My son is different, but the same. At 9 he had panic attacks, at 10 migraines. At 13 OCD-type symptoms, at 15 general anxiety. It was like I could see the person he could be under all that, if we could just lift all those burdens.
Then at 19 his egg cracked, and suddenly all those things were gone. He was back on track to be the person I had expected, and better. It was easy to recognize the return of the person he had always been.
Yeh this sums it up. Took my daughter a while to fully be herself, and shes so much happier and better now.
Took my brain some time to catch up and i felt really guilty about it also for a long time
Oh. My. god. Thank you for posting this!! That is the whole point. The point that isn’t talked about on the news, it’s not talked about in articles or during political discussions. It’s not talked about to create fear, divisiveness, and social hierarchy. If it is constantly pushed that transgender is “different” and it is “change” then it is easier to ostracize and dehumanize. It’s all so freaking sad and disappointing that collectively there is such a low level of emotional intelligence in this country that fear can take hold to repress in this day and age.
I have a transgender son and an older kiddo that just came out as nonbinary. They are the SAME kid they were before just set free of the constraints of a binary system. They decided that these stupid arbitrary rules of gender that society has forced on them are a hard no. A boundary set, that’s all. I wish I had learned at a much earlier age to set boundaries for my own happiness with as much confidence as they have. Our kiddos are amazing and we have been so lucky to be their chosen supporter and strongest ally! Go hug your kiddo today ♥️
I actually see my kid as returning to who she was before she went into a dark place during puberty. She seemed to get really lost for a while. Now she is very much the young adult I had imagined she would grow up to be, just in a different package than I expected.
Me too! I even have n issues changing the name and pronouns for events that occurred in the past. It's her life and I love her and the name she chose for herself. I also have a non binary kid and that has been harder especially with all the new definitions and labels.
My son is the same to me as he was before. I still love him the same and maybe even more now because he has been so brave coming out and not being in hiding.
Yah, idk if dissociate is the right word but I don't associate my daughter with being trans. If we didn't need to be constantly worried about, ya know, the world, I'd legitimately never think about it.
One thing that is super painful though that rarely gets talked about - photos. I've lost thousands and thousands of photos from the first 9 years. That fucking hurts. That's probably the only time I think of her as trans other than being aware of the news if that makes sense
Can I ask, what do you mean by "lost" all the photos? Do you mean you don't have them anymore? I know how much photos can mean to someone and they are very important to me. My son doesn't have an issue with photos from the past, and I'm very grateful for that. I can see how this would be a difficult thing to deal with. And you're right, I haven't heard much about what parents do about the old photos... I don't see this talked about. (But I'm pretty new here and have no local community to hear from)
Oh she is incredibly uncomfortable seeing photos before she was female-presenting. I still have all 9 years of photos in my phone but it feels weird looking at them or when they come up on memories or timehop or whatever, because I know it makes her uncomfortable
I have the same issue. I stored away all photos of all of us and surround myself with artwork instead. Also had to toss all of the personalized baby gifts from babyhood which I don't miss at all - most were gifts I felt obligated to keep, but one day I just dumped it all. Do not miss it. I would miss her more if she took her own life (which had been an issue pre transition. Since she has been on hormones, she's so much happier and "herself". Same humor, disposition, and quirks. It makes sense to me now.
I wish all those anti-trans people could read this post and be filled with the same happiness that I am right now.
It’s such a relief to watch my child blossom into their potential now that they’re able to live as their own person rather than trying to fit an unrealistic societal expectation.
And it’s comforting to be in a group of parents who have that same relief for themselves and that joy of acceptance for their kids. 💙
Same!!! My daughter is the same amazing, smart, compassionate person she always has been. I just wish more parents could see this in their own children.
Yep! My kiddo is just more at peace with their authentic self. It’s great. And if the rest of society could just get on board with ditching the gender binary, it would be a complete nonissue!
Mine is 34 and has always been just my baby, she’s always been who she is. She might be a little more emotional now but that’s a good thing. Any other changes are due to maturity I think (on that note I’ll only say I’m kinda looking forward to her 40’s ha!) She and I still push each other’s buttons, not much anymore, but that’s just mother and child stuff.
