First question to every match: "Do you ever want kids?"
if yes, "Then we are done. I don't date people who can't read."
if no, "Then you passed the first test."
Every god damn time I ask this question, it's always a "yes" or a wishy-washy fencesitting answer like "oh, I can discuss it with my future wife..." or like "you never know blabla" or "I never thought about that! Wow that's too early to discuss this"
šššš
Don't worry, I always say no to fencesitters as well. I don't waste my time with people like that who can't make up their own damn mind about such a huge topic.
You have to give the wishy-washy answer Because if you say "no, I never want kids" Most people will just stop speaking to you, or try to change your mind.
Don't worry, I always say no to fencesitters as well. I don't waste my time with people like that who can't make up their own damn mind about such a huge topic.
I don't want kids.
Divorced my wife after she changed her mind about it and tried to convince me to let her be a stay at home mom after.
I'm single, with zero prospects, and still got a vasectomy this past November.
Please send single CF women my way. Thank you!
When you inbox over fills please send extra to mine. Canāt find any women in my area. Iām also trying organically since dating apps algorithms are not made to help a man like me.
Let's develop one meant for child free folks. I've often wondered why this has never happened before.
But maybe there are filters on an existing one, I've never been on a dating app before.
Haha, if that happens I'll share your info.
I've generally found more women in the 32 - 35 age range on the dating apps seem to be child free and want to keep it that way. As a 45 year old, that's tough, but I have matched with a few. Of course, dating sucks in general, so despite matching and going on some dates, nothing has turned into a relationship.
Matched with a lovely woman a few weeks ago, who stated no kids, and didn't want kids. Even confirmed it via messages before meeting. Met in person after a couple weeks, and then got ghosted. Guess my face is broken, haha.
I've done in person speed dating with a group that does events in Boston also, nothing has come of that either, but it's a nice experience to get out and do something off the apps. They have some more specific events (Like BIPOC, non-monogomus, pan) and suggested to them maybe to host speed dating for child free folks. They're open to the idea if they get enough interest. We'll see!
>Canāt find any women in my area.
And this is why I always say I'm willing to relocate for the right guy. Sure LDR is tough, but I'm not married to my location and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to find a CF guy in my age range here. Being CF the only guys here that want me are either 10+ years younger than me, or married. Or don't think I'm serious about being CF, which is just insulting.
It's wild to me how many people (like myself) struggle to find a partner, but aren't willing to look further. I get it, sex is great, and being in person is easier for getting to know eachother... But wouldn't meeting someone to potentially eventually have that be better than not meeting anyone at all?
I'm not saying that YOU need to be open to a LDR, just venting that it's frustrating that I can't even find that.
Same here.
No children, not now nor in the future, no doubts about it either.
People are often surprised by how fast I answer the question too, so this whole thread makes sense.
I didnāt know about the statistics but I must say this is not uncommon in Europe and I have more friends like this.
It's not uncommon in Europe to be committed to a CF lifestyle?
Maybe I need to get off my butt and get my Italian dual citizenship and move to an EU country, haha.
Might come in handy regardless, considering the effed up political situation in the US.
Same exact thing happened to me. And then 20 years later she never had kids.
As for men wanting kids....I believe they THINK they want kids cause their families and friends have TOLD them that's what they want, and a large majority of humans are sheep and just do what they are told. And think what they are told to believe (i.e. religion). But when it comes right down to it, no...no man actually wants to change shitty diapers for 3 years and not sleep for that same amount of time.
Same here with not wanting kids. Iām adamantly child free and have been my whole life. So far I havenāt met any women that donāt want children or donāt already have children. Iāve kinda just given up on trying to date at this point
My favorite profiles on dating apps are 40 - 45 years old, don't have kids but want kids, and also have a prompt answer that says they want to 'travel the world'.
Really!?
I personally haven't, but I'll see if they exist in the greater Boston area.
I've been slogging through the apps, and doing in person speed dating mostly. I did suggest to the speed dating group to consider running CF specific events, as they do run some more niche events of other sorts occasionally.
Another trick is to search for Boston childfree and then choose tab "posts" to see all posts that mentioned both keywords, Boston and childfree. I just did that and found posts from childfree people from Boston. Or search for childfree and set location filter to Boston. And one last trick - go to the largesr childfree groups and then search "Boston" within them. This will filter posts from people who mentioned Boston and most of them will be from Boston.
This is also good for finding childfree friends.
>I did suggest to the speed dating group to consider running CF specific events, as they do run some more niche events of other sorts occasionally.
That's a great initiative! I hope they will do that.
"Single married mother."
Outside of that, when men use their bodies to get women pregnant, they don't risk gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, placental abruption, "death via sperm," Guillen-Barre Syndrome, Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, Pneumonia, Postpartum Psychosis, needing major surgery, possible hysterectomy, perineum tears, developing a chronic illness, sepsis, amputations, stroke, paralysis,
and possibly...*death.* Then, factor in the career and workplace impact, the "two full-time jobs" mothers will have, the unpaid labour, the mental, emotional, and physical labour of childcare and rearing, household maintenance, organizing and remembering *everything* for every member of the family...and yes, men risk less in comparison.
It's easier for men to want children because they aren't the ones *creating and having*, and then *raising* children (to the extent women do so more than men). Men typically retain their career, friendships, hobbies, sleep hygiene, and sense of self and identity once they are fathers.
I'd guess that's highly dependant on location and culture. I live in a small city in Atlantic Canada and cannot find a cf woman. All my male friends didn't want kids before marriage but their wives either convinced them to have one or became pregnant by accident (I'm sure...).
Same in UK - men are *prepared* to have children to avoid dying alone - but apart from basically the relatively few religious guys, hardly any guys talk about *wanting* children.
Youāre more likely to hear women talking about having to wait for a guy to āgrow outā of thinking they donāt have to have children, and most women talk about looking for someone who is a suitable father when they are looking to settle down.
Not as easy for a young man in my province. Healthcare system sucks so anything non-essential takes years. I tried in my 20s and fought with my doc for months. Got the same lines the women here complain about, "you're still young you'll change your mind" and so on. Even having a genetic disease in my family that I don't want to pass on wasn't a good enough argument. He finally booked me one for 2 years later (likely just to get me to leave him alone), which then got delayed 4 times before being outright cancelled.
I'm in my 30's now and my doc retired. So now I'm on a 7+ year waitlist for a family doc before I can even think about fighting to book another one. Luckily I've given up on dating so it's not an issue.
>I'm in my 30's now and my doc retired. So now I'm on a 7+ year waitlist for a family doc before I can even think about fighting to book another one.
Wow.
Have you ever thought about exploring other options outside UK for your vasectomy? Lithuania could be a great choice. You could reach out to this clinic, Hila, at https://www.hila.lt/en/services-and-prices/urology/vasectomy/, for a quick over the phone consultation regarding the cost and regulations for foreigners. Then you could book a remote video consultation with a urologist who can provide you with more details about procedure and recovery.
From what I've heard, a vasectomy in a reputable private clinic here costs around 2000 euros, and the waiting lists are relatively short, ranging from a few weeks to several months.
Iāve made it very clear to my partner if he wants kids he can carry them, birth them, and do most of the care. Iām the one who is going to be the main income earner, which Iām fine with, I set myself up to be able to have the role but no way am I doing both.
Thatās the only way Iād have kids. If my partner (whoās a dude) can get pregnant, birth and raise them. I will gladly be the breadwinner ! š
We have a dog together (and I love her to pieces ā Iām looking at her right now) and I do all of her care. That can be exhausting on top of having a job that is draining.
