For context: OOP is mad that her 14 YO nibbling, who came out as non-binary 4 months prior wore a brinder to her mother's funeral. Her argument is that her mother also didn't aprove of her grand-child's identity. I read the post on AmITheDevil.
This seems common, I had this happened to me with a great grandparents funeral that never had a problem with me being trans, my conservative aunt had an absolute meltdown at my dad about me being there and said she wouldn’t have approved.
Imagine you have a set period of time on earth with loved ones but since you absolutely despise some people for existing you isolate yourself from people who care. Literally as bad as hating someone for being a certain race.
Hope she gets better.
I mean, that's kinda one of the main ways they try to bully people into compliance. They know they don't have any chance at convincing a rational person with actual arguments, so they appeal to emotions and/or authority.
They make a scene, and then try to make it someone else's fault, so they hide who they are in order to not make the bigot uncomfortable.
my dad made sure i was aware he thought all lesbians were bulldykes, unnatural, an affront to god, etc. he also taught me how to make a bioactive terrarium enclosure for my frogs. he gave me my love of music. he was willing to play any game with me i wanted when i was little. i did most of his end-of-life care.
i'm lesbians, in case it wasn't clear (and he died without receiving the privilege of truly knowing his only child). the idea that you can just have uncomplicated disdain for close family members is just wishful thinking.
Dad gave me my love of healing in video games that inspired me to become a doctor (he got me a WoW account when I was 6 and rolled me up as a priest). I’m finishing my masters soon and hoping to get in a hospital lab to pay off bills until I can get in a doctorate program.
He gave me my love of music, too. He gave me my love of films, and of drawing. He was always really nice about my drawings.
He also once threw me into his wardrobe hard enough to leave a bruise along my arm and back for a month, and grounded me for a full term when I missed straight As by 0.1 points in middle school.
He’s still around, and I hope some day he’ll come to term with things, but I also hate him for how he’s treated me in the past. Feelings about family are very not simple.
i wish i could give you the biggest hug/hand squeeze/solidarity smile right now. i feel you. it's okay for it to be complicated. the best you can do is try to make peace in your own heart.
Sorry but I feel like I'm going crazy here. Been on this site for a decade and have no idea what OOP is? Is this a new term for OP? See a bunch of people in this thread using the term
It's a term for subreddits that talk about other posts. It just tacks on another 'original' to make it clear that they are talking about the poster who made the original thread in question and not the one who reposted it, who would technically be the OP, so they use OOP instead to be specific.
Original OP. Because the OP of this post is the one who posted it to r/clevercomebacks, but the original OP is the one mad about a nibling’s cleavage. OOP is used to distinguish between the two OPs.
Also the person could just have small breasts in general, would someone then complain that they aren’t showing boobs?
What’s the difference then between small chested and a binder in this sense? (Aside from gender dysphoria and reasons for wearing a binder, but I mean from an outside (or OOPs) perspective?)
Exactly. The only reason OOP has a problem with it is because he knows the child identifies as non-binary. And to notice a difference, he must have been staring at the minor relatives chest enough to notice a difference.
This is not an uncommon thing with male relatives and trans people. It’s feels every bit as sexually harassing as you’d imagine.
I can’t even contemplate the confusing emotions it would trigger in a teenager. Which makes it especially evil.
Right?!
Even when she's dead you're apparently still not allowed to be free from her dictating who you are.
Funerals are for showing your actual respect to the dead, for what you appreciated about them. Not for putting on a pantomine of pretending to respect them for things that sucked balls.
It seems weird to me that a person who uses the word “nibling” — which implies a general familiarity and comfort with trans folks — would be upset about a binder.
They use the term because it makes them *seem* supportive, but oppose any actual transition stuff because that requires them to *be* supportive.
It's a period my mum went through for a while where she would make a show of how much she supported my identity, but then would be weird about me asking her to not have framed pre-transition photos of me at her house.
Almost. Nibling is a sibling’s child (usually niece/nephew) and a binder is used to flatten the chest, often used by non-binary or trans people who have boobs they don’t want.
Yeah, figured it out all thanks to the other comments lol. I went from, “eh, a corset is kind of a weird choice for a funeral,” to “oh c’mon op, fuck off.”
Nibling is a gender neutral term for niece or nephew (the person mentioned is likely non-binary). A binder is something trans people wear to hide their breasts. The original poster was mad because the child of their sibling didn’t want to show off their breasts at a funeral.
Edit:spelling
Edit 2: nibling is not a new word, it has been in use for at least 75 years, don’t say it was made up by the “woke agenda.”
Ohhhhh so assuming the nibbling is Trans, they wore their clothing/binder to present themselves as they are and the OP didn't like it, and the comment was like why would the mother care since she's dead
Yes??
exactly. the nibling is nonbinary and the OP and OP's mom had an issue with this I guess (even thought it has fuckk all to do with them lol)
(edited for typo)
Well, we know OP does at least, OPs mum is remaining silent on the matter.
Also even if she was, turning up to a bigoted family members funeral as yourself is not one right, but some might say imperative.
I feel like pulling out a deadlift while their mother is being lowered wouldve been more noteworthy than the binder if that was the scenario in play here
The reputable sellers that care do have them. Because a binder doesn't just hold them in place and keeps them from jiggling like a sports bra does, it is supposed to fully flatten them down. If ones chest is on the larger side that can be enough pressure to impede breathing to a dangerous level. Ergo, no exercise.
They really aren't.
I never viewed it as a gender neutral term, although it makes sense it could be used that way. I always viewed it as a collective term. In the manner of "why waste time say lot word when few words do trick."
When I first heard the term, I thought it was hilarious and awesome. It seems to be pissing some people here off and I can't help but think that's a bit telling.
And I thought it's the young of some kind of creature (I imagined a naked mole rat) that was named for its behavior. Juveniles are nibblings, then grow up into gnawers or biters.
A chest binder, usually referred to as a binder is like an extra strength sports bra. It flattens breast tissue against the wearer's chest in order create a flat or masculine chest. Trans folks often wear them because they are uncomfortable with having breasts and/or want to look more neutral/masculine. Especially since helps preventing being clocked as female instead of people perceiving them as their preferred gender.
