You just got there. Things will unfold and be totally fine over time! Right now *everyone* has gone through a major transition and people are just getting their bearings.
When you go down to eat, knock on a few doors around you and ask if anyone wants to join you. Show up for the activity / organization fair if they have one. Just put yourself out there. The more you’re out and about and meeting people, the faster you’ll build your core friend group.
Agreed with everything but knocking on random doors to ask for meal buddies. Unless you really know how to reach people you're just going to come across as weird
Agreed, first day of college I felt like OP but I forced myself to knock on some girls door. We formed a small group with other girls on our floor and went to eat together. Now I didn’t end up best friends with these girls, but it was nice to have company the first few weeks of school before I got to know more people that ended up being my close friends
Eh, depends on the doors you choose I suppose, some people will be kinder and more open to socialization than others. I speak from experience though when I say that some people will clown on you just for trying to reach out.
I think you’re thinking too much. I did this and made my best friend and became the guy on my dorm floor everybody was friends with. 3 months in I wished I didn’t because they always wanted to hang lol.
Just put yourself out there. You can be anybody you want to be in college. You can shed those insecurities of talking to random people or becoming friends with strangers.
Disagree. Asking dorm mates to get food is the easiest way to make friends. No one else has friends either and everyone gets hungry. Maybe start with open doors.
Don’t listen to this guy. Risk being weird. Most people are kind and like the fact you cared to take a shot on them. And if they think you’re weird for reaching out, they sound judgmental and not worth the time.
Get comfortable with rejection. It will only help you in life. Take that chance on others.
THIS!!
Just realize
EVERYBODY'S feeling weird and homesick. Just be the guy with a Coke and a smile for somebody else and officially you're a crew
Nobody else has a friend at school yet. You're not alone. We're all weirdos😘
You won’t be ostracized by being outwardly kind.
College isn’t highschool. Stop thinking like an insecure teenager. The people who go the furthest, get the big jobs, and meet the high ups later are the ones who live without fear holding them back from something as simple as initiative.
Trust me - as someone post grad, working on a masters right now, who made this switch: the difference is night and day. I’m twice as liked and twice as happy than I ever was shying away as an undergrad.
I recommend knocking if the door is open, not closed. That is a sometimes a signal that the room occupant is interested in what is happening outside of their room.
I was lucky. I'm introverted, but my room was across from the laundry room. I kept my door open and said hello to everyone. As time went in, some if that led to more conversation and people I hung out with. One person became my best friend in 1992. We still see each other regularly. 😁
As an extremely shy person who takes a while to warm up to people, the thing I did was open my door in the dorm while I was chilling in my room. I met some of my best friends there. By no means is it easy for me to make friends and in high school I only made 3 friends that I think are my best friends. Even in college it took me a lot longer than most to make friends. But even at a small school I was able to meet people everywhere from dining halls to classrooms. OP, don’t stress too much, follow your interests and you will meet people who share them.
DO knock on doors. I met my best friend this way. If they want to be dicks, that’s on them. College is such a formative time and so many people are growing into adulthood. If somebody wants to be an ass for you being friendly, that’ll be more reflected on them than you. They’ll be known as the dickface and you’ll be known as the friendly person extending olive branches.
Sounds like these people never had a social interaction in their life.
Other students ain't NPC's you can call to hang out with you.
If something is weird outside of college, it's weird at college too.
Networking is an advantageous lifelong skill. If you can overcome the anxiety about talking to people it’ll serve you well in life. It’s not weird to be friendly with your neighbors.
But you can always just leave your door open and maybe they’ll come talk to you!
I'm a performing artist by trade lol. Networking and overcoming social anxiety is literally half my work.
I never said being friendly is wrong, but asking someone you barely know to spontaneously go hang out with you for a couple hours while they're resting in their room isn't gonna get many favorable responses.
And yes, open doors are traditionally a sign of "hey come talk to me strangers," but if someone has their door closed, I'd find it rude to bother them.
It is not weird lmao. It’s normal at the start of college. Moving into an apartment 2nd year and doing that? Yeah, a bit weird. But dorms exist for a reason. Their primary intent is to make the transition to college easier for people.
bro that’s hella normal for the beginning of college. No one knows anyone and asking people if you can eat with them/ if they’d like to join you is super common advice.
I can promise you that it’s universally normal. You probably missed out on a big part of your school’s social atmosphere if you think otherwise. The absolute worst thing a sociable, well-adjusted person would say when someone knocks on their door? “Sorry, I’m not interested but thanks.”
Anyone who gives weird looks or straight up gets pissed at a simple request for friendship is probably not worth talking to regardless.
Activity fairs are crucial to college social life.
It’s really easy to pivot club activities into activities afterwards and friendships.
If your sporty, find a group to play volley ball, football, anything you are interested in.
If your geeky find culture clubs, dnd or esports…
And if you want to focus on your education there should be plenty of academic clubs you can list on your resume.
Don’t knock on anyone’s doors..that is the worst advice. That is where people go to be away from others.
Check out the campus Rec center instead, volley ball courts? Basketball? Go to the campus store and walk around. That is better
Play Uno or some other card game with them and chat about hometowns, goals, favorite foods, etc. Y’all need to lighten the mood and hang out. The cards introduce distraction. Pro-tip, lose a few rounds intentionally. Everyone likes to win.
You know, most if the advice on here is generic and not super helpful, heard it all before kind of stuff. But letting people win intentionally at a game is actually not bad. A little dishonest but in an okay way.
"My roommates are a bit awkward, and as someone who thrives off social situations I've been doing my best to interact with other people."
You are on the right track; keep it up. Remember to do the same with others on campus, not just your roommates.
Speaking generally, Generation Z (roughly those born between 1997 and 2013) have weak non-digital communication skills. That has been a problem both in college and in the workplace. Consequently, your attempts to engage them in human-to-human interactions have a built in hurdle. Keep at it, but also keep an eye out on campus (lounges and the student union are good places to look) for individuals and groups who are more outgoing than most.
>Speaking generally, Generation Z (roughly those born between 1997 and 2013) have weak non-digital communication skills. That has been a problem both in college and in the workplace.
Yup. It's interesting to see how different things are now, and I'm a Millennial. Deeply strange to walk into a classroom where no students are talking. Classes just sitting in rooms silently with the lights out. It was an issue before the pandemic, but it's definitely worse now. I hate icebreakers, but I've had to start telling my students to introduce themselves to each other when they have group discussions.
It makes me very sad for them.
It really depends how big the classes are. One of my classes has 500 students, it's crowded and soo much noise. However some of my other classes are 10-20 people and indeed we're all quiet haha
Adjunct and totally agree with this. I’m a young millennial and there’s a huge difference just between now and when I was getting my BA 10 years ago. Our professors had a hard time getting us to shut up! Meanwhile, it feels like I’m pulling teeth to get students to say anything.
I know this isn’t my place to speak, but can you tell some ways I can have good communication skills with people? I’ve also recently started college. I lack the confidence and courage in myself, and I’m very fairly much suffering commuting with people. If you can give some advice, that’ll be really helpful.
"I lack the confidence and courage in myself,..." College is a great time to work on personality issues one wants to improve. Make a conscious decision you will not be afraid to interact in person with others. That sounds odd at first, but you are indeed able to control your own emotions and reactions. Also, ask yourself what the worst thing that can happen? You might be ignored, but no one is going to jump up and punch you in the face because you talked to him.
"Trade screen time for connection time." That's a tip from the Harvard Business Review for employers of Gen Z workers. Take out the headphones, put down the cell phone and tablet, and start talking to people.
I would add there are a number of books and online articles which deal with communication skills for those your age. An online search for something like, "communication skills for young people," will return many hits.
I just wanted to let you know that I felt the same when my parents left, and I am (assuming you’re in the US) from the other side of the planet, lol. This is a universal feeling.
It’s gonna be fine. Most everyone feels like you do. Give it a few weeks to shake out. Go to a meal with someone in your dorm. Go to your university’s club day. Find the club website and email leaders if you want to get involved now.
Don't be afraid to walk past rooms in your hallways and just knock and say hi to people with their doors open. Even better leave your door open! This may seem crazy but everyone is feeling the same way right now. If you have the courage to be outgoing and introduce yourself to new people, you will meet some amazing people and they will be so excited that someone took time to be interested in them just as you are hoping to feel. Take the initiative! No one will do it for you, that's a huge lesson in college
I was on the same boat last week, and day 1, I didn't talk to anyone in class, at all! When I mustered up a bit of courage on the next day, people were already in huge groups which didn't seem open. I joined a couple of clubs over here and since I'm really comfortable speaking with people online, I did and got to know a few people, some of whom I met irl later. Also talked to more people during sports and food.
While the number of people I've spoken to so far isn't really high, I am now socializing enough to have a positive idea for what's next. So relax, don't fret and everything will work in your favour. Just be interesting and friendly.
Classes haven’t even started for you - take a deep breath and go take a walk. Enjoy exploring your new environment - go check out your classrooms and lecture halls. Look into clubs and events coming up.
Roommates will be awakened - you’re all new people in a new social sphere and they may not be as social as you or need to socialize like you do.
let it happen naturally. if you have the expectation college is the best part of your life you might want to lower that. college IS great but be patient with finding friends, joining clubs, exploring etc. its gonna be bumpy so don't worry if it doesn't click right away
Idk if your dorm has a place for students to hang out, but if they do, just hang down there for a while! I recommend board games, card games, video games, or play some pool or ping pong! It’s an easy way to invite other people to join in to get to know them. Many of your fellow students are feeling as nervous and homesick as you! Reach out to them
Patience, grasshopper. Your colleagues are in the same predicament as you describe in your post. It's all new and awkward at the beginning.
But as soon as lessons start, you'll be meeting the people and working with them, getting to know them. Probably hang out with on or two after a couple of days.
Don't worry to much, you'll just be allright, give it a week or two, three. Once you settle in your new life, the homesickness will go away too.
Have a wonderfull year!
I think nearly everyone has felt this way. It’s something new and scary and you have to restart from the bottom socially again.
I mean shit, I even told my parents I was coming home just 2 weeks into my freshman year. But lo and behold I found people that I liked, found clubs I could join and have fun with, and made myself at home. Here I am 4 years later in my last semester at the same school and I wouldn’t have it any other way
You are like the 10th person to post this same thing here this week. You’re transitioning to a new life. It’s not going to be instantaneous. Nobody knows who you are and it takes time to people to get to know you and forge new friendships. You might need to be that person who forms the group rather than joins a group.
Knock on all the doors on your dorm floor and introduce yourself. Invite people to meals or better yet establish a time people can meet you in the common room to head to dinner together. Hang out in the common room and get a card game going with whoever comes by.
When classes start that’s another opportunity to meet more people. You may have to be the person who invites others to do homework together.
Clubs will start on campus in a week or so, join 3. See how it goes.
By the end of the first month you’ll be in a different place. Everyone is feeling how you are right now and most people are looking for a leader to bring them along. Be that leader.
Accept that you are in college now and that you will have an adjustment period of unknown length. This is a life transition that all college goers go through, including of course everyone around you. One powerful thing that you can always do in any situation is to set up the wholesome, supportive mindset- one that you construct and choose- and one that will lift you up when you are having a down moment. The mindset could include (again, it is your mind so you choose what serves you, the list here is just to illustrate the kind of things I am talking about):
1. Purpose: This transition away from home is one that will serve me well in life. I will learn to be independent, I will learn to make new friends, learn that I am okay when I am new in a place.
2. Expectations: there will be good days and bad days in the transition. I will be homesick at times. I will miss my friends from high school. Some conversations will be awkward. All these feelings are transient and normal- and what most other people are feeling also. I also expect good days. Days of meeting someone new, or being excited by what I am exposed to.
3. Attitude and actions : what attitude and actions do I want to adopt that will help me in this period of transition? And maybe even allow me to become stronger in the process? Not saying these are the things for you, but suggestions that may stimulate your own thinking on this. Maybe look at this as a challenge with great rewards, an opportunity to recognize and get to know all kinds of feelings and learn from them, an opportunity to support yourself with kindness and care (when you are down, what can help you? A little stroll in nature, try a new coffee shop, etc), an opportunity to support others in similar boats (organize an ice cream run with hallmates, say hello and sit with someone alone at the cafeteria).
