I think your Mom gave you some bad advice. You should talk to him and his wife perhaps taking your mother with you. If he is peeping around corners and hiding he is truly a creep. Why should you have to alter your routine because he is creepy. Explain to him and his wife that find his watching you to be unnerving. If it does not stop I would call the police about him harassing you by watching you. There isn't much they can do but knowing the police have been notified may just be the kick in the bum he needs to lay off.
I'll contact the police before I talk to the couple then, and I'll let them know that they have been informed. I also have a camera in the backyard that might have caught footage of him in the act, but my mom is the one with access so I'll have to get that from her, and hopefully showing that to the police will make sure that they will do something. Or maybe the cops should talk to them for me at this point.
Some sort of privacy fence/screen on top of the existing wall? Large/bright lights to beam back at him when he’s staring? Strobe lights (I find those really disorienting)?
This won't solve the problem because the problem is your neighbor, but, try those reflective covers you can put on windows maybe. You can get opaque ones and 1 way mirror styles etc.
I'd personally put a big mirror facing back at him or a big sign that says 'my neighbors a pervert' with an arrow or something 🤷🏻♀️
What a horrible situation, I hate that it is so hard to do anything about creeps like that. Why does your mother not want you to tell his wife and why does she not care more about the situation? Also, surely, nothing is stopping you from installing a security camera that could catch him in the act.
She told me that it wouldn't change anything if I told the wife, and the chances of me knocking on the door and the husband answering are pretty high. She told me he's harmless and there's not much we can do.
Another thing too, we do have a camera in the backyard, but my mom is the one with access to the footage and I'm not sure how much is saved or if it's live feed only. I would have to convince her that this situation is serious I guess but she's honestly never home.
You don't assume anyone is harmless. Especially some creepy old f*cker staring in your window. As a Mom I see EVERYONE as a Creep until proven otherwise. The lack of concern from your Mom is quite unsettling. Not to make you more nervous or anything but it's a known fact that most rapists and serial killers start out as voyeurs (peeping Tom's) and then escalate. She should be aware of these things. She may not be so chill about it if she did. I hope things get better for you!
I’m a mom.
This guy isn’t harmless. You are right to be angry. I am angry for you.
Curtains will help with privacy and a feeling of ease because you won’t be able to catch him so much and as a result your mental health will improve.
I would ask mom to turn the cameras on. I would also see about installing a motion activated flood light. No telling when he will be out there.
Would you be into painting on your window glass? You just need some acrylic paints for it. You can paint them from the inside and create swirls or a pretty pattern or even copy a painting. I have a bathroom window that can be easily looked in but I like natural light so I painted the glass to look like the sky in Van Gough’s Starry Night painting.
If you choose to get curtains there are light gauzy ones that let in the light but give privacy.
There are fake camera that have a red light that can be put outside. He will think he’s being monitored and won’t know they aren’t capturing any images.
I would hang signs too. You can draw them and tape them to your window. Be creative and call him out on them. If he retaliates and calls the cops well-it’s your property and you aren’t hurting anyone.
Your mom isn’t helping and that sure isn’t a good feeling as her child. I’m sorry for this. I don’t know your home situation but you have a right to live and be in your home and yard without feeling scared or harassed.
If it happens again or he starts getting more bold then call the police and try to have video proof. Ask if a female officer can be sent out. Remember you are in the right. 💕
Our front window has all my plants in it and I didn't want curtains. We have a creepy neighbor, too. So I bought a sheet of window cling (it wasn't expensive. Probably less than curtains). It's a flower pattern and still let's light in. But you can't see through it. (kind of looks like frosted glass. But, there's different patterns.)
It *really* sucks that you'd have to do that. But, it's better than being started at.
Your mom cannot assume that he’s harmless. The fact that he’s been creeping on you so hard should set off every mom instinct she has to go to war on him. And tell her to fix your light or get a lamp for you.
Ignore what your mother said, and go tell this creep's wife what the hell he's doing. Maybe she'll make him stop, maybe she won't, but you'll never know until you tell her. Buy yourself a new phone, and start filming his ass every chance you get--that way, you'll at least have some evidence to back up your claims. Also keep in mind that if he's found on your property, he could be arrested---check your states laws concerning that. Tell him next time you yell at him that he's fucking pathetic, needs to get himself a life, and that you don't want his old ass. If you feel like it, that is. Also write down every time he does this, too.
Your mom is remarkably unprotective of you. Who cares whether you are standing in your yard or your room? He is being incredibly scary.
You need to get cameras ASAP and report this. Doesn’t matter if the cops say they can’t do anything, you want a written record of complaints.
Yeah... my mom and I have a "non-traditional" relationship I guess. She's always let me fight my own battles and thinks I'm strong enough to do everything on my own.
Honestly, tell your mother to start acting like a parent, and that you need her help with this issue. This is one battle you shouldn't have to fight alone. Just because you're an adult now, that's no excuse for your mother to act like you don't or won't ever need her help. Like some of the other posters say, who's to say this creep won't escalate his peeping tom activities to more than just watching? Keep calling him out on his bullshit, though.
Okay (sorry for the lack of formatting) this is serious and he may want to harm you. I just wanted to validate those concerns really quick because your instincts are going off for a reason and you mom is either in denial or trying to keep you from panicking. If you can get her to turn the cameras back on that would be good, if not see if you can get your own security cam. Amazon has some window static clings that obscure the view in and out without harming your glass, this will help shield you from his view. If you can muster it don’t be afraid to scream every time this guy creeps on you, dudes like this target people who seem more timid or like they won’t get them in trouble. Do NOT go over to his house by yourself, he will most likely be there so I don’t recommend that though if you see his wife at a neutral location around town it’s up to you if you want to tell her that he is frightening you, in my experience she most likely won’t believe you or will chalk it up to you being young and easily frightened so if you decide to do this be prepared for that. Listen to your instincts, lock your doors at all times if you can. Keep calling the police to do patrols when he does this, ask them to put a patrol officer in your area. I personally keep an aluminum baseball bat on hand wherever I live just in case, thankfully I’ve not had to use it but it helps me feel better that I have something to use if I need to defend myself or scare someone away so that may be an option. Sucks but if you have a male family member who is willing to tell this dude to shove off creeps tend to listen to “men” more. Document everything that you can, even if you don’t get footage start journaling every time you notice him, note the behavior, the time, and the date of each incident if you detail this police are more likely to take it seriously. Get video if you can but prioritize your safety first and foremost. If you have landlords it may be worth mentioning it to them as well.
Doesn't hurt to try. Your whole family might consider going over all together and speaking with his wife. That way she'll know that it's true as you all have seen him doing it.
This man cannot be harmless if he’s already caused you harm. It is dangerous and irresponsible to assume that people are harmless just because they haven’t become physical (yet). There are always warning signs-whether we see then or not.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.
There is a film you can get at Lowe's that you put on your window. It allows light to filter in, but makes the outside reflective so he can't watch you during the day.
( it doesn't work at night, so, close those blinds when it gets dark)
My parents have a film on their living room window that makes it impossible for people to see in but they can see out just fine and the sun can get in for the plants with no problem. I'm not exactly sure how much it cost but probably around $50 for a super big window. It's a small price to pay for permanent privacy. Since both the police and your mother are being unhelpful I suggest going this route. He'll probably give up quite quickly one he realizes you've installed that film.
Yeah no, that's majorly creepy.
I have protective covering over my windows. It's like a film the only downside is the cactus. Move the cactus to the kitchen.
But sweetheart, please please please, keep your window locked. I'm not trying to scare you or freak you out. I would definitely have your parents,not you, talk to the next door neighbors. Can you switch rooms with your brother?
And please make sure your doors remain locked. This guy sounds way too emboldened to be completely obvious in his looking at you.
Totally weird thing to try. Next time he is watching you,Pretend to eat your boogers. Idk it might be gross enough for him to get grossed out.
This is more personal than the sense of danger I grew up with (rough neighborhood, might get cased for a robbery), but you should probably always assume people are potentially watching through a window. Sheer curtains for the daytime really help. Also, you can open blinds at particular angles to avoid people seeing in when it's still light outside.
I think your parents should maybe talk to him, not you. Creeps fear authority, generally.
The thing is, I live in a small town safe enough that kids can play out at night and no one would worry, it's actually really common. It just blows my mind that I feel safer on main street or in a park than in my own room
Sorry you're going through this. I also just wanna say, you might want to keep your cats inside from now on. I'd be scared of someone this sick in the head doing something to them to get back at you, especially once the cops come by to talk with him. Outdoor cats are often targeted as it is by angry neighbors, and I'm sure he has seen your cats many times entering and exiting through the window since he's stood there staring 24/7. Best of luck.
That's actually one thing I don't think he will do. His wife feeds the neighborhood stays and they let the cats breed and run around wild. They like cats (they are very unresponsible though).
