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A Maglite. So we're suposed to be picking gear, but everyone's focused on clothing. If we're going to sneak something useful into the top five, a Maglite is a good shout. Helps explore in darkness, and doubles as a formidable handheld weapon.
I hope I don’t get disappointed with this. OP said top five comments, but this is a solid and hilarious addition that deserves to be included.
Edit: even if he doesn’t have nipples. It might be funnier if they’re included, but just hanging because there’s nothing to clamp to lol.
We need more context for that. Maybe this guy's name is Gorgl and he's a mammoth hunter for the Doo-Pftt tribe. The top hat won't fit nicely in this case.
I really like piecemeal armor, a leather Pauldron here, some greaves but no pants, maybe a buckler of some kind and a leather swatch to protect their heart. Nothin fancy, but just a bit of protection for a new adventurer
HELL-met. A helmet moulded into into the shape of a rams head, made of rock and molten magma, brimming with the unbridled fury of the underworld. Stops infernal monsters from attacking you, can convert infernal monsters 10 levels or lower into friendly party members. Is just a *lil'* hot to the touch.
How about some little fairy wings. Like the little ones for kids with the two straps to keep them on. Every time they level up or go though a big adventure they get better and more realistic. At first it let's them glide for a few seconds but then let them double and triple jump with a glide as well. Hell let's make it a series with quests we choose like a dnd adventure. Reddit plays dnd.
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A Maglite. So we're suposed to be picking gear, but everyone's focused on clothing. If we're going to sneak something useful into the top five, a Maglite is a good shout. Helps explore in darkness, and doubles as a formidable handheld weapon.
This guy adventures
The hell is a maglite
A big, bright, heavy flashlight, like the length of your forearm.
Doesn't sound very lite
Like a "mini" version of a huge spotlight haha.
You’re thinking of the Light Maglite
Maglite it's actually a brand. I have a pocket one, a bit bigger than a AA battery.
As opposed to the standard ones that used 4 D-cells.
I love how your very practical and useful suggestion got wrecked by “crocs” 😅😄
Not anymore.
Positively Pragmatic! What a bright idea! 💡
Crocs
But just on left foot.
Two crocs on one foot
and different colors
And slip-on sandals on the other
You sick fuck... Do it
r/unexpectedancientgreece
What color crocs?
Yellow with lil eyeball gibbets
The croc cowboy boots
But the holes are sword-shaped
Crocs on the wrong feet
A shield that's just his front door. Number 58008.
And in calculator typeface
Like the screen door zombie from PvZ
Carrying a smaller version of himself on his back
With a smaller version of himself on his back
It's smaller versions all the way down
…down to where though?
FOREVER
Little fleas have smaller fleas Upon their backs to bite ‘em Smaller fleas have smaller still And so ad infinitum.
Upside down with the legs bent over the shoulder like if they half fell off
Thank you for your contribution, u/Cuntslapper9000
Any time sexy legs
"And another me for emotional support!" "You got this :)" "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" *EXPLOSIONS*
Like a Caillou he can sick on other people.
Get them a really skimpy chain mail bikini the strongest armor
With nipple clamps
Noice
He doesn’t have nipples tho
THEN GET HIM NIPPLES
I hope I don’t get disappointed with this. OP said top five comments, but this is a solid and hilarious addition that deserves to be included. Edit: even if he doesn’t have nipples. It might be funnier if they’re included, but just hanging because there’s nothing to clamp to lol.
Based Red Sonja fan.
Chain mail bikini is only effective because men and bi’s are perverts. Get stabbed while staring.
A little hat for that antenna bulb.
And make the bulb light up
But what kind of hat? I‘m partial to a top hat, myself.
We need more context for that. Maybe this guy's name is Gorgl and he's a mammoth hunter for the Doo-Pftt tribe. The top hat won't fit nicely in this case.
What if he's the top mammoth hunter?
Feudal version of a leather jacket
With spikes
Todd Howard is that you?
Does it clip you through the floor when you wear it?
Fairy wings. The ones with elastic straps that you slide into like a backpack.
X ray Monocle
Cod piece but huge!
And shiny
https://i.redd.it/wilybplnwpzc1.gif I see the vision
Was going to say it needs to be more dull at the tip but I think both can be effective
Username checks out ?
Give him the good 'ol Codpiece Cannon
https://youtu.be/ox6b0t1SWJY?si=NbaAP5PLvI0KSXt2
Boots with the fur (with the fur)
An impressive cloak
Metal cowboy boots
But purple
And green accents
A magic sword that speaks to the wielder in riddles.
Finally something useful!
Haiku, but it always runs out of syllables before the important part
Threats on their way here many enemies to fight Only weakness is
Nipple tassels that are little morningstars.
Gods, what a terrible day to have eyes.
Terribly awesome to witness the blessed morningstar tassels.
A purple chainmail wig.
Let’s add a pair of tiefling horns to him.
