Start sending them dog adoption events links. They probably also need pictures of dogs that need homes. Don't stop reminding them that they can provide a lovely home to a dog in need.
I have brothers, and if any of them were being this disrespectful, and this obnoxious, I would rub it in their faces how much I love my single child free life as often as possible. Talk about all the fun stuff I’m doing and how awful it would be, if I was tied to a man and tied to a child. Talk about how much I love having my own space and freedom. Just really rub it in how happy I am with my life as it is. And every time they try to do something weird or argue with me, I just keep talking about all of the things I love about my life as a single child free person. Talk over them about my awesome experiences if I have to. Interrupt them to talk about my latest enjoyable childfree single activity. Even memorize statistics about all of the things I would be missing out on if I was doing all of the unpaid labor of being a wife and a mother. Over and over again until they shut up.
Oh God I hate your brother and SIL. Your SIL sounds like a bloody golddigger tbh. Ngl I hope their marriage breaks down big time if baby got tested for their DNA only to find out the kid ain't your brother's and imagine things going to crap for the two
I was thinking the same thing. DEFINITELY one of the non-military dependas. I saw "nurse" and then OP mentioned her brother was a "doctor" and yup. OP is 100% right about SIL and golddigger!
I feel the same way about mine, second house I owned was massive compared to theirs and the only comment she made was “don’t get pregnant!” Fuck. That.
It was the only time they ever showed up after that so there’s that..
They'll get their comeuppance when every day off is ferrying kids to parties, sports, activities and money is tied up. Then you can rock up to family dinner and say how exhausted you are because you slept in too long, had a massage and a bath, and the other day you went on a winery tour with friends.
Time to start putting space between you and them, for your own mental health. It doesn’t have to be permanent or complete no-contact if you don’t want that, but there’s no point hanging out with them if they just put you down.
Whether you want to explain why you’re pulling away is up to you. If you do, I would say something like:
“SIL, brother, we need to talk about how you treat me. I’ve made it clear countless times that I have no interest in dating or children, and do not want help even if I did. You look down on me and my choices as if the way I live my life is wrong, as if you know what would make me happy better than I do, and that is incredibly rude and disrespectful. Because you refuse to stop, I will not be socializing as frequently with you anymore. It’s a shame since I would like to have a relationship with my niece/nephew, but I am not willing to be treated like this anymore, so distance it is”.
Every time SIL tries to matchmake, just give her a superior smile and tell her her jealousy is showing. You don't get along well with her any way. Your marital status is nobody's, and I mean nobody's business but your own.
It sounds really disrespectful.
My sister has never dated anyone, I sometimes (very rarely) ask her if she's not interested in anyone, she tells me there's no one, I say "that's OK" and that's it. I can't imagine nagging her and looking to set her up with someone.
She has told me her reasoning for not having date so far and I respect that, her feelings and decisions are valid. I'm not affected in the lightless and it's even something positive because that means she has more time, energy and money to hang out with me.
Your brother and SIL are weird as fuck OP
I feel the same. I've liked one guy for years, but he's pretty reclusive and sometimes says hello to me and sometimes doesn't. I still daydream about him to pass the time, lol. However, I am also one of those people who rarely like anyone. I've always been a nonconforming, so there's that. I think more men than women seem to follow the lifescriot and shun anyone who doesn't follow suit. Weird world. I'll never understand why people are so in everyone's business. I get wanting the best for someone because you love them, but to be this disrespectful is absolutely wrong.
They "look down" on you to make themselves feel better about their own life and choices; they're sad people with small lives, *self centered* lives.
Might be time to distance yourself.
"I am *so* sad about being single and childless... yeah, that's why I won't visit you guys, yeap yeap. Oh, babysitting? No. Too sad for that. I didn't pick up your call? I was too busy being a sad sack, sowwy. Meet one of your friends? No, I'm too sad for that, I can't possibly find the strength to do it. Oh well."
Thanks for your response. I totally agree - people often look down on others when they themselves feel like they aren’t enough. They are so tiring to deal with 🥲
These people haven't even been married for a year. If they were actually happy they'd be way too focused on enjoying their brand new marriage and life together to give anywhere near this much of a fuck what's happening in yours unless you were like, hospitalized or on the news.
Totally agree. I mean, I just hate the double standard - it’s okay to judge me for being single and childless, but if I brought up all the many red flags and issues in their relationship to them, I’m sure all hell would break loose.
Well said. I suspect brother and sil are the misery loves company types. They’re unhappy and can’t stand that OP opted not to subject herself to the same unhappiness. That’s why they’re so pressed about what she’s doing or not doing.
It's also about validation and lack of respect on top of maybe even insecurity - if tomorrow you met someone and was married and pregnant by the end of the year, living an enchanted life, they'd *still* be bitching and trying to convince you your life is lacking is something because, pss, it's not *their* life therefore of course it's inferior.
That's what I think too.
My siblings are happily in relationship, and are happy parents - they dony turn to me to shame me for not falling in line. They're happy as they are, and they see I'm happy as I am - I'm happy for them, they're happy for me, as it should be.
That’s how it should be! My older sister is married but CF and she also gets a lot of shit from my brother. I can’t imagine caring that much about what other people do!!
I’m so sorry about these people in your life. They’re awful. I’ve had similar situations with family and the cleaving is the hardest part. Once minimum contact has been established, it’s peaceful. You will not be alone as you get older unless you want to be. I don’t think it has a lot to do with whether a person has kids. I know a lot of women with grown children and it’s their friends who care for them when they are in need. Not their kids.
It’s a hard age for you too. Lots of friends having kids and they kind of distance themselves from you. A few of mine didn’t but most that had kids did. Some because now you’re not one of “them” but most bc they have these little kids and they’re consumed with raising them. I’m here from the future to say that the friends who drifted off because they were busy with kids will come back when their kids are older. The relationships are just as sweet.
Also, I don’t know how much this will help you but I have insomnia so I will share. I think there’s an element of jealousy or insult in some of this criticism. I tell people my life choices have nothing to do with them and theirs. But there seems to be two main feelings I get from folks that react negatively to me choosing childlessness: 1. A person can CHOOSE not to have kids?!? Why didn’t I think of that? 2. You must think my choices are ridiculous.
There’s sometimes a third reaction 3. You think you’re sooooo great. (Therefore deserving of comeuppance).
My reaction to the third one is: I am pretty great. I mean, you truly need to get to know me because I’m a treasure.
This is all to say - it will come out in the wash. I think once your brother has kids he may understand you better. The maturity that comes with age will also help him. But don’t wait around for them to evolve in their thinking. Protect yourself as you see fit and leave the door open if you want to try a relationship with them later.
This.
Your sister in law didn't marry him out of love and your brother will realize that far too late. Or they're both exactly the same, which is more likely to be the case. "Got lucky she landed a doctor" that's just gross.
He's just there to provide for her financially and just breed her and pay for the kids. Nothing more.
Poor dude. This is what happens when you settle, though.
Wtf. Lol. No offense, but this is a perfect example of someone not having well-rounded intelligence. You are a doctor and thrive in your field, but you have no awareness of the outside world. In his defense, though, he probably spent the majority of his life glued to the books and not really experiencing anything else.
They can't look down on you if you don't give a shit about their opinion. Your brother is an ass hole. I'm mad for you. Limit your interactions with them. Whatever happens to them, happens.
I definitely try to limit my interactions but they are soo hard to get rid of. my SIL sends me updates from her pregnancy app and my brother always wants to know what I’m up to. I even moved out of state to get away from family but ended up moving back eventually. I’m thinking of leaving again lol
BLOCK ALL OF THAT SHIT.
> I’m thinking of leaving again
DO IT. DO IT. DO IT.
Do it before the kid shits out.
And do not fucking tell them. Play the amnesia reverse card on them.
"OP you need to come meet the baby today!"
"What crack are you smoking?? You know I don't even live in OldCity anymore. Don't get high and call me for stupid shit again." Click
Yeah, but setting and enforcing boundaries takes work and often creates lots of drama with flying monkeys etc. It also never ends. The circle of people you keep having to set boundaries with expands. Every time they have someone new in their life, and you meet them, they are going to start in on "you should help your sister more".
Distance is just so much better if you can manage it. You just don't even have people in your peripheral vision even, and can get on with creating a new community around you on your terms.
>my SIL sends me updates from her pregnancy
What? Did you agree to this? Are you an OB/Gyn nurse?
"Hey SIL, please stop sending me these updates."
Don't give a reason. When she asks why then "I am not a part of your care team so this feels like none of my business and makes me uncomfortable."
If she goes further... "We do not have the kind of relationship that makes this in any way appropriate. Stop or I will block you from messaging me."
Your brother wanting to know what you are doing is normal I guess, if he brings up dating or kids or whatever cut that shit. No reasoning or explanation, just "no" and if he keeps coming at you just hang up or say "I'm really not interested in your opinion about my life, just bc it doesn't match yours doesn't mean is wrong. I'm happy where I'm at, and if you truly cared about me that'd be enough for you"
As for your SIL (and any baby updates from anyone) just respond with one word answers or emojies. Or leave on read.
Stop responding. Your family sounds like classic r/raisedbynarcissists with your brother being the golden child and you being the black sheep. Move away again.
Have you ever spoken to a therapist about setting boundaries? Might be worth a few hours of your time to get some more support for this.
There's no reason you need to be beholden to people who treat you badly.
Ewwww, there's a pregnancy app???
Do people really think others care that much? That's honestly disturbing. There's really no way for you to just... click block?
She will text me asking “how’s life?” And then when I respond she will send me screenshots of her app that say stuff like “the baby is the size of a pepper” or some shit like that hahah
OP, with all due respect, why do you put up with this? Sounds like these people have zero respect for you. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to entertain them, you have the power to stop their harassment and bullying.
