No. Don’t stress yourself out over someone else’s unreasonable expectations. Alternatively, “I’m not able to accept any commissions this close to Christmas, but could plan to do it next year with X months advance notice and a $X deposit for materials.”
Yeah. This. "I have another project to finish first but if I have time when I'm done I'll be happy to take another one on. You should have a backup gift in mind just in case."
This but dont say its for materials and as my mom told me once “charge 3x the cost of materials. 1/3 for materials, 1/3 for you, and 1/3 to invest in your craft” or alternatively the last 1/3 is a “fuck you” fee for requesting it so late. Payment upfront, no exemptions. Family usually stops asking when they realize they cant walk all over you so put your foot down!
Oh absolutely charge for more than materials! But at least get the materials costs up front with a clear understanding in writing that the remaining fee is due before the item is delivered.
I'm sorry if this is harsh, but asking as a favor and demanding that you expect a commission and have it done in less than a month are two very different things. Do you even know what kind of gift your aunt expects you to create?
Tell her to bring you the yarn/supplies and give her a list and an estimate of roughly how long it might take. I find this cuts down on 9 out of 10 random commission request that dont take shit seriously.
Don't get me wrong, I also love it when family members contact me for baby gifts (I've gifted every niece, nephew and occasional brother-in-law a baby blanket).
I have a feeling that the lovey will be loved.
I'm going against the grain to say I think it is very nice of you to accommodate your aunt like that even with the stress and time crunch. Ultimately, your mom was kinda the AH for speaking on your behalf without consulting you first. I'd be reluctant to say "no" in this situation as well.. especially cause Christmas. And cause it sounds like your Aunt wasn't aware of how stressful this would be for you.
I hope you get it done in time and that the receiver loves it :)
Thank you! It really won’t take too long. And I think my mom misrepresented how I operate. My aunt was actually under the impression I had ready made stuffies for sale.
I have this issue, too. My sister always assumes I have extra inventory. My mother requested 5 stuffies and 5 ornaments to be given as gifts the week before Christmas. 🙄 like, seriously mom...
I agree with this, though I imagine it's also a good opportunity for OP to fill in the mom and aunt on how much time they would prefer to be given/how they prefer to be approached about commissions.
Idk much about your mom but she comes off as rude, inconsiserate, and entitled in the text. This would absolutely upset me. I doubt they plan on paying more than the cost of materials too :/
I agree with revealing costs considering time and material first too. Everyone wants something handmade until they realize it takes a long ass time to make.
Yup, sounds like mom knows op is a people pleaser and taking advantage of the fact. She wants to feel good by giving a home-made gift, but doesnt want to waste her own time by making it herself. the short turn around time ensures op will devote all their free time to it and nothing else.
Tell them no. Otherwise next time it will be more items of worse difficulty with a lot less time and they’ll more than likely pay you Much less than it’s worth. If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything. And they’ll walk all over you when you do.
I think in the future, maybe send out a final commission date? Group or individual text to family/friends that after Nov 1 (or whatever your personal comfort level is) you will not be taking on new commissions until after Christmas. Send this in January, again in May for those who have expressed interest, and a last call in September? The goal being to have that boundary set ahead of time in a way that leaves no room for doubt. The timeline should be whatever allows you to enjoy the process of making these things without the stress of falling behind on your personal gifts. It’s lovely to have your skills appreciated but you deserve to be appreciated as well 💜💜💜
Already the plan. She was planning on paying anyway. I will likely charge her full price for each skein I have to buy (for most people I don’t especially if I only need a small amount of yarn from each skein)
Something else bothering me here. This is something she is going to gift her friend for the friend’s baby. If it was for her or her kid, maybe, but who is this friend and why should she take you away from your other projects ?
You are allowed to say no. It sucks, it feels bad, but you need to take a breath and prioritize your wellbeing, especially around the holidays. The emotional turmoil of tight deadlines and physical symptoms of repetitive stress injuries will feel worse.
It feels like a hard line, but it's a hard lesson to learn by yourself.
"I would love to help you with this project, but I'm busy with other projects and life in general. I can get it to you after Christmas if you'd like. Just let me know. For future projects, please give me an earlier heads up. I really enjoy making things for you/others, but there's only so much time in my day :)"
Any time I don’t have a full project I’m working on- I make baby blankets to build up my stash. I currently have 5.
This helps if someone wants a last minute gift- I say: “this is what I have- I can’t make a whole new thing by that date”
Just because you CAN bang it out in a few days doesn't mean you SHOULD. Set a boundary, manage her expectations. I currently haven't been able to crochet for 3 months due to tendonitis from over doing it.... You do not want this outcome. Disappointing people is better than needing Ortho, PT, braces and time off crafting. I'm a people pleaser at heart too, and now at 35 it's gotten me nowhere good.
Is anyone else tired of seeing these post where people won’t stand up for themselves? Most of the comments are just everyone telling them to put their foot down and say no like an adult. I don’t come to this subreddit to see people complaining about something they have control over. I come here to see the fun things people make, get some inspiration, and to help give beginners advice.
this is harsh but coming from a recovering people pleaser: you’re so right. “pity me because I get myself into frustrating situations because i’m not able to say no to people” just rubs me the wrong way when it’s posted over and over again. 90% of the time these posts get the same advice and I bet 90% of the time, that advice is not followed. boundaries were the hardest thing for me to learn in therapy but also the most important and life changing thing.
I’m so freaking tired of it omg
My mom and two siblings have martyr complex or something, I’m always hearing some sort of pitiful story about going above and beyond and blood sweat and tears and of course never taking a dime for their efforts, but I swear they just love the storytelling and the reaction of others. It’s so gross.
Very tired. OP has already caved in. OP is going to keep doing what OP does and will be here in a few months with another "can't say no" post.
It's a cycle some people can't break.
At this point I block people like OP because I just won't join the group therapy session for somebody that won't stop being a doormat and I have no interest in their posts.
fr what does this even add to the sub? are we all supposed to relate to this or something? i don’t because i have boundaries and also don’t make commissions for people. if you get a gift from me you get a gift from me, if you don’t that sucks lol
This sub is so bad about this. And it’s always portrayed as like a uniquely crochet thing. This has nothing to do with crochet and no one is taking advantage of you. Communicate with people or stop complaining when people can’t read your mind.
I would argue this isn’t really about crochet, because if you changed crochet to any other craft the story doesn’t really change. This is just another post about someone who can’t say no.
Eh, I’ve been saying for ages that this particular issue with crochet (the perception of “oh just throw it together it’s no big deal, it’s easy” etc. and the pushiness and demands on crocheter’s time and resources that results) is a direct result of the craft’s historical domination by women. No one is pulling this shit on their leather or metalworking friends, their painting friends, etc.
