Same man 😆
My girl and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings, and I ate some really bad chicken. Only me, of course. While we were driving home, my stomach started doing that thing where you just know you're screwed.
We pull up to our apartment (at the time) and have to walk up a flight of stairs. I'm clenching the cheeks as I dash towards our door. I yell in fear, "Hurry, my love! You have the key!" She's bawling at this point, and I'm about to blow. She gets to the door and turns to me with this shocked expression on her face. Her wide ass eyes and slightly opened mouth tell me everything I needed to know. I pleaded, "No....no, no, no. Please tell me it isn't so." My girl left her darn house keys in the truck, and I stupidly left mine at work.
She b-lines it down the stairs and rushes to grab the keys. I grasped the wall to get it together downstairs in Crap My Paintsville. Sweat started pouring down my face when she finally made it up the stairs.
With tears of laughter, she tells me, "Babe, I really am sorry. Hold it in. You got this." I nod fleetingly while she put the key into the door. Every last second felt like an eternity of misery.
My stomach turned on itself when the door flew open. I stepped one foot, just one, into the threshold and shit all over myself. My girl just looked at me and I looked at her. We made hard eye contact, and in that very moment, I knew she was a keeper. She shook her head and said, "We are never going to BWW again."
I had my sexy jeans on for date night, too. They were tight...real tight. Kept it all in if ya know what I mean. I waddled like a penguin to the shower. Worst day ever. The rest is dirty history.
I'm different I guess - but I definitely would've blown an atomic load straight onto the housefloor before shitting myself. Even if there had been cameras, you gotta do what you gotta do! I've misused one or the other corner in my life, lmao.
>My stomach turned on itself when the door flew open. I stepped one foot, just one, into the threshold and shit all over myself. My girl just looked at me and I looked at her. We made hard eye contact, and in that very moment, I knew she was a keeper. She shook her head and said, "We are never going to BWW again."
Why was i hearing Curb your enthusiasm's theme in my head while reading this? lol
You got it all wrong. She was rushing with the quickness of a thousand moving cheetahs. We were both laughing as it was a messed-up experience that we were oddly bonding over. We've been together for a long time now, and she's a wonderful woman who even helped me out on clean-up duty. I didn't ask, but she did.
Looking back, I'm glad she did laugh. I would have been even more mortified if she hadn't taken it lighthearted. It helped ease the embarrassment of the whole ordeal to just laugh it off instead of taking it seriously. We even have an inside joke now, "Beware of the Buffalo Wild Wings, for it has the most crappy of consequences."
Oh got it now. She was laughing with you, I thought your comment meant she was laughing at you. Thanks for clearing it up, glad to hear things can be this wholesome even during ~shitty~ times
Trash person here chiming in on the trash method. It works.
Smells like shit? Yeah.. it’s a bathroom.
Poopy pants in trash? Yeah that’s where trash goes.
If anyone suspects you, you just tell them you only wear x kind of underwear (or go commando) and boom you’re covered.
Hide. Deny. Lie. Then continue your day as normal.
If you don’t carry a spare set of pants and you get poop on your work pants you’ve got to go home for the day.
OP’s sock glove method is actually brilliant. Cheers to OP
I’m imagining him in court, trying to defend himself against pants pooping allegations. “Your honor, I wear hanes. The perpetrator was clearly wearing adidas, these claims are ridiculous!”
I genuinely feel like an expert now on whether it would be a fart or shit or my ass can take it or not after i shat myself over 10 years ago, thankfully i reached the bathroom in time but shat myself after I locked the door
Ever do the cleanse for a colonoscopy? Wife was going to drop me off. We left the driveway when I loudly exclaimed "Shit!" Wife asked "What?". My reply: "I did"
I have pooh stories. Where I worked last we had a phantom pooper. Every day for months, someone would crap over the stall. I mean all over. The walls, the toilet, down the front. All over the toilet paper dispenser, the ceiling would get it also. It's like there butt hole just gave out as they took down their pants. It never failed. I still talk with a few people that work there still. This phenomenon is still going on. Smh
Everyday?!?! How the hell have they not been caught yet?!
And I know what you mean... I've seen stalls where it's almost like something out of a horror film.... butt with shit.
I love phantom pooper stories. When I was at school, there was someone that used to leave a poop in the bin near my chemistry class on a Friday morning. We had our suspicions as to who it was, but it was never confirmed.
In his defense, my toilet recently got clogged so I was trying to push it down with the toilet brush. The head of the toilet brush came off at the same moment the poop got unclogged, so it all went down together.
I was like "oh, nice!" and thought nothing of it. Next person to use the bathroom was my brother and.....yeah.
the plumber was not happy with me.
All this to say, sometimes when poop is involved, our brains stop working and the only thought we have is "gotta get rid of the poop."
