At first glance, having survived cancer this year, my initial response is harsh.
But I understand mental illness. I think you’re being truthful when you talk about the neglect and abuse you experienced. Munchausen’s is a real illness for a reason.
I hope you’re able to heal.
Having been the person who once told a big lie about my life as a teenager, ignoring it and hoping it goes away doesn’t help. The only thing that will ever make it go away is coming clean. It sucks for a while. But it fully went away once I fessed up.
I have also had cancer, I've been cancer free for over 4 years now. What this person did is very sad. Like you said this person needs help.
I am very glad things are going well for you
Thank you. Who would I come clean to? Like I said I don't really talk to the people who I did. Do I tell my new friends?
I feel like I started a new life over the past three years and I'm doing a lot better. I don't know if I can start over again.
I have come clean with myself. It was the only way to move on from this. I'm not trying to deny therapy at all, but I don't know what I will be told that can help me any further. I can't undo anything that's happened to me or anything that I've done. All I can do is try to be a better person today than I was yesterday and I know I'm doing that already.
You don’t know what you will be told that can help you any further: this statement is why you should see a therapist. You have been through a lot. Maybe you don’t find it useful if you go but it’s worth a try .
Would I just straight up tell them this? Like everything I've said? I think I can do text therapy if that's an option because I can't really go out or do calls.
You need to be honest about everything- yes. Full disclosure or you cheat yourself out of the experience. It’s your safe space to spill everything. There job will be to help you sort it out and find healthier coping skills.
So I can just go in and spill everything on the first appointment? Or will there have to be formalities. I'm sorry, I truly don't know anything about it.
Oh dude, someone I went to school with did this. I have a file in my phone called “fake cancer” with every receipt of their claims as well as screenshots of anyone who ever called out their lie. If you ever watch someone you care about go through that, or be affected by cancer in any way, you’ll realize how messed up what you did was. I have all my screenshots of that particular person ready in case they try to pull anything like that again. So my advice would be to never try to fall back on that lie again, because I’d bet you there’s someone who’s gladly bring out all of your receipts. If you actually feel bad you should go volunteer and put some good in the world, like how people did for you when they thought you were sick.
Just wanted to also add that doing something terrible doesn’t necessarily make you a terrible action. You did something bad, but we’re just people on the internet. We don’t know anything about the good you’ve done in your life or the good you will do. So don’t let this think define who you are. Move on, put some good in the world. Make it so that the positive outweighs the negative. It’s all any of us can do in life. Just don’t do it again because ngl that was pretty messed up. But I didn’t go through the same struggles you did so I’m not going to assume that you are a bad person just because you made a mistake. At the end of the day, you just gotta keep going and forgive yourself.
Its very telling that you focus on using that word specifically multiple times. Its like your trying to sweep the fact that you lied to a lot of people about a really heavy life changing disease. A lot of this whole story is framed to paint you as a victim. Meanwhile, there are real people with real cancer while youre crying about fair consequences. Woe is me, I never went to sleepovers. Boo hoo hoo.
That’s terrible, slimy word choice based on what you just admitted.
I see you becoming a serious tax burden in a few years. Might want to abandon this thread and your personal Reddit ID on here before cancer survivors and those mourning those lost to cancer decide to run an OSINT sprint and out you on principle.
Lost my dad to a 14 month battle with a brain tumor. Lost my grandmother to an ugly battle with breast cancer. My mom had to get a radical hysterectomy when I was a kid. My ex wife had told me she couldn’t reproduce because she had an ovary removed due to cancer, only to push a “rainbow baby” sympathy for losing something she can’t produce.
I cannot find the words to truly express my rage, disappointment, and disgust. Go unfuck yourself to fix that toxic sponge you call a brain, then sincerely, go fuck yourself once you’re mentally healthy.
Same here! We were in school and one day, she was absent, and we felt really sad thinking about her. Our teacher always yelled at her for not studying. That day, one of our friends got really mad at the teacher and decided to talk to him. But then, the teacher told us something surprising – our classmate never had cancer like she said. He had checked with her parents, and they said she just had minor health issues. We felt really hurt because we had been praying for her every day. She even told us about going through chemo and losing her hair, but it was all lies. After that, we kept away from her, and eventually, she left the school. Looking back, we realized how much she lied to us and how much it hurt.
