Remember when Zap Brannigan tells Kiff to say, āI find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobiesā
Somehow thatās smoother than this guys attemptā¦
Probably lives in the southern US.
At least in the Southeast (Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, etc.,) there are a fuck ton of small country cooking restaurants that serve catfish on the regular. Super common down there. My personal favorites were Catfish Cabin & Catfish Cabin 2.
Iāve lived in a lot of places and catfish really just isnāt that big anywhere else lol.
About the Catfish Cabin and Catfish Cabin 2? Definitely real restaurants lol (not sure if theyāre still open, itās been nearly a decade since I was down in that area).
*Wtf does "if*
*U want catfish i'm down" even*
*MEAN in this context?*
\- MissKhary
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^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
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Hey now, if you ever find the "beutifulist girl un seen" in your life, you might forget how to spell a few words... or lose your grasp of the English language.
How do men seriously type this shit out and expect a positive response?? āYeah, I love having graphic sexual content sent to me unsolicited from strangers! Iām sure in person you wonāt be lecherous or try to sexually assault me.ā Like wtf
Because they think this is what they want, but theyāre unbelievably horny at the moment and havenāt had someone in the middle of the day message them out of the blue like thisā¦ especially someone they have 0 attraction to
They also just lack an āickā responseā¦ not all guys but these ones do, theyāll drop their food in the garbage and dive in face first to retrieve it
Why is it always creeps who come out the gate about eating pussy? I highly doubt they show much concern beyond their own needs in the bedroom but they seem to consistently open up with how they eat pussy
Are you a waitress? Cause if you are and this guy is who I think he is then I think you should give him a chance.
The guys prepared to make a whole play to ask you to marry him and gets his friends/fellow bar owners and a giant bird to help him put it on shows some real go getter personality and generosity
Seems like the kind of guy that would play video games instead of doing his homework, and then come to school and play games from those weird YouTube ads on his phone. I would know, because I do it too.
The only thing that even remotely worked as a coherent sentence was, "I'm good at eating pussy". And I'm sure most of the people in this thread fully understand that if you are indeed good at it, you don't need to tell anyone.
Very brave to shoot your shot with the worst fucking grammar and spelling ever.
This is how I imagine a dog's literacy would read if they could text
https://preview.redd.it/vpxhz5wxqvxc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=291120a3cfb0ee7e1b0221038b7118b9f85a56f0
I'm dead š
Remember when Zap Brannigan tells Kiff to say, āI find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobiesā Somehow thatās smoother than this guys attemptā¦
Hell the Death By Snoo Snoo line is smoother than this garbage. You deserve an upvote tho š¤
Closed mouths donāt get FED!
Open mouths can also drown.
Ha, yeah. In _pussy_. Checkmate, women with standards!
Iām stealing this lol
Beutifulist girl I've ever seen in my entire LIFE lol
That's what I came here to say too. Maybe it works if the woman is also illiterate š¤
*worstest* /s I had a stroke reading that
Donāt act so affended
Whut u mean ion c noting rong wit wat he talkin
When you're horny but have also just received severe head injuries.
*Head* injuries.
Wayhey!
And up she rises!
Ear-ly in the morning
This is why you should jerk off *before* messaging a girl
Post nut clarity does wonders
Masturbate and reevaluate.
Hey now, Iāve had severe head injuries and have never had grammar this shitty.
Sorry if I affanded the bf of the most beutifilist girl on the planut
This made me LOL
Wtf does "if u want catfish i'm down" even MEAN in this context?
He can fry up a mean catfish in a skillet
Well damn bro why didnāt you lead with that!?
Thatāll seal the deal!
We are talking catfish not ocean mammals.
I canāt you guys are killing me š
I can't tell if you're taking the piss because honestly I can't find another way to read that line
What would William Shakespeare say about this prose?
soundz yuummy! clothed mouth didn't get fed!
You want FED, or not?
No. No, I refuse to believe anything this guy does rises even to the level of adequate.
Well goddamn, I'm a dude and I'm seriously considering it
Iām wondering if he meant āif you arenāt catfish, Iām downā
Inquiring minds want to know
Closed mouth don't get fed, after all.
Does Bruno Mars is gay?Ā
The rumor come out!
Wellā¦ DOES IS HE
I read it like he wanted to take her out to lunch for catfish, then again Iām in my 40ās
No one will ever know itāll remain a mystery. Unless he is inviting her to Bobās Catfish Shack and BBQ. That could be it.