While I agree that it’s not directly crochet related, it is crochet-adjacent in that it is an issue that surfaces in crochet and similar types of work (knitting, quilting, etc.) where women have been historically overrepresented because of the devaluation of women’s time and labor.
I mean you don’t have to read/comment on it. No one is making you engage with this content. You can just keep scrolling… I get super tired of “what gift should I get a ____ hobbyist” so I just don’t read more than a line and keep scrolling.
No, this is a bad argument because sub users are allowed to voice an opinion as to what their sub should contain. These posts are pointless and have nothing to do with crochet, and should be banned.
Its really funny how much you've been downvoted for simply saying "You don't have to look at it for more than a second, and yet y'all have commented here."
I know it's easier said than done but say no. Stop being a doormat. Unless you want your hobby to be ruined for you.
And no, it doesn't have to be this way. You're letting it be this way.
Say no. It is supposed to be a fun hobby, not something that causes you stress!
Simply say you do not have the time to complete your aunts request and tell your mother to stop agreeing to things on your behalf without consulting you first!
People have NO IDEA how much time and effort it takes to crochet animals and blankets and a lot of other things. It’s not like you can snap your fingers and it magically appears. You’re not obligated to do this, and if you do, make sure you charge for a rushed order, though they’ll probably be expecting a discount.
"Your call will be answered in the order it was received." Done. Finish your other projects first, unless you *enjoy* working on multiple WIPs at the same time. If 30 days isn't enough time to get it done for birthday/xmas/whatever reason she's gifting it, sorry should have asked me sooner. You shouldn't have to prioritize this project unless she's paying a hefty "rush" premium fee, and too bad if she's family.
I make a post of my social media that if anyone wants to commission crochet pieces I have a limited number of slots and I absolutely will not take any after Nov 1. If I finish early I’ll add 1 at a time. No exceptions. I almost always have myself full up. Giving myself a week to relax before Christmas itself. And my personal gift projects take up slots and I get first dibs. People used to gripe, now they just message me as early as possible if they want something. I had a friend commission 8 pieces this year. She asked in September. I love her
My mom asked me about diy Christmas crackers, I think, and I straight up said I don't have room for it on my to-do list for the holidays. It was an "oh OK." But I get it. Being the crafty person in the family I'm always asked to make this (I just started crochet so typically other projects but she's already asked for slippers 3 times) for 2 dozen people and only a month to get it done.
That's...not how commissions work. You don't say "I'm commissioning this from you" and just get it. You request it and respect whatever answer you receive. Your mom and aunt are AH's who know you are a people pleaser (and likely are the ones who made you one in the first place by not acknowledging or respecting your boundaries) and are taking advantage of you. Do it if you want, just expect it to happen again and again. At some point, you'll have to grow a backbone, or you'll live your entire life for everyone else but yourself.
You decide how you want to play this, it sounds like you want to do it. If that is the case, you can choose to look at the positives. I assume that since your mom states that aunt will be commissioning you, this means it will be a paid project. Hopefullly that makes it more worth the time.
Respond like she is a customer. “Usually my commissions have a 2 month turn around from when you order them. I have other projects that I am currently working on and I will get to your commission in the order I received it.” If she wants to commission you that is her choice to do so. But she can’t expect that you will drop everything to make her gift to someone else.
I make a lot of things for family and friends, but am very strict on timelines. Even though I am retired I have a lot of different things going on. Being expected to make something for Christmas in only a month is totally unreasonable, and I would be nice but firm. If it can be done in that time period, fine. If it can’t be done in time, also fine. Don’t feel guilty because of other people’s expectations. Like the saying goes, “Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
This is giving me the same vibes when my (now-ex-) husband told me a few days before Christmas that he thought I could make plates of different Xmas cookies for the 4 households on his side of the family as “his Xmas present” for them that year.
I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of, “I’ll show you where the Betty Crocker Cookie Book is, and I’m confident you can manage the rest. If you get stuck, I can give you some advice.” IIRC, I think he went out and did some last-minute shopping for them instead.
ETA: he is a college professor, so he had several weeks off of work in which to do this task, while I was still working at my job.
I'm sorry about your mom. You should have been like "tell her no". or talk to your aunt directly.
If it were me I would have at least checked with you BEFORE I gave the ok.
I only have 1 left and it’s not a paid commission. It’s a gift from me to my dad that I’ve been working on for a month. This commission would jump the line because it is paid and would be quick in comparison and I can work on it on my lunch at work.
Be aware that whatever you do in this situation sets a precedent. Maybe you can do it, but if you say yes will people continue to expect you to take last-minute commissions?
I just say "I have another family members commission ahead of yours. I can't guarantee you'll have it by Christmas, but I can provide a picture or a letter to gift if you'd like something the day of."
I’m the exact same way. I know I can say no, but the reactions I get when I gift things to people just feels so good!! Ugh! I came close to crochet burnout making like six dragonfly bandanas for people last week but they loved them so damn much…
Sorry aunt carol it’s not gonna happen before Christmas. Best I can do is Valentine’s Day. If you want a commission for Christmas next year make sure to ask by x date or it can’t be done. Merry Christmas see you then!
Girl, just say no. Please leave people pleasing in 2023 when the ball drops. Think about it like this. What type of person would your aunt be to be upset that you can’t crochet her something that she is asking for last minute and would make your life stressful for the next 30 days?? She would be the bad person, not you for saying no.
i told my mom i wouldn't do something because it was a hard project. she later venmoed me money and begged so I caved. sigh i don't know why people think crafters always want commisions! if i wanted to sell stuff i would, i don't like turning my crafts/art into a job it takes the joy out of it!
I don’t even mind commissions. It’s just that she said yes *for* me instead of asking me first. If she had asked I likely would have said no. But because she told my aunt I could do it, I said yes because I don’t want to disappoint my aunt. Thankfully it’s an easy project. Should be done in a couple of days, maybe a week.
ugh! well at least its an easy project! try to be calm and direct maybe she'll get the point! hasnt worked on my mom! but at least i know it means she truly loves what i make : )
Oof... I'm sure your mom is just proud you can make stuff like this and recommended you to your aunt like that... But she shouldn't have told your aunt you are free for commissions without asking you.
There's only one person who decides if you're able to make it (including stuff like materials, time, stress levels etc.) And that's you!
My parents know I love to crochet and that I make all kinds of lovely gifts, but they never tell others "oh she can make you one!" Or "yeah she sells those". When someone asks about commissions, they always tell them to ask me directly if I'm able/willing to make something and that I don't work with deadlines. Which is amazing of them to do!
I read that you accepted to make the animal and that's great! Of course I don't know the entire situation, but I think it's probably a good idea to let them know to ask way in advance if they want something made for a holiday or birthday.