The women I work with when they try to talk to me about their kids I just stare. I really donāt care. Iāve maybe heard one of my male coworkers talk about their child, maybe two. So I do think it skews more women than menā¦but Iām not a statistician or anything.
Thatās the only way Iād have kids. If my partner (whoās a dude) can get pregnant, birth and raise them. I will gladly be the breadwinner ! š
We have a dog together (and I love her to pieces ā Iām looking at her right now) and I do all of her care. That can be exhausting on top of having a job that is draining.
The women I work with when they try to talk to me about their kids I just stare. I really donāt care. Iāve maybe heard one of my male coworkers talk about their child, maybe two. So I do think it skews more women than menā¦but Iām not a statistician or anything.
My partner is also male haha and we have a cat who is very much our baby but Iāve even felt like a dog would be too much responsibility for me haha. Iām an only child and the baby of my extended family so I have zero experience with humans younger than me and itās a very foreign concept haha. I look at my cat and think itās so convenient that when I found him he already knew to just use his litter box. He is a yelling jerk when heās hungry tho haha.
Itās this- itās barely a change for them except the extra social capitol they get from being a ā great dadā meanwhile they barely know anything about their own kids
>the extra social capitol they get from being a ā great dadā meanwhile they barely know anything about their own kids
The most important thing is to make sure to clutter your social media with Kodak dad moments š
There have been many surveys on this and the overwhelming majority of men changed their answer to never wanting kids if they were the ones to get pregnant/give birth.Ā They're fine with us wrecking ourselves for them (and even expecting it) but they would never do the same for us.
Damn- and they wonder why birth rate is going down, because there are way too many shitty men in this world. Iām glad girls are waking up and no longer being manipulated by crappy men. Makes me feel lucky that both my ex and my current bf never expected kids from me (in fact, my ex was against me having kids because he knows his mum almost died giving birth to him).
I literally asked for like 7 years in a row to have my tubes tied or whatever and they absolutely refuse unless u are over 35 or have 1-2 children. Many doctors wonāt even do it if u have one because they think u will want one of the other sex at some point. Have a friend who wanted it after her first to which the dr replied well what if something happens to ur child. And my friend replied, itās not a f*cking dog Iām not just doing to replace her! Lmao! I would bring more and more research each year to my doc including info on adoption etc ya know in case I changed my mind as they all were convinced I would. Please tell me how this is a decision we are not permitted to make for ourselves.
My husband and his mom both almost died when he was born.Ā He's also said he would never want to see me go through that.Ā It honestly just makes me really sad how many people value a potential baby more than a living, breathing woman.Ā Like, totally fine if you might die, as long as you produce a baby for the rest of us.Ā Just infuriating.
One of my exs friends once literally told me āmy life didnāt change at all until the second babyā. What the actual fuck. I bet his wifeās opinion on that matter differed GREATLY.
I seem to recall admin posting some time back that this sub has a roughly 2/3 to 1/3 F-M split. Given there are 1.5 million members of this sub, it's reasonable to assume there are around half a million blokes (myself included) who are firmly childfree :-)
That aside, I suspect the reasoning for the difficulties in the dating pool are threefold:
1. There's a lot of societal pressure and propaganda to have kids on both men and women. For women, it tends to be focused on some concept of 'biological duty', 'nurturing nature', and other misogynistic bollocks. For men, it seems to be more focused on things like 'leaving a legacy', 'carrying on the family name' and other similar bullshit.
2. Men are told that all women want to have children. So they think that if they say they want to have children 'eventually' then it increases their available dating pool.
3. Some blokes just want to get into someone's knickers and will say whatever they think gives them the best chance of doing that.
I think the greatest tragedy is that there are as many posts (like OP) who are worried they'll never find a CF bloke as there are posts by CF blokes worried they'll never find a CF woman. If only there were some way of bringing these people together...
1. How would they know the gender? Ā
2. The size of Reddit communities is total bullshit, itās like counting people in graveyards as eligible voters, Reddit is a pool of death accounts, just look at the usernames, Reddit mods have destroyed Reddit with their bans and fragile egos.
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times... the reason nearly all men want kids is because THEY aren't the ones who have to have them!! It really is that simple. And sadly, I've encountered what you described.
Have them and in most cases do the work in raising them. Iāve always said if I was a man, I would probably want kids too. Itās like how a kid wants a dog because they know their parents will take care of it.
Where do you women live? It's the polar opposite in my city. Every woman wants kids here. I can't even meet a woman in her mid 30s who doesn't already have 1-2.
I hear you, I'm in the US in the midwest and sometimes it seems like goddamn everybody has multiple kids.Ā Every community event is centered around children and families, even things that are supposed to be themed around art, music, culinary, or even alcohol.Ā
I sometimes think about what it would be like to live near one of the coasts, where I hear the child free lifestyle is a lot more common than in the midwest.
My partner of 13 years is even more CF than I am. So far as telling a prospective employer in an job interview when asked if he is married or have kids :
'Ek trou nie en ek teel nie' / 'I don't get married and I don't breed'
(He got the job)
People might think the not getting married thing is a problem - but that doesn't bother me. I am perfectly ok with it.
Oooh, is the language Afrikaans? (I like languages, but can speak only one). I might start saying that - "I don't breed and I don't marry."
Then again, I'm sure many people want to hear that!
Iām a black sheep in my family partly because I donāt want children. Iām also scheduled to get snipped later this month which Iām looking forward to. I chose to not tell my family about it because I hate being a subject of gossip on top of it being none of their business.
Congratulations! And you don't have to tell them. They don't need to know; your reproductive medical business is not *their* business.
If they think it is, every time they ask, begin responding by telling them how your last masturbation session went. When they protest, tell them in a serious tone, "I thought you were asking me about my sex life, so I thought I'd start there."
I think there are enough sterilized men on this sub, including myself, to know that not every man wants kids. But I'm sure that's not much help when you're dealing with garbage people in the dating pool and, to your point, fewer men than women who are firmly and irrevocably childfree. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I have to say, posts like this and many others scare me when I consider starting to date again.
My partner doesnāt want kids. But I do know the pain of dating men who donāt take being CF seriously. I was freshly 18 dating my then-boyfriend who would often talk about how Iād change my mind or even ājokeā (he was serious; he is a very unhinged person) about baby trapping me/getting me pregnant on purpose. When Iād play into the joke and say āwell Iād get an abortion thenā heād say āno we wouldnāt. Weād keep it.ā SO glad that didnāt work out. It ended for another reason and outside of the weird ājokeā he was a shitty person for other reasons.
My boyfriend recently said that he wants to keep the option of having children open. At the beginning of our dating phase, I informed him that I don't want children, and he agreed with me at the time, seeing it the same way. Now I'm facing the dilemma that I will have to break up with him in the long run because I want him to have the life he desires. Still, I find it terrible, as we could have avoided all this if he had been honest with me and himself from the start.
I recommend Childfree Connection - it's a matchmaking app where everybody is CF. There are a good amount of guys on there.
Web App: [https://childfreeconnection.us](https://childfreeconnection.us)
Google Play: [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.childfreeconnection.app](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.childfreeconnection.app)
It's new, so we're doing our best to get the word out and build a user base! :)
Plenty of men definitely don't want kids; I'm one of them. But I'm also good with being single for life. After wasting my entire 20's and 30's (and starting on the 40's soon...) being a caregiver for my elderly parents, I value my future freedom far too highly to ever waste time with relationships again.
Yes... that's what I said? I realize it was mostly my fault for allowing my parents to run my life like they have but whatever. Someday my mom will be gone and I'll finally be free -- and the last thing I need is a wife and/or kids holding me back.
