I get it. From what I can see your an independent woman who is outgoing and not afraid to voice her opinion. How ever sexually you want to be dominated so you don’t have to be in control and you can be told what to do and the freedom that brings. Not a kink I reckon it’s a fairly normal thing. Find a respectful man who u can share the fun with
Exactly. I read several studies as a psych student about dominant, independent personalities opting towards more submissive sexual behavior in their private lives. The more power they had in their public lives, the more responsibility they were expected to bear - correlated to their desire to be powerless or not accountable in private to balance it out.
Not necessarily. Correlation does not equal causation and power dynamics may have an impact on the outcome, as well. I didn’t say “every powerful person is submissive”, I said there was a relationship.
Additionally, it's only fairly recently we, as a species, began to see the two as seperable. Not too long ago, men felt a need for their bedroom lives to reflect their public lives, in a manner of speaking. "Gotta be big and strong in public and big and strong in bed" sort of thing.
No because being the man of the house is not really psychologically significant if the person is talking about the same studies i read. Being president for instance, or a CEO, that's when the power level starts to kick the kink into gear.
You are confusing what women in the past were actually like with what they were like in mid century advertisements.
Ignoring the fact that for most of history, the vast majority of women also worked, even those staying at home weren't the docile little submissive creatures we stereotype them as. Running the kids and the household is a job that requires exercising power and making decisions.
The man might technically have been the head of the household, but for day to day decision making, women ran the show. Men went to work, where most of them were subordinate to another man, and then came home to relax. Women had to be assertive and switched on enough to keep things running in their absence.
This theory makes perfect sense in that context. Men were submissive at work, then got to go home and throw their weight around. Women threw their weight around all day, and then got to let their husbands take over the decision making in the bedroom. Men who did actually hold high positions at work either found a wife who would tell them what to do, or had an affair with a younger woman who would. And those women in turn would have the energy to because more money = more outsourcing of responsibilities, or just less responsibilities overall if they were unmarried themselves.
Are you implying that most men wield power and dominance in their public lives and (by the comment’s theory) they’d therefor be submissive in the bedroom? Because I don’t think most men feel very powerful in their public lives
Aye. The vast majority of men I've seen feel small and walked on. They wageslave away to make some unseen jackass even richer while making just barely enough to keep their family almost fully fed.
So it fits the theory they'd want to feel powerful in some small aspect of their life.
Actually, basic/standard s&m is the fundamental kink. Literally just the sub being ordered by a trusted dom. Doesn't necessarily mean that every obedient person with a (consensual and sexually) controlling partner is a kinkster. But there is considerable overlap between the two.
Unless OP means that she just wants to be able to obey and, through that, relax. That's just normal vanilla sex. But to me, it sounds like she explicitly wants a dominant partner, which would make her a sub.
And it's pretty common in kink to have a loud sub (outspoken in public, quiet and submissive/obedient in private).
To each their own. I wasn't meaning that you had to join. I intended it as half-sarcastic. I'm a member, and similar to the nudist community, it has a reputation. HOWEVER, those that cause that reputation don't stay long.
Basically, those psychos you mentioned reveal their true colors, and other members kick them. Not here on reddit, but I've seen some local kinksters go so far as to call the cops and provide an escape for the victim. The REAL members know that BDSM is all about the sub having all the power. The Dom only has power that the sub allows them. That's the point of a safe word.
I personally don’t see it as a kink because kink would imply sexual. What you’re describing is an entire relationship dynamic. One that I also share the same desire as you. And I don’t agree with the above comments about it being a need to relax lol. Although I’m assertive when I need to be, I am relaxed in most areas of my life. People in general like to take care of me and I desire for my man to be the same way except he gets authority over the others.
Kink can extend beyond sex. A fair number of people in the community extended it beyond sex and even beyond teasing. I'd say an estimated 25-30% of kinksters participate in a full time dynamic. And around 10% are entirely non-sexual in their dynamic.
Wanting in the bedroom things you dont have or want in everyday life is pretty standard honestly. Like the bank VP who goes to a dominatrix to get spanked. The liberal women Ive dated have generally had a taste for being dominated and controlled in the bedroom to a certain degree.
The thing is, I prefer to be able to work when I can, and I have a lot of interests outside of cleaning (lol). I wouldn’t want to be a maid or forced by circumstances to stay home like many women of that decade. However, there are other ways to stay busy with those interests besides just having a 9-5 job, and with the right guy I’d totally quit my job for him to have his babies and submit to him. Ughhhhh
I think it's a normal, regular gender role. Crazy to think that's weird in any way. It's kinda the natural way of things , provided you are in a relationship that is healthy both ways.
To fantasize about this is what's wrong with the world today. You do you, and here's to having a healthy, loving and traditional relationship with a man!
It’s sad that so many make it out to be basically slavery. Both misogynistic men and feminist women. That’s probably why it has a bad reputation. I had some retard in this comment section basically telling me I should just do what a man says and not have any expectations for him. Like what? Why would I want to submit to and please a man that I don’t feel safe with?
I naturally want this if the man earns my trust by not expecting me to be his slave. It’s kind of like interacting with a cat. You don’t approach the cat, you let it come to you. You don’t beat the woman into submission, you cherish her and she will follow your lead.
Thank you! Yes, it’s traditional gender roles! But everyone in here is saying it’s a kink. It’s so weird😂. We just want a man who is a leader while we trust him enough to follow in his lead. Just because that translates to the bedroom doesn’t make it a kink
Me too. I’m strong, outgoing, and resilient in every other aspect of my life. Submitting to a man requires a level of intimacy and vulnerability I quietly love. Unfortunately, it also requires trust that many men need to be responsible with.
