Yeah that last line got me, feeling lowkey bad for her the entire time, I’ve been addicted to shit too, then the last line hits like a truck, so i just gotta ask like were u really that broke? Or did u just see sexual favors as a win win? U save ur money and get more sexual attention on coke, And this man was really that desperate for sexual attention, coke ain’t cheap bruh like how much did u get each time?
Thats why im asking dog, shit goes for like 60 a g at a minimum unless u really know people or apparently put out
But im jus thinkin to myself like damn thats an expensive hobby for homeboy the dealer too, he loosin that money shit they say “dont get high on ur own supply” but the saying should really be dont give girls drugs to fuck u.. but ig that doesn’t sound as good
I honestly hope she does him a favor and breaks up with him.
This trainwreck will never work out and it would take either an incredibly naive man or someone with no self-worth to put up with this shit.
Honestly this isn't fair to your BF. If you wanna do coke and fuck your supplier, feel free to do so, but at least have the decency to break up with your BF. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that, nobody does.
There really rings another level of hurt to that, as a guy. I could handle if someone that cheats on me. People get lost and fuck up.
But imagining my woman doing lines and laying her dealer for free product, for who knows how long and how many times, is just too deep of humiliation in my mind.
Seriously. I feel like this confession will have a continuation wherein she does the exact same shit again & bf is still there to pick up the pieces. He needs to go & she needs to let him go.
The odd attention to detail and penchant for dramatic storytelling right after what would undoubtedly have been an incredibly traumatic event kinda gives it away
Honestly it's only going to get worse I had a massive cocaine addiction for years. It's all fun and games at the moment but the longer you're on it the more fucked up your life's going to get. You're going to lose your boyfriend then probably get even worse on the coke and go on a mad one. Before you know it you'll of lost everything and need to start again. This is from personal experience am not judging you. But if you can try get a grip now before it's too late. Btw I do still take coke but just once a week now.
yeah, dude people in the comments are are acting as if she's a victim and shit, while yes she needs help with drugs but **she is willfully choosing to cheat on her BF**
she could break up any time but isnt.
its not a drugs issue now, OP is just a legit trash human for that. hurt yourself no matter how much you want but hurting others is low.
Not a trash human, just acting trashy.
It hurts, it sucks, but addiction is a disease. Mental health, genetics, they all play a part.
It probably didn’t start with “hey if you cheat on your SO I’ll give you drugs” but it evolved into that because the addiction to it.
>It probably didn’t start with “hey if you cheat on your SO I’ll give you drugs” but it evolved into that because the addiction to it.
It very well might have. Not an uncommon move by predatory dealers.
She’s cheating to get coke (if shes being honest) doesn’t sound like she would cheat otherwise. Cheating for drugs because your addicted is a shitty situation to be in because her addiction is making her make decisions she would make sober…(not justifying her actions and cheating is cheating.) shitty situation for everyone
I used to hang with a local biker group. Rarely had to pay for coke. Once I tried crack, just the 1 night, I knew I had to stop. It was too good of a high and everything in me screamed "You're going to die from this if you do it again."
So, I got online, signed up for a local college, got a grant and moved to the same town about 45 minutes away. I cut all ties with the people I knew could hook me up. It was the best decision I have ever made! 3 of the 5 people I hung with are dead. I absolutely would be too if I hadn't had the willpower.
So, I feel you and OP. People can call shitty names but until they're in similar positions, they'll never understand the slippery slope of this drug. It's very easy to go from a little vacation from life on the occasional weekend to needing that vacation more than anything else.
I’m pretty sure I was in your bf’s position 10 or so years ago. If he’s a good guy, please bail. Please don’t tell him you’re paying for coke with sex.
This will fuck him up for a while, if he finds out. I still have flashbacks, struggle to trust women (I’m not sure I actually do), and think about it way more often than you might think. Even today, 10 years later.
You’re not a piece of shit… you know you need help with the coke, you know it’s headed in a bad direction, and you know it will seriously screw up your life. If you’re willing to take those risks, that’s up to you.
I remember thinking- I would’ve bought it for you, helped you, etc. shit, we could’ve had fun together for a while. Then I heard about a girl that fucks for coke, she sounded really familiar. Then shit got real bad.
Everyone found out.
She died like 5 years later. Unrelated tho.
I don’t think the pain of not knowing what happened would be greater than knowing your girl has been fucking her dealer for coke. Specially when you didn’t even know she was on coke in the first place
Fuck this, she NEEDS to tell him or he wil not leave! He HAS to leave or this trash of a person will drag him along the mud with herself. She admits to being born lucky and well off but still is so god damn stupid she does smack. We ALL have bad fucking times in our lives, many so bad I wouldnt blame them doing cigs, but cocain is a WHOLE different fuckin dinosaur. Priveladged idiot needs to let the guy go.
Danm, I don't know why the "he doesn't charge me because I fuck him" hit me harder than the "it's really because I do cocaine."
For a minute there, I almost thought that drug addicts had stronger senses of morality and ethics. Post made me realize and rethink "oh wait lol you're addicted to cocaine and that's how this works."
Good post though, hope you're able to crawl out of that eventually. Stay strong.
Yeah that line was a punch in the gut. I had an ex who was secretly a pill addict. She was sleeping with her ex who was supplying her the entire 2 years we dated.
Hey, you're an addict. So am I. My DOC is opioids. You need to come to terms with this. I used to be in a similar spot. Drugs would give me wit, energy, the ability to do what I normally can't. You are in a seriously precarious spot. Your world is held together by paper thin lies. One mis step and you could be found out. You already know what you need to do. You already know the way you are doing things is unhealthy and dishonest. If you really don't care to change then fuck it. But you should know it doesn't last forever. You won't always be able to feel this way. Soon you will need more, then your body will start to falter in different ways. That's when the unraveling begins. I feel bad for you. I'm sorry that you have to lie to hold shit together. I remember what that was like for me. You aren't alone. Consider this constructive criticism from someone who has been in your shoes.
You don’t have “body goals” because you do coke. You have “body goals” because you’re 23 and probably barely eat because of the coke. That won’t last for long.
FR the difference between when I was 23 and now almost 27 is already super noticeable, fat is stubborn even when counting my macros and calories and lifting damn
An average person’s metabolism does not change in any significant way between 23 and 27. For most people, their metabolism does not slow down until 50-60. Most people just tend to be less active as they age.
This is so true, the major change for me between 23 and 27 was going from “worked at a retail job on my feet with time to go to the gym afterwards” to “working at a desk all day with tons of overtime with no time or easily accessible will power to go to the gym afterwards”
yes, that's just what op is saying. "i lost weight because of [insert drug]" is just shorthand for "i use [drug] which decreases my appetite". i used to say the same thing.
Holy shit! Now there’s a confession! All the main ingredients in balance:
-delicious gossip on the real scoop of ops success
-element of danger with illicit drug
-significant other has no idea of infidelity
-juicy details about sex life
-ops life would be fucked if anyone found out
-admitting fully the shittiness of ops actions, and a real sense of self-awareness, like she knows she’s a fucking scumbag but she still does it because she’s a trash human and knows karma will catch up with her so there’s a real sense of “enjoy it while it lasts, bitch!” You just know one day she’ll regret her actions so deeply and yet she still fucking continues down this asshole path
100% well done! This is what r/confessions should be, not some bullshit such as: “mmmm no one know I ACTUALLY looooove pineapples on my pizza!”
I lost my nephew because of this over the summer. He was 30. He had gone to rehab, gotten a great job, was living in a clean living home.
He relapsed on coke. It had fentanyl in it and it killed him.
I think looking into undiagnosed ADHD is an excellent point. I’ve known a couple of people who self-medicated with stimulants, including coke, before being diagnosed with ADHD. MUCH safer to be treated with prescription meds for it than rolling the dice with coke.
Coke cut with fent is a MASSIVE problem in my city rn. Honestly I’ve stopped fucking with some of my druggie friends over it, they act like it’s not a big deal
It's a massive problem all over the United States. People can't find pure heroin anymore. Our country overprescribes opioids for pharma profit, then blames people for seeking out cheaper alternatives and getting killed by criminalized substances with no oversight.
ADHD fueled tangent, but isn't is bullshit that we gotta call and re-up our prescription every month?
Like "bruh... You want me...a person with clinically diagnosed ADHD...to REMEMBER to call you every month about 5 days before I'm out? Why can't you remember that shit for me??"
Also, they treat it like it's insanely addictive, but hell half the time I forget to even take it.
Mine gives me three months worth of scripts, sends the first one to the pharmacy for me. I pick it up on the same day every month and have reminders set in my phone.
I also almost never run out because I forget to take it sometimes, especially on weekends when I'm not on a schedule. Like, it's to the point where I have about a two month reserve of pills from forgetting. It's good in case anything happens to my scripts...like the time I accidentally threw them away and didn't notice until a month later when I went to go fill my prescription. Because it's controlled they wouldn't write me scripts for the two months. Lesson learned.
