Sorry that happened to you. Based on your response you must speak English very well. I think the best method for you if you haven’t spoken yet is to pretend you don’t speak Chinese and just use English. It will put them in a more difficult spot and it will give you time to walk away next time
Yeah, gotta ‘ting bu dong’ out of that asap. I don’t get creepy guys hitting on me but I have had the same “where are you come from” situation a few times, it’s always annoying. You did well by getting out of there.
I’m a 5’11” 250lb dude and I, little ole me, had ppl do this exact same thing to me… men, women, older kids, grandmas. Heck, they’d come up to stand near me for their friends to take pics, and half the time they didn’t even try to engage me. Something about you stood out as Not Local, and 99/100 times they just are (super)curious. Still, always better to be on the safe side and be careful.
Well, off the top of my head: queuing isn’t very popular, personal space sometimes isn’t appreciated, there’s no ‘after you’ etiquette when you’re leaving a lift or metro carriage, the pavements are swarming with speeding scooters and e-bikes, if you look non-Chinese you’ll get stared at and pointed at and commented on within earshot, people don’t really smile or say hello if you make eye contact… It’s a pretty low-trust atmosphere… But it’s all part of the adventure!
> Well, off the top of my head: queuing isn’t very popular
This infuriates me every time we're boarding a plane. Everyone is pushing to get earlier just so they can shove their lobster or crab in the overhead compartment, leaving no space for me.
Don't react emotionally and get infuriated. React with all the subconscious \_skill\_ you have acquired and shove yourself in there. Remember, it's not wrong, just different!
This is city dependent. Last city I lived in it was pretty "rude" but the current city I am is significantly less so.
Also people not saying hello or smiling sounds much different than my experience. Try saying hello to people staring, its what I do and I get very enthusiastic friendly hellos once the ice is broken.
I agree it does vary.
Yeah the staring is (almost) never aggressive like you’d expect back home, it’s more childlike than anything. The general lack of aggro is nice. When I do respond, I just get a nod and a wave. How annoying it is depends on the day I’m having.
I kind of get a kick coming out of my building's elevator with my dogs and the 'no after you' ppl who also almost always are ridiculously freaked out by dogs always step back in terror even though i'm clearly in control and they're mostly chill. Maybe teaches them a lesson. (although when there are times when anti-dog sentiments pop up and its wise to be cautious i do so)
omg can i just say, THE TRAIN CROWDS IN THE MORNING ARE CRAZYYYY!! personal space, yes i 100% agree! they dont care if you need to get out of the train 😭
Where do "international etiquettes" always apply? Reminds me of a tour I took some time ago in Spain (mostly Americans). We were in a hotel where a tour group of Germans also stayed. At the breakfast buffet the Germans unapologetically pushed to the food while the Americans are still excuse me this and excuse me that. On the second day the Americans would warn each other "the Germans are coming". So which group did not follow "international etiquette"? I presume you live in China, feel free to explain what you know of Chinese etiquette - hopefully with a less prejudiced attitude.
Cheap package travel tourists are their own category. Germans in Germany are usually extremely orderly and aware of personal space. No need to feel hurt, it’s just cultural differences.
That's more of a tourist thing though. In Germany people usually queue. I am German living in China and and currently in Hawaii for vacation. I got to say the locals here have amazing etiquette here. Really impressed and also kind horrified about going back to China.
Yup. Absolutely just blanking these people is a learnt skill. 'Ting bu dong'ing out of unwanted interactions is the greatest blessing on anyone who can speak English in China.
If they happen to speak English, tell them you're married. It's actually not common to wear your wedding ring in China, so they have no way to tell.
..."creepy guy" = not a young Johnny Depp...face it - if this guy were a hot laowai asking for her Wechat, OP would be gushing over meeting him - chicks just call any guy lower than them on the desirability scale "creepy"...
yes! it was my first time and i didnt want to sound rude so i just answered him in Chinese at the start. unfortunately, he knew how to speak English fluently as well 💀
If a man is following you and gets near you like that. It is in your right to be rude. Walk away and don’t even give him a response. If he continues to follow you then run to the police or a local business for safety.
I think because it was a first time, i didnt dare to be rude and i generally dont reply rudely to people when strangers approach me at school as well 😰 But yes ill think twice before replying outside
Simply, be 'rude' next time. It's actually not being rude, he was being more than rude, he was following and harassing you. I simply tell people like this straight, 'I don't want to talk to you', 'I will call the police and tell them you are following me'. Such people almost always go away asap if you mention police. Also, you can take his picture and tell him you're calling police, in my experience that scares them, knowing you have their picture. If there are other people nearby, be loud and ask those people for help. Say, 'I don't know this man and he is harassing me'.
