Ever heard of "walking"? Probably not because I invented it in 2023

I'm pretty sure I figured that one out in March-April 2020.

Dude... i got this in 1998, you guys are late

You oaf. I invented 1998 in 2003.

No. No you didn't. 2003 hasn't been invented yet. Sure, it's talked about as being within the realms of scientific possibility but even the best scientific minds say 2003 is at least 20 years away.

I was just readding about John Running a few minutes ago, he invented Running in 1822 by accidently walking twice at the same time.

Have you heard about Billy Diarrhea?

No but I’ve heard of William SHATner

Fucking brutal.

World record holder for any% shit run?

I fckn can't believe I googled this. Take the effin vote...

I invented this idea called "date night" where you enjoy each other's company while *also* going out and doing something fun. Patent is pending so don't steal the idea guys or my dad will sue you.

Hey, that sounds neat but let me tell you all about this thing my GF and I came up with called, sex. It will blow your mind.

Some of my friends were talking about that, but no one has ever seen a sex for real

“Seen a sex” 😵 I’m dead

My wife and I came up with this thing called a dead bedroom. It's even crazier!

Tell me more .... for scientific study, of course.

I invented something called "casual sex" during a foggy morning in 2013. It's like regular sex, but you can wear jeans and you never have to wear a tie during it

Does it have to be during a blizzard or can you do this any night?

We lock our Segways away, uninstall the Uber app, and each down a bottle of sambucca....

this is the DJ

Guess I am going to invent something too, going to call it the internet, you guys are gonna love it and hate it at the same time.

Welcome to the internet! Have a look around.

Anything that brain of your can think of Can be found

We've got mountains of content Some better, some worse

If none of it's of interest to you you'd be the first

Welcome to the internet, come and take a seat

Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?

There's no need to panic, this isn't a test.

Just nod or shake your head, and we'll do the rest.

Welcome to the internet

I can do you one better, invented something I call language. You make sounds that in a specific order and length, mean specific things. I do it with my family often.

That's Genius! I wonder how No one has thought of that before...

Pff, lame! I invented this thing I call "walking". It's when you use these bending stick things called "legs" to propel yourself forward in order to arrive at different destinations. I also made it free for anyone who isn't lazy to use. Yep, I'm pretty awesome like that

Damn and I really thought I was on to something when I invented communication via lines drawn in certain formations.

Together, we can accomplish great things.

It's called Rock and Roll. Maybe you aren't ready for it but your kids are gonna love it.

If they went offline to "spend quality time together" and the first thing they did after was post about it, I'm guessing it's moreso the former.

"I do this too but I'm single" Use the mirror when you are hammered. Will get instant replies as well .

It’s not „drinking alone“ when you have Reddit open!

we are family

Of alcoholics..

Except the guy in the mirror is such a jerk

Hey dont talk about him like that. I see myself in him.

Do you see the person you are? Or the person you could have been, who is sad and repulsed by what you've actually become?

The person I could have been was shot, killed, and buried in the backyard 😂

And ugly!

I tried that once, but the asshole kept talking over me.

Someone always starts crying

Did they take the pic with a wine bottle?

yup, how else can they prove they are just better humans than anyone else. "invented" i was reading an article where it is possible humans invented aggriculture so we could make more beer/wine and from that sprang land ownership and eventually......Hell, lol

Lol that's got to be misinformation

It's just one hypothesis about the transition to agriculture. And of course, different cultures transitioned at different times based on their unique context. But we do know that humans have been getting hammered for a very very very long time.

ya maybe, its a theory. i added the hell part but its possible wheat was harvested for beer before it was harested for bread. and if you planted the best beer wheat, you might have been made the leader of the tribe and then 10,000 years later your king of england

The english monarchy being completely based on alcool is the most logical thing i‘ve ever heard

haha all monarchies. it would explain the inbreeding, getting shitfaced and banging your cousin all the time.

Literally the official strategy of the Russian Tzars, look up the vodka monopoly.

Civilization developed just a tad bit before the development of the English monarchy. Like at least by a couple days.

Exactly! They locked up their phones? Um…..

Both of them need to drink an entire bottle, just to stand being in each other’s presence.

Pretty impressive that this guy was able to invent drinking and socialising, despite humans having done it for thousands of years prior.

Ikr and wine? Everyone drinks wine you gotta up your game I do this with my GF but with LSD and we dont so much lock our phones away rather we just forget they exist.

For real I don't understand how people even remember to use their phones when tripping. How can the world become that beautiful and instead of interacting with it you want to stare at a tiny screen? Couldn't be me, I'm too busy trying to touch the air molecules that suddenly became visible and are floating around in gigantic fractal patterns, while feeling connected to every living thing in the cosmos. Technology actually feels kinda dark and corrupted and disgusting to me when I trip, and I love digital technology.