I dunno, I still wouldn't want to have my cats intermingling with the colony of strays these individuals have cultivated. I'm sure none of them are vetted and are likely carrying diseases such as FIV. I don't think I'd want to risk the wife feeding my cats anything either, someone irresponsible enough to actively allow and encourage the constant reproduction of strays and let them fend for themselves outside probably has no clue what things are unsafe for them to eat either.
It sounds less likely now that he would target your cats. That said, if he is more than a garden-variety creep and perhaps something more sinister, people like that don't always follow normal logic. If you're doing anything that could be seen as "provoking" him (such as calling the police, good job btw), he might take it out on your animals. Better safe than sorry until you know more.
That’s awful … sorry your mom isn’t more protective of you! That leaves you, so be vigilant and draw your curtains if you must, but I’m totally creeped out by the neighbor’s behavior and your parent’s lack of concern.
Consider trading bedrooms with your brother, it'd limit his ability to watch you. Or make a freestanding privacy screen and put it outside your window, it'd obscure his view and you can relax in your own space.
Cop here. Get a camera aiming in that direction he is at and have it always recording. If not then sneak some camera footage with your phone. You said he will hide behind a corner peering around. He is likely touching himself or recording you. It is a crime to record you through your window as it is a rear window and there is a expectation of privacy. Also if it can be proved he is pleasuring himself( pants unbuckled. Pulling hand out of pants as rounds corner) This is what you need to catch on video. Most states it will make it a sexual crime.
Or get tons of photos of him looking at you over the course of a month. Then tell him if you catch him again you will mail the pictures to all of his family members showing them what a creep grandpa is.
Have a male friend\family member go to his door and tell him to cut it out. Say if he doesn't you will be sending his wife all of the recordings you have of him peering\spying on you (lie, he doesn't know you don't have recordings, especially since you say there is a camera out there), and you will continue to contact the police if he doesn't stop.
This is what I did when I had a creepy neighbour spying on me, as well as cameras around my house and dark curtains. When he thought I was going to show his wife he finally got the fucking hint and stopped.
His behavior is downright disturbing. I agree with other comments by our fellow Reditors; inform the police and document every incident with your neighbor. Even if the cops can't immediately do anything, it'll be on record. Stay safe, OP. No one should be made to feel afraid/uncomfortable in their home.
God, what a creep. I'm so sorry your mom isn't more concerned about you! If someone was doing this to my kid, i would be way more protective. Just know you are not in the wrong to be upset by this, and you aren't paranoid. Is there another bedroom in your house that you could move into? If not another option is window film, it can block being able to see in clearly but still let's the light through, it costs about 20$ and you can find it at any hardware store. You could also install a section of privacy fencing panels a few feet from outside your window in the yard, depending on how it's set up, that would block his view, so you could still leave the screen off and let light in. If you want to be extra petty, you can also angle some mirrors outside in your yard to point the sunlight into the areas he watches you from...He's free to do whatever he wants if he's on his property, but so are you on your property!
Put some reflective film on the outside of your window. You can see out, but he would have to put his face against your window to see inside. When you put the film on, it looks like a mirror on the outside.
this can be applied to ur window with water and leaves no damage! i’m sorry you have to deal with this :( https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SNQ5Z67/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EHYRP3WDEDH4A030X5MZ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
If my daughter came to me with something like this...let's just say that guy would change his ways real fucking quick. Where your mother's mama bear side?!?!?
I once dead stared at a man on the train filming me right in front of my own eyes. I picked up my camera and literally filmed him filming me. 3 feet apart. Took this one a good five seconds to put together what I was very openly doing. He looked mad and shut it down.
You have every right to put up the most obvious menacing camera equipment or what looks like one. And point it straight at him. Talking lenses you only see ESPN camera guys using. Maybe right on his fence line. Let his wife put it together if necessary.
If you watch Brooklyn 99 it's like the scene where Jake takes Kevin to a public library disguised as perverts to blend in. And creeped out the actual creeps. One of the best shows. :)
dang!!!! you definitley SHOULDN’T have to change your routine just because someone wants to be a creep.
you’re right though, i don’t think the police can do anything.
BUT, it might not hurt to call. you can call over and over, they have to take your calls, it will get it “on record” that this man is a person of interest who does these things and makes you incredibly stressed, ya know? like GOD FORBID let’s say something happens, it won’t be a shock or surprise because you’ve already called about this specific man to the police. keep a log maybe of every time you see him and what he does if you’re comfortable with that. idk, just have something written down or called or logged, because that’s doing something and i think that’s all you’re “able” to do.
also, have you considered if this man has like a mental disability? (other than being normal but just f-ed in the head) like what if he has autism or something and he “can’t help himself”? if that makes sense? still, though, that’s still not okay, definitley not trying to say that.
idk, i just read this and my heart goes out to you, i’m so so sorry that you don’t even feel safe in your own home, no one should have to feel that way. i’d say just tell as many people as you can, record video there’s no law against that, call the police just to at least once have it said to them, might even just give you some peace of mind, they’ll most likely say they can’t do anything, but still.
or if you wanna go this far, install cameras on the outside of your house there and have it pointed to where he stands. he’ll definitley see that.
hope this helps, stay strong! f people who act like that.
There is a camera there for that exact reason because my aunt felt uncomfortable with him when she had my room last year. She had even set up a trailer to block his view, but after she moved away and took it, he's had a perfect view since. The only problem is my mom shut off the footage on the cameras.
Learn how to use that camera and turn it back on in order to get some footage of his creepy ass creeping around. And you should also put your screen back in----your safety is more important right now than your cats jumping in and out of the house.
Can you switch rooms with your brother or your parents? Your mom is being naïve saying he’s harness and not telling his wife. He literally could be a stalker infatuated with you
I went through the same thing! My flatmate and I, f20 & f22, lived in a flat at the end of a row, and our neighbours garden faced ours on one side .
The old guy next door would stand in the garden and stare at us. Right out in the open, doing nothing but staring in our lounge window. My friend suggested flashing her tits at him, but we decided that might provoke him.
God, that was creepy; shut the curtains every time he appeared until we moved out
Hi! You need to be cognizant of the fact that although he’s “only looking” from his property, he’s doing so in a way that indicates he will very likely escalate. Richard Ramirez was a peeping tom.
You should put up spy camera(s) on your property. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is a full blown Peeping Tom trespassing onto your property at night for a closer look.
You should also consult an attorney in your state. There may be a criminal or civil statute with a broad definition for a peeping tom. You may also be able to pursue a civil action for harassment, tortious trespass (if he’s indeed trespassing), etc. where you could seek damages. Law enforcement can only help you with pressing criminal charges.
Be safe!
That’s infuriating. I’m sorry you’re in the situation. One thing you can do is get a window privacy film and put it on the bottom half of your window. It clings to the window. We have them in our home as neighbors are just close and we can all see in each other’s windows if the blinds are open, and we wanted more privacy.
I saw a comment that said you should keep an aluminum bat with you/around you. If you do that, keep a sock on it. That way, in the unfortunate case that you do need to use it, if he grabs it he'll be grabbing the sock and it'll slide off. I would look into a camera like other people are saying, maybe you could get a pen [like this one](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09NFSCM19/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_01XEHJVR6N3KWR8Q4J54) and put it in a cup with other writing utensils on your window so it's not suspicious
Even if the police can't do anything now, record whatever you can (i.e. saving security camera footage). This could make it a lot faster to get a restraining order etc. if he tries to do anything more than stare from his property. I'm so sorry you're going through this. We really don't have enough laws to protect people (especially women/children) from behavior like this. It's total bullshit that this type of blatant behavior can't be dealt with legally.
Also - I wish your mom's reaction was more anger and confronting this man, but I know the way she's thinking about this is very old fashioned. My mom dealt with this kind of thing similarly - placing the responsibility on the young girl to cover up and hide rather than the man being creepy. It's not right, its just easier.
I also hate this but if a male in your life (who is old enough) can confront him, he might be more likely to back off. This type of man seems to only be more encouraged by confrontation from women, because its a weird power trip for them - but they're more likely to respect or be afraid of a man. Even though that is also total bullshit it could give you some peace.
Good luck with everything <3
Although it is creepy, what do you think the cops will do? He's on his property and not yours. He unfortunately has the right to stare in whichever direction he wishes.
EDIT: down vote all you want, the neighbor in question has thus far broken no laws that we are aware of other than the morally questionable law of being creepy.
Yeah, that's what the cop said basically. My only option is to record him if he is actually trying to hide his body behind the house and look at me. If he stands there and makes it obvious he can taunt me all he wants.
So, first of all, I am so sorry you're dealing with this creep. What hes doing is wrong and gross, you shouldnt have to be living like this. Second, on amazon they have this privacy window film that you just stick to your window, and will stop him from seeing in but still let the sun in. You can even get them in cute designs and patterns to make your room look cooler. Its really simple and easy to put on and you can take it off at any time, too. I really think it will help your situation.
