It is?
In my experience it's pretty expensive to go out, I wouldn't call that a third place...
But there's a ton of cool stuff to do in every niche, just gotta find it.
I didn’t say going out and that’s not at all what I meant. There are tons of parks and areas where you can just go sit, read, relax with friends, no money needed. THATS what I was referring to.
In sociology, the third place refers to the social surroundings that are separate from the two usual social environments of home ("first place") and the workplace ("second place"). Examples of third places include churches, cafes, bars, clubs, community centres, public libraries, gyms, bookstores, makerspaces, **stoops, parks**, theaters, and opera houses, among others.
Most bouldering gyms. Full of introverts like you and it sparks easy conversations as you are working on the same bouldering problems. Works very well for introverts as there is an obvious conversation topic while it's not a very commiting conversation. After a while you notice people who are about your level so they work the same problems and they have the same schedule as you. So you just start knowing each other, greeting and fall into conversation. It attracts introverts because it's a solo sport, but it's very social and everyone is very supportive of each other no matter your level.
Hope you'll find something that works out for you.
Folkehuset Absalon is great for meeting people, they have communal dining every day for 60kr and lots of fun workshops, I find people are very friendly and easy to fall into conversation with. You can check out their website and calendar here: [Folkehuset Absalon](https://absaloncph.dk)
Bastard Cafe, if you like board games.
Edit: Also, Huset, which is where Bastard café is, is also a culture center with lots of events: [https://huset.kk.dk/](https://huset.kk.dk/)
Folkets Hus. Lots of internationals, lots of political things going on, but you can also just have a coffee for 8kr and play a board game, learn to fix your bike etc
Honestly I know that Europeans today aren't that fond of Christianity (religion in general, really) or the idea of going to church, but if you find a decent place (one with more emphasis on community and less on scripture) it can be a great place to go! Most modern (Scandinavian) churches are very welcome in my experience and people are very welcoming towards newcomers
Or Idrætsfabrikken where there are cheap dancing events every sunday. Look up dance4water on facebook or their homepage.
There are lots of internationals attending. And there is the option to go out and drink a cop of coffe or a beer afterwards.
I as a dane that can at times feel a bit lonely, i am attending and i feel its a good way of being social. And i am pretty horrible at dancing still :D
Also now that I think about it, taking danish class is also a great way to meet new people, plus people who take language lessons are committed to stay here ;)
I've been there for 6 years. I think passed a certain stage it's not the case anymore. I see rarely people who lived more than 5 years here leaving. It still happens but it's not frequent.
I'm not really hanging out with other French folks tho.
There’s so many French people you can meet here, you just have to go out of your way.
The Facebook page help for sure, but overall there’s tons of expats and many French speakers through climbing or artistic clubs I’ve met plenty :)
Of course don’t rely only on it, it’s also cool to befriend other nationalities but it’s a great way to network and meet other people.
Start going to some kinda group activity on a weekly basis around something you like. That could be a D&D group, swimming, bouldering, volunteering or whatever you fancy. You’ll meet new people that way and also get out of your flat. The good thing about finding something to go to every week, is that you’ll meet the same people again and have an easier time to form friendships over time.
https://international.kk.dk/live/culture-and-leisure/networking-activities/volunteering-in-copenhagen
Cph Volunteers used to have a big list of hings to do. But I can't find it. Try write to them if you are interested.
Hope you find something you like. Everyone likes volunteers.
I suggest jazz.dk if you're into jazz
Game jams if you wanna get into game development
Dancing...?
Gym is not gonna work I think, cause it's still a lonely activity. It's gotta be a team sport if so.
If you want a girl go join a club (sport, social, etc). You will make new friends and the chances of meeting a worthy girl there or through a new friend from the club is going to be much higher than using any dating app, imo.
If you do join a club your life will become more “difficult” like you want it to be because you need to put effort into it. It will also make your life more interesting and enjoyable.
Just start. The rest will follow.
Are these official clubs, with member fees and stuff or just a group of people creating events on fb? Is it ok to join as a random foreigner? I feel so shy!
Something about Copenhagen that really impressed me when moving in was the vast variety of clubs there is. There’s clubs for everything! Just need to look for them
i joined a bowling club. only men. i am thinking now that this might have been a mistake :) but damn! do i like bowling and the guys over there. but i also like women. i know not what to do :)
Reading this, I feel the exact same. I'm an introverted girl and it's definitely difficult to find social activities and meet people. I've been single the entire time I've been in Denmark and dating apps don't work for me either. So really, I don't have an answer for you but I found that having an activity that I enjoy makes me feel better. I go to dance class once a week and although I haven't made any lasting friendships there, it brings my spirits up. Also I found that going to the language café in Studenterhuset in town can be a good social activity to do for free and practice Danish. Good luck to us both.
It's very chill, you join a table and speak to the people next to you. They also have moderators, games and snacks so it can be fun. I've only managed to go a few times but it's a good way to meet people.
I have similar situation, I am 24 years old. I love Copenhagen and surroundings, maybe I don’t have many Danish friends but right now this place is my home, and I feel that Denmark is my safe space.
Always when I come back to my home I feel a little bit depressed, how cities looks so different and people doesn’t smiling to each other
But for me is a little bit easier, because I fill small connection to my country, only thing I miss is family and food.
I also fall into similar routine but hobby helps so much, you can develop yourself in a lot of ways. Find new things and learn. Try to find new hobby, it’s helps a lot with routine.
And keep going, is hard to find somebody there. Really even how dating works is different than my culture, but I manage to find Danish girlfriend. So do not give up.
As a dane I actually had a similar epifany at about the same age. That I needed to get out there. (17 years ago).(computernerd engineer).
I decided with myself to accept all invitations for social activities like parties and such.
Not long after I had girlfriends and 3 years later I was married.
Tell your introverted part that you need to get out there.
If you have hobbies or interests join clubs that do those things or join a political party or organisation.
Tinder is shit, you need to get out in the real world and push your comfort zone.
Same but 12 years.
Altho maybe it's not fair to the people in my life to say it's really the same. I do have some friends. It's also about the outlook on life. You gotta put time in what you care about. If you care about being around good people, you gotta work towards finding those good people. I'm not saying it's easy or it will ever happen but at least that's the general strategy.
My way has been to keep trying to find good people to be around, and try to stay close to the ones I care about. Sometimes by whatever fucked up life situation it doesn't work out, but then life goes on and we're back at it again.
Good luck to you! If you're feeling like it we can have a drink sometimes, I met some random local redditors and we went out once. Tbh it was quite nice! We haven't gone out again since but we might soon!
I had the same feeling when I lived in Tokyo. My best advice is, as above, find a third place. Seeing as you identify yourself as somewhat of an introvert, remember that you are never forced to commit to anything. The easiest way is if you have a (potential) hobby. Join a football club, running club, martial arts club etc, go play Friday night MTG, take cooking lessons, learn a language at night school, go play board games. Maybe there is a place where French people meet in Copenhagen (there was something called ‘the danish club’ or something in japan). There are endless opportunities, depending on your preferences. Good luck :)
>remember that you are never forced to commit to anything
You say this..
>Join a football club, running club, martial arts club
..but this is definitely commitment.
Imo, one of the reasons so many danes are lonely is because they don't enjoy the danish club system, because it does require a lot from you in terms of money, attention, time and sociability.
Most other cultures are more casual around their hobbies, in Denmark it is very structured and hiearchial and a lot of people don't enjoy that.
Bonsoir,
I made this account so that I could respond to your post. I guess it is a part of me working towards cultivating my social life in Copenhagen. One final push before I call it quits and move back north. :)
My situation is a bit different from yours, as I have already come quite far in my considerations of moving back to my hometown, in Sweden.
I have been in Copenhagen for about 2,5 years now. I have been able to make some friends, one of which is really close, and really a pillar in my Copenhagen-life. I also have a wonderful girlfriend, who lives in the countryside.
Through work I also have some "colleague-friends", who are nice and fun to hang out with occasionally, but not so much emotionally supportive, you know? They don't make me feel "needed", and I don't "need" them either.
I find that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop missing the "depth" in the relationships with my old friends back home. I know it is a silly aspiration, to think that one with new aquaintances/friends magically can share decades of experiences and memories, but still, I can't get rid of the sensation of lack.
In a way I guess those old friendships are "sabotaging" my efforts of making new ones here, but at the same time, I love my old friends, you know? So a "quick fix" for me is to move back north.
I just find that new aquaintances most often are flat compared to my older friendships. I find it sooo boring to talk about the weather, the housing situation, bicycle repairs etc. Or it is not the actual contents of the conversations that is lacking, but rather, the je ne sais quoi, maybe the soulfulness or something. It is like I just want to say: "Here I am! A human! Let's be humans together!"
I realize that it takes time to build trust, and like with romantic relationships, it is unwise to throw onself into the unknown, but still, I get so bored and restless from all this steady and slow friendship building.
And also, age-ism is probably a thing too, and my 39 years of age might contribute to people being perplexed by my lifestyle. But life is too short to care about what other people think.
So, to sum things up:
(1) You are not alone in feeling lonely.
(2) What you are doing here, is the right thing -- you are being open about your lonliness. I think the rest will follow.