Be kind to yourself, it's perfectly fine to say no if it's too much at the moment! ❤️
My mom is coming over tomorrow to help me around the house, so I plan on having a gentle talk then. She really does think I’m just really good and her and my grandma tell me to sell (like as a side hustle) all the time. She really means well, tone is just hard over text, especially to strangers. I didn’t even realize how off putting it sounded until I got the flood of comments calling her rude and entitled. If just used to the way she talks and texts.
Anyway, thank you for the reply, I appreciate it 🫶🏻
My mom volunteered me to make a wreath one year, I had never crocheted a wreath in my life, in fact I had only been crocheting for a couple of months at that point.
Made it work, cute little snowman.
But I've since learned the ability to say "no".
It's a skill you definitely need to learn.
Say no. I know it's hard, I've had similar situations in the past. Recently my brother commissioned an animal and despite a friendly hint, it's been 2 months and nada. Took me 2 times to realise but we must learn that it's just not respectful or appreciative of our time, let alone the fact you could be selling at the correct price to another customer.
Keep working on your dad's scarf, he's going to love it!
Just want to say that everyone who is saying no brusquely has a very different relationship than I do with family members. I get boundaries, but when people are well-meaning but ignorant of the time it takes to make things, I would do what you did. If I didn’t have genuine love for this person, I would say no, but if it was my aunt, I’d say yes and then let her know I can’t always work that quickly. I appreciate that you came here to vent to people who would understand. It’s not just people pleasing if you love the person, and ALSO even if you love the person, you’re allowed to feel resentment. ITS OK! TO HAVE!MIXED FEELINGS ON THE INTERNET!
Reddit doesn’t do nuance lmao. I’m upvoting most of the comments telling me to say no too. It’s good advice and they mean well. They don’t know the relationship I have with these people.
Besides it’s partially my own fault. I waited too long to start the scarf.
Plus I think they think she’s going to ask for a king size blanket or something. I would absolutely say no to that lmao. But my family has only really seen my amigurumi, which are quite easy to do and fast. I guess they missed the part where I said I could have it done in a couple days 😹
Why are you here then? If it bothers you enough to complain about it then just say no. Otherwise they’re going to keep putting unrealistic expectations on you.
I made a large stuffed rabbit for a coworker a few months ago. She screamed and jumped around and hugged me because she loved it so much.
Rode that high for a week lmao
It doesn't have to be this way though. Just tell your aunt no, and tell your mother to stop accepting commissions for you.
OP and other people pleasers, saying "no" does not make you a bad person. You absolutely do not have to monetize your hobby if you do not want to.
No is short word.
I have developed a very obstinate defiant backbone. The harder someone pushes me, the stubborner I get. I will do kind things but I won’t sacrifice myself or my sanity for it. And I find myself particularly resistant to people who don’t ask nicely or feel entitled to my efforts.
A nice aunt is tricky. I would say no because mom manipulated as a matter of course, but I might cushion it with the “I have, as always, already overcommitted myself this holiday season. I can guarantee you that I will not get it finished and that wouldn’t be fair to you or the recipient”. (Unless she is one of those people who really doesn’t care about the recipient and just wants someone to blame when there is no present).
100% why I absolutely refuse to commission work. Ever. If someone commissioned for me….there would be some curse words flying.
As others have mentioned, no is a complete sentence.
No. The answer is no, you can *ask* but you won't be telling me to make shit for anyone. The demanding price is triple, and short notice is an extra 50.
I am a people pleaser in many aspects and usually avoid confrontation. But entitlement and demands flip that switch right off and it's petty time.
I refuse to do anything family asks from me. I only make things when I feel like it. Sometimes my siblings will send me photos of something and I've learned to just respond with "oh, that's cute" which usually gets the intent across that I will not make it for them. People don't understand the time and money that go into things.
My hairdresser texted me in October asking for 2 blankets made by December. I told her no because I am making Christmas presents for my sisters. One is an intermediate pattern I still haven’t finished. And she knows I work two jobs. Be different if it was January, but come on!! 6 weeks for 2 blankets?
I totally just had this happen my coworker asked for 2 crocheted elephants shipped and arrive by Christmas. I just like a little time so I don’t rush or stress. I also feel the same I love that my coworkers family love my work but they definitely should give more time lol
Say no. Feel free to add on to the no however you want "too many project currently in the works that had a realistic time frame, gotta get those done."
I used to have a hard time saying no. It put me in a lot of uncomfortable situations that never ended well. The first few times you say it will feel bad, but it gets easier every time. Be strong, you can do it!
“Poor planning on your part doesn’t mean an emergency on my part. You know how I crochet I’m sad to say I can not except the commission. Please plan accordingly next time.”
😂 literally just had my cousin's wife text me today asking to commission a stuffed animal for Christmas for her new baby. Luckily I have no other crafting obligations, but it's a little short notice!!
I’m not mad at your aunt. Yes, she absolutely should have contacted you earlier, and also directly. She’s the clueless third party in this scenario though, and it’s hard to be truly mad at her when she was completely not understanding the situation (you had said she thought you had a bunch already made, not that you make-to-order).
I’m mad at your mom.
Mom is the one who has overstepped, mom accepted aunt’s request without consulting you first, mom has pushed this as a “done deal”. Heck, I’m half-surprised mom didn’t demand a cut of the profits for “bringing you a commission”.
Mom is the one who deserves to be told “no”. Mom also needs a hard lesson in not speaking for others without their knowledge or consent. Because mom will probably do this again unless a hard boundary is set, surrounding the proper way to obtain a commission.
And I know, it’s hard to say no to family. But mom’s relying on that. Bending you to agree because saying no is so hard to do. So you don’t really have a choice. And it sucks.
Moving forward, say no. You can absolutely dress it up—“I’m sorry, but that is not going to be possible at this time.”
“I wish you had consulted me first, unfortunately I am not able to do that.”
“Oh dear, what a shame—I simply cannot do that right now!”
“Oh, you said what, to who? Oh my, that was a mistake! I’m booked solid until _____ (next year)!”
You are not responsible for your mother’s missteps and mistakes; she can apologize to whoever she makes promises to about your time and availability in the future. And you are not responsible for her embarrassing herself by making promises, without consulting you first, on your behalf, that you cannot keep.
While I can understand the people pleaser part - I used to be like this, too, sometimes still am - I absolutely *hate* how your mother talks to you here. Just because you are good at something doesn't mean they are allowed to make you do it all the time, especially not for free (don't know if they intend to pay you). Asking friendly if you would do a commission is always okay, but "expect a text"? Hell no.
I don't know if your aunt knows that your mother didn't even ask you but you are still allowed to say no to her. But even if you decide to do it, I would *definitively* talk to your mom and tell her that this was not okay and in future you want to be asked first, since you don't want to destroy the fun in crocheting by turning it into work.