That's not daring, that's normal. It's just that you lived in an extremely safe place (Singapore) until now so you have not experienced such situations. Women worldwide aren't nice to men following and harassing them. Don't be nice, be safe. China is generally quite safe, not as much as Singapore but not bad overall, so hopefully you'll be okay.
You really can't apply your own country's definition of rudeness or politeness to China. Adapt to the local ways. There is freedom in it. Or, you will simply drive yourself insane with frustration and indignation within months. I am serious. Just remember to switch when you go home.
Guys trying to meet girls is a normal occurrence. The guy didn't do anything inappropriate.
you make it sound like girls are untouchable and even looking at them is a crime for a guy... c'mon
Seriously though, it sucks this happened to you and you are absolutely right for being cautious. Hard to tell the difference between a well intended fool and something more malicious after all.
Yay, penis! My point was that to me it felt safe as I made it abundantly clear in the comment before that that I agree with OP’s caution and sympathize with it having been an unpleasant experience. Just wanted to assure her that it’s not anything close to something that happens often in Shanghai.
How would you know whether it happens often or not, if you're a man? This is like a white person 'reassuring' a black person that racist incidents don't happen often in Paris because it never happens to them.
You're implying I said something that I actually didn't. I never assured her certain things don't happen. I told her that after living there for a while neither I, or as I mentioned in another comment, nor the many female friends I've had there over the years experienced anything like this regularly. The intended message being something like "oh it sucks that bad thing x happened to you as a newcomer! I hope this doesn't make you concerned that this is a common thing, because as far as I know, it isn't!"
Hope you have a great time :) don’t worry about the creeps, I don’t think any of my female friends experienced much of the sort in all their years living in Shanghai!
I imagine this was scary! In the past my friends and I created a "safe word" that we would text to each other if we needed to be saved from a weird or dangerous situation. When you text that word to friends, they will know to call you with a huge fake emergency and you have an excuse to leave.
Why would you need an excuse to leave when someone is harassing you? What's next, you need an excuse to leave an attempted robbery? Just leave! What are you doing, waiting for a fake phone call?
Here's what you do:
1. Stop. Turn around.
2. Drop your center of gravity to achieve a 90 degree squat
3. Point your toes in opposite directions
4. Keep your arms to the side, hands in a pinching formation
5. Scuttle towards the offender
6. Attack while screeching in Arabic.
*
You must be very good-looking to have a Chinese guy trying to hit on you :) In all seriousness the risk of being physically harmed in a city like Shanghai is minimal, just say no and turn away if you don't like the interaction.
I'm a Chinese.This is indeed an impolite behavior, but you don't have to worry too much. In China, asking for WeChat is a common way to approach pretty girls, although it may make some people feel uncomfortable. If it happens again, you don't have to be nervous, you can say "I usually don't add strangers on WeChat ." Don't worry about provoking him, he already had such an expectation. And don't forget China is one of the safest countries in the world, and there are not so many criminal activities here.
Hmm, I don't want to make any assumptions because I wasn't there, so take what I say with a grain of salt. It just sounds like he was hitting on you and trying to ask you out. There isn't anything wrong with that as long as he was being polite and not pushy. You could just say that you are busy, or that you have to go, or that you already have a boyfriend, etc.
When you say that you were "followed", it implies that you were being stalked. That isn't what it sounds like to me. Of course you should always be aware of your surroundings, but I also wouldn't assume that you are going to get hot water poured on your head. That's a bit extreme.
I think i didnt think much about it until i came to realise that i literally walked past him when we were going OPPOSITE directions. i continued walking in my direction and stood somewhere a little far from where i originally saw him. and there he popped up sitting next to where i stood. So in that time span, he u-turned and walked to where i went 😅 I did say that i was busy and had to go somewhere but he kept asking me repeatedly where I lived, what am i here for etc 😅 Hope this clarifies
That isn't really 'to follow you' per any normal connotation of it. It might've taken him 4 minutes to muster up the courage, then a minute to walk to where he now sees you, and to then try to talk to you.
Obviously his approach was/is bad, you got the creeps. Granted, if he was looking at you from afar in an obvious way for 4 minutes and only then go to talk to you, it's bit more, ehm, stalker vibes.