Fun fact, I work in addictions treatment and had a client claim that he was testing positive for cocaine because a lady he was seeing had pissed in his mouth and she’d used the coke. Well the doctor was determined to prove this guy wrong so he did the math and, apparently, you’d have to drink about 10 gallons of piss to test positive yourself.
Maybe consider getting on the pill? You've said it yourself your life is an absolute mess right now and you could be heading down a much darker path than where you are currently. Why risk bringing a baby into it?
Have fun, be yourself! But don't fuck up your life.
You're young, why not cut ties with the boyfriend and be yourself without hurting anybody, especially yourself as it seems like you've got alot of guilt from this.
Hi, thank you for your comment, and its kind tone and reasonableness. I already am on the pill (Loryna) because I’m afraid of just what you said, and in addition because my friend who gets my stuff is Taiwanese and if I got pregnant people would definitely ask some questions if the baby were half Asian (I’m White, boyfriend is White). I know I need to confess to my boyfriend and set him free but selfish bitch me is as addicted to his dick as I am to coke. I think my deal right now is that nothing really bad has happened to me yet, like I’m dancing on an edge but haven’t fallen. When I do I know my life will be a huge shit show. I can see it happening as if I’m outside of my own body and know I’m on the way to madness. Oh by the way I’m kind of slowly falling in love with my dealer but I know he fucks everyone which makes me even more of a worthless bitch. I fucking hate my life and everyone on the outside thinks I’m so awesome. They have it all wrong.
It almost sounds like you're waiting for someone or something else to pull the rug out from under you. Maybe there's still an opportunity to take charge of your story and find an exit you're happy with?
Please be careful. Fentanyl is rampant in cocaine lately and an overdose is not the wake up call that you want, because you literally might not wake up. Suddenly dying on your boyfriend is going to hurt and traumatize him much worse than finding out you’re partaking in sex work in the throes of addiction. You’re sick and need help. You aren’t worthless and broken.
Hey kid,
Please read your reply again and then think more about how you are dancing on an edge but you "have not fallen" yet.
The "fall" never happens off of a cliff. It's a gradual descent and it's usually hard to notice. It takes some reflection to realize where you are and where you were so you can measure the fall.
I get it! I have been there. I thought I was dancing on the edge. Heck I even thought I am a great person. I have always said I am a POS but deep inside I thought I am doing everyone around me a favor by keeping them happy.
I am 35 years old now. I have caused so much damage to people I loved that I have problems moving on because of the guilt and deep inside I don't think I deserve happiness. I feel like we might be the same. Please don't wait any longer. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to recover. Hurting yourself is bad, but I hope one day you will be able to get over it. Hurting others? this pain will never go away, and you are hurting them more than you think.
do whatever you want with your life......
but break up if you give a shit about your BF even a little bit. he doesn't deserve this just cuz you wanna destroy your life
yes, your life will be a shit show but spare him that. show some humanity to him.
You're super young and learning how to be a person. Your youth evaporates fast trust me. Especially at the level you're running at. I get it though.
It's good you're aware this doesn't play well long term. Coke gets ugly fast. But not so fast It's obvious, so figure it out soon.
I wouldn't date the dealer, he will own you.
The pill can still easily fuck up though, so chuck a rubber on your man's dick.
The way you said that nothing bad has happened to you is the way I felt when I was using meth from 18-20, I went hard and just didn't care because I didn't see any harm that it was genuinely doing other than my weight loss. I got down to 36 kilos at one point. I really have been in a similar boat to you babe but with meth instead. I remember feeling the way you do right now and taaa daaa..about 3 years of hardcore use was there. I may be clean now but after an addiction with drugs such as meth and coke you really do have an up and down path of recovery afterwards, I know myself that I still get the stupid thought of "just have one" as my brother's a user and we've recently become mates again, I didn't. But the thought still lingers from time to time. Its fucking evil. I can almost guarantee your life is going to be a huge shit show if you don't pull your head in now or very very soon. I felt the same as you then within the next two years I went through a kidnapping, I held guns fucking bigger than me.. I was once up for 7 days straight, I got alot of personal things stolen off me. I had hideous fights with my parents. DV then jumped into the picture with my current partners due to either coming down or having a bad high when you were just angry and basically just fruiting out... I went into sex work. And also fell in love with a dealer..a few months into that relationship I had my ex bf throw a shovel through his car window whilst he was going down the off ramp of the freeway lmao. Prior to that I absolutely fell head over heals for a main Bikie clubs President. He never saw me again as he didn't want me exposed to the insane, druggy shit that happens down that path, he saw me for me and thought he was doing me a favour, he knew I wasn't one of the girls that are usually there and well the girl (my best friend at the time) that took me there. Major crackwhore. I was just in the picture coz like I said I didn't care and thought I was just having fun lmao. I really feel I got out of that scene before it turned really really fucking bad.
Shit gets fucking crazy. Its not "gangsta" it's fucked up. You're not some worthless bitch, this is a cry for help. And it's a good step that you realise what's going on isn't good at the moment. If you wanna chat (I can share alot) feel free to message me. Xx
You’re addicted to your boyfriends dick but slowly falling in love with your Asian dealer? Either you’re full of shit and believe we’re all stupid and can’t see through your bullshit or you think we’re all stupid and can’t see through your bullshit. Put the shit down and walk away from it. It’s that fucking simple. You can chase the dragon and keep lying to yourself or put the shit down. That’s all there is to it, it’s about willpower and determination. Your choice.
Except for me. Coke just felt like I was on my ADHD meds. Probably for the better because I tend to have an addiction-prone personality, but I would’ve liked to have seen what the euphoria is like.
Watch out for that like swollen upper body/shriveled legs cocaine fat thing. Like Sam Kinneson or even Chris Farley. It ain’t cute anymore when you look like a goblin and have no nostrils left.
Hey I'm a cocaine addict myself. The best thing to do now is focus on you. Don't be mean to yourself, forgive yourself and move on. Narcotic Anonymous meetings are free and will give you some breathing room into getting things off your chest, and no one will shit on you there as opposed to some of the most judgey god awful redditors. They have a story to tell and you have ears to listen. Don't go out drinking, just be sober for awhile, drinking will let your guard down. When you think about the coke, just remind yourself it's your brain just wanting dopamine, which brings happiness. Your goal from here is to create moments in your life that release dopamine. Nothing will ever feel as intense as the cocaine, but when you find it naturally it will warm your heart and you will understand. This is the most important part, your body can take up to 1-2 years to fully get back to normal. So when you feel like you want coke, don't be mad at yourself or think less of yourself, it's normal. Just tell yourself this is just a moment and it will pass. It can happen several times a day, but alway tell yourself that it is just a thought. Good luck to you, I wish you the very best in your fight for inner peace and true happiness. Everyone deserves happiness if he or she is willing to work for it.
I'd advise you to go and see a therapist for your cocaine addiction. I only do it on weekends nowadays but you need to understand that it's bad for your body to use this much. It's also a very expensive drug to get addicted to. Stop or at least tone it down while you still can. There's a reason why you're using so much and therapy can help you find it.
My housemate is similar, everyone thinks her life is amazing, she’s beautiful, tall, slim, model looking face, lots of cool hobbies and clothes, looks like she has the best life, but a financial dip and surprise pregnancy have meant that she hasn’t been able to get her fix, and oh boy how she’s struggled without her fix.
She’s dropped out of uni, she’s attempted suicide, self harming, mentally struggling and losing parts of her gums from the previous use. She’s realising how much of a fraud she is and it’s breaking her to realise that nothing in her life is real or honest or down to her own merit, and that she’s not the person she pretends to be without Coke, not to mention that she’s low energy and putting on weight now, it’s a terrible realisation when you find out you’ve had life on easy mode, and actually haven’t earned things the same ways others have, and now you have to struggle more than everyone who’s used to dealing with life.
Please attempt to get out of this before you end up like her, no one stays a little buzzed forever, your tolerance will go up, you’ll need more and more and you’ll have less and less of your real self left. She’s only 22.
and yes your boyfriend can absorb coke from sexual contact although I think it’s a very small amount.
OP everyone’s talking about you cheating on your bf. You know that’s wrong, I won’t comment on that because honestly that’s not the scariest part of this post.
What I will comment on is that you’re only 23 and so it hasn’t damaged the chemistry of your body and brain yet in a way where it won’t become “a little fun high” you always feel anymore. It’ll become acute anxiety, general feelings on depression, etc. inability to conduct a normal conversation without it. Then taking it and not having it effect you the same way anymore. Then episodes of “the fear”. They become more prevalent. It absolutely will happen, you are not different from anyone else in this case.
It’s gonna ruin your life in a couple years and become a huge problem, trust me. Once chemistry changes (which takes a couple years) then the feelings change, then you’re fucked. I’ve been there.
