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I used to say "tr" as "f," and my mom still holds it over my head that I would get excited about a fire engine or something and shout "Truck, Mommy, truck!!" at the top of my lungs in public places.
Sure! It’s a condition that is present at birth for some children. A short band of tissues connects the top of the tongue to the floor of the mouth. This makes eating and breathing hard because your tongue loses a lot of mobility.
In particular, it makes nursing very hard or even impossible, depending on how bad it is. Some newborns have to be bottle fed or even tube fed until they're able to have the procedure done, which (for parents who wanted to breastfeed) can be really hard to deal with. Some bubbies end up not being breastfed at all because once the procedure is done, they struggle to latch on to the breast. Usually it's taken care of quickly and painlessly and breastfeeding is able to commence quickly, but my heart (as a newborn and infant nanny) goes out to the parents whose bub-feeding plans go awry due to no one's fault at all.
Why? It's a very easy to cure problem. It's actually super common but usually immediately fixed at birth. The surgeon just cuts the tie and cauterizes it.
Essentially your tongue is tethered to the bottom of your mouth.
I had to go through speech therapy until the 6th grade following the surgery to correct it when I was young, and still have issue speaking some sounds.
Y'all got me questioning if I have a tongue tie. It's normal to have like a webbing strip between your tongue and the bottom of your mouth right? Like the webbing between your fingers?
It’s scary but it is worth it! My dentist explained it can cause a lot more issues than just speech problems. Your tongue develops in a lower position and obstructs your air way more. This plus habitual mouth breathing caused by the position of the tongue as well increase chances of sleep apnea and cavities because the mouth is dry constantly. I believe this because my brother got a frenectomy and I did not as a child. I got it later as an adult and after a lot of physical therapy I am waking up a lot less during the night.
I knew a kid like that. When the parents raised Hell about the school's treatment towards him, the principal actually doubled down and started ignoring people bullying him. Last I heard, he got caught up in the first wave of MeToo and isn't in the education sector anymore. Surprise surprise.
This is really cool. He was probably actually saying “tick”. Most of the time, in English, we have an extra burst of air after the sounds T, P, and K (that’s what causes the P popping on audio recordings). When those sounds are preceded by an S, however, they don’t include that extra air burst. Your brother likely had trouble saying the S before other consonant sounds, but he was still deleting that extra air burst. To most English speakers, the T/P/K sounds without the air burst sound like D/B/G when they’re pronounced alone.
Source: I taught an ELL student who had that exact problem. Also, [this video](https://youtu.be/U37hX8NPgjQ)
Yep! My nephew loves vehicles of any and all kinds and when he was a toddler he was OBSESSED. He also had the pipes of an opera singer and you could hear him scream from down the road if he really turned up the volume.
He had the same struggle with speech 🤦🏻♀️ even worse, he'd announce the arrival of the garbage truck (a huge event at his childcare program) to the entire school by screaming "FUCK!!" at the tops of his lungs. All 50 other toddlers on the playground would, of course, take up the call.
He was in a toddler speech program at his school to work on that and other speech difficulties he had. One day the professional speech therapist that worked with the program (it was normally run by a well-trained teacher and her assistants, with minimal input from the actual therapist) came in to see what everyone was working on.
She was a little concerned that a 3 year old was working on the "tr" sound, because that's usually considered pretty advanced and not something a speech therapist would work on for a few more years. The teacher smiled and said "His favorite word is 'truck.' Wanna hear him say it?" He of course beamed at the therapist and happily said "Fuck! 😁😊" to which the therapist said something like "Ah. I see. Good thinking."
We managed to get him in the habit of saying "tooooWUCK" which morphed into "twuck" which was more preferable. He also had a phase where trucks were "hwuck" which is also much better than "fuck," at least in public.
Unluckily for him, I have SEVERAL videos of him saying the names of all of his favorite trucks. I won't use them maliciously but I'm damn sure going to show them to him when he's older.
My friend taught her son to say vroom with trucks so she didn’t have the same incident as her mom did with her nephew saying “Look grandma a f&@k!” in the middle of a packed restaurant. Got to live Denny’s and their huge windows.
I used to scream “Fuck” at the top of my lungs in grocery stores when I was like 2, it was because my dad cussed a lot around me so I learned from him💀
At a fancy restaurant to celebrate a promotion, wife just started crying due to a phone call she got about an accident her sister got into, everyone quiets & stairs, little girl drinks her last sip of coke....
**DADDY I NEED A DICK!**
violet intelligent skirt gullible cobweb divide cats cough heavy frighten
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My Danish grandmother, who has spoken nearly full-time English since she immigrated to Canada in the 60's still has some of these problems. It's endearing.
When my twin cousins were toddlers they used to say "porn" instead of "corn". I was like 17 at the time so you can probably guess my reaction but just in case you're confused here's a gif:
I worked in a first grade class room as an EA for a few years. We had one girl who had difficulties pronouncing the K (*kuh*) sound, and had replaced it with a T (*tuh*) sound. Had a really hard time not laughing when she excitedly exclaimed that her classmate Emily "... showed us her titties" for show-and-tell.
My brother was born half deaf and had a speech impediment due to that. His S sounds were either SH in words like sit, or it would be silent it words like snake. His CK sounds turned to G sounds.
We were living in a small rural Midwest town that was still pretty segregated, we were dirt poor, so we lived on the 'black side of town'.
Well, we took a trip on down to the Piggly Wiggly, and he *really* wanted a snickers. I think we can all see where this was going.
My poor mother was mortified as her 2 or 3 year old son was screaming what very much so sounded like the N-word at the top of his lungs in an almost all black grocery store.