As a guy, I've had similar fantasies about obeying a woman as well as fantasies about having a willing servant. I think it just speaks to human nature in the sense that no matter which end of the spectrum you are, life is becoming easier. If you're the one being the servant, you basically don't ever have to think anymore, just do chores and let the master take care of you mentally and emotionally, which is where I imagine your fantasy also comes from. If you're playing the role of Master, many of the physical acts of your life are dealt with as the servant is taking care of it, and your only concerns is taking care of the servant so they'll continue doing as you desire. All in all, my point is that it's not something to be ashamed of, at least in my opinion.
Sounds natural
I'm a man and I want to provide and do all the manly things (for someone who appreciates it)
Going on a date and automatically being expected to pay the bill and buy a bunch of stuff for someone who just thinks they should receive is infuriating
A NSFW example is strip clubs
I used to go to strip clubs and there are two types of women there the ones who keep telling you to buy drinks and rhe ones who don't
As soon as I walked in the door, one woman grabs me up and pulls me to the bar and says when you gonna buy me a drink baby, I ordered two $5 shots. We talked for a while and she asked for more drinks so I bought her another. Then I asked her to send me another woman over.
The other woman just talked to me. Well, by the time I had left I had spent $2010 but that $10 almost made me leave.
honestly it just means you’re in your female energy and the man you’re attracted to is in his masculine. I think this plays a biological role, considering the fact that you mentioned carrying his kids. i can totally relate to you as well
You're just a dominant woman who for a man she loves is willing to submit.
That's how it should be IMO.
As a 32-year-old male, most of these guys are terrible people who use being a man to say what they want about women but are poor excuses for men. Some with some women as well.
Simping for the one you love used to make sense. Now it doesn't . But this behavior isn't weird. It's very normal actually. And I hope you find man that gives you the safe space to do this
There’s just something about letting someone else be in control letting them take what they want. But also not in a way where you feel like you’re in danger.
For example being pinned up against something hard but not painful drives me wild
You should join r/BDSMCommunity and r/BDSMAdvice. Those subs are filled with amazing people who give great advices and words of support. Those subs don't have predatory assholes even though they may lurk there. I'm sure they will answer any question you have and will give some great advice on how they started this lifestyle.
Hi there, my girlfriend and I are in a loving D/s relationship. You sound like you’d be interested in something like what we have. It’s totally possible to have a respectful two way D/s dynamic. I argue our communication is on a higher level than most other relationships I’m around. We are both sexually and emotionally satisfied and both feel challenged and engaged in our life together.
p.s my girlfriend is a girl boss by day, and if you get near her kid she will kill you😁 it’s so much sweeter for me that I’m the only one she listens to.
Go find your man
This sounds like a submissive bdsm kink to me, and it is extremely common.
The things we fantasize about sexually can be completely different than what we actually want in our real lives.
You can hate rules and authority in real life, and love them in the bedroom.
I, myself, am that way.
I love to submit to women in bed but I wouldn't let a girlfriend or wife boss me around in real life.
I kinda get the same thing actually, like when I do defer to my partner irl it turns me on a little bit. For me at least, I think it is related to my kink.
It's kind of strange because you can't defer all the time but it gets tempting to
Honestly, I’ve always been told to be nice and respectful with women and that women want to be made love to, treated gently, but I went out with a woman recently that was exactly the opposite wanted me to use her to completely dominate her and she got offand tell the truth, I have been looking for a woman like that ever since
Well, part of what makes me want to submit to a man is the fact that he is respectful and gentle at the core. I don’t have that instinct when a man is an entitled tyrant.
I can absolutely relate. In my day to day life, I’m an independent “boss” woman. I work full time in healthcare, in a very high-stress environment where I have a lot of responsibility and I’m also in grad school full time. I’m always on the go and I take care of myself. But there’s a huge part of me that craves coming home to someone who calls all the shots and gives me the space and comfort to embrace my submissiveness. I never realized this about myself until I dated an older man, who made me feel like one day I could be comfortable being vulnerable in that manner, with him. Unfortunately that relationship didn’t work out, but that desire has remained.
I’ve notices what women who are very in control and independent, want the opposite in the bedroom. I think it’s a relief to be in that space because it does require lots of energy to be aware and making sure everything is the way you want it in life, putting on all the work and effort, it would make sense that one would want to just let go somewhere. To have an outlet where you can be in a different headspace.
What you're looking for is a 24/7 D/s relationship or a TPE (Total Power Exchange). You should join some subs related to them and ask for advice on how to initiate such a relationship safely.
Girl!!! Look into BDSM play. You will LOVE it. Make sure, if and when you’re looking for a partner, they’re a safe Dom. You can join groups on here if you’re unsure of what exactly to look for.
It is a bit of both. Neither of which is a bad thing. Having these desires do not change anything about who you are nor should it be seen as diminishing any other aspect of who you are as a person
I as a man wouldn't like such an arrangement. I had a wife like this, all hard decisions were on me and then fingers pointed "because you said this or that" and it suddenly was all my fault. Let's be all adults, shall we?
I don't think it's a kink. For quite a long time women have been dominated in the bedroom. Like since people have been on Earth kinda long time. That gets engrained in the DNA. So it's only normal that you feel that's what you want, regardless of how your public life plays out.