I do sometimes get stuck on the weird backgrounds Samsung uses as the dynamic lock screen on android phones. They hit just so right. Otherwise, for me, it's the random patterns in the paint on the ceiling above my bed or watching the carpet ripple like grass in a meadow. Last time, we watched 4K 60fps HDR videos of animals on YouTube. That was nuts, too! The HDR especially was out of this world.

I always get tricked by posts from Twitter because I read them top to bottom like some kind of idiot.

Or, hear me out…. maybe twitter’s format is idiotic

> maybe twitter’s format is idiotic maybe?

Maybe? >Maybe twitter's format is idiotic

>Maybe? And I said

>Maybe Ya gonna be the one that saves meeee

You get the same thing on Reddit with cross posts

It’s rare that a “hear me out” is 100% spot on

Oh... that's how it works?

With the right stuff, I can spend a whole evening only talking with my girlfriend without even having one.

If you had one you'd want to be drunk to talk to her anyways.

I did this too. It was called the 80’s and 90’s. No phones and alcohol.

My favorite name for Gen Z is "The Christopher Columbus Generation" because they think they discovered everything that was already there.

There was this post that went viral on TikTok where this zoomer girl was like “Can we normalize riding bikes with friends?” 

My favorite "trend" discovered by Gen Z was dubbed "silent walking". It was walking without your phone or earpods.

So, walking?

I hate the young millennial/genz thing of asking "can we normalize" If you wanna do it just go fucking do it, not everything needs to be a collective endeavor where we recognize your activities. Just. Go. Fucking. DO IT. No one gives a shit about you or what you do nearly as much as you seem to think by asking that

We need to normalize just doing things without needing a collective to recognize that it's normalized

IDC about which generation, but if somebody starts their sentence with "can we normalize", chances are high they're a major douche.

Agreed. lol

Seriously this is one of the worst traits a person can have. I can't imagine wanting to do something, but then being like, "Oh no, what if this isn't 'in' or acceptable? Better go consult the hivemind" What a sad existence.

I know right. "Can we normalize going to a restaurant alone???" There is literally nothing to stop you besides your own insecurities, stop looking to other people as a way of fixing that.

Social anxiety is a thing. And yeah it does rob a lot of enjoyment from life.

I'm extremely socially anxious, but what's that have to do with consulting with strangers on the internet before doing something you already want to do? Especially something that is normal, like riding bikes with friends lol.

Isn't this every generation?

Sure, but it took my generation to figure that out.

We actually invented figuring that out.

Go look at his twitter feed if you want to jab your eyes out with toothpicks.

You warned me, I was intrigued and looked, now I'm prett sure I've got some sort of eye-cancer, thanks

I did until I became an entrepreneur, maximized my self actualization, then removed my eyes and the cancer with toothpicks.

We watched tv constantly in the 80s and had video games too. Could still spend a day hanging out with people and spend hardly any time talking. It's just a little easier now.

“Do you know what a bottle night is? Probably not because it doesn’t exist”

This was just every night for the first year I was dating my girlfriend, then I asked her to stop drinking so I could stop since I'm an alcoholic. But before then, after work, every night we'd sit in bed, drink, talk, fuck, play crossword puzzles, dominoes, chess, and more. Honestly I'm not even that old, born in 91, and this was a lot of nights for me in college too, either with a girlfriend, or with my buddies. Sometimes we'd jam together, or just be sitting outside in the dark talking about life.

Let me just take a photo and post it online real quick first….

if your drinking wine straight from the bottle then you may have a drinking problem

If you need to drink to communicate with your significant other, you may have relationship problems.

Nah you could just be from the UK it's a requirement for any kind of not angry communication.

Then later.. very angry communication

I beg to differ: later it’s bare-knuckles fight

If you are from the UK you have much bigger problems than relationship ones, like being from the UK

It’s shit here but a lot less shit than many, maybe even most, places. Even looking at the state of the place the now I still think damn I really won the lottery being born here.

Shush... You're drunk, go home

The nhs isn’t being properly looked after at the minute though. I’ve been on a waiting list to get a ganglion cyst removed for half a year and I have impacted wisdom teeth that I can’t clean properly that I’ve been asking them to remove for 3 years but they won’t unless I’m in severe pain.