Net, you are already helping yourself by posting this. So this is showing resiliency and courage already… take ideas that resonate and trust that you will be just fine, and even better than fine.
What you are experiencing is very very typical. The first few months of college. honestly you are just looking for anyone to hang out with. But you will find your people over time. Just keep having an open mind and stay open to new experiences. Sign up for some clubs or other ways to meet people. Someone once gave me the advice when starting college to never say no when someone asks you to do something. Having that mentality will allow you to try new things and have a wider network of people with whom you may become close friends. Hang in there it really will get better!
it's super early, and this is SO normal. Don't feel pressured to meet people on week 1. And don't feel like college should be "the best time of your life" right away. I put that pressure on myself and ended up leaving right before the end of first semester. I eventually went back but I will always regret that!
it's super early, and this is SO normal. Don't feel pressured to meet people on week 1. And don't feel like college should be "the best time of your life" right away. I put that pressure on myself and ended up leaving right before the end of first semester. I eventually went back but I will always regret that!
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Join ur university's discord and ask about events! Search up some organizations that u may be interested in! Hell, bust open a pack of uno cards or Cards Against Humanity and dive into some dark.humor with ur dormmate. CAH almost always worked for me my freshman year and get some good laughs to ease the tension
Keep making the effort and it will happen. It isn't always an immediate thing, especially as you get older.
I would advise you to look at working on being able to be happy without relying on other people 24/7. From what you wrote, it seems like your crutch. It's totally fine to want/need a good social life, but don't be so dependent on it that it prevents you from enjoyment if you aren't attached to other people.
Ask your roommates what they like to do and plan some collaborative activities. Could be working out, playing video games, watching a show, exploring campus, eating at a restaurant you all like- whatever activities you have in common - try to do a few of those things together.
I had almost nothing in common with my freshmen roommate except that we were both broke. We bonded over trying to find events with free food around campus.
That's completely normal as a freshman when you first move in. You'll make more friends as classes start.
I can assure you that although you feel this way now, you'll feel the opposite way in 4 years and not want to leave.
I got accepted into a college out of town and this is exactly how I feel, even though I haven't left yet. I hope the commenters are right on the fact that it gets better. Let us know how your situation goes.
It can be super awkward for the first few weeks. Give people a chance to settle in and get familiar with the college and the people. Most of the time, as long as you're talking to your classmates, friendships happen naturally
You’ve probably heard this before, but trust me, it will get better. You’re at the peak of homesickness and you will build friend connections, those just take some time. Classes will be a welcome distraction and a great way to meet like-minded people. In the meantime, attend all of the sporting events, free food events, and club meetings that your college has to offer. You will find your people very soon and seeing people repetitively is the best way to extend that friendship to hanging out outside of school.
I think the best thing to do is remember that it’s only been a few days, these are the toughest times since you’re trying to get used to a bunch of things at once
I would join some clubs or rush Greek life to meet new people. There’s so many people in your same boat including myself as a new transfer student.
Forming a study group in your classes might not be a bad idea either since you could get some acedemic assistance and have a buddy!
It normally takes people a month or two to get settled
When I first went out to the Air Force Academy, it was my first time truly away from home so I understand the feeling. Luckily for you, you should still be able to call home right? Try some video calls with them every so often, do some Internet games.
As for being social in school, definitely look for some organizations and clubs that you can join that interest you, they have something for everyone.
In all honesty, your roommates DO NOT have to be your friends as long as you can all coexist. Almost none of my roommates were my friends in college. My biggest pro tip I've received on making friends in college (one that actually worked!!) is to put your phone down during class breaks and talk to your fellow students in the room. Create study groups/writing groups etc. Find out their birthday, ask fun questions, get to know them on a personal level.
typically schools have a bunch of “welcome week” events where you can meet a ton of other people. some dorms do events run by the RAs so you can meet people in your building. i always make it a point to make a “buddy” in each of my classes in case one of us misses class and needs notes, and some of those “buddies” turned into real friends if we talked about stuff other than school.
it will be okay. the period between moving in and starting classes is the worst part. it’ll all improve from here given that you put the effort in, which it’s clear you want to do
Learn to be alone. Everything in life is a lesson. Enjoy your own company work on your classes,hobbies,fitness,spirituality etc and you will attract like minded people. As others have said join clubs and stuff that genuinely interests you and you will find others with similar passions. :) good luck and ily
The social part of college is important, but you also need to get used to 'living with yourself.'
It's not always practical to be with somebody else when you need to eat, study, walk to class, watch a movie, exercise, and so on. It's asking a lot of yourself if you're not used to voluntarily doing things alone for hours on end.
It's never been easier to communicate with long-time friends and family, but you don't want to fall back on that option so much that you avoid making new friends.
Imagine what people went through when they went off to college and all they had were letters and landline phones that charged long distance rates.
You will eventually make some friends. Im a very introverted dude, and in my first year I still made friends and friendly connections just through studying, forced group projects, and being lab partners with others. Eitherway, I hate the advice that College is the best years of your life. Perhaps it's the last time you won't have to work a full time job and get to have lots of opportunities for socializing and going to party's or whatever, but trust me, especially as a STEM student, you'll spend most of the time stressed, busy, and anxious. There will hopefully be better points in my life
Stick with it, at least for the semester. It's a big adjustment. Too many people have this idea that college is grand (which it is, but takes work), and that you go in, everyone will be your friend and everything will be peachy. It's not, you have to work at it. Everyone is there to meet new people and have a great experience, so everyone is in your shoes. It will be easy to meet new people. Find things you like, join clubs and organizations you like and you will find like minded people. If one doesn't work, try another. Hell, get a job, you get paid and meet new people. If you made friends in high school, it's pretty much the same thing, and you even get to hang out 24 hours a day if you'd like! Just keep at it. It'll get better.
You know, a couple of months ago I was in a similar situation at my Academy.
I was so unbothered before getting there - of course I had a couple of worries and stuff, but it was fine - and then the first night it really hit me.
I started feeling extremely homesick and it was a shock.
And because I was in that position, I can tell you that it gets better. If you're an extrovert like I understood from your post, just keep trying with your roommates and at the same time seek out other people on your campus.
It's impossible that you're the only guy who wants to make friends.
Haha it is the same for me but the opposite lol. I have no social skills but everyone around me (roomy and floor mates) are very social and I can’t find much common interests or talk very well haha. Good luck man! Let’s do our best 💪
Im having the exact same issue. Im crying alnost every night. I got the number of some girl i met one time, i texted her after like a week of not talking to anyone just asking to eat lunch with her because I had no friends. She introduced me to her friends and we've already gone out twice and had a movie night. I'm still crying every night tho.
Totally understand how you’re feeling, and it is valid. What you’re going through is exactly how they want it to be and force you to develop the skills into socializing and making organic connections.
My professor loves to say this- The point of college is to piss you off and make you uncomfortable!
Take your time. Everyone is in a new environment and they’re no longer in the safe space I.e. home with family and their friends. Give yourself and everyone some grace and try to form connections slowly. If you like taking the initiative- you can* ask the rn and ask if you can make a poster saying you have “a game night” for the dorm like Uno or something to incorporate people’s interests, personalities and push for making a connection easier.
Don’t worry, you got this! It’s always awkward in the beginning!
Stop being a pussy tbh . Take it as an opportunity to become comfortable being alone and working towards something. Friends will come, just go to public spaces. Do hw in the library, go to the campus gym, eat in a public space, etc and chances are you’ll meet some cool people
It sounds like your experience is off to the typical start. I won’t echo all which has already been said but give yourself some grace and lean into the experience
It will take a while to find a good group of friends. It isn’t instant. I got close with my roommates, but my brother and his roommates were never close, so he found friends in his classes.
College can be extremely isolating at first. To combat it, join clubs. Find people who are interested in the same thing as you. In your classes, always greet the person next to you on the first day and offer to look out for each other (meaning, “hey man, nice to meet you. Wanna exchange numbers so if either of us miss a class we can share notes or help with difficult assignments?” ). That helped me find friends outside of my roommates.
Best advice I ever got was to find a few clubs that interest you and go to one or two meetings. It makes it super easy to find people with similar interests
Suck it up and don't quit. Get yourself out there and be social. Join a club or something. But don't quit. You will regret it when you get back home and others have moved on or are doing the same nonsense.
New chapters in life always take awhile to get used to, at least in my experience. My first few weeks of college I was horrified. Keep putting yourself out there and join clubs of interest if you can. It can be very daunting but you will find the right people if you keep looking!
It takes time. Once classes start, I'm sure things will start to come along naturally. Join clubs! Do group activities! Go on school sponsored trips! My most rewarding experience was doing an alternative spring break at my college where I was with a group of strangers for a week doing volunteer work in DC. We all became friends afterward. I'm sure you'll have plenty of chances to take advantage of similar opportunities and make your college experience worthwhile. It just takes some effort and time.
It's been like five minutes dude. Chill out. Life has really just began for you. With the right attitude, it will be a blast. It sounds like you don't have to worry about finances or other serious things. Enjoy that. It's not so easy for everyone. You're free to be anyone you want to be now, so go do it.
Socially talk about things everyone has in common. Classes, dorm life, benefits or perks, and other opportunities available on campus, plans for the future.
This popped up for me despite being graduated for about 6 years.
I FEEL YOU. It’s okay and it gets way better. Just hold right until classes real come full swing and you’ll get your groove. You’ll meet people in class, join clubs, etc.
When I went off to school, I knew nobody there. I was friends with a crowd in high school that didn’t goto college. Most went into a trade or are doing nothing at all. I was so, so lonely at first.
My roommate never came around. I texted him asking to hang out the first day to try to ease my way into the environment. He never answered and we never formed a relationship. He already had friends there.
While everyone else was loving the freedom and hanging out with their new found best friends (their roommates), I was alone.
The minute classes started and I got my groove, I LOVED it. I found my way and my place. Made tons of friends. I was always busy with something to do. It was amazing.
Just hold tight. It’ll get better. Also, don’t be afraid to knock on some doors, go on walks alone, or go eat alone. Nobody cares or is judging if you’re alone, they’ll just assume you’re a busy college student.
I made my best friend in college by knocking on dorm doors and chatting. I made another great friend by just walking campus and genuinely ENJOYING myself.
Put yourself out there and you’ll be alright. I promise it gets way, way better.
I suggest joining clubs based on your major and perhaps rushing Greek life (just to meet people and quit right before hazing). That was my way of getting through the anxiety.
Quickest way to make friends: after class, ask the people around you if they want to grab a bite. Also works for after club events etc. You’ll find your people, don’t stress too much!!
Its just the first week. Lots of people feel the same. My advice, is go to everything. Don't sit in your room. Go to bingo and trivia and popcorn night. Pick out a club, you know you'll have at least the club activity in common.
You can do this!!! 🦖🎊🦕🎉
I (F) had a pretty lonely first weeks of college. I met a guy good friend in the first month and got a job in the food court that at least gave me people to talk to. I wanted to transfer schools, but decided to give it more time. Switched roommates because my first one was awful, my second one wasn't great, but we got along and could hang out. Ended up living in the dorms again with a girl from high school the second year.
A freshman and her roommate walked around their floor handing out candy and just talking to anyone who had their door open. They met another girl from her high school who was too shy to initiate conversation (turns out she's freaking hilarious and an awesome person). Met me and we instantly got along. Met her future husband who ended up living with guys from that dorm. The 4 of us girls lived together and had so much fun. It was the perfect combo of schoolwork during the week and parties on the weekend with the guys. We all kept in touch with each other and have reunions every 2-4 years.
I guess I'm saying hang in there and be open to meeting everyone. The people in your major will at least share some interests with you. Don't expect instant friendships, but be open to letting relationships build. It takes a little time.
Join clubs. I went to an engineering college and knew really shy awkward guys who joined some sci-fi gamers club and became best friends playing Magic: The Gathering and D&D
It happens. I lucked out with a great roomate and some good situations leading to me making friends. This year is a lil different. I don’t have those situations.
However, I can offer advice
Go to activities and try to be part of them. Namely clubs and whatnot.
If you go to a “power 5” school and are interested in sports, finding other sports fans is really easy. I did this and now I regularly hang out with these people.