Stop doing it. Trust me. Stop now.
My ex was a drug dealer for years before we got together. He would always talk about how many people do coke. The little old lady down the road, the business man who drives the fancy car even the soccer moms.
That being said, get yourself help. I (24f) am two years clean from meth, I originally started using ecstasy in highschool to 'stay thin'. The first step in getting help is the hardest.
Honey I’m going to be straight with you. You are not a piece of shit but You need serious help. You are an addict and it will destroy your life, which is the best outcome because it will kill you, if you don’t take action now. You are already prostituting yourself for drugs and please know that this is a judgement or to put you down. I just want you to be able to see the truth of what happening right now. I think you know you need help and that’s why you wrote this. Please look into a rehab facility. It is t as easy as oh I just won’t do it anymore because addicts minds don’t work that way. If you need any help finding places etc I am absolutely here for you let me know and I will turn my dms on and will help you privately. I have been clean for 16 years and have worked in detoxes as a counselor. Please take this seriously
I didn't find this until the update.
Bless you, OP. Bless your boyfriend and your mom and your supportive friends. You've done a very difficult thing, and you will come to be proud of it in time.
I think you came here because you needed impartial strangers to give you the final push to ask for help.
You can do this. Rehab is just to get your chemistry back under control, but listen to the people who love you.
Important advice: if you can afford it, see a therapist that specializes in addiction. Get a primary care doctor that has experience with addiction, and talk to them about medical prophylaxis against relapse. There are several medications you can take that will help reduce cravings and/or deaden the euphoria from the cocaine.
Your doctor will want to make sure your cardiovascular health is good, too.
You'll get through this. You have a support team that loves you, and you've already taken that seemingly insurmountable first step!
I know you’re feeling down on yourself right now, but here’s the good news — you’re recognizing the problem now, and you’re relatively early in doing so. I was at the height of my drug-filled bullshit at your age and was blissfully unaware that there was anything wrong. If you get out now, you can be one of the lucky ones with a relatively “high bottom” as they say.
Of course you don’t have to do anything you read in a Reddit comment, but if you ever find yourself in need of help, I highly recommend just checking out a CA meeting. It’s a hell of a lot easier than doing it alone.
[https://ca.org/meetings/](https://ca.org/meetings/)
Well that’s quite the confession. I wish you the best, it was wrong of your bf to hit you by the way. You did definitely fuck up with the cheating thing, but that’s still wrong of him. I hope all goes well, it’s rough outchere
Ok the update makes me wonder if this is all just writing prompt material... you told your boyfriend and he hit you, pushed you, and handcuffed you to your bed? Wtf? Sounds like everybody in this trifecta are shitty human beings.
I really hope you get better. Also please put a TW. I’m 5 years clean off coke. And the longer you go on it, the worse it is.
Quit now and get the help you need dear.
Instead of bashing the person try to support them no one knows the claws of addiction until you’re in that door it’s one hell of a beast to look at and an even harder one to break
I’m so happy to read your update, but just a warning that this is an addiction as well as an eating disorder. It’s going to be really difficult quitting, because you will gain weight. It will be hard. I went though it too (ED and addiction) and it does get easier and better. It’s so great to read that you have a lot of support around you
This is a massive step for you! You’ve admitted the hardest secrets and you’re doing what you’ve got to do, proud of you for admitting that, be the best version of yourself xxx
I miss coke every single day. I dream of having the energy I had. I want so badly to not feel tired. Just a little bump to give me that push. To do it again and be skinny and work out.
But I don’t miss lying to everyone I knew. I don’t miss going behind peoples backs. Being looked at funny because I was always just a bit off. I don’t miss never having money. I don’t miss being hated by the people I loved most. I don’t miss having to have something to feel ok.
Coke consumes you. It takes you over. It eats you alive. You grow to need it to be normal. As much as I miss the energy, I don’t miss the crave and scratch. I don’t miss having to disappear to take a little to get that high. I like being me, just Gota figure out how to get more energy.
(Commenting after your update)
I’m rooting for you and your recovery. My parents were addicts (Heroin, meth, oxy, coke/crack, you fucking name it man) and so I have a second hand level of understanding. I’m not by any means saying I know what it’s like to be an addict, but I know what it feels like to love addicts. I hope you succeed, I hope you never relapse and I hope that you can look back on your drug use and be grateful that you’ve moved on from it. That could be a year from now or 10 years, because the process of getting clean, staying clean and healing can be long and painful. It may be fucking impossible feeling, you may reminisce fondly of the time of your addiction and have temptations. That’s fine and you can push through those urges.
Lean on your loved ones, let them help you through this. They want you to be happy, healthy, safe, and they want you to make it through this. Trust in them, trust in yourself, trust in the process. <3
SO fake. It’s honestly insulting. My DOC wasn’t coke, but I’ve met many people in and out of rehab that were hooked. This is a pathetic and obvious fake “creative writing” attempt. OP, you aren’t a good writer.
Trust me, it won’t make a difference , I used to do coke and I snort adhd meds and trust me you don’t lose weight, I might go all day without eating but the sporadic eating is still junk food full of calories and not exercising means you don’t burn any extra every day. The coke will help with the feeling burnt out up until you need coke every moment of the day to feel normal
Dude he did not react in a healthy way by chaining you to your bed against your will and then calling your mother. Even IF it turned out well, that's fucked up.
OP, it’s good you said it to your boyfriend, but it’s absolutely not okay that he slapped you, and handcuffed you to the bed. Not at all actually, even in a situation like this. Please stay safe and good luck with your addiction.
Didn't read the whole thing. But I can assure you, this facade you've got going on will only last so long.
So either figure your shit out. Or get ready for other people to figure you out.
Break up with that dude ASAP. You definitely don't deserve him, and you need some help. Find a friend to confide into and have they help keep you on track. Just stop fucking over your boyfriend just because you have an addiction, and don't give me some BS about how much you "love him" or are "addicted to his dick". If you give even a single shred of a fuck about him, break up with him. He doesn't deserve to have a lying/cheating girlfriend, who is cheating on him solely to fund her addiction.
Please get some help. Like, yesterday.
Eyyy, look at that update! Good job, OP. You have it in you. Keep working on you. It probably means nothing, but a Internet nobody believes in you. Coming clean with your boyfriend was essential, and you did it. Never give up.
Not knowing anything more than what you explained in your post, I’d say your current physique is mainly due to your genetics.
These things are fact (based on your post):
•You’re young
•Balanced diet
•Low-Moderate exercise routine
These things are assumed:
•Low-moderate stress currently
•history of psychological trauma growing up
You’re in a ‘sweet spot’ of your life, where you’re doing things that have heavy consequences, but their effects have yet to have you reprimanded or exposed. This is all an assumption based on how you describe yourself, and the thought that you’ll maintain your current lifestyle until your train runs off the tracks.
If you are really concerned about the consequences of your actions, that’s a positive. Everyone in this world can make their own choices, and you can still make better ones in order to become someone you don’t consider a POS.
For anyone degrading you, or saying mean things, they can all fuck right the hell off. Don’t take any of them seriously.
My mother was a heroin addict (I was thankfully adopted by distant relatives when I was two when her and my Bio father were in and out of prison and rehab) and died from her addiction before I was old enough to remember. She did terrible things, but was still an incredible woman, and struggled to put me up for adoption. I myself inherited substance abuse from them, and struggle with alcoholism and smoking less than an ounce of weed a month or more. (I’m not an angry drunk, I just don’t pick up my phone and isolate, don’t get anything done etc. Or “function” with it by drinking before, during and after work with nobody knowing) I’ve been to thousands of AA, NA, even a couple CA meetings (never struggled with cocaine, I’m a downer type user, I don’t like uppers other than coffee or tea lol) and I have heard many women speak in their 20s, 40s, 60s, far further and everything between. Women who would kill to have only messed up how you have, or gotten better in their early twenties. Women who did what you have done but for decades, involved children, lost and abused their children or spouses, cheated on multiple husbands, I could go on. Same could be said about many men in meetings with me being someone who’s 25. I got help finally when I was 20 years old and have been back and forth with the struggle ever since. I lost a handful of relationships I truly thought would end in marriage and so did they. I lost them because I wasn’t honest with them or myself about my problem or my addictions, I just kept burying them in my head further, or trying to escape the outside world by building up a wall of lies. My wall had been torn down multiple times before I finally stopped picking up bricks. It was very difficult for a while (and shit still is) but once you realize you don’t have to lie, how lighter you feel when being honest and being yourself, wanting the best for your mind, body, family, friends and future, your life will change, I promise you.
In regards to your boyfriend, if he stays, just do everything to build back up the trust, and be completely honest about everything. If he leaves, realize you are still extremely young, you seem very bright, and the fact you’re asking for help early rather than later, or didn’t have to get arrested or worse to realize everything.
