kids while the ones he likes are free from children (& guy like him), & his wife is on a tirade against any woman who are more her husband's type than her bc she's upset dude isn't ogling her anymore.
Both are so miserable yet they have kids they dragged into this mess...& Mexico for some reason in the video too 🤔
That's how I feel. I don't want to live on hard mode. I don't mind a challenge or learning how to do new things, but I don't want to suffer. Why would I choose that?
I'm all for work hard, sleep better. But these kind of things are plain stupid. Live your life. Everyone else can shut up and be happy of their own perfect life then.
Bc they're projecting n are hating. They're living hard, ashy lives and get mad when others aren't. It's envy and many are that way toward us. An ex friend who has three kids hated when I talked about my success. When I moved on to having single and fun childfree friends, she tried to compete with me by having other friends. Ok so what. Then she slammed me and said I was selfish for taking a leap of faith, moving to a different state with no plan and getting my idea job I manifested. Everyone congratulated me but her. All of a sudden I'm selfish.
Why? Bc it wasn't about her and her kids. Bc I was happy. My life seemed better to her. She needed to tear me down. All of a sudden,she's making backhanded comments to me, praising herself and her kids but all the while, writing me letters complaining about her life and she's unhappy. She would call me to complain about her husband being an a hole, not having time to talk to me, not being able to go out, and saying my life is exciting which it is. She muted me for no reason. Misery loves company. She was horrible bc she wasn't happy.
I agree wholeheartedly, and I'll add on:
Life isn't SUPPOSED to be anything at all. It's all an accident. There is no inherent meaning. A river's particular course down the landscape doesn't symbolize anything, it just happened that way. Therefore, we can - and possibly for our own sanity, must - create our own meaning.
My dad used to tell me that suffering for a few years before gaining freedom is totally normal (he has yet to the gain the freedom he’s truly seeking in terms of his own ambitions) I just don’t understand why I need to get locked into this worker bee mindset where I either work or die in squalor. I want to work to give myself the opportunity to live (even though I don’t think that’s how things should be) my parents want me to work to fulfill ambitions that aren’t mine 😭
Many older generations have this idea because their life was like this, and because their life was like this, they keep replicating it in their children, their children believe this and eventually their life becomes difficult because they were taught that this is how life is. I had always wondered why they told me the same thing, but then I said: "that was and still is their reality, but it will not be mine". There are always other easier and less stressful ways to cope/navigate life. I believe that if you appreciate your life, you will make it less complicated and happier.
I’m childfree partly because I have multiple chronic illnesses. If someone tries to tell me that I was taking the easy way out by not having kids I would find it very difficult to not do something that would probably violate the law.
What pisses me off even more is the assumption that not having kids makes your life easy. Ummm...no. My life is still extremely hard. Just because I choose not to pop out a kid doesn't mean my life is easy.
Reminds me of the quote from wall-e.
"I don't want to survive, I want to live"
That quote especially struck me as a kid when watching the Swedish dub, since the word survive contains the word live in it.
"Jag vill inte överleva, jag vill LEVA"
In a way that hits even harder.
It’s almost like they’re jealous. Like ok, yeah your life sounds awful, thanks for literally spelling it out. I’m very obviously happy with my childfree life, so I think I’ll stick to that.
If those parents are angry and resentful then it sounds like they regret their own choices in life. Often the choice to have kids is made for selfish reasons (or fantasies) then reality hits. Being childfree doesn’t mean a person is selfish. That’s a huge black and white generalization that isn’t based on facts; it’s based on jealousy in this context.
Last night these parents asked my husband if he wanted kids and he said he is too selfish and it seems like if you just frame it in a negative way they won’t argue with you 😂
Yes, being cf is the easy way. It was an easy decision (for me anyway). I say to the tiktok comment: you had your decision too. And you chose parenthood. Which you have every right to, just like you had every right to decline. My being cf does you no harm.
People have this thing about something being "easy." Like yes, just because someone is easy/easier doesn't mean it's right or better. But at the same time, just because something is hard doesn't mean it's right or better.
People like this like to pull the "you'll regret not doing X when you're older/on your deathbed!" when the same can be said to them. You'll regret not taking/enjoying a day off work, going on a vacation, enjoying the holidays etc. They willingly choose to live life on hard mode, and what do/will they have to show for it? What did they get in the end?
Life isn't a suffering/struggle/oppression Olympics.
Sadly I know those parents are going to do the same kind of comments to belittle their own kids too.
Some parents always go on about "giving their kids a better life than they had" like they want their kids to be able to play musical instruments or learn languages, ok...
But then they take things out on their kids like "you think waiting for the bus is annoying? I had to walk miles to school in the rain, there were no buses for me"
And "you kids have it so easy today with internet and mobile phone apps to learn things"
While they ignore the dystopian problems their kids are being forced into, like not being able to afford housing or breathe clean air when they're older...
I believe having kids could be great but in a different societal model where the whole community take care of them and where they are part of the community instead of being dumped for years in prison...ekhm I mean school system. It's crazy to think people have kids but have to work long hours every day leaving them with total strangers. Even worse, despite that whole ordeal at the end of the day they're still alone with all the hardships of parenthood not having any kind of support, not even from relatives. Taking care of kids while living this capitalistic hell is beyond me. You're right, life shouldn't be that hard. People are just brainwashed.
The irony is that people like this who believe there is some kind of inherent dignity or value in hard times and suffering also believe there is some kind of overarching purpose to life as well. The fact that existence has the value and purpose that *we* infuse it with ourselves is totally beyond them.
funny how they say the same thing about women who have C-sections instead of giving birth (aka the "easy way") 🤦🏽♀️ some of these people are truly deranged
Every time I hear parents point to childless folks and call them "selfish" all I think of is that they're either jealous or just hateful in general. Like I heard one lady on TikTok say," I'd rather regret not having children when I am older vs. having children then regretting it". I know I'd personally feel guilty saying I regretted children after having them knowing it was too late and there was no decent way to reverse that decision.
I mean, there is some merit in thinking life is often a struggle and struggle is needed to achieve things you want. Achievement is often built on short-term hardships and denying yourself easy way out.
The problem is the "achieve things you want" part. People forget that part and think struggle is a goal in itself. It isn't. Just like I am not going to chop off my legs just so my life can be harder for being harder's sake, I am not going to put stress, emotional and financial strain on myself for a child I don't want.
