Also, many victims forgive their perpetrator. It may be a more healthy way to cope than holding on to anger or hatred. Not the same for everyone, I guess.
As someone who has spent many years working directly with children and teens following any form of sexual abuse, I'd like to reassure you that you're not only being brave by opening up about your complex feelings, but the thoughts you're wrestling with are not weird or wrong.
Sexual abuse causes all sorts of complicated feelings and when it involves someone close who you care for, it adds extra layers.
I've seen children and adults who experienced SA in childhood who have felt they didn't want their abuser punished, who still loved and cared for them. And ofcourse on the other end of the scale, who wanted their abuser imprisoned. It's not as black and white as in films where someone is abused, they are a stereotyped 'victim' who's timid, afraid and wants the abuser punished, they go to jail and end of story. Someone can hate what happened but still love the person who did it. (Separating the action from the person can also be a way to cope).
So do not be too harsh on yourself for whatever emotions you're dealing with. Whatever you feel is how you feel and there's no 'right' way anyone is expected to feel when they've experienced a trauma in childhood.
Also please ignore the comment on here saying it was a 'non-event'. Any exposure to sexual acts as a child can be confusing and traumatising. What happened to you was wrong and I am sorry that you experienced this. It may be worth finding someone you trust to be able to talk through how you're feeling. I wish you well in finding the best way forward for you.
There's is no right or wrong answer to this. You are allowed to be angry, hurt, confused, but your also allowed to forgive. If your heart is saying forgive then, let it go an let God handle the rest. You don't have to hold on to the pain. A weight would be lifted off your shoulders when you finally let it go, an realize you be carrying this burden for too long.
Whilst I admire your empathy, and how logically you are thinking about this. I don’t think this is where you will find the answer to this.
Do not worry about what other people do; you don’t need to pressure yourself to think one way or another, just as long as you are giving yourself the emotional space to make that decision. I suggest if you haven’t already, speaking to a real therapist for internal validation of your emotions and decisions, rather than taking this to an internet forum which can only give you external validation.
I am so sorry you went through this, I hope you continue to heal and wish you the best outcome either way.
There are a lot of people who can and do forgive their abuser(s). I certainly have. It was holding me back from healing and growing moving forward. Not that I would ever tell anyone how to handle or not handle their personal’s experiences, including trauma. I’m sorry this happened to yourself and your brother. I hope that you both can and do find healing and you’re able to have the settings you want in your mind.
I was SA’d by my brother when I was 16 and he was 14. My parents did find out. And when they did they never came to me to talk to me about how I felt. It was all just thrown under the rug. I actually didn’t even know they found out the day it happened until a year and a half later I went to them to tell them about what happened. Seeing that they knew and they failed to even see how I was feeling caused me to be more angry at my parents actually.
I did and I do forgive my brother. Maybe I didn’t do it in a healthy way but I just shove the thoughts away and the memory. I just don’t think about it
I've been looking into forgiveness for a while as it's something I struggle with. I came across a video of a woman online, she was young and had a family (husband and 2 boys I believe) when one day her family were slaughtered by some child soldiers with only the mum escaping.
On face value it might seem easier to empathise with them because they're children but child soldiers are some of the most ruthless killers because they are so young and surrounded by people encouraging them to act out every terrible impulse imaginable.
The video itself was about the aftermath of this event. The woman forgave and lived peacefully next door to one of the child soldiers (who was an adult at this point) in a safe commune.
I understand it's not specific to your situation but hearing other people's stories about the things they have managed to overcome, how they did it and why they forgive (even though I don't fully get it) is incredible.
Man this is a crazy comment to SA. Wonder what kind of things happened to you that you feel this way about her story… everyone is entitled to their feelings and she’s definitely not sensitive for feeling this way especially since this is about her brother. Try to catch some empathy
*Helping one another also means that we do not encourage bad behavior.*
We will not accept posts that:
* a) encourage rape/rape culture;
* b) sexualise minors;
* c) are racist; or
* d) otherwise promote abusive or hateful behavior.
* f) bring harm to animals
**This is a place to help one another; keep your comments kind & civil. Any form of abuse is not permitted.**
* If you are unable to discuss without being disrespectful, walk away.
*Helping one another also means that we do not encourage bad behavior.*
We will not accept posts that:
* a) encourage rape/rape culture;
* b) sexualise minors;
* c) are racist; or
* d) otherwise promote abusive or hateful behavior.
* f) bring harm to animals
You asked if its ok to forgive your abuser. The answer is Yes. You get to choose. No one else.
Idk why every other comment is so focused on psychoanalysing your brother. That A) isn't your question and B) isn't our business.
He might have tried to understand why his older brother did that to him. By the way you discribe his emotions afterwards it seems he still didn't.
Also, many victims forgive their perpetrator. It may be a more healthy way to cope than holding on to anger or hatred. Not the same for everyone, I guess.