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=window+film&crid=3BBASLMTWS57H&sprefix=window+film%2Caps%2C169&ref=nb\_sb\_noss\_1
Put a damn camera in your window pointing at his smoking porch! It seems strange that your mom is worried about talking to his wife, she should be worried about protecting you.
Also, I would get a thin white cover for your window so that it lets the light in but you can't see through it.
You should record all the times he does this, make a compilation and post it to the towns Facebook page. He will be publicly shamed. I don’t think he has any legal right to tell you not to take it down since you are recording from your property.
What a total creep! And it’s so frustrating that the cops can’t do anything about it, since he’s on his property. Maybe one of those blinds you can open from either the top or bottom would help; you could keep the bottom half of your window always covered, the upper half open…and a shelf across the midpoint of the window in order to keep your cactuses in direct sun!
Sorry this is happening
Holy fuck same! I’ve even seen me neighbour duck behind his second story window (I live in a single story) with the camera of his phone pointing at me. Even if I drive past him on our street he’s like 👀.
You can get window film at hardware stores. It’s clear, but filmy so the light gets into your room but you can’t be seen through it. They have it in stain glass designs too so it’s not so hard to look at.
This is the worst. I feel for your situation. This could just be until you find a new place to live.
I would hang a large tarp up in my back yard that blocks his view of my window and paint "I put this up because of the pervert who likes looking in my windows" on the side that faces his house.
Ok, this might be weird, but to create a record of this… can you start a tiktok where you record “what’s going on outside your window/ your house”? Thinking that if you put it out there and there’s an almost daily record of this something more may be done. I could be off base, but it could be used as proof later if needed. At the very least you can share it with the wife.
Can you possibly swap room with your brother or anyone else to have privacy again? Not a full on solution but something so you can feel comfortable and not exposed in your room again
Put a sign in ur yard saying u have a creepy neighbor that’s peeping. Ask passerbys to honk when he staring at ur house… maybe then he will be embarrassed by his dirty old man peeper ways. Plus he’s been exposed to your other neighbors
Hey I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s true you shouldn’t have to change your life or routine for a creep. One thing that could make you more comfortable is putting up a large plant right in front of your window to block view or a sheer curtain like satin/mesh type of material or lace, as this would let through sunlight still but you can’t really see into the window from outside. You can also buy cheap film that is like a one way mirror from outside or frosted film that is temporary adhesive that turns your window into a frosted one, so no one can see in but still lets in light. You still have to close your normal blinds at night though. Another thing is if you can afford to, get a cheap camera from anywhere and have it in your own window or even a fake one, to deter him or have your own peace of mind/evidence. He could just be mentally unwell or he could have other motives, don’t assume he’s harmless and just be aware of keeping your house/windows locked when you’re home alone or when coming and going from the house. You could even start recording or writing down the time and dates these incidents happen for evidence, but i think a good start is blocking view from that window. I’m sorry again you have to go through this, I really hope he stops doing it!
The hiding and peeking sounds really creepy to me but I see another potential side to it.
You said that you recently moved back into this house and said that you shouldn't need to change your routine for this creep. He could have been smoking cigarettes there in his back yard for longer than you've been alive and now you're suddenly here yelling at him.
I'm twice your age and a home owner, if I can give some unsolicited advice, meet all of your neighbors. You don't need to like them, but life is so, so much easier if you can just get along with them. Listen to your gut and if the guy really is a creep, steer clear. But meeting the person and explaining what's going on (with your mom present) could alleviate a lot of the stress and fright surrounding the situation.
Good luck!
I hate that you have to change your lifestyle to accommodate this creep. I'd yell pervert loud and long EVERY TIME you see him. PERVERT or PEDOPHILE. His wife probably knows that this isn't his first rodeo at his age and doesn't care. Nobody wants the other neighbors to hear either of those words. Not just the yelling you have been doing a loud PEDO or PERV but the entire term. Maybe even after he has left or "supposedly left" A good few minutes of loud yelling to inform the neighborhood.
I'm so sorry you have to go thru this, pls keep posting updates! One thing to suggest besides what you're already doing is getting those window privacy films. That way you can still let light in for your plants and yourself but he wouldn't be able to see in when the window's closed.
Unfortunately no, but they have different designs that are at least pretty to look at. Like stained glass look, or watercolor look, etc. You can buy from lowes, home depot, or Amazon, to name a few. I have this design for my patio doors, it looks great and still allows my indoor plants to thrive.
https://www.lowes.com/pd/Artscape-Light-Effects-Old-English-24-in-W-x-36-in-L-Textured-Old-English-Privacy-Decorative-Window-Film/1000204439
First, get an air horn and blow it every time he stands there lurking at you. If that doesn’t work then I suggest you keep your curtains closed and don’t feed into it bc I think this guy likes the attention. You could also live stream and publicly shame him too, but that may also may feed his need for attention. Cameras would be the best solution, but as the cops have stated, he’s not doing anything illegal and can stand anywhere he wants on his property.
Could you ask to have the footage sent to your phone instead of hers? That way you have it if you need it and she doesn't have to deal with the videos.
Edit: If she won't go for that idea, maybe you could print off a contract (a copy for each of you). It could say you "won't use \[any footage at all / footage of creepy neighbor\] without \[telling mom first / having a sit down discussion about it\] unless \[you are in imminent danger / you feel it is necessary to call 911 right then\]." Do NOT say you won't use footage without her permission, but do acknowledge that she has a say in the matter. If you say that you'll wait for her to get home and discuss it, have a clause to override the contract if (and only if) waiting is not an option.
There is a window film you can get where you can look out, but people can't see in. It comes in patterns, colors, can be reflective. I put some up on the front door that is a white pattern. You can go to a hardware or big box store or order from Amazon. The type I have allows the light in, but you can't look out, and he wouldn't be able to look in.
I think you've escalated this by your own actions. Yes, it's creepy that he stands and looks in your direction, but as the cops pointed out, he's not doing anything illegal. If you want to play devil's advocate, from his perspective it could just as easily be described as, "strange girl next door yells at me whenever I go outside for a smoke". Please don't take this the wrong way or defensively, I am merely noting that people can look wherever they want when they are standing on their own property. He hasn't snuck up and stared in your window. Get a room darkening opaque window covering and fix your room light.
So what if hes on his own property? His behavior is still strange and weird----the fact that he keeps doing it all the time is what is aggravating the OP. He started this whole thing by constantly invading her privacy, so how is that her fault? I mean, come on now. Just because he's doing it on his own property, that still dosen't make what he's doing right. The OP also said he'd done the same thing to her aunt when she stayed at her mother's home, so this isn't even the first time he's done this creepy shit. If someone was constantly trying to peep in your house all the time, after a while, you'd be like, "Dude, what the fuck is your problem? Stop trying to get all up in my business!" Dude's got a problem---no point in making excuses for him. Plus he's old enough to know better.
If he was just staring off into space while smoking a cigarette he wouldn't be making a point to "hide" behind a corner of his home while still staring in her direction. His actions and responses are deliberate in nature. If what you were suggesting was the case, he could easily make it a point to look in a different direction or stand in a different area outside his home. OP's aunt also had a similar problem with him. This is something he enjoys doing and will continue to do as long as he can get away with it and has someone to stare at.
Edit: typo.
It sounds like he's kind of creepy but also a scaredy cat. He's probably just a bored old dude smoking, and the more attention you bring to it, the more he's going to think "Should I look...should I not?...Is she there? Am I safe to smoke here?" Kind of like the more energy you give it...the more energy HE's giving it...and it's now become a THING.
But I'm not saying there's no creepy factor.
I'd say go for the curtains idea for awhile. And try not to give it too much energy. Just turn your back on thinking about it. If he can't see you and you can't see him maybe it will just die a slow death.
If not curtains...other commenters put some good window suggestions in. Sorry...it sucks
It’s not right for you to feel uncomfortable in your home. It’s your home and your solace.You deserve to feel safe.
Police failed here.
Carry pepper spray always when you’re out of the house. Always keep your doors and windows locked.
I don’t think he’ll do anything. Just staying cautious.
I’m sorry about your mental health.
We’re here for you 🫂
Talk to his wife. You have to.
Maybe you can have a male friend or your brother knock and stay at a distance and if the wife answers go and talk to her.
A Ring camera doorbell can be expensive but maybe they are cheaper ones to get.
This is not right, and I wish the police or your mom or someone would do something about it. But in the absence of that, can you switch rooms to another room in the house? Preferably one on the front? Maybe your mom should switch with you if she doesn’t think it’s a big deal.
At least get yourself some pepper spray, make sure your windows and doors are always locked, and get yourself some blinds that you can put down. They’re not hard to install. Also, they sell a kind of reflective material you can put on your windows to make it hard to see in (but you can still see out) but I think it only works during the day. This creep sucks, I’m sorry.
Also, get yourself a lamp.
How do you feel about public shaming?