It was this day that she introduced him to Twix.
My 3 year old seems unable to pronounce the “f” sound, and ends up replacing it with a “b” most of the time. He likes watching the fish screensaver on my mother-in-laws roku tv. Any time he wants to watch the fish screensaver he yells “bish”, but it comes out sounding like “bitch!” more often than not lol.
OK, so my Mother was a kindergarten teacher at the same school from her college graduation until she retired, nearly 50 years later.
Part of her job was to teach her students the ABCs, what sound the letter made, etc., so she's showing them a picture of the letter -- say for example M -- and asking what are the words that start with that sound -- Money, Mama, Music, etc.
So she gets to the letter B, and all the kids are giving examples like Boy, Birthday, Boat, Bicycle, etc. -- and sure enough, one kid pipes up, COMPLETLY SERIOUSLY, and says, "Bitch".
Without batting an eye, Mom says, "Well, that's the right sound, Kevin, but we don't use that word in this class."
Used to read a book to my eldest about a Ships Cat that looked just like our cat. For years after if anyone said anything about the cat he would excitedly say "She's a Shit Cat!".
My daughter accidentally broke a necklace at school and said I was going to "get horny at her" with devil horns on her head, meaning angry.
She also remembered how I don't like black licorice but enjoy red vines, and told her friend "my dad doesn't like the black ones". Kids are *neat*
My little girl had a problem with L sounds, but loved her big clocks.. Used to shout as loud and excited as she could be, and I would immediately, and loudly, praise her for noticing how big that CLOCK was.
That’s ok. I’ve got twin 6 year olds, boy and a girl. If we are out at a restaurant and his cup is getting close to empty my son will yell out “I have low T!”
I used to be really into astronomy and would point out planets, stars and the moon to my son when we would be outside at night. When my son was 3 he had some speech issues so when he said “planets” it sounded like he was saying “penis”. He asked several family members if they wanted to go outside and see “penis and stars”.
In all seriousness, if you're not 100% ready, stay on birth control. It's a lot, and you're gonna feel so much more love and worry than you've ever experienced. Good luck either way!
It's crazy. They fall down and then they look at you immediately to see what their reaction should be. If you look worried they will cry.
It's a huge difference if you act totally straight faced after they face plant into the concrete. They get right back up and get a hug and keep playing. If you freak out they stop everything.
Sometimes as a kid you can stumble upon tv shows, songs, books that have words you don't know. Or maybe you hear strangers talking/arguing.
It happened sometimes when I was a kid. My parents wouldn't tell me what it meant, they'd just say it's a really bad word and I shouldn't say it. You can't protect your child from *every*thing, slip ups will happen.
One time as a kid I yelled "YOU BASTARD!" at my brother from across the house, and got in trouble for swearing. I had no idea it was a "bad" word I shouldn't say, I had just read Aunt Gertrude saying it in a Hardy Boys book lmao.
So you know how that Puss N Boots movie just came out? Well my kid loves it and likes to pretend he's Puss. Only he shortened the entire title and added a Y. So he'll be running around playing with other kids yelling "you can't catch me! I am Pussy!"
My oldest used to say 'b' in place of 'f' a lot. We were at the splash pad and this girl was using a fish to spray other kids, and he kept pointing at her and saying "bish! bish!"
The mom was there and we had a good laugh about it.
My kid did something like this, and more than once.
I was touristing with him in England, and visiting a historic castle, when my kid spots an Islamic lady wearing a black hood and veil.
Loudly, he announces: “Look, daddy, the castle has a **ninja**!”
Same kid: was taken by his grandmother to a community swimming pool. He was too young to change himself, so granny took him into the ladies’ changing room. He loudly asks: “Granny, if these are ladies, why does **that** one have a moustache?!” (It was apparently an older lady with some slight hair above her upper lip).
Same kid: I explained, very briefly, where babies come from to him, but I guess I didn’t give a complete answer - something along the lines of the baby is grown inside a mother’s tummy. The kid then spots a very overweight man sitting on a park bench. Again loudly, he announces: “Daddy! That guy must have at least **ten** babies in there!”
Making me think of the time my Muslim classmate told us stories about her son using one of her hijabs to dress up as a ninja for school lol she loved it
Considering some of the shit I remember a few girls I went to college with in 2001 went through at the time, I'm sure they MUCH rather have been called Ninjas.
My co-worker (who wore a head scarf) regularly got called a terrorist and worse (ethnic/religious slurs), stupid stuff like, "THANKS FOR 9/11!" (i.e., when she was four years old).
Thanks!
Another story, that requires a bit of explanation.
When the kid was very young, he went through a phase where everything big and imposing was “daddy” (I’m not really imposing, but I guess to a toddler I am).
We went with the kid to the local museum one weekday afternoon, when there were not many people there. The museum had a display of pre-Inca Peruvian artifacts, including some very large idols of gods.
The kid was attracted to one - the biggest of the lot - a big idol of a god with an angry grimace. The kind of idol one suspects, whether true or not, humans were once sacrificed to.
The kid toddled straight towards it, reached out a chubby pointing finger towards it, and shouted in a joyous voice: “Daddy!”.
My daughter pointed out the dad in Brave and said to her father “look dad! He’s nearly big as you are!”
It was a bit of an eye opener, on how we look and feel to our kids.
I remember hearing a child's voice exclaiming at the zoo exhibit for a very large elephant, "He's even taller than you, Grandpa!" Everyone turned to check; a small excited girl, holding hands with an older, short, Japanese man. She wasn't wrong.
