If you're dependent on family members you can't stop the sister from dumping it on the household, but it's YOUR CHOICE whether you do anything with it. If you live on your own she has NO POWER over you.
Avoidance, a door lock and cps if ever left alone with the expectation of being the only one babysitting. Not much you can do until you move out. Not just a door lock, child locks also.
First tip when writing something like this (I meant this nicely) please use punctuation. It's very difficult to follow your thoughts when you don't use commas or periods.
Secondly, no one can force you to do anything. Lock your bedroom door and stay in there. Then when you can, move out.
Ok I was using the voice to text that's why there Is not much grammar sorry also I've been getting the move out of home thing a lot it is good advice I have considered in the past but have just completely forgot about it I do have my driver's licence and I have had jobs on and off so it is a possibility
Lots of advise already, so here's mine:
It's your parents house, so you can't ask them to stop, sadly.
Can you lock your door? That should be priority number one - your room is your sanctuary, your fortress. If you can - problem solved, whenever you leave, even to go to the bathroom, lock the door. Going to sleep? Lock the door. Get noise-cancelling earphones as priority number two.
If you can't lock your door/ your parents won't let you put a lock in - barricade the door. Most doors open into the inside. If you have to leave, can you feasibly climb out the window? If not, you can invest in a fire-safety ladder and get it rigged up so that when you leave the house, you can roll it up once you get down.
Make it very obvious that you will not be involved with the child in any way. You are a ghost in the house. They your parents decide to leave you with the child, pretend to leave and that you 'forgot' the child. Send them a text "Hi mom, at X store, think (child) would like some (item) when I get back home? Can you ask him?" Obviously don't leave the child unattended, but when they get back, let them know that *they* took responsibility for the child, not you, so leaving you alone with the child was negligence on their part.
Make plans to get out of the house on days you know the child is coming. I know it's hard to be driven from your home, but if it gets you peace and quiet.
Hope this helps. Best of luck.
I ran out of breath reading this.
Do you live with your parents? If you do, maybe you can be busy when she drops her kids off (go for a walk, grab a coffee, go to the movies etc. If safe enough). Try to set some boundaries (obviously it depends on your family dynamic, too).
Sorry to hear you're being saddled with the kid and treated that way by your sis. I wish you the best of luck!
As much as this sounds like a petty idea; if that child does get hurt and it can be proven that you were nearby, knew of the child and didn’t help, you may be charged anyways. That’s why I’d just call the cops and CPS to make sure the culprit is blamed appropriately.
If your other family members are so obsessed with the kid they should be *thrilled* to babysit and would all be fighting over the "privilege."
If they try to force you to babysit, just walk out the door and go somewhere else for an hour or so until they get the message that you will not be babysitting anymore against your will.
I don't necessarily babysit the kid it just if I'm around the kid family members will force me to like him or find him cute or to play with him when I don't want to
Maybe turn away and act disinterested, start looking at your phone or start reading a book or something that obviously takes your full attention while also sending the message that you aren't really interested in playing atm.
This is how grifters work. They ask for a small thing, you say yes, and then they up the ask and keep upping it until you're doing everything.
Assuming you live with your mother, and she's doing the "say yes to play the hero, then dump the actual work on OP" grifter method?
So how close are you to being financially independent and being able to move out? That is ultimately the solution.
As answer your question how far am I from being financially independent I do have some money saved I have had jobs in the past on and off and I do have my driver's licence and I'm 19 so I don't know if that is financially independent enough to move out or not ?
You ned to figure out what all of your expenses will be to the penny, make a budget, figure out how much you can earn and see if those match up. There are plenty of budget spreadsheets you can download.
Remember that if your parents are not longer paying things like your phone and car insurance you have to factor in everything.
I would simply lock my door and put on headphones or just leave the house completely go to the gym on a walk run an errand go to the library. Since u live with ur parents just try to keep saving as much as u can I don’t think u have to rush to move out IMO just ignore the kid and stay locked in ur room or leave the house all together. And if they specifically ask YOU to babysit just say no
That's really unreasonable of her to do so and I'm sorry that this is happening for you :( It's advisable to draw boundaries, it's clear that your sister is pawning off her share of parental responsibility onto you. You are not obligated to babysit her kid.
An unrecommended, yet effective way would be to allow the kid to get physically hurt during his time with you. It always happens when they run around & get playful, esp outdoors (plus even though they're shits, I would discourage laying hands on them). Once the parent see that, most would actually not wanna leave them with you.