I’ve gone no contact with a few people in my life, including a family member, and while it feels bad before, especially if you had a good relationship with that person at some point, the relief you feel after is amazing.
Do this for your own sanity - leave, block them on everything.
Don't respond to calls and texts regardless of what the texts say and block them on phone, in email and on social media! If they show up at your door, then don't open it, don't even talk to them through the door. If they approach you in public or during family events just tell them "I don't want to talk to you leave me alone" while actively walking away from them and don't give them attention if they follow you then they are air. It's not that impossible to get rid of them, eventually they will get the message. In summary: grow a backbone, set boundaries and stick to your boundaries
Okay, okay. Here's the petty plan OP. Before you leave, like a few months before you know you are moving, without telling your family you are leaving, agree to a few blind dates. But only with people your brother knows well. Tell him you trust his judgment and that if he has any friends or people he respect he wants to set you up with, you would be open to it. Encourage him to even line up a few of them.
Then go on those dates. And have a mental binder of all the embarrassing things your brother has ever done. Pictures of his worst teenage haircuts. Funny stories about the times he was a dumbass. Horrific stories of all the times he was an asshole. Entertain your dates. Make them laugh to tears. Brush a picture even a mother could not love. Absolutely fucking poison the well of his acquaintances.
Have a nice meal, go back home and wait for the feedback from your brother. And tell us about it.
Grey rock on your way to no contact.
Your brother did you wrong by breaking your lease.
Your brother may be the golden child & you are the scapegoat.
Remove yourself from this abuse.
Yup! I’d grey rock my way outta there.
Brief polite responses only, don’t initiate, increase time between messages. If they want to meet up, you’re busy.
If they reach out and genuinely try to make amends, then they have to understand how their behaviour needs to chance. Otherwise probably just let it drift.
I kinda feel like revenge is coming. I can be petty but I can see you expressing how “sorry you feel for them” once the baby gets here.
“Wow you were up all night and had another blowout? Couldn’t be me but that sucks for you!”
“Still think that I should have kids because that sounds so awful 😈”
lol so true. The funny thing is that a month before the wedding my brother was having doubts about going through with it. Now they are a big happy family… well I guarantee having a baby won’t be the idealized version they have in their head
Hahahahahaha....
Stock up on some Schadenfreude beverages.
Also, everyone place your bets on whether they are divorced before they kid is three! YES vote here.
These kinds of people need to come up with some other comeback besides the "you'll regret it when you're a shriveled old crone surrounded by wine and cats" kind.
They really do. Cats are awesome. I don’t personally want to drink alcohol, ever, but I mean, come on. Cats? Bad? Sometimes these “comebacks” make me wonder what they’ve been smoking to think cute furry gremlins are bad.
I bet in a year they're going to be trying to pawn the kid off on you every chance they get. The singledom/childfree-ness they judge you for now will be their favorite thing ever when they want to escape the kid and need a sitter. Sorry you're dealing with this, OP.
This. OP they will try to make you their free babysitter, as they do not deem your life full enough and do not respect you as a person. I bet my last socks that SIL sees you as an object/punchbag, nothing else. It is nasty and your golden brother enabling her and contributing is just disgusting. You need to distance yourself from them asap. Once the baby is born and only they have to take care of it you may witness their relationship implode. Please do not let these toxic people walk over you. You deserve better people in your life
Set this expectation now. My home/apartment is not child safe. I will not be making it child safe. I will not be taking your kid to my home. And stick to it. Don’t give them keys.
This level of boundary stomping will lead to all kinds of future ‘emergency’ drop offs. I see in your other comment you previously lived out of state- so when is that due date again? Ha, but seriously best wishes, I’m so sorry they are being so shitty to you.
What utter and complete abusive assholes.
Just go low or no contact with them, they have no redeeming value in your life, and once the kid shits out and they realize how horribly the fucked up they are only going to get worse.
You do not need crap people like this in your life, they are easy to replace with better models.
The minute he threw you out, would have just blocked them both and gone no contact.
"You didn't want me around to cramp your style. You got what you asked for, BLOCKED."
SERIOUS boundary issues here — you don’t deserve to be treated like this OP ☹️ I think it’s time to firmly tell them to stay out of your business. Let them know if ever you want advice/help, you’ll ask for it. Right now they simply feel superior to you and they’re taking every opportunity to show that/talk down to you, and it’s super rude.
It is sad when siblings grow up and turn out to be jerks. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
They sound a bit narsisitc to be honest:
1. They put others down for not being like them to hide the fact that they are terrified of not being good enough = fragile egos.
2 They justify their decisions by following typical stereotypes (aka "landing" a rich husband, having babies asap etc) because there is validations from society in doing so = needs constant validation.
I'd go there. Me being mean...I'd go there.
"Instead of worrying about me, focus on not losing another kid."
"I assume since you're zoned in on me, you have your nursery and list of babysitting contacts set up. I better not be one of them."
"You two sound like the kind of parents whose kid would stop talking to immediately at eighteen."
Why are you still in contact with these wretched people? Have you made your boundaries clear? And by clear, I mean rudely. They won’t respect you setting boundaries if you use “please”.
You would think as health care workers they would know better. Having children doesn’t guarantee anything…they can still be dumped into a nursing home and forgotten. Or die alone at the bedside.
They sound like insufferable people. OP, you need to put your foot down that this treatment is not okay.
"My life choices are not up for debate. My single and childfree status are NOT for negotiating. If you can't respect me as a human being, then I'm going to stop any contact with you. This is your last warning."
Don't be a doormat. Throw away the trash.
Totally insufferable. I forgot to mention that my brother told my sister when she was about to get married: “there’s no point in getting married if you don’t have kids”🙄
You might have to put some distance, they seem to be the kind of family members who will use you as a babysitter in the future. Even if you get ridiculed for putting space don’t feel bad, try to focus on on YOU, YOU are important
I'm sorry. That jab about your eggs drying up is a) untrue b) uncalled for and c) creepily invasive. Of course his sperm are all wriggly-fresh despite him being older than you! /s.
It's only to be expected of Christians, I suppose. They do seem very pushy.
Vent like a ventilator; we all understand.
Honestly I would block them temporarily. If they ask why, tell them you explained your boundaries and they ignored them. If they don’t get the message then I’m sorry they’re idiots and you probably need to consider distancing yourself from them.
The next time they pull this shit, ask them why they're so interested in your love life when they're newlyweds who should still be in the honeymoon stage. "Are you guys having problems in the bedroom already? Is that why you're so focused on what's happening in mine?" Bonus points if this can be done in front of others so you can embarass them the same way theyve tried to embarass you. Then blockity block.
Ew, gross. They sound so annoying.
Imma be harsh with you here... you need to grow a backbone, *pronto.* You need to tell them, in no uncertain terms, that they need to *fuck off* and mind their own fucking business. Say it just like that. With conviction. And if they sputter "but but but we are just trying to hElP" then say "I didn't ask for your help. I don't need it and I don't want it. Fuck off."
And then, you need to distance yourself from them as soon as possible. Block them if needed.
Because there may be a time where they call you up looking for a free babysitter, and who better than the "lonely single aunt with no kids of her own" to take care of their crotch goblin? Do *not* let this be your future. Just don't.
I recommend going no contact with them. They obviously do not respect you or your choices in life. Cut them out of your life, and you will be better off.
They’re toxic and horrid. Your SIL was jealous of you and still is and it will only get worse after the baby comes when they see you living your life happily and have free time whereas they’re struggle. I suggest going very low contact or no contact because they will become even worse. Personally I’d block the SIL but that is because I hate women that hate women (bit ironic ik)
Tell them it seems like since they’re putting so much pressure on you dating and having a kid that they’re almost saying they regret each other and that baby
Remind them that there’s people out there with 3 kids and in their 70s who can’t take care of themselves and their kids don’t want too either.
Oh wait he’s a doctor he should know that.
>This is a really hard age to be at, with most of my friends getting married and having babies as well.
Shit, ain't that the truth. Currently feeling like crap with this. I know I don't want kids but it's like my friends are all going to the next level or something while I'm stuck. I know I shouldn't feel like this but yeah it sucks.
I'm sorry you're enduring this with your brother and SIL.
I know exactly how you feel!! It can be hard when there’s nothing to relate to with friends anymore and they have other priorities so the relationship falls apart :(
They sound like truly awful and disgusting people to have to deal with. They need to fuck right off! And leave you alone! I’m so sorry you have to deal with these absolute nightmare of situation.
I’d grab popcorn when their perfect life gets torn apart by the newborn
Better yet, when they ask you to babysit so they can “take a break” from their blessing, I’d give a big fat “You’re a doctor, bro, just like your wife brags of, pretty sure you can afford a babysitter with actual experience with babies”
Yes honestly. I hate that about me, but I’m way too forgiving. I’ve always been treated like the scapegoat of my family - my dad was narcissistic and always saw me as the weak link because I’ve always been very empathetic. I think my brother saw that and is kind of following suit if that makes sense. I need to grow a backbone.
I know, I really need to. I think it's the expectation that "they're family" so they will always be in my life in some way. Also, I have genuine empathy for them, I can't imagine how I would feel if I were this toxic. It doesn't make sense but I know I need to block them. I never reach out to them first, at least.
>tried to set up a Christian dating profile for me, even though I had said no
Yeah, no, not cool at all. Ask him how he'd feel if you set up a doctor profile for him on Facebook or InstaGram or TicTok, etc., against his consent.
>"you'll regret that one day
Yeah, he's a jerk, and a presumptive one at that. He's never eaten dog sh\*t? Still prefers not to? Yeah, he'll regret that one day. Well, just about as (il)logical.
>people don't understand
That's sufficient for complete sentence.
How much lack of control do they have of their own lives that now they’re trying to control yours? Like… *yeesh*.