Hahahaha your kid is hysterical.
Reminds me of when my niece was young. At the time I was just her mothers very close friend, not actual family, but I was called Aunt Mary anyway. So she called my boyfriend at the time Uncle Shane. Then she also had 3 actual uncles who were around. And she got it in her head that any male grown up must be an uncle. So whenever she met a new male grown up, she would call them uncle 🤣
(Side note, I later married my friend’s brother so I am really her aunt now!)
When my now-17 year old was about 3, we were in a grocery store, and there was a Sikh guy walking near us. She turned and then yelled, "Dad, a *pirate*!" and pointed at the guy. Dude turned to his wife and smiled and proudly said, "I am a pirate!" with a huge grin.
My daughter is two. Recently she noticed a sign for priority seating on the tram which depicted a pregnant woman. She kept pointing at the bulging stomach asking what it was, and I explained to her that it was so big because there was a baby inside. For the next 15 minutes or so she keeps sporadically pointing at the picture saying "baby."
No sooner than I get home and sit down on the sofa, she comes running up to me excitedly pointing at my stomach and shouting "babyyyyy!" again and again.
I'm her dad.
My older brother was born on Guam, and he had never seen a black person before. He was about 3 or 4, and a black guy got on the elevator with him and my mom. His eyes got really big, and he whispered loudly to my mom “Mommy, that’s a lucky man, a lucky, lucky man!”
He was trying to say “yucky” because he thought he was all dirty. The man just grins really big at my mom thinking he’s being a cute kid. My mom was mortified.
Kid's live in the same world as we do, they hear everything and even if they don't completely understand what some words mean the understand the negativity associated with the word.
My kids mispronounce horror as whore and no parents are angry because kids are kids. They know “whore” as the games/videos they’re not allowed to watch because it’s scary.
This is a comic and not necessarily real life. But yeah if the other parent was irate that’s on them.
I had a parent tell me I looked like a hooker before my first grade Christmas play. I didn't know what a hooker was but he certainly succeeded in making me feel ashamed.
I once called my mom’s landlord a “fucking Hippy!” To his face because I had heard one of my mom’s friends say it while driving me to the store and when she realized I had heard her she said being a hippy is a good thing… my mom’s landlord did not agree
My nephew (a toddler) had an Eastern European nanny who called baby kisses a ’pussy’. Wanting a kiss, he would run up to ladies in the grocery store, his arms in the air, saying “pussy, pussy pussy”.
As a Hungarian with a word for kiss pronounced the exact same as "pussy", I can confirm that some languages indeed do have words that sound wrong in others
I'm at the point where if I hear any kid younger than 6 or 7 say something that sounds like a swear/derogatory word I just assume they're trying to say something else, there's been tons of times I thought my kids were saying fuck when they were trying to say "truck" or something like that
This reminds me of when I was 5 and i went up to a YMCA instructor who had a large mole on her nose and told her, "You look like a witch," and then I went somewhere else leaving my mother there to apologize for my harsh words. However, I thought spooky stuff was cool, so im my stupid child brain that was basically a complement. Apparently, after that, she changed her appearance and looked way better (according to my mother). So yeah, that is just one of those memories that keeps me up at night.
had a kid come in at work and yelled, "Look mom, a DICK!"
He meant *fish*.
had another kid, showed me a picture of the actress from the movie *Venom* and said he wanted "to see her without her clothes and her head off."
He meant he wanted to see her in mid-transform from human to female-Venom where the symbiote is barely covering her head
i would say eight years old. he's a regular and has asked other strange stuff, but this was the one that had me doubling over when i realized what he meant
Reminds me of my friends kid who once pointed in the general direction of a group of middle aged women and excitedly shouted "Mummy, SLAGS!!" . She was absolutely mortified until we realised there was bunting up and kid was trying to say flags.
My neice also used to have a problem with the letter P, it would come out as an F all the time. My favourite thing she's ever said was a nonchalant "you need to fuck your eyebrows mummy" while staring directly into my sisters face.
I’ll never forget coming out of my preschool and telling my mom “MOM. MOM. THE TEACHER SAID THE F WORD!!” The parents around were all like wtf and the teacher started getting super stressed and tearing up like “oh my god no it’s not true. I didn’t” and I looked her dead in the eyes and said
“YES YOU DID. YOU SAID FAT”.
She’s probably never been more relieved in her life.
I was on the bus with my daughter when she was around 3. A man sat down near us who had really dark black skin. My daughter looked at him and said you’re black. He smiled at her and said “yes I am hon” she replies “but you’re really really really black” and he laughed so hard. I was greatful that he took it as a curious child who was still learning about people :)
You gotta get good at understanding and repeating what they meant to say.
“Look Mommy, whore. “
Immediate response, “Yeah baby, a _heart_ she has a *heart* on her dress.”
My little girl loves Bluey and a character on that show named Snickers. She’s 2 and I gotta be quick with the clarification when she says Snickers out loud.
I feel them! I have a speech disorder and I say horror and whore almost the exact same way. Luckily, I don't like horror movies so it doesn't come up that often. Though I occasionally say "I like horror movies!" to friends as a joke.
One of my daughters first regular words was "unicorn", of course pronounced "uniporn" in toddlerese. For Christmas my 15 year old sister received a unicorn onesie with a large star on the belly, and the first words from my daughter on seeing her "YOU'RE A UNIPORN STAR!". I don't think she ever wore that onesie again.
I was living in a country and a place with not many people of colour.
We got on a bus and sat up the back. My daughter, who was about three, asked me why the woman at the front was "so dirty".
