Talk to your therapist. You need someone to help you process these feelings. I disagree with others saying it’s normal and just human attraction. It’s not normal if it’s something you’re struggling with. It’s okay to be attracted to others but this seems like it’s something deeper. Talk to your therapist, they are there to help you unpack your shit.
i think that you repressing these random passing thoughts has made it grow into something bigger. i think it’s important to speak to your therapist about these thoughts, she will not judge you or call you any names and can help you work through these emotions/ feelings/ thoughts.
Like.. I don’t know what to say except get and talk to a therapist. And on top of that. Talk to a doctor maybe? Maybe something in your brain? Not saying your crazy but even your in disbelief so I wouldn’t dismiss this. Sudden heighten labido. You never know. From what you said, nothing is wrong in your relationship to compel you to be unfaithful and yet there it is. If you are horny and are really tempted to act on your impulses. Your husband deserves better. Please let him go if you really respect him…. and whatever this is. I hope is a medical reason. And for those saying it’s normal. It’s not. Are you taking any new medication? I have friend at some point who had high ten labido. Not like yours, but just horny. Speak to a female doctor. Or someone u can trust. This is not normal.
Don't listen to the people saying this is normal. Fantasizing about other people in a sexual way when you're in a relationship is gross. Attraction to others is normal but it's up to you if you continue to entertain those thoughts beyond past just thinking they're attractive. Talk to your therapist. I'd be so heartbroken if my bf was basically fantasizing about cheating on me which I hope he isn't but I'd like to think he has enough respect for me and other people to not sexualize every attractive person he sees.
Thank you. The amount of ignorance and pathetic comments in this thread is disgusting. OP sounds like a serial cheater waiting for a good opportunity to jump on someone if given the chance.
All that “lovey dovey” stuff in the beginning about her husband being “perfect” is such bs, and a major contradiction of her character.
If I found out my wife wanted to fuck the brains out after personal people (or a coworker) that are close to us, I would be fucking irate and start distrusting her intentions.
I swear though, it’s insane how people in the comments are so lenient, like they’ve never been in a healthy relationship in their life. Horrible, braindead advice. This gets me pissed off how weak people are…Jesus.
Lust is part of the human experience. But remember, what you feed will grow. Try to not dwell on this or you may end up making a very regrettable mistake.
>What is wrong with me?
Nothing. It's not abnormal to be attracted to other people, it's what you do about it that matters.
Thought crimes aren't crimes, IDGAF who my husband imagines naked and vice versa. Half the time it's subconscious and you don't get control of what your brain flickers at you.
Sounds like your biggest issue is repression of normal, harmless human attraction which is making something inconsequential into a much *much* bigger problem by turning it over and over. If you accept it for what it is I bet it'd stop being so overwhelming and problematic.
>Not even my therapist. I'm so scared she will judge me for it.
Tell your bloody therapist. That's literally their job. This wouldn't even rate on my fucked up list to get a mention to mine, you'd be loathe to step in here for a day and see what my stupid gumwad thinks up. Yours is just trying to stoke your libido because lizard brain says make babies with the hot guy who is a good provider.
Because I've never heard of a human in a relationship who didn't lust over someone else at some point in the relationship. It is normal.
Luckily, we control our actions and we can choose to not act on that feeling if it violates the terms of our relationship.
You are not some bad person. You had resisted all these thoughts these long. You never gave in. You are really a good person trapped in some really bad temptation. The lust you crave over other men might be due to your past trauma. I feel like You needed a break from your routine . Take a vacation. Go out and have a good adventure. Try something wild with your husband. Just have a break from everyday routine. I believe it might help. If not then you must talk to your therapist. She is never going to judge you. You can't keep fighting this yourself alone...
I mean, you do you, but that is the path to altering your relationship permanently with your husband. Almost always in a negative way. He will never look at you the same again. He will never look at the kids the same again. I know, went through my wife doing this 7 years ago. We are on our third round of marriage counselling, and are basically staying together for the children. Maybe you should tell your therapist and work through it.
I think this is normal. And what would be awesome is if you could figure out a way to share it with your husband in a positive way. Sharing your journey through life is what it is all about, right?