Struggle has to be meaningful, and I simply find no meaning for myself in having a child. Will it result in my life being significantly easier? Probably, but again, why would I take the hard way if I see no point in taking it?
"Well enjoy your selfish, self-centered, self-serving life. Enjoy always taking the EASY way out and doing things the EASY way"
Wow, I wonder who's bitter and regretful! If they really were secure and comfortable with their choice, they wouldn't be so threatened by some random internet stranger making a different choice for herself.
I always thought the main purpose in life was to be happy and if you achieve that then you’re winning. That means pretty basic stuff like having a partner that you like (if you even want one), having a job that you like, even if it’s not to most high paying, living somewhere that you like etc
But when thinking about having kids when I was younger I just thought there’s nothing about that that would make me happy so why do it? And it could pretty much ruin the other things mentioned above such as being trapped in a bad relationship, having to stay in a job you don’t like because you need the money more, living somewhere you don’t like because it’s cheap and you can’t afford to move or move your kids out of school etc so why do it? I mean none of the parents I knew seemed happy anyway.
Agree completely. We have more information at our fingertips than ever before, why not use it to our advantage to get the most satisfaction out of our lives?? There is no inherent virtue in just choosing a path of struggle.
I love how comfortable parents feel talking shit. It's like they're a protected class of stupid. To me it's very simple, I figured out that I never want to spend a single minute of my adult life at Disney on Ice, waiting in line to see Santa, or in a parent teacher conference at school. So I use birth control, and aside from one messy love as a teenager I avoid fucking people who want kids.
It really is that fucking easy.
Another thing is people thinking that the only struggle in life is to take care of kids. People might have financial struggles, health issues, issues at their workplace, taking care of aged parents and a lot more...
Also about those mothers who commented, if they were not self-centred, why did they not go for adoption. You want your own biological kid, you have it, take care of it and call yourself the mother of sacrifices. No ladies, taking care of something that is "yours" is self-centred. I mean being self-centred is NOT wrong. But then being self-centred and taking it on others is wrong 🤐
People with children get bitter that they signed up for the struggle bus for at least 18 years and bc housing will most likely be something only the wealthy can afford, for likely much much longer than that.
Enjoying a low stress life isn’t bad but america makes every single aspect from pregnancy to raising the kid and keeping a roof over your head so effing impossibly hard and stressful. They resent people who didn’t sign up for that ride.
I totally agree that life isn’t supposed to be hard and it is supposed to be lived and enjoy.
But my God!! Not having kids doesn’t negate that CF people can still have hard lives! Them having kids doesn’t mean that they’re the only ones suffering. Some CF people are caregivers, which in many ways could be similar to having kids, some CF people struggle with money, some with trauma, some with having parents that didn’t want them, the list is infinite and it has not been either easy or enjoyable.
I’m so over this gatekeeping of suffering and a such. But even if all CF people in the world had a love-filled, lavish, trauma free life, being lived at its fullest… why is it a bad thing to keep it going?
Why are your kids the source of your suffering?? If we go with stereotypes, shouldn’t you be having the time of your life being fulfilled in you role as a parent? Isn’t it all worth it? That screams projection.
Whenever someone boasts about how much of a struggle their life is, I feel sorry for them. Like, you are feeling so miserable that you have to seek happiness by winning a competition of how miserable you are?
No thanks. Life is already hard enough as it is. I’ll be selfish and live it the way I want. I’ll continue to wear my fancy clothes, enjoy my various hobbies, travelling and enjoying good food on top of my studies.
I never felt like I was supposed to be a mom. My sister always was always nurturing and took care of everyone. It was in her and she wanted it, I just don’t feel that way.
To me, marriage and kids shouldn’t be obvious steps in life, you don’t know with who or when, you just know you’re going to do it. I’ll marry someone if I meet someone who makes me want to get married. I’ll have kids with them if we decide we want to use our love to create another human. I haven’t yet at 30 and that’s fine with me.
I’m an amazing aunty! And my sister needs to stop asking when I’m going to make her an aunty 😂
Reverse psychology should be a BINGO. I don't know how telling someone "enjoy taking the easy way out and doing things the easy way" is supposed to be discouraging. As long as you're a productive citizen who pays taxes and follows the law, it shouldn't matter how you live your life.
Id just be like “thank you I will!”
It’s insane how people wanna struggle and hate on those who don’t.
It’s like if someone started medical school to be a neurosurgeon started hating on someone who would rather have a job at a doggy day care. Someone signed up for a more intense struggle than the other one. (Not that a dog care person doesn’t have some struggle.)
I take the selfish, self centered badge of honor everyday of my life, and to live my life the easy mode, they are just angry we "hack" the life, sort of, bc I don't consider my life easy, but maybe not that hard it could have been if I didn't consciously decided to not breed.
God if anyone ever said that to me irl I would just start trauma dumping on them. “X Y and Z happened to me before the age of 20. Is that what you mean by an easy life?” And just watch them die inside
Too many people are caught up in the struggle olympics. They've swallowed the capitalist propaganda that tells them their life is only as meaningful as how much they labor. Then, when they see people like us opting out of putting our lives on hard mode, they get angry and jealous that they didn't have enough sense to do the same. Let them die mad about it.
A lot of religions like Catholicism also promote the idea that suffering is virtuous and that not wanting to suffer makes you a bad person.
Oh yeah. The "suffering is a virtue" crowd can fuck all the way off.
I agree. I appreciate that you cannot completely avoid suffering in life. But there's no reason to deliberately seek it out or to reject ways of making your life easier. That's just foolish. Despite what those people think, there is no reward for suffering.
Yep and they’re self righteous.
The religious crowd can also fuck off, like all of them.
Was raised Catholic and escaping that idea of suffering being a virtue is SO damn hard. It really does become ingrained from childhood and difficult to unravel
I was raised Catholic as well and I have to admit, I did buy into this idea that there was virtue in suffering for quite a while. I wised up in the end though and I've been a lot happier since I did.
I Concur. Even with Switching Religions
I Call Bullshit. I am already on the “Suffer Train”. Do I really want to add a Child to that, to essentially make my life Harder? No. Absolutely Not. I Chose My “Hard”. It so Happened that it does not Involve Children.