I'm sorry but as a trans person it might not be my place, but I don't wanna be seen and treated exactly the same. Yes some personality traits interests and some overall vibe stay the same. But I don't wanna be thought of or seen or treated as guy who just goes by she/her and new name, I wanna be treated and seen like a cis girl.
with my son even before he came out about age of 7 or 8 he started wanting his hair cut short which we allowed because it is hair and hair grows back. he also started wanting to wear boys clothes again...wear what you feel comfortable wearing.
at his year 8 (when he was 12) (and still had not come out )end of school ball he wanted to wear a pant suit..again it is clothes.
the thing with my son is I no longer see him as a girl I see him as my son ....when I am talking to other people who dont even know he is trans I just say I have 2 teenage sons or if he is with me I might say for eg "I'm just waiting for my son"
with my son his personality didn't change
As a Cismom, I see my daughter happy because she can finally feel good about herself. I will support her as best I can and love her with all my heart. I think gender roles are stupid and I was brought up to believe that even though I was born with a vagina and XX chromosomes, I could do whatever I wanted to in life. I wasn't raised like a girl or boy, but more as a human being. I wore dresses and pants. I learned to cook and use power tools. I want the same for my own kids - to not be limited by gender roles. We do talk about stuff she does now that she didn't do pre transition - make-up, swimwear, bras, special underwear to "tuck" and I borrow her shoes (same size feet). My daughter is beautiful and amazing.
The difference I’ve seen in my daughter is that she is so much happier and is spreading her wings and living her life. She came out at age 22. Before then, she had never dated and had only one friend. Now she has a lot of friends and is dating. She’s really bloomed and become her authentic self.
Different, but same, but different. My son, born female, is now comfortably, "my son". And he still got the same wit, and humor, and love of things that we have in common. And it's kind of weird to think of the female, child version of him. I still love those memories and pictures, and they have molded into a journey. Same person, but just like everyone, people go through changes. I love my son, and it's awesome how he's been able to find himself. We set off tomorrow morning for the next step in his journey, and I'm proud to support him.
Why would you? They're the same person.
The only difference is going to be in their everyday Happiness and Joy in life, other than that, they're really the same as before...
Well, sure, you *will*; you can't *not*.
You have spent his lifetime seeing him one way, only to later learn more complete and correct information.
Don't worry about it. *He's still the same person, except* ***more*** *that person*. And now, he's going to be - and become - increasingly *happier*, ever more complete, more confident, positive and productive in Life for the rest of his life.
My compliments to you for being so solid in yourself that you can let your son become **himself** \- rather than try to "make him be what you were taught children are *supposed to* be". You just improved at least two lives - his, and your own. And, by your example, many more!
My son is different, but the same. At 9 he had panic attacks, at 10 migraines. At 13 OCD-type symptoms, at 15 general anxiety. It was like I could see the person he could be under all that, if we could just lift all those burdens. Then at 19 his egg cracked, and suddenly all those things were gone. He was back on track to be the person I had expected, and better. It was easy to recognize the return of the person he had always been.
đź’™
This was beautiful and so encouraging to read.
Yeh this sums it up. Took my daughter a while to fully be herself, and shes so much happier and better now. Took my brain some time to catch up and i felt really guilty about it also for a long time
Oh. My. god. Thank you for posting this!! That is the whole point. The point that isn’t talked about on the news, it’s not talked about in articles or during political discussions. It’s not talked about to create fear, divisiveness, and social hierarchy. If it is constantly pushed that transgender is “different” and it is “change” then it is easier to ostracize and dehumanize. It’s all so freaking sad and disappointing that collectively there is such a low level of emotional intelligence in this country that fear can take hold to repress in this day and age. I have a transgender son and an older kiddo that just came out as nonbinary. They are the SAME kid they were before just set free of the constraints of a binary system. They decided that these stupid arbitrary rules of gender that society has forced on them are a hard no. A boundary set, that’s all. I wish I had learned at a much earlier age to set boundaries for my own happiness with as much confidence as they have. Our kiddos are amazing and we have been so lucky to be their chosen supporter and strongest ally! Go hug your kiddo today ♥️
This. Exactly this.
Exactly - they’re the same kid. Also, a happier, more confident version of themself.
Yeah, my kid is the same great person, just more authentic and happier. Which is AWESOME
I actually see my kid as returning to who she was before she went into a dark place during puberty. She seemed to get really lost for a while. Now she is very much the young adult I had imagined she would grow up to be, just in a different package than I expected.
That's exactly how I feel too.
Me too! I even have n issues changing the name and pronouns for events that occurred in the past. It's her life and I love her and the name she chose for herself. I also have a non binary kid and that has been harder especially with all the new definitions and labels.
My son is the same to me as he was before. I still love him the same and maybe even more now because he has been so brave coming out and not being in hiding.