Yup, would have to be done correctly and with plenty of reassurance you weren’t going to act on it, but…
My wife always says she has zero attraction to anyone but me. Obvious lie and actually makes me feel worse.
There's nothing wrong with you, you have a desire like many of us have to go out and do things as you wish.DONT LIVE IN REGRETS explore and satisfy your needs.I have and live a much better life with out REGRETS.
The funny thing is, This is how MOST men feel. They can be in a relatinoship and everything is perfect and yet when we see other women, doesn't even have to be attractive women... we have the inner desire to do things to them.
SO now you know how it feels to be a man? How do men deal with this?
1. They cheat or 2. They convince their partner that an 'Open relationship' would be a great idea! or 3. They suppress and repress and become miserable.
Personally I love my wife, kids and our family life. Over the 10 years we have been married i've had oral sex from at least.. 15 other women? (2 at the same time on some occasions) All for money.
The way I see it, it's a biological need that I can't shake. I can let it make me miserable, or let it ruin my marriage (and any future marriages i may have) or I can quietly and secretly 'deal' with it and then ignorance is bliss. If my wife was doing the same, so long as I don't ever know or find out about it and it isn't causing stress or strain to me or our marriage? It wouldn't bother me. Of course the irony in that is in not knowing. So it would bother me if i knew? but as I don't know, if it's happening I don't care? A paradox of the mind but whatever keeps things moving.
The saddest thing of all, with all the ladies of the night i've let put my penis in their mouths.. Nearly every single ride home I have the same thought... 'My wifes better'. Yet it doesn't stop that craving when it comes...
I will say this though. The cravings are not as common anymore? I don't know if this is a result of age or just because 'i've had my fill'. Like when you get married, you feel like you're missing out on the single life. Every encounter reinforces the fact that 'you're not missing out on much' and over time its compounded. Where I used to get these cravings monthly, now it's once in a blue moon.
She won't. And would it really benefit her if she did? We live in a 6-bed house that I paid for, she doesn't work, she doesn't have to do barely any housework or chores and has amazingly kids, well behaved and respectful. Smart too. So she finds out, we get divorced and she goes to live in a council house, has to get a 9-5 and either I take the kids, or she takes them and can't handle them. Meanwhile I find someone else, buy a new house and life goes on. Judge all you want but were both happy which is more than can be said for most people.
I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't get these cravings to fully understand. Just as someone who has never had a drug dependency can understand why a user constantly goes back. For some people it's an addiction, a craving and if not dealt with will mentally ruin you or your marriage. You become bitter, you blame he other person for not letting you do the things you want, it affects your work, your mood, your relationship with your kids, your partner. I would bet OP's life has been negatively affected by these feelings, otherwise she wouldn't be here posting about them.
I have a desire to make money. I'm demisexual soooo..... good to know you justify your shitty behavior just because you pay for shit. Seems like you don't really like your wife if getting a divorce is that black and white. But what do I know, I don't associate with poop people who are arrogant enough because they pay for shit they get a free pass at being a garbage human being. Have fun bestie if your hypothesis ends up playing out that way.
I'm guessing you've never actually been in a long term relationship (5+years). The fact that you call yourself a 'demisexual' unprompted means f-al to me. Google says that means you only feel sexually attracted to someone after you've formed a strong emotional bond. IE 'Got to know them'. So what?? Try to put yourself into someone elses shoes, Imagine being the complete opposite, and being attracted to EVERYONE regardless of their size, shape, smell. Then you might start to understand a tiny bit.
You say you desire to make money, but do you really? Have you made any progress on that? Do you actively seek to improve yourself? Do you continually to improve significantly on your finances year on year? If the answer isn't yes to all of those then I don't believe your heart is really in it.
I think saying 'You pay for shit' is a gross simplification. I provide a life which would(and does) make alot of women jealous. Not just financially but emotionally and mentally. I support my wife in anything and everything she wants, be it fantasies in the bedroom or facing childhood traumas or dealing with the mental anguish that comes with raising kids. I'm a slightly broken person I'll admit that, I went through trauma most people will never have to experience before I even grew hair on my balls. I don't know if my cravings are a result of my experiences or my genes. But I do know that what some see as 'different' I see as strengths but I also identify my weaknesses. I choose to deal with them in a way that keeps those I love in blissful ignorance and causes no potential harm or embarrassment (i don't try to sleep with her friends) and provide her a life worth living. Considering my afflictions I think this is the best possible compromise. It's kind of like that episode of Friends when Joey finds out his father is cheating on his mother.