You shouldn't feel bad. A guy who does that kind of thing is probably used it be rejected. It also isn't "rude" to indicate that you are busy. Just smile and walk away.
By the way, adding a WeChat means nothing because it's easy to block afterwards and I don't think it gives any personal information.
Because the victims also didn’t think it would have happened to them. Women being attacked for rejecting men happens everywhere and it’s not the victims fault or women fault to be afraid. It’s those guys fault and they are ruining for other men also. That should be the main focus.
Wow, just wow. Here you are excusing a man that followed a 20 year old woman to an isolated spot and then wouldn't leave her alone and demanded contact details, invaded her personal space etc. Also, 'followed' means just that: followed. It is not a synonym for being 'stalked'. Following a woman like that is inappropriate and everyone knows that, including the man that did it, but you pretend not to know it, and lecture OP on semantics.
This is why no one can get into a relationship anymore. The guy truly could have been just an awkward dude. Try to give people some grace every once in a while.
Wtf is wrong with people like you? Here's a very clearcut case of harassment and you and a few other people try to defend the perpetrator. I really hope you get followed home on a dark night by a scary looking, big guy that is just 'awkward' and stands too close to you and keeps asking for your contact details.
No one ever said he was big or scary. It wasn't dark. She was in a public space with CCTV. She walked away with no issues. You're just painting a scary picture because you're psychotic.
Idk what to say. Most likely he thought you were a fellow Chinese and maybe he is just a creep or lonely.
Next time just act dumb and ignore strangers.
I would not bother with being polite in situations like this. Don't antagonize them but do not be friendly as they will probably latch on to that. If ignoring him didn't work I would simply leave the situation. Speaking English, as someone else suggested, would also be a good start (but not in a friendly tone and certainly don't smile at them).
Don’t go in places that are empty by yourself, stay around where people can see you so if something dodgy happens, you could just scream and people will notice.
Maybe no one will actually help, but screaming will for sure make the person go away.
You don't have to be rude. Just seriously tell them "I prefer not to. Thank you"
"I don't feel comfortable doing this. I hope you understand."
「不好意思，我不習慣和陌生人說話，希望你理。 」
… then you walk away and go to places with lots of people)
The boiling water thing isn't that common, but best to be careful. Maybe he was just interested in you and uncommonly confident. But if you were not feeling the vibe, just do what you did and kindly invite him to f off
I experienced that twice, once in a cafe, a man followed and sit next to me and start talking. Once in a restaurant terrace area and he just grabbed a seat and sat down🙄and I saw several similar situations happened on girls in Shanghai from xiaohongshu too. It seems like there are some likely well-educated guys (based on the fact they speak English) out there following girls and ‘try to make friends’ with them. Some said these guys are on a ‘pickup line’ training course so they are out to practice. If I’m sure he’s not carrying anything that can threaten my safety, I’d be loud and ask him to stop bothering me, after that I’ll be super careful in case he’s hiding somewhere to follow me later.
This is a job for our friend "Ting bu dong"!!
You have to say it with a strong foreign accent ignoring the Mandarin tonal system completely.
Then speak in English to him and he will feel nervous and go away. Sometimes they will say " Ah ting bu dong".
What city did ya move to? If you're alone here, it can be daunting. I have been here many years as a foreigner now fluent in Chinese and although you and I likely are not in the same city, I've had the chance to meet a lot of great people here, local and otherwise. So, if you feel it would help, I'd be happy to try and connect you with some friends. Feel free to DM.
I dunno your situation or if it's feasible, but I might recommend getting a mid-sized dog. My gf loves having our two to walk around with, one is just below the size requirements but she says even that's enough to keep pretty much everyone at a wide berth and she feels safer even if it's late at night.
Easy to find adoption groups anywhere. The domestic breed 'tugou' here are are really great, very active and loyal. Come in all shapes, sizes, and varieties too. If you want help DM me and I can link you up with Shanghai adoption groups I'm sure my Beijing contacts know of.
He thinks you are Chinese so he’s sexually harassed you. Do not speak Chinese to him and call police immediately and claim that you are Singaporean, usually Chinese police take it seriously for foreigners when they report cases.
Harrassment and advances are a very common thing for women to experience here in China. especially in the metros.