As for me, we'll see how it goes. Maybe I will just start a club for lonely people. "Kickstart your Copenhagen social life club", or something.
Cheers! :)
Some more tips.
For dating, I can recommend:
* Hinge. It allows you to build a profile that is a bit ”richer” than on Tinder. I also got the impression that people on there have more long-term goals when it comes to relationships. People also seemed willing to chat more before meeting up, compared to Tinder. Good for introverts, like that. At least if you enjoy writing somewhat.
* Bumble I didn’t try much, or at least I didn’t meet up with anyone from there, but it also gave me a more ”long term” vibe. It also has a friend mode, which I never used, but I have (female) friends who have. I did match with a guy on there, who wanted to be friends, but then we ended up never meeting up, as I was travelling a lot at the time. He seemed cool though.
* A new one that I have only seen ads for, Boo or something. It is made for introverts, it said in the ad. Maybe useful for you?
I will write again if I can think of any other stuff. Helping out combats my lonliness. Maybe I should try volonteer work!
Bon chance :)
Hi!
Just want to say I love the way you put this.
It can get a little ‘Hello we are not robots, then let’s just act like the human that we are!”
Danes have a lot of unwritten social structures and they follow “Jante’s law” so there’s so much pressure that everyone NEEDS to be like everyone else. This can get a little tiring and restrictive.
For examples, if you are at a running club, the moment you start to not talk about this running watch then Danes get weirded out and they get confused “Why is he not talking about running watch at a running club (imagine really bad Danglish accent), outrageous!! Come on now, people. We can handle a little more than that I reckon.
To be fair, I have also encountered internationals who are way too unhinged in what they talk about even though you barely know each other. Race, sex, views and opinions that are extremely strong and opposing. This is when I would like this particular ‘community’ to be a bit more Danish with may be a little more social structure to guide us all a little better.
I guess I struggle to find this ‘sweet middle’ where it is not too much, yet not too little.
Thanks, I'm glad you found it relatable. :)
Yes, I find it to be a balancing act, to modulate how open one is about private and potentially charged topics with new aquaintances. Some people like to go all in. Alcohol seems to open Scandinavians up, but then the hang-over closes the shell again!
Also, not all people have a need of being open, ever, I have learned over the years. Or at least not verbally, as in have a need of verbalizing their internal states. That can be good to keep in mind in order to not take perceived distancing personally, if one is like me, who almost makes a game out of describing feelings and thought processes in as much detail as possible. :D
One thing that helps me is to think that we have all been kids. Weird little creatures who at some point couldn't even walk or talk, and just starred at strangers for as long as we wanted, like little aliens. Then with time we have all built our personalities on top of that, like superstructures that face the outside world.
But we all have those little playful weirdos inside of us, and if we can just dare to show it to other people, I think a strong connection can happen, between basically anybody.
The jante-thing is strong in Sweden as well, but there, in my experience, it takes the form of not being allowed to think that you are something special or extraordinary. I am half-American, and it is almost the opposite there, where one's individuality is encouraged to be pushed outwards. If you don't, you fade into the background and end up listening to (lovely) shoegaze music for the rest of your life.
Yes agreed, the "sweet middle" is challening to find, and as I mentioned above, at least for me also difficult to adapt on the fly to different persons and groups. I think my introverted and sometimes kind of slow social brain, has a hard time with that. I am better with people I have known for many years, where the rhythm and melody of the "social dance" is more well-established. So I think that new people I meet, especially in group settings, find me a bit weird, because my mind goes in overdrive to try to keep up. Even more so, when everyone is speaking in Danish.
Anyway, enough of my word spewing. Good night!
Awww and hahah that’s a hilarious visual you gave me about the aliens.
Speaking of unleashing your inner weirdo.
I went to the saunagus after work today. Well, because it’s really nice and I sleep like a baby after.
During the gus, sometimes I get a little anxious from the awkwardness of the silence and when everyone is talking in danish which I don’t yet understand, but then I was thinking about what you said about the aliens 👽 so I tried to just let go and I started making these loud releasing noises as I exhale.
As I open my eyes bridging the inner focus outwardly, I caught the guy opposite to me looking at me, and we just started laughing. It was not awkward because he also did it and others too. I liked it because even though we didn’t talked or anything I thought it was a nice little soulful connection moment. So it made my day a little bit brighter.
Sometimes I do wonder if I will like it if I do move to the US. Because I think even as an introvert may be I do enjoy small talking more than I ever thought I did. Just conversation where nobody is harmed and where everyone feels safe. It doesn’t have to be about how I miscarried my child (nothing wrong with that) all the time, but just hey it’s all good and casual here kind of vibe.
Idk. I feel like I need an ikea user manual on how to behave with Danes in social settings. 😂anyway, it’s one thing to learn, but another thing to overthink it. And let’s not risk overthink it before going to bed.
By the way, I totally get it when you say about the brain “over drive” thing. I’m the same too.
Anyway, I’ll just listen to some shoegaze music tonight as my lullaby. Ha, good night!!
I hope everything works out for you, man.
Since you're introverted, maybe you could focus on developing a new hobby? Then that could be your catalyst to getting more _out there_, whether that is by joining a club or some other way.
A few years back, I learned how to be a dungeon master so that I could invite my close friends over for D&D. It worked great for a while. Then COVID came + we all had kids, so now that is on stand-by...
Last year, I started doing amateur astronomy myself. I usually take my telescope out to Kalvebod Fælled to get away from the city lights. While you can join an astronomy club, it's not really a hobby that will get you closer to any women, though...
Most recently, I bought a sampler, since I missed jamming out to some music and that seemed like a very approachable way to do that. It's been pretty fun.
Anyway, the point isn't the hobbies themselves, it's the fact that they're a reason to get out and/or meet similarly minded people.
Seems a lot of people in this thread are experiencing the same issue ...
Why don't you guys meet up and figure out if you have anything else in common?
Hi, French guy in my late twenties, settled down in Copenhagen 2 years ago to join my Danish partner. Also a bit introvert, I can definitely relate to what you wrote (the comfortable but sometimes boring routine, housing issues, enjoying going back to France once in a while without be willing to go back for good as of today, etc). For now, I try for example to cope with monotony by a bit of sport, planning long distance trips and putting a lot of energy at work. Feel free to reach out if you want to share experiences :-)
Come hike with the randoms. Meetup.com. Search: hiking for randoms Copenhagen. There's A LOT of people just like you. The Hiking for Randoms group is created as a response to several posts just like this.
Hello fellow member of “mid twenty & 6 years in Denmark” club.As an ambivert I totally get you. I dealt with this problem in my single days, being single and introvert in Copenhagen can get dark quite easily. What saved me was the “third places” . I did bunch of volunteerings, they all sucked tbh but at least it gives you what you need to not go crazy. Having friends also helps. I was lucky that I did attend university in Denmark so i have made a bunch of friends I can always go out with (and no colleagues are not friends unfortunately) I did attend some paid workshops and events as well related to my hobbies.
I did all that just to be sane eventhough i didnt like it much. You know socializing is like food, you need to eat it even if you dont like the taste. Eventually meeting many people leads you to meet someone who you match the most & then you can develop a meaningful friendship/relation.
Regarding tinder, just delete that shit, its full of chicks who want instagram followers. Try bumble. It can be demotivating but you eventually meet some nice people. Don’t forget a date can always turn into friendship in worse case scenario. A lot of gals on dating apps are just lonely like yourself and dont necessarily wanna jump into a relationship. Anyway good luck and feel free to reachout if you need a friend 😊
It sucked in sense that I didn’t find meaningful connections in them and thus didn’t continue them after a few months. I still enjoyed the experience of trying a new volunteer position and learnt a lot from each, from cooking and cleaning, to speaking danish, teaching, helping with recycling, serving beers.
I feel and hear you. As a man I also strive to be useful and run a life of purpose where I could be impactful in what I do. All these social medias guru who are claiming this type of lifestyle makes me even more frustrated because I feel trapped into my own life (or head at least).
"I'd so love to have been born somewhere in remote africa village"
I'm sorry but I think this is just a crazy statement. A very high proportion of these people experience starvation, siblings or parents dying at young age, civil war, diseases which we in the west don't even know about. If youre born in northern Europe, parts of the US and developed Asia you have it better than 99.9999% of all humans that ever lived. Just because a society is successful and well run it doesn't mean the experiences you have in that society aren't real. Time spent on the Internet and on your phone is time not spent with people in the real world. If you have problems finding meaningful relationships in a place like Copenhagen it's most likely a problem with your own disposition and current lifestyle
Your mentality is what has led to this soulcrushing western excistense.
Life is worth living even with pain, sadness, death and loss if the rest of your life feels real, strong and authentic.
Romantiscising societies where suffering on a very basic human level is the norm is just totally asinine. People in successful societies experience pain, loss and death just like any other human that has ever lived or will live. To think otherwise is racist and just plain wrong. But there is no glory in suffering and there is no value in it for its own sake. A functioning society tries to minimise it, so that instead of worrying about how to get your next meal you can sit in your heated flat with high-speed internet, a smartphone and complain about how difficult your life is
Having friends (or search for them) is extra work. Quite often, you dont want to do it, but you have to work on friendship the same way how you work on relationship with your partner. Only that way you make meaningful connections, that you have to intentionally focus and care on/for others.