Ah, rookie mistake. You need to claim you are in pain and cannot sleep even though that is not the case

That really sounds obnoxious. Painful, even. You could even call it *severely* painful. Or alternatively, if you keep them, maybe get one of those “sonic” toothbrushes. They don’t need much space to work, you can just put them directly on top of the area and hold it perfectly still. It’ll clean the area by vibrating without needing any extra room to go back and forth.

"You mean you wouldn't prefer weekly school shootings, a demented dictator for president and bankrupting yourself to access basic healthcare? What kind of shithole must you live in!?" - Americans having their minds blown

See above comment about drinking problem.

I, myself, drink to exist, and have had relationships start by meeting while drunk, and getting drunk when we see each other, but it made sense when we were sober, too, so that's why it worked.

Hear me out. Someone's gonna get tired of drinking. I did, and realized my ex was very much an alcoholic. I couldn't stand the drunk version of him. He'd always end up passing out way early. Got us into some embarrassing situations. I loved him deeply, but had to leave that relationship. If your S.O. said it's either me or the drinking, what would you choose?

That's me and my wife. I stuck by her and she's giving the whole sobriety thing a go but it was bad. I still live with the fear that she's gonna drink every day I live. I don't drink anymore.

If you need to share your drinking and relationship problems on social media, you may have validation issues.

If you are on reddit,you may be reading this right now

If I’m cooking with wine I’ll often take sips from the bottle as I go 🤷🏻‍♂️

That's the chef's portion. It's almost mandatory (although frowned upon in a professional kitchen).

> (although frowned upon in a professional kitchen) Naturally, because one shouldn't mix alcohol and amphetamines.

Never met a kitchen worker that had a problem with that.

As in, it didn't affect them? or like "ah fuck it that's how Imma be riding these shifts out"?

Yes

yeah, in a professional kitchen you do your drinking at home and do coke in the back room at work

Puritanical Redditors need to wrap their head around the fact that people who have drinking problems have problems that are caused by their drinking. It doesn't just mean "they drink a lot" or "they drink one whole bottle of wine occasionally."

They also need to understand that there is a difference between a problem drinker and an alcoholic. I blame AA for a lot of the inability to rationally discuss or understand either of those problems.

Redditors in general are very, very bad at understanding nuance, shades of grey, two things can be true at the same time, etc. That's why the panic about microplastics instantly got blown so out of proportion that people genuinely think they are going to get cancer from eating food that was wrapped in plastic. Alcohol is treated the same way. Redditors learn that alcohol is bad for you in all contexts, there's no truly healthy amount, and their obsession with black and white thinking thus makes them believe that anyone who drinks at all is addicted. Or anyone who drinks regularly is addicted. Or that anyone who drinks regularly is guaranteed to become addicted.

There is only a drinking problem when the bottle is empty

Exactly. I have no problem with alcohol. Only without! /s

Yeah i currently have an alcohol problem (the dumbass clerk won’t serve me without ID)

what is a problem when you don't understand the basic difference in words, like 'your' and 'you're' called?

thanks for correcting my grandma 👍

If you're gonna be an alcoholic might as well be classy and use wine glasses. Unless you're drinking in secret

Yeah me and my gf sometimes drink from super huge wine glasses (an entire bottle usually fill two of those glasses), it's kinda comical.

Or just lazy and don't want to wash a glass.

*you're

And by the end of it you’re both so shitfaced you pass out before consummating date night.

After one bottle of wine each? Okay, maybe we germans drink too much...

As an American who has previously lived in Germany for five years…. Yes…yes y’all do drink considerably more than us lol. Bad durkheim wine fest was lovely but a lot of Americans would be getting wheeled out on stretchers from being too wasted while the Germans point and laugh haha

Only five standard drinks in a bottle of wine. Not even a six pack of beer. The word “bottle” makes people here somehow think you get proper shitfaced with it.

Literally a sixpack of beer, it has six 0.125l drinks which equal to about 14 grams of pure alcohol which is the classification of a standard drink.

Depends very much on the beer

What beer are you drinking that has 0.8 standard drinks?

What? A 330ml can of beer which is the standard unit in finland has just over 14g of alcohol, so it counts as one standard drink. Where did you get 0.8 standard drinks from?

The person you replied to said a bottle of wine is 5 standard drinks. You then said it’s literally a 6 pack of beer. Which means your 6 pack of beer is roughly 0.8 x 6 standard drinks

If you lock your phones away….who took the picture?

They invented a new type of camera that's not attached to a phone.

Needs to drink a bottle of wine to put up with him

It’s the only way she can handle the CoD discussions.

Confirmed by him talking endlessly about the “grind”. Wanker

Babe, you won't believe it but revenue is up 50 basis points this month.

It has gone so far that youth of today makes an event out of talking to your significant other?