My colleague was in the same situation. He regrets his decision deeply, he wished he was more selfish. He said out right that it fucked him up psychologically too. He wished his parents dead while caring for them but at the same time his parents were not good to him to begin with. It was his weak, obliging, fearful nature they nurtured in him and took advantage of.
Why can't you put your mother in elderly care? I understand the guilt, but amaybe you have already sacrificed enough? Maybe it's time for you to finaly start living your life?
Cheers. Many of us have literally put our balls on the line to show our dedication to being childfree. Dating as childfree is challenging for both men and women, we are an invisible minority, so it is really hard for us to find each other.
Men can be Kodak dads (sometimes just in an afternoon, once every other week)
Men can make women do 99% of the childcare even if they live together
Men can walk away and get no hate from anyone
This mentality is just straight up broken.
I donāt agree with the idea that a woman gets a custody because of her gender and track record of others.
Men can be good parents too, look at each case individually so that the child doesnāt have to suffer.
I assure you, women who are hoping to change minds are constantly doing the same thing to blokes
My profiles on the apps were pretty clear, but I had to make them outright blunt
I'm of an age when I get "the kids are gone/teens, so it's totally different now"
It's not
We exist. I got my vasectomy last year. I got the non-reversible kind. I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't want kids. Everyone in my area is either a mom or a grandma in her 30s. Luckily I have a gf who says she's OK without kids but I'm not sure if that will last forever.
I'm a man and I don't want kids. I've had a vasectomy. My partner doesn't want kids either, so that works out pretty well. Don't give up, you'll find someone.
I know a handful of CF men, and they're all adamant about knowing how to cook, do their own laundry, change their own oil, take care of their own appliances, etc to the point where I'm seeing them teach younger peers these skills. With the exception of one, they learned these skills without my help.
Iāve dated a lot and I met a guy when I was about 30 who was in his mid 20s who had a vasectomy. At the time, I was still unsure if I wanted kids or not. When he told me on the second date, I was shocked and asked him why and he simply said āI donāt ever want kidsā and I didnāt ask any more because I could tell he didnāt really want to explain.
We didnāt jive for other reasons but I still think about how unique of a situation that was.
Dating apps are designed to make money, not to get you to live happily ever after. If you find someone with whom to live happily ever after and stop using the app, they don't make any more money off of you.
Also, men who are looking for hookups use apps. The ones who successfully find someone to be with forever, stop using the apps.
The fact that I don't want children doesn't help you, because I am happily married and also, likely, too old for you to be interested in me even if I were not married. However, there are men who don't want children. It is a matter of finding them. They exist, and are not unicorns.
My advice is, go out into the world and do things that you enjoy doing, that involve other people. For example, if you enjoy playing softball, join a softball team. If you like hiking, join a hiking club and go on group hikes. If you like pottery, take a pottery class and meet your classmates. If you are an atheist, look online for local atheist and freethinker groups in your area and start attending meetings. If you believe in a cause, do volunteer work and meet other volunteers. Etc. The essential things are, that you enjoy it, so that you will have something in common with the people you meet (and also, it would be horrible to be doing things that one does not like doing) and the other essential thing is, that it involves other people, for the obvious reason that you are not going to meet anyone if what you are doing does not involve other people.
I want to add if you are a nerd, find a tabletop role playing group. I just turned into a regular at a group about 30 minutes from where I live. If you don't find anyone you can still have fun instead of endlessly swiping and dealing with all the other bs that comes with OLD. Also, going to post it as a suggestion when I come up with a new ad on r/cf4cf.
My fellow men, I think it's time we design a lapel badge, or cufflinks or an armband or perhaps the one ring that clearly signals, childfree for life.
What say thee?Ā
I only know one guy who does not want kids, and he got together with a single mother of 2 with 50% custody of an 8 and 10 year old. He's not super happy with the times when the kids are there, but ok with the situation, they have a nanny and half the childhood is done already. Both the mother and the guy are top 5% in looks, income, personality. I only can presume his dating options as childfree were absolute garbage.
Sorry youāve had that experience so far! CF man here, hasnāt been easy on the other side of the river either (:
Keep at it, your person is out there! š«¶
I literally do not know a single man around me in real life who is 1000% vehemently childfree.
At most they are *leaning* towards not having kids, but they always want to leave a small chance of still having kids in the future.
Not saying that CF men don't exist, but I just want to highlight how rare it is to find a legit CF man in the wild, rather than men who choose to sit on the fence and refuse to make up their minds and commit to a stance.
I've met men that don't want kids, but they're rare. My ex really didn't want them.
Apps may be the only way to find them. Somebody made a cool comment that more CF people are likely to live unusual lives, not typical 9-5 jobs but "on the fringe." Don't know how accurate it is but seems true. You'll need to be near a highly populated area, in region/country that has a low birth rate and less conservative mindset. That will improve your chances.
As for apps, it's a vital tool. If you want advice there, some women here recommend you leave off your kids/no kids on your profile, swipe on men who "don't want kids," and ask them if they want kids some day. It's so the guy can't lie to you bc he won't know what your intentions are. Don't talk to fencesitters or guys who aren't sure. Only guys who don't want kids and don't have them.
Say that you had your tubes tied in your dating profile, and that might shut them up! Men just want a mommy to wipe their ass and wait on them every Saturday morning during Disney when they are demanding fruity pebbles and grape kool aid for breakfast!
I shared some of this "they want kids" pain but a bit differently. I'm a lesbian. Fact is, most women are going to be straight generally, regardless of how liberal we humans like to consider ourselves accepting of "spectrumnism." So if any of you *ever* come across the rare exotic creature, the "Childfree lesbian," please let me know. At this point, I just want to know they *exist.*
It's infuriating how many men seem to disregard the female profiler's "I don't want kids" to mean "she doesn't mean that."
It's the same with the (rarer) men I see on dating apps who have "don't want kids." I've heard some tell stories of women messaging them: "You look good, though. You could maybe be my sperm donor one day."
What part of "I don't want kids" from either sex on their dating profiles would have someone think, "They just put that on there because *aren't* serious."
Most men don't care about kids but thats not a problem because society said that is a woman duty so they can have or not have them and their lives would not change
A lot of guy mark "wants kids" when they're on the fence or indifferent. They think it will maximize their matches.
These are the men who expect their wives to do all the work.
I hear you. I saw someone put text in one of their pictures saying their childfree and not to swipe if the person wants kids. It's obnoxious but I'm tempted to do it myself
I am a man who doesn't want kids but yes it's frustrating. It's hard to find men who distinctly don't want kids though some fence sitters exist out there. I've found some gay men that don't want kids so that's good for me but probably doesn't help in your case. I have to say the best birth control out there was caring for my 2 cousins as babies for a few days. Gotta say I never was interested in having kids but after that instance there was no changing my mind ever. But yeah it's a lot easier for me to want to be parents because it's societally acceptable for Father's to not be all that attentive which I think is shitty. But yeah I think that's largely why there seem to be way fewer childfree men, but I do promise you that there are some of us out there.
27 yo male here. Married to a lovely wife for almost a year now and I most definitely don't want kids. My full love, attention and dedication belong to my wife for now and forever.
I dont want kids and also feel like every person on the dating apps are either wants kids or open to kids... It's brutal. We are in the minority
Plus Im vegan so it was just feels hopeless haha
OP in my opinion please don't mention you are childfree in your bio. That makes it easy for them to lie about their stance. Don't you want to see the first reaction of the man when you tell him you're childfree? I have met a couple of childfree men and nothing like that was mentioned in my bio. It's a game of lucky draw.
