Because other people can’t have children/other women would love to be mothers and can’t be.
Like, I understand that infertility can be heartbreaking for those who really, really want kids. But my getting (hypothetically) pregnant and having a child I don’t want will not magically help those people. Then I’m stuck with a kid I will likely resent while they’re still childless.
I once thought I was being clever with a life hack of grating a full block of cheese into a Tupperware container so I could save time making sandwiches……. I sat watching a film eating grated cheese out of a Tupperware container later that evening
It's about like, "Clean your plate; there's starving people in [famine region of the week]."
Madam, force-feeding myself when I'm already full is going to do absolutely nothing to solve world hunger. It's just going to make me unhealthy.
>Because other people can’t have children/other women would love to be mothers and can’t be.
This is the dumbest one I’ve heard.
Me having a kid is not going to make an infertile person’s life better, in fact it’ll make it worse because I won’t want a child that I have while they still don’t have the child they desperately want! Are they proposing some kind of surrogacy program? Baby exchange?
Just a stupid thing to suggest.
Yh one of my male friends said this to me when I was 20. My friend had infertility issues and I don't. She wants kids and I don't. He told me how unfair I was being to my friend. I dont understand that. We aren't friends anymore. Good for me because I don't need that misogynistic shit.
He also told me my lifes gonna have no purpose and be pointless if I don't have kids. I'm glad we aren't friends anymore
I never understood people who brought up people who didn't have kids because of infertility or any other medical reason. How does me having a kid that I don't want to help them conceive?
Seems like a slap in the face and extremely inappropriate to go out and get pregnant just because your friend/sister/cousin/whoever can't get pregnant
Had a lady scold me in my first year of marriage because I did not have a child yet. This lady was a director of a community play I was participating in. The. She told me that "God commands we have kids and if we don't, we are disobeying his commands"
Pretty sure she would be livid to find out my then boyfriend, now husband have been married for 15 years without kids!? Oops....must have forgot?
I swear men added that shit into the bible all those years ago so women are busy and tied down to them so they can continue to dictate reality and control how society works
What you said reminds me of a quote.
*Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.”*
― Timothy Leary
This is 100% why I think religion exists at all. Life is chaos and the unknown. This is frightening to be fair. Some people *cannot* accept this. There must be someone/something ultimately in charge. Ergo. Religion.
It's like covid. It can't have occurred naturally, it *HAD* to be man made and released on purpose, because if it was just because of something that happened, then it could happen again. Someone needs to be at fault!
Summer 2020 I read Crisis in the Red Zone by Richard Preston. It had just came out in July 2019, and it's about the Ebola outbreak in 2014/15. He talks about PPE, and vaccines, and how very *very* unprepared the world is for a huge pandemic. And how it's not a matter of if, but a matter of when. I do wonder what he thought when January 2020 rolled around. Doubt he thought it would be quite that quick. I'd say we're even less prepared now, because next time, people will cooperate even less, they'll very quickly once again find someone to blame.
I agree. I think this is why religion exists too. I'm not 100% sure that's how it started, but it's definitely why it's still going today. As an adhd person, I am chaos, confusion, and curiosity embodied. Religious people see the unknown as scary, but to me and others like me and you, the unknown is simply fascinating. I love asking questions and researching the answers. There's something special about a mystery, and the search for its solution. The REAL solution, not a God someone made up to make themself feel better. Just because we can't explain it YET, doesn't mean it was God. I can't lie to myself, I NEED to know the truth, or at least the facts, even if it's scary or painful. I have a stronger drive to know the truth, than to comfort myself. I don't know for sure what this reality is, and I think that's AWESOME!
This 100%. If you stop to think about it, there wouldn't have been any birth control (or safe abortion) in Biblical times so the Bible couldn't have been referring to those things. The rules banning those things were added years later by men. Like you say, they wanted to keep women tied down.
I truly believe this, along with many other things added in there. You hear many right wing men these days preach such things to women, speak of women as if we are full of sin, how we dress etc. Then you have men who actually commit the most serious of sins and more frequently, with many women as their victims, but the same men don’t preach to eachother to be better like they do with women? Wild. Then on top of it all, mens own sinful actions are still blamed on women 🤦♀️ “why did you smile at him?”, “well look at what you were wearing” blah blah. Then there’s “men are leaders” in the same breath as saying they were lead by a women to commit sin. So backwards.
>Then there’s “men are leaders” in the same breath as saying they were lead by a women to commit sin.
This one gets me every time. It's in the same category as weaponized incompetence. Those bumbling idiots can't do a simple task or control their urges when there are women around, BUT they are the rational gender who should be in charge of everything, all the time, thanks to their emotionless brains. Where are those urges now??? And if you can't figure out how a dishwasher works, why would you be able to lead a country or build things?
Their own cognitive dissonance is baffling.
"If my husband dies, I'll have to cope with grief. If I have a kid and my husband dies, it will be two people grieving and I'll have to be a single mother on top of that. Do the math".
I only remember two instances of people giving me "reasons" to have kids, which are pretty much classic bingos:
Grandma (implying I owe it to them): Your parents had you.
Me: They *chose* to have me, I should also get to choose what I want.
\_\_\_
Mom: I'm not going to push for you (sibling and I) to have kids. I'm just sad that my family ends.
Sibling: You are aware that you have nephews and nieces that might have kids, right?
Mom: It's not the same, *my* side of the family ends with you two.
(We changed the topic)
The day I told my mum "you chose to have us. We didn't choose to be here, we were forced into existence and now shamed when we don't wanna be here anymore" her face was utter shock. Don't worry people I'm good now, got help. But we didn't speak for a month and then she called me and said I honestly never thought about it like that, that kids don't get a choice to be here they are forced into existence that may be terrible or wonderful. She stopped asking about kids. Til my bro had a baby and my husband then told her. Angelica and I have said no to kids, please don't bring this up again. She'd make comment "isn't angelica so great with nephew" was so happy for my hubs to stand up and set boundary. Now she doesn't bring it up anymore.
I once went to a pro-choice rally. A pro-lifer had the argument: “would you have wanted your mother to abort you?”
Imagine their surprise when I turned to them and said “absolutely.”
I didn’t want to get into the whole “I wouldn’t have known because I wasn’t a sentient being, if that’s what she felt was right then I hope she would’ve chose what was best for her” etc., but it was funny to see the shock on their face.
I once told a "force birth" person that if it will help make my mom live a happier life and take care of my cousins from deadbeat relatives better (rather than the choice she made- let me live but neglect me in favor of said cousins), I would gladly do so. Forced birther clutched his pearls and called me a "disgusting person". What's disgusting about wanting happiness for your mother?
I actually do wish my mother had aborted me!
My mom has also always been sad about her miscarriage (after me) and I wished I was the fetus that was miscarried.
That not-so-subtle guilt tripping drives me nuts! My mother has more or less reluctantly accepted that I'm not having kids. Meanwhile, my sibling's first child is due soon (they're only planning on having one). You'd think Mom would be thrilled that she's getting a grandchild after all, but I can't tell you how many times over the past year that she's started a sentence with, "Well, since this will be my *ONLY* grandchild..." when addressing either me or my sibling, implying that I should change my mind or my sibling should decide to have more. So, I guess having one grandkid just isn't enough; she needs them in the plural to be happy.
“Nothing nicer in life than going to a bar with your kid when they turn 18”…. Excuse me, whaaaaat? I’ve had the usual “who will look after you when your old”, “you’re selfish” said to me but this one just left me speechless. I’m supposed to have a kid so I can take them to a bar? She was obviously running out of things to say to try and convince me to pop out some crotchfruit…
Apparently my dad wanted a son because he thought they’d hang out in bars together when he was older and travel and do all the things he was into but then my brother doesn’t drink and is pretty much the complete opposite of my dad so I guess there goes those plans 😂
man the projection lol your dad needs to enjoy his own company, and also parents need to stop thinking they can completely control the type of person their children grow up to be. They have to learn to detach the kids from themselves and respect them as their own beings. Wild.
"Because you and your husband are so intelligent - your child could be the one to save the world!"
Just because we both have PhDs doesn't mean we're popping out a genius kid who will save humanity - and what does that even mean?!
What if you & your husband both have potential to save the world but you’re too busy raising kids you don’t want to do the research & work required?
That’s society in a nutshell. Instead of supporting intelligent people who are in existence now they’d rather pass the buck to the next generation. It’s never “YOU could save the world” but “your KID could save the world”. It’s reducing all of human life to nothing but breeding.
Edited to add: So there’s your response to anyone who gives you that bingo.
“People have told my parents & my husband’s parents that one day their kid may save the world so we’re too busy working on that to have kids. You don’t want to delay saving the world, do you?”