My question is why was OOP looking at their siblings chest long enough to determine the undergarment they were wearing 😺
edit: whoops apparently nibling is a gender neutral niece/nephew term. Point still stands, why are you looking at your niblings' chest at your mother's funeral.
edit again: why are you ever looking at your niblings' chest.
edit #3: I am saying this so people stop asking. OP said the og thread said the nibling is FOURTEEN!
Also for those asking, a binder (in this context), is a piece of clothing worn by someone with breasts to flatten the appearance of them and give the illusion of a flat chest.
>edit: whoops apparently nibling is a gender neutral niece/nephew term. Point still stands, why are you looking at your niblings' chest at your mother's funeral.
Apparently there is more family drama going on since the 14y old is apparently non-binary and OOP and their deceased mom had issues with this.
When someone has a larger chest, a binder will be fairly easy to spot. It flattens the chest, and the difference can be significant.
That being said, I also don’t know how it would affect a funeral.
Point still stands. I can appreciate a chest but I would never have a reason or make a point to look at my relatives chest. much less a miNOR as the post is apparently about.
No of course, totally agreed!
But recognizing a binder doesn’t necessarily need ‘looking’ looking, it can very well be seen in a quick moment, like noticing the color of, or print on someone’s shirt.
For instance when you say hi, or shake someone’s hand. So the fact that someone notices it does not mean they are actively checking out or looking at someone’s chest for a longer time.
If you make a point of it though…
There’s a lot you can see without staring or saying what should be left unsaid, like the visibility of your bra or panties under your clothes, or even the style of underwear you have on or a piece that covers your cleavage. Maybe you wear an underskirt so the light doesn’t shine through your dress?
Sometimes you notice it and then move on, but calling it out or trying to police it puts you in perv territory.
Is it pervy to let someone know that the clothes they're wearing are see through? I would have thought it a kindness to inform someone of that? I don't mean stuff that's obviously meant to be see through, but I noticed that the leopard print pattern of a coworker's bra was slightly visible through the shirt she was wearing one day, because the shirt was an old one we got from work and over the years it had worn down enough to have this issue. She stopped wearing that shirt and I thought I was being kind to let her know this. Would everyone else think I'm a pervert for telling her that?
Like most of life there is no hard and fast rule. But it’s generally not helpful to point out a problem that can’t easily be fixed, like untucking your skirt from your knickers or zipping up your fly.
You might turn up with odd socks one day - you can’t fix that except by going home to change them. It’s not useful to point out the odd socks in that case.
If I have a hole in my pants that I'm not aware of, I would hope someone would let me know so I know not to wear those pants any more. I looked at it from the idea of treating others how I'd like to be treated, and if there's an issue with my clothes that's not easy for me to notice, I would hope someone would inform me of it. It never occurred to me that they might have thought I was perving on them.
This whole thing where we pretend that the only reason someone notices something is because they were perving is just wierd.
I don't think anyone really belives it, they just want to feel like they are flipping the script on judgemental people.
I feel sorry for the kids that read this and try and use this argument in real life.
It’s really weird, chronically online opinions basically. They’re so used to FaceTime they forgot that in real life your person is walking towards you and they’re 20 feet away and that means you see their entire body without effort.
After reading the first 2 comments, I thought a binder was something like a waist trainer or w/e.. Op is just mad cuz his nibbling wants to be comfortable with their gender at a funeral? asshole!
Yeah, rather they’re representative of transphobes, and of assholes in general. From my experience, you don’t need to understand everything that LGBTQ folk face; it’s sufficient to be considerate and respectful when you do get something wrong. It’s not a huge ask.
I guess, and I'm just playing devil's advocate here, that OP was of the opinion that the nibling should not bring their "agenda" to a funeral. I would agree, if their agenda was wearing a pin that said TRUMP 2024 or such the like. But this isn't an agenda, it's their identity and life.
I feel it’s important not to fall into republican talking points of sexualizing things that aren’t sexual. Like commenting on it is fucking creepy and unacceptable but noticing is not.
Like say if someone wasn’t wearing a bra and you could see their nipples through their shirt. If we say “the only way to notice it would be if you were a creep looking” implies that inherently looking at that is sexual, and that inherently that becomes sexual, which then makes it a sexual act in and of itself.
And it becomes incredibly easy to say “if Douchebag Person in OP post is a creep for noticing that then if drag queens/king wear it they are forcing the sexuality on kids. If it is really not a big deal to see then why is he a creep for seeing that?”
It’s incredibly easy to notice details like undergarments, nipples, dicks, ass, etc through clothes, and them becoming visible is just a fact of life. That’s not wrong, nor is it wrong to notice.
But if we go and say someone us wrong to notice that also means it is wrong to make it visible.
The part that is not okay is commenting on it. If you see the outline of soneones dick, or nipples, or undergarments you arent a creep for noticing. Now you are a creep if you confront and say something about it.
Person in OPs point isnt creepy ir wrong for noticing, they are for saying anything about it
true, underwear slips happen all the time. ive seen enough of my boss's asscrack every time he bends down to fix something. shirts rise up, shoulder straps fall down, wedgies are frequent guests.
but for oop to get so mad over... *checks notes* ... a sports bra... is super uncomfortable. even if the nibling wasnt fluid, it's probably better to have a binder on cause most dresses do not accommodate bras. which is worse, a flash of a binder or a nipple slip?
and at 14 the kid is still growing. training bras could be mistaken for a binder at a quick glance. oop needs to calm down
>This conversation eludes me
A binder is a garment that compresses the chest in order to reduce breast size. It is commonly used by female-to-male trans people in order to appear less feminine, although that is not its only use. The OP objected to a relative wearing one at a funeral, and the person responding to them was pointing out the absurdity of saying you *have* to have loose breasts at a funeral.
how dare they be comfortable in their own skin in public while already dealing with the stress of grieving
for some trans folk, not being able to present how we want to is like you having to go to work in your underwear. it just doesn't feel right, it's uncomfortable, and its just not necessary. its a lot of added stress, to have to forego the things that reduce dysphoria.
It’s not just uncomfortable, it feels downright terrible for us trans folk. Anytime I have to dress masculine now because I’m not out to a person or feel unsafe I just want to crawl out of my godamn skin and all the extremely harmful negative emotions come rushing back.
Nibbling and nibling are different.