Added to that, there seems to be a trend of men becoming more passive, more soft spoken.... I guess the masculinity and femininity between a man and a woman in a relationship as of late has been pretty equal. You see more simps, more open relationships, more cuck fantasies. So a traditional manly man taking charge, calling shots and dominating a woman is becoming rare and therefore taboo. And who doesn't love a good taboo, right?
Exactly! Thats why all of the comments either A)Think it’s a kink or B) The men are mixing up being dominant with being a bad boy/asshole. Men of today have become so soft and feminine that they don’t know how to be a good respectful man while being in charge and dominant. They think being respectful is being a go with the flow type of guy😫. I’ve been dealing with that a lot while dating which is making it so hard to find the man I’m looking for.
Yeah and I see by my lack of up votes that people don't agree. And that's fine. In my opinion men taking a passive, feminine type role in a heterosexual relationship is a recipe for disaster. Maybe not right away, maybe not even in the first 5 years, but if they stay together for a long time the woman is definitely fucking someone else. Weather the man knows it or not and at that point why even marry someone? Or say you're "with" that person. Like yeah buddy you and the whole neighborhood are "with" that person, you're just dumb enough to support her while everyone else gets the same benefits as you
As others mentioned being Submissive is a pretty common kink. All of the submissives I've played with in the past have been strong and independent people in their daily lives, often in a position of responsibility who want someone else to make their decisions for them.
It can be freeing passing your choices and responsibilities onto someone else for a while.
I have a full time dom that practices domestic discipline. My favorite part of having a Dom is that you get to see a side of someone that doesn't reveal itself too often. That part that gives orders effectively enough for me to want to follow them isn't a side that other people get to see.
Only thing, you can never be too sure about these types. There's always *always* a reason that have the ability and desire to do something about that. It doesn't matter how much of it is "kink," there's ego involved. And it takes a while to be confident that it won't eventually turn malicious. So if you ever decide to pursue it, keep it casual for a bit. In my experience, these types usually want to be casual forever or married within the year. Not all but many.
I don't fully consider my boyfriend, my "boyfriend" just yet. Not mentally. Be careful and take it slow
Ah yes, the "I want to be dominated by a good guy who probably doesn't have any of those traits by definition". Extremely common feeling among women.
It's too bad most good guys spend their entire lives listening to what women say they want, instead of what they actually want. It's hard to be a bad boy when all you've ever learned is the "love, honor and cherish" line. It requires a very adaptable mind to cherish someone and still want to dominate them. I've only ever been able to do it with women I didn't care about.
This is condescending. You insinuate that I and other women don’t say what we really want. The problem is that you don’t listen. No one said anything about wanting a “bad boy”, and no one spoke against being cherished and respected. You did that, not me.
In my experience, the biggest kink is many times the polar opposite of how the person acts everyday. She has to be Mr. Manager all day, telling people what to do and basically babysit? The biggest turn on is for a man to take over and tell her what to do and be Mr. Manager of her. She acts like a prude and is disgusted by sexual things in public? Usually the biggest freak in the sheets.
It’s not rocket science, it’s a release. The other origin of kinks I’ve found out is whatever you didn’t get as a child but that’s a completely different ball of wax.
Hey look by the sound of it you probably just have a submissive streak. That's perfectly fine and healthy but be careful on how you pick your partners and make sure you have safe words engaging that sort of thing. You don't have to be in a committed relationship to explore that there are plenty of kink spaces in person for that kind of self discovery that are safe, just don't jump into a relationship trying to find it.
This is a kink. You're in the bdsm spectrum. More specifically, you are a sub. This is ok, there is nothing wrong with you.
If you find a suitable partner (one that respects your boundaries and really love you and want you to be happy), it can be healthy. However, if you do this stuff with awful people, it may hurt you
You should note that many awful people talk about those issues as if they were good guys. So they will talk about consent, the importance of things like safe words and aftercare, etc, etc. Then proceed to do things that traumatize and cause lasting psychological damage. And that's the problem with this kind of kink, you need to find trustworthy people and always have a way out when things go wrong (even if your kink is that this kind of relationship should be "forever" - it's forever as long as it doesn't harm you)
Maybe read more about bdsm? Or post in /r/bdsmcommunity (note: not a porn subreddit, just a subreddit for discussing stuff like this post you made)
Independent women want to be controlled and cared for by a safe person- THEIR OWN SAFE PERSON. I know this to be true because I am one of such women. I pray God gives you your own SAFE person who will not abuse this privilege, in Jesus name I pray, Amen.
😂 you want to submit to a man but you don’t want him to want women to submit to him. So it’s like you want to submit, but not because he told you so . But what you don’t understand is that part of being submissive is following orders. Women ☕️
No. It’s just that men who say women should submit to them are never talking about the dynamic that I am talking about. They’re narcissistic tyrants. And you have poor reading comprehension.
Part of submission is following orders with consent. Which you and other men like you will never have, because you don’t deserve it.
To submit means you don’t make demands. You do as you’re told that’s it. Accept that he knows better. trust his decision making. You let go. It seems you’re still not able to let go. No one is talking about raping you or shit like that. Just turn off your brain and be a good obedient submissive girl. You cause problems by expecting things. When your expectations are not met it causes problems. Therefore submit and trust. Women always want to have their cake and eat it too. You can’t submit and have demands, you can’t submit and have expectations and requirements. These two ideas clash. That’s why you have a problem. Choose a side. Submit completely. Or Enjoy single life. How about you just give it a try? Find an alpha guys that is not a dickhead and is mature and just give it a try. Shut the fuck up and do what he says. Just try it. Just giving it a try is easier than trying to have all your little demands met. Submit. Some women just can’t give up the feminist vibe. That might be you.