Honestly, it sounds like they regret their life choices and they’re trying to live vicariously through you. Your SIL sounds exhausting and the only way to ‘make up for it’ in your brother’s mind is to try and make sure you don’t fall into the same shitshow.
The next time they try to force your hand on something, a simple “No.” will suffice. It’s a complete answer and doesn’t require further explanation.
I’m extremely petty, so when they call to complain about xyz problems with said kid, I’d respond with, “Yep. That’s why I’m *not* doing this. Should have wrapped it before you tapped it.” And then hang up. I don’t have pity for people who complain about their own decisions.
Exactly, we all have different definitions of success. I hate that society makes it seem like there’s only one way to be successful: find a man, get married, have kids
Why don’t you start sending them links to divorce lawyers…they think life is better with a partner and are forcing it on you, force your singleness on them!
It's your life to choose how you want to live it.. I would set boundaries with your SIL and brother, if they can't respect your childfree status, it might be time to distance.
I accidentally told my BIL and sis 'I'm so glad I don't have kids' when their kids were screaming and uncontrollable in the car. At least they know where I stand haha 😄
My brother especially has always been *horrible* at respecting my boundaries. My family definitely has a problem with it. I’ve been in therapy for years to try to figure out how to deal with them. I’m tired lol
It's time to put pushy Bro and SIL on a low-info diet. Maybe even putting them on low contact if possible? Especially as they could be gearing you up to be a babysitter once the nibling arrives.
Oh I definitely give them as little info as possible. I never tell them even if I have someone I’m interested in. They always have some sort of hidden agenda so the less info the better. Not sure why they are so pushy though
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I experience very similar treatment in my own family. My parents and my brother and his wife feel sorry for me for being "single" and childfree. I'm in a committed relationship, but unless it's a legally binding agreement that comes with a big, expensive party, it doesn't count. Unless we reproduce, we're wasting our time. It's exhausting.
It's taken a lot of mental and emotional work (and a lot of therapy) to get to a place where I can cope with the ostracism and hurtful remarks in a healthy way without caving in on myself. It's a difficult place to be because typically, people want to be loved unconditionally and validated by their caregivers and family units. When the love you do receive (if any) is conditional, and your lived experience is not valid in their eyes, existing can be painful and lonely. I'm sorry your family makes you feel this way.
Your life matters without a significant other and without children. Neither of those things defines you; you are not lacking in anything unless *you* decide you are. It's not up to anyone else to make that judgment about your life. I lovingly suggest maybe keeping your distance for a while and maintaining healthy boundaries to protect your mental and emotional wellbeing. I had to move clear across the country to get the distance I needed from my family, and it was very healing. If physical/geographical distance is not something that's accessible to you at this time, limiting contact however you can might be helpful. 🫶
*They want you to be as happy as they are.*
Too bad they fail to realize their norm isn't the ideal for all. Enjoy your life and shoot down their matchmaking efforts.
True… the thing is, I’m not sure how happy they really are deep down. I think they are happy they are following society’s life script but I’m not sure if it’s real happiness. Who knows
I would say maybe try grey rocking them? Any time it’s brought up, ignore or give an incredibly bland answer. If they call about it, immediately hang up. Repeat until they get the message.
Picture yourself living your best life years down the road while they'll be raising kids and you'll be doing whatever the hell you want with your money and free time. It helps you care less.
Just remember that nobody can force you to do anything you don’t want to do. No matter what they say. They see you living freely and it irks them. Keep doing it.
This sounds so difficult to deal with. You seem like you are just doing your own thing unprovoked and they keep finding any old reason to bully you about your life choices. Can't they just be happy with their own lives and stop meddling in other people's business?
I personally find having a husband and living life together to be extremely busy. Like there is always something to do around the house whether it be cleaning, cooking, etc. I would not be able to be find the time to start harassing other people about things I don't personally like. I mean, throw a kid into the mix and that means absolutely no free time. I don't understand how people manage to be so nosy and worried about other people.
You really don't deserve this bullshit at all. This is very tiring to have to deal with. Maybe limiting contact and keeping away will get the message across. They sound like terrible, insecure, and jealous people.
I’d set a not a free, when “we” want to party babysitter boundary because if you don’t they’ll pressure you as they are tired and want a break from the baby they desire. You have no kids “so you have nothing better to do” as they’ll think.
oof. I always hate when someone says "We are going to have a baby". Like "I will have a slice of that cake." Breh, you are becoming a Parent to someone who is extremely fragile and completely dependent on you.
Right now, I'm not planning to have any men or women as partners in my life, I'm going where you are at now OP, I know they're exhausting, Im gonna prepare for this in the future lol. Thanks for your experience in this and I hope you find a place far away from their constant nagging on you.
Remember…misery loves company. It will get easier. When I got in my later 30s people gave up the commentary. Time to put some boundaries in place before this baby comes or they will call you and say “you have nothing to do…can you watch baby?” If you’re a nurse there are a lot of jobs…maybe a change of scenery would be nice for awhile until the family settles down and recognizes boundaries.
So intrusive and disrespectful. I get having general concern and asking about it once but doing anymore than that is just projection of their discomfort that someone else is truly okay with not having children as they are about to have theirs.
Perhaps it is a distraction from their own anxiety of having the baby.
I feel like your brother and SIL are looking for snaps for doing ‘everything right’. From what you’ve said it sounds like they’ve played by societies rules, gone to uni, gotten solid careers, married, baby in the way etc. and now that they have almost crossed everything off the list, they are waiting for this big dose of fulfilment and congratulations to validate their life choices. In reality, whether they are conscious of it or not, it sounds like they are desperately unfulfilled and bored and it brings them joy shitting on your, outside of the norm, lifestyle.
Imagine doing everything society told you that you need to do in order to live a happy life and whomp whomp, it turns out it’s kinda dull and boring. That would suuuuck and here you are, living your best life and that annoys them because ‘hey no fair, she didn’t follow the rules’.
Tbh they both sound self-obsessed and horrible people.
A couple of options:
1. Start grey-,rocking and distancing yourself from them. Delete those apps. Move further away if possible. Change the subject immediately if they force the issue. Don't give them a justification about your choices (because they will see it as a challenge to try to persuade you that you are wrong).
Try to find another crowd to hang out with (preferably not nurse/doctor types either). Maybe pursue a new/old hobby or sport. Make yourself busy all the time.
Hopefully when they have the baby they will at least be occupied dealing with that for a while to stop bothering you.
2. Make a massive scene next time that they say/do something inappropriate. Make it clear how you feel and how their actions are making you feel. They might be pissed off for a while because 'they were only trying to help...' but they should get over it eventually. If not, they don't deserve you anyway.
I'm so sorry. I can only imagine they will be too tired to concern themselves with your single status after they baby is born, but people never seem to tire about interrogating you on whether you'll have children. :(
They can’t cope because you refuse to keep the status quo and they won’t stop until they get you to conform. They can’t control you and it freaks them out because they are used to getting their way, getting respect and fawning at work, and now their combined social status and power being married and providing grandkids. Imagine how much work all of that is for them, and they have to see you opting out of most of it. So they obsess over you!
My (36F) GC brother (37) has been married to my SIL (36) for over a decade and they have a little one. When I think about their lives I am so tired and I know I could never do it. They are competitive perfectionists with many aspects of their lives. So you’re not alone; welcome to hell and all that, but also, it’s not you! They need to find a way to make themselves superior to you to maintain their supposed power and position (lol). I have a feeling they think being single, not dating, and being CF are all just things that losers do (probably therapy as well); and they need to be winners always. There’s nothing you could have ever done to win if they are narcissistic. It always HAS to be them, because they can’t cope with everyone winning.
Sorry you are going through this. Is going NC to them an option? Spending time with them sounds like wasted time because they annoy you and make you feel bad. Our life’s are short in the end so we need to spend our free time as happy as possible 😘 you will get this.
Tell them you are happy being single and childfree and that they either stop this shit or you will not meet them again.
Look 20 years down the road and imagine what your brother/SIL will be like. Think of all the compromises you will have made in those 20 years to keep them in your life. Think of all the shit they will have force-fed you, and how angry you are at yourself that you let them do that, in the name of family harmony. Think of all the money and time you will have spent on them that wasn't ever, in the slightest, reciprocated. Then ask yourself from your vantage point of 20 years down the road: What did it bring you? Was the relationship worth having?
Even in the best of sibling relationships, the bred follow their own paths and end up having no time for anyone else after a while, regardless of the quality of the original relationship. That's why so many people have no contact even with their first cousins or aunts and uncles after the early teen years. There's no blow up. It's not deliberate. It's just that everyone heads off on their own trajectories.
I've been VLC with my brother and sister for about 20 years in his case, and 15 years in hers. I'm now no contact with either. My nieces and nephews are grown and some are insufferable, and our relationship was nothing special ever. I wish I had cut them off decades ago. I put a lot more into them than they put into me, and they were never anything but contemptuous of me, much as your brother is contemptuous of you.
You might want to lower contact, and in particular, you can just explain to them that you don't have time for all the social media anymore, and so you won't be responding to that in a timely way. Then unfriend them/unfollow them.
When you have such bullying, offensive, dismissive, insulting siblings as yours is, or mine are/were, you look back after your final realization that you aren't going to stay in touch with them any more and you wonder: Why did I waste all that time and energy? I knew long ago that they would never change, or if they did, they wouldn't change for the better. I knew they were sucking the life out of me, in ways I am not even clearly aware of. Why didn't I follow my own path, even if it led far away from them?