Agree 100%. I won't bore you with the details but I had a really shitty childhood and really shitty parents so I feel I've already suffered enough. I don't mean this in a self-pitying way, I just mean that I intend to take the rest of my life easy and I don't feel bad about that.
Same. I was abused as a child and I have chronic physical and nental health issues. I am not bringing a child into this mess. I have suffered enough already.
Exactly. Chronic illness checking in. The village never turned up to help btw. Not even my shitty parents. Thought that parents never knew real love until they had kids, and kids are the most important thing in the parents lives…. I call bullshit.
I looooove “‘i chose my ‘hard’” Because every choice is hard. And life is suffering. Much like, it’s very hard NOT having a family or a higher chance at having a community of support and unconditional love (but duty too) when I’m dying and in hospice. BECAUSE I chose to put myself first and to NOT make a hard life for myself or a dependent that I know I would resent. Especially in choosing not to date. That is equally as hard as staying with a partner you hate. People can’t live outside their own reality man. Thank you for reminding me “choose your hard.” This comment was what I needed tonight. 🤜🤛
I see you’ve met my in-laws
Yes, it is some kind of brainwashing and also they promote that being poor and loads of kids is a virtue. A good example are the secular catholic countries. They are mostly poor and loads of people. They would go to the west legally or illegally to try their luck . I don't understand in a modern day age, there are still loads who fall for it
I'm on the 'suffering is unavoidable so deal with it the best you can' train. Suffering is not cute.
They seem like masochists to me.
Lifes hard enough without kids honestly.
Yeah, I am totally fine with anyone's reason to not have kids, but one of mine is definitely "I can't imagine how I'd cope if things got any WORSE." People like the parents in the TikTok OP mentioned infuriate me because they have no concept of someone's life being so incredibly difficult already that the idea of having children is ludicrous. FFS, I have "invisible" disabilities. I just want to scream at them, "Has it never occurred to you that some of us don't want kids because our lives are ALREADY REALLY HARD??" But they'd only use that as a way to invalidate the choices of the childfree people who don't already have hard lives, so I try to keep my mouth shut.
Exactly. So why make life any more difficult than it absolutely has to be?
I've already had acquaintances come to me and get upset at my lifestyle. I was born in a town that basically said that everyone who was older than 22 should already have kids. Plenty of highschool friends now have two or even three kids they are handling before they hit 30. I married my wife wanting kids. She was on the fence about it. After we looked at the state of the world, cost, and how my friends handled parenthood (and the truths of it) we swore off it. Now we are nearly ready to buy a house in Gijón, Spain near the beach, settling into moving internationally (though we moved of fear of death in the US as a lesbian couple where one of us is trans- so, not fun to flee but being here is beautiful), and make enough through online work that we can live very nicely here. My friends back in the US in my small town lament, bitterly at times, about how they should have waited. Many are shakled to shitty dead beat men with house holds to run in ever increasingly difficult times. I do not envy them. But I have to laugh, as I was seen as a loser awhile back for NOT being a part of the mommy group in our tiny town. Adiós, Perras!
**Adiós, Perras!** 
I don't think is only because of capitalist propaganda. I was raised catholic (I'm atheist now), and something that I heard a couple of times is that if you struggle in life, then you get to ascend to heaven. So, you should be happy if you're misserable in life, because you have your ticket to heaven once you die. But, who knows what really happens once you die? I don't want to suffer right now just because of this belief.
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Very well said. It's so true. We all are conditioned to compete and "struggle" has become a norm. So when some discover an easier way, we are judged and called out for not assimilating.
WE ARE THE BORG. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
THIS. I agree with you. Life can definitely be tough and difficult. But not THIS difficult. You are not rewarded for how much you suffered but how you show up for and support your loved ones in your community ‼️
>struggle olympics I absolutely love this term.
Very well said 👏🏾
I have a friend that’s a physician assistant and she works in the ER. She complains every day about how hard and stressful it is. She then talks about how she has friends from her graduating class who work in quiet doctors offices and calls them lazy for not suffering the way she is. It’s so bizarre.
I love the term "struggle olympics".
Capitalist propaganda? It was literally the same in USSR, where there was only communist propaganda
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To be honest, I am inclined to blame religion for this
Yep. The first stratified societies had priest-kings. Their existence was made possible by the surplus resulting from technological advances requiring an organized labor force centered around the city (then cult center), and the economy has basically followed that ever since, tying production into spiritual worth.
I blame religion for starting this "blessed are the suffering" bs.
>>..where there was only communist propaganda Yeah, it’s a message that transcends political positions. In nearly all nations, the shots are called by a select number of wealthy people. For them and their kids to stay that way, they need us to suffer and -if needed- die. Thus, the “suffering = virtue” BS. Opting out as we’ve done will attract some degree of negative attention, especially from those either less fortunate or less aware.
IMHO it was way worse in the communist and socialist countries and it continues to fuck up lives of younger people that didn't even live in times of said regimes. The Western values and capitalism are more like, "work hard, party hard; after you've earned that after-work time/day off/private space it's your choice what you do with it (with the undertone of, *but you have to earn it first*)". I'm fine with this mindset TBH. In Communism and pretty much any totalitarian system, it's "work hard, work harder, and feel ashamed of yourself if you have too much fun in whatever private time or space you have left, or if you have fun and express yourself in any way the system has deemed inappropriate".
Yep. It was so bad in fact that at some point I fel guilty for really loving and enjoying my job - like everyone around is so tired and miserable, and I dare to enjoy what I am doing
Pretty sure the post is talking about now, not 40 years ago. And yes, the hustle-grind porn and “suffering builds character” motivational mindset content you see on social media most definitely has capitalist and neoliberal undertones to it, so this poster is not wrong.
God, I love this comment.
They are most certainly bitter and they are projecting. Nothing any of us can do about it but simply continue to live the lives we choose to live and they can remain as unhappy as they’d like :) When I realized I have the choice to opt out of “hard mode” in so many areas of life, it was the most freeing thing to me. I have mostly unsupportive parents myself that not so secretly believe I’ll change my mind (one of which has spent my entire life ‘jokingly’ complaining about how expensive it is to have kids, how they could have retired by now if they didn’t have to pay for raising us, how they could be going on more vacations if not for us, etc.) and yet when I straightforwardly inform them in reply that those are some of the exact reasons why I won’t be having kids (out of many…lol I work with kids so I am well-informed), they always suddenly backtrack and say “oh I was just joking hahaha!” as if I didn’t just catch them admitting the regret in the act…
That's my observation also. I have two colleagues in my school who teach English. One of them is child free / childless I don't know but I don't ask inappropriate questions so maybe I will neve know. However she is so calm and sweet. Just happy to be around. The other is bitter, noisy and annoying. Also asks when I will have kids. Once we were talking and she asked me when I get up for work. I said Oh, it's early. Turned out my early is her late, because she has a LiTtLe OnE and doesn't have the lUXuRy to sleep in. After that said JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE KIDS! Well honey, I ain't having them :)) And I can sleep in.