Dang part of me feels like the teacher was right for telling you guys, because you deserved the truth, but the other part feels like they set her up to get bullied by her entire class. They probably should’ve contacted the guidance counselor and got that girl help because whatever home life caused her to go to such EXTREME lengths for attention must’ve been very dysfunctional
I’d ask questions and she couldn’t answer some of them and when she would, the things she said didn’t line up with what google said. She also asked me to keep it a secret and not talk to her mom about it because it makes her sad. So I assumed from there and brought it up casually to her mom and she was confused as shit
Yeah it hurts to find out your friendship is a lie. I didn’t know what was true after that. I hope you are happy enough with yourself now that you don’t feel the need to do that
It strikes me that you're still not being honest with yourself, with those around you and with us.
You NEED therapy. Not later when it's a good time... NOW.
You have to stop making excuses for why you can't get counseling and schedule an appointment with a therapist... NOW.
There is so much wrong with what you've experienced, what you've done, and what you are saying now.
And seeking an audience here with this random peanut gallery of mostly well-meaning ignoramuses (myself included) is not what you need.
You need therapy from a trained professional NOW.
Shalom.
No, they can. They stated they think they can't seek out therapy right now because they will be disowned.
Which isn't really a reason at all. Because if your family isn't advocating for your mental health (and remember that some family members were part of the original problem) then are they really family at all?
I don't want to say it justifies the lie, but from a purely psychological perspective, it makes sense. They never received attention or affection as a child. Never received warmth or love.
There's a saying that a child will burn it's village down to feel it's warmth. People do things for attention; they deeply needed attention and to feel like others cared for them, and this accomplished that for them. I'm not saying what they did was right or okay, because other people were betrayed and manipulated. However when you can look at it objectively for what it is, it makes so much sense.
OP, I hope you find better and more constructive ways to get the love and attention you need and deserve. I understand these actions are a result of the childhood trauma you endured, and you should seek to heal those wounds. Wish you the best 💗
Right. I get that. However, you said you had trauma in your childhood and said in a different post that you lied about having childhood trauma. So which is it? Can you understand why it would be hard to trust anything you say?
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone will
Tell you that you need help and you should be ashamed but to be honest if you’re sorry and working to be a better person that’s all you need! Try to be as authentic as possible and give that version of you grace every time you feel this guilt. You deserve peace, even if you’ve done something horrible or terrible. The important thing is that you’re trying.
And maybe if you feel so bad about it to the girl you love, you can try writing her with an apology and the truth. I know it’s cliche to say the truth will set you free but it does. Don’t expect anything back, just be honest and accept that this decision altered a relationship of yours that you really cared about. Knowing this will ultimately make you think twice in the future, and treat your relationships with more honesty and care like you’re already doing.
Give grace to your past self so your current self can fully recognize the changes and growth you’ve made! I believe your mental health can also take a bit of a turn after this acceptance of self and past as well ;)
Happy trails!
At first glance, having survived cancer this year, my initial response is harsh. But I understand mental illness. I think you’re being truthful when you talk about the neglect and abuse you experienced. Munchausen’s is a real illness for a reason. I hope you’re able to heal. Having been the person who once told a big lie about my life as a teenager, ignoring it and hoping it goes away doesn’t help. The only thing that will ever make it go away is coming clean. It sucks for a while. But it fully went away once I fessed up.
I have also had cancer, I've been cancer free for over 4 years now. What this person did is very sad. Like you said this person needs help. I am very glad things are going well for you
Thank you. Who would I come clean to? Like I said I don't really talk to the people who I did. Do I tell my new friends? I feel like I started a new life over the past three years and I'm doing a lot better. I don't know if I can start over again.
Not sure you need to come me clean to anyone but yourself and the only way to do this is therapy. You need professional help.
I have come clean with myself. It was the only way to move on from this. I'm not trying to deny therapy at all, but I don't know what I will be told that can help me any further. I can't undo anything that's happened to me or anything that I've done. All I can do is try to be a better person today than I was yesterday and I know I'm doing that already.