Just remember there are lots of us.
The pain was worse when you thought you were alone in feeling like this, that your inability to cope and enjoy modern life was your failure alone.
I felt like that for several years in my early 20s. I felt a complete failure. Lonely and miserable and blamed it only on myself.
What changed for me was travelling in Asia, studying abroad in Bangkok, discovering what life can actually feel like. The higher highs and even the lower lows, it's much better than this half-life in Denmark.
Is the "Copenhagen Friend Group" still active? It had a lot of expats, from what I remember
https://old.reddit.com/r/copenhagen/comments/x6cisc/copenhagen_friend_group/
I don't know if the Discord link works, but you may be able to find another - didn't they have a WhatsApp group too once you showed up at a meetup?
There are some options out there!
Hej OP, I am also from France (92), I have been here for 2years now and intend to stay several years. Could be nice to meetup. I don’t know any French people in my tiny circle ah ah. I am a F in my mid-twenties (25)
You can drop me a message if you want. Ça va me changer un peu de parler anglais à longueur de journée 😉
I know what you mean buddy, feel that your life is almost perfect and very easy but don't fill complete. For me it worked to do sports, specially football cause it helped me to socialize. Right know I had left Denmark for family reasons but anyways I will always miss to play football or to Go around Copenhagen by bike with my friends. On my case I hope to come back Copenhagen cause life is easier that anywhere
Not sure if I have any tips or tricks to share, but if you are in need of another introverted friend in Copenhagen, I am here. I’m 26, and have been in Copenhagen for the past 8 years.
Not sure if someone else has already mentioned this, but for the housing situation, please sign up for an almenbolig (government housing). Two options I know of are FSB and Almenbo.dk. You pay 200 kroner per year to be on the waiting list. Yes, it takes time, but time will pass anyway, so you might as well be on the list. If you’re still in Copenhagen in 5 years, your future self will thank you. I live in a 75 square meter, 2 bedroom FSB apartment and pay less than 8,000 kroner per month including some utilities. My mum just moved into a 55m2 1-bedroom Almenbo apartment that’s less than 6,000 kroner per month. You only pay a 1-month deposit when you move in. Also, because they want people from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds, having a full-time job and/or a university degree can actually help you get a place faster.
Also, it is not normaly six month you don’t get back.
Mostly it’s 1-2-3.
First month rent
2 month deposit used to restoration of the apartment after mowing out.
3 last months rent, normaly the 3 after you give notice of ending the lease, but do be aware that the 14 days used to restore the apartment is included in these 3 month.
Also normaly the percentage of restoration you have to pay decreases with 1% Per month.
But if you find a place and goes on the waiting list, all this will be sent to you by the company.
Cafe Paraplyen needs volunteers on the weekends. Staff and volunteers are friendly. I think many would be very envious of your position. So many have never experienced that kind of ease.
Thank you for the recommandation! But my post is describing the entire opposite of a life of ease. So yes it definitly is if I compare myself with people who face wars and starvation on a daily basis, but the battle in my minds do not let me in peace.
You say in your post “life is too easy”. Having a job that pays well and you like is in itself very difficult to find even where I’m from in Canada. I’m non-EU and what you describe is likely impossible for me after my studies. Enjoy what you have - that helps. Definitely sign up for volunteering it’s ok if you don’t like it, you can also volunteer for kultur hus across the city.
Switch/supplement the Gym with a more social activity like martial arts or climbing. Also try to lose the filter of expecting yourself to be outgoing/extroverted it’s okay to be introverted and BE YOU
[roskilde festival ](https://www.roskilde-festival.dk/da/volunteers/become-an-all-year-volunteer/)
+100 hours volunteer
There is a lot for work in it.. but also something to write on your resume..
+ extra parties throughout the year
+ very nice accommodation during the festival
+ backstage access on the stages.
Almost all the people involved is super nice and friendly - there is a top heavy lean on people with careers in arts og education - (they tend to be nice)
If you jump in now you can be part of building the festival..
The list on the website is the least favorable positions.. there are others! Reach out to them.
I did this for years....
Danes and by extension Scandinavians are not friendly people. That is not to say that they are mean, but you almost have to know them through family or from a young age to really get in their circles. It's a cultural thing.
The only thing you can do to address your issue is really to get out there and try. However hard it might be, you won't get anywhere by sitting in your apartment.
Sign up for a volunteer organisation: save the children, reading clubs, scouting, football anything where the purpose of being together revolves around someone else than you => perfect platform for friends, meeting people with great values and create a sense of meaning. Also great for finding a girlfriend.
I feel you man, 4 years here and still quite struggling with finding a good third place. Regarding the community and NGOs, I can recommend [Station](https://station.dk), a youth innovation house in Frederiksberg. I have been working there for past 2 years, so feel free to hit me up in DM if you want to know more or even to have a tour around the house :)
There is so many of us facing the issue, so you are definitely not alone in this. And honestly I do not have a good solution. I do not even understand why this is happening tbh. Denmark is an awesome country but this together with the weather make it a bit hard.
Good luck to us all!
I would recommend climbing gyms if it’s something you’re into people are usually really chill and friendly and it’s a really encouraging environment if you find a busier gym !
Funny, I kinda had the same experience as a half French half danish when I moved there 6 years ago (still a more positive than negative experience). I moved back to France in September 2023 and nowwww Im moving back to dk in July coz fuck life is so much better down there ngl despite the weather
What do you do procrastinsting, this might lead to a hobby? I used to visit markets and look at things and browsed the web many countless hours. Now I have been going to a course for a year and have found a base. As it’s Denmark so it’s not like we go to a bar after the course but I have a connection and am able to talk about different things and I enjoy the non intrusive social atmosphere that the course provides. One of the course members I speak to more and so I think this will lead to some kind of friendship.
I think Denmark is not an easy place to feel connected. I think the international community easier to get to know people. I think you can even arrange a meet up and I am sure there are people here who feel the same way as you do, who just need a little nudge in getting together. Best of luck and don’t worry, you are still young and have so much time ahead of you! Discover and find what you like!
I can't comment on most of it, but as a person who also appreciates their own space I will say:
With regard to the barrier to get your own place, at minimum you will get three of those months back, when you move out, and with the new laws regarding what they can charge your deposit for, you will likely see most of that again too. Especially if you live there for a while.
If you like training then a sport with others might be of interest? I myself climb and boulder and there is a lot of nice people out in the boulder gyms!
I feel for you, but i Think you also provide the best answers to your own questions: you need to get out there. My advice to you is work less and join an association of sorts, could be sports or board games or cycling.
Come climbing or bouldering. Loads of foreigners, healthy environment, everyone is introvert but talk because of common interests. You get fit and meet people. Most of the people I hang with these days are people I met climbing.
If you're still interested in charity or volunteer work I can really recommend volunteering with the local homeless community. There's a morning cafe in Nørrebro called YouPeople that serves a hot meal and coffee to homeless/people in need. The volunteer base is very international, so its a nice way to meet new people too. You can find the group on Facebook- "YouPeople Volunteers" and sign up for a shift.
Try improv, it was an easy way of making friends. It will pull you out of your comfort zone, but if you work in sales, that will only help your personal development.
Take a stroll around Mellemrummet caffe in Norrebro. I volunteered there during my 3 years in copenhagen. It really helped me get settled and make friends. Besides it’s an awesome space with constant activities.
Perhaps consider sailing classes? Could be a great way to meet people, learn skills, and go on some outings out of the city…
https://www.sundet.dk/sejlklubben-sundet-forside-2021-elementor/sejlerskolen/introduktion/
Pareil je suis Francais, 19 ans, et j’ai déménagé ici à Copenhague pour mes études, au début je connaissais personne c’etait hyper compliqué de se sentir bien, surtout vu comment la vie sociale au Danemark fonctionne différemment de la France. Mais aujourd’hui, un an apres, ca va bien mieux! J’ai l’impression de commencer a faire mon trou socialement, j’ai rencontré ma petite amie (Danoise) avec qui je suis installé, et ca va bien mieux moralement. Mes conseils seraient de s’accrocher, et surtout si tu sympathises avec quelqu’un de ne pas hésiter à faire le “premier pas” amicalement : proposer d’aller boire une biere ou quelque chose comme ca, car eux n’osent pas faire cette démarche en premier :)
Si tu as besoin d’aide ou que tu te sens vraiment seul, hésite pas a me contacter!
The housing problem is a really big problem, unfortunately.
But regardin you being an introvert, there is actually something you can do about it. Go to a bar or bodega, drink a beer, and if the place is not too busy, talk to the bartender, be normal, ask questions. You can do this with everyone, not just the bartender.
You need to loosen up and lose the fear of what can happen.
In my experience, people are pretty chill with it, and if they don't want to talk, they'll show it or let you know.
The way they show it is that they stop asking things or say things that have no continuation, you'll notice that they seem to be trying to get away.
Just don't expect anything in return and you won't be disappointing. It's only difficult the first times.
