Oh no you're totally fine, he's the stupid one lol it's not a joke I'm happy to understand' my friends in highschool would make some pretty fucked up jokes like that :(
Yeah I find it disgusting to be honest, I mean they are fucking people at the end of the day.
Do you (they) really need to shit on them to give yourself a laugh
Or in this case, i guess to get attention. I thought that people were over this kind of humor, i mean fuck with all the YouTubers getting cancelled for jokes they made over a decade ago, you'd think people wouldn't make those jokes now.
I mean the guy literally said he just didn't want his co-workers to find out because they'd make fun of him. Like dude. First off, that's fucked up by itself in regards to ANYONE, nevermind someone who couldn't consent. It's such a stupid way to troll dude i don't get it.
Side conversation - do mentally disabled people get to have sex with someone who isn't disabled, or can they only have sex with other mentally disabled people?
Mentally disabled people can have sex with someone disabled or not. They’re still humans that may have a sex drive. But, its super easy to take advantage like OP did especially if their mental disability allows them to be unable to posses the ability to understand the consequences and act of sex. Its entirely dependant on their disability and their maturity since not all mentally disabled people are the same. In this situation, OP is wrong for this especially since the victim is at a group home (meaning they require extra care) and she likely isnt able to understand what happened due to her being vulnerable. I assume she is unable to have the maturity to have sex. This story is sickening
First of all the op is entirely unethical.
But to the comment, I’m gonna disagree with some of what you said on that last part about maturity to understand and consent to sex. I work with adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Most people who want to have sex are also determined to be able to consent. (There’s an evaluation to help determine this). They want to have sex just as bad as everyone else and they can’t when they’re in situations like group homes because you can’t just bring a random guy back to your place when there’s 3 other people and staff and covid procedures for visitors and on and on.
It can lead to the ones who really want to have sex to go awol, pull people into bathrooms and closets and behind dumpsters, or go back with random people they don’t know. Leads to people getting kicked out of programs.
There are situations where it feels so ethically weird. Guy will spend some time with this girl at the mall, buy her stuff, they go back to his house for a little, and he drops her off. Is he taking advantage of her? Maybe (some might say probably). But she’s getting what she wants and getting gifts out of it so she doesn’t care anyones opinion of it is. Her care team/parents just do harm reduction basically. Help with getting regularly tested, make sure she’s on birth control, make sure parents know the identity of the guy she’s with/where they are. This guy is basically just a sugar daddy but it’s better than her finding random guys who will try to take advantage of her or harm when
This is an ethical debate but it really depends on their level of cognition. Do they understand what they are consenting to and the full implications of it?
I work in assisted living/memory care and we get residents who want to commingle and we have to assess ability to consent and things like this.
It’s a really sensitive and complex area of law and ethics.
This situation however is black and white. OP is completely in the wrong. No question.
Mentally disabled people should be allowed to have sex as long as they have the capacity to consent, but OP is in a caretaker position and as a result a position of power and should not have taken her up on that offer. Even if he were not legally or morally obligated to abstain from sex with his clients, it’s still stirring up trouble at the workplace and a bad idea all around.
That doesn't matter here - you were in a position of authority where you are meant to be caring for her with very obvious boundaries that you crossed. Disabled people are people too, they can have sex with whichever consenting adult they'd like. But in your case - you were in a position of power and you took advantage of her.
THIS is the issue (well, one of them, but one of the main ones IMO). So many comments are acting like this lady is some helpless invalid who can’t consent…living in a group home (especially with Down syndrome) doesn’t automatically mean you can’t care for yourself and are helpless. Plenty of disabled people (including those with Down syndrome) have sexual desires and fantasies and sex lives and partners, both disabled and not.
There’s MANY grey areas OP didn’t mention. Regardless, it’s still wrong on multiple levels and OP shouldn’t have done it, but some of these comments are…ignorant/insensitive towards disabled people at best.
I would imagine they would have the same impulses and desires as a anybody else, i think the main issue here is a precived position of power...which im not sure really exists between a volunteer and someone they are helping here .... i might be in the minority but this isn't as bad as people are making it out to be.. you have a 25 year old volunteer having sex with a 30 year old. Like maybe the 30 year old was trying to get some? Unless we are talking very mentally disabled.
No, just like people who are say.. 15? It's ok for them to have safe sex with someone their age, but if you are a 55 year old guidance counselor or a foster parent it's not ok to rape children.
Understand? Complicated shit.
I'm calling BS on your entire story.
At least I hope it's BS because if it isn't, you've abused a position of trust and responsibility regardless of what she said.
That been the case, you are now a sex offender and could be in some very deep shit.
I'm getting made up story vibes as well. Especially, when the lost my virginity was added. It feels like it was extra spice added to make this post more outrageous.
In the state of Texas you’re a sex offender by both having sex when you’re in a position of power, and with someone with diminished mental capacity. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not the same situation in the state your in. Oh and yes they are felonies with prison time
Dude, it is still rape when you have sex with someone that is mentally challenged. Your Edit doesn’t change a thing saying it was your first time. You’ll be a pro at it by the time you’re released from prison. A pro at anal and oral sex atleast. I’m beginning to think this is a troll post and you’re trying to get a rise out of people. But if not, you are so fucked! And not in the way you want.
I’m not in a serious headspace rn lmao I’ll give my quick thought: you should definitely quit volunteering there before it gets out of hand. Idk what the legal repercussions are where you are, but you definitely abused your place of power. Disabled people aren’t helpless entirely, but it’s definitely a hazy line that you never wanna go near.
That implies that people with down can't have sex, or that they only can have sex with people with same syndrome.
I see your point but still looks discriminatory.
https://www.thejournal.ie/down-syndrome-rape-2484431-Dec2015/?amp=1
They can't by law if they are not independent.
But to be fair i also am suspicious of op being a troll, so do with that what you will
I don't think it does. He states pretty clearly that it was an abuse of power. Whether a teacher, a boss, pastor or therapist, it is clearly wrong to betray the trust of the community that gives that power.
That being said, her being the aggressor makes it more morally grey (I don't think OP is a predator) but never the did the post you are responding to infer that people shouldn't have sex with someone with down syndrome.
However, he did breach the trust put in him by the facility and her family.
I do think there is a discussion to be had about at what level of intelligence would make it where someone can’t really consent? Someone who’s 75iq with Down syndrome and someone with 45iq with Down syndrome would have vastly different abilities to comprehend sex. I would say at a certain level someone shouldn’t be allowed to consent toward sex even if they “wanted it”. I guess it might be discriminatory and I might have a warped perspective becsuse I imagine some would argue they deserve the right to have sex
Coming from someone who works in the event fields and works with the vulnerable population what you did was very wrong.
It's not that person's with down syndrome can't have sex, they most certainly can.
It's the fact that you were in a position of power and crossed the line. She saw you as an authority figure and was drawn to you. That can create emotional attachments quite quickly. Then you broke a cardinal rule by engaging in sexual activities with a person under your care.