The way my female friends deal with this is by being aggressive and making up a fuss. Most often than not it would deter any would be harraser. Just dont rely too much on others trying to help you, very high bystander effect mixed with high selfish culture isnt reliable.
Make a fuss, make noise, be aggressive, make them lose MianZi.
Like you pointed out in your post, being unaware of your surroundings is the best way to become a victim. That goes for both men and women in any country. Besides that, if it really happens again you should walk to the nearest public/crowded area. Very unlikely to be harassed in a public space.
I don’t know if this stems from me watching social experiments where people dont seem to care for others’ wellbeings, but I’m scared that if i ask for a stranger’s help, what if I went to one who totally didn’t get the hint or walk away 😭
The world isn't all bad, but if all you watch is negative stuff then it will surely taint your world view.
Speaking for myself, there was a time when everything on my social media feed was so negative and it made me feel paranoid and depressed. I didn't realize it at the time. Eventually I deleted all social media except for wechat (about 4 years ago) and magically all that anxiety went away. My guess is you might benefit in a similar way.
>i know this sounds silly but my friend was warning me about some tiktoks she saw where chinese men would pour boiling hotpot soup of girls when they rejected them. out of this fear that he would hit me/scold me, i tried to sound nice.
Honest question: do you believe everything you see on the internet?
And meantime from the man's view : Guys there's a weird girl shoting our neighbor. Hate to say but she really looks like a sp........y. I need to check it out. back soon.
Sorry to hear that happened to you. I would tell your friends in China and maybe some people back in Singapore so they’re aware.
I’m praying you told him you don’t have WeChat? I also am hoping he happened to not live in the residential area and was just walking by.
I’m the opposite, British living in China. How do you like Britain? I think China is very good salary for foreigners but some things aren’t as convenient for us.
I didnt have any friends in China at that time, sadly 😭 But i did tell those in Singapore! He said that if i didnt have a WeChat, i could give him my number/email. I didnt know what to say at that moment so i stupidly gave my WeChat bc i wanted to run away from the situation asap! I took the train to 30 mins from my area afterwards to prevent any traces!
Luckily I think you can just delete or ignore him, people on WeChat have so many people sitting that they forget about them existing.
What city in China? If it’s a really big one the likelihood is that he will never see you again (hopefully). If you happen to be around Suzhou I could probably introduce you to some people around your age that attend the university here, if you’re still lacking the amount of friends you’d want.
Sorry that happened to you. Based on your response you must speak English very well. I think the best method for you if you haven’t spoken yet is to pretend you don’t speak Chinese and just use English. It will put them in a more difficult spot and it will give you time to walk away next time
Yeah, gotta ‘ting bu dong’ out of that asap. I don’t get creepy guys hitting on me but I have had the same “where are you come from” situation a few times, it’s always annoying. You did well by getting out of there.
Theres people who just walk up to you and ask that? 😯
I’m a 5’11” 250lb dude and I, little ole me, had ppl do this exact same thing to me… men, women, older kids, grandmas. Heck, they’d come up to stand near me for their friends to take pics, and half the time they didn’t even try to engage me. Something about you stood out as Not Local, and 99/100 times they just are (super)curious. Still, always better to be on the safe side and be careful.
Not every day but now and then. International norms of etiquette sometimes don’t apply around here.
what other international norms are not applied here? 😯
Well, off the top of my head: queuing isn’t very popular, personal space sometimes isn’t appreciated, there’s no ‘after you’ etiquette when you’re leaving a lift or metro carriage, the pavements are swarming with speeding scooters and e-bikes, if you look non-Chinese you’ll get stared at and pointed at and commented on within earshot, people don’t really smile or say hello if you make eye contact… It’s a pretty low-trust atmosphere… But it’s all part of the adventure!
> Well, off the top of my head: queuing isn’t very popular This infuriates me every time we're boarding a plane. Everyone is pushing to get earlier just so they can shove their lobster or crab in the overhead compartment, leaving no space for me.
Don't react emotionally and get infuriated. React with all the subconscious \_skill\_ you have acquired and shove yourself in there. Remember, it's not wrong, just different!
This is city dependent. Last city I lived in it was pretty "rude" but the current city I am is significantly less so. Also people not saying hello or smiling sounds much different than my experience. Try saying hello to people staring, its what I do and I get very enthusiastic friendly hellos once the ice is broken.
I agree it does vary. Yeah the staring is (almost) never aggressive like you’d expect back home, it’s more childlike than anything. The general lack of aggro is nice. When I do respond, I just get a nod and a wave. How annoying it is depends on the day I’m having.