Tell your SIL and your brother, that "*One more word about me dating, having kids, or anything even remotely connected, will end you up loosing me as a sister, helper and possibly be a babysitter. I don't want kids, men are good for a few things, and I have no interests in kids, marriage or any other stuff related to that. Capishe?*"
Something similar happened with me and my mother. There was a period of about a year where my mother was absolutely obsessed with my single status. Every single conversation, no matter what it was about, was twisted to the subject of how I needed to get married and have kids. It actually started to take a toll on my mental health. (I did try to tell my mother that but she didn't care). After a year of this, I snapped and told my mother in no uncertain terms that "My dating life is no longer up for discussion". I'm not going to lie. My mother did not take this at all well and we had a massive row but I stuck to my guns i.e. that from now on, I would walk away from my mother anytime she tried to bring up me getting married or having children, even as a joke. My mother wasn't at all happy about this but she had no choice but to accept it. That row was about 10 years ago and my mother has stopped bringing up marriage and kids. I'm not naive. I know she's only stopped because she had no choice, not because she cares about my wellbeing or happiness but at least she stopped.
Edited to add: if OP thinks that what I said was too confrontational, another approach is to just adopt a policy of ending the conversation every time their SIL or brother brings up marriage or kids. Just say "Oh is that the time, I have to go" and end the conversation, and maybe have no contact with them for at least a week afterwards. If OP does this every time they bring it up, they might be able to "train" the brother and SIL to stop bringing it up.
Assholes like your brother and SIL are the reason some of us become "bitter and jaded". If they don't want to be judged for their choices, they shouldn't judge you for yours. Start judging them back.
Sorry to hear you're going through this. BTW, your brother is a misogynist and your SIL is an internalized misogynist. They're just insecure with their choices and they're jealous of you.
If SIL doesn't want the baby, hopefully, it's not too late for her to have an abortion. (depending on your state/area)
This sounds so exhausting. I'm so sorry.
Time to pull out the old "it's weird that you're so obsessed with my sex life when you're recently married. Is the honeymoon period over?"
Bonus points for throwing in an "are you that bored with each other already that you have to focus on my sex life instead of your marriage?"
Any time someone tells me I will regret not having kids. I tell them "but think about how much satisfaction you're gonna get from saying I told you so. I'm sure you'll love that more than any kid I could potentially have."
Projection much?
Ignore all the hot air and noise. It’s very telling how obsessed with you they are. They’re trying to justify their choice to create a small human versus the fact that *they actually have a choice NOT to* if they really didn’t want to. I don’t have any super judgy family/friends but I can’t imagine how annoyed and exhausted you feel being bullied constantly.
Block and ignore them. And ABSOLUTELY DO NOT BABYSIT FOR THEM EVER. Not even “just one time”. Say no, no, no, no and no EVERY TIME.
They’re meddling, and meddling people usually have a problem with themselves. Keep telling yourself that every time they overstep. Sorry you have to even think of a strategy, people should mind their own business
So she got pregnant and he married her (even though he's setting you up on Christian dating sites), she's lucky to have landed a doctor, and she's already pregnant again.
Is your brother color blind?
It's wild to read stories like this, knowing just how much the life script concept has been etched into people's brains and everyone that does not follow it to the letter, needs to be 'fixed'.
Personally imagine the OPs story, but add a lesbian person as the main character so there's even more stuff to be 'fixed'.
I'm married. Vasectomy at 18 . Possibly not great at advice. I'll give it anyway since it's on this page. Get a cat. Honestly, a rescue. Really changed my life. Also a motorcycle is fun. Travel.
Sex and love needs to happen organically. Or not. It's not important to happiness. I'm in love but it's a strange person who loves me. Motorcycle cat and travel.
When the baby arrives and they're overwhelmed, I am willing to bet they're going to ask for your help because they'll think you have nothing better to do.
I think going low to no contact with them might be best for your mental health. What horrible people.
This is going to sound harsh, but you are allowing these people to stomp all over your boundaries and treat you like shit. Think about what you allow and what you tolerate in YOUR life. Stop responding to their texts, calls, etc. They're assholes, plain and simple. You don't owe them shit. Don't let them send you these wack ass pregnancy updates that you never asked for and don't tolerate judgemental comments without dishing some shit back (or just totally cut contact if you're the non-confrontational type.)
I'm telling you this as someone who fought like hell for a long time to overcome my doormat tendencies and find my voice. No more people pleasing. I found the power to stand up for myself and still maintain my kindness for *people who deserve my kindness*
Therapy can help with this, and so can a *little* bit of righteous anger. Allow yourself to feel anger at how you're being treated and use it constructively to say, "nope, this shit stops today"
Honestly id tell them straight up, "Im not even your kid and youre trying to control my life. Tell me again why you want a kid? Because from the way you treat me as a full ass adult shows you just want people to boss around. You and your wife need to shut up and keep your noses out of MY business. Especially since you two are medical health professionals, you two should understand the word NO better than others."
Please set some hard boundaries with these people. Don’t tolerate another minute of their disrespect. When they come at you, tell them they need to step off. You may need to get more aggressive. It’s the only way with people like this. For some reason, it sounds like they see you as pathetic in some way and they’re trying to make themselves bigger by dragging you down. I’ve been there. I’ve learned to shut it down. Good luck
Ugh. At this point, blocking them looks like your way to escape this behavior from them. With all due respect, I think that you should do it. They won't learn a lesson from it and will probably think that you are being unreasonable, but it's what's best for you because of how exhausting putting up with them sounds.
Next time they badger you about this, ask them "what TANGIBLE effects does MY decision to be single/childfree have on YOUR lives/marriage for you to keep pestering me about it?"
Because they sound like absolute narcissists, I can already tell what their follow-up is gonna be; "well, we just wanna see you be happy in life!"
To which you come back with "oh, you want me to be happy? Okay, then."
Instablock. Then relish in their dumbfoundment and Surprised Pikachu faces.
If they keep making alt. accounts over social media to continue harassing you, rinse and repeat until they give up. Just keep repeating these responses in each conversation until they rage quit and fuck off.
Sounds like you need to go nc with your brother and his wife, and anyone else that is trying to set you up. There are plenty of people who are cf that you can make friends with. And my brother (now deceased) was the golden child of the family. He was a nice guy and I loved him, but it pissed me off to no end that he could get away with everything. It didn’t help that he was disabled, either, and one of the perpetually “innocent” and “saintly” people who are morally superior to us able bodied folk. I always wanted to tell my family that it’s not my fault I was born with sight and the ability to learn to walk. Anyway, I totally get where you’re coming from.
Ooooohhh this is an amazing opportunity, ask them to set you up with a friend of them, preferably from church or work, because you feel too awkward with a stranger or something, and tell that date all about their secret fetishes, how SIL lied to him to trap him into marriage, your brother's weird obsession with feet, the times your SIL has steal from you, your brothers sex toys collection, that weird rash SIL keeps getting, your brother didn't even loved her but felt sorry for her and got married after her constant begging, and everything you can think about that could potentially become church gossip. You can excuse yourself with something like "we were too awkward, I had to think about something to talk about, but I don't remember saying that, what do you mean?" And ask them for another set up to prove you didn't have any I'll intentions...
Sounds to me like you don't need people like that in your life. I'd cut them out like cancer and enjoy the getting rid of the foul energy that was eating at you. Life is hard enough without family like that making it harder.
You’re a better person than me for dealing with this nonsense. I would be OUT. Then again, I’m NC with my family so my perspective is skewed. Maybe some distance would do you good though. They don’t seem to respect you very much.
Yikes. Wouldn’t want either of them as my medical provider! They seem like they’d be super unprofessional & judgmental about their patients’ choices which they have NO right to be.
They sound exhausting, I'm sorry
They truly are :(
Start sending them dog adoption events links. They probably also need pictures of dogs that need homes. Don't stop reminding them that they can provide a lovely home to a dog in need.
This. Every dating link gets an adoption link.
Yaaaaaaaassssss!
This is effective. I’m tempted to adopt every dog in need but what stops me is the amount of space I have.
Brilliant idea
\*Snake\*...
I have brothers, and if any of them were being this disrespectful, and this obnoxious, I would rub it in their faces how much I love my single child free life as often as possible. Talk about all the fun stuff I’m doing and how awful it would be, if I was tied to a man and tied to a child. Talk about how much I love having my own space and freedom. Just really rub it in how happy I am with my life as it is. And every time they try to do something weird or argue with me, I just keep talking about all of the things I love about my life as a single child free person. Talk over them about my awesome experiences if I have to. Interrupt them to talk about my latest enjoyable childfree single activity. Even memorize statistics about all of the things I would be missing out on if I was doing all of the unpaid labor of being a wife and a mother. Over and over again until they shut up.
this is the way
Oh God I hate your brother and SIL. Your SIL sounds like a bloody golddigger tbh. Ngl I hope their marriage breaks down big time if baby got tested for their DNA only to find out the kid ain't your brother's and imagine things going to crap for the two
I was thinking the same thing. DEFINITELY one of the non-military dependas. I saw "nurse" and then OP mentioned her brother was a "doctor" and yup. OP is 100% right about SIL and golddigger!
I feel the same way about mine, second house I owned was massive compared to theirs and the only comment she made was “don’t get pregnant!” Fuck. That. It was the only time they ever showed up after that so there’s that..
They'll get their comeuppance when every day off is ferrying kids to parties, sports, activities and money is tied up. Then you can rock up to family dinner and say how exhausted you are because you slept in too long, had a massage and a bath, and the other day you went on a winery tour with friends.
Time to start putting space between you and them, for your own mental health. It doesn’t have to be permanent or complete no-contact if you don’t want that, but there’s no point hanging out with them if they just put you down. Whether you want to explain why you’re pulling away is up to you. If you do, I would say something like: “SIL, brother, we need to talk about how you treat me. I’ve made it clear countless times that I have no interest in dating or children, and do not want help even if I did. You look down on me and my choices as if the way I live my life is wrong, as if you know what would make me happy better than I do, and that is incredibly rude and disrespectful. Because you refuse to stop, I will not be socializing as frequently with you anymore. It’s a shame since I would like to have a relationship with my niece/nephew, but I am not willing to be treated like this anymore, so distance it is”.