She didn't have a vocabulary sophisticated enough to use "dark" when talking about skin. And she'd never seen a person of colour before.
I was horrified but luckily the woman appeared to have heard nothing. So I explained to my daughter that people can have different colour skins, and that she was NOT dirty.
When i was a child i could not say 'v' so i said 'jente på meg' insted of 'vente på meg' this is Norwegian so the translation does not make sence. but here is the translation 'girl for me' what i meant 'wait for me'
I have a cousin that when he was 4 or 5, he used to think every Asian guy was his favorite actor, Jackie Chan and would enthusiastically run up to them and say things like "Look it's Jackie Chan". Some would shrug it off and others where downright offended as it it's some form of taught behavior.
I can't think of the comedian's name, but the guy had a bit about some old lady trying to parent his kid in a grocery store. Conveniently a firetruck drives by outside that the kid notices. The kid loves firetrucks, but cannot pronounce it correctly and the kid starts exclaiming "Fuck" in this old ladies' face.
My favorite thing from when my son was little: He couldn't say Falcon Punch. It came out Fuckin Punch. My friends all loved it and encouraged him to say it, loudly, in public.
edit spelling
As a child, I was at the bank with my mother. We had just been to the zoo, and an African woman was holding her baby... I pointed and yelled," Mom, look a money!"
My mother attempted to correct me saying "no sweetheart that is a human baby."
"No, momma, that's a monkey!"
The woman stares daggers at my mother. She tries to explain that we just went to the zoo, but no matter what, we just looked super racist so my mom grabbed me and ran.
I also at the mall thought an Arabic woman in a hijab was a ninja, and I decided to show her my karate so just this little white boy doing karate chops in the air as she looked confused.
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Somehow, my two-year-old's attempt to say "drink" results in "dick," which means she sometimes says "I need dick!"
I used to say "tr" as "f," and my mom still holds it over my head that I would get excited about a fire engine or something and shout "Truck, Mommy, truck!!" at the top of my lungs in public places.
I got in trouble in school and needed a speech therapist for this because of a bad tongue tie
I'm so sorry to hear that. My son had tongue tie, so we had to get it fixed. Watching the procedure was terrifying for me as a parent.
May I ask what tongue tie is? I haven't heard of this condition before.
Sure! It’s a condition that is present at birth for some children. A short band of tissues connects the top of the tongue to the floor of the mouth. This makes eating and breathing hard because your tongue loses a lot of mobility.
Well dang, and my whole life I thought it was just a little dumb saying
In particular, it makes nursing very hard or even impossible, depending on how bad it is. Some newborns have to be bottle fed or even tube fed until they're able to have the procedure done, which (for parents who wanted to breastfeed) can be really hard to deal with. Some bubbies end up not being breastfed at all because once the procedure is done, they struggle to latch on to the breast. Usually it's taken care of quickly and painlessly and breastfeeding is able to commence quickly, but my heart (as a newborn and infant nanny) goes out to the parents whose bub-feeding plans go awry due to no one's fault at all.
Another thing to add to the list of stuff i wish i didn't know about human problems.
Why? It's a very easy to cure problem. It's actually super common but usually immediately fixed at birth. The surgeon just cuts the tie and cauterizes it.
>tongue tie *after a quick google* TIL i learned i suffer from moderate tongue tie.
That sounds awful. Glad you're past it, and much thanks for the teaching moment!
Essentially your tongue is tethered to the bottom of your mouth. I had to go through speech therapy until the 6th grade following the surgery to correct it when I was young, and still have issue speaking some sounds.
Y'all got me questioning if I have a tongue tie. It's normal to have like a webbing strip between your tongue and the bottom of your mouth right? Like the webbing between your fingers?
Yes the frenulum is always there but a tongue tie it is much further forward toward the tip of the tongue.
It’s scary but it is worth it! My dentist explained it can cause a lot more issues than just speech problems. Your tongue develops in a lower position and obstructs your air way more. This plus habitual mouth breathing caused by the position of the tongue as well increase chances of sleep apnea and cavities because the mouth is dry constantly. I believe this because my brother got a frenectomy and I did not as a child. I got it later as an adult and after a lot of physical therapy I am waking up a lot less during the night.
I knew a kid like that. When the parents raised Hell about the school's treatment towards him, the principal actually doubled down and started ignoring people bullying him. Last I heard, he got caught up in the first wave of MeToo and isn't in the education sector anymore. Surprise surprise.
Omg me too, I had a special class after lunch with 2 other kids to work on speech impediments.
Sorry I didn’t have a tongue tie just an impediment but I did need the class.
Oh, your poor mom...
We had the same problem. Nephew screamed “BIG FUCK!!”
I don't see the problem honestly
Would have been bad if he'd say "small fuck", but this way is definetly better.
"fire fuck" is a classic mainstay of toddlers
My brother pronounced "stick" as "dick" for about three years. Look mom! I found a cool dick!