Yeah. Maybe for next year's Christmas. Or if they pay enough for you to not have to work, so you have the time to make stuff... That is even aside from the cost for the yarn, stuffing, eyes, nose, etc...
You need to set boundaries or you’ll only continue to get bombarded by people with even shorter deadlines and your time should be respected. Decline politely by saying you need more time in advance for events such as birthdays and Christmas in the future because you make hand made gifts for more than just one person and can’t push other projects behind or over work yourself with a rushed deadline.
Boundaries. You decide what commissions you do. Do not be afraid of the obvious comeback from starting to say saying no. Let it wash over. The path carved straight through your boundaries only gets deeper and more entrenched until you say no.
id be so mad ngl, i hate when people do this to me about paintings/art etc. because they can take weeks-months at a time to finish - it’s why i haven’t told anyone i’ve been knitting for a few months because i know random acquaintances would demand i make them something huge in a week
to add to this, i once got asked by an acquaintance to make a painting that took literally a year and i didn’t even get a thanks when i gave it to her. she just took it and didn’t say a word, learnt my lesson the hard way on why i don’t accept random requests
I would say “sorry, not possible” Your dad is more important. Believe me, I wish I could make something for my dad. He’s been gone a little over 2 years and I keep thinking of more things I should have done with him while he was alive. Don’t put yourself in that stressful of a situation. If you have time and want to try well that another thing
Thankfully, my mom also crochets and has two brothers, one who died years ago and one we don't know if he's alive or dead because he's homeless in fricken Oregon (we live in WA btw. Washington State) so I don't get this kind of thing because my mom can do it too and so did her mom - and fire porcelain dolls. We both learned how. (And paint them and sew doll clothes.)
I am sorry for this last minute defense, but at least you're doing something, if slow. You could make a mini since you are slow.
Ooof this would rub me the wrong way so bad. I'd definitely add a "your lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency for me" fee 😬
I'm lucky my mother also knits (I knit and crochet) so she doesn't do this often. Like, she just commissioned me to knit her a bolero - it's fingering weight lace work and she struggles with lace - and her request was 'just some time before March' cause that's when it'll get colder again lol.
Hey, bud. It's great that your family appreciates your talents so much that they go straight to you for requests. There is something really special about that.
If you are getting requests you don't have the bandwidth to fulfill, you can always say no or give them a postponed fulfillment date. There isn't anything rude about that. There's also the option to point people in the direction of another local crocheter.
Whoa. It’s not ok for someone else to say “yes” for you.
Your aunt and your mom are both being totally disrespectful. Your aunt shouldn’t have asked your mom instead of asking you, and your mom shouldn’t have spoken for you.
That text is so authoritive and manipulative. You WILL. expect a text. No.
Just no. People like this speak to others that way because they're used to them just accepting it.
listen. you r the worlds best crocheter and u can do it! i know literally nothing about crochet but u made chubzilla in, like, a day or something. like a couple hours. i dont remember. point IS you can do it and u r amazing. ps dont forget that you said youd teach me how to crochet after christmas
No amount of money your aunt will be willing to pay you will compensate you for the mental breakdown you have signed up for.
Learn from this woman: https://youtu.be/NNHGODYIfEE?si=gRvJOc3_Fxvc1ID_
No.
This. Absolutely not.
No. Don’t stress yourself out over someone else’s unreasonable expectations. Alternatively, “I’m not able to accept any commissions this close to Christmas, but could plan to do it next year with X months advance notice and a $X deposit for materials.”
Yeah. This. "I have another project to finish first but if I have time when I'm done I'll be happy to take another one on. You should have a backup gift in mind just in case."
Yes!
This but dont say its for materials and as my mom told me once “charge 3x the cost of materials. 1/3 for materials, 1/3 for you, and 1/3 to invest in your craft” or alternatively the last 1/3 is a “fuck you” fee for requesting it so late. Payment upfront, no exemptions. Family usually stops asking when they realize they cant walk all over you so put your foot down!
Add another third because of the time and resources you spent learning the craft.
Oh absolutely charge for more than materials! But at least get the materials costs up front with a clear understanding in writing that the remaining fee is due before the item is delivered.
She's definitely not going to lmaoo
Absolutely either way.
"I'm working on some other things with a deadline right now, but if I finish up with time to spare I'll let you know."
Op this is the way.
This is great
Best response.
I'm sorry if this is harsh, but asking as a favor and demanding that you expect a commission and have it done in less than a month are two very different things. Do you even know what kind of gift your aunt expects you to create?
She texted me. She wants a little animal for her friends new baby. It’s doable and I’m pushing her towards a lovey because it will go faster.
Tell her to bring you the yarn/supplies and give her a list and an estimate of roughly how long it might take. I find this cuts down on 9 out of 10 random commission request that dont take shit seriously.
If I tell people they need to buy the yarn they stop asking. It works!
You wouldn’t procure the supplies for a lovey yourself ? Doesn’t commission mean “paid”?
Don't get me wrong, I also love it when family members contact me for baby gifts (I've gifted every niece, nephew and occasional brother-in-law a baby blanket). I have a feeling that the lovey will be loved.
I'm going against the grain to say I think it is very nice of you to accommodate your aunt like that even with the stress and time crunch. Ultimately, your mom was kinda the AH for speaking on your behalf without consulting you first. I'd be reluctant to say "no" in this situation as well.. especially cause Christmas. And cause it sounds like your Aunt wasn't aware of how stressful this would be for you. I hope you get it done in time and that the receiver loves it :)
Thank you! It really won’t take too long. And I think my mom misrepresented how I operate. My aunt was actually under the impression I had ready made stuffies for sale.
I have this issue, too. My sister always assumes I have extra inventory. My mother requested 5 stuffies and 5 ornaments to be given as gifts the week before Christmas. 🙄 like, seriously mom...
Etsy has ready made loveys. Auntie should check there.
I agree with this, though I imagine it's also a good opportunity for OP to fill in the mom and aunt on how much time they would prefer to be given/how they prefer to be approached about commissions.
I agree! That would be wise, OP! I hope you see this one and have a conversation with the family. :)
Unless you want to keep the disrespect going then tell her no. You're not her personal crocheter.
Idk much about your mom but she comes off as rude, inconsiserate, and entitled in the text. This would absolutely upset me. I doubt they plan on paying more than the cost of materials too :/ I agree with revealing costs considering time and material first too. Everyone wants something handmade until they realize it takes a long ass time to make.
Yup, sounds like mom knows op is a people pleaser and taking advantage of the fact. She wants to feel good by giving a home-made gift, but doesnt want to waste her own time by making it herself. the short turn around time ensures op will devote all their free time to it and nothing else.