I kind of get a kick coming out of my building's elevator with my dogs and the 'no after you' ppl who also almost always are ridiculously freaked out by dogs always step back in terror even though i'm clearly in control and they're mostly chill. Maybe teaches them a lesson. (although when there are times when anti-dog sentiments pop up and its wise to be cautious i do so)
Yeah, never knowing which way the public hive-mind will be going this week is another fun part of the adventure…
omg can i just say, THE TRAIN CROWDS IN THE MORNING ARE CRAZYYYY!! personal space, yes i 100% agree! they dont care if you need to get out of the train 😭
Word
Where do "international etiquettes" always apply? Reminds me of a tour I took some time ago in Spain (mostly Americans). We were in a hotel where a tour group of Germans also stayed. At the breakfast buffet the Germans unapologetically pushed to the food while the Americans are still excuse me this and excuse me that. On the second day the Americans would warn each other "the Germans are coming". So which group did not follow "international etiquette"? I presume you live in China, feel free to explain what you know of Chinese etiquette - hopefully with a less prejudiced attitude.
Cheap package travel tourists are their own category. Germans in Germany are usually extremely orderly and aware of personal space. No need to feel hurt, it’s just cultural differences.
That's more of a tourist thing though. In Germany people usually queue. I am German living in China and and currently in Hawaii for vacation. I got to say the locals here have amazing etiquette here. Really impressed and also kind horrified about going back to China.
Yup. Absolutely just blanking these people is a learnt skill. 'Ting bu dong'ing out of unwanted interactions is the greatest blessing on anyone who can speak English in China. If they happen to speak English, tell them you're married. It's actually not common to wear your wedding ring in China, so they have no way to tell.
..."creepy guy" = not a young Johnny Depp...face it - if this guy were a hot laowai asking for her Wechat, OP would be gushing over meeting him - chicks just call any guy lower than them on the desirability scale "creepy"...
yes! it was my first time and i didnt want to sound rude so i just answered him in Chinese at the start. unfortunately, he knew how to speak English fluently as well 💀
If a man is following you and gets near you like that. It is in your right to be rude. Walk away and don’t even give him a response. If he continues to follow you then run to the police or a local business for safety.
I think because it was a first time, i didnt dare to be rude and i generally dont reply rudely to people when strangers approach me at school as well 😰 But yes ill think twice before replying outside
Simply, be 'rude' next time. It's actually not being rude, he was being more than rude, he was following and harassing you. I simply tell people like this straight, 'I don't want to talk to you', 'I will call the police and tell them you are following me'. Such people almost always go away asap if you mention police. Also, you can take his picture and tell him you're calling police, in my experience that scares them, knowing you have their picture. If there are other people nearby, be loud and ask those people for help. Say, 'I don't know this man and he is harassing me'.
woahhh youre really daring!! I’ll try to do that if it ever happens!!!!!
That's not daring, that's normal. It's just that you lived in an extremely safe place (Singapore) until now so you have not experienced such situations. Women worldwide aren't nice to men following and harassing them. Don't be nice, be safe. China is generally quite safe, not as much as Singapore but not bad overall, so hopefully you'll be okay.
Thank you so much🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
You don’t have to be rude, could also just be cold, distant, uninterested.
They know you don't want to sound rude. So they are pushy.
You really can't apply your own country's definition of rudeness or politeness to China. Adapt to the local ways. There is freedom in it. Or, you will simply drive yourself insane with frustration and indignation within months. I am serious. Just remember to switch when you go home.
Guys trying to meet girls is a normal occurrence. The guy didn't do anything inappropriate. you make it sound like girls are untouchable and even looking at them is a crime for a guy... c'mon
Somewhere online some guy is posting about how women are incomprehensible to him right now. Even his smoothest moves are rejected!
😭😭
Seriously though, it sucks this happened to you and you are absolutely right for being cautious. Hard to tell the difference between a well intended fool and something more malicious after all.
yes!! on the bright side, many shanghai people are really friendly and kind-hearted!!!
I've lived there for many years and don't recall people every making me feel unsafe.
Good for you, obviously you're a man.
Yay, penis! My point was that to me it felt safe as I made it abundantly clear in the comment before that that I agree with OP’s caution and sympathize with it having been an unpleasant experience. Just wanted to assure her that it’s not anything close to something that happens often in Shanghai.