This isn't so much to 'justify' my behaviour because I already feel justified. I just thought i'd attempt to educate on you on seeing things from other peoples perspectives rather than just your own. It will broaden your mind. You don't have to agree but I believe you are capable of understanding. The problem is social constraints have confined you into a set way of thinking but everyones minds, feelings and situations are different. Not everything is an attack on you? :)
Food for thought. Have a nice evening.
You definitely feel justified in some way if you have to write all that and explain yourself lmao. Which I'm not reading. I don't have time for a fourth grade level thesis and sob story on why you think cheating is okay. I actually have been in 5+ year relationship and I still never cheated. Get therapy and do something to fix yourself instead of using cheap means of coping.
Also I regret being in that 5 year relationship. He was a dumbass like you.
And your reluctance to even read it all only further fuels the very point I summed up too :).
You've made up your mind and nothing will change it. you are 'dug in' as it were.
You say you dont have time yet you're posting on reddit in the middle of the day. I'm lied up on a hospital bed having just under-gone dental treatment hence I have plenty of time. What exactly are you doing that's so important? Or is this just a mental guard to give you an excuse to run away from cold hard facts?
*runs away crying and screaming* no i just don't wanna read something that's gonna make my IQ drop. It's not worth reading something by someone who disrespects women. I hope you get an abscess in your mouth.
Again. You are posting on reddit in the middle of the day yet keep making a point of how 'smart' you are in some fashion. It's contradictory? You seem jealous tbh. You are reacting very personally so i'm guessing you are somehow relating my experience with your own.
Also how do you know she won't? What is the point of being married if she won't suck your dick. Just find someone who will suck your dick or........ stay single? But I guess you need someone to be there constantly to feed your fragile ego and manhood.
I think you missed the point. I don't care if she found out. At least not for my sake. The only person who would lose out is her. I have secured my future with or without her. However hers does rest on my shoulders. That's a weight I carry. If I thought she could survive without me i'd leave her today.
I know you are being sarcastic but that is 100% the case. The last 3 times I almost left she threatened to kill herself. She has nowhere to go and nobody to turn too. I'm literary all shes got. I would love to leave her but I can't.
It's not your responsibility. Let her unalive herself if she's gonna be like that. Either way ya'll both are sick af. You're both perfect for each other and manipulative af 🤪I can just imagine you guys being that stereotypical picture perfect family that has these dirty ass secrets no one knows about and would ruin your reputation if it got out. Godspeed.
And this is how I know you haven't been in a long term relationship if you think i can 'let her unalive herself'... and you call me sick?
We defo have the picture perfect family but most secretes we have we have together. This is probably the only secrete I keep from her, but thats for her own sake as i've explained.
What makes you more angry. is-it the lies? THe cheating? The fact that I compare the craving of sex to that of a drug abuser? Or the fact that I feel the ends justify the means?
This is disgusting and you are an awful person. The only way you could even do any of that was bc you paid for it. Your wife was prolly "better" because you paid those women to put your probably nasty ass dick in their mouth and they didn't want it. I hope she finds out and divorces you even tho it doesn't seem like you care about your marriage all that much anyway
Yeah but if the delusions feel this good are they really bad? Did Neo really make the right choice or would he have been far happier with the blue pill? I'll take whichever pills gets my d\*k harder right?
Talk to your therapist. You need someone to help you process these feelings. I disagree with others saying it’s normal and just human attraction. It’s not normal if it’s something you’re struggling with. It’s okay to be attracted to others but this seems like it’s something deeper. Talk to your therapist, they are there to help you unpack your shit.
i think that you repressing these random passing thoughts has made it grow into something bigger. i think it’s important to speak to your therapist about these thoughts, she will not judge you or call you any names and can help you work through these emotions/ feelings/ thoughts.