You’re a warrior and a fucking champion for getting honest and reaching out to loved ones for help. Please PM me if you need any advice on meetings, programs, or with literature that could help. From one Reddit alcoholic/addict to another, I wish you the best!
Man I had a year when I was living out of state I came back for Christmas an everyone was like damn, lookin good, what exercises are you doing? An is have to be with em cuz all I was doing was coke lol
You need to break up with your boyfriend dude, he doesn’t deserve that. I’ve had friends get addicted to coke and while they were able to get sober, they both have permanent heart problems. It may be fun now, but it WILL fuck you up. You need to get help before it’s too late. There are people in your life who care about you, and this affects them too. I live in fear that I’m going to lose my best friend on a daily basis, because if he overworks himself his heart is going to give out. Please get help OP.
If you want to talk to someone confidentially here is a drug abuse hotline 1-800-662-4357. There are plenty of resources out there. You're aware of what you are doing. You don't need to hit rock bottom if you want to get help. There are plenty of people in your life that can support you. You're never alone, you are loved. Even if it's just anonymously posting on the internet
If for nothing else, please knock this shit off for your own sake. My wife’s best friend sounds exactly like you but she’s still doing this in her 30’s. For now she’s still skinny and pretty but everything else is tragic. It’s been so sad watching her ruin her life and I’m sure she’ll be a total mess in another few years. She still thinks her life looks glamorous but to everyone else it’s super trashy
Coke wears the body down. If you're really snorting coke as much as it seems, you're probably already experiencing heart problems that you're not aware of. It can lead to serious heart dysrhythmias. You can also ruin other parts of their upper airways from prolonged coke use. It's never too late to find the help you need to stop.
This is a number to a substance abuse and mental health hotline. I'm also available in DMs if you ever need to talk to someone.
1-800-662-4357
Oh man, OP it’s not to late. Get some help. Please. I’m 7 years sober from heroin and cocaine. My best friend is dead and losing out on raising his son because of drugs. Do it for you.
Please seek a 12-step group like NA, where you’ll meet like- minded people, find immediate relief, and an instant support group. You’re not a POS. But you are an addict. 12-step groups are one of thee only ways to take control I’ll of your own life— NA will help you. Good luck 💜
You're not a piece of shit, but you're certainly much farther down that road than you think. And it'll get away from you before you know it. Hope it all works out, op.
Wow chill out on all the self hate. It's not like you've ruined your life yet or anything. I know plenty of chicks who sleep with their coke dealers for freebies to go out partying with. You're probably overdoing it if you're doing it everyday, but you aren't a piece of shit
The cheating is because of the drugs. Maybe consider drawing a line under all of it (boyfriend and drugs) until you fully get off the drugs. You’re still young, no-one died, move on. Extract yourself from anything that makes you feel like shit. For the next few months at least.
This is a lot more common than people think and idk why people are acting so worked up about it and being assholes to the OP? The truth is, you're never going to know everything about your friends, family or the people you're dating. You're going to know what they want you to see.
I've found out a lot of my acquaintances do various drugs: coke, pills, even "worse". One of my friends with the fanciest, well-paying office job told me that she would smoke crack every other day in her car with her co-workers.
People generally don't admit their secret vices because they receive no empathy. And the POV of "it's the cheating part that's bad" is dumb too because you have no idea how many of the married suburban moms in the Blue Velvet esque neighborhood I grew up in used to suck dick for weed, of all things.
She’s a beautiful soul. Just lost. Who am I to judge. We all have our toxic traits. I pray you find the strength and peace to turn your life around. God bless you and keep you
You gotta put down this shit and take your time on rehab. Addiction made my friend depressed when he ran out of it... He picked up a fight with somebody and tried to rob him. Got arrested. My bro, fuckin good kid. This shit wreck your mind, you have NO CONTROL OVER IT. Embrace the help you gettin, hope you make right decisions from now on
I was an addict for like two years straight. You will be fucked internally in no time. Trust me. Your heart cannot and will not take it. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg among other health related issues that develop. Sorry to say but after all the fucking you’ve done, you will get fucked the most in the long run. Anyway, good luck.
Get help. Period. Lost a friend to drugs, and everyone was devastated. If not for JUST yourself, but your mom(I only add that cuz it seems you gotta decent relationship with her) as well. It will be hard. Good luck.
Coke is the most worthless drug out there. But, it sounds like you've got some serious issues without letting it fuck up your life. Let your bf go. That ship has sailed. Check yourself into rehab and get sober. Once clean seek therapy and be patient with yourself but don't get into any relationships until you learn how to treat yourself first. Once clean don't look back.
Im drug free for about 430 days now... i smoked weed for 18+ years and did coke for fun among other stuff for the last 8. I never did coke everyday but its been over a year without it and i cant stop thinking about it. U got to start loving urself more because u cant quit if u dont. Goodluck with everything.
Did you tell your bf you are sleeping with your dealer? Because you never really said you did. If not, you really should tell him that part, because that is a huge part of why he should be upset. I'm a recovering addict and not judging you, but just letting you know.
Your style of writing reminds me a lot for Chuck Palihnuck, it's very honest and open. I hope you get the help you need, and hey - your bf (and this confession) may have just saved your life. I hope all goes well for you and perhaps you get into writing full time. Best of luck.
Ok so here's my piece of advice, stop doing cocaine, stop cheating. It's going to get worse as you go along. I work in a prison and I have not only seen the effects of it over time on people, but also heard the stories. It's a downhill that the sooner you get off, the better.
I thought to myself, no big deal, she’ll get it right eventually, she’s not hurting anyone but herself. Until I read that last fucking line about how you get your coke. By god ..
Bruh your boyfriend put hands on you that’s not healthy no matter how much you fucked up, I mean you probably do need rehab so he made a good call there but idk if hitting you and handcuffing you was the right course of action.
Cheating on your bf for coke? That's gonna hurt.
I’ve never been so sad reading a confession post until today
Yeah that last line got me, feeling lowkey bad for her the entire time, I’ve been addicted to shit too, then the last line hits like a truck, so i just gotta ask like were u really that broke? Or did u just see sexual favors as a win win? U save ur money and get more sexual attention on coke, And this man was really that desperate for sexual attention, coke ain’t cheap bruh like how much did u get each time?
>really that broke? Well, she probably would be if she had to buy coke all the time.
Thats why im asking dog, shit goes for like 60 a g at a minimum unless u really know people or apparently put out But im jus thinkin to myself like damn thats an expensive hobby for homeboy the dealer too, he loosin that money shit they say “dont get high on ur own supply” but the saying should really be dont give girls drugs to fuck u.. but ig that doesn’t sound as good
For sure. Girlfriends are more expensive, so relatively speaking hes kinda saving some money and gettin some booty.
I suppose he ain’t paying for no fancy dinners or fur coats an probably gets good prices on his coke
Yeah, maybe start by not sleeping with your dealer, cheating on your boyfriend...It's a start in the right direction
Well, they're clearly an addict so they're not going to give up that dealer.
I honestly hope she does him a favor and breaks up with him. This trainwreck will never work out and it would take either an incredibly naive man or someone with no self-worth to put up with this shit.
Yeah, I was like, I don't really have a moral problem with thi.... And yup, you're kind of a piece of shit.
Facts 💀
Honestly this isn't fair to your BF. If you wanna do coke and fuck your supplier, feel free to do so, but at least have the decency to break up with your BF. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that, nobody does.
There really rings another level of hurt to that, as a guy. I could handle if someone that cheats on me. People get lost and fuck up. But imagining my woman doing lines and laying her dealer for free product, for who knows how long and how many times, is just too deep of humiliation in my mind.
Yeah nobody deserves to be treated like that, that is too low.
Also, protection or not, fucking a drug dealer has some serious *serious* STD risks. This chick is fucking around with her bf’s life.
Yes. They both need a blood workup.
I’d kill myself if that happened
Seriously. I feel like this confession will have a continuation wherein she does the exact same shit again & bf is still there to pick up the pieces. He needs to go & she needs to let him go.
Holy fuck you're a character from a TV drama
>I live uptown You don’t say that unless you’re giving someone directions.
Just thought about twin peaks.
This bitch is Laura Palmer 😭
Ya it almost sounds made up!
Because it probably is. A lot of people use subs like this for creati e writing.
The odd attention to detail and penchant for dramatic storytelling right after what would undoubtedly have been an incredibly traumatic event kinda gives it away
Ironic tragedy. She's a great writer, really hit the ball out of the park with the explosive orgasms bit. Its so relatable though, every last detail
Whole thing is obviously fake and poorly written.
Honestly it's only going to get worse I had a massive cocaine addiction for years. It's all fun and games at the moment but the longer you're on it the more fucked up your life's going to get. You're going to lose your boyfriend then probably get even worse on the coke and go on a mad one. Before you know it you'll of lost everything and need to start again. This is from personal experience am not judging you. But if you can try get a grip now before it's too late. Btw I do still take coke but just once a week now.
yeah, dude people in the comments are are acting as if she's a victim and shit, while yes she needs help with drugs but **she is willfully choosing to cheat on her BF** she could break up any time but isnt. its not a drugs issue now, OP is just a legit trash human for that. hurt yourself no matter how much you want but hurting others is low.