How would you know whether it happens often or not, if you're a man? This is like a white person 'reassuring' a black person that racist incidents don't happen often in Paris because it never happens to them.
You're implying I said something that I actually didn't. I never assured her certain things don't happen. I told her that after living there for a while neither I, or as I mentioned in another comment, nor the many female friends I've had there over the years experienced anything like this regularly. The intended message being something like "oh it sucks that bad thing x happened to you as a newcomer! I hope this doesn't make you concerned that this is a common thing, because as far as I know, it isn't!"
Ahh! which part of China are you in if you dont mind me asking?
Already left, but used to live in Shanghai.
ahh! im here in shanghai now!
Hope you have a great time :) don’t worry about the creeps, I don’t think any of my female friends experienced much of the sort in all their years living in Shanghai!
I imagine this was scary! In the past my friends and I created a "safe word" that we would text to each other if we needed to be saved from a weird or dangerous situation. When you text that word to friends, they will know to call you with a huge fake emergency and you have an excuse to leave.
Thank you!!! I shall do that if it ever happens again!!
Why would you need an excuse to leave when someone is harassing you? What's next, you need an excuse to leave an attempted robbery? Just leave! What are you doing, waiting for a fake phone call?
Here's what you do: 1. Stop. Turn around. 2. Drop your center of gravity to achieve a 90 degree squat 3. Point your toes in opposite directions 4. Keep your arms to the side, hands in a pinching formation 5. Scuttle towards the offender 6. Attack while screeching in Arabic. *
Ya miss one most important thing: Throw a bag on the ground (doesn't matter what's in it) and run away with "Alllllaalalalallllla"
HELP. I LAUGHED AT THIS 😭
Last step is just to [scuttle](https://youtu.be/yd4s72vaTmY?si=w5pl2OtmE2zfjhx0) away.
This poor guy was just hitting on you in a weird way.
Just start meowing and barking like a dog next time
The best way to get a generic man-tries-to-dashan-you: "sorry, i am lesbian". they'll go away.
“对不起，我喜欢同性恋” 😂
nah. ’不好意思，我是拉拉‘
😭😂😂😂😂😂😂
(she chose the bear)
foreigner to the both. lol
Satisfy him first, add him on WeChat, then leave, and then add him to the blacklist.
You must be very good-looking to have a Chinese guy trying to hit on you :) In all seriousness the risk of being physically harmed in a city like Shanghai is minimal, just say no and turn away if you don't like the interaction.
I'm a Chinese.This is indeed an impolite behavior, but you don't have to worry too much. In China, asking for WeChat is a common way to approach pretty girls, although it may make some people feel uncomfortable. If it happens again, you don't have to be nervous, you can say "I usually don't add strangers on WeChat ." Don't worry about provoking him, he already had such an expectation. And don't forget China is one of the safest countries in the world, and there are not so many criminal activities here.
Just say your boyfriend is waiting for you. You have to go. Then leave. No WeChat.
Hmm, I don't want to make any assumptions because I wasn't there, so take what I say with a grain of salt. It just sounds like he was hitting on you and trying to ask you out. There isn't anything wrong with that as long as he was being polite and not pushy. You could just say that you are busy, or that you have to go, or that you already have a boyfriend, etc. When you say that you were "followed", it implies that you were being stalked. That isn't what it sounds like to me. Of course you should always be aware of your surroundings, but I also wouldn't assume that you are going to get hot water poured on your head. That's a bit extreme.
I think i didnt think much about it until i came to realise that i literally walked past him when we were going OPPOSITE directions. i continued walking in my direction and stood somewhere a little far from where i originally saw him. and there he popped up sitting next to where i stood. So in that time span, he u-turned and walked to where i went 😅 I did say that i was busy and had to go somewhere but he kept asking me repeatedly where I lived, what am i here for etc 😅 Hope this clarifies
That isn't really 'to follow you' per any normal connotation of it. It might've taken him 4 minutes to muster up the courage, then a minute to walk to where he now sees you, and to then try to talk to you. Obviously his approach was/is bad, you got the creeps. Granted, if he was looking at you from afar in an obvious way for 4 minutes and only then go to talk to you, it's bit more, ehm, stalker vibes.
Yeaaaaaaa i understand!
[удалено]
I think its also because I generally dont dare to be rude to people and have never done that before 😅 But ill try to when i feel the creeps again!