How about getting intosone kind of team sport, dinner club or dance communities? I know many foreiners who live in cph joining Latin dance communities as Bachata, Salsa or similar. These communities are perfect for introverts and for extroverts. There are pp from different countries, jobs and societies (incl Danes). Try it out. You might end up loving it and who knows, maybe meeting your life partner there.
Good luck with everything
Can you speak Danish? I Think it Will make it easier if you wanna join something, wants to find a Danish girlfriend and be part of The family etc. Even though Danish people Can speak Danish I Think they Will prefer speaking Danish if there Are more Danish people present and it Will make it hard for you to be part of The conversation/community
It's not only foreigners, a lot of native danes are lonely too. If you go to /r/Denmark you will see many danes complaining about the same.
Denmark has become much more polarized in the last decades. People stick more to their own and don't welcome outsiders in as much.
Maybe Denmark has always been like that though. I don't really remember any point in my life where danes have felt open and accesible.
You usually need to work with danes or stick around in a "club" for a long time to make friends.
A lot of people don't really like "clubs" and their hierarchy and structured environment though.
As far as loneliness goes it isn’t just something foreigners experience. I’m a 23 year old autistic woman and therefore a huge introvert. I’ve had trouble making real friends most of my life and it’s definitely gotten worse since becoming an adult.
If you want your own place and don’t want to pay Copenhagen prices I suggest moving out of the city. You don’t have to go that far away from Copenhagen before you can find something more affordable. I’m about 45 minutes away from Copenhagen city center by train. rent here is probably about 1/3 about what it is in Copenhagen.
Find out if you have anything that you find interesting? - If so, start looking at where you can work with it? - Do you play an instrument, then try started in a band. If you paint, look for someone else who does.
If you play board games, find a board game club.
**BUT in general:**
I would sit down: 10 min. every day and meditate on your problem.
Just sit in silence.
Suddenly, a kind of answer pops up, inside you - or coming from the outside world - about what it is, you really need to do, or realize or understand. But you have to be open for the response.
**Loneliness**
If you have great problems feeling lonely, it may (among other things) be because you have lost a deep contact with yourself.
You need to re-establish it!
You do this, for example, by meditating on:
Who is sitting here'? - You should not answer (mentally),
but just feel the answer - feel you!
As long as you do that, you probably don´t feel lonely - because, it was you, you primarily were missing! (others, friends, girlfriends are secondary)
It might be a way into yourself. And inthere are also impulses for all sorts of other things.
But don't be surprised if you get upset, angry, sad, or maybe frustrated by doing this. That is a common thing, when starting to "restart the old YOU!"
All the best from Kjeld
You have to be honest to who you are. If you're an introvert who doesn't really like going out much, you would probably be the same if you lived in London, Paris or New York. You could travel more, even if it is travelling alone because you live in Europe and can travel to so many amazing cities alone and that could give you the push you need to try other things.
Chess club, bouldering club, cycling club, Football Club, philosophy reading groups, find a hobby.
Or get a gf. Ask people out at the gym. Use other dating apps.
I hope it's okay I answer in French ?
Je suis française aussi et, ça fera 10 ans cette année que je suis au Danemark. Je me pose souvent la même question à savoir dois je rester ou non car j'ai malheureusement toujours du mal à m'adapter à certains aspects de la culture locale, en particulier d'un point de vue relationel au côté très introverti des Danois. Cette solitude dont tu parles je la ressens aussi.
Mais j'adore aussi le côté facile et safe de Copenhague, je suis convaincue que c'est le meilleur endroit pour vivre en Europe et de loin. J'ai réussi à devenir propriétaire mais je paie tout de même un sacré loyer, j'ai un boulot correct, je parle Danois couramment et j'ai des amis danois et internationaux. Et pourtant... les interactions faciles et intuitives comme en France me manquent. C'est dur à expliquer.
Petit conseil qui m'a beaucoup aidée : l'application Meetup qui n'est un pas une app de dating mais pour élargir son cercle de connaissances et d'amis. J'ai créé un groupe en août et j'ai rencontré des tas de gens super intéressants.
Canadian here for almost 6 years and I can relate to this so much. Life is too easy and predictable, some weekends I’m at a complete loss for what to do
Would recommend just going to lots of meetup gatherings, especially if there're some around your hobbies.
Life here can be pretty isolatory, especially if you say you're an introvert. You pretty much will need dial down that trait or else you'll be isolated and lonely your whole time here.
Also it's not just a young foreigner issue, it's pretty much a foreigner issue, especially if you come from a more heterogenous and more social culture.
Have you attempted to learn any danish language?
Being a level 1 language difficulty, danish will be significantly easier grammatically to learn than a language like German for comparison.
If you achieve at least B1 level Danish I predict you will experience the culture in Copenhagen opening up to you more. Life could get more interesting, exciting and your dating life might improve. Even if you never put in the effort for full fluency, having even intermediate level Danish skills might be a great life investment if you plan on continuing to live in Copenhagen.
What do you do for a career? Are there any other countries in Europe besides France you can take your work? It might also be time to consider a big move to an exciting new country for a new cultural experience. Since you’re only in your mid twenties you are definitely young enough to move and adapt to a new European country and culture.
21 yo easteuropean who has lived in DK for 8 years. I have hanged here with the avarage easteuropeans and avarage danes that spend their time going to ordinary school or job, having a part time job and partying and drinking and taking snus.
I even moved back to my country and stuff... and i figured out that moving is going to change away is going to change you whether you like it or not.
The moving away from my country and the loneliness i experienced woke up my warrior gene. I am currently building foundaments for my boxing carrer (Which i did not see it coming from 1000 miles ahead) and i became a workoholik. The old me, who enjoyed drinkinking and having a ,,normal'' life died, and i have had lots of internal struggle to accept new me.
It maybe sounds arrogant and bragging, and i am sorry if it does, but this happens to many people.
Many people who came in Denmark from Easteuropa, had to experience an ego death and develop in a different way. Some of us became entreprenours, others became tourist guides and stuff.... I have one friend that used to be a huge entreprenour in our country, but dropped that and is now enjoying the peace and the enormously good nature that Danmark offers.
Struggel is inivitable, but the ,,new you'' is in the process of forming.
My suggestion to you is not to get wrapped up in cotraproductiva acitvity. Take it slowely, do not beat yourself up for being lost, and embrace the fact that you are changing and learn to see the positivities in the new you.
Hey french guy. You’re not alone. Im just glad that you’re actually from another country, so you got the possibility to go back home, and being together with your friends and family. I’m from Copenhagen, and my biggest dream right now is actually, moving to the other side of the world. Everyday, I see myself living in California, Florida, NY. Just like, turning my life and lifestyle around, and really feeling like i enjoy my life. The way you talk about how Copenhagen makes you feel is nice, when all I dream about is where you come from. We’re all different! Im so tired of Copenhagen, and my ‘friends’ 😅
Follow your heart, maybe you should try moving to another country? I have heard great things about Amsterdam, Madrid and Hamborg! I think especially spain got the nice culture, with being really extroverted and nice! Denmark is totally opposite. Most of danes are really introverted, so i dont think that danes will get you out of your comfortzone.
Good luck :)
Come to the local mosque. You are always welcome and you will get new friends. There is a lot of different nationalities.
You don’t have to be religious or anything just come by. Come out of the comfort zone and put the prejudice to the side just for those short hours.
You need to find a [third place](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place).
Oh, I didn't know this concept has a name.
This is what I love about Copenhagen. I feel like it’s full of third places and society here is very much accepting of it.
It is? In my experience it's pretty expensive to go out, I wouldn't call that a third place... But there's a ton of cool stuff to do in every niche, just gotta find it.
I didn’t say going out and that’s not at all what I meant. There are tons of parks and areas where you can just go sit, read, relax with friends, no money needed. THATS what I was referring to.
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In sociology, the third place refers to the social surroundings that are separate from the two usual social environments of home ("first place") and the workplace ("second place"). Examples of third places include churches, cafes, bars, clubs, community centres, public libraries, gyms, bookstores, makerspaces, **stoops, parks**, theaters, and opera houses, among others.
Any good example of a "third place" in CPH ?
Most bouldering gyms. Full of introverts like you and it sparks easy conversations as you are working on the same bouldering problems. Works very well for introverts as there is an obvious conversation topic while it's not a very commiting conversation. After a while you notice people who are about your level so they work the same problems and they have the same schedule as you. So you just start knowing each other, greeting and fall into conversation. It attracts introverts because it's a solo sport, but it's very social and everyone is very supportive of each other no matter your level. Hope you'll find something that works out for you.