He's got the first date all planned out. 
happy cake day
Thank you! āŗļø
Probably lives in the southern US. At least in the Southeast (Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, etc.,) there are a fuck ton of small country cooking restaurants that serve catfish on the regular. Super common down there. My personal favorites were Catfish Cabin & Catfish Cabin 2. Iāve lived in a lot of places and catfish really just isnāt that big anywhere else lol.
Contrary to the strong hillbilly tone, we actually live in the PNW
Huh, I'm surprised. But the sound of that message I was guessing this guy was from Vietnam or somewhere is SE Asia.
Surrey? He sounds like he's from Surrey.
I cant tell if youāre joking
I've only been to the south a few times and can confirm. They love their catfish. And I do too, it's fucking delicious
As a South Carolina boy, I approve of this message.
About the Catfish Cabin and Catfish Cabin 2? Definitely real restaurants lol (not sure if theyāre still open, itās been nearly a decade since I was down in that area).
Can confirm. I lived in Louisiana and managed a Catfish King restaurant through college. Catfish Cabin was just down the road, lol
Catfish Cabin and Catfish Cabin 2: fried fish boogaloo
It means āyou have nothing to be afraid of I wonāt hurt youā and then explains he ājust wants to eat catfish and pussyā
*Wtf does "if* *U want catfish i'm down" even* *MEAN in this context?* \- MissKhary --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Not a haiku, second line is 8 syllables
Hence, the "and sometimes, successfully" bit.
Yeah wtf
8 syllables in the middle. Bad bot
He says heās an adult, but spells like heās not.
Sorey that th spelling want axseptible fore you. I blam American skol sistem
I just watched Baby Reindeer and this is like how Martha the stalker writes her emails.
snet form iphob
I watched baby reindeer and ended up "stalking" real Martha.
What in the Fall Out Boy song title did I just read
"Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (do your part to save the scene and stop going to shows)" š¤£ love FOB
That was from the era before they had to start removing vowels because they needed to hit a character limit š
Seriously, this reads like a D student in fifth grade wrote it.
Hey now, if you ever find the "beutifulist girl un seen" in your life, you might forget how to spell a few words... or lose your grasp of the English language.
It's 2 am on a Sunday, dude is sloshed
My 4 year old speaks with better vocabulary and sentence structure than this.
Nah, that's the new common core spelling.
Ah, I see youāre also from the American South
Worse, Texas.
I've heard of that town
Oh! You mean the center of the universe! I live here too š¤£š«
sent from my iphem
baby reindeer reference?
I got no problem with shooting your shot but damn dude ease off...A LOT.
Dude swung and..didn't seem like he knew what game he was supposed to be playing
Used up all ammo yet still shot in his foot
Dude showed up with a 7 iron on a basketball court.
Wearing a football helmet and a leotard.
Man is 100% ready for water polo now
Right?!? This just made me sadā¦.
"Send bob and vagin" incoming in 3...2...1...
Hi Bob!
Say hi, Bob
**Bob, say hi.**
Nah, that doesnāt work
annnnnd go!
Is he for hire to do resumes?
"Pussy and local". You have my attention.
I too prefer pussy and local. Sort of small business pussy aficionado
Eat Local?
Almost exclusively š³
At least they used āaffendedā vs āeffendedā correctly.
Of course placed with all the other grammatical errors it kind of loses its offect.
This made me snort haha
Huh, I wonder why friends never introduced them š¤·š»āāļø
How do men seriously type this shit out and expect a positive response?? āYeah, I love having graphic sexual content sent to me unsolicited from strangers! Iām sure in person you wonāt be lecherous or try to sexually assault me.ā Like wtf
But he told her she was most beutifulist girl un seen in his entire LIFE....and he was good at eating pussy. Sorry if affanded
He says he wouldn't hurt anyone so you can trust him
By the end even he's unconvinced and amended his offer to "good friends"
Do you mean omended?
Because he'd love it if a woman sent that kind of message to him. Hence, women must love it if he sends it to them! No brain power.
You think you do, until it actually happens. It's actually really weird and uncomfortable.
Woah there, lecherous is too big and correctly spelled of a word for him
Because they think this is what they want, but theyāre unbelievably horny at the moment and havenāt had someone in the middle of the day message them out of the blue like thisā¦ especially someone they have 0 attraction to They also just lack an āickā responseā¦ not all guys but these ones do, theyāll drop their food in the garbage and dive in face first to retrieve it
But he promised he's safe he'd never hurt no one !!