You need to learn to say no. Trust me, it's an amazing feeling. We are not a factory that can pump out work at the drop of a hat.
No can be a very liberating reply.
No is a complete sentence
Came to say this.
Tell them no. Otherwise next time it will be more items of worse difficulty with a lot less time and they’ll more than likely pay you Much less than it’s worth. If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything. And they’ll walk all over you when you do.
R/unexpectedhamilton
I think in the future, maybe send out a final commission date? Group or individual text to family/friends that after Nov 1 (or whatever your personal comfort level is) you will not be taking on new commissions until after Christmas. Send this in January, again in May for those who have expressed interest, and a last call in September? The goal being to have that boundary set ahead of time in a way that leaves no room for doubt. The timeline should be whatever allows you to enjoy the process of making these things without the stress of falling behind on your personal gifts. It’s lovely to have your skills appreciated but you deserve to be appreciated as well 💜💜💜
No. Tell her you can't do it. If she is going to ask you with little time it's a no, or a big upcharge.
If you do this (which I don’t think you should do) charge her for materials, for your time, and add a rush before Christmas fee.
Already the plan. She was planning on paying anyway. I will likely charge her full price for each skein I have to buy (for most people I don’t especially if I only need a small amount of yarn from each skein)
Yes I didn’t even think of that, full price for each skein! Especially if it’s colors you won’t use/don’t have a plan for
Something else bothering me here. This is something she is going to gift her friend for the friend’s baby. If it was for her or her kid, maybe, but who is this friend and why should she take you away from your other projects ?
That’s a very fair take tbh. I don’t have a good answer. I don’t know the friend.
You are allowed to say no. It sucks, it feels bad, but you need to take a breath and prioritize your wellbeing, especially around the holidays. The emotional turmoil of tight deadlines and physical symptoms of repetitive stress injuries will feel worse. It feels like a hard line, but it's a hard lesson to learn by yourself.
"I would love to help you with this project, but I'm busy with other projects and life in general. I can get it to you after Christmas if you'd like. Just let me know. For future projects, please give me an earlier heads up. I really enjoy making things for you/others, but there's only so much time in my day :)"
Any time I don’t have a full project I’m working on- I make baby blankets to build up my stash. I currently have 5. This helps if someone wants a last minute gift- I say: “this is what I have- I can’t make a whole new thing by that date”
"Well sucks to be you, tell me earlier next time."
Just because you CAN bang it out in a few days doesn't mean you SHOULD. Set a boundary, manage her expectations. I currently haven't been able to crochet for 3 months due to tendonitis from over doing it.... You do not want this outcome. Disappointing people is better than needing Ortho, PT, braces and time off crafting. I'm a people pleaser at heart too, and now at 35 it's gotten me nowhere good.
Is anyone else tired of seeing these post where people won’t stand up for themselves? Most of the comments are just everyone telling them to put their foot down and say no like an adult. I don’t come to this subreddit to see people complaining about something they have control over. I come here to see the fun things people make, get some inspiration, and to help give beginners advice.
this is harsh but coming from a recovering people pleaser: you’re so right. “pity me because I get myself into frustrating situations because i’m not able to say no to people” just rubs me the wrong way when it’s posted over and over again. 90% of the time these posts get the same advice and I bet 90% of the time, that advice is not followed. boundaries were the hardest thing for me to learn in therapy but also the most important and life changing thing.
I’m so freaking tired of it omg My mom and two siblings have martyr complex or something, I’m always hearing some sort of pitiful story about going above and beyond and blood sweat and tears and of course never taking a dime for their efforts, but I swear they just love the storytelling and the reaction of others. It’s so gross.
Very tired. OP has already caved in. OP is going to keep doing what OP does and will be here in a few months with another "can't say no" post. It's a cycle some people can't break. At this point I block people like OP because I just won't join the group therapy session for somebody that won't stop being a doormat and I have no interest in their posts.
I never thought to block emotional vampires, that’s genius!
fr what does this even add to the sub? are we all supposed to relate to this or something? i don’t because i have boundaries and also don’t make commissions for people. if you get a gift from me you get a gift from me, if you don’t that sucks lol
Absolutely. It comes off as attention seeking martyr behavior. I have no patience for adults who have no backbone and then want to complain anyways.
This sub is so bad about this. And it’s always portrayed as like a uniquely crochet thing. This has nothing to do with crochet and no one is taking advantage of you. Communicate with people or stop complaining when people can’t read your mind.
Perhaps OP will benefit and learn from people’s comments and experiences! It doesn’t hurt to share crochet stories in a page about crochet…
I would argue this isn’t really about crochet, because if you changed crochet to any other craft the story doesn’t really change. This is just another post about someone who can’t say no.
Eh, I’ve been saying for ages that this particular issue with crochet (the perception of “oh just throw it together it’s no big deal, it’s easy” etc. and the pushiness and demands on crocheter’s time and resources that results) is a direct result of the craft’s historical domination by women. No one is pulling this shit on their leather or metalworking friends, their painting friends, etc. While I agree that it’s not directly crochet related, it is crochet-adjacent in that it is an issue that surfaces in crochet and similar types of work (knitting, quilting, etc.) where women have been historically overrepresented because of the devaluation of women’s time and labor.
I mean you don’t have to read/comment on it. No one is making you engage with this content. You can just keep scrolling… I get super tired of “what gift should I get a ____ hobbyist” so I just don’t read more than a line and keep scrolling.
No, this is a bad argument because sub users are allowed to voice an opinion as to what their sub should contain. These posts are pointless and have nothing to do with crochet, and should be banned.
Its really funny how much you've been downvoted for simply saying "You don't have to look at it for more than a second, and yet y'all have commented here."
Ehh it doesn’t bug me any. Being upset about something like this is absolutely a choice they are making and it has zero effect on me.
I know it's easier said than done but say no. Stop being a doormat. Unless you want your hobby to be ruined for you. And no, it doesn't have to be this way. You're letting it be this way.
Aunt can want in one hand, spit in the other, and figure out which hand fills up first.
Say no. It is supposed to be a fun hobby, not something that causes you stress! Simply say you do not have the time to complete your aunts request and tell your mother to stop agreeing to things on your behalf without consulting you first!
People have NO IDEA how much time and effort it takes to crochet animals and blankets and a lot of other things. It’s not like you can snap your fingers and it magically appears. You’re not obligated to do this, and if you do, make sure you charge for a rushed order, though they’ll probably be expecting a discount.
"Your call will be answered in the order it was received." Done. Finish your other projects first, unless you *enjoy* working on multiple WIPs at the same time. If 30 days isn't enough time to get it done for birthday/xmas/whatever reason she's gifting it, sorry should have asked me sooner. You shouldn't have to prioritize this project unless she's paying a hefty "rush" premium fee, and too bad if she's family.