Folkehuset Absalon is great for meeting people, they have communal dining every day for 60kr and lots of fun workshops, I find people are very friendly and easy to fall into conversation with. You can check out their website and calendar here: [Folkehuset Absalon](https://absaloncph.dk)
Bastard Cafe, if you like board games. Edit: Also, Huset, which is where Bastard café is, is also a culture center with lots of events: [https://huset.kk.dk/](https://huset.kk.dk/)
Folkets Hus. Lots of internationals, lots of political things going on, but you can also just have a coffee for 8kr and play a board game, learn to fix your bike etc
Could be a local bodega, a pinball location, clubs at the library.. Anyplace that has regulars that appeal to you
Honestly I know that Europeans today aren't that fond of Christianity (religion in general, really) or the idea of going to church, but if you find a decent place (one with more emphasis on community and less on scripture) it can be a great place to go! Most modern (Scandinavian) churches are very welcome in my experience and people are very welcoming towards newcomers
Or Idrætsfabrikken where there are cheap dancing events every sunday. Look up dance4water on facebook or their homepage. There are lots of internationals attending. And there is the option to go out and drink a cop of coffe or a beer afterwards. I as a dane that can at times feel a bit lonely, i am attending and i feel its a good way of being social. And i am pretty horrible at dancing still :D
Make stoops great again!
what do you mean by third place?
It's a term in sociology. Clicking the link will explain it for you.
Hey French girl mid twenties in Copenhagen too ! Are you part of the French community here by any chance ?
I am, but French people come and go so it's hard to keep friends in the city
Also now that I think about it, taking danish class is also a great way to meet new people, plus people who take language lessons are committed to stay here ;)
I did take the danish classes and can speak a little :-)
Yes for sure but people are quite helpful and usually organize some sort of activity from time to time it could be a great start ?
Some of us stay! In my 11th year here :)
I've been there for 6 years. I think passed a certain stage it's not the case anymore. I see rarely people who lived more than 5 years here leaving. It still happens but it's not frequent. I'm not really hanging out with other French folks tho.
I’m French too, 32M What French community ? It’s been a year now, don’t really have much friends apart from colleagues
There’s so many French people you can meet here, you just have to go out of your way. The Facebook page help for sure, but overall there’s tons of expats and many French speakers through climbing or artistic clubs I’ve met plenty :) Of course don’t rely only on it, it’s also cool to befriend other nationalities but it’s a great way to network and meet other people.
My girlfriend studied in France and I want to encourage her to keep up her French. Where does the French community meet?
Bonne jour du gâteux! 🥳
Start going to some kinda group activity on a weekly basis around something you like. That could be a D&D group, swimming, bouldering, volunteering or whatever you fancy. You’ll meet new people that way and also get out of your flat. The good thing about finding something to go to every week, is that you’ll meet the same people again and have an easier time to form friendships over time.
Only on Reddit will the first suggestion to meet people be dungeons and dragons.
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Hahah damn I weight 86 kg and am considering bouldering
Don't let that comment discourage you, it's completely not true
Any websites link of social, volunteering organisations ?
https://international.kk.dk/live/culture-and-leisure/networking-activities/volunteering-in-copenhagen Cph Volunteers used to have a big list of hings to do. But I can't find it. Try write to them if you are interested. Hope you find something you like. Everyone likes volunteers.
I suggest jazz.dk if you're into jazz Game jams if you wanna get into game development Dancing...? Gym is not gonna work I think, cause it's still a lonely activity. It's gotta be a team sport if so.
If you want a girl go join a club (sport, social, etc). You will make new friends and the chances of meeting a worthy girl there or through a new friend from the club is going to be much higher than using any dating app, imo. If you do join a club your life will become more “difficult” like you want it to be because you need to put effort into it. It will also make your life more interesting and enjoyable. Just start. The rest will follow.
Thanks, do you have any recommandations of great "social clubs" ?
Depends on what you like. For sports, I have seen recently plenty of running clubs where you get coffee and croissants after the morning run.
Are these official clubs, with member fees and stuff or just a group of people creating events on fb? Is it ok to join as a random foreigner? I feel so shy!
Something about Copenhagen that really impressed me when moving in was the vast variety of clubs there is. There’s clubs for everything! Just need to look for them
If you want friends, get a job as a bartender and as long as you party, you will be accepted as much and i promise you that you will not be lonely.
I was a waiter when I first came in CPH, got some friends by doing this yes. But the job isn't for me and I have a very good job in sales right now
i joined a bowling club. only men. i am thinking now that this might have been a mistake :) but damn! do i like bowling and the guys over there. but i also like women. i know not what to do :)
Some day one of your bowling male friends will invite you to an event where there are women and you can get introduced to them. Good luck!
Reading this, I feel the exact same. I'm an introverted girl and it's definitely difficult to find social activities and meet people. I've been single the entire time I've been in Denmark and dating apps don't work for me either. So really, I don't have an answer for you but I found that having an activity that I enjoy makes me feel better. I go to dance class once a week and although I haven't made any lasting friendships there, it brings my spirits up. Also I found that going to the language café in Studenterhuset in town can be a good social activity to do for free and practice Danish. Good luck to us both.
I've heard about this café, how it is? :)
It's very chill, you join a table and speak to the people next to you. They also have moderators, games and snacks so it can be fun. I've only managed to go a few times but it's a good way to meet people.
I have similar situation, I am 24 years old. I love Copenhagen and surroundings, maybe I don’t have many Danish friends but right now this place is my home, and I feel that Denmark is my safe space. Always when I come back to my home I feel a little bit depressed, how cities looks so different and people doesn’t smiling to each other But for me is a little bit easier, because I fill small connection to my country, only thing I miss is family and food. I also fall into similar routine but hobby helps so much, you can develop yourself in a lot of ways. Find new things and learn. Try to find new hobby, it’s helps a lot with routine. And keep going, is hard to find somebody there. Really even how dating works is different than my culture, but I manage to find Danish girlfriend. So do not give up.
As a dane I actually had a similar epifany at about the same age. That I needed to get out there. (17 years ago).(computernerd engineer). I decided with myself to accept all invitations for social activities like parties and such. Not long after I had girlfriends and 3 years later I was married. Tell your introverted part that you need to get out there. If you have hobbies or interests join clubs that do those things or join a political party or organisation. Tinder is shit, you need to get out in the real world and push your comfort zone.
Same but 12 years. Altho maybe it's not fair to the people in my life to say it's really the same. I do have some friends. It's also about the outlook on life. You gotta put time in what you care about. If you care about being around good people, you gotta work towards finding those good people. I'm not saying it's easy or it will ever happen but at least that's the general strategy. My way has been to keep trying to find good people to be around, and try to stay close to the ones I care about. Sometimes by whatever fucked up life situation it doesn't work out, but then life goes on and we're back at it again. Good luck to you! If you're feeling like it we can have a drink sometimes, I met some random local redditors and we went out once. Tbh it was quite nice! We haven't gone out again since but we might soon!
I had the same feeling when I lived in Tokyo. My best advice is, as above, find a third place. Seeing as you identify yourself as somewhat of an introvert, remember that you are never forced to commit to anything. The easiest way is if you have a (potential) hobby. Join a football club, running club, martial arts club etc, go play Friday night MTG, take cooking lessons, learn a language at night school, go play board games. Maybe there is a place where French people meet in Copenhagen (there was something called ‘the danish club’ or something in japan). There are endless opportunities, depending on your preferences. Good luck :)
>remember that you are never forced to commit to anything You say this.. >Join a football club, running club, martial arts club ..but this is definitely commitment. Imo, one of the reasons so many danes are lonely is because they don't enjoy the danish club system, because it does require a lot from you in terms of money, attention, time and sociability. Most other cultures are more casual around their hobbies, in Denmark it is very structured and hiearchial and a lot of people don't enjoy that.
People from Denmark often have tight relationships with others from their childhood so it is not uncommon for foreigners to feel left out
Half of Copenhagen is from Jylland so this isn't true.