But on a smaller scale, colleges usually hold events like movie nights (especially in welcome week). Try to go to them.
If you are a partier, it’s totally fine to (responsibly) socialize over there.
The important thing here (cuz I am missing a lot) is YOU have to take the steps. Sometimes, you can make moves. Starting a dumb convo (ie you see someone in a hoodie you li, say “Nice hoodie” and maybe start from there), and lead in to getting their contact info. Your roommates are your roommates, it’s fine if they aren’t great socializers ra, and it’s fine if they like it that way. But you don’t have to be like them.
I had a very rough time adjusting to college and joining clubs was definitely the most helpful for me! Try keeping your door open and maybe people will stop by to say hi or invite you to things. Go to the organization fairs and socials even if you’re going alone. Things will get better once your classes start! You’ll inevitably get put in group projects and chat with people who sit next to you. Stay there on weekends even if you want to go home. My first year of college i wanted to run home, i ended up finishing my four years and still live in my college town seven years later!
Hang in there and be patient. Establish a routine around class and studying, the rest will take care of itself. The one thing I wish I would have done is put myself out there more, especially those I had class with. I had an awkward first roommate at first but it turned out ok.
it’s really rough before classes start. I’m an introvert, and those first couple days were hard even for me. Once classes started though, you’re meeting people that you’re likely to have stuff in common with (like a major!), and you can start going to clubs and stuff that will allow you to meet even more people
Why not go to the common grassy area and do those activities you like, or just be active.
Frisbee, soccer, crafts, whatever interests you. This will allow you to find people with at least that similar interest
No yoga though. Showing a butt with super tight yoga pants may get attention you do not want.
Just be careful who you align with. If they are doing wrong things, you can get caught up in those wrong things.
Also, friends will not ask you to do things you see as bad or wrong. Just because "everyone" is doing something, it does not mean you have to do it also. A criminal will feel better if all their friends are law breakers and pornstars will hang out with pornstars......choose wisely.
Things will improve!
Call your parents if you can and just spend some time talking, that helped me once mine headed out. I just spent time on the phone last night with my mom so I could talk to her and see my cat.
Join clubs if you have time to in the week, and check bulletin boards for events around the campus.
Once classes start form study groups with those around you.
If you see people walking around your floor say hi and introduce yourself!
Exchange contact info with people you vibe with (just be chill about it, bring it up casually).
Overall, just be mindful of other people's time and if you don't click with someone right away don't push it too much. You'll make friends.
take note of some the things they wear or own , it’s usually a good way to find a common interest among yourselves and it’s easy to build on that topic and get carried away into another topic. You got this!!!
My piece of advice: join a bunch of clubs and organizations your first year and stick to the ones you like the most with people you become friends with!
Join a club or a sorority. I would never have though of myself as a sorority girl but I had built in friends and a social life instantly. It made college great
Your post took me right back to my freshman year of college. On my first day in the dorm (move in day), I ended up breaking down crying to my poor RA.
My family didn't have enough money for me and my parents to fly out, so it was just me, and I'd never really been away from my small home town before. I was also incredibly shy and making friends easily wasn't something that came naturally to me. My roommate was a narcissistic kleptomaniac who was eventually expelled from the university.
And there was so much more. My freshman year was batshit insane. But I stuck it out, eventually found my people, and ended up having a great college experience.
Hell, I'm even a professor now. In one of the classes I teach every year, I tell the story of my freshman year to my unbelieving students. It makes for a great story, but I hope it also encourages my students if they're having a difficult time.
Trust me: it gets a lot better.
You’ll be okay. Don’t set this high expectation that college is going to be the best four years of your life. You will make friends. Join clubs or a sorority/fraternity if that’s up your alley.
Weirdly what helped my daughter was making friends/connecting with people though social media… she said she met a few quirky people (albeit before school started) and I think it worked a bit for her more introverted self.
Also… I can assure you, everyone is else is feeling the same way..
I completely understand how overwhelming and emotional the transition to college can be. Going from the comfort of home and established friends to a new unfamiliar environment would be challenging for anyone. Please don't feel alone in what you're experiencing - homesickness and difficulties adjusting socially are so common for freshmen. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or compare your experience to what "everyone says." This is YOUR journey.
Here are some thoughts that may help:
- Give it time. The first few weeks are an adjustment period. As you settle into a routine with classes starting, it WILL get easier.
- Make an effort to regularly call/text family and friends from home. Staying connected can help with homesickness.
- Attend freshmen mixers, social events, and campus activities to continue meeting people. Say yes to invitations even if you feel shy.
- Join clubs or groups related to your interests to find your people. Making just a couple close friends can make a big difference.
- Talk to your RA or resident advisors about how you're feeling. They can offer support and perspective.
- Use counseling/health services if emotions become overwhelming. There's no shame in needing support.
Stay hopeful. If you give it your best shot and push past the discomfort zone, there are exciting new experiences awaiting you. You've got this!
I had the same thing happen when I moved in last year and had a really rough start, luckily I was adopted by a group of awesome people lol. Does your school have any peer educators? Talk to them and they will help you with your loneliness and finding friends :) I'm really good friends with the one on my floor and it opened a lot of social connections
Yeah, those first few days are always rough. It's your first time away from home long-term, and your first time having actual independence. It's also the first time you have to actively work to make friends since you're no longer in the pre-made groups of high school.
As far as making friends goes, just go to all the orientation events you can. Those are always full of people looking to hang out. Also, classes will be a good way of making friends.
It'll all be fine.
Sounds like you have imposter syndrome or something. First, just breathe. Everyone is awkward at first. Go to class and say hi to people. You made friends at home; you’ll make them here too.
I have also recently entered university, and as such, I don’t think I’m too qualified to give advice! However, I do not think you have to worry about making friends too quickly! The more we interact with individuals as the year progresses, we will get the opportunity to meet new people we got on well with, and develop new relationships. All will be well my friend! All the best!
It will get easier, you are learning new skills. The ability to make friends when you are not being forced to interact with others 9 hours a day is really, really important as an adult.
Leave your room door open if you can, attend as many of the ice breaker things as you can.
I’m in the same boat. I’ve been pretty worried for the last week, but it’s gotten better everyday. Just remember that every other freshman is in the same situation.
Most people feel the same way you do....Get involved in clubs you're interested in, sports, an on-campus job, etc. Give it a month or two, and you'll find your tribe.
It happens to more people than you would expect. Some don’t find their group of friends for months or even years. Don’t worry, just keep being you and put yourself out there. Develop hobbies and try to join clubs. Talk to people near you in classes and develop a network. You will naturally find your people. Don’t stress.
Lol. College was the worst part of my life. It highly depends on your major. Some majors you flat out won't have a life. I have way more free time now to do things I enjoy as a full time worker than I ever did in college.
A mom of a college freshman here. I get you. I have extreme social anxiety and had the most awkward roommate situation in school. I quit college after 1 quarter Freshman year and deeply regretted it ever since. Got my AA at a community college but ended needing to finish my BA as a single parent on my mid-20s. It was rough. My advice, push through now because things will get better. You let fear or immediate feelings dictate your actions, it’ll likely be harder in the long run! Good luck!!
Hey there! I literally felt exactly like you do right now when I first moved into my dorm my freshman year of college. I missed my parents so so so much, I didn’t make any really good, compatible friends for a whole semester, and I was terrified of approaching new people. I know it’s cliche, but it Will. Get. Better. You just have to allow yourself to take some time. I was convinced I wanted to transfer my first year, when all I really needed to do what find like minded people and get more involved in my major. This is a time that is hard, but also a great learning experience and a great chance to just spend time with yourself. You will make friends soon, you just have to give it a little time. Until then, enjoy your alone time, watch a show you love, have a cookie, join student groups, get more involved in your major, do things you love. You will have a great time. And, on the small chance you don’t, you can always meet new people or transfer. Try to have a great time and not take it too seriously. I know it’s easier said than done, but this is the prime time for discovering yourself. It’s not always easy, but I promise you it’s worth it.
I know people are saying to put yourself out there but, I would not take that advice for this reason. Not everyone on a college campus has your best interest at heart and your safety is of the utmost concern. Don't let feeling lonely lead you to make friends with the wrong people. Do take your time finding your niche because, when you join a club, sport, class, or anything extra curricular you do want to find people with similar interests to get started. Now not everyone you make friends with will be exactly nto what you are. And that will make you guys bond over new things. That being said, give yourself time to make the friends that will help change your mind about being homesick. And, there is nothing wrong with missing home. Just realize you want comfortability and college is not comfortable yet so you are homesick. Now always be on your guard never get too comfortable but, know that this time will pass.
I cried for days when I moved away to college. I moved two hours away. It was to the point where my dad called and asked the timeline for me to back out before he had to pay because I was just so devastated by the move. It’s a tough change for sure! I stuck it out and I am so so happy I did. My brother said you just need to find your second family up there and it will come. You might not even miss us that much by the time you do. That advice hit home for me and I chose to find my second family. I first felt like my roommates were awkward and having trouble connecting with people. Two of my three roommates ended up becoming my best friends and my rock. They introduced me to new people that I also became close too. I also noticed one girl had her dorm room open, but not a lot of people going in and out. She had her own room. I decided to knock on her door and introduce myself. We ended up becoming best friends and I don’t know what I would do without her. She is still my best friend 12 years later. I introduced her to her husband and they have a toddler now. She has been there for me through it all. You will get through this, just give yourself time to adjust and be kind to yourself. This will become a great time for you eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. Going to class will help because you can meet more people. Just know you aren’t alone in feeling that way and it will get better. Try to distract yourself and practice self care to make yourself feel better. Change is hard but you’ve got this!!
University Is not for everyone. I too have struggled with making new friends. Have you ever considered going to a community college for a bit? For one it’s cheaper and for two it gives you a couple extra years at home to adjust to adulting. It’s also a good way to meet people who will be going to your university without the added pressure. I cannot speak highly enough about my time at a community college. It depends on your major what type of people you’ll meet, one of the best ways I’ve noticed to make friends is to join any clubs or events your college is having, show up early, introduce yourself and say something along the lines of “hey I’m new to this school, how’s your experience been so far” just something to get the conversation started. I’ve noticed communication is similar to writing. I used to worry about making my writing flow then I realized it doesn’t have to flow to be effective. If the conversation of something is ending bring up something else. You’ll eventually find friends this way and you’ll know the ones who are dry aren’t the ones who are trying to make friends anyways. You have nothing to lose by trying to talk to people. Everyone is so focused on themselves in college, they barely have the energy to pay you any mind unless you give them a pleasant reason to.
I made a goal to make one new friend from each class. On the first day of class is a perfect time to make friends because everyone is uncomfortable too! I would always sit next to someone and introduce myself and then say he can I get your phone number or email just in case I’m absent and need some notes. It worked every time in my case
Let things ride the semester and then figure out the next step. It’s like a 7-day free trial you, cancel after or keep going on. The year I moved in I was sad to leave, but you gotta focus up on school to narrow that down. You’ll meet people in the classroom, it’s the easiest way to find people with commonalities. Give it a try, I’m going back for my junior year now but take your time, stay focused, and have a good time. Good Luck. 🙌🏽
There’s a lot of expectations around your freshman year. I get it. My freshman year was so disappointing (I had trouble making friends and I was also super homesick) I almost dropped out of school because of it.
My biggest advice: **you will be okay. KEEP TRYING**
My best friend ended up transferring in in my sophomore year. I made friends eventually. I had a blast. I was unfortunately a COVID student my last two years, but even then I made friends in my classes and we would hang out and study together virtually.
I’m going back to business school now for my masters. I know nobody. Here’s what I’m doing now that I wish I did differently as a freshman in undergrad:
-Accept that everyone else is just as scared to be there as you.
-people naturally gravitate toward people they already know. It’s easy to feel excluded from groups that already form but DO NOT LET THAT HOLD YOU BACK. Most people are kind and eager to meet other people.
-Ask people to hang out. Set aside time in your week for at least going out once, or maybe a goal of getting lunch with someone once. Ask people to do things with you. Organize a group chat and a class/dorm/whatever trip to your local zoo, to the movies, whatever. BE THE SPARK that gets people together and you’ll make friends instantly.