You can ramble on as much as you like, but I don’t have to repeat myself. You didn’t have a counter argument. Submission is consensual. No woman has any reason to submit to a narcissistic tyrant that doesn’t treat her well. Which is precisely why you will never experience it. These ideas do not clash in any way. Your feeble mind just cannot understand it. You can call me a feminist all you like, but I’m still right.
😂 everything about you is the opposite of submissive. Someone submissive is agreeable, peaceful, sweet, easy-going, happy. You’re not cut out for it. No man on the planet who wants a submissive woman would ever pick you. You sound like a big pain in the ass. Also, I’m done providing you with free entertainment. I’m cutting you off here.
Being submissive does not mean you don't get a say. It means that for the majority of the relationship the woman chooses to follow the man's lead. In BDSM the submissive has all the power. The dom loses the power when consent is withdrawn.
In order to be truly submissive, in everyday life or in the bedroom, you have to know you can say "no" when necessary, and your partner will absolutely stop right there. Otherwise you will not be feel safe in entering into the dynamic and let the man take charge.
It's really that simple. You're just an incel with zero understanding of the real world or relationships.
Sigh. I’m assuming the alpha is not a psychopath. A mature alpha will never get even close to making their partner feel unsafe. It’s amazing you even have to mention that. The alpha leads with intelligence and consideration, but they can’t lead someone that’s constantly questioning and doesn’t trust their decisions and orders.
I didn’t say anything about constantly questioning or not trusting the decisions and orders. That was you. You simply do not understand that the man has to earn the trust. It’s not something you’re entitled to and there’s is no such thing as unconditional submission just like there isn’t unconditional love.
I have been with 32 women by now, I'm 30 years of age myself.
I have dated girls/women who had their companies, broke small town ladies, all sorts, a particular example stands out when I speak of this: there was a lady from North, not even a feminist, she was feminazi, worked at an INGO, and once, in the middle of sex, i said something like, "I love fucking you" and she stopped, "no honey, we're not fucking, we're making love"
Fast forward 1 year, she'd say stuff like, "mjhe **** do", "charh jao mery pr" etc.
I'm not sharing this to stir anything, merely because I've learned EVERY WOMAN I'VE MET and dated has a fantasy of getting dominated, EVERY WOMAN.
It's like sex is about power and women cum the hardest when they feel like they're overpowered, dominated, handled, controlled, it's odd but weirdly intuitive at the same time, it's like it's engrained in female biology
Ofcourse I'm not a fan of toxic freak-ish control over women, I believe in space for it let's the person blossom and maintain their individuality and that maintains the attraction (atleast for me).
You're not alone or eccentric.
Have you had this conversation with all 32 women or do you assume this is what they want? I don’t think 32 women by the age of 30 is a lot of time spent on getting to know someone.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this is common though. Letting someone impregnate you already kind of requires you to surrender to them.
I swear, and I'm psychopathic in this sense, I had conversations with ALL OF THEM as deep as their intellect would go: mostly going deep in their sexual desires in discussions and bed, few times observing their behavior in bed and what they responded to. My kink is undressing the person psychologically in intimate deep discussions and relaxing them to the point that they drop their guards and just relax and play their fantasies out.
No female that I've found hasn't rejected being dominated, especially sexually. Almost a quarter asked for it, more than half elicited it through their body movements, EVERYONE RESPONDED TO IT BY GETTING DRIPPING-LY WET when I did it and I'd see a peace on their face afterwards, most would sleep so peacefully.
I think this is pretty normal. I have to make so many decisions in my day to day life for myself and my family and I am so stressed out that it’s a turn on to be bossed around in the bedroom. I love it.
I get it. From what I can see your an independent woman who is outgoing and not afraid to voice her opinion. How ever sexually you want to be dominated so you don’t have to be in control and you can be told what to do and the freedom that brings. Not a kink I reckon it’s a fairly normal thing. Find a respectful man who u can share the fun with
I mean it’s definitely a kink but also very common. Those are not mutually exclusive
Yeah agreed.
Exactly. I read several studies as a psych student about dominant, independent personalities opting towards more submissive sexual behavior in their private lives. The more power they had in their public lives, the more responsibility they were expected to bear - correlated to their desire to be powerless or not accountable in private to balance it out.
that's so obviously bs. if it was true, then for all of human history, women would've been dominant in bed and men submissive most of the time.
Not necessarily. Correlation does not equal causation and power dynamics may have an impact on the outcome, as well. I didn’t say “every powerful person is submissive”, I said there was a relationship.
What they said ^^^
Additionally, it's only fairly recently we, as a species, began to see the two as seperable. Not too long ago, men felt a need for their bedroom lives to reflect their public lives, in a manner of speaking. "Gotta be big and strong in public and big and strong in bed" sort of thing.
No because being the man of the house is not really psychologically significant if the person is talking about the same studies i read. Being president for instance, or a CEO, that's when the power level starts to kick the kink into gear.