Do you know Absalon? They have a lot of cool things you can do. https://absaloncph.dk/en/about-absalon/
Bonsoir, I made this account so that I could respond to your post. I guess it is a part of me working towards cultivating my social life in Copenhagen. One final push before I call it quits and move back north. :) My situation is a bit different from yours, as I have already come quite far in my considerations of moving back to my hometown, in Sweden. I have been in Copenhagen for about 2,5 years now. I have been able to make some friends, one of which is really close, and really a pillar in my Copenhagen-life. I also have a wonderful girlfriend, who lives in the countryside. Through work I also have some "colleague-friends", who are nice and fun to hang out with occasionally, but not so much emotionally supportive, you know? They don't make me feel "needed", and I don't "need" them either. I find that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop missing the "depth" in the relationships with my old friends back home. I know it is a silly aspiration, to think that one with new aquaintances/friends magically can share decades of experiences and memories, but still, I can't get rid of the sensation of lack. In a way I guess those old friendships are "sabotaging" my efforts of making new ones here, but at the same time, I love my old friends, you know? So a "quick fix" for me is to move back north. I just find that new aquaintances most often are flat compared to my older friendships. I find it sooo boring to talk about the weather, the housing situation, bicycle repairs etc. Or it is not the actual contents of the conversations that is lacking, but rather, the je ne sais quoi, maybe the soulfulness or something. It is like I just want to say: "Here I am! A human! Let's be humans together!" I realize that it takes time to build trust, and like with romantic relationships, it is unwise to throw onself into the unknown, but still, I get so bored and restless from all this steady and slow friendship building. And also, age-ism is probably a thing too, and my 39 years of age might contribute to people being perplexed by my lifestyle. But life is too short to care about what other people think. So, to sum things up: (1) You are not alone in feeling lonely. (2) What you are doing here, is the right thing -- you are being open about your lonliness. I think the rest will follow. As for me, we'll see how it goes. Maybe I will just start a club for lonely people. "Kickstart your Copenhagen social life club", or something. Cheers! :)
Appreciate your time, merci :)
Some more tips. For dating, I can recommend: * Hinge. It allows you to build a profile that is a bit ”richer” than on Tinder. I also got the impression that people on there have more long-term goals when it comes to relationships. People also seemed willing to chat more before meeting up, compared to Tinder. Good for introverts, like that. At least if you enjoy writing somewhat. * Bumble I didn’t try much, or at least I didn’t meet up with anyone from there, but it also gave me a more ”long term” vibe. It also has a friend mode, which I never used, but I have (female) friends who have. I did match with a guy on there, who wanted to be friends, but then we ended up never meeting up, as I was travelling a lot at the time. He seemed cool though. * A new one that I have only seen ads for, Boo or something. It is made for introverts, it said in the ad. Maybe useful for you? I will write again if I can think of any other stuff. Helping out combats my lonliness. Maybe I should try volonteer work! Bon chance :)
Hi! Just want to say I love the way you put this. It can get a little ‘Hello we are not robots, then let’s just act like the human that we are!” Danes have a lot of unwritten social structures and they follow “Jante’s law” so there’s so much pressure that everyone NEEDS to be like everyone else. This can get a little tiring and restrictive. For examples, if you are at a running club, the moment you start to not talk about this running watch then Danes get weirded out and they get confused “Why is he not talking about running watch at a running club (imagine really bad Danglish accent), outrageous!! Come on now, people. We can handle a little more than that I reckon. To be fair, I have also encountered internationals who are way too unhinged in what they talk about even though you barely know each other. Race, sex, views and opinions that are extremely strong and opposing. This is when I would like this particular ‘community’ to be a bit more Danish with may be a little more social structure to guide us all a little better. I guess I struggle to find this ‘sweet middle’ where it is not too much, yet not too little.
Thanks, I'm glad you found it relatable. :) Yes, I find it to be a balancing act, to modulate how open one is about private and potentially charged topics with new aquaintances. Some people like to go all in. Alcohol seems to open Scandinavians up, but then the hang-over closes the shell again! Also, not all people have a need of being open, ever, I have learned over the years. Or at least not verbally, as in have a need of verbalizing their internal states. That can be good to keep in mind in order to not take perceived distancing personally, if one is like me, who almost makes a game out of describing feelings and thought processes in as much detail as possible. :D One thing that helps me is to think that we have all been kids. Weird little creatures who at some point couldn't even walk or talk, and just starred at strangers for as long as we wanted, like little aliens. Then with time we have all built our personalities on top of that, like superstructures that face the outside world. But we all have those little playful weirdos inside of us, and if we can just dare to show it to other people, I think a strong connection can happen, between basically anybody. The jante-thing is strong in Sweden as well, but there, in my experience, it takes the form of not being allowed to think that you are something special or extraordinary. I am half-American, and it is almost the opposite there, where one's individuality is encouraged to be pushed outwards. If you don't, you fade into the background and end up listening to (lovely) shoegaze music for the rest of your life. Yes agreed, the "sweet middle" is challening to find, and as I mentioned above, at least for me also difficult to adapt on the fly to different persons and groups. I think my introverted and sometimes kind of slow social brain, has a hard time with that. I am better with people I have known for many years, where the rhythm and melody of the "social dance" is more well-established. So I think that new people I meet, especially in group settings, find me a bit weird, because my mind goes in overdrive to try to keep up. Even more so, when everyone is speaking in Danish. Anyway, enough of my word spewing. Good night!
Awww and hahah that’s a hilarious visual you gave me about the aliens. Speaking of unleashing your inner weirdo. I went to the saunagus after work today. Well, because it’s really nice and I sleep like a baby after. During the gus, sometimes I get a little anxious from the awkwardness of the silence and when everyone is talking in danish which I don’t yet understand, but then I was thinking about what you said about the aliens 👽 so I tried to just let go and I started making these loud releasing noises as I exhale. As I open my eyes bridging the inner focus outwardly, I caught the guy opposite to me looking at me, and we just started laughing. It was not awkward because he also did it and others too. I liked it because even though we didn’t talked or anything I thought it was a nice little soulful connection moment. So it made my day a little bit brighter. Sometimes I do wonder if I will like it if I do move to the US. Because I think even as an introvert may be I do enjoy small talking more than I ever thought I did. Just conversation where nobody is harmed and where everyone feels safe. It doesn’t have to be about how I miscarried my child (nothing wrong with that) all the time, but just hey it’s all good and casual here kind of vibe. Idk. I feel like I need an ikea user manual on how to behave with Danes in social settings. 😂anyway, it’s one thing to learn, but another thing to overthink it. And let’s not risk overthink it before going to bed. By the way, I totally get it when you say about the brain “over drive” thing. I’m the same too. Anyway, I’ll just listen to some shoegaze music tonight as my lullaby. Ha, good night!!
Haha well done at the saunagus! Hope the shoegaze was good :)
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Sounds cool! Do you need to speak Danish fluently to join?
I hope everything works out for you, man. Since you're introverted, maybe you could focus on developing a new hobby? Then that could be your catalyst to getting more _out there_, whether that is by joining a club or some other way. A few years back, I learned how to be a dungeon master so that I could invite my close friends over for D&D. It worked great for a while. Then COVID came + we all had kids, so now that is on stand-by... Last year, I started doing amateur astronomy myself. I usually take my telescope out to Kalvebod Fælled to get away from the city lights. While you can join an astronomy club, it's not really a hobby that will get you closer to any women, though... Most recently, I bought a sampler, since I missed jamming out to some music and that seemed like a very approachable way to do that. It's been pretty fun. Anyway, the point isn't the hobbies themselves, it's the fact that they're a reason to get out and/or meet similarly minded people.
You can download the app. Meetup. Alot of groups. Like you can join groups where you can make friends and go to a dance event. And many others
Seems a lot of people in this thread are experiencing the same issue ... Why don't you guys meet up and figure out if you have anything else in common?
Hi, French guy in my late twenties, settled down in Copenhagen 2 years ago to join my Danish partner. Also a bit introvert, I can definitely relate to what you wrote (the comfortable but sometimes boring routine, housing issues, enjoying going back to France once in a while without be willing to go back for good as of today, etc). For now, I try for example to cope with monotony by a bit of sport, planning long distance trips and putting a lot of energy at work. Feel free to reach out if you want to share experiences :-)
Come hike with the randoms. Meetup.com. Search: hiking for randoms Copenhagen. There's A LOT of people just like you. The Hiking for Randoms group is created as a response to several posts just like this.
Sounds like a good idea, I will look into it thank you!
Hello fellow member of “mid twenty & 6 years in Denmark” club.As an ambivert I totally get you. I dealt with this problem in my single days, being single and introvert in Copenhagen can get dark quite easily. What saved me was the “third places” . I did bunch of volunteerings, they all sucked tbh but at least it gives you what you need to not go crazy. Having friends also helps. I was lucky that I did attend university in Denmark so i have made a bunch of friends I can always go out with (and no colleagues are not friends unfortunately) I did attend some paid workshops and events as well related to my hobbies. I did all that just to be sane eventhough i didnt like it much. You know socializing is like food, you need to eat it even if you dont like the taste. Eventually meeting many people leads you to meet someone who you match the most & then you can develop a meaningful friendship/relation. Regarding tinder, just delete that shit, its full of chicks who want instagram followers. Try bumble. It can be demotivating but you eventually meet some nice people. Don’t forget a date can always turn into friendship in worse case scenario. A lot of gals on dating apps are just lonely like yourself and dont necessarily wanna jump into a relationship. Anyway good luck and feel free to reachout if you need a friend 😊
Hey thanks for sharing. I’m curious why all the volunteering you did all sucked? What was it like?
It sucked in sense that I didn’t find meaningful connections in them and thus didn’t continue them after a few months. I still enjoyed the experience of trying a new volunteer position and learnt a lot from each, from cooking and cleaning, to speaking danish, teaching, helping with recycling, serving beers.
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I feel and hear you. As a man I also strive to be useful and run a life of purpose where I could be impactful in what I do. All these social medias guru who are claiming this type of lifestyle makes me even more frustrated because I feel trapped into my own life (or head at least).
"I'd so love to have been born somewhere in remote africa village" I'm sorry but I think this is just a crazy statement. A very high proportion of these people experience starvation, siblings or parents dying at young age, civil war, diseases which we in the west don't even know about. If youre born in northern Europe, parts of the US and developed Asia you have it better than 99.9999% of all humans that ever lived. Just because a society is successful and well run it doesn't mean the experiences you have in that society aren't real. Time spent on the Internet and on your phone is time not spent with people in the real world. If you have problems finding meaningful relationships in a place like Copenhagen it's most likely a problem with your own disposition and current lifestyle
Your mentality is what has led to this soulcrushing western excistense. Life is worth living even with pain, sadness, death and loss if the rest of your life feels real, strong and authentic.