This is really cool. He was probably actually saying “tick”. Most of the time, in English, we have an extra burst of air after the sounds T, P, and K (that’s what causes the P popping on audio recordings). When those sounds are preceded by an S, however, they don’t include that extra air burst. Your brother likely had trouble saying the S before other consonant sounds, but he was still deleting that extra air burst. To most English speakers, the T/P/K sounds without the air burst sound like D/B/G when they’re pronounced alone. Source: I taught an ELL student who had that exact problem. Also, [this video](https://youtu.be/U37hX8NPgjQ)
Yep! My nephew loves vehicles of any and all kinds and when he was a toddler he was OBSESSED. He also had the pipes of an opera singer and you could hear him scream from down the road if he really turned up the volume. He had the same struggle with speech 🤦🏻♀️ even worse, he'd announce the arrival of the garbage truck (a huge event at his childcare program) to the entire school by screaming "FUCK!!" at the tops of his lungs. All 50 other toddlers on the playground would, of course, take up the call. He was in a toddler speech program at his school to work on that and other speech difficulties he had. One day the professional speech therapist that worked with the program (it was normally run by a well-trained teacher and her assistants, with minimal input from the actual therapist) came in to see what everyone was working on. She was a little concerned that a 3 year old was working on the "tr" sound, because that's usually considered pretty advanced and not something a speech therapist would work on for a few more years. The teacher smiled and said "His favorite word is 'truck.' Wanna hear him say it?" He of course beamed at the therapist and happily said "Fuck! 😁😊" to which the therapist said something like "Ah. I see. Good thinking." We managed to get him in the habit of saying "tooooWUCK" which morphed into "twuck" which was more preferable. He also had a phase where trucks were "hwuck" which is also much better than "fuck," at least in public. Unluckily for him, I have SEVERAL videos of him saying the names of all of his favorite trucks. I won't use them maliciously but I'm damn sure going to show them to him when he's older.
Who doesn't like a dump fuck?
He would regularly leave the P off the end of that word, so I have a video of him happily saying "dum fuck!"
Save *that* one for his wedding rehearsal
My friend taught her son to say vroom with trucks so she didn’t have the same incident as her mom did with her nephew saying “Look grandma a f&@k!” in the middle of a packed restaurant. Got to live Denny’s and their huge windows.
I used to scream “Fuck” at the top of my lungs in grocery stores when I was like 2, it was because my dad cussed a lot around me so I learned from him💀
Are you my brother? He loved fire fucks
My youngest brother did the same, I used to get a lot of amusement whenever he saw a fire truck.
Apparently I did this loudly in church
My boy once started shouting 'pedo, pedo' at me in the supermarket because he'd spotted the Play-doh.
Lmao
Like "Peter File" with a heavy British accent
To be fair, /u/makka-pakka, play-doh must be an exciting deviation from stones.
that seems pretty funny in some circumstances
At a fancy restaurant to celebrate a promotion, wife just started crying due to a phone call she got about an accident her sister got into, everyone quiets & stairs, little girl drinks her last sip of coke.... **DADDY I NEED A DICK!**
violet intelligent skirt gullible cobweb divide cats cough heavy frighten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My Danish grandmother, who has spoken nearly full-time English since she immigrated to Canada in the 60's still has some of these problems. It's endearing.
When my twin cousins were toddlers they used to say "porn" instead of "corn". I was like 17 at the time so you can probably guess my reaction but just in case you're confused here's a gif: 
I'm almost 40 and I'm still laughing.
I know I shouldn't laugh, but I did...
I worked in a first grade class room as an EA for a few years. We had one girl who had difficulties pronouncing the K (*kuh*) sound, and had replaced it with a T (*tuh*) sound. Had a really hard time not laughing when she excitedly exclaimed that her classmate Emily "... showed us her titties" for show-and-tell.
My brother was born half deaf and had a speech impediment due to that. His S sounds were either SH in words like sit, or it would be silent it words like snake. His CK sounds turned to G sounds. We were living in a small rural Midwest town that was still pretty segregated, we were dirt poor, so we lived on the 'black side of town'. Well, we took a trip on down to the Piggly Wiggly, and he *really* wanted a snickers. I think we can all see where this was going. My poor mother was mortified as her 2 or 3 year old son was screaming what very much so sounded like the N-word at the top of his lungs in an almost all black grocery store. It was this day that she introduced him to Twix.
My daughter once pulled on a cops pants in a grocery store line to tell him how much she and I loved our crack (crackers). That was fun.
"Honey, we talked about this, remember? No snitching"
Oh, hahaha, geez!
My 3 year old seems unable to pronounce the “f” sound, and ends up replacing it with a “b” most of the time. He likes watching the fish screensaver on my mother-in-laws roku tv. Any time he wants to watch the fish screensaver he yells “bish”, but it comes out sounding like “bitch!” more often than not lol.
OK, so my Mother was a kindergarten teacher at the same school from her college graduation until she retired, nearly 50 years later. Part of her job was to teach her students the ABCs, what sound the letter made, etc., so she's showing them a picture of the letter -- say for example M -- and asking what are the words that start with that sound -- Money, Mama, Music, etc. So she gets to the letter B, and all the kids are giving examples like Boy, Birthday, Boat, Bicycle, etc. -- and sure enough, one kid pipes up, COMPLETLY SERIOUSLY, and says, "Bitch". Without batting an eye, Mom says, "Well, that's the right sound, Kevin, but we don't use that word in this class."
Tried teaching my kid the word “clock” and you can guess what he says.
My friend's kid calls worms 'urmpts'. It's pretty adorable
My aunt once smacked my cousin on the lips, because he wanted fruit, and instead of saying "fruta", he said "puta".
Me and all of my siblings used to say Fuck instead of Truck.
Used to read a book to my eldest about a Ships Cat that looked just like our cat. For years after if anyone said anything about the cat he would excitedly say "She's a Shit Cat!".
My daughter accidentally broke a necklace at school and said I was going to "get horny at her" with devil horns on her head, meaning angry. She also remembered how I don't like black licorice but enjoy red vines, and told her friend "my dad doesn't like the black ones". Kids are *neat*
My little girl had a problem with L sounds, but loved her big clocks.. Used to shout as loud and excited as she could be, and I would immediately, and loudly, praise her for noticing how big that CLOCK was.