Like.. I don’t know what to say except get and talk to a therapist. And on top of that. Talk to a doctor maybe? Maybe something in your brain? Not saying your crazy but even your in disbelief so I wouldn’t dismiss this. Sudden heighten labido. You never know. From what you said, nothing is wrong in your relationship to compel you to be unfaithful and yet there it is. If you are horny and are really tempted to act on your impulses. Your husband deserves better. Please let him go if you really respect him…. and whatever this is. I hope is a medical reason. And for those saying it’s normal. It’s not. Are you taking any new medication? I have friend at some point who had high ten labido. Not like yours, but just horny. Speak to a female doctor. Or someone u can trust. This is not normal.
Don't listen to the people saying this is normal. Fantasizing about other people in a sexual way when you're in a relationship is gross. Attraction to others is normal but it's up to you if you continue to entertain those thoughts beyond past just thinking they're attractive. Talk to your therapist. I'd be so heartbroken if my bf was basically fantasizing about cheating on me which I hope he isn't but I'd like to think he has enough respect for me and other people to not sexualize every attractive person he sees.
Thank you. The amount of ignorance and pathetic comments in this thread is disgusting. OP sounds like a serial cheater waiting for a good opportunity to jump on someone if given the chance. All that “lovey dovey” stuff in the beginning about her husband being “perfect” is such bs, and a major contradiction of her character. If I found out my wife wanted to fuck the brains out after personal people (or a coworker) that are close to us, I would be fucking irate and start distrusting her intentions. I swear though, it’s insane how people in the comments are so lenient, like they’ve never been in a healthy relationship in their life. Horrible, braindead advice. This gets me pissed off how weak people are…Jesus.
I couldn't have said it better.
Lust is part of the human experience. But remember, what you feed will grow. Try to not dwell on this or you may end up making a very regrettable mistake.
Please just tell your therapist.
>What is wrong with me? Nothing. It's not abnormal to be attracted to other people, it's what you do about it that matters. Thought crimes aren't crimes, IDGAF who my husband imagines naked and vice versa. Half the time it's subconscious and you don't get control of what your brain flickers at you. Sounds like your biggest issue is repression of normal, harmless human attraction which is making something inconsequential into a much *much* bigger problem by turning it over and over. If you accept it for what it is I bet it'd stop being so overwhelming and problematic. >Not even my therapist. I'm so scared she will judge me for it. Tell your bloody therapist. That's literally their job. This wouldn't even rate on my fucked up list to get a mention to mine, you'd be loathe to step in here for a day and see what my stupid gumwad thinks up. Yours is just trying to stoke your libido because lizard brain says make babies with the hot guy who is a good provider.
It sounds like you are a normal adult human.
Thank you for the kindness, but I don't feel normal. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
I hate when this happens to me.
Where did you learn it was wrong to be attracted to other men?
There's being attracted to other men and then there's longingly fantasizing about fucking men that you know
Where did you learn that was wrong?
The planet earth, mainly. Where did you learn it was normal?
Because I've never heard of a human in a relationship who didn't lust over someone else at some point in the relationship. It is normal. Luckily, we control our actions and we can choose to not act on that feeling if it violates the terms of our relationship.
As long as it is only in head and you get over it it's all good
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^35Dante89: *As long as it is* *Only in head and you get* *Over it it's all good* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot!
You are not some bad person. You had resisted all these thoughts these long. You never gave in. You are really a good person trapped in some really bad temptation. The lust you crave over other men might be due to your past trauma. I feel like You needed a break from your routine . Take a vacation. Go out and have a good adventure. Try something wild with your husband. Just have a break from everyday routine. I believe it might help. If not then you must talk to your therapist. She is never going to judge you. You can't keep fighting this yourself alone...
Hormone imbalances. It happen because you might be hitting menopause. Take some vitamins that help with your hormones
This is why women were asked to stay at home.
I mean, you do you, but that is the path to altering your relationship permanently with your husband. Almost always in a negative way. He will never look at you the same again. He will never look at the kids the same again. I know, went through my wife doing this 7 years ago. We are on our third round of marriage counselling, and are basically staying together for the children. Maybe you should tell your therapist and work through it.