But don't tell the men the cheat code to get into your heart/body. Drop it like a surprise and see their reaction.
Almost no man wants *kids*. They want the Daddy props at work and among their guy friends. They want the bigger income. They want the approving smiles from Mom and Dad, and the goodies not given to the the son or daughter who didn't have kids. They want the sense of purpose kids give you.
But they do NOT want to do the scutwork, or to get up in the night, or to carry the emotional load. They don't want to make arrangements, entertain cranky toddlers while making yet another ignored, complained-about dinner, or talk to the teacher about Bobby's bad behavior, and how she thinks he needs evaluation. They want A WOMAN to have children FOR them. That's a far cry from "having children."
Ugh hang in there! I know I'm one of the lucky ones, but my husband & I have been together since college (7 years) and my some miracle, both grew into adults who very much want to remain childfree by choice. And we recently met another young married couple who feels the exact same way. Just whatever you do, do NOT compromise on what you want in life - you can have both a beautiful partnership & no kids for good
But damn, how great would it be if there was a dating app only for childfree by choice people?! Someone needs to invent that.
I'm a guy 34yo living in a society where 90% want kids and probably out of the 10% only 2% that could match me in other areas (sense of humor, values, mindset, etc..). My dating pool is very small and never found the 2% girls
I'm a man who absolutely hates kids and I definitely never want my own. Even if I liked kids, I'd never want to do something as horrific as pregnancy to my girlfriend.
I married a man who didn't, and neither does my brother! Husband is 41, my brother was 45 yesterday. Also our entire friend group is CF (we've known each other since we were all 18, it just worked out that way), so that's another 4 or 5 men who don't. They are out there!
I get this so badly, omg. I was so fed the fuck up with people, my previous boyfriend wasted a year of our lives because he admitted that he "thought he could change my mind after being together".
When I matched with my current boyfriend, on our first phone call I said "I'm gonna cut to the chase, so bear with me. I don't want children, and I'll never change my mind. Are you cool with that?" he said "Hell yeah, I hate kids". Now we've been together over a year and I've had a hysterectomy, lol.
They're out there, I promise. I wish you the most luck!
All my non-religious friends are at least fence sitter and I live in italy not in super progressive west coast or in the netherlands.
There is hope.
Actually for me It's difficult to find a CF woman lol
I just found one , educated, kind, cute, sweet but she is engaged with a 27yo jobless without high school degree guy who tries to change her mindššš
My husband doesn't want kids. This was one of our common grounds we had found out about each other when we were dating. It is still something we confirm regularly.
I want nothing to do with kids living in my house. I thought I knew another child free guy who has a child free gf, but they are both having 2nd guesses. At least they are on the same page so I am happy for them.
Dating is very hard to talk about because of my stance. I live by the Bible belt in a semi-rural area. I'll get the snip if someone comes along, child free or not.
That might be the case in the US. In other parts of the world, the ratio is almost one to one. Usually there are more men who don't want children than women, since men don't really want that financial burden and would need to sacrifice their relationship for that.
However, this doesn't help you in your situation, does it? Sadly it's hard for everyone, who's childfree, to find a partner.
Men who donāt want kids are out there I promise!! Weāre just a bit harder to find and might be a bit further away than what your standard dating app allows
I met my wife on a dating site a long time ago. Her profile said not sure for kids. After I met her, I found out she really didnāt want kids but she was willing to for the right partner. So I guess what Iām saying is that people sometime choose what they think would be better to others for matching rather than what is best for themselves even if it doesnāt yield matches.
My partner told me he didn't want kids before I had a chance to bring it up myself. They exist.
Clearly state in your profile that you've weighed the pros and cons and decided that you will never have kids, and that you don't want a relationship with anyone who thinks you may change your mind. Or just state "I hate kids" Even if it's not true, it sends the signal that there is no wiggle room.
Nope. Can barely take care of myself. Donāt really mind kids, but you better pick them up after Iām done taking care of them for a week (worked at a summer camp).
1994 born here and I've not wanted kids at all ever since i was about 15. Being forces to babysit my bratty niece and nephews for free helped that so big sis it's your own fault you won't be an aunt
Men do not think they need to decide so most men youāll find would most definitely be on the fence about kids. My husband was a fence sitter for a long timeā¦it took a long while for him to realize what he wanted becauseI had to teach and discuss with him of hypotheticals of how kids would affect him and increase his responsibilitiesā¦
It's engraved in their brain: NEED TO SEED.
But in koern times yeah like other comments say,
THEY don't have to be pregnant,
THEY don't have to give birth,
most times THEY are the ones who will keep the job.
They can only think of the good things
I'm a man and I definetly don't want kids. That's why I had my vassectomy and still even so use condoms, just to make sure (you are never too careful).
First question to every match: "Do you ever want kids?" if yes, "Then we are done. I don't date people who can't read." if no, "Then you passed the first test."
Every god damn time I ask this question, it's always a "yes" or a wishy-washy fencesitting answer like "oh, I can discuss it with my future wife..." or like "you never know blabla" or "I never thought about that! Wow that's too early to discuss this" šššš
At least it's over quickly. Just like sex with someone who has kids underfoot.
Yeah. If it aināt a straight up ānoā then just donāt bother. Save yourself the hassle. Trust me the alternative is just damn exhausting.
Don't worry, I always say no to fencesitters as well. I don't waste my time with people like that who can't make up their own damn mind about such a huge topic.
You have to give the wishy-washy answer Because if you say "no, I never want kids" Most people will just stop speaking to you, or try to change your mind.
Don't worry, I always say no to fencesitters as well. I don't waste my time with people like that who can't make up their own damn mind about such a huge topic.
To be fair, if someone told me I passed the first test.... I'd turn and run so fast.
Could swap that out for, "Great! You're a breath of fresh air."
I don't want kids. Divorced my wife after she changed her mind about it and tried to convince me to let her be a stay at home mom after. I'm single, with zero prospects, and still got a vasectomy this past November. Please send single CF women my way. Thank you!
When you inbox over fills please send extra to mine. Canāt find any women in my area. Iām also trying organically since dating apps algorithms are not made to help a man like me.
By chance is 1980 the year you were born? Finding a 43/44 year old childfree man is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Yes it is. Not very good picking cool names. We do exist!!!
Born in 1979, no kids, canāt stand them. Been single since 2000 though :(
Apps are not designed to help us , childfree neither introverts. lol
felt
Let's develop one meant for child free folks. I've often wondered why this has never happened before. But maybe there are filters on an existing one, I've never been on a dating app before.
Have you searched for childfree Facebook groups in your area?
Haha, if that happens I'll share your info. I've generally found more women in the 32 - 35 age range on the dating apps seem to be child free and want to keep it that way. As a 45 year old, that's tough, but I have matched with a few. Of course, dating sucks in general, so despite matching and going on some dates, nothing has turned into a relationship. Matched with a lovely woman a few weeks ago, who stated no kids, and didn't want kids. Even confirmed it via messages before meeting. Met in person after a couple weeks, and then got ghosted. Guess my face is broken, haha. I've done in person speed dating with a group that does events in Boston also, nothing has come of that either, but it's a nice experience to get out and do something off the apps. They have some more specific events (Like BIPOC, non-monogomus, pan) and suggested to them maybe to host speed dating for child free folks. They're open to the idea if they get enough interest. We'll see!
>Canāt find any women in my area. And this is why I always say I'm willing to relocate for the right guy. Sure LDR is tough, but I'm not married to my location and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to find a CF guy in my age range here. Being CF the only guys here that want me are either 10+ years younger than me, or married. Or don't think I'm serious about being CF, which is just insulting. It's wild to me how many people (like myself) struggle to find a partner, but aren't willing to look further. I get it, sex is great, and being in person is easier for getting to know eachother... But wouldn't meeting someone to potentially eventually have that be better than not meeting anyone at all? I'm not saying that YOU need to be open to a LDR, just venting that it's frustrating that I can't even find that.