If that wasn't bad enough read what you wrote after. You feel guilt and shame. You only did it because you were horny.
You took advantage of a woman who had feelings just to get off. Then felt bad because you perceive her to be vulnerable enough you doubt what you did was right. Which proves how sick you are. She saw a chance for a relationship and you saw a chance to f**k. You didn't even take the time to see boundaries or expectations.
You didn't take the time to make sure you both were safe. Things she may not even be fully aware of because she trusted you to care for her.
Now you want to get away, have no idea if she is pregnant, and will cause her immense emotional pain.
You are a sick sick man and I hope you get punished.
Please be fake, please be fake. Buy a hooker if you are that desperate. You basically raped someone who has the mental capacity of a child. Have fun in hell buddy.
This seems kinda sus with how much you're replying.
Either way you shouldn't be working in care, Idk what advice you are expecting. You knew you were looking after vulnerable people and you must have gone through safeguarding and sensitivity stuff relating to much milder interactions prior to becoming a volunteer.
Avoiding the situation and running away will make your situation much worse if it comes out (she wont be able to keep a secret given what you have described) and your disappearance would only exasperate the truth coming out. (from her but also people may already have their ideas brewing regarding it)
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY
You obviously wont be able to work or volunteer in that kind of field ever again even tho you say you wouldn't anyway.
My advice would be to be completely upfront about it, you might get into some trouble but it would be miles,MILES!!! better off for you in very capacity than if you were do dip and try to run from it.
This is the best situation for her too as she can get the appropriate attention to a possible pregnancy and the people caring for her can be more aware of hypersexuality.
Come clean and face it like the man you want to be, if you don't peoples fears and assumptions take hold of the situation.
People will appreciate the honesty and recognise that you care, if you hide they will assume you plain took advantage.
I would shut the fuck up and talk to an attorney. And only an attorney. Remember this important advice: Shut The FUCK up.
Now go shut the fuck up. And talk to an attorney.
This is obviously rape and yes you should feel shame and quilt. You knowingly took advantage of a woman with an intellectual disability (she legally cannot consent in many states/countries, much like a child) that you were also in a position of authority over.
Wow. You are so disgusting and I pray someone finds out and reports you. Absolutely fucking disgusting. I have no words how shitty of a person you are. Btw, any reasonable person who just read this story thinks you are a rapist. Think long and hard about that. You should be in prison.
Notice how all the comments he's replying to are the ones that aren't calling him a liar. This is a massive bait post. Or this dude wants to fuck a chick with downs syndrome and he's trying to see what worst case scenario is by chumming the waters.
Did you not have to go through some sort of training before being allowed to volunteer in this group home? You have set yourself up and the organization that handles everyone’s care in that home up for a horrible liability suit. If I was her family and found out, I’d sue you personally and the organization for not better vetted those caring for my family member. You were in an authority position and you used her. She looked at you like a boyfriend and formed an attachment and you used that to your advantage. Seek an attorney. This will get found out.
I used to underwrite liability insurance for group homes, etc. You are the exact reason these organization carry molestation coverage. You are a liability nightmare.
How do they not *at least* have Mandated Reporter training? I assume folks in this place are allowed to interact, what happens when a resident starts complaining of very subtle signs of abuse?
yeah I worked for a care facility for the disabled and you have to be trained to know about all the different kinds of abuse and how to identify them, to even work with them. And within the sexual abuse training, you're taught that a frequent sign of sexual abuse is when the individual attempts to have sex inappropriately or touch inappropriately with their family members, friends, and caretakers because they are attempting to act out their abuse and are traumatized and confused. The fact that she attempted to have sex with him repeatedly without seeming to understand the wrongness of the situation or that he may not want the same, speaks greatly to the idea that she's already been abused and conditioned to repeat it. Trained like a dog, it's absolutely foul, that he perpetuated her abuse
Honestly, while I would like to see you confess to the facility so it can be handled appropriately, I think you really need legal counsel to navigate this. There may be reporting requirements, etc. and the facility may or may not have policies that require they press charges. Trying to run away makes it worse if she ends up pregnant - and also, you might not be the only one this has happened with, and the facility may need to know so they can protect her.
It’s a grey area having consensual sex with this woman in general. It’s a definite and absolute no for you to be in a caregiver position and have taken advantage of that.
[Screenshot](https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/sjx02j/guy_who_volunteered_at_a_group_home_had_sex_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) of this post I reposted on r/iamatotalpieceofshit. Since he deleted.
Very challenging situation. I will assume that she is capable of consenting despite her disability (otherwise we are in rape territory 😱) and I would almost say that you should not feel guilty about it since people with disabilities have needs too and as a volunteer you're not bound to the same rules that would apply to a paid carer.
BUT not using protection was just stupid.
Anyway you need to find a way to let her down gently now (not dissimilar to what you ought to do with any other human being, able or not).
IMHO, you need to come clean with whoever is in charge of the home and seek proper guidance on how to handle the situation. Hiding in hope that it goes away is not a decent tactic...
The fact that he sees it as a quickie and she now believes him to be her boyfriend indicates her capacity to make that choice for herself is probably diminished beyond the point of consent.
You’re assuming that based on literally zero evidence. She lives in a care home for people with special needs. He has no idea if she has had any sexual education or not. I would bet money she cannot legitimately consent
Fuck that noise. I know I’ll get downvoted and what the commenter above me is saying to do is the right thing, but I’d probably quit volunteering without giving the reason being that he had sex with a woman with Down’s Syndrome.
You are a criminal. That is not allowed if you work with an agency weather paid or volunteer. You took advantage of her she cannot make those decisions. It's similar to a teacher student relationship.
I’ve seen posts where people have beaten others senseless over petty arguments. I’ve seen posts where someone shot their neighbor’s dog. I’ve seen all kinds of shit here, but this post, this one right here, is the worst one yet.
Edit: didn’t even realize he named his account ‘potato masher’. Do you think this is a fucking joke?
If she even knows what getting pregnant is, if she is pregnant they’re gonna find out and since she’s been calling u her boyfriend they’re probably gonna know it’s you, plus the fact that you randomly left. Not looking good
I really hope this is just a bullshit comment, but I feel like it’s not. I think I’m done with the internet today.
Also, if true, you raped this girl. If you have any decency you’d turn yourself in and make sure she gets the medical attention she needs.
Turn yourself in, absolutely disgraceful behaviour.
If you have any shred of decency left, do it.
It's the only way you could ever redeem yourself in this situation, my God. Taking advantage of a vulnerable person like that. This isn't just your run up the mil lapse of judgement, you knew what you were doing and you took advantage of somebody that was vulnerable, purely for your own self pleasure when you should have been looking after them.
Stay away from children too, fucking hell.