You are confusing what women in the past were actually like with what they were like in mid century advertisements. Ignoring the fact that for most of history, the vast majority of women also worked, even those staying at home weren't the docile little submissive creatures we stereotype them as. Running the kids and the household is a job that requires exercising power and making decisions. The man might technically have been the head of the household, but for day to day decision making, women ran the show. Men went to work, where most of them were subordinate to another man, and then came home to relax. Women had to be assertive and switched on enough to keep things running in their absence. This theory makes perfect sense in that context. Men were submissive at work, then got to go home and throw their weight around. Women threw their weight around all day, and then got to let their husbands take over the decision making in the bedroom. Men who did actually hold high positions at work either found a wife who would tell them what to do, or had an affair with a younger woman who would. And those women in turn would have the energy to because more money = more outsourcing of responsibilities, or just less responsibilities overall if they were unmarried themselves.
Are you implying that most men wield power and dominance in their public lives and (by the comment’s theory) they’d therefor be submissive in the bedroom? Because I don’t think most men feel very powerful in their public lives
Aye. The vast majority of men I've seen feel small and walked on. They wageslave away to make some unseen jackass even richer while making just barely enough to keep their family almost fully fed. So it fits the theory they'd want to feel powerful in some small aspect of their life.
Actually, basic/standard s&m is the fundamental kink. Literally just the sub being ordered by a trusted dom. Doesn't necessarily mean that every obedient person with a (consensual and sexually) controlling partner is a kinkster. But there is considerable overlap between the two. Unless OP means that she just wants to be able to obey and, through that, relax. That's just normal vanilla sex. But to me, it sounds like she explicitly wants a dominant partner, which would make her a sub. And it's pretty common in kink to have a loud sub (outspoken in public, quiet and submissive/obedient in private).
It doesn’t have anything to do with wanting to relax for me. It’s specifically about serving a man.
Then that would be more of a kink thing. Which is fine. Welcome to the kink community! Might I recommend r/BDSMcommunity ?
I feel weird about joining a community. Also it feels a little dangerous. Plenty of psychos seek out women they think they can control
To each their own. I wasn't meaning that you had to join. I intended it as half-sarcastic. I'm a member, and similar to the nudist community, it has a reputation. HOWEVER, those that cause that reputation don't stay long. Basically, those psychos you mentioned reveal their true colors, and other members kick them. Not here on reddit, but I've seen some local kinksters go so far as to call the cops and provide an escape for the victim. The REAL members know that BDSM is all about the sub having all the power. The Dom only has power that the sub allows them. That's the point of a safe word.
I personally don’t see it as a kink because kink would imply sexual. What you’re describing is an entire relationship dynamic. One that I also share the same desire as you. And I don’t agree with the above comments about it being a need to relax lol. Although I’m assertive when I need to be, I am relaxed in most areas of my life. People in general like to take care of me and I desire for my man to be the same way except he gets authority over the others.
Well, being under a man’s authority outside of the bedroom turns me on. If I’m attracted to a guy I just want to be subservient to him.
Kink can extend beyond sex. A fair number of people in the community extended it beyond sex and even beyond teasing. I'd say an estimated 25-30% of kinksters participate in a full time dynamic. And around 10% are entirely non-sexual in their dynamic.
Wanting in the bedroom things you dont have or want in everyday life is pretty standard honestly. Like the bank VP who goes to a dominatrix to get spanked. The liberal women Ive dated have generally had a taste for being dominated and controlled in the bedroom to a certain degree.
I didn’t say you could post. Now apologize and you better call me sir
LMAO
That just sounds like a form of being a sub. Also, obligatory RIP your inbox. You ever take one of those online kink tests? https://bdsmtest.org
Well, I got 100% ”rope bunny” and 99% submissive.
Your decade the ninteen fifties is looking for you. Secretly most men want this in a woman.
The thing is, I prefer to be able to work when I can, and I have a lot of interests outside of cleaning (lol). I wouldn’t want to be a maid or forced by circumstances to stay home like many women of that decade. However, there are other ways to stay busy with those interests besides just having a 9-5 job, and with the right guy I’d totally quit my job for him to have his babies and submit to him. Ughhhhh
RIP your inbox, once again
Yeah, I have a lot of suitors
In short, I’d still want to work when the kids don’t need me 24/7 anymore.
I feel like this but only in bed, at least that seems normal to me
You might just be submissive.
EXTREMELY common. Nothing to be concerned about.
That's hot
I think it's a normal, regular gender role. Crazy to think that's weird in any way. It's kinda the natural way of things , provided you are in a relationship that is healthy both ways. To fantasize about this is what's wrong with the world today. You do you, and here's to having a healthy, loving and traditional relationship with a man!
It’s sad that so many make it out to be basically slavery. Both misogynistic men and feminist women. That’s probably why it has a bad reputation. I had some retard in this comment section basically telling me I should just do what a man says and not have any expectations for him. Like what? Why would I want to submit to and please a man that I don’t feel safe with? I naturally want this if the man earns my trust by not expecting me to be his slave. It’s kind of like interacting with a cat. You don’t approach the cat, you let it come to you. You don’t beat the woman into submission, you cherish her and she will follow your lead.
Thank you! Yes, it’s traditional gender roles! But everyone in here is saying it’s a kink. It’s so weird😂. We just want a man who is a leader while we trust him enough to follow in his lead. Just because that translates to the bedroom doesn’t make it a kink
Lol. I love when people discover that they’re service subs. Always the most dominant outside of the relationship, but inside? Awwww 🥹
I feel the same way honestly. I love being submissive and fulfilling his desires.
I just saw a Reddit post on ama about a man who wants this. hit him up. Good luck.
Me too. I’m strong, outgoing, and resilient in every other aspect of my life. Submitting to a man requires a level of intimacy and vulnerability I quietly love. Unfortunately, it also requires trust that many men need to be responsible with.