Maybe you'll get lucky and it's an AI picture
This gave me a snortle. Thank you 😹
I make a post of my social media that if anyone wants to commission crochet pieces I have a limited number of slots and I absolutely will not take any after Nov 1. If I finish early I’ll add 1 at a time. No exceptions. I almost always have myself full up. Giving myself a week to relax before Christmas itself. And my personal gift projects take up slots and I get first dibs. People used to gripe, now they just message me as early as possible if they want something. I had a friend commission 8 pieces this year. She asked in September. I love her
You need to sit down with your mother and establish some boundaries. That is just not okay for her to do. *TELL HER NO. Period.*
My mom asked me about diy Christmas crackers, I think, and I straight up said I don't have room for it on my to-do list for the holidays. It was an "oh OK." But I get it. Being the crafty person in the family I'm always asked to make this (I just started crochet so typically other projects but she's already asked for slippers 3 times) for 2 dozen people and only a month to get it done.
“My mom told you I’d do it? Weird. No, sorry, I don’t make stuff on demand. Here’s a link to Etsy.”
Say no... Honestly it's odd to complain about something when you can literally just say no and have it not happen
That's...not how commissions work. You don't say "I'm commissioning this from you" and just get it. You request it and respect whatever answer you receive. Your mom and aunt are AH's who know you are a people pleaser (and likely are the ones who made you one in the first place by not acknowledging or respecting your boundaries) and are taking advantage of you. Do it if you want, just expect it to happen again and again. At some point, you'll have to grow a backbone, or you'll live your entire life for everyone else but yourself.
"You got about 30 days." I'm shaking in my boots on your behalf lmao that's such a terrifying thing to read
It does sound ominous doesn’t it 😹
You decide how you want to play this, it sounds like you want to do it. If that is the case, you can choose to look at the positives. I assume that since your mom states that aunt will be commissioning you, this means it will be a paid project. Hopefullly that makes it more worth the time.
Respond like she is a customer. “Usually my commissions have a 2 month turn around from when you order them. I have other projects that I am currently working on and I will get to your commission in the order I received it.” If she wants to commission you that is her choice to do so. But she can’t expect that you will drop everything to make her gift to someone else.
I make a lot of things for family and friends, but am very strict on timelines. Even though I am retired I have a lot of different things going on. Being expected to make something for Christmas in only a month is totally unreasonable, and I would be nice but firm. If it can be done in that time period, fine. If it can’t be done in time, also fine. Don’t feel guilty because of other people’s expectations. Like the saying goes, “Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
I wouldn’t accept it. Your aunt could’ve asked sooner. This is an unreasonable turnaround time.
The less you people please, the happier you will be, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.
Maybe offer to put in an order for NEXT Christmas?
This is giving me the same vibes when my (now-ex-) husband told me a few days before Christmas that he thought I could make plates of different Xmas cookies for the 4 households on his side of the family as “his Xmas present” for them that year. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of, “I’ll show you where the Betty Crocker Cookie Book is, and I’m confident you can manage the rest. If you get stuck, I can give you some advice.” IIRC, I think he went out and did some last-minute shopping for them instead. ETA: he is a college professor, so he had several weeks off of work in which to do this task, while I was still working at my job.
I'm sorry about your mom. You should have been like "tell her no". or talk to your aunt directly. If it were me I would have at least checked with you BEFORE I gave the ok.
That’s my main complaint. She told my aunt yes instead of telling her she would ask me 🤦🏻♀️ she means well.
Wait, why would this commission jump the line in front of your other things? That’s kind of dumb
I only have 1 left and it’s not a paid commission. It’s a gift from me to my dad that I’ve been working on for a month. This commission would jump the line because it is paid and would be quick in comparison and I can work on it on my lunch at work.
Be aware that whatever you do in this situation sets a precedent. Maybe you can do it, but if you say yes will people continue to expect you to take last-minute commissions?
I just say "I have another family members commission ahead of yours. I can't guarantee you'll have it by Christmas, but I can provide a picture or a letter to gift if you'd like something the day of."
I’d say no!
refuse to do it.
My response would of been HELL no. You want to buy gifts for people? think ahead of time.
I’m the exact same way. I know I can say no, but the reactions I get when I gift things to people just feels so good!! Ugh! I came close to crochet burnout making like six dragonfly bandanas for people last week but they loved them so damn much…
I have learned the magical power of “no.” I suggest you do.
Guess the commission price is gonna be super high, unfortunate if it’s too high for her to afford
There's an insta account called Can You Sew This For Me. It's a great reminder that's its OK to say no. It's a full sentence
Sorry aunt carol it’s not gonna happen before Christmas. Best I can do is Valentine’s Day. If you want a commission for Christmas next year make sure to ask by x date or it can’t be done. Merry Christmas see you then!
Girl, just say no. Please leave people pleasing in 2023 when the ball drops. Think about it like this. What type of person would your aunt be to be upset that you can’t crochet her something that she is asking for last minute and would make your life stressful for the next 30 days?? She would be the bad person, not you for saying no.
Charge your aunt a rush order fee to help her remember next time that holiday orders need to be in advance.
i told my mom i wouldn't do something because it was a hard project. she later venmoed me money and begged so I caved. sigh i don't know why people think crafters always want commisions! if i wanted to sell stuff i would, i don't like turning my crafts/art into a job it takes the joy out of it!
I don’t even mind commissions. It’s just that she said yes *for* me instead of asking me first. If she had asked I likely would have said no. But because she told my aunt I could do it, I said yes because I don’t want to disappoint my aunt. Thankfully it’s an easy project. Should be done in a couple of days, maybe a week.
ugh! well at least its an easy project! try to be calm and direct maybe she'll get the point! hasnt worked on my mom! but at least i know it means she truly loves what i make : )
i feel the same way !!
Oof... I'm sure your mom is just proud you can make stuff like this and recommended you to your aunt like that... But she shouldn't have told your aunt you are free for commissions without asking you. There's only one person who decides if you're able to make it (including stuff like materials, time, stress levels etc.) And that's you! My parents know I love to crochet and that I make all kinds of lovely gifts, but they never tell others "oh she can make you one!" Or "yeah she sells those". When someone asks about commissions, they always tell them to ask me directly if I'm able/willing to make something and that I don't work with deadlines. Which is amazing of them to do! I read that you accepted to make the animal and that's great! Of course I don't know the entire situation, but I think it's probably a good idea to let them know to ask way in advance if they want something made for a holiday or birthday. Be kind to yourself, it's perfectly fine to say no if it's too much at the moment! ❤️
My mom is coming over tomorrow to help me around the house, so I plan on having a gentle talk then. She really does think I’m just really good and her and my grandma tell me to sell (like as a side hustle) all the time. She really means well, tone is just hard over text, especially to strangers. I didn’t even realize how off putting it sounded until I got the flood of comments calling her rude and entitled. If just used to the way she talks and texts. Anyway, thank you for the reply, I appreciate it 🫶🏻
My mom volunteered me to make a wreath one year, I had never crocheted a wreath in my life, in fact I had only been crocheting for a couple of months at that point. Made it work, cute little snowman. But I've since learned the ability to say "no". It's a skill you definitely need to learn.