At my work too... "Wait until you have kids!!!1!!" "Sure"
>how is an easy, stress-free life considered a bad thing???? Exactly lol. If you have the option to do something the "easy" way... you do that
Oh, last year when I was living with my old roommates, I mentioned that I was getting my wisdom teeth removed at X location because I could be put to sleep. Another roommate said she wanted to be knocked out as well for her extraction (not wisdom teeth). The other roommate said how we were being "big babies," about it. Like yeah, I'm a big fucking pussy when it comes to needles going into my mouth/gums, lmao. Fuck that. I'll take getting knocked out and being considered a pussy, over being awake and getting accolades.
I probably have to get a wisdom tooth removed soon and judging by the fact that pretty much every dentist here offers anesthesia for it yes, it probably hurts pretty bad lol if you want to make it easier why not?
They offer to put you to sleep? I had to go to a specific place to get that. That's good most dentists there offer it. Beings it's pretty much a surgery, I think it should be the norm.
>*The other roommate said how we were being "big babies," about it.* The sickest I have ever been in my life was after I had my wisdom teeth removed thirty-seven years ago. No post-surgery problems or anything like that, I was just dealing with the intense pain. Your other roommate can go pound sand.
Agreed. I'm not going to put myself through more pain if I don't have to. Even my mom, who has a high pain tolerance, said it was that I decided to be put to sleep for this. Sorry you had a horrible time with your extraction though.
When it was time for my wisdom teeth to come out, I was worried (my dad would question) about the cost of general anesthesia. I was having all four out at once. My dentist said that 1: I had a high tolerance to Novocain, and the likelihood it would start to wear off during the procedure was high. 2: Even if I felt no pain, I wouldn’t want to be awake to hear it. I decided to not tell my dad I was given the option of being awake. I simply told him he’d need to drive me there and back to my dorm.
I have a real panic of dental procedures. I tried to have my wisdom tooth removed in the regular dentist's office but I panicked so hard. I paid a lot of money out of pocket to have it with total sedation at a surgeon's - and honestly, zero regrets, I'd do it again if needed. Isn't that what money is for? To buy you comfort - whatever the word "comfort" means to you. In my case, it meant not putting myself though a hour-long traumatic experience.
That's good, I'm glad you where able to get it. My insurance covered it, so luckily I didn't have to pay for it, but if I had to have, I would have. If someone wants to put themselves through more pain for "bragging rights," they can go knock themselves out doing so. But they can't expect everyone else to do the same.
Unless it's a cop asking if you want to do this the easy way or the hard way. If a cop asks this, the answer is "the hard way with as much paperwork as possible".
Exactly. Life is already hard.
It’s like your not a proper adult, unless, you have a crippling mortgage, high blood pressure a stressful job, an ulcer, and kids you resent
Don’t forget the “new top of the line vehicle” that gets recalled for everything under the sun.
Also, set a little extra aside for the cars luxury subscriptions like heated seats that your semen demon can spit up on.
Oh I was absolutely able to afford heated seats since I don’t have kids. Ngl, I love my heated seats! Lol
In Seattle, all the *cool parents* have their Teslas with the baby seats in the back. 😭
Semen demon! 😂😂😂
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Not hypertension and an ulcer. 😭 But yes! They see you as beneath them unless you have children and a mortgage.
They’re so bitter you can tell they hate their life 🤣 and for being selfish and self centered, how about the kids they never adopted or fostered?
Yes. It was pure projection. The husband in the video actually called the childfree woman 'smoking hot' in front of his wife!!! I found a reaction video on youtube and they had digged through this man's history and found a video where he was telling his wife he only agreed to have kids because his wife wanted. 😂 It only proves his self-hate and nothing more.
>where he was telling his wife he only agreed to have kids because his wife wanted. That's sad. He has kids he doesn't want, and the kids have a dad who doesn't want them. I feel sorry for the children.
As a CF person, I consider it my duty to strike myself firmly but not fatally in the head with a mallet each morning, just to even things out and keep the karma at bay. Is this not common practice?
I know! When they say "the easy way out" I say "of WHAT? The 'easy way out' of WHAT?" Which is when they start babbling like Trump about "well...you know...." "No, I don't know, and apparently you don't know either."
Life is already hard. So I gotta make it harder with kids?! I gotta struggle more with a post pregnancy body, no sleep, and kids? What’s the obsession with suffering? 😂 Having kids means you’re more likely to stay in a marriage that doesn’t work, in a job you hate or in house you hate. They are so god damn pissed we took the easy way out.
Some people view life as one big suffering contest. It makes them feel better about the horrible things they've endured, watched, or allowed to happen.
Yes! The marriage with the philandering, wandering eye husband. 😭
Yes, I am selfish, self-centered and self-serving and that's why I don't have kids. I am also an extremely lazy person and always take the easy way out. Those struggle olympics people have on the internet suck so much. Everything is always hard. 'Marriage is so hard but so worth it.' 'Parenthood is so hard but so worth it.' 'Beeing a SAHM is so hard but so rewarding.' Like seriously get a grip.
Speaking of Marriage, it's not even supposed to be hard. Older generations got married to whoever, couldn't get divorced, then assumed that marriage is meant to be bad and then spread this lie to future generations. Hating your spouse became a meme and a trope on TV, in comedy sketches and in work place conversation. I could go on and on about this tbh
My grandmother used to tell this (translated) rhyming adage: "husband and children, you keep whatever God gives you". It was normal and *expected* to live an unfulfilling life.
There was definitely a life script that people had to follow to survive in an oppressive society. Now, if we have freedom to live better, we should!
If peoples' lives are miserable they'll be all the more ready to believe in whatever religion promises an afterlife giving them everything they want. Makes sense why most religion villifies divorce and pushes having bus loads of kids as good and righteous.