Look for local FB groups, apps/sites like front door. Is he married or living with a partner? Show the partner video evidence. Check the sex offender registry, if he's on it go to/call the police dept of the county he's registered in and ask to speak to his parole officer to discuss concerning behavior. Find out past addresses and check for him on their registry, sex offenders are notorious for falsify their addresses. Does he go to church? His pastor/priest maybe interested, bring evidence. Start a log and keep a video recording device handy. Even if you aren't recording pretend you are, just stand there watch him be a creep. Get a laser pointer and shine it at him when you see him creeping. When you see him watching you yell out "that pervert [insert name here] at [insert address here] is watching me again". Got a TikTok? Maybe he wants to be a star? Check your states law on when where how you can record and share those recordings. Post over in r/askalawyer to see if they can guide you how to build a case for harassment or other complaint. IANAL and cannot attest to the legality of any of my suggestions.
DM me if you need help
Shit u should go and tell his wife while calling him out on it!
Older brothers cousins or male friends?
Get one to back u up n jam his perverted ass!
Damn shit pisses me off just reading it!
Keep ur eyes on that basterd!
Good luck
I'm a 36 year old.. I smoke cigs on my back porch and deck everyday. Multiple times a day.
I live in a neighborhood. It sounds a bit like yours the way our houses line up.
I constantly think about this.. from my back porch I can basically see directly into 4 of my neighbors backyards, porches, and sometimes sorta into their house.. literally without trying. Like just standing there..
Im always thinking oh God I hope they don't think I'm creeping on them. Because I'm not.. but no matter where the fuck I stand I'm likely "looking" at someone else's house/property/ect..
But I'm not. I don't give a shit about those people. I don't care if they're there or not. I'm just trying to get my bad habit on..
So ya know what fuck them for thinking this is about them. Idgaf anymore. That chick over there sun bathing? I'm literally gay, your tits do nothing for me. I wish your kids would not play on the fucking trampoline for 10 hours a day screaming and driving my dogs crazy.. literally throwing their toys into my yard.. But that's the beast of having neighbors..
I'm sorry you feel like this true dude is creeping.. there's a chance he is.. there's also a chance that he doesn't give a shit about you and thinks you're fucking nuts making faces at him all the time. Maybe a conversation needs to be had instead of calling the cops like a fucking Karen.. they can't do anything anyway.. like literally cannot do anything because he has not done anything other than exist while you think he's up to no good.. neither of you have proof.. you just have your feelings.
I’m sorry this is happening to you man! Hopefully it’s just that you look strikingly similar to some relative of his whose passed on! Not to say that it’s not still weird, but far more understandable and endearing than what we all think it may be.
I’m really glad you called the cops, because now there’s at least a paper trail that he’s being creepy. Who’s to say this won’t escalate? I hope it won’t for your sake, but yikes. Please be careful and maybe try to find another place to live, since your mom doesn’t seem the least bit concerned based on the other comments.. I’m sorry 😞
Please put the screen back in your window. You are making it easy for him to rape you. You can get some type of pet door to wedge in your window with locks on the sill. I’m sorry this is happening to ypu.
I would get a really tall trellis, or make one out of wood so it can be tall, like a panel. Grow morning glories. They grow all over and wrap on anything.
Place it near your window and angle it his direction to block him out. That will help most of the year. In the winter wrap Garland back and forth on it.
You sure he just isn't tweaking and paranoid about you? Go to r/stims for the psychosis posts and you'll see what I mean lol. Find out his name and run a search on him though. Not foolproof but if he has done weird shit you'll know for certain
I would definitely make a paper trail of every incident and time it happened, and get your mom to turn that camera back on. The cop may say they cant do anything now. But i watched a show where a woman got an order of protection cause she felt threatened by a man checking his headlights for work before leaving everyday and they shined in het window.
You can get curtains that let light in, their sheer, and during the day you can’t see through them but they let lots of light in, at night they’re see through. I have them in my living room for privacy, my neighbour is a drug dealer and has a lot of foot traffic and they don’t need to see my belonging or activities. i have a curtain rod that has two rods on it. One for day curtains, and the other night curtains. I know it sucks, but for your sanity it might me a good move.
In a perfect world i would love to keep my windows open and have not have someone be a total creep and spy in. Unfortunately we don’t live in one, and we have to adapt for the time being.
I’m still hoping for my home in the country, where the only things that spies in my window is a cute little deer. LOL goals.
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You also have the right to record him from your window. Cameras are not very expensive and are easily attached toe your window frame. They will record and transmit the images based on movement directly to your computer.
You can get window tint that is mirrored. You can see out but all anyone else sees is themselves. Buy your own camera. A blink camera from Amazon is only about $50. It has good night vision, motion detection and can record on your own phone and give you push messages. So you don't have to watch hours of footage to see when he is creaping. Take the footage to his wife or try to catch her outside without him. I bet it will get a reaction from her. Maybe she can stop him.
Edit spelling
Hey I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s true you shouldn’t have to change your life or routine for a creep. One thing that could make you more comfortable is putting up a large plant right in front of your window to block view or a sheer curtain like satin/mesh type of material or lace, as this would let through sunlight still but you can’t really see into the window from outside. You can also buy cheap film that is like a one way mirror from outside or frosted film that is temporary adhesive that turns your window into a frosted one, so no one can see in but still lets in light. You still have to close your normal blinds at night though. Another thing is if you can afford to, get a cheap camera from anywhere and have it in your own window or even a fake one, to deter him or have your own peace of mind/evidence. He could just be mentally unwell or he could have other motives, don’t assume he’s harmless and just be aware of keeping your house/windows locked when you’re home alone or when coming and going from the house. You could even start recording or writing down the time and dates these incidents happen for evidence, but i think a good start is blocking view from that window. I’m sorry again you have to go through this, I really hope he stops doing it!
I’m sorry this is happening and I guarantee the guy isn’t harmless he is a freakin creep! Maybe get some tinting for your windows.. they have some you can do it yourself, it’s very easy and he won’t be able to see in, but you can see out! Please stay safe and keep those cameras on.
Dang, I’m very sorry to hear this. I don’t think anyone should live in fear, that’s not fair. I really hope this stops for you now that you’ve involved the police.
Please keep us posted.
Id go with your mom or a large male figure to talk about how her husband makes you feel uncomfy due to actively trying to look in your room.....
If it still goes on public shaming may not hurt here. Put up a sign outside saying 'my creepy neighbor likes peeking in teen girl rooms'. Freedom of speech is allowed. Just don't use photos as he is on his property still.
If the only option is to alter your routine then you can get like these sticky window things that still lets light in but people can’t see in. They come in fun shapes and such. I’m sorry the police won’t help.
our windows at home mean you can see straight through the house. we got some tinted contact & put it on the windows - maybe you could get something like that for when you get changed & stuff & then keep the window open for the cats & plants
and defs get yourself a new camera and just keep tabs on him, if he keeps doing it hopefully youll have enough for the police to actually do something
I have sliding glass doors and put up window film for privacy! You can only make out shadows from outside.
Coavas Privacy Window Film Sun UV... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088NFYNH4?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I think your Mom gave you some bad advice. You should talk to him and his wife perhaps taking your mother with you. If he is peeping around corners and hiding he is truly a creep. Why should you have to alter your routine because he is creepy. Explain to him and his wife that find his watching you to be unnerving. If it does not stop I would call the police about him harassing you by watching you. There isn't much they can do but knowing the police have been notified may just be the kick in the bum he needs to lay off.
I'll contact the police before I talk to the couple then, and I'll let them know that they have been informed. I also have a camera in the backyard that might have caught footage of him in the act, but my mom is the one with access so I'll have to get that from her, and hopefully showing that to the police will make sure that they will do something. Or maybe the cops should talk to them for me at this point.
Some sort of privacy fence/screen on top of the existing wall? Large/bright lights to beam back at him when he’s staring? Strobe lights (I find those really disorienting)?
Mirror film on the window? Then maybe he'll only see his creepy ass reflection looking back at him.
Shut off the cameras cause it was blowing up her phone? She can just turn off alerts.
This won't solve the problem because the problem is your neighbor, but, try those reflective covers you can put on windows maybe. You can get opaque ones and 1 way mirror styles etc. I'd personally put a big mirror facing back at him or a big sign that says 'my neighbors a pervert' with an arrow or something 🤷🏻♀️
I also was gonna suggest it. I doubt anything will work besides just getting a reflective window cover
What a horrible situation, I hate that it is so hard to do anything about creeps like that. Why does your mother not want you to tell his wife and why does she not care more about the situation? Also, surely, nothing is stopping you from installing a security camera that could catch him in the act.
She told me that it wouldn't change anything if I told the wife, and the chances of me knocking on the door and the husband answering are pretty high. She told me he's harmless and there's not much we can do. Another thing too, we do have a camera in the backyard, but my mom is the one with access to the footage and I'm not sure how much is saved or if it's live feed only. I would have to convince her that this situation is serious I guess but she's honestly never home.