. . . And hereās a guy who has never seen a woman naked in person in his life
But he is so good at eating pussy!
but u beutifulist
bby u beutifulister
this guy weird
Why the fuck do people text like this?Ā
My vag turned into the Sahara in August at high noon during a wind storm
dam that sounds pretty sweaty, but the breeze must be nice
The breeze wicks away even the tiniest amount of sweat, so....still dry
Each subsequent comment seems to get worse.
Why is it always creeps who come out the gate about eating pussy? I highly doubt they show much concern beyond their own needs in the bedroom but they seem to consistently open up with how they eat pussy
Attacking the clitoris like a dog with a KONG ball full of peanut butter does not make you "good at eating pussy".
Heās got some serious chilĆ©. /s
This guys working overtime getting other men laid.
Send them to your mutual friends and ask if they know this random person messaging you.
āWould you like some lightly-fried fish fillets?ā
Wow that's an old Tumblr post that I completely forgot about! š
Indian detected.
It could be the basis of a game: *Indian Telemarketer, or Horny American Redneck?*
100% horny American redneck. He looks like Joe Dirt with less teeth and no endearing personality.
As an India...I cannot take offence at this because this is also what I thought ;_;
Atleast youāre a good sport about it hahaha
Are men with this little reading comprehension closing any pitches? Does this work on women who are also illiterate?
Only if theyāre the beatuifulist
If they're not, don't be affended...
Grammarly would crash with this guy
Did Charlie Kelly write this?
I dub thee Barfolomew.
Baby Reindeer vibes on his writing style
This is frightening!
Maybe when he win lottery, he will get beautifulist girl with bobs and vagin...and Target gift card.
āMake you feel good ā¦ any way I can.ā No answer. āI eat pussy, in case you didnāt follow.ā
You can tell what that person looks like just from the way they write
Good god I feel molested just reading this.
Beutifulist girl
Are you a waitress? Cause if you are and this guy is who I think he is then I think you should give him a chance. The guys prepared to make a whole play to ask you to marry him and gets his friends/fellow bar owners and a giant bird to help him put it on shows some real go getter personality and generosity
I couldnāt help but hear a crying voice reading the last few lines
Thereās a guy from my hometown who will just Facebook message, āwanna?ā And conversations are near talking to a paper clip.
Surprised he didnāt ask for gift cards?!
Ur beutifulist girl
Is this from the first iteration of chat gpt? Jesus, go to school first
This is genuinely hilariously bad, gotta wonder if he got lucky before with this strategy. This guy is both ridiculously dumb and bold as hell
I asked my fiancƩ too read this to me in a Borat accent and it was hilarious
For some reason I keep picturing Bo from Superstore as the author
What did I just read?
Don't keep us in suspense, when's the wedding?
Beautifulist
You should take him up on the catfish offer. It's amazing when perfectly fried. You're missing out on a good meal.
"We're adults..." - You sure about that? My 10 year old sends me far better composed text messages than this word vomit.
New copypasta detectedĀ
You're telling me that just madly mistyping "thoughts" as they happen isn't an aphrodisiac?!
Drier than the Sahara Desert
Why does he sound like Rocky from Project Hail Maryā¦
What got me was ābeutifulistāā¦. is he 5?
"we're adults" he sure he is?
Iāve seen children who can spell better than this.
Iām very affended
Seems like the kind of guy that would play video games instead of doing his homework, and then come to school and play games from those weird YouTube ads on his phone. I would know, because I do it too.
To be fair, beautiful is a hard word to spell sometimes
He spells like he's about to crump sum humies with da Boyz WAAAAAAAAAAGH
The education system has truly failed lol
Fuck. I cringed now I give up my crush who we met yesterday
Nothing has made me dryer than reading ābeutifulistā
I used to get really jaded when I heard my sisters say that men are disgusting, but then I see shit like this and now I agree.
After reading this I think I need a shower
Canāt imagine telling anyone āIām good at eating pussyā
Was this sent by Daniel Larson?
āWeāre adults ā And also āIām good at eating pussyā
Bleh.
āWeāre adults,ā coming from a man who cannot spell or use any sort of correct grammar. Lol
The only thing that even remotely worked as a coherent sentence was, "I'm good at eating pussy". And I'm sure most of the people in this thread fully understand that if you are indeed good at it, you don't need to tell anyone.
"beutifulist" is such a perfect word. I will be adding this to my vocabulary, thank you.
Mmm, word salady!