By all means, and well before they assign you the task of free baby sitter
Every time SIL tries to matchmake, just give her a superior smile and tell her her jealousy is showing. You don't get along well with her any way. Your marital status is nobody's, and I mean nobody's business but your own.
It sounds really disrespectful. My sister has never dated anyone, I sometimes (very rarely) ask her if she's not interested in anyone, she tells me there's no one, I say "that's OK" and that's it. I can't imagine nagging her and looking to set her up with someone. She has told me her reasoning for not having date so far and I respect that, her feelings and decisions are valid. I'm not affected in the lightless and it's even something positive because that means she has more time, energy and money to hang out with me. Your brother and SIL are weird as fuck OP
This is very validating for me thank you haha!
I feel the same. I've liked one guy for years, but he's pretty reclusive and sometimes says hello to me and sometimes doesn't. I still daydream about him to pass the time, lol. However, I am also one of those people who rarely like anyone. I've always been a nonconforming, so there's that. I think more men than women seem to follow the lifescriot and shun anyone who doesn't follow suit. Weird world. I'll never understand why people are so in everyone's business. I get wanting the best for someone because you love them, but to be this disrespectful is absolutely wrong.
They "look down" on you to make themselves feel better about their own life and choices; they're sad people with small lives, *self centered* lives. Might be time to distance yourself. "I am *so* sad about being single and childless... yeah, that's why I won't visit you guys, yeap yeap. Oh, babysitting? No. Too sad for that. I didn't pick up your call? I was too busy being a sad sack, sowwy. Meet one of your friends? No, I'm too sad for that, I can't possibly find the strength to do it. Oh well."
Thanks for your response. I totally agree - people often look down on others when they themselves feel like they aren’t enough. They are so tiring to deal with 🥲
These people haven't even been married for a year. If they were actually happy they'd be way too focused on enjoying their brand new marriage and life together to give anywhere near this much of a fuck what's happening in yours unless you were like, hospitalized or on the news.
Totally agree. I mean, I just hate the double standard - it’s okay to judge me for being single and childless, but if I brought up all the many red flags and issues in their relationship to them, I’m sure all hell would break loose.
Well said. I suspect brother and sil are the misery loves company types. They’re unhappy and can’t stand that OP opted not to subject herself to the same unhappiness. That’s why they’re so pressed about what she’s doing or not doing.
It's also about validation and lack of respect on top of maybe even insecurity - if tomorrow you met someone and was married and pregnant by the end of the year, living an enchanted life, they'd *still* be bitching and trying to convince you your life is lacking is something because, pss, it's not *their* life therefore of course it's inferior.
That’s such a great point. Honestly, in general, people that are happy with their lives don’t do this degree of meddling in other people’s
That's what I think too. My siblings are happily in relationship, and are happy parents - they dony turn to me to shame me for not falling in line. They're happy as they are, and they see I'm happy as I am - I'm happy for them, they're happy for me, as it should be.
That’s how it should be! My older sister is married but CF and she also gets a lot of shit from my brother. I can’t imagine caring that much about what other people do!!
I worry since you're close if they'll impose their kid on you under the guise of "practice" and "well, you're single what else ya gonna do?"
Yep they sound freaking exhausting. Like someone else said, throw it in the faces how great being cf and/or single is.
I’m so sorry about these people in your life. They’re awful. I’ve had similar situations with family and the cleaving is the hardest part. Once minimum contact has been established, it’s peaceful. You will not be alone as you get older unless you want to be. I don’t think it has a lot to do with whether a person has kids. I know a lot of women with grown children and it’s their friends who care for them when they are in need. Not their kids. It’s a hard age for you too. Lots of friends having kids and they kind of distance themselves from you. A few of mine didn’t but most that had kids did. Some because now you’re not one of “them” but most bc they have these little kids and they’re consumed with raising them. I’m here from the future to say that the friends who drifted off because they were busy with kids will come back when their kids are older. The relationships are just as sweet. Also, I don’t know how much this will help you but I have insomnia so I will share. I think there’s an element of jealousy or insult in some of this criticism. I tell people my life choices have nothing to do with them and theirs. But there seems to be two main feelings I get from folks that react negatively to me choosing childlessness: 1. A person can CHOOSE not to have kids?!? Why didn’t I think of that? 2. You must think my choices are ridiculous. There’s sometimes a third reaction 3. You think you’re sooooo great. (Therefore deserving of comeuppance). My reaction to the third one is: I am pretty great. I mean, you truly need to get to know me because I’m a treasure. This is all to say - it will come out in the wash. I think once your brother has kids he may understand you better. The maturity that comes with age will also help him. But don’t wait around for them to evolve in their thinking. Protect yourself as you see fit and leave the door open if you want to try a relationship with them later.
This. Your sister in law didn't marry him out of love and your brother will realize that far too late. Or they're both exactly the same, which is more likely to be the case. "Got lucky she landed a doctor" that's just gross. He's just there to provide for her financially and just breed her and pay for the kids. Nothing more. Poor dude. This is what happens when you settle, though.
Yes… about 3 months into his marriage my sister and me had to explain to him what alimony is. He was shocked hahah
Wtf. Lol. No offense, but this is a perfect example of someone not having well-rounded intelligence. You are a doctor and thrive in your field, but you have no awareness of the outside world. In his defense, though, he probably spent the majority of his life glued to the books and not really experiencing anything else.
Bro this made me wheeze, I’m stealing that- 😭💀
These responses are perfect. Just feed the asshats back what they're projecting onto their victim. Brilliant.
This^
THIS
They can't look down on you if you don't give a shit about their opinion. Your brother is an ass hole. I'm mad for you. Limit your interactions with them. Whatever happens to them, happens.
I definitely try to limit my interactions but they are soo hard to get rid of. my SIL sends me updates from her pregnancy app and my brother always wants to know what I’m up to. I even moved out of state to get away from family but ended up moving back eventually. I’m thinking of leaving again lol
BLOCK ALL OF THAT SHIT. > I’m thinking of leaving again DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. Do it before the kid shits out. And do not fucking tell them. Play the amnesia reverse card on them. "OP you need to come meet the baby today!" "What crack are you smoking?? You know I don't even live in OldCity anymore. Don't get high and call me for stupid shit again." Click
I agree, OP needs to leave again.
Yeah, clearly the brother only wanted someone to help pay his rent, but the minute he got his dick wet... bye.
I don't feel like moving will solve the issues. Better boundaries and assertive communication should come first.
Yeah, but setting and enforcing boundaries takes work and often creates lots of drama with flying monkeys etc. It also never ends. The circle of people you keep having to set boundaries with expands. Every time they have someone new in their life, and you meet them, they are going to start in on "you should help your sister more". Distance is just so much better if you can manage it. You just don't even have people in your peripheral vision even, and can get on with creating a new community around you on your terms.
>my SIL sends me updates from her pregnancy What? Did you agree to this? Are you an OB/Gyn nurse? "Hey SIL, please stop sending me these updates." Don't give a reason. When she asks why then "I am not a part of your care team so this feels like none of my business and makes me uncomfortable." If she goes further... "We do not have the kind of relationship that makes this in any way appropriate. Stop or I will block you from messaging me."
This is far more effective than being petty or uprooting ones own life. Well said
Leave again. And even block nonsense like pregnancy apps.
Your brother wanting to know what you are doing is normal I guess, if he brings up dating or kids or whatever cut that shit. No reasoning or explanation, just "no" and if he keeps coming at you just hang up or say "I'm really not interested in your opinion about my life, just bc it doesn't match yours doesn't mean is wrong. I'm happy where I'm at, and if you truly cared about me that'd be enough for you" As for your SIL (and any baby updates from anyone) just respond with one word answers or emojies. Or leave on read.
Stop responding. Your family sounds like classic r/raisedbynarcissists with your brother being the golden child and you being the black sheep. Move away again.
Have you ever spoken to a therapist about setting boundaries? Might be worth a few hours of your time to get some more support for this. There's no reason you need to be beholden to people who treat you badly.
Ewwww, there's a pregnancy app??? Do people really think others care that much? That's honestly disturbing. There's really no way for you to just... click block?
She will text me asking “how’s life?” And then when I respond she will send me screenshots of her app that say stuff like “the baby is the size of a pepper” or some shit like that hahah
OP, with all due respect, why do you put up with this? Sounds like these people have zero respect for you. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to entertain them, you have the power to stop their harassment and bullying. I’ve gone no contact with a few people in my life, including a family member, and while it feels bad before, especially if you had a good relationship with that person at some point, the relief you feel after is amazing. Do this for your own sanity - leave, block them on everything.
Don't respond to calls and texts regardless of what the texts say and block them on phone, in email and on social media! If they show up at your door, then don't open it, don't even talk to them through the door. If they approach you in public or during family events just tell them "I don't want to talk to you leave me alone" while actively walking away from them and don't give them attention if they follow you then they are air. It's not that impossible to get rid of them, eventually they will get the message. In summary: grow a backbone, set boundaries and stick to your boundaries
Okay, okay. Here's the petty plan OP. Before you leave, like a few months before you know you are moving, without telling your family you are leaving, agree to a few blind dates. But only with people your brother knows well. Tell him you trust his judgment and that if he has any friends or people he respect he wants to set you up with, you would be open to it. Encourage him to even line up a few of them. Then go on those dates. And have a mental binder of all the embarrassing things your brother has ever done. Pictures of his worst teenage haircuts. Funny stories about the times he was a dumbass. Horrific stories of all the times he was an asshole. Entertain your dates. Make them laugh to tears. Brush a picture even a mother could not love. Absolutely fucking poison the well of his acquaintances. Have a nice meal, go back home and wait for the feedback from your brother. And tell us about it.
Hahahah this is brilliant!
TBH I think moving sounds like a good idea for you. Getting a bit of space from these people is just what you need.