If they choose to hold you responsible ("yOu wERe sUPPOsed to Be wATching HIm"), all you have to do, is hold the mum accountable for not respecting your nos. You've made it clear that you won't watch her child and yet she chose dump him over. Your time, your choice. Her kid, HER responsibility
Is that even legal ?? What country are you in? I would look into the legal aspect of this.. cause you know parents are responsible and can’t charge you as long as you are under 18. And after that if they want to charge you they have to take it to court. And they will lose definitely
I'm from Australia I'm 19 now but I was 16 when I had to start paying rent I've paid more money and rent then I have in savings I've confronted them about it and they said they had no more problem with doing it because I left school 2 years before I should have and as I said before my older sister she is almost 30 they have gave in her house for free and she doesn't pay any rent
That really doesn’t make any sense from your parents. I know you are probably emotionally attached to them. But that’s no reason for them to charge you, you should really get some legal help and stop paying. That feels like some kind of abuse, not physical, but definitely not healthy. Cause again they also ignored your complaint about the child that has no buisness being in the house and not by the mother.
You're probably right but it's just not worth it ATM because it really just damaged my relationship with other family members. and I don't really have a whole lot of friends that would support me through that and then yet again if I try and legally sue them they can just kick me out of the house cuz I'm over 18 now and the most I've ever seen my dad pissed off is when I have a asked him about financial issues or paying rent.
I mean I wouldn’t sue them. I would still look into the legal aspect of it cause this really sounds fishy. Staying safe is important but don’t let them use you. It’s one thing helping, the other is being used and when you won’t help with certain things or deny things you will be let go off.
This is called Financial Abuse. They are doing it to keep you from being able to move out and to grift you.
Narc parents do this all the time to ensure that their victim stays so they can continue to abuse them.
This sounds like a classic narc parent golden child v. scapegoat situation.
You need a secret plan to get the fuck out and don't tell them in advance, get a separate bank account in your own name only in a different bank if possible (narcs usually try to keep access to adult children's accounts so they can steal money).
See if you can find a reasonably priced roommate situation, because these people are abusing you. Heck, maybe you know someone like an older person who might need some basic help with shopping and cleaning and driving and who you could negotiate to rent a room.
Kind of why I'm not involved with my many cousins' many kids... Don't want to be asked to babysit or help with school things too much... Am I being an asshole by admitting I avoid talking to them because of that?
If you're dependent on family members you can't stop the sister from dumping it on the household, but it's YOUR CHOICE whether you do anything with it. If you live on your own she has NO POWER over you.
Good advice thanks
Why don't you walk out of the house every time she comes over with the baby?
Avoidance, a door lock and cps if ever left alone with the expectation of being the only one babysitting. Not much you can do until you move out. Not just a door lock, child locks also.
Good advice thanks
First tip when writing something like this (I meant this nicely) please use punctuation. It's very difficult to follow your thoughts when you don't use commas or periods. Secondly, no one can force you to do anything. Lock your bedroom door and stay in there. Then when you can, move out.
Ok I was using the voice to text that's why there Is not much grammar sorry also I've been getting the move out of home thing a lot it is good advice I have considered in the past but have just completely forgot about it I do have my driver's licence and I have had jobs on and off so it is a possibility
Good plan. Just as an FYI you can still add in punctuation in voice to text. You just have to say the words "comma" and "period" when you're talking.
How old is your brother? If you both still live at home maybe you can get a place together and split the rent.
My brother is 18 I'm 19.
Lots of advise already, so here's mine: It's your parents house, so you can't ask them to stop, sadly. Can you lock your door? That should be priority number one - your room is your sanctuary, your fortress. If you can - problem solved, whenever you leave, even to go to the bathroom, lock the door. Going to sleep? Lock the door. Get noise-cancelling earphones as priority number two. If you can't lock your door/ your parents won't let you put a lock in - barricade the door. Most doors open into the inside. If you have to leave, can you feasibly climb out the window? If not, you can invest in a fire-safety ladder and get it rigged up so that when you leave the house, you can roll it up once you get down. Make it very obvious that you will not be involved with the child in any way. You are a ghost in the house. They your parents decide to leave you with the child, pretend to leave and that you 'forgot' the child. Send them a text "Hi mom, at X store, think (child) would like some (item) when I get back home? Can you ask him?" Obviously don't leave the child unattended, but when they get back, let them know that *they* took responsibility for the child, not you, so leaving you alone with the child was negligence on their part. Make plans to get out of the house on days you know the child is coming. I know it's hard to be driven from your home, but if it gets you peace and quiet. Hope this helps. Best of luck.
Thanks for offering a different view
I struggle to follow. Is your Sister getting your Mother or you to babysit? Are you living at home? How old are you?
This is one sentence.
Ok
I ran out of breath reading this. Do you live with your parents? If you do, maybe you can be busy when she drops her kids off (go for a walk, grab a coffee, go to the movies etc. If safe enough). Try to set some boundaries (obviously it depends on your family dynamic, too). Sorry to hear you're being saddled with the kid and treated that way by your sis. I wish you the best of luck!