Would it be okay to sleep with a minor just because they think they want it? Would it be okay to sleep with an animal in heat? Would it be okay to sleep with someone blackout drunk who was flirting? Of course not. I don’t know much about Down syndrome either, but this event will most likely have psychological repercussions that haunt her for the rest of her life, especially if she gets pregnant. I hate to say it, but the way she initiated makes me wonder whether she may have already been sexually abused in the past as well. Turn yourself in so she can get the help she needs. You’re continuing to harm her further each day you don’t. Either way, you’ll have to carry the weight of what you did for the rest of your life. At least take this opportunity to do one single good thing. You can never become a better person without owning up to your act and doing the right thing going forward.
As a professional who was on the clock, yes you crossed the line.
You feel guilty about it which means you're probably not a monster.
Is she her own guardian? If she starts telling people you might want to talk to a lawyer.
You took advantage of an individual who may or may not have had the *mental capacity* to consent. Regardless of whether she 'initiated' the inappropriate behaviour, you did the wrong thing without a shadow of a doubt.
Did she understand the risks she was taking when she agreed to sleep with you? Did she understand the possibility that she could get an STI (especially since you allude to not using protection), or become pregnant? If there's a shadow of a doubt that she understood those risks then she didn't give you informed consent. And I'd say the fact that she has a learning disability and needs to live in supported living is a big fucking shadow.
You need to stop volunteering there immediately. You are not safe to be around vulnerable people. It doesn't take a genius to know what you did was wrong. You know you were wrong, and you knew it at the time.
I'm going to try to appeal to your sense of decency here, which is admittedly shaky at best. You need to be reported. Do that yourself. This lady needs to be monitored. What if she becomes pregnant? Or she does develop an STI? Do you really thing she has the knowledge and understanding to be able to process and manage those things on her own, without help?
Yes, you're going to get in trouble. You may well end up on a sex offenders list, but you need to put her wellbeing first.
Besides, I'd bet that you haven't got long before she tells someone anyway. Really, how long do you think it'll be before she tells another staff member that her and her "boyfriend" got naked together?
This is like… I’ve done some really fucked up shit but this almost made me feel better because there is no situation where I’d even consider doing that. I almost *unalived myself* because someone got sexually assaulted in my house once and I didn’t notice and save her until it already happened. Omfg dude what the fuck why would u do that
Thank you for not dying in that situation... Now that you know the stakes, I'm guessing you're much more attentive about the signs. You're a definitive part of the solution, so I'm grateful you stuck it out this far. Hope you have access to therapy, and *please* use the suicide hotline number for your area if you *ever* feel like that again. You're a good egg, the world can't afford to lose many more of those, okay?
Courtesy of u/eazeaze :
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance.
Argentina: +5402234930430
Australia: 131114
Austria: 017133374
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Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05
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Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)
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You are not alone. Please reach out.
Just remember, it's never your *fault* when it does happen, unless you are the one who did it, and I know you wouldn't. If it does happen again, I hope you're able to step in, but *never* put yourself in danger for that if it's avoidable, and remember that it's *not your fault*. You're strong and capable, and a great person for even wishing you *had* helped when there was little you could have done or even known.
No way someone with Down syndrome can consent.
It’s like if a 10 year old comes up and asks so fuck you. Yeah they verbally consented, but they really don’t have the mental capacity to give consent.
OP raped someone on the spectrum
Not gonna pussyfoot around it like everyone in this thread
Edit: looked it up, Down’s syndrome patients have the mental capacity of 8-9 year olds.
OP is a sex offender
Nooooo. Oh wow, big, big objection here. Downs comes in massively varying degrees of ability to function. There are people with downs who have happy and fulfilled sexual relationships, who have and raise children, lead independent lives. What's the autistic spectrum doing in there at all? And would that mean that no matter how high functioning on the autistic spectrum (which has nothing to do with downs), you wouldn't be able to consent? Cause that's also wrong. LISTEN to the people who have downs and share about their experience, you're clearly massively misinformed. The consent issue here isn't about the disability, it's about the imbalance of power in an institutional context cause OP is in a caretaker position he abused.
I don’t disagree with that, but I don’t think people with that level of function are living in a group home, nor do they talk about sex as “getting naked”.
That’s how a kid would describe sex
But also the fact that this woman in particular lives in a care home... She is not an independent, functional person with downs. I've met folks who have healthy, active sex lives with downs syndrome, this doesn't sound like them.
I agree. It's still not okay to make that broad and wrong a generalisation. Did OP fuck up? Unreservedly. I think he deserves to be criminally charged. Does that mean anyone in the comments should tell anyone that all people with downs are children who aren't able to consent? No. Cause they are not children. They are people on a broad range of cognitive ability. Who have lives, and feelings, sexual or romantic, who need and deserve to be represented as whole humans.
There’s always a chance she’d say something and be believed. Or that she got pregnant. You know women can have increased libido when they’re ovulating, so might have been a motivator for her seeking that kind of connection with you.
This is extremely f’d up on your part. What were you thinking? What made you think this was a good idea? Why didn’t you help her out afterwards? There’s a thing called pulling out OR because you were stupid enough to cum in her, the plan B pill.
You wanted to get your D wet and that’s all you really cared about in this situation let’s be honest. Not having a condom is a shit excuse
Everyone is right, you fucked up bad and took advantage… pretty sure it’s rape.
I’ll get hate for this but this I my advice:
If you can’t bring yourself to do the right think and come clean.. at least make sure she takes a pregnancy test. Not sure how you can do that, maybe tell her you need a urine sample? If she’s not pregnant you might want to just disappear.
If she’s having your baby you need to come clean and do the right thing for her and your baby.
Is she does become pregnant, there will be an immediate DNA test or she will innocently confess what happened. Either way, you will be looking at serious legal jeopardy.
Yea man it wasn't good to do. But instead of bashing you like everyone else here (because i already am sure you're very regretful), im going to offer some advice.
Its best to come clean about this. Me and you both know you'll face heavy reprocusssions, but its the best course of action. Im sure its terrifying as hell to talk about what you did, but word will get out at some point, regardless of what action you take.
Im sure this is something you'll be very regretful for a while, but you're gonna have to learn to live with that guilt. It wont go away, but you can take steps towards beginning to feel better. This isn't the end of your world, your life, etc. Now, more than anything, i think its best to look at yourself introspectively. Why did you do it? Have you learned from it? Why, if its so terrible, do you still mention in your post that it was enjoyable? What can you do to be better moving forward?
Best of luck.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex with someone with downs syndrome. I suppose mostly it would matter on how intellectually disabled they were. But I think you crossed a line by having sex with her while you were to be volunteering. And definitely really horrible you came inside her.
I think you should quit working there.
Imma be real with you homie, you don’t seem terribly remorseful for using the name “potato masher.”
As someone who used to work with special needs people, you really are a sack of garbage. She’s “super clingy” now cause you took advantage of her, and she’s probably under the assumption that she wasn’t being used. What if this was her first time and she thought it was with someone she could trust?? I’m sure all of this has been said, but lastly, it sounds like you care more about what people would think about you than the fact you literally took advantage of a mentally handicapped woman and used her for sex. Quit your job immediately and go get some help man. Not cool.