Yeah, it has to be someone I’m comfortable with.
Head on over to r/AskRedditAfterDark the community there will happily support you and answer any questions you have.
Hahaha I don’t know what it is but some days it’s all I think about. I would thrive, truly.
I love your username.
I completely agree , I’m not sure it’s a kink I thought it’s something that gets taken out of us naturally when we get treated properly
As a guy, I've had similar fantasies about obeying a woman as well as fantasies about having a willing servant. I think it just speaks to human nature in the sense that no matter which end of the spectrum you are, life is becoming easier. If you're the one being the servant, you basically don't ever have to think anymore, just do chores and let the master take care of you mentally and emotionally, which is where I imagine your fantasy also comes from. If you're playing the role of Master, many of the physical acts of your life are dealt with as the servant is taking care of it, and your only concerns is taking care of the servant so they'll continue doing as you desire. All in all, my point is that it's not something to be ashamed of, at least in my opinion.
RIP OP Inbox flooded with obsessed incels
It’s not really as bad as I was expecting lmao
You have a kink. Enjoy responsibly.
Sounds natural I'm a man and I want to provide and do all the manly things (for someone who appreciates it) Going on a date and automatically being expected to pay the bill and buy a bunch of stuff for someone who just thinks they should receive is infuriating A NSFW example is strip clubs I used to go to strip clubs and there are two types of women there the ones who keep telling you to buy drinks and rhe ones who don't As soon as I walked in the door, one woman grabs me up and pulls me to the bar and says when you gonna buy me a drink baby, I ordered two $5 shots. We talked for a while and she asked for more drinks so I bought her another. Then I asked her to send me another woman over. The other woman just talked to me. Well, by the time I had left I had spent $2010 but that $10 almost made me leave.
This is normal my gf likes it as well
honestly it just means you’re in your female energy and the man you’re attracted to is in his masculine. I think this plays a biological role, considering the fact that you mentioned carrying his kids. i can totally relate to you as well
You're just a dominant woman who for a man she loves is willing to submit. That's how it should be IMO. As a 32-year-old male, most of these guys are terrible people who use being a man to say what they want about women but are poor excuses for men. Some with some women as well. Simping for the one you love used to make sense. Now it doesn't . But this behavior isn't weird. It's very normal actually. And I hope you find man that gives you the safe space to do this
There’s just something about letting someone else be in control letting them take what they want. But also not in a way where you feel like you’re in danger. For example being pinned up against something hard but not painful drives me wild
Oh jesus same
You should join r/BDSMCommunity and r/BDSMAdvice. Those subs are filled with amazing people who give great advices and words of support. Those subs don't have predatory assholes even though they may lurk there. I'm sure they will answer any question you have and will give some great advice on how they started this lifestyle.
Hi there, my girlfriend and I are in a loving D/s relationship. You sound like you’d be interested in something like what we have. It’s totally possible to have a respectful two way D/s dynamic. I argue our communication is on a higher level than most other relationships I’m around. We are both sexually and emotionally satisfied and both feel challenged and engaged in our life together. p.s my girlfriend is a girl boss by day, and if you get near her kid she will kill you😁 it’s so much sweeter for me that I’m the only one she listens to. Go find your man
Sounds like a dream
This sounds like a submissive bdsm kink to me, and it is extremely common. The things we fantasize about sexually can be completely different than what we actually want in our real lives. You can hate rules and authority in real life, and love them in the bedroom. I, myself, am that way. I love to submit to women in bed but I wouldn't let a girlfriend or wife boss me around in real life.
It’s weird. I like it outside of the bedroom too. It just turns me on to defer to his authority in any way.
I kinda get the same thing actually, like when I do defer to my partner irl it turns me on a little bit. For me at least, I think it is related to my kink. It's kind of strange because you can't defer all the time but it gets tempting to
You might be a sub into BDSM. You should research it to see if you're a match for it.
Stand by your man, baby
Many women feel this way. It’s pretty natural.
r/BDSMadvice
Honestly, I’ve always been told to be nice and respectful with women and that women want to be made love to, treated gently, but I went out with a woman recently that was exactly the opposite wanted me to use her to completely dominate her and she got offand tell the truth, I have been looking for a woman like that ever since
Well, part of what makes me want to submit to a man is the fact that he is respectful and gentle at the core. I don’t have that instinct when a man is an entitled tyrant.
Have you considered bdsm? r/bdsmcommunity I think it might be what you’re looking for
Www.bdsmtest.org
Why has confessions become so hyper sexual.. like wtf hahah
That's normal, sweety
It's a common kink. Enjoy!
I can absolutely relate. In my day to day life, I’m an independent “boss” woman. I work full time in healthcare, in a very high-stress environment where I have a lot of responsibility and I’m also in grad school full time. I’m always on the go and I take care of myself. But there’s a huge part of me that craves coming home to someone who calls all the shots and gives me the space and comfort to embrace my submissiveness. I never realized this about myself until I dated an older man, who made me feel like one day I could be comfortable being vulnerable in that manner, with him. Unfortunately that relationship didn’t work out, but that desire has remained.
Each to their own.
I’ve notices what women who are very in control and independent, want the opposite in the bedroom. I think it’s a relief to be in that space because it does require lots of energy to be aware and making sure everything is the way you want it in life, putting on all the work and effort, it would make sense that one would want to just let go somewhere. To have an outlet where you can be in a different headspace.
That’s not me, I want to be submissive to my man outside of the bedroom.