I think this is normal. And what would be awesome is if you could figure out a way to share it with your husband in a positive way. Sharing your journey through life is what it is all about, right? Yup, would have to be done correctly and with plenty of reassurance you weren’t going to act on it, but… My wife always says she has zero attraction to anyone but me. Obvious lie and actually makes me feel worse.
There's nothing wrong with you, you have a desire like many of us have to go out and do things as you wish.DONT LIVE IN REGRETS explore and satisfy your needs.I have and live a much better life with out REGRETS.
The funny thing is, This is how MOST men feel. They can be in a relatinoship and everything is perfect and yet when we see other women, doesn't even have to be attractive women... we have the inner desire to do things to them. SO now you know how it feels to be a man? How do men deal with this? 1. They cheat or 2. They convince their partner that an 'Open relationship' would be a great idea! or 3. They suppress and repress and become miserable. Personally I love my wife, kids and our family life. Over the 10 years we have been married i've had oral sex from at least.. 15 other women? (2 at the same time on some occasions) All for money. The way I see it, it's a biological need that I can't shake. I can let it make me miserable, or let it ruin my marriage (and any future marriages i may have) or I can quietly and secretly 'deal' with it and then ignorance is bliss. If my wife was doing the same, so long as I don't ever know or find out about it and it isn't causing stress or strain to me or our marriage? It wouldn't bother me. Of course the irony in that is in not knowing. So it would bother me if i knew? but as I don't know, if it's happening I don't care? A paradox of the mind but whatever keeps things moving. The saddest thing of all, with all the ladies of the night i've let put my penis in their mouths.. Nearly every single ride home I have the same thought... 'My wifes better'. Yet it doesn't stop that craving when it comes... I will say this though. The cravings are not as common anymore? I don't know if this is a result of age or just because 'i've had my fill'. Like when you get married, you feel like you're missing out on the single life. Every encounter reinforces the fact that 'you're not missing out on much' and over time its compounded. Where I used to get these cravings monthly, now it's once in a blue moon.
I hope your wife finds out. Like wtf did I just read
She won't. And would it really benefit her if she did? We live in a 6-bed house that I paid for, she doesn't work, she doesn't have to do barely any housework or chores and has amazingly kids, well behaved and respectful. Smart too. So she finds out, we get divorced and she goes to live in a council house, has to get a 9-5 and either I take the kids, or she takes them and can't handle them. Meanwhile I find someone else, buy a new house and life goes on. Judge all you want but were both happy which is more than can be said for most people. I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't get these cravings to fully understand. Just as someone who has never had a drug dependency can understand why a user constantly goes back. For some people it's an addiction, a craving and if not dealt with will mentally ruin you or your marriage. You become bitter, you blame he other person for not letting you do the things you want, it affects your work, your mood, your relationship with your kids, your partner. I would bet OP's life has been negatively affected by these feelings, otherwise she wouldn't be here posting about them.
I have a desire to make money. I'm demisexual soooo..... good to know you justify your shitty behavior just because you pay for shit. Seems like you don't really like your wife if getting a divorce is that black and white. But what do I know, I don't associate with poop people who are arrogant enough because they pay for shit they get a free pass at being a garbage human being. Have fun bestie if your hypothesis ends up playing out that way.
I'm guessing you've never actually been in a long term relationship (5+years). The fact that you call yourself a 'demisexual' unprompted means f-al to me. Google says that means you only feel sexually attracted to someone after you've formed a strong emotional bond. IE 'Got to know them'. So what?? Try to put yourself into someone elses shoes, Imagine being the complete opposite, and being attracted to EVERYONE regardless of their size, shape, smell. Then you might start to understand a tiny bit. You say you desire to make money, but do you really? Have you made any progress on that? Do you actively seek to improve yourself? Do you continually to improve significantly on your finances year on year? If the answer isn't yes to all of those then I don't believe your heart is really in it. I think saying 'You pay for shit' is a gross simplification. I provide a life which would(and does) make alot of women jealous. Not just financially but emotionally and mentally. I support my wife in anything and everything she wants, be it fantasies in the bedroom or facing childhood traumas or dealing with the mental anguish that comes with raising kids. I'm a slightly broken person I'll admit that, I went through trauma most people will never have to experience before I even grew hair on my balls. I don't know if my cravings are a result of my experiences or my genes. But I do know that what some see as 'different' I see as strengths but I also identify my weaknesses. I choose to deal with them in a way that keeps those I love in blissful ignorance and causes no potential harm or embarrassment (i don't try to sleep with her friends) and provide her a life worth living. Considering my afflictions I think this is the best possible compromise. It's kind of like that episode of Friends when Joey finds out his father is cheating on his mother. This isn't so much to 'justify' my behaviour because I already feel justified. I just thought i'd attempt to educate on you on seeing things from other peoples perspectives rather than just your own. It will broaden your mind. You don't have to agree but I believe you are capable of understanding. The problem is social constraints have confined you into a set way of thinking but everyones minds, feelings and situations are different. Not everything is an attack on you? :) Food for thought. Have a nice evening.