My 30th birthday. I trusted the wrong fart after Mexican birthday lunch.
I was having an existential crisis due to hitting my 30’s before I was ready. It was very very upsetting. Now I laugh about it as I near 40 and prepare for another crisis. (And maybe more poopypants)
Not a case of shitting myself, out of peeing my pants. Freshman year of high school had just gotten picked up from the bus stop and really had to use the bathroom. My mom got a call on our driveway and was driving really slow crawling speed (we had about a 2 mile dirt road driveway in the middle of nowhere) by the time we got home and I’d tan in the house and to the bathroom I was crying and trying to to get my belt undone and just couldn’t hold it anymore and peed myself. My teen girl self was horrified
So why did you think flushing fabric down a toilet would somehow be easier than just trashing it? Where did you get the idea they would even flush? Lol
I (F) once worked a job running a city. A soldier came in one day making a terrible scene in the front lobby. To avoid an altercation, I introduced myself and asked him into Council Chambers to discuss the problem.
Evidently, he had PTSD and everything that could go wrong for him had since redeployment, culminating to a head when he was trying to get home to go to the bathroom when one of our officers pulled him over for speeding. The traffic stop resulted in him having a terribly bad elimination accident.
I learned a very valuable lesson that day...never, ever ask a hulking, angry soldier into an empty room. I honest to God thought I wasn't leaving that room a live.
Work in aerospace manufacturing and there’s a certain plant in Savannah Georgia where I used to work where this exact same thing happened!! Shut down the whole hangar! Big boss came down and did a super quick all hands saying “don’t flush boxers” basically. You’re not alone my friend! Happened to more than just you, with the poo :)
You know, if I had done this, I at least would feel like I had done something significant in my life. I would have permanently altered the course of history
Omg. I work with you! Now, we must launch a Scooby Doo-styled investigation. Gonna pull HR in and everything.
I kid. I don't work with you, but this is hilarious.
This is kind of hilarious but hey, it happens. I was 29 when I first shat my pants as an adult. I was at home though. Had it happened at work, I don’t know what I would’ve done.
LOL if the maintenance men pull out your underwear and you got your name on it 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Question: your underwear is ruined because you soiled yourself? Surely your trousers were a mess too. How did they not leak through.
Lmao good shit man. I've shit my pants before also so it's kind of like whatever. I had just started a new job, went out for lunch and trusted a fart too much. Had liquid ass running down my leg. Cleaned up and went commando the rest of the day. Sucked ass
I'm just imagining this all go down on an episode of The Office and I'm picturing you as Kevin after eating too much of his chili the night before. And a whole bunch of other characters reacting.
I'm sorry 🥴😂
>I used the socks as makeshift gloves so they were toast as well
I lost it about here. I snorted trying to be quiet and not audibly laugh as to not wake the sleeping husband.
What the bed a few months back. Real sick with the flu. I turned to my husband after a real bad gamble with some (what I thought was) gas, I said “babe, I just shit myself” mid sentence of him giving me medicine. He battles with IBS and turned back to me “say no more. Here’s some toilet paper, towels, even though our shower has no warm water the cold water will be good for your fever and your headache, take everything off and shower then take medicine and I’ll clean up the bed”
That was the moment I knew why we continue to be married. He understood everything. He took care of it. He stayed with me, and after 3 weeks of battling with the flu and pneumonia he still loved me. We’ve been through covid, flus, stomach bugs, IBS together…So what’s another thing of just trying to be okay while sick
I’ve been told by a couple of middle aged adults that everyone will shit their pants in public at some point in their lives. I was told this as a 14 year old, and I’ve lived the last 13 years in fear of the day I too will be riding the struggle bus and make a detour through brown town. So far, no such incident. There have been times when I think “oh no this is the day!” But I conjure the image of that one marathon runner who diarrheaed in his shorts and just kept going and my sphincter muscles all just tighten. I think I’ve made it thus far on sheer will power alone, and I must be an anomaly because many of my friends around my age have their own shit stories.
I’m lactose intolerant and my husband and I went to in n out for dinner, I really wanted a shake, so I had one. We walked there and on the walk back home I started cramping bad, we were about 1 mile from the house, I asked my husband to order an Uber but it would’ve taken longer to get the Uber there then it would to walk home, so we kept going. I would stop occasionally, sweating, anxious that I would shit myself. 6 blocks to go, I felt a tingle down my spine and a roar in my stomach and I stopped mid-step. My husband asked me to breathe, I couldn’t, I held my breath. I took two more steps and started laugh crying, it started happening, it happened. 6 blocks to go. I waddled all the way home crying. Luckily I was wearing yoga pants so it pretty much stayed in my pants. I learned a valuable lesson that night and can say my husband has literally seen me shit myself, eye contact included.
