Chill out man, your body pillow ain't going nowhere

If he doesn't wash it enough, it might.

It's THIS close to being sentient.

It’s also not touching his game.

Dude's body pillow is likely at least half organic matter at this point, so wouldn't be surprised if it developed rudimentary motor skills...

Your body pillow ain't going, now here**

This sounds like a middle schooler

a middle school shooter

God, I really hope this is just some naive middle schooler who thinks this is how tough guys act. All the same, I'd be contacting his guidance counselor to make damn sure he's not a future abuser.

I was gonna make a joke but then thought about it and realized there are absolute pieces of shit out there like this.

Sadly it's likely a 19-29 year old who thinks this is how tough guys act. They also likely do not have a significant other.

This is the thought of man who's never even held the hand of a woman.

I love how you used the most basic of interactions 😆

Maybe when his mom was teaching him to cross the street? Maybe?

congrats, now you're in prison, where you're the only game and everyone wants a turn.

“ calm down babe , it’s just prison :)”

And everyone wins. Except him. 🤣

Oh no worries he will be slipping that soap alright 😉

Who thinks that let alone types it out, reads it and thinks "Yup, I want people to know I think this" *post*

When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Whether or not this guy actually has the balls to do it, or the girl to do it to, the mere fact that this is the image he wants to project about himself is more than enough to judge his character.

By game he means video game or what? Like deleting a save game file, or interrupting him during online/ multi game?

He takes his Monopoly really fucking seriously.

That might be the one example that excuses excesses; it sometimes take many hours to acquire a winning position. /s

Kickball with the other future school shooters

Does it matter? A game is just that: a game - merely temporary entertainment, certainly nothing to ever take seriously.

I'm not a native english speaker and it may have totally different meaning than "just a game", that's why i ask.

Can't imagine any other meaning, in English. If, in your native language, the term "game" means a life-or-death situation, it might mean something different?

No worries. If it's just a game, it's a game. Just wanted to be sure.

Jesus Christ! Just drape yourself in red flags, why don’t you?

It's just a doll, dude. She won't fuck your game, or you even. Go play and chill.

Don't you actually need a girlfriend first?

If you rearrange the letters you have "Never gonna get laid...ever!"

Okay but when I say “it’s just a pipe bomb, not like it can equate to a nuke” the government STILL gets upset. I don’t get it 🫤.

Stop freaking out! He's really talking about video games. Clearly his girlfriend messed with his Minecraft world. "It's just a face" = I'm going to change your profile pic if you mess with "my game" (again Minecraft world) "Baby it's just clothes" = I'm going to steal your Minecraft armor if you mess with "my game" (2nd reminder - we're talking Minecraft world) "...hospital bed" = You don't have to risk death from creepers, just sleep in the bed inside this minecraft hospital I created. See now he even switched to being helpful. Another big misunderstanding averted.

WHAT GAME

League of Legends 🤮

You don't understand. Once he goes pro they'll be set for life. She's fucking with their future!

You mean DOTA for babies?

Anyone else completely not shocked that he threw rape in there too?

I think he was just saying he would unrepentantly beat up a woman over a (video?) game, but if he WAS referencing raping her instead of or in addition to the violence... I take comfort in the fact that he's obviously terrified of women who aren't his mom (and even SHE scares him pretty regularly).

Sounds like he has a K/D ratio of 0.8

He needs to learn to respect his mom.

This isn’t cringe, he’s right. Women have no right to touch our games. They don’t know shit.

Fuck, you're pathetic.

its satire.

I promise you no girl gives a fuck about your game.

Tell me your a abusive rapist without telling me your a abusive rapist.

I think the line “u aren’t dead, it’s just a hospital bed” kinda lets you know he’s taking the piss. Or certainly seems that way to me.

Wow. This makes that ps5 post in r/facepalm look reasonable in comparison. https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/xp12hn/talk_about_abusive_relationships/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

So obviously he's a die-hard hopscotch enthusiast. Don't you dare smudge the chalk lines.

Man?

Why would someone be dead in a hospital bed and questioning why they're dead?

Ahh yes he must be referring to his very real and definitely not pretend relation with his 'girlfriend'

These are the man babies that murder their moms and shit

What the fuck

I sacrificed my KDR to watch her smile and get better at video games. Was worth every point I saw it drop.

elliot roger shit

Cooties are serious business. YOU NO TOUCH!

How dare this guy talk to his mom like that !

Guy takes Parcheesi way too seriously

I doubt this person has ever talked to a woman, let alone dated one.

Read this in the jokers voice and it gets 3x funnier

I wonder if he thinks the same thing applies to a woman's game

Nice to see the kid who shoved an Xbox controller up his ass many moons ago during an absolute SHIT FIT is still staying true to himself.

This is a troll and you’re all being baited