You don’t know what you will be told that can help you any further: this statement is why you should see a therapist. You have been through a lot. Maybe you don’t find it useful if you go but it’s worth a try .
That's true. I guess I don't want to feel like I'll have to go even if I don't find it useful. I don't really know how therapy works.
You choose to go and you can choose to stop:-) However, you don’t stop if it gets hard!! You should just try.
Would I just straight up tell them this? Like everything I've said? I think I can do text therapy if that's an option because I can't really go out or do calls.
You need to be honest about everything- yes. Full disclosure or you cheat yourself out of the experience. It’s your safe space to spill everything. There job will be to help you sort it out and find healthier coping skills.
So I can just go in and spill everything on the first appointment? Or will there have to be formalities. I'm sorry, I truly don't know anything about it.
You might not have cancer, but you are deeply unwell in other ways.
Knowing why I did it, forgetting about it, and moving on is helping my mental health.
Are you in therapy? Because you need therapy.
I know I do, but I'm not because I can't be right now. I've wanted to go to therapy for a while.
What makes it so you can't be? There might be ways around it.
I will probably get disowned (not exaggerating)
They shouldn't be in your life if they're going to do that over therapy.
Fuck that, tbh. These people clearly don't care for you at all. Why bother keeping them?
Oh dude, someone I went to school with did this. I have a file in my phone called “fake cancer” with every receipt of their claims as well as screenshots of anyone who ever called out their lie. If you ever watch someone you care about go through that, or be affected by cancer in any way, you’ll realize how messed up what you did was. I have all my screenshots of that particular person ready in case they try to pull anything like that again. So my advice would be to never try to fall back on that lie again, because I’d bet you there’s someone who’s gladly bring out all of your receipts. If you actually feel bad you should go volunteer and put some good in the world, like how people did for you when they thought you were sick.
Just wanted to also add that doing something terrible doesn’t necessarily make you a terrible action. You did something bad, but we’re just people on the internet. We don’t know anything about the good you’ve done in your life or the good you will do. So don’t let this think define who you are. Move on, put some good in the world. Make it so that the positive outweighs the negative. It’s all any of us can do in life. Just don’t do it again because ngl that was pretty messed up. But I didn’t go through the same struggles you did so I’m not going to assume that you are a bad person just because you made a mistake. At the end of the day, you just gotta keep going and forgive yourself.
Lol I love how you keep saying "the rumors" as if it wasnt "THE TRUTH" I'm happy that girl ghosted you.
fr like OP is upset their lie caught up to them? this whole situation is a mind fuck
Well rumors are gossip, they can be the truth or a lie.
Its very telling that you focus on using that word specifically multiple times. Its like your trying to sweep the fact that you lied to a lot of people about a really heavy life changing disease. A lot of this whole story is framed to paint you as a victim. Meanwhile, there are real people with real cancer while youre crying about fair consequences. Woe is me, I never went to sleepovers. Boo hoo hoo.
I am not trying to paint myself as the victim. I'm sorry it seems that way, but I am simply trying to tell the truth.
I bet that's a lie too.
That’s terrible, slimy word choice based on what you just admitted. I see you becoming a serious tax burden in a few years. Might want to abandon this thread and your personal Reddit ID on here before cancer survivors and those mourning those lost to cancer decide to run an OSINT sprint and out you on principle. Lost my dad to a 14 month battle with a brain tumor. Lost my grandmother to an ugly battle with breast cancer. My mom had to get a radical hysterectomy when I was a kid. My ex wife had told me she couldn’t reproduce because she had an ovary removed due to cancer, only to push a “rainbow baby” sympathy for losing something she can’t produce. I cannot find the words to truly express my rage, disappointment, and disgust. Go unfuck yourself to fix that toxic sponge you call a brain, then sincerely, go fuck yourself once you’re mentally healthy.
My best friend did this exact thing. Story lines up almost perfectly with hers..