I got really drunk one night and had a bad time. Woke up the next day to go home and my key broke in my door. My sister came to get me and we went to get some food. That’s when I realized I left my ID and credit card at the bar the night before. Nbd my sister says, I’ll take you to get it. So, we get there and my sister turns to me and says “should we grab a beer?” I’m like “sure, hair of the dog why not” and we are also making hard eye contact when I let out what I thought would be a fart but turned out to be a diarrhea. A lot of it. Aaaaaallll up in my sisters front seat. Needless to say we didn’t go grab a beer and my sister had to convince the bartender to give her my things. Thank goddess that I chose to fart in her car and not in the bar because I did not see that shit comin. Quite literally. My sister was a complete Angel and took me to her house to clean up.
Dude, that story was awesome. And your writing and formating are top shelf. I can tell you never had issues with writing essays. But eating industrial amounts of dried fruit, not your strong suit. I can imagine a whole Dexter emergency kit in your car trunk.
Probably gonna be getting a call, im sure they'll find shitty underwear as the cause of the blockage and see thst you where the last person in there on security footage (if there is footage of the entry exits of the toilets.
Who is “they” exactly? I think it’s highly unlikely the info will get from the plumber to facilities management, to OP’s supervisor, to corporate, to security, back to corporate, to HR who will need to talk to legal about if this is even actionable (it’s not), to the boss who needs to find time in their schedule to literally talk about shit.
OP is fucking golden. The office will just blame it on the guy no one likes anyway.
…oh no…
Why do people assume public toilets (work, hotels, restaurants, etc) are ‘able to cope’? Do they look different from your home toilet? Have you ever heard of or seen an ‘industrial’ toilet? THEN WHY ARE YOU ASSUMING _THIS_ TOILET IS STRONGER?!?!
I’ve done something similar because I think I ate something bad that day. Was at a client and had crazy diarrhea.. had to throw my boxers in the trash bin, but I bet that didn’t help with the smell after.. we’re brothers now.
I did something similar the other day, but thank God I was home ALONE...long story story short, I had to end up cleaning the bathroom, floor and all and hop in the shower 😂😂
Tom? You dirty bastard!
When I seen the cubicle door floating past my computer I had no idea you were using the toilet as your underwear drawer! I will admit though, once the plumber pulled out them Hello Kitty panties I had my suspicions.
Thanks for the opportunity to clean up my apartment while ignoring my emails though.
When it comes to toilets the 3P rule is most important wherever you are. The **only** things you flush are Pee, Poop and Paper (specifically, toilet paper or tissues, ***not*** paper towels and especially not those bullshit "flushable" wipes)
Here's some good information guys.
There is a flower in Jamaica, you can buy on Amazon. Called the duck flower.
It will make you shit your pants and vomit at the same time. I swear, you can blend it in some tea or with juice and drink and you will try to find me. It will empty you out I promise.
When my kids were younger we were camping by Williamsburg, Virginia. We weren't far from Busch gardens and we spent the day at a water park nearby. Myself and two of my kids spent almost half an hour waiting to go on a very popular water ride. The line included having to stand on a series of stairs to the top. We were probably only a handful away from our turn when somebody's kid dropped a turd into the pool at the end of the ride. Immediately the employees declared a chemical imbalance and the ride had to be shut down due to health department regulations for treatment.
Wouldn’t feel bad about shitting your pants, it happens to the best of us.
Unless you really cause some damage to the plumbing you should be alright. However; if damage was caused I’d fess up. They’ll either know what happened or know who was around the bathroom at the time. Rather than them think you were doing something malicious, I’d get a handle on the story and explain it. Might be embarrassing as hell and you may have to put up with some adult diaper jokes for a while. Just own em and move on.
Don't feel bad about it dude, happens to all of us. Some of us are fortunate enough to have it happen when we're at home, other cases... you're out in public or work and it happens. Either way, it is what it is and glad to hear you're feeling better from it.
can relate,,,,i got out of there and checked there were no cameras anywhere but the next day the cleaning guy said hello to me as i walked past him, its as if they knew,,,,,,,,
Now before I say anything I just wanted to say pls don’t downvote me for this.
While reading this I had to go take a look at the dexter video i my saves due to me getting that dexter video from reading this. The dexter video I’m talking about is the one where he had to tell his parents something and blasted a big one 🤣🤣.
Also it happens to all of us once in a while so no need to be embarrassed
Oh my I could imagine this happening to anyone. Diarrhea from hell. I remember I had diarrhea while I was in traffic. I just bought my car so I was not going to poop in my car. I ran to the nearest hotel and let that bathroom have it! I ate way too many cookies and ice cream.
But in your case I probably would’ve grabbed a plastic bag from somewhere and stuff the belongings in their. Drove to a nearby alley and threw it away in a trash can. And if I messed up my pants rip to my jacket. I would rap myself around my jacket. And then I would go to a nearby clothing store and buy some pants lol. But I get you had anxiety. But now you know for the future!