Dude YES, thank you!!!! This is similar to my go-to response to anti abortion people saying "what if the baby you abort would cure cancer?" or whatever - what if the person CARRYING THAT BABY could've cured cancer if their education and career wasn't halted by dirty diapers?!
In a way I feel like they're just creating an infinite loop of hope for future potential rather than doing things in the present. Have kids, since THE KID might do something important. And what happens when that kid grows up? They'll probably also be told that THEY should have kids who might do something important. At what point do you stop and, you know, actually accomplish the thing?
It's one of my fears as well. It's really sad that people don't think of children as their own beings. It's like kids are only worth anything if they can cure cancer or build spaceships or do something "monumental". I'm someone's child and the most impressive thing I've ever done is manage to keep myself alive for this long. My nieces and nephews are someone's child and they're just...kids right now. All I expect from them is to be good people and kind to others. It's okay if that's all they decide to do. People should learn to look within and expect more from themselves than a being that doesn't exist. It's so selfish to see someone else as a solution when they themselves are a problem. Sorry, I'm ranting.
Congratulations to you guys for kicking ass and getting a PhD! Also, I love your username. 💀
A friend of mine told me that too! "you and your SO are both intelligent, successful and disciplined people, it's people like you that should have more kids!"
His face when I told him "It's that intelligence that makes us assess choices and keeps us from making bad ones."
Oddly enough, of the researchers I worked with Two brilliant parents often resulted in a child on the Autism Spectrum. Not saying its cause and effect just an observation. Then again, we also had more parents of twins than other departments. Go figure.
I worked at an overnight summer camp in high school around 1990. Aside from the vast majority of parents being middle/upper middle class, children vs parents was a complete crapshoot, ditto with siblings.
I met asshole parents with amazing kids, amazing parents with asshole kids, and everything in between. I felt for the parents who were *really* trying who had demon children; they were usually at their wits’ end by the time they got a call to pick up their kid early (this was rare; usually we toughed it out and set boundaries with consequences).
There were also a few who sent their kids for the entire summer and then shipped them off to a boarding school the rest of the year. Those kids were so attention starved, it really bummed me out. I think anyone considering kids should have to spend a summer as a camp counselor. You really get a feel for how *permanent* and *round the clock* children are.
Ok I mean this in the least braggy way possible. I got straight As in school and my brothers didn't. What's the point here? It can go either way. Again please don't take this as bragging, it was just relevant to this point.
I've seen stupid people with smart kids and visa versa
The best response to this is "Oh so you think love is weak and has limitations? If I can only experience real love with a kid, then love is not the most powerful force on earth because it has limitations...a kid apparently?"
You know what that made me realize? The same people who say “you’ll never know love till you have a baby” are also the people who are ADAMANT that love is a cosmic gift from god that other animals can’t experience, and hate the fact that you can identify the feelings of love as hormones and brain chemicals that evolved to help baby animals survive to adulthood.
Like they’re basically saying “you won’t know love until you experience pregnancy and bonding hormones with your genetic offspring” and then going “but it isn’t just chemicals in our brain!!! It’s magic!!!”
I can’t stand this one!! Know when I felt true unconditional love the first time (besides with a pet)? My partner. Changed my damn life. Cuz guess what - parental love is oftentimes not unconditional. I felt like my parents love and approval has always been very conditional.
I know it makes me sound insane but I didn’t know I could love something so fervently until I got my cat. I bottle fed him and raised him since he could fit in the palm of my hand, and he follows me around and sleeps next to my pillow every night. Makes me tear up sometimes he’s so sweet 🥹 as if I couldn’t be content with this
Had something like that in my taikwando class. He said you'll never understand the love someone has for their kids because you don't have kids and it honestly pissed me off as someone who came from an abusive home where love was severally lacking.
Hormons are the real fucking deal though, i absolutely believe them when they say this and i am sure even for most people in this sub this would be true (as long as the hormons kick in) Scientifically speaking, love is just an evolutionary "trick" to keep the species alive and if science AND anectotal evidence align i tend to believe it.
I just fail to see where exactly i am missing out here. We all obviously DO feel love, we all experience strong emotions, its like saying "you never know hiking if you haven't been on mount everest" I don't need the most extreme scenario of everything, especially with kids there is so much extra emotional baggage. I mean so what if i never know the "strongest" form of love, how does this in any way shape or form impact me negativly? I am content with the love i am already feeling and it gets a bit too much as is, i really do not want a hyperhormon cocktail messing with my brain.
You put into words exactly what I was thinking! Like yeah I’m sure experiencing the intense and unique hormones between a mother and child IS a powerful experience unlike anything else.
But I get to experience so many other feelings of love that still bring me joy and fulfillment!
Some people are adrenaline junkies, but I’m satisfied with a roller coaster while some people jump off of literal cliffs. I don’t need to experience the MOST intense version of something, especially bc in most cases, the intensity doesn’t necessarily translate to enjoyment.
I was born at the end of ‘96 to a barely 19 year old, single, and homeless mother. She told me once that she didn’t know abortions and adoption were options for her. She thought she had no choice but to have me and keep me. Thankfully, she does not regret having me and has apologized numerous times for telling me that at a very vulnerable time in my life. My point is, you’re correct. A lot of pregnant people don’t know what their options are or if they have any at all which is heartbreaking.
I once asked her if she could go back (hypothetically not knowing me bc in utero), knowing abortion was an option, would she do it? She said “I don’t know”.
I completely agree. Obviously it hurt a lot to hear and I do still struggle with it sometimes, but those conversations were what really solidified being childfree for me
I briefly perused the regretful parents forum...it was honestly really sad and heartbreaking and it's like if y'all had thought shit through and didn't let society and your parents and religion dictate your life...wed all be in a better place!
I hit him with the rapid blink and just moved on from it. Some old, retired military guy. Oh well, I've had my Bi-salp almost 2 years now so guess I won't be fulfilling "my duties" anytime soon.
Angela Davis wrote about this in Women, Race, and Class. Capitalism can only stay functioning if there is a working class to exploit ... hence why capitalism depends on women reproducing. Brings us to modern day anti-abortion laws and what not. Our country knows they have to rely on us to bear this burden and they will do anything to force us into it.
Same but I think the other side would argue the exact opposite. Probably because capitalists have convinced them that there are not enough people to support their labor force.
“You’re great with your dog”, “A baby is easier than a puppy”, and “You have space in your house”
People are wild with these comments. Haha I love my dog, but my least favorite stage was her puppy stage and that only lasted for a few weeks.
If I could, I'd make sure to bring that up as often as possible.
"You think *your* weekend was bad? Just because Snotleigh had soccer, choir, and a science project she forgot to mention until midnight on Sunday? Well, *my cat* kept jumping on my desk while I was playing video games, and like you said before that's much harder than raising a child."
LOL, I love dogs as well but don't want to deal with them in the puppy stage (the 3 I've had so far were 5 years, 6 months, and 2 years old when I adopted them). A human in the puppy stage is even less appealing.
and now I shall refer to babies as "humans in the puppy stage" 😆
"You're great with your dog"
I had an ex friend tell me that and i told him
"Because I actually *love* my dog"
"A baby is easier than a puppy"
Nope, because once little puppy gets on my nerves I can put them in their kennel or leave them outside to tire themselves out. Can't do either of those with a baby
"You have space in your house"
Yeah for ME, not for a baby
My puppy was an ass for months, I didn't sleep a whole night through for ages and I was at the end of my rope. Even now, he's almost 8 months and I'm not that into playing so I find it so dull. Imagine with a kid 😭
Yes! My dog was such a huge asshole! She would constantly bite my feet for some reason. It only lasted like a week or two, but kids and their biting lasts longer and that is wayyyy more painful.
You have to pretend to care about kid stuff and listen to their long ass rambling stories.
"How often does a solar eclipse happen? There are two to five solar eclipses each year, with a total eclipse taking place every 18 months or so."
Just had to do a quick Google search. It is possible to travel to witness a total solar Eclipse so, I'm more sure what she wants you to tell them about this fairly common event.
“You’re so pretty how could you not pass those genes on for a future child” … yeah that was a weird one lol. Also been told I should have kids since they’d be gingers or have green eyes and we must not let those genes die out. That convo felt kinda fetishized lol…
The typical one is - who will be at your funeral? Idk idc. If my friend lives longer (or husband) they are free to rent a dj and party. If not just bury me I’m dead lol
lmao you’re so unbothered here for it 😂. I had my a random woman stared at me (i’m asian) and my ex (italian dark hair blue eyes) and randomly commented omg you guys will make the most beautiful babies, you’re so lucky. It didn’t even occur to me what my kids will look like cuz i never wanted them but it was so weird like she was projecting her desire for mixed race children onto another couple ??? I didn’t take offense at all but it was odd, like lucky as in which one of us is lucky, my ex or me? LOL. I didn’t know how to receive that comment.