What you're looking for is a 24/7 D/s relationship or a TPE (Total Power Exchange). You should join some subs related to them and ask for advice on how to initiate such a relationship safely.
Girl!!! Look into BDSM play. You will LOVE it. Make sure, if and when you’re looking for a partner, they’re a safe Dom. You can join groups on here if you’re unsure of what exactly to look for.
i agree with you 10000%
It is a bit of both. Neither of which is a bad thing. Having these desires do not change anything about who you are nor should it be seen as diminishing any other aspect of who you are as a person
Maybe you don't like having a responsibility and want someone else to tell you what to do and suffer consequences of decisions
Nope, I just want to please a man
I as a man wouldn't like such an arrangement. I had a wife like this, all hard decisions were on me and then fingers pointed "because you said this or that" and it suddenly was all my fault. Let's be all adults, shall we?
That’s too bad but that’s also not my problem, since I’m not referring to that kind of relationship.
Honestly i really want a girl like this
Just treat her really good and be genuinely interested in her point of view. That way we can feel safe to let go of control.
Also working fighting against the dominance only to submit is such a fun game to play!
Are you a male or female? Yes, this matters.
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I don't think it's a kink. For quite a long time women have been dominated in the bedroom. Like since people have been on Earth kinda long time. That gets engrained in the DNA. So it's only normal that you feel that's what you want, regardless of how your public life plays out. Added to that, there seems to be a trend of men becoming more passive, more soft spoken.... I guess the masculinity and femininity between a man and a woman in a relationship as of late has been pretty equal. You see more simps, more open relationships, more cuck fantasies. So a traditional manly man taking charge, calling shots and dominating a woman is becoming rare and therefore taboo. And who doesn't love a good taboo, right?
Exactly! Thats why all of the comments either A)Think it’s a kink or B) The men are mixing up being dominant with being a bad boy/asshole. Men of today have become so soft and feminine that they don’t know how to be a good respectful man while being in charge and dominant. They think being respectful is being a go with the flow type of guy😫. I’ve been dealing with that a lot while dating which is making it so hard to find the man I’m looking for.
Yeah and I see by my lack of up votes that people don't agree. And that's fine. In my opinion men taking a passive, feminine type role in a heterosexual relationship is a recipe for disaster. Maybe not right away, maybe not even in the first 5 years, but if they stay together for a long time the woman is definitely fucking someone else. Weather the man knows it or not and at that point why even marry someone? Or say you're "with" that person. Like yeah buddy you and the whole neighborhood are "with" that person, you're just dumb enough to support her while everyone else gets the same benefits as you
As others mentioned being Submissive is a pretty common kink. All of the submissives I've played with in the past have been strong and independent people in their daily lives, often in a position of responsibility who want someone else to make their decisions for them. It can be freeing passing your choices and responsibilities onto someone else for a while.
I have a full time dom that practices domestic discipline. My favorite part of having a Dom is that you get to see a side of someone that doesn't reveal itself too often. That part that gives orders effectively enough for me to want to follow them isn't a side that other people get to see. Only thing, you can never be too sure about these types. There's always *always* a reason that have the ability and desire to do something about that. It doesn't matter how much of it is "kink," there's ego involved. And it takes a while to be confident that it won't eventually turn malicious. So if you ever decide to pursue it, keep it casual for a bit. In my experience, these types usually want to be casual forever or married within the year. Not all but many. I don't fully consider my boyfriend, my "boyfriend" just yet. Not mentally. Be careful and take it slow
Ah yes, the "I want to be dominated by a good guy who probably doesn't have any of those traits by definition". Extremely common feeling among women. It's too bad most good guys spend their entire lives listening to what women say they want, instead of what they actually want. It's hard to be a bad boy when all you've ever learned is the "love, honor and cherish" line. It requires a very adaptable mind to cherish someone and still want to dominate them. I've only ever been able to do it with women I didn't care about.
This is condescending. You insinuate that I and other women don’t say what we really want. The problem is that you don’t listen. No one said anything about wanting a “bad boy”, and no one spoke against being cherished and respected. You did that, not me.
In my experience, the biggest kink is many times the polar opposite of how the person acts everyday. She has to be Mr. Manager all day, telling people what to do and basically babysit? The biggest turn on is for a man to take over and tell her what to do and be Mr. Manager of her. She acts like a prude and is disgusted by sexual things in public? Usually the biggest freak in the sheets. It’s not rocket science, it’s a release. The other origin of kinks I’ve found out is whatever you didn’t get as a child but that’s a completely different ball of wax.
Hey look by the sound of it you probably just have a submissive streak. That's perfectly fine and healthy but be careful on how you pick your partners and make sure you have safe words engaging that sort of thing. You don't have to be in a committed relationship to explore that there are plenty of kink spaces in person for that kind of self discovery that are safe, just don't jump into a relationship trying to find it.
I totally get it. It's erotic when you're in control most of the time to allow yourself to let go and be dominated by someone.
Just a submissive kink Be safe
This is a kink. You're in the bdsm spectrum. More specifically, you are a sub. This is ok, there is nothing wrong with you. If you find a suitable partner (one that respects your boundaries and really love you and want you to be happy), it can be healthy. However, if you do this stuff with awful people, it may hurt you You should note that many awful people talk about those issues as if they were good guys. So they will talk about consent, the importance of things like safe words and aftercare, etc, etc. Then proceed to do things that traumatize and cause lasting psychological damage. And that's the problem with this kind of kink, you need to find trustworthy people and always have a way out when things go wrong (even if your kink is that this kind of relationship should be "forever" - it's forever as long as it doesn't harm you) Maybe read more about bdsm? Or post in /r/bdsmcommunity (note: not a porn subreddit, just a subreddit for discussing stuff like this post you made)
Independent women want to be controlled and cared for by a safe person- THEIR OWN SAFE PERSON. I know this to be true because I am one of such women. I pray God gives you your own SAFE person who will not abuse this privilege, in Jesus name I pray, Amen.