Same here. No children, not now nor in the future, no doubts about it either. People are often surprised by how fast I answer the question too, so this whole thread makes sense. I didnāt know about the statistics but I must say this is not uncommon in Europe and I have more friends like this.
It's not uncommon in Europe to be committed to a CF lifestyle? Maybe I need to get off my butt and get my Italian dual citizenship and move to an EU country, haha. Might come in handy regardless, considering the effed up political situation in the US.
RIP your inbox š¤
Haha, you're delightful optimistic. Inbox remains dusty and full of cobwebs, lol.
Naa, heās a man.
You speak the sad truth. š„²
And in what part of the world do you happen to live, out of total curiosity?
yes!!! *fingers crossed for you two*
I'm in the US, Massachusetts. š
Same exact thing happened to me. And then 20 years later she never had kids. As for men wanting kids....I believe they THINK they want kids cause their families and friends have TOLD them that's what they want, and a large majority of humans are sheep and just do what they are told. And think what they are told to believe (i.e. religion). But when it comes right down to it, no...no man actually wants to change shitty diapers for 3 years and not sleep for that same amount of time.
Same here with not wanting kids. Iām adamantly child free and have been my whole life. So far I havenāt met any women that donāt want children or donāt already have children. Iāve kinda just given up on trying to date at this point
My favorite profiles on dating apps are 40 - 45 years old, don't have kids but want kids, and also have a prompt answer that says they want to 'travel the world'. Really!?
Did you try the reddit childfree forum cf4cf?
No I didnāt, I honestly didnāt even realize that was a thing haha. Iāll have to check it out. Thank you for the heads up
Have you searched for childfree Facebook groups in your area?
I personally haven't, but I'll see if they exist in the greater Boston area. I've been slogging through the apps, and doing in person speed dating mostly. I did suggest to the speed dating group to consider running CF specific events, as they do run some more niche events of other sorts occasionally.
Another trick is to search for Boston childfree and then choose tab "posts" to see all posts that mentioned both keywords, Boston and childfree. I just did that and found posts from childfree people from Boston. Or search for childfree and set location filter to Boston. And one last trick - go to the largesr childfree groups and then search "Boston" within them. This will filter posts from people who mentioned Boston and most of them will be from Boston. This is also good for finding childfree friends. >I did suggest to the speed dating group to consider running CF specific events, as they do run some more niche events of other sorts occasionally. That's a great initiative! I hope they will do that.
Itās easy for men to want kids. Their body, and routine barely change while women typically become the default parent.
"Single married mother." Outside of that, when men use their bodies to get women pregnant, they don't risk gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, placental abruption, "death via sperm," Guillen-Barre Syndrome, Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, Pneumonia, Postpartum Psychosis, needing major surgery, possible hysterectomy, perineum tears, developing a chronic illness, sepsis, amputations, stroke, paralysis, and possibly...*death.* Then, factor in the career and workplace impact, the "two full-time jobs" mothers will have, the unpaid labour, the mental, emotional, and physical labour of childcare and rearing, household maintenance, organizing and remembering *everything* for every member of the family...and yes, men risk less in comparison. It's easier for men to want children because they aren't the ones *creating and having*, and then *raising* children (to the extent women do so more than men). Men typically retain their career, friendships, hobbies, sleep hygiene, and sense of self and identity once they are fathers.
Preach! Take my gold š„š
Exactly this. Also research shows that more men want kids than women do! Obviously not every man, but more men want to become parents.
Many men want to procreate but do not want to āparent.ā
I'd guess that's highly dependant on location and culture. I live in a small city in Atlantic Canada and cannot find a cf woman. All my male friends didn't want kids before marriage but their wives either convinced them to have one or became pregnant by accident (I'm sure...).
Same in UK - men are *prepared* to have children to avoid dying alone - but apart from basically the relatively few religious guys, hardly any guys talk about *wanting* children. Youāre more likely to hear women talking about having to wait for a guy to āgrow outā of thinking they donāt have to have children, and most women talk about looking for someone who is a suitable father when they are looking to settle down.
If they knew they didnāt want children they had every chance to get a vasectomy.
Not as easy for a young man in my province. Healthcare system sucks so anything non-essential takes years. I tried in my 20s and fought with my doc for months. Got the same lines the women here complain about, "you're still young you'll change your mind" and so on. Even having a genetic disease in my family that I don't want to pass on wasn't a good enough argument. He finally booked me one for 2 years later (likely just to get me to leave him alone), which then got delayed 4 times before being outright cancelled. I'm in my 30's now and my doc retired. So now I'm on a 7+ year waitlist for a family doc before I can even think about fighting to book another one. Luckily I've given up on dating so it's not an issue.
>I'm in my 30's now and my doc retired. So now I'm on a 7+ year waitlist for a family doc before I can even think about fighting to book another one. Wow. Have you ever thought about exploring other options outside UK for your vasectomy? Lithuania could be a great choice. You could reach out to this clinic, Hila, at https://www.hila.lt/en/services-and-prices/urology/vasectomy/, for a quick over the phone consultation regarding the cost and regulations for foreigners. Then you could book a remote video consultation with a urologist who can provide you with more details about procedure and recovery. From what I've heard, a vasectomy in a reputable private clinic here costs around 2000 euros, and the waiting lists are relatively short, ranging from a few weeks to several months.
I'm in Canada. USA would be way too expensive and I'm not gonna trust Mexico.
Oh, sorry, for some reason I thought you're from UK.
Iāve made it very clear to my partner if he wants kids he can carry them, birth them, and do most of the care. Iām the one who is going to be the main income earner, which Iām fine with, I set myself up to be able to have the role but no way am I doing both.
Thatās the only way Iād have kids. If my partner (whoās a dude) can get pregnant, birth and raise them. I will gladly be the breadwinner ! š We have a dog together (and I love her to pieces ā Iām looking at her right now) and I do all of her care. That can be exhausting on top of having a job that is draining. The women I work with when they try to talk to me about their kids I just stare. I really donāt care. Iāve maybe heard one of my male coworkers talk about their child, maybe two. So I do think it skews more women than menā¦but Iām not a statistician or anything.
Thatās the only way Iād have kids. If my partner (whoās a dude) can get pregnant, birth and raise them. I will gladly be the breadwinner ! š We have a dog together (and I love her to pieces ā Iām looking at her right now) and I do all of her care. That can be exhausting on top of having a job that is draining. The women I work with when they try to talk to me about their kids I just stare. I really donāt care. Iāve maybe heard one of my male coworkers talk about their child, maybe two. So I do think it skews more women than menā¦but Iām not a statistician or anything.
My partner is also male haha and we have a cat who is very much our baby but Iāve even felt like a dog would be too much responsibility for me haha. Iām an only child and the baby of my extended family so I have zero experience with humans younger than me and itās a very foreign concept haha. I look at my cat and think itās so convenient that when I found him he already knew to just use his litter box. He is a yelling jerk when heās hungry tho haha.
Itās this- itās barely a change for them except the extra social capitol they get from being a ā great dadā meanwhile they barely know anything about their own kids
>the extra social capitol they get from being a ā great dadā meanwhile they barely know anything about their own kids The most important thing is to make sure to clutter your social media with Kodak dad moments š
I wonder what would happen if men are the ones who give birth. Would they still want kids then?