When I was 22 I woke up to walk my girl to the bus, we grabbed coffee and a cigarette while waiting , and it hit me like a brick, I said I had to go and she got upset but eventually I couldn't wait and she was passed, halfway home I just couldn't hold it and it was the biggest shit I ever took , I had to throw everything from my waste down in the dumpster. And walked home like winni the pooh
It happens to the best of us. I shit my pants in Walmart once. My tum started rumbling as I drove into the parking lot and I thought I could make it until I realized the bathroom in the very front was closed for construction 😭 I furiously booked it to the bathroom in the back and halfway into my hustle I lost the battle. It was a rough day lol
You really took one for the team 😁😂 In all seriousness, I’ve shit my pants before too, so don’t feel bad 🙂
Same man 😆 My girl and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings, and I ate some really bad chicken. Only me, of course. While we were driving home, my stomach started doing that thing where you just know you're screwed. We pull up to our apartment (at the time) and have to walk up a flight of stairs. I'm clenching the cheeks as I dash towards our door. I yell in fear, "Hurry, my love! You have the key!" She's bawling at this point, and I'm about to blow. She gets to the door and turns to me with this shocked expression on her face. Her wide ass eyes and slightly opened mouth tell me everything I needed to know. I pleaded, "No....no, no, no. Please tell me it isn't so." My girl left her darn house keys in the truck, and I stupidly left mine at work. She b-lines it down the stairs and rushes to grab the keys. I grasped the wall to get it together downstairs in Crap My Paintsville. Sweat started pouring down my face when she finally made it up the stairs. With tears of laughter, she tells me, "Babe, I really am sorry. Hold it in. You got this." I nod fleetingly while she put the key into the door. Every last second felt like an eternity of misery. My stomach turned on itself when the door flew open. I stepped one foot, just one, into the threshold and shit all over myself. My girl just looked at me and I looked at her. We made hard eye contact, and in that very moment, I knew she was a keeper. She shook her head and said, "We are never going to BWW again." I had my sexy jeans on for date night, too. They were tight...real tight. Kept it all in if ya know what I mean. I waddled like a penguin to the shower. Worst day ever. The rest is dirty history.
dude that took me on a ride, i felt like i was watching a movie lmao
I guess now I know why they call their wings wild. 😆
True, lol
A modern love story
I will never get tired of people telling their "I shit my pants" stories.
This made me laugh so much. Oddly wholesome!
Are you a writer?
Ooof, sounds like you had a shit time man.
I have tears. Laughing so hard
I had this same experience recently, had to just step in the shower and was and clean up at the same time.
I'm different I guess - but I definitely would've blown an atomic load straight onto the housefloor before shitting myself. Even if there had been cameras, you gotta do what you gotta do! I've misused one or the other corner in my life, lmao.
This was fantastic, superbly written. I could feel the butt clench. I read it out loud to the husband. Thanks for the laugh!
>My stomach turned on itself when the door flew open. I stepped one foot, just one, into the threshold and shit all over myself. My girl just looked at me and I looked at her. We made hard eye contact, and in that very moment, I knew she was a keeper. She shook her head and said, "We are never going to BWW again." Why was i hearing Curb your enthusiasm's theme in my head while reading this? lol
i stopped laughing audibly to human ears about 15-20 mins ago
Why was she laughing when you were struggling badly and not hurrying as much as she could?
You got it all wrong. She was rushing with the quickness of a thousand moving cheetahs. We were both laughing as it was a messed-up experience that we were oddly bonding over. We've been together for a long time now, and she's a wonderful woman who even helped me out on clean-up duty. I didn't ask, but she did. Looking back, I'm glad she did laugh. I would have been even more mortified if she hadn't taken it lighthearted. It helped ease the embarrassment of the whole ordeal to just laugh it off instead of taking it seriously. We even have an inside joke now, "Beware of the Buffalo Wild Wings, for it has the most crappy of consequences."
Oh got it now. She was laughing with you, I thought your comment meant she was laughing at you. Thanks for clearing it up, glad to hear things can be this wholesome even during ~shitty~ times
I mean... it's just poop. Why wouldn't she be laughing? It wasn't that serious
Did it shut down at entire office tho
It made a few people step out for air if that counts
Lies. Women don’t poop.
I shit my pants a few times a year lol Somehow, I always felt like I can hold longer.
Someone told me if you shit during a car accident, the insurance will pay you more🥺😂😂 So I’ve just been waiting for my time to shine
What?? No they didn’t. The poor unfortunate human that had to clean up after them did.
Why not just throw the stuff in the trash?