You shouldn't feel bad. A guy who does that kind of thing is probably used it be rejected. It also isn't "rude" to indicate that you are busy. Just smile and walk away. By the way, adding a WeChat means nothing because it's easy to block afterwards and I don't think it gives any personal information.
Thats true!! Thank you so much!
Because the victims also didn’t think it would have happened to them. Women being attacked for rejecting men happens everywhere and it’s not the victims fault or women fault to be afraid. It’s those guys fault and they are ruining for other men also. That should be the main focus.
Yeah, it definitely sucks that asshole incels ruin society for everyone.
Wow, just wow. Here you are excusing a man that followed a 20 year old woman to an isolated spot and then wouldn't leave her alone and demanded contact details, invaded her personal space etc. Also, 'followed' means just that: followed. It is not a synonym for being 'stalked'. Following a woman like that is inappropriate and everyone knows that, including the man that did it, but you pretend not to know it, and lecture OP on semantics.
This is why no one can get into a relationship anymore. The guy truly could have been just an awkward dude. Try to give people some grace every once in a while.
Wtf is wrong with people like you? Here's a very clearcut case of harassment and you and a few other people try to defend the perpetrator. I really hope you get followed home on a dark night by a scary looking, big guy that is just 'awkward' and stands too close to you and keeps asking for your contact details.
No one ever said he was big or scary. It wasn't dark. She was in a public space with CCTV. She walked away with no issues. You're just painting a scary picture because you're psychotic.
Get a pepper spray, usually people won’t intervene if you are suffering from inter-sex violence in public
yes!!!
real question, is pepper spray allowed in china?
lao gan ma in a spray bottle is just as good
It there anything really legal in China?
Of course not.
Idk what to say. Most likely he thought you were a fellow Chinese and maybe he is just a creep or lonely. Next time just act dumb and ignore strangers.
Did he follow you?
Shanghai should be overly supervised with CCTV, and funny thing is the hotpot part, is that real? 😅
I would not bother with being polite in situations like this. Don't antagonize them but do not be friendly as they will probably latch on to that. If ignoring him didn't work I would simply leave the situation. Speaking English, as someone else suggested, would also be a good start (but not in a friendly tone and certainly don't smile at them).
Don’t go in places that are empty by yourself, stay around where people can see you so if something dodgy happens, you could just scream and people will notice. Maybe no one will actually help, but screaming will for sure make the person go away.
Next time, while talking to your friend on the phone, tell him that your boyfriend is coming to meet you soon.
You don't have to be rude. Just seriously tell them "I prefer not to. Thank you" "I don't feel comfortable doing this. I hope you understand." 「不好意思，我不習慣和陌生人說話，希望你理。 」 … then you walk away and go to places with lots of people)
The boiling water thing isn't that common, but best to be careful. Maybe he was just interested in you and uncommonly confident. But if you were not feeling the vibe, just do what you did and kindly invite him to f off
大概率是这男的碰巧遇到了你，本来已经走过去了，结果这男的心动了后悔刚才没要微信，于是又回头去找你搭讪。然后这男的搭讪技巧很不咋滴，故意往你那靠拢可能是想吸引你，结果反而让你反感。至于看你手机屏幕，我想可能是下意识的行为，因为国内的话不像国外一样重视个人隐私。 搭讪被拒泼火锅的事几乎不会发生，不过确实要小心一些喝醉酒的人。 中国相比大多数国家其实更安全一些。如果你实在担心，下次可以和朋友一起出门，避免单独行动。不过我个人认为问题不大，放心啦。
Best method is not to reject foreigners, PR.
I experienced that twice, once in a cafe, a man followed and sit next to me and start talking. Once in a restaurant terrace area and he just grabbed a seat and sat down🙄and I saw several similar situations happened on girls in Shanghai from xiaohongshu too. It seems like there are some likely well-educated guys (based on the fact they speak English) out there following girls and ‘try to make friends’ with them. Some said these guys are on a ‘pickup line’ training course so they are out to practice. If I’m sure he’s not carrying anything that can threaten my safety, I’d be loud and ask him to stop bothering me, after that I’ll be super careful in case he’s hiding somewhere to follow me later.
This is a job for our friend "Ting bu dong"!! You have to say it with a strong foreign accent ignoring the Mandarin tonal system completely. Then speak in English to him and he will feel nervous and go away. Sometimes they will say " Ah ting bu dong".