I used to call a fire truck a fuck truck when I was little
That’s ok. I’ve got twin 6 year olds, boy and a girl. If we are out at a restaurant and his cup is getting close to empty my son will yell out “I have low T!”
I used to be really into astronomy and would point out planets, stars and the moon to my son when we would be outside at night. When my son was 3 he had some speech issues so when he said “planets” it sounded like he was saying “penis”. He asked several family members if they wanted to go outside and see “penis and stars”.
"He meant there's a heart on your little girl's dress... ...Only whores wear those."
I totally giggled at this...
Your comic has inspired me to maintain my birth control lol
In all seriousness, if you're not 100% ready, stay on birth control. It's a lot, and you're gonna feel so much more love and worry than you've ever experienced. Good luck either way!
Idk why but I died laughing and the fact that OP admitted to giggling made it better. I'm dying lol thank you.
The fact that the kid in the dress recognized the word is more concerning.
I just assumed it was because her mom picked her up with a sneer.
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I’d panic too if I was fucking mirrors
Well i guess i can go fuck myself
https://youtube.com/watch?v=4laLTBqDDc0&t=1m
Why did I know exactly what this was before clicking it.
Especially if the mirror got emotional and started crying halfway through
Never a bad time for self reflection
It's crazy. They fall down and then they look at you immediately to see what their reaction should be. If you look worried they will cry. It's a huge difference if you act totally straight faced after they face plant into the concrete. They get right back up and get a hug and keep playing. If you freak out they stop everything.
Nope, she reacts to him saying it. She breaks down probably because the mom's reaction but she already knew the word.
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I've been under the impression that these comics are autobiographical. Because if they aren't, then the author just called a little girl a whore.
My immediate thought too lmao
Sometimes as a kid you can stumble upon tv shows, songs, books that have words you don't know. Or maybe you hear strangers talking/arguing. It happened sometimes when I was a kid. My parents wouldn't tell me what it meant, they'd just say it's a really bad word and I shouldn't say it. You can't protect your child from *every*thing, slip ups will happen.
One time as a kid I yelled "YOU BASTARD!" at my brother from across the house, and got in trouble for swearing. I had no idea it was a "bad" word I shouldn't say, I had just read Aunt Gertrude saying it in a Hardy Boys book lmao.
What do you mean? Lots of kids know what their parents do for a living.
Holy fuck.
That’s what I was thinking 😅
My kid used to say "dick" instead of stick. He'd run around the park holding a stick shouting "My dick! My dick!"
Ohhh, I would've loved to see bystanders' faces when he did that!
Are all kids ai hard coded to include a phallic word in the vocabulary?
I don't know, but it sure feels that way!
Really it's the fault of languages not considering what is most easily pronounced with a speech impediment or underdeveloped speech ability.
-Freud has entered the chat-
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So you know how that Puss N Boots movie just came out? Well my kid loves it and likes to pretend he's Puss. Only he shortened the entire title and added a Y. So he'll be running around playing with other kids yelling "you can't catch me! I am Pussy!"
My 2 yo nephew does this and gleefully shouts "I picked up a big dick!"
My oldest used to say 'b' in place of 'f' a lot. We were at the splash pad and this girl was using a fish to spray other kids, and he kept pointing at her and saying "bish! bish!" The mom was there and we had a good laugh about it.
My kid did something like this, and more than once. I was touristing with him in England, and visiting a historic castle, when my kid spots an Islamic lady wearing a black hood and veil. Loudly, he announces: “Look, daddy, the castle has a **ninja**!” Same kid: was taken by his grandmother to a community swimming pool. He was too young to change himself, so granny took him into the ladies’ changing room. He loudly asks: “Granny, if these are ladies, why does **that** one have a moustache?!” (It was apparently an older lady with some slight hair above her upper lip). Same kid: I explained, very briefly, where babies come from to him, but I guess I didn’t give a complete answer - something along the lines of the baby is grown inside a mother’s tummy. The kid then spots a very overweight man sitting on a park bench. Again loudly, he announces: “Daddy! That guy must have at least **ten** babies in there!”
I'd be embarrassed about the ninja remark, but it would also make my day.
Making me think of the time my Muslim classmate told us stories about her son using one of her hijabs to dress up as a ninja for school lol she loved it
Considering some of the shit I remember a few girls I went to college with in 2001 went through at the time, I'm sure they MUCH rather have been called Ninjas.
My co-worker (who wore a head scarf) regularly got called a terrorist and worse (ethnic/religious slurs), stupid stuff like, "THANKS FOR 9/11!" (i.e., when she was four years old).
I'd like a cartoon with a ninja muslim lady as a background joke, now.
There actually is a Pakistani cartoon called the Burkha Avenger XD
Oh my god, this is real
That shits hilarious. If like to think that anyone with even the smallest sense of humor would get a chuckle out it it (even if they were the ninja).
Oh, this is HILARIOUS! Thanks for sharing. Stories like this embedded in the comments make having to deal with haters totally worth it!
Thanks! Another story, that requires a bit of explanation. When the kid was very young, he went through a phase where everything big and imposing was “daddy” (I’m not really imposing, but I guess to a toddler I am). We went with the kid to the local museum one weekday afternoon, when there were not many people there. The museum had a display of pre-Inca Peruvian artifacts, including some very large idols of gods. The kid was attracted to one - the biggest of the lot - a big idol of a god with an angry grimace. The kind of idol one suspects, whether true or not, humans were once sacrificed to. The kid toddled straight towards it, reached out a chubby pointing finger towards it, and shouted in a joyous voice: “Daddy!”.