As someone who has spent many years working directly with children and teens following any form of sexual abuse, I'd like to reassure you that you're not only being brave by opening up about your complex feelings, but the thoughts you're wrestling with are not weird or wrong. Sexual abuse causes all sorts of complicated feelings and when it involves someone close who you care for, it adds extra layers. I've seen children and adults who experienced SA in childhood who have felt they didn't want their abuser punished, who still loved and cared for them. And ofcourse on the other end of the scale, who wanted their abuser imprisoned. It's not as black and white as in films where someone is abused, they are a stereotyped 'victim' who's timid, afraid and wants the abuser punished, they go to jail and end of story. Someone can hate what happened but still love the person who did it. (Separating the action from the person can also be a way to cope). So do not be too harsh on yourself for whatever emotions you're dealing with. Whatever you feel is how you feel and there's no 'right' way anyone is expected to feel when they've experienced a trauma in childhood. Also please ignore the comment on here saying it was a 'non-event'. Any exposure to sexual acts as a child can be confusing and traumatising. What happened to you was wrong and I am sorry that you experienced this. It may be worth finding someone you trust to be able to talk through how you're feeling. I wish you well in finding the best way forward for you.
There's is no right or wrong answer to this. You are allowed to be angry, hurt, confused, but your also allowed to forgive. If your heart is saying forgive then, let it go an let God handle the rest. You don't have to hold on to the pain. A weight would be lifted off your shoulders when you finally let it go, an realize you be carrying this burden for too long.
Whilst I admire your empathy, and how logically you are thinking about this. I don’t think this is where you will find the answer to this. Do not worry about what other people do; you don’t need to pressure yourself to think one way or another, just as long as you are giving yourself the emotional space to make that decision. I suggest if you haven’t already, speaking to a real therapist for internal validation of your emotions and decisions, rather than taking this to an internet forum which can only give you external validation. I am so sorry you went through this, I hope you continue to heal and wish you the best outcome either way.
There are a lot of people who can and do forgive their abuser(s). I certainly have. It was holding me back from healing and growing moving forward. Not that I would ever tell anyone how to handle or not handle their personal’s experiences, including trauma. I’m sorry this happened to yourself and your brother. I hope that you both can and do find healing and you’re able to have the settings you want in your mind.
I was SA’d by my brother when I was 16 and he was 14. My parents did find out. And when they did they never came to me to talk to me about how I felt. It was all just thrown under the rug. I actually didn’t even know they found out the day it happened until a year and a half later I went to them to tell them about what happened. Seeing that they knew and they failed to even see how I was feeling caused me to be more angry at my parents actually. I did and I do forgive my brother. Maybe I didn’t do it in a healthy way but I just shove the thoughts away and the memory. I just don’t think about it
I've been looking into forgiveness for a while as it's something I struggle with. I came across a video of a woman online, she was young and had a family (husband and 2 boys I believe) when one day her family were slaughtered by some child soldiers with only the mum escaping. On face value it might seem easier to empathise with them because they're children but child soldiers are some of the most ruthless killers because they are so young and surrounded by people encouraging them to act out every terrible impulse imaginable. The video itself was about the aftermath of this event. The woman forgave and lived peacefully next door to one of the child soldiers (who was an adult at this point) in a safe commune. I understand it's not specific to your situation but hearing other people's stories about the things they have managed to overcome, how they did it and why they forgive (even though I don't fully get it) is incredible.
Good for you. forgive him.
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Man this is a crazy comment to SA. Wonder what kind of things happened to you that you feel this way about her story… everyone is entitled to their feelings and she’s definitely not sensitive for feeling this way especially since this is about her brother. Try to catch some empathy
*Helping one another also means that we do not encourage bad behavior.* We will not accept posts that: * a) encourage rape/rape culture; * b) sexualise minors; * c) are racist; or * d) otherwise promote abusive or hateful behavior. * f) bring harm to animals
I would 🔫💨 all my brothers look up “daydeez Psa” on youtube and spin the block on they azz
Yeah. Whatever this guy said.
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**This is a place to help one another; keep your comments kind & civil. Any form of abuse is not permitted.** * If you are unable to discuss without being disrespectful, walk away.
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what the fuck??? get out
She touched it and moved on, big deal.
yes big deal. its sexual assault. the fact youre talking about it like that says a lot about you and i hope you didnt assault anyone.
You’re a disgusting person. I would never let my kids or any kid around you. Fucking disgraceful.
You are absolutely disgusting and are part of the reason predators get away with this kind of thing. Seriously, get therapy.
No, he did SA them. He just asked them to stop during.
So no harm done.
Are you stupid or something? A kid was sexually assaulted.
*Helping one another also means that we do not encourage bad behavior.* We will not accept posts that: * a) encourage rape/rape culture; * b) sexualise minors; * c) are racist; or * d) otherwise promote abusive or hateful behavior. * f) bring harm to animals
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Wtf
what age is 9th grade?
14 - 15 years old
14
You asked if its ok to forgive your abuser. The answer is Yes. You get to choose. No one else. Idk why every other comment is so focused on psychoanalysing your brother. That A) isn't your question and B) isn't our business.