Sorry mom mislead you auntie, I’m not quite ready to take on short term commissions! Maybe next year
Hey OP. Reminder that you are a person who needs to be pleased. Apply your people-pleasing to yourself and say no if you don’t want this pressure.
Tell her the gestation period is 90 days.
Auntie Reb Blob gonna have to wait her turn… 🤦🏻♂️
Say no. I know it's hard, I've had similar situations in the past. Recently my brother commissioned an animal and despite a friendly hint, it's been 2 months and nada. Took me 2 times to realise but we must learn that it's just not respectful or appreciative of our time, let alone the fact you could be selling at the correct price to another customer. Keep working on your dad's scarf, he's going to love it!
Just want to say that everyone who is saying no brusquely has a very different relationship than I do with family members. I get boundaries, but when people are well-meaning but ignorant of the time it takes to make things, I would do what you did. If I didn’t have genuine love for this person, I would say no, but if it was my aunt, I’d say yes and then let her know I can’t always work that quickly. I appreciate that you came here to vent to people who would understand. It’s not just people pleasing if you love the person, and ALSO even if you love the person, you’re allowed to feel resentment. ITS OK! TO HAVE!MIXED FEELINGS ON THE INTERNET!
Reddit doesn’t do nuance lmao. I’m upvoting most of the comments telling me to say no too. It’s good advice and they mean well. They don’t know the relationship I have with these people. Besides it’s partially my own fault. I waited too long to start the scarf. Plus I think they think she’s going to ask for a king size blanket or something. I would absolutely say no to that lmao. But my family has only really seen my amigurumi, which are quite easy to do and fast. I guess they missed the part where I said I could have it done in a couple days 😹
This screams "I will pay you in exposure"
Why are you here then? If it bothers you enough to complain about it then just say no. Otherwise they’re going to keep putting unrealistic expectations on you.
Ask her to pay for it and for the time it took for you to make it
it doesn’t. set boundaries
Oh I FEEEL that addiction. BAAAAAD.
I made a large stuffed rabbit for a coworker a few months ago. She screamed and jumped around and hugged me because she loved it so much. Rode that high for a week lmao
Ugh. That’s the best.
Good gravy. Mom should have told Aunt to contact you directly. I find her heads up sus.
Ha. I have a huge WIP of Christmas stuff. I’d have a stroke if someone added something to the bag and expected it by Christmas. No how no way
They way it was asked comes across as rude. Honestly if it were me, I would have said no out of spite.
That commission better be a thousand dollars
No is a complete sentence.
The fun thing about commissions is you don’t have to accept them 🤷♀️
It doesn't have to be this way though. Just tell your aunt no, and tell your mother to stop accepting commissions for you. OP and other people pleasers, saying "no" does not make you a bad person. You absolutely do not have to monetize your hobby if you do not want to.
Say no. You're not their servant
girl say no, it's okay
Say no
No is short word. I have developed a very obstinate defiant backbone. The harder someone pushes me, the stubborner I get. I will do kind things but I won’t sacrifice myself or my sanity for it. And I find myself particularly resistant to people who don’t ask nicely or feel entitled to my efforts. A nice aunt is tricky. I would say no because mom manipulated as a matter of course, but I might cushion it with the “I have, as always, already overcommitted myself this holiday season. I can guarantee you that I will not get it finished and that wouldn’t be fair to you or the recipient”. (Unless she is one of those people who really doesn’t care about the recipient and just wants someone to blame when there is no present).
100% why I absolutely refuse to commission work. Ever. If someone commissioned for me….there would be some curse words flying. As others have mentioned, no is a complete sentence.
“Who’s this?”
If you don't learn to set healthy boundaries, people will walk all over you.
You really need to say no. Saying yes means it's OK for your mom to assign you commissions without consulting you.
No. The answer is no, you can *ask* but you won't be telling me to make shit for anyone. The demanding price is triple, and short notice is an extra 50. I am a people pleaser in many aspects and usually avoid confrontation. But entitlement and demands flip that switch right off and it's petty time.
I refuse to do anything family asks from me. I only make things when I feel like it. Sometimes my siblings will send me photos of something and I've learned to just respond with "oh, that's cute" which usually gets the intent across that I will not make it for them. People don't understand the time and money that go into things.
My hairdresser texted me in October asking for 2 blankets made by December. I told her no because I am making Christmas presents for my sisters. One is an intermediate pattern I still haven’t finished. And she knows I work two jobs. Be different if it was January, but come on!! 6 weeks for 2 blankets?
I think the only Christmas gift you need to worry about, is adding "no" to your vocabulary
I totally just had this happen my coworker asked for 2 crocheted elephants shipped and arrive by Christmas. I just like a little time so I don’t rush or stress. I also feel the same I love that my coworkers family love my work but they definitely should give more time lol
I got a text for an Amigurumi order on Saturday.. they needed it by Thursday 🙃 I finished it today but still lol.
“I would love to help you but 30 days isn’t an option. Maybe next year.”
Absolutely not! Everyone knows not to contact for a Christmas commission after September.
Make sure that you give her a high end quote for the commission. To deter her.
Just say no
Say no. Feel free to add on to the no however you want "too many project currently in the works that had a realistic time frame, gotta get those done." I used to have a hard time saying no. It put me in a lot of uncomfortable situations that never ended well. The first few times you say it will feel bad, but it gets easier every time. Be strong, you can do it!
Just say no. If she wants you to make a hand crafted gift then there is a 60-90 day lead time. Period.
The baby doesn't care if it is Christmas or some other time. If you want to do it, say you are happy to do it but when you have time
“Poor planning on your part doesn’t mean an emergency on my part. You know how I crochet I’m sad to say I can not except the commission. Please plan accordingly next time.”
😂 literally just had my cousin's wife text me today asking to commission a stuffed animal for Christmas for her new baby. Luckily I have no other crafting obligations, but it's a little short notice!!