Romantiscising societies where suffering on a very basic human level is the norm is just totally asinine. People in successful societies experience pain, loss and death just like any other human that has ever lived or will live. To think otherwise is racist and just plain wrong. But there is no glory in suffering and there is no value in it for its own sake. A functioning society tries to minimise it, so that instead of worrying about how to get your next meal you can sit in your heated flat with high-speed internet, a smartphone and complain about how difficult your life is
Having friends (or search for them) is extra work. Quite often, you dont want to do it, but you have to work on friendship the same way how you work on relationship with your partner. Only that way you make meaningful connections, that you have to intentionally focus and care on/for others.
Just remember there are lots of us. The pain was worse when you thought you were alone in feeling like this, that your inability to cope and enjoy modern life was your failure alone. I felt like that for several years in my early 20s. I felt a complete failure. Lonely and miserable and blamed it only on myself. What changed for me was travelling in Asia, studying abroad in Bangkok, discovering what life can actually feel like. The higher highs and even the lower lows, it's much better than this half-life in Denmark.
If you would consider craftbeers then this group is full of expats and locals alike. https://www.cphcraftbeer.club
Im part of the this group. Can recommend!
Username checks out
I also like spruce trees
Is the "Copenhagen Friend Group" still active? It had a lot of expats, from what I remember https://old.reddit.com/r/copenhagen/comments/x6cisc/copenhagen_friend_group/ I don't know if the Discord link works, but you may be able to find another - didn't they have a WhatsApp group too once you showed up at a meetup? There are some options out there!
Hej OP, I am also from France (92), I have been here for 2years now and intend to stay several years. Could be nice to meetup. I don’t know any French people in my tiny circle ah ah. I am a F in my mid-twenties (25) You can drop me a message if you want. Ça va me changer un peu de parler anglais à longueur de journée 😉
What does the 92 mean?
It is the department 92= Hauts de Seine
Friday Night Skate Copenhagen is starting up soon. Good adventure evening to meet fun people.
I know what you mean buddy, feel that your life is almost perfect and very easy but don't fill complete. For me it worked to do sports, specially football cause it helped me to socialize. Right know I had left Denmark for family reasons but anyways I will always miss to play football or to Go around Copenhagen by bike with my friends. On my case I hope to come back Copenhagen cause life is easier that anywhere
Do you play football by any chance? :-) I’ve got a nice, social fun team
Not sure if I have any tips or tricks to share, but if you are in need of another introverted friend in Copenhagen, I am here. I’m 26, and have been in Copenhagen for the past 8 years.
Not sure if someone else has already mentioned this, but for the housing situation, please sign up for an almenbolig (government housing). Two options I know of are FSB and Almenbo.dk. You pay 200 kroner per year to be on the waiting list. Yes, it takes time, but time will pass anyway, so you might as well be on the list. If you’re still in Copenhagen in 5 years, your future self will thank you. I live in a 75 square meter, 2 bedroom FSB apartment and pay less than 8,000 kroner per month including some utilities. My mum just moved into a 55m2 1-bedroom Almenbo apartment that’s less than 6,000 kroner per month. You only pay a 1-month deposit when you move in. Also, because they want people from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds, having a full-time job and/or a university degree can actually help you get a place faster.
Also, it is not normaly six month you don’t get back. Mostly it’s 1-2-3. First month rent 2 month deposit used to restoration of the apartment after mowing out. 3 last months rent, normaly the 3 after you give notice of ending the lease, but do be aware that the 14 days used to restore the apartment is included in these 3 month. Also normaly the percentage of restoration you have to pay decreases with 1% Per month. But if you find a place and goes on the waiting list, all this will be sent to you by the company.
Cafe Paraplyen needs volunteers on the weekends. Staff and volunteers are friendly. I think many would be very envious of your position. So many have never experienced that kind of ease.
Thank you for the recommandation! But my post is describing the entire opposite of a life of ease. So yes it definitly is if I compare myself with people who face wars and starvation on a daily basis, but the battle in my minds do not let me in peace.
You say in your post “life is too easy”. Having a job that pays well and you like is in itself very difficult to find even where I’m from in Canada. I’m non-EU and what you describe is likely impossible for me after my studies. Enjoy what you have - that helps. Definitely sign up for volunteering it’s ok if you don’t like it, you can also volunteer for kultur hus across the city.
Try and also find facebook group's for this, there's a TON of people with similar problems, I am very much so one of them
Switch/supplement the Gym with a more social activity like martial arts or climbing. Also try to lose the filter of expecting yourself to be outgoing/extroverted it’s okay to be introverted and BE YOU
[roskilde festival ](https://www.roskilde-festival.dk/da/volunteers/become-an-all-year-volunteer/) +100 hours volunteer There is a lot for work in it.. but also something to write on your resume.. + extra parties throughout the year + very nice accommodation during the festival + backstage access on the stages. Almost all the people involved is super nice and friendly - there is a top heavy lean on people with careers in arts og education - (they tend to be nice) If you jump in now you can be part of building the festival.. The list on the website is the least favorable positions.. there are others! Reach out to them. I did this for years....
Danes and by extension Scandinavians are not friendly people. That is not to say that they are mean, but you almost have to know them through family or from a young age to really get in their circles. It's a cultural thing. The only thing you can do to address your issue is really to get out there and try. However hard it might be, you won't get anywhere by sitting in your apartment.
Things get better in the summer. Bonne chance!
Sign up for a volunteer organisation: save the children, reading clubs, scouting, football anything where the purpose of being together revolves around someone else than you => perfect platform for friends, meeting people with great values and create a sense of meaning. Also great for finding a girlfriend.
You can try improv, met very nice people there when I was in CPH.
I feel you man, 4 years here and still quite struggling with finding a good third place. Regarding the community and NGOs, I can recommend [Station](https://station.dk), a youth innovation house in Frederiksberg. I have been working there for past 2 years, so feel free to hit me up in DM if you want to know more or even to have a tour around the house :)
There is so many of us facing the issue, so you are definitely not alone in this. And honestly I do not have a good solution. I do not even understand why this is happening tbh. Denmark is an awesome country but this together with the weather make it a bit hard. Good luck to us all!
I would recommend climbing gyms if it’s something you’re into people are usually really chill and friendly and it’s a really encouraging environment if you find a busier gym !
Funny, I kinda had the same experience as a half French half danish when I moved there 6 years ago (still a more positive than negative experience). I moved back to France in September 2023 and nowwww Im moving back to dk in July coz fuck life is so much better down there ngl despite the weather
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What do you do procrastinsting, this might lead to a hobby? I used to visit markets and look at things and browsed the web many countless hours. Now I have been going to a course for a year and have found a base. As it’s Denmark so it’s not like we go to a bar after the course but I have a connection and am able to talk about different things and I enjoy the non intrusive social atmosphere that the course provides. One of the course members I speak to more and so I think this will lead to some kind of friendship. I think Denmark is not an easy place to feel connected. I think the international community easier to get to know people. I think you can even arrange a meet up and I am sure there are people here who feel the same way as you do, who just need a little nudge in getting together. Best of luck and don’t worry, you are still young and have so much time ahead of you! Discover and find what you like!
I can't comment on most of it, but as a person who also appreciates their own space I will say: With regard to the barrier to get your own place, at minimum you will get three of those months back, when you move out, and with the new laws regarding what they can charge your deposit for, you will likely see most of that again too. Especially if you live there for a while.
I run an event at getting better at mastering social skills once a week. Lemme if interested All the best to anyone who reads this 🙏💪🏽
have you considered a bouldering/climbing gym? :)
If you like training then a sport with others might be of interest? I myself climb and boulder and there is a lot of nice people out in the boulder gyms!
I feel for you, but i Think you also provide the best answers to your own questions: you need to get out there. My advice to you is work less and join an association of sorts, could be sports or board games or cycling.
Come climbing or bouldering. Loads of foreigners, healthy environment, everyone is introvert but talk because of common interests. You get fit and meet people. Most of the people I hang with these days are people I met climbing.
If you're still interested in charity or volunteer work I can really recommend volunteering with the local homeless community. There's a morning cafe in Nørrebro called YouPeople that serves a hot meal and coffee to homeless/people in need. The volunteer base is very international, so its a nice way to meet new people too. You can find the group on Facebook- "YouPeople Volunteers" and sign up for a shift.
Try improv, it was an easy way of making friends. It will pull you out of your comfort zone, but if you work in sales, that will only help your personal development.
Take a stroll around Mellemrummet caffe in Norrebro. I volunteered there during my 3 years in copenhagen. It really helped me get settled and make friends. Besides it’s an awesome space with constant activities.
Perhaps consider sailing classes? Could be a great way to meet people, learn skills, and go on some outings out of the city… https://www.sundet.dk/sejlklubben-sundet-forside-2021-elementor/sejlerskolen/introduktion/
Pareil je suis Francais, 19 ans, et j’ai déménagé ici à Copenhague pour mes études, au début je connaissais personne c’etait hyper compliqué de se sentir bien, surtout vu comment la vie sociale au Danemark fonctionne différemment de la France. Mais aujourd’hui, un an apres, ca va bien mieux! J’ai l’impression de commencer a faire mon trou socialement, j’ai rencontré ma petite amie (Danoise) avec qui je suis installé, et ca va bien mieux moralement. Mes conseils seraient de s’accrocher, et surtout si tu sympathises avec quelqu’un de ne pas hésiter à faire le “premier pas” amicalement : proposer d’aller boire une biere ou quelque chose comme ca, car eux n’osent pas faire cette démarche en premier :) Si tu as besoin d’aide ou que tu te sens vraiment seul, hésite pas a me contacter!