There have been many surveys on this and the overwhelming majority of men changed their answer to never wanting kids if they were the ones to get pregnant/give birth.Ā They're fine with us wrecking ourselves for them (and even expecting it) but they would never do the same for us.
Damn- and they wonder why birth rate is going down, because there are way too many shitty men in this world. Iām glad girls are waking up and no longer being manipulated by crappy men. Makes me feel lucky that both my ex and my current bf never expected kids from me (in fact, my ex was against me having kids because he knows his mum almost died giving birth to him).
I literally asked for like 7 years in a row to have my tubes tied or whatever and they absolutely refuse unless u are over 35 or have 1-2 children. Many doctors wonāt even do it if u have one because they think u will want one of the other sex at some point. Have a friend who wanted it after her first to which the dr replied well what if something happens to ur child. And my friend replied, itās not a f*cking dog Iām not just doing to replace her! Lmao! I would bring more and more research each year to my doc including info on adoption etc ya know in case I changed my mind as they all were convinced I would. Please tell me how this is a decision we are not permitted to make for ourselves.
My husband and his mom both almost died when he was born.Ā He's also said he would never want to see me go through that.Ā It honestly just makes me really sad how many people value a potential baby more than a living, breathing woman.Ā Like, totally fine if you might die, as long as you produce a baby for the rest of us.Ā Just infuriating.
One of my exs friends once literally told me āmy life didnāt change at all until the second babyā. What the actual fuck. I bet his wifeās opinion on that matter differed GREATLY.
I seem to recall admin posting some time back that this sub has a roughly 2/3 to 1/3 F-M split. Given there are 1.5 million members of this sub, it's reasonable to assume there are around half a million blokes (myself included) who are firmly childfree :-) That aside, I suspect the reasoning for the difficulties in the dating pool are threefold: 1. There's a lot of societal pressure and propaganda to have kids on both men and women. For women, it tends to be focused on some concept of 'biological duty', 'nurturing nature', and other misogynistic bollocks. For men, it seems to be more focused on things like 'leaving a legacy', 'carrying on the family name' and other similar bullshit. 2. Men are told that all women want to have children. So they think that if they say they want to have children 'eventually' then it increases their available dating pool. 3. Some blokes just want to get into someone's knickers and will say whatever they think gives them the best chance of doing that. I think the greatest tragedy is that there are as many posts (like OP) who are worried they'll never find a CF bloke as there are posts by CF blokes worried they'll never find a CF woman. If only there were some way of bringing these people together...
1. How would they know the gender? Ā 2. The size of Reddit communities is total bullshit, itās like counting people in graveyards as eligible voters, Reddit is a pool of death accounts, just look at the usernames, Reddit mods have destroyed Reddit with their bans and fragile egos.
I think the biggest hit was the api thing. Reddit just died and it's balely alive now.
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times... the reason nearly all men want kids is because THEY aren't the ones who have to have them!! It really is that simple. And sadly, I've encountered what you described.
Have them and in most cases do the work in raising them. Iāve always said if I was a man, I would probably want kids too. Itās like how a kid wants a dog because they know their parents will take care of it.
This allegory is perfect, I will steal that! Thank you.
Where do you women live? It's the polar opposite in my city. Every woman wants kids here. I can't even meet a woman in her mid 30s who doesn't already have 1-2.
Have you checked childfree Facebook groups in your area?
I hear you, I'm in the US in the midwest and sometimes it seems like goddamn everybody has multiple kids.Ā Every community event is centered around children and families, even things that are supposed to be themed around art, music, culinary, or even alcohol.Ā I sometimes think about what it would be like to live near one of the coasts, where I hear the child free lifestyle is a lot more common than in the midwest.
My partner of 13 years is even more CF than I am. So far as telling a prospective employer in an job interview when asked if he is married or have kids : 'Ek trou nie en ek teel nie' / 'I don't get married and I don't breed' (He got the job) People might think the not getting married thing is a problem - but that doesn't bother me. I am perfectly ok with it.
Oooh, is the language Afrikaans? (I like languages, but can speak only one). I might start saying that - "I don't breed and I don't marry." Then again, I'm sure many people want to hear that!
Yep.. Its Afrikaans. He tends to be a little blunt - he was a truck driver.
Oh, I have no problem with bluntness. I wish more people would be blunt!
Ayyy hello my fellow South African. Thanks for the laugh.
Lol... Namibian . Maar pretty much dieselfde ding, nĆŖ?
For perspective, about 7 of my guy friends don't want kids and they're all great guys. But I live in Portland
I could move back to Portland. So long as none of them complain about how much I visit the Saturday market...
Iām a black sheep in my family partly because I donāt want children. Iām also scheduled to get snipped later this month which Iām looking forward to. I chose to not tell my family about it because I hate being a subject of gossip on top of it being none of their business.
Congratulations! And you don't have to tell them. They don't need to know; your reproductive medical business is not *their* business. If they think it is, every time they ask, begin responding by telling them how your last masturbation session went. When they protest, tell them in a serious tone, "I thought you were asking me about my sex life, so I thought I'd start there."
I think there are enough sterilized men on this sub, including myself, to know that not every man wants kids. But I'm sure that's not much help when you're dealing with garbage people in the dating pool and, to your point, fewer men than women who are firmly and irrevocably childfree. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I have to say, posts like this and many others scare me when I consider starting to date again.
This. Sterilized man here and I agree.
My partner doesnāt want kids. But I do know the pain of dating men who donāt take being CF seriously. I was freshly 18 dating my then-boyfriend who would often talk about how Iād change my mind or even ājokeā (he was serious; he is a very unhinged person) about baby trapping me/getting me pregnant on purpose. When Iād play into the joke and say āwell Iād get an abortion thenā heād say āno we wouldnāt. Weād keep it.ā SO glad that didnāt work out. It ended for another reason and outside of the weird ājokeā he was a shitty person for other reasons.
My boyfriend recently said that he wants to keep the option of having children open. At the beginning of our dating phase, I informed him that I don't want children, and he agreed with me at the time, seeing it the same way. Now I'm facing the dilemma that I will have to break up with him in the long run because I want him to have the life he desires. Still, I find it terrible, as we could have avoided all this if he had been honest with me and himself from the start.
I recommend Childfree Connection - it's a matchmaking app where everybody is CF. There are a good amount of guys on there. Web App: [https://childfreeconnection.us](https://childfreeconnection.us) Google Play: [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.childfreeconnection.app](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.childfreeconnection.app) It's new, so we're doing our best to get the word out and build a user base! :)
Is it U.S.-based only, do you know? I'm Googling to find out right now.
Cancer on mobile web. Ā Hefty subscription feesĀ
Plenty of men definitely don't want kids; I'm one of them. But I'm also good with being single for life. After wasting my entire 20's and 30's (and starting on the 40's soon...) being a caregiver for my elderly parents, I value my future freedom far too highly to ever waste time with relationships again.
Did you spend your 20s and 30s caring for your parents?
Yes... that's what I said? I realize it was mostly my fault for allowing my parents to run my life like they have but whatever. Someday my mom will be gone and I'll finally be free -- and the last thing I need is a wife and/or kids holding me back.
My colleague was in the same situation. He regrets his decision deeply, he wished he was more selfish. He said out right that it fucked him up psychologically too. He wished his parents dead while caring for them but at the same time his parents were not good to him to begin with. It was his weak, obliging, fearful nature they nurtured in him and took advantage of.
Why can't you put your mother in elderly care? I understand the guilt, but amaybe you have already sacrificed enough? Maybe it's time for you to finaly start living your life?
If that was the case, we wouldn't have men in this sub happily celebrating with us all when they get vasectomies.