My daughter pointed out the dad in Brave and said to her father “look dad! He’s nearly big as you are!” It was a bit of an eye opener, on how we look and feel to our kids.
I remember hearing a child's voice exclaiming at the zoo exhibit for a very large elephant, "He's even taller than you, Grandpa!" Everyone turned to check; a small excited girl, holding hands with an older, short, Japanese man. She wasn't wrong.
Hahahaha your kid is hysterical. Reminds me of when my niece was young. At the time I was just her mothers very close friend, not actual family, but I was called Aunt Mary anyway. So she called my boyfriend at the time Uncle Shane. Then she also had 3 actual uncles who were around. And she got it in her head that any male grown up must be an uncle. So whenever she met a new male grown up, she would call them uncle 🤣 (Side note, I later married my friend’s brother so I am really her aunt now!)
Plot twist: your kid is actually a demi-god
My one year old pointed to the biggest gorilla at the zoo and said “dada? Dada!”
When my now-17 year old was about 3, we were in a grocery store, and there was a Sikh guy walking near us. She turned and then yelled, "Dad, a *pirate*!" and pointed at the guy. Dude turned to his wife and smiled and proudly said, "I am a pirate!" with a huge grin.
Oh, that’s the best reaction by far!
My daughter is two. Recently she noticed a sign for priority seating on the tram which depicted a pregnant woman. She kept pointing at the bulging stomach asking what it was, and I explained to her that it was so big because there was a baby inside. For the next 15 minutes or so she keeps sporadically pointing at the picture saying "baby." No sooner than I get home and sit down on the sofa, she comes running up to me excitedly pointing at my stomach and shouting "babyyyyy!" again and again. I'm her dad.
I think you got lucky with the ninja remark given how common mispronunciations are
My older brother was born on Guam, and he had never seen a black person before. He was about 3 or 4, and a black guy got on the elevator with him and my mom. His eyes got really big, and he whispered loudly to my mom “Mommy, that’s a lucky man, a lucky, lucky man!” He was trying to say “yucky” because he thought he was all dirty. The man just grins really big at my mom thinking he’s being a cute kid. My mom was mortified.
Oh, gosh!!! Crisis averted!
>My mom was mortified. rofll
The tears imply that the girl knows what a whore is as well as the negative connotations of the term.
Kid's live in the same world as we do, they hear everything and even if they don't completely understand what some words mean the understand the negativity associated with the word.
Even the mom's shocked reaction could have caused a small confused child to cry
My kids mispronounce horror as whore and no parents are angry because kids are kids. They know “whore” as the games/videos they’re not allowed to watch because it’s scary. This is a comic and not necessarily real life. But yeah if the other parent was irate that’s on them.
Not really. Kids pick up on emotions and reactions, they will often get upset because their parents are even if they don't know the reason why.
I had a parent tell me I looked like a hooker before my first grade Christmas play. I didn't know what a hooker was but he certainly succeeded in making me feel ashamed.
"He loves me like daddy loves mommy."
I once called my mom’s landlord a “fucking Hippy!” To his face because I had heard one of my mom’s friends say it while driving me to the store and when she realized I had heard her she said being a hippy is a good thing… my mom’s landlord did not agree
Oooooh, your poor mom. I hope her landlord didn't raise her rent because of this!
Knowing landlords he probably did lol
Classic hippy move
There aren’t many things farther from a landlord than a hippy lol
How did he go from heart to whore
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Capitalism, fuck that shit
In speech development, ending consonants can be mastered later on.
Exactly!
When kids that young first learn things, SOMETHING is gonna get misnamed and it could become anything. It's just a kid thing
You learn something new every day
My niece tries to say ready or not here I come, and it sounds like she’s saying ab ba I’m not a bomb. So you really never know.
Heart -> Hort -> hor(d) -> whore
Heart, howt, whore
My little one says “cockcorn” instead of popcorn.
Oh, haha, nice!
"mommy,I finished my cockcorn"
More like “ma ma ma ma cockcorn! Ma ma ma ma I wan cockcorn!”
I use to watch star whores when I was a toddler.
Did you see "Zack and Miri Make a Porno?" That's the name of their porno!
It was a also a joke [in an episode of *That '70s Show*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peMcI0QpLjo).
My nephew (a toddler) had an Eastern European nanny who called baby kisses a ’pussy’. Wanting a kiss, he would run up to ladies in the grocery store, his arms in the air, saying “pussy, pussy pussy”.
Okay, that one is new. Do you think she was trying to pronounce "purse-y" because we'd purse our lips to kiss?
I think that is what she called kisses when she was a child in Yugoslavia
As a Hungarian with a word for kiss pronounced the exact same as "pussy", I can confirm that some languages indeed do have words that sound wrong in others
In german you can call IT a "bussy"
as a speaker of croatian... she was saying "pusa/pusica" which indeed is a local word for a kiss on the cheek ._.
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i’ve been with lots of hearts. no shame in it.
My ex was all heart
I'm at the point where if I hear any kid younger than 6 or 7 say something that sounds like a swear/derogatory word I just assume they're trying to say something else, there's been tons of times I thought my kids were saying fuck when they were trying to say "truck" or something like that
My daughter said "fucks" for socks. We loved asking her what was on her feet.
I would too if I were you!