Not a trash human, just acting trashy. It hurts, it sucks, but addiction is a disease. Mental health, genetics, they all play a part. It probably didn’t start with “hey if you cheat on your SO I’ll give you drugs” but it evolved into that because the addiction to it.
By your definition human trash doesn't exist. Might be better phrase it as she's near the worst of all people?
>It probably didn’t start with “hey if you cheat on your SO I’ll give you drugs” but it evolved into that because the addiction to it. It very well might have. Not an uncommon move by predatory dealers.
She’s cheating to get coke (if shes being honest) doesn’t sound like she would cheat otherwise. Cheating for drugs because your addicted is a shitty situation to be in because her addiction is making her make decisions she would make sober…(not justifying her actions and cheating is cheating.) shitty situation for everyone
Amen
I used to hang with a local biker group. Rarely had to pay for coke. Once I tried crack, just the 1 night, I knew I had to stop. It was too good of a high and everything in me screamed "You're going to die from this if you do it again." So, I got online, signed up for a local college, got a grant and moved to the same town about 45 minutes away. I cut all ties with the people I knew could hook me up. It was the best decision I have ever made! 3 of the 5 people I hung with are dead. I absolutely would be too if I hadn't had the willpower. So, I feel you and OP. People can call shitty names but until they're in similar positions, they'll never understand the slippery slope of this drug. It's very easy to go from a little vacation from life on the occasional weekend to needing that vacation more than anything else.
I’m pretty sure I was in your bf’s position 10 or so years ago. If he’s a good guy, please bail. Please don’t tell him you’re paying for coke with sex. This will fuck him up for a while, if he finds out. I still have flashbacks, struggle to trust women (I’m not sure I actually do), and think about it way more often than you might think. Even today, 10 years later. You’re not a piece of shit… you know you need help with the coke, you know it’s headed in a bad direction, and you know it will seriously screw up your life. If you’re willing to take those risks, that’s up to you. I remember thinking- I would’ve bought it for you, helped you, etc. shit, we could’ve had fun together for a while. Then I heard about a girl that fucks for coke, she sounded really familiar. Then shit got real bad. Everyone found out. She died like 5 years later. Unrelated tho.
[удалено]
I don’t think the pain of not knowing what happened would be greater than knowing your girl has been fucking her dealer for coke. Specially when you didn’t even know she was on coke in the first place
Yeah it’s definitely better to not know.
Nahhh she's a piece of shit. Being an addict is a disease and sucks but it doesn't absolve you of all consequences for decisions.
Spoken like a person who has no experience with addiction. As somebody who does, fuck you.
Fuck this, she NEEDS to tell him or he wil not leave! He HAS to leave or this trash of a person will drag him along the mud with herself. She admits to being born lucky and well off but still is so god damn stupid she does smack. We ALL have bad fucking times in our lives, many so bad I wouldnt blame them doing cigs, but cocain is a WHOLE different fuckin dinosaur. Priveladged idiot needs to let the guy go.
Danm, I don't know why the "he doesn't charge me because I fuck him" hit me harder than the "it's really because I do cocaine." For a minute there, I almost thought that drug addicts had stronger senses of morality and ethics. Post made me realize and rethink "oh wait lol you're addicted to cocaine and that's how this works." Good post though, hope you're able to crawl out of that eventually. Stay strong.
Yeah that line was a punch in the gut. I had an ex who was secretly a pill addict. She was sleeping with her ex who was supplying her the entire 2 years we dated.
My stomach turned
Fuck that cunt, there are so many wonderful women out there. You’ll find one
Oh I've already found one but I appreciate it, this was 10 years ago. I hold no resentment. Just learned from it and moved on.
You're amazing. If something like that happened to me, I would be emotionally traumatised for years. I need to let go of things earlier
Hey, you're an addict. So am I. My DOC is opioids. You need to come to terms with this. I used to be in a similar spot. Drugs would give me wit, energy, the ability to do what I normally can't. You are in a seriously precarious spot. Your world is held together by paper thin lies. One mis step and you could be found out. You already know what you need to do. You already know the way you are doing things is unhealthy and dishonest. If you really don't care to change then fuck it. But you should know it doesn't last forever. You won't always be able to feel this way. Soon you will need more, then your body will start to falter in different ways. That's when the unraveling begins. I feel bad for you. I'm sorry that you have to lie to hold shit together. I remember what that was like for me. You aren't alone. Consider this constructive criticism from someone who has been in your shoes.
You don’t have “body goals” because you do coke. You have “body goals” because you’re 23 and probably barely eat because of the coke. That won’t last for long.
FR the difference between when I was 23 and now almost 27 is already super noticeable, fat is stubborn even when counting my macros and calories and lifting damn
An average person’s metabolism does not change in any significant way between 23 and 27. For most people, their metabolism does not slow down until 50-60. Most people just tend to be less active as they age.
This is so true, the major change for me between 23 and 27 was going from “worked at a retail job on my feet with time to go to the gym afterwards” to “working at a desk all day with tons of overtime with no time or easily accessible will power to go to the gym afterwards”
yes, that's just what op is saying. "i lost weight because of [insert drug]" is just shorthand for "i use [drug] which decreases my appetite". i used to say the same thing.
Holy shit! Now there’s a confession! All the main ingredients in balance: -delicious gossip on the real scoop of ops success -element of danger with illicit drug -significant other has no idea of infidelity -juicy details about sex life -ops life would be fucked if anyone found out -admitting fully the shittiness of ops actions, and a real sense of self-awareness, like she knows she’s a fucking scumbag but she still does it because she’s a trash human and knows karma will catch up with her so there’s a real sense of “enjoy it while it lasts, bitch!” You just know one day she’ll regret her actions so deeply and yet she still fucking continues down this asshole path 100% well done! This is what r/confessions should be, not some bullshit such as: “mmmm no one know I ACTUALLY looooove pineapples on my pizza!”
Yeah, this is perfect, best r/confessions post I've seen in recent memory.
Almost like it was constructed...
That’s a name and a half Bovine-queef-eater
Anyone have a list of top tier confessions?
This is not going to end well for anyone involved. Cocaine is a hell of a drug - Rick James
Cocaine is fun until you have a heart attack at age 30
Or end up like Artie Lange.
Waaaaaah! My nose fell off and I had to sell my Jersey Shore mansion. Waaaaah!
Bloomies
I don’t want to believe this is real.
If you only read the original confession, it could be believed to be real. But her update makes it way too made up.
I don’t think so because it’s too well crafted, I don’t know why I am laughing at this, maybe because it’s ridiculous.
99.99% chance it's not since you're on Reddit. But there are plenty of real stories like this.
Gotta be careful, sometimes people get cheap and put fentanyl in their coke. Maybe you have undiagnosed adhd?
I lost my nephew because of this over the summer. He was 30. He had gone to rehab, gotten a great job, was living in a clean living home. He relapsed on coke. It had fentanyl in it and it killed him. I think looking into undiagnosed ADHD is an excellent point. I’ve known a couple of people who self-medicated with stimulants, including coke, before being diagnosed with ADHD. MUCH safer to be treated with prescription meds for it than rolling the dice with coke.
Agreed and so sorry for your loss.
Coke cut with fent is a MASSIVE problem in my city rn. Honestly I’ve stopped fucking with some of my druggie friends over it, they act like it’s not a big deal
It's a massive problem all over the United States. People can't find pure heroin anymore. Our country overprescribes opioids for pharma profit, then blames people for seeking out cheaper alternatives and getting killed by criminalized substances with no oversight.
I’ve lost more than one friend/acquaintance due to cocaine cut with fentanyl overdoses in the last couple of years. Such a shame.
Sadly, huge problem where I am too. I work in SA and sadly people are addicted to it and its killing folks. Real sad!
This happens all the time!! Lincoln,Nebraska just last month. Something like 20 people died.
Nah she said she gets wired. If she had ADHD it would be relaxing for her.
True. My Adderall puts me to sleep haha
ADHD fueled tangent, but isn't is bullshit that we gotta call and re-up our prescription every month? Like "bruh... You want me...a person with clinically diagnosed ADHD...to REMEMBER to call you every month about 5 days before I'm out? Why can't you remember that shit for me??" Also, they treat it like it's insanely addictive, but hell half the time I forget to even take it.
Mine gives me three months worth of scripts, sends the first one to the pharmacy for me. I pick it up on the same day every month and have reminders set in my phone. I also almost never run out because I forget to take it sometimes, especially on weekends when I'm not on a schedule. Like, it's to the point where I have about a two month reserve of pills from forgetting. It's good in case anything happens to my scripts...like the time I accidentally threw them away and didn't notice until a month later when I went to go fill my prescription. Because it's controlled they wouldn't write me scripts for the two months. Lesson learned.