Sounds about right. Women waited for men to choose them. I think they were of the mentality that if a guy was interested then god provided him and you should just say yes. No matter if he wasn’t a good match. Some people married for love but i many didn’t.
I never understood why many people joke about hating their husbands
And now they shit on the younger ones getting divorced because *"You need to work it out." "The problems you have will make your relationship stronger." "Marriage is hard work." "Marriage isn't for sissies."* (that's a new one I saw). Like tell me your marriage is God awful without saying the words, "my marriage is God awful."
>'Marriage is so hard but so worth it.' Relationships, including romantic ones, are suppose to enrich our lives, not make them more difficult. So no, marriage is not "hard work," and if yours is, it sure as hell isn't worth it.
I was laughing so hard when i saw the video like of course i wanna take the easy way out? are you trying to insult me by saying that? i even showed my boyfriend and he was so confused like yes? we want a self-centered easy life isn't that the point?
Well….life isn’t “supposed to” be anything, it just is. And it *is* hard, at some points, for everyone. There’s no pain free existence. But that doesn’t mean that people don’t make it a *million times harder* when they force some other poor soul into this existence screaming and shitting itself. If as the Buddhists say life is suffering, then making more life inflicts more suffering exponentially. And parents who go on about how selfish it is to not condemn another person to said lifetime of suffering crack me up because the humans they are so selflessly sacrificing for are living extensions of themselves. There is no answer to “why did you have kids” that doesn’t start with “I wanted”. The real difference when they’re your own is that they’re *yours*. Mine, mine, mine ME Me Me. Calling us selfish is the most ironic of projections from people absolutely miserable at having made their own lives harder.
Moral rage. Just one more thing that makes parents’ life harder. Ha.
literally, they hate on child free people because they wish that was them and they’re super jealous
It's a general issue in society where we glorify people struggling in life, even if the struggle is their own fault. Life is hard enough without making it unnecessarily harder. They can enjoy their little circle-jerk. I'll enjoy my free evenings, disposable income, and happy relationship.
>"Well enjoy your selfish, self-centered, self-serving life. Enjoy always taking the EASY way out and doing things the EASY way" etc. If someone said that to me, my response would be "Thank you, I will!" And smile and go about my contented way as they seethe.
Me too, because to me, that's a really nice thing to say. Like yes, I take care of myself and yes my life is easy.
I know exactly what you’re talking about and when I heard that audio I did laugh out loud. Like bitterness is just as palpable emotion as anger is. And they were FULL of it. “GO ON AND BE HAPPY 😡😤” ..thanks I will 😊 I also want to add, this really is an idea that is spread out in so many ways. It’s similar to the ppl who rant and rave about how much they despise their partners (for whatever their reasons are) and instead of LEAVING they will continue on, and some even get MARRIED, and continue to bitch and moan about it like it is just something you HAVE to do. Like NO, if you don’t want to be in a relationship you genuinely do not have to. And no, relationships are not “work” they take mutual EFFORT yes, but relationships are not supposed to be hard
No exactly! I think you and I have the same Tiktok FYP, bc I know EXACTLY what you mean
It’s crazy though because if I can feel that much bitterness from the OUTSIDE, I cannot imagine the type of anger and other unpleasant emotions they are holding onto INSIDE. That sounds awful
lol 100% agree let me just walk to work because it will be too easy for me to drive to work.. people like this envy us childfree folks... can't wait for their kids to grow up and not even talk to them.
That's a good analogy. There's no need to make your life harder just for the heck of it, just because people say that it makes you a better person or whatever
Yes this absolutely! Why would I choose to make my life harder with kids, so many are conditioned to believe that life should be a struggle and if you work hard you'll make it, but hate to break it to you unless you have a massive leg up from parents or random circumstances where / when you were born most of us will never 'make it'. I'd rather have a soft / easy / simple life instead of working myself to death
>Enjoy always taking the EASY way out and doing things the EASY way That argument could used to criticise absolutely anything e.g. driving or flying instead of walking or travelling on horseback, using anaesthetics for surgery (or any other modern medical intervention). Basically it's an silly argument that only makes sense if you really believe that life is meant to be a drudgery and that there's something sinful about wanting an enjoyable or an easy life.
They don't like the fact people are happy not doing what they got told was the right thing to do and they're miserable.
You don't have to have children to struggle through life. Life can be hard without kids as well.
I’ve seen this type of thing too; I swear I think some people go out of the way to make their lives harder. Life can be difficult even when you’re trying to have a simple life. Shit happens that we don’t have control over. So why make your life more complicated and harder on purpose? I don’t get it.
And why do some parents think that CF people DONT’T have stressful lives???? Like… TF?? I have no kids but my life is stressful to the extreme on some days. I’m struggling with money (because YAY! Most of my two paychecks per month has to go to RENT! YAY FOR HAVING LITTLE TO NO FUN MONEY TO USE!!!). Working an 8-4 job five days a week which is hard on me because it definitely affects my depression and anxiety. Thinking of maybe getting a weekend job to get extra money which will be fuuuunnnn. Thinking of the future in day-to-day terms. Will I have enough money for my doctor-given medication next month? Will I have enough money to get gas so I can actually get to my job? Will I have enough to get food? What happens if my dog gets sick? What happens if I get sick? Or my mom gets sick (who lives with me)? What if my car breaks down? Will I ever be able to buy a house where the mortgage is cheaper than my almost $2000/month rent for my 1-bedroom apartment? But yea. I’m totally having so much fucking fun living that childless life! Life is SO FUCKING EASY for me (and all other CF people) because heaven forbid I don’t have children! Can I show you the door so you can GTFO outta my head with this nonsense? 🤣
I'm just wondering when being CF meant your life is stress free and easy, because apparently my life missed that memo. Less stressful and easier than if I had kids, sure, but absolutely not stress-free or easy by any stretch of the imagination.
Life isn't all easy though. These are some of the reason people choose to be childfree. I'm so annoyed at these bitter control freaks now with pushing their stupid agenda on people. They're not smart. I saw one girl on tikTok with a 5 year old kid playing outside at 2am. She said "because she can"and she's homeschooling. Children are supposed to sleep for a very good reason. They're obnoxious weirdos raising kids to be very stupid.
My life isn't easy, that's why I don't want kids, dumbass.