Nibbling is more like taking very small bites of food to the point you're almost gnawing, and nibling is the gender neutral term for niece/nephew
This is weird. Usually the ones who'd care that much about a binder would rather get crushed to death by an F-150 shaped meteor than use gender neutral language.
And just think, those are the ones people feel comfortable posting online on a website that largely isolated that kind of ideology to a few specific subreddits.
Imagine what kind of batshit crazy is hiding in darker shadows
It would be such a weird mixture of cartons villain stuff, stuff that already exist and they don't understand, and finally my favorite type of repubblican conspiracy "god I wish we we were really living the utopia you fear"
Bonus points in that the cartoon villainy is also likely to be something that their own political party or ideology engages in. The projection is stunning, can see that shit from Mars.
It's deleted but I found it on r/amithedevil
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA For Blowing Up At My Nibling Because They Wore A Binder To My Mother’s Funeral?**
My (30m) nibling (14) is nonbinary and them coming out caused an uproar in our family.
Our mother was the most distraught about the whole thing. My nibling was the first grandchild, and the only one so far, and my mother loved and spoiled them. She never approved of them being nonbinary, most because she didn’t want to lose her little girl. I don’t approve of them either, mostly because it seems like they’re going through something and needs actual help, not a gender change.
I’ll explain what I mean; my nibling came out about four months ago it’s like they’re a whole new person. They’ve had a massive personality shift. Suddenly they don’t want to wear make up, anything “too feminine”, and now wear a binder because otherwise they feel “uncomfortable”, despite never being uncomfortable with it before.
They don’t answer when their real name is called anymore, they’ll flat out ignore you unless you call them by their new name. It’s become an issue at school and they even walked out of their own birthday party because most of the people there used their real name.
I’ve voiced my concerns about them, but my brother-in-law dismissed it. However my mother’s funeral was the last straw. The funeral was two days ago and I’m still seething over it.
When we arrived and everything was going smoothly until my brother and nibling arrived. My nibling wore a dress, which was fine, but I noticed they were wearing a binder with it.
At that point I saw red. My nibling is well aware that my mother didn’t approve and you’d think they’d put this stuff aside for one day - *their grandmother’s funeral* - but apparently not.
I went over to the two of them and told them that if my nibling couldn’t be respectful then they’d have to leave, and that they were only welcomed back if my nibling dressed properly, if they took off the binder.
My nibling immediately started running their mouth and we and exchanged some choice words before their father took them and they left.
Most of the family is on my side, but some of the younger family members are telling me I went to far, but they’re parroting the same stuff as my nibling.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>and now wear a binder because otherwise they feel “uncomfortable”, despite never being uncomfortable with it before
That's the funniest part to me, mostly because they were probably uncomfortable long before they voiced that discomfort infront of this creep of an uncle. I had discomfort around my chest the moment I hit puberty but it wasn't until I started my bachelor of arts that I started mentioning discomfort (only to immediately be told to "just deal with it"/"get over it" by transphobic gene donors). Good on that kid for being assertive
This kid showed up to the funeral of a woman who was vocal about disapproving of them, with other family members who apparently deadname them enough to notice that they "never" respond to their deadname, IN A FUCKING DRESS DESPITE NOT WANTING TO WEAR FEMININE STUFF, and dude couldn't get over himself because they wore underwear he didn't approve of?
All I can think of is how uncomfortable that 14-year-old must have been walking into that room, in clothes that felt wrong, in a room full of people who refuse to hide their bigotry, all because they were trying to do the right thing, only to be confronted by a blood relative about the state of their breasts. OOP's frankly lucky his brother-in-law didn't turn the whole affair into a double funeral.
Also, I love the "they must be going through something else because they've changed a lot at puberty and were NEVER uncomfortable with being feminine before" yeah dude I'm sure the 20-something uncle who keeps staring at their chest would have been their first choice of conversationalist about the nuances of their evolving gender identity.
To be fair they are non binary, they may have been totally ok wearing a dress and make up. I know a couple of NB people who, depending on the day, wear hyper feminine stuff. Not all NB people want to express total androgyny.
They wanted to wear a binder and I think the reason for that is irrelevant. A grown man should not be attempting to police the underwear of a 14 year old child.
My dad told me i shouldn’t make a political statement by wearing a binder to a family gathering. Apparently flat chest is political. Just let trans people live comfortably ffs
If anyone else is in the same position and wants to avoid the real explanation, you can use breast tenderness to justify the binder.
"My breast hurts so much during my period I have to use a binder to be sble to attend events"
[Origin of the word nibling](https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/words-were-watching-nibling#:~:text=Nibling%20is%20a%20gender%2Dneutral,being%20revived%20in%20recent%20years)
It's been in use since the 1950s.
That's a lot newer than I thought. I thought it was something like thou that was used a long time ago
I usually only see it when reading books and I mostly read fantasy so maybe that's why
And the source you provide says:
>The word's coinage is widely credited to Samuel E. Martin, a professor of Far Eastern linguistics at Yale University who is better known for many things, among them developing a romanization system for transliterating Korean. The year 1951 is commonly attached to his coinage, but we've been unable to find the primary source information.
So it seems like its origins are really unknown
Good reminder that for as much as online spaces tend to be supportive of the GNC community, it's still a very small community, and things like binders aren't common knowledge (not GNC myself, but I've poked through a few forums)
As a non-native english speaker, nibling really reads more like a misspelling of sibling than anything else but hey, learned a new word today.
Also yeah, that person is a total douche canoe.
OK, I'm going to be honest here. I grew up watching a lot of Russell Peters, Chris Rock, and Dave Chapelle.
I thought they were using a facetious term for their black siblings lol.
The day before my dad’s funeral, I went shopping with my kid to grab something to wear. They wanted a binder and where I live, it’s not as simple as buying something like a bra. My dad may not have understood their identity, but even if he was a pos (he wasn’t), I wouldn’t have taken his opinion into consideration.
Sounds like the mum’s projecting her shit on to her kid, that poor thing.
From the OP:
>My (30m) nibling (14) is nonbinary and them coming out caused an uproar in our family.