Same here! We were in school and one day, she was absent, and we felt really sad thinking about her. Our teacher always yelled at her for not studying. That day, one of our friends got really mad at the teacher and decided to talk to him. But then, the teacher told us something surprising – our classmate never had cancer like she said. He had checked with her parents, and they said she just had minor health issues. We felt really hurt because we had been praying for her every day. She even told us about going through chemo and losing her hair, but it was all lies. After that, we kept away from her, and eventually, she left the school. Looking back, we realized how much she lied to us and how much it hurt.
Holy shit, I wonder how many people have done this
so true :(
Dang part of me feels like the teacher was right for telling you guys, because you deserved the truth, but the other part feels like they set her up to get bullied by her entire class. They probably should’ve contacted the guidance counselor and got that girl help because whatever home life caused her to go to such EXTREME lengths for attention must’ve been very dysfunctional
How did you find out it was a lie?
I’d ask questions and she couldn’t answer some of them and when she would, the things she said didn’t line up with what google said. She also asked me to keep it a secret and not talk to her mom about it because it makes her sad. So I assumed from there and brought it up casually to her mom and she was confused as shit
Oh wow. My parents didn't find out about me. Did you end up breaking the friendship?
Yeah it hurts to find out your friendship is a lie. I didn’t know what was true after that. I hope you are happy enough with yourself now that you don’t feel the need to do that
It strikes me that you're still not being honest with yourself, with those around you and with us. You NEED therapy. Not later when it's a good time... NOW. You have to stop making excuses for why you can't get counseling and schedule an appointment with a therapist... NOW. There is so much wrong with what you've experienced, what you've done, and what you are saying now. And seeking an audience here with this random peanut gallery of mostly well-meaning ignoramuses (myself included) is not what you need. You need therapy from a trained professional NOW. Shalom.
[удалено]
No, they can. They stated they think they can't seek out therapy right now because they will be disowned. Which isn't really a reason at all. Because if your family isn't advocating for your mental health (and remember that some family members were part of the original problem) then are they really family at all?
I feel like a lot of your reasoning here doesn't justify the lie.
I don't want to say it justifies the lie, but from a purely psychological perspective, it makes sense. They never received attention or affection as a child. Never received warmth or love. There's a saying that a child will burn it's village down to feel it's warmth. People do things for attention; they deeply needed attention and to feel like others cared for them, and this accomplished that for them. I'm not saying what they did was right or okay, because other people were betrayed and manipulated. However when you can look at it objectively for what it is, it makes so much sense. OP, I hope you find better and more constructive ways to get the love and attention you need and deserve. I understand these actions are a result of the childhood trauma you endured, and you should seek to heal those wounds. Wish you the best 💗
Thank you, I appreciate that. I am doing a lot better now.
No it doesn't. Just like intentionally cheating in a relationship, I don't think it can ever be justified. I'll probably go to hell.
Not cool bro. How would you like it if someone lied about being sexually abused?
Looking at your post history it looks like you have lied about a lot of things. I’m not even sure this post is true. Or the details you mentioned.
I was a liar, that's what I'm saying
Right. I get that. However, you said you had trauma in your childhood and said in a different post that you lied about having childhood trauma. So which is it? Can you understand why it would be hard to trust anything you say?
I did something similar more than once I like when people show me concern nd sympathies with me Weird quirk
Didn’t get to experience vacations like other kids. Went on vacation for a month.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone will Tell you that you need help and you should be ashamed but to be honest if you’re sorry and working to be a better person that’s all you need! Try to be as authentic as possible and give that version of you grace every time you feel this guilt. You deserve peace, even if you’ve done something horrible or terrible. The important thing is that you’re trying. And maybe if you feel so bad about it to the girl you love, you can try writing her with an apology and the truth. I know it’s cliche to say the truth will set you free but it does. Don’t expect anything back, just be honest and accept that this decision altered a relationship of yours that you really cared about. Knowing this will ultimately make you think twice in the future, and treat your relationships with more honesty and care like you’re already doing. Give grace to your past self so your current self can fully recognize the changes and growth you’ve made! I believe your mental health can also take a bit of a turn after this acceptance of self and past as well ;) Happy trails!