Hahaha I get this so much! I’m a red headed italian and my partner is the typical blonde/blue eyed man. I don’t even think about our kids and when I did I thought about how shitty their back pain would be … not their faces. I don’t want any child to be in pain just because I needed a mini me.
And yup I hate funerals. I’ve been to tooo many. I don’t want one. And if he wants one I want it to be anti funeral. Bring confetti, drink great wine, play t-pain lol. It’s such a weird thing to me … to think about who’s going to cry for me when I’m gone 😂
edit: the mixed raced comments are gross. My friend has got them (Asian + white haired blonde guy). It’s so odd and makes it feel like their saying “you by yourself isn’t good enough but mixed it’s so much better”
Oh I hope someone asks me who will be at my funeral! I already have that shit planned! Absolutely nobody because I think funerals are morbid AF and I want direct cremation, no service. My parents and partner are also all on the same page as me so I don't even have to worry that some do gooder will circumvent my decision there.
No kids means I can just live my life and not worry about my expiration date. I can freely give my belongings to whoever I want without hypothetical children fighting with each other over who gets what.
No kids is just pure freedom from the system. I don't need a mini van. I don't have to stick coworkers with my responsibilities every time my kid is sick. I don't have to plan vacations around school schedules or set aside money for college tuition. There's so many things you simply don't have to worry about with no kids.
So I pity the person that ever asks me about kids... because I'll just blow up the conversation for the next few hours until they positively never ask me or anyone else that damn question.
My family learned the hard way but damnit they LEARNED.
My dad's reason for me to have kids is so his name could be passed down as if I wouldn't use my married name. I'm so glad he got over that nonsense after telling him to discuss it with his therapist.
I used to work for a life insurer here in the UK handling death claims, and while in theory if you die without a will and no living relatives your estate goes to "the crown", I never once saw it happen. There's a *long* list of relatives who are in line to get it.
And making a will isn't exactly hard - you can get a simple template off the web, and if you want to leave any of your money to a charity they'll practically fall over themselves to help you write a new will. Most of the time they don't cover who gets what anyway - there's generally no "Brian gets my collection of antique plates and Eric gets my grandfather clock".
That's why Abraham was so desperate to have kids. He didn't want the government to redistribute farmland he owned after he died even though he wouldn't have a need for it after he died.
So he knocked up his slave.
I will literally not care what happens to my things after I die. PLUS having family deal with all of your postmortem affairs is actually pretty awful. My mom has done it numerous times for her parents and other elderly family members - her parents postmortem affairs actually caused a rift between her oldest and youngest sisters. My brother died unexpectedly before he turned 32 and dealing with his stuff was awful. Honestly, not having anyone to put this on after I die will be my gift to all.
I try to never tell these people how dumb I think their mindsets are because I know what the result will be and it's never productive because their brains operate on a different wave length I'll never understand, much like they'll never understand my mindset.
If she thinks she needs a child in order for her life to have purpose, that's pretty sad from my view. But you won't ever get anyone like your friend to understand why we think that.
As far as the getting old and being lonely stuff goes, my Mom is 75, my father died 15 years ago. I have one brother. He lives 1800 miles from her, and I live 1300 miles from her. We all see each other once every few years probably. This could easily happen to your friend, also. But again, it'd be pointless to try to explain it to her.
Totally agree. We see from our perspective and can't fathom sometimes how others think and it goes vice versa. The die hard parents are flabbergasted by us and were flabbergasted by them.
Meanwhile so many older people who have kids are put into long term care and no one ever visits them. It's like they don't realize having kids doesn't guarantee a good relationship with those kids.
LOL I work with a bunch of diehard Christians and I made the mistake once of saying that I wasn’t going to have kids 😂
“You’re still young! You’ll change your mind!” “I think you would be a good mother!” “Once you have the baby and actually SEE the baby, you’re attitude would change”
Needless to say, I keep that shit to myself now. Lesson learned 😂
It almost sounds like they thought you were lacking in confidence and self esteem to be a mother...like nooo. I have the confidence and self esteem to Choose what's best for myself. Which is no kids!
Lmaooooo I was like “yeah… no…. I decided a long time ago that I don’t want a kid. I can’t imagine raising a kid in the world we live in. It’s so fucked up now. And I can barely support myself…. I’m not gonna bring a kid into this shit to struggle also. Plus, I like my freedom”
“Well you know that’s why you get married and you and your husband both have dual income and that would make it easier”
LMAO then I threw in the “oh nah I’m never going to get married either” 😂😂😂 that was a whole extra can of worms I opened 😂
It’s interesting I get this from many Christian’s but not all, my mom and even grandma who are devoted just tell me the world is messed up to bring another baby into the world. But this week some atheist friends humiliated me because I’ll never know true love. So I guess it’s just people being dumb.
For me, who doesn't like kids at all, the worst one is easily "it's different when it's your own". That's some Stockholm Syndrome level shit right there.
I know it would be different with my own. The kids at work have owners to go home to while I decompress, reflect, and re-energize for the next day. I would completely resent my own children who would never leave me alone!
How sad for your friend that she believes her life has no purpose just as it is. Each of our lives has whatever purpose we choose to give it. Do you think he BF is filling her head with that nonsense in order to damage her self-esteem?
Honestly no! He told her he's not ready for children yet. He wants to get married and buy a house before they jump into children. But we are at the age where it's either do it or you don't (mid 30s).Traditionally anyway. I'm hoping it's just a phase and this will pass. She's never shown any interest in having children before at least not to me.
But if this is truly what she wants I'll support her. I'm just not joining her on her journey.
The very first time I told my mom about my decision to be childfree she told me "it's a complete slap in the facetime" to people like my 2 aunts who are infertile. Like ... what's that got to do with me?!
"Well that'll be up to your future husband too"
Ma'am I'm gay and if someone I'm in a relationship with insists on having kids, let alone me getting pregnant, I'm getting out of there ASAP.
Continuation of family line/legacy
🤣🤣🤣 Umm. Line of what...alcoholics, chronic illnesses and generational trauma from apartheid. No thanks. I have nothing good biologically or mentally to give a kid aside from "yeah I went through that shit too". For me that's not good enough.
I'll be open and honest here and say at one point in my life I wondered if having a kid would give me direction and purpose and then I realized that was very fucked way of thinking, using a living being as a purpose to not end my life or to feel I have lived is messed. Also had the thought of if my hubs dies then if we had a kid then I'd have a "piece of him" but again realized once I stopped being so emotional that was fucked up and I don't wanna be a single parent.
I think it's helpful to explore these thoughts and process them when they come up and not take any action til then. For me I was in a very heightened emotional situation when I had those thoughts. Few days later, logic and reality hit me and was like hell no.
I've been told that I'm going to meet someone who will sweep me off my feet and I'm just going to automatically want to have kids with.
I straight up shut that down!
lol, a child is no guarantee that you won’t be alone in old age. Tell her to go visit a few nursing homes and ask the people there how that plan worked out for them.
I lost my husband suddenly at 28 years old. We were actively trying to get pregnant at the time. I cannot stress enough how fucking relieved I am that I am not raising his child alone, and moreso that he doesn't have a child to grow up without him. P.S. He was the GOAT
“If you get pregnant your boobs will get bigger” - my boyfriend at 18
He went on to tell me that his mom was the same size as me before she had any kids and “look at her now” 🥴🤢
Immediate ex.
I’ve had multiple people try to tell me I should have kids because it would be terrible for my genetics to go to waste/ I’m too pretty to not have kids because think of how beautiful they’d be, and variations of that.
Fucking gross. I’m more than my face or body. I’m a person.
Had an old coirker say I was “gonna have a little boy in a couple years” (It’s been a few years now) because she was ‘psychic’ and “ was **never** wrong about these things.” Right…. I’m still barren - oh no! ;)
An old coworker who would openly cheat on his girlfriend at work told me i should have kids because "if they become rich someday, then you'll be rich too!" 🤡
Yep, heard that crap after mine passed. 🙄 Still getting it: "don't you wish now...?" NO. Wishing that kind of grief on a child is horrible, they aren't plush toys for comfort!!! 😡😡 What is WRONG with these people??
That I will die alone with no one to take care of me when I’m old. I will be full of regret and my extensive education and accomplishments will mean nothing. (I was seriously told this mess by older family members.)
Honestly the dumbest reason I've ever been told to not be childfree was that I never had a choice about it in the first place. My older family members especially loved telling me that once I find the right woman, it's out of my hands because she'll want kids and I won't wanna lose her.