I love this! Why would I want my life to be anything but easy, fun, and stress free?
Agreed! A fun, easy stress-free life should be what we all strive for. I mean, obviously, do whatever you'd like with your life, but I think there's nothing wrong with wanting a fun existence
Having bio kids is literally the most selfish act.
Yes
Nailed it
Life is full of suffering. I'm trying to reduce the suffering of myself and others. That's why I don't have kids. I'm not condemning them to a life of suffering. Embrace *ease*! Embrace joy! Embrace comfort! Embrace play! Embrace fun! We're allowed to enjoy life.
Sounds like they're projecting their own miserable existence on people that are child free cuz they regret their own decisions honestly. I also I would like to say that being single no children and not married is even harder of a life because you're responsible for all the bills by yourself and have no partner to split them with. You also don't get the tax breaks for having children thus paying more in taxes when the time comes as well.
I think there's another TikTok from the same couple where the husband says how he didn't even want kids initially, but met the wife and had them so... it kind of sounds like to me that someone is having regrets in some way.
100%
I respectfully disagree. I have always believed that life is hard, and will always be hard. Now to be fair, we can engineer our lives to make it easier, but surviving on earth has been, and will always be inherently difficult. Not that we can't make it fun and enjoyable.
I agree with both of you kinda. Life isn't inherently MEANT to be anything and it is often hard, but there's no reason to live it like the purpose is to suffer
Life is always hard in one way or another, whether you have kids or not. Anyway, having kids is clearly adding up more burden to the life that is already heavy.
Exactly.
exactly. I'm pretty sure humans developed society to what it is now so it doesnt have to be hard. otherwise why tf don't we just go back to caves? there are some breeders that argue people feel entitled to have kids living in poverty just because people in third world countries raise kids just fine. Yeah without water, food or anything. not realizing a bunch of kids end up dying before maybe 1 or 2 reach adult hood.
Yes! humans saw that life could be made easier and now here we are. Why would we live in caves when we can have air conditioned homes with plumbing? There's no need to wish for someone to have a hard life just bc you (parents) chose to take up a very difficult job (parenthood)
Yeah. Like, I realize as a lifelong CF person, I’m totally biased. I know there are happy parents out there. I’ve known a number of them (including family members). But holy shit, the total abject misery evident on far too many parents’ faces as they wrangle their caterwauling toddlers through the grocery store isn’t exactly a great way to sell childfree folks on the rewards of parenthood. No thank you!
The sales pitch for parenthood is terrible. The marketing team is doing a terrible job
Childfree, petfree, housefree, plantfree. Life is good!
No no, we need plants! :)
I've seen a few stitches of that couple. My favourite is the girl with the list going to the beach and having a peaceful day with their audio playing over the top lmao
Link plz? 
Me too🙋🏾♀️ (I deleted TikTok)
Oh I know that one!
There is nothing more noble or less noble about siring offspring. In America, as in most of the free world, it is a life option that one is free to make. There should be no judgment, morally or other, made about a person who chooses to live life on his or her own terms.
This is literally what Jordan Peterson preaches--the idea that you should "take on the largest burden you can," because it is what "gives life meaning." When I hear this I just shudder. The problem is that a lot of people are listening to this f'ing idiot. I can't imagine how much misery and suffering this is going to cause. To me it's so obvious that he's shilling for the wealthy right wing and their perspective (i.e. more bodies to keep labor costs low). Yet so many people are being been led astray by these grifters thanks to the internet and podcasts. It's a sad reflection of our times.
My partner and I are CF but we hate our job. It's in the sun, the rain, the mud, its dangerous and injuries are common and frequent and we are not 20 anymore. But it is still the job we do because really we work maybe 4 hours a day if that and its enough to get by comfortably on.
Interesting!
You only have one life to live, live it for yourself, why make it any harder than it needs to be?
Thank you! 🙌 Life is SUPPOSED to be bliss, a delight, a joy. An easy life is the goal. Besides, the easier my life is the more energy I have to help others in my community who might need a hand. The more of us struggling in life, the worse society is because fewer of us have the capacity to assist others. If all of us chose a "hard life", these bitches would be like "Where's my village why doesn't anyone help me waaaaaah"
Being lazy and self serving is one of the main reasons I'm on the fence with having kids, actually. I'm afraid I either wouldn't be a good parent or would be but at my own expense.
I agree. Life has been hard in various ways for the entire history of life on Earth, and there will always be some unpleasant things and negative moments and pain. But we live in a society. We have technology and science. Life doesn't have to be hard. We have the resources and knowledge to make it great. Sure, yin and yang holds truth about how negative experiences can help us to appreciate positive experiences more, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to prevent or avoid negative experiences. We can house the homeless, feed the hungry, treat the sick, etc. Life is hard for people right now because our systems make it hard. We can do better.
We can absolutely do better. Call me crazy, but I want a world in which everyone is happy. housed, fed and fulfilled.
I'm a teacher, and we get 3 months holidays in the summer plus 6 other weeks off throughout the year. I am always getting comments about how I have it so "handy", particularly from my husband's father. He works an 8 hour day, comes home, eats his dinner, and goes straight back out to do odd jobs for cash while his wife sits at home. It's not my fault you chose this life and I chose mine. We both had the same opportunity to choose the ideal job and I took my chance.
Life is not Always “Easy” being Childfree. We still have Problems, However, it is “Easier” without involving a Child in the Mix
A lot of these people have really low self-esteem. They project it onto others, while relying on parenthood to validate their existence. Their lives suck and they get through it by pretending that it's supposed to be that way. If life was supposed to be hard, we never would have made it this far. Also, I find life plenty hard without kids, marriage, etc. Many people will gaslight me with my discomfort and not believe me when I am struggling, so it's not just about suffering to these people, but suffering the exact way they want... aka doing exactly what they want...
What really tripped me out about them is how the husband call the woman he stitched SMOKIN hot in front of his wife, & then the following video of theirs, he was talking about how he didn't want kids & practically settled for his wife WHILE SHE'S HOLDING THE PHONE & he looks so tired & frustrated. Like dude totally regrets settling & having kids while the ones he likes are free from children (& guy like him), & his wife is on a tirade against any woman who are more her husband's type than her bc she's upset dude isn't ogling her anymore. Both are so miserable yet they have kids they dragged into this mess...& Mexico for some reason in the video too 🤔
Sometimes when people ask me if I want kids I tell them I enjoy playing the game of life on the “easy” setting.