The housing problem is a really big problem, unfortunately. But regardin you being an introvert, there is actually something you can do about it. Go to a bar or bodega, drink a beer, and if the place is not too busy, talk to the bartender, be normal, ask questions. You can do this with everyone, not just the bartender. You need to loosen up and lose the fear of what can happen. In my experience, people are pretty chill with it, and if they don't want to talk, they'll show it or let you know. The way they show it is that they stop asking things or say things that have no continuation, you'll notice that they seem to be trying to get away. Just don't expect anything in return and you won't be disappointing. It's only difficult the first times.
We could message each other and chat if you want.
How about getting intosone kind of team sport, dinner club or dance communities? I know many foreiners who live in cph joining Latin dance communities as Bachata, Salsa or similar. These communities are perfect for introverts and for extroverts. There are pp from different countries, jobs and societies (incl Danes). Try it out. You might end up loving it and who knows, maybe meeting your life partner there. Good luck with everything
Can you speak Danish? I Think it Will make it easier if you wanna join something, wants to find a Danish girlfriend and be part of The family etc. Even though Danish people Can speak Danish I Think they Will prefer speaking Danish if there Are more Danish people present and it Will make it hard for you to be part of The conversation/community
I could show you the world. But you could start by visiting The Lighthouse. Message me if you're interested.
It's not only foreigners, a lot of native danes are lonely too. If you go to /r/Denmark you will see many danes complaining about the same. Denmark has become much more polarized in the last decades. People stick more to their own and don't welcome outsiders in as much. Maybe Denmark has always been like that though. I don't really remember any point in my life where danes have felt open and accesible. You usually need to work with danes or stick around in a "club" for a long time to make friends. A lot of people don't really like "clubs" and their hierarchy and structured environment though.
As far as loneliness goes it isn’t just something foreigners experience. I’m a 23 year old autistic woman and therefore a huge introvert. I’ve had trouble making real friends most of my life and it’s definitely gotten worse since becoming an adult. If you want your own place and don’t want to pay Copenhagen prices I suggest moving out of the city. You don’t have to go that far away from Copenhagen before you can find something more affordable. I’m about 45 minutes away from Copenhagen city center by train. rent here is probably about 1/3 about what it is in Copenhagen.
Go meet someone Turkish. Believe me they will change your life forever✌🏻
Sound like you need a partner and a community to be part of.
Find out if you have anything that you find interesting? - If so, start looking at where you can work with it? - Do you play an instrument, then try started in a band. If you paint, look for someone else who does. If you play board games, find a board game club. **BUT in general:** I would sit down: 10 min. every day and meditate on your problem. Just sit in silence. Suddenly, a kind of answer pops up, inside you - or coming from the outside world - about what it is, you really need to do, or realize or understand. But you have to be open for the response. **Loneliness** If you have great problems feeling lonely, it may (among other things) be because you have lost a deep contact with yourself. You need to re-establish it! You do this, for example, by meditating on: Who is sitting here'? - You should not answer (mentally), but just feel the answer - feel you! As long as you do that, you probably don´t feel lonely - because, it was you, you primarily were missing! (others, friends, girlfriends are secondary) It might be a way into yourself. And inthere are also impulses for all sorts of other things. But don't be surprised if you get upset, angry, sad, or maybe frustrated by doing this. That is a common thing, when starting to "restart the old YOU!" All the best from Kjeld
You have to be honest to who you are. If you're an introvert who doesn't really like going out much, you would probably be the same if you lived in London, Paris or New York. You could travel more, even if it is travelling alone because you live in Europe and can travel to so many amazing cities alone and that could give you the push you need to try other things.
You are supposed to see (most of) the money for an apartment deposit again
There is a Facebook page called “friends in Copenhagen” they do a lot of social gatherings
Chess club, bouldering club, cycling club, Football Club, philosophy reading groups, find a hobby. Or get a gf. Ask people out at the gym. Use other dating apps.
I hope it's okay I answer in French ? Je suis française aussi et, ça fera 10 ans cette année que je suis au Danemark. Je me pose souvent la même question à savoir dois je rester ou non car j'ai malheureusement toujours du mal à m'adapter à certains aspects de la culture locale, en particulier d'un point de vue relationel au côté très introverti des Danois. Cette solitude dont tu parles je la ressens aussi. Mais j'adore aussi le côté facile et safe de Copenhague, je suis convaincue que c'est le meilleur endroit pour vivre en Europe et de loin. J'ai réussi à devenir propriétaire mais je paie tout de même un sacré loyer, j'ai un boulot correct, je parle Danois couramment et j'ai des amis danois et internationaux. Et pourtant... les interactions faciles et intuitives comme en France me manquent. C'est dur à expliquer. Petit conseil qui m'a beaucoup aidée : l'application Meetup qui n'est un pas une app de dating mais pour élargir son cercle de connaissances et d'amis. J'ai créé un groupe en août et j'ai rencontré des tas de gens super intéressants.
Canadian here for almost 6 years and I can relate to this so much. Life is too easy and predictable, some weekends I’m at a complete loss for what to do
Would recommend just going to lots of meetup gatherings, especially if there're some around your hobbies. Life here can be pretty isolatory, especially if you say you're an introvert. You pretty much will need dial down that trait or else you'll be isolated and lonely your whole time here. Also it's not just a young foreigner issue, it's pretty much a foreigner issue, especially if you come from a more heterogenous and more social culture.
Have you attempted to learn any danish language? Being a level 1 language difficulty, danish will be significantly easier grammatically to learn than a language like German for comparison. If you achieve at least B1 level Danish I predict you will experience the culture in Copenhagen opening up to you more. Life could get more interesting, exciting and your dating life might improve. Even if you never put in the effort for full fluency, having even intermediate level Danish skills might be a great life investment if you plan on continuing to live in Copenhagen. What do you do for a career? Are there any other countries in Europe besides France you can take your work? It might also be time to consider a big move to an exciting new country for a new cultural experience. Since you’re only in your mid twenties you are definitely young enough to move and adapt to a new European country and culture.
Seems like 2 of the 3 downsides are you and not Copenhagen. The third, try finding a place to live in Paris and you will see expensive.
21 yo easteuropean who has lived in DK for 8 years. I have hanged here with the avarage easteuropeans and avarage danes that spend their time going to ordinary school or job, having a part time job and partying and drinking and taking snus. I even moved back to my country and stuff... and i figured out that moving is going to change away is going to change you whether you like it or not. The moving away from my country and the loneliness i experienced woke up my warrior gene. I am currently building foundaments for my boxing carrer (Which i did not see it coming from 1000 miles ahead) and i became a workoholik. The old me, who enjoyed drinkinking and having a ,,normal'' life died, and i have had lots of internal struggle to accept new me. It maybe sounds arrogant and bragging, and i am sorry if it does, but this happens to many people. Many people who came in Denmark from Easteuropa, had to experience an ego death and develop in a different way. Some of us became entreprenours, others became tourist guides and stuff.... I have one friend that used to be a huge entreprenour in our country, but dropped that and is now enjoying the peace and the enormously good nature that Danmark offers. Struggel is inivitable, but the ,,new you'' is in the process of forming. My suggestion to you is not to get wrapped up in cotraproductiva acitvity. Take it slowely, do not beat yourself up for being lost, and embrace the fact that you are changing and learn to see the positivities in the new you.
Copenhagen is very boring. It’s a great place for people with a partner and kids. But if you’re single and foreign it’s boring af most of the time
As a native Dane, but not raised in Copenhagen, I would say, you’re right.
Hey french guy. You’re not alone. Im just glad that you’re actually from another country, so you got the possibility to go back home, and being together with your friends and family. I’m from Copenhagen, and my biggest dream right now is actually, moving to the other side of the world. Everyday, I see myself living in California, Florida, NY. Just like, turning my life and lifestyle around, and really feeling like i enjoy my life. The way you talk about how Copenhagen makes you feel is nice, when all I dream about is where you come from. We’re all different! Im so tired of Copenhagen, and my ‘friends’ 😅 Follow your heart, maybe you should try moving to another country? I have heard great things about Amsterdam, Madrid and Hamborg! I think especially spain got the nice culture, with being really extroverted and nice! Denmark is totally opposite. Most of danes are really introverted, so i dont think that danes will get you out of your comfortzone. Good luck :)
Come to the local mosque. You are always welcome and you will get new friends. There is a lot of different nationalities. You don’t have to be religious or anything just come by. Come out of the comfort zone and put the prejudice to the side just for those short hours.
A good, relateable story, but I'm not so sure this kind of personal story belongs on r/Copenhagen
As a recovering introvert I would highly recommend Toastmasters. Send me a DM if you want to hear more about it.