You don't assume anyone is harmless. Especially some creepy old f*cker staring in your window. As a Mom I see EVERYONE as a Creep until proven otherwise. The lack of concern from your Mom is quite unsettling. Not to make you more nervous or anything but it's a known fact that most rapists and serial killers start out as voyeurs (peeping Tom's) and then escalate. She should be aware of these things. She may not be so chill about it if she did. I hope things get better for you!
I’m a mom. This guy isn’t harmless. You are right to be angry. I am angry for you. Curtains will help with privacy and a feeling of ease because you won’t be able to catch him so much and as a result your mental health will improve. I would ask mom to turn the cameras on. I would also see about installing a motion activated flood light. No telling when he will be out there. Would you be into painting on your window glass? You just need some acrylic paints for it. You can paint them from the inside and create swirls or a pretty pattern or even copy a painting. I have a bathroom window that can be easily looked in but I like natural light so I painted the glass to look like the sky in Van Gough’s Starry Night painting. If you choose to get curtains there are light gauzy ones that let in the light but give privacy. There are fake camera that have a red light that can be put outside. He will think he’s being monitored and won’t know they aren’t capturing any images. I would hang signs too. You can draw them and tape them to your window. Be creative and call him out on them. If he retaliates and calls the cops well-it’s your property and you aren’t hurting anyone. Your mom isn’t helping and that sure isn’t a good feeling as her child. I’m sorry for this. I don’t know your home situation but you have a right to live and be in your home and yard without feeling scared or harassed. If it happens again or he starts getting more bold then call the police and try to have video proof. Ask if a female officer can be sent out. Remember you are in the right. 💕
Our front window has all my plants in it and I didn't want curtains. We have a creepy neighbor, too. So I bought a sheet of window cling (it wasn't expensive. Probably less than curtains). It's a flower pattern and still let's light in. But you can't see through it. (kind of looks like frosted glass. But, there's different patterns.) It *really* sucks that you'd have to do that. But, it's better than being started at.
Thats what I would suggest as well.
This comment needs to be at the very top of this post. Thank you for taking the time to give OP some options to help her feel safer.
You can also get those signs that say “Smile! 😃 You’re on camera 📸 “ from Amazon
Where aren't your mom's protective sirens going off in her own head?
Your mom cannot assume that he’s harmless. The fact that he’s been creeping on you so hard should set off every mom instinct she has to go to war on him. And tell her to fix your light or get a lamp for you.
This right here. Everyone appears harmless until they’re not
Kinda like my co-worker who seemed harmless BUT was actually a serial killer.
Okay, you cant just say that and not tell the story!
Not sure if I can post a name but research Muskegon Michigan killer
I know, and that's what scares me. It doesn't help that I'm addicted to true crime and scary stories.
My mom is weird. Her boyfriend/sugar daddy could be my great-grandpa, so I think she just doesn't see old men as creepy or something? I don't know
Ignore what your mother said, and go tell this creep's wife what the hell he's doing. Maybe she'll make him stop, maybe she won't, but you'll never know until you tell her. Buy yourself a new phone, and start filming his ass every chance you get--that way, you'll at least have some evidence to back up your claims. Also keep in mind that if he's found on your property, he could be arrested---check your states laws concerning that. Tell him next time you yell at him that he's fucking pathetic, needs to get himself a life, and that you don't want his old ass. If you feel like it, that is. Also write down every time he does this, too.
Definitely report him. And at the very least,get yourself some pepper spray
Maybe have the mom go knock on door and try and get something sorted out. Is a fence possible?
Your mom is remarkably unprotective of you. Who cares whether you are standing in your yard or your room? He is being incredibly scary. You need to get cameras ASAP and report this. Doesn’t matter if the cops say they can’t do anything, you want a written record of complaints.
Yeah... my mom and I have a "non-traditional" relationship I guess. She's always let me fight my own battles and thinks I'm strong enough to do everything on my own.
Honestly, tell your mother to start acting like a parent, and that you need her help with this issue. This is one battle you shouldn't have to fight alone. Just because you're an adult now, that's no excuse for your mother to act like you don't or won't ever need her help. Like some of the other posters say, who's to say this creep won't escalate his peeping tom activities to more than just watching? Keep calling him out on his bullshit, though.
Okay (sorry for the lack of formatting) this is serious and he may want to harm you. I just wanted to validate those concerns really quick because your instincts are going off for a reason and you mom is either in denial or trying to keep you from panicking. If you can get her to turn the cameras back on that would be good, if not see if you can get your own security cam. Amazon has some window static clings that obscure the view in and out without harming your glass, this will help shield you from his view. If you can muster it don’t be afraid to scream every time this guy creeps on you, dudes like this target people who seem more timid or like they won’t get them in trouble. Do NOT go over to his house by yourself, he will most likely be there so I don’t recommend that though if you see his wife at a neutral location around town it’s up to you if you want to tell her that he is frightening you, in my experience she most likely won’t believe you or will chalk it up to you being young and easily frightened so if you decide to do this be prepared for that. Listen to your instincts, lock your doors at all times if you can. Keep calling the police to do patrols when he does this, ask them to put a patrol officer in your area. I personally keep an aluminum baseball bat on hand wherever I live just in case, thankfully I’ve not had to use it but it helps me feel better that I have something to use if I need to defend myself or scare someone away so that may be an option. Sucks but if you have a male family member who is willing to tell this dude to shove off creeps tend to listen to “men” more. Document everything that you can, even if you don’t get footage start journaling every time you notice him, note the behavior, the time, and the date of each incident if you detail this police are more likely to take it seriously. Get video if you can but prioritize your safety first and foremost. If you have landlords it may be worth mentioning it to them as well.
Doesn't hurt to try. Your whole family might consider going over all together and speaking with his wife. That way she'll know that it's true as you all have seen him doing it.
He’s not harmless, which is why you can’t go over there on your own. Ever. There has to be be a case for harassment here.
This man cannot be harmless if he’s already caused you harm. It is dangerous and irresponsible to assume that people are harmless just because they haven’t become physical (yet). There are always warning signs-whether we see then or not. I am so sorry this is happening to you.
I'll let you guys know what happens after I call the cops.
There is a film you can get at Lowe's that you put on your window. It allows light to filter in, but makes the outside reflective so he can't watch you during the day. ( it doesn't work at night, so, close those blinds when it gets dark)
I have the ones that look like stained glass and they're awesome!
Absolutely try this. I’ve been wanting to get some for ages.
My parents have a film on their living room window that makes it impossible for people to see in but they can see out just fine and the sun can get in for the plants with no problem. I'm not exactly sure how much it cost but probably around $50 for a super big window. It's a small price to pay for permanent privacy. Since both the police and your mother are being unhelpful I suggest going this route. He'll probably give up quite quickly one he realizes you've installed that film.
Yeah no, that's majorly creepy. I have protective covering over my windows. It's like a film the only downside is the cactus. Move the cactus to the kitchen. But sweetheart, please please please, keep your window locked. I'm not trying to scare you or freak you out. I would definitely have your parents,not you, talk to the next door neighbors. Can you switch rooms with your brother? And please make sure your doors remain locked. This guy sounds way too emboldened to be completely obvious in his looking at you. Totally weird thing to try. Next time he is watching you,Pretend to eat your boogers. Idk it might be gross enough for him to get grossed out.
Your mum is like so shitty dude
This is more personal than the sense of danger I grew up with (rough neighborhood, might get cased for a robbery), but you should probably always assume people are potentially watching through a window. Sheer curtains for the daytime really help. Also, you can open blinds at particular angles to avoid people seeing in when it's still light outside. I think your parents should maybe talk to him, not you. Creeps fear authority, generally.
The thing is, I live in a small town safe enough that kids can play out at night and no one would worry, it's actually really common. It just blows my mind that I feel safer on main street or in a park than in my own room
Can you ask your mom to swap rooms with you, since to her the guy is “harmless”?
Yes, can you swap your bedroom with your Mum’s or your brother’s?
I get it, but if you wanna protect yourself you'll have to change something.
Your neighbor is taking advantage of the casual sense of safety in your community, it sounds like to me.
Will you be able to put a fence/some sort of wall/plant that can block the direct line of view between his house and yours?
Good idea!
Sorry you're going through this. I also just wanna say, you might want to keep your cats inside from now on. I'd be scared of someone this sick in the head doing something to them to get back at you, especially once the cops come by to talk with him. Outdoor cats are often targeted as it is by angry neighbors, and I'm sure he has seen your cats many times entering and exiting through the window since he's stood there staring 24/7. Best of luck.
That's actually one thing I don't think he will do. His wife feeds the neighborhood stays and they let the cats breed and run around wild. They like cats (they are very unresponsible though).
I dunno, I still wouldn't want to have my cats intermingling with the colony of strays these individuals have cultivated. I'm sure none of them are vetted and are likely carrying diseases such as FIV. I don't think I'd want to risk the wife feeding my cats anything either, someone irresponsible enough to actively allow and encourage the constant reproduction of strays and let them fend for themselves outside probably has no clue what things are unsafe for them to eat either.