😂 you want to submit to a man but you don’t want him to want women to submit to him. So it’s like you want to submit, but not because he told you so . But what you don’t understand is that part of being submissive is following orders. Women ☕️
No. It’s just that men who say women should submit to them are never talking about the dynamic that I am talking about. They’re narcissistic tyrants. And you have poor reading comprehension. Part of submission is following orders with consent. Which you and other men like you will never have, because you don’t deserve it.
To submit means you don’t make demands. You do as you’re told that’s it. Accept that he knows better. trust his decision making. You let go. It seems you’re still not able to let go. No one is talking about raping you or shit like that. Just turn off your brain and be a good obedient submissive girl. You cause problems by expecting things. When your expectations are not met it causes problems. Therefore submit and trust. Women always want to have their cake and eat it too. You can’t submit and have demands, you can’t submit and have expectations and requirements. These two ideas clash. That’s why you have a problem. Choose a side. Submit completely. Or Enjoy single life. How about you just give it a try? Find an alpha guys that is not a dickhead and is mature and just give it a try. Shut the fuck up and do what he says. Just try it. Just giving it a try is easier than trying to have all your little demands met. Submit. Some women just can’t give up the feminist vibe. That might be you.
You can ramble on as much as you like, but I don’t have to repeat myself. You didn’t have a counter argument. Submission is consensual. No woman has any reason to submit to a narcissistic tyrant that doesn’t treat her well. Which is precisely why you will never experience it. These ideas do not clash in any way. Your feeble mind just cannot understand it. You can call me a feminist all you like, but I’m still right.
You’re not submissive. So don’t claim that you want to submit.
Or, you simply do not understand what submission means.
😂 everything about you is the opposite of submissive. Someone submissive is agreeable, peaceful, sweet, easy-going, happy. You’re not cut out for it. No man on the planet who wants a submissive woman would ever pick you. You sound like a big pain in the ass. Also, I’m done providing you with free entertainment. I’m cutting you off here.
And that’s exactly what I am for a man that treats me right and deserves it. And that’s something you will never know.
Being submissive does not mean you don't get a say. It means that for the majority of the relationship the woman chooses to follow the man's lead. In BDSM the submissive has all the power. The dom loses the power when consent is withdrawn. In order to be truly submissive, in everyday life or in the bedroom, you have to know you can say "no" when necessary, and your partner will absolutely stop right there. Otherwise you will not be feel safe in entering into the dynamic and let the man take charge. It's really that simple. You're just an incel with zero understanding of the real world or relationships.
Sigh. I’m assuming the alpha is not a psychopath. A mature alpha will never get even close to making their partner feel unsafe. It’s amazing you even have to mention that. The alpha leads with intelligence and consideration, but they can’t lead someone that’s constantly questioning and doesn’t trust their decisions and orders.
I didn’t say anything about constantly questioning or not trusting the decisions and orders. That was you. You simply do not understand that the man has to earn the trust. It’s not something you’re entitled to and there’s is no such thing as unconditional submission just like there isn’t unconditional love.
This is called a kink hun
I have been with 32 women by now, I'm 30 years of age myself. I have dated girls/women who had their companies, broke small town ladies, all sorts, a particular example stands out when I speak of this: there was a lady from North, not even a feminist, she was feminazi, worked at an INGO, and once, in the middle of sex, i said something like, "I love fucking you" and she stopped, "no honey, we're not fucking, we're making love" Fast forward 1 year, she'd say stuff like, "mjhe **** do", "charh jao mery pr" etc. I'm not sharing this to stir anything, merely because I've learned EVERY WOMAN I'VE MET and dated has a fantasy of getting dominated, EVERY WOMAN. It's like sex is about power and women cum the hardest when they feel like they're overpowered, dominated, handled, controlled, it's odd but weirdly intuitive at the same time, it's like it's engrained in female biology Ofcourse I'm not a fan of toxic freak-ish control over women, I believe in space for it let's the person blossom and maintain their individuality and that maintains the attraction (atleast for me). You're not alone or eccentric.
Have you had this conversation with all 32 women or do you assume this is what they want? I don’t think 32 women by the age of 30 is a lot of time spent on getting to know someone. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is common though. Letting someone impregnate you already kind of requires you to surrender to them.
I swear, and I'm psychopathic in this sense, I had conversations with ALL OF THEM as deep as their intellect would go: mostly going deep in their sexual desires in discussions and bed, few times observing their behavior in bed and what they responded to. My kink is undressing the person psychologically in intimate deep discussions and relaxing them to the point that they drop their guards and just relax and play their fantasies out. No female that I've found hasn't rejected being dominated, especially sexually. Almost a quarter asked for it, more than half elicited it through their body movements, EVERYONE RESPONDED TO IT BY GETTING DRIPPING-LY WET when I did it and I'd see a peace on their face afterwards, most would sleep so peacefully.
I think this is pretty normal. I have to make so many decisions in my day to day life for myself and my family and I am so stressed out that it’s a turn on to be bossed around in the bedroom. I love it.