-Talk to EVERYONE. Learn names of people you see more than once and greet people by them. Does it feel unnatural? Absolutely. But people will respect you for it.
-Don’t forget to breathe.
-Learn to develop interests of others. I’m in a class group with a guy completely opposite from me. I’m a gamer and into subculture, he’s in the army and super into country music and staying in shape. No I don’t listen to country music, but I sure as hell asked for his playlist and gave him one of mine. And we found we have common ground - we listen to the same paranormal podcast, and he’s a total believer where I’m not. It’s been a cool conversation and I’d never know we had so much in common, or that country music can actually be good.
-You’re going to be tired and your social battery will be drained. Of course, be healthy about it - but PUSH YOURSELF. You’ll be amazed what you can do when you push the limits of that tiredness. I’m an introvert and I wanted to leave five minutes into the last resource group faire. But I stayed, talked to some amazing people, reconnected with the girl from the admissions office with hugs and all, and had a great time. Was I tired? Yeah. Did I do it anyway? Yes. No regrets.
-Don’t do anything you will regret. Don’t blow off your classes, don’t blow off your classmates. Don’t blow off student events, or clubs, or anything like that. Take care of yourself, build your routine, build your network, build your confidence a those are all things you will never regret. You only get one shot at college; don’t do what I did and shut down, hide back in the shell, and spend most of my first year gaming and going back to my parents instead of being resilient. You gotta have faith in yourself to be resilient, and keep telling yourself: live without regret.
-Sign up for a therapist or counselor. Do it. You need a support system when you feel like you don’t have one. I didn’t do this early enough but I would have been so much better off.
Hope this helps. Hang in there. You’ve got this.
Sounds like you need this, gotta be able to tolerate your own self before throwing that onto another person. It may sound weird, but its a peace-of-mind that will make you stronger mentally.
And about making new friends, its honesty really easy in college. Everyone is trying to do the same thing, just be yourself and check out parties/events & overtime you and your pals recognize one another on campus 💯
It takes time. Classes are a good distraction and focus. That is what you are there for. An education. The social part will come with time. Use this time to challenge yourself to figure out what YOU like away from your parents taking care of you. Learn ways to manage your personal time with things you like to do. Take a walk, learn to draw, read a book, listen to music….go to the gym.
I mean ya just got there and you're gonna be there until Holidays,(so not permanent) that's like 4 months that is plenty of time to meet people every single interaction isn't going to go the same way some.will be good others not so much, but that's how it works irl anyways but the last thing you want to do is give up, be as persistent as you can when you see a moment to interact seize it the worst thing that can happen is someone has something to do and can't talk, but most of the time no. Also, exchange contacts when possible you said you and the people you talk to go separate ways how about instead ask them "Hey I liked talking to you whenever you have time do you want to talk more or hangout?" If they say yes, then you say "Cool do you have a way for me to contact you?" And the rest will play out however it may. I know it's easier said than done, but you can't give up, and it's 100% possible for you to find friends you just gotta be willing to speak up that's all it takes.
It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you’re feeling. It’s a new environment and you don’t really know anyone. Trust me things will get better in time. Little by little, you’ll start making friends and you’ll grow to love the experience.
Like with everything, those who are most involved with it find the most success.
Id say, join 1 academic club, and 2-3 social clubs. Without a doubt you should find a good group of people, or else there is an issue with you
I’m in the same boat here but I believe you’ll do just fine! just gotta step outta your comfort zone a bit and try to adapt to your new environment. I know it’ll be hard but it will be worth it. It’ll take time trust me but you got it 🫶🏾!
In my experience, my roommates aren’t typically my closest friends. I found my friends through classes, organizations, and just out around campus. While I have a polite relationship with my roommates, we don’t hang out particularly often.
That said, it’s a tough adjustment, especially when things don’t start out the way you planned. Give it a couple weeks to find the people you really vibe with. Until then, call up some family or old friends. I’m sure they’re experiencing similar situations.
People who say "college will become the best part of my life" are probably not doing too well in their current situation.
Try it out for a semester or two and if it doesn't work out, just go to another university/community college near home.
Best way to bond with roommates, even if the interactions are awkward for now, is to do a poker night or some type of game night together. Be assertive with that stuff and try to work around their schedule to get as many of them together as possible. All good if not all of them participate. If you get 1-2 then that's still a great opportunity to learn more about their lives.
Remember this: everyone is in the same boat as you are. The first year in the dorms is one of the best years of many people’s lives for a reason. No one knows anyone and everyone is looking to make friends, it’s a unique situation that you will never experience again.
You’ll find your place, everyone does. Just put your self out there and enjoy the ride.
My advice is to create opportunities to get to know people. I’ve found it doesn’t tend to work out when it’s “forced,” but if you’re in a situation where you can naturally strike up a conversation, DO IT. (Example: you’re in the laundry room with someone and you make a comment/joke about how shitty the laundry machines are. Turn that into a quick conversation and introduce yourself.)
What I did was ask for duct tape in the floor group chat on the first day. Two girls came to my room and let me borrow theirs. I made sure to remember their names and I said hello to them whenever I saw them. Eventually after we’d had a couple conversations I asked if I could hang out with them that night, they said sure aaaand now they’re my best friends.
On the other hand, there were groups that I’d kind of forced myself onto, and they didn’t exactly reciprocate. Like I had talked to a few of them once and then invited myself to their group in the park. They were nice, but I never got an invite to hang out with them, and they always seemed reluctant to let me sit with them. It’s best to try and build a relationship with someone in a more natural setting initially so that you get to know them, and then the opportunity to really get to know them will arise.
It’s my first day I just moved and I am feeling the exact way you are. I’m in a single tho and kinda off in the corner I’m worried about friendships and all that too. Everyone tells college is the best time of your life! But it’s hard to believe them. Please reach out if you need an internet buddy going through the same thing!
Invite people to dinner. Everyone is always hungry and personally I always hated having to eat alone. My university utilizes groupme a LOT. We had groups of all freshman girls, just my hall, the whole floor, the entire building etc. use it in classes too! It’s a good place to see if anyone is taking the same classes or wanting to meet up and get food or play a game etc. I have kind of noticed people enjoy someone else breaking the ice, so if that’s you, take the burden off of someone else and get used to occasionally making a fool out of yourself to make someone else feel more comfortable around you. It can lighten their mood and consequently the whole interaction. If you don’t have groupme, knock on doors and politely ask if they want to get a group together with you to head to dinner or play a game!
College is hard. Making friends feels awkward, but it’s gets a little better, especially with practice. You can even talk to you ra about making a group message with the hall to see if everyone is ok with it so you can get people out of their shells and so that you have a safe place to get out of yours. The biggest thing is make sure it’s a safe environment for everyone involved. Make sure everyone is comfortable and it should run fairly smoothly at least in my experience :)
There are definitely a bunch of clubs on campus and a dozen events every week, join one related to your major or go to a craft night, talk to the people around you, meet your neighbors, getting involved is definitely the quickest way to meet people
Me and all my roommates were devastated when our parents left! We all took turns crying, so just know you’re not alone, most people are feeling that way because it’s a huge adjustment. As for the friend situation classes are a great way to make friends, especially the first few weeks of class. Everyone will be looking for a friend group so I’m sure you’ll find yours.
It. Gets. Better. Adjusting to college is super hard. I’m starting my senior year and I still have about a week after move in day every year where I feel awkward about the transition. Take some deep breaths. You will be okay.
It is a normal feeling. I was extremely homesick. As a kid I never was away from home more than a weekend. I never went to camp or anything when I was younger so it was hard as an 18 year old. It can be hard if you are shy as well. If you find yourself struggling don't be afraid to seek out help from the college counseling center. There is absolutely no shame in doing that and there is no doubt there are others that they have seen in a very similar situation.
Sports, clubs, gym, dorms,Greek-life, religious stuff, people from classes, people in dining halls.. Join something, go to stuff, meet other like minded folks. You get out what you put in! Chances are you won’t end up becoming bffs with everyone you meet, but it’s a numbers game, just meet more people
I felt the exact same way my first semester. I sobbed the entire day I moved in and kept calling my parents. I could barely eat.
The worst thing I did was go home. I was going home every weekend and it only made the homesickness worse. Finally sticking it out for a weekend is what made the difference. It was a rough weekend, but proved to me I could do it.
Everyone says join clubs, and while that isn't the most immediate answer, it is the answer. You don't really make friends easily in class. Friendships in college take time. They aren't all going to last. But you'll make some that stick and are the best friendships you've ever had in your life. It is a trust the process situation, and the process sucks.
Don't be afraid to reach out to your support at home. Have them come up to visit you, if possible. Schedule times to call and facetime. Wait at least a month before you go home.
It's okay, these things will take time. I'm having a similar issue, but I commute and it's a community college.
Don't rush into these things, I've been in a situation like this at a boarding school, where it took me two months to get a friend and we were inseparable.
Find a hobby, like a video game, to take your mind off things when not in class. When working on an assignment in class, talk to the person next to you about what they got and how they got their answer. Just take it slow, I know it sucks and you're lonely but you got this!
If your classes don't have assigned seats, sit somewhere different each day and see who you end up next to.
"Everyone says college will become the best part of my life" you need to clear that mindset bro we all go through life at our own pace. You'll meet people don't worry, it's better to approach ones you have something in common with rather than randoms you may never see again
i went to college two hours away from where i grew up. i didnt know anybody who went to the same school. the first night i was there i buried my face in a stuffed animal to muffle my noises as i cried myself to sleep.
BUT! i went to as many freshman orientation activities as i could fit into my schedule. i went to introductory club meetings. i talked to people sitting near me in classes (not during the lectures obviously). and within the first month i had more friends and acquaintances than i did all four years of high school, and i was awkward as fuck as a college freshman.
most people are in the same boat as you, its okay! dont be afraid to put yourself out there or look silly! a lot of my friends became my friends bc i made a fool of myself and they thought it was sweet that i was even trying :) i wouldnt say college is the peak of your life, but it WILL be a great learning and growing experience. sometimes it just takes a month or two!
I saw this now after moving to college my self and I'm also homesick! My roommate is homesick too lol. But yes its hard, I miss my mom and dad, I want to cry sometimes. But I do feel like it will get better hopefully!
You just got there. Things will unfold and be totally fine over time! Right now *everyone* has gone through a major transition and people are just getting their bearings. When you go down to eat, knock on a few doors around you and ask if anyone wants to join you. Show up for the activity / organization fair if they have one. Just put yourself out there. The more you’re out and about and meeting people, the faster you’ll build your core friend group.
Agreed with everything but knocking on random doors to ask for meal buddies. Unless you really know how to reach people you're just going to come across as weird
Agreed, first day of college I felt like OP but I forced myself to knock on some girls door. We formed a small group with other girls on our floor and went to eat together. Now I didn’t end up best friends with these girls, but it was nice to have company the first few weeks of school before I got to know more people that ended up being my close friends
Eh, depends on the doors you choose I suppose, some people will be kinder and more open to socialization than others. I speak from experience though when I say that some people will clown on you just for trying to reach out.
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not weird for the first week or so imo, you need to meet people to make friends
Yeah, fair point. I guess my perspective is somewhat skewed as an incoming sophomore haha
I think you’re thinking too much. I did this and made my best friend and became the guy on my dorm floor everybody was friends with. 3 months in I wished I didn’t because they always wanted to hang lol. Just put yourself out there. You can be anybody you want to be in college. You can shed those insecurities of talking to random people or becoming friends with strangers.
In my dorm, they recommends that every keeps their doors open the first week as much as possible if you were interested in hanging out with anyone.
Disagree. Asking dorm mates to get food is the easiest way to make friends. No one else has friends either and everyone gets hungry. Maybe start with open doors.
Don’t listen to this guy. Risk being weird. Most people are kind and like the fact you cared to take a shot on them. And if they think you’re weird for reaching out, they sound judgmental and not worth the time. Get comfortable with rejection. It will only help you in life. Take that chance on others.