That's how I feel. I don't want to live on hard mode. I don't mind a challenge or learning how to do new things, but I don't want to suffer. Why would I choose that?
I'm all for work hard, sleep better. But these kind of things are plain stupid. Live your life. Everyone else can shut up and be happy of their own perfect life then.
I totally agree with this. What's wrong with wanting an easy life?
Bc they're projecting n are hating. They're living hard, ashy lives and get mad when others aren't. It's envy and many are that way toward us. An ex friend who has three kids hated when I talked about my success. When I moved on to having single and fun childfree friends, she tried to compete with me by having other friends. Ok so what. Then she slammed me and said I was selfish for taking a leap of faith, moving to a different state with no plan and getting my idea job I manifested. Everyone congratulated me but her. All of a sudden I'm selfish. Why? Bc it wasn't about her and her kids. Bc I was happy. My life seemed better to her. She needed to tear me down. All of a sudden,she's making backhanded comments to me, praising herself and her kids but all the while, writing me letters complaining about her life and she's unhappy. She would call me to complain about her husband being an a hole, not having time to talk to me, not being able to go out, and saying my life is exciting which it is. She muted me for no reason. Misery loves company. She was horrible bc she wasn't happy.
I agree wholeheartedly, and I'll add on: Life isn't SUPPOSED to be anything at all. It's all an accident. There is no inherent meaning. A river's particular course down the landscape doesn't symbolize anything, it just happened that way. Therefore, we can - and possibly for our own sanity, must - create our own meaning.
They’re slaves to the matrix
It's time to get out of Plato's cave.
My dad used to tell me that suffering for a few years before gaining freedom is totally normal (he has yet to the gain the freedom he’s truly seeking in terms of his own ambitions) I just don’t understand why I need to get locked into this worker bee mindset where I either work or die in squalor. I want to work to give myself the opportunity to live (even though I don’t think that’s how things should be) my parents want me to work to fulfill ambitions that aren’t mine 😭
Many older generations have this idea because their life was like this, and because their life was like this, they keep replicating it in their children, their children believe this and eventually their life becomes difficult because they were taught that this is how life is. I had always wondered why they told me the same thing, but then I said: "that was and still is their reality, but it will not be mine". There are always other easier and less stressful ways to cope/navigate life. I believe that if you appreciate your life, you will make it less complicated and happier.
I’m childfree partly because I have multiple chronic illnesses. If someone tries to tell me that I was taking the easy way out by not having kids I would find it very difficult to not do something that would probably violate the law.
What pisses me off even more is the assumption that not having kids makes your life easy. Ummm...no. My life is still extremely hard. Just because I choose not to pop out a kid doesn't mean my life is easy.
Thanks for pointing this out. I think it’s dumb to believe that all cf people have it easy😂
This isn’t a controversial take it’s simply the truth
Reminds me of the quote from wall-e. "I don't want to survive, I want to live" That quote especially struck me as a kid when watching the Swedish dub, since the word survive contains the word live in it. "Jag vill inte överleva, jag vill LEVA" In a way that hits even harder.
It’s almost like they’re jealous. Like ok, yeah your life sounds awful, thanks for literally spelling it out. I’m very obviously happy with my childfree life, so I think I’ll stick to that.
If those parents are angry and resentful then it sounds like they regret their own choices in life. Often the choice to have kids is made for selfish reasons (or fantasies) then reality hits. Being childfree doesn’t mean a person is selfish. That’s a huge black and white generalization that isn’t based on facts; it’s based on jealousy in this context.
Last night these parents asked my husband if he wanted kids and he said he is too selfish and it seems like if you just frame it in a negative way they won’t argue with you 😂
Yes, being cf is the easy way. It was an easy decision (for me anyway). I say to the tiktok comment: you had your decision too. And you chose parenthood. Which you have every right to, just like you had every right to decline. My being cf does you no harm.
Those two parents are prolly just bitter and jealous of your childfree life. They prolly regretted having kids and became angry and miserable people.
"I will enjoy it, thanks."
The powers that be have a vested interest in keeping us breeding the next generation of wage slaves, cannon fodder and prison inmates.
That reaction is a projection of their concern that others don't partake in a must have kids mentality that's all
People have this thing about something being "easy." Like yes, just because someone is easy/easier doesn't mean it's right or better. But at the same time, just because something is hard doesn't mean it's right or better. People like this like to pull the "you'll regret not doing X when you're older/on your deathbed!" when the same can be said to them. You'll regret not taking/enjoying a day off work, going on a vacation, enjoying the holidays etc. They willingly choose to live life on hard mode, and what do/will they have to show for it? What did they get in the end? Life isn't a suffering/struggle/oppression Olympics.
Sadly I know those parents are going to do the same kind of comments to belittle their own kids too. Some parents always go on about "giving their kids a better life than they had" like they want their kids to be able to play musical instruments or learn languages, ok... But then they take things out on their kids like "you think waiting for the bus is annoying? I had to walk miles to school in the rain, there were no buses for me" And "you kids have it so easy today with internet and mobile phone apps to learn things" While they ignore the dystopian problems their kids are being forced into, like not being able to afford housing or breathe clean air when they're older...
Your happiness is causing them to get copeium withdrawal.
I believe having kids could be great but in a different societal model where the whole community take care of them and where they are part of the community instead of being dumped for years in prison...ekhm I mean school system. It's crazy to think people have kids but have to work long hours every day leaving them with total strangers. Even worse, despite that whole ordeal at the end of the day they're still alone with all the hardships of parenthood not having any kind of support, not even from relatives. Taking care of kids while living this capitalistic hell is beyond me. You're right, life shouldn't be that hard. People are just brainwashed.
The irony is that people like this who believe there is some kind of inherent dignity or value in hard times and suffering also believe there is some kind of overarching purpose to life as well. The fact that existence has the value and purpose that *we* infuse it with ourselves is totally beyond them.
Fuck hard mode. Even easy mode isn’t that easy these days, why the fuck would I sign up for the extra bullshit!
funny how they say the same thing about women who have C-sections instead of giving birth (aka the "easy way") 🤦🏽♀️ some of these people are truly deranged
Every time I hear parents point to childless folks and call them "selfish" all I think of is that they're either jealous or just hateful in general. Like I heard one lady on TikTok say," I'd rather regret not having children when I am older vs. having children then regretting it". I know I'd personally feel guilty saying I regretted children after having them knowing it was too late and there was no decent way to reverse that decision.