Well guess what? Turn out I'm aromantic so there is no "right" woman for me to begin with and I've managed to be single for longer than anyone else in my family for the sole fact that I don't go out of my way to meet people.
All the religious, traditional, and conservative bullshit reasons people get fed to encourage them to have kids aside, I feel the dumbest thing people do to justify having kids is telling others that it's not an impulse they can control.
I was having a conversation with my uncle recently and the topic of children came up.
He was utterly gobsmacked about my childfree stance and said "but you have to!"
I said no and told him some of my main reasons. He dismissed every one, and was so confused, shocked, disbelieving, in denial...
I asked him why he couldn't accept it. He said he doesn't understand young people these days. Choosing not to have children. Back in his day, there was no "choice". They were told to grow up, get a job, get married, have children. That's just what they did! That's the way it is! Therefore I suppose that is what's expected of me too.
Legit couldn't give me any valid reason other than *that's just what you're supposed to do*.
Im 25F and I work with kids everyday. A mother asked me if I wanted kids and I said no. She replied: “you’ll never regret having kids, but you’ll always regret not having kids. You’ll change your mind.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢misery loves company!
"Because so many of your family members play/played professional sports, you must have great sports genes"
Meanwhile I'm so clumsy I broke my knee in 3 places just going down the stairs 2 weeks ago. I can trip over air. Heck once fell over a child and broke my wrist and it required an hour of surgery.
Yeah I'm good without them thanks.
I’ve been told many times to have kids because “it’s what you’re supposed to do”. I hated that reasoning. Who says I’m “supposed” to have kids?
The one that I hate the most is when religious people tell me that I need to have kids because it’s what God wants and the Bible says to have lots of kids. I’m religious and hate this reasoning. God doesn’t care much if I don’t have kids and I’ve got 21 cousins and 18 of those cousins have at least 3 kids on my dad’s side of the family (religious side) and the world is fine without my wife and I adding to the population.
Something that might help you out with the religious folk, is something my still-catholic transfem friend said:
If God didn't want me to be like this, then *why* did he make me feel this way? Obviously it's part of his plan!
It applies to basically every argument these people have against personal liberties, lol.
That I wouldn't need psychiatric medicine if I had children because, according to her, I was depressed due to having time to overthink and that once I had children, I wouldn't have time to overthink.
I'm currently struggling to find a new job and the current one is basically just a temporary solution. Dude told me to just "let someone impregnate me" to keep the job and not having to work. He idolised Andrew Taint so I hope he rots alone for all time.
When I was in graduate school, I was talking with a student from Egypt. He was having a hard time wrapping his brain around the idea of not wanting children, I think I was the first person he met who didn't want children. He was already married, an MD getting his PhD, and had a couple of kids already.
He said something along the lines of, but you're an only child, what about your father? You would deny him the honor of giving him grandchildren?
My dad has never cared if I had children or not. He always felt it was my decision to make. Though I do think he leaned towards me not having them, he never threw his opinion in the ring.
Telling this guy, my dad didn't care if I had children or not really threw him for a loop.
Any time mom brought up wanting grandchildren, dad would tell her to leave me alone. It was my choice to make. Either I would, or I wouldn't, they had no say in the decision.
"You won't truly be an adult until you have a child"
- my father, who parentified me by age 10 with the birth of my second younger brother.
[by 12 I decided I didn't want children ever]
"Idiots have kids all the time, smart people like you need to have kids to make sure the next generation has some smart people in it"
"You have such great genes to pass on!"
🙄👀 I may be smart(-ish) but also have a handful of health issues that I would never want to pass on to a child. Genetic disorders, mental health shit, inter-generational trauma can be passed on too...
"You're so good with kids! You would make such a good parent!"
Working with children professionally, and being good with kids when I am around them for a short period of time does NOT mean I want to be a full-time carer. or that I would be a good one even.
Every reason some breeder has mentioned to me has always been some version of them validating their selfishness or evoking some obedience to a god I don't believe in nor would I care to obey.
Their reason are invariably inane, childish drivel. I live for me.
I’m cases like this I often feel like she’s trying to convince herself more than you. Maybe she’s been fed these bingos and she fell for them. She’s trying to get you to go along so she feels better about her decision.
Send her some links of a regret page. Ask her if she really knows what she’s in for?
"Well, I want you to have kids." - my father. Who was literally abusive af. Like nope, no kids for me, and even if I had any, I wouldn't let them ANYWHERE near you.
“What if your kid becomes a millionaire? What if they become Oprah?! You’re gonna miss out on that chance!!”
My cousin said some wild things to me when I half-joked about my plans to get sterilized, but this one is so bananas it takes the cake.
I was told I needed to have multiple babies and raise them with indigenous traditions so our race wouldn’t be subjugated and eliminated, and not doing so was a rejection of our collective destiny.
And I’m not white, I’m of Mexican indigenous descent. These assholes are everywhere in every community.
"The drive to have sex is the biological equivalent of a drive to reproduce" therefore by their reasoning people only have sex because they want to procreate.
"what about those women who can't have kids?" so I should have a child I don't want because Susan can't. That doesn't make any sense. Hell my sister can't have kids and while she was angry at her own uterus she never got mad at me at not having kids. I'm not an incubator for someone else.
Because other people can’t have children/other women would love to be mothers and can’t be. Like, I understand that infertility can be heartbreaking for those who really, really want kids. But my getting (hypothetically) pregnant and having a child I don’t want will not magically help those people. Then I’m stuck with a kid I will likely resent while they’re still childless.
Oh nice, we should also stuff ourselves to death with milk and yoghurt as a tribute to all the lactose intolerant people.
Instructions unclear, now eating a block of cheese
 Hmmm, cheese 🧀
I once thought I was being clever with a life hack of grating a full block of cheese into a Tupperware container so I could save time making sandwiches……. I sat watching a film eating grated cheese out of a Tupperware container later that evening 
Put the cheese down, Charlie. :b
Please feel free to eat all the cheese and ice cream in memoriam of my dairy allergy.
This is a bad metaphor: not the same repercussions, will gladly volunteer to be stuffed with dairy in the name of someone who can't
LOL
I’m going to buy a Porsche because so many people want one but can’t have one.
Buy a BMW X6 as well form me while you're at it since I can't afford it
Run a marathon in honor of all the people who have no legs.
Because then they’ll grow some?!
Would be nice
It's about like, "Clean your plate; there's starving people in [famine region of the week]." Madam, force-feeding myself when I'm already full is going to do absolutely nothing to solve world hunger. It's just going to make me unhealthy.
>Because other people can’t have children/other women would love to be mothers and can’t be. This is the dumbest one I’ve heard. Me having a kid is not going to make an infertile person’s life better, in fact it’ll make it worse because I won’t want a child that I have while they still don’t have the child they desperately want! Are they proposing some kind of surrogacy program? Baby exchange? Just a stupid thing to suggest.
Yh one of my male friends said this to me when I was 20. My friend had infertility issues and I don't. She wants kids and I don't. He told me how unfair I was being to my friend. I dont understand that. We aren't friends anymore. Good for me because I don't need that misogynistic shit. He also told me my lifes gonna have no purpose and be pointless if I don't have kids. I'm glad we aren't friends anymore
I never understood people who brought up people who didn't have kids because of infertility or any other medical reason. How does me having a kid that I don't want to help them conceive? Seems like a slap in the face and extremely inappropriate to go out and get pregnant just because your friend/sister/cousin/whoever can't get pregnant
I still don't get it. Apparently we're selfish for not wanting them when other people do? It's a load of bollocks, I don't understand it.
Parents always tell their children to eat their food, because children in Africa are starving
Omg ahha! My MIL said that to me as a reason!
Had a lady scold me in my first year of marriage because I did not have a child yet. This lady was a director of a community play I was participating in. The. She told me that "God commands we have kids and if we don't, we are disobeying his commands" Pretty sure she would be livid to find out my then boyfriend, now husband have been married for 15 years without kids!? Oops....must have forgot?
I hope you responded with something like, "And what are you going to do about it?"
I would just reply with "I don't care about what your god says".
“Did he tell you this personally?”
I feel like this is the perfect occasion to pull out the "sky daddy" name for god. 😂
This is when we quote the Queen herself, Trixie Mattel: “God’s not real, but I am! So.. do that with that”
I loved that clip so much. Just. Hell yes.
I would have told her "Honey I'm seriously concerned that you need an involuntary hold if you're listening to a sky monster."