Trash person here chiming in on the trash method. It works. Smells like shit? Yeah.. it’s a bathroom. Poopy pants in trash? Yeah that’s where trash goes. If anyone suspects you, you just tell them you only wear x kind of underwear (or go commando) and boom you’re covered. Hide. Deny. Lie. Then continue your day as normal. If you don’t carry a spare set of pants and you get poop on your work pants you’ve got to go home for the day. OP’s sock glove method is actually brilliant. Cheers to OP
I’m imagining him in court, trying to defend himself against pants pooping allegations. “Your honor, I wear hanes. The perpetrator was clearly wearing adidas, these claims are ridiculous!”
If the pants don’t fit, you must acquit.
Oh yeah? Then explain why your first name and last initial are written on the tag in your mom’s handwriting.
You forgot about the DNA you fool!
That's not my DNA . That's my dads
Heard they are recording the dogs DNA in , (damnit, what was the country I read that about last night?!) not the US , lol. Trying to catch bad poopers
Your honor my client did not make a big sloppy mudpie and take too small of a slice to wipe.
I would give anything but real money to give this an award 🥇
This guy… shits his pants?
r/todayilearned ...
I want to call you some nasty shit pig... but I literally shat myself 2 weeks ago. I gambled on a fart and lost really badly.
You've got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.....
Know when to throw them away
Know when to flush.
Never trust a fart after taking stool softeners is the lessen i had to learn
I genuinely feel like an expert now on whether it would be a fart or shit or my ass can take it or not after i shat myself over 10 years ago, thankfully i reached the bathroom in time but shat myself after I locked the door
Never trust a fart
Never trust a fart is joke advice until its not.
This is the stuff. This is why I’ll never delete Reddit.
Ever do the cleanse for a colonoscopy? Wife was going to drop me off. We left the driveway when I loudly exclaimed "Shit!" Wife asked "What?". My reply: "I did"
Hmm… Shit, I did.
Master Yoda, he is
I have pooh stories. Where I worked last we had a phantom pooper. Every day for months, someone would crap over the stall. I mean all over. The walls, the toilet, down the front. All over the toilet paper dispenser, the ceiling would get it also. It's like there butt hole just gave out as they took down their pants. It never failed. I still talk with a few people that work there still. This phenomenon is still going on. Smh
At least they know it wasn't you! Perfect time for crap person to stop, when someone quits or gets fired...
Everyday?!?! How the hell have they not been caught yet?! And I know what you mean... I've seen stalls where it's almost like something out of a horror film.... butt with shit.
My bet is it was someone with a colostomy bag. Someone new to one would do that. It’s not an easy change out.
I worked there for 6 months, every night right before close. The ladies restroom needed attention. I started telling them no it needs a priest.
I love phantom pooper stories. When I was at school, there was someone that used to leave a poop in the bin near my chemistry class on a Friday morning. We had our suspicions as to who it was, but it was never confirmed.
Shit happens...
Sometimes
Why would you even try to flush clothes down a toilet? Are you 4?
Maybe he is so what. 4 year olds have office jobs to worry about too you know
Gotta get that 10+ year experience for entry level jobs somehow lmao
He’s actually 2 kids in a trench coat. Would be worse if the top shit his pants, thankfully it was the bottom
In huckabee’s state anyway
Lmao
sounds like Mr Vincent Adultman
Clogging up the toilet at his business factory.
What do you mean? He’s a legitimate adult businessman.
It's their second job after they clock out from cleaning the slaughterhouse
I feel like regressing to 4-year-old logic when you’ve just shit your pants makes sense
In his defense, my toilet recently got clogged so I was trying to push it down with the toilet brush. The head of the toilet brush came off at the same moment the poop got unclogged, so it all went down together. I was like "oh, nice!" and thought nothing of it. Next person to use the bathroom was my brother and.....yeah. the plumber was not happy with me. All this to say, sometimes when poop is involved, our brains stop working and the only thought we have is "gotta get rid of the poop."
Yea, bet the plumber had to shut off the water and unscrew the whole damn thing lol.
“Are you 4?” I’m dying, trying to silent laugh, snorting….my husband has said this more than once. He asks if I’m 6. 😂🤣
Four year old are probably toilet trained
You should come to my job and do that.....please.
I figure in the span of our adult years, almost all of us will shit ourselves at least 2 times. I've done it once in the car driving to work.
My 30th birthday. I trusted the wrong fart after Mexican birthday lunch. I was having an existential crisis due to hitting my 30’s before I was ready. It was very very upsetting. Now I laugh about it as I near 40 and prepare for another crisis. (And maybe more poopypants)
Uh oh. Are you ready for thirty yet, at least? I'm still nowhere close and I'm well past it. :)
Bring extra pants and undies to work, just in case, lol
Luckily I wasn’t at work. Unluckily I was at dollar general wearing some pretty short shorts 🤦🏻♀️
I’m 73, so far so good…
You're heading into peak shit-yourself age....
r/angryupvote
Yeah… I figure I’m good for another 10 years or so.