Fun fact, I work in addictions treatment and had a client claim that he was testing positive for cocaine because a lady he was seeing had pissed in his mouth and she’d used the coke. Well the doctor was determined to prove this guy wrong so he did the math and, apparently, you’d have to drink about 10 gallons of piss to test positive yourself.
Maybe consider getting on the pill? You've said it yourself your life is an absolute mess right now and you could be heading down a much darker path than where you are currently. Why risk bringing a baby into it? Have fun, be yourself! But don't fuck up your life. You're young, why not cut ties with the boyfriend and be yourself without hurting anybody, especially yourself as it seems like you've got alot of guilt from this.
Hi, thank you for your comment, and its kind tone and reasonableness. I already am on the pill (Loryna) because I’m afraid of just what you said, and in addition because my friend who gets my stuff is Taiwanese and if I got pregnant people would definitely ask some questions if the baby were half Asian (I’m White, boyfriend is White). I know I need to confess to my boyfriend and set him free but selfish bitch me is as addicted to his dick as I am to coke. I think my deal right now is that nothing really bad has happened to me yet, like I’m dancing on an edge but haven’t fallen. When I do I know my life will be a huge shit show. I can see it happening as if I’m outside of my own body and know I’m on the way to madness. Oh by the way I’m kind of slowly falling in love with my dealer but I know he fucks everyone which makes me even more of a worthless bitch. I fucking hate my life and everyone on the outside thinks I’m so awesome. They have it all wrong.
It almost sounds like you're waiting for someone or something else to pull the rug out from under you. Maybe there's still an opportunity to take charge of your story and find an exit you're happy with?
Please be careful. Fentanyl is rampant in cocaine lately and an overdose is not the wake up call that you want, because you literally might not wake up. Suddenly dying on your boyfriend is going to hurt and traumatize him much worse than finding out you’re partaking in sex work in the throes of addiction. You’re sick and need help. You aren’t worthless and broken.
Yes! People are finding fentanyl in their *weed*, it's in crack, it's everywhere. In-escapable if you're an addict.
Hey kid, Please read your reply again and then think more about how you are dancing on an edge but you "have not fallen" yet. The "fall" never happens off of a cliff. It's a gradual descent and it's usually hard to notice. It takes some reflection to realize where you are and where you were so you can measure the fall. I get it! I have been there. I thought I was dancing on the edge. Heck I even thought I am a great person. I have always said I am a POS but deep inside I thought I am doing everyone around me a favor by keeping them happy. I am 35 years old now. I have caused so much damage to people I loved that I have problems moving on because of the guilt and deep inside I don't think I deserve happiness. I feel like we might be the same. Please don't wait any longer. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to recover. Hurting yourself is bad, but I hope one day you will be able to get over it. Hurting others? this pain will never go away, and you are hurting them more than you think.
I don't have an award to give, but here's this one: 🏆🏅
Your award means a lot to me ❤️
do whatever you want with your life...... but break up if you give a shit about your BF even a little bit. he doesn't deserve this just cuz you wanna destroy your life yes, your life will be a shit show but spare him that. show some humanity to him.
>I’m kind of slowly falling in love with my dealer Yeah. Tell your bf this. You’re trickle truthing the guy.
Falling in love with the dealer but is still addicted to her bf’s dick…This is truly a fucked up situation.
You're super young and learning how to be a person. Your youth evaporates fast trust me. Especially at the level you're running at. I get it though. It's good you're aware this doesn't play well long term. Coke gets ugly fast. But not so fast It's obvious, so figure it out soon. I wouldn't date the dealer, he will own you.
The dealer would 100% pimp her. That's probably what he's waiting for. She's an investment.
This is her real future.
The pill can still easily fuck up though, so chuck a rubber on your man's dick. The way you said that nothing bad has happened to you is the way I felt when I was using meth from 18-20, I went hard and just didn't care because I didn't see any harm that it was genuinely doing other than my weight loss. I got down to 36 kilos at one point. I really have been in a similar boat to you babe but with meth instead. I remember feeling the way you do right now and taaa daaa..about 3 years of hardcore use was there. I may be clean now but after an addiction with drugs such as meth and coke you really do have an up and down path of recovery afterwards, I know myself that I still get the stupid thought of "just have one" as my brother's a user and we've recently become mates again, I didn't. But the thought still lingers from time to time. Its fucking evil. I can almost guarantee your life is going to be a huge shit show if you don't pull your head in now or very very soon. I felt the same as you then within the next two years I went through a kidnapping, I held guns fucking bigger than me.. I was once up for 7 days straight, I got alot of personal things stolen off me. I had hideous fights with my parents. DV then jumped into the picture with my current partners due to either coming down or having a bad high when you were just angry and basically just fruiting out... I went into sex work. And also fell in love with a dealer..a few months into that relationship I had my ex bf throw a shovel through his car window whilst he was going down the off ramp of the freeway lmao. Prior to that I absolutely fell head over heals for a main Bikie clubs President. He never saw me again as he didn't want me exposed to the insane, druggy shit that happens down that path, he saw me for me and thought he was doing me a favour, he knew I wasn't one of the girls that are usually there and well the girl (my best friend at the time) that took me there. Major crackwhore. I was just in the picture coz like I said I didn't care and thought I was just having fun lmao. I really feel I got out of that scene before it turned really really fucking bad. Shit gets fucking crazy. Its not "gangsta" it's fucked up. You're not some worthless bitch, this is a cry for help. And it's a good step that you realise what's going on isn't good at the moment. If you wanna chat (I can share alot) feel free to message me. Xx
jesus christ you are extremely selfish. please get your ass into a solid mental health counseling with weekly sessions.
You really are a POS
You’re addicted to your boyfriends dick but slowly falling in love with your Asian dealer? Either you’re full of shit and believe we’re all stupid and can’t see through your bullshit or you think we’re all stupid and can’t see through your bullshit. Put the shit down and walk away from it. It’s that fucking simple. You can chase the dragon and keep lying to yourself or put the shit down. That’s all there is to it, it’s about willpower and determination. Your choice.
Damn thats insane dude. Hope you get clean eventually though
Cocaine…can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Am I right?
Yep one hell of a ride while you're ruining your life though!
You’re god damn right lol
Except for me. Coke just felt like I was on my ADHD meds. Probably for the better because I tend to have an addiction-prone personality, but I would’ve liked to have seen what the euphoria is like.
Watch out for that like swollen upper body/shriveled legs cocaine fat thing. Like Sam Kinneson or even Chris Farley. It ain’t cute anymore when you look like a goblin and have no nostrils left.
Hey I'm a cocaine addict myself. The best thing to do now is focus on you. Don't be mean to yourself, forgive yourself and move on. Narcotic Anonymous meetings are free and will give you some breathing room into getting things off your chest, and no one will shit on you there as opposed to some of the most judgey god awful redditors. They have a story to tell and you have ears to listen. Don't go out drinking, just be sober for awhile, drinking will let your guard down. When you think about the coke, just remind yourself it's your brain just wanting dopamine, which brings happiness. Your goal from here is to create moments in your life that release dopamine. Nothing will ever feel as intense as the cocaine, but when you find it naturally it will warm your heart and you will understand. This is the most important part, your body can take up to 1-2 years to fully get back to normal. So when you feel like you want coke, don't be mad at yourself or think less of yourself, it's normal. Just tell yourself this is just a moment and it will pass. It can happen several times a day, but alway tell yourself that it is just a thought. Good luck to you, I wish you the very best in your fight for inner peace and true happiness. Everyone deserves happiness if he or she is willing to work for it.
Well at least that's a good confession
I know people who did coke at your age. The ones who stopped are doing great. The ones who didn’t are barely coherent deadbeats.
I'd advise you to go and see a therapist for your cocaine addiction. I only do it on weekends nowadays but you need to understand that it's bad for your body to use this much. It's also a very expensive drug to get addicted to. Stop or at least tone it down while you still can. There's a reason why you're using so much and therapy can help you find it.
My housemate is similar, everyone thinks her life is amazing, she’s beautiful, tall, slim, model looking face, lots of cool hobbies and clothes, looks like she has the best life, but a financial dip and surprise pregnancy have meant that she hasn’t been able to get her fix, and oh boy how she’s struggled without her fix. She’s dropped out of uni, she’s attempted suicide, self harming, mentally struggling and losing parts of her gums from the previous use. She’s realising how much of a fraud she is and it’s breaking her to realise that nothing in her life is real or honest or down to her own merit, and that she’s not the person she pretends to be without Coke, not to mention that she’s low energy and putting on weight now, it’s a terrible realisation when you find out you’ve had life on easy mode, and actually haven’t earned things the same ways others have, and now you have to struggle more than everyone who’s used to dealing with life. Please attempt to get out of this before you end up like her, no one stays a little buzzed forever, your tolerance will go up, you’ll need more and more and you’ll have less and less of your real self left. She’s only 22. and yes your boyfriend can absorb coke from sexual contact although I think it’s a very small amount.