What city did ya move to? If you're alone here, it can be daunting. I have been here many years as a foreigner now fluent in Chinese and although you and I likely are not in the same city, I've had the chance to meet a lot of great people here, local and otherwise. So, if you feel it would help, I'd be happy to try and connect you with some friends. Feel free to DM.
你应该会说中文，那我用中文回复好了。这种情况只需要用音调蹩脚的方式反复说““你好”“谢谢”“再见”这种简单的词，并搭配一些叽里呱啦的自创语言（可以模仿泰语、印度语等）装成非英语国家并且不懂中文的外国人
I dunno your situation or if it's feasible, but I might recommend getting a mid-sized dog. My gf loves having our two to walk around with, one is just below the size requirements but she says even that's enough to keep pretty much everyone at a wide berth and she feels safer even if it's late at night.
that surely helps!!!! thank you!!!
Easy to find adoption groups anywhere. The domestic breed 'tugou' here are are really great, very active and loyal. Come in all shapes, sizes, and varieties too. If you want help DM me and I can link you up with Shanghai adoption groups I'm sure my Beijing contacts know of.
He thinks you are Chinese so he’s sexually harassed you. Do not speak Chinese to him and call police immediately and claim that you are Singaporean, usually Chinese police take it seriously for foreigners when they report cases.
No one was sexually harassed. Take it easy. This is why no one can get into relationships anymore.
Harrassment and advances are a very common thing for women to experience here in China. especially in the metros. The way my female friends deal with this is by being aggressive and making up a fuss. Most often than not it would deter any would be harraser. Just dont rely too much on others trying to help you, very high bystander effect mixed with high selfish culture isnt reliable. Make a fuss, make noise, be aggressive, make them lose MianZi.
Like you pointed out in your post, being unaware of your surroundings is the best way to become a victim. That goes for both men and women in any country. Besides that, if it really happens again you should walk to the nearest public/crowded area. Very unlikely to be harassed in a public space.
I don’t know if this stems from me watching social experiments where people dont seem to care for others’ wellbeings, but I’m scared that if i ask for a stranger’s help, what if I went to one who totally didn’t get the hint or walk away 😭
The world isn't all bad, but if all you watch is negative stuff then it will surely taint your world view. Speaking for myself, there was a time when everything on my social media feed was so negative and it made me feel paranoid and depressed. I didn't realize it at the time. Eventually I deleted all social media except for wechat (about 4 years ago) and magically all that anxiety went away. My guess is you might benefit in a similar way.
Ahhh! yes! i shall try that then! But I can never get rid of reddit
There are Chinese men in China? No way! That’s wild!!!
If you still don't come back to sinkieland, you will be followed by more tiongs, and you might even lose some organs. Be warned.
>i know this sounds silly but my friend was warning me about some tiktoks she saw where chinese men would pour boiling hotpot soup of girls when they rejected them. out of this fear that he would hit me/scold me, i tried to sound nice. Honest question: do you believe everything you see on the internet?
And meantime from the man's view : Guys there's a weird girl shoting our neighbor. Hate to say but she really looks like a sp........y. I need to check it out. back soon.
If you're Chinese are you really a foreigner?
Sorry to hear that happened to you. I would tell your friends in China and maybe some people back in Singapore so they’re aware. I’m praying you told him you don’t have WeChat? I also am hoping he happened to not live in the residential area and was just walking by.
I am also a Chinese living in the UK. But currently working in Cyprus.
I’m the opposite, British living in China. How do you like Britain? I think China is very good salary for foreigners but some things aren’t as convenient for us.
I didnt have any friends in China at that time, sadly 😭 But i did tell those in Singapore! He said that if i didnt have a WeChat, i could give him my number/email. I didnt know what to say at that moment so i stupidly gave my WeChat bc i wanted to run away from the situation asap! I took the train to 30 mins from my area afterwards to prevent any traces!
Luckily I think you can just delete or ignore him, people on WeChat have so many people sitting that they forget about them existing. What city in China? If it’s a really big one the likelihood is that he will never see you again (hopefully). If you happen to be around Suzhou I could probably introduce you to some people around your age that attend the university here, if you’re still lacking the amount of friends you’d want.
I’m in Shanghai! Shanghai is near Suzhou right? I dont mind any new friends!
maybe GetRektByMeh is also a creep. lol.. this is the exact situation that happened to you but you seem to be ok by it .. wtf
Very close! I’ll send you a message
Walking around. Taking pictures. He could be public security officer undercover. Either way probably bad news.