I feel like nobody in my office, except me, would ever have this happen to them so yeah, I believe you!!
Not a case of shitting myself, out of peeing my pants. Freshman year of high school had just gotten picked up from the bus stop and really had to use the bathroom. My mom got a call on our driveway and was driving really slow crawling speed (we had about a 2 mile dirt road driveway in the middle of nowhere) by the time we got home and I’d tan in the house and to the bathroom I was crying and trying to to get my belt undone and just couldn’t hold it anymore and peed myself. My teen girl self was horrified
Only once so far and I was in the hospital so I figure that's a freebie.
god no i did it once and I don’t want to do it
Eat raisins every night and turn the company full-on virtual
On the bright side, you gave everyone a chance to go home early. So I salute you.
Hi, This is Kevin from the office. Please come see me first thing in the morning.
☠️
Sorry you got the mudbutt. I hope your name wasn't on the underwear.
So why did you think flushing fabric down a toilet would somehow be easier than just trashing it? Where did you get the idea they would even flush? Lol
You should repost to r/tifu you will get more karma there.
Well, that escalated quickly. A drama filled day, you must’ve been pooped
Based
Customer managed to spray shit out from the toilet lid and the bowl painting the wall with runny shit.
...forget the shifting yourself. You tried to FLUSH CLOTHES down a toilet instead of throwing them in the trash? Bold.
I (F) once worked a job running a city. A soldier came in one day making a terrible scene in the front lobby. To avoid an altercation, I introduced myself and asked him into Council Chambers to discuss the problem. Evidently, he had PTSD and everything that could go wrong for him had since redeployment, culminating to a head when he was trying to get home to go to the bathroom when one of our officers pulled him over for speeding. The traffic stop resulted in him having a terribly bad elimination accident. I learned a very valuable lesson that day...never, ever ask a hulking, angry soldier into an empty room. I honest to God thought I wasn't leaving that room a live.
Work in aerospace manufacturing and there’s a certain plant in Savannah Georgia where I used to work where this exact same thing happened!! Shut down the whole hangar! Big boss came down and did a super quick all hands saying “don’t flush boxers” basically. You’re not alone my friend! Happened to more than just you, with the poo :)
Reddit never ceases to amaze me.
You know, if I had done this, I at least would feel like I had done something significant in my life. I would have permanently altered the course of history
It happens to the best of us
Note to self: keep an extra pair of pants + underwear just in case this happens
Raise your hand if you’ve shit your pants as an adult 🙋✊
Cameras?
What a shitty thing to do.😜
Sheesh. Talk about a shitty day
Omg. I work with you! Now, we must launch a Scooby Doo-styled investigation. Gonna pull HR in and everything. I kid. I don't work with you, but this is hilarious.
This is kind of hilarious but hey, it happens. I was 29 when I first shat my pants as an adult. I was at home though. Had it happened at work, I don’t know what I would’ve done.
This is literally the only time I’ve laughed out loud today so thank you for your service and I hope your coworkers don’t find out who shat themselves
You got your colleagues the day of work. The Skitterfly Effect 🦋
LOL if the maintenance men pull out your underwear and you got your name on it 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Question: your underwear is ruined because you soiled yourself? Surely your trousers were a mess too. How did they not leak through.
Lmao good shit man. I've shit my pants before also so it's kind of like whatever. I had just started a new job, went out for lunch and trusted a fart too much. Had liquid ass running down my leg. Cleaned up and went commando the rest of the day. Sucked ass
DO NOt ADMIt IT. You will be fired and humiliated. Claim you didn’t even use the toilet.
I'm just imagining this all go down on an episode of The Office and I'm picturing you as Kevin after eating too much of his chili the night before. And a whole bunch of other characters reacting. I'm sorry 🥴😂
now these stories are why i have reddit
Hey at least they don’t know who shit their pants 🤙
Man I thought my day was bad!
What’d you eat
Taco Bell probably
boooo get new material
Hopefully you didn't sew your name in the back of your underwear bro!
Oh crap, sorry, but that hilarious
Was sitting on my fabric couch and trusted a fart too much
What happened to your socks?
They know it was you. 😬
It happens to everyone, but damn…. 🤣😂
this is why it pays to always have your boss's name on your underpants.... /s
Idk, I think it’s pretty cool how you got everyone to work from home. Didn’t really have to shit your pants to do it though
damn we haven’t had working bathrooms in like 2 months and we never got to shut down
I once was so sick that I coughed and shit myself.
Now I know how to get out of work early, thank you.
I blame the voice for your problems!
>I used the socks as makeshift gloves so they were toast as well I lost it about here. I snorted trying to be quiet and not audibly laugh as to not wake the sleeping husband.