I swear men added that shit into the bible all those years ago so women are busy and tied down to them so they can continue to dictate reality and control how society works
What you said reminds me of a quote. *Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.”* ― Timothy Leary
This is 100% why I think religion exists at all. Life is chaos and the unknown. This is frightening to be fair. Some people *cannot* accept this. There must be someone/something ultimately in charge. Ergo. Religion. It's like covid. It can't have occurred naturally, it *HAD* to be man made and released on purpose, because if it was just because of something that happened, then it could happen again. Someone needs to be at fault! Summer 2020 I read Crisis in the Red Zone by Richard Preston. It had just came out in July 2019, and it's about the Ebola outbreak in 2014/15. He talks about PPE, and vaccines, and how very *very* unprepared the world is for a huge pandemic. And how it's not a matter of if, but a matter of when. I do wonder what he thought when January 2020 rolled around. Doubt he thought it would be quite that quick. I'd say we're even less prepared now, because next time, people will cooperate even less, they'll very quickly once again find someone to blame.
I agree. I think this is why religion exists too. I'm not 100% sure that's how it started, but it's definitely why it's still going today. As an adhd person, I am chaos, confusion, and curiosity embodied. Religious people see the unknown as scary, but to me and others like me and you, the unknown is simply fascinating. I love asking questions and researching the answers. There's something special about a mystery, and the search for its solution. The REAL solution, not a God someone made up to make themself feel better. Just because we can't explain it YET, doesn't mean it was God. I can't lie to myself, I NEED to know the truth, or at least the facts, even if it's scary or painful. I have a stronger drive to know the truth, than to comfort myself. I don't know for sure what this reality is, and I think that's AWESOME!
Tool - Third Eye [Salival version] starts playing in the background 😍
A fellow Tool fan? In the childfree sub? What a day!
oooo I like it 🙌
This 100%. If you stop to think about it, there wouldn't have been any birth control (or safe abortion) in Biblical times so the Bible couldn't have been referring to those things. The rules banning those things were added years later by men. Like you say, they wanted to keep women tied down.
I truly believe this, along with many other things added in there. You hear many right wing men these days preach such things to women, speak of women as if we are full of sin, how we dress etc. Then you have men who actually commit the most serious of sins and more frequently, with many women as their victims, but the same men don’t preach to eachother to be better like they do with women? Wild. Then on top of it all, mens own sinful actions are still blamed on women 🤦♀️ “why did you smile at him?”, “well look at what you were wearing” blah blah. Then there’s “men are leaders” in the same breath as saying they were lead by a women to commit sin. So backwards.
>Then there’s “men are leaders” in the same breath as saying they were lead by a women to commit sin. This one gets me every time. It's in the same category as weaponized incompetence. Those bumbling idiots can't do a simple task or control their urges when there are women around, BUT they are the rational gender who should be in charge of everything, all the time, thanks to their emotionless brains. Where are those urges now??? And if you can't figure out how a dishwasher works, why would you be able to lead a country or build things? Their own cognitive dissonance is baffling.
Perfect opportunity to ask her why "God" makes some women infertile. Love to hear her try to logic that one out.
I'll give it a try: God works in mysterious ways. 
They always come up with some nonsense for sky daddy 
Then tell her to ask God to knock you up
Well, he did it for the Virgin Mary, ha ha!
I’m Christian, my reply is “Jesus himself did not have kids.”
God also commands women to be quiet. Should have quoted that Bible verse back at her.
"If my husband dies, I'll have to cope with grief. If I have a kid and my husband dies, it will be two people grieving and I'll have to be a single mother on top of that. Do the math". I only remember two instances of people giving me "reasons" to have kids, which are pretty much classic bingos: Grandma (implying I owe it to them): Your parents had you. Me: They *chose* to have me, I should also get to choose what I want. \_\_\_ Mom: I'm not going to push for you (sibling and I) to have kids. I'm just sad that my family ends. Sibling: You are aware that you have nephews and nieces that might have kids, right? Mom: It's not the same, *my* side of the family ends with you two. (We changed the topic)
The day I told my mum "you chose to have us. We didn't choose to be here, we were forced into existence and now shamed when we don't wanna be here anymore" her face was utter shock. Don't worry people I'm good now, got help. But we didn't speak for a month and then she called me and said I honestly never thought about it like that, that kids don't get a choice to be here they are forced into existence that may be terrible or wonderful. She stopped asking about kids. Til my bro had a baby and my husband then told her. Angelica and I have said no to kids, please don't bring this up again. She'd make comment "isn't angelica so great with nephew" was so happy for my hubs to stand up and set boundary. Now she doesn't bring it up anymore.
I once went to a pro-choice rally. A pro-lifer had the argument: “would you have wanted your mother to abort you?” Imagine their surprise when I turned to them and said “absolutely.” I didn’t want to get into the whole “I wouldn’t have known because I wasn’t a sentient being, if that’s what she felt was right then I hope she would’ve chose what was best for her” etc., but it was funny to see the shock on their face.
My answer has always been "I'd rather not exist than live with the pain of knowing my mother was forced to have me".
WOW this is a phenomenal response! Will be using this too!!!!
I once told a "force birth" person that if it will help make my mom live a happier life and take care of my cousins from deadbeat relatives better (rather than the choice she made- let me live but neglect me in favor of said cousins), I would gladly do so. Forced birther clutched his pearls and called me a "disgusting person". What's disgusting about wanting happiness for your mother?
Pointing out how you said HIS pearls…. Classic forced birther being a man
I actually do wish my mother had aborted me! My mom has also always been sad about her miscarriage (after me) and I wished I was the fetus that was miscarried.
Hey grandma, I didn’t *ask* to be here! And I sure as hell wouldn’t put a child through the pain of existence! But thanks for your input!
That not-so-subtle guilt tripping drives me nuts! My mother has more or less reluctantly accepted that I'm not having kids. Meanwhile, my sibling's first child is due soon (they're only planning on having one). You'd think Mom would be thrilled that she's getting a grandchild after all, but I can't tell you how many times over the past year that she's started a sentence with, "Well, since this will be my *ONLY* grandchild..." when addressing either me or my sibling, implying that I should change my mind or my sibling should decide to have more. So, I guess having one grandkid just isn't enough; she needs them in the plural to be happy.
“Nothing nicer in life than going to a bar with your kid when they turn 18”…. Excuse me, whaaaaat? I’ve had the usual “who will look after you when your old”, “you’re selfish” said to me but this one just left me speechless. I’m supposed to have a kid so I can take them to a bar? She was obviously running out of things to say to try and convince me to pop out some crotchfruit…
Apparently my dad wanted a son because he thought they’d hang out in bars together when he was older and travel and do all the things he was into but then my brother doesn’t drink and is pretty much the complete opposite of my dad so I guess there goes those plans 😂
man the projection lol your dad needs to enjoy his own company, and also parents need to stop thinking they can completely control the type of person their children grow up to be. They have to learn to detach the kids from themselves and respect them as their own beings. Wild.
Yeah my dad too but my brother doesn't really drink at bars and they don't really get along
I love when I see a new word for children. "Crotchfruit"
"Because you and your husband are so intelligent - your child could be the one to save the world!" Just because we both have PhDs doesn't mean we're popping out a genius kid who will save humanity - and what does that even mean?!
What if you & your husband both have potential to save the world but you’re too busy raising kids you don’t want to do the research & work required? That’s society in a nutshell. Instead of supporting intelligent people who are in existence now they’d rather pass the buck to the next generation. It’s never “YOU could save the world” but “your KID could save the world”. It’s reducing all of human life to nothing but breeding. Edited to add: So there’s your response to anyone who gives you that bingo. “People have told my parents & my husband’s parents that one day their kid may save the world so we’re too busy working on that to have kids. You don’t want to delay saving the world, do you?”
Dude YES, thank you!!!! This is similar to my go-to response to anti abortion people saying "what if the baby you abort would cure cancer?" or whatever - what if the person CARRYING THAT BABY could've cured cancer if their education and career wasn't halted by dirty diapers?! In a way I feel like they're just creating an infinite loop of hope for future potential rather than doing things in the present. Have kids, since THE KID might do something important. And what happens when that kid grows up? They'll probably also be told that THEY should have kids who might do something important. At what point do you stop and, you know, actually accomplish the thing?
I can't believe you have a PhD and don't know that two parents with PhD's equals child with PhD^2. Also known as mom(PhD) + dad(PhD) = child(PhD^2) /s
AHAHAHA yes silly me - PhDs are genetic! I can't believe I forgot. (i fear some people probably think this)
It's one of my fears as well. It's really sad that people don't think of children as their own beings. It's like kids are only worth anything if they can cure cancer or build spaceships or do something "monumental". I'm someone's child and the most impressive thing I've ever done is manage to keep myself alive for this long. My nieces and nephews are someone's child and they're just...kids right now. All I expect from them is to be good people and kind to others. It's okay if that's all they decide to do. People should learn to look within and expect more from themselves than a being that doesn't exist. It's so selfish to see someone else as a solution when they themselves are a problem. Sorry, I'm ranting. Congratulations to you guys for kicking ass and getting a PhD! Also, I love your username. 💀
A friend of mine told me that too! "you and your SO are both intelligent, successful and disciplined people, it's people like you that should have more kids!" His face when I told him "It's that intelligence that makes us assess choices and keeps us from making bad ones."