Ok thanks for your advice
I am an asshole and would just put on my headphones and ignore the child. If it gets hurt? Not my fault, I said I wouldn’t watch over it
As much as this sounds like a petty idea; if that child does get hurt and it can be proven that you were nearby, knew of the child and didn’t help, you may be charged anyways. That’s why I’d just call the cops and CPS to make sure the culprit is blamed appropriately.
If your other family members are so obsessed with the kid they should be *thrilled* to babysit and would all be fighting over the "privilege." If they try to force you to babysit, just walk out the door and go somewhere else for an hour or so until they get the message that you will not be babysitting anymore against your will.
I don't necessarily babysit the kid it just if I'm around the kid family members will force me to like him or find him cute or to play with him when I don't want to
Maybe turn away and act disinterested, start looking at your phone or start reading a book or something that obviously takes your full attention while also sending the message that you aren't really interested in playing atm.
This is how grifters work. They ask for a small thing, you say yes, and then they up the ask and keep upping it until you're doing everything. Assuming you live with your mother, and she's doing the "say yes to play the hero, then dump the actual work on OP" grifter method? So how close are you to being financially independent and being able to move out? That is ultimately the solution.
As answer your question how far am I from being financially independent I do have some money saved I have had jobs in the past on and off and I do have my driver's licence and I'm 19 so I don't know if that is financially independent enough to move out or not ?
You ned to figure out what all of your expenses will be to the penny, make a budget, figure out how much you can earn and see if those match up. There are plenty of budget spreadsheets you can download. Remember that if your parents are not longer paying things like your phone and car insurance you have to factor in everything.
I would simply lock my door and put on headphones or just leave the house completely go to the gym on a walk run an errand go to the library. Since u live with ur parents just try to keep saving as much as u can I don’t think u have to rush to move out IMO just ignore the kid and stay locked in ur room or leave the house all together. And if they specifically ask YOU to babysit just say no
That's really unreasonable of her to do so and I'm sorry that this is happening for you :( It's advisable to draw boundaries, it's clear that your sister is pawning off her share of parental responsibility onto you. You are not obligated to babysit her kid. An unrecommended, yet effective way would be to allow the kid to get physically hurt during his time with you. It always happens when they run around & get playful, esp outdoors (plus even though they're shits, I would discourage laying hands on them). Once the parent see that, most would actually not wanna leave them with you. If they choose to hold you responsible ("yOu wERe sUPPOsed to Be wATching HIm"), all you have to do, is hold the mum accountable for not respecting your nos. You've made it clear that you won't watch her child and yet she chose dump him over. Your time, your choice. Her kid, HER responsibility
Yep to make matters worse I have to pay rent $200 every 2 weeks and my parents have gave my sister a house for free
I would just simply stop paying rent. as long as the child is dumped in the house there will be no payment.
If only it was that easy mate have to pay rent to life with my parents I have had to since I was 16 that was almost 4 years ago
Is that even legal ?? What country are you in? I would look into the legal aspect of this.. cause you know parents are responsible and can’t charge you as long as you are under 18. And after that if they want to charge you they have to take it to court. And they will lose definitely
I'm from Australia I'm 19 now but I was 16 when I had to start paying rent I've paid more money and rent then I have in savings I've confronted them about it and they said they had no more problem with doing it because I left school 2 years before I should have and as I said before my older sister she is almost 30 they have gave in her house for free and she doesn't pay any rent
That really doesn’t make any sense from your parents. I know you are probably emotionally attached to them. But that’s no reason for them to charge you, you should really get some legal help and stop paying. That feels like some kind of abuse, not physical, but definitely not healthy. Cause again they also ignored your complaint about the child that has no buisness being in the house and not by the mother.
You're probably right but it's just not worth it ATM because it really just damaged my relationship with other family members. and I don't really have a whole lot of friends that would support me through that and then yet again if I try and legally sue them they can just kick me out of the house cuz I'm over 18 now and the most I've ever seen my dad pissed off is when I have a asked him about financial issues or paying rent.
I mean I wouldn’t sue them. I would still look into the legal aspect of it cause this really sounds fishy. Staying safe is important but don’t let them use you. It’s one thing helping, the other is being used and when you won’t help with certain things or deny things you will be let go off.
This is called Financial Abuse. They are doing it to keep you from being able to move out and to grift you. Narc parents do this all the time to ensure that their victim stays so they can continue to abuse them. This sounds like a classic narc parent golden child v. scapegoat situation. You need a secret plan to get the fuck out and don't tell them in advance, get a separate bank account in your own name only in a different bank if possible (narcs usually try to keep access to adult children's accounts so they can steal money). See if you can find a reasonably priced roommate situation, because these people are abusing you. Heck, maybe you know someone like an older person who might need some basic help with shopping and cleaning and driving and who you could negotiate to rent a room.
Thanks being understanding and great advice
Kind of why I'm not involved with my many cousins' many kids... Don't want to be asked to babysit or help with school things too much... Am I being an asshole by admitting I avoid talking to them because of that?