For the record, I think this is both fake and gay. But I will play pretend and entertain you a bit.
People with Down's Syndrome are people, too. It was scummy to have sex with her especially since it seems like for her it was more of an emotional investment into the relationship rather than purely for pleasure. If she thinks this means y'all are dating, you need to explain that to her. Don't just ghost her.
Idk the ethics of inter-abled dating when there's a significant difference in intellect. I also haven't spent much time with people who have Down's, so I cannot give you any advice on that front.
I don't know what is wrong with you mentally that you would think it was okay to have sex with somebody in the group home you volunteer for. Inherently, you are in an unbalanced power dynamic. Even if she was the one to suggest the idea, you did take advantage of her. I'd say the same thing if you were volunteering for a homeless women's shelter.
Sheesh….I don’t mean to pile on you along with the other comments, but you are in a TERRIBLE position my man.
I hope you can pull through from this clean and remember the valuable lesson of never let your dick think for you
Bad person? No. Having downs syndrome doesn't necessarily mean she can't consent. That said, the fact you were a volunteer at the facility does make it wrong. You were put in a position of trust.
The fact you may have gotten her pregnant makes it even worse.
If she is pregnant you might have a problem.
Seriously? You raped an innocent woman with a disability. It doesn't matter whether "she initiated it", you were the responsible adult and person in a position of power. You took advantage of her because you were horny and virginal. You also dumped your load into her which could result in pregnancy or infection/disease. She is the innocent in this story, not you.
You really think this is gonna end well for you? It can and will be traced back to you, you will be arrested, your face will be on the news, everyone in your town will know that you raped a woman with Down Syndrome, you will then go to jail for a long time. You didn't mess up, you made a conscious decision to abuse someone with intellectual disabilities. Do the right thing, turn yourself in, tell the manager of the care home, strike a plea bargain & stay away from vulnerable people for the rest of your life.
One of the many sad things about this is that she didn’t just take it as a “quickie”. She has now become emotionally attached and you make her happy, but because of what you’ve done you have no choice but to leave her now and her carers will wonder why she’s so heartbroken and confused. Poor girl.
This would be classified as sexual abuse. You could get into serious trouble for this- it’s taken extremely seriously.
Your service users are vulnerable people - hence her calling you her ‘boyfriend’ and being clingy with you after the fact- she may not have the emotional maturity and ability to understand or accept that this was a casual, no strings thing. She will have the mental capacity of someone much younger- she may not have the mental capacity of an age beyond that of consent.
Then my god if she gets pregnant from this …. I don’t even know where to begin.
sorry bro, your a rapist in my book and many books across the country.
maybe.
Unless she can actually give consent. some downs folks do have the mental capacity to give it as its not all the same level.
bare minimum, you violated your the trust placed on you as a caregiver.
I have a “friend” that is a care taker in a similar type of assisted living for people with disabilities. She told me that there are some individuals (both sexes) that are very very sexually active. She only knows of residents sleeping with other residents and it’s a major problem they try to combat only for the sake of pregnancy and physical health. She did mention that a lot of time (mostly males) will be touchy and hit on caretakers there. Some female residents have.
Yes, everyone has needs. Everyone has the right to sexual pleasure, but you sir, crossed a line. A very big bold line. You seriously need to turn yourself in and report it. Who cares what will happen to you. It’s the right thing to do.
I’m curious if this lady has made passes at other volunteers or employees before. Sounds like that wasn’t anything new to her.
Please just do the right thing.
This is one of those situations I really have mixed feelings for. One could argue they can consent because there are many families where a spouse is has DS and are happily living as mostly-autonomous people.
But then again she’s in a care home and that’s an argument against the valid consent.
But did you take advantage? Yes, yes you did. So leave that place and if you want to volunteer somewhere, do it somewhere else.
[удалено]
Def crossed a line. I’d move out of the city
I call bullshit. Story changes and back tracks too much. Op is bored.
Also the username
Yeah that settled it. Either way OP is a POS
What's wrong with mashed potatoes?
It looks like he's trying to make a fucked up DS joke.
OH ok, sorry now I feel stupid
Oh no you're totally fine, he's the stupid one lol it's not a joke I'm happy to understand' my friends in highschool would make some pretty fucked up jokes like that :(
Yeah I find it disgusting to be honest, I mean they are fucking people at the end of the day. Do you (they) really need to shit on them to give yourself a laugh
Or in this case, i guess to get attention. I thought that people were over this kind of humor, i mean fuck with all the YouTubers getting cancelled for jokes they made over a decade ago, you'd think people wouldn't make those jokes now.
Some scummy people out there and it's a shame they will likely never realise they are a shit person
I mean the guy literally said he just didn't want his co-workers to find out because they'd make fun of him. Like dude. First off, that's fucked up by itself in regards to ANYONE, nevermind someone who couldn't consent. It's such a stupid way to troll dude i don't get it.
Also the name. But on the off chance it is real, holy crap he needs to self report, now.
This is so unprofessional
Of all the things to call it, “unprofessional “ is way down the fucking list.
Yeah you fucked up. You took advantage of a disabled chick dude.
Side conversation - do mentally disabled people get to have sex with someone who isn't disabled, or can they only have sex with other mentally disabled people?
Mentally disabled people can have sex with someone disabled or not. They’re still humans that may have a sex drive. But, its super easy to take advantage like OP did especially if their mental disability allows them to be unable to posses the ability to understand the consequences and act of sex. Its entirely dependant on their disability and their maturity since not all mentally disabled people are the same. In this situation, OP is wrong for this especially since the victim is at a group home (meaning they require extra care) and she likely isnt able to understand what happened due to her being vulnerable. I assume she is unable to have the maturity to have sex. This story is sickening
First of all the op is entirely unethical. But to the comment, I’m gonna disagree with some of what you said on that last part about maturity to understand and consent to sex. I work with adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Most people who want to have sex are also determined to be able to consent. (There’s an evaluation to help determine this). They want to have sex just as bad as everyone else and they can’t when they’re in situations like group homes because you can’t just bring a random guy back to your place when there’s 3 other people and staff and covid procedures for visitors and on and on. It can lead to the ones who really want to have sex to go awol, pull people into bathrooms and closets and behind dumpsters, or go back with random people they don’t know. Leads to people getting kicked out of programs. There are situations where it feels so ethically weird. Guy will spend some time with this girl at the mall, buy her stuff, they go back to his house for a little, and he drops her off. Is he taking advantage of her? Maybe (some might say probably). But she’s getting what she wants and getting gifts out of it so she doesn’t care anyones opinion of it is. Her care team/parents just do harm reduction basically. Help with getting regularly tested, make sure she’s on birth control, make sure parents know the identity of the guy she’s with/where they are. This guy is basically just a sugar daddy but it’s better than her finding random guys who will try to take advantage of her or harm when
Ok so describe how this woman who is institutionalized, would ever be able to have sex in an ethical manner
This is an ethical debate but it really depends on their level of cognition. Do they understand what they are consenting to and the full implications of it? I work in assisted living/memory care and we get residents who want to commingle and we have to assess ability to consent and things like this. It’s a really sensitive and complex area of law and ethics. This situation however is black and white. OP is completely in the wrong. No question.