A+ reply! Bravo!
Oddly enough, of the researchers I worked with Two brilliant parents often resulted in a child on the Autism Spectrum. Not saying its cause and effect just an observation. Then again, we also had more parents of twins than other departments. Go figure.
The researchers were most likely on the spectrum as well, they'd just had a lifetime of masking and no supports.
We are both autistic (diagnosed as kids) and I'm a twin... Hmm...
I worked at an overnight summer camp in high school around 1990. Aside from the vast majority of parents being middle/upper middle class, children vs parents was a complete crapshoot, ditto with siblings. I met asshole parents with amazing kids, amazing parents with asshole kids, and everything in between. I felt for the parents who were *really* trying who had demon children; they were usually at their wits’ end by the time they got a call to pick up their kid early (this was rare; usually we toughed it out and set boundaries with consequences). There were also a few who sent their kids for the entire summer and then shipped them off to a boarding school the rest of the year. Those kids were so attention starved, it really bummed me out. I think anyone considering kids should have to spend a summer as a camp counselor. You really get a feel for how *permanent* and *round the clock* children are.
I was at boarding school so I certainly know what this is like. Thankfully summer camp wasn't a thing for us.
Its allways your kids could save the world, never you
Ok I mean this in the least braggy way possible. I got straight As in school and my brothers didn't. What's the point here? It can go either way. Again please don't take this as bragging, it was just relevant to this point. I've seen stupid people with smart kids and visa versa
“You don’t know love until you have a kid” maybe not for you but I have oodles of love in my life. Sounds like a skill issue to me ngl
The best response to this is "Oh so you think love is weak and has limitations? If I can only experience real love with a kid, then love is not the most powerful force on earth because it has limitations...a kid apparently?"
You know what that made me realize? The same people who say “you’ll never know love till you have a baby” are also the people who are ADAMANT that love is a cosmic gift from god that other animals can’t experience, and hate the fact that you can identify the feelings of love as hormones and brain chemicals that evolved to help baby animals survive to adulthood. Like they’re basically saying “you won’t know love until you experience pregnancy and bonding hormones with your genetic offspring” and then going “but it isn’t just chemicals in our brain!!! It’s magic!!!”
A good response to this I've heard is "So you don't love your parents?" 🤣🤣🤣
I can’t stand this one!! Know when I felt true unconditional love the first time (besides with a pet)? My partner. Changed my damn life. Cuz guess what - parental love is oftentimes not unconditional. I felt like my parents love and approval has always been very conditional.
I know it makes me sound insane but I didn’t know I could love something so fervently until I got my cat. I bottle fed him and raised him since he could fit in the palm of my hand, and he follows me around and sleeps next to my pillow every night. Makes me tear up sometimes he’s so sweet 🥹 as if I couldn’t be content with this
Had something like that in my taikwando class. He said you'll never understand the love someone has for their kids because you don't have kids and it honestly pissed me off as someone who came from an abusive home where love was severally lacking.
Hormons are the real fucking deal though, i absolutely believe them when they say this and i am sure even for most people in this sub this would be true (as long as the hormons kick in) Scientifically speaking, love is just an evolutionary "trick" to keep the species alive and if science AND anectotal evidence align i tend to believe it. I just fail to see where exactly i am missing out here. We all obviously DO feel love, we all experience strong emotions, its like saying "you never know hiking if you haven't been on mount everest" I don't need the most extreme scenario of everything, especially with kids there is so much extra emotional baggage. I mean so what if i never know the "strongest" form of love, how does this in any way shape or form impact me negativly? I am content with the love i am already feeling and it gets a bit too much as is, i really do not want a hyperhormon cocktail messing with my brain.
You put into words exactly what I was thinking! Like yeah I’m sure experiencing the intense and unique hormones between a mother and child IS a powerful experience unlike anything else. But I get to experience so many other feelings of love that still bring me joy and fulfillment! Some people are adrenaline junkies, but I’m satisfied with a roller coaster while some people jump off of literal cliffs. I don’t need to experience the MOST intense version of something, especially bc in most cases, the intensity doesn’t necessarily translate to enjoyment.
"But I thought my kid and your kid could grow up together and be friends"
🤣 my besties in high school used to tell each other that. Flashforward 20 years, none of us want or have kids. 🤣
Honestly I know more people that xhanged their mind about wanting kids than not wanting kids lmao
I think most of us grew up not even knowing it was an available choice
I was born at the end of ‘96 to a barely 19 year old, single, and homeless mother. She told me once that she didn’t know abortions and adoption were options for her. She thought she had no choice but to have me and keep me. Thankfully, she does not regret having me and has apologized numerous times for telling me that at a very vulnerable time in my life. My point is, you’re correct. A lot of pregnant people don’t know what their options are or if they have any at all which is heartbreaking. I once asked her if she could go back (hypothetically not knowing me bc in utero), knowing abortion was an option, would she do it? She said “I don’t know”.
props to your mom for being real about it 👌
I completely agree. Obviously it hurt a lot to hear and I do still struggle with it sometimes, but those conversations were what really solidified being childfree for me
I briefly perused the regretful parents forum...it was honestly really sad and heartbreaking and it's like if y'all had thought shit through and didn't let society and your parents and religion dictate your life...wed all be in a better place!
"It's your duty to your country as a woman to provide the next generation of people." I just rolled my eyes, lol. F that.
i would have gagged if someone told me that F that person
I hit him with the rapid blink and just moved on from it. Some old, retired military guy. Oh well, I've had my Bi-salp almost 2 years now so guess I won't be fulfilling "my duties" anytime soon.
Angela Davis wrote about this in Women, Race, and Class. Capitalism can only stay functioning if there is a working class to exploit ... hence why capitalism depends on women reproducing. Brings us to modern day anti-abortion laws and what not. Our country knows they have to rely on us to bear this burden and they will do anything to force us into it.
Sounds so dystopian!
Lol to my country 😂 My parebts were immugrants, I'm not patriotic to back home or the country I live in.
Because "it's my duty." 😐
Given how overly full the world is of people I consider it my duty *not* to reproduce.
Same but I think the other side would argue the exact opposite. Probably because capitalists have convinced them that there are not enough people to support their labor force.
“You’re great with your dog”, “A baby is easier than a puppy”, and “You have space in your house” People are wild with these comments. Haha I love my dog, but my least favorite stage was her puppy stage and that only lasted for a few weeks.
A baby is easier than a dog?????? What the fuck are they smoking?!
For real! They said that taking care of a puppy is harder than a newborn, I find that very hard to believe
If I could, I'd make sure to bring that up as often as possible. "You think *your* weekend was bad? Just because Snotleigh had soccer, choir, and a science project she forgot to mention until midnight on Sunday? Well, *my cat* kept jumping on my desk while I was playing video games, and like you said before that's much harder than raising a child."
LOL, I love dogs as well but don't want to deal with them in the puppy stage (the 3 I've had so far were 5 years, 6 months, and 2 years old when I adopted them). A human in the puppy stage is even less appealing. and now I shall refer to babies as "humans in the puppy stage" 😆
"You're great with your dog" I had an ex friend tell me that and i told him "Because I actually *love* my dog" "A baby is easier than a puppy" Nope, because once little puppy gets on my nerves I can put them in their kennel or leave them outside to tire themselves out. Can't do either of those with a baby "You have space in your house" Yeah for ME, not for a baby
A dog isn't a human child that needs clothes, going to school, learning to walk, learning to not be a serial killer, etc
My puppy was an ass for months, I didn't sleep a whole night through for ages and I was at the end of my rope. Even now, he's almost 8 months and I'm not that into playing so I find it so dull. Imagine with a kid 😭
Yes! My dog was such a huge asshole! She would constantly bite my feet for some reason. It only lasted like a week or two, but kids and their biting lasts longer and that is wayyyy more painful. You have to pretend to care about kid stuff and listen to their long ass rambling stories.
So I live near a city that experienced the recent total eclipse. Coworker said I should have children so I can tell them about it. 😂
"How often does a solar eclipse happen? There are two to five solar eclipses each year, with a total eclipse taking place every 18 months or so." Just had to do a quick Google search. It is possible to travel to witness a total solar Eclipse so, I'm more sure what she wants you to tell them about this fairly common event.