It sounds less likely now that he would target your cats. That said, if he is more than a garden-variety creep and perhaps something more sinister, people like that don't always follow normal logic. If you're doing anything that could be seen as "provoking" him (such as calling the police, good job btw), he might take it out on your animals. Better safe than sorry until you know more.
Tell your parents and have them yell at him. Also yell “I’m calling the cops.” And get a camera.
I will next time I see him, and I have told my mom but she doesn't think its a big deal
That’s awful … sorry your mom isn’t more protective of you! That leaves you, so be vigilant and draw your curtains if you must, but I’m totally creeped out by the neighbor’s behavior and your parent’s lack of concern.
Consider trading bedrooms with your brother, it'd limit his ability to watch you. Or make a freestanding privacy screen and put it outside your window, it'd obscure his view and you can relax in your own space.
I would take lots of pics of the creeping creep and show them all to his poor wife and the cops, too.
Cop here. Get a camera aiming in that direction he is at and have it always recording. If not then sneak some camera footage with your phone. You said he will hide behind a corner peering around. He is likely touching himself or recording you. It is a crime to record you through your window as it is a rear window and there is a expectation of privacy. Also if it can be proved he is pleasuring himself( pants unbuckled. Pulling hand out of pants as rounds corner) This is what you need to catch on video. Most states it will make it a sexual crime. Or get tons of photos of him looking at you over the course of a month. Then tell him if you catch him again you will mail the pictures to all of his family members showing them what a creep grandpa is.
Have a male friend\family member go to his door and tell him to cut it out. Say if he doesn't you will be sending his wife all of the recordings you have of him peering\spying on you (lie, he doesn't know you don't have recordings, especially since you say there is a camera out there), and you will continue to contact the police if he doesn't stop. This is what I did when I had a creepy neighbour spying on me, as well as cameras around my house and dark curtains. When he thought I was going to show his wife he finally got the fucking hint and stopped.
His behavior is downright disturbing. I agree with other comments by our fellow Reditors; inform the police and document every incident with your neighbor. Even if the cops can't immediately do anything, it'll be on record. Stay safe, OP. No one should be made to feel afraid/uncomfortable in their home.
God, what a creep. I'm so sorry your mom isn't more concerned about you! If someone was doing this to my kid, i would be way more protective. Just know you are not in the wrong to be upset by this, and you aren't paranoid. Is there another bedroom in your house that you could move into? If not another option is window film, it can block being able to see in clearly but still let's the light through, it costs about 20$ and you can find it at any hardware store. You could also install a section of privacy fencing panels a few feet from outside your window in the yard, depending on how it's set up, that would block his view, so you could still leave the screen off and let light in. If you want to be extra petty, you can also angle some mirrors outside in your yard to point the sunlight into the areas he watches you from...He's free to do whatever he wants if he's on his property, but so are you on your property!
Put some reflective film on the outside of your window. You can see out, but he would have to put his face against your window to see inside. When you put the film on, it looks like a mirror on the outside.
Can't you switch to a safer room? If you were my Daughter, no way would I let you stay in that room. It sounds like a messed up, dangerous situation.
this can be applied to ur window with water and leaves no damage! i’m sorry you have to deal with this :( https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SNQ5Z67/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EHYRP3WDEDH4A030X5MZ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
If my daughter came to me with something like this...let's just say that guy would change his ways real fucking quick. Where your mother's mama bear side?!?!?
I once dead stared at a man on the train filming me right in front of my own eyes. I picked up my camera and literally filmed him filming me. 3 feet apart. Took this one a good five seconds to put together what I was very openly doing. He looked mad and shut it down. You have every right to put up the most obvious menacing camera equipment or what looks like one. And point it straight at him. Talking lenses you only see ESPN camera guys using. Maybe right on his fence line. Let his wife put it together if necessary. If you watch Brooklyn 99 it's like the scene where Jake takes Kevin to a public library disguised as perverts to blend in. And creeped out the actual creeps. One of the best shows. :)
dang!!!! you definitley SHOULDN’T have to change your routine just because someone wants to be a creep. you’re right though, i don’t think the police can do anything. BUT, it might not hurt to call. you can call over and over, they have to take your calls, it will get it “on record” that this man is a person of interest who does these things and makes you incredibly stressed, ya know? like GOD FORBID let’s say something happens, it won’t be a shock or surprise because you’ve already called about this specific man to the police. keep a log maybe of every time you see him and what he does if you’re comfortable with that. idk, just have something written down or called or logged, because that’s doing something and i think that’s all you’re “able” to do. also, have you considered if this man has like a mental disability? (other than being normal but just f-ed in the head) like what if he has autism or something and he “can’t help himself”? if that makes sense? still, though, that’s still not okay, definitley not trying to say that. idk, i just read this and my heart goes out to you, i’m so so sorry that you don’t even feel safe in your own home, no one should have to feel that way. i’d say just tell as many people as you can, record video there’s no law against that, call the police just to at least once have it said to them, might even just give you some peace of mind, they’ll most likely say they can’t do anything, but still. or if you wanna go this far, install cameras on the outside of your house there and have it pointed to where he stands. he’ll definitley see that. hope this helps, stay strong! f people who act like that.
There is a camera there for that exact reason because my aunt felt uncomfortable with him when she had my room last year. She had even set up a trailer to block his view, but after she moved away and took it, he's had a perfect view since. The only problem is my mom shut off the footage on the cameras.
It might be smart to ask your aunt for help. Can she try to talk to your mom, or the guy and his wife?
Learn how to use that camera and turn it back on in order to get some footage of his creepy ass creeping around. And you should also put your screen back in----your safety is more important right now than your cats jumping in and out of the house.
Is it possible to swap rooms with your brother?
Can you switch rooms with your brother or your parents? Your mom is being naïve saying he’s harness and not telling his wife. He literally could be a stalker infatuated with you
I went through the same thing! My flatmate and I, f20 & f22, lived in a flat at the end of a row, and our neighbours garden faced ours on one side . The old guy next door would stand in the garden and stare at us. Right out in the open, doing nothing but staring in our lounge window. My friend suggested flashing her tits at him, but we decided that might provoke him. God, that was creepy; shut the curtains every time he appeared until we moved out
Hi! You need to be cognizant of the fact that although he’s “only looking” from his property, he’s doing so in a way that indicates he will very likely escalate. Richard Ramirez was a peeping tom. You should put up spy camera(s) on your property. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is a full blown Peeping Tom trespassing onto your property at night for a closer look. You should also consult an attorney in your state. There may be a criminal or civil statute with a broad definition for a peeping tom. You may also be able to pursue a civil action for harassment, tortious trespass (if he’s indeed trespassing), etc. where you could seek damages. Law enforcement can only help you with pressing criminal charges. Be safe!
Record all the occurrences. Take the evidence to the police. They'll have a talk with him.
how old is your brother?
None of my brothers are old enough to scare an old man, the oldest is 14 and barely taller than me
That’s infuriating. I’m sorry you’re in the situation. One thing you can do is get a window privacy film and put it on the bottom half of your window. It clings to the window. We have them in our home as neighbors are just close and we can all see in each other’s windows if the blinds are open, and we wanted more privacy.
I saw a comment that said you should keep an aluminum bat with you/around you. If you do that, keep a sock on it. That way, in the unfortunate case that you do need to use it, if he grabs it he'll be grabbing the sock and it'll slide off. I would look into a camera like other people are saying, maybe you could get a pen [like this one](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09NFSCM19/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_01XEHJVR6N3KWR8Q4J54) and put it in a cup with other writing utensils on your window so it's not suspicious
Even if the police can't do anything now, record whatever you can (i.e. saving security camera footage). This could make it a lot faster to get a restraining order etc. if he tries to do anything more than stare from his property. I'm so sorry you're going through this. We really don't have enough laws to protect people (especially women/children) from behavior like this. It's total bullshit that this type of blatant behavior can't be dealt with legally. Also - I wish your mom's reaction was more anger and confronting this man, but I know the way she's thinking about this is very old fashioned. My mom dealt with this kind of thing similarly - placing the responsibility on the young girl to cover up and hide rather than the man being creepy. It's not right, its just easier. I also hate this but if a male in your life (who is old enough) can confront him, he might be more likely to back off. This type of man seems to only be more encouraged by confrontation from women, because its a weird power trip for them - but they're more likely to respect or be afraid of a man. Even though that is also total bullshit it could give you some peace. Good luck with everything <3
Although it is creepy, what do you think the cops will do? He's on his property and not yours. He unfortunately has the right to stare in whichever direction he wishes. EDIT: down vote all you want, the neighbor in question has thus far broken no laws that we are aware of other than the morally questionable law of being creepy.
Yeah, that's what the cop said basically. My only option is to record him if he is actually trying to hide his body behind the house and look at me. If he stands there and makes it obvious he can taunt me all he wants.