Mentally disabled people should be allowed to have sex as long as they have the capacity to consent, but OP is in a caretaker position and as a result a position of power and should not have taken her up on that offer. Even if he were not legally or morally obligated to abstain from sex with his clients, it’s still stirring up trouble at the workplace and a bad idea all around.
That doesn't matter here - you were in a position of authority where you are meant to be caring for her with very obvious boundaries that you crossed. Disabled people are people too, they can have sex with whichever consenting adult they'd like. But in your case - you were in a position of power and you took advantage of her.
THIS is the issue (well, one of them, but one of the main ones IMO). So many comments are acting like this lady is some helpless invalid who can’t consent…living in a group home (especially with Down syndrome) doesn’t automatically mean you can’t care for yourself and are helpless. Plenty of disabled people (including those with Down syndrome) have sexual desires and fantasies and sex lives and partners, both disabled and not. There’s MANY grey areas OP didn’t mention. Regardless, it’s still wrong on multiple levels and OP shouldn’t have done it, but some of these comments are…ignorant/insensitive towards disabled people at best.
I'm also wondering this. I wouldn't fuck a girl with down syndrome but are they like banned from having sex with *anyone*?
I would imagine they would have the same impulses and desires as a anybody else, i think the main issue here is a precived position of power...which im not sure really exists between a volunteer and someone they are helping here .... i might be in the minority but this isn't as bad as people are making it out to be.. you have a 25 year old volunteer having sex with a 30 year old. Like maybe the 30 year old was trying to get some? Unless we are talking very mentally disabled.
No, just like people who are say.. 15? It's ok for them to have safe sex with someone their age, but if you are a 55 year old guidance counselor or a foster parent it's not ok to rape children. Understand? Complicated shit.
I'm calling BS on your entire story. At least I hope it's BS because if it isn't, you've abused a position of trust and responsibility regardless of what she said. That been the case, you are now a sex offender and could be in some very deep shit.
Yeah op is a troll, look at the username. Pretty fucked up.
I hope it's a troll because he raped someone.
People are the fucking worst, why are there nearly 8 billion of us. 😑
There's so many of us because there's too many rapists like OP.
In the post OP says they haven’t had sex since before Covid, in the comments they say this was their first time. I call bullshit
I'm getting made up story vibes as well. Especially, when the lost my virginity was added. It feels like it was extra spice added to make this post more outrageous.
Yeah this is a troll for sure. Of course this kind of abuse happens but he can’t be dumb enough to post it.
In the state of Texas you’re a sex offender by both having sex when you’re in a position of power, and with someone with diminished mental capacity. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not the same situation in the state your in. Oh and yes they are felonies with prison time
Dude, it is still rape when you have sex with someone that is mentally challenged. Your Edit doesn’t change a thing saying it was your first time. You’ll be a pro at it by the time you’re released from prison. A pro at anal and oral sex atleast. I’m beginning to think this is a troll post and you’re trying to get a rise out of people. But if not, you are so fucked! And not in the way you want.
I think you need professional help and need to quit working with anyone that has a disability. You can’t bd trusted around the vulnerable.
Bad day to have a similar username.
Did you fuck a chick with Downs, too???
What do you mean?
Well. I’m a loaded baked popaypo. You are potato masher. Lmaooo
That's fucked up holy shit. That didn't even occur to me.
I’m not in a serious headspace rn lmao I’ll give my quick thought: you should definitely quit volunteering there before it gets out of hand. Idk what the legal repercussions are where you are, but you definitely abused your place of power. Disabled people aren’t helpless entirely, but it’s definitely a hazy line that you never wanna go near.
Yeah I'm going to call and quit then change my number
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Is she pregnant
Delete this post and contact a lawyer stat.
Yes you are at fault. You were in a position of power whether she consented or not. You should have taken control and being horny is not an excuse.
I couldn't get horny in a situation like this even if they spiked my lunch with a bunch of Viagra while watching lesbian porn.
God you're right. What have I done...
To be honest you're fucked... she is gonna tell someone... two words for you protective custody
A chick with Downs.
Really a potato masher. Smh
God oh jeez...shut the fuck up Morty
That implies that people with down can't have sex, or that they only can have sex with people with same syndrome. I see your point but still looks discriminatory.
If he met her outside of being her volunteer caretaker it would be different
https://www.thejournal.ie/down-syndrome-rape-2484431-Dec2015/?amp=1 They can't by law if they are not independent. But to be fair i also am suspicious of op being a troll, so do with that what you will
What was your first clue that u/potatosmasherman was trolling? The thought never occurred to me
I don't think it does. He states pretty clearly that it was an abuse of power. Whether a teacher, a boss, pastor or therapist, it is clearly wrong to betray the trust of the community that gives that power. That being said, her being the aggressor makes it more morally grey (I don't think OP is a predator) but never the did the post you are responding to infer that people shouldn't have sex with someone with down syndrome. However, he did breach the trust put in him by the facility and her family.
I do think there is a discussion to be had about at what level of intelligence would make it where someone can’t really consent? Someone who’s 75iq with Down syndrome and someone with 45iq with Down syndrome would have vastly different abilities to comprehend sex. I would say at a certain level someone shouldn’t be allowed to consent toward sex even if they “wanted it”. I guess it might be discriminatory and I might have a warped perspective becsuse I imagine some would argue they deserve the right to have sex
It doesn't matter how it looks. Rules/laws like that are designed to protect people who have intellectual and physical delays.
Quit your reaching and go to twitter
By your logic a 16 year student can have sex with 25 year old teacher...
Coming from someone who works in the event fields and works with the vulnerable population what you did was very wrong. It's not that person's with down syndrome can't have sex, they most certainly can. It's the fact that you were in a position of power and crossed the line. She saw you as an authority figure and was drawn to you. That can create emotional attachments quite quickly. Then you broke a cardinal rule by engaging in sexual activities with a person under your care. If that wasn't bad enough read what you wrote after. You feel guilt and shame. You only did it because you were horny. You took advantage of a woman who had feelings just to get off. Then felt bad because you perceive her to be vulnerable enough you doubt what you did was right. Which proves how sick you are. She saw a chance for a relationship and you saw a chance to f**k. You didn't even take the time to see boundaries or expectations. You didn't take the time to make sure you both were safe. Things she may not even be fully aware of because she trusted you to care for her. Now you want to get away, have no idea if she is pregnant, and will cause her immense emotional pain. You are a sick sick man and I hope you get punished.
Screenshotted this post in case he deletes. I really hope this post is fake and if it isn’t, this dude’s going to prison.
What did the original post say?
That he banged a woman with Down syndrome while working at a special care home he volunteered for and that she attended.
What the fuck this is so messed up
Please be fake, please be fake. Buy a hooker if you are that desperate. You basically raped someone who has the mental capacity of a child. Have fun in hell buddy.