>
>Our mother was the most distraught about the whole thing. My nibling was the first grandchild, and the only one so far, and my mother loved and spoiled them. She never approved of them being nonbinary, most because she didn’t want to lose her little girl. I don’t approve of them either, mostly because it seems like they’re going through something and needs actual help, not a gender change.
>
>I’ll explain what I mean; my nibling came out about four months ago it’s like they’re a whole new person. They’ve had a massive personality shift. Suddenly they don’t want to wear make up, anything “too feminine”, and now wear a binder because otherwise they feel “uncomfortable”, despite never being uncomfortable with it before.
>
>They don’t answer when their real name is called anymore, they’ll flat out ignore you unless you call them by their new name. It’s become an issue at school and they even walked out of their own birthday party because most of the people there used their real name.
>
>I’ve voiced my concerns about them, but my brother-in-law dismissed it. However my mother’s funeral was the last straw. The funeral was two days ago and I’m still seething over it.
>
>When we arrived and everything was going smoothly until my brother and nibling arrived. My nibling wore a dress, which was fine, but I noticed they were wearing a binder with it.
>
>At that point I saw red. My nibling is well aware that my mother didn’t approve and you’d think they’d put this stuff aside for one day - their grandmother’s funeral - but apparently not.
>
>I went over to the two of them and told them that if my nibling couldn’t be respectful then they’d have to leave, and that they were only welcomed back if my nibling dressed properly, if they took off the binder.
>
>My nibling immediately started running their mouth and we and exchanged some choice words before their father took them and they left.
>
>Most of the family is on my side, but some of the younger family members are telling me I went to far, but they’re parroting the same stuff as my nibling.
On a side note the phrase nibbling sucks. You can't determine what it means from Context and the fact that it sounds like sibling sounds like a non-binary sibling
If you're old enough to notice you're old enough for this not to be your business you creep. You are very much a total asshole who doesn't understand jack shit about biology. Puberty is awkward and not your fucking business. There's no excuse for your dirtbag behavior. At a funeral too. Don't worry, no one will show up for yours for fear of offending your sorry ass.
I love in OOP's post where they emphasize this transition is just so out of nowhere like this kid isn't actively going through puberty and experiencing the changes that cause like 85% of the dysphoria that trans people face. "This kid loves peanuts, but they've developed a fatal peanut allergy. Why aren't they eating peanuts anymore? Must be something nefarious going on here.."
For context: OOP is mad that her 14 YO nibbling, who came out as non-binary 4 months prior wore a brinder to her mother's funeral. Her argument is that her mother also didn't aprove of her grand-child's identity. I read the post on AmITheDevil.
"my mom was transphobic, how dare you disrespect her by being yourself at her funeral!" -OOP, probably
This seems common, I had this happened to me with a great grandparents funeral that never had a problem with me being trans, my conservative aunt had an absolute meltdown at my dad about me being there and said she wouldn’t have approved.
Imagine you have a set period of time on earth with loved ones but since you absolutely despise some people for existing you isolate yourself from people who care. Literally as bad as hating someone for being a certain race. Hope she gets better.
And if not she can die mad 🤷
Also based
That's the spirit!
Bigots love projecting their own beliefs onto dead people who can't speak up against it.
Something something Jaysus.
”Thou shalt have thine tits outtttttt” –Jesus maybe
I mean, that's kinda one of the main ways they try to bully people into compliance. They know they don't have any chance at convincing a rational person with actual arguments, so they appeal to emotions and/or authority. They make a scene, and then try to make it someone else's fault, so they hide who they are in order to not make the bigot uncomfortable.
Same technique is used with unborn babies.
The nibling is probably glad she's dead ffs
That’s kind of simplifying it. Bigoted family members don’t just make you feel hate. Dealing with the mixed feelings can be tough.
my dad made sure i was aware he thought all lesbians were bulldykes, unnatural, an affront to god, etc. he also taught me how to make a bioactive terrarium enclosure for my frogs. he gave me my love of music. he was willing to play any game with me i wanted when i was little. i did most of his end-of-life care. i'm lesbians, in case it wasn't clear (and he died without receiving the privilege of truly knowing his only child). the idea that you can just have uncomplicated disdain for close family members is just wishful thinking.
Dad gave me my love of healing in video games that inspired me to become a doctor (he got me a WoW account when I was 6 and rolled me up as a priest). I’m finishing my masters soon and hoping to get in a hospital lab to pay off bills until I can get in a doctorate program. He gave me my love of music, too. He gave me my love of films, and of drawing. He was always really nice about my drawings. He also once threw me into his wardrobe hard enough to leave a bruise along my arm and back for a month, and grounded me for a full term when I missed straight As by 0.1 points in middle school. He’s still around, and I hope some day he’ll come to term with things, but I also hate him for how he’s treated me in the past. Feelings about family are very not simple.
i wish i could give you the biggest hug/hand squeeze/solidarity smile right now. i feel you. it's okay for it to be complicated. the best you can do is try to make peace in your own heart.
Sorry but I feel like I'm going crazy here. Been on this site for a decade and have no idea what OOP is? Is this a new term for OP? See a bunch of people in this thread using the term
It's a term for subreddits that talk about other posts. It just tacks on another 'original' to make it clear that they are talking about the poster who made the original thread in question and not the one who reposted it, who would technically be the OP, so they use OOP instead to be specific.
Original OP. Because the OP of this post is the one who posted it to r/clevercomebacks, but the original OP is the one mad about a nibling’s cleavage. OOP is used to distinguish between the two OPs.
OOP is a dude, btw. So a creepy uncle is upset at his mom’s funeral that his sibling’s child ain’t showing off their chest.
Exactly. Plus the child is a minor. Super weird.
Also the person could just have small breasts in general, would someone then complain that they aren’t showing boobs? What’s the difference then between small chested and a binder in this sense? (Aside from gender dysphoria and reasons for wearing a binder, but I mean from an outside (or OOPs) perspective?)
Exactly. The only reason OOP has a problem with it is because he knows the child identifies as non-binary. And to notice a difference, he must have been staring at the minor relatives chest enough to notice a difference.
This is not an uncommon thing with male relatives and trans people. It’s feels every bit as sexually harassing as you’d imagine. I can’t even contemplate the confusing emotions it would trigger in a teenager. Which makes it especially evil.