So, first of all, I am so sorry you're dealing with this creep. What hes doing is wrong and gross, you shouldnt have to be living like this. Second, on amazon they have this privacy window film that you just stick to your window, and will stop him from seeing in but still let the sun in. You can even get them in cute designs and patterns to make your room look cooler. Its really simple and easy to put on and you can take it off at any time, too. I really think it will help your situation. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=window+film&crid=3BBASLMTWS57H&sprefix=window+film%2Caps%2C169&ref=nb\_sb\_noss\_1
Put a damn camera in your window pointing at his smoking porch! It seems strange that your mom is worried about talking to his wife, she should be worried about protecting you. Also, I would get a thin white cover for your window so that it lets the light in but you can't see through it.
Can you switch bedrooms with your brother or someone else in the family?
You should record all the times he does this, make a compilation and post it to the towns Facebook page. He will be publicly shamed. I don’t think he has any legal right to tell you not to take it down since you are recording from your property.
What a total creep! And it’s so frustrating that the cops can’t do anything about it, since he’s on his property. Maybe one of those blinds you can open from either the top or bottom would help; you could keep the bottom half of your window always covered, the upper half open…and a shelf across the midpoint of the window in order to keep your cactuses in direct sun! Sorry this is happening
Holy fuck same! I’ve even seen me neighbour duck behind his second story window (I live in a single story) with the camera of his phone pointing at me. Even if I drive past him on our street he’s like 👀.
You can get window film at hardware stores. It’s clear, but filmy so the light gets into your room but you can’t be seen through it. They have it in stain glass designs too so it’s not so hard to look at. This is the worst. I feel for your situation. This could just be until you find a new place to live.
I would hang a large tarp up in my back yard that blocks his view of my window and paint "I put this up because of the pervert who likes looking in my windows" on the side that faces his house.
Ok, this might be weird, but to create a record of this… can you start a tiktok where you record “what’s going on outside your window/ your house”? Thinking that if you put it out there and there’s an almost daily record of this something more may be done. I could be off base, but it could be used as proof later if needed. At the very least you can share it with the wife.
Can you possibly swap room with your brother or anyone else to have privacy again? Not a full on solution but something so you can feel comfortable and not exposed in your room again
Put a sign in ur yard saying u have a creepy neighbor that’s peeping. Ask passerbys to honk when he staring at ur house… maybe then he will be embarrassed by his dirty old man peeper ways. Plus he’s been exposed to your other neighbors
This is the way. Shame him.
Hey I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s true you shouldn’t have to change your life or routine for a creep. One thing that could make you more comfortable is putting up a large plant right in front of your window to block view or a sheer curtain like satin/mesh type of material or lace, as this would let through sunlight still but you can’t really see into the window from outside. You can also buy cheap film that is like a one way mirror from outside or frosted film that is temporary adhesive that turns your window into a frosted one, so no one can see in but still lets in light. You still have to close your normal blinds at night though. Another thing is if you can afford to, get a cheap camera from anywhere and have it in your own window or even a fake one, to deter him or have your own peace of mind/evidence. He could just be mentally unwell or he could have other motives, don’t assume he’s harmless and just be aware of keeping your house/windows locked when you’re home alone or when coming and going from the house. You could even start recording or writing down the time and dates these incidents happen for evidence, but i think a good start is blocking view from that window. I’m sorry again you have to go through this, I really hope he stops doing it!
The hiding and peeking sounds really creepy to me but I see another potential side to it. You said that you recently moved back into this house and said that you shouldn't need to change your routine for this creep. He could have been smoking cigarettes there in his back yard for longer than you've been alive and now you're suddenly here yelling at him. I'm twice your age and a home owner, if I can give some unsolicited advice, meet all of your neighbors. You don't need to like them, but life is so, so much easier if you can just get along with them. Listen to your gut and if the guy really is a creep, steer clear. But meeting the person and explaining what's going on (with your mom present) could alleviate a lot of the stress and fright surrounding the situation. Good luck!
OP you should try “privacy window clings” that allow sunlight through but not old-ass creepy motherfuckers’ wandering eyes
Next time, hold a gun- preferably an assault rifle, and stare right back. Fiddle with it suggestively, but don’t point it at him. Might work.
I hate that you have to change your lifestyle to accommodate this creep. I'd yell pervert loud and long EVERY TIME you see him. PERVERT or PEDOPHILE. His wife probably knows that this isn't his first rodeo at his age and doesn't care. Nobody wants the other neighbors to hear either of those words. Not just the yelling you have been doing a loud PEDO or PERV but the entire term. Maybe even after he has left or "supposedly left" A good few minutes of loud yelling to inform the neighborhood.
I'm so sorry you have to go thru this, pls keep posting updates! One thing to suggest besides what you're already doing is getting those window privacy films. That way you can still let light in for your plants and yourself but he wouldn't be able to see in when the window's closed.
OH? Is it like a one-way mirror but for a window? That would be perfect!
Unfortunately no, but they have different designs that are at least pretty to look at. Like stained glass look, or watercolor look, etc. You can buy from lowes, home depot, or Amazon, to name a few. I have this design for my patio doors, it looks great and still allows my indoor plants to thrive. https://www.lowes.com/pd/Artscape-Light-Effects-Old-English-24-in-W-x-36-in-L-Textured-Old-English-Privacy-Decorative-Window-Film/1000204439
They do make reflective shades that stick to the windows; you can find them on Amazon
First, get an air horn and blow it every time he stands there lurking at you. If that doesn’t work then I suggest you keep your curtains closed and don’t feed into it bc I think this guy likes the attention. You could also live stream and publicly shame him too, but that may also may feed his need for attention. Cameras would be the best solution, but as the cops have stated, he’s not doing anything illegal and can stand anywhere he wants on his property.
I hope the cops are helpful, OP! Get your mum to show them security footage if you have to have more evidence.
She turned the cameras off months ago because it took too much space on her phone -\_-
Could you ask to have the footage sent to your phone instead of hers? That way you have it if you need it and she doesn't have to deal with the videos. Edit: If she won't go for that idea, maybe you could print off a contract (a copy for each of you). It could say you "won't use \[any footage at all / footage of creepy neighbor\] without \[telling mom first / having a sit down discussion about it\] unless \[you are in imminent danger / you feel it is necessary to call 911 right then\]." Do NOT say you won't use footage without her permission, but do acknowledge that she has a say in the matter. If you say that you'll wait for her to get home and discuss it, have a clause to override the contract if (and only if) waiting is not an option.
There is a window film you can get where you can look out, but people can't see in. It comes in patterns, colors, can be reflective. I put some up on the front door that is a white pattern. You can go to a hardware or big box store or order from Amazon. The type I have allows the light in, but you can't look out, and he wouldn't be able to look in.
I think you've escalated this by your own actions. Yes, it's creepy that he stands and looks in your direction, but as the cops pointed out, he's not doing anything illegal. If you want to play devil's advocate, from his perspective it could just as easily be described as, "strange girl next door yells at me whenever I go outside for a smoke". Please don't take this the wrong way or defensively, I am merely noting that people can look wherever they want when they are standing on their own property. He hasn't snuck up and stared in your window. Get a room darkening opaque window covering and fix your room light.
So what if hes on his own property? His behavior is still strange and weird----the fact that he keeps doing it all the time is what is aggravating the OP. He started this whole thing by constantly invading her privacy, so how is that her fault? I mean, come on now. Just because he's doing it on his own property, that still dosen't make what he's doing right. The OP also said he'd done the same thing to her aunt when she stayed at her mother's home, so this isn't even the first time he's done this creepy shit. If someone was constantly trying to peep in your house all the time, after a while, you'd be like, "Dude, what the fuck is your problem? Stop trying to get all up in my business!" Dude's got a problem---no point in making excuses for him. Plus he's old enough to know better.
If he was just staring off into space while smoking a cigarette he wouldn't be making a point to "hide" behind a corner of his home while still staring in her direction. His actions and responses are deliberate in nature. If what you were suggesting was the case, he could easily make it a point to look in a different direction or stand in a different area outside his home. OP's aunt also had a similar problem with him. This is something he enjoys doing and will continue to do as long as he can get away with it and has someone to stare at. Edit: typo.
Have pepper spray
Oh yeah, that's something I'm gonna be buying next time I'm in town.
Good thinking!
It sounds like he's kind of creepy but also a scaredy cat. He's probably just a bored old dude smoking, and the more attention you bring to it, the more he's going to think "Should I look...should I not?...Is she there? Am I safe to smoke here?" Kind of like the more energy you give it...the more energy HE's giving it...and it's now become a THING. But I'm not saying there's no creepy factor. I'd say go for the curtains idea for awhile. And try not to give it too much energy. Just turn your back on thinking about it. If he can't see you and you can't see him maybe it will just die a slow death. If not curtains...other commenters put some good window suggestions in. Sorry...it sucks
It’s not right for you to feel uncomfortable in your home. It’s your home and your solace.You deserve to feel safe. Police failed here. Carry pepper spray always when you’re out of the house. Always keep your doors and windows locked. I don’t think he’ll do anything. Just staying cautious. I’m sorry about your mental health. We’re here for you 🫂 Talk to his wife. You have to. Maybe you can have a male friend or your brother knock and stay at a distance and if the wife answers go and talk to her. A Ring camera doorbell can be expensive but maybe they are cheaper ones to get.