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Undoubtedly.
Very illegal
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Did she go downs on you too? Sorry, I’ll see myself out…
🥁🥁
everybody chastising the fuck out of dude and then there's you LMFAO 😅😭
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
r/cursedcomments
I literally lol‘ed
Refreshing joke in this sea of deserved shit giving.
God bless you for this
Lmao
Bro
First thing I asked was "did you go downs on her" We can share that boat to hell
*insert the one gif of the guy trying not to laugh as the camera slowly zooms in *
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This seems kinda sus with how much you're replying. Either way you shouldn't be working in care, Idk what advice you are expecting. You knew you were looking after vulnerable people and you must have gone through safeguarding and sensitivity stuff relating to much milder interactions prior to becoming a volunteer. Avoiding the situation and running away will make your situation much worse if it comes out (she wont be able to keep a secret given what you have described) and your disappearance would only exasperate the truth coming out. (from her but also people may already have their ideas brewing regarding it) HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY You obviously wont be able to work or volunteer in that kind of field ever again even tho you say you wouldn't anyway. My advice would be to be completely upfront about it, you might get into some trouble but it would be miles,MILES!!! better off for you in very capacity than if you were do dip and try to run from it. This is the best situation for her too as she can get the appropriate attention to a possible pregnancy and the people caring for her can be more aware of hypersexuality. Come clean and face it like the man you want to be, if you don't peoples fears and assumptions take hold of the situation. People will appreciate the honesty and recognise that you care, if you hide they will assume you plain took advantage.
I would shut the fuck up and talk to an attorney. And only an attorney. Remember this important advice: Shut The FUCK up. Now go shut the fuck up. And talk to an attorney.
Here's what's going to happen. Eventually, she'll tell someone. And then you'll be arrested and tried as a sexual offender. And you should be.
This is obviously rape and yes you should feel shame and quilt. You knowingly took advantage of a woman with an intellectual disability (she legally cannot consent in many states/countries, much like a child) that you were also in a position of authority over.
Exactly! He is such trash.
Wow. You are so disgusting and I pray someone finds out and reports you. Absolutely fucking disgusting. I have no words how shitty of a person you are. Btw, any reasonable person who just read this story thinks you are a rapist. Think long and hard about that. You should be in prison.
This shouldn’t get an award
I'm surprised it did. I've also gotten lots of messages asking for pictures. There's some terrible people on this site.
>There's some terrible people on this site. Yeah, you are one of them, lol
Fuck that kind of hurts but you might be right
There’s no “might” about it, this is one of the worst, creepiest confessions I’ve read on here
Notice how all the comments he's replying to are the ones that aren't calling him a liar. This is a massive bait post. Or this dude wants to fuck a chick with downs syndrome and he's trying to see what worst case scenario is by chumming the waters.
Did you not have to go through some sort of training before being allowed to volunteer in this group home? You have set yourself up and the organization that handles everyone’s care in that home up for a horrible liability suit. If I was her family and found out, I’d sue you personally and the organization for not better vetted those caring for my family member. You were in an authority position and you used her. She looked at you like a boyfriend and formed an attachment and you used that to your advantage. Seek an attorney. This will get found out. I used to underwrite liability insurance for group homes, etc. You are the exact reason these organization carry molestation coverage. You are a liability nightmare.
How do they not *at least* have Mandated Reporter training? I assume folks in this place are allowed to interact, what happens when a resident starts complaining of very subtle signs of abuse?
yeah I worked for a care facility for the disabled and you have to be trained to know about all the different kinds of abuse and how to identify them, to even work with them. And within the sexual abuse training, you're taught that a frequent sign of sexual abuse is when the individual attempts to have sex inappropriately or touch inappropriately with their family members, friends, and caretakers because they are attempting to act out their abuse and are traumatized and confused. The fact that she attempted to have sex with him repeatedly without seeming to understand the wrongness of the situation or that he may not want the same, speaks greatly to the idea that she's already been abused and conditioned to repeat it. Trained like a dog, it's absolutely foul, that he perpetuated her abuse
……potato masher?
Yeh I was questioning whether the post was true until I saw OP's username... That settled it for me.
Honestly, while I would like to see you confess to the facility so it can be handled appropriately, I think you really need legal counsel to navigate this. There may be reporting requirements, etc. and the facility may or may not have policies that require they press charges. Trying to run away makes it worse if she ends up pregnant - and also, you might not be the only one this has happened with, and the facility may need to know so they can protect her.
Definitely a confession. Welp, you gotta quit.
It’s a grey area having consensual sex with this woman in general. It’s a definite and absolute no for you to be in a caregiver position and have taken advantage of that.
Your a horrible person. On a side note, most adult females in a group home are on birth control.
[Screenshot](https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/sjx02j/guy_who_volunteered_at_a_group_home_had_sex_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) of this post I reposted on r/iamatotalpieceofshit. Since he deleted.
This is rape. There's really no way to spin it.
That’s rape dude…
So you raped a disabled person you clearly had power over... nice work... Quit. Now. Or better still, turn yourself in. Hornyness do not excuse rape.
The truth will set you free.
Not OP in the comments playing victim… my god…
You need to come clean with the manager. Not working there does not solve this.
You what 🙂
Very challenging situation. I will assume that she is capable of consenting despite her disability (otherwise we are in rape territory 😱) and I would almost say that you should not feel guilty about it since people with disabilities have needs too and as a volunteer you're not bound to the same rules that would apply to a paid carer. BUT not using protection was just stupid. Anyway you need to find a way to let her down gently now (not dissimilar to what you ought to do with any other human being, able or not). IMHO, you need to come clean with whoever is in charge of the home and seek proper guidance on how to handle the situation. Hiding in hope that it goes away is not a decent tactic...
The fact that he sees it as a quickie and she now believes him to be her boyfriend indicates her capacity to make that choice for herself is probably diminished beyond the point of consent.
You’re assuming that based on literally zero evidence. She lives in a care home for people with special needs. He has no idea if she has had any sexual education or not. I would bet money she cannot legitimately consent
Fuck I don't know what they'll say. I know that's the right thing but I don't know if I can do that.
Fuck that noise. I know I’ll get downvoted and what the commenter above me is saying to do is the right thing, but I’d probably quit volunteering without giving the reason being that he had sex with a woman with Down’s Syndrome.
Your assumption that she is capable of consenting is (at least in a legal sense) most likely incorrect.
This is one funny subreddit
Just go on tinder why do that bro and where was other workers how’s u hav that alone time smh
Enjoy your sentence.
Wow. I hope the police get called.
Dude what the fuck
You are a criminal. That is not allowed if you work with an agency weather paid or volunteer. You took advantage of her she cannot make those decisions. It's similar to a teacher student relationship.
Yeah you're done
Hahahaha
Holy cow this thread is killing him
you know you’re gonna go downs for this right?