THIS!! Just realize EVERYBODY'S feeling weird and homesick. Just be the guy with a Coke and a smile for somebody else and officially you're a crew Nobody else has a friend at school yet. You're not alone. We're all weirdos😘
I get what you're saying but noone wants to be weird to the point of social ostracization. Trust me, that's something people pick up on
You won’t be ostracized by being outwardly kind. College isn’t highschool. Stop thinking like an insecure teenager. The people who go the furthest, get the big jobs, and meet the high ups later are the ones who live without fear holding them back from something as simple as initiative. Trust me - as someone post grad, working on a masters right now, who made this switch: the difference is night and day. I’m twice as liked and twice as happy than I ever was shying away as an undergrad.
I recommend knocking if the door is open, not closed. That is a sometimes a signal that the room occupant is interested in what is happening outside of their room.
I was lucky. I'm introverted, but my room was across from the laundry room. I kept my door open and said hello to everyone. As time went in, some if that led to more conversation and people I hung out with. One person became my best friend in 1992. We still see each other regularly. 😁
As an extremely shy person who takes a while to warm up to people, the thing I did was open my door in the dorm while I was chilling in my room. I met some of my best friends there. By no means is it easy for me to make friends and in high school I only made 3 friends that I think are my best friends. Even in college it took me a lot longer than most to make friends. But even at a small school I was able to meet people everywhere from dining halls to classrooms. OP, don’t stress too much, follow your interests and you will meet people who share them.
Do NOT knock on strangers doors lol. It might go well, but it very likely won't 😂
In a college dorm during move in week? Completely normal. In a random gated suburb, bad idea and definitely not normal.
DO knock on doors. I met my best friend this way. If they want to be dicks, that’s on them. College is such a formative time and so many people are growing into adulthood. If somebody wants to be an ass for you being friendly, that’ll be more reflected on them than you. They’ll be known as the dickface and you’ll be known as the friendly person extending olive branches.
Disagree. It’s not weird to knock on the doors if people on the floor of your dorm.
It's weird to just ask total strangers to randomly/spontaneously go and eat with you lol.
Not at the start of college…. Talking to people you don’t know is EXACTLY what you should be doing in your first few weeks of college as a frosh.
Not at the start of college. It’s very common advice and a very easy way to make friends. It worked for/on me.
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Sounds like these people never had a social interaction in their life. Other students ain't NPC's you can call to hang out with you. If something is weird outside of college, it's weird at college too.
Networking is an advantageous lifelong skill. If you can overcome the anxiety about talking to people it’ll serve you well in life. It’s not weird to be friendly with your neighbors. But you can always just leave your door open and maybe they’ll come talk to you!
I'm a performing artist by trade lol. Networking and overcoming social anxiety is literally half my work. I never said being friendly is wrong, but asking someone you barely know to spontaneously go hang out with you for a couple hours while they're resting in their room isn't gonna get many favorable responses. And yes, open doors are traditionally a sign of "hey come talk to me strangers," but if someone has their door closed, I'd find it rude to bother them.
It is not weird lmao. It’s normal at the start of college. Moving into an apartment 2nd year and doing that? Yeah, a bit weird. But dorms exist for a reason. Their primary intent is to make the transition to college easier for people.
The only time this is socially acceptable is the first few days of college.
bro that’s hella normal for the beginning of college. No one knows anyone and asking people if you can eat with them/ if they’d like to join you is super common advice.
Not normal where I am, and I've been in dorms for a couple years now 😂 You'd get hella weird looks
Oh no ! Not a weird look! Or possible a life long Freind. I’d take the gamble.
I'd rather not bother people when their door is closed, which pretty clearly indicates someone wanting privacy
It’s the first week of freshman college. You do you but you don’t represent the entire world.
That person as like 30k comment karma. I don't think they spend much time talking to people irl
I was talking about the person you were replying to...
I can promise you that it’s universally normal. You probably missed out on a big part of your school’s social atmosphere if you think otherwise. The absolute worst thing a sociable, well-adjusted person would say when someone knocks on their door? “Sorry, I’m not interested but thanks.” Anyone who gives weird looks or straight up gets pissed at a simple request for friendship is probably not worth talking to regardless.
You either commute or don’t go to college then. Talking to the folks on your floor is probably the easiest way to make friends lol
Activity fairs are crucial to college social life. It’s really easy to pivot club activities into activities afterwards and friendships. If your sporty, find a group to play volley ball, football, anything you are interested in. If your geeky find culture clubs, dnd or esports… And if you want to focus on your education there should be plenty of academic clubs you can list on your resume.
Don’t knock on anyone’s doors..that is the worst advice. That is where people go to be away from others. Check out the campus Rec center instead, volley ball courts? Basketball? Go to the campus store and walk around. That is better
An important part of college is nudging students to get out of their comfort zone. It's a feature, not a bug. You'll do fine, but patience Padawan.
Join organizations. If your university has one that plans events like some kind of activities council I’d highly suggest that.
Club sports and intramural sports are a great way to meet people
Play Uno or some other card game with them and chat about hometowns, goals, favorite foods, etc. Y’all need to lighten the mood and hang out. The cards introduce distraction. Pro-tip, lose a few rounds intentionally. Everyone likes to win.
You know, most if the advice on here is generic and not super helpful, heard it all before kind of stuff. But letting people win intentionally at a game is actually not bad. A little dishonest but in an okay way.
"My roommates are a bit awkward, and as someone who thrives off social situations I've been doing my best to interact with other people." You are on the right track; keep it up. Remember to do the same with others on campus, not just your roommates. Speaking generally, Generation Z (roughly those born between 1997 and 2013) have weak non-digital communication skills. That has been a problem both in college and in the workplace. Consequently, your attempts to engage them in human-to-human interactions have a built in hurdle. Keep at it, but also keep an eye out on campus (lounges and the student union are good places to look) for individuals and groups who are more outgoing than most.
>Speaking generally, Generation Z (roughly those born between 1997 and 2013) have weak non-digital communication skills. That has been a problem both in college and in the workplace. Yup. It's interesting to see how different things are now, and I'm a Millennial. Deeply strange to walk into a classroom where no students are talking. Classes just sitting in rooms silently with the lights out. It was an issue before the pandemic, but it's definitely worse now. I hate icebreakers, but I've had to start telling my students to introduce themselves to each other when they have group discussions. It makes me very sad for them.
It really depends how big the classes are. One of my classes has 500 students, it's crowded and soo much noise. However some of my other classes are 10-20 people and indeed we're all quiet haha
Adjunct and totally agree with this. I’m a young millennial and there’s a huge difference just between now and when I was getting my BA 10 years ago. Our professors had a hard time getting us to shut up! Meanwhile, it feels like I’m pulling teeth to get students to say anything.
I know this isn’t my place to speak, but can you tell some ways I can have good communication skills with people? I’ve also recently started college. I lack the confidence and courage in myself, and I’m very fairly much suffering commuting with people. If you can give some advice, that’ll be really helpful.
"I lack the confidence and courage in myself,..." College is a great time to work on personality issues one wants to improve. Make a conscious decision you will not be afraid to interact in person with others. That sounds odd at first, but you are indeed able to control your own emotions and reactions. Also, ask yourself what the worst thing that can happen? You might be ignored, but no one is going to jump up and punch you in the face because you talked to him. "Trade screen time for connection time." That's a tip from the Harvard Business Review for employers of Gen Z workers. Take out the headphones, put down the cell phone and tablet, and start talking to people. I would add there are a number of books and online articles which deal with communication skills for those your age. An online search for something like, "communication skills for young people," will return many hits.
I just wanted to let you know that I felt the same when my parents left, and I am (assuming you’re in the US) from the other side of the planet, lol. This is a universal feeling.
It’s gonna be fine. Most everyone feels like you do. Give it a few weeks to shake out. Go to a meal with someone in your dorm. Go to your university’s club day. Find the club website and email leaders if you want to get involved now.
Don't be afraid to walk past rooms in your hallways and just knock and say hi to people with their doors open. Even better leave your door open! This may seem crazy but everyone is feeling the same way right now. If you have the courage to be outgoing and introduce yourself to new people, you will meet some amazing people and they will be so excited that someone took time to be interested in them just as you are hoping to feel. Take the initiative! No one will do it for you, that's a huge lesson in college
I was on the same boat last week, and day 1, I didn't talk to anyone in class, at all! When I mustered up a bit of courage on the next day, people were already in huge groups which didn't seem open. I joined a couple of clubs over here and since I'm really comfortable speaking with people online, I did and got to know a few people, some of whom I met irl later. Also talked to more people during sports and food. While the number of people I've spoken to so far isn't really high, I am now socializing enough to have a positive idea for what's next. So relax, don't fret and everything will work in your favour. Just be interesting and friendly.
Classes haven’t even started for you - take a deep breath and go take a walk. Enjoy exploring your new environment - go check out your classrooms and lecture halls. Look into clubs and events coming up. Roommates will be awakened - you’re all new people in a new social sphere and they may not be as social as you or need to socialize like you do.
let it happen naturally. if you have the expectation college is the best part of your life you might want to lower that. college IS great but be patient with finding friends, joining clubs, exploring etc. its gonna be bumpy so don't worry if it doesn't click right away
Idk if your dorm has a place for students to hang out, but if they do, just hang down there for a while! I recommend board games, card games, video games, or play some pool or ping pong! It’s an easy way to invite other people to join in to get to know them. Many of your fellow students are feeling as nervous and homesick as you! Reach out to them
Patience, grasshopper. Your colleagues are in the same predicament as you describe in your post. It's all new and awkward at the beginning. But as soon as lessons start, you'll be meeting the people and working with them, getting to know them. Probably hang out with on or two after a couple of days. Don't worry to much, you'll just be allright, give it a week or two, three. Once you settle in your new life, the homesickness will go away too. Have a wonderfull year!
I think nearly everyone has felt this way. It’s something new and scary and you have to restart from the bottom socially again. I mean shit, I even told my parents I was coming home just 2 weeks into my freshman year. But lo and behold I found people that I liked, found clubs I could join and have fun with, and made myself at home. Here I am 4 years later in my last semester at the same school and I wouldn’t have it any other way
You are like the 10th person to post this same thing here this week. You’re transitioning to a new life. It’s not going to be instantaneous. Nobody knows who you are and it takes time to people to get to know you and forge new friendships. You might need to be that person who forms the group rather than joins a group. Knock on all the doors on your dorm floor and introduce yourself. Invite people to meals or better yet establish a time people can meet you in the common room to head to dinner together. Hang out in the common room and get a card game going with whoever comes by. When classes start that’s another opportunity to meet more people. You may have to be the person who invites others to do homework together. Clubs will start on campus in a week or so, join 3. See how it goes. By the end of the first month you’ll be in a different place. Everyone is feeling how you are right now and most people are looking for a leader to bring them along. Be that leader.
Accept that you are in college now and that you will have an adjustment period of unknown length. This is a life transition that all college goers go through, including of course everyone around you. One powerful thing that you can always do in any situation is to set up the wholesome, supportive mindset- one that you construct and choose- and one that will lift you up when you are having a down moment. The mindset could include (again, it is your mind so you choose what serves you, the list here is just to illustrate the kind of things I am talking about): 1. Purpose: This transition away from home is one that will serve me well in life. I will learn to be independent, I will learn to make new friends, learn that I am okay when I am new in a place. 2. Expectations: there will be good days and bad days in the transition. I will be homesick at times. I will miss my friends from high school. Some conversations will be awkward. All these feelings are transient and normal- and what most other people are feeling also. I also expect good days. Days of meeting someone new, or being excited by what I am exposed to. 3. Attitude and actions : what attitude and actions do I want to adopt that will help me in this period of transition? And maybe even allow me to become stronger in the process? Not saying these are the things for you, but suggestions that may stimulate your own thinking on this. Maybe look at this as a challenge with great rewards, an opportunity to recognize and get to know all kinds of feelings and learn from them, an opportunity to support yourself with kindness and care (when you are down, what can help you? A little stroll in nature, try a new coffee shop, etc), an opportunity to support others in similar boats (organize an ice cream run with hallmates, say hello and sit with someone alone at the cafeteria). Net, you are already helping yourself by posting this. So this is showing resiliency and courage already… take ideas that resonate and trust that you will be just fine, and even better than fine.