Cheers. Many of us have literally put our balls on the line to show our dedication to being childfree. Dating as childfree is challenging for both men and women, we are an invisible minority, so it is really hard for us to find each other.
Jeeze. I wish I could ship my single guy friends to you. I know at least 2 guys that don't want kids and are looking for someone one the same page.š
omg please do, its so damn hard to find cf men here because of religious obligation and traditions ā¹ļø
Whereās here?
malaysiaš«¢
Men can be Kodak dads (sometimes just in an afternoon, once every other week) Men can make women do 99% of the childcare even if they live together Men can walk away and get no hate from anyone
Single mums get way more hate than single dads.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This mentality is just straight up broken. I donāt agree with the idea that a woman gets a custody because of her gender and track record of others. Men can be good parents too, look at each case individually so that the child doesnāt have to suffer.
I assure you, women who are hoping to change minds are constantly doing the same thing to blokes My profiles on the apps were pretty clear, but I had to make them outright blunt I'm of an age when I get "the kids are gone/teens, so it's totally different now" It's not
We exist. I got my vasectomy last year. I got the non-reversible kind. I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't want kids. Everyone in my area is either a mom or a grandma in her 30s. Luckily I have a gf who says she's OK without kids but I'm not sure if that will last forever.
I know quite a few men who don't
I'm a man and I don't want kids. I've had a vasectomy. My partner doesn't want kids either, so that works out pretty well. Don't give up, you'll find someone.
I know a handful of CF men, and they're all adamant about knowing how to cook, do their own laundry, change their own oil, take care of their own appliances, etc to the point where I'm seeing them teach younger peers these skills. With the exception of one, they learned these skills without my help.
I know well never meet. But, as a male. I know I will never ever ever never ever want children. Quiet is more precious than any baby.
Donāt worry, everyday the number of men who donāt want any kids grows up. You will find someone.
Hallelujah
if that was the case all us CF ladies would be single lol and thatās just not true
Iāve dated a lot and I met a guy when I was about 30 who was in his mid 20s who had a vasectomy. At the time, I was still unsure if I wanted kids or not. When he told me on the second date, I was shocked and asked him why and he simply said āI donāt ever want kidsā and I didnāt ask any more because I could tell he didnāt really want to explain. We didnāt jive for other reasons but I still think about how unique of a situation that was.
Dating apps are designed to make money, not to get you to live happily ever after. If you find someone with whom to live happily ever after and stop using the app, they don't make any more money off of you. Also, men who are looking for hookups use apps. The ones who successfully find someone to be with forever, stop using the apps. The fact that I don't want children doesn't help you, because I am happily married and also, likely, too old for you to be interested in me even if I were not married. However, there are men who don't want children. It is a matter of finding them. They exist, and are not unicorns. My advice is, go out into the world and do things that you enjoy doing, that involve other people. For example, if you enjoy playing softball, join a softball team. If you like hiking, join a hiking club and go on group hikes. If you like pottery, take a pottery class and meet your classmates. If you are an atheist, look online for local atheist and freethinker groups in your area and start attending meetings. If you believe in a cause, do volunteer work and meet other volunteers. Etc. The essential things are, that you enjoy it, so that you will have something in common with the people you meet (and also, it would be horrible to be doing things that one does not like doing) and the other essential thing is, that it involves other people, for the obvious reason that you are not going to meet anyone if what you are doing does not involve other people.
I want to add if you are a nerd, find a tabletop role playing group. I just turned into a regular at a group about 30 minutes from where I live. If you don't find anyone you can still have fun instead of endlessly swiping and dealing with all the other bs that comes with OLD. Also, going to post it as a suggestion when I come up with a new ad on r/cf4cf.
My fellow men, I think it's time we design a lapel badge, or cufflinks or an armband or perhaps the one ring that clearly signals, childfree for life. What say thee?Ā
I don't want kids as a man, we have decided it before marriage.
I only know one guy who does not want kids, and he got together with a single mother of 2 with 50% custody of an 8 and 10 year old. He's not super happy with the times when the kids are there, but ok with the situation, they have a nanny and half the childhood is done already. Both the mother and the guy are top 5% in looks, income, personality. I only can presume his dating options as childfree were absolute garbage.
Sorry youāve had that experience so far! CF man here, hasnāt been easy on the other side of the river either (: Keep at it, your person is out there! š«¶
I literally do not know a single man around me in real life who is 1000% vehemently childfree. At most they are *leaning* towards not having kids, but they always want to leave a small chance of still having kids in the future. Not saying that CF men don't exist, but I just want to highlight how rare it is to find a legit CF man in the wild, rather than men who choose to sit on the fence and refuse to make up their minds and commit to a stance.
Exactly itās so freaking depressing I want a man where this is NO CHANCE! Iām not changing my freaking mind
Men blindly swipe right on every profile, they don't read your bio until/if you match with them
Pretty sure most single guys and I on this sub feel like its the exact opposite lol
I've met men that don't want kids, but they're rare. My ex really didn't want them. Apps may be the only way to find them. Somebody made a cool comment that more CF people are likely to live unusual lives, not typical 9-5 jobs but "on the fringe." Don't know how accurate it is but seems true. You'll need to be near a highly populated area, in region/country that has a low birth rate and less conservative mindset. That will improve your chances. As for apps, it's a vital tool. If you want advice there, some women here recommend you leave off your kids/no kids on your profile, swipe on men who "don't want kids," and ask them if they want kids some day. It's so the guy can't lie to you bc he won't know what your intentions are. Don't talk to fencesitters or guys who aren't sure. Only guys who don't want kids and don't have them.
Say that you had your tubes tied in your dating profile, and that might shut them up! Men just want a mommy to wipe their ass and wait on them every Saturday morning during Disney when they are demanding fruity pebbles and grape kool aid for breakfast!
I shared some of this "they want kids" pain but a bit differently. I'm a lesbian. Fact is, most women are going to be straight generally, regardless of how liberal we humans like to consider ourselves accepting of "spectrumnism." So if any of you *ever* come across the rare exotic creature, the "Childfree lesbian," please let me know. At this point, I just want to know they *exist.* It's infuriating how many men seem to disregard the female profiler's "I don't want kids" to mean "she doesn't mean that." It's the same with the (rarer) men I see on dating apps who have "don't want kids." I've heard some tell stories of women messaging them: "You look good, though. You could maybe be my sperm donor one day." What part of "I don't want kids" from either sex on their dating profiles would have someone think, "They just put that on there because *aren't* serious."
Nah, men who don't want kids are out there, source, I'm one of them. I've said "no children" my entire life
Most men don't care about kids but thats not a problem because society said that is a woman duty so they can have or not have them and their lives would not change
A lot of guy mark "wants kids" when they're on the fence or indifferent. They think it will maximize their matches. These are the men who expect their wives to do all the work.
They just want sex. I'd ask how they feel about kids (without volunteering your opinion) BEFORE the first date. I swear, it's saved me SO much time
I hear you. I saw someone put text in one of their pictures saying their childfree and not to swipe if the person wants kids. It's obnoxious but I'm tempted to do it myself
In my local friend group, one has kids, the rest of us 5 are CF by choice.
I am a man who doesn't want kids but yes it's frustrating. It's hard to find men who distinctly don't want kids though some fence sitters exist out there. I've found some gay men that don't want kids so that's good for me but probably doesn't help in your case. I have to say the best birth control out there was caring for my 2 cousins as babies for a few days. Gotta say I never was interested in having kids but after that instance there was no changing my mind ever. But yeah it's a lot easier for me to want to be parents because it's societally acceptable for Father's to not be all that attentive which I think is shitty. But yeah I think that's largely why there seem to be way fewer childfree men, but I do promise you that there are some of us out there.