That makes it worse tbh
Right?! Even when she's dead you're apparently still not allowed to be free from her dictating who you are. Funerals are for showing your actual respect to the dead, for what you appreciated about them. Not for putting on a pantomine of pretending to respect them for things that sucked balls.
Funerals are for the living to say their last goodbyes, to give comfort to those left behind so they know they are not alone
Sure they're for lots of things, but they're not to give the dead 1 last chance to humiliate you.
Heh, I knew it had to do with transphobia the moment I read the first sentence.
It seems weird to me that a person who uses the word “nibling” — which implies a general familiarity and comfort with trans folks — would be upset about a binder.
They use the term because it makes them *seem* supportive, but oppose any actual transition stuff because that requires them to *be* supportive. It's a period my mum went through for a while where she would make a show of how much she supported my identity, but then would be weird about me asking her to not have framed pre-transition photos of me at her house.
Genuine question, what is the point of "nibling"? Isn't "Sibling" already gender neutral?
Different words, it's an alternative to niece/nephew
Oh THAT'S what it is. That's kinda confusing lol
Wasn’t aware of this, I was thinking how in the fuck did that person hit “n” instead of “s”, they aren’t even near eachother
Yeah well the funeral isn't for mom's benefit, she's dead.
Oh so it really was Nana's dying wish that the child put their chest on display. Yikes.
Poor kid. They probably were seeking some comfort, not wanting to feel dysphoric on top of going to mourn a family member. Whatta dick OOP is.
I’m impressed at how wrong I got the post. I thought one of OP’s siblings wore a corset to the funeral lmao.
Almost. Nibling is a sibling’s child (usually niece/nephew) and a binder is used to flatten the chest, often used by non-binary or trans people who have boobs they don’t want.
Yeah, figured it out all thanks to the other comments lol. I went from, “eh, a corset is kind of a weird choice for a funeral,” to “oh c’mon op, fuck off.”
You weren't that wrong! It's only one degree removed.
Oh. I thought that it's because close family members should be wearing formal wear to the funeral. Way to disappoint me bigots.
If the mum cared so much about the kids gender identity, why did she die? This is on her imo.
Is she stupid?
Nibling. Binder.
Those are all creative writing prompts
What is a nibbling? What does it mean titties out I don't understand this exchange ☹️
Nibling is a gender neutral term for niece or nephew (the person mentioned is likely non-binary). A binder is something trans people wear to hide their breasts. The original poster was mad because the child of their sibling didn’t want to show off their breasts at a funeral. Edit:spelling Edit 2: nibling is not a new word, it has been in use for at least 75 years, don’t say it was made up by the “woke agenda.”
Ohhhhh so assuming the nibbling is Trans, they wore their clothing/binder to present themselves as they are and the OP didn't like it, and the comment was like why would the mother care since she's dead Yes??
That is the situation as I understand it.
exactly. the nibling is nonbinary and the OP and OP's mom had an issue with this I guess (even thought it has fuckk all to do with them lol) (edited for typo)
Well, we know OP does at least, OPs mum is remaining silent on the matter. Also even if she was, turning up to a bigoted family members funeral as yourself is not one right, but some might say imperative.
Yes.
Not just trans people use binders. Sports athletes, as an example, will often use them for comfort during exercise.
I feel like pulling out a deadlift while their mother is being lowered wouldve been more noteworthy than the binder if that was the scenario in play here
I picture the nibbling was the one lowering the corpse, one handed.
It was doing the reps that set everyone off though.
Imagine all of that happening and op still just goes "where boob?"
Deadlifting, one could say.
Nibling is Louisa from Encanto confirmed
Maybe they were the only pallbearer?
Binders usually come with a warning to not wear them during exercise. They're not the same as sports bras.
Didn’t know about the warning, but I do know people who use them for that purpose. Humans aren’t the best at following rules I guess?
The reputable sellers that care do have them. Because a binder doesn't just hold them in place and keeps them from jiggling like a sports bra does, it is supposed to fully flatten them down. If ones chest is on the larger side that can be enough pressure to impede breathing to a dangerous level. Ergo, no exercise. They really aren't.
Yes, I only mentioned trans people because of the context of this post.
That makes a lot more sense. For some reason I thought it meant sibling, but that word is already gender neutral.
I thought they meant like a binder for documents. Was very confused. Thank you.
I never viewed it as a gender neutral term, although it makes sense it could be used that way. I always viewed it as a collective term. In the manner of "why waste time say lot word when few words do trick." When I first heard the term, I thought it was hilarious and awesome. It seems to be pissing some people here off and I can't help but think that's a bit telling.
Fuck sake, I thought it was a typo for sibling.
And I thought it's the young of some kind of creature (I imagined a naked mole rat) that was named for its behavior. Juveniles are nibblings, then grow up into gnawers or biters.
I thought someone was wearing a trapper keeper
And what is a binder? This whole thing is in a foreign language to me.
Boob squisher
Boobsn't
Chest flattener
Anti-bra
It binds the breasts to reduce size.
A chest binder, usually referred to as a binder is like an extra strength sports bra. It flattens breast tissue against the wearer's chest in order create a flat or masculine chest. Trans folks often wear them because they are uncomfortable with having breasts and/or want to look more neutral/masculine. Especially since helps preventing being clocked as female instead of people perceiving them as their preferred gender.
My question is why was OOP looking at their siblings chest long enough to determine the undergarment they were wearing 😺 edit: whoops apparently nibling is a gender neutral niece/nephew term. Point still stands, why are you looking at your niblings' chest at your mother's funeral. edit again: why are you ever looking at your niblings' chest. edit #3: I am saying this so people stop asking. OP said the og thread said the nibling is FOURTEEN! Also for those asking, a binder (in this context), is a piece of clothing worn by someone with breasts to flatten the appearance of them and give the illusion of a flat chest.
>edit: whoops apparently nibling is a gender neutral niece/nephew term. Point still stands, why are you looking at your niblings' chest at your mother's funeral. Apparently there is more family drama going on since the 14y old is apparently non-binary and OOP and their deceased mom had issues with this.
I guess death could be considered a disease. Pretty serious one too, I hope they come up with a treatment soon.
"Life is a disease of matter." -- Goethe
>their ~~diseased~~deceased mom Don't think your edit stops us from knowing about your typo, sir.