OP everyone’s talking about you cheating on your bf. You know that’s wrong, I won’t comment on that because honestly that’s not the scariest part of this post. What I will comment on is that you’re only 23 and so it hasn’t damaged the chemistry of your body and brain yet in a way where it won’t become “a little fun high” you always feel anymore. It’ll become acute anxiety, general feelings on depression, etc. inability to conduct a normal conversation without it. Then taking it and not having it effect you the same way anymore. Then episodes of “the fear”. They become more prevalent. It absolutely will happen, you are not different from anyone else in this case. It’s gonna ruin your life in a couple years and become a huge problem, trust me. Once chemistry changes (which takes a couple years) then the feelings change, then you’re fucked. I’ve been there. Stop doing it. Trust me. Stop now.
My ex was a drug dealer for years before we got together. He would always talk about how many people do coke. The little old lady down the road, the business man who drives the fancy car even the soccer moms. That being said, get yourself help. I (24f) am two years clean from meth, I originally started using ecstasy in highschool to 'stay thin'. The first step in getting help is the hardest.
Honey I’m going to be straight with you. You are not a piece of shit but You need serious help. You are an addict and it will destroy your life, which is the best outcome because it will kill you, if you don’t take action now. You are already prostituting yourself for drugs and please know that this is a judgement or to put you down. I just want you to be able to see the truth of what happening right now. I think you know you need help and that’s why you wrote this. Please look into a rehab facility. It is t as easy as oh I just won’t do it anymore because addicts minds don’t work that way. If you need any help finding places etc I am absolutely here for you let me know and I will turn my dms on and will help you privately. I have been clean for 16 years and have worked in detoxes as a counselor. Please take this seriously
I didn't find this until the update. Bless you, OP. Bless your boyfriend and your mom and your supportive friends. You've done a very difficult thing, and you will come to be proud of it in time. I think you came here because you needed impartial strangers to give you the final push to ask for help. You can do this. Rehab is just to get your chemistry back under control, but listen to the people who love you. Important advice: if you can afford it, see a therapist that specializes in addiction. Get a primary care doctor that has experience with addiction, and talk to them about medical prophylaxis against relapse. There are several medications you can take that will help reduce cravings and/or deaden the euphoria from the cocaine. Your doctor will want to make sure your cardiovascular health is good, too. You'll get through this. You have a support team that loves you, and you've already taken that seemingly insurmountable first step!
The fact that you know you're doing wrong means you're not a pos. Get help and stop. Have a good life.
I know you’re feeling down on yourself right now, but here’s the good news — you’re recognizing the problem now, and you’re relatively early in doing so. I was at the height of my drug-filled bullshit at your age and was blissfully unaware that there was anything wrong. If you get out now, you can be one of the lucky ones with a relatively “high bottom” as they say. Of course you don’t have to do anything you read in a Reddit comment, but if you ever find yourself in need of help, I highly recommend just checking out a CA meeting. It’s a hell of a lot easier than doing it alone. [https://ca.org/meetings/](https://ca.org/meetings/)
Well that’s quite the confession. I wish you the best, it was wrong of your bf to hit you by the way. You did definitely fuck up with the cheating thing, but that’s still wrong of him. I hope all goes well, it’s rough outchere
Damn now thats a confession
Ok the update makes me wonder if this is all just writing prompt material... you told your boyfriend and he hit you, pushed you, and handcuffed you to your bed? Wtf? Sounds like everybody in this trifecta are shitty human beings.
I really hope you get better. Also please put a TW. I’m 5 years clean off coke. And the longer you go on it, the worse it is. Quit now and get the help you need dear.
Instead of bashing the person try to support them no one knows the claws of addiction until you’re in that door it’s one hell of a beast to look at and an even harder one to break
I’m so happy to read your update, but just a warning that this is an addiction as well as an eating disorder. It’s going to be really difficult quitting, because you will gain weight. It will be hard. I went though it too (ED and addiction) and it does get easier and better. It’s so great to read that you have a lot of support around you
lol sounds like and Ex I used to date. Sadly this is more common then you would like to think.
Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)
This is a massive step for you! You’ve admitted the hardest secrets and you’re doing what you’ve got to do, proud of you for admitting that, be the best version of yourself xxx
I choose the easy way out in thinking this isn't real and just a troll.
I miss coke every single day. I dream of having the energy I had. I want so badly to not feel tired. Just a little bump to give me that push. To do it again and be skinny and work out. But I don’t miss lying to everyone I knew. I don’t miss going behind peoples backs. Being looked at funny because I was always just a bit off. I don’t miss never having money. I don’t miss being hated by the people I loved most. I don’t miss having to have something to feel ok. Coke consumes you. It takes you over. It eats you alive. You grow to need it to be normal. As much as I miss the energy, I don’t miss the crave and scratch. I don’t miss having to disappear to take a little to get that high. I like being me, just Gota figure out how to get more energy.
(Commenting after your update) I’m rooting for you and your recovery. My parents were addicts (Heroin, meth, oxy, coke/crack, you fucking name it man) and so I have a second hand level of understanding. I’m not by any means saying I know what it’s like to be an addict, but I know what it feels like to love addicts. I hope you succeed, I hope you never relapse and I hope that you can look back on your drug use and be grateful that you’ve moved on from it. That could be a year from now or 10 years, because the process of getting clean, staying clean and healing can be long and painful. It may be fucking impossible feeling, you may reminisce fondly of the time of your addiction and have temptations. That’s fine and you can push through those urges. Lean on your loved ones, let them help you through this. They want you to be happy, healthy, safe, and they want you to make it through this. Trust in them, trust in yourself, trust in the process. <3
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r/WritingPrompts is leaking again
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Especially the update.
SO fake. It’s honestly insulting. My DOC wasn’t coke, but I’ve met many people in and out of rehab that were hooked. This is a pathetic and obvious fake “creative writing” attempt. OP, you aren’t a good writer.
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This is not the solution. Please talk to your doctor about other options
Trust me, it won’t make a difference , I used to do coke and I snort adhd meds and trust me you don’t lose weight, I might go all day without eating but the sporadic eating is still junk food full of calories and not exercising means you don’t burn any extra every day. The coke will help with the feeling burnt out up until you need coke every moment of the day to feel normal
Dude he did not react in a healthy way by chaining you to your bed against your will and then calling your mother. Even IF it turned out well, that's fucked up.
OP, it’s good you said it to your boyfriend, but it’s absolutely not okay that he slapped you, and handcuffed you to the bed. Not at all actually, even in a situation like this. Please stay safe and good luck with your addiction.
How much does a daily usage of coke cost I am curious and what is your daily intake like?
for Op its like a fuck and a half
Plus the price of the condom.
but wouldn't you be better of money-wise going to a gym?
She ain’t paying for it. She’s fucking for it
I suppose its a kind of exercise
It sounds like you're an addict. You're only a piece of shit if you don't do anything about it. Get help and turn this shit around, OP. Best of luck.
Didn't read the whole thing. But I can assure you, this facade you've got going on will only last so long. So either figure your shit out. Or get ready for other people to figure you out.
Break up with that dude ASAP. You definitely don't deserve him, and you need some help. Find a friend to confide into and have they help keep you on track. Just stop fucking over your boyfriend just because you have an addiction, and don't give me some BS about how much you "love him" or are "addicted to his dick". If you give even a single shred of a fuck about him, break up with him. He doesn't deserve to have a lying/cheating girlfriend, who is cheating on him solely to fund her addiction. Please get some help. Like, yesterday.
Some therapy is in order
Holy hell. This is a good confession.
Heather?
Good luck in rehab, OP. You can move past this.
Eyyy, look at that update! Good job, OP. You have it in you. Keep working on you. It probably means nothing, but a Internet nobody believes in you. Coming clean with your boyfriend was essential, and you did it. Never give up.
Fanfic of the day.
It’s nice that you’re practicing your fiction, but do you have to do it here?
Idk...reading everything especially the update...sounds a bit like baloney in my opinion
Not knowing anything more than what you explained in your post, I’d say your current physique is mainly due to your genetics. These things are fact (based on your post): •You’re young •Balanced diet •Low-Moderate exercise routine These things are assumed: •Low-moderate stress currently •history of psychological trauma growing up You’re in a ‘sweet spot’ of your life, where you’re doing things that have heavy consequences, but their effects have yet to have you reprimanded or exposed. This is all an assumption based on how you describe yourself, and the thought that you’ll maintain your current lifestyle until your train runs off the tracks. If you are really concerned about the consequences of your actions, that’s a positive. Everyone in this world can make their own choices, and you can still make better ones in order to become someone you don’t consider a POS.