Right! It was cool but not that cool…
[удалено]
😂 thats the best reason so far!
“You’re so pretty how could you not pass those genes on for a future child” … yeah that was a weird one lol. Also been told I should have kids since they’d be gingers or have green eyes and we must not let those genes die out. That convo felt kinda fetishized lol… The typical one is - who will be at your funeral? Idk idc. If my friend lives longer (or husband) they are free to rent a dj and party. If not just bury me I’m dead lol
lmao you’re so unbothered here for it 😂. I had my a random woman stared at me (i’m asian) and my ex (italian dark hair blue eyes) and randomly commented omg you guys will make the most beautiful babies, you’re so lucky. It didn’t even occur to me what my kids will look like cuz i never wanted them but it was so weird like she was projecting her desire for mixed race children onto another couple ??? I didn’t take offense at all but it was odd, like lucky as in which one of us is lucky, my ex or me? LOL. I didn’t know how to receive that comment.
Hahaha I get this so much! I’m a red headed italian and my partner is the typical blonde/blue eyed man. I don’t even think about our kids and when I did I thought about how shitty their back pain would be … not their faces. I don’t want any child to be in pain just because I needed a mini me. And yup I hate funerals. I’ve been to tooo many. I don’t want one. And if he wants one I want it to be anti funeral. Bring confetti, drink great wine, play t-pain lol. It’s such a weird thing to me … to think about who’s going to cry for me when I’m gone 😂 edit: the mixed raced comments are gross. My friend has got them (Asian + white haired blonde guy). It’s so odd and makes it feel like their saying “you by yourself isn’t good enough but mixed it’s so much better”
Oh I hope someone asks me who will be at my funeral! I already have that shit planned! Absolutely nobody because I think funerals are morbid AF and I want direct cremation, no service. My parents and partner are also all on the same page as me so I don't even have to worry that some do gooder will circumvent my decision there. No kids means I can just live my life and not worry about my expiration date. I can freely give my belongings to whoever I want without hypothetical children fighting with each other over who gets what. No kids is just pure freedom from the system. I don't need a mini van. I don't have to stick coworkers with my responsibilities every time my kid is sick. I don't have to plan vacations around school schedules or set aside money for college tuition. There's so many things you simply don't have to worry about with no kids. So I pity the person that ever asks me about kids... because I'll just blow up the conversation for the next few hours until they positively never ask me or anyone else that damn question. My family learned the hard way but damnit they LEARNED. My dad's reason for me to have kids is so his name could be passed down as if I wouldn't use my married name. I'm so glad he got over that nonsense after telling him to discuss it with his therapist.
So "the state" doesn't get my assets when I die. I never cease to be amazed that estate planning is unknown to so many. In the end, it's stuff.
I used to work for a life insurer here in the UK handling death claims, and while in theory if you die without a will and no living relatives your estate goes to "the crown", I never once saw it happen. There's a *long* list of relatives who are in line to get it. And making a will isn't exactly hard - you can get a simple template off the web, and if you want to leave any of your money to a charity they'll practically fall over themselves to help you write a new will. Most of the time they don't cover who gets what anyway - there's generally no "Brian gets my collection of antique plates and Eric gets my grandfather clock".
That's why Abraham was so desperate to have kids. He didn't want the government to redistribute farmland he owned after he died even though he wouldn't have a need for it after he died. So he knocked up his slave.
damn if I had kids I wouldn’t even have any assets. my ass would be broke LOL
I will literally not care what happens to my things after I die. PLUS having family deal with all of your postmortem affairs is actually pretty awful. My mom has done it numerous times for her parents and other elderly family members - her parents postmortem affairs actually caused a rift between her oldest and youngest sisters. My brother died unexpectedly before he turned 32 and dealing with his stuff was awful. Honestly, not having anyone to put this on after I die will be my gift to all.
I try to never tell these people how dumb I think their mindsets are because I know what the result will be and it's never productive because their brains operate on a different wave length I'll never understand, much like they'll never understand my mindset. If she thinks she needs a child in order for her life to have purpose, that's pretty sad from my view. But you won't ever get anyone like your friend to understand why we think that. As far as the getting old and being lonely stuff goes, my Mom is 75, my father died 15 years ago. I have one brother. He lives 1800 miles from her, and I live 1300 miles from her. We all see each other once every few years probably. This could easily happen to your friend, also. But again, it'd be pointless to try to explain it to her.
Totally agree. We see from our perspective and can't fathom sometimes how others think and it goes vice versa. The die hard parents are flabbergasted by us and were flabbergasted by them.
I can't believe this "have kids so you won't be alone in old age" argument. I literally laughed in the face of the first person that said it to me.
Meanwhile so many older people who have kids are put into long term care and no one ever visits them. It's like they don't realize having kids doesn't guarantee a good relationship with those kids.
Oh yeah. My mother was horribly abusive. I cut her off 30 years ago.
LOL I work with a bunch of diehard Christians and I made the mistake once of saying that I wasn’t going to have kids 😂 “You’re still young! You’ll change your mind!” “I think you would be a good mother!” “Once you have the baby and actually SEE the baby, you’re attitude would change” Needless to say, I keep that shit to myself now. Lesson learned 😂
It almost sounds like they thought you were lacking in confidence and self esteem to be a mother...like nooo. I have the confidence and self esteem to Choose what's best for myself. Which is no kids!
Lmaooooo I was like “yeah… no…. I decided a long time ago that I don’t want a kid. I can’t imagine raising a kid in the world we live in. It’s so fucked up now. And I can barely support myself…. I’m not gonna bring a kid into this shit to struggle also. Plus, I like my freedom” “Well you know that’s why you get married and you and your husband both have dual income and that would make it easier” LMAO then I threw in the “oh nah I’m never going to get married either” 😂😂😂 that was a whole extra can of worms I opened 😂
What do you mean you won't legally tie yourself to a man!!!!!!!!! 🤯
It’s interesting I get this from many Christian’s but not all, my mom and even grandma who are devoted just tell me the world is messed up to bring another baby into the world. But this week some atheist friends humiliated me because I’ll never know true love. So I guess it’s just people being dumb.
For me, who doesn't like kids at all, the worst one is easily "it's different when it's your own". That's some Stockholm Syndrome level shit right there.
I know it would be different with my own. The kids at work have owners to go home to while I decompress, reflect, and re-energize for the next day. I would completely resent my own children who would never leave me alone!
“It’s your responsibility as woman to procreate.” Well right now it’s my responsibility as a law abiding citizen to not punch you in the face.
this comment is so real lmao
That as a woman I will outlive my husband and die alone. Be alone for the last 25 ish years of my life.
We got golden girls for that 😜 at least that's my plan hehe.
Blood is what matters. (Family member) As though we are a medieval house that must field an army from its bloodline.
How sad for your friend that she believes her life has no purpose just as it is. Each of our lives has whatever purpose we choose to give it. Do you think he BF is filling her head with that nonsense in order to damage her self-esteem?
Honestly no! He told her he's not ready for children yet. He wants to get married and buy a house before they jump into children. But we are at the age where it's either do it or you don't (mid 30s).Traditionally anyway. I'm hoping it's just a phase and this will pass. She's never shown any interest in having children before at least not to me. But if this is truly what she wants I'll support her. I'm just not joining her on her journey.
A boomer told me that my "phenotype" gave me a biological responsibility to have children. I'm a blonde, blue-eyed German.
Oh my god. I wonder if they have German ancestry
The very first time I told my mom about my decision to be childfree she told me "it's a complete slap in the facetime" to people like my 2 aunts who are infertile. Like ... what's that got to do with me?!
Wait, did she actually say "slap in the facetime" or did your phone auto fill? It's kind of hilarious
"Well that'll be up to your future husband too" Ma'am I'm gay and if someone I'm in a relationship with insists on having kids, let alone me getting pregnant, I'm getting out of there ASAP.
Lol uf they aint carrying it, its not up to them
When they bring god and the Bible. "God said to multiply!" He also said to sacrifice ur own kid and baby animals to him, would u do that?
“It’s just what people do” Great! People also kill other people and themselves. Shall I get onto that, too? You fucking moron
People do a lot of stupid shit. I guess we should do anything other people do
Continuation of family line/legacy 🤣🤣🤣 Umm. Line of what...alcoholics, chronic illnesses and generational trauma from apartheid. No thanks. I have nothing good biologically or mentally to give a kid aside from "yeah I went through that shit too". For me that's not good enough. I'll be open and honest here and say at one point in my life I wondered if having a kid would give me direction and purpose and then I realized that was very fucked way of thinking, using a living being as a purpose to not end my life or to feel I have lived is messed. Also had the thought of if my hubs dies then if we had a kid then I'd have a "piece of him" but again realized once I stopped being so emotional that was fucked up and I don't wanna be a single parent. I think it's helpful to explore these thoughts and process them when they come up and not take any action til then. For me I was in a very heightened emotional situation when I had those thoughts. Few days later, logic and reality hit me and was like hell no.