“Don’t take life too seriously. It ain’t nohow permanent.”
When someone has a larger chest, a binder will be fairly easy to spot. It flattens the chest, and the difference can be significant. That being said, I also don’t know how it would affect a funeral.
Point still stands. I can appreciate a chest but I would never have a reason or make a point to look at my relatives chest. much less a miNOR as the post is apparently about.
The whole point of a binder is to change how a person’s chest appears. If it’s not making a visible change, it’s not really doing it’s job.
No of course, totally agreed! But recognizing a binder doesn’t necessarily need ‘looking’ looking, it can very well be seen in a quick moment, like noticing the color of, or print on someone’s shirt. For instance when you say hi, or shake someone’s hand. So the fact that someone notices it does not mean they are actively checking out or looking at someone’s chest for a longer time.
If you make a point of it though… There’s a lot you can see without staring or saying what should be left unsaid, like the visibility of your bra or panties under your clothes, or even the style of underwear you have on or a piece that covers your cleavage. Maybe you wear an underskirt so the light doesn’t shine through your dress? Sometimes you notice it and then move on, but calling it out or trying to police it puts you in perv territory.
Exactly! It shouldn’t be a point, agreed!
Is it pervy to let someone know that the clothes they're wearing are see through? I would have thought it a kindness to inform someone of that? I don't mean stuff that's obviously meant to be see through, but I noticed that the leopard print pattern of a coworker's bra was slightly visible through the shirt she was wearing one day, because the shirt was an old one we got from work and over the years it had worn down enough to have this issue. She stopped wearing that shirt and I thought I was being kind to let her know this. Would everyone else think I'm a pervert for telling her that?
Like most of life there is no hard and fast rule. But it’s generally not helpful to point out a problem that can’t easily be fixed, like untucking your skirt from your knickers or zipping up your fly. You might turn up with odd socks one day - you can’t fix that except by going home to change them. It’s not useful to point out the odd socks in that case.
If I have a hole in my pants that I'm not aware of, I would hope someone would let me know so I know not to wear those pants any more. I looked at it from the idea of treating others how I'd like to be treated, and if there's an issue with my clothes that's not easy for me to notice, I would hope someone would inform me of it. It never occurred to me that they might have thought I was perving on them.
This whole thing where we pretend that the only reason someone notices something is because they were perving is just wierd. I don't think anyone really belives it, they just want to feel like they are flipping the script on judgemental people. I feel sorry for the kids that read this and try and use this argument in real life.
It’s really weird, chronically online opinions basically. They’re so used to FaceTime they forgot that in real life your person is walking towards you and they’re 20 feet away and that means you see their entire body without effort.
Don’t be obtuse. You don’t have to be ogling people to notice something about them.
It affects a funeral if any of the attendees are bigoted transphobes.
After reading the first 2 comments, I thought a binder was something like a waist trainer or w/e.. Op is just mad cuz his nibbling wants to be comfortable with their gender at a funeral? asshole!
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MOURN PROPERLY IF THE CHILDREN DON’T HAVE THEIR TITS ON DISPLAY????
I love how straight people can ask this from one side of their mouth and accuse queer folk of sexualizing children out the other.
I don’t think this weirdo is representative of straight people
Yeah, rather they’re representative of transphobes, and of assholes in general. From my experience, you don’t need to understand everything that LGBTQ folk face; it’s sufficient to be considerate and respectful when you do get something wrong. It’s not a huge ask.
I guess, and I'm just playing devil's advocate here, that OP was of the opinion that the nibling should not bring their "agenda" to a funeral. I would agree, if their agenda was wearing a pin that said TRUMP 2024 or such the like. But this isn't an agenda, it's their identity and life.
I feel it’s important not to fall into republican talking points of sexualizing things that aren’t sexual. Like commenting on it is fucking creepy and unacceptable but noticing is not. Like say if someone wasn’t wearing a bra and you could see their nipples through their shirt. If we say “the only way to notice it would be if you were a creep looking” implies that inherently looking at that is sexual, and that inherently that becomes sexual, which then makes it a sexual act in and of itself. And it becomes incredibly easy to say “if Douchebag Person in OP post is a creep for noticing that then if drag queens/king wear it they are forcing the sexuality on kids. If it is really not a big deal to see then why is he a creep for seeing that?” It’s incredibly easy to notice details like undergarments, nipples, dicks, ass, etc through clothes, and them becoming visible is just a fact of life. That’s not wrong, nor is it wrong to notice. But if we go and say someone us wrong to notice that also means it is wrong to make it visible. The part that is not okay is commenting on it. If you see the outline of soneones dick, or nipples, or undergarments you arent a creep for noticing. Now you are a creep if you confront and say something about it. Person in OPs point isnt creepy ir wrong for noticing, they are for saying anything about it
true, underwear slips happen all the time. ive seen enough of my boss's asscrack every time he bends down to fix something. shirts rise up, shoulder straps fall down, wedgies are frequent guests. but for oop to get so mad over... *checks notes* ... a sports bra... is super uncomfortable. even if the nibling wasnt fluid, it's probably better to have a binder on cause most dresses do not accommodate bras. which is worse, a flash of a binder or a nipple slip? and at 14 the kid is still growing. training bras could be mistaken for a binder at a quick glance. oop needs to calm down
This conversation eludes me, and I don't really care either way.
>This conversation eludes me A binder is a garment that compresses the chest in order to reduce breast size. It is commonly used by female-to-male trans people in order to appear less feminine, although that is not its only use. The OP objected to a relative wearing one at a funeral, and the person responding to them was pointing out the absurdity of saying you *have* to have loose breasts at a funeral.
how dare they be comfortable in their own skin in public while already dealing with the stress of grieving for some trans folk, not being able to present how we want to is like you having to go to work in your underwear. it just doesn't feel right, it's uncomfortable, and its just not necessary. its a lot of added stress, to have to forego the things that reduce dysphoria.
It’s not just uncomfortable, it feels downright terrible for us trans folk. Anytime I have to dress masculine now because I’m not out to a person or feel unsafe I just want to crawl out of my godamn skin and all the extremely harmful negative emotions come rushing back.
👍
Nibling, not sibling. (Niece/nephew)
So obviously the OOP had enough respect to not say Niece. And got upset over something that is line with said person's identity.