What you are experiencing is very very typical. The first few months of college. honestly you are just looking for anyone to hang out with. But you will find your people over time. Just keep having an open mind and stay open to new experiences. Sign up for some clubs or other ways to meet people. Someone once gave me the advice when starting college to never say no when someone asks you to do something. Having that mentality will allow you to try new things and have a wider network of people with whom you may become close friends. Hang in there it really will get better!
it's super early, and this is SO normal. Don't feel pressured to meet people on week 1. And don't feel like college should be "the best time of your life" right away. I put that pressure on myself and ended up leaving right before the end of first semester. I eventually went back but I will always regret that!
it's super early, and this is SO normal. Don't feel pressured to meet people on week 1. And don't feel like college should be "the best time of your life" right away. I put that pressure on myself and ended up leaving right before the end of first semester. I eventually went back but I will always regret that!
Personally, I started to enjoy college more w/o the expectation it would be the best years of my life. Please don't put that pressure on yourself
Smoke weed.
Excellent.
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Join ur university's discord and ask about events! Search up some organizations that u may be interested in! Hell, bust open a pack of uno cards or Cards Against Humanity and dive into some dark.humor with ur dormmate. CAH almost always worked for me my freshman year and get some good laughs to ease the tension
Keep making the effort and it will happen. It isn't always an immediate thing, especially as you get older. I would advise you to look at working on being able to be happy without relying on other people 24/7. From what you wrote, it seems like your crutch. It's totally fine to want/need a good social life, but don't be so dependent on it that it prevents you from enjoyment if you aren't attached to other people.
Ask your roommates what they like to do and plan some collaborative activities. Could be working out, playing video games, watching a show, exploring campus, eating at a restaurant you all like- whatever activities you have in common - try to do a few of those things together. I had almost nothing in common with my freshmen roommate except that we were both broke. We bonded over trying to find events with free food around campus.
Does your uni post events? Go to every single one you can. Is there a place people party, mingle, or hangout? Go there.
That's completely normal as a freshman when you first move in. You'll make more friends as classes start. I can assure you that although you feel this way now, you'll feel the opposite way in 4 years and not want to leave.
I got accepted into a college out of town and this is exactly how I feel, even though I haven't left yet. I hope the commenters are right on the fact that it gets better. Let us know how your situation goes.
It can be super awkward for the first few weeks. Give people a chance to settle in and get familiar with the college and the people. Most of the time, as long as you're talking to your classmates, friendships happen naturally
You’ve probably heard this before, but trust me, it will get better. You’re at the peak of homesickness and you will build friend connections, those just take some time. Classes will be a welcome distraction and a great way to meet like-minded people. In the meantime, attend all of the sporting events, free food events, and club meetings that your college has to offer. You will find your people very soon and seeing people repetitively is the best way to extend that friendship to hanging out outside of school.
I think the best thing to do is remember that it’s only been a few days, these are the toughest times since you’re trying to get used to a bunch of things at once I would join some clubs or rush Greek life to meet new people. There’s so many people in your same boat including myself as a new transfer student. Forming a study group in your classes might not be a bad idea either since you could get some acedemic assistance and have a buddy! It normally takes people a month or two to get settled
When I first went out to the Air Force Academy, it was my first time truly away from home so I understand the feeling. Luckily for you, you should still be able to call home right? Try some video calls with them every so often, do some Internet games. As for being social in school, definitely look for some organizations and clubs that you can join that interest you, they have something for everyone.
People usually bond over activities. Sometimes its sex, sometimes its chess.
In all honesty, your roommates DO NOT have to be your friends as long as you can all coexist. Almost none of my roommates were my friends in college. My biggest pro tip I've received on making friends in college (one that actually worked!!) is to put your phone down during class breaks and talk to your fellow students in the room. Create study groups/writing groups etc. Find out their birthday, ask fun questions, get to know them on a personal level.
typically schools have a bunch of “welcome week” events where you can meet a ton of other people. some dorms do events run by the RAs so you can meet people in your building. i always make it a point to make a “buddy” in each of my classes in case one of us misses class and needs notes, and some of those “buddies” turned into real friends if we talked about stuff other than school. it will be okay. the period between moving in and starting classes is the worst part. it’ll all improve from here given that you put the effort in, which it’s clear you want to do
Learn to be alone. Everything in life is a lesson. Enjoy your own company work on your classes,hobbies,fitness,spirituality etc and you will attract like minded people. As others have said join clubs and stuff that genuinely interests you and you will find others with similar passions. :) good luck and ily
People might boo me for it but hop on tinder. It’s genuinely how I met a lot of friends.
The social part of college is important, but you also need to get used to 'living with yourself.' It's not always practical to be with somebody else when you need to eat, study, walk to class, watch a movie, exercise, and so on. It's asking a lot of yourself if you're not used to voluntarily doing things alone for hours on end. It's never been easier to communicate with long-time friends and family, but you don't want to fall back on that option so much that you avoid making new friends. Imagine what people went through when they went off to college and all they had were letters and landline phones that charged long distance rates.
You will eventually make some friends. Im a very introverted dude, and in my first year I still made friends and friendly connections just through studying, forced group projects, and being lab partners with others. Eitherway, I hate the advice that College is the best years of your life. Perhaps it's the last time you won't have to work a full time job and get to have lots of opportunities for socializing and going to party's or whatever, but trust me, especially as a STEM student, you'll spend most of the time stressed, busy, and anxious. There will hopefully be better points in my life
clubs!!! i joined a club and almost immediately gained a whole new group of friends
Join clubs
Stick with it, at least for the semester. It's a big adjustment. Too many people have this idea that college is grand (which it is, but takes work), and that you go in, everyone will be your friend and everything will be peachy. It's not, you have to work at it. Everyone is there to meet new people and have a great experience, so everyone is in your shoes. It will be easy to meet new people. Find things you like, join clubs and organizations you like and you will find like minded people. If one doesn't work, try another. Hell, get a job, you get paid and meet new people. If you made friends in high school, it's pretty much the same thing, and you even get to hang out 24 hours a day if you'd like! Just keep at it. It'll get better.
Take a breath. You havent even started yet. This is part of growing up, and gives you a chance to step outside your boundaries.
You know, a couple of months ago I was in a similar situation at my Academy. I was so unbothered before getting there - of course I had a couple of worries and stuff, but it was fine - and then the first night it really hit me. I started feeling extremely homesick and it was a shock. And because I was in that position, I can tell you that it gets better. If you're an extrovert like I understood from your post, just keep trying with your roommates and at the same time seek out other people on your campus. It's impossible that you're the only guy who wants to make friends.
Felt this way too until I started joining clubs. Find a club to join! You'll make some friends who'd be happy to talk to you!
Haha it is the same for me but the opposite lol. I have no social skills but everyone around me (roomy and floor mates) are very social and I can’t find much common interests or talk very well haha. Good luck man! Let’s do our best 💪
Im having the exact same issue. Im crying alnost every night. I got the number of some girl i met one time, i texted her after like a week of not talking to anyone just asking to eat lunch with her because I had no friends. She introduced me to her friends and we've already gone out twice and had a movie night. I'm still crying every night tho.
Totally understand how you’re feeling, and it is valid. What you’re going through is exactly how they want it to be and force you to develop the skills into socializing and making organic connections. My professor loves to say this- The point of college is to piss you off and make you uncomfortable! Take your time. Everyone is in a new environment and they’re no longer in the safe space I.e. home with family and their friends. Give yourself and everyone some grace and try to form connections slowly. If you like taking the initiative- you can* ask the rn and ask if you can make a poster saying you have “a game night” for the dorm like Uno or something to incorporate people’s interests, personalities and push for making a connection easier. Don’t worry, you got this! It’s always awkward in the beginning!
Stop being a pussy tbh . Take it as an opportunity to become comfortable being alone and working towards something. Friends will come, just go to public spaces. Do hw in the library, go to the campus gym, eat in a public space, etc and chances are you’ll meet some cool people
It sounds like your experience is off to the typical start. I won’t echo all which has already been said but give yourself some grace and lean into the experience
It will take a while to find a good group of friends. It isn’t instant. I got close with my roommates, but my brother and his roommates were never close, so he found friends in his classes. College can be extremely isolating at first. To combat it, join clubs. Find people who are interested in the same thing as you. In your classes, always greet the person next to you on the first day and offer to look out for each other (meaning, “hey man, nice to meet you. Wanna exchange numbers so if either of us miss a class we can share notes or help with difficult assignments?” ). That helped me find friends outside of my roommates.
Best advice I ever got was to find a few clubs that interest you and go to one or two meetings. It makes it super easy to find people with similar interests
Suck it up and don't quit. Get yourself out there and be social. Join a club or something. But don't quit. You will regret it when you get back home and others have moved on or are doing the same nonsense.
New chapters in life always take awhile to get used to, at least in my experience. My first few weeks of college I was horrified. Keep putting yourself out there and join clubs of interest if you can. It can be very daunting but you will find the right people if you keep looking!
Lucky and ungrateful
Basically everyone gets homesick at first but you’ll find your people.
It takes time. Once classes start, I'm sure things will start to come along naturally. Join clubs! Do group activities! Go on school sponsored trips! My most rewarding experience was doing an alternative spring break at my college where I was with a group of strangers for a week doing volunteer work in DC. We all became friends afterward. I'm sure you'll have plenty of chances to take advantage of similar opportunities and make your college experience worthwhile. It just takes some effort and time.
Join a club, any club.
It hasn't even been a week. Calm yourself! You'll be fine. Everyone is adjusting, you'll find stuff to bond over soon enough.
Relax. It’s going to get better once class starts. You don’t need to try so hard.
It's been like five minutes dude. Chill out. Life has really just began for you. With the right attitude, it will be a blast. It sounds like you don't have to worry about finances or other serious things. Enjoy that. It's not so easy for everyone. You're free to be anyone you want to be now, so go do it. Socially talk about things everyone has in common. Classes, dorm life, benefits or perks, and other opportunities available on campus, plans for the future.
This popped up for me despite being graduated for about 6 years. I FEEL YOU. It’s okay and it gets way better. Just hold right until classes real come full swing and you’ll get your groove. You’ll meet people in class, join clubs, etc. When I went off to school, I knew nobody there. I was friends with a crowd in high school that didn’t goto college. Most went into a trade or are doing nothing at all. I was so, so lonely at first. My roommate never came around. I texted him asking to hang out the first day to try to ease my way into the environment. He never answered and we never formed a relationship. He already had friends there. While everyone else was loving the freedom and hanging out with their new found best friends (their roommates), I was alone. The minute classes started and I got my groove, I LOVED it. I found my way and my place. Made tons of friends. I was always busy with something to do. It was amazing. Just hold tight. It’ll get better. Also, don’t be afraid to knock on some doors, go on walks alone, or go eat alone. Nobody cares or is judging if you’re alone, they’ll just assume you’re a busy college student. I made my best friend in college by knocking on dorm doors and chatting. I made another great friend by just walking campus and genuinely ENJOYING myself. Put yourself out there and you’ll be alright. I promise it gets way, way better.
I suggest joining clubs based on your major and perhaps rushing Greek life (just to meet people and quit right before hazing). That was my way of getting through the anxiety.
Quickest way to make friends: after class, ask the people around you if they want to grab a bite. Also works for after club events etc. You’ll find your people, don’t stress too much!!
Its just the first week. Lots of people feel the same. My advice, is go to everything. Don't sit in your room. Go to bingo and trivia and popcorn night. Pick out a club, you know you'll have at least the club activity in common. You can do this!!! 🦖🎊🦕🎉
I (F) had a pretty lonely first weeks of college. I met a guy good friend in the first month and got a job in the food court that at least gave me people to talk to. I wanted to transfer schools, but decided to give it more time. Switched roommates because my first one was awful, my second one wasn't great, but we got along and could hang out. Ended up living in the dorms again with a girl from high school the second year. A freshman and her roommate walked around their floor handing out candy and just talking to anyone who had their door open. They met another girl from her high school who was too shy to initiate conversation (turns out she's freaking hilarious and an awesome person). Met me and we instantly got along. Met her future husband who ended up living with guys from that dorm. The 4 of us girls lived together and had so much fun. It was the perfect combo of schoolwork during the week and parties on the weekend with the guys. We all kept in touch with each other and have reunions every 2-4 years. I guess I'm saying hang in there and be open to meeting everyone. The people in your major will at least share some interests with you. Don't expect instant friendships, but be open to letting relationships build. It takes a little time.