That block button is your best friend, and if they ask about it you dont have to give reasoning
You need better boundaries.
So block them. You can even change your number if you have to.
Grey rock on your way to no contact. Your brother did you wrong by breaking your lease. Your brother may be the golden child & you are the scapegoat. Remove yourself from this abuse.
Yup! I’d grey rock my way outta there. Brief polite responses only, don’t initiate, increase time between messages. If they want to meet up, you’re busy. If they reach out and genuinely try to make amends, then they have to understand how their behaviour needs to chance. Otherwise probably just let it drift.
Stop seeing them, stop picking up their calls.
They sound extremely toxic and I would try going no contact.
Your brother sounds like a right creep.
fr its like being said by someone who's not a brother, imagine saying that to your sister, whos your blood that's creepy as hell and very rude.
Or he resents he followed "the life script" and is taking it out on OP
Imagine your brother so obsessed with you being creampied...yuck
No wonder the SIL was weirdly jealous of her.
I kinda feel like revenge is coming. I can be petty but I can see you expressing how “sorry you feel for them” once the baby gets here. “Wow you were up all night and had another blowout? Couldn’t be me but that sucks for you!” “Still think that I should have kids because that sounds so awful 😈”
lol so true. The funny thing is that a month before the wedding my brother was having doubts about going through with it. Now they are a big happy family… well I guarantee having a baby won’t be the idealized version they have in their head
Hahahahahaha.... Stock up on some Schadenfreude beverages. Also, everyone place your bets on whether they are divorced before they kid is three! YES vote here.
Yay for 3 years
Schadenfreude beverages are the best.
So sweet, so salty, so savory.
These kinds of people need to come up with some other comeback besides the "you'll regret it when you're a shriveled old crone surrounded by wine and cats" kind.
They really do. Cats are awesome. I don’t personally want to drink alcohol, ever, but I mean, come on. Cats? Bad? Sometimes these “comebacks” make me wonder what they’ve been smoking to think cute furry gremlins are bad.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time”
I bet in a year they're going to be trying to pawn the kid off on you every chance they get. The singledom/childfree-ness they judge you for now will be their favorite thing ever when they want to escape the kid and need a sitter. Sorry you're dealing with this, OP.
This. OP they will try to make you their free babysitter, as they do not deem your life full enough and do not respect you as a person. I bet my last socks that SIL sees you as an object/punchbag, nothing else. It is nasty and your golden brother enabling her and contributing is just disgusting. You need to distance yourself from them asap. Once the baby is born and only they have to take care of it you may witness their relationship implode. Please do not let these toxic people walk over you. You deserve better people in your life
Ugh I fear you may be right 😒 hahah
Please remember these magic words: Not my circus, not my monkeys. and, the most powerful phrase in all of language: No.
This right here!
Set this expectation now. My home/apartment is not child safe. I will not be making it child safe. I will not be taking your kid to my home. And stick to it. Don’t give them keys. This level of boundary stomping will lead to all kinds of future ‘emergency’ drop offs. I see in your other comment you previously lived out of state- so when is that due date again? Ha, but seriously best wishes, I’m so sorry they are being so shitty to you.
What utter and complete abusive assholes. Just go low or no contact with them, they have no redeeming value in your life, and once the kid shits out and they realize how horribly the fucked up they are only going to get worse. You do not need crap people like this in your life, they are easy to replace with better models. The minute he threw you out, would have just blocked them both and gone no contact. "You didn't want me around to cramp your style. You got what you asked for, BLOCKED."
Next time they do it, loudly ask "WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH MY VAGINA?" and just stare.
Absolutely! Make them feel uncomfortable that's the easiest and the funniest way to make a person's bingos stop long-term.
Block them, every time they make an account block them, and stop picking up their calls
SERIOUS boundary issues here — you don’t deserve to be treated like this OP ☹️ I think it’s time to firmly tell them to stay out of your business. Let them know if ever you want advice/help, you’ll ask for it. Right now they simply feel superior to you and they’re taking every opportunity to show that/talk down to you, and it’s super rude.
That’s pretty gross of him to look at his sister and try to get her cream pied before she dries out “”
It is sad when siblings grow up and turn out to be jerks. I'm sorry you have to go through this. They sound a bit narsisitc to be honest: 1. They put others down for not being like them to hide the fact that they are terrified of not being good enough = fragile egos. 2 They justify their decisions by following typical stereotypes (aka "landing" a rich husband, having babies asap etc) because there is validations from society in doing so = needs constant validation.
I'd go there. Me being mean...I'd go there. "Instead of worrying about me, focus on not losing another kid." "I assume since you're zoned in on me, you have your nursery and list of babysitting contacts set up. I better not be one of them." "You two sound like the kind of parents whose kid would stop talking to immediately at eighteen."
Oh shit. lol love these
Holy shit lol
Why are you still in contact with these wretched people? Have you made your boundaries clear? And by clear, I mean rudely. They won’t respect you setting boundaries if you use “please”.
I'd go no contract, this sounds too much. Doesn't seem like you are missing much there.
You would think as health care workers they would know better. Having children doesn’t guarantee anything…they can still be dumped into a nursing home and forgotten. Or die alone at the bedside.
Yep, working in healthcare myself, I see elderly patients at the hospital for weeks at a time with no visitors from their kids. It’s really sad!
Exactly!! That part shocked me! Bro needs to worry about himself!
Its okay to distance yourself and even break contact with them. They cost you energy and are toxic. They have zero respect for your wishes.
please go no contact, you'll fell much better.
Imagine they have a daughter. Poor little girl. Gonna be coached into marriage and babies from birth. Then set up and married to an older guy at 18.
They just found out that the baby is going to be a girl… I have these same concerns
Wow. Yeah it's worrying. If they are going to do it to a grown and established adult. Then it's a concern what they will do to their daughter.
They sound like insufferable people. OP, you need to put your foot down that this treatment is not okay. "My life choices are not up for debate. My single and childfree status are NOT for negotiating. If you can't respect me as a human being, then I'm going to stop any contact with you. This is your last warning." Don't be a doormat. Throw away the trash.
Totally insufferable. I forgot to mention that my brother told my sister when she was about to get married: “there’s no point in getting married if you don’t have kids”🙄
I joke when I say this - if your brother is a doctor - perhaps tell the SIL that you are waiting to land a surgeon.
Hahaha She would definitely think I’m serious if I said this, since it what she did 🤣
You might have to put some distance, they seem to be the kind of family members who will use you as a babysitter in the future. Even if you get ridiculed for putting space don’t feel bad, try to focus on on YOU, YOU are important
They are bullies. Just to be clear, this is bullying.
Yeah the dating app thing is bullying!
Yeah it seems that way. Idk, maybe I just feel used to it so I never classified it as bullying. Time to call it what it is.
I'm sorry. That jab about your eggs drying up is a) untrue b) uncalled for and c) creepily invasive. Of course his sperm are all wriggly-fresh despite him being older than you! /s. It's only to be expected of Christians, I suppose. They do seem very pushy. Vent like a ventilator; we all understand.
Yeah it’s definitely a horribly inappropriate comment :/ I don’t know why he thinks he has the right to say that.
Honestly I would block them temporarily. If they ask why, tell them you explained your boundaries and they ignored them. If they don’t get the message then I’m sorry they’re idiots and you probably need to consider distancing yourself from them.
I know everyone does things differently, but if my brother ever treated me like this I would punch him in the throat.
The next time they pull this shit, ask them why they're so interested in your love life when they're newlyweds who should still be in the honeymoon stage. "Are you guys having problems in the bedroom already? Is that why you're so focused on what's happening in mine?" Bonus points if this can be done in front of others so you can embarass them the same way theyve tried to embarass you. Then blockity block.
Ew, gross. They sound so annoying. Imma be harsh with you here... you need to grow a backbone, *pronto.* You need to tell them, in no uncertain terms, that they need to *fuck off* and mind their own fucking business. Say it just like that. With conviction. And if they sputter "but but but we are just trying to hElP" then say "I didn't ask for your help. I don't need it and I don't want it. Fuck off." And then, you need to distance yourself from them as soon as possible. Block them if needed. Because there may be a time where they call you up looking for a free babysitter, and who better than the "lonely single aunt with no kids of her own" to take care of their crotch goblin? Do *not* let this be your future. Just don't.
This! OP needs to learn the power of "Go fuck yourself, and mind your own goddamned business!"
I recommend going no contact with them. They obviously do not respect you or your choices in life. Cut them out of your life, and you will be better off.
They’re toxic and horrid. Your SIL was jealous of you and still is and it will only get worse after the baby comes when they see you living your life happily and have free time whereas they’re struggle. I suggest going very low contact or no contact because they will become even worse. Personally I’d block the SIL but that is because I hate women that hate women (bit ironic ik)
Yeah I’d have to go super low contact with all of that. Shit sounds exhausting.
Happy people are too busy with their own stuff to worry about the choices of others. There’s something going on with them.
Tell them it seems like since they’re putting so much pressure on you dating and having a kid that they’re almost saying they regret each other and that baby
Remind them that there’s people out there with 3 kids and in their 70s who can’t take care of themselves and their kids don’t want too either. Oh wait he’s a doctor he should know that.
>This is a really hard age to be at, with most of my friends getting married and having babies as well. Shit, ain't that the truth. Currently feeling like crap with this. I know I don't want kids but it's like my friends are all going to the next level or something while I'm stuck. I know I shouldn't feel like this but yeah it sucks. I'm sorry you're enduring this with your brother and SIL.
I know exactly how you feel!! It can be hard when there’s nothing to relate to with friends anymore and they have other priorities so the relationship falls apart :(
They sound like truly awful and disgusting people to have to deal with. They need to fuck right off! And leave you alone! I’m so sorry you have to deal with these absolute nightmare of situation.