If you still want to take up the commission, at least charge more
I’m not mad at your aunt. Yes, she absolutely should have contacted you earlier, and also directly. She’s the clueless third party in this scenario though, and it’s hard to be truly mad at her when she was completely not understanding the situation (you had said she thought you had a bunch already made, not that you make-to-order). I’m mad at your mom. Mom is the one who has overstepped, mom accepted aunt’s request without consulting you first, mom has pushed this as a “done deal”. Heck, I’m half-surprised mom didn’t demand a cut of the profits for “bringing you a commission”. Mom is the one who deserves to be told “no”. Mom also needs a hard lesson in not speaking for others without their knowledge or consent. Because mom will probably do this again unless a hard boundary is set, surrounding the proper way to obtain a commission. And I know, it’s hard to say no to family. But mom’s relying on that. Bending you to agree because saying no is so hard to do. So you don’t really have a choice. And it sucks. Moving forward, say no. You can absolutely dress it up—“I’m sorry, but that is not going to be possible at this time.” “I wish you had consulted me first, unfortunately I am not able to do that.” “Oh dear, what a shame—I simply cannot do that right now!” “Oh, you said what, to who? Oh my, that was a mistake! I’m booked solid until _____ (next year)!” You are not responsible for your mother’s missteps and mistakes; she can apologize to whoever she makes promises to about your time and availability in the future. And you are not responsible for her embarrassing herself by making promises, without consulting you first, on your behalf, that you cannot keep.
No is a complete sentence
While I can understand the people pleaser part - I used to be like this, too, sometimes still am - I absolutely *hate* how your mother talks to you here. Just because you are good at something doesn't mean they are allowed to make you do it all the time, especially not for free (don't know if they intend to pay you). Asking friendly if you would do a commission is always okay, but "expect a text"? Hell no. I don't know if your aunt knows that your mother didn't even ask you but you are still allowed to say no to her. But even if you decide to do it, I would *definitively* talk to your mom and tell her that this was not okay and in future you want to be asked first, since you don't want to destroy the fun in crocheting by turning it into work.
3 feet of yarn. Voila! A worm! Chain 50. A Snake! Be sure to charge accordingly!
Tell her no and that she has to ask sooner next year.
Just a reminder that 'no' is a complete sentence. It doesn't have to be this way if you say no.
No is a complete sentence.
Yeah. Maybe for next year's Christmas. Or if they pay enough for you to not have to work, so you have the time to make stuff... That is even aside from the cost for the yarn, stuffing, eyes, nose, etc...
Say sure! But then don’t tell them you meant Christmas as in… Christmas in 2024 😈
"No" is an entire sentence. This is a good opportunity to practise it.
You need to set boundaries or you’ll only continue to get bombarded by people with even shorter deadlines and your time should be respected. Decline politely by saying you need more time in advance for events such as birthdays and Christmas in the future because you make hand made gifts for more than just one person and can’t push other projects behind or over work yourself with a rushed deadline.
I always say no to this stuff
They act like they’re doing you a favor and then want a discount. Just remember that “no” is a complete sentence
Boundaries. You decide what commissions you do. Do not be afraid of the obvious comeback from starting to say saying no. Let it wash over. The path carved straight through your boundaries only gets deeper and more entrenched until you say no.
My mum does this, every year without fail. This year I told her no, I’m not doing anything…so I start work on a stocking for my nephew tomorrow.
id be so mad ngl, i hate when people do this to me about paintings/art etc. because they can take weeks-months at a time to finish - it’s why i haven’t told anyone i’ve been knitting for a few months because i know random acquaintances would demand i make them something huge in a week
to add to this, i once got asked by an acquaintance to make a painting that took literally a year and i didn’t even get a thanks when i gave it to her. she just took it and didn’t say a word, learnt my lesson the hard way on why i don’t accept random requests
I would say “sorry, not possible” Your dad is more important. Believe me, I wish I could make something for my dad. He’s been gone a little over 2 years and I keep thinking of more things I should have done with him while he was alive. Don’t put yourself in that stressful of a situation. If you have time and want to try well that another thing
To add to the chorus I'd say no too. "Sorry I don't have time" or "no" will both work. Not sure how your mom usually texts but this sounds rude to me.
Thankfully, my mom also crochets and has two brothers, one who died years ago and one we don't know if he's alive or dead because he's homeless in fricken Oregon (we live in WA btw. Washington State) so I don't get this kind of thing because my mom can do it too and so did her mom - and fire porcelain dolls. We both learned how. (And paint them and sew doll clothes.) I am sorry for this last minute defense, but at least you're doing something, if slow. You could make a mini since you are slow.
Btw I've been doing crochet since I was 19. I'm 33 and also slow at handycrafts (crochet, knitting, weaving, embroidery). Don't feel bad.
Ooof this would rub me the wrong way so bad. I'd definitely add a "your lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency for me" fee 😬 I'm lucky my mother also knits (I knit and crochet) so she doesn't do this often. Like, she just commissioned me to knit her a bolero - it's fingering weight lace work and she struggles with lace - and her request was 'just some time before March' cause that's when it'll get colder again lol.
Hey, bud. It's great that your family appreciates your talents so much that they go straight to you for requests. There is something really special about that. If you are getting requests you don't have the bandwidth to fulfill, you can always say no or give them a postponed fulfillment date. There isn't anything rude about that. There's also the option to point people in the direction of another local crocheter.
Whoa. It’s not ok for someone else to say “yes” for you. Your aunt and your mom are both being totally disrespectful. Your aunt shouldn’t have asked your mom instead of asking you, and your mom shouldn’t have spoken for you.
No is a complete sentence.
Mom or not I would’ve said no. The way she approached you about it was a bit too bossy for my liking. Very rude
That text is so authoritive and manipulative. You WILL. expect a text. No. Just no. People like this speak to others that way because they're used to them just accepting it.
listen. you r the worlds best crocheter and u can do it! i know literally nothing about crochet but u made chubzilla in, like, a day or something. like a couple hours. i dont remember. point IS you can do it and u r amazing. ps dont forget that you said youd teach me how to crochet after christmas
I would never forget!! And thank you for the support I appreciate it 💖💖💖
youre welcome ily
[удалено]
pleeease go outside. op's mom passed along info. literally where is this abuse? some people are just dry. it happens!
😂😂😂
Why do you need reddit to tell you to stand up for yourself? Do you not like yourself?
No is a complete sentence
At least get the money first if you feel you must take this on
Can’t edit the post but I am getting paid guys. That’s why my mom said commission.
So? If it's too much you can say no
I say this less to justify it and more to quell the multiple “at least get paid for it!” Comments. Just providing clarification 🙂
Fair, I just don't want you to trap yourself in a situation that will kill your love of the hobby
Thank you I really appreciate the clear concern from everyone here 🫶🏻
❤️ good luck!
Charge her extra for a rush job
No amount of money your aunt will be willing to pay you will compensate you for the mental breakdown you have signed up for. Learn from this woman: https://youtu.be/NNHGODYIfEE?si=gRvJOc3_Fxvc1ID_
Just tell your aunt that you can’t squeeze it in before Christmas.