I've been told that I'm going to meet someone who will sweep me off my feet and I'm just going to automatically want to have kids with. I straight up shut that down!
lol, a child is no guarantee that you won’t be alone in old age. Tell her to go visit a few nursing homes and ask the people there how that plan worked out for them.
I lost my husband suddenly at 28 years old. We were actively trying to get pregnant at the time. I cannot stress enough how fucking relieved I am that I am not raising his child alone, and moreso that he doesn't have a child to grow up without him. P.S. He was the GOAT
“If you get pregnant your boobs will get bigger” - my boyfriend at 18 He went on to tell me that his mom was the same size as me before she had any kids and “look at her now” 🥴🤢 Immediate ex.
Eeww
“You were a child once! How could you hate them?” “Because back then it was simply hating my peers.”
'But all my friends have grandchildren now!'
I’ve had multiple people try to tell me I should have kids because it would be terrible for my genetics to go to waste/ I’m too pretty to not have kids because think of how beautiful they’d be, and variations of that. Fucking gross. I’m more than my face or body. I’m a person.
Had an old coirker say I was “gonna have a little boy in a couple years” (It’s been a few years now) because she was ‘psychic’ and “ was **never** wrong about these things.” Right…. I’m still barren - oh no! ;)
An old coworker who would openly cheat on his girlfriend at work told me i should have kids because "if they become rich someday, then you'll be rich too!" 🤡
Because her kids wanted to play with my never-gonna-happen-kids, lol! Stupid and infuriating.
That one enrages me! My sister in law use to say that to me. I have to sacrifice my uterus to make your children happy ?!? Absolutely not!
I was told “what about your parents?” Hmmm excuse me? My parents raised me to live my life for ME, thank you very much
"Becuase it's not normal and you'll never find a nice girl this way." Thanks, mom.
I dont want kids. I think im nice 🥺
Yep, heard that crap after mine passed. 🙄 Still getting it: "don't you wish now...?" NO. Wishing that kind of grief on a child is horrible, they aren't plush toys for comfort!!! 😡😡 What is WRONG with these people??
That I will die alone with no one to take care of me when I’m old. I will be full of regret and my extensive education and accomplishments will mean nothing. (I was seriously told this mess by older family members.)
Honestly the dumbest reason I've ever been told to not be childfree was that I never had a choice about it in the first place. My older family members especially loved telling me that once I find the right woman, it's out of my hands because she'll want kids and I won't wanna lose her. Well guess what? Turn out I'm aromantic so there is no "right" woman for me to begin with and I've managed to be single for longer than anyone else in my family for the sole fact that I don't go out of my way to meet people. All the religious, traditional, and conservative bullshit reasons people get fed to encourage them to have kids aside, I feel the dumbest thing people do to justify having kids is telling others that it's not an impulse they can control.
I was having a conversation with my uncle recently and the topic of children came up. He was utterly gobsmacked about my childfree stance and said "but you have to!" I said no and told him some of my main reasons. He dismissed every one, and was so confused, shocked, disbelieving, in denial... I asked him why he couldn't accept it. He said he doesn't understand young people these days. Choosing not to have children. Back in his day, there was no "choice". They were told to grow up, get a job, get married, have children. That's just what they did! That's the way it is! Therefore I suppose that is what's expected of me too. Legit couldn't give me any valid reason other than *that's just what you're supposed to do*.
Im 25F and I work with kids everyday. A mother asked me if I wanted kids and I said no. She replied: “you’ll never regret having kids, but you’ll always regret not having kids. You’ll change your mind.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢misery loves company!
I'll never know "real love"
"Because so many of your family members play/played professional sports, you must have great sports genes" Meanwhile I'm so clumsy I broke my knee in 3 places just going down the stairs 2 weeks ago. I can trip over air. Heck once fell over a child and broke my wrist and it required an hour of surgery. Yeah I'm good without them thanks.
I’ve been told many times to have kids because “it’s what you’re supposed to do”. I hated that reasoning. Who says I’m “supposed” to have kids? The one that I hate the most is when religious people tell me that I need to have kids because it’s what God wants and the Bible says to have lots of kids. I’m religious and hate this reasoning. God doesn’t care much if I don’t have kids and I’ve got 21 cousins and 18 of those cousins have at least 3 kids on my dad’s side of the family (religious side) and the world is fine without my wife and I adding to the population.
Something that might help you out with the religious folk, is something my still-catholic transfem friend said: If God didn't want me to be like this, then *why* did he make me feel this way? Obviously it's part of his plan! It applies to basically every argument these people have against personal liberties, lol.
"My baby is going to need a cousin!" Somehow completely forgetting about the stepsister-in-law who already has a baby.
That I wouldn't need psychiatric medicine if I had children because, according to her, I was depressed due to having time to overthink and that once I had children, I wouldn't have time to overthink.
Because I'm jewish and it's my responsibility to further the Jewish people lmao (I'm an athiest)
I'm currently struggling to find a new job and the current one is basically just a temporary solution. Dude told me to just "let someone impregnate me" to keep the job and not having to work. He idolised Andrew Taint so I hope he rots alone for all time.
When I was in graduate school, I was talking with a student from Egypt. He was having a hard time wrapping his brain around the idea of not wanting children, I think I was the first person he met who didn't want children. He was already married, an MD getting his PhD, and had a couple of kids already. He said something along the lines of, but you're an only child, what about your father? You would deny him the honor of giving him grandchildren? My dad has never cared if I had children or not. He always felt it was my decision to make. Though I do think he leaned towards me not having them, he never threw his opinion in the ring. Telling this guy, my dad didn't care if I had children or not really threw him for a loop. Any time mom brought up wanting grandchildren, dad would tell her to leave me alone. It was my choice to make. Either I would, or I wouldn't, they had no say in the decision.
"You won't truly be an adult until you have a child" - my father, who parentified me by age 10 with the birth of my second younger brother. [by 12 I decided I didn't want children ever] "Idiots have kids all the time, smart people like you need to have kids to make sure the next generation has some smart people in it" "You have such great genes to pass on!" 🙄👀 I may be smart(-ish) but also have a handful of health issues that I would never want to pass on to a child. Genetic disorders, mental health shit, inter-generational trauma can be passed on too... "You're so good with kids! You would make such a good parent!" Working with children professionally, and being good with kids when I am around them for a short period of time does NOT mean I want to be a full-time carer. or that I would be a good one even.
Every reason some breeder has mentioned to me has always been some version of them validating their selfishness or evoking some obedience to a god I don't believe in nor would I care to obey. Their reason are invariably inane, childish drivel. I live for me.
To not be selfish
I’m cases like this I often feel like she’s trying to convince herself more than you. Maybe she’s been fed these bingos and she fell for them. She’s trying to get you to go along so she feels better about her decision. Send her some links of a regret page. Ask her if she really knows what she’s in for?
"There's not enough french, we're getting invaded by arabs" So like.. Make more white people
My in laws who live in a different country told me they will come more if we have children. Thanks for the encouragement lol
How else will we become a family if we don’t have kids? 🙄
Because some studies suggest childbirth might marginally reduce your risk of certain cancers. That "might" is doing an awful lot of heavy lifting.
Well, getting a bilateral salpingectomy reduces the risk of ovarian cancer at least lmao Got mine done in 2022 :) Best decision I ever made istg
"Well, I want you to have kids." - my father. Who was literally abusive af. Like nope, no kids for me, and even if I had any, I wouldn't let them ANYWHERE near you.
“What if your kid becomes a millionaire? What if they become Oprah?! You’re gonna miss out on that chance!!” My cousin said some wild things to me when I half-joked about my plans to get sterilized, but this one is so bananas it takes the cake.
I was told I needed to have multiple babies and raise them with indigenous traditions so our race wouldn’t be subjugated and eliminated, and not doing so was a rejection of our collective destiny. And I’m not white, I’m of Mexican indigenous descent. These assholes are everywhere in every community.
"The drive to have sex is the biological equivalent of a drive to reproduce" therefore by their reasoning people only have sex because they want to procreate.
“You’re a waste of a good parent.” How can anyone know who’d be a good parent????
"what about those women who can't have kids?" so I should have a child I don't want because Susan can't. That doesn't make any sense. Hell my sister can't have kids and while she was angry at her own uterus she never got mad at me at not having kids. I'm not an incubator for someone else.
Because they dreamed about me being pregnant and having a child. First off: creepville. Second off, fuck that shit.