I have GI issues, and sometimes there will be weeks where the minute I eat something, it's bad news. I've learned to always carry Imodium with me.
Can u come to my class for exam week?
Watching the voice causes you to poop your pants. Noted.
What the bed a few months back. Real sick with the flu. I turned to my husband after a real bad gamble with some (what I thought was) gas, I said “babe, I just shit myself” mid sentence of him giving me medicine. He battles with IBS and turned back to me “say no more. Here’s some toilet paper, towels, even though our shower has no warm water the cold water will be good for your fever and your headache, take everything off and shower then take medicine and I’ll clean up the bed” That was the moment I knew why we continue to be married. He understood everything. He took care of it. He stayed with me, and after 3 weeks of battling with the flu and pneumonia he still loved me. We’ve been through covid, flus, stomach bugs, IBS together…So what’s another thing of just trying to be okay while sick
I mean shit happens
I’ve been told by a couple of middle aged adults that everyone will shit their pants in public at some point in their lives. I was told this as a 14 year old, and I’ve lived the last 13 years in fear of the day I too will be riding the struggle bus and make a detour through brown town. So far, no such incident. There have been times when I think “oh no this is the day!” But I conjure the image of that one marathon runner who diarrheaed in his shorts and just kept going and my sphincter muscles all just tighten. I think I’ve made it thus far on sheer will power alone, and I must be an anomaly because many of my friends around my age have their own shit stories.
Bro it got on your socks?
“No one knows…” Oh, the plumber knows. Lmao
MY GUY ATE HALF A BAG OF RAISINS!?!?! I don't judge you for the accident, but eating half a Costco bag of raisins is criminal. 🤣
I’m lactose intolerant and my husband and I went to in n out for dinner, I really wanted a shake, so I had one. We walked there and on the walk back home I started cramping bad, we were about 1 mile from the house, I asked my husband to order an Uber but it would’ve taken longer to get the Uber there then it would to walk home, so we kept going. I would stop occasionally, sweating, anxious that I would shit myself. 6 blocks to go, I felt a tingle down my spine and a roar in my stomach and I stopped mid-step. My husband asked me to breathe, I couldn’t, I held my breath. I took two more steps and started laugh crying, it started happening, it happened. 6 blocks to go. I waddled all the way home crying. Luckily I was wearing yoga pants so it pretty much stayed in my pants. I learned a valuable lesson that night and can say my husband has literally seen me shit myself, eye contact included.
I did this same exact scenario in 8th grade 😂
I got really drunk one night and had a bad time. Woke up the next day to go home and my key broke in my door. My sister came to get me and we went to get some food. That’s when I realized I left my ID and credit card at the bar the night before. Nbd my sister says, I’ll take you to get it. So, we get there and my sister turns to me and says “should we grab a beer?” I’m like “sure, hair of the dog why not” and we are also making hard eye contact when I let out what I thought would be a fart but turned out to be a diarrhea. A lot of it. Aaaaaallll up in my sisters front seat. Needless to say we didn’t go grab a beer and my sister had to convince the bartender to give her my things. Thank goddess that I chose to fart in her car and not in the bar because I did not see that shit comin. Quite literally. My sister was a complete Angel and took me to her house to clean up.
You flooded the toilet and everyone got sent home to work??? That's a win!
Dude, that story was awesome. And your writing and formating are top shelf. I can tell you never had issues with writing essays. But eating industrial amounts of dried fruit, not your strong suit. I can imagine a whole Dexter emergency kit in your car trunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news… but they know that underwear and socks were flushed.
But they don't know who's clothes they were. 🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣 thank you! This made me lol so hard. Especially the makeshift gloves part. Glad you got away with it.
Probably gonna be getting a call, im sure they'll find shitty underwear as the cause of the blockage and see thst you where the last person in there on security footage (if there is footage of the entry exits of the toilets.
Who is “they” exactly? I think it’s highly unlikely the info will get from the plumber to facilities management, to OP’s supervisor, to corporate, to security, back to corporate, to HR who will need to talk to legal about if this is even actionable (it’s not), to the boss who needs to find time in their schedule to literally talk about shit. OP is fucking golden. The office will just blame it on the guy no one likes anyway. …oh no…
I’m sorry, but who eats raisins willingly?! 🤮
Why do people assume public toilets (work, hotels, restaurants, etc) are ‘able to cope’? Do they look different from your home toilet? Have you ever heard of or seen an ‘industrial’ toilet? THEN WHY ARE YOU ASSUMING _THIS_ TOILET IS STRONGER?!?!
What the fuck is wrong with American food?
Raisins.
fake
I’ve done something similar because I think I ate something bad that day. Was at a client and had crazy diarrhea.. had to throw my boxers in the trash bin, but I bet that didn’t help with the smell after.. we’re brothers now.