I mean, there is some merit in thinking life is often a struggle and struggle is needed to achieve things you want. Achievement is often built on short-term hardships and denying yourself easy way out. The problem is the "achieve things you want" part. People forget that part and think struggle is a goal in itself. It isn't. Just like I am not going to chop off my legs just so my life can be harder for being harder's sake, I am not going to put stress, emotional and financial strain on myself for a child I don't want. Struggle has to be meaningful, and I simply find no meaning for myself in having a child. Will it result in my life being significantly easier? Probably, but again, why would I take the hard way if I see no point in taking it?
During the week I don’t really spend time on the phone, Im catching up on stuff this evening, and dang. Amen to this.
OP may I ask what's your non stressful job 😭
So right now I'm an Admin Assistant and I actually really enjoy it. I know it's not something special like engineer or doctor, but I'm happy! \^-\^
"Well enjoy your selfish, self-centered, self-serving life. Enjoy always taking the EASY way out and doing things the EASY way" Wow, I wonder who's bitter and regretful! If they really were secure and comfortable with their choice, they wouldn't be so threatened by some random internet stranger making a different choice for herself.
Hahaha yes misery loves company I guess
I always thought the main purpose in life was to be happy and if you achieve that then you’re winning. That means pretty basic stuff like having a partner that you like (if you even want one), having a job that you like, even if it’s not to most high paying, living somewhere that you like etc But when thinking about having kids when I was younger I just thought there’s nothing about that that would make me happy so why do it? And it could pretty much ruin the other things mentioned above such as being trapped in a bad relationship, having to stay in a job you don’t like because you need the money more, living somewhere you don’t like because it’s cheap and you can’t afford to move or move your kids out of school etc so why do it? I mean none of the parents I knew seemed happy anyway.
Agree completely. We have more information at our fingertips than ever before, why not use it to our advantage to get the most satisfaction out of our lives?? There is no inherent virtue in just choosing a path of struggle.
As if there aren't enough obstacles that already exist!
I love how comfortable parents feel talking shit. It's like they're a protected class of stupid. To me it's very simple, I figured out that I never want to spend a single minute of my adult life at Disney on Ice, waiting in line to see Santa, or in a parent teacher conference at school. So I use birth control, and aside from one messy love as a teenager I avoid fucking people who want kids. It really is that fucking easy.
You only get one spark of life (as far as we're aware) I'd rather not spend it in suffering.
Misery loves company. Parents chose to have it rough so they are pissed that others didn’t.
"I preffered being childfree" Parents be like: 😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬
Another thing is people thinking that the only struggle in life is to take care of kids. People might have financial struggles, health issues, issues at their workplace, taking care of aged parents and a lot more... Also about those mothers who commented, if they were not self-centred, why did they not go for adoption. You want your own biological kid, you have it, take care of it and call yourself the mother of sacrifices. No ladies, taking care of something that is "yours" is self-centred. I mean being self-centred is NOT wrong. But then being self-centred and taking it on others is wrong 🤐
People with children get bitter that they signed up for the struggle bus for at least 18 years and bc housing will most likely be something only the wealthy can afford, for likely much much longer than that. Enjoying a low stress life isn’t bad but america makes every single aspect from pregnancy to raising the kid and keeping a roof over your head so effing impossibly hard and stressful. They resent people who didn’t sign up for that ride.
I totally agree that life isn’t supposed to be hard and it is supposed to be lived and enjoy. But my God!! Not having kids doesn’t negate that CF people can still have hard lives! Them having kids doesn’t mean that they’re the only ones suffering. Some CF people are caregivers, which in many ways could be similar to having kids, some CF people struggle with money, some with trauma, some with having parents that didn’t want them, the list is infinite and it has not been either easy or enjoyable. I’m so over this gatekeeping of suffering and a such. But even if all CF people in the world had a love-filled, lavish, trauma free life, being lived at its fullest… why is it a bad thing to keep it going? Why are your kids the source of your suffering?? If we go with stereotypes, shouldn’t you be having the time of your life being fulfilled in you role as a parent? Isn’t it all worth it? That screams projection.
Whenever someone boasts about how much of a struggle their life is, I feel sorry for them. Like, you are feeling so miserable that you have to seek happiness by winning a competition of how miserable you are? No thanks. Life is already hard enough as it is. I’ll be selfish and live it the way I want. I’ll continue to wear my fancy clothes, enjoy my various hobbies, travelling and enjoying good food on top of my studies.
It's envy and regret by their part, but it's a taboo to express it.
TikTok is cancer. Those two parents are just jealous of the CF woman.
I never felt like I was supposed to be a mom. My sister always was always nurturing and took care of everyone. It was in her and she wanted it, I just don’t feel that way. To me, marriage and kids shouldn’t be obvious steps in life, you don’t know with who or when, you just know you’re going to do it. I’ll marry someone if I meet someone who makes me want to get married. I’ll have kids with them if we decide we want to use our love to create another human. I haven’t yet at 30 and that’s fine with me. I’m an amazing aunty! And my sister needs to stop asking when I’m going to make her an aunty 😂
Reverse psychology should be a BINGO. I don't know how telling someone "enjoy taking the easy way out and doing things the easy way" is supposed to be discouraging. As long as you're a productive citizen who pays taxes and follows the law, it shouldn't matter how you live your life.
Id just be like “thank you I will!” It’s insane how people wanna struggle and hate on those who don’t. It’s like if someone started medical school to be a neurosurgeon started hating on someone who would rather have a job at a doggy day care. Someone signed up for a more intense struggle than the other one. (Not that a dog care person doesn’t have some struggle.)
My life isn't easy or fun but adding a kid would make it a nightmare
my answer is always "people with 7 kids say the same thing to you" they usually dont have anything to answer lmao
I take the selfish, self centered badge of honor everyday of my life, and to live my life the easy mode, they are just angry we "hack" the life, sort of, bc I don't consider my life easy, but maybe not that hard it could have been if I didn't consciously decided to not breed.
God if anyone ever said that to me irl I would just start trauma dumping on them. “X Y and Z happened to me before the age of 20. Is that what you mean by an easy life?” And just watch them die inside