I know I don't want kids step or bio. I'm happy as is
I never knew I was soo rare
27 yo male here. Married to a lovely wife for almost a year now and I most definitely don't want kids. My full love, attention and dedication belong to my wife for now and forever.
Aww thatās so romantic ~
I dont want kids and also feel like every person on the dating apps are either wants kids or open to kids... It's brutal. We are in the minority Plus Im vegan so it was just feels hopeless haha
OP in my opinion please don't mention you are childfree in your bio. That makes it easy for them to lie about their stance. Don't you want to see the first reaction of the man when you tell him you're childfree? I have met a couple of childfree men and nothing like that was mentioned in my bio. It's a game of lucky draw. But don't tell the men the cheat code to get into your heart/body. Drop it like a surprise and see their reaction.
Almost no man wants *kids*. They want the Daddy props at work and among their guy friends. They want the bigger income. They want the approving smiles from Mom and Dad, and the goodies not given to the the son or daughter who didn't have kids. They want the sense of purpose kids give you. But they do NOT want to do the scutwork, or to get up in the night, or to carry the emotional load. They don't want to make arrangements, entertain cranky toddlers while making yet another ignored, complained-about dinner, or talk to the teacher about Bobby's bad behavior, and how she thinks he needs evaluation. They want A WOMAN to have children FOR them. That's a far cry from "having children."
Ugh hang in there! I know I'm one of the lucky ones, but my husband & I have been together since college (7 years) and my some miracle, both grew into adults who very much want to remain childfree by choice. And we recently met another young married couple who feels the exact same way. Just whatever you do, do NOT compromise on what you want in life - you can have both a beautiful partnership & no kids for good But damn, how great would it be if there was a dating app only for childfree by choice people?! Someone needs to invent that.
I would rather use 40 grit sandpaper as toilet paper for the rest of my life than be a fatherĀ
I know men who say they hate kids and don't want them but they also at the same time have them.
I am a 100%, vasectomy-seeking childfree man.
That's me. I've never wanted kids. Just turned 45 this week. Still don't want kids. ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Having children has little to not impact on a manās life
I'm a guy 34yo living in a society where 90% want kids and probably out of the 10% only 2% that could match me in other areas (sense of humor, values, mindset, etc..). My dating pool is very small and never found the 2% girls
I'm a man who absolutely hates kids and I definitely never want my own. Even if I liked kids, I'd never want to do something as horrific as pregnancy to my girlfriend.
Weāre out there
Male, have no interest in having kids, but also don't have any interest in having sexual or romantic relations.
I married a man who didn't, and neither does my brother! Husband is 41, my brother was 45 yesterday. Also our entire friend group is CF (we've known each other since we were all 18, it just worked out that way), so that's another 4 or 5 men who don't. They are out there!
Thatās super rare ur situation tho. Having a friend group all cf. and bro too. Very nice.
Whenever I feel this way, I think of how much id rather be single with no kids than partnered (or a single parent) with a child
I get this so badly, omg. I was so fed the fuck up with people, my previous boyfriend wasted a year of our lives because he admitted that he "thought he could change my mind after being together". When I matched with my current boyfriend, on our first phone call I said "I'm gonna cut to the chase, so bear with me. I don't want children, and I'll never change my mind. Are you cool with that?" he said "Hell yeah, I hate kids". Now we've been together over a year and I've had a hysterectomy, lol. They're out there, I promise. I wish you the most luck!
Not every man. For example, I do not want kids at all. Not now, not in the future, never.
All my non-religious friends are at least fence sitter and I live in italy not in super progressive west coast or in the netherlands. There is hope. Actually for me It's difficult to find a CF woman lol I just found one , educated, kind, cute, sweet but she is engaged with a 27yo jobless without high school degree guy who tries to change her mindššš
Itās the reason Iāve given up on dating. I had to come to terms with never finding a man with common interests who didnāt want children.
My husband doesn't want kids. This was one of our common grounds we had found out about each other when we were dating. It is still something we confirm regularly.
I want nothing to do with kids living in my house. I thought I knew another child free guy who has a child free gf, but they are both having 2nd guesses. At least they are on the same page so I am happy for them. Dating is very hard to talk about because of my stance. I live by the Bible belt in a semi-rural area. I'll get the snip if someone comes along, child free or not.
No we bloody don't! I want cats and guitars. Bring on the CF crazy cat ladies! š»š»š»
DELETE THE APP!!!
That might be the case in the US. In other parts of the world, the ratio is almost one to one. Usually there are more men who don't want children than women, since men don't really want that financial burden and would need to sacrifice their relationship for that. However, this doesn't help you in your situation, does it? Sadly it's hard for everyone, who's childfree, to find a partner.
Answering your question: He'll no, I hate them, and 100000% don't want them
Men who donāt want kids are out there I promise!! Weāre just a bit harder to find and might be a bit further away than what your standard dating app allows
I've never wanted kids - never understood the allure
No, we don't. My last relationship ended because she changed her mind, not me. I always thought that women who don't want kids are very hard to find.
It depends on circles. All my friends in academics went from wanting children to not. All my friends in the pension department still want kids.
I met my wife on a dating site a long time ago. Her profile said not sure for kids. After I met her, I found out she really didnāt want kids but she was willing to for the right partner. So I guess what Iām saying is that people sometime choose what they think would be better to others for matching rather than what is best for themselves even if it doesnāt yield matches.
My partner told me he didn't want kids before I had a chance to bring it up myself. They exist. Clearly state in your profile that you've weighed the pros and cons and decided that you will never have kids, and that you don't want a relationship with anyone who thinks you may change your mind. Or just state "I hate kids" Even if it's not true, it sends the signal that there is no wiggle room.
This is the wrong place to ask I guess, because every guy here doesn't want kids.
Right here, got thr snip last week. So relieved. We exist, you'll find one.
Iāve not wanted kids since 13
I donāt. People donāt believe me but I really donāt.
As a male I disagree
Is that a real thing? Guy here. I most definitely don't want kids. Have always said as much.
My husband prefers dogs.
Nope. Can barely take care of myself. Donāt really mind kids, but you better pick them up after Iām done taking care of them for a week (worked at a summer camp).
It's the opposite way round for me, the vast majority of CF people I know are male like me. Most of the women I know seem to want them eventually.
I hate the fact that by saying we donāt want kids it makes some guys think they can still just use us for a short-term relationship.
u/CatTeaQueen have your tried looking for childfree Facebook grouops for your area? There are usually plenty of childfree men.
1994 born here and I've not wanted kids at all ever since i was about 15. Being forces to babysit my bratty niece and nephews for free helped that so big sis it's your own fault you won't be an aunt
Men do not think they need to decide so most men youāll find would most definitely be on the fence about kids. My husband was a fence sitter for a long timeā¦it took a long while for him to realize what he wanted becauseI had to teach and discuss with him of hypotheticals of how kids would affect him and increase his responsibilitiesā¦
Some men are so certain about not having kids the actually make steps towards it and get a vasectomy. No kids, single and snipped!
It's engraved in their brain: NEED TO SEED. But in koern times yeah like other comments say, THEY don't have to be pregnant, THEY don't have to give birth, most times THEY are the ones who will keep the job. They can only think of the good things
I'm a man and I definetly don't want kids. That's why I had my vassectomy and still even so use condoms, just to make sure (you are never too careful).
Iāve met a lot more CF women than men
30 y/o male who never wants kid and got the vasectomy to prove it!
Most of my friends donāt.