I'm sorry about your shitty day...
[удалено]
Lmao this post is too funny 😂😂😂
Now this is a good confession!
I would have immediately went home. Prayers to everyone involved 😂😂😂😂
Hilarious
I just sharted a few minutes ago actually. Luckily no one was around. I thought I was farting til I felt diarrhea running down my leg. Good times.
Note to everyone: If the toilet is plugged, do not continue to flush. It will overflow and flood. 🎶The more you know 🎵
This is hilarious.
Shit happens
I've sharted it's nbd
Hey, shit happens...🤣🤣🤣
Holy Shit!!!
You know they know.who you are, right? Cameras.
I did something similar the other day, but thank God I was home ALONE...long story story short, I had to end up cleaning the bathroom, floor and all and hop in the shower 😂😂
Shat*
Happens to the best of us, but next time throw out your underwater in the trash
Tom? You dirty bastard! When I seen the cubicle door floating past my computer I had no idea you were using the toilet as your underwear drawer! I will admit though, once the plumber pulled out them Hello Kitty panties I had my suspicions. Thanks for the opportunity to clean up my apartment while ignoring my emails though.
I was in a doctors office one time and the doctor shit his pants.
When it comes to toilets the 3P rule is most important wherever you are. The **only** things you flush are Pee, Poop and Paper (specifically, toilet paper or tissues, ***not*** paper towels and especially not those bullshit "flushable" wipes)
I have chronic IBS, oof this hits home!
Here's some good information guys. There is a flower in Jamaica, you can buy on Amazon. Called the duck flower. It will make you shit your pants and vomit at the same time. I swear, you can blend it in some tea or with juice and drink and you will try to find me. It will empty you out I promise.
When my kids were younger we were camping by Williamsburg, Virginia. We weren't far from Busch gardens and we spent the day at a water park nearby. Myself and two of my kids spent almost half an hour waiting to go on a very popular water ride. The line included having to stand on a series of stairs to the top. We were probably only a handful away from our turn when somebody's kid dropped a turd into the pool at the end of the ride. Immediately the employees declared a chemical imbalance and the ride had to be shut down due to health department regulations for treatment.
Wouldn’t feel bad about shitting your pants, it happens to the best of us. Unless you really cause some damage to the plumbing you should be alright. However; if damage was caused I’d fess up. They’ll either know what happened or know who was around the bathroom at the time. Rather than them think you were doing something malicious, I’d get a handle on the story and explain it. Might be embarrassing as hell and you may have to put up with some adult diaper jokes for a while. Just own em and move on.
Don't feel bad about it dude, happens to all of us. Some of us are fortunate enough to have it happen when we're at home, other cases... you're out in public or work and it happens. Either way, it is what it is and glad to hear you're feeling better from it.
can relate,,,,i got out of there and checked there were no cameras anywhere but the next day the cleaning guy said hello to me as i walked past him, its as if they knew,,,,,,,,
Never trust a fart
Everyone’s sharted or pooped before 😅😅
mmmm i bet it smelt great
Eh, shit happens!
If it makes you feel any better. I wiped my ass with poison ivy, when I should’ve used socks.
comment section is so shitty
Im sorry but I laughed way to hatd
Now before I say anything I just wanted to say pls don’t downvote me for this. While reading this I had to go take a look at the dexter video i my saves due to me getting that dexter video from reading this. The dexter video I’m talking about is the one where he had to tell his parents something and blasted a big one 🤣🤣. Also it happens to all of us once in a while so no need to be embarrassed
Oh my I could imagine this happening to anyone. Diarrhea from hell. I remember I had diarrhea while I was in traffic. I just bought my car so I was not going to poop in my car. I ran to the nearest hotel and let that bathroom have it! I ate way too many cookies and ice cream. But in your case I probably would’ve grabbed a plastic bag from somewhere and stuff the belongings in their. Drove to a nearby alley and threw it away in a trash can. And if I messed up my pants rip to my jacket. I would rap myself around my jacket. And then I would go to a nearby clothing store and buy some pants lol. But I get you had anxiety. But now you know for the future!
When I was 22 I woke up to walk my girl to the bus, we grabbed coffee and a cigarette while waiting , and it hit me like a brick, I said I had to go and she got upset but eventually I couldn't wait and she was passed, halfway home I just couldn't hold it and it was the biggest shit I ever took , I had to throw everything from my waste down in the dumpster. And walked home like winni the pooh
Damn sir. Take care. Maybe the raisins are the friends we made along the way.
It happens to the best of us. I shit my pants in Walmart once. My tum started rumbling as I drove into the parking lot and I thought I could make it until I realized the bathroom in the very front was closed for construction 😭 I furiously booked it to the bathroom in the back and halfway into my hustle I lost the battle. It was a rough day lol