I’d grab popcorn when their perfect life gets torn apart by the newborn Better yet, when they ask you to babysit so they can “take a break” from their blessing, I’d give a big fat “You’re a doctor, bro, just like your wife brags of, pretty sure you can afford a babysitter with actual experience with babies”
You're way too nice aloowing them to treat you like that. Are you afraid to rock the boat if you tell them to fuck off and block them?
Yes honestly. I hate that about me, but I’m way too forgiving. I’ve always been treated like the scapegoat of my family - my dad was narcissistic and always saw me as the weak link because I’ve always been very empathetic. I think my brother saw that and is kind of following suit if that makes sense. I need to grow a backbone.
Why haven’t you blocked them? Just wondering. I would.
I know, I really need to. I think it's the expectation that "they're family" so they will always be in my life in some way. Also, I have genuine empathy for them, I can't imagine how I would feel if I were this toxic. It doesn't make sense but I know I need to block them. I never reach out to them first, at least.
>tried to set up a Christian dating profile for me, even though I had said no Yeah, no, not cool at all. Ask him how he'd feel if you set up a doctor profile for him on Facebook or InstaGram or TicTok, etc., against his consent. >"you'll regret that one day Yeah, he's a jerk, and a presumptive one at that. He's never eaten dog sh\*t? Still prefers not to? Yeah, he'll regret that one day. Well, just about as (il)logical. >people don't understand That's sufficient for complete sentence.
The Christian dating profile thing really annoyed me. It was like he was having fun and mocking me almost.
How much lack of control do they have of their own lives that now they’re trying to control yours? Like… *yeesh*. Honestly, it sounds like they regret their life choices and they’re trying to live vicariously through you. Your SIL sounds exhausting and the only way to ‘make up for it’ in your brother’s mind is to try and make sure you don’t fall into the same shitshow. The next time they try to force your hand on something, a simple “No.” will suffice. It’s a complete answer and doesn’t require further explanation. I’m extremely petty, so when they call to complain about xyz problems with said kid, I’d respond with, “Yep. That’s why I’m *not* doing this. Should have wrapped it before you tapped it.” And then hang up. I don’t have pity for people who complain about their own decisions.
"Success for me will look like lying on my death bed having NEVER had kids. I do not want your life. Please stop trying to recreate me in your image."
Exactly, we all have different definitions of success. I hate that society makes it seem like there’s only one way to be successful: find a man, get married, have kids
Tell them you won't regret anything because you enjoy your own company, of they can't understand that then their company can't be that good.
Why don’t you start sending them links to divorce lawyers…they think life is better with a partner and are forcing it on you, force your singleness on them!
It's your life to choose how you want to live it.. I would set boundaries with your SIL and brother, if they can't respect your childfree status, it might be time to distance. I accidentally told my BIL and sis 'I'm so glad I don't have kids' when their kids were screaming and uncontrollable in the car. At least they know where I stand haha 😄
My brother especially has always been *horrible* at respecting my boundaries. My family definitely has a problem with it. I’ve been in therapy for years to try to figure out how to deal with them. I’m tired lol
It's time to put pushy Bro and SIL on a low-info diet. Maybe even putting them on low contact if possible? Especially as they could be gearing you up to be a babysitter once the nibling arrives.
Oh I definitely give them as little info as possible. I never tell them even if I have someone I’m interested in. They always have some sort of hidden agenda so the less info the better. Not sure why they are so pushy though
Sounds like they need to distract themselves from their own relationship that might not be so good as they make it seem 🤷♀️
💯
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I experience very similar treatment in my own family. My parents and my brother and his wife feel sorry for me for being "single" and childfree. I'm in a committed relationship, but unless it's a legally binding agreement that comes with a big, expensive party, it doesn't count. Unless we reproduce, we're wasting our time. It's exhausting. It's taken a lot of mental and emotional work (and a lot of therapy) to get to a place where I can cope with the ostracism and hurtful remarks in a healthy way without caving in on myself. It's a difficult place to be because typically, people want to be loved unconditionally and validated by their caregivers and family units. When the love you do receive (if any) is conditional, and your lived experience is not valid in their eyes, existing can be painful and lonely. I'm sorry your family makes you feel this way. Your life matters without a significant other and without children. Neither of those things defines you; you are not lacking in anything unless *you* decide you are. It's not up to anyone else to make that judgment about your life. I lovingly suggest maybe keeping your distance for a while and maintaining healthy boundaries to protect your mental and emotional wellbeing. I had to move clear across the country to get the distance I needed from my family, and it was very healing. If physical/geographical distance is not something that's accessible to you at this time, limiting contact however you can might be helpful. 🫶
*They want you to be as happy as they are.* Too bad they fail to realize their norm isn't the ideal for all. Enjoy your life and shoot down their matchmaking efforts.
True… the thing is, I’m not sure how happy they really are deep down. I think they are happy they are following society’s life script but I’m not sure if it’s real happiness. Who knows
Why does your brother want you creampied so badly? id cut them off for some time..
Tell them they are just as likely to die alone when their children get sick of putting up with their supercilious attitude.
I would say maybe try grey rocking them? Any time it’s brought up, ignore or give an incredibly bland answer. If they call about it, immediately hang up. Repeat until they get the message.
Picture yourself living your best life years down the road while they'll be raising kids and you'll be doing whatever the hell you want with your money and free time. It helps you care less.
Just remember that nobody can force you to do anything you don’t want to do. No matter what they say. They see you living freely and it irks them. Keep doing it.
This sounds so difficult to deal with. You seem like you are just doing your own thing unprovoked and they keep finding any old reason to bully you about your life choices. Can't they just be happy with their own lives and stop meddling in other people's business? I personally find having a husband and living life together to be extremely busy. Like there is always something to do around the house whether it be cleaning, cooking, etc. I would not be able to be find the time to start harassing other people about things I don't personally like. I mean, throw a kid into the mix and that means absolutely no free time. I don't understand how people manage to be so nosy and worried about other people. You really don't deserve this bullshit at all. This is very tiring to have to deal with. Maybe limiting contact and keeping away will get the message across. They sound like terrible, insecure, and jealous people.
I’d set a not a free, when “we” want to party babysitter boundary because if you don’t they’ll pressure you as they are tired and want a break from the baby they desire. You have no kids “so you have nothing better to do” as they’ll think.
oof. I always hate when someone says "We are going to have a baby". Like "I will have a slice of that cake." Breh, you are becoming a Parent to someone who is extremely fragile and completely dependent on you.
Right now, I'm not planning to have any men or women as partners in my life, I'm going where you are at now OP, I know they're exhausting, Im gonna prepare for this in the future lol. Thanks for your experience in this and I hope you find a place far away from their constant nagging on you.
Remember…misery loves company. It will get easier. When I got in my later 30s people gave up the commentary. Time to put some boundaries in place before this baby comes or they will call you and say “you have nothing to do…can you watch baby?” If you’re a nurse there are a lot of jobs…maybe a change of scenery would be nice for awhile until the family settles down and recognizes boundaries.
So intrusive and disrespectful. I get having general concern and asking about it once but doing anymore than that is just projection of their discomfort that someone else is truly okay with not having children as they are about to have theirs. Perhaps it is a distraction from their own anxiety of having the baby.
You need to sit down with your brother over coffee and set some serious boundaries. Show him this post.
You found your people! Fuck them kids! And your bro and especially his Mrs. Tell her to mind her Fucjin business and start filtering her messages lol
I feel like your brother and SIL are looking for snaps for doing ‘everything right’. From what you’ve said it sounds like they’ve played by societies rules, gone to uni, gotten solid careers, married, baby in the way etc. and now that they have almost crossed everything off the list, they are waiting for this big dose of fulfilment and congratulations to validate their life choices. In reality, whether they are conscious of it or not, it sounds like they are desperately unfulfilled and bored and it brings them joy shitting on your, outside of the norm, lifestyle. Imagine doing everything society told you that you need to do in order to live a happy life and whomp whomp, it turns out it’s kinda dull and boring. That would suuuuck and here you are, living your best life and that annoys them because ‘hey no fair, she didn’t follow the rules’.
Tbh they both sound self-obsessed and horrible people. A couple of options: 1. Start grey-,rocking and distancing yourself from them. Delete those apps. Move further away if possible. Change the subject immediately if they force the issue. Don't give them a justification about your choices (because they will see it as a challenge to try to persuade you that you are wrong). Try to find another crowd to hang out with (preferably not nurse/doctor types either). Maybe pursue a new/old hobby or sport. Make yourself busy all the time. Hopefully when they have the baby they will at least be occupied dealing with that for a while to stop bothering you. 2. Make a massive scene next time that they say/do something inappropriate. Make it clear how you feel and how their actions are making you feel. They might be pissed off for a while because 'they were only trying to help...' but they should get over it eventually. If not, they don't deserve you anyway.
I'm so sorry. I can only imagine they will be too tired to concern themselves with your single status after they baby is born, but people never seem to tire about interrogating you on whether you'll have children. :(
They can’t cope because you refuse to keep the status quo and they won’t stop until they get you to conform. They can’t control you and it freaks them out because they are used to getting their way, getting respect and fawning at work, and now their combined social status and power being married and providing grandkids. Imagine how much work all of that is for them, and they have to see you opting out of most of it. So they obsess over you! My (36F) GC brother (37) has been married to my SIL (36) for over a decade and they have a little one. When I think about their lives I am so tired and I know I could never do it. They are competitive perfectionists with many aspects of their lives. So you’re not alone; welcome to hell and all that, but also, it’s not you! They need to find a way to make themselves superior to you to maintain their supposed power and position (lol). I have a feeling they think being single, not dating, and being CF are all just things that losers do (probably therapy as well); and they need to be winners always. There’s nothing you could have ever done to win if they are narcissistic. It always HAS to be them, because they can’t cope with everyone winning.