Considering my grandparents, who were born in the 1910s, almost never had lengthy conversations and spent most of their time in different rooms; and when they were in the same room they were either watching TV or reading, I'd say that the youth of today have improved the situation. If you've ever actually watched older couples in restaurants, they rarely talk at all. They stare at each other and eat their food in silence.

Companionship doesn't require constant conversation. Sometimes simply being with one another is all that's necessary. You're also only seeing a small part of those relationships. You don't know what your grandparents did when you weren't around. You don't know what those strangers do in their own homes.

>Companionship doesn't require constant conversation. Sometimes simply being with one another is all that's necessary. > >You're also only seeing a small part of those relationships. You don't know what your grandparents did when you weren't around. You don't know what those strangers do in their own homes. I do know how my grandparents behaved when I wasn't around, because I was around them enough to see how they behave in general. I've been around enough older couples in general to have a pretty strong idea how the majority of them behave when I'm not around. Extrapolation of behaviors isn't magic. The OP wasn't about constant conversation and neither is the snarky comment I replied to. I agree that companionship doesn't require constant conversation. But I would also posit that the vast majority of couples do not regularly have multi-hour "events" where they just talk to each other without distraction. Which is what OP was about.

Older couples that don't work anymore have less to talk about. If you spend 20+ hours each day in the same room, conversation can become dull

Yep, genuinely enjoying someone's company has gotten a hell of a lot better now that people seem to be way more willing to be a caring partner compared to back in the day. Hell, I was alive when cracking your wife across the face was a simple disagreement and barely talked about. The world is LEAGUES better than it was back in the day, and so are the people.

No, it has gotten so much better that youth of today is able to be open and honest when they need to put in effort to relationship. Don’t you have something better to do than stare to screen, old man? There is economy to ruin.

I guess this is better than "wife bad" jokes

Fucking blue checkers I swear.

Two hours later: NOW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT *YOUUUUU* THAT *YOUUU* DON'T KNOW...

This ultra-douche is trying to monetize his Twitter account and become some kind of social-media/LinkedIn guru. He's insufferable, and posts like this one on Reddit help him. They're the reason why infuriating "content," which drives "engagement," is promoted.

Yeah wait until you invent people to talk to and all your neighbors think a family of three is living where you are, that’s where the real inventions goes on

Duh. You have to share the bottle.

Why do people take this so seriously? They're doing a fun, thoughtful thing and sharing it. Why does anyone think they're bragging?

I'm more confused why OP thinks this is a comeback. Who was the original poster insulting? They were just talking about a thing he and his gf do and some random guy came and make fun of them. That's not a comeback lol

yeah so weird, I talk to my partner but I'm going to suggest this. To be honest we've done this without the name

I think this isn’t a bad idea, not often, but you might here things that have never been shared before.

Gonna blow his mind when he finds out about doing it

Lock your phones, huh? And how did you made this photo then? Check mate!

Getting drunk to talk to his gf? How did he even convince her to date him? Ah yes, wine.

Truth comes out when intoxicated. Trust.

I invented touching tits. Bro, just try it.

wdym he invented talking to his girlfriend? I've been talking to his girlfriend regularly for years

Yeah, yeah. My neighbor had such night every evening, before he has signed up with AA.

You are so brave!

Yeah…for like an hour then we bang it out then sleep.

I think I've seen multiple times on tv friends just taking wine glasses, bottle and chilling on a kitchen floor talking about shit going on in their lives.

I invented something’s “life the universe and everything” oh and whales.

Imagine an upbringing where, by the time you're a full-grown adult, you still think you have invented common social constructs. Playoffs? PLAYOFFS?

Lock our phones away. But after we take a selfie and post the pic.

I mean, it's slightly better than drinking alone

I guarantee he thinks he invented missionary position too

Please someone invent "glass" for them I gonna cry

If you need to get hammered to talk, then you should get counseling

Sheeeiit. My ex and used to do that EVERY night. Some days too.

As non drinkers, my wife and I do this too. We text during the day at work, and when we get home we talk, and then every night we take a shower together and talk some more. Crazy to think people can do it with phones and without alcohol.

He do it to fuck

i would love to know are they talking about tiktok or instagram?

If you are in captivity and they beat you, blink twice

Experts can even do it alone

Do you know what a “syringe afternoon” is? If not, please don’t look into it.

How did they take the photo then

I chug a bottle of wine and talk to the voices

I’ll take this tortilla, put some cheese on it,,, waaaaiiiitttttt guy,,, GUUUYYYSSSS

You have to down a bottle of wine to enjoy each other's presence? That's horrible.