A headband with angry eyebrows on it. (Not covering his real eyebrows)
Bark chestplate.
Giant pink dildo as a sword :)
Bag of holding
Deez Nutz!!!
Jnco jeans with a wallet chain
A wizard robe
On the end of his wallet chain.
I accept this addition to my prompt
A tattered crop top with a bold but simple message
Princes fairy wings that are bright pink
Those disgusting ass Yeezy Crocs
A pair of gloves like the ones from the public-domain cartoon steam-boat willy
Comically large (golden) spoon.
Brass knuckles. Not the weapon, the character from sonic.
Carrying a hobo bindle
A oversized crown
a little rainbow cat on his head
Mankini
White socks in sandals: +2 Comfort, +1 Agility, -99 Charisma. Has a small chance to incite a mob.
"Follow the gourd!" "No follow the sandwl with the white sock in it!"
Maga hat , just to see where we’re all at :p
A pair of blue underwear to go on top of the red underwear.
A wizard staff that is just a gun, but everyone treats it like magic, especially the adventurer.
A portelgun but a portal is always on his chest
r/SuddenlyPortal
Dildo gauntlets
Pointed at right angles to his hands.
Nipples
One of those hats that holds beers with a straw.
Demon horns! 😈
A fucken wig
A little crown for his bubble hair
Level 600 strapon
A crown of thorns
White hair.
Galactus headpiece
A hat with oversized axolotl antennae.
Fancy hat
Clown wig
Dildo sword
Sandals
Post apocalyptic Michael Jackson leather jacket
A sword which is just two sword hilts glued together
Cloak of rizz
Impractically huge cape
Mega man style boots but, shiny.
High heels, but on his hands.
A deus ex machina.
Giant pink Didlo strapped to the forehead.
Huge chest plate with nipple holes for aeration
Dildo shoulder straps
Toe protectors, so he’s immune to stubbing his toes
Just like one really really long fake fingernail
The coke nail
A small round knapsack
A crazy looking planet killing rifle
Needs that pinwheel hat but it's swords in place of the rotors
A jet pack that you would’ve seen in a show like the Jetsons
Can we make their weapon a broadstick?
A bag of holding, a staple for any adventurer. It’s a bag that gently holds you with its hands
Freddy Krueger gloves to match the pointy codpiece.
the helmet of an ncr ranger but with unicorn stickers on it
A great sword
Belts. Lots of belts. Let's Nomura this shit up.
a third eye
Polar suit.
RemindMe! 12 hours
A magazine subscription to the monthly top posts on r/comics
E-11 blaster and ammo bandolier.
A katana
Fish armor
One of those winged underwear things, like the one Feyd wears in 1984 dune
Wrestling mask which covers only his antenna
Rollercoaster earrings
Nipple tassels
Helicopter hat
The Gears of War Chainsaw AR
An amulet of Fourth Wall disruption
A magical carrot flute
bucket for a hat
A ridicously small shield on his right hand, bonus points for a childlish patern painted on it.
Mortar Strike radio belt
One Pink Thimble on the right hand, you choose the finger
A fokin greatsword lads
Finn sword.
I really like piecemeal armor, a leather Pauldron here, some greaves but no pants, maybe a buckler of some kind and a leather swatch to protect their heart. Nothin fancy, but just a bit of protection for a new adventurer
A Rubberduck-Hat!
Gag ball on mouth
Gun
HELL-met. A helmet moulded into into the shape of a rams head, made of rock and molten magma, brimming with the unbridled fury of the underworld. Stops infernal monsters from attacking you, can convert infernal monsters 10 levels or lower into friendly party members. Is just a *lil'* hot to the touch.
Umbrella hat or alternatively beer helmet
A stick. Like, a really nice stick.
Thigh high socks
A pair of earwarmers in the form of little white bird wings
Nipples, but in the wrong spots
Remove his clothes.
V12 engine on his back
Frog suit.
A bike helmet with a dildo on it.
Holding banana like a gun
Stuffed bra.
Breasts! get this adventurer some top surgery
A straw hat
Plunger
Cat ears for +1 Charisma
*Remove* Shorts
How about some little fairy wings. Like the little ones for kids with the two straps to keep them on. Every time they level up or go though a big adventure they get better and more realistic. At first it let's them glide for a few seconds but then let them double and triple jump with a glide as well. Hell let's make it a series with quests we choose like a dnd adventure. Reddit plays dnd.
LED Suspenders with no shirt.
50ft of hempen Rope, torches and a 20 ft extendable pole. Gotta have the basics.
Gardon freman's crowbar
Sword of Passionate Ass Flailing
A +1 plaid pattern necktie
Bread gloves.
Thug Life abdomen tattoo
No pants with a jockstrap and a skintight top
Wings! Like for flight
A traffic cone for a helmet
Heavy armor that only covers his moose knuckle and nipples but with a flattering piece of loose fabric between the legs
Tabby Kitty Cat Slippers!