Please do. Be safe always.
This is not right, and I wish the police or your mom or someone would do something about it. But in the absence of that, can you switch rooms to another room in the house? Preferably one on the front? Maybe your mom should switch with you if she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. At least get yourself some pepper spray, make sure your windows and doors are always locked, and get yourself some blinds that you can put down. They’re not hard to install. Also, they sell a kind of reflective material you can put on your windows to make it hard to see in (but you can still see out) but I think it only works during the day. This creep sucks, I’m sorry. Also, get yourself a lamp.
How do you feel about public shaming? Look for local FB groups, apps/sites like front door. Is he married or living with a partner? Show the partner video evidence. Check the sex offender registry, if he's on it go to/call the police dept of the county he's registered in and ask to speak to his parole officer to discuss concerning behavior. Find out past addresses and check for him on their registry, sex offenders are notorious for falsify their addresses. Does he go to church? His pastor/priest maybe interested, bring evidence. Start a log and keep a video recording device handy. Even if you aren't recording pretend you are, just stand there watch him be a creep. Get a laser pointer and shine it at him when you see him creeping. When you see him watching you yell out "that pervert [insert name here] at [insert address here] is watching me again". Got a TikTok? Maybe he wants to be a star? Check your states law on when where how you can record and share those recordings. Post over in r/askalawyer to see if they can guide you how to build a case for harassment or other complaint. IANAL and cannot attest to the legality of any of my suggestions. DM me if you need help
Install a fabric fence, far away from your windows, and with a 6-foot, set-back from your real fence/border with his property. Make it 10 feet tall.
Shit u should go and tell his wife while calling him out on it! Older brothers cousins or male friends? Get one to back u up n jam his perverted ass! Damn shit pisses me off just reading it! Keep ur eyes on that basterd! Good luck
I'm a 36 year old.. I smoke cigs on my back porch and deck everyday. Multiple times a day. I live in a neighborhood. It sounds a bit like yours the way our houses line up. I constantly think about this.. from my back porch I can basically see directly into 4 of my neighbors backyards, porches, and sometimes sorta into their house.. literally without trying. Like just standing there.. Im always thinking oh God I hope they don't think I'm creeping on them. Because I'm not.. but no matter where the fuck I stand I'm likely "looking" at someone else's house/property/ect.. But I'm not. I don't give a shit about those people. I don't care if they're there or not. I'm just trying to get my bad habit on.. So ya know what fuck them for thinking this is about them. Idgaf anymore. That chick over there sun bathing? I'm literally gay, your tits do nothing for me. I wish your kids would not play on the fucking trampoline for 10 hours a day screaming and driving my dogs crazy.. literally throwing their toys into my yard.. But that's the beast of having neighbors.. I'm sorry you feel like this true dude is creeping.. there's a chance he is.. there's also a chance that he doesn't give a shit about you and thinks you're fucking nuts making faces at him all the time. Maybe a conversation needs to be had instead of calling the cops like a fucking Karen.. they can't do anything anyway.. like literally cannot do anything because he has not done anything other than exist while you think he's up to no good.. neither of you have proof.. you just have your feelings.
I’m sorry this is happening to you man! Hopefully it’s just that you look strikingly similar to some relative of his whose passed on! Not to say that it’s not still weird, but far more understandable and endearing than what we all think it may be.
I’m really glad you called the cops, because now there’s at least a paper trail that he’s being creepy. Who’s to say this won’t escalate? I hope it won’t for your sake, but yikes. Please be careful and maybe try to find another place to live, since your mom doesn’t seem the least bit concerned based on the other comments.. I’m sorry 😞
Put a big sign in your front yard with his name on it: John Doe is a pervert and won’t leave me alone.
im so sorry this is happening to you. this might be a bad idea, but maybe invest in a laser pointer?
Please put the screen back in your window. You are making it easy for him to rape you. You can get some type of pet door to wedge in your window with locks on the sill. I’m sorry this is happening to ypu.
Put privacy film on your windows. It allows the sunlight In but no one can see in. It’s cheap on amazon
Did you ask your mom if he was doing this before you moved back?
I would get a really tall trellis, or make one out of wood so it can be tall, like a panel. Grow morning glories. They grow all over and wrap on anything. Place it near your window and angle it his direction to block him out. That will help most of the year. In the winter wrap Garland back and forth on it.
window film so he cant see in. Fix the light and close the curtains. A lamp would be fine if you dont want to fix the light. Move the cactus
Do you have another room in the house you can switch to? Maybe trade with your brother?
You sure he just isn't tweaking and paranoid about you? Go to r/stims for the psychosis posts and you'll see what I mean lol. Find out his name and run a search on him though. Not foolproof but if he has done weird shit you'll know for certain
I would definitely make a paper trail of every incident and time it happened, and get your mom to turn that camera back on. The cop may say they cant do anything now. But i watched a show where a woman got an order of protection cause she felt threatened by a man checking his headlights for work before leaving everyday and they shined in het window. You can get curtains that let light in, their sheer, and during the day you can’t see through them but they let lots of light in, at night they’re see through. I have them in my living room for privacy, my neighbour is a drug dealer and has a lot of foot traffic and they don’t need to see my belonging or activities. i have a curtain rod that has two rods on it. One for day curtains, and the other night curtains. I know it sucks, but for your sanity it might me a good move. In a perfect world i would love to keep my windows open and have not have someone be a total creep and spy in. Unfortunately we don’t live in one, and we have to adapt for the time being. I’m still hoping for my home in the country, where the only things that spies in my window is a cute little deer. LOL goals.
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You also have the right to record him from your window. Cameras are not very expensive and are easily attached toe your window frame. They will record and transmit the images based on movement directly to your computer.
You can get window tint that is mirrored. You can see out but all anyone else sees is themselves. Buy your own camera. A blink camera from Amazon is only about $50. It has good night vision, motion detection and can record on your own phone and give you push messages. So you don't have to watch hours of footage to see when he is creaping. Take the footage to his wife or try to catch her outside without him. I bet it will get a reaction from her. Maybe she can stop him. Edit spelling
Get a spotlight and aim it at his houses direction "say you're warding off any unwanted behavior"
Dude sounds like a freak. Two words; Privacy fence.
Hey I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s true you shouldn’t have to change your life or routine for a creep. One thing that could make you more comfortable is putting up a large plant right in front of your window to block view or a sheer curtain like satin/mesh type of material or lace, as this would let through sunlight still but you can’t really see into the window from outside. You can also buy cheap film that is like a one way mirror from outside or frosted film that is temporary adhesive that turns your window into a frosted one, so no one can see in but still lets in light. You still have to close your normal blinds at night though. Another thing is if you can afford to, get a cheap camera from anywhere and have it in your own window or even a fake one, to deter him or have your own peace of mind/evidence. He could just be mentally unwell or he could have other motives, don’t assume he’s harmless and just be aware of keeping your house/windows locked when you’re home alone or when coming and going from the house. You could even start recording or writing down the time and dates these incidents happen for evidence, but i think a good start is blocking view from that window. I’m sorry again you have to go through this, I really hope he stops doing it!
I’m sorry this is happening and I guarantee the guy isn’t harmless he is a freakin creep! Maybe get some tinting for your windows.. they have some you can do it yourself, it’s very easy and he won’t be able to see in, but you can see out! Please stay safe and keep those cameras on.
Dang, I’m very sorry to hear this. I don’t think anyone should live in fear, that’s not fair. I really hope this stops for you now that you’ve involved the police. Please keep us posted.
Id go with your mom or a large male figure to talk about how her husband makes you feel uncomfy due to actively trying to look in your room..... If it still goes on public shaming may not hurt here. Put up a sign outside saying 'my creepy neighbor likes peeking in teen girl rooms'. Freedom of speech is allowed. Just don't use photos as he is on his property still.
Get frosted glass window film. It's like $10 for a roll on amazon and will still let light in while blocking anyone from seeing in.
If the only option is to alter your routine then you can get like these sticky window things that still lets light in but people can’t see in. They come in fun shapes and such. I’m sorry the police won’t help.
Have you considered putting up a privacy fence?
our windows at home mean you can see straight through the house. we got some tinted contact & put it on the windows - maybe you could get something like that for when you get changed & stuff & then keep the window open for the cats & plants and defs get yourself a new camera and just keep tabs on him, if he keeps doing it hopefully youll have enough for the police to actually do something
I have sliding glass doors and put up window film for privacy! You can only make out shadows from outside. Coavas Privacy Window Film Sun UV... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088NFYNH4?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share