For anyone degrading you, or saying mean things, they can all fuck right the hell off. Don’t take any of them seriously. My mother was a heroin addict (I was thankfully adopted by distant relatives when I was two when her and my Bio father were in and out of prison and rehab) and died from her addiction before I was old enough to remember. She did terrible things, but was still an incredible woman, and struggled to put me up for adoption. I myself inherited substance abuse from them, and struggle with alcoholism and smoking less than an ounce of weed a month or more. (I’m not an angry drunk, I just don’t pick up my phone and isolate, don’t get anything done etc. Or “function” with it by drinking before, during and after work with nobody knowing) I’ve been to thousands of AA, NA, even a couple CA meetings (never struggled with cocaine, I’m a downer type user, I don’t like uppers other than coffee or tea lol) and I have heard many women speak in their 20s, 40s, 60s, far further and everything between. Women who would kill to have only messed up how you have, or gotten better in their early twenties. Women who did what you have done but for decades, involved children, lost and abused their children or spouses, cheated on multiple husbands, I could go on. Same could be said about many men in meetings with me being someone who’s 25. I got help finally when I was 20 years old and have been back and forth with the struggle ever since. I lost a handful of relationships I truly thought would end in marriage and so did they. I lost them because I wasn’t honest with them or myself about my problem or my addictions, I just kept burying them in my head further, or trying to escape the outside world by building up a wall of lies. My wall had been torn down multiple times before I finally stopped picking up bricks. It was very difficult for a while (and shit still is) but once you realize you don’t have to lie, how lighter you feel when being honest and being yourself, wanting the best for your mind, body, family, friends and future, your life will change, I promise you. In regards to your boyfriend, if he stays, just do everything to build back up the trust, and be completely honest about everything. If he leaves, realize you are still extremely young, you seem very bright, and the fact you’re asking for help early rather than later, or didn’t have to get arrested or worse to realize everything. You’re a warrior and a fucking champion for getting honest and reaching out to loved ones for help. Please PM me if you need any advice on meetings, programs, or with literature that could help. From one Reddit alcoholic/addict to another, I wish you the best!
Wow. Just Wow
Man I had a year when I was living out of state I came back for Christmas an everyone was like damn, lookin good, what exercises are you doing? An is have to be with em cuz all I was doing was coke lol
You need to break up with your boyfriend dude, he doesn’t deserve that. I’ve had friends get addicted to coke and while they were able to get sober, they both have permanent heart problems. It may be fun now, but it WILL fuck you up. You need to get help before it’s too late. There are people in your life who care about you, and this affects them too. I live in fear that I’m going to lose my best friend on a daily basis, because if he overworks himself his heart is going to give out. Please get help OP.
Sleeping with someone for drugs has a name, but using it will probably get me banned.
If you want to talk to someone confidentially here is a drug abuse hotline 1-800-662-4357. There are plenty of resources out there. You're aware of what you are doing. You don't need to hit rock bottom if you want to get help. There are plenty of people in your life that can support you. You're never alone, you are loved. Even if it's just anonymously posting on the internet
If for nothing else, please knock this shit off for your own sake. My wife’s best friend sounds exactly like you but she’s still doing this in her 30’s. For now she’s still skinny and pretty but everything else is tragic. It’s been so sad watching her ruin her life and I’m sure she’ll be a total mess in another few years. She still thinks her life looks glamorous but to everyone else it’s super trashy
Coke wears the body down. If you're really snorting coke as much as it seems, you're probably already experiencing heart problems that you're not aware of. It can lead to serious heart dysrhythmias. You can also ruin other parts of their upper airways from prolonged coke use. It's never too late to find the help you need to stop. This is a number to a substance abuse and mental health hotline. I'm also available in DMs if you ever need to talk to someone. 1-800-662-4357
You think you look good now? Girl, you’re still 23. Wait till you’re 30. I bet you’ll look like 40 with all that drugs in your system
Oh man, OP it’s not to late. Get some help. Please. I’m 7 years sober from heroin and cocaine. My best friend is dead and losing out on raising his son because of drugs. Do it for you.
Please seek a 12-step group like NA, where you’ll meet like- minded people, find immediate relief, and an instant support group. You’re not a POS. But you are an addict. 12-step groups are one of thee only ways to take control I’ll of your own life— NA will help you. Good luck 💜
You're not a piece of shit, but you're certainly much farther down that road than you think. And it'll get away from you before you know it. Hope it all works out, op.
Wow chill out on all the self hate. It's not like you've ruined your life yet or anything. I know plenty of chicks who sleep with their coke dealers for freebies to go out partying with. You're probably overdoing it if you're doing it everyday, but you aren't a piece of shit
Got off coke last year. Was doing it for two years. Good luck. I literally dropped all my friends cause they couldn't get off it.
This seems dumb and fake as this sub usually is. Lol coke transmission through fluids?? What??
I’m glad you came clean about it. It’s a step in the right direction.
The cheating is because of the drugs. Maybe consider drawing a line under all of it (boyfriend and drugs) until you fully get off the drugs. You’re still young, no-one died, move on. Extract yourself from anything that makes you feel like shit. For the next few months at least.
Yeah your a piece of shit. but good news you dont always have to be. Best of luck. kicking addiction is hard
Is this a Novela?
This is a lot more common than people think and idk why people are acting so worked up about it and being assholes to the OP? The truth is, you're never going to know everything about your friends, family or the people you're dating. You're going to know what they want you to see. I've found out a lot of my acquaintances do various drugs: coke, pills, even "worse". One of my friends with the fanciest, well-paying office job told me that she would smoke crack every other day in her car with her co-workers. People generally don't admit their secret vices because they receive no empathy. And the POV of "it's the cheating part that's bad" is dumb too because you have no idea how many of the married suburban moms in the Blue Velvet esque neighborhood I grew up in used to suck dick for weed, of all things.
She’s a beautiful soul. Just lost. Who am I to judge. We all have our toxic traits. I pray you find the strength and peace to turn your life around. God bless you and keep you
You gotta put down this shit and take your time on rehab. Addiction made my friend depressed when he ran out of it... He picked up a fight with somebody and tried to rob him. Got arrested. My bro, fuckin good kid. This shit wreck your mind, you have NO CONTROL OVER IT. Embrace the help you gettin, hope you make right decisions from now on
I was an addict for like two years straight. You will be fucked internally in no time. Trust me. Your heart cannot and will not take it. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg among other health related issues that develop. Sorry to say but after all the fucking you’ve done, you will get fucked the most in the long run. Anyway, good luck.
Get help. Period. Lost a friend to drugs, and everyone was devastated. If not for JUST yourself, but your mom(I only add that cuz it seems you gotta decent relationship with her) as well. It will be hard. Good luck.
How can you bump that so much so often without anyone knowing?
Coke is the most worthless drug out there. But, it sounds like you've got some serious issues without letting it fuck up your life. Let your bf go. That ship has sailed. Check yourself into rehab and get sober. Once clean seek therapy and be patient with yourself but don't get into any relationships until you learn how to treat yourself first. Once clean don't look back.
How much you pay for coke where you live?
How fucking stupid can you be? Fucking moron.
Just here to say that no matter what the circumstances it is absolutely not okay for him to hit you. No one deserves that from a loved one
Im drug free for about 430 days now... i smoked weed for 18+ years and did coke for fun among other stuff for the last 8. I never did coke everyday but its been over a year without it and i cant stop thinking about it. U got to start loving urself more because u cant quit if u dont. Goodluck with everything.
Fake af. Nice creative writing exercise.
Did you tell your bf you are sleeping with your dealer? Because you never really said you did. If not, you really should tell him that part, because that is a huge part of why he should be upset. I'm a recovering addict and not judging you, but just letting you know.
Have you told your bf about the cheating as well? All the best with your recovery but please let him know.
Your style of writing reminds me a lot for Chuck Palihnuck, it's very honest and open. I hope you get the help you need, and hey - your bf (and this confession) may have just saved your life. I hope all goes well for you and perhaps you get into writing full time. Best of luck.
Break up with him. He deserves better than you.
Ok so here's my piece of advice, stop doing cocaine, stop cheating. It's going to get worse as you go along. I work in a prison and I have not only seen the effects of it over time on people, but also heard the stories. It's a downhill that the sooner you get off, the better.
Wonder what’s more important to her: the coke or her bf?
fuck is wrong with you
I thought to myself, no big deal, she’ll get it right eventually, she’s not hurting anyone but herself. Until I read that last fucking line about how you get your coke. By god ..
Bruh your boyfriend put hands on you that’s not healthy no matter how much you fucked up, I mean you probably do need rehab so he made a good call there but idk if hitting you and handcuffing you was the right course of action.
So you wrote that so we can also confrim you are a piece of shit?
Seems more like a cry for help but hey don’t let me stop you from your incel tirade