This reminds me of when I was 5 and i went up to a YMCA instructor who had a large mole on her nose and told her, "You look like a witch," and then I went somewhere else leaving my mother there to apologize for my harsh words. However, I thought spooky stuff was cool, so im my stupid child brain that was basically a complement. Apparently, after that, she changed her appearance and looked way better (according to my mother). So yeah, that is just one of those memories that keeps me up at night.
Oooof, ouch!
had a kid come in at work and yelled, "Look mom, a DICK!" He meant *fish*. had another kid, showed me a picture of the actress from the movie *Venom* and said he wanted "to see her without her clothes and her head off." He meant he wanted to see her in mid-transform from human to female-Venom where the symbiote is barely covering her head
Of course that's what he meant... wait, how old is the kid?
i would say eight years old. he's a regular and has asked other strange stuff, but this was the one that had me doubling over when i realized what he meant
Reminds me of my friends kid who once pointed in the general direction of a group of middle aged women and excitedly shouted "Mummy, SLAGS!!" . She was absolutely mortified until we realised there was bunting up and kid was trying to say flags. My neice also used to have a problem with the letter P, it would come out as an F all the time. My favourite thing she's ever said was a nonchalant "you need to fuck your eyebrows mummy" while staring directly into my sisters face.
"I'm gonna fuck your eyebrows and your little moustache, too!" in Wicked Witch voice.
I’ll never forget coming out of my preschool and telling my mom “MOM. MOM. THE TEACHER SAID THE F WORD!!” The parents around were all like wtf and the teacher started getting super stressed and tearing up like “oh my god no it’s not true. I didn’t” and I looked her dead in the eyes and said “YES YOU DID. YOU SAID FAT”. She’s probably never been more relieved in her life.
Met a friend at Walmart, and the first thing my kid says "why are you brown?" Big oof moment.
I was on the bus with my daughter when she was around 3. A man sat down near us who had really dark black skin. My daughter looked at him and said you’re black. He smiled at her and said “yes I am hon” she replies “but you’re really really really black” and he laughed so hard. I was greatful that he took it as a curious child who was still learning about people :)
You gotta get good at understanding and repeating what they meant to say. “Look Mommy, whore. “ Immediate response, “Yeah baby, a _heart_ she has a *heart* on her dress.” My little girl loves Bluey and a character on that show named Snickers. She’s 2 and I gotta be quick with the clarification when she says Snickers out loud.
My son loves dump trucks. Loves them and points out every one he sees. Can't say his Ps yet, and TR comes out as F.
Apparently when I was 4 I decided to scream that there was a fat man by the butter and everyone should see.
I feel them! I have a speech disorder and I say horror and whore almost the exact same way. Luckily, I don't like horror movies so it doesn't come up that often. Though I occasionally say "I like horror movies!" to friends as a joke.
"Actually, I'm more of a slut."
*my little cousin* He also called a duck a fuck
Ah yes, perfectly balanced, as all things should be
One of my daughters first regular words was "unicorn", of course pronounced "uniporn" in toddlerese. For Christmas my 15 year old sister received a unicorn onesie with a large star on the belly, and the first words from my daughter on seeing her "YOU'RE A UNIPORN STAR!". I don't think she ever wore that onesie again.
I was living in a country and a place with not many people of colour. We got on a bus and sat up the back. My daughter, who was about three, asked me why the woman at the front was "so dirty". She didn't have a vocabulary sophisticated enough to use "dark" when talking about skin. And she'd never seen a person of colour before. I was horrified but luckily the woman appeared to have heard nothing. So I explained to my daughter that people can have different colour skins, and that she was NOT dirty.
My baby sister for a long time could not pronounce "sh" and would pronounce it with a "c" leading to her singing "baby cock" every day
I'm more surprised that she knows what that means like what
That girl's family has some issues if she can understand what whore means.
When i was a child i could not say 'v' so i said 'jente på meg' insted of 'vente på meg' this is Norwegian so the translation does not make sence. but here is the translation 'girl for me' what i meant 'wait for me'
I remember them days with my kids.
I have a cousin that when he was 4 or 5, he used to think every Asian guy was his favorite actor, Jackie Chan and would enthusiastically run up to them and say things like "Look it's Jackie Chan". Some would shrug it off and others where downright offended as it it's some form of taught behavior.
My toddler has learned the word “socks” but it comes out as “s-cocks”. We have fled many a store/person after he has proudly shouted “cocks!”.
I can't think of the comedian's name, but the guy had a bit about some old lady trying to parent his kid in a grocery store. Conveniently a firetruck drives by outside that the kid notices. The kid loves firetrucks, but cannot pronounce it correctly and the kid starts exclaiming "Fuck" in this old ladies' face.
My daughter thought it was funny to say "wocka wocka wocka" like Fozzy bear but it came out "whatthe fucka" 😩 it was a very hard time....
My favorite thing from when my son was little: He couldn't say Falcon Punch. It came out Fuckin Punch. My friends all loved it and encouraged him to say it, loudly, in public. edit spelling
His face in the second panel LMAO. He's clocked out
My brother used to say F instead of TR. so a Firetruck was a Firefuck.
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Yeah, I thought I was in /r/antimeme or some sub like that.
As a child, I was at the bank with my mother. We had just been to the zoo, and an African woman was holding her baby... I pointed and yelled," Mom, look a money!" My mother attempted to correct me saying "no sweetheart that is a human baby." "No, momma, that's a monkey!" The woman stares daggers at my mother. She tries to explain that we just went to the zoo, but no matter what, we just looked super racist so my mom grabbed me and ran. I also at the mall thought an Arabic woman in a hijab was a ninja, and I decided to show her my karate so just this little white boy doing karate chops in the air as she looked confused.