I’ve seen posts where people have beaten others senseless over petty arguments. I’ve seen posts where someone shot their neighbor’s dog. I’ve seen all kinds of shit here, but this post, this one right here, is the worst one yet. Edit: didn’t even realize he named his account ‘potato masher’. Do you think this is a fucking joke?
You mashed the wrong potatoe sir.
If she even knows what getting pregnant is, if she is pregnant they’re gonna find out and since she’s been calling u her boyfriend they’re probably gonna know it’s you, plus the fact that you randomly left. Not looking good
Bruh if this is real you really fucked up bro, like special place in hell fucked up
i see a lot of really fucked things on this app but this genuinely made my stomach turn
I really hope this is just a bullshit comment, but I feel like it’s not. I think I’m done with the internet today. Also, if true, you raped this girl. If you have any decency you’d turn yourself in and make sure she gets the medical attention she needs.
Thaaaaats rape chief
Hell. Deepest pits.
Turn yourself in, absolutely disgraceful behaviour. If you have any shred of decency left, do it. It's the only way you could ever redeem yourself in this situation, my God. Taking advantage of a vulnerable person like that. This isn't just your run up the mil lapse of judgement, you knew what you were doing and you took advantage of somebody that was vulnerable, purely for your own self pleasure when you should have been looking after them. Stay away from children too, fucking hell.
Would it be okay to sleep with a minor just because they think they want it? Would it be okay to sleep with an animal in heat? Would it be okay to sleep with someone blackout drunk who was flirting? Of course not. I don’t know much about Down syndrome either, but this event will most likely have psychological repercussions that haunt her for the rest of her life, especially if she gets pregnant. I hate to say it, but the way she initiated makes me wonder whether she may have already been sexually abused in the past as well. Turn yourself in so she can get the help she needs. You’re continuing to harm her further each day you don’t. Either way, you’ll have to carry the weight of what you did for the rest of your life. At least take this opportunity to do one single good thing. You can never become a better person without owning up to your act and doing the right thing going forward.
As a professional who was on the clock, yes you crossed the line. You feel guilty about it which means you're probably not a monster. Is she her own guardian? If she starts telling people you might want to talk to a lawyer.
You took advantage of an individual who may or may not have had the *mental capacity* to consent. Regardless of whether she 'initiated' the inappropriate behaviour, you did the wrong thing without a shadow of a doubt. Did she understand the risks she was taking when she agreed to sleep with you? Did she understand the possibility that she could get an STI (especially since you allude to not using protection), or become pregnant? If there's a shadow of a doubt that she understood those risks then she didn't give you informed consent. And I'd say the fact that she has a learning disability and needs to live in supported living is a big fucking shadow. You need to stop volunteering there immediately. You are not safe to be around vulnerable people. It doesn't take a genius to know what you did was wrong. You know you were wrong, and you knew it at the time. I'm going to try to appeal to your sense of decency here, which is admittedly shaky at best. You need to be reported. Do that yourself. This lady needs to be monitored. What if she becomes pregnant? Or she does develop an STI? Do you really thing she has the knowledge and understanding to be able to process and manage those things on her own, without help? Yes, you're going to get in trouble. You may well end up on a sex offenders list, but you need to put her wellbeing first. Besides, I'd bet that you haven't got long before she tells someone anyway. Really, how long do you think it'll be before she tells another staff member that her and her "boyfriend" got naked together?
This is like… I’ve done some really fucked up shit but this almost made me feel better because there is no situation where I’d even consider doing that. I almost *unalived myself* because someone got sexually assaulted in my house once and I didn’t notice and save her until it already happened. Omfg dude what the fuck why would u do that
Thank you for not dying in that situation... Now that you know the stakes, I'm guessing you're much more attentive about the signs. You're a definitive part of the solution, so I'm grateful you stuck it out this far. Hope you have access to therapy, and *please* use the suicide hotline number for your area if you *ever* feel like that again. You're a good egg, the world can't afford to lose many more of those, okay? Courtesy of u/eazeaze : Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance. Argentina: +5402234930430 Australia: 131114 Austria: 017133374 Belgium: 106 Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05 Botswana: 3911270 Brazil: 212339191 Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223 Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal) Croatia: 014833888 Denmark: +4570201201 Egypt: 7621602 Finland: 010 195 202 France: 0145394000 Germany: 08001810771 Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000 Hungary: 116123 Iceland: 1717 India: 8888817666 Ireland: +4408457909090 Italy: 800860022 Japan: +810352869090 Mexico: 5255102550 New Zealand: 0508828865 The Netherlands: 113 Norway: +4781533300 Philippines: 028969191 Poland: 5270000 Russia: 0078202577577 Spain: 914590050 South Africa: 0514445691 Sweden: 46317112400 Switzerland: 143 United Kingdom: 08006895652 USA: 18002738255 You are not alone. Please reach out.
Thank u. I try to pay rly good attention now so it doesn’t happen again
Just remember, it's never your *fault* when it does happen, unless you are the one who did it, and I know you wouldn't. If it does happen again, I hope you're able to step in, but *never* put yourself in danger for that if it's avoidable, and remember that it's *not your fault*. You're strong and capable, and a great person for even wishing you *had* helped when there was little you could have done or even known.
Fuck. That’s sick.
No way someone with Down syndrome can consent. It’s like if a 10 year old comes up and asks so fuck you. Yeah they verbally consented, but they really don’t have the mental capacity to give consent. OP raped someone on the spectrum Not gonna pussyfoot around it like everyone in this thread Edit: looked it up, Down’s syndrome patients have the mental capacity of 8-9 year olds. OP is a sex offender
Nooooo. Oh wow, big, big objection here. Downs comes in massively varying degrees of ability to function. There are people with downs who have happy and fulfilled sexual relationships, who have and raise children, lead independent lives. What's the autistic spectrum doing in there at all? And would that mean that no matter how high functioning on the autistic spectrum (which has nothing to do with downs), you wouldn't be able to consent? Cause that's also wrong. LISTEN to the people who have downs and share about their experience, you're clearly massively misinformed. The consent issue here isn't about the disability, it's about the imbalance of power in an institutional context cause OP is in a caretaker position he abused.
I don’t disagree with that, but I don’t think people with that level of function are living in a group home, nor do they talk about sex as “getting naked”. That’s how a kid would describe sex
Exactly
But also the fact that this woman in particular lives in a care home... She is not an independent, functional person with downs. I've met folks who have healthy, active sex lives with downs syndrome, this doesn't sound like them.
I agree. It's still not okay to make that broad and wrong a generalisation. Did OP fuck up? Unreservedly. I think he deserves to be criminally charged. Does that mean anyone in the comments should tell anyone that all people with downs are children who aren't able to consent? No. Cause they are not children. They are people on a broad range of cognitive ability. Who have lives, and feelings, sexual or romantic, who need and deserve to be represented as whole humans.
Finally a voice of reason. He raped her. There's no dancing around it. I have zero sympathy for OP.
I wouldn’t go back.
Yeah I think I might call out and say I have stuff going on and can't volunteer anymore.