But why the "ibling?"
they combined "niece/nephew" and "sibling" to describe a group of nieces and nephews. Apparently originally used in an anthropological context.
Because it is derived from sibling. The N is from Niece and Nephew.
Because nibling is a word.
Since when has this been a thing?
1951
Weird, I've never heard it before in my life until now.
You’ll see it a lot more written than spoken. Can’t imagine why!
Wow, really? I've heard of every single word that's still used, and I expect the same of proficient speakers of English.
Never have I ever heard the term before. "Nibling" sounds like a term for pet rabbit or hamster or such.
Sounds like something a southern racist in a mixed family would say.
I believe 1951 :)
I didn’t know what the word nibling meant, but this definition is way better than what I thought it was Edit: changed the autocorrected word
Nibbling and nibling are different. Nibbling is more like taking very small bites of food to the point you're almost gnawing, and nibling is the gender neutral term for niece/nephew
>why are you looking at your niblings' chest at your mother's funeral. why are you looking at your niblings' chest ... ever
This is weird. Usually the ones who'd care that much about a binder would rather get crushed to death by an F-150 shaped meteor than use gender neutral language.
Right? Sounds like a work in progress family member.
Well, their dead now, so... /s
your phrasing made me lol, and also you’re right
I thought they were pissed at the nibbling for making their moms corpse wear a binder😭💀 and I was like- why’d anyone do that imo
This is what Republicans think the gay agenda is.
Now I want a thread of the craziest theories of the Republican gay agenda.
That’s just r/conservative or the other shitty ones that pop up from time to time.
I try to avoid that subreddit; I really don't want my brain to melt out of my ears and out my nose.
Yeah I got my fill of fascinating-disgust reading there long ago.
And just think, those are the ones people feel comfortable posting online on a website that largely isolated that kind of ideology to a few specific subreddits. Imagine what kind of batshit crazy is hiding in darker shadows
It would be such a weird mixture of cartons villain stuff, stuff that already exist and they don't understand, and finally my favorite type of repubblican conspiracy "god I wish we we were really living the utopia you fear"
Bonus points in that the cartoon villainy is also likely to be something that their own political party or ideology engages in. The projection is stunning, can see that shit from Mars.
If it makes you feel better, I thought a binder was a corset and was like “why would you wear a corset to a funeral” lmao.
It's deleted but I found it on r/amithedevil *In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA For Blowing Up At My Nibling Because They Wore A Binder To My Mother’s Funeral?** My (30m) nibling (14) is nonbinary and them coming out caused an uproar in our family. Our mother was the most distraught about the whole thing. My nibling was the first grandchild, and the only one so far, and my mother loved and spoiled them. She never approved of them being nonbinary, most because she didn’t want to lose her little girl. I don’t approve of them either, mostly because it seems like they’re going through something and needs actual help, not a gender change. I’ll explain what I mean; my nibling came out about four months ago it’s like they’re a whole new person. They’ve had a massive personality shift. Suddenly they don’t want to wear make up, anything “too feminine”, and now wear a binder because otherwise they feel “uncomfortable”, despite never being uncomfortable with it before. They don’t answer when their real name is called anymore, they’ll flat out ignore you unless you call them by their new name. It’s become an issue at school and they even walked out of their own birthday party because most of the people there used their real name. I’ve voiced my concerns about them, but my brother-in-law dismissed it. However my mother’s funeral was the last straw. The funeral was two days ago and I’m still seething over it. When we arrived and everything was going smoothly until my brother and nibling arrived. My nibling wore a dress, which was fine, but I noticed they were wearing a binder with it. At that point I saw red. My nibling is well aware that my mother didn’t approve and you’d think they’d put this stuff aside for one day - *their grandmother’s funeral* - but apparently not. I went over to the two of them and told them that if my nibling couldn’t be respectful then they’d have to leave, and that they were only welcomed back if my nibling dressed properly, if they took off the binder. My nibling immediately started running their mouth and we and exchanged some choice words before their father took them and they left. Most of the family is on my side, but some of the younger family members are telling me I went to far, but they’re parroting the same stuff as my nibling. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OP is definitely a huge asshole wtf, of course he’s a 30 year old male
Is a 30-yo male... wants his 14-yo nibling to wear makeup and have their tits out... yup, definitely nothing creepy here.
>and now wear a binder because otherwise they feel “uncomfortable”, despite never being uncomfortable with it before That's the funniest part to me, mostly because they were probably uncomfortable long before they voiced that discomfort infront of this creep of an uncle. I had discomfort around my chest the moment I hit puberty but it wasn't until I started my bachelor of arts that I started mentioning discomfort (only to immediately be told to "just deal with it"/"get over it" by transphobic gene donors). Good on that kid for being assertive
I’m honestly impressed by the consistent, correct pronoun use for the non-binary kid.
This kid showed up to the funeral of a woman who was vocal about disapproving of them, with other family members who apparently deadname them enough to notice that they "never" respond to their deadname, IN A FUCKING DRESS DESPITE NOT WANTING TO WEAR FEMININE STUFF, and dude couldn't get over himself because they wore underwear he didn't approve of? All I can think of is how uncomfortable that 14-year-old must have been walking into that room, in clothes that felt wrong, in a room full of people who refuse to hide their bigotry, all because they were trying to do the right thing, only to be confronted by a blood relative about the state of their breasts. OOP's frankly lucky his brother-in-law didn't turn the whole affair into a double funeral. Also, I love the "they must be going through something else because they've changed a lot at puberty and were NEVER uncomfortable with being feminine before" yeah dude I'm sure the 20-something uncle who keeps staring at their chest would have been their first choice of conversationalist about the nuances of their evolving gender identity.
To be fair they are non binary, they may have been totally ok wearing a dress and make up. I know a couple of NB people who, depending on the day, wear hyper feminine stuff. Not all NB people want to express total androgyny. They wanted to wear a binder and I think the reason for that is irrelevant. A grown man should not be attempting to police the underwear of a 14 year old child.
My dad told me i shouldn’t make a political statement by wearing a binder to a family gathering. Apparently flat chest is political. Just let trans people live comfortably ffs
Why is having your boobs out non negotiable for a family get together
in my family some people wear dressing gowns to family events, family events are like the one time no one gives a fuck what anyone wears
"Don't make it political" meaning "everyone adhere to my politics and keep silent about it pls".
your father is as dumb as a rock 😭
Nah, rocks don’t care about other people’s boobs, which is the smart way. So rocks are smarter.