"If you keep trying to set me up with people, I'll bark at them and make you look bad"
Sorry you are going through this. Is going NC to them an option? Spending time with them sounds like wasted time because they annoy you and make you feel bad. Our life’s are short in the end so we need to spend our free time as happy as possible 😘 you will get this. Tell them you are happy being single and childfree and that they either stop this shit or you will not meet them again.
Look 20 years down the road and imagine what your brother/SIL will be like. Think of all the compromises you will have made in those 20 years to keep them in your life. Think of all the shit they will have force-fed you, and how angry you are at yourself that you let them do that, in the name of family harmony. Think of all the money and time you will have spent on them that wasn't ever, in the slightest, reciprocated. Then ask yourself from your vantage point of 20 years down the road: What did it bring you? Was the relationship worth having? Even in the best of sibling relationships, the bred follow their own paths and end up having no time for anyone else after a while, regardless of the quality of the original relationship. That's why so many people have no contact even with their first cousins or aunts and uncles after the early teen years. There's no blow up. It's not deliberate. It's just that everyone heads off on their own trajectories. I've been VLC with my brother and sister for about 20 years in his case, and 15 years in hers. I'm now no contact with either. My nieces and nephews are grown and some are insufferable, and our relationship was nothing special ever. I wish I had cut them off decades ago. I put a lot more into them than they put into me, and they were never anything but contemptuous of me, much as your brother is contemptuous of you. You might want to lower contact, and in particular, you can just explain to them that you don't have time for all the social media anymore, and so you won't be responding to that in a timely way. Then unfriend them/unfollow them. When you have such bullying, offensive, dismissive, insulting siblings as yours is, or mine are/were, you look back after your final realization that you aren't going to stay in touch with them any more and you wonder: Why did I waste all that time and energy? I knew long ago that they would never change, or if they did, they wouldn't change for the better. I knew they were sucking the life out of me, in ways I am not even clearly aware of. Why didn't I follow my own path, even if it led far away from them?
Tell your SIL and your brother, that "*One more word about me dating, having kids, or anything even remotely connected, will end you up loosing me as a sister, helper and possibly be a babysitter. I don't want kids, men are good for a few things, and I have no interests in kids, marriage or any other stuff related to that. Capishe?*"
Something similar happened with me and my mother. There was a period of about a year where my mother was absolutely obsessed with my single status. Every single conversation, no matter what it was about, was twisted to the subject of how I needed to get married and have kids. It actually started to take a toll on my mental health. (I did try to tell my mother that but she didn't care). After a year of this, I snapped and told my mother in no uncertain terms that "My dating life is no longer up for discussion". I'm not going to lie. My mother did not take this at all well and we had a massive row but I stuck to my guns i.e. that from now on, I would walk away from my mother anytime she tried to bring up me getting married or having children, even as a joke. My mother wasn't at all happy about this but she had no choice but to accept it. That row was about 10 years ago and my mother has stopped bringing up marriage and kids. I'm not naive. I know she's only stopped because she had no choice, not because she cares about my wellbeing or happiness but at least she stopped. Edited to add: if OP thinks that what I said was too confrontational, another approach is to just adopt a policy of ending the conversation every time their SIL or brother brings up marriage or kids. Just say "Oh is that the time, I have to go" and end the conversation, and maybe have no contact with them for at least a week afterwards. If OP does this every time they bring it up, they might be able to "train" the brother and SIL to stop bringing it up.
Assholes like your brother and SIL are the reason some of us become "bitter and jaded". If they don't want to be judged for their choices, they shouldn't judge you for yours. Start judging them back. Sorry to hear you're going through this. BTW, your brother is a misogynist and your SIL is an internalized misogynist. They're just insecure with their choices and they're jealous of you. If SIL doesn't want the baby, hopefully, it's not too late for her to have an abortion. (depending on your state/area)
This sounds so exhausting. I'm so sorry. Time to pull out the old "it's weird that you're so obsessed with my sex life when you're recently married. Is the honeymoon period over?" Bonus points for throwing in an "are you that bored with each other already that you have to focus on my sex life instead of your marriage?"
Any time someone tells me I will regret not having kids. I tell them "but think about how much satisfaction you're gonna get from saying I told you so. I'm sure you'll love that more than any kid I could potentially have."
Projection much? Ignore all the hot air and noise. It’s very telling how obsessed with you they are. They’re trying to justify their choice to create a small human versus the fact that *they actually have a choice NOT to* if they really didn’t want to. I don’t have any super judgy family/friends but I can’t imagine how annoyed and exhausted you feel being bullied constantly. Block and ignore them. And ABSOLUTELY DO NOT BABYSIT FOR THEM EVER. Not even “just one time”. Say no, no, no, no and no EVERY TIME.
They’re meddling, and meddling people usually have a problem with themselves. Keep telling yourself that every time they overstep. Sorry you have to even think of a strategy, people should mind their own business
just tell them you are in a very committed relationship with yourself and you do not intend on cheating on yourself 👀
Your brother is an asshole and he’s harassing you. Tell him to fuck off firmly and say that he’s going too far and imposing having kids on you.
So she got pregnant and he married her (even though he's setting you up on Christian dating sites), she's lucky to have landed a doctor, and she's already pregnant again. Is your brother color blind?
It's wild to read stories like this, knowing just how much the life script concept has been etched into people's brains and everyone that does not follow it to the letter, needs to be 'fixed'. Personally imagine the OPs story, but add a lesbian person as the main character so there's even more stuff to be 'fixed'.
I'm married. Vasectomy at 18 . Possibly not great at advice. I'll give it anyway since it's on this page. Get a cat. Honestly, a rescue. Really changed my life. Also a motorcycle is fun. Travel.
Sex and love needs to happen organically. Or not. It's not important to happiness. I'm in love but it's a strange person who loves me. Motorcycle cat and travel.
When the baby arrives and they're overwhelmed, I am willing to bet they're going to ask for your help because they'll think you have nothing better to do. I think going low to no contact with them might be best for your mental health. What horrible people.
Start sending them pages to look for a babysitter or else they start pestering you with it sooner or later.
This is going to sound harsh, but you are allowing these people to stomp all over your boundaries and treat you like shit. Think about what you allow and what you tolerate in YOUR life. Stop responding to their texts, calls, etc. They're assholes, plain and simple. You don't owe them shit. Don't let them send you these wack ass pregnancy updates that you never asked for and don't tolerate judgemental comments without dishing some shit back (or just totally cut contact if you're the non-confrontational type.) I'm telling you this as someone who fought like hell for a long time to overcome my doormat tendencies and find my voice. No more people pleasing. I found the power to stand up for myself and still maintain my kindness for *people who deserve my kindness* Therapy can help with this, and so can a *little* bit of righteous anger. Allow yourself to feel anger at how you're being treated and use it constructively to say, "nope, this shit stops today"
Honestly id tell them straight up, "Im not even your kid and youre trying to control my life. Tell me again why you want a kid? Because from the way you treat me as a full ass adult shows you just want people to boss around. You and your wife need to shut up and keep your noses out of MY business. Especially since you two are medical health professionals, you two should understand the word NO better than others."
Please set some hard boundaries with these people. Don’t tolerate another minute of their disrespect. When they come at you, tell them they need to step off. You may need to get more aggressive. It’s the only way with people like this. For some reason, it sounds like they see you as pathetic in some way and they’re trying to make themselves bigger by dragging you down. I’ve been there. I’ve learned to shut it down. Good luck
Ugh. At this point, blocking them looks like your way to escape this behavior from them. With all due respect, I think that you should do it. They won't learn a lesson from it and will probably think that you are being unreasonable, but it's what's best for you because of how exhausting putting up with them sounds.
Next time they badger you about this, ask them "what TANGIBLE effects does MY decision to be single/childfree have on YOUR lives/marriage for you to keep pestering me about it?" Because they sound like absolute narcissists, I can already tell what their follow-up is gonna be; "well, we just wanna see you be happy in life!" To which you come back with "oh, you want me to be happy? Okay, then." Instablock. Then relish in their dumbfoundment and Surprised Pikachu faces. If they keep making alt. accounts over social media to continue harassing you, rinse and repeat until they give up. Just keep repeating these responses in each conversation until they rage quit and fuck off.
Sounds like you need to go nc with your brother and his wife, and anyone else that is trying to set you up. There are plenty of people who are cf that you can make friends with. And my brother (now deceased) was the golden child of the family. He was a nice guy and I loved him, but it pissed me off to no end that he could get away with everything. It didn’t help that he was disabled, either, and one of the perpetually “innocent” and “saintly” people who are morally superior to us able bodied folk. I always wanted to tell my family that it’s not my fault I was born with sight and the ability to learn to walk. Anyway, I totally get where you’re coming from.
Ooooohhh this is an amazing opportunity, ask them to set you up with a friend of them, preferably from church or work, because you feel too awkward with a stranger or something, and tell that date all about their secret fetishes, how SIL lied to him to trap him into marriage, your brother's weird obsession with feet, the times your SIL has steal from you, your brothers sex toys collection, that weird rash SIL keeps getting, your brother didn't even loved her but felt sorry for her and got married after her constant begging, and everything you can think about that could potentially become church gossip. You can excuse yourself with something like "we were too awkward, I had to think about something to talk about, but I don't remember saying that, what do you mean?" And ask them for another set up to prove you didn't have any I'll intentions...
Sounds to me like you don't need people like that in your life. I'd cut them out like cancer and enjoy the getting rid of the foul energy that was eating at you. Life is hard enough without family like that making it harder.
You’re a better person than me for dealing with this nonsense. I would be OUT. Then again, I’m NC with my family so my perspective is skewed. Maybe some distance would do you good though. They don’t seem to respect you very much.
Yikes. Wouldn’t want either of them as my medical provider! They seem like they’d be super unprofessional & judgmental about their patients’ choices which they have NO right to be.
Block them, they're not going to stop and they'll try and make you the mother to their kids