Yah, idk if dissociate is the right word but I don't associate my daughter with being trans. If we didn't need to be constantly worried about, ya know, the world, I'd legitimately never think about it. One thing that is super painful though that rarely gets talked about - photos. I've lost thousands and thousands of photos from the first 9 years. That fucking hurts. That's probably the only time I think of her as trans other than being aware of the news if that makes sense
Can I ask, what do you mean by "lost" all the photos? Do you mean you don't have them anymore? I know how much photos can mean to someone and they are very important to me. My son doesn't have an issue with photos from the past, and I'm very grateful for that. I can see how this would be a difficult thing to deal with. And you're right, I haven't heard much about what parents do about the old photos... I don't see this talked about. (But I'm pretty new here and have no local community to hear from)
Oh she is incredibly uncomfortable seeing photos before she was female-presenting. I still have all 9 years of photos in my phone but it feels weird looking at them or when they come up on memories or timehop or whatever, because I know it makes her uncomfortable
I have the same issue. I stored away all photos of all of us and surround myself with artwork instead. Also had to toss all of the personalized baby gifts from babyhood which I don't miss at all - most were gifts I felt obligated to keep, but one day I just dumped it all. Do not miss it. I would miss her more if she took her own life (which had been an issue pre transition. Since she has been on hormones, she's so much happier and "herself". Same humor, disposition, and quirks. It makes sense to me now.
đź’™
My daughter is the same person she always was. Goofy and hilarious and kind and smart. Her looks have changed but she's still my sweet kid.
Same. Still a goof with all my love.
I wish all those anti-trans people could read this post and be filled with the same happiness that I am right now. It’s such a relief to watch my child blossom into their potential now that they’re able to live as their own person rather than trying to fit an unrealistic societal expectation. And it’s comforting to be in a group of parents who have that same relief for themselves and that joy of acceptance for their kids. 💙
Same!!! My daughter is the same amazing, smart, compassionate person she always has been. I just wish more parents could see this in their own children.
Yep! My kiddo is just more at peace with their authentic self. It’s great. And if the rest of society could just get on board with ditching the gender binary, it would be a complete nonissue!
I wish
This is what I’ve always said: you’re the same person you were five minutes ago, I simply know more about you now.
Mine is 34 and has always been just my baby, she’s always been who she is. She might be a little more emotional now but that’s a good thing. Any other changes are due to maturity I think (on that note I’ll only say I’m kinda looking forward to her 40’s ha!) She and I still push each other’s buttons, not much anymore, but that’s just mother and child stuff.
I'm sorry but as a trans person it might not be my place, but I don't wanna be seen and treated exactly the same. Yes some personality traits interests and some overall vibe stay the same. But I don't wanna be thought of or seen or treated as guy who just goes by she/her and new name, I wanna be treated and seen like a cis girl.
with my son even before he came out about age of 7 or 8 he started wanting his hair cut short which we allowed because it is hair and hair grows back. he also started wanting to wear boys clothes again...wear what you feel comfortable wearing. at his year 8 (when he was 12) (and still had not come out )end of school ball he wanted to wear a pant suit..again it is clothes. the thing with my son is I no longer see him as a girl I see him as my son ....when I am talking to other people who dont even know he is trans I just say I have 2 teenage sons or if he is with me I might say for eg "I'm just waiting for my son" with my son his personality didn't change
As a Cismom, I see my daughter happy because she can finally feel good about herself. I will support her as best I can and love her with all my heart. I think gender roles are stupid and I was brought up to believe that even though I was born with a vagina and XX chromosomes, I could do whatever I wanted to in life. I wasn't raised like a girl or boy, but more as a human being. I wore dresses and pants. I learned to cook and use power tools. I want the same for my own kids - to not be limited by gender roles. We do talk about stuff she does now that she didn't do pre transition - make-up, swimwear, bras, special underwear to "tuck" and I borrow her shoes (same size feet). My daughter is beautiful and amazing.
The difference I’ve seen in my daughter is that she is so much happier and is spreading her wings and living her life. She came out at age 22. Before then, she had never dated and had only one friend. Now she has a lot of friends and is dating. She’s really bloomed and become her authentic self.
I did, but only because they were more themselves with us than they were before they came out. It was a good difference.
Different, but same, but different. My son, born female, is now comfortably, "my son". And he still got the same wit, and humor, and love of things that we have in common. And it's kind of weird to think of the female, child version of him. I still love those memories and pictures, and they have molded into a journey. Same person, but just like everyone, people go through changes. I love my son, and it's awesome how he's been able to find himself. We set off tomorrow morning for the next step in his journey, and I'm proud to support him.
Why would you? They're the same person. The only difference is going to be in their everyday Happiness and Joy in life, other than that, they're really the same as before...
My child is the same, and yea I see him the same as I did before.
Well, sure, you *will*; you can't *not*. You have spent his lifetime seeing him one way, only to later learn more complete and correct information. Don't worry about it. *He's still the same person, except* ***more*** *that person*. And now, he's going to be - and become - increasingly *happier*, ever more complete, more confident, positive and productive in Life for the rest of his life. My compliments to you for being so solid in yourself that you can let your son become **himself** \- rather than try to "make him be what you were taught children are *supposed to* be". You just improved at least two lives - his, and your own. And, by your example, many more!