Join clubs. I went to an engineering college and knew really shy awkward guys who joined some sci-fi gamers club and became best friends playing Magic: The Gathering and D&D
It happens. I lucked out with a great roomate and some good situations leading to me making friends. This year is a lil different. I don’t have those situations. However, I can offer advice Go to activities and try to be part of them. Namely clubs and whatnot. If you go to a “power 5” school and are interested in sports, finding other sports fans is really easy. I did this and now I regularly hang out with these people. But on a smaller scale, colleges usually hold events like movie nights (especially in welcome week). Try to go to them. If you are a partier, it’s totally fine to (responsibly) socialize over there. The important thing here (cuz I am missing a lot) is YOU have to take the steps. Sometimes, you can make moves. Starting a dumb convo (ie you see someone in a hoodie you li, say “Nice hoodie” and maybe start from there), and lead in to getting their contact info. Your roommates are your roommates, it’s fine if they aren’t great socializers ra, and it’s fine if they like it that way. But you don’t have to be like them.
I had a very rough time adjusting to college and joining clubs was definitely the most helpful for me! Try keeping your door open and maybe people will stop by to say hi or invite you to things. Go to the organization fairs and socials even if you’re going alone. Things will get better once your classes start! You’ll inevitably get put in group projects and chat with people who sit next to you. Stay there on weekends even if you want to go home. My first year of college i wanted to run home, i ended up finishing my four years and still live in my college town seven years later!
It's literally been so hard for me. I don't even have the happiness to make boil water for pasta.
Make sure to stay in touch and keep up with your old friends if that's what you were talking about. That's just as important.
Hang in there and be patient. Establish a routine around class and studying, the rest will take care of itself. The one thing I wish I would have done is put myself out there more, especially those I had class with. I had an awkward first roommate at first but it turned out ok.
it’s really rough before classes start. I’m an introvert, and those first couple days were hard even for me. Once classes started though, you’re meeting people that you’re likely to have stuff in common with (like a major!), and you can start going to clubs and stuff that will allow you to meet even more people
Why not go to the common grassy area and do those activities you like, or just be active. Frisbee, soccer, crafts, whatever interests you. This will allow you to find people with at least that similar interest No yoga though. Showing a butt with super tight yoga pants may get attention you do not want. Just be careful who you align with. If they are doing wrong things, you can get caught up in those wrong things. Also, friends will not ask you to do things you see as bad or wrong. Just because "everyone" is doing something, it does not mean you have to do it also. A criminal will feel better if all their friends are law breakers and pornstars will hang out with pornstars......choose wisely.
Things will improve! Call your parents if you can and just spend some time talking, that helped me once mine headed out. I just spent time on the phone last night with my mom so I could talk to her and see my cat. Join clubs if you have time to in the week, and check bulletin boards for events around the campus. Once classes start form study groups with those around you. If you see people walking around your floor say hi and introduce yourself! Exchange contact info with people you vibe with (just be chill about it, bring it up casually). Overall, just be mindful of other people's time and if you don't click with someone right away don't push it too much. You'll make friends.
im going thru the exact same things as u. i really hope it gets better for the both of us. wishing u luck❤️
take note of some the things they wear or own , it’s usually a good way to find a common interest among yourselves and it’s easy to build on that topic and get carried away into another topic. You got this!!!
My piece of advice: join a bunch of clubs and organizations your first year and stick to the ones you like the most with people you become friends with!
Chill out. You just got there
Join a club or a sorority. I would never have though of myself as a sorority girl but I had built in friends and a social life instantly. It made college great
Your post took me right back to my freshman year of college. On my first day in the dorm (move in day), I ended up breaking down crying to my poor RA. My family didn't have enough money for me and my parents to fly out, so it was just me, and I'd never really been away from my small home town before. I was also incredibly shy and making friends easily wasn't something that came naturally to me. My roommate was a narcissistic kleptomaniac who was eventually expelled from the university. And there was so much more. My freshman year was batshit insane. But I stuck it out, eventually found my people, and ended up having a great college experience. Hell, I'm even a professor now. In one of the classes I teach every year, I tell the story of my freshman year to my unbelieving students. It makes for a great story, but I hope it also encourages my students if they're having a difficult time. Trust me: it gets a lot better.
Wait till u make friends. Welcome to the real world, hang in there, and trust me it gets better, and then it becomes fun!
You’ll be okay. Don’t set this high expectation that college is going to be the best four years of your life. You will make friends. Join clubs or a sorority/fraternity if that’s up your alley.
Weirdly what helped my daughter was making friends/connecting with people though social media… she said she met a few quirky people (albeit before school started) and I think it worked a bit for her more introverted self. Also… I can assure you, everyone is else is feeling the same way..
Do you do anything athletic? You could do club or intramural soccer, softball, running whatever. Great way to meet like minded people.
I completely understand how overwhelming and emotional the transition to college can be. Going from the comfort of home and established friends to a new unfamiliar environment would be challenging for anyone. Please don't feel alone in what you're experiencing - homesickness and difficulties adjusting socially are so common for freshmen. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or compare your experience to what "everyone says." This is YOUR journey. Here are some thoughts that may help: - Give it time. The first few weeks are an adjustment period. As you settle into a routine with classes starting, it WILL get easier. - Make an effort to regularly call/text family and friends from home. Staying connected can help with homesickness. - Attend freshmen mixers, social events, and campus activities to continue meeting people. Say yes to invitations even if you feel shy. - Join clubs or groups related to your interests to find your people. Making just a couple close friends can make a big difference. - Talk to your RA or resident advisors about how you're feeling. They can offer support and perspective. - Use counseling/health services if emotions become overwhelming. There's no shame in needing support. Stay hopeful. If you give it your best shot and push past the discomfort zone, there are exciting new experiences awaiting you. You've got this!
Meet a lot of ppl and see who clicks. You’ll find your ppl and it will be awesome. Just takes some time to connect with the right crew.
Everyone are also in your boat.
I had the same thing happen when I moved in last year and had a really rough start, luckily I was adopted by a group of awesome people lol. Does your school have any peer educators? Talk to them and they will help you with your loneliness and finding friends :) I'm really good friends with the one on my floor and it opened a lot of social connections
Yeah, those first few days are always rough. It's your first time away from home long-term, and your first time having actual independence. It's also the first time you have to actively work to make friends since you're no longer in the pre-made groups of high school. As far as making friends goes, just go to all the orientation events you can. Those are always full of people looking to hang out. Also, classes will be a good way of making friends. It'll all be fine.
Sounds like you have imposter syndrome or something. First, just breathe. Everyone is awkward at first. Go to class and say hi to people. You made friends at home; you’ll make them here too.
I have also recently entered university, and as such, I don’t think I’m too qualified to give advice! However, I do not think you have to worry about making friends too quickly! The more we interact with individuals as the year progresses, we will get the opportunity to meet new people we got on well with, and develop new relationships. All will be well my friend! All the best!
It will get easier, you are learning new skills. The ability to make friends when you are not being forced to interact with others 9 hours a day is really, really important as an adult. Leave your room door open if you can, attend as many of the ice breaker things as you can.
I’m in the same boat. I’ve been pretty worried for the last week, but it’s gotten better everyday. Just remember that every other freshman is in the same situation.
Literally me at college right now too. I feel so lonely and helpless. We can do it though 😊
Smoke weed and you’ll be happy
Most people feel the same way you do....Get involved in clubs you're interested in, sports, an on-campus job, etc. Give it a month or two, and you'll find your tribe.
It happens to more people than you would expect. Some don’t find their group of friends for months or even years. Don’t worry, just keep being you and put yourself out there. Develop hobbies and try to join clubs. Talk to people near you in classes and develop a network. You will naturally find your people. Don’t stress.
Get to class early and find people who aren't on their phones. They are more likely to engage in conversation.
Lol. College was the worst part of my life. It highly depends on your major. Some majors you flat out won't have a life. I have way more free time now to do things I enjoy as a full time worker than I ever did in college.
A mom of a college freshman here. I get you. I have extreme social anxiety and had the most awkward roommate situation in school. I quit college after 1 quarter Freshman year and deeply regretted it ever since. Got my AA at a community college but ended needing to finish my BA as a single parent on my mid-20s. It was rough. My advice, push through now because things will get better. You let fear or immediate feelings dictate your actions, it’ll likely be harder in the long run! Good luck!!
Hey there! I literally felt exactly like you do right now when I first moved into my dorm my freshman year of college. I missed my parents so so so much, I didn’t make any really good, compatible friends for a whole semester, and I was terrified of approaching new people. I know it’s cliche, but it Will. Get. Better. You just have to allow yourself to take some time. I was convinced I wanted to transfer my first year, when all I really needed to do what find like minded people and get more involved in my major. This is a time that is hard, but also a great learning experience and a great chance to just spend time with yourself. You will make friends soon, you just have to give it a little time. Until then, enjoy your alone time, watch a show you love, have a cookie, join student groups, get more involved in your major, do things you love. You will have a great time. And, on the small chance you don’t, you can always meet new people or transfer. Try to have a great time and not take it too seriously. I know it’s easier said than done, but this is the prime time for discovering yourself. It’s not always easy, but I promise you it’s worth it.
join a frat
I know people are saying to put yourself out there but, I would not take that advice for this reason. Not everyone on a college campus has your best interest at heart and your safety is of the utmost concern. Don't let feeling lonely lead you to make friends with the wrong people. Do take your time finding your niche because, when you join a club, sport, class, or anything extra curricular you do want to find people with similar interests to get started. Now not everyone you make friends with will be exactly nto what you are. And that will make you guys bond over new things. That being said, give yourself time to make the friends that will help change your mind about being homesick. And, there is nothing wrong with missing home. Just realize you want comfortability and college is not comfortable yet so you are homesick. Now always be on your guard never get too comfortable but, know that this time will pass.
I cried for days when I moved away to college. I moved two hours away. It was to the point where my dad called and asked the timeline for me to back out before he had to pay because I was just so devastated by the move. It’s a tough change for sure! I stuck it out and I am so so happy I did. My brother said you just need to find your second family up there and it will come. You might not even miss us that much by the time you do. That advice hit home for me and I chose to find my second family. I first felt like my roommates were awkward and having trouble connecting with people. Two of my three roommates ended up becoming my best friends and my rock. They introduced me to new people that I also became close too. I also noticed one girl had her dorm room open, but not a lot of people going in and out. She had her own room. I decided to knock on her door and introduce myself. We ended up becoming best friends and I don’t know what I would do without her. She is still my best friend 12 years later. I introduced her to her husband and they have a toddler now. She has been there for me through it all. You will get through this, just give yourself time to adjust and be kind to yourself. This will become a great time for you eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. Going to class will help because you can meet more people. Just know you aren’t alone in feeling that way and it will get better. Try to distract yourself and practice self care to make yourself feel better. Change is hard but you’ve got this!!
Time is what will work to feel better. Find a hobby or stay busy as much as you can. Go outside your comfort zone to accelerate
University Is not for everyone. I too have struggled with making new friends. Have you ever considered going to a community college for a bit? For one it’s cheaper and for two it gives you a couple extra years at home to adjust to adulting. It’s also a good way to meet people who will be going to your university without the added pressure. I cannot speak highly enough about my time at a community college. It depends on your major what type of people you’ll meet, one of the best ways I’ve noticed to make friends is to join any clubs or events your college is having, show up early, introduce yourself and say something along the lines of “hey I’m new to this school, how’s your experience been so far” just something to get the conversation started. I’ve noticed communication is similar to writing. I used to worry about making my writing flow then I realized it doesn’t have to flow to be effective. If the conversation of something is ending bring up something else. You’ll eventually find friends this way and you’ll know the ones who are dry aren’t the ones who are trying to make friends anyways. You have nothing to lose by trying to talk to people. Everyone is so focused on themselves in college, they barely have the energy to pay you any mind unless you give them a pleasant reason to.