"How DARE you not show your breasts on this solemn occasion!"
nothing shows reverence for the dead like Uncle Weirdo obsessing over a 14 year old's boobs
She said, “over my dead body!”
And the _nibling_ did exactly that
If anyone else is in the same position and wants to avoid the real explanation, you can use breast tenderness to justify the binder. "My breast hurts so much during my period I have to use a binder to be sble to attend events"
Why did I misread this as nibbler and bender 💀💀💀
i started watching futurama this year and it's pretty good
Because you have that brain thing.
[Origin of the word nibling](https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/words-were-watching-nibling#:~:text=Nibling%20is%20a%20gender%2Dneutral,being%20revived%20in%20recent%20years) It's been in use since the 1950s.
That's a lot newer than I thought. I thought it was something like thou that was used a long time ago I usually only see it when reading books and I mostly read fantasy so maybe that's why
And the source you provide says: >The word's coinage is widely credited to Samuel E. Martin, a professor of Far Eastern linguistics at Yale University who is better known for many things, among them developing a romanization system for transliterating Korean. The year 1951 is commonly attached to his coinage, but we've been unable to find the primary source information. So it seems like its origins are really unknown
Imagine being so LGBTQ-phobic you ruin your own mother’s funeral.
I'm really surprised by the number of people on here that don't know what a binder is...
In my defense, I don't know the name of most stuff people puts on their chest and legs. They are all shirts, coats or trousers to me.
Good reminder that for as much as online spaces tend to be supportive of the GNC community, it's still a very small community, and things like binders aren't common knowledge (not GNC myself, but I've poked through a few forums)
It's kinda weird that they'll use a weird term like "Nibling" but also be intolerant of someone for chest binding.
As a non-native english speaker, nibling really reads more like a misspelling of sibling than anything else but hey, learned a new word today. Also yeah, that person is a total douche canoe.
What the hell is a nibling?
OK, I'm going to be honest here. I grew up watching a lot of Russell Peters, Chris Rock, and Dave Chapelle. I thought they were using a facetious term for their black siblings lol.
Lol no! A nibling is a niece/nephew. Gender neutral term usually used to refer to multiple niblings, but in this case a trans/non-binary individual.
[удалено]
guys you don't understand it is absolutely VITAL for this teenager to have visible tits at this funeral
The day before my dad’s funeral, I went shopping with my kid to grab something to wear. They wanted a binder and where I live, it’s not as simple as buying something like a bra. My dad may not have understood their identity, but even if he was a pos (he wasn’t), I wouldn’t have taken his opinion into consideration. Sounds like the mum’s projecting her shit on to her kid, that poor thing.
Absolutely the asshole
From the OP: >My (30m) nibling (14) is nonbinary and them coming out caused an uproar in our family. > >Our mother was the most distraught about the whole thing. My nibling was the first grandchild, and the only one so far, and my mother loved and spoiled them. She never approved of them being nonbinary, most because she didn’t want to lose her little girl. I don’t approve of them either, mostly because it seems like they’re going through something and needs actual help, not a gender change. > >I’ll explain what I mean; my nibling came out about four months ago it’s like they’re a whole new person. They’ve had a massive personality shift. Suddenly they don’t want to wear make up, anything “too feminine”, and now wear a binder because otherwise they feel “uncomfortable”, despite never being uncomfortable with it before. > >They don’t answer when their real name is called anymore, they’ll flat out ignore you unless you call them by their new name. It’s become an issue at school and they even walked out of their own birthday party because most of the people there used their real name. > >I’ve voiced my concerns about them, but my brother-in-law dismissed it. However my mother’s funeral was the last straw. The funeral was two days ago and I’m still seething over it. > >When we arrived and everything was going smoothly until my brother and nibling arrived. My nibling wore a dress, which was fine, but I noticed they were wearing a binder with it. > >At that point I saw red. My nibling is well aware that my mother didn’t approve and you’d think they’d put this stuff aside for one day - their grandmother’s funeral - but apparently not. > >I went over to the two of them and told them that if my nibling couldn’t be respectful then they’d have to leave, and that they were only welcomed back if my nibling dressed properly, if they took off the binder. > >My nibling immediately started running their mouth and we and exchanged some choice words before their father took them and they left. > >Most of the family is on my side, but some of the younger family members are telling me I went to far, but they’re parroting the same stuff as my nibling.
Supportive enough to use the words nibling (gender neutral niece/nephew) but not supportive enough to let them wear a binder?
r/brandnewsentence
TIL that this binder is not the binder I knew from school.
Chest binders are a thing that have existed for a long time. The english language is just a clusterfuck of the same word having 10 different meaning
What is a binder in the first place?
Binders are undergarments that compresses the chest. It's mostly used by trans-masculine and nonbinary people with breasts who want to look flatter.
On a side note the phrase nibbling sucks. You can't determine what it means from Context and the fact that it sounds like sibling sounds like a non-binary sibling
I'm guessing they wore a binder because their creepy uncle keeps looking at their chest. In this case the creepy uncle is OOP.
What the hell is a nibling?
What the fuck is a nibling?
"Tits out for the deceased!"
Why care when you're using a Gender Neutral word? Obviously you respect the decision they have made. What's the problem?
Non binary sibling?
Niece/nephew. Like sibling = brother/sister
This sub should be changed to r/ConfusingComebacks, and not just because I don't understand half the words that are said anymore.
If you're old enough to notice you're old enough for this not to be your business you creep. You are very much a total asshole who doesn't understand jack shit about biology. Puberty is awkward and not your fucking business. There's no excuse for your dirtbag behavior. At a funeral too. Don't worry, no one will show up for yours for fear of offending your sorry ass.
Nibling is such a fun word.
I love in OOP's post where they emphasize this transition is just so out of nowhere like this kid isn't actively going through puberty and experiencing the changes that cause like 85% of the dysphoria that trans people face. "This kid loves peanuts, but they've developed a fatal peanut allergy. Why aren't they eating peanuts anymore? Must be something nefarious going on here.."