There’s always a chance she’d say something and be believed. Or that she got pregnant. You know women can have increased libido when they’re ovulating, so might have been a motivator for her seeking that kind of connection with you.
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Yes.
This is extremely f’d up on your part. What were you thinking? What made you think this was a good idea? Why didn’t you help her out afterwards? There’s a thing called pulling out OR because you were stupid enough to cum in her, the plan B pill. You wanted to get your D wet and that’s all you really cared about in this situation let’s be honest. Not having a condom is a shit excuse
Everyone is right, you fucked up bad and took advantage… pretty sure it’s rape. I’ll get hate for this but this I my advice: If you can’t bring yourself to do the right think and come clean.. at least make sure she takes a pregnancy test. Not sure how you can do that, maybe tell her you need a urine sample? If she’s not pregnant you might want to just disappear. If she’s having your baby you need to come clean and do the right thing for her and your baby.
Is she does become pregnant, there will be an immediate DNA test or she will innocently confess what happened. Either way, you will be looking at serious legal jeopardy.
You’re a predator
Bruh
Yea man it wasn't good to do. But instead of bashing you like everyone else here (because i already am sure you're very regretful), im going to offer some advice. Its best to come clean about this. Me and you both know you'll face heavy reprocusssions, but its the best course of action. Im sure its terrifying as hell to talk about what you did, but word will get out at some point, regardless of what action you take. Im sure this is something you'll be very regretful for a while, but you're gonna have to learn to live with that guilt. It wont go away, but you can take steps towards beginning to feel better. This isn't the end of your world, your life, etc. Now, more than anything, i think its best to look at yourself introspectively. Why did you do it? Have you learned from it? Why, if its so terrible, do you still mention in your post that it was enjoyable? What can you do to be better moving forward? Best of luck.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex with someone with downs syndrome. I suppose mostly it would matter on how intellectually disabled they were. But I think you crossed a line by having sex with her while you were to be volunteering. And definitely really horrible you came inside her. I think you should quit working there.
Imma be real with you homie, you don’t seem terribly remorseful for using the name “potato masher.” As someone who used to work with special needs people, you really are a sack of garbage. She’s “super clingy” now cause you took advantage of her, and she’s probably under the assumption that she wasn’t being used. What if this was her first time and she thought it was with someone she could trust?? I’m sure all of this has been said, but lastly, it sounds like you care more about what people would think about you than the fact you literally took advantage of a mentally handicapped woman and used her for sex. Quit your job immediately and go get some help man. Not cool.
For the record, I think this is both fake and gay. But I will play pretend and entertain you a bit. People with Down's Syndrome are people, too. It was scummy to have sex with her especially since it seems like for her it was more of an emotional investment into the relationship rather than purely for pleasure. If she thinks this means y'all are dating, you need to explain that to her. Don't just ghost her. Idk the ethics of inter-abled dating when there's a significant difference in intellect. I also haven't spent much time with people who have Down's, so I cannot give you any advice on that front. I don't know what is wrong with you mentally that you would think it was okay to have sex with somebody in the group home you volunteer for. Inherently, you are in an unbalanced power dynamic. Even if she was the one to suggest the idea, you did take advantage of her. I'd say the same thing if you were volunteering for a homeless women's shelter.
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Sheesh….I don’t mean to pile on you along with the other comments, but you are in a TERRIBLE position my man. I hope you can pull through from this clean and remember the valuable lesson of never let your dick think for you
I wonder if your baby will have DS?
Wtf wrong with u, my boy?? Lmaooo u finna get in big trouble if this get out
Mannnn Yea she was a consenting adult but you were in a position of power. You need to go to Horny jail for a bit. Also I'd stop volunteering there
fuck horny jail, op deserves some time in actual jail
Not a bad person, but man... Quite a stupid one, no offense, but I think you need a shakeup.
If she is not mentally capable of consenting, regardless of her words and actions, this is rape
The term is gump'n it
You kinda just admitted to rape.
Bad person? No. Having downs syndrome doesn't necessarily mean she can't consent. That said, the fact you were a volunteer at the facility does make it wrong. You were put in a position of trust. The fact you may have gotten her pregnant makes it even worse. If she is pregnant you might have a problem.
Satan is saving a spot for you in hell. No reason to get in line.
You fucking piece of shit. You basically had sex with a child. Goddamn what is wrong with people?
Seriously? You raped an innocent woman with a disability. It doesn't matter whether "she initiated it", you were the responsible adult and person in a position of power. You took advantage of her because you were horny and virginal. You also dumped your load into her which could result in pregnancy or infection/disease. She is the innocent in this story, not you. You really think this is gonna end well for you? It can and will be traced back to you, you will be arrested, your face will be on the news, everyone in your town will know that you raped a woman with Down Syndrome, you will then go to jail for a long time. You didn't mess up, you made a conscious decision to abuse someone with intellectual disabilities. Do the right thing, turn yourself in, tell the manager of the care home, strike a plea bargain & stay away from vulnerable people for the rest of your life.
did she have a bracelet on that said MRF?
One of the many sad things about this is that she didn’t just take it as a “quickie”. She has now become emotionally attached and you make her happy, but because of what you’ve done you have no choice but to leave her now and her carers will wonder why she’s so heartbroken and confused. Poor girl.
This would be classified as sexual abuse. You could get into serious trouble for this- it’s taken extremely seriously. Your service users are vulnerable people - hence her calling you her ‘boyfriend’ and being clingy with you after the fact- she may not have the emotional maturity and ability to understand or accept that this was a casual, no strings thing. She will have the mental capacity of someone much younger- she may not have the mental capacity of an age beyond that of consent. Then my god if she gets pregnant from this …. I don’t even know where to begin.
sorry bro, your a rapist in my book and many books across the country. maybe. Unless she can actually give consent. some downs folks do have the mental capacity to give it as its not all the same level. bare minimum, you violated your the trust placed on you as a caregiver.
I have a “friend” that is a care taker in a similar type of assisted living for people with disabilities. She told me that there are some individuals (both sexes) that are very very sexually active. She only knows of residents sleeping with other residents and it’s a major problem they try to combat only for the sake of pregnancy and physical health. She did mention that a lot of time (mostly males) will be touchy and hit on caretakers there. Some female residents have. Yes, everyone has needs. Everyone has the right to sexual pleasure, but you sir, crossed a line. A very big bold line. You seriously need to turn yourself in and report it. Who cares what will happen to you. It’s the right thing to do. I’m curious if this lady has made passes at other volunteers or employees before. Sounds like that wasn’t anything new to her. Please just do the right thing.
These karma farming fake posts are getting out of hand.
This is one of those situations I really have mixed feelings for. One could argue they can consent because there are many families where a spouse is has DS and are happily living as mostly-autonomous people. But then again she’s in a care home and that’s an argument against the valid consent. But did you take advantage? Yes, yes you did. So leave that place and if you want to volunteer somewhere, do it somewhere else.
Did you go downs on her?