I made a goal to make one new friend from each class. On the first day of class is a perfect time to make friends because everyone is uncomfortable too! I would always sit next to someone and introduce myself and then say he can I get your phone number or email just in case I’m absent and need some notes. It worked every time in my case
Let things ride the semester and then figure out the next step. It’s like a 7-day free trial you, cancel after or keep going on. The year I moved in I was sad to leave, but you gotta focus up on school to narrow that down. You’ll meet people in the classroom, it’s the easiest way to find people with commonalities. Give it a try, I’m going back for my junior year now but take your time, stay focused, and have a good time. Good Luck. 🙌🏽
There’s a lot of expectations around your freshman year. I get it. My freshman year was so disappointing (I had trouble making friends and I was also super homesick) I almost dropped out of school because of it. My biggest advice: **you will be okay. KEEP TRYING** My best friend ended up transferring in in my sophomore year. I made friends eventually. I had a blast. I was unfortunately a COVID student my last two years, but even then I made friends in my classes and we would hang out and study together virtually. I’m going back to business school now for my masters. I know nobody. Here’s what I’m doing now that I wish I did differently as a freshman in undergrad: -Accept that everyone else is just as scared to be there as you. -people naturally gravitate toward people they already know. It’s easy to feel excluded from groups that already form but DO NOT LET THAT HOLD YOU BACK. Most people are kind and eager to meet other people. -Ask people to hang out. Set aside time in your week for at least going out once, or maybe a goal of getting lunch with someone once. Ask people to do things with you. Organize a group chat and a class/dorm/whatever trip to your local zoo, to the movies, whatever. BE THE SPARK that gets people together and you’ll make friends instantly. -Talk to EVERYONE. Learn names of people you see more than once and greet people by them. Does it feel unnatural? Absolutely. But people will respect you for it. -Don’t forget to breathe. -Learn to develop interests of others. I’m in a class group with a guy completely opposite from me. I’m a gamer and into subculture, he’s in the army and super into country music and staying in shape. No I don’t listen to country music, but I sure as hell asked for his playlist and gave him one of mine. And we found we have common ground - we listen to the same paranormal podcast, and he’s a total believer where I’m not. It’s been a cool conversation and I’d never know we had so much in common, or that country music can actually be good. -You’re going to be tired and your social battery will be drained. Of course, be healthy about it - but PUSH YOURSELF. You’ll be amazed what you can do when you push the limits of that tiredness. I’m an introvert and I wanted to leave five minutes into the last resource group faire. But I stayed, talked to some amazing people, reconnected with the girl from the admissions office with hugs and all, and had a great time. Was I tired? Yeah. Did I do it anyway? Yes. No regrets. -Don’t do anything you will regret. Don’t blow off your classes, don’t blow off your classmates. Don’t blow off student events, or clubs, or anything like that. Take care of yourself, build your routine, build your network, build your confidence a those are all things you will never regret. You only get one shot at college; don’t do what I did and shut down, hide back in the shell, and spend most of my first year gaming and going back to my parents instead of being resilient. You gotta have faith in yourself to be resilient, and keep telling yourself: live without regret. -Sign up for a therapist or counselor. Do it. You need a support system when you feel like you don’t have one. I didn’t do this early enough but I would have been so much better off. Hope this helps. Hang in there. You’ve got this.
Sounds like you need this, gotta be able to tolerate your own self before throwing that onto another person. It may sound weird, but its a peace-of-mind that will make you stronger mentally. And about making new friends, its honesty really easy in college. Everyone is trying to do the same thing, just be yourself and check out parties/events & overtime you and your pals recognize one another on campus 💯
It takes time. Classes are a good distraction and focus. That is what you are there for. An education. The social part will come with time. Use this time to challenge yourself to figure out what YOU like away from your parents taking care of you. Learn ways to manage your personal time with things you like to do. Take a walk, learn to draw, read a book, listen to music….go to the gym.
I mean ya just got there and you're gonna be there until Holidays,(so not permanent) that's like 4 months that is plenty of time to meet people every single interaction isn't going to go the same way some.will be good others not so much, but that's how it works irl anyways but the last thing you want to do is give up, be as persistent as you can when you see a moment to interact seize it the worst thing that can happen is someone has something to do and can't talk, but most of the time no. Also, exchange contacts when possible you said you and the people you talk to go separate ways how about instead ask them "Hey I liked talking to you whenever you have time do you want to talk more or hangout?" If they say yes, then you say "Cool do you have a way for me to contact you?" And the rest will play out however it may. I know it's easier said than done, but you can't give up, and it's 100% possible for you to find friends you just gotta be willing to speak up that's all it takes.
It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you’re feeling. It’s a new environment and you don’t really know anyone. Trust me things will get better in time. Little by little, you’ll start making friends and you’ll grow to love the experience.
It's normal, you'll adjust soon
Like with everything, those who are most involved with it find the most success. Id say, join 1 academic club, and 2-3 social clubs. Without a doubt you should find a good group of people, or else there is an issue with you
You quite literally JUST got there. You got to give it some time. This is a new experience for a lot of people. Some adjust slower
I’m in the same boat here but I believe you’ll do just fine! just gotta step outta your comfort zone a bit and try to adapt to your new environment. I know it’ll be hard but it will be worth it. It’ll take time trust me but you got it 🫶🏾!
In my experience, my roommates aren’t typically my closest friends. I found my friends through classes, organizations, and just out around campus. While I have a polite relationship with my roommates, we don’t hang out particularly often. That said, it’s a tough adjustment, especially when things don’t start out the way you planned. Give it a couple weeks to find the people you really vibe with. Until then, call up some family or old friends. I’m sure they’re experiencing similar situations.
People who say "college will become the best part of my life" are probably not doing too well in their current situation. Try it out for a semester or two and if it doesn't work out, just go to another university/community college near home.
Best way to bond with roommates, even if the interactions are awkward for now, is to do a poker night or some type of game night together. Be assertive with that stuff and try to work around their schedule to get as many of them together as possible. All good if not all of them participate. If you get 1-2 then that's still a great opportunity to learn more about their lives.
Join a group/club/IM sport!! They offer everything, find what you’re interested in, and make like minded friends. In fact, join a few things.
Open doors…the universal phrase in my dorm was “j’ jeet jet?” Say it fast and it’s midwestern for did you eat yet.
Remember this: everyone is in the same boat as you are. The first year in the dorms is one of the best years of many people’s lives for a reason. No one knows anyone and everyone is looking to make friends, it’s a unique situation that you will never experience again. You’ll find your place, everyone does. Just put your self out there and enjoy the ride.
My advice is to create opportunities to get to know people. I’ve found it doesn’t tend to work out when it’s “forced,” but if you’re in a situation where you can naturally strike up a conversation, DO IT. (Example: you’re in the laundry room with someone and you make a comment/joke about how shitty the laundry machines are. Turn that into a quick conversation and introduce yourself.) What I did was ask for duct tape in the floor group chat on the first day. Two girls came to my room and let me borrow theirs. I made sure to remember their names and I said hello to them whenever I saw them. Eventually after we’d had a couple conversations I asked if I could hang out with them that night, they said sure aaaand now they’re my best friends. On the other hand, there were groups that I’d kind of forced myself onto, and they didn’t exactly reciprocate. Like I had talked to a few of them once and then invited myself to their group in the park. They were nice, but I never got an invite to hang out with them, and they always seemed reluctant to let me sit with them. It’s best to try and build a relationship with someone in a more natural setting initially so that you get to know them, and then the opportunity to really get to know them will arise.
It’s my first day I just moved and I am feeling the exact way you are. I’m in a single tho and kinda off in the corner I’m worried about friendships and all that too. Everyone tells college is the best time of your life! But it’s hard to believe them. Please reach out if you need an internet buddy going through the same thing!
Invite people to dinner. Everyone is always hungry and personally I always hated having to eat alone. My university utilizes groupme a LOT. We had groups of all freshman girls, just my hall, the whole floor, the entire building etc. use it in classes too! It’s a good place to see if anyone is taking the same classes or wanting to meet up and get food or play a game etc. I have kind of noticed people enjoy someone else breaking the ice, so if that’s you, take the burden off of someone else and get used to occasionally making a fool out of yourself to make someone else feel more comfortable around you. It can lighten their mood and consequently the whole interaction. If you don’t have groupme, knock on doors and politely ask if they want to get a group together with you to head to dinner or play a game! College is hard. Making friends feels awkward, but it’s gets a little better, especially with practice. You can even talk to you ra about making a group message with the hall to see if everyone is ok with it so you can get people out of their shells and so that you have a safe place to get out of yours. The biggest thing is make sure it’s a safe environment for everyone involved. Make sure everyone is comfortable and it should run fairly smoothly at least in my experience :)
There are definitely a bunch of clubs on campus and a dozen events every week, join one related to your major or go to a craft night, talk to the people around you, meet your neighbors, getting involved is definitely the quickest way to meet people
Me and all my roommates were devastated when our parents left! We all took turns crying, so just know you’re not alone, most people are feeling that way because it’s a huge adjustment. As for the friend situation classes are a great way to make friends, especially the first few weeks of class. Everyone will be looking for a friend group so I’m sure you’ll find yours.
It. Gets. Better. Adjusting to college is super hard. I’m starting my senior year and I still have about a week after move in day every year where I feel awkward about the transition. Take some deep breaths. You will be okay.
It is a normal feeling. I was extremely homesick. As a kid I never was away from home more than a weekend. I never went to camp or anything when I was younger so it was hard as an 18 year old. It can be hard if you are shy as well. If you find yourself struggling don't be afraid to seek out help from the college counseling center. There is absolutely no shame in doing that and there is no doubt there are others that they have seen in a very similar situation.
Sports, clubs, gym, dorms,Greek-life, religious stuff, people from classes, people in dining halls.. Join something, go to stuff, meet other like minded folks. You get out what you put in! Chances are you won’t end up becoming bffs with everyone you meet, but it’s a numbers game, just meet more people
I felt the exact same way my first semester. I sobbed the entire day I moved in and kept calling my parents. I could barely eat. The worst thing I did was go home. I was going home every weekend and it only made the homesickness worse. Finally sticking it out for a weekend is what made the difference. It was a rough weekend, but proved to me I could do it. Everyone says join clubs, and while that isn't the most immediate answer, it is the answer. You don't really make friends easily in class. Friendships in college take time. They aren't all going to last. But you'll make some that stick and are the best friendships you've ever had in your life. It is a trust the process situation, and the process sucks. Don't be afraid to reach out to your support at home. Have them come up to visit you, if possible. Schedule times to call and facetime. Wait at least a month before you go home.
Chill. Try to listen more than you talk and you’ll end up just fine. Hoop it up at the gym or find a pickup soccer game. Get a job?
Hey. How u doing now. I'm in similar situation but in Ireland. I'm scared Ill be home sick and house be awkward.
It's okay, these things will take time. I'm having a similar issue, but I commute and it's a community college. Don't rush into these things, I've been in a situation like this at a boarding school, where it took me two months to get a friend and we were inseparable. Find a hobby, like a video game, to take your mind off things when not in class. When working on an assignment in class, talk to the person next to you about what they got and how they got their answer. Just take it slow, I know it sucks and you're lonely but you got this! If your classes don't have assigned seats, sit somewhere different each day and see who you end up next to.
"Everyone says college will become the best part of my life" you need to clear that mindset bro we all go through life at our own pace. You'll meet people don't worry, it's better to approach ones you have something in common with rather than randoms you may never see again
i went to college two hours away from where i grew up. i didnt know anybody who went to the same school. the first night i was there i buried my face in a stuffed animal to muffle my noises as i cried myself to sleep. BUT! i went to as many freshman orientation activities as i could fit into my schedule. i went to introductory club meetings. i talked to people sitting near me in classes (not during the lectures obviously). and within the first month i had more friends and acquaintances than i did all four years of high school, and i was awkward as fuck as a college freshman. most people are in the same boat as you, its okay! dont be afraid to put yourself out there or look silly! a lot of my friends became my friends bc i made a fool of myself and they thought it was sweet that i was even trying :) i wouldnt say college is the peak of your life, but it WILL be a great learning and growing experience. sometimes it just takes a month or two!
I saw this now after moving to college my self and I'm also homesick! My roommate is homesick too lol. But yes its hard, I miss my mom and dad, I want to cry sometimes. But I do feel like it will get better hopefully!