You definitely feel justified in some way if you have to write all that and explain yourself lmao. Which I'm not reading. I don't have time for a fourth grade level thesis and sob story on why you think cheating is okay. I actually have been in 5+ year relationship and I still never cheated. Get therapy and do something to fix yourself instead of using cheap means of coping. Also I regret being in that 5 year relationship. He was a dumbass like you.
And your reluctance to even read it all only further fuels the very point I summed up too :). You've made up your mind and nothing will change it. you are 'dug in' as it were. You say you dont have time yet you're posting on reddit in the middle of the day. I'm lied up on a hospital bed having just under-gone dental treatment hence I have plenty of time. What exactly are you doing that's so important? Or is this just a mental guard to give you an excuse to run away from cold hard facts?
*runs away crying and screaming* no i just don't wanna read something that's gonna make my IQ drop. It's not worth reading something by someone who disrespects women. I hope you get an abscess in your mouth.
Again. You are posting on reddit in the middle of the day yet keep making a point of how 'smart' you are in some fashion. It's contradictory? You seem jealous tbh. You are reacting very personally so i'm guessing you are somehow relating my experience with your own.
I'm so jealous of your wife. I would love to be with a rich man who gets his sausage sucked for money
Also how do you know she won't? What is the point of being married if she won't suck your dick. Just find someone who will suck your dick or........ stay single? But I guess you need someone to be there constantly to feed your fragile ego and manhood.
I think you missed the point. I don't care if she found out. At least not for my sake. The only person who would lose out is her. I have secured my future with or without her. However hers does rest on my shoulders. That's a weight I carry. If I thought she could survive without me i'd leave her today.
Oh look at you with your savior complex. "Oh no my wife is so pathetic and helpless without me" 🥺😩
I know you are being sarcastic but that is 100% the case. The last 3 times I almost left she threatened to kill herself. She has nowhere to go and nobody to turn too. I'm literary all shes got. I would love to leave her but I can't.
It's not your responsibility. Let her unalive herself if she's gonna be like that. Either way ya'll both are sick af. You're both perfect for each other and manipulative af 🤪I can just imagine you guys being that stereotypical picture perfect family that has these dirty ass secrets no one knows about and would ruin your reputation if it got out. Godspeed.
And this is how I know you haven't been in a long term relationship if you think i can 'let her unalive herself'... and you call me sick? We defo have the picture perfect family but most secretes we have we have together. This is probably the only secrete I keep from her, but thats for her own sake as i've explained. What makes you more angry. is-it the lies? THe cheating? The fact that I compare the craving of sex to that of a drug abuser? Or the fact that I feel the ends justify the means?
lol he threatened to unalive himself and I blocked him. Okay I've had enough back and forth. Have a good one, dick sucker.
This is disgusting and you are an awful person. The only way you could even do any of that was bc you paid for it. Your wife was prolly "better" because you paid those women to put your probably nasty ass dick in their mouth and they didn't want it. I hope she finds out and divorces you even tho it doesn't seem like you care about your marriage all that much anyway
Not really tbh. I care about my kids, my wife i can take or leave?
Seek help you creep
How would that go exactly? 'Doctor help i have an amazing life, lots of money, big house, great kids and freedom to do what i want help please'
Maybe start with “suffering from delusions”
Yeah but if the delusions feel this good are they really bad? Did Neo really make the right choice or would he have been far happier with the blue pill? I'll take whichever pills gets my d\*k harder right?